January 24, 2025 • 26 mins
Reflecting on recent experiences, I share how taking an intentional break has rejuvenated my commitment to living life by my design. From unexpected snow days to exciting new projects like CAA Matters, this episode emphasizes the importance of balance and self-care in both personal and professional realms.
In this episode I talk about:
• Personal update on podcast winter break and family time
• The impact of taking intentional time off
• Navigating disruptions and embracing flexibility
• Introduction of the CAA Matters wellness curriculum
• Exploring my transition from podcasting to teaching
• Anticipation for my upcoming AAAA 2025 conference presentation
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Welcome to the Awakened Anesthetist podcast,
the first podcast to highlightthe CAA experience.
I'm your host, mary Jean, andI've been a certified
anesthesiologist assistant forclose to two decades.
Throughout my journey andstruggles, I've searched for
guidance that includes my uniqueperspective as a CAA.
(00:24):
At one of my lowest points, Idecided to turn my passion for
storytelling and my belief thatthe CAA profession is uniquely
able to create a life by designinto a podcast.
If you are a practicing CAA,current AA student or someone
who hopes to be one, I encourageyou to stick around and
(00:45):
experience the power of being ina community filled with voices
who sound like yours, sharingexperiences you never believed
possible.
I know you will find yourselfhere at the Awakened Anesthetist
Podcast.
Welcome in.
I'm back.
Hello everyone.
(01:05):
Welcome back to AwakenedAnesthetist Podcast.
Welcome back to this first andonly certified anesthesiologist
assistant podcast and thecommunity that we've formed.
I am back from a long, wonderfulwinter break and I thought this
would be a really good time tofill you in on some life updates
, kind of where I've been, whatI've been doing.
And I thought this would be areally good time to fill you in
(01:25):
on some life updates, kind ofwhere I've been, what I've been
doing and some decisions I'vemade about 2025 and onward.
So if that sounds interesting,then I hope you stick around and
hear about all that's beenhappening.
Okay, the first thing that youshould know is that season four
of Awaken Anestis podcast runsthrough March of 2025, and that
(01:50):
is not changing.
You may have noticed that Ihaven't posted any new episodes
in over a month or about a month, and that's for several reasons
, and also that's changing todayand there'll be several more
new episodes through the end ofseason four, march 2025.
But there's been several reasonsand I wanted to just fill you
(02:11):
in on why I've taken such a longbreak.
The first one is that I hadplanned to take a winter break.
I had been planning sincebasically the start of season
four that I would take a longholiday break.
I have three small kids all inelementary school and they have,
you know, sort of the normaltwo weeks off between Christmas
(02:34):
and New Year's and I wanted tobe home so that we could, of
course, have that family timetogether and I could also take
some of the load off of myhusband, because having three
kids at home all day is a lotand I don't want that for myself
to have to do that alone, and Idon't want that for him to have
to do it alone.
So I just knew it would bebetter and the life that I want
(02:56):
to lead is one where I get toreally choose when I work.
And since becoming a PRNclinical CAA, I have that luxury
.
And since becoming a PRNclinical CAA, I have that luxury
.
And so I just knew I wanted totake that two-week period the
winter break, the school breakoff of podcasting and off of
working in the operating room.
And then, when I sat down toreally narrow out which days you
(03:23):
know on the front end or theback end, I I also needed I
admitted to myself, I guess,that this podcast, which is a
true labor of love for me andI've had no formal training in
any of this, I've just reallytaught myself bit by bit.
The podcast is a lot of work andI think I didn't really realize
(03:43):
how long each episode takes me,you know, from, like, the
initial idea to the outline, tolining up the guests or like, if
it's just with me, creating thetalking points and the flow and
the storyboard, the recording,the editing, the post-production
, like it's all things, thepost-production, like it's all
things, and really each episodetakes about three weeks, maybe a
(04:13):
month, from start to finish,and I love that pace.
I probably could do it faster.
I'm sure there's streamlinedmethods that I could use.
I'm sure I'm not editing in thefastest way, but I like the way
I do it and I put a whole bunchof energy up front.
Like there was this hugelearning curve on how to do this
and I put so much work in upfront that I just kind of don't
want to change anything and haveto relearn any of my systems,
and so I just do it the way I doit and it takes a long time.
(04:36):
So if I'm going to take a truebreak and not have that awful
feeling where you're on yourvacation but you're really just
worrying about going back towork and having to squeeze you
know this is sort ofnon-clinical but like squeeze
your life that you missed intothe week when you return and all
have to do it all at once, likeI did not want that mental load
(04:57):
and so it became kind of clearthat I was going to have to take
, you know, three weeks off toreally be mentally free from any
of the planning process, ordoing process, of creating this
podcast for everyone, and so Iwas kind of like all right, well
, just see how I feel and sortof take it day by day.
(05:17):
I constantly had to tell myselfit's okay to take time off,
it's okay to rest, it's okay tonot have every moment be super
productive.
My life has slowed downdramatically and I still have to
remind myself that this is okay, that this is in fact what I
want.
