February 23, 2024 ā¢ 11 mins
Have you ever found yourself at a crossroads between being who you truly are and being who others expect you to be? That's the heart of our latest episode, where I unfold the tapestry of authenticity and the valor in walking your path solo. With personal stories at the forefront, I peel back the layers of approval addiction and the illusion that being universally liked is the golden ticket to happiness. I chat about the internal battle that bubbles up when embarking on new endeavors like a fledgling YouTube channel, and how the lack of cheerleaders in your corner doesn't eclipse the brilliance of your dreams.
MY SOCIAL MEDIAS:
https://twitter.com/home
https://www.instagram.com/frahelis_/
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 0 (00:01):
You know what I cannot stand?
Youtube fam.
I cannot stand when people justtrying to be liked by everybody
, like it's so annoying and it'sokay.
The whole world is not going tolike you.
Not everybody is going to likeyou, and that is perfectly okay,
it's fine, and I say this inthe most humblest respectful way
.
But trying to be liked byeverybody, that is so toxic.
(00:24):
Just too tired of minimizingwho you are or pretending to be
something that you're not orsomeone that you're not, just so
the crowd can please you, justso the crowd can validate you,
just so the crowd can validateyour ego, boost your ego, just
so you can feel like you fit in.
Forget fitting in.
How about standing out?
Whatever happened to your ownindividuality, whatever happened
(00:47):
to personality, whateverhappened to you?
Just liking your own uniqueness?
I just feel like it's soannoying when people are just
trying to be liked by everybodyand in reality, not everyone in
this world is going to like you.
Not everyone is going to beyour cup of tea, and that is
okay.
It's okay to outgrow people,and it's okay if certain people
are just not your vibe.
(01:07):
I rather people not like me forgenuinely and authentically who
I am than for a whole bunch offake people to love me for who
I'm not.
And this is what annoys me themost, because I've been in
situations like this.
I've been in situations wherepeople act a certain way that
they're not just to please thecrowd.
Like, for example, let's say,I'm hanging out with someone and
(01:30):
this me and this person we lovepizza.
And now we're hanging out witha whole group of people and this
group of people is like, oh, Idon't like pizza.
Pizza is just not my thinganymore.
I outgrew pizza.
Now the person I'm hanging outwith she's like oh yeah, we
don't need to do pizza, likeit's fine.
And I'm just looking at thisperson like, why do you have to
(01:50):
change who you are just to fitin?
Why do you have to minimize whoyou are just so you could feel
like you're part of this group,like these people are not your
people.
Sometimes in life you're goingto be around people like they're
not going to always agree withyou, which is okay.
These people you're not goingto resonate with, which is okay.
But you don't minimize who youare.
You don't diminish yourpersonality.
(02:12):
You don't dim who you are justto please someone else.
When I started becoming acontent creator.
You know, when I started myYouTube channel, I noticed like
a lot of my friends are notgoing to support me.
I noticed that and I'm notgoing to beg my friends to
support me.
I'm not going to beg my familymembers to support me.
You either support me or youdon't like, you're not entitled
(02:32):
to.
I'm not going to beg you forvalidation, I'm not going to beg
you for approval.
Like a lot of you, I got torealize that you guys are great
without approval, withoutvalidation, without a
congratulation, without acelebration from other people.
You got to know that you'regreat Even if you're showing up
and no one is supporting you, noone is celebrating you, no one
(02:52):
is clapping for you.
You got to know that you'regreat.
You got to know that you'reunique.
You got to know that you'redifferent.
You got to know that there'ssomething about you that is
special, that you can.
You can make some type ofimpact in this world, and if
you're not trying to make impact, that's perfectly fine.
But you got to like who you are.
Love who you are first.
Like who you are first.
I really think it's importantthat you like yourself.
(03:13):
That way, you don't need otherpeople's validation to feel good
about yourself.
How exhausting and how tiring isit to be around people you
don't relate with.
You don't relate to anymore,you don't resonate with anymore.
These people are not your vibeand you're not their vibe.
But why do you have to beg?
Why do you have to fake who youare?
Why do you have to hide yourpersonality, minimize your own
(03:35):
individuality, minimize your ownuniqueness, just to feel like
you fit in?
If these people are not yourpeople, then that's good.
