May 20, 2025 • 47 mins
Feeling like you’re doing everything right—but still not feeling like yourself?
This episode of Asking for a Friend is sponsored by Better Help - https://betterhelp.com/askingforafriend
In this powerful episode of Asking for a Friend, I’m joined by Courtney Townley—health coach, creator of the Grace & Grit podcast, and a fierce advocate for midlife women ready to ditch diet culture and reclaim their power.
Courtney breaks down why the outdated “eat less, move more” advice is failing women over 40—and what to do instead. With a background as a professional dancer turned wellness expert, she shares how true health in midlife has less to do with restriction and more to do with self-leadership, resilience, and rewriting the rules that were never made with us in mind.
We dive into:
💥 Why your hormones and stress response are shifting (and how to adapt)
💥 What self-leadership really means—and how it changes everything
💥 How to stop outsourcing your health and start leading from within
This isn’t another plan to follow. It’s a mindset shift—and it’s exactly what you’ve been craving.
🎧 Hit play to hear the conversation that just might change how you think about health—for good.
You can find Courtney Townley at https://graceandgrit.com/
Look for her book launching in November 2025! The Consistency Code: A Midlife Woman's Guide to Deep Health and Happiness
This episode of Asking for a Friend is sponsored by Better Help. Get 10% off your first month of therapy at https://betterhelp.com/askingforafriend
_________________________________________
Are you ready to reclaim your midlife body and health? I went through my own personal journey through menopause, the struggle with midsection weight gain, and feeling run-down. Faster Way, a transformative six-week group program, set me on the path to sustainable change. I'd love to work with you! Let me help you reach your health and fitness goals.
https://www.fasterwaycoach.com/?aid=MicheleFolan
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mfolanfasterway@gmail.com
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Michele Folan (00:00):
This episode of Asking for a Friend is sponsored
by BetterHelp.
Let's be honest midlife is aseason of transition, whether
it's changes in your body, yourrelationships, your career or
just the weight of trying tohold it all together.
Sometimes you need more than agood walk or event session with
a friend.
You need a safe space and atrained professional to help you
(00:22):
process it all, and that'swhere therapy can be a game
changer.
Betterhelp makes gettingstarted simple.
Just fill out a briefquestionnaire and get matched
with a therapist in as little as48 hours.
You can message your therapistanytime and schedule sessions
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(00:42):
rooms and if you don't clickwith your first match, you can
switch therapists to find theright fit.
With a 4.5 star rating onTrustpilot and thousands of
positive reviews, betterhelp isa convenient, trusted option for
those ready to take a steptoward better mental health.
Visit betterhelp.
com forward slashaskingforafriend for a 10%
(01:05):
discount off your first monthand take the first step today.
Therapy isn't just for crisismoments.
It's for anyone who wants tofeel better, think clearer and
navigate life with moreconfidence Health, wellness,
fitness and everything inbetween.
(01:26):
We're removing the taboo fromwhat really matters in midlife.
I'm your host, Michelle Folan,and this is Asking for a Friend.
Welcome to the show.
One thing that I see that holdswomen back in their fitness
journeys are the damagingremnants of diet culture, and I
(01:49):
want to address the most commonmistakes midlife women are
making when it comes to theirhealth and how we can shift from
chasing quick fixes tocultivating sustainable, soul
aligned well-being.
Today's guest is someone I'veadmired for a long time Courtney
Townley.
She's a health andself-leadership coach, the voice
(02:10):
behind the Grace and Gritpodcast and a true powerhouse
when it comes to helping womenreclaim their vitality and
rewrite the narrative of what itmeans to be healthy in this
chapter of life.
Courtney brings over twodecades of experience in the
wellness space, but what setsher apart is how she blends
physical health with emotionalresilience and mindset work.
(02:32):
In this episode, we talk abouther own career evolution, her
health journey and the boldmission she's on to help women
rise in their second act, notshrink.
Courtney Townley, welcome toAsking for a Friend.
Courtney Townley (02:46):
Michelle, I'm so happy to be here.
Thanks for having me.
Michele Folan (02:48):
Well, I want to start first with you kind of
laying the groundwork of who youare, where you're from all that
good stuff.
Courtney Townley (02:57):
Okay, yeah, so I come from a small town.
I actually people will hearthis and think, oh, that's you
know, I know that place.
That's not that small.
I grew up in Jackson Hole,wyoming.
But the thing I want to prefaceis that it was Jackson Hole
before.
It was Jackson Hole right, itwas really small town, wyoming.
It wasn't the really ritzy,glorious, fancy place it is
today.
It's still glorious.
(03:17):
But yeah, I grew up.
My stepfather was a veterinarian, my mom was a nurse and I
wanted to do nothing with mytime but dance.
I literally came out of thewomb.
Dancing, that's all I had aheart for and I took it really
far.
I went to college on a dancescholarship.
I was in a dance company whileI was in college and the
(03:39):
beautiful thing about that wasnumber one.
I was doing what I loved.
But I also got to be exposed.
I was exposed to so muchconditioning and what I mean
like physical conditioning, likehow do we actually optimize the
performance of the human body?
And as graduation wasapproaching from college, I was
starting to really understandthat probably my career with the
(04:03):
company I was with was notgoing to put food on the table.
I wasn't making a lot of money.
Right, it wasn't a lucrativeprofession, probably more so now
.
I think dancers are beingtreated better today than they
were 30 years ago.
But I did realize thatsomething had to give and I
probably needed to go find otherwork.
So I kept dancing but Iultimately decided.
(04:24):
Somebody actually threw thisidea out to me.
I was doing Pilates classes asa part of my dance training and
one of my friends said hey, youknow, there's a school up in
Toronto, toronto Canada I wasliving in Michigan at the time
and you can get certified in ayear and I think you'd be great
at it.
And I had been teaching fitnessclasses all through college.
(04:45):
So I was like, oh, that makessense and I could make money
teaching fitness, like make acareer out of it.
Michele Folan (04:50):
I have to ask you this is something that I mean.
Of course, I've heard ofPilates, but 30 years ago.
Courtney Townley (04:57):
Oh yes.
So, Michele, I have thisamazing knack for falling into
things and talking about thingslong before they're mainstream.
I don't know why.
It's like been my whole life,but yes, I was introduced to
Pilates long before it was likethe buzzword that it is today.
But what was cool about that isI ended up going to get
certified in this year-longprogram and I think it was like
(05:19):
four months into my training.
The owner of the company, whichwas Moira Stott is one of the
biggest companies out there.
She came up to me after classand she said hey, Courtney, we
want you to come work for us.
Like we'd love you to startcertifying trainers for us.
And I was like, hang on asecond, I'm not even certified
yet.
Like I have, you know, eightmonths left in my training.
She said I understand that, butlet's just like continue your
(05:42):
training with the idea thatyou'll stay here in Canada and
you will work for us at leastfor a few years after your
program's done.
So, considering everything thatwent into that, I was going to
have to get a work visa, all thethings.
They took care of all that forme.
And the cool thing is theystarted sending me all over
North America to certifytrainers and I had to go to all
(06:02):
kinds of conferences where I gotexposed to all these different
methodologies and supplementsand things that people were
teaching to help optimize humanperformance.
And I just lit up because I'mlike, oh my gosh, pilates is
like a little pebble in an ocean, right, there's just so much.
And so I ended up the dollar atthe time, the Canadian dollar
(06:23):
was not such a strong thing andI finally realized, you know,
I'm probably going to make abetter living if I go back to
the States.
And anyway, in a roundabout way, I ended up deciding to finally
go get some education aroundnutrition, because I was
realizing that so many of mystudents they weren't really
coming to learn Pilates, theywere learning.
(06:45):
They were coming because theywanted to feel better, yeah
Right, and I wasn't equippedwith all the things they needed
to be doing outside of the gym,in the studio, right.
So I wanted to get moreinformation.
So I got my personal trainingcertificate.
I started doing a lot morestrength training with clients.
I went through nutritionprograms and started to realize
(07:08):
that it was really a wholeenchilada.
Wellness was a whole enchilada.
It was the sleep and it was thestress management and it was
the hydration and all the things, and that was well and good.
And I then fell into this worldof fat loss.
Because fat loss is such acommon topic among women, like
it's the, it's the thing thatthey seem to want to talk about
the most.
It was really lucrative.
(07:29):
I made a great living.
I helped a lot of people losean awful lot of weight and then
I realized this is awesome untilit's not like people will lose
a lot of weight and then they'reregaining it.
What the heck Right?
So that kind of had, you know.
Know, I always say that mywellness journey has, in the
professional and personal sense,has been like the proverbial
(07:50):
onion.
I just kept peeling back layersand I still am to this very day
.
But that was a layer for me ofrealizing.
Hang on a second.
I know the mechanics.
I can give people thisunderstanding of nutrition and
exercise to strip fat off thehuman body.
But what am I missing here?
Because people can't seem tomaintain it as an ongoing thing,
and so that really got mecurious about the psychology of
(08:15):
wellness, and that opened up awhole can of worms, because
psychology is hugely connectedto emotions and health just
became this more and moreexpansive thing.
Michele Folan (08:26):
So let me ask you a question how old were you at
this point?
Because it sounds like you'vebeen doing this for years, right
, yeah, so where were you inyour age at this point?
Courtney Townley (08:38):
When I started moving into the mindset piece.
Yeah, I would say it wasn'treally until I was in my late
30s so I'm almost 50.
And it was probably when I wasaround, I'm guessing, around 37,
38 years old, where I wasreally starting to get that.
I had had my son at 35.
And I will tell you that was aneye-opening moment because I
(08:59):
had a really traumatic birth andmotherhood slapped me upside
the head, like had a reallytraumatic birth, and motherhood
slapped me upside the head LikeI did not waltz into motherhood,
I face planted into motherhood.
And all of my loved ones and myfamily and friends and my
clients they came to see me likeliterally right after giving
birth and all anybody wanted totalk about was how good my body
looked Like.
(09:19):
Oh, my God, you lost your babyweight so fast.
And in my head I don't know ifI can cuss on this show but I
was like what the fuck?
I am struggling on every levelmentally, emotionally,
physically and all you want totalk about is how I look.
Something is really messed upand I had always been working
with midlife women becausemidlife women had a little bit
(09:43):
more time and interest.
