September 3, 2024 • 11 mins
Ever felt the sting of betrayal after sharing too much about your relationship with friends or family? Discover how seemingly innocent gossip can spiral into drama and heartbreak, from friendships fracturing to partners being swiped. Through personal anecdotes and real-life examples, I explore why preserving privacy in sensitive matters is crucial for maintaining trust and respect in your relationship.
MY SOCIAL MEDIAS:
https://twitter.com/home
https://www.instagram.com/frahelis_/
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 0 (00:00):
What up beautiful people.
So the three biggest reasonswhy a lot of y'all should not be
over sharing your relationshipsto your friends.
I just think this is so weird.
Number one you should not beover sharing your relationship,
business or personal pettyissues to your friends, because
sharing too many intimatedetails can lead to gossiping,
(00:21):
it can lead to drama, it canlead to messy situations.
There was a time in my life,right when I was working at a
retail store and I was so coolwith one of my coworkers.
She would gossip so much abouther relationship with this guy
that she was sleeping with andshe told one of the girls that
we was working with like hispenis size, how their sex life
(00:44):
is amazing.
One of our friends, one of ourmutual friends in the job,
turned around and she wassleeping with my co-workers, you
know, side piece, on the sidebehind her back, and it caused
so much drama, it caused so muchfriction at work.
That's why I really don'tbelieve in telling your friends,
even your family, your wholeentire business of your
(01:04):
relationship like listen, ladiesand gentlemen, if you are not
in danger, if it's not anemergency, it's not something
that you should be telling yourfriends.
I get it.
There's times where we want tovent to our family members or
even our friends about ourrelationship, but I feel like,
if it is so petty you guys justwoke up and you guys was arguing
about who didn't wash thedishes that's not something that
(01:25):
you need to be telling yourfriend like.
I really think now that I justturned 30 years old, I just have
a whole perspective on likerelationships and friendships.
Like there's that fine line.
You do not need to beoversharing everything about
your partner to your friends.
There's not a lot of friends inthis world that you can trust.
Now that I'm older and I'm wiserand I've been through so many
(01:46):
experiences I've said this and Imentioned this so many times
but my high school relationshipthe guy that I was like so madly
in love with at that time, himand my best friend, was sleeping
with each other behind my backand, mind you, this best friend
that I had, she was like asister to me, like I told her
everything.
(02:06):
Like we grew up together.
You know me and her.
We're not friends anymorebecause of my ex.
Like he caused our friendshipto end, like he is the reason
why and she is the reason whywe're no longer friends, but she
was the person that I would cryto, I would vent to, I would
tell all my problems and, mindyou, this girl, I would tell all
my problems.
And mind you, this girl, shewould always have my back.
(02:27):
She would always telling meadvice.
You know, she would alwaystelling me, oh, leave him, you
could do so much better, he'snot even worth it.
And to turn around, she wassleeping with him right behind
my back.
That was such a betrayal.
That was like one of thehardest things that I've been
through when I was in highschool, like it really taught me
so much about friendship.
So I've learned this from ayoung age, ladies and gentlemen,
(02:48):
especially men, like A lot ofy'all men, y'all can't be
trusting y'all homeboys.
Y'all really can't, becausewhen I was dating someone his
homeboys they would try to talkto me on the side.
So I know when y'all men, y'allbe telling y'all homeboys about
some girls that y'all into,some girls y'all sleeping with
and y'all telling y'all homeboysthat y'all sex life is good,
(03:19):
you don't think your homeboys isgonna turn around when you and
her fall out and is gonna try tosleep with her or is gonna try
to link up with her.
Y'all cannot be trusting.
Y'all homies, y'all can't betrusting.
Certain things should not beovershared.
You shouldn't be oversharingyour relationship to your
friends, especially like, let'ssay, the the arguments is so
petty.
Let's say, you meet up withyour friend or a family member
and you're like, oh, he'sgetting me on my nerves, like I
don't want to talk to him.
Or you know, you guys are justventing to your friends or your
family members.
A lot of your friends,especially your family members,
(03:42):
they start to cloud yourjudgment.
When you're in a relationship,you really got to learn how to
keep certain things to yourself.
And that goes on to number two.
You got to stop oversharingwith other people.
If you are locked in withsomeone men and women and women
I just really want to likeemphasize this, because
sometimes gas significant othersbe having like deep-rooted
secrets and traumas and it'sjust between you and him, like
(04:07):
that person is just sharing itwith you.
