October 9, 2024 • 11 mins
Ever wondered why you keep finding yourself stuck in the cycle of toxic relationships? It's time to break free and reclaim your happiness and success. Through personal stories and candid discussions, I unveil the self-sabotaging habits of making excuses for those who don't have your best interests at heart.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 0 (00:00):
A lot of.
Y'all got a lot of red flagswithin yourselves and then you
guys wonder why y'alldisappointed, y'all always angry
, why things don't work out foryou.
Number one the reasons whyy'all blessings be blocked is
because y'all always makingexcuse for other people.
Why are you making excuses forpeople that you know do not
serve you, that you know do notbelong in your life?
Why put yourself in situationsor in friendships or even
(00:24):
relationships and you know it'snot healthy for you, you know
it's not going good for you, youknow that your mental health is
draining.
Why are you constantly creatingexcuses for other people?
I've been there before.
I used to people, please.
I used to make excuses forother people.
I didn't want to believe in thebad in people.
I always wanted to believe inthe best.
But you know what that does toyou.
That constantly hurts you, thatconstantly puts you in
(00:45):
disappointment.
That also puts you in aposition where you no longer
want to trust people.
That right there, when you'reconstantly making excuses for
other people and you choose tosee the potential in them
instead of the reality in them,you start to hinder your growth
and your own self-development.
You are around other peoplethat instead of them nurturing
you and uplifting you, they'reactually hurting you.
(01:05):
They're actually distractingyou.
They're actually pushing youaway from your own focus, from
your own goals, from your ownvision.
And when you're constantlymaking excuses for others, you
are putting a strain in therelationships that you already
have in your life.
You're not putting yourselffirst, you're not putting your
happiness first, you're notputting your well-being first,
you're putting other peoplebefore you.
(01:26):
If you are constantly trying toput other people before you and
you're trying to validate theirBS and their drama, that is a
red flag within yourself thatyou need to change.
Another red flag within yourselfis that you tolerate toxic and
abusive relationships.
What you allow is what you'regoing to get.
So if you are in relationshipsand this abusive is toxic and
(01:49):
I'm not only talking aboutphysical abusive, I'm talking
about mental, verbal whereyou're being bullied, where
they're always putting you down,where they're always trying to
make you feel below them you areallowing these things to happen
.
You can't get mad at anybodybut yourself.
You have to take accountabilityand responsibility for your
actions and I know how it feelsbecause I've been there.
I've been in relationships oreven friendships.
(02:11):
It was toxic for me, it wasdraining for me.
If you know you are in thissituation, you need to learn how
to love yourself more and youneed to accept the relationships
for what it is.
And you need to learn how todetach and cut these people off
from your life.
And if you don't want to cutthem off, you need to learn how
to keep your distance frompeople.
You cannot blame anybody butyourself, and the reason why a
(02:32):
lot of people choose to stay inrelationships that are not good
or even toxic or abusive, isbecause of fear.
Fear is what's holding a lot ofy'all back.
Fear is what's holding you guysback from your greatness.
It's holding you back from yourblessings.
It's holding you back fromhappiness.
If you just remove yourselffrom situations that do not
serve you, relationships thatare hurting you, relationships
(02:53):
that are putting you downmentally, emotionally that is
breaking you down.
That's when your blessings come.
You know, once you get rid ofthese unnecessary people from
your life, or these dead weightfrom your shoulders or these
burdens, you know on the otherside, the grass is greener right
.
The grass is greener where youwater it, if you start to water
yourself and you start tonurture yourself, if you start
(03:14):
to pour love into yourself.
I'm telling you, the other sideof that door is greatness.
The other side of that door isthe life of joy.
It's the life of peace.
Why are you constantly allowingpeople to treat you a certain
way?
You have to realize that youare the problem.
You got to stop making excusesfor yourself.
You got to stop making excusesfor other people.
(03:34):
You got to stop toleratingtheir BS and you got to do what
is best for you.
