April 15, 2025 • 53 mins
What if that evening glass of wine isn’t helping you relax—but actually holding you back?
In this honest and eye-opening episode, I sit down with Heather Lowe, founder of Ditch the Drink, to talk about her personal journey of quitting alcohol at age 42 after nearly three decades of what most would call “normal” drinking. From beer tents in Wisconsin to corporate happy hours and suburban wine nights, Heather’s relationship with alcohol looked like everyone else’s—until it didn’t.
After years of feeling anxious, tired, and stuck, Heather realized alcohol wasn’t the solution anymore—it had become the problem. And letting it go didn’t mean giving something up—it meant getting herself back.
Now a coach helping others rethink their relationship with alcohol, Heather shares the real reasons so many midlife women are quietly struggling: the stress, the pressure to hold it all together, and the fear of what it means to quit. But as she puts it: “Alcohol is self-abandonment. It's putting a liquid wall between what we really feel and what we think we’re supposed to feel.”
This episode is for anyone who’s ever wondered, “Is this really serving me anymore?” It’s not about labels or extremes—it’s about tuning in to what your body and mind truly need to thrive in your second act.
🎧 Listen now and download Heather’s free guide at DitchTheDrink.com
📲 Connect with her on Instagram, LinkedIn, and Facebook @ditchthedrink
Heather Lowe's Curated NA Wine List - https://docs.google.com/document/d/1CCb48zl3ScA7mVflb29OW-gdnpFYYy8LHvx4xNB4mnk/edit?usp=sharing
_________________________________________
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mfolanfasterway@gmail.com
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Michele Folan (00:00):
For so many women , drinking isn't just about the
drink.
It's woven into our sociallives, our routines and even our
identity.
Whether it's a glass of wine atbook club, cocktails with
friends or a way to unwind aftera long day, alcohol often feels
like a normal or even necessarypart of life.
But what happens when it startsto feel less like a treat and
(00:24):
more like something you rely on?
When you start questioning ifit's actually adding to your
life or quietly taking somethingaway Health, wellness, fitness
and everything in between?
We're removing the taboo fromwhat really matters in midlife.
(00:46):
I'm your host, Michele Folan,and this is Asking for a Friend.
Welcome to the show everyone.
In this episode, I'm joined byHeather Lowe.
She's a certified sober coachand founder of Ditch the Drink,
and we're going to talk aboutwhat happens when we step back
(01:07):
and re-examine our relationshipwith alcohol.
Heather shares her personaljourney, the unexpected ways
sobriety transformed her life,and how women in midlife can
make changes that feel right forthem, without pressure, shame
or rigid rules.
If you've ever wondered whatlife could look like with less
or no alcohol, this conversationis full of insight,
(01:30):
encouragement and real talk.
Heather Lowe, welcome to Askingfor a Friend.
Heather Lowe (01:36):
Thank you so much.
I'm just sitting there smilingas you're saying that, because
of course I'm nodding inagreement, because it's what I
do.
But I love how you saidre-examine your relationship
with alcohol.
And that is what it is.
It's evaluating therelationship, so it's a place of
curiosity and discovery,without making decisions about
(01:59):
what you want to do for the restof your life or having to know
all the answers before you begin.
So I think that place ofexploring, examining, evaluating
is such an important key and Iappreciate you saying that right
up front.
Michele Folan (02:11):
Yeah, because I think you know so many people
approach this topic as it's allor nothing and I have to make a
decision today instead of reallygoing through the thoughtful
process of looking at your lifeas a whole and how all the
pieces kind of interact.
(02:32):
So we'll talk a little bit moreabout this, because this is I
love this conversation.
Heather's been on the showbefore and I think, with all the
talk about alcohol and health,particularly in midlife women, I
(02:57):
don't want to feel like I'mlike beating the drum and I'm
putting my stake in the groundon this topic.
I want to make sure I ambringing listeners the resources
and tools they need to make asmart decision for them.
So I feel like I need to saythat, because we've covered this
topic a lot, but differentaspects of it.
So I love what Heather bringsto the table.
(03:17):
But before we get started, tellthe audience a little bit more
about you?
Heather Lowe (03:22):
Yeah, awesome, Thank you.
I do want to mention I just wasdoing a little Instagram scroll
before I got on here and OprahDaily is saying all these things
about how alcohol affects themenopausal time and such.
So you're not alone.
It's coming out more and morein the news.
Society is getting more curiousAlcohol is.
It's a little bit like havinglike a cigarette moment, where
(03:45):
people are starting to see andresearch is changing and who's
funding the research is changingto show the facts and the
science and the effects.
So you're doing your job I meanas a fitness and nutrition
coach, sharing the informationand the most updated information
as part of the job.
So thank you for saying that.
Yeah, yeah, so, but it's atopic that can be a little bit
(04:07):
polarizing and like nobody wantsanyone to take anything away
from them.
I certainly didn't.
So my background is I grew up inWisconsin.
My parents met in a beer tent.
I met my husband in a bar incollege.
Right, Drinking was just parfor the course.
I drank through high school.
I drank through college.
I moved to Chicago.
Then I was a young urbanprofessional drinking better
(04:28):
drinks and better places atconcerts and sporting events and
dinners and things like that.
I had a professional career inHR.
I was a salesperson and I wasoften the only female on all
male sales teams drinking likepart of the boys club drinking
to close deals, getting accessto decision makers, at
networking events and such whereI might not in the office.
(04:51):
So drinking was a big part ofmy life.
I had quit drinking when I gotpregnant.
When the babies were born, Istarted drinking a little bit of
wine in the afternoon.
It felt very European, verynormal, very grown up, like I
was playing house with my littlenew little babies.
Right yeah, it didn't alwayslook problematic, is what I want
to say.
Most, I drank for 30 years.
(05:11):
I had a drink when I was 12,which sounds really young to me
right now, but this was like the80s, 90s in Wisconsin.
It was sort of like normal.
Michele Folan (05:21):
We did the same thing Heather Way back when,
right yeah.
Heather Lowe (05:26):
And then I quit for the last time when I was 42.
So I had a 30-year drinkingcareer and most of it looked
really normal.
My tolerance did increase overthe years and it was when I was
hit with a lot of unexpected andunordered deaths in a row that
things started to crumble.
I was in a job that I wasn'thappy with.
It's just drinking that hadbeen the glue to hold me
(05:49):
together, it seemed, which wasthe solution maybe to my
problems and my anxiety.
To just have a little drink,take the edge off, have fun,
relax.
Drinking started to become theproblem.
Drinking started to make meweak and confused and more
depressed and more anxious, andI started to rely on it more
than ever before.
It kind of turned more likeself-medication, like I wasn't
(06:11):
drinking with my friends.
I was putting my kids to bedand drinking on the couch, sat
alone, yeah, and needing acertain amount each night just
to put myself out Right.
I needed it to fall asleep.
I wanted to have a drink beforeI got to the social event, a
(06:31):
drink before the drink.
So it just started to become soimportant to me.
So that's kind of my background, but I was terrified of calling
myself an alcoholic, and itseemed like the first step is
admitting you have a problem.
And with alcohol, if you admityou have a problem, you're an
alcoholic.
You're an alcoholic if you quitdrinking, not if you keep
drinking.
And I didn't want to be analcoholic so I kept drinking.
Michele Folan (06:51):
Oh, the wicked games we play with ourselves,
right, totally.
You know, and I've said this amillion times again, my
listeners just tune me out, butyou can quit smoking.
And everybody like, yay, goodfor you, woo, but you quit
(07:12):
drinking.
And people are like, oh, didyou have a problem?
Heather Lowe (07:16):
Yeah, I'm like what the hell was that?
I didn't want that.
I didn't want that, so I justkept drinking.
Then I thought I'm going tomanage my drinking and I would
guess a lot of your listenersare here Like secretly on the
inside they might be afraid thatthey're drinking too much or
they're going to alcohol alittle more than they'd like,
and I think the question they'reprobably asking themselves is
(07:37):
is it that bad?
Is it that bad that I have toquit?
Because that's the question Iasked myself.
And mostly it wasn't that badin a lot of ways because I was
excelling in my career, I wastaking care of my kids, I was
not driving drunk, I was gettingup and making lunches every day
, I wasn't calling in sick towork.
(07:58):
So from the outside everythinglooked fine, but on the inside I
was having a real conflictbecause I was waking up
miserable.
I physically felt bad.
I was so ashamed and I wasscared because I knew something
was wrong, but I didn't knowwhat to replace it with because
(08:19):
I had relied on alcohol for solong and I think, like a toddler
who doesn't have coping skillswith their feelings, like
alcohol had been my only copingone of few and my favorite
coping skill my whole life.
It was a sunny day drink on thepatio.
It's a snow day drink in frontof the fireplace.
Right Like things are goinggood, let's celebrate with a
(08:39):
drink.
We're having a terrible day,let's celebrate with a drink.
So I didn't know any other wayto self-soothe.
Michele Folan (08:45):
You talk about relaxation and then the social
aspects or coping with stressand anxiety, but then there's
just the habit.
Heather Lowe (08:54):
Yeah.
Michele Folan (08:55):
It's the come home from work, or, like in my
case it was let's make dinnerand pour yourself a glass of
wine, because that was, it'smore fun to make dinner with a
glass of wine.
I always called it.
Heather Lowe (09:09):
It was the theater of cooking, right yeah, and the
transition, also the ritual andthe transition from one thing
to the next.
To have this ritual, and I wasafraid I wouldn't be able to
cook.
I like to cook and I like tocook with my music and my wine,
right.
And so how was I going to dothat without it felt kind of
naked?
There is the habit, but there'salso the idea that we give
(09:32):
alcohol, that if we pour this inthis glass, it's permission to
relax, it's permission to enjoymaking dinner, it's permission
to give ourselves a little treator something.
So we're attaching all thesefeelings to this drink.
Michele Folan (09:50):
Yeah.
So what led to you finallysaying I'm done?
Did you have a rock bottom, orwas it one of those things where
you just said enough?
Heather Lowe (10:07):
things where you just said enough, yeah, it
really didn't happen either way.
First I was secretly exploringonline, looking for blogs,
wondering if I had a problem ornot, looking for other people.
I had to quit.
I wanted to find somebody thatlooked like me a professional
woman and it was pretty hard tofind.
And I wanted somebody who spokehonestly, like, who hadn't
crashed a car or been in jail orgot a diagnosis from their
doctor.
I just wanted to find somebodylike me and it was really really
(10:30):
hard to find.
But eventually I found somebody, belle from, tired of Thinking
About Drinking, that had a100-day challenge, and I thought
, oh, I'll do this.
So I did.
And I got to 70 days and Ithought that meant if I could
quit drinking, I didn't reallyhave to quit drinking because
there was just proof that it wasno problem.
After 70 days I was pretty sureI was cured.
(10:54):
Perfect Reset, put this in thebackground.
Now I can drink like a normalperson, moving forward.
Well, of course, that didn'thappen.
So I had three years of that onoff drinking and I encourage
this.
I encourage this for yourlisteners Take a break and see
how hard that is for you, seewhat comes up for you See where
the challenges are, see whatreally triggers you See where
(11:17):
you want it, see how easy it is,see how hard it is.
You're just gatheringinformation and feedback without
committing to forever.
So I did that for three years.
A rock bottom.
I don't know what that meansexactly.
Some people have a very obviousone.
Some people say it's the placewhere you stop digging, and I
feel like it was more like thatfor me, like I had a lot of mini
(11:39):
bottoms maybe, but I just thinkwaking up miserable every day
is just not good enough.
So is it that bad, isn't thequestion?
The question is more like isthis serving me to be the best?
Is this aligned?
Is this getting in the way ofthe things I want that are not
(12:00):
alcohol?
And I was not in a place in mymarriage that felt good to me.
