October 16, 2025 • 24 mins
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In this deeply personal episode of Aspire for More with Erin, Erin shares a raw reflection on her upcoming keynote and the lessons that built it. She unpacks how trauma, avoidance, and over-functioning quietly shape leadership—and how facing our discomfort is the real path to growth.
You’ll hear:
- Why 34% of the senior living workforce carries trauma that impacts communication and performance.
- How avoidance and over-functioning masquerade as productivity.
- Why “100%” is not a metric—it’s a mindset.
- The choice every leader faces: react or respond.
- The hard truth that what we avoid will eventually control us.
This episode is a reminder that growth isn’t about perfection or hustle. It’s about awareness, reflection, and choosing to believe you are enough.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
squadcaster-8597_1_10-16-20 (00:00):
Hey y'all.
It's Erin.
Thank you for joining me today.
This is the week of my bigpresentation for the National
Senior Living Conference of ACAand Cal.
I am a closing keynote forNational Center for Assisted
Living Day, and I am sothrilled, so honored.
(00:23):
So excited, so nervous.
So all the positive and all thenegative things.
Honestly, truly my presentationis about growth, about what gets
in the way, becomes the way.
(00:45):
It's about post-traumaticgrowth, and I highlight lots of
stories.
Stories of my own failures.
Literally, I am going to talkabout the worst failure I ever
experienced as a leader, as agood leader, But I have worked
(01:11):
through so much shame in my lifeand I look at.
Fear of failure, fear ofrejection, and fear of judgment.
so differently that standing onthe stage and talking about a
choice that I made to engage andmatch energy of an associate
(01:35):
that was irrational, that wasn'teven appropriate for the
conversation And really gonnadissect what caused me to do
that.
And there's something soempowering about doing it.
You know, the main point of mypresentation is, is the things
(02:01):
that we avoid in our life.
The things that we choose.
Too numb instead of no notice.
When we subconsciously orconsciously make a choice to
build an identity aroundexperiences from our childhood,
the pains that we, the wounds,the unhealed wounds that we have
(02:26):
in our life, that we cloud, ourability.
To live a successful life.
A sustainable life.
We're gonna talk about trauma,but not trauma for trauma's
sake, not clinical trauma, butwe're gonna talk about that
invisible energy that's insideof our community that we don't
(02:48):
know how to name.
Becoming aware of how all theproblems that we face, all the
emotional tornadoes, theinvisible battles that are
constantly colliding witheverybody is just people trying
to protect themselves.
There was a study done by Care,a staffing company that is not
(03:11):
comparable to any other kind ofstaffing company.
they did a trauma and resiliencestudy, and one of the big data
points that stood out to me wasthat 34% of the care force that
they have access to bothlicensed professionals and
caregiving heroes.
(03:31):
34% of the people who were inthe study has a ACEs score of
four or more.
Now, ACEs is adverse.
Childhood experiences, thingslike being a victim of abuse,
neglect.
Being, raised by a parent withaddiction problems or mental
illness, like really somesignificant trauma in their
(03:53):
life, right?
And these adverse childexperiences.
If you don't receive any help,if you choose to, to function
instead of feel, if you chooseto numb instead of notice.
If you aren't given anopportunity to express or talk
about all these things and allthese experiences build up.
(04:14):
They create barriers of successin your life.
you're going to have mental andphysical health challenges.
You're going to struggle to workin an environment and cope,
connect and communicate well.
And did you know that 34% isdouble the general population?
(04:37):
That is why.
Senior living is an emotionaltornado that we're never
prepared for.
It is a constant collision ofpeople's emotional wants and
needs and invisible battles theyare facing and they're colliding
with yours.
(04:58):
They're colliding with yourfamilies.
They're colliding with.
The residents because it's notjust the, the team that's
dealing with these invisiblebattles, it's the families of
the residents that you're movingin.
It's the residents, and that'swhy inside of our communities,
(05:18):
we feel this energy and if wecan't stay on top of it, the
energy will take over.
But sometimes we don't know howto name it.
And I didn't know how to name itfor a long time, and if I'm
honest, I knew how to name itwith other people.
I didn't know how to name itwithin myself because I didn't
realize, even though I don'thave an ACEs score of four or
(05:41):
more, the ACEs score that I dohave had a negative impact on my
life and I built an identityaround those wounds.