No one is going to want to dowhat's best for you more than
yourself.
No one is going to love youmore than yourself.
No going to want to do what'sbest for you more than yourself.
No one is going to love youmore than yourself.
No one is going to want you tobe happy more than yourself.
So stop allowing these peopleto drain you, to hurt you, to
(03:55):
constantly put you down.
Learn to detach and loveyourself more.
Learn to put these peoplebehind you, not in front of you.
People will only treat you theway that you allow them to treat
you.
Learn to take responsibilityand accountability for your
actions and for yourself.
You need to realize that this isa red flag within you, and I
had to realize the hard way.
I had to realize.
(04:15):
There was a time in my lifewhere I ended my relationship
and I was just like why am I nothappy anymore?
What is this unnecessary burdenon me where I just feel like my
spirit ain't right when I'maround certain people and I just
had to cut them off.
And when I cut these people off, the path may be a little bit
lonely, but I have so much peace.
And let me tell you somethingwhen y'all cut people off and
(04:37):
you have peace, notice that itwas never a loss, it was a gain.
If you gain your peace, if yourmental health is right, if you
got God with you, it's never aDon't.
Ever feel bad for doing what isbest for you, feel bad for
allowing yourself to be put insituations that do not serve you
.
Another red flag within yourself, especially ladies, is that
y'all don't have boundaries.
(04:58):
Y'all don't be puttingboundaries within yourself, even
with family, even with peoplethat you are dating.
Like let's say you have acertain goal that you want to do
.
Let's say, for a lot of y'allladies that have kids, y'all
want to go to the gym.
Don't compromise that time withanybody else.
For example, let's say you haveplans or plans, come up.
Don't let those plans distractyou from going to the gym,
(05:19):
because the gym is the time foryou.
It's literally the time for you.
It's the time for your peace,it's the time for you to get
yourself right.
It's the time for you to feelbetter about yourself and I know
a lot of us moms.
We don't really have time likethat because we got to take care
of our kids.
But if going to the gym issomething that makes you happy
and it makes you feel better,put that boundary up.
People got to respect that yourgym time is your gym time.
(05:41):
Your partner got to respectthat.
Your family got to respect that.
Your friends got to respectthat.
Who cares if they're trying tomake plans?
You really like going to thegym.
Don't let them distract youfrom going to the gym.
When you have a lot of people inyour circle, they distract you
a lot and if you don't putboundaries, you're going to
start being distracted from yourown goals.
So that's why I really thinkit's important for you to have
(06:03):
boundaries within yourself.
Protect your peace, protectyour energy.
It's nobody's business.
But you got to learn how to putboundaries Because, like I said
, no one is going to go hard forwhat you want for yourself more
than you.
Ladies, if you're single, let'ssay you got male friends that
are just male friends.
You don't see them more thanjust a friend.
Put boundaries with them too,because I realize when you have
(06:27):
male friends Most of them theystart to like you and things
starts to get a little bit weirdwhen you have friends that are
the opposite sex men and womenput boundaries, be like listen,
we are just friends and thisain't going to go nowhere.
I just see you as a friendbecause some guys they really
take advantage.
When y'all are friends andy'all are consistently hanging
out with each other, they startto see you as their girlfriend
(06:47):
instead of their friends andthings get weird With
relationships, with friendships,with family.
Put boundaries Even if you arein a relationship, even if you
are dating.
Let's say you're datingsomebody new, you just met them
off an app and you guys aregoing strong and it's only been
a couple of weeks or even acouple of months have.
Don't have everybody around yourkid.
Don't bring people around yourhome address so early, because
(07:10):
you don't know what's gonnahappen later down the line.
What if things don't work out,and now they know your address
and now they're love bombing youand now they're stalking you.
It's so many crazy things goingon in this world.
Especially women haveboundaries.
Everybody don't gotta knoweverything that's going on with
you and everybody don't gottahave access to you.
Which goes on to number four.