Sometimes I can feeluncomfortable in stillness and
(05:37):
it's just a daily reminder tosay this is the life I've worked
so hard for being able tocontrol my clinical schedule,
being able to say yes when Iwant to say yes or no when I
want to say.
This is the life I've worked sohard for being able to control
my clinical schedule, being ableto say yes when I want to say
yes or no when I want to say noin terms of all my other
obligations.
But it's not easy and I justwanted to share that here in
case you're trying to make somelife changes and thinking that,
(05:58):
oh, when I do this or do that,everything's going to be perfect
and easy.
It's like no, everything, youknow, your conditioning kind of
creeps up to haunt you, yourperfectionism, all the things
that you have.
Now they'll get quieter, but Istill have to remind myself that
I'm the master of my life andthat I get to make decisions and
I don't have to do things justbecause I'm expected.
(06:20):
You know other people expectingto do it.
Or, even worse, is I expectmyself to do it or I'm thinking
other people expect me to do itand they really don't care, like
you maybe have not even noticedthat I've not uploaded new
episodes and I'm over herestewing about it.
But yeah, it's been a practice,and so I took three plus weeks
(06:42):
off.
I really enjoyed my time off.
The week before Christmas I wasable to not be stressed and we
hosted Christmas.
We celebrate in all the normalways, so like wrapping all the
presents, everything like that.
All that little stuff was fun,as opposed to doing it at
midnight because it was the onlytime I had available.
It was just a really niceexperience.
(07:04):
My kids had both parents home.
My husband works from home.
He works part-time from home aswell as I work part-time but we
were both home and just got tobe actively engaged at doing
things with them.
We had friends over.
We, after Christmas drove fromwhere we live near Kansas City
to Cincinnati, ohio, like a roadtrip and visited my sister and
(07:28):
her family and had a whole bunchof cousin time and celebrated
New Year's.
And then the plan was to driveback and a couple of days later
our kids' school would startback up and we were like, ok,
this is like a perfect littlebreak.
And then I thought, ok, theweek my kids go back to school,
I'll still be on my winter breakand I'll kind of get back into
it.
Well, we weren't prepared forthe fact that a winter storm
(07:53):
moved through our area andseveral other areas, but in
Kansas City, I think it was.
What did they call it?
They called it a.
Okay, I just had to Google it.
She was called Winter StormBlair.
She basically dropped 12 inchesof snow in 24, 36 hours, and so
my kid's school that wassupposed to start on this Monday
(08:15):
after the holiday breakcanceled for the entire next
week.
And of course they don't tellyou there's a snow day until the
day before, and so every daywe're like, okay, maybe they'll
go back to school and maybethings will get back to our
normal programming.
And then there was another snowday.
So, basically, everything wentout the window.
It was all hands on deck.
If you have kids and you are,you know, having to deal with
(08:39):
winter weather, snow days orhurricane days or you know any
sort of unexpected school daysoff, you know that it is very
disruptive and you try to makethe best of it.
And I was like okay, I havethis time off.
This is what my life is aboutis having the flexibility to
stay home if I need to, and Ireally wanted to not look at it
(09:00):
as a negative like, oh my gosh,I gotta get my kids to play so
that I can then do this podcastor type up this outline or
whatever.
I was like no, this is what youwant.
Just relax into it and try tomake the best of it and not
worry about meeting theseexpectations of like, okay, the
next podcast episode has to comeout on such and such date,
because, again, I make all thesedecisions, there's no one
(09:22):
telling me that I have to dothis, so I don't need to put a
whole bunch of pressure onmyself.
But it's just funny how, youknow, as a high functioning
perfectionist type A, like, wejust do that to ourselves.
So this was all a very goodlearning experience, and we are
now at the second week ofJanuary.
My kids, you know, there's acouple random like Martin Luther
(09:47):
King Day they had off, they hada day off the week before, and
so basically we've had stretchesof them being at school and
then stretches of them beinghome.
But just now I'm starting tofeel like I'm back in my normal
swing of having those precioushours alone with my creativity,
with the quiet, to be able toget some of this podcasting,
(10:08):
work or fun done, and so that'swhy I've been gone for so long
and that's why it's well, Iguess it's not the second week.
It's currently January 22ndright now as I'm recording this,
and this is planned to come outin three days, on Friday.
So this is what I've got my acttogether, and it was great.
It was a wonderful learninglesson.
I'm so grateful to have theflexibility.
(10:31):
I did go back to my PRN position.
I've worked.
Have I only worked once?
Oh, I've worked once and theycalled me off once.
When you're PRN, the hospitalor the anesthesia group can say
hey, we know that you're meantto work today, but we don't need
you, and that happened once.
So I've worked one time sinceDecember, which has also been
(10:51):
lovely, and, yeah, I'm backrecording doing this life update
and then next Friday there willbe a true it's actually one of
the your Complete Guide toUnderstanding the Certified
Anesthesiologist AssistantProfession.