They were struggling morephysically than a lot of my
younger counterparts.
A lot of them had a little bitmore income to invest in their
wellness.
So the midlife population wasalways my center.
So working with that populationand also having my own epiphany
that, oh my God, we have thisso wrong.
This isn't about fixing ourbody, it's about fixing our
(10:04):
lives.
Yeah, right, and so that wasreally the impetus that pushed
me into getting more educationand understanding around the
mindset piece and our self-imageand just approaching health so
incredibly differently.
Michele Folan (10:20):
And what I'm hearing you say is that this
mindset shift is really aboutredefining what health is.
Absolutely For women in thisstage of life.
Courtney Townley (10:32):
Absolutely Right.
It's one of the first questionsI ask my clients.
I say to them what does healthmean to you?
And most women have never beenasked that question, right?
They think, and they'll say tome something like well, it means
weight loss, right, or it meansthat I'm going to have better
cardiovascular health.
I'm like okay, but let's godeeper.
What is health really to you,right?
Michele Folan (10:53):
And so I poke on that question a lot and there's
this whole philosophy ofreclaiming our power in midlife,
yeah Right, do you find thatthat is really the baseline,
like we need to first reclaimour power in order for us to
start to do the other healingand to get where we want to?
Courtney Townley (11:16):
be yes, and I think both of those questions.
What is health andunderstanding your power at
midlife?
They go hand in hand and I'llsay this.
So to me, health at this stageof my career and my personal
life is really that return towholeness.
It's reclaiming your whole self, not just your physiology, but
(11:36):
who you want to be in the worldday to day.
And power is the thing thatwill make that possible.
And power is an interesting wordbecause a lot of women hear
that word and they're like,because they think of, like
power over.
They think of someonedominating, they think of you
know false power, manipulation,coercion, those kinds of things.
(11:57):
True power at its core is yourability to influence your
thoughts, your mind, yourbehavior in order to get to
where you want to go.
That's what power is.
Power is also I love this wayof thinking about it it's a
vitality barometer.
It's the impetus for life.
How much life do you feel thereis in your life right now?
(12:21):
And if you don't feel likethere's much, we need to have
the power conversation.
It's like a battery.
I always think of the image ofthe battery on your phone, like
dropping down into the red zone.
We need to get it into thegreen zone and optimize that.
Michele Folan (12:33):
Courtney, do you find that there are women that
you work with and I'm sayingthis because I see this very
often is some of the firstconversations I need to have is
to almost give women permissionthat it's okay to prioritize
yourself, it's okay to go onthis health journey, because
(12:57):
they are so used to being sobeholden to everyone else they
forgot about themselves.
Absolutely.
Courtney Townley (13:05):
Absolutely.
The attention has been sooutward facing that it feels
uncomfortable and even wrong.
Like women feel guilty about itto turn in, and it's so
important, and the thing that Ialways stress and I'm sure you
do too right is that you thinkyou're showing up in these
spaces and places in a powerfulway, but if you're neglecting
(13:27):
yourself in the process of doingthat, you're leaving.
You're not showing up in themost powerful way, and so it
really is not a should like I.
It's because women use thatlanguage a lot.
Right, I should take bettercare of myself.
No, you must take better care ofyourself, and it's not a have
to, it's an absolute get to,because it's so much more than a
(13:51):
bikini ready body or whateverthe image is that we have of
health.
It really is infusing yourbeing with your most full
expression.
That's what health allows youto do.
It allows you to be most fullyexpressed in the world, and your
expression is never going toexist again.
(14:12):
It's here, it's a one-time dealand if you do not use it in
this lifetime, it'll never existagain.
Like what a bummer to notoptimize that I love this.
Michele Folan (14:23):
I love it too, I love it so much.
Yeah, I love this.
Courtney, we're going to take aquick break and we come back.
I want to talk about dietculture.
Hey friend, may I ask yousomething?
How much longer are you goingto put this off If you're over
50 and waking up tired,frustrated with your body and
wondering why nothing you'vetried is working anymore?
(14:45):
You are so not alone.
But it doesn't have to be thisway.
The old rules of more cardio,fewer calories are broken.
They don't work in midlife.
The Faster Way to Fat Loss does.
As your coach, I'll help youbuild strength, fuel your body
with real food and finally feelin control of your health again.
(15:07):
No extremes, no guesswork, justa strategy that works for women
like us.
So really, how long are yougoing to wait to feel like
yourself again?
Hit the link in the show notesand let's do this together.
Hit the link in the show notesand let's do this together.
We are back.
You have been a vocal critic ofthe pitfalls of diet culture,
(15:33):
and why do you think it's beenparticularly harmful to midlife
women?
Courtney Townley (15:39):
Oh, so many reasons.
I mean, let me start here.
I think that one of the biggestissues with diet culture is
that we are allowing someoneelse to set the standard for our
life.
That's always problematicbecause it's not something I
decide.
I didn't decide, maybeconsciously and for great reason
, that I wanted to be smaller,but because it's the pervading
(16:03):
message of what I should be outthere, that that's what I'm just
following.
So I think that that's aproblem.
I'm sort of outsourcing thegoals for my life rather than
insourcing them.
That's always a problem.
The other thing is, if you thinkabout the chemistry of midlife,
oh, this is such a like this isa whole podcast in and of
itself.
(16:23):
Oh, I know, this is meaty, Ilove it though.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So basic understanding ofmidlife chemistry and again,
this is really boiling it downto the bare bones is that we are
losing the very hormones thathelp us to manage stress.
Okay, so our stress toleranceis declining at a time where we
have more stress than we've everexperienced in our life because
(16:46):
we're in the throes of ourcareer, we have kids maybe
leaving the house, we're havingrelationship challenges, we have
aging parents, we're worriedabout retirement.
I mean, dear Lord, right, theresponsibilities that we have
are really piled on at midlife,and then estrogen and
progesterone are leaving theparty, yeah and it's like no.
(17:10):
I need you now more than ever,and so I always call midlife the
renovation years, because ifyou are unwilling to renovate
how you are living, you willimplode, and menopause is very
clear about this.
We see some women get bulldozedthrough it very clear about
this.
We see some women get bulldozedthrough it and we see some
women traveling through it, Idon't want to say with no issues
, but certainly with lesssuffering.
(17:30):
And a big part of that is goingto be how you conduct your life
and the decisions you make.
So back to the diet piece,because I want to make this
clear this old school model eatless, exercise more in a life
that is already contending withlots of stress and losing the
very hormones that help us tomanage stress.
Guess what?
(17:50):
Lower calories and moreexercises it's even more stress
In a body that can handle it.
Sometimes it's a good thing.
In a body that's already brokendown, on the edge of burnout,
it's a recipe for disaster.
And you watch women do this.
They keep banging their headagainst the brick wall of diet
culture and they're like whyisn't anything working?
Nothing's working right andit's like yeah, because the
(18:12):
whole system is broken.
It's not you, it's the ideologybehind diet culture that's a
problem.
And let me just say this beforewe go on that I really move
from the premise that deephealth because deep health is
really what I am encouraging myclients to find it's not just
physical health, it's the mentalhealth, emotional health, the
relationship health, it's thewhole thing.
(18:33):
And in order to pursue that, wereally have to get radically
honest with ourselves about ourtotal stress load and the
strategies that we are using tomanage that stress load, because
I think a lot of women aren'tbeing realistic with themselves
on those two fronts and they'regetting themselves into deeper
trouble.
Michele Folan (18:55):
Yeah, you will spin your wheels.
You will continue to spin yourwheels if you don't address some
of the underlying stuff first.
Right, yeah, and you know, I'vewatched some influencers out
there and they talk about thingslike HRT as being, you know,
the panacea.
(19:15):
Right, and I'm on HRT and youknow I always tell everybody.
Courtney Townley (19:21):
It has a place .
Michele Folan (19:22):
Sure, yeah, not everybody can use HRT, right,
not everybody's a candidate, butwe have to learn to manage some
of this stuff externallywithout the use of HRT.
So can you talk about that a?
Courtney Townley (19:38):
little bit.
Yeah, it's interesting.
I love that you're bringingthis up, because I think that we
love this idea that there's onesolution Like if I just do this
one thing, it's going to solveall these problems, and it's
like well, HRT is a supportmechanism.
It is not the mechanism.
The mechanism for deep healthis actually taking ownership of
(20:00):
your choices and making surethat you're making more
decisions that nourish you thandeplete you, and if you're not
doing that foundational work,HRT is going to have a very
difficult time helping to do itsjob right.
It's helping to bolster you,not to say it might not help you
slightly, but it's not the onlything that is going to help you
(20:23):
in midlife and, like you said,a lot of women aren't candidates
.
So, while not everyone is acandidate for HRT, everyone is a
candidate for taking ownershipof their life and ownership of
what's working and what isn't,and nobody gets to escape that
level of work without severeconsequences.
Like HRT can't save you fromnot doing that work.
(20:46):
Right.
You all are getting some toughlove today, so I just want you I
know and I say I really do wantto express, because I do tend
to be so passionate about itit's all coming from a place of
love.
I just wish women could all seethat there's so much BS that
we're being sold and I don'twant to say I mean, we are
partly to blame because we buyin, and I get why we buy in.
(21:09):
We buy in because we're sodesperate to feel better that
we'll almost try anything tofeel better.
But anything that's telling youthat it's a one thing like you
just need this one thing, that'sa red flag to me, right?
And anyone who is selling yousomething that doesn't actually
include you learning how to leadyour own life in a more
(21:32):
power-filled way is alsoprobably selling you snake oil.
Because here's the thing we canwork with helpers of the world.
We can work with therapists anddoctors and trainers and
nutritionists and all theamazing people, but we're not
going to be with those peoplethe rest of our life.
So I always say to my clientsat some point you have to stop
being the follower and becomethe leader.
We have to be leading ourselvesoutside of those relationships
(21:57):
to figure out what works for usand how can I sustain this in
the long term, because thisperson's not always going to be
walking next to me, right?
Michele Folan (22:05):
You do talk about self-leadership a lot, a lot.
That's your thing.
So how do you think thatapproach differs from some
traditional health coachingmethods?
