August 28, 2025 • 41 mins
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What if failure isn’t something to fear—but something to use?
In this episode of Aspire For More with Erin, we unpack one of the hardest truths of leadership: you will fail. But failure doesn’t have to define you. In fact, it can refine you.
Erin introduces the FAIL → GAIN Framework and shares personal stories, practical leadership lessons, and the mindset shifts that can transform mistakes into momentum.
You’ll learn:
- Why assumptions are the fastest way to stall leadership growth
- How to use failure as feedback instead of judgment
- The difference between being more and doing more
- How to build resilience that keeps you moving forward
If you’re an Executive Director, senior living leader, or anyone feeling the weight of mistakes and setbacks—this episode will help you see failure not as the end, but as the beginning of growth.
Key Quote: “FAIL becomes the framework that leads to GAIN. When leaders learn to fail forward, they build the freedom to succeed.”
Here is a F.A.I.L. to G.A.I.N. Framework for you: https://aspireformore.myflodesk.com/failtogain
New ED's Playbook to Creating and IMpactful Community Cultrue
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Join my email list where I will lift you up, and send tactile advice weekly to support you to grow your experience in your senior living career.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Okay, today we're goingtactical.
(00:02):
What if it all works out?
What if we've been lied to ourentire lives and we're so scared
of failing?
'cause we're really scared ofthe judgment that we give
ourselves and the judgment thatother people bestow on us.
But what if it all works out?
What if success and failure isexactly what you need to reach
(00:24):
the goal to create the future,to be who you are destined to
be?
Because I believe the biggestlie we've ever been told is that
we need to avoid failure.
Now let's talk about how toaccept failure, reject judgment.
And learn from it all to createthe future that we want You've
(00:55):
made some mistakes.
As a leader, I've made somemistakes.
As a leader, I've seen plenty ofmistakes made as a leader.
It happens.
Welcome to the club.
It's not a disqualification.
It is actually a qualification.
to grow into the future that youwant.
Lemme just tell you something.
I found myself on a phone callwith private equity group this
(01:20):
week, and I have had severalphone calls with them.
And why would they wanna talk tome is a thought that runs
through my mind and they keepcoming back and they want advice
and they want consulting andthey're, they're getting into
the senior living space for thefirst time.
And I as a default mechanismwant to say to them, I'm not
(01:44):
your person.
I don't have this experience,and I don't have that
experience.
But then I realize I'mqualified.
I'm qualified because they don'tknow senior living.
I'm qualified because I know alot more than I did when I was
inside of a community.
I'm qualified because myperspective is a gift and the
(02:04):
way that I look at things.
Is a way that they don't knowhow to look at it.
And so then I find myself on acall when they want me to work
with them, And I realize this isthe greatest return on my
failure that I could ever haveto sit on a call with private
(02:26):
equity group and giving them myopinion.
And they want it.
They're paying me for it.
And to be able to say to them,you need somebody that can
devote time and attention to thesuccess that you want.
(02:46):
I know that I can't do that foryou right now.
My life doesn't allow that rightnow, but that is the greatest
return on my failure and alesson.
because here's what I learnedthrough failure.
The failure that I describedlast week is that I have to know
my own limitations.
(03:07):
I have to know what I want.
I have to know what I'm capableof.
I have to put myself out thereand learn and fail and try
again, and reiterate and do allthe things.
So when that conversationhappens that.
Opportunity comes my way.
I can ground myself in knowingI'm enough.
(03:29):
I can ground myself in knowingI've worked hard to be in this
room, and I wouldn't have beenable to do that if I hadn't
failed, if I didn't feeluncomfortable by having this
podcast and inviting guests andlearning and editing.
And being in meetings andputting myself in a room I
didn't necessarily feel like Ibelonged to, because I realize
(03:51):
now that going in the rooms thatI feel unqualified for makes me
qualified and turns me in to theperson that I want to be six
months from now, seven monthsfrom now, eight months from now.
I wanna be in those rooms and Iwanna learn and failing.
(04:12):
It gave me that perspective.
That's huge.
But it's not even reallyfailing.
It is taking away the lessonsthat I learned and leaving the
judgment.
So How do we do that?
Let's talk about it folks.
We are gonna talk about failure.
We're gonna talk about it verytactically.
(04:34):
If you have pen and paper.
Let's get it down because thisis the secret sauce.
Someone recently told me thatthere is freedom and frameworks.
That means that there is freedomfrom judgment.
There is freedom from the lackof confidence in stepping out.
Again, there is freedom inknowing this is part of my
(04:57):
process.
let me give you some frameworks.
Fail is not a word.
That we're gonna be scared ofanymore.
Fail is an acronym, just likeFear is an acronym, right?
Face Everything and Rise.
Fail is now an acronym.
Let me break it down for you.
F is for feedback.
(05:18):
What did this mistake teach me?
You are giving your own selffeedback and if you're brave
enough, getting feedback fromother people because that's
important as well.
Great leaders, listen.
Not just to people, but to theoutcomes that they had.
the point of feedback is to gainclarity, and so you have to sit
(05:41):
through that discomfort.
You have to sit through the mudto figure out where the real
clarity comes from.
That's what feedback is for f.
Is for feedback, a adjustment,What needs to change?
Leadership is not about stayingthe same, because when you stay
the same, you cannot grow.
(06:02):
It's about being responsive,responsible, not reactive.
If something isn't working.
You gotta figure out why, andyou gotta change something.
That word pivot comes to mind,You gotta do something different
because it's not working, sowhat's not working?
The adjustment.
(06:22):
There's power and adjustment.
When you actually take the timeto figure out what is it that's
not working, it may just be onetiny thing, but you don't know
if you don't get the feedback,if you don't gain the clarity
and you're not asking yourself,what am I missing?
What is this teaching me?
Because clarity is the goalhere, and in fact, I told that
(06:44):
private equity group goingthrough this exercise with you,
it's fleshing out what youreally want, what's important to
you, It's adjusting things,negotiating things with clarity.
Don't let it be too muddy whereyou can't see.
You wanna get it really clear.
So F is for feedback.
A is for adjustment.
(07:04):
I is the investment.
What did this cost me?
How much time?
Because your time is much morevaluable than your money because
you only get so much time andyou have a lot of opportunity to
make money.
what did this cost me from atime perspective?
What did this cost me from anemotional perspective?
(07:26):
What did this cost me from afinancial perspective?
how much money did we losebecause we've failed and we have
to pivot?
how expensive was this mistake?
And what am I getting in return?
What is this failure teachingme?
And is the return on the failureworth it to try again?
(07:47):
That's pretty powerful.
Questions.
Every hard day, every hardlesson.
It deposited something in you,everything.
Is it learning how to problemsolve?
Is it understanding where mycommunication went wrong?
Is it I gotta learn how to begritty and work through this and
not be so sensitive about it?
(08:07):
Is it I am building my empathyaccount?
Growing in that emotionalintelligence and honestly the
ability.
to grow your capacity andendurance, because if you're a
senior living leader, this is along game.
I like to sprint.
That's just kind of like myfavorite.
(08:28):
I have never been an endurancerunner.
It takes practice, and honestly,I'm not that gritty when it
comes to running, but enduranceis a gift that I have in growing
my potential.