Your Complete Guide toUnderstanding the Certified
Anesthesiologist AssistantProfession another episode in
(11:12):
that series about how much moneywe make, which is going to be a
really valuable episode.
I think it's a different takeon it than maybe you've heard
before.
Maybe more in-depth is probablywhat I'd say a little bit more
realistic, not so showy, Isuppose, about some of the high
numbers, which are true in thereand the salary is great, but
some of the reality behind allthat.
So you have that to lookforward to.
And then the other excitingthing, the other reason why, and
(11:35):
what's been going on throughall of what I just described is
the second reason why it's takenme a minute, a beat, to come
back to podcasting, and that'sbecause you may know, if you've
been listening to this podcast,you've heard a little mid-roll
ad for CAA Matters, which is astandalone wellness
professionalism curriculum forfirst-year AA students that I've
(11:59):
developed and created anddecided last year that in 2025,
I wanted to start teaching.
And so, because the launch ofthis curriculum is really set
for the 2025-2026 AA schoolacademic calendar.
I knew that I was going to haveto be hitting sort of the
(12:20):
marketing and, you know,speaking to people and
networking that all reallystarted pretty heavy end of fall
2024 and then December of 2024.
So just last month, butbasically leading up to December
, and then in December I had awhole bunch of discovery calls
booked for program directors whoare interested in CAA matters.
(12:42):
Of course I, you know, wasdoing all this marketing which,
again, every time I do something, I have to teach myself first
how to do it, how to create apitch, how to simply say what
your now I can't even simply sayit but like what your vision is
, your mission, your impact, thevalue proposition, like all of
(13:04):
that stuff takes effort for me.
I just can't come up with thatstuff.
It's just not the way my brainworks, like I can eventually get
there, but it takes a lot toget the words on paper and to,
you know, get, find the rightwords, I guess.
And so I was deep, deep, deepdoing all of that, which was
great and exciting and anotherhuge growth moment for me.
(13:25):
The CAA Matters curriculum hasreally been a culmination of
things I've worked on for thepast five or six years
personally and professionally.
So when I was teaching at UMKCMSA program, I was there for 13
years and the last three-ishyears years I really
transitioned into teaching morewellness courses.
(13:45):
I overhauled their substanceuse disorder curriculum, like
substance use disorder in theCAA profession curriculum and or
the anesthesia profession atlarge, and that sparked a whole
new bucket of interest for me, awhole new area that I felt
really called to dive into forme personally, because I'm a CAA
(14:09):
and I need this wellnessinformation as well as feeling
really called to bring this toour profession in a bigger way.
And so, little by little, kindof decision by decision, what
ended up coming from all of thatand from the many things that I
could have done with thatpassion, which was part of the
hard part, is like OK, I havethis passion for wellness for
(14:31):
the CA profession, for creatingconnection, for disseminating
information for, you know,building groups and allowing
people space to think deeply andlisten deeply.
Where do I go with that?
And I had a lot of great ideasand a lot of people saying, oh,
we could do this, or maybe westart a quad, a wellness group
(14:54):
or maybe a subcommittee, or Imean, I could go on and on.
There's like a thousand thingsin the past six years that I
thought I was going to do andjust slowly, this CAA Matters
curriculum just presented itselfto me like my life experience
began to create this curriculumand it just became clearer and
clearer and clearer that this iswhat I'm called to do.
This is what's just dying tocome out of me.
(15:18):
I really enjoy teaching.
I really enjoy that first year.
I was a first-year clinicalinstructor for many, many years
and I just want this informationto get to our community as
early as possible.
I guess if I knew who was goingto become a CAA, I'd go find
them in undergrad and give themthis information, because it
(15:39):
would be.
You know, the earlier you getit, the more helpful it is.
But first year students arewhere I really started to target
, like what group I wanted tofocus my energy towards, and so
there's more to say on that.
But basically, caa Matters beganto slowly take over more and
more of my time and energy, andI felt my take over more and
(16:05):
more of my time and energy, andI felt my internal drive, my
passion, shifting from thepodcast and wanting to do that
in all of my free time to theCAA Matters curriculum, half
because I needed to to figureout how to market this and how
to sell it and what to do withit and putting it together.
Of course, creating thecurriculum, all of that just
took a lot of time and energy,but I found myself wanting to do
that more than I wanted to, youknow, make an outline for the
(16:27):
podcast.
So I just followed thatinstinct as well and in let's
see in 2024, at some point I wassetting my goals for CAA
Matters and I had said I wantedto find six AA school partners
and at the time of thisrecording, it looks like that's
going to happen and that I willbegin teaching the CAA Matters
(16:49):
wellness curriculum to sixschools starting this spring of
2025.
It's a 12-month curriculum, soit follows the first-year
students throughout their entirefirst year.
No-transcript and like oh, I'mnot the only one who's going
(17:32):
through this.
It's just such a powerfulexperience of shared humanity
and shared experience that Iknew I wanted to incorporate
that, that I knew I wanted toincorporate that, and so that's
an exciting thing, yeah, and Iam just kind of slowly coming
off of that really heavy growthperiod this December and January
(17:52):
, and what naturally happens,and what's supposed to happen,
is that when you go through aperiod of push and growth, you
need to follow it up with a restperiod.