Courtney Townley (22:17):
Well, I think so many health coaching methods
are follow my wisdom right,follow these steps, follow this
meal plan, follow thissupplement protocol.
It's follow, follow, followright and pay me for my wisdom.
I always tell my clients look,I will be your coach only until
you are ready to take the balland run with it on your own
(22:40):
right.
But my whole goal is to getfired, like I hate to.
I mean that sounds terrible.
But I want a client to be in aspace and place where they feel
so confident with how they'reshowing up in their own life
that they can say to me hey,courtney, I think we're done
here.
Like that gives me goosebumps.
Michele Folan (23:00):
Yeah.
Courtney Townley (23:01):
Yeah, and so that's where self-leadership
comes in.
No one is going to make thatdecision unless they feel that
they have not the meal plans andthe exercise programs.
That's not what self-leadershipis.
Self-leadership is things likeself-compassion, self-trust,
self-discipline, self-inquiry.
Those are the skills thatreally help us to rise anytime
(23:25):
in our life, especially in thesecond half of our life.
Michele Folan (23:28):
You know I had some clients ask me the other
day on a group call.
They said when did you finallyfeel like you were successful in
your health journey?
Yeah, and I said, oh, I'm not.
That's the thing.
I continue to work on thisevery single day because this is
(23:58):
not my end.
There's no end game here.
I am looking at 75, 85,hopefully 95.
That's my goal.
That's why I never stop.
So you know, that's what I tryto tell my clients is there's no
end game here.
(24:18):
There's not a number on thescale that is going to tell you
whether you're successful or not.
Courtney Townley (24:28):
Yeah, it's that health is more of a
direction you will travel in aslong as there's breath in your
lungs, versus a destination.
And, man, have we been soldthat it's a destination, right,
that it's just this place wearrive at and forevermore we
just are there and it's like,yeah, that's not true.
And the work is always changingbecause your life is always
(24:49):
changing.
Self-care doesn't always lookthe same.
What kept me healthy in my 30sis radically different than
what's keeping me healthyapproaching 50.
And if I don't honor that truthand I get really rigid about
what self-care is supposed tolook like it's supposed to look
the same throughout my entirelife that becomes a cage, that
(25:11):
becomes a huge problem, and Ihave seen so many women
self-combust because of that,thinking that they're supposed
to be taking care of themselvesin the same way that they did in
their 20s.
Well, let's be honest.
None of us were taking care ofourselves in the 20s.
Even if you were doing extremeexercise or whatever you thought
was working for you, we weren'ttaking care of ourselves.
But if you continue to chasethat past version, you will not
(25:34):
only rob yourself of your healthat this age, but you also rob
yourself of the possibility forwhat you could be stepping into.
So health is?
It's multidimensional and it'sdynamic, and if we do not honor
those two truths, we only focuson the physical and we have
rigid protocols that we'realways following, it's never
(25:56):
going to create a state of deephealth, no way.
Yeah, and I'll share this withyou too I was a dancer for
crying out loud Talk about bodyimage issues.
I always never really liked mybody.
I was very muscular, whichmeant I didn't get a lot of
roles that I thought I shouldhave or that I thought I was
just as good as the other girlsto get.
I had a lot of power.
(26:17):
There were a lot of benefitsfrom that muscle, but I fought
my muscle my whole life and atmy leanest weight and I worked
really hard to get there.
Honestly, I was probably like14% 12% body fat.
I was very low.
Michele Folan (26:31):
Oh.
Courtney Townley (26:32):
Lord, and this is embarrassing to say, but
it's probably why a lot ofclients hired me early in my
career.
They hired me because of how Ilooked.
Yeah, I was the unhealthiestI'd probably ever been right.
And now here I am right.
I definitely have higher bodyfat.
I don't even know what my bodyfat is currently I'm about to
get it retested but I know I'mheavier, but I'm also healthier
(26:56):
than I've ever been and it'sthat expansion right.
I've expanded my worth, like mysense of worth in myself.
I've expanded myself-leadership skills.
I've expanded my abilities tomanage stress rather than hyper
focusing on always shrinking,which is what I was doing for
the first half of my life.
(27:16):
It was all an exercise inshrinking, getting smaller, and
I don't look at it that wayanymore.
And man do I feel so muchbetter.
Michele Folan (27:22):
Yeah, cause you're, you're managing
everything from the inside outand it just yeah, you know.
You talk a lot about stress andI'm really curious, like what
your own stress managementstrategies are and what do you
recommend for clients.
Courtney Townley (27:41):
Yeah Well, let me start by saying this,
because this is probably one ofmy most passionate topics just
the stress managementconversation, because that's
what health is.
It's all about stressmanagement and we have to
approach it from two fronts.
In order to find that state ofdeep health, we have to A remove
(28:02):
unnecessary stressors from ourlife.
So think for a minute whatunnecessary stressors might be
for you.
Is it negative, self-narrative?
Is it eating foods that stressyour body out?
Is it going to bed so late thatyou're only getting like four
hours of sleep?
Like those are unnecessarystressors.
They don't need to be happeningand they are costing you a lot.
(28:26):
And that's the part that thefitness industry and the
wellness industry tends tohyper-focus on.
Is those unnecessary stressors?
But there's also this wholeside of purposeful stress.
What is the stress that we needto lean into on purpose, in
order to become more resilient?
Have you been in a job that youhate for 30 years and it's
(28:46):
robbing you of your health?
And maybe the stress you needto lean into is getting back to
your resume and starting to passit out Right?
Right Is maybe some purposefulstress that you've never had a
healthy relationship withstrength training and yet you
also understand by everythingyou're hearing lately that it's
probably important to yourhealth moving forward, and so
(29:06):
maybe the stress you need tolean into on purpose is actually
hiring a trainer or going to aclass to start learning more
about that.
It's removing unnecessarystress and it's leaning into
purposeful stress.
So in my own life stress so inmy own life, unnecessary stress
(29:28):
how I cope with that is I amreally good at checking in with
myself daily to almost assesswhere the unnecessary stress was
.
I'll tell you, this morning Iwas having anxiety.
I think I told you that I havea book coming out this fall and
I was having anxiety about somethings, and when I checked in
with how I was feeling, I waslike, okay, this is so
unnecessary.
The only reason I'mexperiencing anxiety right now
(29:49):
is because I'm thinking aboutthis in a way that's producing
anxiety.
I'm the one who's creating it.
Right?
I will also say I'm prettyclose, I think, to having my
period, so I think there's anelement of that too.
Michele Folan (30:01):
Oh, you're still getting those?
Courtney Townley (30:07):
Well, yes, I am.
I think I'm very close to beingdone, but I am still getting
them.
So that helps me.
The play.
I have a 15-year-old son and hedefinitely, when I'm throwing
the ball with him in the yard orI'm just goofing around with
him in the living room, that's astress management tool for me.
I still dance, so I go to danceclasses because that's
nutrition for me, good for you,yeah.
So those are my forms ofhelping me, certainly not
(30:31):
exclusively, but those are a fewof them.
But then the purposeful stressI need to lean into.
I would much rather hide from,I would much rather not do these
things.
But I also know that when Idon't do these things, I don't
feel good.
I have what I always callintegrity pain.
Integrity pain is really thatinternal friction that we get
(30:51):
when we're not showing up in theway that we want to.
And I'll use the book as anexample.
I wanted to write a book and Ihad 10,000 reasons why I
shouldn't.
I didn't know anything aboutbook writing.
Somebody could write a bookbetter than me.
Just go on and on, oh yeah.
But when I really got honestwith myself, it's something I
wanted to do.
So that's purposeful stress.
(31:12):
And now that I'm nearly at theend of it it's like, oh man, I
can look back and I'm so proudof myself.
I don't even care what happenswith the book.
Of course, I care.
But even if the book isn't araging success, I'm so proud of
myself for doing it and theskills I had to learn and what I
had to practice to get there,like nothing can replace that.
Michele Folan (31:34):
It will serve me the rest of my life, whether the
book again is successful or not, and that's what I love about
doing this podcast is because Iget to speak to women like you
who are writing books, you know,at 50, or starting new
businesses or you know, juststepping out and really doing
(31:56):
some cool stuff for others.
But you know what I love thatand I say this all the time
Don't hate me, it's never toolate.
Never, it's never too late tostep into that discomfort.
Right, you know, no one said ithas to be easy.
Right, it's going to be alittle uncomfortable to try new
(32:18):
things, but do it.
Courtney Townley (32:20):
Do it.
And, Michele, it's a scientificfact that it's never too late.
Because when we look at ourcells' ability to regenerate,
that happens as long as we'realive, right?
So what are we inputting tothose cells?
And if we change the inputs,our cells behave differently.
And if you look atneuroplasticity, right, we know
that neuroplasticity happens aslong as we have a brain in our
(32:45):
skull.
So if you want to learn newskills, if you want to lean into
new things, you have thecapacity to do it.
But it takes practice and ittakes self-coaching.
It takes talking to yourself ina way that actually inspires
you to move into the work ratherthan hide from the work.
We're so good at hiding fromthe work.
(33:05):
That's self-leadership.
That's self-leadership.
Michele Folan (33:08):
Yeah, let's talk about I want to talk about grace
and grit.
So Courtney has a verysuccessful podcast, grace and
grit.
So Courtney has a verysuccessful podcast, but I have
to say, okay, it's called graceand grit.
She's an OG, ladies, she.
She came out with this podcast10 years ago.
I'm I'm at three years thisweek.
Yeah, congratulations.
Courtney Townley (33:29):
That's no small feat.
Michele Folan (33:30):
Thank you, but I'm just cracking up.
I was like 10 years You've beendoing this.
10 years, 10 years yeah, whatmade you start a podcast?
Courtney Townley (33:40):
I think it was really understanding there was
a need to educate my clients, myaudience, my consumer.
Writing was something that Ialways enjoyed doing, but I
tended to take a really longtime to do it because I'd go
back and rehash and rehash andputting out blog posts.
It just wasn't working for me,and I'm a lifelong teacher.
(34:00):
I've been teaching since I was18 years old, and so a few
friends said to me hey, courtney, have you ever thought of
starting a podcast?
Cause part podcasting was justkind of coming on the scene as a
, as a more popular thing, and Ididn't know anything about it
Nothing.