You don't need these kind ofpeople in your life, because
when you do something different,when you start something
different, when you startbecoming the best version of you
, or when you are justauthentically, you and these
people are not your people.
(03:56):
Let me tell you something thesepeople are not going to help
you win.
These people are not going toappreciate you.
These people are not going tocelebrate you.
Be around those that reallylove you for you, instead of
people that are just loving youfor who you are not.
One thing I noticed is that fora lot of you that started a
brand or a business or you guysare just trying to elevate in
your life, even if your friendsand your family may not be the
(04:19):
ones supporting you or they maynot be the ones helping you get
to the top and you may feeldiscouraged, but if you know in
your heart, you know in yourheart there's something about
you that is special, thatthere's something about you that
you can make some type ofchange or some type of impact,
or you know in your heart thatGod has a special hire calling
for you.
(04:40):
You don't ever, ever diminishthat for anyone else.
You don't ever let that go.
You don't ever quit.
You don't ever quit because thepeople that you are so fond of,
the people that you think thatwill help you get to your next
level, is not helping you win.
It's not celebrating you.
You don't quit because of them,because most of the time, it's
(05:01):
the people that you know thatit's not going to help you win.
It's the strangers.
That is going to help you win.
Basically, what I'm trying tosay is that don't ever lose
sight of who you are, just soyou can please someone else,
just so you could please a crowd.
A lot of people is not going tolike you.
A lot of people is not going toagree with you.
A lot of people is going tohave a different perspective of
(05:21):
what your perspective is, butyou stand 10 toes down on your
opinion, on your beliefs, onyour values.
Don't let no one change that,don't let anybody change that.
Don't let anyone make you feeldifferent or don't let anyone
make you feel like there'ssomething wrong with you.
There's nothing wrong with you.
You just haven't found yourcrowd of people.
(05:42):
You haven't found like-mindedindividuals that believe in what
you believe in or that canrelate to you or that can
resonate with you or that cansupport you.
I remember when I was in highschool, I was hanging around
with someone and she hated,hated seafood.
She hated seafood and it wouldmake other friends around me,
even me, even myself.
It would make me superuncomfortable if I buy seafood
(06:05):
around her because she would belike oh my God, I hate to smell
the seafood.
I remember I just wouldn't eatseafood around her because it
would bother her so much, shewould be so negative.
She was just very opinionated.
That bothers me.
She was like why do I have tostop enjoying eating seafood
because a certain person aroundme hates it and she talks so bad
(06:26):
about seafood?
No, she just wasn't my personand I just wasn't her type of
friend to be around.
I'm not going to diminish who Iam just to please someone else.
I'm not doing that Every time.
We would go into a restaurantand I just wanted some seafood
from time to time.
Or if one of my other friendsin the group she wanted seafood
(06:47):
I remember this certain personwould be like why are you
getting seafood?
She would make us feel badabout it and we wouldn't do it
just to make her comfortable,just to make her happy.
But it's, at the end of the day, why do I have to do that?
If you're my friend and youdon't like seafood or whatever
it is, I shouldn't have to stopeating seafood because you don't
like the smell of it or youwant to talk bad about seafood.
(07:08):
If you're for me, you wouldaccept me for who I am, and I
think a lot of people nowadaysthey're just around people not
for who they truly are, but whatthey can gain from them.
So that's why I'm always sayinglike, choose your friends
really wisely, or choose thepeople because they don't even
have to be friends.
A lot of this could be family.
It's the same thing when youare breaking generational curse,
(07:29):
when you are breakinggenerational trauma, a lot of
your family, a lot of yourfriends, especially family.
They're not going to reallyagree with what you're doing,
but if you know there'ssomething deeper and there's
something greater and there'ssomething bigger for you on the
other side, then go for it.
It doesn't matter if they don'tbelieve in you, it doesn't
matter if they're not showing upfor you.
You show up for yourself,because God will always be your
(07:51):
biggest supporter.
God will always take you toplaces where you've never been.
God will put you in a room withpeople that are like-minded,
people that are going tocelebrate you, people that are
going to make you happy, peoplethat are going to feel you to
continue what it is that youstarted doing.
When I started creating content,none of my friends and the
(08:14):
family members that I thoughtwould support me, none of them
was supporting me.