And I avoided the pain at allcosts and my numbing agent was
caregiving and my numbing agentwas solving people's problems.
And my numbing agent was beingavailable all the time, some
(06:06):
more extreme cases than others,but resting in an identity of
you can always depend on me.
I'm going to be here becauseit's my responsibility.
when you start thinking, if Idon't do it, it won't get done.
When you feel like everythingdepends on you and when your
(06:28):
first instinct is to solve fix.
Carry rescue or control.
That's not true leadership,that's management.
And it really depends how fardown the spectrum of management.
It could be micromanagement or,and it could also be a trauma
response because of the painthat I was avoiding.
(06:52):
The pain that I was numbing wasthe fear of being rejected.
It was the fear of being judged.
It was the fear of failing.
And I built so many copingmechanisms around protecting
those wounds of mine.
(07:12):
That it limited my growthbecause I was avoiding the very
thing that was in the way ofreaching my full potential
because everything filteredthrough a lens of protection and
pain.
Trauma can be a taboo wordbecause we don't feel equipped
(07:32):
to face it.
And so when we don't feelequipped to face it, understand
it, to work through it, we avoidit.
And the number one thing thatstops our growth and growing our
capacity and innovating insideof our community is avoiding.
But the thing is, is that wedon't have to solve people's
problems.
Like our goal is not to manageother people's emotions.
(07:56):
Our goal is to bring awarenessto ourselves and grow ourselves
because when we grow, we becomebetter at handling hard
situations, recognizing whensomebody may be needing some
time off.
Understanding patterns and beingable to create new ones,
(08:17):
understanding our own capacity,understanding our own
boundaries, our own limitations.
That's what growth does to us.
And if we're not careful, if wesay we're too busy we stay
stuck.
Life shrinks us because we'reavoiding what's actually the
(08:38):
root cause of being stuck, whichis you, your own capacity.
We truly think that if we try tocontrol others, put all these
rules in place and manage themaccordingly, that our lives will
change, but they don't.
(08:58):
The real change in life.
Comes when we become aware ofourselves, our own limitations,
our own strengths, our owndesires, our own pain points.
cause when we become aware ofthose can change from the
inside.
(09:18):
And in order to sustain successon the outside, you have to
change on the inside.
I can't change.
Sally and her reactions.
I can't force her to go totherapy and change.
I can't do that.
But what I can do is understandmy reactions to them.
(09:40):
I can become aware of my duty topause and respond to them.
It's a choice.
And the greatest freedom in lifeis when you realize you have a
choice.
To respond or to react, and weall do, but sometimes we don't
feel like we do, and that'sbecause we've been triggered,
(10:03):
right?
That's because we're in survivalmode.
When we choose to react, when weallow people to walk through a
boundary, when we are soresentful at somebody because
they're not doing what you'redoing.
And we react to them in anegative way.
That's on us.
We think if we control enough,people will change.
(10:24):
But the truth is when we try, tocontrol something that we don't
trust.
And if we don't trust it.
We'll feel like we'll have to bethere all the time answering the
problems, fixing and rescuingthem all the time.
When our responsibility as aleader is to be present, to be
steadfast, to be steady, and tosteward ourselves, our energy,
(10:47):
our boundaries, ourcommunication, and to grow other
people to see the vision and togrow it.
And we get so lost incontrolling and
over-functioning.
That's why we're burning out.
We've lost the plot.
We have lost the plot.
100% is a metric.
It is a goal, and I want themost residents I could ever have
(11:11):
living inside of my communityand us impacting them in a
positive and meaningful way.
But I want it.
With a hundred percent mindsetthat I can do this in a
sustainable way.
What gets in the way becomes theway, and usually that's us.
Are you trying to control peopleto change or are you growing
(11:38):
yourself to better understand,adapt and equip people inside of
your community.
That's the question.
my fundamental belief is acommunity is just a community
until a good leader steps in andcreates a great place to live
(11:59):
and work.
You can see communities cyclethrough administrators with the
same team there, and then aleader comes in and is able to
turn everything around, andthat's because the leader
understands what it takes to besuccessful.
The question is, can the leaderdo it sustainably and
(12:19):
successfully on the inside froma place of.
Stewardship and not a place ofauthoritarianism control, a
place of influence.