I wasn't being the parent Iwanted to be.
I wasn't in the right careerfor me, even though I was
successful at it.
So it was a change of questionsand a lot of mini lows, and I
was very, very miserable at theend.
I was confused, alcohol wasstarting to take me and I knew
(12:22):
that I had an opportunity toturn it around, but if I
continued on the path I was on,it wasn't going to be there.
There was devastatingconsequences right around the
corner for me.
I knew it and I'm so grateful.
I'll never know what those arebecause I quit before that
happened.
Michele Folan (12:39):
Yeah, and you and I have talked about this before
, and I had similar experiencecoming out of COVID where I was
like I want better for myself, Iwant to feel better, this
inflammation and the feelingblah the next day, and then you
know, I'm in perimenopause.
(13:01):
At the time I'm already feelinganxiety and it was just it was
making that worse.
And so I totally hear you onthis one, and you often say that
sobriety is about gaining more,not losing something.
What, for you, has been themost unexpected gift of going
(13:23):
alcohol-free been the mostunexpected gift of going
alcohol-free.
Heather Lowe (13:25):
Oh my gosh, I couldn't name just one, so I
know we have a limited time onthis podcast.
No, you're fine.
My confidence, first of all,self-love and the relationship
with myself.
When you are punching yourselfin the face with a hangover
every morning and feeling thatguilt and shame and it's alcohol
(13:46):
that's the problem, not you.
Just let me remind you alcoholthe after effects of detoxing is
a spike in anxiety, so ofcourse you're anxious, of course
you have that hangover anxiety.
Alcohol is also a depressant,so of course you're not feeling
good and happy in your lifebecause you're pouring a
depressant on yourself, even invery moderate amounts, even just
as you're making dinner.
(14:06):
I think that that's thesurprising thing about alcohol
is the big effects that it hasscientifically on your brain, on
your body, on your nervoussystem, even in moderate amounts
.
We're not talking aboutsomebody who's drinking a ton.
Even in very moderate amounts.
It's bringing you down even alittle bit.
So the confidence and theself-love was my favorite thing.
(14:28):
Going to bed at night andfeeling proud of myself keeping
my promises, waking up andfeeling good that was just an
immediate happiness,self-surprise.
Dopamine hit to me from me withlove.
But as it continued, I'm havingmore fun.
And I was a party girl.
I love to drink.
I mean, I was the first one tobring the drinks right.
So to say that like a concertis more fun, a sporting event is
(14:51):
more fun, a party is more funwithout alcohol, I mean you got
to try it to believe it, becauseit's not at first.
At first it just kind of sucksright, but eventually you get
used to it and you can show upwith your full energy, full self
.
So I'm having more fun.
Travel sober travel is the best.
You don't need a vacation fromyour vacation.
(15:12):
You're fully awake and alivefor that whole experience.
You're not wasting any timelaying in bed or being a little
bit foggy or buzzed.
You know wasting your time atthe swim up bar when you could
actually be going to see thewhales, right.
So sober travel has been agreat surprise.
My career, I mean really I'maligned with what I've always
(15:32):
been meant to do.
My degree is in social work andI jumped ship on that pretty
fast, went to HR, wanted to makemoney, wanted to save the world
in the way I wanted to, butthis really feels like return to
self.
And I have this, I get tocreate right.
So I have this sense of purposeand wonder every morning when I
(15:55):
wake up.
And even though I did okay inmy jobs, I was dragging myself
to work.
Michele Folan (15:59):
Heather, we're going to take a quick break and
when we come back I want to talkabout the impact on your
relationships and also yoursocial life.
Skipping breakfast or grabbinga protein bar, a salad for lunch
, an okay dinner, and you wonderwhy you're not losing weight.
Listen, I get it.
(16:19):
You're trying to be good, butmidlife metabolism doesn't work
that way.
Eating less isn't the answer.
Eating right is.
In my six-week midlife reset,I'll show you how to fuel your
body for fat loss withoutstarving yourself.
Train in a way that actuallyreshapes your body and finally
break free from the cycle offrustration.
(16:41):
But you have to take that firststep.
Doors close soon, don't wait.
Click the link in the shownotes and let's get to work.
All right, we are back.
How did your decision to quitdrinking affect your friendships
and social circles?
Were there any relationshipsthat changed?
Heather Lowe (17:03):
Yeah, absolutely.
That's such a good question.
It's kind of a tough onebecause all my relationships
changed, because I changed.
So I describe it like a family.
Systems theory is it's like amobile above a baby's crib and
all the little animals are thereand when one animal pulls down
it shifts the equilibrium.
All the animals have to startto shift to find a new
(17:24):
equilibrium I love that analogyyeah.
So the thing I wanted when Iquit drinking on on my last day
one, I just desperately wantedevery single thing in my life to
stay the same and that I wouldjust be over here quitting
drinking on the side.
Nobody looked, nobody noticedme, pay no attention.
Nothing's going to change.
I'm just going to quit drinkingand that's not the way it works
(17:52):
.
You quit drinking and you startto change.
You change in the process andyou're a different person on day
one, day 30, day 60, day 5,022,right.
So when you change, yourrelationships have to change,
and most of it has been reallybeautiful.
I got more honest with myself.
I've learned boundaries, I'veaddressed some codependency,
people-pleasing issues that I'vehad.
I'm not only what I would sayis like recovering from alcohol.
(18:13):
I'm recovering from all thesepatterns and habits that I've
had my whole life right, thathaven't been, that were just
modes of protection, probably,and now I'm able to address
everything.
So my relationships change,mostly for the better.
On my first, first, last day one, I took my drinking friends
aside one by one and apologizedthat I had to quit drinking and
(18:36):
I was so sorry, but I was notgoing to be drinking with them
anymore and I still wanted to befriends and I love them and and
I just it felt like a breakup.
It felt like this heartbreakingthing that I wasn't going to be
able to do anymore and I wasreally sorry.
I apologize which, looking back, looks silly Like this was the
best thing for me, the best,healthiest possible version of
(18:56):
myself, what is without alcohol.
How could I apologize for that?
But it was grief and letting goof that identity, letting go of
who I was and the relationshipsI had.
Some of my relationships reallyimproved.
So many people stuck by me mydrinking friends are still my
friends.
We go out it's awesome.
They are looking for mocktailmenus all over town for where we
(19:18):
go.
They've been so supportive ofme.
My relationship with mychildren and my husband has
improved so much.
I have an entire new circle offriends sober friends all over
the world.
I've been on retreats and I'vegot a huge network of people
that I've been able to get toknow.
And I say we're getting to knoweach other backwards now, like
(19:38):
we're sharing stories frommiddle school and even though we
weren't we don't have this longhistory together you can get to
know someone backwards.
So that's been really fun andalso, honestly, some friendships
fell to the wayside.
Michele Folan (19:50):
Okay, that was my next question.
So I was wondering if any ofthose friendships actually ended
because they were uncomfortablewith your decision.
Heather Lowe (20:00):
Yeah, friendships definitely ended and I can only
speak to my experience.
I don't know what it was likeon the other side, but I did
change and that changed thingsand in some instances there was
cut off and in some instancesthere was a fade away.
But either way, it's veryconfusing to exit friendships.
(20:21):
You know, when do you stopsaying happy birthday?
When do you stop sending theholiday card?
Like, how do you stop sayinghappy birthday?
When do you stop sending theholiday card?
Like, how do you be in or outof this?
Or how does this work?
It's really hard, it's verypainful and I definitely had
that.
So there's it's not like I gotsober and everything was
rainbows and unicorns.
There was a lot of pain.
(20:42):
There was a lot of pain andgrowth and healing and letting
go, and there's no one to blame.
And actually I don't even haveall the answers myself for what
happened and why, but I will sayI quit drinking and I had
friends in my life then and Iquit drinking and now they're
not in my life, which wasn'tnecessarily my choice, but it's
(21:04):
kind of the way that it playedout and that's been really hard.
Michele Folan (21:07):
So what would you say to a woman who's afraid of
being judged or feeling left outif she chooses to drink less or
not at all?
Heather Lowe (21:14):
Yeah, you have to love yourself first.
It is your only job in thisworld to take care of yourself.
That's not somebody else's job,that's yours.
And I just saw the writer,brianna Wiest.
I don't know if anybody knowsher, but she has a lot of books
that are very beautiful.
The most recent one, called theLife that's Waiting, and it's
(21:35):
laid out like read this when.
Read this when you feelunworthy.
Read this when.
Okay, there's one chapter thatsays read this when you feel
like the opinion of othersmatters too much to you.
And this chapter is onesentence long and it says the
more you like yourself, the lessyou'll need others to like you,
and the more you do that, themore they will Oof.
(21:58):
And that's the end of thechapter.
It's one sentence and I'm likethat's a book I can get into.
Michele Folan (22:04):
Yeah, right.
Heather Lowe (22:05):
Yeah, chapter day.
So I think the more you likeyourself, the less need you have
for others, and there will bepeople that understand and there
will be people that won't.
And that's not your business.
Your business is taking care ofyourself and you probably will
be judged, and that's okay.
You don't judge you, you know.
Michele Folan (22:27):
Yeah, and the other thing, Heather, is when
you love yourself and you likeyourself, because I think
there's a difference between thetwo.
Yeah, it's much easier to setboundaries around your
sovereignty, which I got thatone of my past guests, Andrea
(22:48):
DeWitt, wrote a book called NameClaim Reframe, and she talks
about your sovereignty and it'snot just about boundaries, it's
about protecting your innerperson, and so I think that is
part of this whole process.
I would love to know at whatpoint in your sobriety journey
(23:11):
did you realize that yourcalling was to help other?
Heather Lowe (23:14):
women.
I journaled every single day,starting on day two for my first
year of sobriety, and on dayseven I said I wanted to be an
addictions counselor.
I'm not sure what that meant,but I said I already knew I was
on day seven myself and Ialready knew I wanted to turn
(23:37):
around and hold my hand out tothe woman coming behind me.
And as I continued I realized Icould build exactly what I
needed that I didn't see outthere anywhere.
I was scared of AA.
I was scared of rehab.
I wasn't sure those were theright places for me.
I wasn't sure that was theright language for me.
Now I think those things wouldhave been fine, but at the time
(24:01):
I was too scared of that and soI got myself alcohol free by
journaling, meditating, movingmy body, expressing myself,
setting boundaries you know likea very holistic healing way.
And then I wanted to share thatwith other women.
I wanted them to know there's away to do this out there.
(24:21):
So I opened my doors to Ditchthe Drink about 18 months after
I got sober myself.
Michele Folan (24:29):
I would love to know what that process looked
like, because you've gottencertifications, you've you had
to do a lot of work in that 18months to be able to start to do
this.
Heather Lowe (24:39):
Yeah, absolutely so.
It started as an idea and apassion project that I was,
because so early I already knewI wanted to help people and,
like I said, it felt like areturn to self, with social work
right, like helping others feltlike a return.
But I was between jobs at thetime and so I was interviewing
and I was about to get offersfrom the same jobs that I had
(24:59):
done, that I would be good at,that I was qualified for, and
sobriety had just taught me tolisten to myself and I knew I
couldn't go back and do thethings that didn't sing my soul.
I just couldn't anymore.
That's a ticket to my sobrietyis tuning in and paying
attention.
I don't numb out what I thinkanymore.
I don't pour alcohol on mythoughts.
(25:21):
I listened to my inner voice andmy inner voice said no, that's
not for me.
So then I have a big dad voice,a husband.
I don't really think I'm goingto take these jobs and we're
used to a six figure salary,right, and I want to start this.
I want to.
I want to turn my littlepassion into project I put to
(25:43):
profit.
I want to try to start my ownbusiness and it's called Ditch
the Drink, and it started with adigital course where I put
everything together that helpedme and can we do this?