But when I started doingYouTube, I realized there is a
community of women or of men orof people that are really
touched by what I'm saying or myopinions, or by my content or
by my perspective on a lot ofthings, and that's what drives
(08:34):
me, that's what fuels me, thatgives me a sense of purpose, to
keep doing what I want to do.
So more of the story is thatnot everyone's going to like you
.
And that is okay, because youwant to be around people that
genuinely loves you or likes youfor you being authentically you
than to be around so manypeople that just likes you for
(08:55):
who you're not.
And I say this because growingup I realized this so much.
I realized this so much when Iwas hanging out with certain
people.
It was just certain thingsabout the friendships that I
didn't like the version ofmyself.
I did not like the version.
I didn't like who I was.
When I was hanging out withthese people, I felt like I was
(09:15):
just diminishing my personality.
I wanted to please everybody.
I wanted to put everyone beforeme.
I wanted to have everyone tolike me for who I'm, not just to
get that validation, just tofeel like I'm a part of a group,
and that's so toxic and at theend of the day, you're losing
who you are and you it justmeans that you don't even like
(09:37):
yourself, like you stop lovingyourself and you don't know who
you are and you don't even likeyourself anymore because you
need outside approval for you tofeel good about yourself.
And that's not healthy andthat's very toxic, and that's
not a way to live.
If you really want people thatis genuine to you and you want a
loyal crowd and you want tofeel supported and you want to
(09:57):
feel happy, make sure that youlove yourself first and that you
like yourself first, so thatyou don't need any outside
external validation for you toknow who you are, because, at
the end of the day, the onlyperson, the only thing that you
should get validation and youshould feel happy about, is God.
That's it.
It's really God.
(10:18):
That's the only one that youcould really vent to.
That's the only person that isgoing to have your back.
That's the only person that'snever going to leave your side.
So, not everyone's going to likeyou, and that is okay.
People that is not going tolike you they're not going to
pay your bills.
People that's going to talkabout about you they're not
going to get you out of yourcurrent situation right now.
They're not going to help youbuild generational wealth, so
(10:38):
it's okay.
Stop trying to be liked byeverybody.
You should never want to beliked by everybody, because
everybody in this world is notfor you Just like.
I know this growing up, eventhe people that you put so many
years of friendships and so manyyears of history, you realize
that at an older age, like thesepeople were not really there
for you, or these people are notreally for you, and that is
(11:00):
okay.
So I'm going to end this videohere and if you like this,
please like, comment andsubscribe and I'll be back for
more videos.
You know what I cannot stand?
Youtube fam.
I cannot stand when people justtrying to be liked by everybody
, like it's so annoying and it'sokay.
The whole world is not going tolike you.
Not everybody is going to likeyou, and that is perfectly okay,
it's fine, and I say this inthe most humblest respectful way
.
But trying to be liked byeverybody, that is so toxic.
(00:24):
Just too tired of minimizingwho you are or pretending to be
something that you're not orsomeone that you're not, just so
the crowd can please you, justso the crowd can validate you,
just so the crowd can validateyour ego, boost your ego, just
so you can feel like you fit in.
Forget fitting in.
How about standing out?
Whatever happened to your ownindividuality, whatever happened
(00:47):
to personality, whateverhappened to you?
Just liking your own uniqueness?
I just feel like it's soannoying when people are just
trying to be liked by everybodyand in reality, not everyone in
this world is going to like you.
Not everyone is going to beyour cup of tea, and that is
okay.
It's okay to outgrow people,and it's okay if certain people
are just not your vibe.
(01:07):
I rather people not like me forgenuinely and authentically who
I am than for a whole bunch offake people to love me for who
I'm not.
And this is what annoys me themost, because I've been in
situations like this.
I've been in situations wherepeople act a certain way that
they're not just to please thecrowd.
Like, for example, let's say,I'm hanging out with someone and
(01:30):
this me and this person we lovepizza.
And now we're hanging out witha whole group of people and this
group of people is like, oh, Idon't like pizza.
Pizza is just not my thinganymore.
I outgrew pizza.
Now the person I'm hanging outwith she's like oh yeah, we
don't need to do pizza, likeit's fine.
And I'm just looking at thisperson like, why do you have to
(01:50):
change who you are just to fitin?
Why do you have to minimize whoyou are just so you could feel
like you're part of this group,like these people are not your
people.
