January 29, 2024 ā¢ 10 mins
Have you ever felt the sting of losing friends as you change and grow? That's a signpost on the road to self-discovery, and it's okay. In my heart-to-heart conversation, I peel back the layers of this often painful, yet ultimately liberating journey. I wade through the complex emotions that accompany the realization that not all relationships are meant to endure the test of our personal evolution. I share stories from my own life, confessing the trials of shedding my people-pleaser skin and embracing the empowering truth that people's exits from our lives signal alignment, not loss. This episode isn't just about the challenges; it's a celebration of the growth that defines who we're becoming.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 0 (00:06):
What up beautiful people for Haley's here.
If you know you are a goodperson, you know you have good
intentions, you know you have apure soul, you know that you got
to do what's best for you, youknow that you are in the season
of being a little bit selfishbecause you are choosing you,
you are putting yourself firstFor a lot of you that be telling
me like, oh, I lost friends, Ilost relatives because I decided
(00:27):
to put myself first.
You didn't lose anybody.
Anyone that cleared out of yourpath is not a loss, it's an
alignment.
Well, a lot of people don'ttalk about it.
That when you outgrow people,the people that you once used to
surround yourself with, they'renot going to like it.
People are not going to like.
When you want to do better foryourself, people are never going
to like.
When you want to elevate foryourself, when you choose growth
(00:49):
, when you choose a new mindset,people are just not going to
like it.
On your growth journey, on yourself-love journey, when you try
to discover who you are, whenyou try to figure out your own
individuality, when you reallyjust want to better yourself and
just turn off the noise, a lotof people around you is never
going to like it.
You got to understand that whenyou get to a certain place in
your life, especially as you getolder, especially if you have
(01:12):
kids, especially when you justin your own world and you trying
to figure yourself out, youtrying to learn more about
yourself and you know you wantmore out of life, a lot of
people is not going to resonatewith that.
A lot of people that yousurround yourself with they're
not going to relate to thatanymore.
Just know, the process ofgrowth is never going to be easy
.
It's not easy, it's veryuncomfortable.
(01:33):
But I would say to just hang on, hang on to be uncomfortable,
hang on to learning, hang on togrowing, hang on to evolving.
And the people that don't likeit, those people are not for you
.
One thing I noticed as I gotolder and I started to heal in
my healing journey and I startedto evolve as a person.
I want to become a betterversion of myself, I want to
(01:55):
elevate.
I stopped following the crowd,I stopped being around other
people that was just draining me.
You notice that a lot of peoplethat you once thought was for
you it's not for you anymore.
The people that you was growingup with and you thought that
you was going to do life withthose people.
As you get older, they're justnot for you anymore.
And I realized the more older Igot, the more I wanted to just
(02:17):
evolve.
I just wanted different formyself.
I was in my own soul searchingjourney.
I was in a spiritual journey,but I know I wanted so much more
for me and my daughter.
I just had to get out of themindset that my circumstances
was going to be my forever.
I had to get out of the mindsetof people pleasing, especially
when you are a people pleaser.
(02:37):
Once you outgrow that version ofyourself where you was a people
pleaser, where you was doingthings with everybody else,
doing things for everybody else,putting others before yourself,
you was minimizing who you areas a person just so you could
fit in, you realize that noteveryone is for you, not even
the people that you oncesurrounded yourself with.
You know why?
(02:57):
Because that version of you,you can't relate to that person
anymore.
You know why Because yououtgrew that version of you.
That's what growth is, that'swhat evolving is.
That's how you know you'rechanging.
That's how you know you arestepping into a better version
of yourself.
And the sad part is, when youare becoming the better version
of yourself, you lose a lot ofpeople on the way, but you're
(03:18):
not losing anybody.
It's not a loss, it's analignment.
God really clears the path foryou.
People that are just reallytrying to disrupt you from your
path, from your focus, from yourgoals, from your vision.
There's so many people aroundus that they feed us negativity
and that negativity discouragesus from following our vision,
(03:38):
from focusing on our goals.
So when you are on the path andit's kind of getting lonely,
it's because you are in theright path.
You are going to where you wantto be, you are focusing on your
vision.
God did not take you this far toleave you.