And he said, like can you makethis much money?
And like pennies, you know?
And I said I have no ideabecause I've never done this
before.
Michele Folan (26:00):
Because we don't know when we venture into this.
Heather Lowe (26:11):
And he took a big deep breath and said okay, we'll
give it a try.
And my mom was the first personto sign up for my Jumpstart
digital course, which is totallybeautiful.
So I had one student and that Istill have that digital course
anyone can take.
It's so sweet because I was soclose to early sobriety myself.
I love it.
I can't change it because nowI'm much more slick and
everything, but I am like rightthere with you because I was in
(26:32):
such early sobriety myself.
So that class is there.
But then I really wanted tocoach people one-on-one and I
knew that.
But I didn't feel like I coulddo that without the right
certification and training.
So I got trained with theInternational Association of
Professional Recovery Coaches asa life coach, as a recovery
coach.
I got a certificate ofwell-being from Yale University
(26:54):
and I got a law of attractioncoach training.
So, yeah, I armed myself withall the best training tools,
resources so that I couldprovide the best offering for
other professional women like me.
And then I started coaching.
I started opening my coachingofferings and now I have a
membership community.
(27:15):
Now I recruit other people tocoach and then I help them
launch their businesses becauseI've been successful and the
coach training teaches you to bea great coach, but it doesn't
teach you how to start abusiness, which is a different
skill.
Set right, I've been able tospeak, I've won awards.
You know, it's really grown,it's been, it's been totally
awesome.
Michele Folan (27:34):
Yeah, and you deserve the accolades because
you've you walk the walk andtalk the talk.
So I think working with a coachthat's been through the process
themselves is way moresatisfying as a client because
you have that commonality andthat connection that's so
(27:54):
beautiful Absolutely.
And what are some of thebiggest struggles or patterns
that you see among the midlifewomen you coach?
Heather Lowe (28:03):
It's the other people in our lives.
You know what it really.
What happens is we've pouredalcohol on ourselves to tolerate
the life that we have and Ithink in midlife our resentment,
all the years of resentment,start to build and we actually
have a lot of anger and we feellike we're serving our family
(28:26):
all the time, burning the candleon both ends, and we've set our
life up like this for somereason and we're mad and we're
angry and we need help, but wedon't know how to ask for that
and we don't want to rock theboat and we don't want conflict.
So we just pour alcohol onourselves and our own opinions
(28:48):
and thoughts and ideas becausewe don't want to hear them.
So when somebody first getssober, it's like dinner time is
hard because it's a witchy hourand that's what they used wine
for.
And yet you're nodding I'm sureyou're even relating to this
right, even though your kids areolder.
Michele Folan (29:01):
It's like it is tough.
It is tough.
You just said something that Iwant everyone listening to this
to rewind, like three minutesfrom when Heather started
talking about women being angryor, you know, resentful, because
(29:22):
even if you don't drink, we allhave a little bit of that.
And this is where I think wehave an opportunity in midlife
to redefine ourselves and how,like back to those boundaries.
It's what you just said.
I was like, oh, this is like sogood yeah, it's a very common
(29:47):
theme.
Heather Lowe (29:47):
It's a common theme for all of us.
Yeah, we don't know what to dowith it, because we don't want
to be mad, we want to be happy,we want to be relaxed, we want a
good time.
It won't be fun, and so wethink alcohol is the ticket to
that.
Yeah, but alcohol is us, it'sself-abandonment, it's us not
listening to ourselves, it's usnot paying attention to
ourselves, it's us putting thisliquid wall between what we
(30:11):
really feel and what we thinkwe're supposed to feel or how
we're supposed to be.
And so it's been effective fora lot of our life.
But at this age it starts tochange.
Michele Folan (30:22):
Yeah, and it's also about it drowns out that
whole purpose of asking for whatwe want.
You know.
Ask for what you want insteadof drowning yourself either with
alcohol, or you know beingdepressed or other addictions,
or you know being depressed orother addictions.
Heather Lowe (30:44):
Yeah, I found plenty.
So I think addiction is a humancondition.
For me it was alcohol, but whenI ditched the drink.
Michele, it's online shopping,it's scrolling, it's attention
seeking.
I'm definitely addicted toChapStick Like it could be
anything right.
So I think if we can justchange that word and even like,
(31:06):
say addiction, don't make it soscary.
Addiction is just like apattern of behavior that you've
used that's not helping you orthe consequences are too big.
So that could be with anything.
Recovery is just healing.
It's just the person who'shealing from those things.
But we're addicted to peoplepleasing.
We're addicted to perfectionism, we're addicted to achievement,
(31:28):
right, Yep.
So there's any number of thingsthat we can be addicted to.
I'm really grateful alcohol wasmy issue because overcoming it,
I live an awakened life andanybody who's overcome anything
feels that way.
It's like this was a beautifulwake-up call for me, because in
my life now my feet have to beso rooted in myself and my
(31:51):
values to stay this path, whichis hard.
But I'll tell you,over-drinking was also hard.
Feeling like garbage every day.
That was hard too.
It's just a different kind ofhard.
Michele Folan (32:03):
Different hard, choose your hard.
Heather Lowe (32:05):
Yeah, right, yeah, and this one, at least I can
have my head held high.
Michele Folan (32:10):
When you were first on the podcast, I posted a
picture of you when you weredrinking and then post-drinking.
It was pretty remarkable.
So, other than what peoplecould see, you know, with that
photo.
So the inflammation, thepuffiness, all of that, which is
(32:32):
very common what other physicalchanges did you feel in terms
of, like, your weight, sleep,all of that?
Heather Lowe (32:41):
Yeah.
So I didn't know how to sleepwithout alcohol.
That was scary to me.
To go to bed with my ownthoughts.
It was very hard.
I thought I needed a nightcap.
I was like a baby without abottle.
So that was a challenge, buteverything improved.
So, first of all, being somebody, I never had a sweet tooth and
I ditched the drink, and then Ibecame a sugar fiend Right, and
(33:02):
I just want everyone to knowthat's totally normal and it's
temporary.
So this isn't exactly true.
But alcohol basically turns tosugar in your body.
So when you don't have it, youcrave it, and so that's a very
normal thing in early sobriety.
And I say do whatever you gotto do.
There's different ways tostabilize your blood sugar and
different things you can eat inearly sobriety to help.
(33:22):
But also, if I couldn't havethose cherry Twizzlers in my
first six months and a hotcookie skillet at the end of
every meal, I don't think I'd besober today.
So it got me through.
Now I don't even have thatstuff.
Now I love my green juice andmy protein shakes and all that
stuff.
So my overall health improved ina lot of ways.
I eventually learned how tosleep better because I started
(33:44):
using lavender in meditation andI had to have a real nighttime
routine to calm me down becauseI was so scared to go to sleep
without alcohol.
I ran a half marathon in my 40sand I had ran half marathons
before and I had run hungovermany a time, which is harder the
older you get.
I had run hungover many a time,which is harder the older you
get, but I ran a race and I cutmy time down by like a minute
(34:08):
and 10 seconds per mile.
Oh wow.
So there was a significantchange in my fitness levels.
I think the thing that mattersto me most is I was on high
blood pressure pills and both myparents had high blood pressure
, so some of it is hereditaryand it scared me.
I was a little young to be onthem and when I quit drinking I
no longer take those pills, I nolonger have high blood pressure
(34:30):
.
So that feels like the mostimportant thing.
That picture, those pictures,tons of pictures.
You will see there is asignificant physical change.
Like you said, the bloating,puffiness, it's just so obvious.
So that's what I say too Isalcohol poison?
Look at these pictures.
It's very obvious that alcoholis not good for you.
(34:51):
When you see, my body was sodehydrated I was hanging on to
every bit of water that I couldright.
That's the water retention andyou can see it.
My eyes I didn't recognizemyself in the mirror.
I had these dead eyes thatadded weight and puffiness, did
not look good on me and so, yeah, I'm just so much healthier and
vibrant, but I will say this,my weight hasn't changed
(35:15):
Interesting.
So my body looks totallydifferent, right, and I have
muscle and I have tone and myyoga practice I mean I can still
do the splits and all thatstuff, so, which I'm very proud
of as a mom girl.
Michele Folan (35:28):
I feel like I've done the splits in sixth grade.
It's one of my best partytricks.
Heather Lowe (35:37):
I'm pretty proud of that.
I'm glad I have a podcast whereI can share that.
So, yeah, I mean there's been alot of improvements, but it
didn't necessarily show on thescale for me.
But I'll tell you, all of myclients have those pictures too.
All my clients have thosebefore and afters.
And it's private.
A lot of people want to beprivate about it, so I can't
last them on social media.
I wish I could, because they'resuch beautiful transformations.
(36:00):
But it's not just me, it'severyone.
You've seen it yourself withinyourself, even Michele.
So if you want to use vanity asa reason to ditch the drink,
it's a very good reason.
Absolutely go for it, right.
Michele Folan (36:15):
So I have clients that have lost some significant
weight and I can't get them toshare pictures with me either.
They don't want to share thosebefore pictures and I'm like but
look where you've come, I'llblack out your face.
No one will know it's you, butit's such a private thing, and I
(36:37):
understand that, so I'm cool.
Can you share a client successstory that really stuck with you
?
Heather Lowe (36:45):
Oh my gosh, literally I love coaching and
you do too, because we'recoaches, right, I'm the biggest
fan.
I'm totally biased.
It's the greatest thing.
I witness transformation everysingle day, and sometimes it's
subtle.
Sometimes it's subtle.
I have a client who we just dothis as women, right.
She used cloth napkins andthere's one that's a little bit
(37:06):
stained or ripped and every dayshe would sit the table and give
herself the worst napkin.
She's also the only one that'sgoing to notice this napkin.
So, with working together andbuilding her confidence and her
self-esteem and her self-love,she started giving herself the
best napkin and secretly towhoever was bothering her most
that day, giving them thatlittle napkin oh, I love it.
(37:29):
It just has a little secretsymbol, right.
But my clients, they get soberand then they, like some, go
back to work after years ofbeing at home.
One became a swim instructor.
She loves swimming.
She became a swim coach, whichwas like her dream come true.
They are traveling.
One just got a baby grand pianowith all the money she saved,
treated herself.
They're going on these dreamvacations.
(37:51):
They are changing their careers, their fitness levels and
height, new heights that they'rereaching with that it's, it's
every single day.
There's like the big wow things, but there's also the the more
subtle, like I just set aboundary.
I just I'm doing holidaysdifferently this year and I just
(38:11):
stood up to myself, to my mom,who I've never done that before.
Or I don't let my kids walk allover me anymore, and this feels
good, I treated myself to thatbefore.
Or I don't let my kids walk allover me anymore, and this feels
good.
I treated myself to that spotty, to that overnight in that
hotel.
Now I know-.
Michele Folan (38:23):
By myself.
Heather Lowe (38:24):
Yeah, by myself.
Michele Folan (38:25):
And it's two nights, not one.
You know what I mean.
Heather Lowe (38:28):
I'm going to that between I'm prioritizing myself
and making my life beautifulbecause I want to and I love
that.
So it's just a shift ofpriorities and they're putting
themselves at the top, andsometimes there's the big wow,
milestone days and sometimesthere's just the little subtle
shifts about I'm not going totake an overtake on this work at
(38:51):
work, because I'm getting closeto burnout and that's not an
option for me anymore, so I'mnot going to do that.
Or I'm going to go for a walkinstead of do this.
I'm going to do holidaysdifferent.
I'm going to delegate and askfor help, whatever that looks
like.
It's truly amazing.
Michele Folan (39:04):
You know Leigh, who I just had on my podcast.
She talked about the first timeshe went on vacation it was
with a group of family friendsand how she would go to her room
at night and cry because shecouldn't partake in the
festivities.