Sometimes in life you're goingto be around people like they're
not going to always agree withyou, which is okay.
These people you're not goingto resonate with, which is okay.
But you don't minimize who youare.
You don't diminish yourpersonality.
(02:12):
You don't dim who you are justto please someone else.
When I started becoming acontent creator.
You know, when I started myYouTube channel, I noticed like
a lot of my friends are notgoing to support me.
I noticed that and I'm notgoing to beg my friends to
support me.
I'm not going to beg my familymembers to support me.
You either support me or youdon't like, you're not entitled
(02:32):
to.
I'm not going to beg you forvalidation, I'm not going to beg
you for approval.
Like a lot of you, I got torealize that you guys are great
without approval, withoutvalidation, without a
congratulation, without acelebration from other people.
You got to know that you'regreat Even if you're showing up
and no one is supporting you, noone is celebrating you, no one
(02:52):
is clapping for you.
You got to know that you'regreat.
You got to know that you'reunique.
You got to know that you'redifferent.
You got to know that there'ssomething about you that is
special, that you can.
You can make some type ofimpact in this world, and if
you're not trying to make impact, that's perfectly fine.
But you got to like who you are.
Love who you are first.
Like who you are first.
I really think it's importantthat you like yourself.
(03:13):
That way, you don't need otherpeople's validation to feel good
about yourself.
How exhausting and how tiring isit to be around people you
don't relate with.
You don't relate to anymore,you don't resonate with anymore.
These people are not your vibeand you're not their vibe.
But why do you have to beg?
Why do you have to fake who youare?
Why do you have to hide yourpersonality, minimize your own
(03:35):
individuality, minimize your ownuniqueness, just to feel like
you fit in?
If these people are not yourpeople, then that's good.
You don't need these kind ofpeople in your life, because
when you do something different,when you start something
different, when you startbecoming the best version of you
, or when you are justauthentically, you and these
people are not your people.
(03:56):
Let me tell you something thesepeople are not going to help
you win.
These people are not going toappreciate you.
These people are not going tocelebrate you.
Be around those that reallylove you for you, instead of
people that are just loving youfor who you are not.
One thing I noticed is that fora lot of you that started a
brand or a business or you guysare just trying to elevate in
your life, even if your friendsand your family may not be the
(04:19):
ones supporting you or they maynot be the ones helping you get
to the top and you may feeldiscouraged, but if you know in
your heart, you know in yourheart there's something about
you that is special, thatthere's something about you that
you can make some type ofchange or some type of impact,
or you know in your heart thatGod has a special hire calling
for you.
(04:40):
You don't ever, ever diminishthat for anyone else.
You don't ever let that go.
You don't ever quit.
You don't ever quit because thepeople that you are so fond of,
the people that you think thatwill help you get to your next
level, is not helping you win.
It's not celebrating you.
You don't quit because of them,because most of the time, it's
(05:01):
the people that you know thatit's not going to help you win.
It's the strangers.
That is going to help you win.
Basically, what I'm trying tosay is that don't ever lose
sight of who you are, just soyou can please someone else,
just so you could please a crowd.
A lot of people is not going tolike you.
A lot of people is not going toagree with you.
A lot of people is going tohave a different perspective of
(05:21):
what your perspective is, butyou stand 10 toes down on your
opinion, on your beliefs, onyour values.
Don't let no one change that,don't let anybody change that.
Don't let anyone make you feeldifferent or don't let anyone
make you feel like there'ssomething wrong with you.
There's nothing wrong with you.
You just haven't found yourcrowd of people.
(05:42):
You haven't found like-mindedindividuals that believe in what
you believe in or that canrelate to you or that can
resonate with you or that cansupport you.
I remember when I was in highschool, I was hanging around
with someone and she hated,hated seafood.
She hated seafood and it wouldmake other friends around me,
even me, even myself.
It would make me superuncomfortable if I buy seafood
(06:05):
around her because she would belike oh my God, I hate to smell
the seafood.
I remember I just wouldn't eatseafood around her because it
would bother her so much, shewould be so negative.
She was just very opinionated.
That bothers me.
She was like why do I have tostop enjoying eating seafood
because a certain person aroundme hates it and she talks so bad
(06:26):
about seafood?