See, I did that, but I also didit from a place of survival,
which is why after 15 years ofbeing an executive director, I
(12:42):
couldn't do it anymore, and itwas because of me.
It was because of survival mode.
It was because I got tired ofprotecting the pain and I needed
to face the pain because 100%was never enough because an NOI
goal hit was never enough, and Ineeded for something to be
(13:05):
enough.
And you know what was enough?
When I realized and I decidedthat I was enough, that's when
enough becomes enough, andthat's a powerful realization.
It's a choice in believing I'menough.
It is a choice in believing 100%is great, but the mindset of
(13:27):
100% is far more greater than acommunity of a hundred percent.
In my 100% leader program we metlast night and just having them
reflect on some of their ahamoments, I realized just how
powerful awareness.
Is and how zero control that weas facilitators have to drive a
(13:51):
certain point home becausepeople are going to hear what
they need to hear and to reflecton it the way that they need to
reflect on it.
humbling.
But what's fascinating is howawareness really is the
beginning stages of growth.
Of change of success, but it'sjust the beginning.
(14:15):
In order to keep going, you haveto become comfortable with
uncomfortable through the lensof being enough, through the
lens of this is what growth is.
Through the lens of I'm nevergoing to find stability and
growth at the same time.
It's a cycle, right?
(14:35):
Like we go through survivalmode, which is probably the
first six months of a new brand,new executive director, right?
Or a brand new director ingeneral.
And then you can find somewhatof stability because, oh my God,
I understand patterns andrhythms inside of a community.
And then you're gonna get tostrength, but then you're going
(14:56):
to want to improve on that,which is going to be discomfort.
But if we're never okay withaccepting discomfort and we
wanna stay in stability orexpect everything to be perfect
or close to it, you're nevergoing to grow.
The expectation is misplacedbecause your community and your
(15:18):
company is full of humans andthey are complicated.
And my God, 34% of the peoplethat are working inside of our
community.
Have an ACEs score of four ormore.
That doesn't even count thepeople that have one, two, or
three that have not done anywork to understand what drives
(15:38):
their decision making, whatdrives their reactions, what
drives their desire to want towork in a community.
If we're looking for perfection,we're never going to find it,
which is going to cause us to beA person who over function.
Maybe it's not trauma that'sdriving you, Maybe the need for
perfection is just protecting avulnerable part of you.
But when we think about trauma,which is purely subjective, and
(16:02):
we think that our pain is sounique because I know I did, but
the truth is pain is not unique.
if we continue to believe thatour pain is unique.
We're never gonna reach out andask for help.
I used to think that nobodywould understand what I went
through.
Well, maybe not exactly what Iwent through, but then I found
like group coaching, and I'mspeaking to a lot of people
(16:25):
these days and I'm like, wow, wereally are all the same.
We just don't reach out and askfor help.
So when I talk about trauma or.
Stagnation and, and growth.
I'm not talking about it justfor fun.
I'm talking about it from aperspective that this is why
(16:46):
burnout and over-functioning getin the way of the growth that we
are working so hard to achieveand why I believe senior living
is stuck and why it takes so.
Much time to move the needle.
It's because everybody islooking for perfection and
they're so scared.
(17:07):
They, they are managed in fear,they're operating in fear, and
that they, they feel like theycan't fail.
They can't make a mistake, sotherefore they avoid the
discomfort, which means that ourgrowth is minimal It's also the
solution.
It's what gets in the way.
(17:27):
None of your families orresidents want you to be
perfect.
Perfect is so boring.
What they want you to do is tobe responsible to take
accountability and tocommunicate.
And the more CEOs.
And leadership inside thesecompanies that I talk to, the
more they want their leaders totake accountability and
(17:50):
responsibility and to criticallythink and to grow and to
communicate why they tried itand why it failed and what they
learned from it.
And if we don't understand that,we will stay stuck because what
we avoid will control us.
What we avoid will be the cap onour growth.
(18:13):
And inside of our community isan emotional tornado colliding
with everybody's wants and needsand invisible battles.
And when we can realize thatpeople's reactions are just
communication.
They're not even personalvendettas against us.
(18:33):
They're just ingrained in them.
protection mechanisms.
We can look at them differentlyand we can say, I need to take a
pause here and get real curiousas to why this is happening.