And understanding this businessthat I have, this podcast that
I'm doing, the content that I'msharing with you, the email
newsletters that I'm sending outevery Saturday morning, that is
(08:50):
an endurance game.
That's where consistency becomesyour best friend, and you do it
not for immediate return, butknowing that you're planting
seeds.
And those seeds don't grow inseconds.
They will grow in seasons.
And your capacity for what youcan take and what you can grow
through will grow as well.
(09:13):
The investment is worth theoutcome.
If you learn and you pivot andyou adjust, and you make the
necessary changes to keep going,so don't waste the investment.
Figure out if it's worth it.
Figure out if you want it.
Figure out if you're curiousenough.
And you have the enduranceenough to keep trying again
(09:35):
until it works.
And the last one is leadership.
The L and FAIL is leadership.
Who else gets to hear thisstory?
Are you willing to share thestory?
If you bury your failure, yourteam can't grow from it.
I have to tell you.
I was pretty much an open book.
(09:55):
I'm sure that's not a shockerfor you inside of the community.
I feel like, you know, peopleneed to know when we're doing
right.
People need to know when we'redoing wrong and I, I just
believe that's how you buildconnection inside of a
community.
And in 2020, when we firststarted doing all these Zoom
meetings and I was at home oneday with the kids, and I had to
be on a conference call, Ididn't think much about.
(10:20):
Honestly, I forgot I had theconference call.
It was a wild day, wild times,and I was trying to work from
home with a couple young kids.
and all of a sudden I rememberedI had to be on a conference call
or my, Beth, my RDO at the timecould have reminded me to get on
the call.
I can't remember which one.
And so I frantically put on at-shirt, fixed my hair, and sat
down.
(10:41):
I did not think about the shortsI was wearing.
I did not think about my kidscoming into the call.
I was in such a panic, and thenmy kid comes into the screen.
I'm not a Zoom aficionado atthat time.
the boys in her underwear, and Iget up and I try to shift them
out, and I am in like pajamashorts.
That doesn't necessarily soundlike a failure, but I was
(11:03):
Mortified because we werewelcoming somebody new into the
region.
Mortified, okay?
And so of course my heart sankinto the ground.
I felt nauseous like thinkingabout this.
And then I go back to work We'rein our pep rally meeting, which
is something that we have afterstandup where everybody that's
actually working that day comesto a meeting.
And I tell them how Irepresented them on the call.
(11:26):
And there was actually aregional, nurse there.
I don't know.
Somebody, somebody was there.
I, I don't know who it was Itold them my embarrassing
failing story.
And they laughed.
They had a good time.
I mean, they lived it up at myexpense, It was a connection
moment.
It is I am one of you.
I make these mistakes all thetime, but here's what I learned
(11:47):
from it.
Be aware of what you're wearing,right?
When you have new tech, when youhave new.
Circumstances.
you gotta be more aware than youwere before.
You know, if you bury yourfailure, your team cannot grow
from it, and it's reallyimportant to share it.
Share it when it's not so rawand so hurtful, right?
(12:08):
if you can't share it withoutreally judging yourself, then
obviously you need to be awareof that.
But if you can share it, share afailing story, and then apply a
learning lesson from it.
And talk about how it felt.
Talk about what you did to getthrough it.
Talk about what you're doing toovercome it.
You're gonna be an example ofcourage, and that's important in
(12:29):
leadership, right?
When you lead with transparencyand humility and honesty, you
give people permission to learnwithout fear.
And that's what I hope I'm doingwith you, sharing my stories
with you.
Because truly as a leader, youtell people how to think about
(12:53):
your failure by the way that youdescribe it, you do because if
you learn from it, it'sleverage.
But if you stay stuck from it.
It's a wound that never heals.
And that's really important.
fail is a framework for success.
(13:13):
It's not a stop sign to say thatyou're never gonna be good
enough, that you're never gonnaget through this.
No.
It is a framework and there isfreedom in frameworks.
Okay, so let's go over this onemore time.
F is for feedback.
A is for adjustment, I is forthe investment.
(13:34):
What did you learn?
What needs to change?
What is this experience givingto me?
And L is leadership.
Who needs to hear this?
So now that we have freedom inthe framework, we have given
ourselves permission to feel andfail.
(13:56):
And grow forward, right?
How can we just dissect eachproblem and reflect on the
failure?
it does not matter how simple orhow small, or how large this
failure was in your life.
Every single failure is a giftif you learn from it and if you
(14:19):
look at it as an ability tolearn even a fight.
With your significant other, cangive you clues on how to never
have that fight again.
So let's dive in on how to dothat.
let's break down your lastleadership or relationship,
miss.
another acronym to give you isthe word gain.
(14:42):
Now I got this acronym from,storyteller Tactics, and it kind
of helps you break down thestory of a failure.
So I did not make this up.
We will give credit where creditis due, but I have used it and
it's fabulous.
The G in gain is goal.
Was I aiming at the rightoutcome or was I just chasing
(15:02):
approval?
Did I define what success lookedlike or did someone else.
So let's think about it.
a goal for a tour is to move in.
And so as an executive directoror a sales director or the
nursing director or the activitydirector, or even the
maintenance director, If we areall in this, going through this
(15:23):
tour, and they don't move in, isthat tour a failure?
Well, if you define success asgetting the move in, then yes,
that tour is a failure.
But it was that.
The main goal of the tour,someone would say, yes, that
(15:45):
you, for every tour you wannamove in.
But some would say, we gotta getto the root problem here.
What's an objection that'sholding them back?
if the goal is to figure outwhat's holding them back, then
you can move forward in aproductive way that adds
meaningful, follow up,meaningful assessments, allowing
the team the information theyneed to connect and continue to
(16:08):
connect along the tour follow upprocess, the move in process, so
a tour can have many differentgoals.
let's talk about my own personalfailure of being terminated or
asked to leave a position that Iloved.
What was the goal?
For me, the goal has always beento climb up the corporate
(16:31):
ladder.
That's what I wanted.
In my mind, right?
Like that's what I alwaysenvisioned.
Like what success would feellike is if I get to a hundred
percent, then I'm gonna go up tothe next rung of the ladder.
a very outdated and unrealisticfor my life circumstances.
But in my mind, that's whatsuccess looked like.
(16:54):
But I never defined success onmy own terms.
I define that success becausethat's what society told me
success was.
I never looked at what successlooked like to me, and so now I
am very intentional about beingable to define what success
looks like.
What's the goal, what's the goalof this podcast?
(17:17):
That's gonna be what successlooks like to me.
If you want my honest truth, Iwant this podcast to motivate
you to go out and fail and lookat your past failures and
release the baggage of what'skeeping you stuck so you can
continue to grow.
I also want to reach 10,000downloads from this episode, so
(17:39):
the fact that you're listeningto it.
Means a lot to me.
Thank you.
I'm so close, and when thathappens, that's a big deal to
me, These are the goals ofsuccess.
If I can get somebody into my EDlaunch lab or buy a course that
needs CEUs to give them the giftof perspective, that's a goal.
My goals are not big andoutlandish.
(18:00):
My goals fit my uniquelifestyle.
They fit where I am at and theystretch to where I wanna be.