And I would imagine that firstvacation, that first holiday,
(39:27):
those first milestone events thewedding, whatever it is that
you go to, where you're notdrinking, can be really
difficult.
How have your clients been ableto get through those times?
Heather Lowe (39:42):
Yeah, Well, it probably can't be done without
tears.
I will admit that, myselfincluded.
My first spring break I wasthree weeks alcohol-free and it
was pretty touch and go with themargaritas and the Jimmy
Buffett music, and we'll see ifI was going to be able to make
it right.
So I feel you.
My coaching includes unlimitedtext and email support and so,
(40:06):
as well as a 24-7 app andcommunity.
So there's people that get it,and I think that is the secret
sauce.
I think that is what reallymakes or breaks certain cravings
or certain situations, and weset up a plan.
If it's a wedding, it's like howare you going to walk in?
Let's visualize.
Let's visualize how you want tolook in.
(40:26):
You're going to look amazing inyour spray tan and that hot
dress.
You're going to feel good aboutyourself.
This is how you're going toprep yourself.
You're going to do your walk inthe morning.
You're going to do yourjournaling.
You're going to do your routine.
So you walk in feeling amazing.
You're going to bring your owndrink right.
You're going to make sure youhave a really beautiful, fancy
drink.
We're going to practice whatyou're going to say when
somebody says oh, you're notdrinking.
(40:47):
We're going to practice whatthat looks like.
We're going to leave wheneveryou want and you don't have to
stay the whole time, and it isgoing to look different than
when you were the drunkenbridesmaid.
If you're me, the weddingdoesn't look like that anymore,
(41:09):
and that's okay.
Also, I usually have a retreat,a little treat, waiting for me
back in the room.
Am I going to get ice cream?
Or am I going to pop thatalcohol-free champagne when I
get there?
Or do I have a really specialface mask to put on before bed
and then something the nextmorning?
Right, am I going to do amassage while I'm at that hotel
and have that to look forward to?
(41:31):
So there's all sorts of ways,but we definitely have a plan.
We visualize their support,community accountability,
hearing from others and whatthey've done.
Just like Thanksgiving was onewhere every time we had to check
the turkey, we were likechecking in with each other.
You know what I mean.
Like setting in these littlecheckpoints because that's a
(41:52):
dopamine hit, to say I'm doingit.
Thumbs up, high five, keepgoing.
It's just like running a raceright when you've got those
people on the path to cheer youon.
There's nothing you can't do.
You can do even the hard stuff.
Michele Folan (42:04):
Oh, I love the community piece of this.
I think that's brilliant onyour part to have that, because
then people always know they'vegot a little bit of a lifeline,
so that's really awesome, I loveit.
Heather Lowe (42:16):
Yeah, we meet every week and talk about it so
we can prepare together, right?
And then you know you've gotjust a group of cheerleaders
literally in your pocket becauseit's an app that are cheering
you on and like hoping that itgoes well, and they're going to
find out about it next week.
Oh that's great.
Michele Folan (42:31):
And then you know what I just thought of and this
wasn't on my list of questions.
This thought of and this wasn'ton my list of questions.
I would love it if you puttogether a list of some of your
favorite non-alcohol beverages,Because I know you were a big
wine drinker before.
What do you gravitate towardnow?
So you don't have to come upwith your list now, but if you
(42:54):
can come up with four or fiveideas for people I know, I'm
always very appreciative of nothaving to invest in that $15,
$20 bottle of non-alcoholic wineand then pour it down the drain
.
Heather Lowe (43:06):
Yeah, A lot is garbage.
I get it.
It's terrible.
Some of it's really terrible.
I have a ton of blogs aboutthis I will curate a list for
you and your listeners for sureand I've got everything from
like the best value to somethingthat's super expensive, more
expensive and everything inbetween.
Honestly, they're gettingbetter than what they used to be
.
So if you've tried it and thatliked it but I think it does
(43:28):
help to be steered in the rightdirection to some definite good
things.
In general I will say anythingwith sparkles or bubbles is
typically better, because thatcarbonation and the bubbles kind
of mask gives you that tickleon the tongue like a drink would
, and kind of masks what like astill drink would have.
So, in general, somethingthat's white and something
(43:50):
that's sparkly is probably bestor closest to what you're used
to.
But there are good other thingsas well and there are certain
brands, certain makers that youknow the best and I'll share
that for sure.
Michele Folan (44:03):
I knew you would be a great resource for this.
So thank you for that, becausemy beverage of choice in the
evenings I do a spin drift and Iput a little splash of
cranberry in it and then a sliceof lime and that's kind of my
instead of the wine when I'mcooking.
Heather Lowe (44:20):
That's what I do typically, that's a great
replacement and I love to thinkof that too.
It's not giving up something,it's an exchange.
You're not giving up drinking.
And actually I teased.
I was like after the holidays Ican't believe I called myself
Ditch the Drink because I hadbefore dinner drinks.
I called myself ditch the drinkbecause I had before dinner
drinks.
I had during dinner drinks andI had after dinner drinks.
(44:40):
I hosted and I probably drankmore than anybody in my whole
house.
How can I call myself ditch thedrink?
All I do is drink.
It doesn't have to have alcohol, so thinking in exchange
instead of deprivation is just aperfect thought.
Michele Folan (44:56):
Yeah, you know, back when you?
Yeah, back when I was going outto dinner, having a cocktail
before dinner, a glass of wine.
With dinner, instead of havingdessert, I'd have another glass
of wine.
Heather Lowe (45:07):
Me too.
That was my thing, for sure.
Michele Folan (45:10):
So I'm like, oh, I'm not having dessert, so I'll
have another glass of wine.
Oh God, no wonder, I felt likeshit all the time.
Okay, you recently launched I'mgoing to say this correctly
Parapetia.
Yeah, yeah, yay, I said itcorrectly.
Okay, heather has a podcast,and I'm like so amazed, like,
(45:32):
okay, let's just, you know, packyour dance card.
What inspired you to start apodcast and what kind of
conversations are you having?
Heather Lowe (45:43):
Oh my gosh, thanks for asking the Parapetia
podcast.
Parapetia means a sudden changein circumstances or events, or
like a curveball.
So one of my dreams was well,even when I was little, I
started a little business frommy closet called Dare to Dream
DTD.
So when I started Ditch theDrink, I was doing it in a bonus
(46:03):
room in my house, which is alsomy closet.
So it was kind of serendipitousthat I'm like this is my third
grade self.
It's come true.
Now I've got DTD right.
Another one of my little dreamswas Oprah Winfrey to be Oprah
Winfrey, to have a talk show forwomen.
And we moved from Wisconsin toChicago because my husband loved
the Chicago Bears and I lovedOprah Winfrey.
(46:24):
So here we are and so I justalways wanted to interview.
I'm fascinated by stories andstorytelling.
I think it's so healing.
And I'm fascinated by peopleand I'm fascinated by women and
there are things we need to talkabout and things to bring out
in the open and sobriety, thisrecovery out loud, kind of
philosophy about like, let'stalk about it, you don't have to
(46:45):
keep it in silence.
And I was terrified to do a I'msober Facebook announcement.
I was terrified to go onLinkedIn and say I'm a sober
coach now what were people goingto think of me?
Right?
But it's been really healing totalk about it out loud.
So I wanted a platform really totrick the people that I love,
like authors, people I admire tocome have a conversation with
(47:07):
me, and it totally workedbecause I've got like amazing
people all my favorite people onmy podcast and so it's not a
sobriety podcast, it's just apodcast about women and their
stories.
So I've got issues fromliterally everything, from
overcoming anxiety,perfectionism, I've got
(47:27):
storytelling and the storiesthat we tell ourselves coming
out later today.
I've got sober stories and I'vegot like body image and eating
disorder stories.
Got sober stories and I've gotlike body image and eating
disorder stories I've got I justcan't even think so.
It started as a pilot projectjust to see what I thought, if I
enjoyed it.
I did 12 episodes, askedeverybody that I wanted to come
(47:48):
on, to come on, and I liked itso much that now I'm in season
two, season two is wrapping upand there's going to be a season
three.
Fantastic, congratulations.
Yes, thank you.
Michele Folan (48:00):
I love it.
I love it and I love thepremise, because everybody's got
a story.
Heather Lowe (48:05):
Yeah, right, and we're all overcoming something,
yeah.
Michele Folan (48:09):
Yeah, something else you said is about it's okay
to talk about it.
Yeah, let's get this out in theopen let's talk about it's okay
to talk about it.
Yeah, let's get this out in theopen, let's talk about it.
It is very uncomfortableeverybody listening.
It's very uncomfortable whatHeather and I do, because we are
exposing a side of ourselvesthat we've always kept very
(48:33):
private, whether it's our weightor drinking or whatever it is.
And the reason Heather shares,and even I share, is because
maybe one of you will identifywith the story and maybe that
(48:54):
will be what you need to feelbrave and to take action to do
something better for yourself.
I love that yeah.
Did I do okay on that one.
Heather Lowe (49:05):
It's okay to reach out for help.
We don't have it.
We don't have it together.
We don't have to have ittogether and ask somebody who
has what you want and has beenwhere you are.
I think strong, independentwomen, that asking for help
heart or investing in ourselvesfor coaching or whatever it is,
is our own hurdle to overcome.
But I would recommendbreakthrough.
(49:26):
Get some help.
It's the best thing you can do.
And all the top athletes, topperformers, top politicians, top
business executives, topcelebrities everybody has a
coach.
It's not for losers.
Everybody who wants to be theirbest has a coach.
Oh, I know A jar can't read itsown label.
Get a coach.
I mean, whether that's Micheleor I or anyone, just know that
(49:48):
asking for help is the strongest, best, smartest thing to do.
It doesn't have to be a lastresort.
Michele Folan (49:54):
You know two things with that, like you were
saying.
I mean, almost every coach hasa coach, so let's put that one
on the back burner, because thatone is.
I know that for a fact andyou're correct Most successful
people have some form of a coach, but don't think of it as like
a coach, like a teacher, as muchas it is a partner.
(50:17):
It's somebody that's just goingto link arms with you, meet you
where you are because I thinkthat's really important and just
walk with you to take thisjourney forward.
So, yeah, all right.
So I was just.
I was going to ask you what'sone small step that you would
suggest women take today who aresober, curious Set up that
(50:41):
complimentary call, okay, I mean, I think that's.
Yeah, set up a complimentarycall.
Heather Lowe (50:47):
I have a free guide actually it's journal
prompts and information tochange your life, to make any
sort of change.
So download that free guide.
Just start getting curious.
Do your change?
So download that free guide.
Just start getting curious.
Do your research, but take thenext step.
If you've been like lurking andscrolling on Instagram with
somebody, let's say, set up thecall with them, download their
guide.
Like, do the guide, don't justdownload it.
(51:08):
Then answer the questions, dothe assignments and keep going
like that 1% forward each day.
Right, do something differenttoday and a little bit more
today.
But you will see your resultsaccelerated so fast when you
link arms and start working withsomebody for sure?
Michele Folan (51:25):
Yeah, this is a personal question.
What is one of your self-carenon-negotiables?
Alone time?
Heather Lowe (51:35):
And for me that often looks like a walk in the
woods, okay, but leave me alone.
Honestly, I need some.
My, all my people, who I loveso dearly, are always on top of
me.
God bless, I've created it thatway because I'm needy in
attention and love and affection, but I also need alone time so
that I make sure to get that in.
So my relationship with theonly place I can hear myself is
(51:57):
when I'm not around all thosepeople that I love so much right
.
Michele Folan (52:01):
Yeah, that's a good one.
Okay, heather Lowe, where canpeople find you?
Heather Lowe (52:07):
DitchTheDrinkcom.