Because when we react, we staystuck.
We get nowhere, absolutelynowhere, but when we respond.
(18:54):
We can actually see someoneelse's perspective and try to
grow from it.
And when your team sees you dothat over and over and over
again consistently, they willtrust you.
And when they trust you, yourlife becomes infinitely better
when they feel safe around you.
And that's why your growth isthe only guarantee that your
(19:18):
tomorrow is going to be betterthan today.
So in short.
I'm so excited about thispresentation and if you are
going to ACA in Cal, in LasVegas, please come and see me
Sunday at three 30, and Mondayat 8:00 AM I'll record another
podcast for next week and talkabout the presentation, that I'm
(19:42):
doing on Monday morning
Here are a few takeaways, A fewaha moments I want you to think
about from this episode.
squadcaster-8597_1_1 (19:49):
avoidance.
Is the enemy of capacity thatlife doesn't shrink us.
Our refusal to face thediscomforting parts of our life
is what shrinks us, keeps usplaying small.
Protecting the pain doesn'treach your highest capacity.
(20:12):
if you don't understand thevalue of pausing to respond
because you're avoiding noticingthe hurt and the pain that's
causing you to react, thatavoidance will hide.
Every good intention that youdo, every good thing that you do
will be lost in a reaction.
(20:33):
That you may or may not regretin the long run, growing your
capacity isn't about hustle.
It's about the wisdom, theexperience, the reflected
experience, and the rhythms andinside of your community.
Just because you have 20 yearsof experience does not mean that
(20:54):
you have 20 years of wisdom, andthat is the one thing.
That I'm taking away from thisgroup coaching session and my
one-on-one coaching clients isthat hour that we spend together
is an hour of reflection, andthat is priceless.
That's where wisdom is createdand where momentum is built.
(21:19):
Your growth is yourresponsibility.
And it truly is the onlyguarantee we have in creating
the future that you truly wantbecause you define success for
you and you create andunderstand how to get there.
(21:39):
So please remember what youavoid will control you.
You will not grow past it.
The more external success youwant, the more internal strength
you're going to need.
Do not, again, do not avoid thediscomfort and do not get
discouraged by things that youcannot control.
(22:02):
Your greatest gift is grace,humility, and authenticity,
which is stewarding you becausewhen you change and you grow and
you lead everyone around, youwill rise.
Thank you for your time today.
You are enough.
And this close to 30 minutesthat you just invested in your
(22:25):
own growth proves it alwaysaspire for more for you knowing
you are enough.
Hey y'all.
It's Erin.
Thank you for joining me today.
This is the week of my bigpresentation for the National
Senior Living Conference of ACAand Cal.
I am a closing keynote forNational Center for Assisted
Living Day, and I am sothrilled, so honored.
(00:23):
So excited, so nervous.
So all the positive and all thenegative things.
Honestly, truly my presentationis about growth, about what gets
in the way, becomes the way.
(00:45):
It's about post-traumaticgrowth, and I highlight lots of
stories.
Stories of my own failures.
Literally, I am going to talkabout the worst failure I ever
experienced as a leader, as agood leader, But I have worked
(01:11):
through so much shame in my lifeand I look at.
Fear of failure, fear ofrejection, and fear of judgment.
so differently that standing onthe stage and talking about a
choice that I made to engage andmatch energy of an associate
(01:35):
that was irrational, that wasn'teven appropriate for the
conversation And really gonnadissect what caused me to do
that.
And there's something soempowering about doing it.
You know, the main point of mypresentation is, is the things
(02:01):
that we avoid in our life.
The things that we choose.
Too numb instead of no notice.
When we subconsciously orconsciously make a choice to
build an identity aroundexperiences from our childhood,
the pains that we, the wounds,the unhealed wounds that we have
(02:26):
in our life, that we cloud, ourability.
To live a successful life.
A sustainable life.
We're gonna talk about trauma,but not trauma for trauma's
sake, not clinical trauma, butwe're gonna talk about that
invisible energy that's insideof our community that we don't
(02:48):
know how to name.
Becoming aware of how all theproblems that we face, all the
emotional tornadoes, theinvisible battles that are
constantly colliding witheverybody is just people trying
to protect themselves.