He didn't take you this far toleave you, and for a lot of you
that'd be like I have no friends, I have no one to hang out with
.
Did you ever think about maybeGod removed you from those
(03:59):
situations because God heardconversations that you didn't
hear.
He saw things that you didn'tsee.
God knew that he didn't wantyou around that crowd.
Sometimes being in the wrongcrowd, being around bad company,
it corrupts good character,like you guys know.
When you guys are in yourenvironment, it really distracts
you from your path.
(04:20):
I was able to think more clear.
I was able to stop peoplepleasing, and that's another
thing.
A lot of y'all are peoplepleasing.
You guys are doing things justto fit in, just to make other
people happy, but what are youdoing for yourself?
Are these people checking up onyou?
Or are they just checking up onyou when it's beneficial for
them?
Because a lot of people they'rejust around you when it's
benefiting them.
(04:40):
But once you start to grow, onceyou start to succeed, once you
start to celebrate your wins,I'm telling you those people are
going to feel some type of way.
Those people are really notgoing to be happy for you.
Those people are going to lookat you and be like, wow, you
changed up.
You acting real bougie, youacting real different.
And let me just tell yousomething when people feel some
type of whale, people always gota smart comment because you're
(05:01):
bougie, you got this bougiemindset.
It's not that you got a bougiemindset, it's that you want more
out of life.
And those people around you,they cannot relate to your
vision because they areprojecting their own
insecurities, they're projectingtheir own jealousy, they're
projecting their hate on youbecause they don't believe in
themselves.
So when someone don't believein themselves, don't ever take
(05:22):
that too serious.
If you got people like this inyour life, just tell them I hope
you heal.
Don't respond to negativethings, don't respond to
negative energy.
Just tell them you hope youheal and move on.
Move on with your life, becauseGod got so much better for you.
And the reason why a lot ofpeople don't grow I realized
that people don't be blessed isbecause you're still holding on
(05:43):
to the environment that you areso comfortable with.
You got to get out of thatenvironment that is so toxic,
especially if you are infriendships and all they do is
talk about themselves.
If you've ever been aroundpeople and all they do is talk
about themselves, they don'teven ask you how you're doing,
how's it going.
They don't even ask you if youokay, what you up to.
(06:03):
It's only all about them.
That is so mentally drainingthese kinds of people.
They lack self-awareness, theirenergy vampires.
They will drain your energy andthey're very self-centered.
These kinds of people are goingto just drain your mental
health, drain your peace, drainyour energy.
2024 is all about protectingyour peace and you got to be a
(06:23):
little bit selfish with yourtime.
I'm not saying to be mean.
I'm not saying to just cuteverybody off.
That's not what I'm saying.
What I'm saying is when I meanto really choose you.
You really got to chooseyourself.
You really got to prioritizeyour vision, because 2024 is
about getting aligned with yourvision.
2024 is about getting closer toGod.
(06:43):
2024 is about getting rid ofdead weight, people that are
just holding you back, peoplethat are just trying to sabotage
you from your own success,people that are just not aligned
with who you are anymore.
That's what 2024 is all about.
Sometimes you just got to beselfish, and if being selfish
means you got to let people gothat you love, they're toxic for
you.
You knew them your whole life,but you love them.
(07:06):
You got to let it go.
Get uncomfortable with theprocess of growth, because it's
not easy.
People make it seem like growthis very easy.
It's not easy.
It's a journey.
You're healing, you'reunderstanding you.
You're understanding yourtriggers, you getting closer to
your intuition.
You're getting closer to whoyou are as a person.
It's not an easy journey, butit's something that you must do.
(07:27):
Focus on your vision now,because one thing I'm noticing
is that a lot of our generation,our age, we're becoming in debt
.
I talked about this in my lastvideo.
But why are we helping everyoneelse, even our family?
We helping them so much we'renow we're in the process of
messing up our future for us,for our kids.
I am against that.
(07:48):
If you are constantly helpingout your family with bills and
you putting others beforeyourself, you supporting other
people and you showing up forpeople, but you don't even have
time for you anymore, thosepeople are not supporting you.
Those people cannot reciprocatethe same energy.