Come to my website, ditch theDrink on Instagram, Facebook,
Linkedin, Pinterest and checkout the Parapetia podcast.
It's also on my website.
If you don't know how to spellParapetia, I don't blame you.
Hopefully Michele will put itin the show notes, but it's also
on Apple, Spotify, anywhere youlisten to podcasts.
I'd love to have you hear mystories, and maybe one of you
(52:29):
has a story that you want toshare as well.
Michele Folan (52:31):
Oh yeah, I'm sure they do.
Heather Lowe, thank you forbeing here today.
It's always so much fun.
Thank you, Michele.
I adore you.
Hey, thanks for tuning in.
Please rate and review the showwhere you listen to the podcast
.
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(52:51):
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Thank you.
For so many women , drinking isn't just about the
drink.
It's woven into our sociallives, our routines and even our
identity.
Whether it's a glass of wine atbook club, cocktails with
friends or a way to unwind aftera long day, alcohol often feels
like a normal or even necessarypart of life.
But what happens when it startsto feel less like a treat and
(00:24):
more like something you rely on?
When you start questioning ifit's actually adding to your
life or quietly taking somethingaway Health, wellness, fitness
and everything in between?
We're removing the taboo fromwhat really matters in midlife.
(00:46):
I'm your host, Michele Folan,and this is Asking for a Friend.
Welcome to the show everyone.
In this episode, I'm joined byHeather Lowe.
She's a certified sober coachand founder of Ditch the Drink,
and we're going to talk aboutwhat happens when we step back
(01:07):
and re-examine our relationshipwith alcohol.
Heather shares her personaljourney, the unexpected ways
sobriety transformed her life,and how women in midlife can
make changes that feel right forthem, without pressure, shame
or rigid rules.
If you've ever wondered whatlife could look like with less
or no alcohol, this conversationis full of insight,
(01:30):
encouragement and real talk.
Heather Lowe, welcome to Askingfor a Friend.
Heather Lowe (01:36):
Thank you so much.
I'm just sitting there smilingas you're saying that, because
of course I'm nodding inagreement, because it's what I
do.
But I love how you saidre-examine your relationship
with alcohol.
And that is what it is.
It's evaluating therelationship, so it's a place of
curiosity and discovery,without making decisions about
(01:59):
what you want to do for the restof your life or having to know
all the answers before you begin.
So I think that place ofexploring, examining, evaluating
is such an important key and Iappreciate you saying that right
up front.
Michele Folan (02:11):
Yeah, because I think you know so many people
approach this topic as it's allor nothing and I have to make a
decision today instead of reallygoing through the thoughtful
process of looking at your lifeas a whole and how all the
pieces kind of interact.
(02:32):
So we'll talk a little bit moreabout this, because this is I
love this conversation.
Heather's been on the showbefore and I think, with all the
talk about alcohol and health,particularly in midlife women, I
(02:57):
don't want to feel like I'mlike beating the drum and I'm
putting my stake in the groundon this topic.
I want to make sure I ambringing listeners the resources
and tools they need to make asmart decision for them.
So I feel like I need to saythat, because we've covered this
topic a lot, but differentaspects of it.
So I love what Heather bringsto the table.
(03:17):
But before we get started, tellthe audience a little bit more
about you?
Heather Lowe (03:22):
Yeah, awesome, Thank you.
I do want to mention I just wasdoing a little Instagram scroll
before I got on here and OprahDaily is saying all these things
about how alcohol affects themenopausal time and such.
So you're not alone.
It's coming out more and morein the news.
Society is getting more curiousAlcohol is.
It's a little bit like havinglike a cigarette moment, where
(03:45):
people are starting to see andresearch is changing and who's
funding the research is changingto show the facts and the
science and the effects.
So you're doing your job I meanas a fitness and nutrition
coach, sharing the informationand the most updated information
as part of the job.
So thank you for saying that.
Yeah, yeah, so, but it's atopic that can be a little bit
(04:07):
polarizing and like nobody wantsanyone to take anything away
from them.
I certainly didn't.
So my background is I grew up inWisconsin.
My parents met in a beer tent.
I met my husband in a bar incollege.
Right, Drinking was just parfor the course.
I drank through high school.
I drank through college.
I moved to Chicago.
Then I was a young urbanprofessional drinking better
(04:28):
drinks and better places atconcerts and sporting events and
dinners and things like that.
I had a professional career inHR.
I was a salesperson and I wasoften the only female on all
male sales teams drinking likepart of the boys club drinking
to close deals, getting accessto decision makers, at
networking events and such whereI might not in the office.
(04:51):
So drinking was a big part ofmy life.
I had quit drinking when I gotpregnant.
When the babies were born, Istarted drinking a little bit of
wine in the afternoon.
It felt very European, verynormal, very grown up, like I
was playing house with my littlenew little babies.
Right yeah, it didn't alwayslook problematic, is what I want
to say.
Most, I drank for 30 years.
(05:11):
I had a drink when I was 12,which sounds really young to me
right now, but this was like the80s, 90s in Wisconsin.
It was sort of like normal.
Michele Folan (05:21):
We did the same thing Heather Way back when,
right yeah.
Heather Lowe (05:26):
And then I quit for the last time when I was 42.
So I had a 30-year drinkingcareer and most of it looked
really normal.
My tolerance did increase overthe years and it was when I was
hit with a lot of unexpected andunordered deaths in a row that
things started to crumble.
I was in a job that I wasn'thappy with.
It's just drinking that hadbeen the glue to hold me
(05:49):
together, it seemed, which wasthe solution maybe to my
problems and my anxiety.
To just have a little drink,take the edge off, have fun,
relax.
Drinking started to become theproblem.
Drinking started to make meweak and confused and more
depressed and more anxious, andI started to rely on it more
than ever before.
It kind of turned more likeself-medication, like I wasn't
(06:11):
drinking with my friends.
I was putting my kids to bedand drinking on the couch, sat
alone, yeah, and needing acertain amount each night just
to put myself out Right.
I needed it to fall asleep.
I wanted to have a drink beforeI got to the social event, a
(06:31):
drink before the drink.
So it just started to become soimportant to me.
So that's kind of my background, but I was terrified of calling
myself an alcoholic, and itseemed like the first step is
admitting you have a problem.
And with alcohol, if you admityou have a problem, you're an
alcoholic.
You're an alcoholic if you quitdrinking, not if you keep
drinking.
And I didn't want to be analcoholic so I kept drinking.
Michele Folan (06:51):
Oh, the wicked games we play with ourselves,
right, totally.
You know, and I've said this amillion times again, my
listeners just tune me out, butyou can quit smoking.
And everybody like, yay, goodfor you, woo, but you quit
(07:12):
drinking.
And people are like, oh, didyou have a problem?
Heather Lowe (07:16):
Yeah, I'm like what the hell was that?
I didn't want that.
I didn't want that, so I justkept drinking.
Then I thought I'm going tomanage my drinking and I would
guess a lot of your listenersare here Like secretly on the
inside they might be afraid thatthey're drinking too much or
they're going to alcohol alittle more than they'd like,
and I think the question they'reprobably asking themselves is
(07:37):
is it that bad?
Is it that bad that I have toquit?
Because that's the question Iasked myself.
And mostly it wasn't that badin a lot of ways because I was
excelling in my career, I wastaking care of my kids, I was
not driving drunk, I was gettingup and making lunches every day
, I wasn't calling in sick towork.
(07:58):
So from the outside everythinglooked fine, but on the inside I
was having a real conflictbecause I was waking up
miserable.
I physically felt bad.
I was so ashamed and I wasscared because I knew something
was wrong, but I didn't knowwhat to replace it with because
(08:19):
I had relied on alcohol for solong and I think, like a toddler
who doesn't have coping skillswith their feelings, like
alcohol had been my only copingone of few and my favorite
coping skill my whole life.
It was a sunny day drink on thepatio.
It's a snow day drink in frontof the fireplace.
Right Like things are goinggood, let's celebrate with a
(08:39):
drink.
We're having a terrible day,let's celebrate with a drink.
So I didn't know any other wayto self-soothe.
Michele Folan (08:45):
You talk about relaxation and then the social
aspects or coping with stressand anxiety, but then there's
just the habit.
Heather Lowe (08:54):
Yeah.
Michele Folan (08:55):
It's the come home from work, or, like in my
case it was let's make dinnerand pour yourself a glass of
wine, because that was, it'smore fun to make dinner with a
glass of wine.
I always called it.
Heather Lowe (09:09):
It was the theater of cooking, right yeah, and the
transition, also the ritual andthe transition from one thing
to the next.
To have this ritual, and I wasafraid I wouldn't be able to
cook.
I like to cook and I like tocook with my music and my wine,
right.
And so how was I going to dothat without it felt kind of
naked?
There is the habit, but there'salso the idea that we give
(09:32):
alcohol, that if we pour this inthis glass, it's permission to
relax, it's permission to enjoymaking dinner, it's permission
to give ourselves a little treator something.
So we're attaching all thesefeelings to this drink.
Michele Folan (09:50):
Yeah.
So what led to you finallysaying I'm done?
Did you have a rock bottom, orwas it one of those things where
you just said enough?
Heather Lowe (10:07):
things where you just said enough, yeah, it
really didn't happen either way.
First I was secretly exploringonline, looking for blogs,
wondering if I had a problem ornot, looking for other people.
I had to quit.
I wanted to find somebody thatlooked like me a professional
woman and it was pretty hard tofind.
And I wanted somebody who spokehonestly, like, who hadn't
crashed a car or been in jail orgot a diagnosis from their
doctor.
I just wanted to find somebodylike me and it was really really
(10:30):
hard to find.
But eventually I found somebody, belle from, tired of Thinking
About Drinking, that had a100-day challenge, and I thought
, oh, I'll do this.
So I did.
And I got to 70 days and Ithought that meant if I could
quit drinking, I didn't reallyhave to quit drinking because
there was just proof that it wasno problem.
After 70 days I was pretty sureI was cured.
(10:54):
Perfect Reset, put this in thebackground.
Now I can drink like a normalperson, moving forward.
Well, of course, that didn'thappen.
So I had three years of that onoff drinking and I encourage
this.
I encourage this for yourlisteners Take a break and see
how hard that is for you, seewhat comes up for you See where
the challenges are, see whatreally triggers you See where
(11:17):
you want it, see how easy it is,see how hard it is.
You're just gatheringinformation and feedback without
committing to forever.
So I did that for three years.
A rock bottom.
I don't know what that meansexactly.
Some people have a very obviousone.
Some people say it's the placewhere you stop digging, and I
feel like it was more like thatfor me, like I had a lot of mini
(11:39):
bottoms maybe, but I just thinkwaking up miserable every day
is just not good enough.
So is it that bad, isn't thequestion?
The question is more like isthis serving me to be the best?
Is this aligned?
Is this getting in the way ofthe things I want that are not
(12:00):
alcohol?
And I was not in a place in mymarriage that felt good to me.
I wasn't being the parent Iwanted to be.
I wasn't in the right careerfor me, even though I was
successful at it.
So it was a change of questionsand a lot of mini lows, and I
was very, very miserable at theend.
I was confused, alcohol wasstarting to take me and I knew
(12:22):
that I had an opportunity toturn it around, but if I
continued on the path I was on,it wasn't going to be there.
There was devastatingconsequences right around the
corner for me.
I knew it and I'm so grateful.
I'll never know what those arebecause I quit before that
happened.
Michele Folan (12:39):
Yeah, and you and I have talked about this before
, and I had similar experiencecoming out of COVID where I was
like I want better for myself, Iwant to feel better, this
inflammation and the feelingblah the next day, and then you
know, I'm in perimenopause.
(13:01):
At the time I'm already feelinganxiety and it was just it was
making that worse.