It's kind of like the woman whoknows nothing about strength
training or nothing aboutnutrition.
But I was interested enough init that I just took the next
(34:22):
step.
And the next step was I calledsomeone who did have a podcast
and she put me in touch with anaudio engineer and other people
who could kind of help me get myfirst episode launched.
And then, of course, it justsnowballed into its own thing,
and what I love about it is it'ssuch a great example of how
(34:43):
change happens.
Here we are 10 years later and400 episodes deep, and if I knew
what it took to get here, Inever would have started to get
here.
I never would have started.
So I think there is a genius tonature that prevents us from
(35:03):
knowing what it's really goingto take to lose 100 pounds or to
start your own business, or tostart a podcast or whatever it
is that you want to do.
So often I hear women say but Idon't know how to do it, you
don't need to know, you need toknow the next step, and that's
it.
And it's like breadcrumbs,right.
You take the next step and thenthe next one gets revealed, and
the next one gets revealed, andyears down the line you look
(35:25):
back and you're like, ah, I seehow I did that.
Now I see it.
And had I known I would haverun for the high hills.
Michele Folan (35:33):
Well, speaking about running for the high hills
, then you wrote a book.
Courtney Townley (35:42):
And then I wrote a book, because isn't that
what?
But that's what leaning intopurposeful stress does it builds
confidence.
I never would have written abook had I not done this podcast
.
Because the podcast showed menumber one.
It helped me to really considermy own ideology around health,
and I've had hundreds ofconversations and it took 10
years for me to get to thisplace where I just feel so
(36:04):
strongly that the message needsto be out there in a bigger way.
And because I showed myselfthat I could start a podcast.
Why couldn't I write a book?
Right, I'm excited for you.
Thank you.
Yeah, I'm excited too.
I'm excited and terrified.
Michele Folan (36:21):
I know, but you've done the really hard work
of just getting pen to paperright and now it's.
Then it becomes the bookpromotion and all that stuff.
But so you said November isyour launch date.
Courtney Townley (36:33):
It'll be out in November.
Yes, Out in November.
It's called the ConsistencyCode A Midlife Woman's Guide to
Deep Health and Happiness.
I love it.
Yeah, yeah, that's wonderful.
Michele Folan (36:44):
I'm pretty excited about it.
That's great.
So what future aspirations doyou have in terms of anything
else, any other projects on yourplate, you know?
Courtney Townley (36:53):
it's so funny.
A lot of people probably wouldnot assume this about me, but
I'm not really that person whohas like a five-year plan or a
10-year plan.
My life has unfolded sobeautifully because I have
followed my impulses, because Ihave trusted my own heart, and
it didn't always make sense, infact I would say largely.
(37:14):
It didn't make sense to thepeople around me, right, my
parents were like what, you'regoing to go to college to dance
and then you're going to go toToronto to do this thing we've
never heard of.
It made no sense to them, but Itrusted myself enough to just
have my own back and you knowwhat, if it doesn't work, I'll
figure it out.
And that trust has led me tothe next decision and the next
(37:38):
decision.
And where that's going to go Ihave no idea, but I know it's
someplace good, because it'snever failed me.
Yeah.
Michele Folan (37:45):
It's never failed me, yeah, yeah.
It's like I think that faiththat you have in yourself then
leads out to those around youand they're like oh well, it
looks like she's got this.
You know, we're just let herrun with it.
She's, you know, I think, yeah,I think we do that.
Courtney Townley (38:04):
I feel that if it all imploded tomorrow, like
if, for whatever reason, likethe internet just went amiss,
you know it was no longer inexistence and my business
completely imploded I know Iwould be okay Because I have a
heart for life.
It's not just well.
Yes, wellness has been aconversation Like it's the only
career I've ever known.
I've been in it now almost 30years and I love it.
(38:26):
And I also know I would be okaycontributing in a lot of other
ways.
And so I think just that, likenot having, like I'm not
clinging so tightly that I'mhurting myself.
Sometimes we do that, we do thatin relationships, we do it to
just a lot of things in our lifethat we just we cling to it so
(38:47):
tightly that it's almostdamaging.
And that's been a beautifullesson in midlife that I don't
need to cling so tight because Iknow it's the things that are
meant for me will stay and I'mgoing to be okay because I have
those skills.
Now I'm not saying that I'vemastered all of them, Like it's
a work in progress for everybody, but I do trust that at least I
(39:09):
have these tools in my tool bagthat when things come that are
hard or unexpected, I can pullout those tools.
Now.
Using them is the key right.
I can have the tools and neveruse them, and that's not going
to help me at all, but that isthat level of self-trust that I
wish I could just give everywoman on the planet.
Michele Folan (39:30):
And you do, because you do coaching, which I
think is wonderful, and couldyou talk a little bit more about
your Rumble and Rise membershipand actually how you work with
clients?
Courtney Townley (39:44):
Yeah, so Rumble and Rise.
I always laugh when I talkabout this, because I did
one-to-one coaching forliterally almost two decades.
That's how I worked with people.
It was either one-on-one in astudio, it was one-on-one on a
call, it was one-on-one on Zoom,and I was so attached to this
belief that, even though I wasmaxed out, I couldn't take any
(40:04):
more clients.
There was no way that the workthat I did one-to-one would ever
translate into a group, intolike a community, right.
I mean, I was so fiercelyattached to that and I finally
got to a point I'd been workingwith a business coach for a long
time and she was like CourtneyI'm not going to change my tune
(40:26):
Like we've been talking aboutthis for years why don't you
just run an experiment, right,and teach a group class?
So I did.
I ran this group program, whichis now my book.
Michele Folan (40:41):
The Consistency.
Courtney Townley (40:42):
Code.
It was the first group programI taught which has now become
the basis of my book, and Itaught it and what I saw right
away was I had no idea hownormalizing these topics in
community with other women wouldimpact them, because they were
not just hearing their ownstories, they were hearing other
women's stories and it helpedthem to feel like, oh my gosh,
I'm not the only one and theycould talk and they could share
(41:04):
and we could normalize and wecould heal together as a group.
And then eventually that got toa point where people would go
through this four-week courseand then what?
Like?
I just set them out, you know,and there was no additional help
.
So I started this communitycalled Rumble and Rise, which is
really just skill sets ofself-leadership that we practice
every month and we do it in alot of different ways.
I teach a masterclass at thestart of every month and then we
(41:26):
have group coaching calls onthese topics.
This month is all aboutemotional wellness, last month
was all about boundary setting.
So it changes constantly whatwe're talking about and this is
just a community of women whothey want to approach health in
a different way.
They want to learn thoseself-leadership skills rather
than consistently hyper-focusingon weight loss or diet or
(41:48):
exercise.
And I will say that we have alot of those conversations
because those things are valid.
They just aren't the onlyconversation that needs to be
had Correct.
Michele Folan (42:01):
Yeah, no, I like that because what you're doing
is I think sometimes we put thecart before the horse.
Oh yeah, and if we can work onsome of that foundation, that
the mental piece of this wholething, and that wellness piece,
that internal wellness, then theother stuff gets a little
(42:24):
easier.
It all starts to yeah, it does,it's so true.
Courtney Townley (42:27):
Yeah, I love that.
I'll share the story with youof a client of mine that and I
have her full permission becauseI put this in the book but she
came to me because she wastrying to fix her body and how
often is that the case?
We're trying to fix our bodyagain, like I said earlier,
rather than fixing our lives.
And it was very clear that hermarriage was not in a good place
(42:50):
and she was rumbling in a lotof ways and her husband was
really disrespecting her in somany ways.
And, long story short, weworked together for a long time.
She also was working with atherapist at the time I want to
make that clear and ultimatelydid decide that respecting
herself ultimately meant leavingher marriage because it was not
healthy for her to be there.
(43:11):
And what's so interesting aboutit is when she made that
decision which was really kindof the root problem to begin
with, even though she didn't seeit for what it was at the
beginning when she ultimatelymade that decision, her
self-care got so much easierbecause it was really.
It became about self-respect.
It wasn't about fixing her bodyanymore.
It was about what do I need?
(43:32):
What do I really need to behappy and healthy and as she
started throwing those nutrientsin which it was way more than
diet and exercise, everythingstarted to get better and she
started to get so much healthierand she was like I cannot
believe how differently Iapproach my self-care now,
because my whole approach, mywhole belief system around it
(43:53):
changed.
Michele Folan (43:54):
Yeah.
Courtney Townley (43:55):
I wasn't fixing my body to prove
something to someone.
I was now taking care of myselfbecause I respect myself enough
.
It was almost in devotion to myself-worth rather than to prove
my self-worth.
There's a big difference.
Proving your worth we do this alot as women.
We try to prove our worth tothe outside world.
We overwork, we overdeliver, weoverhelp.
(44:16):
We're just to the point ofburnout, to the point of
self-destruction, and self-careis really about devotion to
self-worth.
I am worthy, no matter whatsize, no matter what I do for a
living.
I am worthy and I am worthy ofrespect and my own attention and
time.
And when we can get to thatplace, you'll never stop caring
(44:39):
for yourself, because once youopen that box, you can't close
it.
Amen, Courtney
Michele Folan (44:43):
Townley.
Amen, I love, and so I'm.
You know, I'm sitting herenodding, nodding and I'm going,
yeah, yeah, yeah, like I'm atyou, yeah, yeah, like I'm at
some religious revival.
But I mean I'm soaking all thisin because I deal with this
every day too.
I mean it's you know, but, andI still have work to do on
(45:08):
myself too, right.
Courtney Townley (45:10):
We all do.
We all do, and I'm the first toadmit that to my whole
community.
I'm like even the reason Istarted Rumble and Rise, I
always feel is for selfishreasons, because I was so tired
of being in community of womenthat only wanted to talk about
their clothing size and losingweight for an upcoming event and
what new diet they were on andwhat new exercise program they
(45:32):
were doing.
I was like, dear God, are wenot bigger than this?
Is there not other things wecan talk about?
And so I wanted to start acommunity.
I wanted to be in a communityof women who were talking about
health in a very different way,and because I couldn't find it,
I just started it.
Michele Folan (45:49):
There she goes again.
Courtney Townley (45:50):
There she goes .
Michele Folan (45:51):
I know I love it.
