May 15, 2025 • 31 mins
Send me your feedback on this episode!
Connect with me on LinkedIn
Follow me on Facebook where I educate, equip and empower family members how to proactively care for their elderly loved ones.
Follow me on Instagram where I educate, equip and empower family members how to proactively care for their elderly loved ones.
Join my email list where I will lift you up, and send tactile advice weekly to support you to grow your experience in your senior living career.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
The quality of your leadershipis directly connected to the
(00:04):
quality of the questions thatyou ask.
Have you ever been told that asa senior living leader?
I never really was, but mostleaders think their job is to
have the answers.
I know I did.
I know I still do sometimes.
But what I'm realizing now isthe best leaders, the one who
(00:25):
transforms teams, who builds theculture and creates the
influence.
Know the real power isn't inhaving all the answers.
It's in the questions that weask.
Because questions do somethingthat answers never can they open
space.
(00:46):
They invite ownership, theyspark thinking, and they build
trust.
John Maxwell says, good leadersask great questions.
I take it a step further.
Great leaders asktransformational questions.
The kind that don't just fix aproblem, they grow a person.
(01:10):
And that's where the real shifthappens.
That's where the shift happened.
For me.
Control based leadership givesanswers, but influence based
leadership asks questions,control keeps you the center of
the story.
And questions pull others intothe center of their own growth.
(01:33):
So if you're tired of being thecommunity fire extinguisher, if
you're constantly jumping in tosolve everyone's problems, if
you find yourself thinking, whycan't anyone just take
initiative?
Or if I hear my name one moretime.
(01:54):
It is time to stop answering andto start asking questions
because when we lead with theright questions, we stop
managing behavior and we startmultiplying belief.
So let's get into this episodewhere we explore How we can
change from being the person whosolves every problem to the
(02:18):
person who grows people to solvetheir own problems.
It is important to know that youare only as good as the people
you are around, period.
And as an executive director,you're around your leadership
team an awful lot.
You're also around your careteam and your maintenance team
(02:42):
and your culinary team as well.
So if you are the sum of thepeople that you hang around.
I think that we wanna make surewho we're hanging around are
good people, good eggs, and wewanna make sure that we as the
leader, are pouring into themand making them grow into better
(03:04):
versions of themselves that cansolve more problems.
The more that your leaders cansolve, the more freedom that you
have, the more leaders cananticipate problems and avoid
those problems becoming areality, the more freedom
they're gonna have.
And a lot of time I hear whatmost leaders want, or more
(03:25):
freedom, I know as a leader, Ihad young kids and so there were
times that I had to hear my nameso many times at home and at
work, and I would just get thatfeeling like if I hear my name
one more time.
(03:46):
Did that happen to you?
Because I don't want to feeltotally alone in that little
resentment that I had at thetime, I did tell somebody, don't
say my name.
Ask your question.
that's just how bad it got onetime.
I'm sorry if that's too real, Iknow I realized at some point
(04:08):
now I can't give to you thepoint that the realization came,
but I realized that me fixingeverything and trying to answer
every question and trying tosolve every problem was going to
keep me having to be involved ineverything.
And I can't be involved ineverything.
(04:29):
The majority of my time wasworking, at a community that was
124 apartments, 64 memory care,60 assisted living, 110
associates, potentially 250residents that, 250 family
members that would want to talkto me at any given point, and
then trying to stay on top ofhome life as well.
(04:49):
I am one person and I cannotsolve every problem, but I
realized if I can have andempower and allow my team to
solve problems with them,understanding what success look
like to me based on theregulations, based on policy and
procedures, based on my owncustomer service expectations,
(05:12):
then my team will grow.
And in growing in their role,they will create more freedom.
They will be feeling moreempowered and leadership and
trust throughout the communitycan scale and not just stay with
me.
I knew that as a leader, as anexecutive director of a
(05:34):
community, if family memberstrusted me, that trust would
filter down to my managers.
That was my responsibility.
I knew that.
But in order for family membersto trust me, it had to be
available to them and residentsand associates.
I can't be available if I'm busysolving everyone's problems, and
(05:55):
so I needed to let go and growmy team being the first to
respond.
The fixer, the solver, the oneeveryone counted on, I loved it.
I like being needed to somedegree.
It filled a lot of silent woundsthat, I didn't know existed at
(06:15):
the time.
Feeling needed, feeling powerfulto solve problems, and being
someone's superhero is, for alack of better words, addicting.
I loved it.
I like solving problems, but theproblem is I began to want more
(06:39):
than just being needed.
I couldn't grow as a person andas a leader because I was
containing myself as beingneeded for every problem.
I realized that every time Ianswered a question someone else
(07:02):
could solve, I took away achance for them to grow and a
chance for me to grow in myleadership impact because
leadership isn't doingeverything.
Leadership is empowering peopleto be able to do the thing,
solve the problem, make thedecision based on the big
(07:24):
picture for the community.
When we are solving everyproblem and becoming the fire
extinguisher for everything,we're not leading.
Okay.
I was training peopleunintentionally to bring
problems to me to get approvalfrom me to solve the problem
instead of coming to me withsolutions.