It's not for you to go tellyour family members.
It's definitely not for you tobe telling your friends or your
co-workers if your person reallyconfided in to you about a
trauma or something thathappened in their childhood,
something that is reallyimportant to them something that
is very a sensitive subject.
That's not for you to betelling your friends or your
(04:27):
family.
I just think that is sodisrespectful and that is
betrayal.
Like if something happenedbetween you and him and it's not
like an emergency.
It's not like you're in danger.
It's not like your life is atrisk.
It's not like your children'slife is at risk, like this
person is just telling yousomething that is very like
sentimental to them or somethingthat is very deep to them, or
(04:48):
something that is just veryprivate.
Because you know, when you'rein relationships, a lot of the
time when y'all be talking toyour partners, it's meant to be
private.
It's meant between you and thatperson.
It is not for you, ladies andmen too, for y'all to be
gossiping and be telling yourfriends and your family that,
like that's just so messed up.
How do you want to be withsomeone who's loyal and someone
who's faithful but you runningaround telling your partner's
(05:11):
business to your friends, tohomies, to your family members
that's not right when youarguing with your partner and
you throw that insecurity intheir face and I know this is
like a whole nother topic.
But relationships are meant tobe like protected, and it's
supposed to be kind of like asafe place, kind of like a safe
haven.
So if your partner is tellingyou some things, maybe that's
(05:33):
bothering him, maybe thathurting him, maybe he's going
through financial issues.
It's not for you to be turningaround and venting to your
friends, to your family.
First of all, I'm a Latina, I'mPuerto Rican and Dominican.
In my family, everybody justtalks about each other.
Everybody spreads each other'sbusiness.
If you know you Puerto Rican oryou Spanish and you grew up in
(05:54):
a Hispanic household, you knowonce you tell your business to
someone, it spreads.
You already know that If youand your partner, you guys, are
sharing intimate things, deepconversations, things that needs
to be secretive, you in therelationship needs to keep that
protected.
Don't let outside negativitymess up what y'all got or affect
(06:16):
what y'all got.
I'm gonna be honest I reallybelieve that friends and family
could really kind of like cloudyour judgment.
Not only that, but they cangive you some bad advice.
They don't understand and let'ssay, you and your partner,
right, you guys are arguingabout something so petty.
They be the first ones like,yeah, those are the signs.
Like yeah, maybe you need to.
Just you need your space, likethey give you negativity advice.
(06:39):
They give you advice that'sonly gonna hurt the relationship
more and it's just so messed up.
It's so much crazy things thatis happening.
But keep your relationshipprotected, like keep it between
you and that person.
Like I said, if you're not indanger, if your life is not at
risk, why are you telling yourpartner's business to everybody?
This is a relationship.
This is someone you're supposedto be built with.
(07:01):
You're supposed to build with.
This is someone you're supposedto be loyal and hold it down,
and vice versa.
It's just too many things thatI've witnessed and I've learned
from like I've really learnedwhen I was in high school not to
be loyal and hold it down andvice versa.
It's just too many things thatI've witnessed and I've learned
from like I've really learnedwhen I was in high school not to
be telling my relationshipbusiness to anybody, even my
best friend, because my bestfriend was the one who was
sleeping with him behind my back.
He was grimy and she was grimy.
(07:21):
So I've just learned a lotsince I was in high school and
me now, as a 30 year old woman,I just know to keep certain
things protected and justbetween me and my partner, one
of the biggest reasons why youshouldn't over over share your
relationship.
You should not be telling yourfriends, family, co-workers,
listen, even your neighborsabout your relationship problems
(07:42):
, because I'm gonna give you aperfect example.
So I've known someone that wasin a toxic marriage for over a
decade and she would confideinto me so many times about the
same relationship problems.
Like this man was just cheatingon her, this man was always
disrespecting her, this man hada mistress on the side and he
(08:04):
was just doing this person thatI love so dirty, like he was
doing her so dirty.
And you know me being, you knowsomeone that she confides into
and someone that she trusted.
And like I really love thisgirl so much.
I would give her so much advice.
I would be there for herthrough the tears, through the
stress.
And I'm not gonna lie, I'm justgonna be a hundred percent
(08:26):
honest with y'all.
But if you guys are in toxicrelationships or even marriages,
or even situationships, or evenfriendships, you guys are going
through the same thing.
You mean to tell me, 10 yearslater, five years later, y'all
still going through the samething.