That is a goal.
So looking at a failure, why wasthis a failure to me?
Was that aiming at the rightoutcome?
At the right time?
Or was I aiming too high and Ididn't have all the information
(18:21):
I needed?
Did I define success well enoughto myself and the team, or did
someone else define that successfor me?
And is it realistic?
That is important.
Assumptions, my God.
Let's talk about assumptionsfolks.
Assumptions are killers tomomentum.
They are killers to success andthey are killers to
(18:45):
relationships.
When we talk about clear iskind, that is really talking
about assumptions are killers.
If you are assuming you wereunclear, if you are assuming
people's thoughts.
You are holding yourself back.
(19:05):
I had a coaching client that I'mworking with and the community
is not where it needs to be,from an occupancy standpoint.
and I asked her one questionbecause it was a question I had
to realize about myself,especially when I was working
for underperforming communities.
When people walk into yourcommunity, do you think.
(19:26):
That they are thinking about thefact that you have 25 vacant
rooms, the fact that you havebeen through a few management
companies, the fact that you'restruggling to gain occupancy,
and that you are desperate.
Do you think that they thinkthat and that they know that?
And she looked at me and shesaid, yeah, wrong.
(19:49):
You are making assumptions.
And that is a problem.
Because you're not showing up asyour best self because you are
wasting so much energy onovercoming mountains and hurdles
the family, the potentialresident aren't even there and
you're losing the ability toconnect because you feel smaller
(20:13):
and you feel less than.
When really all you have to dois understand that clear is
kind, listen and ask questionsso you can know where their
perspective is.
That's powerful.
It's the same thing inrelationships in your marriage.
It's the same thing when you'redealing with your caregivers.
what are we assuming and when weassume we start solving problems
(20:37):
that we don't even have to.
'cause they're not real problemsbecause we never asked the
questions.
I was in the ed launch lab andwe were talking about how
questions are powerful tools forleaders from an operational
standpoint and from a salesdirector standpoint.
And there was an example giventhat day, just a few hours
(21:00):
before our launch lab sessionwhere the executive director
there asked questions.
And now if she had not askedquestions, and she would have
just assumed.
Then there would've been a hugedrama going on between the
caregivers, because when onecaregiver tells you something,
you can assume that she spoke tothe other caregiver.
(21:20):
But if you ask questions and yousay, did you ask the other
caregiver?
Did you do this?
Did you do that?
She realized none of that hadbeen done.
So when you assume communicationwas thorough, when you assume.
That other people don't care orthat this isn't gonna bother
them.
You are setting yourself up tofail.
(21:42):
Yes, it requires a little moreeffort.
Yes, it requires a little bitmore energy, but let me tell you
something, it will be lessenergy than what is required
when the stuff hits the fan,because there was no
communication.
So some questions to thinkabout.
Assumptions through failure,right?
What did I think I knew?
(22:04):
What did I assume other peoplewere thinking?
What didn't I know then that Iknow now?
What did I not control that Ithought were controllable?
And what are the uncontrollablesthat I can't control, You gotta
stop trying to control thingsthat you can't control.
(22:25):
It's never gonna happen for you.
It's never gonna work, ever.
You can't control people.
You can't control reactions, butyou can control your own
capacity to solve problems.
You can control your reactionsand you can control.
When to stop assuming and whento start gaining clarity on
every situation.
(22:45):
when we ask somebody to dosomething for us, are we
assuming they know how to do it?
Are we assuming that theyunderstand what we're going to
use this document for?
Or are we saying to them, Hey, Ireally need this document made.
Here's the end result.
Here's what I'm going to use itfor.
Here are some of the necessaryframeworks that I need, and
(23:07):
here's the freedom to go createit.
You cannot get mad at somebodyif they did not deliver
something to you, if you wereassuming they understood.
People cannot read your mind.
It doesn't matter how good theyare in understanding energy and
being present and emotionallyintelligent, they cannot read
(23:27):
your mind.
Do not assume people know whatyou're thinking.
Assumption kills communication.
In fact, there is nocommunication when people
assume.
So take the effort to ask thequestions.
Clear is kind.
Giving people, clarity is kind,even if it's uncomfortable.
My God, it is so kind becausebeing unclear is being unkind,
(23:53):
and that is really importantInsights.
So G, in gain, we are learninghow to gain from failure here.
The G in gain is the goal.
What am I aiming?
Was I aiming at the rightoutcome or just chasing
approval?
Did I define success for me?
Assumptions.
Always believe that.
(24:14):
Clear is kind.
Always ask questions.
Never assume you know whatpeople are thinking.
The I is insights.
Ooh, when did I realize?
This wasn't working, and did Ikeep going, assuming that it
would work itself out when Ishould have taken the time out
to say, let me look and seewhat's going on here.
(24:36):
And did I not listen?
Did I ignore the signs or did Ipush through them thinking that
we were going to make thishappen?
Anyways, these insights, right?
Reflection, taking the moment tolook at the hard truth.
Did I ignore the signs?
Did I see it coming?
Did I think that we were gonnapush through when I should have
(24:58):
paused and pivot?
This is where the power of thepause comes in.
Literally taking these insightsand reflecting on them can turn
your experiences into wisdom.
The ability to pause and reflectwill change everything for you.
It goes back to who needs tohear this.
in that fail story, Who needs tohear this?
(25:19):
What did I gain from this?
How am I going to use this?
Did I listen or did I ignore?
Did I assume or did Icommunicate and were people
trying to tell me this wasn'tworking and I pushed through?
Anyway?
You can use the power of thepause.
(25:40):
As leverage in creating thefuture that you want, and then
new skills.
This is the present that failuregives you, right?
This is the present that lookingthrough this GAIN acronym gives
you every failure, everyexperience gives you a new
skill.
Do you recognize it?
(26:01):
Are you using it?
Are you just ignoring it and noteven looking at it, right?
What can I do now?
Because of that mistake.
What can I do now and whatgrowth would not have happened
without it?
I can say for me that my growthin general would not have
(26:24):
happened if a door wasn't soseverely slammed in my face.
and think about in everysituation in your life when the
door shut.
And another window opened.
What was that?
I can look back at severaldifferent turning points in my
life and I can realize that doorhad to shut for me to get to the
(26:46):
next level of my life.
my daughter had to make an F ona spelling test for me to
realize that I had to be moreinvolved in her spelling.
You can make.
Whatever grades, as long asyou're trying, but you don't get
to make an F in spelling becausethat's an open book test.
You'll be writing your spellingwords over and over again and
don't tell me that you know howto spell the words because you
(27:10):
just made an F, right?
So I gained a new skill ofperspective, and she gained a
new skill of understanding howimportant homework was.
That was a failure that we hadto learn, and it also taught her
that I don't care aboutperfection.
I care about the process.
I care about your potential.
(27:30):
I care about putting the effortin to get whatever grade that
you're capable of.
And we know that an F is not thehighest that you can get, so it
was a learning lesson.
There was a lot of assumptionsin there.
There was a lot of insights, andthere was a lot of new skills
(27:51):
learned because of it.
So that's what we gain when welook at what happened.
I want you to think about.
That failure that you're holdingonto over and over again, that
may be limiting your growth.