(07:47):
Now, I had some great teammembers that would bring me
solutions innately, like Ididn't ask for it.
They would just bring it to meand then we would work it out,
and then I would be like, okay.
And I think I was intentionallytraining people to do that when
I should have released themsooner to solve the problem and
then come to me and thosenatural leaders who are now
(08:10):
executive directors and um,sales directors with
administrators license, and soonto be administrators, they did
that.
Innately because they'releaders, because they had the
experience and other peopleneeded that push from me that
eventually I gave them.
It's called confidence.
(08:32):
They need you to ask themquestions and to give them the
opportunity to solve problems,and if they don't do it right, a
safe space to say, what did welearn here?
What did we not know when wesolved these problems?
What do we need to look for nexttime when this happens?
One of the great things aboutworking in senior living is a
(08:56):
lot of the same problems happenin different forms and different
circumstances because we'reserving the same customer
avatar.
And so over time, and if you canidentify the pattern
recognition, you can see.
The steps that are leading tothis problem happening over and
(09:17):
over again.
And so if you can teach leadershow to see those patterns, solve
those problems in advance beforethey become big problems, we're
building confidence, we'rebuilding trust, and that's
really important.
So how do we go from a firstresponder?
(09:37):
Really to a coach and I will saythat now who I am today, all the
different investments I havemade in myself from, different
coaches that I have invested in.
For me, I understand the powerof questions because the
coaching programs completelychanged the trajectory of my
life.
And a lot of it were questionsthat were asked of me.
(10:02):
They didn't solve my problems.
They asked me questions.
They asked me questions like,why are you talk like yourself
to yourself like that?
Why are you so hard on that?
And these are things that Iwasn't aware of for me, or I
wasn't aware that it was nothealthy.
If we're too harsh to ourselves,it's not healthy.
(10:22):
Eventually that's gonna come outand it's going to project onto
other people.
But I realized over the lastthree years of investments in my
leadership growth and mybusiness professional growth and
my confidence growth, that thebest leaders ask questions
before they answer.
In some ways, a younger, moreinexperienced, immature in
(10:47):
leadership version of myselfthought that questions were a
bit passive aggressive.
Now questions can be passiveaggressive.
That's why it's important foryou to understand your tone and
what your.
In what you're trying to, theoutcome that you're trying to
give, because questions can bevery passive aggressive, but you
(11:07):
can set the nature of themeeting and you can say, before
I answer, I wanna ask somequestions so we can grow through
this process together.
We've set the tone of themeeting.
Somebody's bringing you aproblem, and you can say to
them, I'm gonna ask you somequestions so we can get to the
answer together.
(11:27):
And then you can ask themleading questions instead of
saying, let me fix that for you.
It's what have you alreadytried?
If I weren't here, how would youhandle it?
Or what do you think that weshould do?
We feel the need to solve theproblems because that's our
identity.
Like I described earlier, thepressure of having to solve all
(11:49):
the problems and mostimportantly, the time we don't
have the time.
Time is like our biggest crutch.
We don't have the time to dothis.
We don't have the time to investin the growth.
I want you to understandsomething.
If you don't have the timetoday, you will never have the
time.
The short term investment ofpouring into your leadership
(12:11):
team and watching them grow longterm will give you the time that
you are so desperately seeking,I promise you.
where are you?
Let me ask you this question andanswer it to yourself or out
loud.
Where are you?
The first to respond and solveproblems.
(12:35):
Is there a particular departmentin your community or your
company that you are so quick tosolve problems without asking
questions of the leader?
Do you believe in that leader?
Do you see the potential in thatleader?
Are you taking away theopportunity to grow them?
(12:55):
So I want you to be realreflective on who am I solving
problems for all the time, andwho am I allowing to solve their
own problems and what's thedifference?
And if it's everybody'sproblems, then we got some work
to do.
Okay?
(13:15):
So this week.
Say this, write this.
I will pause instead of fix, andI will ask instead of answer,
ask, what have you alreadytried?
What's the next step here?
(13:35):
What do we need to know to makethe best solution to this
problem?
That's a good question.
What do I need to know?
Because sometimes we try tosolve problems without all of
the facts.
So are you asking the rightquestions?
This is where we wanna make surethat we get to the point where
it's not so passive aggressive.
(13:58):
It is intentional because beingintentional is how you grow.
Asking questions work because itbuilds team confidence.
It surfaces creativity, likecreative problem solving is a
lot of fun, but you can't getcreative problem solving if you
don't know all the facts and youdon't feel safe enough to
(14:20):
experiment to figure out whatwould be a creative solution.
And when your people growbecause you're asking them
questions, it reduces yourburnout and it empowers them
because they see the impact thatthey're making.
A lot of our burnout comes fromnot seeing the impact our work
(14:42):
is giving us, which means thatwe're trying to do the same
thing over and over again, andwe're seeing no results.
But if we pour into and growinto our team.
Then we're gonna start seeingresults very quickly because
it's the teamwork that willmultiply the outcomes.
You gotta get them bought infirst, and questions is a good
(15:02):
way to do that.
