October 11, 2024 • 24 mins
Gain the confidence to make decisions aligned with your true desires and embrace a compassionate approach to life. We'll explore how mindfulness can help break the cycle of equating worth with productivity, fostering inherent worthiness and resilience. I'll also share my personal experiences with obsessive-compulsive disorder, illustrating how mindfulness has been pivotal in managing anxiety and building resilience. Whether you're a seasoned CAA* or an aspiring student, learn about the unique potential within our community to harness mindfulness for overall well-being.
*several times I misspoke and left off Certified Anesthesiologist ASSISTANT. This was not intentional.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Welcome to the Awakened Anesthetist podcast,
the first podcast to highlightthe CAA experience.
I'm your host, mary Jean, andI've been a certified
anesthesiologist assistant forclose to two decades.
Throughout my journey andstruggles, I've searched for
guidance that includes my uniqueperspective as a CAA.
(00:25):
At one of my lowest points, Idecided to turn my passion for
(00:46):
storytelling and my belief thatstick around and experience the
power of being in a communityfilled with voices who sound
like yours, sharing experiencesyou never believed possible.
I know you will find yourselfhere at the AwakendAnesthetist
podcast.
Welcome in.
Hello again to this AwakenAnesthes community full of
(01:11):
practicing certifiedanesthesiologist assistants.
I know there's a ton of AAstudents out there listening and
, of course, the huge andever-growing mass of prospective
AAs.
Welcome to Awaken Anesthes.
I'm so happy that you're hereand joining me.
My name is Mary Jean.
I have been a long timepracticing CAA for the past 17,
going on 18 years and today's apersonal episode.
(01:36):
I wanted to jump in on thetheme of season four, which is
how to stay healthy and thriveas a CAA or AA student or
someone who's in their journeyto become a CAA.
I'll be diving into that topicspecifically with my process
guests, as well as any otherofferings that I do outside of
(01:58):
the podcast through AwakenAnesthetist, so these are things
like webinars I might host orInstagram conversations.
Certainly this includes CAAMatters, which is the wellness
curriculum I created forfirst-year students that I am
currently marketing to AAschools and trying to push out
into our CAA universe and tryingto get going to have some more
(02:22):
support and resources so that wecan all start taking steps to
be healthier and thrive as CAAs.
And I just have so much toshare and say.
But I'm really going to try tosummarize the last six years of
my own journey, of my own effortto be healthy and to thrive as
(02:45):
a long-time CAA, into about 20minutes.
So that's the goal.
So let's get started so thatyou can get as much value from
this as I can possibly pack in.
I've been talking about this andinterested in this for a very
long time and actually, when Iwas prepping for this episode, I
looked back on my Quad Aconference lecture from 2023.
(03:09):
I think the conference thatyear was in Dallas and it was
the first year that I wasspeaking on stage and, lo and
behold, I decided to talk abouthow to flourish as a CAA and
what that exactly meant, and howwe do that as a collective like
of a CAA, and what that exactlymeant and how we do that as a
collective like of a CAAprofessional body, and then how
you also do that as anindividual.
(03:31):
And so I wanted to share theinsights from that Quade lecture
of what exactly are thosethings that go into a healthy,
thriving CAA life.
Because when I looked back onthis list, I'm like, yep, that
still resonates, that's stilldefinitely true, that's
definitely what I want to keepin my life and keep moving
forward with.
(03:51):
So here's the list and you canlet me know if these resonate
with you.
So, to live a thriving life, ahealthy life, as a CAA, you live
with purpose and meaning.
You also feel fulfilled andsatisfied on a daily basis.
You feel a sense of control andchoice in your life.
(04:15):
You spend quality time withfamily and friends, you foster
connections with your workcolleagues or with your school
colleagues, and you take care ofyourself mentally, spiritually
and physically.
So that was the list that wecame up with in 2023, sort of en
(04:36):
masse at the Quade conference,and when I look back on my
journey and think about what Iwant to share with you all.
Today I really want to dive intothe but how?
So we've identified that wewant purpose and meaning in our
life.
We want a sense of control andchoice.
We want to feel like we'reconnecting to the people who are
(04:56):
immediately in our life.
We want to have a sense ofbelonging.
And then I ask but how?
Like, please tell me.
I will gladly do the thingsthat I'm supposed to do to get
that sense of thriving, but how?
