#AutisticAF Out Loud
One Voice... Raw. Real. Fiercely Autistic. johnnyprofaneknapp.substack.com
Episodes
A father’s reflection on parental regret, missed connections, and what it means to forget the life you didn’t live. Raw spoken word + visual art. No hidden meanings. No inspiration. Just what it’s like
👉More poetry: “Live Autistic Truth” playlist (link below)
👉 Full collection: “every clock is a handgun pointed at my head” (link below)
👉 Transcript: Link in comments
Content note: Parental regret. Family estrangement. Unfiltered aut...
A spoken word piece about family wounds, estrangement, and choosing to live unapologetically.
From Elvis dying on Mount Marcy to stalking Death Valley stars—this is what shameless looks like when you stop trying to be the son they ordered.
👉 Gift Season Special: “every clock is a handgun pointed at my head”
https://a.co/d/3e0Uc7i
Raw poetry & art exploring autistic innocence and experience. Perfect for:
* Your autistic or ADHD someone...
Trump brings Gaza war crimes home to US autistics.
Using starvation to subjugate people is a war crime, whether at the point of a gun or denying SNAP benefits.
November 1st, SNAP halted. Healthcare funding threatened. Social Security could vanish, Trump warns. 42 million Americans face losing food assistance. Not someday—right now.
A nation that uses starvation on its own civilians? I’m no lawyer, but I’d argue that’s tantamount to wa...
Thank you to everyone who tuned into my live video! Join me for my next live video in the app.
Show notes and transcript up tomorrow, 11/3.
#AutisticAF Out Loud Newsletter is a reader-supported publication. Click to receive new posts… free. To support my work, please consider a paid subscription.
Notes, sources, and further reading
not comprehensive or complete, but where I started
International Law: Starvation as War Crime
Supporting So...
My autism? Failing upward toward collapse, succeeding downward toward joy?
What if you weren't born to produce anything?
👉 New Chapbook: "every clock is a handgun pointed at my head" → https://www.amazon.com/every-clock-handgun-pointed-head-ebook/dp/B0FNLHC6SY
👉 Start Here: Live Autistic Truth playlist → https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kgBbPyJUGJw&list=PL_812RrZO_QWB-WHVZRBe-hjr37UNPxdb
RFK Jr.’s autism claims aren’t about helping anyone—they’re about deciding who gets to exist in America.
👉 New Chapbook: “every clock is a handgun pointed at my head” - https://www.amazon.com/every-clock-handgun-pointed-head-ebook/dp/B0FNLHC6SY
👉 Start Here: Live Autistic Truth playlist
👉 Full Text & Sources: https://johnnyprofaneknapp.substack.com
Chapters:
0:00 Cold Open + Promise 0:45 RFKjr’s Agenda vs the Facts1:52 Name the Ag...
👉 Check out Trigger Warnings playlist More analysis on how world events impact neurodivergent lives and practical resistance strategies.
I just saw Trump disbands Congress. For all intents and purposes, the US government isn’t just shut down—Trump has effectively rendered Congress useless and substituted his own personal will for governance.
00:00 Cold Open + Promise 00:25 “Disbands Congress” Now 01:43 Soft Authoritarian Playbook ...
Thank you to everyone who tuned into my live video! Join me for my next live video in the app.
Trigger Warnings: Trump Disbands Congress
Sources:Democracy Now!
democracynow.org/2025/10/8/adel…
“Scary Precedent”: GOP Blocks Rep.-Elect Adelita Grijalva from Taking Seat Amid Epstein Files Fight
Representative-elect Adelita Grijalva, who won a special election for a House seat in Arizona two weeks ago, has still not been sworn in to Congres...
👉A live reading from the Amazon book, “every clock is a handgun pointed at my head.”
What You’re About To Watch
A quick, sharp destruction of the “autism as superpower” narrative that’s everywhere in neurodivergent spaces. No superpowers. No kryptonite. Just the messy, explosive, delightful reality of being autistic without the costume drama.
These 60, live seconds cut through the inspiration porn... and all that other ‘you’re so bra...
Video Summary
A cinematic spoken word piece that cuts through decades of family silence with surgical precision.
Set against the Heaven's Gate cult tragedy and Hale-Bopp comet of 1997-98, this hybrid performance follows three wintry family gatherings where religious expectations collide with neurodivergent reality.
Watch what happens when an autistic adult finally stops performing "normal" at the dinner table - and pays the price.