So information is power.
Yes.
Know what we need to know, whatdo we not know, but only when
it's shared.
And so it's really important toknow, are we asking the right
questions?
Think of your leadership.
As Google.
But you are the Google searchengine and your managers, your
(15:27):
leaders, maybe even some, highpotential leaders in frontline
teams are coming to you askingquestions.
It's only useful if people areasking good questions.
If somebody's coming to you andthey have a problem and they
want your opinion, a goodclarifying question is going to
(15:50):
be, what does success look likehere?
What does success look like toyou?
When we solve this problem, dowe know what the family wants in
this?
I like to talk about the win-winquadrant a lot.
What is the win for the family?
What is the win for thecommunity?
What is the win for you?
what does success really looklike?
A good coaching question isgoing to be, what's the real
(16:13):
challenge here for you?
This coaching question reallygets somebody thinking, is it
really a problem or what's thereal problem?
Because let's face it.
The problems are not always theones that we think they are.
And so a good coaching questionreally asks the person who's
(16:36):
bringing you the problem, whatis the real problem?
And walking through that, andthen an empowering question is,
how would you lead this if Iwasn't here?
How would you solve thisquestion if I wasn't here?
What would great look like foryou next week?
What would great look like foryou for the rest of the day?
(16:59):
What does good look like?
Solving this problem today, thepsychology behind questions is
that questions.
Activate the prefrontal cortex.
It creates ownership, notobedience.
I had an executive directorrecently.
Ask me about education andtraining the team and how she
(17:22):
wants her team to want trainingand educating and use what
they've learned and get them tobuy in.
And I said to her, you need toask more questions rather than
fill them with knowledge andinformation.
(17:43):
Because questions really docreate ownership, and it can be
something as simple as, did yousee how happy that resident was
after you washed her hair?
Do you see the impact of givingthem or this particular
resident, a fried egg over ascrambled egg, a choice?
(18:07):
They can tie their own work intothe impact that they see, and
then it buys ownership.
There's a connection becausesometimes people don't see
what's holding them back untilyou bring it to light.
(18:27):
Why are you feelinguncomfortable here?
What is preventing you fromtrying this?
When we ask those types ofreflective questions, psychology
comes in and all of a sudden wedo realize it's not defiance or
disobedience.
It really is fear of judgment,fear of failure, fear of
(18:50):
rejection, and we can createthis space where people can say,
I'm scared to fail.
I'm scared to let you down.
And then that emotional impact.
Is when people feel seen andheard and valued.
A lot of people put thesedefenses up or these roadblocks
(19:11):
because they are afraid and wedon't know that, and they don't
know that until they'reconfronted with it in a
powerfully safe, growth way.
And that's what questions can doif you use them appropriately.
Questions can shift the dynamicfrom I lead you and you follow
(19:34):
me to we're gonna grow togetherand it's safe to know that I
don't know is an appropriateanswer as long as you have the
willingness to go find theanswer and bring it back to me.
Questions provide.
That space and in a cheesy way,you know, giving an answer is
(20:00):
like handing someone a fish.
But asking a question is liketeaching them to fish and then
watching them teach others.
That's empowering.
That's truly leading from aninfluential way.
And the three types of powerfulquestions are clarifying,
(20:22):
coaching and empoweringquestions, not passive
aggressively, but a way topromote growth, confidence, and
connection with your team.
So how do we start implementinga question led leadership style,
which is what I like to callinfluence based leadership?
(20:42):
I think it's really importantfor you to understand, for me to
understand, or to remind myselfconstantly that answers solve a
moment.
So when I go to give an answerto be that fire extinguisher to
solve everyone's problems, I'msolving a moment and I'm moving
on to the next problem.
Questions.
(21:04):
Develop a leader who can solvetheir own problems and then
report back to you the problem,the solution, and the outcome.
Just imagine.
Someone solving a problem,seeing a problem, solving a
problem, assessing the outcome,and bringing all of that to you.
(21:26):
You may have that now, but ifyou don't, it's possible.
It requires you to create agrowth environment and to ask
questions that will breedownership, right?
So you have to shift yourhabits.
And your mindset from, I don'twant to be needed all the time.
(21:48):
I want to empower people wherewe can spread the good dopamine
hits of solving problems andtrust being baked into our daily
operations inside of acommunity.
So try this framework for you toask.
More and better questions toyour team.
(22:09):
It's ask, listen, reflect, andempower.
So you wanna ask one greatquestion per meeting, so of your
standup and your daily allassociate meeting, and wanna ask
a great question that makespeople think and makes people
grow and it create a safe spaceto have them answer.
(22:31):
So everybody can learn from theresponses.
Or if you ask one great questionand everybody answers this thing
about how much growth andperspective is in that room
perspective is a gift.
And that's what you're givingyour leaders when you ask them a
question, they respond and thenyou respond back.
So ask one great question permeeting growth question.
(22:55):
Listen, practice silent pausesbefore asking.
I think it's important.
I have been uncomfortable withpauses, too long of pauses As I
have grown in my speaking, Irealize that pause can feel a
(23:15):
little uncomfortable and I'mforcing myself to lean into the
pause.