Your friends and your familydon't want to hear it.
We are tired of it, like we aredrained.
(08:47):
It becomes a burden to us.
Your drama becomes our drama.
Because I'm an empath, I feelenergy, like if you're
constantly.
You're constantly telling methe same issues over and over
again and I've been giving youthe same solutions, I've been
telling it to you in so manydifferent ways and it's still
not getting.
It's still not getting to you.
It's still not clicking in.
It's still not sinking.
I don't.
It's still not clicking in.
(09:08):
It's still not syncing.
I don't wanna hear it.
I'm telling you right nowunless you have some really fake
friends and family members thatthey love to hear your drama
and they're so entertained byyour misery.
Then that's another story.
But me personally, I can't standit when people tell me the same
issues again and again.
It's almost like you'recomplaining about the same thing
(09:29):
and you're not doing anythingto find a solution, you're not
doing what is best for you.
That just becomes overwhelming,that becomes draining.
That just makes me in pieces,like the piece that I had.
It just makes me in pieces.
Oversharing the same thing isnot really cool and we just
don't want to hear it.
And the reason why I say that Isbecause when I was in a toxic
(09:49):
relationship.
For four years Four years y'all.
I was in this toxicrelationship.
I would complain about theperson I was with To the same
people and after a while it wasdraining for me to keep
complaining about him, for me tokeep crying about him,
stressing about him, cursingabout him.
My energy would be low, like myvibe would be off.
(10:09):
I would feel so overwhelmed andI would feel so drained and I
would get sick and tired ofmyself complaining about this
person, crying about this person, going to bed, hurt, mad.
So I could only imagine whatit's like on the other side when
you're hearing it from the sameperson for years.
I don't want to hear about itand I'm telling you right now.
Your friends and your familydon't want to hear about it
(10:29):
either.
After a while it gets old, itgets boring, the narrative
expires and what are you doingabout it to make it better?
What are you doing about it tobecome better?
Like?
Are you learning?
Are you growing from yourexperience or are you just going
to keep complaining about it?
Whoever you're dating, whoeveryou're locked in with, keep it
very respectful, have boundaries.
I really think it's importantto have boundaries when you're
(10:51):
in a relationship, when you'remarried, like whoever you are
locked in with, there needs tobe major, major boundaries.
Those are the major reasons whyyou should not overshare your
relationships and I hope I hopethis is very relatable to some
of y'all.
You guys understand what I'msaying, and then until next time
I'll be back for more videos.
What up beautiful people.
So the three biggest reasonswhy a lot of y'all should not be
over sharing your relationshipsto your friends.
I just think this is so weird.
Number one you should not beover sharing your relationship,
business or personal pettyissues to your friends, because
sharing too many intimatedetails can lead to gossiping,
(00:21):
it can lead to drama, it canlead to messy situations.
There was a time in my life,right when I was working at a
retail store and I was so coolwith one of my coworkers.
She would gossip so much abouther relationship with this guy
that she was sleeping with andshe told one of the girls that
we was working with like hispenis size, how their sex life
(00:44):
is amazing.
One of our friends, one of ourmutual friends in the job,
turned around and she wassleeping with my co-workers, you
know, side piece, on the sidebehind her back, and it caused
so much drama, it caused so muchfriction at work.
That's why I really don'tbelieve in telling your friends,
even your family, your wholeentire business of your
(01:04):
relationship like listen, ladiesand gentlemen, if you are not
in danger, if it's not anemergency, it's not something
that you should be telling yourfriends.
I get it.
There's times where we want tovent to our family members or
even our friends about ourrelationship, but I feel like,
if it is so petty you guys justwoke up and you guys was arguing
about who didn't wash thedishes that's not something that
(01:25):
you need to be telling yourfriend like.
I really think now that I justturned 30 years old, I just have
a whole perspective on likerelationships and friendships.
Like there's that fine line.
You do not need to beoversharing everything about
your partner to your friends.
There's not a lot of friends inthis world that you can trust.
Now that I'm older and I'm wiserand I've been through so many
(01:46):
experiences I've said this and Imentioned this so many times
but my high school relationshipthe guy that I was like so madly
in love with at that time, himand my best friend, was sleeping
with each other behind my backand, mind you, this best friend
that I had, she was like asister to me, like I told her
everything.
(02:06):
Like we grew up together.
You know me and her.
We're not friends anymorebecause of my ex.