And so last week my energy wasso low, I was napping for hours
a day and, you know, gettingnine hours of sleep at night,
and I was like am I getting sick?
(18:13):
What is going on?
I was just like I think this isbecause just mentally,
physically, emotionally, I havebeen so high that I had to come
down and I, for the first timein my life, was like I think
that's what's happening and Ijust need to honor this as
opposed to beating myself upabout you know, I'm being lazy
(18:33):
or something, and that, too, wasa huge growth moment and just
an experience of choosing myselfin a way that I've said oh, of
course I want to be able to takea nap during the day, like
that's my dream life.
But then when you're faced witha day where you have an
available slot to take a nap,you're like beating yourself up,
like I'm lazy, I should bedoing something.
(18:54):
I'm like wait, this is what Isaid I wanted.
So it was just a lot ofconfronting that sort of
push-pull experience andbasically all of that happened
and kind of dropped me off intoa slightly clearer moment.
Right now, caa Matters is stillon in the background.
I have started interviewing andsetting some outlines and
(19:17):
recording schedules up forprocess episodes to come, and I
have also contacted our currentQuad A president, nicole, who I
will be interviewing live at theQuad A again, which means that
for the past three years I'vebeen able to interview our
current Quad A president, likethe Quad A president of that
(19:40):
year, and just like as a growth,like as an example of what this
podcast has been able to bringinto my life and to reveal to me
about myself and about what'simportant to me.
I will also be speaking at theQuad A for the third straight
year about a topic that's reallyimportant to me and it's
(20:00):
basically again feels like aculmination of everything I've
been doing, especially with thispodcast and my idea that the CA
profession is uniquely able toallow us to live a life by
design.
And how do we harness that?
What about the profession?
Do we take and harness andleverage, use as a tool to live
(20:22):
our life by design?
And so I am presenting onexactly that at the Quad A on
Thursday.
So the first day of the Quad Aat 9 am.
Usually the audience on thatday and time is mostly students,
which I'm really excited aboutbecause, again, it's kind of
like the earlier you have thisinformation, the better off you
are, and it's just.
(20:43):
I think it's going to be areally great discussion.
It's going to be a little bitof that workshoppy type of thing
that I like doing, where youget to talk to each other and
this huge mess of people, andit's just kind of a cool
experience.
So I'm excited for that and, ofcourse, I'm also preparing for
that right now.
And, yeah, I'm just excited tokeep podcasting through March.
(21:06):
What I can tell you is that Iwill not be putting out four
episodes a month.
Obviously, I did not do that inJanuary.
That won't happen in Februaryand March.
You can look forward to twoepisodes in January, so today,
and then next week.
Two episodes in January, sotoday and then next week, two
episodes in February and twoepisodes in March, with the
finale of season four being thatlive episode at the Quad A with
(21:30):
our current Quad A president,nicole, and After that I'm not
exactly sure I cannot guaranteewhat else will happen after that
.
I can't imagine not podcasting.
This has been such a touchstoneinto something so deeply
cherished like storytelling,making connections, and just the
(21:51):
place that this podcast hastaken my life is just astounding
like from where I started towhere I am now and how many of
my own personal dreams have cometrue because of this podcast in
lots and lots of ways.
You know, both personally andprofessionally.
I just can't imagine not doingit.
I love it too much.
But I am very, very realisticabout energy maintenance and
(22:15):
management now and I know how Iwant to feel when I wake up in
the morning.
I know how I want my days tofeel.
I know how, you know, I wantthe luxury of time in my day.
I don't want to be pressed fortime.
I also know that a lot ofprojects take my creativity and
I am not creative when I amstressed and rushing, like I
need to be quiet and alone andhave time to meditate and sort
(22:38):
of be with myself before mycreativity really kicks in.
And I'm not sure how that's allgoing to fall out when I start
teaching CAA Matters.
I will be actively teachingthat starting in May and, you
know, through the next 12 monthsand hopefully for the next year
and several years to follow, aslong as the curriculum stands
(23:01):
and grows and changes and morphsto whatever comes next, I'm
sure.
But I just don't want to makeany guarantees, but I want to
really enjoy the time we havetogether through the end of
season four.
So I just want to say thank youso much for being here.
Truly, podcasting has changed mylife.
It started with a podcast withmy husband and I, called
(23:23):
Growth-Minded Marriage, and I'vejust learned so much about
myself, who I am, what I want inthis world and how that all
overlaps with being a CAA.
It's been such a trulytransformational experience.
I just this period of my lifeis just so meaningful.
I can already tell that I'mgoing to look back and be like
(23:44):
oh, those were the good old dayswhen I started podcasting.