So ask a question and thenpause.
And let them feel safe in thatpause and then wait for them to
respond because we want them tofeel that urgency is not
(23:37):
important.
It doesn't have to be rightaway.
a thorough answer is moreimportant than a quick answer.
Reflect, it's like that power ofsummarization.
Repeat back what you hear.
What I'm hearing you say is.
Tell me if I'm correct, but Iheard you say this when you
reflect back what they'resaying, it's really powerful
(24:01):
because you may be able to sayit in a summary better than what
they said it, and yet they feelempowered because of the way you
said it.
I'll give you an example.
I was talking to a friend.
And I, was making some commentsabout some visions and some
goals and different things thatI want.
(24:22):
And it was probably, not asfluent and powerful as I wanted
it to be.
But when she reflected back tome, she summarized what I said
to her.
She summarized it to me.
I was like, wow, did I say that?
That sounds so good.
(24:42):
And all of a sudden my shouldersgot.
Up a little higher and I set upa little taller and I was like,
wow, that's good.
And that came from me.
It didn't necessarily sound theway she said it, but the way she
said it made me sound good andfeel good.
And that's the power of that,reflecting that summarization,
(25:05):
and then empower.
Once you get through theconversation, you ask something
like, what would you like to donext?
Did you feel good about this?
What are you gonna take out ofthis conversation moving
forward?
let's just talk about this was areally bad situation.
We solved it, we're better forit.
(25:25):
Now let's ask what did we learnfrom this and how are we going
to implement what we learned?
Those are powerful, empoweringquestions, and it gives them
ownership to prevent the problemfrom happening again.
And to take what they learnedand empower other people to do
(25:45):
the same thing.
So that framework, ask one greatquestion per meeting.
Listen, practice the pause, becomfortable with it.
Reflect back that power ofsummarization and empower
people.
What would you like to do next?
What did you learn?
How are you going to implementit in the next phase?
(26:08):
Questions, strengthen emotionalintelligence.
It builds a sharedresponsibility.
We own it together, period.
That's a growth environmentwhere we own it together, where
we learn from the things thatdon't go right and we gain
experience and knowledge to moveforward together in a better
(26:31):
way.
And actually it multiplies.
Leadership across the team.
If we know that we can growthrough what we go through,
because we're asking questionsall the time, we're creating
this growth environment, thisgrowth culture, then we are
(26:53):
making a difference.
You are creating more freedomfor you and your team.
You're reducing the burnout, andyou're realizing that your worth
isn't in your outcomes.
It's the process of gettingbetter and we can expect things
to not go right and we canexpect to learn from them and
grow for them because we'resetting the tone with asking
(27:16):
questions.
Being a coach leader is how youincrease the influence in your
community, and I think thatcoaching can sometimes get a bad
rap.
But here's what I want you tothink about from a coach
perspective.
You're gonna communicate, it'san acronym, communicate share
(27:37):
observations respectfully.
You're going to observe, noticewhat's not working and what is
working, and then you're goingto act, right?
COA, communicate, observe, andact.
Collaborate together, inviteyour team to the conversation.
A conversation is only aconversation if we're asking
(27:58):
questions back and forth andtalking to each other in a very
respectful and growth orientedway.
And we're gonna honor the wins.
Wins come after every loss.
We learn something from everyloss that we have.
So acknowledge the wins, the bigand small, the wins that are
wrapped up in bigger wins, andthe wins that are learned from
(28:22):
the hard lesson of losing orfailure, right?
We have to acknowledge theeffort and the contributions and
build trust and goodwill.
So ask questions.
Great leadership isn't built oncontrol.
It's built on questions, whichto me equals influence because
(28:46):
you're asking people to own it,obviously, depending on your
tone.
So if you want your influence togrow, start asking more and
answering less, which iscertainly harder than it sounds
for some of us who like to beneeded, who like to be in
(29:07):
control.
But who understand that freedomand empowering is the way of the
future successful senior livingleader.
So think about these threequestions for you.
Where am I the first responder?
When I should be the coach?
(29:29):
Where am I the first responder,when I should be the coach?
That's inspired by Joseph Cope,the empathy guy himself.
What coaching questions can Iuse this week instead of a quick
fix?
And how would my culture shiftif I used influence rather than
(29:52):
answers?
Powerful questions, powerreflection moments for you.
Thank you for your time today.
We are going to be talking aboutquestions, for the next couple
episodes because if you want tohire influential people for your
management positions, the nextarea of questions that we're
gonna talk about is how to findthem the appropriate answers,
(30:16):
questions to ask for interviewsand hiring influential and
growth oriented people.
So you're gonna wanna stay.
Tuned for that episode nextweek.
Thank you for your time.
Your time is very valuable.
Again, always.
I'm opening up my new leadershipcoaching, cohort called the ED
(30:36):
Launch Lab.
Confidence Over Chaos and aLeadership Accelerator for
Leaders is coming soon and theExecutive Director Playbook
course is available now.
Thank you for your support andas always, I am taking
one-on-one clients.