So, Courtney Townley, forlisteners that are interested in
your programs and your insightsthrough your Grace and Grit
podcast, how do they?
Courtney Townley (46:03):
find you.
Yeah, probably the best placeis graceandgritcom, is my
website and all the things arethere.
We have a Start here buttonthat if you click on it it'll
take you to some freebies whereyou can get some information on.
We have a I think it's calledMidlife Magic Guide.
That just gives you some reallybasic skill sets to get started
in your own self-leadershipprocess.
(46:25):
The podcast, of course there'sthe gateway for that on the
website, and then all my programinformation is on there as well
.
Michele Folan (46:32):
Wonderful.
I really appreciate you beinghere today.
Courtney Townley (46:35):
Oh, I so appreciate you having me, and I
love that we do similar work inthe world like we're helping
women, because I don't thinkthere can be enough of us, and
so I applaud what you're doingand I'm cheering you on in the
biggest way.
Michele Folan (46:49):
Oh well, thank you, and I wish you the best of
luck with your book launch inNovember.
Courtney Townley (46:54):
Yeah, thank you.
Thank you so much.
Michele Folan (46:56):
Thanks, courtney.
Hey, thanks for tuning in.
Please rate and review the showwhere you listen to the podcast
, and did you know that Askingfor a Friend is available now to
listen on YouTube?
You can subscribe to thepodcast there as well.
Your support is appreciated andit helps others find the show.
(47:16):
Thank you.
This episode of Asking for a Friend is sponsored
by BetterHelp.
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(01:26):
We're removing the taboo fromwhat really matters in midlife.
I'm your host, Michelle Folan,and this is Asking for a Friend.
Welcome to the show.
One thing that I see that holdswomen back in their fitness
journeys are the damagingremnants of diet culture, and I
(01:49):
want to address the most commonmistakes midlife women are
making when it comes to theirhealth and how we can shift from
chasing quick fixes tocultivating sustainable, soul
aligned well-being.
Today's guest is someone I'veadmired for a long time Courtney
Townley.
She's a health andself-leadership coach, the voice
(02:10):
behind the Grace and Gritpodcast and a true powerhouse
when it comes to helping womenreclaim their vitality and
rewrite the narrative of what itmeans to be healthy in this
chapter of life.
Courtney brings over twodecades of experience in the
wellness space, but what setsher apart is how she blends
physical health with emotionalresilience and mindset work.
(02:32):
In this episode, we talk abouther own career evolution, her
health journey and the boldmission she's on to help women
rise in their second act, notshrink.
Courtney Townley, welcome toAsking for a Friend.
Courtney Townley (02:46):
Michelle, I'm so happy to be here.
Thanks for having me.
Michele Folan (02:48):
Well, I want to start first with you kind of
laying the groundwork of who youare, where you're from all that
good stuff.
Courtney Townley (02:57):
Okay, yeah, so I come from a small town.
I actually people will hearthis and think, oh, that's you
know, I know that place.
That's not that small.
I grew up in Jackson Hole,wyoming.
But the thing I want to prefaceis that it was Jackson Hole
before.
It was Jackson Hole right, itwas really small town, wyoming.
It wasn't the really ritzy,glorious, fancy place it is
today.
It's still glorious.
(03:17):
But yeah, I grew up.
My stepfather was a veterinarian, my mom was a nurse and I
wanted to do nothing with mytime but dance.
I literally came out of thewomb.
Dancing, that's all I had aheart for and I took it really
far.
I went to college on a dancescholarship.
I was in a dance company whileI was in college and the
(03:39):
beautiful thing about that wasnumber one.
I was doing what I loved.
But I also got to be exposed.
I was exposed to so muchconditioning and what I mean
like physical conditioning, likehow do we actually optimize the
performance of the human body?
And as graduation wasapproaching from college, I was
starting to really understandthat probably my career with the
(04:03):
company I was with was notgoing to put food on the table.
I wasn't making a lot of money.
Right, it wasn't a lucrativeprofession, probably more so now
.
I think dancers are beingtreated better today than they
were 30 years ago.
But I did realize thatsomething had to give and I
probably needed to go find otherwork.
So I kept dancing but Iultimately decided.
(04:24):
Somebody actually threw thisidea out to me.
I was doing Pilates classes asa part of my dance training and
one of my friends said hey, youknow, there's a school up in
Toronto, toronto Canada I wasliving in Michigan at the time
and you can get certified in ayear and I think you'd be great
at it.
And I had been teaching fitnessclasses all through college.
(04:45):
So I was like, oh, that makessense and I could make money
teaching fitness, like make acareer out of it.
Michele Folan (04:50):
I have to ask you this is something that I mean.
Of course, I've heard ofPilates, but 30 years ago.
Courtney Townley (04:57):
Oh yes.
So, Michele, I have thisamazing knack for falling into
things and talking about thingslong before they're mainstream.
I don't know why.
It's like been my whole life,but yes, I was introduced to
Pilates long before it was likethe buzzword that it is today.
But what was cool about that isI ended up going to get
certified in this year-longprogram and I think it was like
(05:19):
four months into my training.
The owner of the company, whichwas Moira Stott is one of the
biggest companies out there.
She came up to me after classand she said hey, Courtney, we
want you to come work for us.
Like we'd love you to startcertifying trainers for us.
And I was like, hang on asecond, I'm not even certified
yet.
Like I have, you know, eightmonths left in my training.
She said I understand that, butlet's just like continue your
(05:42):
training with the idea thatyou'll stay here in Canada and
you will work for us at leastfor a few years after your
program's done.
So, considering everything thatwent into that, I was going to
have to get a work visa, all thethings.
They took care of all that forme.
And the cool thing is theystarted sending me all over
North America to certifytrainers and I had to go to all
(06:02):
kinds of conferences where I gotexposed to all these different
methodologies and supplementsand things that people were
teaching to help optimize humanperformance.
And I just lit up because I'mlike, oh my gosh, pilates is
like a little pebble in an ocean, right, there's just so much.
And so I ended up the dollar atthe time, the Canadian dollar
(06:23):
was not such a strong thing andI finally realized, you know,
I'm probably going to make abetter living if I go back to
the States.
And anyway, in a roundabout way, I ended up deciding to finally
go get some education aroundnutrition, because I was
realizing that so many of mystudents they weren't really
coming to learn Pilates, theywere learning.
(06:45):
They were coming because theywanted to feel better, yeah
Right, and I wasn't equippedwith all the things they needed
to be doing outside of the gym,in the studio, right.
So I wanted to get moreinformation.
So I got my personal trainingcertificate.
I started doing a lot morestrength training with clients.
I went through nutritionprograms and started to realize
(07:08):
that it was really a wholeenchilada.
Wellness was a whole enchilada.
It was the sleep and it was thestress management and it was
the hydration and all the things, and that was well and good.
And I then fell into this worldof fat loss.
Because fat loss is such acommon topic among women, like
it's the, it's the thing thatthey seem to want to talk about
the most.
It was really lucrative.
(07:29):
I made a great living.
I helped a lot of people losean awful lot of weight and then
I realized this is awesome untilit's not like people will lose
a lot of weight and then they'reregaining it.
What the heck Right?
So that kind of had, you know.
Know, I always say that mywellness journey has, in the
professional and personal sense,has been like the proverbial
(07:50):
onion.
I just kept peeling back layersand I still am to this very day
.
But that was a layer for me ofrealizing.
Hang on a second.
I know the mechanics.
I can give people thisunderstanding of nutrition and
exercise to strip fat off thehuman body.
But what am I missing here?
Because people can't seem tomaintain it as an ongoing thing,
and so that really got mecurious about the psychology of
(08:15):
wellness, and that opened up awhole can of worms, because
psychology is hugely connectedto emotions and health just
became this more and moreexpansive thing.
Michele Folan (08:26):
So let me ask you a question how old were you at
this point?
Because it sounds like you'vebeen doing this for years, right
, yeah, so where were you inyour age at this point?
Courtney Townley (08:38):
When I started moving into the mindset piece.
Yeah, I would say it wasn'treally until I was in my late
30s so I'm almost 50.
And it was probably when I wasaround, I'm guessing, around 37,
38 years old, where I wasreally starting to get that.
I had had my son at 35.
And I will tell you that was aneye-opening moment because I
(08:59):
had a really traumatic birth andmotherhood slapped me upside
the head, like had a reallytraumatic birth, and motherhood
slapped me upside the head LikeI did not waltz into motherhood,
I face planted into motherhood.
And all of my loved ones and myfamily and friends and my
clients they came to see me likeliterally right after giving
birth and all anybody wanted totalk about was how good my body
looked Like.
(09:19):
Oh, my God, you lost your babyweight so fast.
And in my head I don't know ifI can cuss on this show but I
was like what the fuck?
I am struggling on every levelmentally, emotionally,
physically and all you want totalk about is how I look.
Something is really messed upand I had always been working
with midlife women becausemidlife women had a little bit
(09:43):
more time and interest.
They were struggling morephysically than a lot of my
younger counterparts.
A lot of them had a little bitmore income to invest in their
wellness.
So the midlife population wasalways my center.
So working with that populationand also having my own epiphany
that, oh my God, we have thisso wrong.
This isn't about fixing ourbody, it's about fixing our
(10:04):
lives.
Yeah, right, and so that wasreally the impetus that pushed
me into getting more educationand understanding around the
mindset piece and our self-imageand just approaching health so
incredibly differently.
Michele Folan (10:20):
And what I'm hearing you say is that this
mindset shift is really aboutredefining what health is.
Absolutely For women in thisstage of life.
Courtney Townley (10:32):
Absolutely Right.
It's one of the first questionsI ask my clients.
I say to them what does healthmean to you?
And most women have never beenasked that question, right?
They think, and they'll say tome something like well, it means
weight loss, right, or it meansthat I'm going to have better
cardiovascular health.
I'm like okay, but let's godeeper.
What is health really to you,right?
Michele Folan (10:53):
And so I poke on that question a lot and there's
this whole philosophy ofreclaiming our power in midlife,
yeah Right, do you find thatthat is really the baseline,
like we need to first reclaimour power in order for us to
start to do the other healingand to get where we want to?
Courtney Townley (11:16):
be yes, and I think both of those questions.
What is health andunderstanding your power at
midlife?
