October 23, 2024 ā¢ 8 mins
Can the pressure to date "the nice guy" really undermine your happiness? I explore this thought-provoking question, challenging the notion that dependability should be the sole reason to pursue a romantic relationship. Far too often, women find themselves feeling obligated to settle for someone simply because he's supportive and reliable, even when there's no genuine spark. This episode takes a candid look at why it's crucial to remain true to your boundaries and resist the temptation to force feelings that just aren't there. Through heartfelt insights, I highlight the significance of authentic attraction and the potential pitfalls of compromising your true desires.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 0 (00:00):
My microphone just broke so I'm so pissed off.
But I really wanted to do thisvideo because, especially for
women, if y'all know you guyshave like guy friends and
they're like that good guy andyou guys know you're not
attracted to him or you're noteven into him, don't date him
just because he's the nice guy,just because he's the good guy,
just because you guys gothistory together or you guys got
(00:21):
a lot of time together, you gotto stand on your boundaries,
you got to stand on business.
Like, if you are not attractedto him, don't settle for him
just because he's the good guy,just because he's the guy that
listens to all your problems andhe's the guy that give you
emotional and mental support.
Just don't do it, do not settle.
I don't care how lonely it gets, I don't care how desperate you
(00:41):
are.
If you really not attracted tohim, like at all, sexually,
physically.
Even his personality, like it,doesn't give you butterflies
Sometimes it may give you theache or if you just really not
compatible with this person,you're really not into this
person.
But this person is your friendor is.
This person is somebody youknow.
Do not date him.
Do not date him.
(01:02):
I know it's so hard to find agood man in this world Like I
get it, just like it is hard formen to find a good woman in
this world as well.
But I don't think that youshould ever and I don't believe
that you should ever settle withsomeone just because you know
their resume is good, justbecause they show up for you,
just because mentally andemotionally they pour into you,
they're always there for you.
(01:22):
If your heart is not in it andyour mind is not in it and you
don't feel that attractivenesstowards that person, don't do it
.
Just do not do it.
It's going to be a waste ofyour time and you're going to
regret it.
And then not only that, but youare going to hurt the
friendship.
I say this because some womenare doing this and then they're
regretting.
They're regretting ever messingup that friendship or that
(01:45):
connection because they forcethemselves to like somebody just
so that they can say they havea good person in their life.
But if you really don't likethem, if they really not for you
, don't force it.
It's not fair to you and it'snot fair to them.
I don't know why, but in thedating world I see women where
we're forcing it.
We're forcing to like thisperson, we're forcing our
(02:05):
romantic connection, we'reforcing ourselves to be
attracted to somebody and that'sjust not fair to us and that's
not fair to them and long-termyou're not going to be happy
because you had to forceyourself to like somebody and
that's not what the law ofattraction is.
You don't have to force to likesomebody, to be attracted to
somebody, to want to be withsomeone.
That is something that justhappens naturally, organically,
(02:27):
and it happens on its own time.
The minute that you are forcingyourself to like someone or to
want to be with someone, that'salready an issue within itself.
And imagine you forcing to likesomeone and let's say, you end
up really do liking them.
A couple of months later, oreven a year later or two, you're
going to realize you're goingto fall out of life so fast
because it's not something thathappened in divine timing, it's
(02:49):
not something that happenednaturally, it's something that
happened forcefully andsituations like that always die
out fast.
You end up realizing why younever wanted to be with that
person in the first place andit's just a waste of time and
energy.
I don't care how single you are,I don't care how bored you are,
I don't care how horny you are.
(03:10):
Just do not do it.
Do not mess up the friendship.
Do not put yourself in aposition where you know you're
going to end up regretting it.
If you are into this good guy,if you do find this person
attractive and if this issomeone that you've been friends
with or you've been around, andthis is someone that you've
been friends with or you've beenaround and this is someone that
that will work for you, someonethat you could see a potential
future with, then by all meansdo you.
(03:31):
I hope it works out like go forit.