You got to learn to be selfish,and not selfish being a mean
person, but you got to beselfish where you loving you
(08:09):
first and you prioritizing youfirst and you not letting
anybody get in between yourvision.
The best thing that I've donefor myself, the best thing that
I've really done for myself, wasI've removed myself from
situations that I did not wantto be a part of anymore.
I didn't want to be a part ofit anymore because, as I got
older, I realized that noteverybody out here is for me and
(08:32):
not everybody out here hasgenuine intentions.
The crazy thing is like theenvironment that you in, because
they can get so used to theversion of you that is just like
them.
And when I mean just like them,they get used to a version of
you that don't really want togrow, that don't want to prosper
, that don't want to level up.
(08:53):
Once they see that you brokethat cycle and you broke that
chain for you, that you reallywant to do better, they're going
to feel some type of weight.
And that's when you truly seewho was really there for you.
That's when you truly see whowas really phony in your life.
People that's not going to likeyou succeeding and leveling up
and getting closer to God,getting God's favor and getting
(09:13):
God's blessings.
Those are your haters.
Those are your haters.
And I know you loved them and Iknow you once was around them
and I know you was once laughingwith them.
But you got to really realizeas you get older who's really
there for you and who's reallysecretly hating on you.
Because not everybody wants tosee you win.
And I say this so many times itis so, so rare for you to find
(09:35):
loyalty out here.
It is so rare for you to find areal loving, healthy
relationship, because toxicrelationships, they're just so
normalized.
They're so normalized If youaround people and they're all in
toxic relationships.
They're all bitter or they'reall complaining about their
boyfriend or their girlfriend.
Don't follow them.
Don't follow the crowd.
Be your own person.
(09:56):
Do better.
Be that 1% Like okay, they allin toxic relationships.
Why got to follow them?
They all want to be lazy.
Why got to follow them?
They all want to complain andplay victim.
Why do I have to follow them?
Break the chain, break thecycle.
If you got to be selfish, thenbe selfish because you owe it to
yourself.
You truly owe it to yourself.
(10:17):
No one's going to give you thatlife that you really desire.
No one's going to give you thatlife that you really want.
You got to fight for it.
When God sees you put it in thework, everything else will fall
into place.
I hope this content couldreally resonate with you and
motivate you a little bit andinspire you a little bit and
encourage you and uplift you,especially if you're going
through dark situations rightnow.
(10:38):
If you like this content,please like, comment and
subscribe and, of course, I willbe back for more videos.
What up beautiful people for Haley's here.
If you know you are a goodperson, you know you have good
intentions, you know you have apure soul, you know that you got
to do what's best for you, youknow that you are in the season
of being a little bit selfishbecause you are choosing you,
you are putting yourself firstFor a lot of you that be telling
me like, oh, I lost friends, Ilost relatives because I decided
(00:27):
to put myself first.
You didn't lose anybody.
Anyone that cleared out of yourpath is not a loss, it's an
alignment.
Well, a lot of people don'ttalk about it.
That when you outgrow people,the people that you once used to
surround yourself with, they'renot going to like it.
People are not going to like.
When you want to do better foryourself, people are never going
to like.
When you want to elevate foryourself, when you choose growth
(00:49):
, when you choose a new mindset,people are just not going to
like it.
On your growth journey, on yourself-love journey, when you try
to discover who you are, whenyou try to figure out your own
individuality, when you reallyjust want to better yourself and
just turn off the noise, a lotof people around you is never
going to like it.
You got to understand that whenyou get to a certain place in
your life, especially as you getolder, especially if you have
(01:12):
kids, especially when you justin your own world and you trying
to figure yourself out, youtrying to learn more about
yourself and you know you wantmore out of life, a lot of
people is not going to resonatewith that.
A lot of people that yousurround yourself with they're
not going to relate to thatanymore.
Just know, the process ofgrowth is never going to be easy
.
It's not easy, it's veryuncomfortable.
(01:33):
But I would say to just hang on, hang on to be uncomfortable,
hang on to learning, hang on togrowing, hang on to evolving.
And the people that don't likeit, those people are not for you
.
One thing I noticed as I gotolder and I started to heal in
my healing journey and I startedto evolve as a person.
I want to become a betterversion of myself, I want to
(01:55):
elevate.