So I'm just really excited tocontinue this season four
journey with all of you who arelistening fellow CAAs, aa
students, prospective AAstudents, aa students,
prospective AA students soimportant for us to hear our
names spoke and hear thingsproduced by us and for us, and
(24:06):
I'm just really happy to get todo that for our community and
for our profession and for youpersonally and for me personally
as a CAA, truly a dream cometrue, and I guess we'll talk
soon, y'all, and I'll see younext week.
So thanks for being here.
Welcome to the Awakened Anesthetist podcast,
the first podcast to highlightthe CAA experience.
I'm your host, mary Jean, andI've been a certified
anesthesiologist assistant forclose to two decades.
Throughout my journey andstruggles, I've searched for
guidance that includes my uniqueperspective as a CAA.
(00:24):
At one of my lowest points, Idecided to turn my passion for
storytelling and my belief thatthe CAA profession is uniquely
able to create a life by designinto a podcast.
If you are a practicing CAA,current AA student or someone
who hopes to be one, I encourageyou to stick around and
(00:45):
experience the power of being ina community filled with voices
who sound like yours, sharingexperiences you never believed
possible.
I know you will find yourselfhere at the Awakened Anesthetist
Podcast.
Welcome in.
I'm back.
Hello everyone.
(01:05):
Welcome back to AwakenedAnesthetist Podcast.
Welcome back to this first andonly certified anesthesiologist
assistant podcast and thecommunity that we've formed.
I am back from a long, wonderfulwinter break and I thought this
would be a really good time tofill you in on some life updates
, kind of where I've been, whatI've been doing.
And I thought this would be areally good time to fill you in
(01:25):
on some life updates, kind ofwhere I've been, what I've been
doing and some decisions I'vemade about 2025 and onward.
So if that sounds interesting,then I hope you stick around and
hear about all that's beenhappening.
Okay, the first thing that youshould know is that season four
of Awaken Anestis podcast runsthrough March of 2025, and that
(01:50):
is not changing.
You may have noticed that Ihaven't posted any new episodes
in over a month or about a month, and that's for several reasons
, and also that's changing todayand there'll be several more
new episodes through the end ofseason four, march 2025.
But there's been several reasonsand I wanted to just fill you
(02:11):
in on why I've taken such a longbreak.
The first one is that I hadplanned to take a winter break.
I had been planning sincebasically the start of season
four that I would take a longholiday break.
I have three small kids all inelementary school and they have,
you know, sort of the normaltwo weeks off between Christmas
(02:34):
and New Year's and I wanted tobe home so that we could, of
course, have that family timetogether and I could also take
some of the load off of myhusband, because having three
kids at home all day is a lotand I don't want that for myself
to have to do that alone, and Idon't want that for him to have
to do it alone.
So I just knew it would bebetter and the life that I want
(02:56):
to lead is one where I get toreally choose when I work.
And since becoming a PRNclinical CAA, I have that luxury
.
And since becoming a PRNclinical CAA, I have that luxury
.
And so I just knew I wanted totake that two-week period the
winter break, the school breakoff of podcasting and off of
working in the operating room.
And then, when I sat down toreally narrow out which days you
(03:23):
know on the front end or theback end, I I also needed I
admitted to myself, I guess,that this podcast, which is a
true labor of love for me andI've had no formal training in
any of this, I've just reallytaught myself bit by bit.
The podcast is a lot of work andI think I didn't really realize
(03:43):
how long each episode takes me,you know, from, like, the
initial idea to the outline, tolining up the guests or like, if
it's just with me, creating thetalking points and the flow and
the storyboard, the recording,the editing, the post-production
, like it's all things, thepost-production, like it's all
things, and really each episodetakes about three weeks, maybe a
(04:13):
month, from start to finish,and I love that pace.
I probably could do it faster.
I'm sure there's streamlinedmethods that I could use.
I'm sure I'm not editing in thefastest way, but I like the way
I do it and I put a whole bunchof energy up front.
Like there was this hugelearning curve on how to do this
and I put so much work in upfront that I just kind of don't
want to change anything and haveto relearn any of my systems,
and so I just do it the way I doit and it takes a long time.
(04:36):
So if I'm going to take a truebreak and not have that awful
feeling where you're on yourvacation but you're really just
worrying about going back towork and having to squeeze you
know this is sort ofnon-clinical but like squeeze
your life that you missed intothe week when you return and all
have to do it all at once, likeI did not want that mental load
(04:57):
and so it became kind of clearthat I was going to have to take
, you know, three weeks off toreally be mentally free from any
of the planning process, ordoing process, of creating this
podcast for everyone, and so Iwas kind of like all right, well
, just see how I feel and sortof take it day by day.
(05:17):
I constantly had to tell myselfit's okay to take time off,
it's okay to rest, it's okay tonot have every moment be super
productive.
My life has slowed downdramatically and I still have to
remind myself that this is okay, that this is in fact what I
want.
Sometimes I can feeluncomfortable in stillness and
(05:37):
it's just a daily reminder tosay this is the life I've worked
so hard for being able tocontrol my clinical schedule,
being able to say yes when Iwant to say yes or no when I
want to say.