There was a study done by Care,a staffing company that is not
(03:11):
comparable to any other kind ofstaffing company.
they did a trauma and resiliencestudy, and one of the big data
points that stood out to me wasthat 34% of the care force that
they have access to bothlicensed professionals and
caregiving heroes.
(03:31):
34% of the people who were inthe study has a ACEs score of
four or more.
Now, ACEs is adverse.
Childhood experiences, thingslike being a victim of abuse,
neglect.
Being, raised by a parent withaddiction problems or mental
illness, like really somesignificant trauma in their
(03:53):
life, right?
And these adverse childexperiences.
If you don't receive any help,if you choose to, to function
instead of feel, if you chooseto numb instead of notice.
If you aren't given anopportunity to express or talk
about all these things and allthese experiences build up.
(04:14):
They create barriers of successin your life.
you're going to have mental andphysical health challenges.
You're going to struggle to workin an environment and cope,
connect and communicate well.
And did you know that 34% isdouble the general population?
(04:37):
That is why.
Senior living is an emotionaltornado that we're never
prepared for.
It is a constant collision ofpeople's emotional wants and
needs and invisible battles theyare facing and they're colliding
with yours.
(04:58):
They're colliding with yourfamilies.
They're colliding with.
The residents because it's notjust the, the team that's
dealing with these invisiblebattles, it's the families of
the residents that you're movingin.
It's the residents, and that'swhy inside of our communities,
(05:18):
we feel this energy and if wecan't stay on top of it, the
energy will take over.
But sometimes we don't know howto name it.
And I didn't know how to name itfor a long time, and if I'm
honest, I knew how to name itwith other people.
I didn't know how to name itwithin myself because I didn't
realize, even though I don'thave an ACEs score of four or
(05:41):
more, the ACEs score that I dohave had a negative impact on my
life and I built an identityaround those wounds.
And I avoided the pain at allcosts and my numbing agent was
caregiving and my numbing agentwas solving people's problems.
And my numbing agent was beingavailable all the time, some
(06:06):
more extreme cases than others,but resting in an identity of
you can always depend on me.
I'm going to be here becauseit's my responsibility.
when you start thinking, if Idon't do it, it won't get done.
When you feel like everythingdepends on you and when your
(06:28):
first instinct is to solve fix.
Carry rescue or control.
That's not true leadership,that's management.
And it really depends how fardown the spectrum of management.
It could be micromanagement or,and it could also be a trauma
response because of the painthat I was avoiding.
(06:52):
The pain that I was numbing wasthe fear of being rejected.
It was the fear of being judged.
It was the fear of failing.
And I built so many copingmechanisms around protecting
those wounds of mine.
(07:12):
That it limited my growthbecause I was avoiding the very
thing that was in the way ofreaching my full potential
because everything filteredthrough a lens of protection and
pain.
Trauma can be a taboo wordbecause we don't feel equipped
(07:32):
to face it.
And so when we don't feelequipped to face it, understand
it, to work through it, we avoidit.
And the number one thing thatstops our growth and growing our
capacity and innovating insideof our community is avoiding.
But the thing is, is that wedon't have to solve people's
problems.
Like our goal is not to manageother people's emotions.
(07:56):
Our goal is to bring awarenessto ourselves and grow ourselves
because when we grow, we becomebetter at handling hard
situations, recognizing whensomebody may be needing some
time off.
Understanding patterns and beingable to create new ones,
(08:17):
understanding our own capacity,understanding our own
boundaries, our own limitations.
That's what growth does to us.
And if we're not careful, if wesay we're too busy we stay
stuck.
Life shrinks us because we'reavoiding what's actually the
(08:38):
root cause of being stuck, whichis you, your own capacity.
We truly think that if we try tocontrol others, put all these
rules in place and manage themaccordingly, that our lives will
change, but they don't.
(08:58):
The real change in life.
Comes when we become aware ofourselves, our own limitations,
our own strengths, our owndesires, our own pain points.
cause when we become aware ofthose can change from the
inside.
(09:18):
And in order to sustain successon the outside, you have to
change on the inside.
I can't change.
Sally and her reactions.
I can't force her to go totherapy and change.
I can't do that.
But what I can do is understandmy reactions to them.
(09:40):
I can become aware of my duty topause and respond to them.
It's a choice.