If, if it's really for you andif it was good in your spirit,
go for it.
But do not do if you're notattracted to this person.
You don't even like this person.
I just think that's a recipefor disaster.
You should never be so desperate.
You should never be so lowlythat you're just out here
settling with someone justbecause you know them.
(03:51):
It actually really sucks tofeel that way, but it's like you
don't deserve that.
They don't deserve that and youjust have to be patient.
You have to be patient forwhat's really for you.
You have to be patient on God'stiming.
You should honestly pray aboutit.
You should talk to God about itand don't waste your time,
because wasted time is the worstthing ever.
You're going to waste your timeinto something that's probably
(04:11):
not going to work out and youknow it's not going to work out.
I actually have friends that dothis.
So they would date this guybecause he's the nice guy right
and he's a provider right, butthey cheat on him, they play him
, you know, and I just thinkthat's so messed up because that
good guy he could be worthy, hecould be, he could be like a
prince charming, he could be thefull package to another woman.
(04:34):
You know he doesn't, he doesn'tdeserve that treatment.
And I feel like when girls dothis most of the time, yeah,
ruining this good guy forsomeone else.
Like, yeah, ruining theblessing for someone else.
If you genuinely don't like himand you're not into into him,
don't do it, because youwouldn't want a man to do that
to you and I know a lot of guysdo do this, but you don't gotta
(04:54):
do it and you don't want badkarma coming back to you.
It's just a waste of time.
It's a waste of your coochie,it's a waste of your heart, it's
a waste of your brain cells.
It's just not worth it.
When I was younger, I'veactually dated someone.
He wasn't like, really my type,and then I actually did fall in
love with him.
And then, years later, when Iwas in college, I started to
fall out of love with him.
(05:16):
I wasn't as attracted to him asI was in the middle of our
relationship.
I'm not going to lie Attractiongrows.
It does grow, but the way howit grows is the same way.
It could go away.
It could just disappear.
And when I was dating thisperson I'm not going to lie
years into our relationship Istarted to see how immature he
was, certain things about himthat I just did not like.
(05:38):
And I was outgrowing because Iwas with this person in my early
20s and I was with him untilcollege.
And when I was in college Istarted to be attracted to other
men and I started to see like,wow, there's more to life,
there's more options out here.
I started to lose attraction.
So the same way that it cangrow is the same way that it can
(05:59):
just disappear.
It can go away.
Or you just start to see themfor who they really are, and not
who you thought they was, butfor who they really are them
butterflies that try gettingyour stomach.
When you really heal fromsomeone, it turns into roaches.
You just get major ick.
I just don't know why certaingirls are doing this.
Maybe you guys are just tiredof the bad guys.
(06:21):
You guys are just tired of menthat are toxic, and I understand
and I get that.
But to be with someone andyou're not giving it your all,
or even to be with someone justbecause he's a good guy and you
know he has so much potential,but you know you're not into him
at all, you know he's not yourtype, you guys are not even
aligned with each other to evenjust date him and you know
(06:42):
you're about to waste your time.
I just don't think that's fairand right there.
You're just blocking yourblessings from someone better
coming along your journey andsometimes you guys be thinking
that this guy is such a nice guy.
Really do your homework, becausesome of them they just play
nice just because they smellgood.
Like I said, just because theyshow up for you, just because
(07:03):
they there for you, doesn't meanthat they're really a good
person.
Sometimes they have a motive,sometimes they have a hidden
agenda and a lot of women fallfor this.
You know how many friends thatI've had growing up.
I thought that they were really, really my friends.
But when I told them I don'tfeel the same way or I don't
want to be with them, you knowthey just cut me off like that.
So sometimes this whole niceguy act.
(07:25):
You have to really be carefulbecause sometimes it's just the
way to just sleep with you orjust to get with you.
If you don't feel the same wayor if you don't want to be with
them, they'll just probably cutyou off.
Some things is just the motive.
But just really be careful andjust don't do it.