They go hand in hand and I'llsay this.
So to me, health at this stageof my career and my personal
life is really that return towholeness.
It's reclaiming your whole self, not just your physiology, but
(11:36):
who you want to be in the worldday to day.
And power is the thing thatwill make that possible.
And power is an interesting wordbecause a lot of women hear
that word and they're like,because they think of, like
power over.
They think of someonedominating, they think of you
know false power, manipulation,coercion, those kinds of things.
(11:57):
True power at its core is yourability to influence your
thoughts, your mind, yourbehavior in order to get to
where you want to go.
That's what power is.
Power is also I love this wayof thinking about it it's a
vitality barometer.
It's the impetus for life.
How much life do you feel thereis in your life right now?
(12:21):
And if you don't feel likethere's much, we need to have
the power conversation.
It's like a battery.
I always think of the image ofthe battery on your phone, like
dropping down into the red zone.
We need to get it into thegreen zone and optimize that.
Michele Folan (12:33):
Courtney, do you find that there are women that
you work with and I'm sayingthis because I see this very
often is some of the firstconversations I need to have is
to almost give women permissionthat it's okay to prioritize
yourself, it's okay to go onthis health journey, because
(12:57):
they are so used to being sobeholden to everyone else they
forgot about themselves.
Absolutely.
Courtney Townley (13:05):
Absolutely.
The attention has been sooutward facing that it feels
uncomfortable and even wrong.
Like women feel guilty about itto turn in, and it's so
important, and the thing that Ialways stress and I'm sure you
do too right is that you thinkyou're showing up in these
spaces and places in a powerfulway, but if you're neglecting
(13:27):
yourself in the process of doingthat, you're leaving.
You're not showing up in themost powerful way, and so it
really is not a should like I.
It's because women use thatlanguage a lot.
Right, I should take bettercare of myself.
No, you must take better care ofyourself, and it's not a have
to, it's an absolute get to,because it's so much more than a
(13:51):
bikini ready body or whateverthe image is that we have of
health.
It really is infusing yourbeing with your most full
expression.
That's what health allows youto do.
It allows you to be most fullyexpressed in the world, and your
expression is never going toexist again.
(14:12):
It's here, it's a one-time dealand if you do not use it in
this lifetime, it'll never existagain.
Like what a bummer to notoptimize that I love this.
Michele Folan (14:23):
I love it too, I love it so much.
Yeah, I love this.
Courtney, we're going to take aquick break and we come back.
I want to talk about dietculture.
Hey friend, may I ask yousomething?
How much longer are you goingto put this off If you're over
50 and waking up tired,frustrated with your body and
wondering why nothing you'vetried is working anymore?
(14:45):
You are so not alone.
But it doesn't have to be thisway.
The old rules of more cardio,fewer calories are broken.
They don't work in midlife.
The Faster Way to Fat Loss does.
As your coach, I'll help youbuild strength, fuel your body
with real food and finally feelin control of your health again.
(15:07):
No extremes, no guesswork, justa strategy that works for women
like us.
So really, how long are yougoing to wait to feel like
yourself again?
Hit the link in the show notesand let's do this together.
Hit the link in the show notesand let's do this together.
We are back.
You have been a vocal critic ofthe pitfalls of diet culture,
(15:33):
and why do you think it's beenparticularly harmful to midlife
women?
Courtney Townley (15:39):
Oh, so many reasons.
I mean, let me start here.
I think that one of the biggestissues with diet culture is
that we are allowing someoneelse to set the standard for our
life.
That's always problematicbecause it's not something I
decide.
I didn't decide, maybeconsciously and for great reason
, that I wanted to be smaller,but because it's the pervading
(16:03):
message of what I should be outthere, that that's what I'm just
following.
So I think that that's aproblem.
I'm sort of outsourcing thegoals for my life rather than
insourcing them.
That's always a problem.
The other thing is, if you thinkabout the chemistry of midlife,
oh, this is such a like this isa whole podcast in and of
itself.
(16:23):
Oh, I know, this is meaty, Ilove it though.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So basic understanding ofmidlife chemistry and again,
this is really boiling it downto the bare bones is that we are
losing the very hormones thathelp us to manage stress.
Okay, so our stress toleranceis declining at a time where we
have more stress than we've everexperienced in our life because
(16:46):
we're in the throes of ourcareer, we have kids maybe
leaving the house, we're havingrelationship challenges, we have
aging parents, we're worriedabout retirement.
I mean, dear Lord, right, theresponsibilities that we have
are really piled on at midlife,and then estrogen and
progesterone are leaving theparty, yeah and it's like no.
(17:10):
I need you now more than ever,and so I always call midlife the
renovation years, because ifyou are unwilling to renovate
how you are living, you willimplode, and menopause is very
clear about this.
We see some women get bulldozedthrough it very clear about
this.
We see some women get bulldozedthrough it and we see some
women traveling through it, Idon't want to say with no issues
, but certainly with lesssuffering.
(17:30):
And a big part of that is goingto be how you conduct your life
and the decisions you make.
So back to the diet piece,because I want to make this
clear this old school model eatless, exercise more in a life
that is already contending withlots of stress and losing the
very hormones that help us tomanage stress.
Guess what?
(17:50):
Lower calories and moreexercises it's even more stress
In a body that can handle it.
Sometimes it's a good thing.
In a body that's already brokendown, on the edge of burnout,
it's a recipe for disaster.
And you watch women do this.
They keep banging their headagainst the brick wall of diet
culture and they're like whyisn't anything working?
Nothing's working right andit's like yeah, because the
(18:12):
whole system is broken.
It's not you, it's the ideologybehind diet culture that's a
problem.
And let me just say this beforewe go on that I really move
from the premise that deephealth because deep health is
really what I am encouraging myclients to find it's not just
physical health, it's the mentalhealth, emotional health, the
relationship health, it's thewhole thing.
(18:33):
And in order to pursue that, wereally have to get radically
honest with ourselves about ourtotal stress load and the
strategies that we are using tomanage that stress load, because
I think a lot of women aren'tbeing realistic with themselves
on those two fronts and they'regetting themselves into deeper
trouble.
Michele Folan (18:55):
Yeah, you will spin your wheels.
You will continue to spin yourwheels if you don't address some
of the underlying stuff first.
Right, yeah, and you know, I'vewatched some influencers out
there and they talk about thingslike HRT as being, you know,
the panacea.
(19:15):
Right, and I'm on HRT and youknow I always tell everybody.
Courtney Townley (19:21):
It has a place .
Michele Folan (19:22):
Sure, yeah, not everybody can use HRT, right,
not everybody's a candidate, butwe have to learn to manage some
of this stuff externallywithout the use of HRT.
So can you talk about that a?
Courtney Townley (19:38):
little bit.
Yeah, it's interesting.
I love that you're bringingthis up, because I think that we
love this idea that there's onesolution Like if I just do this
one thing, it's going to solveall these problems, and it's
like well, HRT is a supportmechanism.
It is not the mechanism.
The mechanism for deep healthis actually taking ownership of
(20:00):
your choices and making surethat you're making more
decisions that nourish you thandeplete you, and if you're not
doing that foundational work,HRT is going to have a very
difficult time helping to do itsjob right.
It's helping to bolster you,not to say it might not help you
slightly, but it's not the onlything that is going to help you
(20:23):
in midlife and, like you said,a lot of women aren't candidates
.
So, while not everyone is acandidate for HRT, everyone is a
candidate for taking ownershipof their life and ownership of
what's working and what isn't,and nobody gets to escape that
level of work without severeconsequences.
Like HRT can't save you fromnot doing that work.
(20:46):
Right.
You all are getting some toughlove today, so I just want you I
know and I say I really do wantto express, because I do tend
to be so passionate about itit's all coming from a place of
love.
I just wish women could all seethat there's so much BS that
we're being sold and I don'twant to say I mean, we are
partly to blame because we buyin, and I get why we buy in.
(21:09):
We buy in because we're sodesperate to feel better that
we'll almost try anything tofeel better.
But anything that's telling youthat it's a one thing like you
just need this one thing, that'sa red flag to me, right?
And anyone who is selling yousomething that doesn't actually
include you learning how to leadyour own life in a more
(21:32):
power-filled way is alsoprobably selling you snake oil.
Because here's the thing we canwork with helpers of the world.
We can work with therapists anddoctors and trainers and
nutritionists and all theamazing people, but we're not
going to be with those peoplethe rest of our life.
So I always say to my clientsat some point you have to stop
being the follower and becomethe leader.
We have to be leading ourselvesoutside of those relationships
(21:57):
to figure out what works for usand how can I sustain this in
the long term, because thisperson's not always going to be
walking next to me, right?
Michele Folan (22:05):
You do talk about self-leadership a lot, a lot.
That's your thing.
So how do you think thatapproach differs from some
traditional health coachingmethods?
Courtney Townley (22:17):
Well, I think so many health coaching methods
are follow my wisdom right,follow these steps, follow this
meal plan, follow thissupplement protocol.
It's follow, follow, followright and pay me for my wisdom.
I always tell my clients look,I will be your coach only until
you are ready to take the balland run with it on your own
(22:40):
right.
But my whole goal is to getfired, like I hate to.
I mean that sounds terrible.
But I want a client to be in aspace and place where they feel
so confident with how they'reshowing up in their own life
that they can say to me hey,courtney, I think we're done
here.
Like that gives me goosebumps.
Michele Folan (23:00):
Yeah.
Courtney Townley (23:01):
Yeah, and so that's where self-leadership
comes in.
No one is going to make thatdecision unless they feel that
they have not the meal plans andthe exercise programs.
That's not what self-leadershipis.
Self-leadership is things likeself-compassion, self-trust,
self-discipline, self-inquiry.
Those are the skills thatreally help us to rise anytime
(23:25):
in our life, especially in thesecond half of our life.
Michele Folan (23:28):
You know I had some clients ask me the other
day on a group call.
They said when did you finallyfeel like you were successful in
your health journey?
Yeah, and I said, oh, I'm not.
That's the thing.
I continue to work on thisevery single day because this is
(23:58):
not my end.
There's no end game here.
I am looking at 75, 85,hopefully 95.
That's my goal.
That's why I never stop.
So you know, that's what I tryto tell my clients is there's no
end game here.