And the greatest freedom in lifeis when you realize you have a
choice.
To respond or to react, and weall do, but sometimes we don't
feel like we do, and that'sbecause we've been triggered,
(10:03):
right?
That's because we're in survivalmode.
When we choose to react, when weallow people to walk through a
boundary, when we are soresentful at somebody because
they're not doing what you'redoing.
And we react to them in anegative way.
That's on us.
We think if we control enough,people will change.
(10:24):
But the truth is when we try, tocontrol something that we don't
trust.
And if we don't trust it.
We'll feel like we'll have to bethere all the time answering the
problems, fixing and rescuingthem all the time.
When our responsibility as aleader is to be present, to be
steadfast, to be steady, and tosteward ourselves, our energy,
(10:47):
our boundaries, ourcommunication, and to grow other
people to see the vision and togrow it.
And we get so lost incontrolling and
over-functioning.
That's why we're burning out.
We've lost the plot.
We have lost the plot.
100% is a metric.
It is a goal, and I want themost residents I could ever have
(11:11):
living inside of my communityand us impacting them in a
positive and meaningful way.
But I want it.
With a hundred percent mindsetthat I can do this in a
sustainable way.
What gets in the way becomes theway, and usually that's us.
Are you trying to control peopleto change or are you growing
(11:38):
yourself to better understand,adapt and equip people inside of
your community.
That's the question.
my fundamental belief is acommunity is just a community
until a good leader steps in andcreates a great place to live
(11:59):
and work.
You can see communities cyclethrough administrators with the
same team there, and then aleader comes in and is able to
turn everything around, andthat's because the leader
understands what it takes to besuccessful.
The question is, can the leaderdo it sustainably and
(12:19):
successfully on the inside froma place of.
Stewardship and not a place ofauthoritarianism control, a
place of influence.
See, I did that, but I also didit from a place of survival,
which is why after 15 years ofbeing an executive director, I
(12:42):
couldn't do it anymore, and itwas because of me.
It was because of survival mode.
It was because I got tired ofprotecting the pain and I needed
to face the pain because 100%was never enough because an NOI
goal hit was never enough, and Ineeded for something to be
(13:05):
enough.
And you know what was enough?
When I realized and I decidedthat I was enough, that's when
enough becomes enough, andthat's a powerful realization.
It's a choice in believing I'menough.
It is a choice in believing 100%is great, but the mindset of
(13:27):
100% is far more greater than acommunity of a hundred percent.
In my 100% leader program we metlast night and just having them
reflect on some of their ahamoments, I realized just how
powerful awareness.
Is and how zero control that weas facilitators have to drive a
(13:51):
certain point home becausepeople are going to hear what
they need to hear and to reflecton it the way that they need to
reflect on it.
humbling.
But what's fascinating is howawareness really is the
beginning stages of growth.
Of change of success, but it'sjust the beginning.
(14:15):
In order to keep going, you haveto become comfortable with
uncomfortable through the lensof being enough, through the
lens of this is what growth is.
Through the lens of I'm nevergoing to find stability and
growth at the same time.
It's a cycle, right?
(14:35):
Like we go through survivalmode, which is probably the
first six months of a new brand,new executive director, right?
Or a brand new director ingeneral.
And then you can find somewhatof stability because, oh my God,
I understand patterns andrhythms inside of a community.
And then you're gonna get tostrength, but then you're going
(14:56):
to want to improve on that,which is going to be discomfort.
But if we're never okay withaccepting discomfort and we
wanna stay in stability orexpect everything to be perfect
or close to it, you're nevergoing to grow.
The expectation is misplacedbecause your community and your
(15:18):
company is full of humans andthey are complicated.
And my God, 34% of the peoplethat are working inside of our
community.
Have an ACEs score of four ormore.
That doesn't even count thepeople that have one, two, or
three that have not done anywork to understand what drives
(15:38):
their decision making, whatdrives their reactions, what
drives their desire to want towork in a community.
If we're looking for perfection,we're never going to find it,
which is going to cause us to beA person who over function.
Maybe it's not trauma that'sdriving you, Maybe the need for
perfection is just protecting avulnerable part of you.
But when we think about trauma,which is purely subjective, and
(16:02):
we think that our pain is sounique because I know I did, but
the truth is pain is not unique.
if we continue to believe thatour pain is unique.