The red flag within yourself isthat y'all gotta stop telling
(07:33):
everybody y'all business,because your business is not
always meant to be shared witheverybody.
And I'm being so serious aboutthis because, let's say, you
guys have small wins and I'm'mvery, very passionate about this
.
But if you have small wins thatyou've been celebrating within
yourself or you're really happyabout, it's not always meant to
(07:53):
be shared with everybody.
I remember years ago I would beputting on certain people on to
a job that I had, because it wasjust a regular job and I was
just putting people on.
And I remember putting someoneI knew on it kind of hurt me,
kind of hurt my reputation,because my supervisor would tell
me like I don't want thatperson working in this job, that
person is not good in this job,that person is not reliable.
(08:15):
Like don't be bringing peopleto this job if you're going to
put people on like that and Iwasn't thinking about it like
that, but I'm just letting y'allknow like y'all don't have to
put all your friends and allyour family on, and if your
friends and your family theyfeel some type of way because
you're not putting them ontoyour blessings and your
opportunities, they some haters.
They are some haters becauseyour real friends and your real
(08:37):
family, especially your family,your loved ones, they're going
to respect.
I'm happy for you, that's foryou, and God bless you and God
bless it and I want that to gowell for you and they.
Not all your opportunities, notall your wins are meant to be
put on with everybody else.
(08:57):
It's just for you, it reallyjust is for you.
Once y'all start putting y'allfriends and y'all neighbors and
y'all family on, let's say yougot a good raise and you start
to tell everybody you got thatraise, not everybody is mad
because they're like, oh, but heor she got this raise and I
didn't get this raise Becausethat blessing was just meant for
you.
And now, when you start tellingeverybody your business, that
(09:19):
you got a raise, that you got abonus, now everybody is talking
behind your back and now they'regoing to get you in trouble
because you opened up your mouth.
I've really learned at 30 yearsold my blessings and the things
that I've got going on for me isnot really meant to be shared
unless I want it to be shared.
But you don't have to shareeverything you really don't.
It's really nobody's businessand you don't need to be putting
(09:42):
everybody on to what you gotgoing on because you don't know
later down the road thatopportunity you didn't get a
bigger blessing because you wasputting that blessing onto
people that it was not meant forthem, it was just meant for
yourself.
So literally listen to me whenI tell you this and hear me out.
When you get blessed withthings, it's just really meant
for you.
It has your name on it and ifit was meant for those other
(10:03):
people, it will happen to thoseother people.
But don't go out of your waytrying to help everybody to the
point where now you hurtingyourself and you're not winning
anymore because you helpingeverybody else out and I had to
really learn that the hard way.
You got to keep your businessesto yourself.
Also, keep your personalrelationships to yourself.
(10:24):
Everybody don't got to knowthat you and your man or you and
your girl was arguing lastnight, you had a small ass
argument about nothing, or youguys are having finance issues.
That's literally between youand your partner.
And also nobody got to knowyour sex life.
I don't know why people theyalways so comfortable to talk
about their sex life, but ifthat's between you and your
partner, that is between you andyour partner.
Why does everybody gotta knowwhat goes on in the bed between
(10:45):
you and your significant other?
These are the biggest red flagswithin yourself, and I've
noticed that because I've beenthrough this too.
I was doing these things tooand then I learned like, oh,
holy crap, life humbled me.
I was wondering, like, why Iwasn happy, why my blessings
wasn't happening to me, becauseI had to let certain people go.
I had to change within myselfand I had to change my
environment.
And I also learned that I gotto keep things to myself,
(11:08):
because everybody is not reallyrooting for you.
And when people are rooting foryou, they want you to put them
on just like you were put on orjust like you got blessed.
They want you to put them onjust like you were put on or
just like you got blessed.
They want you to bless them theway you got blessed, and it
doesn't always happen like that.
That's not how it really works.
The same way, how you had togrind to get where you are in
life, they got to do the samething.