This is the life I've worked sohard for being able to control
my clinical schedule, being ableto say yes when I want to say
yes or no when I want to say noin terms of all my other
obligations.
But it's not easy and I justwanted to share that here in
case you're trying to make somelife changes and thinking that,
(05:58):
oh, when I do this or do that,everything's going to be perfect
and easy.
It's like no, everything, youknow, your conditioning kind of
creeps up to haunt you, yourperfectionism, all the things
that you have.
Now they'll get quieter, but Istill have to remind myself that
I'm the master of my life andthat I get to make decisions and
I don't have to do things justbecause I'm expected.
(06:20):
You know other people expectingto do it.
Or, even worse, is I expectmyself to do it or I'm thinking
other people expect me to do itand they really don't care, like
you maybe have not even noticedthat I've not uploaded new
episodes and I'm over herestewing about it.
But yeah, it's been a practice,and so I took three plus weeks
(06:42):
off.
I really enjoyed my time off.
The week before Christmas I wasable to not be stressed and we
hosted Christmas.
We celebrate in all the normalways, so like wrapping all the
presents, everything like that.
All that little stuff was fun,as opposed to doing it at
midnight because it was the onlytime I had available.
It was just a really niceexperience.
(07:04):
My kids had both parents home.
My husband works from home.
He works part-time from home aswell as I work part-time but we
were both home and just got tobe actively engaged at doing
things with them.
We had friends over.
We, after Christmas drove fromwhere we live near Kansas City
to Cincinnati, ohio, like a roadtrip and visited my sister and
(07:28):
her family and had a whole bunchof cousin time and celebrated
New Year's.
And then the plan was to driveback and a couple of days later
our kids' school would startback up and we were like, ok,
this is like a perfect littlebreak.
And then I thought, ok, theweek my kids go back to school,
I'll still be on my winter breakand I'll kind of get back into
it.
Well, we weren't prepared forthe fact that a winter storm
(07:53):
moved through our area andseveral other areas, but in
Kansas City, I think it was.
What did they call it?
They called it a.
Okay, I just had to Google it.
She was called Winter StormBlair.
She basically dropped 12 inchesof snow in 24, 36 hours, and so
my kid's school that wassupposed to start on this Monday
(08:15):
after the holiday breakcanceled for the entire next
week.
And of course they don't tellyou there's a snow day until the
day before, and so every daywe're like, okay, maybe they'll
go back to school and maybethings will get back to our
normal programming.
And then there was another snowday.
So, basically, everything wentout the window.
It was all hands on deck.
If you have kids and you are,you know, having to deal with
(08:39):
winter weather, snow days orhurricane days or you know any
sort of unexpected school daysoff, you know that it is very
disruptive and you try to makethe best of it.
And I was like okay, I havethis time off.
This is what my life is aboutis having the flexibility to
stay home if I need to, and Ireally wanted to not look at it
(09:00):
as a negative like, oh my gosh,I gotta get my kids to play so
that I can then do this podcastor type up this outline or
whatever.
I was like no, this is what youwant.
Just relax into it and try tomake the best of it and not
worry about meeting theseexpectations of like, okay, the
next podcast episode has to comeout on such and such date,
because, again, I make all thesedecisions, there's no one
(09:22):
telling me that I have to dothis, so I don't need to put a
whole bunch of pressure onmyself.
But it's just funny how, youknow, as a high functioning
perfectionist type A, like, wejust do that to ourselves.
So this was all a very goodlearning experience, and we are
now at the second week ofJanuary.
My kids, you know, there's acouple random like Martin Luther
(09:47):
King Day they had off, they hada day off the week before, and
so basically we've had stretchesof them being at school and
then stretches of them beinghome.
But just now I'm starting tofeel like I'm back in my normal
swing of having those precioushours alone with my creativity,
with the quiet, to be able toget some of this podcasting,
(10:08):
work or fun done, and so that'swhy I've been gone for so long
and that's why it's well, Iguess it's not the second week.
It's currently January 22ndright now as I'm recording this,
and this is planned to come outin three days, on Friday.
So this is what I've got my acttogether, and it was great.
It was a wonderful learninglesson.
I'm so grateful to have theflexibility.
(10:31):
I did go back to my PRN position.
I've worked.
Have I only worked once?
Oh, I've worked once and theycalled me off once.
When you're PRN, the hospitalor the anesthesia group can say
hey, we know that you're meantto work today, but we don't need
you, and that happened once.
So I've worked one time sinceDecember, which has also been
(10:51):
lovely, and, yeah, I'm backrecording doing this life update
and then next Friday there willbe a true it's actually one of
the your Complete Guide toUnderstanding the Certified
Anesthesiologist AssistantProfession.
Your Complete Guide toUnderstanding the Certified
Anesthesiologist AssistantProfession another episode in
(11:12):
that series about how much moneywe make, which is going to be a
really valuable episode.
I think it's a different takeon it than maybe you've heard
before.
Maybe more in-depth is probablywhat I'd say a little bit more
realistic, not so showy, Isuppose, about some of the high
numbers, which are true in thereand the salary is great, but
some of the reality behind allthat.