We're never gonna reach out andask for help.
I used to think that nobodywould understand what I went
through.
Well, maybe not exactly what Iwent through, but then I found
like group coaching, and I'mspeaking to a lot of people
(16:25):
these days and I'm like, wow, wereally are all the same.
We just don't reach out and askfor help.
So when I talk about trauma or.
Stagnation and, and growth.
I'm not talking about it justfor fun.
I'm talking about it from aperspective that this is why
(16:46):
burnout and over-functioning getin the way of the growth that we
are working so hard to achieveand why I believe senior living
is stuck and why it takes so.
Much time to move the needle.
It's because everybody islooking for perfection and
they're so scared.
(17:07):
They, they are managed in fear,they're operating in fear, and
that they, they feel like theycan't fail.
They can't make a mistake, sotherefore they avoid the
discomfort, which means that ourgrowth is minimal It's also the
solution.
It's what gets in the way.
(17:27):
None of your families orresidents want you to be
perfect.
Perfect is so boring.
What they want you to do is tobe responsible to take
accountability and tocommunicate.
And the more CEOs.
And leadership inside thesecompanies that I talk to, the
more they want their leaders totake accountability and
(17:50):
responsibility and to criticallythink and to grow and to
communicate why they tried itand why it failed and what they
learned from it.
And if we don't understand that,we will stay stuck because what
we avoid will control us.
What we avoid will be the cap onour growth.
(18:13):
And inside of our community isan emotional tornado colliding
with everybody's wants and needsand invisible battles.
And when we can realize thatpeople's reactions are just
communication.
They're not even personalvendettas against us.
(18:33):
They're just ingrained in them.
protection mechanisms.
We can look at them differentlyand we can say, I need to take a
pause here and get real curiousas to why this is happening.
Because when we react, we staystuck.
We get nowhere, absolutelynowhere, but when we respond.
(18:54):
We can actually see someoneelse's perspective and try to
grow from it.
And when your team sees you dothat over and over and over
again consistently, they willtrust you.
And when they trust you, yourlife becomes infinitely better
when they feel safe around you.
And that's why your growth isthe only guarantee that your
(19:18):
tomorrow is going to be betterthan today.
So in short.
I'm so excited about thispresentation and if you are
going to ACA in Cal, in LasVegas, please come and see me
Sunday at three 30, and Mondayat 8:00 AM I'll record another
podcast for next week and talkabout the presentation, that I'm
(19:42):
doing on Monday morning
Here are a few takeaways, A fewaha moments I want you to think
about from this episode.
squadcaster-8597_1_1 (19:49):
avoidance.
Is the enemy of capacity thatlife doesn't shrink us.
Our refusal to face thediscomforting parts of our life
is what shrinks us, keeps usplaying small.
Protecting the pain doesn'treach your highest capacity.
(20:12):
if you don't understand thevalue of pausing to respond
because you're avoiding noticingthe hurt and the pain that's
causing you to react, thatavoidance will hide.
Every good intention that youdo, every good thing that you do
will be lost in a reaction.
(20:33):
That you may or may not regretin the long run, growing your
capacity isn't about hustle.
It's about the wisdom, theexperience, the reflected
experience, and the rhythms andinside of your community.
Just because you have 20 yearsof experience does not mean that
(20:54):
you have 20 years of wisdom, andthat is the one thing.
That I'm taking away from thisgroup coaching session and my
one-on-one coaching clients isthat hour that we spend together
is an hour of reflection, andthat is priceless.
That's where wisdom is createdand where momentum is built.
(21:19):
Your growth is yourresponsibility.
And it truly is the onlyguarantee we have in creating
the future that you truly wantbecause you define success for
you and you create andunderstand how to get there.
(21:39):
So please remember what youavoid will control you.
You will not grow past it.
The more external success youwant, the more internal strength
you're going to need.
Do not, again, do not avoid thediscomfort and do not get
discouraged by things that youcannot control.
(22:02):
Your greatest gift is grace,humility, and authenticity,
which is stewarding you becausewhen you change and you grow and
you lead everyone around, youwill rise.
Thank you for your time today.
You are enough.
And this close to 30 minutesthat you just invested in your
(22:25):
own growth proves it alwaysaspire for more for you knowing
you are enough.
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