I stopped following the crowd,I stopped being around other
people that was just draining me.
You notice that a lot of peoplethat you once thought was for
you it's not for you anymore.
The people that you was growingup with and you thought that
you was going to do life withthose people.
As you get older, they're justnot for you anymore.
And I realized the more older Igot, the more I wanted to just
(02:17):
evolve.
I just wanted different formyself.
I was in my own soul searchingjourney.
I was in a spiritual journey,but I know I wanted so much more
for me and my daughter.
I just had to get out of themindset that my circumstances
was going to be my forever.
I had to get out of the mindsetof people pleasing, especially
when you are a people pleaser.
(02:37):
Once you outgrow that version ofyourself where you was a people
pleaser, where you was doingthings with everybody else,
doing things for everybody else,putting others before yourself,
you was minimizing who you areas a person just so you could
fit in, you realize that noteveryone is for you, not even
the people that you oncesurrounded yourself with.
You know why?
(02:57):
Because that version of you,you can't relate to that person
anymore.
You know why Because yououtgrew that version of you.
That's what growth is, that'swhat evolving is.
That's how you know you'rechanging.
That's how you know you arestepping into a better version
of yourself.
And the sad part is, when youare becoming the better version
of yourself, you lose a lot ofpeople on the way, but you're
(03:18):
not losing anybody.
It's not a loss, it's analignment.
God really clears the path foryou.
People that are just reallytrying to disrupt you from your
path, from your focus, from yourgoals, from your vision.
There's so many people aroundus that they feed us negativity
and that negativity discouragesus from following our vision,
(03:38):
from focusing on our goals.
So when you are on the path andit's kind of getting lonely,
it's because you are in theright path.
You are going to where you wantto be, you are focusing on your
vision.
God did not take you this far toleave you.
He didn't take you this far toleave you, and for a lot of you
that'd be like I have no friends, I have no one to hang out with
.
Did you ever think about maybeGod removed you from those
(03:59):
situations because God heardconversations that you didn't
hear.
He saw things that you didn'tsee.
God knew that he didn't wantyou around that crowd.
Sometimes being in the wrongcrowd, being around bad company,
it corrupts good character,like you guys know.
When you guys are in yourenvironment, it really distracts
you from your path.
(04:20):
I was able to think more clear.
I was able to stop peoplepleasing, and that's another
thing.
A lot of y'all are peoplepleasing.
You guys are doing things justto fit in, just to make other
people happy, but what are youdoing for yourself?
Are these people checking up onyou?
Or are they just checking up onyou when it's beneficial for
them?
Because a lot of people they'rejust around you when it's
benefiting them.
(04:40):
But once you start to grow, onceyou start to succeed, once you
start to celebrate your wins,I'm telling you those people are
going to feel some type of way.
Those people are really notgoing to be happy for you.
Those people are going to lookat you and be like, wow, you
changed up.
You acting real bougie, youacting real different.
And let me just tell yousomething when people feel some
type of whale, people always gota smart comment because you're
(05:01):
bougie, you got this bougiemindset.
It's not that you got a bougiemindset, it's that you want more
out of life.
And those people around you,they cannot relate to your
vision because they areprojecting their own
insecurities, they're projectingtheir own jealousy, they're
projecting their hate on youbecause they don't believe in
themselves.
So when someone don't believein themselves, don't ever take
(05:22):
that too serious.
If you got people like this inyour life, just tell them I hope
you heal.
Don't respond to negativethings, don't respond to
negative energy.
Just tell them you hope youheal and move on.
Move on with your life, becauseGod got so much better for you.
And the reason why a lot ofpeople don't grow I realized
that people don't be blessed isbecause you're still holding on
(05:43):
to the environment that you areso comfortable with.
You got to get out of thatenvironment that is so toxic,
especially if you are infriendships and all they do is
talk about themselves.
If you've ever been aroundpeople and all they do is talk
about themselves, they don'teven ask you how you're doing,
how's it going.
They don't even ask you if youokay, what you up to.
(06:03):
It's only all about them.
That is so mentally drainingthese kinds of people.
They lack self-awareness, theirenergy vampires.
They will drain your energy andthey're very self-centered.