And so, truly, the past sixyears has been a journey of
(05:19):
figuring out that, but how?
And the need to answer thatquestion has taken me to so many
places.
It's obviously brought me hereto this podcast, but it's also
brought me several differenttypes of therapy, really going
back into my childhood andhealing a lot of pieces of me
(05:39):
that I thought were trulyforever broken.
I was diagnosed with OCD at apoint in this journey and
received some healing andtreatment for that.
I've been to marriagecounseling, I've been to
parenting experts, I have beenon meditation retreats and
silent weekends away, and I havetried truly every self-care
(06:02):
practice in this quest to figureout but how.
I want to feel purpose andmeaning.
I want to have control andchoice, but how?
And very, very interestinglyabout two years ago when I
started being introduced to aformal mindfulness practice.
So a friend of a friend told meabout a mindfulness community
(06:26):
here in the Kansas City area.
It is a community that is builtaround practicing mindfulness
in many different ways and it'sa place that you can go
physically to practice as wellas there's a lot of online
offerings.
A friend of a friend introducedme to them and that started my
very concrete journey into theactual practice of mindfulness.
(06:47):
And once I started practicingmindfulness, I could see that in
every single therapy session,in every single expert
conversation, every podcast thatever really resonated with me,
all of these other externalforces were trying to get me to
practice mindfulness.
So it was all a little bit hereand there.
(07:09):
It was sort of diluted down ineverything else I was doing, but
the piece that really moved theneedle forward in all of these
different types of therapies andall of these other resources
that I was accessing to try tolive my best life, the through
line was mindfulness.
And I could start to see thatwhen I started practicing just
pure mindfulness about two yearsago, really intentionally, with
(07:34):
this mindfulness community herein my area, and that's really
what I want to share today,which is how my mindfulness
practice has allowed me to behealthy and thrive as a CAA, to
really get all those things thatwe laid out at the Quad A
Conference purpose, meaning,control, choice, freedom, a
(07:56):
sense of agency you know all thebeautiful things that you know
we hear about in a good life.
Mindfulness has really been thepath that has allowed me to step
closer and closer to havingthose things in my life, and
something that I've never heardpeople do on a podcast or in
resources or in you know otherforms of media, and specifically
(08:17):
never heard them do forcertified anesthesiologists is
just really lay out the verypractical analytical basics of
how mindfulness can bring aboutpurpose and meaning and really
break it down in that way that Ilove doing so much, which is to
constantly ask but how, and Ihope just hearing it laid out
(08:39):
really plainly encourages you totry some different practices in
your own life, to maybe startidentifying what's working in
your life, what's not working,to give yourself some more time,
freedom to then use to, youknow, work on your next project,
or to think more deeply aboutthe next subject that comes your
(09:02):
way and it builds and snowballsand you know I wouldn't say
this is a super quick process.
I don't know that I can reallyum tout that, because for me
it's been a good six years andI'm still sort of figuring some
things out, but I can see howfar I've come by using
mindfulness as a tool.
So here's how mindfulness hasallowed me to become healthy and
(09:24):
thrive as a CAA.
Number one, mindfulness hasgiven me actual time back in my
day.
So it is no surprise that as aCA or an AA student or just a
normal American person living inour world today, life is very,
very busy and oftentimes whenyou're trying to make a change,
(09:45):
when you're trying to behealthier, to institute new good
habits, you're like how could Ipossibly have enough time to do
anything differently becauseI'm so pressed for every moment
of the day already and, veryinterestingly, when you start
practicing mindfulness, you'recarving out 5 minutes, 10
minutes, 15 minutes at somepoint in your day, meaning
(10:08):
you're giving up doing somethingelse.
You slowly start to see howcreating the time from
mindfulness builds more timeinto your day, and this is how
it happens.
This is the part I feel like noone has ever said out loud that
I just wish someone had clearlylaid out.
So when you allow yourself toconnect to your own inner
(10:32):
awareness in mindfulness, itcreates the skill, like the
actual neural pathways andneuroplasticity changes in your
brain, to allow you to be moreaware of yourself when you're
not actually practicingmindfulness.
So it strengthens theconnection specifically in your
prefrontal cortex to just beable to feel into what's the
(10:56):
next best right decision andwhen you more clearly can make a
more efficient and quickdecision.
You don't waste little moments,little pockets of time
throughout your day.