That may be lessening thecourage to stand up in meetings
(28:14):
or get in the room, or that yousay that you can't do something
because something else happenedin the past.
If you are saying that toyourself, whether it's personal,
whether it's professional, letme tell you something.
Learn from it.
What did you G.A.I.N.
from it?
And if you haven't grown fromit, let's reflect on it and
(28:37):
figure out the insights that youhave.
What are the new skills?
Was the goal wrong?
What were you assuming?
Because right now, the reasonwhy you may not be growing from
it or the reason why you carryso much shame around it, or that
you don't want to talk about itis because you're assuming.
People will care about it asmuch as you do.
And look, maybe they will, Idon't know.
(28:59):
Maybe they will.
But like I said to you on thelast episode, I spent a long
time trying to figure out how totell people that I was fired,
terminated, asked to leave, paidto leave, rejected, whatever you
wanna say.
And nobody cared.
Nobody cared.
(29:20):
But there is this ability thatyou have to be able to
communicate how a failure, thedoor being shut in your face, or
not being able to rise to thenext level.
Whatever it is in your life, youtell people how to think about
it in the way that you reactabout it, the way that you
(29:40):
discuss it, the way that youfeel about it.
And if you learned somethingfrom it or not, you pre-frame
people on how to believe theexperience affected your life.
That is so important for you tounderstand and it goes something
(30:01):
like this.
Yes, I worked at a community for10 years and I was asked to
leave that community and ithurt.
It hurt really bad.
In fact, I wanted to sit in ahole and cry for a long time,
even though I knew that therelationship was over.
But here's why.
It turned out to be the bestthing that ever happened to me
(30:24):
because I grew from it, becauseI learned actually that I had a
voice, that I had something tosay, and that I was able to grow
my confidence in all the micromoments.
Of learning how to start apodcast, learning how to be a
speaker, to working through theshame of rejection, and learned
that rejection was my deepestwound that I was covering up my
(30:48):
entire life.
And when I exposed that wound tothe air and I found its
stronghold on my life, Theenergy inside of me started
changing and I no longer attractpeople who will not see me for
my worth.
I will only be attracting thepeople who want what I have to
(31:11):
offer, and I will not feel lessthan when people fall off
because they don't need what Ineed or they don't need what I
have to offer.
And I will always go into a roomand be so glad that I'm there.
No matter if I'm the smartestone in the room, Or the least
experienced?
Because my goal and my life isto grow, and if that experience
(31:37):
had not happened to me, I don'tknow if I would've learned how
to live the life that I'm livingnow.
That's how you turn failure intothe biggest gain of your life.
And I mean, Every word.
Now, if I ever saw those people,in a room, would I feel a little
(32:01):
small?
Maybe would I be nervous?
Yes.
would I look them in the eye?
Yes, I think I would.
I'm proud of who I am and I'm sothankful for the opportunity and
I have gained so much from theexperience.
And that's important.
It's important for you to beable to say in your life and
your failure, is this a goodmiss or is this a bad miss?
(32:25):
a good miss is something that isstill the failure you tried and
you're learning to pivot andyou're gonna learn to do
something a little bit betterand it's going to get you closer
to your goal.
That's a good miss.
A bad miss is when you're notgonna be any closer to your
goal.
You were trying something thatwasn't going to propel you into
(32:46):
the direction that you want togo, or you're staying stuck and
you're not learning how to growfrom it.
That's a bad miss.
So how can you turn everyfailure, every bad outcome into
a good miss?
It's the freedom of theframework of fail feedback,
adjustment, insights,leadership, and the tactical
(33:10):
dissection of gain.
I wanna make every failedoutcome a good miss in creating
the future that I want.
According to a Harvard BusinessReview, the most resilient
leaders do not avoid failure.
They reflect.
And recalibrate within 72 hours.
(33:32):
I tell myself, you have threedays.
You know, my son had a lot ofhealth issues.
at the very beginning.
It was gut wrenching.
And when they had to put histrache in.
I was devastated.
I mean, he was two months old.
he couldn't breathe on his own,it was like the worst day of
your life.
And then they had to put atrache in, in order for him to
(33:55):
survive.
And then I was faced with thismoment of, now I have to keep
this child alive.
And we didn't know how long thisTRA was going to be in there.
We didn't really know.
All I know is that my world camecrashing down, and I didn't know
what to do.
And the NICU nurses, God love'em, I could not be where I am
(34:18):
today without them.
Wanted to start teaching me howto suction his trach and clean
it and all these thingsimmediately, but my world had
just come crashing down.
And I said to them, I can't dothis.
I cannot take on thisresponsibility.
(34:42):
I had been in the NICU every daysince the day he was born, and I
had been discharged from thehospital.
When I was let go the first timefrom that company, my job became
to be the administrator of hiscare, and I was there every day,
all day.
I was there for doctor rounds,And then my world came crashing
down.
Hope had left the building, andI had to say, I need 72 hours.
(35:10):
I can't do this.
I will come back to you onMonday.
Ready, but mourn.
What just happened, the lifethat I'm not gonna have, and I
need to figure out.
How to come back prepared.
And they gave me those 72 hoursand I ate and I cried, and I
slept and I did all the thingsthat I needed to do, and I came
(35:31):
up Monday morning prepared to bethe person that he needed me to
be.
So in those three days where youare in mourning of something
that happened, if it's that big,if it's not that big, take three
hours, right?
Write the failure down.
Okay.
Name the failure, then name thelesson.
(35:54):
I was terminated, but I havegrown and I am valuable, right?
My world has changed and I havechanged to, right?
Identify the adjustment, thepivot, identify that, and then
share it with one person.
This is why coaching is sovaluable.
(36:15):
Because when you share itpublicly with someone that you
trust, your regional director,somebody inside of your
community telling it to yourteam, you're accountable to who
you are now because of whatyou've gained and what you've
learned through the failure.
So here's one thing I want youto write down.
If you're walking through anytype of.
(36:38):
Leadership loss.
This is the new thought process.
I want you to think about, Thismistake is my mentor, and here
is what it is teaching me rightnow.
Growth isn't clean, it is dirty.
It is gritty.
(36:58):
It is messy and it is forgedthrough failure.
There is nothing in life aboutgrowing and creating the future
that you want for yourself.
Being able to identify it.
Know what success is to you.
There is nothing clean aboutgrowing.
Don't be scared.
(37:20):
It is worth the outcome.
Growth is the goal.
Influence is the outcome.
and knowing you are enough isthe foundation because failure
kept me stuck and not beingenough.
It reinforced those old wounds.
Those wounds are healed now, andnow I know that failure propels
(37:45):
me forward.
So I fail fast because I don'thave time to waste.
I want to be a success and Iwant to be an example to people
that.
You gotta fail to grow, and it'sworth all of the energy in doing
that.
So if this episode resonatedwith you, help me get to 10,000
(38:08):
downloads.
I really want this episode to besomething that inspires people
to look at themselvesdifferently and know that this
is worth it.
And we're enrolling in the EDlaunch lab in 45 days.
I can almost guarantee you,you're gonna feel more
confident, more prepared, andmore directionally focused on
(38:30):
how you have to run thatcommunity perspective is a gift.