So you have that to lookforward to.
And then the other excitingthing, the other reason why, and
(11:35):
what's been going on throughall of what I just described is
the second reason why it's takenme a minute, a beat, to come
back to podcasting, and that'sbecause you may know, if you've
been listening to this podcast,you've heard a little mid-roll
ad for CAA Matters, which is astandalone wellness
professionalism curriculum forfirst-year AA students that I've
(11:59):
developed and created anddecided last year that in 2025,
I wanted to start teaching.
And so, because the launch ofthis curriculum is really set
for the 2025-2026 AA schoolacademic calendar.
I knew that I was going to haveto be hitting sort of the
(12:20):
marketing and, you know,speaking to people and
networking that all reallystarted pretty heavy end of fall
2024 and then December of 2024.
So just last month, butbasically leading up to December
, and then in December I had awhole bunch of discovery calls
booked for program directors whoare interested in CAA matters.
(12:42):
Of course I, you know, wasdoing all this marketing which,
again, every time I do something, I have to teach myself first
how to do it, how to create apitch, how to simply say what
your now I can't even simply sayit but like what your vision is
, your mission, your impact, thevalue proposition, like all of
(13:04):
that stuff takes effort for me.
I just can't come up with thatstuff.
It's just not the way my brainworks, like I can eventually get
there, but it takes a lot toget the words on paper and to,
you know, get, find the rightwords, I guess.
And so I was deep, deep, deepdoing all of that, which was
great and exciting and anotherhuge growth moment for me.
(13:25):
The CAA Matters curriculum hasreally been a culmination of
things I've worked on for thepast five or six years
personally and professionally.
So when I was teaching at UMKCMSA program, I was there for 13
years and the last three-ishyears years I really
transitioned into teaching morewellness courses.
(13:45):
I overhauled their substanceuse disorder curriculum, like
substance use disorder in theCAA profession curriculum and or
the anesthesia profession atlarge, and that sparked a whole
new bucket of interest for me, awhole new area that I felt
really called to dive into forme personally, because I'm a CAA
(14:09):
and I need this wellnessinformation as well as feeling
really called to bring this toour profession in a bigger way.
And so, little by little, kindof decision by decision, what
ended up coming from all of thatand from the many things that I
could have done with thatpassion, which was part of the
hard part, is like OK, I havethis passion for wellness for
(14:31):
the CA profession, for creatingconnection, for disseminating
information for, you know,building groups and allowing
people space to think deeply andlisten deeply.
Where do I go with that?
And I had a lot of great ideasand a lot of people saying, oh,
we could do this, or maybe westart a quad, a wellness group
(14:54):
or maybe a subcommittee, or Imean, I could go on and on.
There's like a thousand thingsin the past six years that I
thought I was going to do andjust slowly, this CAA Matters
curriculum just presented itselfto me like my life experience
began to create this curriculumand it just became clearer and
clearer and clearer that this iswhat I'm called to do.
This is what's just dying tocome out of me.
(15:18):
I really enjoy teaching.
I really enjoy that first year.
I was a first-year clinicalinstructor for many, many years
and I just want this informationto get to our community as
early as possible.
I guess if I knew who was goingto become a CAA, I'd go find
them in undergrad and give themthis information, because it
(15:39):
would be.
You know, the earlier you getit, the more helpful it is.
But first year students arewhere I really started to target
, like what group I wanted tofocus my energy towards, and so
there's more to say on that.
But basically, caa Matters beganto slowly take over more and
more of my time and energy, andI felt my take over more and
(16:05):
more of my time and energy, andI felt my internal drive, my
passion, shifting from thepodcast and wanting to do that
in all of my free time to theCAA Matters curriculum, half
because I needed to to figureout how to market this and how
to sell it and what to do withit and putting it together.
Of course, creating thecurriculum, all of that just
took a lot of time and energy,but I found myself wanting to do
that more than I wanted to, youknow, make an outline for the
(16:27):
podcast.
So I just followed thatinstinct as well and in let's
see in 2024, at some point I wassetting my goals for CAA
Matters and I had said I wantedto find six AA school partners
and at the time of thisrecording, it looks like that's
going to happen and that I willbegin teaching the CAA Matters
(16:49):
wellness curriculum to sixschools starting this spring of
2025.
It's a 12-month curriculum, soit follows the first-year
students throughout their entirefirst year.
No-transcript and like oh, I'mnot the only one who's going
(17:32):
through this.
It's just such a powerfulexperience of shared humanity
and shared experience that Iknew I wanted to incorporate
that, that I knew I wanted toincorporate that, and so that's
an exciting thing, yeah, and Iam just kind of slowly coming
off of that really heavy growthperiod this December and January
(17:52):
, and what naturally happens,and what's supposed to happen,
is that when you go through aperiod of push and growth, you
need to follow it up with a restperiod.
And so last week my energy wasso low, I was napping for hours
a day and, you know, gettingnine hours of sleep at night,
and I was like am I getting sick?