You have more motivation,you're more effective and slowly
, all of a sudden, you startfeeling like you have more time
in your day to make the nextright decision.
(11:18):
Let me give you an example ofthis happening in the operating
room, because I think it'sreally clear there, if you are a
practicing CA or AA student andyou've ever noticed the
difference between a surgeonwho's just kind of so-so like,
let's say, they're a generalsurgeon doing a lap coli and
(11:41):
they're just sort of averageso-so versus that surgeon who
can do a lap coli in like sevenminutes.
The difference.
There is such an extremeintention to every move they
make, every decision they makeis made one time.
There's no going back and forth.
There's no hemming and hawing,there's no like maybe I should
cut there.
No, I should cut here.
Let me put the staple there.
No, no.
It is so clear what they'redoing and why, and they're so
(12:05):
comfortable with it that all ofthose little moments where
they're not pausing, wherethey're not second guessing
themselves, add up over time.
And now this LACOLI takes sevenminutes instead of three hours,
and it really really matters.
The same thing happens whenyou're using your mindfulness
practice to learn more aboutyourself through a process of
(12:29):
self-awareness that happenstruly, literally in our brains.
That when you are tired atnight and the maybe the house is
quiet if you have kids, thekids are in bed and you're like
I just don't feel right,something's wrong, I'm not sure.
So you open the fridge and seeif it's something to eat.
You open your phone to see ifyou missed an email.
(12:51):
You get on Instagram to get alittle dopamine boost.
You sort of meander around yourhouse for a while, thinking, oh
, it'll come to me.
Once you start practicingmindfulness, you will more
clearly know that in that moment.
Oh, I'm tired, I feel tired.
I'm aware that I'm tired.
My next best move is to goupstairs to bed, as opposed to
(13:11):
wasting that time trying tofigure out what's wrong.
You just are more aware of whoyou are and what you need and
how you're feeling, and you canjust act more efficiently, and
that truly builds time back inyour day, hands you back time,
and once you have more time,it's so much easier to make the
(13:31):
next right decision.
Okay, so that's the first thingthat mindfulness has given me
into this.
But how do I become healthy?
But how do I thrive as a CAA?
Is I need to recapture time?
So that's number one.
Number two is that I need tomore clearly know my intuition.
(13:54):
I don't know about you, but fora very long time, I basically
just did what other peoplewanted me to do and I couldn't
even tell you what it was that Iwanted, very disconnected from
my own intuition.
As I began practicingmindfulness little bits here and
there, through, of course, allthe other therapy things I was
doing, as I mentioned, and then,once more specifically, I
(14:16):
started practicing mindfulnessmy intuition became so loud and
clear that not only did I regaintime because I could just do
whatever I needed to do, I couldtell that that was the exact
right next move for me.
But it also just got so muchmore clarity around big
decisions in my life.
I could turn inward.
(14:37):
You know, that thing people sayyou're supposed to do is like
listen to your gut or listen toyour intuition.
It was just so foreign to me.
But the dial of volume on myintuition started getting louder
and louder and louder.
Then, every time I acted on myintuition and it worked out and
I was like, oh okay, that's whatit feels like when I say yes to
(14:58):
myself and no to the externalforces that maybe want me to do
something different and I followmy own intuition.
This is how life works out forme.
And it just snowballed and Ikept going and going and going.
That was all so directlystemmed from my mindfulness
practice.
Okay, the next thing is that mymindfulness practice has broken
(15:21):
that repeating phrase in mybrain that I am only worthy if
I'm productive and doing andworking and making money.
It's like interrupted thatrecord that plays in my head and
probably most of your heads.
That's the culture we'rebrought up in.
That's our highest purpose.
That's where we find meaning isthrough productivity and my
(15:44):
mindfulness practice, because itis infused with compassion as
well.
So treating myself like I woulda good friend has allowed me to
truly feel like I do not needto do anything to be worthy,
that I am enough just as I am.
I just am so much morepracticed in being kind and
(16:05):
gentle to myself.
I can be kind and gentle toother people, which, you know,
just fuels everything in lifethat feels good with belonging
and connection.
Okay, so the last one that I'mgoing to talk about is that
mindfulness has allowed me toget comfortable with being
uncomfortable, and I'm talkingabout when you are truly doing a
(16:28):
mindfulness practice and youhave an itch or your knee is
sort of achy or weird or yourbig toe is cramping.