And I'm gonna give youeverything I have.
and then there's also one-on-onecoaching.
My clients feel more confidentin the first three sessions
because I'm not your typicalcoach, right?
I'm a mentor.
I share my stories and I ask youquestions for you to see yours
(38:52):
in a different light.
Coaching was the biggestinvestment and the best
investment I've ever made inmyself.
And if not me, find a mentor.
Find somebody for you.
'cause it will change your life.
As always, I want you to aspirefor more for you so you can
create the future that you want.
(39:14):
Growth is the goal.
Influence is the outcome andenough is the foundation for you
to keep going.
Talk to you soon.
Okay, today we're goingtactical.
(00:02):
What if it all works out?
What if we've been lied to ourentire lives and we're so scared
of failing?
'cause we're really scared ofthe judgment that we give
ourselves and the judgment thatother people bestow on us.
But what if it all works out?
What if success and failure isexactly what you need to reach
(00:24):
the goal to create the future,to be who you are destined to
be?
Because I believe the biggestlie we've ever been told is that
we need to avoid failure.
Now let's talk about how toaccept failure, reject judgment.
And learn from it all to createthe future that we want You've
(00:55):
made some mistakes.
As a leader, I've made somemistakes.
As a leader, I've seen plenty ofmistakes made as a leader.
It happens.
Welcome to the club.
It's not a disqualification.
It is actually a qualification.
to grow into the future that youwant.
Lemme just tell you something.
I found myself on a phone callwith private equity group this
(01:20):
week, and I have had severalphone calls with them.
And why would they wanna talk tome is a thought that runs
through my mind and they keepcoming back and they want advice
and they want consulting andthey're, they're getting into
the senior living space for thefirst time.
And I as a default mechanismwant to say to them, I'm not
(01:44):
your person.
I don't have this experience,and I don't have that
experience.
But then I realize I'mqualified.
I'm qualified because they don'tknow senior living.
I'm qualified because I know alot more than I did when I was
inside of a community.
I'm qualified because myperspective is a gift and the
(02:04):
way that I look at things.
Is a way that they don't knowhow to look at it.
And so then I find myself on acall when they want me to work
with them, And I realize this isthe greatest return on my
failure that I could ever haveto sit on a call with private
(02:26):
equity group and giving them myopinion.
And they want it.
They're paying me for it.
And to be able to say to them,you need somebody that can
devote time and attention to thesuccess that you want.
(02:46):
I know that I can't do that foryou right now.
My life doesn't allow that rightnow, but that is the greatest
return on my failure and alesson.
because here's what I learnedthrough failure.
The failure that I describedlast week is that I have to know
my own limitations.
(03:07):
I have to know what I want.
I have to know what I'm capableof.
I have to put myself out thereand learn and fail and try
again, and reiterate and do allthe things.
So when that conversationhappens that.
Opportunity comes my way.
I can ground myself in knowingI'm enough.
(03:29):
I can ground myself in knowingI've worked hard to be in this
room, and I wouldn't have beenable to do that if I hadn't
failed, if I didn't feeluncomfortable by having this
podcast and inviting guests andlearning and editing.
And being in meetings andputting myself in a room I
didn't necessarily feel like Ibelonged to, because I realize
(03:51):
now that going in the rooms thatI feel unqualified for makes me
qualified and turns me in to theperson that I want to be six
months from now, seven monthsfrom now, eight months from now.
I wanna be in those rooms and Iwanna learn and failing.
(04:12):
It gave me that perspective.
That's huge.
But it's not even reallyfailing.
It is taking away the lessonsthat I learned and leaving the
judgment.
So How do we do that?
Let's talk about it folks.
We are gonna talk about failure.
We're gonna talk about it verytactically.
(04:34):
If you have pen and paper.
Let's get it down because thisis the secret sauce.
Someone recently told me thatthere is freedom and frameworks.
That means that there is freedomfrom judgment.
There is freedom from the lackof confidence in stepping out.
Again, there is freedom inknowing this is part of my
(04:57):
process.
let me give you some frameworks.
Fail is not a word.
That we're gonna be scared ofanymore.
Fail is an acronym, just likeFear is an acronym, right?
Face Everything and Rise.
Fail is now an acronym.
Let me break it down for you.
F is for feedback.
(05:18):
What did this mistake teach me?
You are giving your own selffeedback and if you're brave
enough, getting feedback fromother people because that's
important as well.
Great leaders, listen.
Not just to people, but to theoutcomes that they had.
the point of feedback is to gainclarity, and so you have to sit
(05:41):
through that discomfort.
You have to sit through the mudto figure out where the real
clarity comes from.
That's what feedback is for f.
Is for feedback, a adjustment,What needs to change?
Leadership is not about stayingthe same, because when you stay
the same, you cannot grow.
(06:02):
It's about being responsive,responsible, not reactive.
If something isn't working.
You gotta figure out why, andyou gotta change something.
That word pivot comes to mind,You gotta do something different
because it's not working, sowhat's not working?
The adjustment.
(06:22):
There's power and adjustment.
When you actually take the timeto figure out what is it that's
not working, it may just be onetiny thing, but you don't know
if you don't get the feedback,if you don't gain the clarity
and you're not asking yourself,what am I missing?
What is this teaching me?
Because clarity is the goalhere, and in fact, I told that
(06:44):
private equity group goingthrough this exercise with you,
it's fleshing out what youreally want, what's important to
you, It's adjusting things,negotiating things with clarity.
Don't let it be too muddy whereyou can't see.
You wanna get it really clear.
So F is for feedback.
A is for adjustment.
(07:04):
I is the investment.
What did this cost me?
How much time?
Because your time is much morevaluable than your money because
you only get so much time andyou have a lot of opportunity to
make money.
what did this cost me from atime perspective?
What did this cost me from anemotional perspective?
(07:26):
What did this cost me from afinancial perspective?
how much money did we losebecause we've failed and we have
to pivot?
how expensive was this mistake?
And what am I getting in return?
What is this failure teachingme?
And is the return on the failureworth it to try again?
(07:47):
That's pretty powerful.
Questions.
Every hard day, every hardlesson.
It deposited something in you,everything.
Is it learning how to problemsolve?
Is it understanding where mycommunication went wrong?
Is it I gotta learn how to begritty and work through this and
not be so sensitive about it?
(08:07):
Is it I am building my empathyaccount?
Growing in that emotionalintelligence and honestly the
ability.
to grow your capacity andendurance, because if you're a
senior living leader, this is along game.
I like to sprint.
That's just kind of like myfavorite.
(08:28):
I have never been an endurancerunner.
It takes practice, and honestly,I'm not that gritty when it
comes to running, but enduranceis a gift that I have in growing
my potential.
And understanding this businessthat I have, this podcast that
I'm doing, the content that I'msharing with you, the email
newsletters that I'm sending outevery Saturday morning, that is
(08:50):
an endurance game.
That's where consistency becomesyour best friend, and you do it
not for immediate return, butknowing that you're planting
seeds.
And those seeds don't grow inseconds.
They will grow in seasons.
And your capacity for what youcan take and what you can grow
through will grow as well.
(09:13):
The investment is worth theoutcome.
If you learn and you pivot andyou adjust, and you make the
necessary changes to keep going,so don't waste the investment.