You can't just give themsomething for free.
(11:29):
That's not how it works.
These are the biggest red flagswithin yourself and if you like
this video, please like comment.
A lot of.
Y'all got a lot of red flagswithin yourselves and then you
guys wonder why y'alldisappointed, y'all always angry
, why things don't work out foryou.
Number one the reasons whyy'all blessings be blocked is
because y'all always makingexcuse for other people.
Why are you making excuses forpeople that you know do not
serve you, that you know do notbelong in your life?
Why put yourself in situationsor in friendships or even
(00:24):
relationships and you know it'snot healthy for you, you know
it's not going good for you, youknow that your mental health is
draining.
Why are you constantly creatingexcuses for other people?
I've been there before.
I used to people, please.
I used to make excuses forother people.
I didn't want to believe in thebad in people.
I always wanted to believe inthe best.
But you know what that does toyou.
That constantly hurts you, thatconstantly puts you in
(00:45):
disappointment.
That also puts you in aposition where you no longer
want to trust people.
That right there, when you'reconstantly making excuses for
other people and you choose tosee the potential in them
instead of the reality in them,you start to hinder your growth
and your own self-development.
You are around other peoplethat instead of them nurturing
you and uplifting you, they'reactually hurting you.
(01:05):
They're actually distractingyou.
They're actually pushing youaway from your own focus, from
your own goals, from your ownvision.
And when you're constantlymaking excuses for others, you
are putting a strain in therelationships that you already
have in your life.
You're not putting yourselffirst, you're not putting your
happiness first, you're notputting your well-being first,
you're putting other peoplebefore you.
(01:26):
If you are constantly trying toput other people before you and
you're trying to validate theirBS and their drama, that is a
red flag within yourself thatyou need to change.
Another red flag within yourselfis that you tolerate toxic and
abusive relationships.
What you allow is what you'regoing to get.
So if you are in relationshipsand this abusive is toxic and
(01:49):
I'm not only talking aboutphysical abusive, I'm talking
about mental, verbal whereyou're being bullied, where
they're always putting you down,where they're always trying to
make you feel below them you areallowing these things to happen
.
You can't get mad at anybodybut yourself.
You have to take accountabilityand responsibility for your
actions and I know how it feelsbecause I've been there.
I've been in relationships oreven friendships.
(02:11):
It was toxic for me, it wasdraining for me.
If you know you are in thissituation, you need to learn how
to love yourself more and youneed to accept the relationships
for what it is.
And you need to learn how todetach and cut these people off
from your life.
And if you don't want to cutthem off, you need to learn how
to keep your distance frompeople.
You cannot blame anybody butyourself, and the reason why a
(02:32):
lot of people choose to stay inrelationships that are not good
or even toxic or abusive, isbecause of fear.
Fear is what's holding a lot ofy'all back.
Fear is what's holding you guysback from your greatness.
It's holding you back from yourblessings.
It's holding you back fromhappiness.
If you just remove yourselffrom situations that do not
serve you, relationships thatare hurting you, relationships
(02:53):
that are putting you downmentally, emotionally that is
breaking you down.
That's when your blessings come.
You know, once you get rid ofthese unnecessary people from
your life, or these dead weightfrom your shoulders or these
burdens, you know on the otherside, the grass is greener right
.
The grass is greener where youwater it, if you start to water
yourself and you start tonurture yourself, if you start
(03:14):
to pour love into yourself.
I'm telling you, the other sideof that door is greatness.
The other side of that door isthe life of joy.
It's the life of peace.
Why are you constantly allowingpeople to treat you a certain
way?
You have to realize that youare the problem.
You got to stop making excusesfor yourself.
You got to stop making excusesfor other people.
(03:34):
You got to stop toleratingtheir BS and you got to do what
is best for you.
No one is going to want to dowhat's best for you more than
yourself.
No one is going to love youmore than yourself.
No going to want to do what'sbest for you more than yourself.