I'm constantly allowing myselfto sit in that discomfort.
I allow my body and my brain,my mind, all the things to just
be in that sense of tension,that sense of discomfort, and
(16:50):
practicing that, giving my bodyand my brain and the
neurochemicals, thenoradrenaline and the epi coming
out of my adrenal glands andthe cortisol and my body the
sense to withstand that feelingand not need to fight, flight or
freeze, but be able to sort ofjust relax into it and know I'm
(17:11):
not going to die, it will beokay.
I can sit here for five moreminutes and complete.
My mindfulness practice hasbeen so transformational because
tolerating that amount ofdiscomfort over and over and
over again has allowed me to dothings like conquer a lot of my
(17:31):
OCD discomfort.
I have actual true obsessivecompulsive disorder.
It is a somewhat debilitatingdisease.
I have a lot of intrusivethoughts for the majority of my
life that created a pain insideof me that I spent what felt
like 95% of my energy trying tohide and I'm only saying this
(17:55):
because I lived so much of mylife in discomfort that I was
constantly trying to hide andpush away and not feel.
And then I had all these OCDcompulsions to cover up that
discomfort because it was justtoo much to handle.
And my mindfulness practice hasallowed me to sort of uncover
that discomfort, live with it,work with it, be in relationship
(18:19):
with it and know that I can getthrough it to the other side.
Of course I've done this a lotwith therapy.
I've certainly not done thisall on my own, but that's one of
those skills living withdiscomfort, living with the fear
of failure.
If you're an AA student outthere right now and you are just
terrified of getting a B plusor a C plus, or getting called
(18:40):
out in clinicals, or you'rehaving the Sunday scaries before
you go into the operating roomfor your clinical day in
clinicals, or you're having theSunday scaries before you go
into the operating room for yourclinical day on Monday and
you're just so overwhelmed withthe discomfort of not looking
your best, being your best,getting a question wrong.
That feeling you can work within a mindfulness practice and as
(19:01):
your body gets exposed to itand I'm talking like on a
neurobiological level, as yourbody's exposed to that feeling
of discomfort, you becomedesensitized, the fear goes down
around the discomfort and youbecome better and better to
tolerate it.
This is that buzzwordresilience that we hear so much
in health care and in highereducation.
(19:22):
How do you build resilience?
Much in healthcare and inhigher education.
How do you build resilience?
And it's just allowing yourbody to feel discomfort, feel
stress, in a way that feelscontrolled and safe to you, so
that you know, and your bodyknows, that when the big
discomfort comes, when the realstuff happens, when you're
really in the operating room andsomeone's coding, that you will
(19:42):
be able to get through itbecause you've gotten through
all these other littlediscomforts along the way and
it's built up, your capacity, soso important for me, where I
can now be my healthiest self,because I know that discomfort
won't kill me and that there isanother side, on the other side
of that big scary feeling, and Iwill eventually get through it.
(20:05):
So long as I wait it out, staycalm, use my coping skills, use
my resources, find my sense ofconnection, find the positives
in my life, lean on the peoplewho understand me and know me.
So much has happened throughthis ability to withstand
discomfort because of mymindfulness practice.
(20:25):
I just could go on and on, butI'm not, because we have come to
the end of my 20 minutes andI'm so excited to have shared
this personal journey with you,shared about mindfulness.
And if now you're asking butMary, how and why, like how do
you do mindfulness, how do youbuild this skill and why might I
(20:47):
want to build this skill, Iwant to direct you to a free
resource I just created.
I actually hosted a livewebinar called Introduction to
Mindfulness for CAAs.
You can access it by puttingyour email in the link in the
show notes and you will receivethat instantly to your inbox.
It's a video and also I sendyou the podcast-style audio and
(21:11):
there's also ways to continuepracticing mindfulness in a CAA
community.
You can sign up to receivethose emails.
I will be doing these MindfulConnection workshops once a
month through Season 4 of AwakenAnesthetist.
So if you're listening to thisin real time, you can sign up
through the link in my shownotes to receive more
information about mindfulconnections.
(21:34):
And, yeah, I really feel excitedabout bringing mindfulness and
the skill of mindfulness and thepractice of mindfulness
specifically to this CAAcommunity.
There is so much to gainthrough this practice and so
much accessibility to us as CAAs.