Figure out if it's worth it.
Figure out if you want it.
Figure out if you're curiousenough.
And you have the enduranceenough to keep trying again
(09:35):
until it works.
And the last one is leadership.
The L and FAIL is leadership.
Who else gets to hear thisstory?
Are you willing to share thestory?
If you bury your failure, yourteam can't grow from it.
I have to tell you.
I was pretty much an open book.
(09:55):
I'm sure that's not a shockerfor you inside of the community.
I feel like, you know, peopleneed to know when we're doing
right.
People need to know when we'redoing wrong and I, I just
believe that's how you buildconnection inside of a
community.
And in 2020, when we firststarted doing all these Zoom
meetings and I was at home oneday with the kids, and I had to
be on a conference call, Ididn't think much about.
(10:20):
Honestly, I forgot I had theconference call.
It was a wild day, wild times,and I was trying to work from
home with a couple young kids.
and all of a sudden I rememberedI had to be on a conference call
or my, Beth, my RDO at the timecould have reminded me to get on
the call.
I can't remember which one.
And so I frantically put on at-shirt, fixed my hair, and sat
down.
(10:41):
I did not think about the shortsI was wearing.
I did not think about my kidscoming into the call.
I was in such a panic, and thenmy kid comes into the screen.
I'm not a Zoom aficionado atthat time.
the boys in her underwear, and Iget up and I try to shift them
out, and I am in like pajamashorts.
That doesn't necessarily soundlike a failure, but I was
(11:03):
Mortified because we werewelcoming somebody new into the
region.
Mortified, okay?
And so of course my heart sankinto the ground.
I felt nauseous like thinkingabout this.
And then I go back to work We'rein our pep rally meeting, which
is something that we have afterstandup where everybody that's
actually working that day comesto a meeting.
And I tell them how Irepresented them on the call.
(11:26):
And there was actually aregional, nurse there.
I don't know.
Somebody, somebody was there.
I, I don't know who it was Itold them my embarrassing
failing story.
And they laughed.
They had a good time.
I mean, they lived it up at myexpense, It was a connection
moment.
It is I am one of you.
I make these mistakes all thetime, but here's what I learned
(11:47):
from it.
Be aware of what you're wearing,right?
When you have new tech, when youhave new.
Circumstances.
you gotta be more aware than youwere before.
You know, if you bury yourfailure, your team cannot grow
from it, and it's reallyimportant to share it.
Share it when it's not so rawand so hurtful, right?
(12:08):
if you can't share it withoutreally judging yourself, then
obviously you need to be awareof that.
But if you can share it, share afailing story, and then apply a
learning lesson from it.
And talk about how it felt.
Talk about what you did to getthrough it.
Talk about what you're doing toovercome it.
You're gonna be an example ofcourage, and that's important in
(12:29):
leadership, right?
When you lead with transparencyand humility and honesty, you
give people permission to learnwithout fear.
And that's what I hope I'm doingwith you, sharing my stories
with you.
Because truly as a leader, youtell people how to think about
(12:53):
your failure by the way that youdescribe it, you do because if
you learn from it, it'sleverage.
But if you stay stuck from it.
It's a wound that never heals.
And that's really important.
fail is a framework for success.
(13:13):
It's not a stop sign to say thatyou're never gonna be good
enough, that you're never gonnaget through this.
No.
It is a framework and there isfreedom in frameworks.
Okay, so let's go over this onemore time.
F is for feedback.
A is for adjustment, I is forthe investment.
(13:34):
What did you learn?
What needs to change?
What is this experience givingto me?
And L is leadership.
Who needs to hear this?
So now that we have freedom inthe framework, we have given
ourselves permission to feel andfail.
(13:56):
And grow forward, right?
How can we just dissect eachproblem and reflect on the
failure?
it does not matter how simple orhow small, or how large this
failure was in your life.
Every single failure is a giftif you learn from it and if you
(14:19):
look at it as an ability tolearn even a fight.
With your significant other, cangive you clues on how to never
have that fight again.
So let's dive in on how to dothat.
let's break down your lastleadership or relationship,
miss.
another acronym to give you isthe word gain.
(14:42):
Now I got this acronym from,storyteller Tactics, and it kind
of helps you break down thestory of a failure.
So I did not make this up.
We will give credit where creditis due, but I have used it and
it's fabulous.
The G in gain is goal.
Was I aiming at the rightoutcome or was I just chasing
(15:02):
approval?
Did I define what success lookedlike or did someone else.
So let's think about it.
a goal for a tour is to move in.
And so as an executive directoror a sales director or the
nursing director or the activitydirector, or even the
maintenance director, If we areall in this, going through this
(15:23):
tour, and they don't move in, isthat tour a failure?
Well, if you define success asgetting the move in, then yes,
that tour is a failure.
But it was that.
The main goal of the tour,someone would say, yes, that
(15:45):
you, for every tour you wannamove in.
But some would say, we gotta getto the root problem here.
What's an objection that'sholding them back?
if the goal is to figure outwhat's holding them back, then
you can move forward in aproductive way that adds
meaningful, follow up,meaningful assessments, allowing
the team the information theyneed to connect and continue to
(16:08):
connect along the tour follow upprocess, the move in process, so
a tour can have many differentgoals.
let's talk about my own personalfailure of being terminated or
asked to leave a position that Iloved.
What was the goal?
For me, the goal has always beento climb up the corporate
(16:31):
ladder.
That's what I wanted.
In my mind, right?
Like that's what I alwaysenvisioned.
Like what success would feellike is if I get to a hundred
percent, then I'm gonna go up tothe next rung of the ladder.
a very outdated and unrealisticfor my life circumstances.
But in my mind, that's whatsuccess looked like.
(16:54):
But I never defined success onmy own terms.
I define that success becausethat's what society told me
success was.
I never looked at what successlooked like to me, and so now I
am very intentional about beingable to define what success
looks like.
What's the goal, what's the goalof this podcast?
(17:17):
That's gonna be what successlooks like to me.
If you want my honest truth, Iwant this podcast to motivate
you to go out and fail and lookat your past failures and
release the baggage of what'skeeping you stuck so you can
continue to grow.
I also want to reach 10,000downloads from this episode, so
(17:39):
the fact that you're listeningto it.
Means a lot to me.
Thank you.
I'm so close, and when thathappens, that's a big deal to
me, These are the goals ofsuccess.
If I can get somebody into my EDlaunch lab or buy a course that
needs CEUs to give them the giftof perspective, that's a goal.
My goals are not big andoutlandish.
(18:00):
My goals fit my uniquelifestyle.
They fit where I am at and theystretch to where I wanna be.
That is a goal.
So looking at a failure, why wasthis a failure to me?
Was that aiming at the rightoutcome?
At the right time?
Or was I aiming too high and Ididn't have all the information
(18:21):
I needed?
Did I define success well enoughto myself and the team, or did
someone else define that successfor me?
And is it realistic?
That is important.
Assumptions, my God.
Let's talk about assumptionsfolks.
Assumptions are killers tomomentum.
They are killers to success andthey are killers to
(18:45):
relationships.
When we talk about clear iskind, that is really talking
about assumptions are killers.