And so I totally hear you onthis one, and you often say that
sobriety is about gaining more,not losing something.
What, for you, has been themost unexpected gift of going
(13:23):
alcohol-free been the mostunexpected gift of going
alcohol-free.
Heather Lowe (13:25):
Oh my gosh, I couldn't name just one, so I
know we have a limited time onthis podcast.
No, you're fine.
My confidence, first of all,self-love and the relationship
with myself.
When you are punching yourselfin the face with a hangover
every morning and feeling thatguilt and shame and it's alcohol
(13:46):
that's the problem, not you.
Just let me remind you alcoholthe after effects of detoxing is
a spike in anxiety, so ofcourse you're anxious, of course
you have that hangover anxiety.
Alcohol is also a depressant,so of course you're not feeling
good and happy in your lifebecause you're pouring a
depressant on yourself, even invery moderate amounts, even just
as you're making dinner.
(14:06):
I think that that's thesurprising thing about alcohol
is the big effects that it hasscientifically on your brain, on
your body, on your nervoussystem, even in moderate amounts
.
We're not talking aboutsomebody who's drinking a ton.
Even in very moderate amounts.
It's bringing you down even alittle bit.
So the confidence and theself-love was my favorite thing.
(14:28):
Going to bed at night andfeeling proud of myself keeping
my promises, waking up andfeeling good that was just an
immediate happiness,self-surprise.
Dopamine hit to me from me withlove.
But as it continued, I'm havingmore fun.
And I was a party girl.
I love to drink.
I mean, I was the first one tobring the drinks right.
So to say that like a concertis more fun, a sporting event is
(14:51):
more fun, a party is more funwithout alcohol, I mean you got
to try it to believe it, becauseit's not at first.
At first it just kind of sucksright, but eventually you get
used to it and you can show upwith your full energy, full self
.
So I'm having more fun.
Travel sober travel is the best.
You don't need a vacation fromyour vacation.
(15:12):
You're fully awake and alivefor that whole experience.
You're not wasting any timelaying in bed or being a little
bit foggy or buzzed.
You know wasting your time atthe swim up bar when you could
actually be going to see thewhales, right.
So sober travel has been agreat surprise.
My career, I mean really I'maligned with what I've always
(15:32):
been meant to do.
My degree is in social work andI jumped ship on that pretty
fast, went to HR, wanted to makemoney, wanted to save the world
in the way I wanted to, butthis really feels like return to
self.
And I have this, I get tocreate right.
So I have this sense of purposeand wonder every morning when I
(15:55):
wake up.
And even though I did okay inmy jobs, I was dragging myself
to work.
Michele Folan (15:59):
Heather, we're going to take a quick break and
when we come back I want to talkabout the impact on your
relationships and also yoursocial life.
Skipping breakfast or grabbinga protein bar, a salad for lunch
, an okay dinner, and you wonderwhy you're not losing weight.
Listen, I get it.
(16:19):
You're trying to be good, butmidlife metabolism doesn't work
that way.
Eating less isn't the answer.
Eating right is.
In my six-week midlife reset,I'll show you how to fuel your
body for fat loss withoutstarving yourself.
Train in a way that actuallyreshapes your body and finally
break free from the cycle offrustration.
(16:41):
But you have to take that firststep.
Doors close soon, don't wait.
Click the link in the shownotes and let's get to work.
All right, we are back.
How did your decision to quitdrinking affect your friendships
and social circles?
Were there any relationshipsthat changed?
Heather Lowe (17:03):
Yeah, absolutely.
That's such a good question.
It's kind of a tough onebecause all my relationships
changed, because I changed.
So I describe it like a family.
Systems theory is it's like amobile above a baby's crib and
all the little animals are thereand when one animal pulls down
it shifts the equilibrium.
All the animals have to startto shift to find a new
(17:24):
equilibrium I love that analogyyeah.
So the thing I wanted when Iquit drinking on on my last day
one, I just desperately wantedevery single thing in my life to
stay the same and that I wouldjust be over here quitting
drinking on the side.
Nobody looked, nobody noticedme, pay no attention.
Nothing's going to change.
I'm just going to quit drinkingand that's not the way it works
(17:52):
.
You quit drinking and you startto change.
You change in the process andyou're a different person on day
one, day 30, day 60, day 5,022,right.
So when you change, yourrelationships have to change,
and most of it has been reallybeautiful.
I got more honest with myself.
I've learned boundaries, I'veaddressed some codependency,
people-pleasing issues that I'vehad.
I'm not only what I would sayis like recovering from alcohol.
(18:13):
I'm recovering from all thesepatterns and habits that I've
had my whole life right, thathaven't been, that were just
modes of protection, probably,and now I'm able to address
everything.
So my relationships change,mostly for the better.
On my first, first, last day one, I took my drinking friends
aside one by one and apologizedthat I had to quit drinking and
(18:36):
I was so sorry, but I was notgoing to be drinking with them
anymore and I still wanted to befriends and I love them and and
I just it felt like a breakup.
It felt like this heartbreakingthing that I wasn't going to be
able to do anymore and I wasreally sorry.
I apologize which, looking back, looks silly Like this was the
best thing for me, the best,healthiest possible version of
(18:56):
myself, what is without alcohol.
How could I apologize for that?
But it was grief and letting goof that identity, letting go of
who I was and the relationshipsI had.
Some of my relationships reallyimproved.
So many people stuck by me mydrinking friends are still my
friends.
We go out it's awesome.
They are looking for mocktailmenus all over town for where we
(19:18):
go.
They've been so supportive ofme.
My relationship with mychildren and my husband has
improved so much.
I have an entire new circle offriends sober friends all over
the world.
I've been on retreats and I'vegot a huge network of people
that I've been able to get toknow.
And I say we're getting to knoweach other backwards now, like
(19:38):
we're sharing stories frommiddle school and even though we
weren't we don't have this longhistory together you can get to
know someone backwards.
So that's been really fun andalso, honestly, some friendships
fell to the wayside.
Michele Folan (19:50):
Okay, that was my next question.
So I was wondering if any ofthose friendships actually ended
because they were uncomfortablewith your decision.
Heather Lowe (20:00):
Yeah, friendships definitely ended and I can only
speak to my experience.
I don't know what it was likeon the other side, but I did
change and that changed thingsand in some instances there was
cut off and in some instancesthere was a fade away.
But either way, it's veryconfusing to exit friendships.
(20:21):
You know, when do you stopsaying happy birthday?
When do you stop sending theholiday card?
Like, how do you stop sayinghappy birthday?
When do you stop sending theholiday card?
Like, how do you be in or outof this?
Or how does this work?
It's really hard, it's verypainful and I definitely had
that.
So there's it's not like I gotsober and everything was
rainbows and unicorns.
There was a lot of pain.
(20:42):
There was a lot of pain andgrowth and healing and letting
go, and there's no one to blame.
And actually I don't even haveall the answers myself for what
happened and why, but I will sayI quit drinking and I had
friends in my life then and Iquit drinking and now they're
not in my life, which wasn'tnecessarily my choice, but it's
(21:04):
kind of the way that it playedout and that's been really hard.
Michele Folan (21:07):
So what would you say to a woman who's afraid of
being judged or feeling left outif she chooses to drink less or
not at all?
Heather Lowe (21:14):
Yeah, you have to love yourself first.
It is your only job in thisworld to take care of yourself.
That's not somebody else's job,that's yours.
And I just saw the writer,brianna Wiest.
I don't know if anybody knowsher, but she has a lot of books
that are very beautiful.
The most recent one, called theLife that's Waiting, and it's
(21:35):
laid out like read this when.
Read this when you feelunworthy.
Read this when.
Okay, there's one chapter thatsays read this when you feel
like the opinion of othersmatters too much to you.
And this chapter is onesentence long and it says the
more you like yourself, the lessyou'll need others to like you,
and the more you do that, themore they will Oof.
(21:58):
And that's the end of thechapter.
It's one sentence and I'm likethat's a book I can get into.
Michele Folan (22:04):
Yeah, right.
Heather Lowe (22:05):
Yeah, chapter day.
So I think the more you likeyourself, the less need you have
for others, and there will bepeople that understand and there
will be people that won't.
And that's not your business.
Your business is taking care ofyourself and you probably will
be judged, and that's okay.
You don't judge you, you know.
Michele Folan (22:27):
Yeah, and the other thing, Heather, is when
you love yourself and you likeyourself, because I think
there's a difference between thetwo.
Yeah, it's much easier to setboundaries around your
sovereignty, which I got thatone of my past guests, Andrea
(22:48):
DeWitt, wrote a book called NameClaim Reframe, and she talks
about your sovereignty and it'snot just about boundaries, it's
about protecting your innerperson, and so I think that is
part of this whole process.
I would love to know at whatpoint in your sobriety journey
(23:11):
did you realize that yourcalling was to help other?
Heather Lowe (23:14):
women.
I journaled every single day,starting on day two for my first
year of sobriety, and on dayseven I said I wanted to be an
addictions counselor.
I'm not sure what that meant,but I said I already knew I was
on day seven myself and Ialready knew I wanted to turn
(23:37):
around and hold my hand out tothe woman coming behind me.
And as I continued I realized Icould build exactly what I
needed that I didn't see outthere anywhere.
I was scared of AA.
I was scared of rehab.
I wasn't sure those were theright places for me.
I wasn't sure that was theright language for me.
Now I think those things wouldhave been fine, but at the time
(24:01):
I was too scared of that and soI got myself alcohol free by
journaling, meditating, movingmy body, expressing myself,
setting boundaries you know likea very holistic healing way.
And then I wanted to share thatwith other women.
I wanted them to know there's away to do this out there.
(24:21):
So I opened my doors to Ditchthe Drink about 18 months after
I got sober myself.
Michele Folan (24:29):
I would love to know what that process looked
like, because you've gottencertifications, you've you had
to do a lot of work in that 18months to be able to start to do
this.
Heather Lowe (24:39):
Yeah, absolutely so.
It started as an idea and apassion project that I was,
because so early I already knewI wanted to help people and,
like I said, it felt like areturn to self, with social work
right, like helping others feltlike a return.
But I was between jobs at thetime and so I was interviewing
and I was about to get offersfrom the same jobs that I had
(24:59):
done, that I would be good at,that I was qualified for, and
sobriety had just taught me tolisten to myself and I knew I
couldn't go back and do thethings that didn't sing my soul.
I just couldn't anymore.
That's a ticket to my sobrietyis tuning in and paying
attention.
I don't numb out what I thinkanymore.
I don't pour alcohol on mythoughts.
(25:21):
I listened to my inner voice andmy inner voice said no, that's
not for me.
So then I have a big dad voice,a husband.
I don't really think I'm goingto take these jobs and we're
used to a six figure salary,right, and I want to start this.
I want to.
I want to turn my littlepassion into project I put to
(25:43):
profit.
I want to try to start my ownbusiness and it's called Ditch
the Drink, and it started with adigital course where I put
everything together that helpedme and can we do this?
And he said, like can you makethis much money?
And like pennies, you know?
And I said I have no ideabecause I've never done this
before.
Michele Folan (26:00):
Because we don't know when we venture into this.
Heather Lowe (26:11):
And he took a big deep breath and said okay, we'll
give it a try.
And my mom was the first personto sign up for my Jumpstart
digital course, which is totallybeautiful.
So I had one student and that Istill have that digital course
anyone can take.
It's so sweet because I was soclose to early sobriety myself.
I love it.
I can't change it because nowI'm much more slick and
everything, but I am like rightthere with you because I was in
(26:32):
such early sobriety myself.
So that class is there.
But then I really wanted tocoach people one-on-one and I
knew that.
But I didn't feel like I coulddo that without the right
certification and training.
So I got trained with theInternational Association of
Professional Recovery Coaches asa life coach, as a recovery
coach.