No, she just wasn't my personand I just wasn't her type of
friend to be around.
I'm not going to diminish who Iam just to please someone else.
I'm not doing that Every time.
We would go into a restaurantand I just wanted some seafood
from time to time.
Or if one of my other friendsin the group she wanted seafood
(06:47):
I remember this certain personwould be like why are you
getting seafood?
She would make us feel badabout it and we wouldn't do it
just to make her comfortable,just to make her happy.
But it's, at the end of the day, why do I have to do that?
If you're my friend and youdon't like seafood or whatever
it is, I shouldn't have to stopeating seafood because you don't
like the smell of it or youwant to talk bad about seafood.
(07:08):
If you're for me, you wouldaccept me for who I am, and I
think a lot of people nowadaysthey're just around people not
for who they truly are, but whatthey can gain from them.
So that's why I'm always sayinglike, choose your friends
really wisely, or choose thepeople because they don't even
have to be friends.
A lot of this could be family.
It's the same thing when youare breaking generational curse,
(07:29):
when you are breakinggenerational trauma, a lot of
your family, a lot of yourfriends, especially family.
They're not going to reallyagree with what you're doing,
but if you know there'ssomething deeper and there's
something greater and there'ssomething bigger for you on the
other side, then go for it.
It doesn't matter if they don'tbelieve in you, it doesn't
matter if they're not showing upfor you.
You show up for yourself,because God will always be your
(07:51):
biggest supporter.
God will always take you toplaces where you've never been.
God will put you in a room withpeople that are like-minded,
people that are going tocelebrate you, people that are
going to make you happy, peoplethat are going to feel you to
continue what it is that youstarted doing.
When I started creating content,none of my friends and the
(08:14):
family members that I thoughtwould support me, none of them
was supporting me.
But when I started doingYouTube, I realized there is a
community of women or of men orof people that are really
touched by what I'm saying or myopinions, or by my content or
by my perspective on a lot ofthings, and that's what drives
(08:34):
me, that's what fuels me, thatgives me a sense of purpose, to
keep doing what I want to do.
So more of the story is thatnot everyone's going to like you
.
And that is okay, because youwant to be around people that
genuinely loves you or likes youfor you being authentically you
than to be around so manypeople that just likes you for
(08:55):
who you're not.
And I say this because growingup I realized this so much.
I realized this so much when Iwas hanging out with certain
people.
It was just certain thingsabout the friendships that I
didn't like the version ofmyself.
I did not like the version.
I didn't like who I was.
When I was hanging out withthese people, I felt like I was
(09:15):
just diminishing my personality.
I wanted to please everybody.
I wanted to put everyone beforeme.
I wanted to have everyone tolike me for who I'm, not just to
get that validation, just tofeel like I'm a part of a group,
and that's so toxic and at theend of the day, you're losing
who you are and you it justmeans that you don't even like
(09:37):
yourself, like you stop lovingyourself and you don't know who
you are and you don't even likeyourself anymore because you
need outside approval for you tofeel good about yourself.
And that's not healthy andthat's very toxic, and that's
not a way to live.
If you really want people thatis genuine to you and you want a
loyal crowd and you want tofeel supported and you want to
(09:57):
feel happy, make sure that youlove yourself first and that you
like yourself first, so thatyou don't need any outside
external validation for you toknow who you are, because, at
the end of the day, the onlyperson, the only thing that you
should get validation and youshould feel happy about, is God.
That's it.
It's really God.
(10:18):
That's the only one that youcould really vent to.
That's the only person that isgoing to have your back.
That's the only person that'snever going to leave your side.
So, not everyone's going to likeyou, and that is okay.
People that is not going tolike you they're not going to
pay your bills.
People that's going to talkabout about you they're not
going to get you out of yourcurrent situation right now.
They're not going to help youbuild generational wealth, so
(10:38):
it's okay.
Stop trying to be liked byeverybody.
You should never want to beliked by everybody, because
everybody in this world is notfor you Just like.
I know this growing up, eventhe people that you put so many
years of friendships and so manyyears of history, you realize
that at an older age, like thesepeople were not really there
for you, or these people are notreally for you, and that is
(11:00):
okay.
So I'm going to end this videohere and if you like this,
please like, comment andsubscribe and I'll be back for
more videos.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com