If you are assuming you wereunclear, if you are assuming
people's thoughts.
You are holding yourself back.
(19:05):
I had a coaching client that I'mworking with and the community
is not where it needs to be,from an occupancy standpoint.
and I asked her one questionbecause it was a question I had
to realize about myself,especially when I was working
for underperforming communities.
When people walk into yourcommunity, do you think.
(19:26):
That they are thinking about thefact that you have 25 vacant
rooms, the fact that you havebeen through a few management
companies, the fact that you'restruggling to gain occupancy,
and that you are desperate.
Do you think that they thinkthat and that they know that?
And she looked at me and shesaid, yeah, wrong.
(19:49):
You are making assumptions.
And that is a problem.
Because you're not showing up asyour best self because you are
wasting so much energy onovercoming mountains and hurdles
the family, the potentialresident aren't even there and
you're losing the ability toconnect because you feel smaller
(20:13):
and you feel less than.
When really all you have to dois understand that clear is
kind, listen and ask questionsso you can know where their
perspective is.
That's powerful.
It's the same thing inrelationships in your marriage.
It's the same thing when you'redealing with your caregivers.
what are we assuming and when weassume we start solving problems
(20:37):
that we don't even have to.
'cause they're not real problemsbecause we never asked the
questions.
I was in the ed launch lab andwe were talking about how
questions are powerful tools forleaders from an operational
standpoint and from a salesdirector standpoint.
And there was an example giventhat day, just a few hours
(21:00):
before our launch lab sessionwhere the executive director
there asked questions.
And now if she had not askedquestions, and she would have
just assumed.
Then there would've been a hugedrama going on between the
caregivers, because when onecaregiver tells you something,
you can assume that she spoke tothe other caregiver.
(21:20):
But if you ask questions and yousay, did you ask the other
caregiver?
Did you do this?
Did you do that?
She realized none of that hadbeen done.
So when you assume communicationwas thorough, when you assume.
That other people don't care orthat this isn't gonna bother
them.
You are setting yourself up tofail.
(21:42):
Yes, it requires a little moreeffort.
Yes, it requires a little bitmore energy, but let me tell you
something, it will be lessenergy than what is required
when the stuff hits the fan,because there was no
communication.
So some questions to thinkabout.
Assumptions through failure,right?
What did I think I knew?
(22:04):
What did I assume other peoplewere thinking?
What didn't I know then that Iknow now?
What did I not control that Ithought were controllable?
And what are the uncontrollablesthat I can't control, You gotta
stop trying to control thingsthat you can't control.
(22:25):
It's never gonna happen for you.
It's never gonna work, ever.
You can't control people.
You can't control reactions, butyou can control your own
capacity to solve problems.
You can control your reactionsand you can control.
When to stop assuming and whento start gaining clarity on
every situation.
(22:45):
when we ask somebody to dosomething for us, are we
assuming they know how to do it?
Are we assuming that theyunderstand what we're going to
use this document for?
Or are we saying to them, Hey, Ireally need this document made.
Here's the end result.
Here's what I'm going to use itfor.
Here are some of the necessaryframeworks that I need, and
(23:07):
here's the freedom to go createit.
You cannot get mad at somebodyif they did not deliver
something to you, if you wereassuming they understood.
People cannot read your mind.
It doesn't matter how good theyare in understanding energy and
being present and emotionallyintelligent, they cannot read
(23:27):
your mind.
Do not assume people know whatyou're thinking.
Assumption kills communication.
In fact, there is nocommunication when people
assume.
So take the effort to ask thequestions.
Clear is kind.
Giving people, clarity is kind,even if it's uncomfortable.
My God, it is so kind becausebeing unclear is being unkind,
(23:53):
and that is really importantInsights.
So G, in gain, we are learninghow to gain from failure here.
The G in gain is the goal.
What am I aiming?
Was I aiming at the rightoutcome or just chasing
approval?
Did I define success for me?
Assumptions.
Always believe that.
(24:14):
Clear is kind.
Always ask questions.
Never assume you know whatpeople are thinking.
The I is insights.
Ooh, when did I realize?
This wasn't working, and did Ikeep going, assuming that it
would work itself out when Ishould have taken the time out
to say, let me look and seewhat's going on here.
(24:36):
And did I not listen?
Did I ignore the signs or did Ipush through them thinking that
we were going to make thishappen?
Anyways, these insights, right?
Reflection, taking the moment tolook at the hard truth.
Did I ignore the signs?
Did I see it coming?
Did I think that we were gonnapush through when I should have
(24:58):
paused and pivot?
This is where the power of thepause comes in.
Literally taking these insightsand reflecting on them can turn
your experiences into wisdom.
The ability to pause and reflectwill change everything for you.
It goes back to who needs tohear this.
in that fail story, Who needs tohear this?
(25:19):
What did I gain from this?
How am I going to use this?
Did I listen or did I ignore?
Did I assume or did Icommunicate and were people
trying to tell me this wasn'tworking and I pushed through?
Anyway?
You can use the power of thepause.
(25:40):
As leverage in creating thefuture that you want, and then
new skills.
This is the present that failuregives you, right?
This is the present that lookingthrough this GAIN acronym gives
you every failure, everyexperience gives you a new
skill.
Do you recognize it?
(26:01):
Are you using it?
Are you just ignoring it and noteven looking at it, right?
What can I do now?
Because of that mistake.
What can I do now and whatgrowth would not have happened
without it?
I can say for me that my growthin general would not have
(26:24):
happened if a door wasn't soseverely slammed in my face.
and think about in everysituation in your life when the
door shut.
And another window opened.
What was that?
I can look back at severaldifferent turning points in my
life and I can realize that doorhad to shut for me to get to the
(26:46):
next level of my life.
my daughter had to make an F ona spelling test for me to
realize that I had to be moreinvolved in her spelling.
You can make.
Whatever grades, as long asyou're trying, but you don't get
to make an F in spelling becausethat's an open book test.
You'll be writing your spellingwords over and over again and
don't tell me that you know howto spell the words because you
(27:10):
just made an F, right?
So I gained a new skill ofperspective, and she gained a
new skill of understanding howimportant homework was.
That was a failure that we hadto learn, and it also taught her
that I don't care aboutperfection.
I care about the process.
I care about your potential.
(27:30):
I care about putting the effortin to get whatever grade that
you're capable of.
And we know that an F is not thehighest that you can get, so it
was a learning lesson.
There was a lot of assumptionsin there.
There was a lot of insights, andthere was a lot of new skills
(27:51):
learned because of it.
So that's what we gain when welook at what happened.
I want you to think about.
That failure that you're holdingonto over and over again, that
may be limiting your growth.
That may be lessening thecourage to stand up in meetings
(28:14):
or get in the room, or that yousay that you can't do something
because something else happenedin the past.
If you are saying that toyourself, whether it's personal,
whether it's professional, letme tell you something.
Learn from it.
What did you G.A.I.N.
from it?
And if you haven't grown fromit, let's reflect on it and
(28:37):
figure out the insights that youhave.
What are the new skills?
Was the goal wrong?
What were you assuming?
Because right now, the reasonwhy you may not be growing from
it or the reason why you carryso much shame around it, or that
you don't want to talk about itis because you're assuming.