No one is going to love youmore than yourself.
No one is going to want you tobe happy more than yourself.
So stop allowing these peopleto drain you, to hurt you, to
(03:55):
constantly put you down.
Learn to detach and loveyourself more.
Learn to put these peoplebehind you, not in front of you.
People will only treat you theway that you allow them to treat
you.
Learn to take responsibilityand accountability for your
actions and for yourself.
You need to realize that this isa red flag within you, and I
had to realize the hard way.
I had to realize.
(04:15):
There was a time in my lifewhere I ended my relationship
and I was just like why am I nothappy anymore?
What is this unnecessary burdenon me where I just feel like my
spirit ain't right when I'maround certain people and I just
had to cut them off.
And when I cut these people off, the path may be a little bit
lonely, but I have so much peace.
And let me tell you somethingwhen y'all cut people off and
(04:37):
you have peace, notice that itwas never a loss, it was a gain.
If you gain your peace, if yourmental health is right, if you
got God with you, it's never aDon't.
Ever feel bad for doing what isbest for you, feel bad for
allowing yourself to be put insituations that do not serve you
.
Another red flag within yourself, especially ladies, is that
y'all don't have boundaries.
(04:58):
Y'all don't be puttingboundaries within yourself, even
with family, even with peoplethat you are dating.
Like let's say you have acertain goal that you want to do
.
Let's say, for a lot of y'allladies that have kids, y'all
want to go to the gym.
Don't compromise that time withanybody else.
For example, let's say you haveplans or plans, come up.
Don't let those plans distractyou from going to the gym,
(05:19):
because the gym is the time foryou.
It's literally the time for you.
It's the time for your peace,it's the time for you to get
yourself right.
It's the time for you to feelbetter about yourself and I know
a lot of us moms.
We don't really have time likethat because we got to take care
of our kids.
But if going to the gym issomething that makes you happy
and it makes you feel better,put that boundary up.
People got to respect that yourgym time is your gym time.
(05:41):
Your partner got to respectthat.
Your family got to respect that.
Your friends got to respectthat.
Who cares if they're trying tomake plans?
You really like going to thegym.
Don't let them distract youfrom going to the gym.
When you have a lot of people inyour circle, they distract you
a lot and if you don't putboundaries, you're going to
start being distracted from yourown goals.
So that's why I really thinkit's important for you to have
(06:03):
boundaries within yourself.
Protect your peace, protectyour energy.
It's nobody's business.
But you got to learn how to putboundaries Because, like I said
, no one is going to go hard forwhat you want for yourself more
than you.
Ladies, if you're single, let'ssay you got male friends that
are just male friends.
You don't see them more thanjust a friend.
Put boundaries with them too,because I realize when you have
(06:27):
male friends Most of them theystart to like you and things
starts to get a little bit weirdwhen you have friends that are
the opposite sex men and womenput boundaries, be like listen,
we are just friends and thisain't going to go nowhere.
I just see you as a friendbecause some guys they really
take advantage.
When y'all are friends andy'all are consistently hanging
out with each other, they startto see you as their girlfriend
(06:47):
instead of their friends andthings get weird With
relationships, with friendships,with family.
Put boundaries Even if you arein a relationship, even if you
are dating.
Let's say you're datingsomebody new, you just met them
off an app and you guys aregoing strong and it's only been
a couple of weeks or even acouple of months have.
Don't have everybody around yourkid.
Don't bring people around yourhome address so early, because
(07:10):
you don't know what's gonnahappen later down the line.
What if things don't work out,and now they know your address
and now they're love bombing youand now they're stalking you.
It's so many crazy things goingon in this world.
Especially women haveboundaries.
Everybody don't gotta knoweverything that's going on with
you and everybody don't gottahave access to you.
Which goes on to number four.
The red flag within yourself isthat y'all gotta stop telling
(07:33):
everybody y'all business,because your business is not
always meant to be shared witheverybody.