(18:13):
What is going on?
I was just like I think this isbecause just mentally,
physically, emotionally, I havebeen so high that I had to come
down and I, for the first timein my life, was like I think
that's what's happening and Ijust need to honor this as
opposed to beating myself upabout you know, I'm being lazy
(18:33):
or something, and that, too, wasa huge growth moment and just
an experience of choosing myselfin a way that I've said oh, of
course I want to be able to takea nap during the day, like
that's my dream life.
But then when you're faced witha day where you have an
available slot to take a nap,you're like beating yourself up,
like I'm lazy, I should bedoing something.
(18:54):
I'm like wait, this is what Isaid I wanted.
So it was just a lot ofconfronting that sort of
push-pull experience andbasically all of that happened
and kind of dropped me off intoa slightly clearer moment.
Right now, caa Matters is stillon in the background.
I have started interviewing andsetting some outlines and
(19:17):
recording schedules up forprocess episodes to come, and I
have also contacted our currentQuad A president, nicole, who I
will be interviewing live at theQuad A again, which means that
for the past three years I'vebeen able to interview our
current Quad A president, likethe Quad A president of that
(19:40):
year, and just like as a growth,like as an example of what this
podcast has been able to bringinto my life and to reveal to me
about myself and about what'simportant to me.
I will also be speaking at theQuad A for the third straight
year about a topic that's reallyimportant to me and it's
(20:00):
basically again feels like aculmination of everything I've
been doing, especially with thispodcast and my idea that the CA
profession is uniquely able toallow us to live a life by
design.
And how do we harness that?
What about the profession?
Do we take and harness andleverage, use as a tool to live
(20:22):
our life by design?
And so I am presenting onexactly that at the Quad A on
Thursday.
So the first day of the Quad Aat 9 am.
Usually the audience on thatday and time is mostly students,
which I'm really excited aboutbecause, again, it's kind of
like the earlier you have thisinformation, the better off you
are, and it's just.
(20:43):
I think it's going to be areally great discussion.
It's going to be a little bitof that workshoppy type of thing
that I like doing, where youget to talk to each other and
this huge mess of people, andit's just kind of a cool
experience.
So I'm excited for that and, ofcourse, I'm also preparing for
that right now.
And, yeah, I'm just excited tokeep podcasting through March.
(21:06):
What I can tell you is that Iwill not be putting out four
episodes a month.
Obviously, I did not do that inJanuary.
That won't happen in Februaryand March.
You can look forward to twoepisodes in January, so today,
and then next week.
Two episodes in January, sotoday and then next week, two
episodes in February and twoepisodes in March, with the
finale of season four being thatlive episode at the Quad A with
(21:30):
our current Quad A president,nicole, and After that I'm not
exactly sure I cannot guaranteewhat else will happen after that
.
I can't imagine not podcasting.
This has been such a touchstoneinto something so deeply
cherished like storytelling,making connections, and just the
(21:51):
place that this podcast hastaken my life is just astounding
like from where I started towhere I am now and how many of
my own personal dreams have cometrue because of this podcast in
lots and lots of ways.
You know, both personally andprofessionally.
I just can't imagine not doingit.
I love it too much.
But I am very, very realisticabout energy maintenance and
(22:15):
management now and I know how Iwant to feel when I wake up in
the morning.
I know how I want my days tofeel.
I know how, you know, I wantthe luxury of time in my day.
I don't want to be pressed fortime.
I also know that a lot ofprojects take my creativity and
I am not creative when I amstressed and rushing, like I
need to be quiet and alone andhave time to meditate and sort
(22:38):
of be with myself before mycreativity really kicks in.
And I'm not sure how that's allgoing to fall out when I start
teaching CAA Matters.
I will be actively teachingthat starting in May and, you
know, through the next 12 monthsand hopefully for the next year
and several years to follow, aslong as the curriculum stands
(23:01):
and grows and changes and morphsto whatever comes next, I'm
sure.
But I just don't want to makeany guarantees, but I want to
really enjoy the time we havetogether through the end of
season four.
So I just want to say thank youso much for being here.
Truly, podcasting has changed mylife.
It started with a podcast withmy husband and I, called
(23:23):
Growth-Minded Marriage, and I'vejust learned so much about
myself, who I am, what I want inthis world and how that all
overlaps with being a CAA.
It's been such a trulytransformational experience.
I just this period of my lifeis just so meaningful.
I can already tell that I'mgoing to look back and be like
(23:44):
oh, those were the good old dayswhen I started podcasting.
So I'm just really excited tocontinue this season four
journey with all of you who arelistening fellow CAAs, aa
students, prospective AAstudents, aa students,
prospective AA students soimportant for us to hear our
names spoke and hear thingsproduced by us and for us, and
(24:06):
I'm just really happy to get todo that for our community and
for our profession and for youpersonally and for me personally
as a CAA, truly a dream cometrue, and I guess we'll talk
soon, y'all, and I'll see younext week.
So thanks for being here.
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