I got a certificate ofwell-being from Yale University
(26:54):
and I got a law of attractioncoach training.
So, yeah, I armed myself withall the best training tools,
resources so that I couldprovide the best offering for
other professional women like me.
And then I started coaching.
I started opening my coachingofferings and now I have a
membership community.
(27:15):
Now I recruit other people tocoach and then I help them
launch their businesses becauseI've been successful and the
coach training teaches you to bea great coach, but it doesn't
teach you how to start abusiness, which is a different
skill.
Set right, I've been able tospeak, I've won awards.
You know, it's really grown,it's been, it's been totally
awesome.
Michele Folan (27:34):
Yeah, and you deserve the accolades because
you've you walk the walk andtalk the talk.
So I think working with a coachthat's been through the process
themselves is way moresatisfying as a client because
you have that commonality andthat connection that's so
(27:54):
beautiful Absolutely.
And what are some of thebiggest struggles or patterns
that you see among the midlifewomen you coach?
Heather Lowe (28:03):
It's the other people in our lives.
You know what it really.
What happens is we've pouredalcohol on ourselves to tolerate
the life that we have and Ithink in midlife our resentment,
all the years of resentment,start to build and we actually
have a lot of anger and we feellike we're serving our family
(28:26):
all the time, burning the candleon both ends, and we've set our
life up like this for somereason and we're mad and we're
angry and we need help, but wedon't know how to ask for that
and we don't want to rock theboat and we don't want conflict.
So we just pour alcohol onourselves and our own opinions
(28:48):
and thoughts and ideas becausewe don't want to hear them.
So when somebody first getssober, it's like dinner time is
hard because it's a witchy hourand that's what they used wine
for.
And yet you're nodding I'm sureyou're even relating to this
right, even though your kids areolder.
Michele Folan (29:01):
It's like it is tough.
It is tough.
You just said something that Iwant everyone listening to this
to rewind, like three minutesfrom when Heather started
talking about women being angryor, you know, resentful, because
(29:22):
even if you don't drink, we allhave a little bit of that.
And this is where I think wehave an opportunity in midlife
to redefine ourselves and how,like back to those boundaries.
It's what you just said.
I was like, oh, this is like sogood yeah, it's a very common
(29:47):
theme.
Heather Lowe (29:47):
It's a common theme for all of us.
Yeah, we don't know what to dowith it, because we don't want
to be mad, we want to be happy,we want to be relaxed, we want a
good time.
It won't be fun, and so wethink alcohol is the ticket to
that.
Yeah, but alcohol is us, it'sself-abandonment, it's us not
listening to ourselves, it's usnot paying attention to
ourselves, it's us putting thisliquid wall between what we
(30:11):
really feel and what we thinkwe're supposed to feel or how
we're supposed to be.
And so it's been effective fora lot of our life.
But at this age it starts tochange.
Michele Folan (30:22):
Yeah, and it's also about it drowns out that
whole purpose of asking for whatwe want.
You know.
Ask for what you want insteadof drowning yourself either with
alcohol, or you know beingdepressed or other addictions,
or you know being depressed orother addictions.
Heather Lowe (30:44):
Yeah, I found plenty.
So I think addiction is a humancondition.
For me it was alcohol, but whenI ditched the drink.
Michele, it's online shopping,it's scrolling, it's attention
seeking.
I'm definitely addicted toChapStick Like it could be
anything right.
So I think if we can justchange that word and even like,
(31:06):
say addiction, don't make it soscary.
Addiction is just like apattern of behavior that you've
used that's not helping you orthe consequences are too big.
So that could be with anything.
Recovery is just healing.
It's just the person who'shealing from those things.
But we're addicted to peoplepleasing.
We're addicted to perfectionism, we're addicted to achievement,
(31:28):
right, Yep.
So there's any number of thingsthat we can be addicted to.
I'm really grateful alcohol wasmy issue because overcoming it,
I live an awakened life andanybody who's overcome anything
feels that way.
It's like this was a beautifulwake-up call for me, because in
my life now my feet have to beso rooted in myself and my
(31:51):
values to stay this path, whichis hard.
But I'll tell you,over-drinking was also hard.
Feeling like garbage every day.
That was hard too.
It's just a different kind ofhard.
Michele Folan (32:03):
Different hard, choose your hard.
Heather Lowe (32:05):
Yeah, right, yeah, and this one, at least I can
have my head held high.
Michele Folan (32:10):
When you were first on the podcast, I posted a
picture of you when you weredrinking and then post-drinking.
It was pretty remarkable.
So, other than what peoplecould see, you know, with that
photo.
So the inflammation, thepuffiness, all of that, which is
(32:32):
very common what other physicalchanges did you feel in terms
of, like, your weight, sleep,all of that?
Heather Lowe (32:41):
Yeah.
So I didn't know how to sleepwithout alcohol.
That was scary to me.
To go to bed with my ownthoughts.
It was very hard.
I thought I needed a nightcap.
I was like a baby without abottle.
So that was a challenge, buteverything improved.
So, first of all, being somebody, I never had a sweet tooth and
I ditched the drink, and then Ibecame a sugar fiend Right, and
(33:02):
I just want everyone to knowthat's totally normal and it's
temporary.
So this isn't exactly true.
But alcohol basically turns tosugar in your body.
So when you don't have it, youcrave it, and so that's a very
normal thing in early sobriety.
And I say do whatever you gotto do.
There's different ways tostabilize your blood sugar and
different things you can eat inearly sobriety to help.
(33:22):
But also, if I couldn't havethose cherry Twizzlers in my
first six months and a hotcookie skillet at the end of
every meal, I don't think I'd besober today.
So it got me through.
Now I don't even have thatstuff.
Now I love my green juice andmy protein shakes and all that
stuff.
So my overall health improved ina lot of ways.
I eventually learned how tosleep better because I started
(33:44):
using lavender in meditation andI had to have a real nighttime
routine to calm me down becauseI was so scared to go to sleep
without alcohol.
I ran a half marathon in my 40sand I had ran half marathons
before and I had run hungovermany a time, which is harder the
older you get.
I had run hungover many a time,which is harder the older you
get, but I ran a race and I cutmy time down by like a minute
(34:08):
and 10 seconds per mile.
Oh wow.
So there was a significantchange in my fitness levels.
I think the thing that mattersto me most is I was on high
blood pressure pills and both myparents had high blood pressure
, so some of it is hereditaryand it scared me.
I was a little young to be onthem and when I quit drinking I
no longer take those pills, I nolonger have high blood pressure
(34:30):
.
So that feels like the mostimportant thing.
That picture, those pictures,tons of pictures.
You will see there is asignificant physical change.
Like you said, the bloating,puffiness, it's just so obvious.
So that's what I say too Isalcohol poison?
Look at these pictures.
It's very obvious that alcoholis not good for you.
(34:51):
When you see, my body was sodehydrated I was hanging on to
every bit of water that I couldright.
That's the water retention andyou can see it.
My eyes I didn't recognizemyself in the mirror.
I had these dead eyes thatadded weight and puffiness, did
not look good on me and so, yeah, I'm just so much healthier and
vibrant, but I will say this,my weight hasn't changed
(35:15):
Interesting.
So my body looks totallydifferent, right, and I have
muscle and I have tone and myyoga practice I mean I can still
do the splits and all thatstuff, so, which I'm very proud
of as a mom girl.
Michele Folan (35:28):
I feel like I've done the splits in sixth grade.
It's one of my best partytricks.
Heather Lowe (35:37):
I'm pretty proud of that.
I'm glad I have a podcast whereI can share that.
So, yeah, I mean there's been alot of improvements, but it
didn't necessarily show on thescale for me.
But I'll tell you, all of myclients have those pictures too.
All my clients have thosebefore and afters.
And it's private.
A lot of people want to beprivate about it, so I can't
last them on social media.
I wish I could, because they'resuch beautiful transformations.
(36:00):
But it's not just me, it'severyone.
You've seen it yourself withinyourself, even Michele.
So if you want to use vanity asa reason to ditch the drink,
it's a very good reason.
Absolutely go for it, right.
Michele Folan (36:15):
So I have clients that have lost some significant
weight and I can't get them toshare pictures with me either.
They don't want to share thosebefore pictures and I'm like but
look where you've come, I'llblack out your face.
No one will know it's you, butit's such a private thing, and I
(36:37):
understand that, so I'm cool.
Can you share a client successstory that really stuck with you
?
Heather Lowe (36:45):
Oh my gosh, literally I love coaching and
you do too, because we'recoaches, right, I'm the biggest
fan.
I'm totally biased.
It's the greatest thing.
I witness transformation everysingle day, and sometimes it's
subtle.
Sometimes it's subtle.
I have a client who we just dothis as women, right.
She used cloth napkins andthere's one that's a little bit
(37:06):
stained or ripped and every dayshe would sit the table and give
herself the worst napkin.
She's also the only one that'sgoing to notice this napkin.
So, with working together andbuilding her confidence and her
self-esteem and her self-love,she started giving herself the
best napkin and secretly towhoever was bothering her most
that day, giving them thatlittle napkin oh, I love it.
(37:29):
It just has a little secretsymbol, right.
But my clients, they get soberand then they, like some, go
back to work after years ofbeing at home.
One became a swim instructor.
She loves swimming.
She became a swim coach, whichwas like her dream come true.
They are traveling.
One just got a baby grand pianowith all the money she saved,
treated herself.
They're going on these dreamvacations.
(37:51):
They are changing their careers, their fitness levels and
height, new heights that they'rereaching with that it's, it's
every single day.
There's like the big wow things, but there's also the the more
subtle, like I just set aboundary.
I just I'm doing holidaysdifferently this year and I just
(38:11):
stood up to myself, to my mom,who I've never done that before.
Or I don't let my kids walk allover me anymore, and this feels
good, I treated myself to thatbefore.
Or I don't let my kids walk allover me anymore, and this feels
good.
I treated myself to that spotty, to that overnight in that
hotel.
Now I know-.
Michele Folan (38:23):
By myself.
Heather Lowe (38:24):
Yeah, by myself.
Michele Folan (38:25):
And it's two nights, not one.
You know what I mean.
Heather Lowe (38:28):
I'm going to that between I'm prioritizing myself
and making my life beautifulbecause I want to and I love
that.
So it's just a shift ofpriorities and they're putting
themselves at the top, andsometimes there's the big wow,
milestone days and sometimesthere's just the little subtle
shifts about I'm not going totake an overtake on this work at
(38:51):
work, because I'm getting closeto burnout and that's not an
option for me anymore, so I'mnot going to do that.
Or I'm going to go for a walkinstead of do this.
I'm going to do holidaysdifferent.
I'm going to delegate and askfor help, whatever that looks
like.
It's truly amazing.
Michele Folan (39:04):
You know Leigh, who I just had on my podcast.
She talked about the first timeshe went on vacation it was
with a group of family friendsand how she would go to her room
at night and cry because shecouldn't partake in the
festivities.
And I would imagine that firstvacation, that first holiday,
(39:27):
those first milestone events thewedding, whatever it is that
you go to, where you're notdrinking, can be really
difficult.
How have your clients been ableto get through those times?
Heather Lowe (39:42):
Yeah, Well, it probably can't be done without
tears.
I will admit that, myselfincluded.
My first spring break I wasthree weeks alcohol-free and it
was pretty touch and go with themargaritas and the Jimmy
Buffett music, and we'll see ifI was going to be able to make
it right.
So I feel you.
My coaching includes unlimitedtext and email support and so,
(40:06):
as well as a 24-7 app andcommunity.
So there's people that get it,and I think that is the secret
sauce.
I think that is what reallymakes or breaks certain cravings
or certain situations, and weset up a plan.
If it's a wedding, it's like howare you going to walk in?