Like he caused our friendshipto end, like he is the reason
why and she is the reason whywe're no longer friends, but she
was the person that I would cryto, I would vent to, I would
tell all my problems and, mindyou, this girl, I would tell all
my problems.
And mind you, this girl, shewould always have my back.
(02:27):
She would always telling meadvice.
You know, she would alwaystelling me, oh, leave him, you
could do so much better, he'snot even worth it.
And to turn around, she wassleeping with him right behind
my back.
That was such a betrayal.
That was like one of thehardest things that I've been
through when I was in highschool, like it really taught me
so much about friendship.
So I've learned this from ayoung age, ladies and gentlemen,
(02:48):
especially men, like A lot ofy'all men, y'all can't be
trusting y'all homeboys.
Y'all really can't, becausewhen I was dating someone his
homeboys they would try to talkto me on the side.
So I know when y'all men, y'allbe telling y'all homeboys about
some girls that y'all into,some girls y'all sleeping with
and y'all telling y'all homeboysthat y'all sex life is good,
(03:19):
you don't think your homeboys isgonna turn around when you and
her fall out and is gonna try tosleep with her or is gonna try
to link up with her.
Y'all cannot be trusting.
Y'all homies, y'all can't betrusting.
Certain things should not beovershared.
You shouldn't be oversharingyour relationship to your
friends, especially like, let'ssay, the the arguments is so
petty.
Let's say, you meet up withyour friend or a family member
and you're like, oh, he'sgetting me on my nerves, like I
don't want to talk to him.
Or you know, you guys are justventing to your friends or your
family members.
A lot of your friends,especially your family members,
(03:42):
they start to cloud yourjudgment.
When you're in a relationship,you really got to learn how to
keep certain things to yourself.
And that goes on to number two.
You got to stop oversharingwith other people.
If you are locked in withsomeone men and women and women
I just really want to likeemphasize this, because
sometimes gas significant othersbe having like deep-rooted
secrets and traumas and it'sjust between you and him, like
(04:07):
that person is just sharing itwith you.
It's not for you to go tellyour family members.
It's definitely not for you tobe telling your friends or your
co-workers if your person reallyconfided in to you about a
trauma or something thathappened in their childhood,
something that is reallyimportant to them something that
is very a sensitive subject.
That's not for you to betelling your friends or your
(04:27):
family.
I just think that is sodisrespectful and that is
betrayal.
Like if something happenedbetween you and him and it's not
like an emergency.
It's not like you're in danger.
It's not like your life is atrisk.
It's not like your children'slife is at risk, like this
person is just telling yousomething that is very like
sentimental to them or somethingthat is very deep to them, or
(04:48):
something that is just veryprivate.
Because you know, when you'rein relationships, a lot of the
time when y'all be talking toyour partners, it's meant to be
private.
It's meant between you and thatperson.
It is not for you, ladies andmen too, for y'all to be
gossiping and be telling yourfriends and your family that,
like that's just so messed up.
How do you want to be withsomeone who's loyal and someone
who's faithful but you runningaround telling your partner's
(05:11):
business to your friends, tohomies, to your family members
that's not right when youarguing with your partner and
you throw that insecurity intheir face and I know this is
like a whole nother topic.
But relationships are meant tobe like protected, and it's
supposed to be kind of like asafe place, kind of like a safe
haven.
So if your partner is tellingyou some things, maybe that's
(05:33):
bothering him, maybe thathurting him, maybe he's going
through financial issues.
It's not for you to be turningaround and venting to your
friends, to your family.
First of all, I'm a Latina, I'mPuerto Rican and Dominican.
In my family, everybody justtalks about each other.
Everybody spreads each other'sbusiness.
If you know you Puerto Rican oryou Spanish and you grew up in
(05:54):
a Hispanic household, you knowonce you tell your business to
someone, it spreads.
You already know that If youand your partner, you guys, are
sharing intimate things, deepconversations, things that needs
to be secretive, you in therelationship needs to keep that
protected.
Don't let outside negativitymess up what y'all got or affect
(06:16):
what y'all got.
I'm gonna be honest I reallybelieve that friends and family
could really kind of like cloudyour judgment.
Not only that, but they cangive you some bad advice.
They don't understand and let'ssay, you and your partner,
right, you guys are arguingabout something so petty.
They be the first ones like,yeah, those are the signs.
Like yeah, maybe you need to.
Just you need your space, likethey give you negativity advice.