(24:18):
There's not a number on thescale that is going to tell you
whether you're successful or not.
Courtney Townley (24:28):
Yeah, it's that health is more of a
direction you will travel in aslong as there's breath in your
lungs, versus a destination.
And, man, have we been soldthat it's a destination, right,
that it's just this place wearrive at and forevermore we
just are there and it's like,yeah, that's not true.
And the work is always changingbecause your life is always
(24:49):
changing.
Self-care doesn't always lookthe same.
What kept me healthy in my 30sis radically different than
what's keeping me healthyapproaching 50.
And if I don't honor that truthand I get really rigid about
what self-care is supposed tolook like it's supposed to look
the same throughout my entirelife that becomes a cage, that
(25:11):
becomes a huge problem, and Ihave seen so many women
self-combust because of that,thinking that they're supposed
to be taking care of themselvesin the same way that they did in
their 20s.
Well, let's be honest.
None of us were taking care ofourselves in the 20s.
Even if you were doing extremeexercise or whatever you thought
was working for you, we weren'ttaking care of ourselves.
But if you continue to chasethat past version, you will not
(25:34):
only rob yourself of your healthat this age, but you also rob
yourself of the possibility forwhat you could be stepping into.
So health is?
It's multidimensional and it'sdynamic, and if we do not honor
those two truths, we only focuson the physical and we have
rigid protocols that we'realways following, it's never
(25:56):
going to create a state of deephealth, no way.
Yeah, and I'll share this withyou too I was a dancer for
crying out loud Talk about bodyimage issues.
I always never really liked mybody.
I was very muscular, whichmeant I didn't get a lot of
roles that I thought I shouldhave or that I thought I was
just as good as the other girlsto get.
I had a lot of power.
(26:17):
There were a lot of benefitsfrom that muscle, but I fought
my muscle my whole life and atmy leanest weight and I worked
really hard to get there.
Honestly, I was probably like14% 12% body fat.
I was very low.
Michele Folan (26:31):
Oh.
Courtney Townley (26:32):
Lord, and this is embarrassing to say, but
it's probably why a lot ofclients hired me early in my
career.
They hired me because of how Ilooked.
Yeah, I was the unhealthiestI'd probably ever been right.
And now here I am right.
I definitely have higher bodyfat.
I don't even know what my bodyfat is currently I'm about to
get it retested but I know I'mheavier, but I'm also healthier
(26:56):
than I've ever been and it'sthat expansion right.
I've expanded my worth, like mysense of worth in myself.
I've expanded myself-leadership skills.
I've expanded my abilities tomanage stress rather than hyper
focusing on always shrinking,which is what I was doing for
the first half of my life.
(27:16):
It was all an exercise inshrinking, getting smaller, and
I don't look at it that wayanymore.
And man do I feel so muchbetter.
Michele Folan (27:22):
Yeah, cause you're, you're managing
everything from the inside outand it just yeah, you know.
You talk a lot about stress andI'm really curious, like what
your own stress managementstrategies are and what do you
recommend for clients.
Courtney Townley (27:41):
Yeah Well, let me start by saying this,
because this is probably one ofmy most passionate topics just
the stress managementconversation, because that's
what health is.
It's all about stressmanagement and we have to
approach it from two fronts.
In order to find that state ofdeep health, we have to A remove
(28:02):
unnecessary stressors from ourlife.
So think for a minute whatunnecessary stressors might be
for you.
Is it negative, self-narrative?
Is it eating foods that stressyour body out?
Is it going to bed so late thatyou're only getting like four
hours of sleep?
Like those are unnecessarystressors.
They don't need to be happeningand they are costing you a lot.
(28:26):
And that's the part that thefitness industry and the
wellness industry tends tohyper-focus on.
Is those unnecessary stressors?
But there's also this wholeside of purposeful stress.
What is the stress that we needto lean into on purpose, in
order to become more resilient?
Have you been in a job that youhate for 30 years and it's
(28:46):
robbing you of your health?
And maybe the stress you needto lean into is getting back to
your resume and starting to passit out Right?
Right Is maybe some purposefulstress that you've never had a
healthy relationship withstrength training and yet you
also understand by everythingyou're hearing lately that it's
probably important to yourhealth moving forward, and so
(29:06):
maybe the stress you need tolean into on purpose is actually
hiring a trainer or going to aclass to start learning more
about that.
It's removing unnecessarystress and it's leaning into
purposeful stress.
So in my own life stress so inmy own life, unnecessary stress
(29:28):
how I cope with that is I amreally good at checking in with
myself daily to almost assesswhere the unnecessary stress was
.
I'll tell you, this morning Iwas having anxiety.
I think I told you that I havea book coming out this fall and
I was having anxiety about somethings, and when I checked in
with how I was feeling, I waslike, okay, this is so
unnecessary.
The only reason I'mexperiencing anxiety right now
(29:49):
is because I'm thinking aboutthis in a way that's producing
anxiety.
I'm the one who's creating it.
Right?
I will also say I'm prettyclose, I think, to having my
period, so I think there's anelement of that too.
Michele Folan (30:01):
Oh, you're still getting those?
Courtney Townley (30:07):
Well, yes, I am.
I think I'm very close to beingdone, but I am still getting
them.
So that helps me.
The play.
I have a 15-year-old son and hedefinitely, when I'm throwing
the ball with him in the yard orI'm just goofing around with
him in the living room, that's astress management tool for me.
I still dance, so I go to danceclasses because that's
nutrition for me, good for you,yeah.
So those are my forms ofhelping me, certainly not
(30:31):
exclusively, but those are a fewof them.
But then the purposeful stressI need to lean into.
I would much rather hide from,I would much rather not do these
things.
But I also know that when Idon't do these things, I don't
feel good.
I have what I always callintegrity pain.
Integrity pain is really thatinternal friction that we get
(30:51):
when we're not showing up in theway that we want to.
And I'll use the book as anexample.
I wanted to write a book and Ihad 10,000 reasons why I
shouldn't.
I didn't know anything aboutbook writing.
Somebody could write a bookbetter than me.
Just go on and on, oh yeah.
But when I really got honestwith myself, it's something I
wanted to do.
So that's purposeful stress.
(31:12):
And now that I'm nearly at theend of it it's like, oh man, I
can look back and I'm so proudof myself.
I don't even care what happenswith the book.
Of course, I care.
But even if the book isn't araging success, I'm so proud of
myself for doing it and theskills I had to learn and what I
had to practice to get there,like nothing can replace that.
Michele Folan (31:34):
It will serve me the rest of my life, whether the
book again is successful or not, and that's what I love about
doing this podcast is because Iget to speak to women like you
who are writing books, you know,at 50, or starting new
businesses or you know, juststepping out and really doing
(31:56):
some cool stuff for others.
But you know what I love thatand I say this all the time
Don't hate me, it's never toolate.
Never, it's never too late tostep into that discomfort.
Right, you know, no one said ithas to be easy.
Right, it's going to be alittle uncomfortable to try new
(32:18):
things, but do it.
Courtney Townley (32:20):
Do it.
And, Michele, it's a scientificfact that it's never too late.
Because when we look at ourcells' ability to regenerate,
that happens as long as we'realive, right?
So what are we inputting tothose cells?
And if we change the inputs,our cells behave differently.
And if you look atneuroplasticity, right, we know
that neuroplasticity happens aslong as we have a brain in our
(32:45):
skull.
So if you want to learn newskills, if you want to lean into
new things, you have thecapacity to do it.
But it takes practice and ittakes self-coaching.
It takes talking to yourself ina way that actually inspires
you to move into the work ratherthan hide from the work.
We're so good at hiding fromthe work.
(33:05):
That's self-leadership.
That's self-leadership.
Michele Folan (33:08):
Yeah, let's talk about I want to talk about grace
and grit.
So Courtney has a verysuccessful podcast, grace and
grit.
So Courtney has a verysuccessful podcast, but I have
to say, okay, it's called graceand grit.
She's an OG, ladies, she.
She came out with this podcast10 years ago.
I'm I'm at three years thisweek.
Yeah, congratulations.
Courtney Townley (33:29):
That's no small feat.
Michele Folan (33:30):
Thank you, but I'm just cracking up.
I was like 10 years You've beendoing this.
10 years, 10 years yeah, whatmade you start a podcast?
Courtney Townley (33:40):
I think it was really understanding there was
a need to educate my clients, myaudience, my consumer.
Writing was something that Ialways enjoyed doing, but I
tended to take a really longtime to do it because I'd go
back and rehash and rehash andputting out blog posts.
It just wasn't working for me,and I'm a lifelong teacher.
(34:00):
I've been teaching since I was18 years old, and so a few
friends said to me hey, courtney, have you ever thought of
starting a podcast?
Cause part podcasting was justkind of coming on the scene as a
, as a more popular thing, and Ididn't know anything about it
Nothing.
It's kind of like the woman whoknows nothing about strength
training or nothing aboutnutrition.
But I was interested enough init that I just took the next
(34:22):
step.
And the next step was I calledsomeone who did have a podcast
and she put me in touch with anaudio engineer and other people
who could kind of help me get myfirst episode launched.
And then, of course, it justsnowballed into its own thing,
and what I love about it is it'ssuch a great example of how
(34:43):
change happens.
Here we are 10 years later and400 episodes deep, and if I knew
what it took to get here, Inever would have started to get
here.
I never would have started.
So I think there is a genius tonature that prevents us from
(35:03):
knowing what it's really goingto take to lose 100 pounds or to
start your own business, or tostart a podcast or whatever it
is that you want to do.
So often I hear women say but Idon't know how to do it, you
don't need to know, you need toknow the next step, and that's
it.
And it's like breadcrumbs,right.
You take the next step and thenthe next one gets revealed, and
the next one gets revealed, andyears down the line you look
(35:25):
back and you're like, ah, I seehow I did that.
Now I see it.
And had I known I would haverun for the high hills.
Michele Folan (35:33):
Well, speaking about running for the high hills
, then you wrote a book.
Courtney Townley (35:42):
And then I wrote a book, because isn't that
what?
But that's what leaning intopurposeful stress does it builds
confidence.
I never would have written abook had I not done this podcast
.
Because the podcast showed menumber one.