Because of who we are and howour brain works, I do think we
(21:56):
have a unique ability topractice mindfulness and to
understand the science and thewhy behind it, and that can keep
us going when sometimes thepractice feels tedious or maybe
not the most exciting thing todo.
I just think there's such ahuge potential for the CAA
community for us all to usemindfulness as a tool to live
(22:16):
our best life, and I'm justreally proud to bring this
directly to this certifiedanesthesiologist community.
It's a resource that I feelreally called to create and I'm
hoping that you all find ituseful and helpful.
So, again, you can get the linkto the introduction to
mindfulness for CAAs in the shownotes.
(22:36):
It's a webinar and also apodcast style audio, and then
you can sign up to continuepracticing with a community of
CAAs by the link in the shownotes for Mindful Connections.
Okay, I think that's all fortoday.
I'll be back next week.
I'm so excited to see what youall think about mindfulness and
I hope you all take advantage ofthat free resource.
(22:58):
All right, let's talk againsoon, y'all.
Welcome to the Awakened Anesthetist podcast,
the first podcast to highlightthe CAA experience.
I'm your host, mary Jean, andI've been a certified
anesthesiologist assistant forclose to two decades.
Throughout my journey andstruggles, I've searched for
guidance that includes my uniqueperspective as a CAA.
(00:25):
At one of my lowest points, Idecided to turn my passion for
(00:46):
storytelling and my belief thatstick around and experience the
power of being in a communityfilled with voices who sound
like yours, sharing experiencesyou never believed possible.
I know you will find yourselfhere at the AwakendAnesthetist
podcast.
Welcome in.
Hello again to this AwakenAnesthes community full of
(01:11):
practicing certifiedanesthesiologist assistants.
I know there's a ton of AAstudents out there listening and
, of course, the huge andever-growing mass of prospective
AAs.
Welcome to Awaken Anesthes.
I'm so happy that you're hereand joining me.
My name is Mary Jean.
I have been a long timepracticing CAA for the past 17,
going on 18 years and today's apersonal episode.
(01:36):
I wanted to jump in on thetheme of season four, which is
how to stay healthy and thriveas a CAA or AA student or
someone who's in their journeyto become a CAA.
I'll be diving into that topicspecifically with my process
guests, as well as any otherofferings that I do outside of
(01:58):
the podcast through AwakenAnesthetist, so these are things
like webinars I might host orInstagram conversations.
Certainly this includes CAAMatters, which is the wellness
curriculum I created forfirst-year students that I am
currently marketing to AAschools and trying to push out
into our CAA universe and tryingto get going to have some more
(02:22):
support and resources so that wecan all start taking steps to
be healthier and thrive as CAAs.
And I just have so much toshare and say.
But I'm really going to try tosummarize the last six years of
my own journey, of my own effortto be healthy and to thrive as
(02:45):
a long-time CAA, into about 20minutes.
So that's the goal.
So let's get started so thatyou can get as much value from
this as I can possibly pack in.
I've been talking about this andinterested in this for a very
long time and actually, when Iwas prepping for this episode, I
looked back on my Quad Aconference lecture from 2023.
(03:09):
I think the conference thatyear was in Dallas and it was
the first year that I wasspeaking on stage and, lo and
behold, I decided to talk abouthow to flourish as a CAA and
what that exactly meant, and howwe do that as a collective like
of a CAA, and what that exactlymeant and how we do that as a
collective like of a CAAprofessional body, and then how
you also do that as anindividual.
(03:31):
And so I wanted to share theinsights from that Quade lecture
of what exactly are thosethings that go into a healthy,
thriving CAA life.
Because when I looked back onthis list, I'm like, yep, that
still resonates, that's stilldefinitely true, that's
definitely what I want to keepin my life and keep moving
forward with.
(03:51):
So here's the list and you canlet me know if these resonate
with you.
So, to live a thriving life, ahealthy life, as a CAA, you live
with purpose and meaning.
You also feel fulfilled andsatisfied on a daily basis.
You feel a sense of control andchoice in your life.
(04:15):
You spend quality time withfamily and friends, you foster
connections with your workcolleagues or with your school
colleagues, and you take care ofyourself mentally, spiritually
and physically.
So that was the list that wecame up with in 2023, sort of en
(04:36):
masse at the Quade conference,and when I look back on my
journey and think about what Iwant to share with you all.