Let's visualize.
Let's visualize how you want tolook in.
(40:26):
You're going to look amazing inyour spray tan and that hot
dress.
You're going to feel good aboutyourself.
This is how you're going toprep yourself.
You're going to do your walk inthe morning.
You're going to do yourjournaling.
You're going to do your routine.
So you walk in feeling amazing.
You're going to bring your owndrink right.
You're going to make sure youhave a really beautiful, fancy
drink.
We're going to practice whatyou're going to say when
somebody says oh, you're notdrinking.
(40:47):
We're going to practice whatthat looks like.
We're going to leave wheneveryou want and you don't have to
stay the whole time, and it isgoing to look different than
when you were the drunkenbridesmaid.
If you're me, the weddingdoesn't look like that anymore,
(41:09):
and that's okay.
Also, I usually have a retreat,a little treat, waiting for me
back in the room.
Am I going to get ice cream?
Or am I going to pop thatalcohol-free champagne when I
get there?
Or do I have a really specialface mask to put on before bed
and then something the nextmorning?
Right, am I going to do amassage while I'm at that hotel
and have that to look forward to?
(41:31):
So there's all sorts of ways,but we definitely have a plan.
We visualize their support,community accountability,
hearing from others and whatthey've done.
Just like Thanksgiving was onewhere every time we had to check
the turkey, we were likechecking in with each other.
You know what I mean.
Like setting in these littlecheckpoints because that's a
(41:52):
dopamine hit, to say I'm doingit.
Thumbs up, high five, keepgoing.
It's just like running a raceright when you've got those
people on the path to cheer youon.
There's nothing you can't do.
You can do even the hard stuff.
Michele Folan (42:04):
Oh, I love the community piece of this.
I think that's brilliant onyour part to have that, because
then people always know they'vegot a little bit of a lifeline,
so that's really awesome, I loveit.
Heather Lowe (42:16):
Yeah, we meet every week and talk about it so
we can prepare together, right?
And then you know you've gotjust a group of cheerleaders
literally in your pocket becauseit's an app that are cheering
you on and like hoping that itgoes well, and they're going to
find out about it next week.
Oh that's great.
Michele Folan (42:31):
And then you know what I just thought of and this
wasn't on my list of questions.
This thought of and this wasn'ton my list of questions.
I would love it if you puttogether a list of some of your
favorite non-alcohol beverages,Because I know you were a big
wine drinker before.
What do you gravitate towardnow?
So you don't have to come upwith your list now, but if you
(42:54):
can come up with four or fiveideas for people I know, I'm
always very appreciative of nothaving to invest in that $15,
$20 bottle of non-alcoholic wineand then pour it down the drain
.
Heather Lowe (43:06):
Yeah, A lot is garbage.
I get it.
It's terrible.
Some of it's really terrible.
I have a ton of blogs aboutthis I will curate a list for
you and your listeners for sureand I've got everything from
like the best value to somethingthat's super expensive, more
expensive and everything inbetween.
Honestly, they're gettingbetter than what they used to be
.
So if you've tried it and thatliked it but I think it does
(43:28):
help to be steered in the rightdirection to some definite good
things.
In general I will say anythingwith sparkles or bubbles is
typically better, because thatcarbonation and the bubbles kind
of mask gives you that tickleon the tongue like a drink would
, and kind of masks what like astill drink would have.
So, in general, somethingthat's white and something
(43:50):
that's sparkly is probably bestor closest to what you're used
to.
But there are good other thingsas well and there are certain
brands, certain makers that youknow the best and I'll share
that for sure.
Michele Folan (44:03):
I knew you would be a great resource for this.
So thank you for that, becausemy beverage of choice in the
evenings I do a spin drift and Iput a little splash of
cranberry in it and then a sliceof lime and that's kind of my
instead of the wine when I'mcooking.
Heather Lowe (44:20):
That's what I do typically, that's a great
replacement and I love to thinkof that too.
It's not giving up something,it's an exchange.
You're not giving up drinking.
And actually I teased.
I was like after the holidays Ican't believe I called myself
Ditch the Drink because I hadbefore dinner drinks.
I called myself ditch the drinkbecause I had before dinner
drinks.
I had during dinner drinks andI had after dinner drinks.
(44:40):
I hosted and I probably drankmore than anybody in my whole
house.
How can I call myself ditch thedrink?
All I do is drink.
It doesn't have to have alcohol, so thinking in exchange
instead of deprivation is just aperfect thought.
Michele Folan (44:56):
Yeah, you know, back when you?
Yeah, back when I was going outto dinner, having a cocktail
before dinner, a glass of wine.
With dinner, instead of havingdessert, I'd have another glass
of wine.
Heather Lowe (45:07):
Me too.
That was my thing, for sure.
Michele Folan (45:10):
So I'm like, oh, I'm not having dessert, so I'll
have another glass of wine.
Oh God, no wonder, I felt likeshit all the time.
Okay, you recently launched I'mgoing to say this correctly
Parapetia.
Yeah, yeah, yay, I said itcorrectly.
Okay, heather has a podcast,and I'm like so amazed, like,
(45:32):
okay, let's just, you know, packyour dance card.
What inspired you to start apodcast and what kind of
conversations are you having?
Heather Lowe (45:43):
Oh my gosh, thanks for asking the Parapetia
podcast.
Parapetia means a sudden changein circumstances or events, or
like a curveball.
So one of my dreams was well,even when I was little, I
started a little business frommy closet called Dare to Dream
DTD.
So when I started Ditch theDrink, I was doing it in a bonus
(46:03):
room in my house, which is alsomy closet.
So it was kind of serendipitousthat I'm like this is my third
grade self.
It's come true.
Now I've got DTD right.
Another one of my little dreamswas Oprah Winfrey to be Oprah
Winfrey, to have a talk show forwomen.
And we moved from Wisconsin toChicago because my husband loved
the Chicago Bears and I lovedOprah Winfrey.
(46:24):
So here we are and so I justalways wanted to interview.
I'm fascinated by stories andstorytelling.
I think it's so healing.
And I'm fascinated by peopleand I'm fascinated by women and
there are things we need to talkabout and things to bring out
in the open and sobriety, thisrecovery out loud, kind of
philosophy about like, let'stalk about it, you don't have to
(46:45):
keep it in silence.
And I was terrified to do a I'msober Facebook announcement.
I was terrified to go onLinkedIn and say I'm a sober
coach now what were people goingto think of me?
Right?
But it's been really healing totalk about it out loud.
So I wanted a platform really totrick the people that I love,
like authors, people I admire tocome have a conversation with
(47:07):
me, and it totally workedbecause I've got like amazing
people all my favorite people onmy podcast and so it's not a
sobriety podcast, it's just apodcast about women and their
stories.
So I've got issues fromliterally everything, from
overcoming anxiety,perfectionism, I've got
(47:27):
storytelling and the storiesthat we tell ourselves coming
out later today.
I've got sober stories and I'vegot like body image and eating
disorder stories.
Got sober stories and I've gotlike body image and eating
disorder stories I've got I justcan't even think so.
It started as a pilot projectjust to see what I thought, if I
enjoyed it.
I did 12 episodes, askedeverybody that I wanted to come
(47:48):
on, to come on, and I liked itso much that now I'm in season
two, season two is wrapping upand there's going to be a season
three.
Fantastic, congratulations.
Yes, thank you.
Michele Folan (48:00):
I love it.
I love it and I love thepremise, because everybody's got
a story.
Heather Lowe (48:05):
Yeah, right, and we're all overcoming something,
yeah.
Michele Folan (48:09):
Yeah, something else you said is about it's okay
to talk about it.
Yeah, let's get this out in theopen let's talk about it's okay
to talk about it.
Yeah, let's get this out in theopen, let's talk about it.
It is very uncomfortableeverybody listening.
It's very uncomfortable whatHeather and I do, because we are
exposing a side of ourselvesthat we've always kept very
(48:33):
private, whether it's our weightor drinking or whatever it is.
And the reason Heather shares,and even I share, is because
maybe one of you will identifywith the story and maybe that
(48:54):
will be what you need to feelbrave and to take action to do
something better for yourself.
I love that yeah.
Did I do okay on that one.
Heather Lowe (49:05):
It's okay to reach out for help.
We don't have it.
We don't have it together.
We don't have to have ittogether and ask somebody who
has what you want and has beenwhere you are.
I think strong, independentwomen, that asking for help
heart or investing in ourselvesfor coaching or whatever it is,
is our own hurdle to overcome.
But I would recommendbreakthrough.
(49:26):
Get some help.
It's the best thing you can do.
And all the top athletes, topperformers, top politicians, top
business executives, topcelebrities everybody has a
coach.
It's not for losers.
Everybody who wants to be theirbest has a coach.
Oh, I know A jar can't read itsown label.
Get a coach.
I mean, whether that's Micheleor I or anyone, just know that
(49:48):
asking for help is the strongest, best, smartest thing to do.
It doesn't have to be a lastresort.
Michele Folan (49:54):
You know two things with that, like you were
saying.
I mean, almost every coach hasa coach, so let's put that one
on the back burner, because thatone is.
I know that for a fact andyou're correct Most successful
people have some form of a coach, but don't think of it as like
a coach, like a teacher, as muchas it is a partner.
(50:17):
It's somebody that's just goingto link arms with you, meet you
where you are because I thinkthat's really important and just
walk with you to take thisjourney forward.
So, yeah, all right.
So I was just.
I was going to ask you what'sone small step that you would
suggest women take today who aresober, curious Set up that
(50:41):
complimentary call, okay, I mean, I think that's.
Yeah, set up a complimentarycall.
Heather Lowe (50:47):
I have a free guide actually it's journal
prompts and information tochange your life, to make any
sort of change.
So download that free guide.
Just start getting curious.
Do your change?
So download that free guide.
Just start getting curious.
Do your research, but take thenext step.
If you've been like lurking andscrolling on Instagram with
somebody, let's say, set up thecall with them, download their
guide.
Like, do the guide, don't justdownload it.
(51:08):
Then answer the questions, dothe assignments and keep going
like that 1% forward each day.
Right, do something differenttoday and a little bit more
today.
But you will see your resultsaccelerated so fast when you
link arms and start working withsomebody for sure?
Michele Folan (51:25):
Yeah, this is a personal question.
What is one of your self-carenon-negotiables?
Alone time?
Heather Lowe (51:35):
And for me that often looks like a walk in the
woods, okay, but leave me alone.
Honestly, I need some.
My, all my people, who I loveso dearly, are always on top of
me.
God bless, I've created it thatway because I'm needy in
attention and love and affection, but I also need alone time so
that I make sure to get that in.
So my relationship with theonly place I can hear myself is
(51:57):
when I'm not around all thosepeople that I love so much right
.
Michele Folan (52:01):
Yeah, that's a good one.
Okay, heather Lowe, where canpeople find you?
Heather Lowe (52:07):
DitchTheDrinkcom.
Come to my website, ditch theDrink on Instagram, Facebook,
Linkedin, Pinterest and checkout the Parapetia podcast.
It's also on my website.
If you don't know how to spellParapetia, I don't blame you.
Hopefully Michele will put itin the show notes, but it's also
on Apple, Spotify, anywhere youlisten to podcasts.
I'd love to have you hear mystories, and maybe one of you
(52:29):
has a story that you want toshare as well.
Michele Folan (52:31):
Oh yeah, I'm sure they do.
Heather Lowe, thank you forbeing here today.
It's always so much fun.
Thank you, Michele.
I adore you.
Hey, thanks for tuning in.
Please rate and review the showwhere you listen to the podcast
.
And did you know that Askingfor a Friend is available now to
listen on YouTube?
(52:51):
You can subscribe to thepodcast there as well.
Your support is appreciated andit helps others find the show.
Thank you.
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