There's someone out there foryou.
You just have to stand strong,hold on and just pray to God
(07:47):
about it and that is it.
I hope you guys like thiscontent and if you did, please
like, comment and subscribe.
I'll be back for more videos.
And again, sorry for the audio.
I will definitely get a newmicrophone.
My microphone just broke so I'm so pissed off.
But I really wanted to do thisvideo because, especially for
women, if y'all know you guyshave like guy friends and
they're like that good guy andyou guys know you're not
attracted to him or you're noteven into him, don't date him
just because he's the nice guy,just because he's the good guy,
just because you guys gothistory together or you guys got
(00:21):
a lot of time together, you gotto stand on your boundaries,
you got to stand on business.
Like, if you are not attractedto him, don't settle for him
just because he's the good guy,just because he's the guy that
listens to all your problems andhe's the guy that give you
emotional and mental support.
Just don't do it, do not settle.
I don't care how lonely it gets, I don't care how desperate you
(00:41):
are.
If you really not attracted tohim, like at all, sexually,
physically.
Even his personality, like it,doesn't give you butterflies
Sometimes it may give you theache or if you just really not
compatible with this person,you're really not into this
person.
But this person is your friendor is.
This person is somebody youknow.
Do not date him.
Do not date him.
(01:02):
I know it's so hard to find agood man in this world Like I
get it, just like it is hard formen to find a good woman in
this world as well.
But I don't think that youshould ever and I don't believe
that you should ever settle withsomeone just because you know
their resume is good, justbecause they show up for you,
just because mentally andemotionally they pour into you,
they're always there for you.
(01:22):
If your heart is not in it andyour mind is not in it and you
don't feel that attractivenesstowards that person, don't do it
.
Just do not do it.
It's going to be a waste ofyour time and you're going to
regret it.
And then not only that, but youare going to hurt the
friendship.
I say this because some womenare doing this and then they're
regretting.
They're regretting ever messingup that friendship or that
(01:45):
connection because they forcethemselves to like somebody just
so that they can say they havea good person in their life.
But if you really don't likethem, if they really not for you
, don't force it.
It's not fair to you and it'snot fair to them.
I don't know why, but in thedating world I see women where
we're forcing it.
We're forcing to like thisperson, we're forcing our
(02:05):
romantic connection, we'reforcing ourselves to be
attracted to somebody and that'sjust not fair to us and that's
not fair to them and long-termyou're not going to be happy
because you had to forceyourself to like somebody and
that's not what the law ofattraction is.
You don't have to force to likesomebody, to be attracted to
somebody, to want to be withsomeone.
That is something that justhappens naturally, organically,
(02:27):
and it happens on its own time.
The minute that you are forcingyourself to like someone or to
want to be with someone, that'salready an issue within itself.
And imagine you forcing to likesomeone and let's say, you end
up really do liking them.
A couple of months later, oreven a year later or two, you're
going to realize you're goingto fall out of life so fast
because it's not something thathappened in divine timing, it's
(02:49):
not something that happenednaturally, it's something that
happened forcefully andsituations like that always die
out fast.
You end up realizing why younever wanted to be with that
person in the first place andit's just a waste of time and
energy.
I don't care how single you are,I don't care how bored you are,
I don't care how horny you are.
(03:10):
Just do not do it.
Do not mess up the friendship.
Do not put yourself in aposition where you know you're
going to end up regretting it.
If you are into this good guy,if you do find this person
attractive and if this issomeone that you've been friends
with or you've been around, andthis is someone that you've
been friends with or you've beenaround and this is someone that
that will work for you, someonethat you could see a potential
future with, then by all meansdo you.
(03:31):
I hope it works out like go forit.
If, if it's really for you andif it was good in your spirit,
go for it.
But do not do if you're notattracted to this person.
You don't even like this person.
I just think that's a recipefor disaster.
You should never be so desperate.
You should never be so lowlythat you're just out here
settling with someone justbecause you know them.