Because coaching changed my lifeand it can certainly change
yours, and I would love to be apart of your growth journey.
(31:00):
As always, aspire for more foryou.
When you own your story, you cancreate your future.
Have a great rest of your day.
The quality of your leadershipis directly connected to the
(00:04):
quality of the questions thatyou ask.
Have you ever been told that asa senior living leader?
I never really was, but mostleaders think their job is to
have the answers.
I know I did.
I know I still do sometimes.
But what I'm realizing now isthe best leaders, the one who
(00:25):
transforms teams, who builds theculture and creates the
influence.
Know the real power isn't inhaving all the answers.
It's in the questions that weask.
Because questions do somethingthat answers never can they open
space.
(00:46):
They invite ownership, theyspark thinking, and they build
trust.
John Maxwell says, good leadersask great questions.
I take it a step further.
Great leaders asktransformational questions.
The kind that don't just fix aproblem, they grow a person.
(01:10):
And that's where the real shifthappens.
That's where the shift happened.
For me.
Control based leadership givesanswers, but influence based
leadership asks questions,control keeps you the center of
the story.
And questions pull others intothe center of their own growth.
(01:33):
So if you're tired of being thecommunity fire extinguisher, if
you're constantly jumping in tosolve everyone's problems, if
you find yourself thinking, whycan't anyone just take
initiative?
Or if I hear my name one moretime.
(01:54):
It is time to stop answering andto start asking questions
because when we lead with theright questions, we stop
managing behavior and we startmultiplying belief.
So let's get into this episodewhere we explore How we can
change from being the person whosolves every problem to the
(02:18):
person who grows people to solvetheir own problems.
It is important to know that youare only as good as the people
you are around, period.
And as an executive director,you're around your leadership
team an awful lot.
You're also around your careteam and your maintenance team
(02:42):
and your culinary team as well.
So if you are the sum of thepeople that you hang around.
I think that we wanna make surewho we're hanging around are
good people, good eggs, and wewanna make sure that we as the
leader, are pouring into themand making them grow into better
(03:04):
versions of themselves that cansolve more problems.
The more that your leaders cansolve, the more freedom that you
have, the more leaders cananticipate problems and avoid
those problems becoming areality, the more freedom
they're gonna have.
And a lot of time I hear whatmost leaders want, or more
(03:25):
freedom, I know as a leader, Ihad young kids and so there were
times that I had to hear my nameso many times at home and at
work, and I would just get thatfeeling like if I hear my name
one more time.
(03:46):
Did that happen to you?
Because I don't want to feeltotally alone in that little
resentment that I had at thetime, I did tell somebody, don't
say my name.
Ask your question.
that's just how bad it got onetime.
I'm sorry if that's too real, Iknow I realized at some point
(04:08):
now I can't give to you thepoint that the realization came,
but I realized that me fixingeverything and trying to answer
every question and trying tosolve every problem was going to
keep me having to be involved ineverything.
And I can't be involved ineverything.
(04:29):
The majority of my time wasworking, at a community that was
124 apartments, 64 memory care,60 assisted living, 110
associates, potentially 250residents that, 250 family
members that would want to talkto me at any given point, and
then trying to stay on top ofhome life as well.
(04:49):
I am one person and I cannotsolve every problem, but I
realized if I can have andempower and allow my team to
solve problems with them,understanding what success look
like to me based on theregulations, based on policy and
procedures, based on my owncustomer service expectations,
(05:12):
then my team will grow.
And in growing in their role,they will create more freedom.
They will be feeling moreempowered and leadership and
trust throughout the communitycan scale and not just stay with
me.
I knew that as a leader, as anexecutive director of a
(05:34):
community, if family memberstrusted me, that trust would
filter down to my managers.
That was my responsibility.
I knew that.
But in order for family membersto trust me, it had to be
available to them and residentsand associates.
I can't be available if I'm busysolving everyone's problems, and
(05:55):
so I needed to let go and growmy team being the first to
respond.
The fixer, the solver, the oneeveryone counted on, I loved it.
I like being needed to somedegree.
It filled a lot of silent woundsthat, I didn't know existed at
(06:15):
the time.
Feeling needed, feeling powerfulto solve problems, and being
someone's superhero is, for alack of better words, addicting.
I loved it.
I like solving problems, but theproblem is I began to want more
(06:39):
than just being needed.
I couldn't grow as a person andas a leader because I was
containing myself as beingneeded for every problem.
I realized that every time Ianswered a question someone else
(07:02):
could solve, I took away achance for them to grow and a
chance for me to grow in myleadership impact because
leadership isn't doingeverything.
Leadership is empowering peopleto be able to do the thing,
solve the problem, make thedecision based on the big
(07:24):
picture for the community.
When we are solving everyproblem and becoming the fire
extinguisher for everything,we're not leading.
Okay.
I was training peopleunintentionally to bring
problems to me to get approvalfrom me to solve the problem
instead of coming to me withsolutions.
(07:47):
Now, I had some great teammembers that would bring me
solutions innately, like Ididn't ask for it.
They would just bring it to meand then we would work it out,
and then I would be like, okay.