It helped me to really considermy own ideology around health,
and I've had hundreds ofconversations and it took 10
years for me to get to thisplace where I just feel so
(36:04):
strongly that the message needsto be out there in a bigger way.
And because I showed myselfthat I could start a podcast.
Why couldn't I write a book?
Right, I'm excited for you.
Thank you.
Yeah, I'm excited too.
I'm excited and terrified.
Michele Folan (36:21):
I know, but you've done the really hard work
of just getting pen to paperright and now it's.
Then it becomes the bookpromotion and all that stuff.
But so you said November isyour launch date.
Courtney Townley (36:33):
It'll be out in November.
Yes, Out in November.
It's called the ConsistencyCode A Midlife Woman's Guide to
Deep Health and Happiness.
I love it.
Yeah, yeah, that's wonderful.
Michele Folan (36:44):
I'm pretty excited about it.
That's great.
So what future aspirations doyou have in terms of anything
else, any other projects on yourplate, you know?
Courtney Townley (36:53):
it's so funny.
A lot of people probably wouldnot assume this about me, but
I'm not really that person whohas like a five-year plan or a
10-year plan.
My life has unfolded sobeautifully because I have
followed my impulses, because Ihave trusted my own heart, and
it didn't always make sense, infact I would say largely.
(37:14):
It didn't make sense to thepeople around me, right, my
parents were like what, you'regoing to go to college to dance
and then you're going to go toToronto to do this thing we've
never heard of.
It made no sense to them, but Itrusted myself enough to just
have my own back and you knowwhat, if it doesn't work, I'll
figure it out.
And that trust has led me tothe next decision and the next
(37:38):
decision.
And where that's going to go Ihave no idea, but I know it's
someplace good, because it'snever failed me.
Yeah.
Michele Folan (37:45):
It's never failed me, yeah, yeah.
It's like I think that faiththat you have in yourself then
leads out to those around youand they're like oh well, it
looks like she's got this.
You know, we're just let herrun with it.
She's, you know, I think, yeah,I think we do that.
Courtney Townley (38:04):
I feel that if it all imploded tomorrow, like
if, for whatever reason, likethe internet just went amiss,
you know it was no longer inexistence and my business
completely imploded I know Iwould be okay Because I have a
heart for life.
It's not just well.
Yes, wellness has been aconversation Like it's the only
career I've ever known.
I've been in it now almost 30years and I love it.
(38:26):
And I also know I would be okaycontributing in a lot of other
ways.
And so I think just that, likenot having, like I'm not
clinging so tightly that I'mhurting myself.
Sometimes we do that, we do thatin relationships, we do it to
just a lot of things in our lifethat we just we cling to it so
(38:47):
tightly that it's almostdamaging.
And that's been a beautifullesson in midlife that I don't
need to cling so tight because Iknow it's the things that are
meant for me will stay and I'mgoing to be okay because I have
those skills.
Now I'm not saying that I'vemastered all of them, Like it's
a work in progress for everybody, but I do trust that at least I
(39:09):
have these tools in my tool bagthat when things come that are
hard or unexpected, I can pullout those tools.
Now.
Using them is the key right.
I can have the tools and neveruse them, and that's not going
to help me at all, but that isthat level of self-trust that I
wish I could just give everywoman on the planet.
Michele Folan (39:30):
And you do, because you do coaching, which I
think is wonderful, and couldyou talk a little bit more about
your Rumble and Rise membershipand actually how you work with
clients?
Courtney Townley (39:44):
Yeah, so Rumble and Rise.
I always laugh when I talkabout this, because I did
one-to-one coaching forliterally almost two decades.
That's how I worked with people.
It was either one-on-one in astudio, it was one-on-one on a
call, it was one-on-one on Zoom,and I was so attached to this
belief that, even though I wasmaxed out, I couldn't take any
(40:04):
more clients.
There was no way that the workthat I did one-to-one would ever
translate into a group, intolike a community, right.
I mean, I was so fiercelyattached to that and I finally
got to a point I'd been workingwith a business coach for a long
time and she was like CourtneyI'm not going to change my tune
(40:26):
Like we've been talking aboutthis for years why don't you
just run an experiment, right,and teach a group class?
So I did.
I ran this group program, whichis now my book.
Michele Folan (40:41):
The Consistency.
Courtney Townley (40:42):
Code.
It was the first group programI taught which has now become
the basis of my book, and Itaught it and what I saw right
away was I had no idea hownormalizing these topics in
community with other women wouldimpact them, because they were
not just hearing their ownstories, they were hearing other
women's stories and it helpedthem to feel like, oh my gosh,
I'm not the only one and theycould talk and they could share
(41:04):
and we could normalize and wecould heal together as a group.
And then eventually that got toa point where people would go
through this four-week courseand then what?
Like?
I just set them out, you know,and there was no additional help
.
So I started this communitycalled Rumble and Rise, which is
really just skill sets ofself-leadership that we practice
every month and we do it in alot of different ways.
I teach a masterclass at thestart of every month and then we
(41:26):
have group coaching calls onthese topics.
This month is all aboutemotional wellness, last month
was all about boundary setting.
So it changes constantly whatwe're talking about and this is
just a community of women whothey want to approach health in
a different way.
They want to learn thoseself-leadership skills rather
than consistently hyper-focusingon weight loss or diet or
(41:48):
exercise.
And I will say that we have alot of those conversations
because those things are valid.
They just aren't the onlyconversation that needs to be
had Correct.
Michele Folan (42:01):
Yeah, no, I like that because what you're doing
is I think sometimes we put thecart before the horse.
Oh yeah, and if we can work onsome of that foundation, that
the mental piece of this wholething, and that wellness piece,
that internal wellness, then theother stuff gets a little
(42:24):
easier.
It all starts to yeah, it does,it's so true.
Courtney Townley (42:27):
Yeah, I love that.
I'll share the story with youof a client of mine that and I
have her full permission becauseI put this in the book but she
came to me because she wastrying to fix her body and how
often is that the case?
We're trying to fix our bodyagain, like I said earlier,
rather than fixing our lives.
And it was very clear that hermarriage was not in a good place
(42:50):
and she was rumbling in a lotof ways and her husband was
really disrespecting her in somany ways.
And, long story short, weworked together for a long time.
She also was working with atherapist at the time I want to
make that clear and ultimatelydid decide that respecting
herself ultimately meant leavingher marriage because it was not
healthy for her to be there.
(43:11):
And what's so interesting aboutit is when she made that
decision which was really kindof the root problem to begin
with, even though she didn't seeit for what it was at the
beginning when she ultimatelymade that decision, her
self-care got so much easierbecause it was really.
It became about self-respect.
It wasn't about fixing her bodyanymore.
It was about what do I need?
(43:32):
What do I really need to behappy and healthy and as she
started throwing those nutrientsin which it was way more than
diet and exercise, everythingstarted to get better and she
started to get so much healthierand she was like I cannot
believe how differently Iapproach my self-care now,
because my whole approach, mywhole belief system around it
(43:53):
changed.
Michele Folan (43:54):
Yeah.
Courtney Townley (43:55):
I wasn't fixing my body to prove
something to someone.
I was now taking care of myselfbecause I respect myself enough
.
It was almost in devotion to myself-worth rather than to prove
my self-worth.
There's a big difference.
Proving your worth we do this alot as women.
We try to prove our worth tothe outside world.
We overwork, we overdeliver, weoverhelp.
(44:16):
We're just to the point ofburnout, to the point of
self-destruction, and self-careis really about devotion to
self-worth.
I am worthy, no matter whatsize, no matter what I do for a
living.
I am worthy and I am worthy ofrespect and my own attention and
time.
And when we can get to thatplace, you'll never stop caring
(44:39):
for yourself, because once youopen that box, you can't close
it.
Amen, Courtney
Michele Folan (44:43):
Townley.
Amen, I love, and so I'm.
You know, I'm sitting herenodding, nodding and I'm going,
yeah, yeah, yeah, like I'm atyou, yeah, yeah, like I'm at
some religious revival.
But I mean I'm soaking all thisin because I deal with this
every day too.
I mean it's you know, but, andI still have work to do on
(45:08):
myself too, right.
Courtney Townley (45:10):
We all do.
We all do, and I'm the first toadmit that to my whole
community.
I'm like even the reason Istarted Rumble and Rise, I
always feel is for selfishreasons, because I was so tired
of being in community of womenthat only wanted to talk about
their clothing size and losingweight for an upcoming event and
what new diet they were on andwhat new exercise program they
(45:32):
were doing.
I was like, dear God, are wenot bigger than this?
Is there not other things wecan talk about?
And so I wanted to start acommunity.
I wanted to be in a communityof women who were talking about
health in a very different way,and because I couldn't find it,
I just started it.
Michele Folan (45:49):
There she goes again.
Courtney Townley (45:50):
There she goes .
Michele Folan (45:51):
I know I love it.
So, Courtney Townley, forlisteners that are interested in
your programs and your insightsthrough your Grace and Grit
podcast, how do they?
Courtney Townley (46:03):
find you.
Yeah, probably the best placeis graceandgritcom, is my
website and all the things arethere.
We have a Start here buttonthat if you click on it it'll
take you to some freebies whereyou can get some information on.
We have a I think it's calledMidlife Magic Guide.
That just gives you some reallybasic skill sets to get started
in your own self-leadershipprocess.
(46:25):
The podcast, of course there'sthe gateway for that on the
website, and then all my programinformation is on there as well
.
Michele Folan (46:32):
Wonderful.
I really appreciate you beinghere today.
Courtney Townley (46:35):
Oh, I so appreciate you having me, and I
love that we do similar work inthe world like we're helping
women, because I don't thinkthere can be enough of us, and
so I applaud what you're doingand I'm cheering you on in the
biggest way.
Michele Folan (46:49):
Oh well, thank you, and I wish you the best of
luck with your book launch inNovember.
Courtney Townley (46:54):
Yeah, thank you.
Thank you so much.
Michele Folan (46:56):
Thanks, courtney.
Hey, thanks for tuning in.
Please rate and review the showwhere you listen to the podcast
, and did you know that Askingfor a Friend is available now to
listen on YouTube?
You can subscribe to thepodcast there as well.
Your support is appreciated andit helps others find the show.
(47:16):
Thank you.
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