These kinds of people are goingto just drain your mental
health, drain your peace, drainyour energy.
2024 is all about protectingyour peace and you got to be a
(06:23):
little bit selfish with yourtime.
I'm not saying to be mean.
I'm not saying to just cuteverybody off.
That's not what I'm saying.
What I'm saying is when I meanto really choose you.
You really got to chooseyourself.
You really got to prioritizeyour vision, because 2024 is
about getting aligned with yourvision.
2024 is about getting closer toGod.
(06:43):
2024 is about getting rid ofdead weight, people that are
just holding you back, peoplethat are just trying to sabotage
you from your own success,people that are just not aligned
with who you are anymore.
That's what 2024 is all about.
Sometimes you just got to beselfish, and if being selfish
means you got to let people gothat you love, they're toxic for
you.
You knew them your whole life,but you love them.
(07:06):
You got to let it go.
Get uncomfortable with theprocess of growth, because it's
not easy.
People make it seem like growthis very easy.
It's not easy.
It's a journey.
You're healing, you'reunderstanding you.
You're understanding yourtriggers, you getting closer to
your intuition.
You're getting closer to whoyou are as a person.
It's not an easy journey, butit's something that you must do.
(07:27):
Focus on your vision now,because one thing I'm noticing
is that a lot of our generation,our age, we're becoming in debt
.
I talked about this in my lastvideo.
But why are we helping everyoneelse, even our family?
We helping them so much we'renow we're in the process of
messing up our future for us,for our kids.
I am against that.
(07:48):
If you are constantly helpingout your family with bills and
you putting others beforeyourself, you supporting other
people and you showing up forpeople, but you don't even have
time for you anymore, thosepeople are not supporting you.
Those people cannot reciprocatethe same energy.
You got to learn to be selfish,and not selfish being a mean
person, but you got to beselfish where you loving you
(08:09):
first and you prioritizing youfirst and you not letting
anybody get in between yourvision.
The best thing that I've donefor myself, the best thing that
I've really done for myself, wasI've removed myself from
situations that I did not wantto be a part of anymore.
I didn't want to be a part ofit anymore because, as I got
older, I realized that noteverybody out here is for me and
(08:32):
not everybody out here hasgenuine intentions.
The crazy thing is like theenvironment that you in, because
they can get so used to theversion of you that is just like
them.
And when I mean just like them,they get used to a version of
you that don't really want togrow, that don't want to prosper
, that don't want to level up.
(08:53):
Once they see that you brokethat cycle and you broke that
chain for you, that you reallywant to do better, they're going
to feel some type of weight.
And that's when you truly seewho was really there for you.
That's when you truly see whowas really phony in your life.
People that's not going to likeyou succeeding and leveling up
and getting closer to God,getting God's favor and getting
(09:13):
God's blessings.
Those are your haters.
Those are your haters.
And I know you loved them and Iknow you once was around them
and I know you was once laughingwith them.
But you got to really realizeas you get older who's really
there for you and who's reallysecretly hating on you.
Because not everybody wants tosee you win.
And I say this so many times itis so, so rare for you to find
(09:35):
loyalty out here.
It is so rare for you to find areal loving, healthy
relationship, because toxicrelationships, they're just so
normalized.
They're so normalized If youaround people and they're all in
toxic relationships.
They're all bitter or they'reall complaining about their
boyfriend or their girlfriend.
Don't follow them.
Don't follow the crowd.
Be your own person.
(09:56):
Do better.
Be that 1% Like okay, they allin toxic relationships.
Why got to follow them?
They all want to be lazy.
Why got to follow them?
They all want to complain andplay victim.
Why do I have to follow them?
Break the chain, break thecycle.
If you got to be selfish, thenbe selfish because you owe it to
yourself.
You truly owe it to yourself.
(10:17):
No one's going to give you thatlife that you really desire.
No one's going to give you thatlife that you really want.
You got to fight for it.
When God sees you put it in thework, everything else will fall
into place.
I hope this content couldreally resonate with you and
motivate you a little bit andinspire you a little bit and
encourage you and uplift you,especially if you're going
through dark situations rightnow.
(10:38):
If you like this content,please like, comment and
subscribe and, of course, I willbe back for more videos.
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