And I think I was intentionallytraining people to do that when
I should have released themsooner to solve the problem and
then come to me and thosenatural leaders who are now
(08:10):
executive directors and um,sales directors with
administrators license, and soonto be administrators, they did
that.
Innately because they'releaders, because they had the
experience and other peopleneeded that push from me that
eventually I gave them.
It's called confidence.
(08:32):
They need you to ask themquestions and to give them the
opportunity to solve problems,and if they don't do it right, a
safe space to say, what did welearn here?
What did we not know when wesolved these problems?
What do we need to look for nexttime when this happens?
One of the great things aboutworking in senior living is a
(08:56):
lot of the same problems happenin different forms and different
circumstances because we'reserving the same customer
avatar.
And so over time, and if you canidentify the pattern
recognition, you can see.
The steps that are leading tothis problem happening over and
(09:17):
over again.
And so if you can teach leadershow to see those patterns, solve
those problems in advance beforethey become big problems, we're
building confidence, we'rebuilding trust, and that's
really important.
So how do we go from a firstresponder?
(09:37):
Really to a coach and I will saythat now who I am today, all the
different investments I havemade in myself from, different
coaches that I have invested in.
For me, I understand the powerof questions because the
coaching programs completelychanged the trajectory of my
life.
And a lot of it were questionsthat were asked of me.
(10:02):
They didn't solve my problems.
They asked me questions.
They asked me questions like,why are you talk like yourself
to yourself like that?
Why are you so hard on that?
And these are things that Iwasn't aware of for me, or I
wasn't aware that it was nothealthy.
If we're too harsh to ourselves,it's not healthy.
(10:22):
Eventually that's gonna come outand it's going to project onto
other people.
But I realized over the lastthree years of investments in my
leadership growth and mybusiness professional growth and
my confidence growth, that thebest leaders ask questions
before they answer.
In some ways, a younger, moreinexperienced, immature in
(10:47):
leadership version of myselfthought that questions were a
bit passive aggressive.
Now questions can be passiveaggressive.
That's why it's important foryou to understand your tone and
what your.
In what you're trying to, theoutcome that you're trying to
give, because questions can bevery passive aggressive, but you
(11:07):
can set the nature of themeeting and you can say, before
I answer, I wanna ask somequestions so we can grow through
this process together.
We've set the tone of themeeting.
Somebody's bringing you aproblem, and you can say to
them, I'm gonna ask you somequestions so we can get to the
answer together.
(11:27):
And then you can ask themleading questions instead of
saying, let me fix that for you.
It's what have you alreadytried?
If I weren't here, how would youhandle it?
Or what do you think that weshould do?
We feel the need to solve theproblems because that's our
identity.
Like I described earlier, thepressure of having to solve all
(11:49):
the problems and mostimportantly, the time we don't
have the time.
Time is like our biggest crutch.
We don't have the time to dothis.
We don't have the time to investin the growth.
I want you to understandsomething.
If you don't have the timetoday, you will never have the
time.
The short term investment ofpouring into your leadership
(12:11):
team and watching them grow longterm will give you the time that
you are so desperately seeking,I promise you.
where are you?
Let me ask you this question andanswer it to yourself or out
loud.
Where are you?
The first to respond and solveproblems.
(12:35):
Is there a particular departmentin your community or your
company that you are so quick tosolve problems without asking
questions of the leader?
Do you believe in that leader?
Do you see the potential in thatleader?
Are you taking away theopportunity to grow them?
(12:55):
So I want you to be realreflective on who am I solving
problems for all the time, andwho am I allowing to solve their
own problems and what's thedifference?
And if it's everybody'sproblems, then we got some work
to do.
Okay?
(13:15):
So this week.
Say this, write this.
I will pause instead of fix, andI will ask instead of answer,
ask, what have you alreadytried?
What's the next step here?
(13:35):
What do we need to know to makethe best solution to this
problem?
That's a good question.
What do I need to know?
Because sometimes we try tosolve problems without all of
the facts.
So are you asking the rightquestions?
This is where we wanna make surethat we get to the point where
it's not so passive aggressive.
(13:58):
It is intentional because beingintentional is how you grow.
Asking questions work because itbuilds team confidence.
It surfaces creativity, likecreative problem solving is a
lot of fun, but you can't getcreative problem solving if you
don't know all the facts and youdon't feel safe enough to
(14:20):
experiment to figure out whatwould be a creative solution.
And when your people growbecause you're asking them
questions, it reduces yourburnout and it empowers them
because they see the impact thatthey're making.
A lot of our burnout comes fromnot seeing the impact our work
(14:42):
is giving us, which means thatwe're trying to do the same
thing over and over again, andwe're seeing no results.
But if we pour into and growinto our team.
Then we're gonna start seeingresults very quickly because
it's the teamwork that willmultiply the outcomes.
You gotta get them bought infirst, and questions is a good
(15:02):
way to do that.
So information is power.
Yes.
Know what we need to know, whatdo we not know, but only when
it's shared.
And so it's really important toknow, are we asking the right
questions?
Think of your leadership.
As Google.