And I'm being so serious aboutthis because, let's say, you
guys have small wins and I'm'mvery, very passionate about this
.
But if you have small wins thatyou've been celebrating within
yourself or you're really happyabout, it's not always meant to
(07:53):
be shared with everybody.
I remember years ago I would beputting on certain people on to
a job that I had, because it wasjust a regular job and I was
just putting people on.
And I remember putting someoneI knew on it kind of hurt me,
kind of hurt my reputation,because my supervisor would tell
me like I don't want thatperson working in this job, that
person is not good in this job,that person is not reliable.
(08:15):
Like don't be bringing peopleto this job if you're going to
put people on like that and Iwasn't thinking about it like
that, but I'm just letting y'allknow like y'all don't have to
put all your friends and allyour family on, and if your
friends and your family theyfeel some type of way because
you're not putting them ontoyour blessings and your
opportunities, they some haters.
They are some haters becauseyour real friends and your real
(08:37):
family, especially your family,your loved ones, they're going
to respect.
I'm happy for you, that's foryou, and God bless you and God
bless it and I want that to gowell for you and they.
Not all your opportunities, notall your wins are meant to be
put on with everybody else.
(08:57):
It's just for you, it reallyjust is for you.
Once y'all start putting y'allfriends and y'all neighbors and
y'all family on, let's say yougot a good raise and you start
to tell everybody you got thatraise, not everybody is mad
because they're like, oh, but heor she got this raise and I
didn't get this raise Becausethat blessing was just meant for
you.
And now, when you start tellingeverybody your business, that
(09:19):
you got a raise, that you got abonus, now everybody is talking
behind your back and now they'regoing to get you in trouble
because you opened up your mouth.
I've really learned at 30 yearsold my blessings and the things
that I've got going on for me isnot really meant to be shared
unless I want it to be shared.
But you don't have to shareeverything you really don't.
It's really nobody's businessand you don't need to be putting
(09:42):
everybody on to what you gotgoing on because you don't know
later down the road thatopportunity you didn't get a
bigger blessing because you wasputting that blessing onto
people that it was not meant forthem, it was just meant for
yourself.
So literally listen to me whenI tell you this and hear me out.
When you get blessed withthings, it's just really meant
for you.
It has your name on it and ifit was meant for those other
(10:03):
people, it will happen to thoseother people.
But don't go out of your waytrying to help everybody to the
point where now you hurtingyourself and you're not winning
anymore because you helpingeverybody else out and I had to
really learn that the hard way.
You got to keep your businessesto yourself.
Also, keep your personalrelationships to yourself.
(10:24):
Everybody don't got to knowthat you and your man or you and
your girl was arguing lastnight, you had a small ass
argument about nothing, or youguys are having finance issues.
That's literally between youand your partner.
And also nobody got to knowyour sex life.
I don't know why people theyalways so comfortable to talk
about their sex life, but ifthat's between you and your
partner, that is between you andyour partner.
Why does everybody gotta knowwhat goes on in the bed between
(10:45):
you and your significant other?
These are the biggest red flagswithin yourself, and I've
noticed that because I've beenthrough this too.
I was doing these things tooand then I learned like, oh,
holy crap, life humbled me.
I was wondering, like, why Iwasn happy, why my blessings
wasn't happening to me, becauseI had to let certain people go.
I had to change within myselfand I had to change my
environment.
And I also learned that I gotto keep things to myself,
(11:08):
because everybody is not reallyrooting for you.
And when people are rooting foryou, they want you to put them
on just like you were put on orjust like you got blessed.
They want you to put them onjust like you were put on or
just like you got blessed.
They want you to bless them theway you got blessed, and it
doesn't always happen like that.
That's not how it really works.
The same way, how you had togrind to get where you are in
life, they got to do the samething.
You can't just give themsomething for free.
(11:29):
That's not how it works.
These are the biggest red flagswithin yourself and if you like
this video, please like comment.
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