(03:51):
It actually really sucks tofeel that way, but it's like you
don't deserve that.
They don't deserve that and youjust have to be patient.
You have to be patient forwhat's really for you.
You have to be patient on God'stiming.
You should honestly pray aboutit.
You should talk to God about itand don't waste your time,
because wasted time is the worstthing ever.
You're going to waste your timeinto something that's probably
(04:11):
not going to work out and youknow it's not going to work out.
I actually have friends that dothis.
So they would date this guybecause he's the nice guy right
and he's a provider right, butthey cheat on him, they play him
, you know, and I just thinkthat's so messed up because that
good guy he could be worthy, hecould be, he could be like a
prince charming, he could be thefull package to another woman.
(04:34):
You know he doesn't, he doesn'tdeserve that treatment.
And I feel like when girls dothis most of the time, yeah,
ruining this good guy forsomeone else.
Like, yeah, ruining theblessing for someone else.
If you genuinely don't like himand you're not into into him,
don't do it, because youwouldn't want a man to do that
to you and I know a lot of guysdo do this, but you don't gotta
(04:54):
do it and you don't want badkarma coming back to you.
It's just a waste of time.
It's a waste of your coochie,it's a waste of your heart, it's
a waste of your brain cells.
It's just not worth it.
When I was younger, I'veactually dated someone.
He wasn't like, really my type,and then I actually did fall in
love with him.
And then, years later, when Iwas in college, I started to
fall out of love with him.
(05:16):
I wasn't as attracted to him asI was in the middle of our
relationship.
I'm not going to lie Attractiongrows.
It does grow, but the way howit grows is the same way.
It could go away.
It could just disappear.
And when I was dating thisperson I'm not going to lie
years into our relationship Istarted to see how immature he
was, certain things about himthat I just did not like.
(05:38):
And I was outgrowing because Iwas with this person in my early
20s and I was with him untilcollege.
And when I was in college Istarted to be attracted to other
men and I started to see like,wow, there's more to life,
there's more options out here.
I started to lose attraction.
So the same way that it cangrow is the same way that it can
(05:59):
just disappear.
It can go away.
Or you just start to see themfor who they really are, and not
who you thought they was, butfor who they really are them
butterflies that try gettingyour stomach.
When you really heal fromsomeone, it turns into roaches.
You just get major ick.
I just don't know why certaingirls are doing this.
Maybe you guys are just tiredof the bad guys.
(06:21):
You guys are just tired of menthat are toxic, and I understand
and I get that.
But to be with someone andyou're not giving it your all,
or even to be with someone justbecause he's a good guy and you
know he has so much potential,but you know you're not into him
at all, you know he's not yourtype, you guys are not even
aligned with each other to evenjust date him and you know
(06:42):
you're about to waste your time.
I just don't think that's fairand right there.
You're just blocking yourblessings from someone better
coming along your journey andsometimes you guys be thinking
that this guy is such a nice guy.
Really do your homework, becausesome of them they just play
nice just because they smellgood.
Like I said, just because theyshow up for you, just because
(07:03):
they there for you, doesn't meanthat they're really a good
person.
Sometimes they have a motive,sometimes they have a hidden
agenda and a lot of women fallfor this.
You know how many friends thatI've had growing up.
I thought that they were really, really my friends.
But when I told them I don'tfeel the same way or I don't
want to be with them, you knowthey just cut me off like that.
So sometimes this whole niceguy act.
(07:25):
You have to really be carefulbecause sometimes it's just the
way to just sleep with you orjust to get with you.
If you don't feel the same wayor if you don't want to be with
them, they'll just probably cutyou off.
Some things is just the motive.
But just really be careful andjust don't do it.
There's someone out there foryou.
You just have to stand strong,hold on and just pray to God
(07:47):
about it and that is it.
I hope you guys like thiscontent and if you did, please
like, comment and subscribe.
I'll be back for more videos.
And again, sorry for the audio.
I will definitely get a newmicrophone.
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