But you are the Google searchengine and your managers, your
(15:27):
leaders, maybe even some, highpotential leaders in frontline
teams are coming to you askingquestions.
It's only useful if people areasking good questions.
If somebody's coming to you andthey have a problem and they
want your opinion, a goodclarifying question is going to
(15:50):
be, what does success look likehere?
What does success look like toyou?
When we solve this problem, dowe know what the family wants in
this?
I like to talk about the win-winquadrant a lot.
What is the win for the family?
What is the win for thecommunity?
What is the win for you?
what does success really looklike?
A good coaching question isgoing to be, what's the real
(16:13):
challenge here for you?
This coaching question reallygets somebody thinking, is it
really a problem or what's thereal problem?
Because let's face it.
The problems are not always theones that we think they are.
And so a good coaching questionreally asks the person who's
(16:36):
bringing you the problem, whatis the real problem?
And walking through that, andthen an empowering question is,
how would you lead this if Iwasn't here?
How would you solve thisquestion if I wasn't here?
What would great look like foryou next week?
What would great look like foryou for the rest of the day?
(16:59):
What does good look like?
Solving this problem today, thepsychology behind questions is
that questions.
Activate the prefrontal cortex.
It creates ownership, notobedience.
I had an executive directorrecently.
Ask me about education andtraining the team and how she
(17:22):
wants her team to want trainingand educating and use what
they've learned and get them tobuy in.
And I said to her, you need toask more questions rather than
fill them with knowledge andinformation.
(17:43):
Because questions really docreate ownership, and it can be
something as simple as, did yousee how happy that resident was
after you washed her hair?
Do you see the impact of givingthem or this particular
resident, a fried egg over ascrambled egg, a choice?
(18:07):
They can tie their own work intothe impact that they see, and
then it buys ownership.
There's a connection becausesometimes people don't see
what's holding them back untilyou bring it to light.
(18:27):
Why are you feelinguncomfortable here?
What is preventing you fromtrying this?
When we ask those types ofreflective questions, psychology
comes in and all of a sudden wedo realize it's not defiance or
disobedience.
It really is fear of judgment,fear of failure, fear of
(18:50):
rejection, and we can createthis space where people can say,
I'm scared to fail.
I'm scared to let you down.
And then that emotional impact.
Is when people feel seen andheard and valued.
A lot of people put thesedefenses up or these roadblocks
(19:11):
because they are afraid and wedon't know that, and they don't
know that until they'reconfronted with it in a
powerfully safe, growth way.
And that's what questions can doif you use them appropriately.
Questions can shift the dynamicfrom I lead you and you follow
(19:34):
me to we're gonna grow togetherand it's safe to know that I
don't know is an appropriateanswer as long as you have the
willingness to go find theanswer and bring it back to me.
Questions provide.
That space and in a cheesy way,you know, giving an answer is
(20:00):
like handing someone a fish.
But asking a question is liketeaching them to fish and then
watching them teach others.
That's empowering.
That's truly leading from aninfluential way.
And the three types of powerfulquestions are clarifying,
(20:22):
coaching and empoweringquestions, not passive
aggressively, but a way topromote growth, confidence, and
connection with your team.
So how do we start implementinga question led leadership style,
which is what I like to callinfluence based leadership?
(20:42):
I think it's really importantfor you to understand, for me to
understand, or to remind myselfconstantly that answers solve a
moment.
So when I go to give an answerto be that fire extinguisher to
solve everyone's problems, I'msolving a moment and I'm moving
on to the next problem.
Questions.
(21:04):
Develop a leader who can solvetheir own problems and then
report back to you the problem,the solution, and the outcome.
Just imagine.
Someone solving a problem,seeing a problem, solving a
problem, assessing the outcome,and bringing all of that to you.
(21:26):
You may have that now, but ifyou don't, it's possible.
It requires you to create agrowth environment and to ask
questions that will breedownership, right?
So you have to shift yourhabits.
And your mindset from, I don'twant to be needed all the time.
(21:48):
I want to empower people wherewe can spread the good dopamine
hits of solving problems andtrust being baked into our daily
operations inside of acommunity.
So try this framework for you toask.
More and better questions toyour team.
(22:09):
It's ask, listen, reflect, andempower.
So you wanna ask one greatquestion per meeting, so of your
standup and your daily allassociate meeting, and wanna ask
a great question that makespeople think and makes people
grow and it create a safe spaceto have them answer.
(22:31):
So everybody can learn from theresponses.
Or if you ask one great questionand everybody answers this thing
about how much growth andperspective is in that room
perspective is a gift.
And that's what you're givingyour leaders when you ask them a
question, they respond and thenyou respond back.
So ask one great question permeeting growth question.
(22:55):
Listen, practice silent pausesbefore asking.
I think it's important.
I have been uncomfortable withpauses, too long of pauses As I
have grown in my speaking, Irealize that pause can feel a
(23:15):
little uncomfortable and I'mforcing myself to lean into the
pause.
So ask a question and thenpause.
And let them feel safe in thatpause and then wait for them to
respond because we want them tofeel that urgency is not
(23:37):
important.