People will care about it asmuch as you do.
And look, maybe they will, Idon't know.
(28:59):
Maybe they will.
But like I said to you on thelast episode, I spent a long
time trying to figure out how totell people that I was fired,
terminated, asked to leave, paidto leave, rejected, whatever you
wanna say.
And nobody cared.
Nobody cared.
(29:20):
But there is this ability thatyou have to be able to
communicate how a failure, thedoor being shut in your face, or
not being able to rise to thenext level.
Whatever it is in your life, youtell people how to think about
it in the way that you reactabout it, the way that you
(29:40):
discuss it, the way that youfeel about it.
And if you learned somethingfrom it or not, you pre-frame
people on how to believe theexperience affected your life.
That is so important for you tounderstand and it goes something
(30:01):
like this.
Yes, I worked at a community for10 years and I was asked to
leave that community and ithurt.
It hurt really bad.
In fact, I wanted to sit in ahole and cry for a long time,
even though I knew that therelationship was over.
But here's why.
It turned out to be the bestthing that ever happened to me
(30:24):
because I grew from it, becauseI learned actually that I had a
voice, that I had something tosay, and that I was able to grow
my confidence in all the micromoments.
Of learning how to start apodcast, learning how to be a
speaker, to working through theshame of rejection, and learned
that rejection was my deepestwound that I was covering up my
(30:48):
entire life.
And when I exposed that wound tothe air and I found its
stronghold on my life, Theenergy inside of me started
changing and I no longer attractpeople who will not see me for
my worth.
I will only be attracting thepeople who want what I have to
(31:11):
offer, and I will not feel lessthan when people fall off
because they don't need what Ineed or they don't need what I
have to offer.
And I will always go into a roomand be so glad that I'm there.
No matter if I'm the smartestone in the room, Or the least
experienced?
Because my goal and my life isto grow, and if that experience
(31:37):
had not happened to me, I don'tknow if I would've learned how
to live the life that I'm livingnow.
That's how you turn failure intothe biggest gain of your life.
And I mean, Every word.
Now, if I ever saw those people,in a room, would I feel a little
(32:01):
small?
Maybe would I be nervous?
Yes.
would I look them in the eye?
Yes, I think I would.
I'm proud of who I am and I'm sothankful for the opportunity and
I have gained so much from theexperience.
And that's important.
It's important for you to beable to say in your life and
your failure, is this a goodmiss or is this a bad miss?
(32:25):
a good miss is something that isstill the failure you tried and
you're learning to pivot andyou're gonna learn to do
something a little bit betterand it's going to get you closer
to your goal.
That's a good miss.
A bad miss is when you're notgonna be any closer to your
goal.
You were trying something thatwasn't going to propel you into
(32:46):
the direction that you want togo, or you're staying stuck and
you're not learning how to growfrom it.
That's a bad miss.
So how can you turn everyfailure, every bad outcome into
a good miss?
It's the freedom of theframework of fail feedback,
adjustment, insights,leadership, and the tactical
(33:10):
dissection of gain.
I wanna make every failedoutcome a good miss in creating
the future that I want.
According to a Harvard BusinessReview, the most resilient
leaders do not avoid failure.
They reflect.
And recalibrate within 72 hours.
(33:32):
I tell myself, you have threedays.
You know, my son had a lot ofhealth issues.
at the very beginning.
It was gut wrenching.
And when they had to put histrache in.
I was devastated.
I mean, he was two months old.
he couldn't breathe on his own,it was like the worst day of
your life.
And then they had to put atrache in, in order for him to
(33:55):
survive.
And then I was faced with thismoment of, now I have to keep
this child alive.
And we didn't know how long thisTRA was going to be in there.
We didn't really know.
All I know is that my world camecrashing down, and I didn't know
what to do.
And the NICU nurses, God love'em, I could not be where I am
(34:18):
today without them.
Wanted to start teaching me howto suction his trach and clean
it and all these thingsimmediately, but my world had
just come crashing down.
And I said to them, I can't dothis.
I cannot take on thisresponsibility.
(34:42):
I had been in the NICU every daysince the day he was born, and I
had been discharged from thehospital.
When I was let go the first timefrom that company, my job became
to be the administrator of hiscare, and I was there every day,
all day.
I was there for doctor rounds,And then my world came crashing
down.
Hope had left the building, andI had to say, I need 72 hours.
(35:10):
I can't do this.
I will come back to you onMonday.
Ready, but mourn.
What just happened, the lifethat I'm not gonna have, and I
need to figure out.
How to come back prepared.
And they gave me those 72 hoursand I ate and I cried, and I
slept and I did all the thingsthat I needed to do, and I came
(35:31):
up Monday morning prepared to bethe person that he needed me to
be.
So in those three days where youare in mourning of something
that happened, if it's that big,if it's not that big, take three
hours, right?
Write the failure down.
Okay.
Name the failure, then name thelesson.
(35:54):
I was terminated, but I havegrown and I am valuable, right?
My world has changed and I havechanged to, right?
Identify the adjustment, thepivot, identify that, and then
share it with one person.
This is why coaching is sovaluable.
(36:15):
Because when you share itpublicly with someone that you
trust, your regional director,somebody inside of your
community telling it to yourteam, you're accountable to who
you are now because of whatyou've gained and what you've
learned through the failure.
So here's one thing I want youto write down.
If you're walking through anytype of.
(36:38):
Leadership loss.
This is the new thought process.
I want you to think about, Thismistake is my mentor, and here
is what it is teaching me rightnow.
Growth isn't clean, it is dirty.
It is gritty.
(36:58):
It is messy and it is forgedthrough failure.
There is nothing in life aboutgrowing and creating the future
that you want for yourself.
Being able to identify it.
Know what success is to you.
There is nothing clean aboutgrowing.
Don't be scared.
(37:20):
It is worth the outcome.
Growth is the goal.
Influence is the outcome.
and knowing you are enough isthe foundation because failure
kept me stuck and not beingenough.
It reinforced those old wounds.
Those wounds are healed now, andnow I know that failure propels
(37:45):
me forward.
So I fail fast because I don'thave time to waste.
I want to be a success and Iwant to be an example to people
that.
You gotta fail to grow, and it'sworth all of the energy in doing
that.
So if this episode resonatedwith you, help me get to 10,000
(38:08):
downloads.
I really want this episode to besomething that inspires people
to look at themselvesdifferently and know that this
is worth it.
And we're enrolling in the EDlaunch lab in 45 days.
I can almost guarantee you,you're gonna feel more
confident, more prepared, andmore directionally focused on
(38:30):
how you have to run thatcommunity perspective is a gift.
And I'm gonna give youeverything I have.
and then there's also one-on-onecoaching.
My clients feel more confidentin the first three sessions
because I'm not your typicalcoach, right?
I'm a mentor.
I share my stories and I ask youquestions for you to see yours
(38:52):
in a different light.
Coaching was the biggestinvestment and the best
investment I've ever made inmyself.
And if not me, find a mentor.
Find somebody for you.
'cause it will change your life.
As always, I want you to aspirefor more for you so you can
create the future that you want.
(39:14):
Growth is the goal.
Influence is the outcome andenough is the foundation for you
to keep going.
Talk to you soon.
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