This...
Content Note: Sexual abuse, family trauma, therapy processing, strong language, intense emotional content
Video Summary
This live piece cuts to the bone of what trauma recovery actually looks like. When your brain works differently. And your body never forgets.
What happens when you finally see yourself clearly in a therapist's mirror?When rage becomes the only honest response to betrayal? When family protection fails and the body bec...
👉 Subscribe… free or paid… to Substack, get a free PDF of the entire "every clock is a handgun pointed at my head" collection.👉 Support my work → Available as Amazon ebook or softcover. Exclusive hardcover edition coming soon.
Content Note: Strong language, neurodivergent struggles, communication barriers
Video Summary
A raw piece that captures what it feels like to be autistic and ADHD at 71—trying to communicate through the static...
Free Resources & Purchase Links
👉 Subscribe… free or paid… to Substack, geta free PDF of the entire "every clock is a handgun pointed at my head" collection.
👉 Support my work → Available as Amazon ebook or softcover. Exclusive hardcover edition coming soon.
Content Note: Strong language, mental health struggles, time anxiety
Video Summary
A live piece that cracks open what it really feels like to be autistic in this world.
No sanitize...
Someone wrote me: "These knocked me sideways... I spent so much time as an undiagnosed autistic girl, wondering if I was the alien dropped among the normies."
This is "A Swirl of Flesh-Colored Fog." Living truth. Autistic style.
👉 VIDEO: A Swirl of Flesh-Colored Fog - 6:01
I can't see faces. When I try to remember someone - even my wife - I see what I call "a swirl of flesh-colored fog."
This piece is about wanting to be friends. Abou...
Thanks to everyone who tuned in! Free or paid subscribers? Join me for my next live video in the app. Gonna be a Trigger Warnings kinda take on old men with their fingers on THE Button. This week…
Here’s my speaking script from this live performance. Close to a transcript, but I changed a few lines on the fly… some even on purpose.
Today I’m talking family, friends, love… not known as autistic “superpowers.” So let’s start with a qui...
👉 YouTube Video of this live spoken word performance
👉 “every clock is a handgun pointed at my head,” Amazon book & ebook
Cold Open
I feel like a brilliant creative soul
as if…
trapped in a damaged body
& neurology
trying to communicate with the world
through an intermittently short-circuiting transistor radio
playing through static
& the distortion
& sparking circuits…
to just be heard.
Do you understand at all what I mean?
Intro
You're listen...
Cold Open
I just heard the duly-elected President of these United States... Donald J. Trump... brag about dropping the atom bomb. On Hiroshima.
My god.
Steven Colbert? Jon Stewart...?
Once, these guys were subversive... were daring. But...
But with troops still in the California streets and missiles in Mid-Eastern air...
Haven't comedians become nauseatingly... tone dead?
When the Comedy stops being funny…
We're in deep shit. Especially an...
Cold Open
You wanna pathologize me? Knock yerself out. Faithfully counting every leaf marked "deficit"…
But missing the whole damn forest we know locally as "Survival."
[Doc? You Got Us All Wrong, Pt 1: Autistic Resilience]
Intro
You're listening to AutisticAF Out Loud. One voice. Raw. Real. Fiercely Neurodivergent. Since 1953.
Season 5, Episode 5. “Doc? You Got Us All Wrong, Pt 1: Autistic Resilience.”
Deficits… or strengths? Survival… o...
Cold Open
CBT…? Never worked for autistic me.
So, look, we KNOW masking doesn't work. Or FEAR. Or PAIN. We’re dying from them already.
That's all the words we need.
[Music]
Intro
You're listening to AutisticAF Out Loud. One voice. Raw. Real. Fiercely Neurodivergent. Since 1953.
Season 5, Episode 6. “Doc? You Got Us All Wrong, Pt 2: CBT…? Never Worked for Autistic Me.”
Abelist agendas. Bad research subjects. Bad data. Bad therapy.
There’s th...
Cold Open
You wanna pathologize me? Knock yerself out. Faithfully counting every leaf marked "deficit"…
But missing the whole damn forest we know locally as "Survival."
Intro
You're listening to AutisticAF Out Loud. One voice. Raw. Real. Fiercely Neurodivergent. Since 1953.
Season 5, Episode 5. “Doc? You Got Us All Wrong, Pt 1: Autistic Resilience.”
Deficits… or strengths? Survival… or thriving? Pathology… or inborn, natural autistic beh...
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