It doesn't have to be rightaway.
a thorough answer is moreimportant than a quick answer.
Reflect, it's like that power ofsummarization.
Repeat back what you hear.
What I'm hearing you say is.
Tell me if I'm correct, but Iheard you say this when you
reflect back what they'resaying, it's really powerful
(24:01):
because you may be able to sayit in a summary better than what
they said it, and yet they feelempowered because of the way you
said it.
I'll give you an example.
I was talking to a friend.
And I, was making some commentsabout some visions and some
goals and different things thatI want.
(24:22):
And it was probably, not asfluent and powerful as I wanted
it to be.
But when she reflected back tome, she summarized what I said
to her.
She summarized it to me.
I was like, wow, did I say that?
That sounds so good.
(24:42):
And all of a sudden my shouldersgot.
Up a little higher and I set upa little taller and I was like,
wow, that's good.
And that came from me.
It didn't necessarily sound theway she said it, but the way she
said it made me sound good andfeel good.
And that's the power of that,reflecting that summarization,
(25:05):
and then empower.
Once you get through theconversation, you ask something
like, what would you like to donext?
Did you feel good about this?
What are you gonna take out ofthis conversation moving
forward?
let's just talk about this was areally bad situation.
We solved it, we're better forit.
(25:25):
Now let's ask what did we learnfrom this and how are we going
to implement what we learned?
Those are powerful, empoweringquestions, and it gives them
ownership to prevent the problemfrom happening again.
And to take what they learnedand empower other people to do
(25:45):
the same thing.
So that framework, ask one greatquestion per meeting.
Listen, practice the pause, becomfortable with it.
Reflect back that power ofsummarization and empower
people.
What would you like to do next?
What did you learn?
How are you going to implementit in the next phase?
(26:08):
Questions, strengthen emotionalintelligence.
It builds a sharedresponsibility.
We own it together, period.
That's a growth environmentwhere we own it together, where
we learn from the things thatdon't go right and we gain
experience and knowledge to moveforward together in a better
(26:31):
way.
And actually it multiplies.
Leadership across the team.
If we know that we can growthrough what we go through,
because we're asking questionsall the time, we're creating
this growth environment, thisgrowth culture, then we are
(26:53):
making a difference.
You are creating more freedomfor you and your team.
You're reducing the burnout, andyou're realizing that your worth
isn't in your outcomes.
It's the process of gettingbetter and we can expect things
to not go right and we canexpect to learn from them and
grow for them because we'resetting the tone with asking
(27:16):
questions.
Being a coach leader is how youincrease the influence in your
community, and I think thatcoaching can sometimes get a bad
rap.
But here's what I want you tothink about from a coach
perspective.
You're gonna communicate, it'san acronym, communicate share
(27:37):
observations respectfully.
You're going to observe, noticewhat's not working and what is
working, and then you're goingto act, right?
COA, communicate, observe, andact.
Collaborate together, inviteyour team to the conversation.
A conversation is only aconversation if we're asking
(27:58):
questions back and forth andtalking to each other in a very
respectful and growth orientedway.
And we're gonna honor the wins.
Wins come after every loss.
We learn something from everyloss that we have.
So acknowledge the wins, the bigand small, the wins that are
wrapped up in bigger wins, andthe wins that are learned from
(28:22):
the hard lesson of losing orfailure, right?
We have to acknowledge theeffort and the contributions and
build trust and goodwill.
So ask questions.
Great leadership isn't built oncontrol.
It's built on questions, whichto me equals influence because
(28:46):
you're asking people to own it,obviously, depending on your
tone.
So if you want your influence togrow, start asking more and
answering less, which iscertainly harder than it sounds
for some of us who like to beneeded, who like to be in
(29:07):
control.
But who understand that freedomand empowering is the way of the
future successful senior livingleader.
So think about these threequestions for you.
Where am I the first responder?
When I should be the coach?
(29:29):
Where am I the first responder,when I should be the coach?
That's inspired by Joseph Cope,the empathy guy himself.
What coaching questions can Iuse this week instead of a quick
fix?
And how would my culture shiftif I used influence rather than
(29:52):
answers?
Powerful questions, powerreflection moments for you.
Thank you for your time today.
We are going to be talking aboutquestions, for the next couple
episodes because if you want tohire influential people for your
management positions, the nextarea of questions that we're
gonna talk about is how to findthem the appropriate answers,
(30:16):
questions to ask for interviewsand hiring influential and
growth oriented people.
So you're gonna wanna stay.
Tuned for that episode nextweek.
Thank you for your time.
Your time is very valuable.
Again, always.
I'm opening up my new leadershipcoaching, cohort called the ED
(30:36):
Launch Lab.
Confidence Over Chaos and aLeadership Accelerator for
Leaders is coming soon and theExecutive Director Playbook
course is available now.
Thank you for your support andas always, I am taking
one-on-one clients.
Because coaching changed my lifeand it can certainly change
yours, and I would love to be apart of your growth journey.
(31:00):
As always, aspire for more foryou.
When you own your story, you cancreate your future.
Have a great rest of your day.
Popular Podcasts
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.