(06:39):
They give you advice that'sonly gonna hurt the relationship
more and it's just so messed up.
It's so much crazy things thatis happening.
But keep your relationshipprotected, like keep it between
you and that person.
Like I said, if you're not indanger, if your life is not at
risk, why are you telling yourpartner's business to everybody?
This is a relationship.
This is someone you're supposedto be built with.
(07:01):
You're supposed to build with.
This is someone you're supposedto be loyal and hold it down,
and vice versa.
It's just too many things thatI've witnessed and I've learned
from like I've really learnedwhen I was in high school not to
be loyal and hold it down andvice versa.
It's just too many things thatI've witnessed and I've learned
from like I've really learnedwhen I was in high school not to
be telling my relationshipbusiness to anybody, even my
best friend, because my bestfriend was the one who was
sleeping with him behind my back.
He was grimy and she was grimy.
(07:21):
So I've just learned a lotsince I was in high school and
me now, as a 30 year old woman,I just know to keep certain
things protected and justbetween me and my partner, one
of the biggest reasons why youshouldn't over over share your
relationship.
You should not be telling yourfriends, family, co-workers,
listen, even your neighborsabout your relationship problems
(07:42):
, because I'm gonna give you aperfect example.
So I've known someone that wasin a toxic marriage for over a
decade and she would confideinto me so many times about the
same relationship problems.
Like this man was just cheatingon her, this man was always
disrespecting her, this man hada mistress on the side and he
(08:04):
was just doing this person thatI love so dirty, like he was
doing her so dirty.
And you know me being, you knowsomeone that she confides into
and someone that she trusted.
And like I really love thisgirl so much.
I would give her so much advice.
I would be there for herthrough the tears, through the
stress.
And I'm not gonna lie, I'm justgonna be a hundred percent
(08:26):
honest with y'all.
But if you guys are in toxicrelationships or even marriages,
or even situationships, or evenfriendships, you guys are going
through the same thing.
You mean to tell me, 10 yearslater, five years later, y'all
still going through the samething.
Your friends and your familydon't want to hear it.
We are tired of it, like we aredrained.
(08:47):
It becomes a burden to us.
Your drama becomes our drama.
Because I'm an empath, I feelenergy, like if you're
constantly.
You're constantly telling methe same issues over and over
again and I've been giving youthe same solutions, I've been
telling it to you in so manydifferent ways and it's still
not getting.
It's still not getting to you.
It's still not clicking in.
It's still not sinking.
I don't.
It's still not clicking in.
(09:08):
It's still not syncing.
I don't wanna hear it.
I'm telling you right nowunless you have some really fake
friends and family members thatthey love to hear your drama
and they're so entertained byyour misery.
Then that's another story.
But me personally, I can't standit when people tell me the same
issues again and again.
It's almost like you'recomplaining about the same thing
(09:29):
and you're not doing anythingto find a solution, you're not
doing what is best for you.
That just becomes overwhelming,that becomes draining.
That just makes me in pieces,like the piece that I had.
It just makes me in pieces.
Oversharing the same thing isnot really cool and we just
don't want to hear it.
And the reason why I say that Isbecause when I was in a toxic
(09:49):
relationship.
For four years Four years y'all.
I was in this toxicrelationship.
I would complain about theperson I was with To the same
people and after a while it wasdraining for me to keep
complaining about him, for me tokeep crying about him,
stressing about him, cursingabout him.
My energy would be low, like myvibe would be off.
(10:09):
I would feel so overwhelmed andI would feel so drained and I
would get sick and tired ofmyself complaining about this
person, crying about this person, going to bed, hurt, mad.
So I could only imagine whatit's like on the other side when
you're hearing it from the sameperson for years.
I don't want to hear about itand I'm telling you right now.
Your friends and your familydon't want to hear about it
(10:29):
either.
After a while it gets old, itgets boring, the narrative
expires and what are you doingabout it to make it better?
What are you doing about it tobecome better?
Like?
Are you learning?
Are you growing from yourexperience or are you just going
to keep complaining about it?
Whoever you're dating, whoeveryou're locked in with, keep it
very respectful, have boundaries.
I really think it's importantto have boundaries when you're
(10:51):
in a relationship, when you'remarried, like whoever you are
locked in with, there needs tobe major, major boundaries.
Those are the major reasons whyyou should not overshare your
relationships and I hope I hopethis is very relatable to some
of y'all.
You guys understand what I'msaying, and then until next time
I'll be back for more videos.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com