Today I really want to dive intothe but how?
So we've identified that wewant purpose and meaning in our
life.
We want a sense of control andchoice.
We want to feel like we'reconnecting to the people who are
(04:56):
immediately in our life.
We want to have a sense ofbelonging.
And then I ask but how?
Like, please tell me.
I will gladly do the thingsthat I'm supposed to do to get
that sense of thriving, but how?
And so, truly, the past sixyears has been a journey of
(05:19):
figuring out that, but how?
And the need to answer thatquestion has taken me to so many
places.
It's obviously brought me hereto this podcast, but it's also
brought me several differenttypes of therapy, really going
back into my childhood andhealing a lot of pieces of me
(05:39):
that I thought were trulyforever broken.
I was diagnosed with OCD at apoint in this journey and
received some healing andtreatment for that.
I've been to marriagecounseling, I've been to
parenting experts, I have beenon meditation retreats and
silent weekends away, and I havetried truly every self-care
(06:02):
practice in this quest to figureout but how.
I want to feel purpose andmeaning.
I want to have control andchoice, but how?
And very, very interestinglyabout two years ago when I
started being introduced to aformal mindfulness practice.
So a friend of a friend told meabout a mindfulness community
(06:26):
here in the Kansas City area.
It is a community that is builtaround practicing mindfulness
in many different ways and it'sa place that you can go
physically to practice as wellas there's a lot of online
offerings.
A friend of a friend introducedme to them and that started my
very concrete journey into theactual practice of mindfulness.
(06:47):
And once I started practicingmindfulness, I could see that in
every single therapy session,in every single expert
conversation, every podcast thatever really resonated with me,
all of these other externalforces were trying to get me to
practice mindfulness.
So it was all a little bit hereand there.
(07:09):
It was sort of diluted down ineverything else I was doing, but
the piece that really moved theneedle forward in all of these
different types of therapies andall of these other resources
that I was accessing to try tolive my best life, the through
line was mindfulness.
And I could start to see thatwhen I started practicing just
pure mindfulness about two yearsago, really intentionally, with
(07:34):
this mindfulness community herein my area, and that's really
what I want to share today,which is how my mindfulness
practice has allowed me to behealthy and thrive as a CAA, to
really get all those things thatwe laid out at the Quad A
Conference purpose, meaning,control, choice, freedom, a
(07:56):
sense of agency you know all thebeautiful things that you know
we hear about in a good life.
Mindfulness has really been thepath that has allowed me to step
closer and closer to havingthose things in my life, and
something that I've never heardpeople do on a podcast or in
resources or in you know otherforms of media, and specifically
(08:17):
never heard them do forcertified anesthesiologists is
just really lay out the verypractical analytical basics of
how mindfulness can bring aboutpurpose and meaning and really
break it down in that way that Ilove doing so much, which is to
constantly ask but how, and Ihope just hearing it laid out
(08:39):
really plainly encourages you totry some different practices in
your own life, to maybe startidentifying what's working in
your life, what's not working,to give yourself some more time,
freedom to then use to, youknow, work on your next project,
or to think more deeply aboutthe next subject that comes your
(09:02):
way and it builds and snowballsand you know I wouldn't say
this is a super quick process.
I don't know that I can reallyum tout that, because for me
it's been a good six years andI'm still sort of figuring some
things out, but I can see howfar I've come by using
mindfulness as a tool.
So here's how mindfulness hasallowed me to become healthy and
(09:24):
thrive as a CAA.
Number one, mindfulness hasgiven me actual time back in my
day.
So it is no surprise that as aCA or an AA student or just a
normal American person living inour world today, life is very,
very busy and oftentimes whenyou're trying to make a change,
(09:45):
when you're trying to behealthier, to institute new good
habits, you're like how could Ipossibly have enough time to do
anything differently becauseI'm so pressed for every moment
of the day already and, veryinterestingly, when you start
practicing mindfulness, you'recarving out 5 minutes, 10
minutes, 15 minutes at somepoint in your day, meaning
(10:08):
you're giving up doing somethingelse.
You slowly start to see howcreating the time from
mindfulness builds more timeinto your day, and this is how
it happens.
This is the part I feel like noone has ever said out loud that
I just wish someone had clearlylaid out.
So when you allow yourself toconnect to your own inner
(10:32):
awareness in mindfulness, itcreates the skill, like the
actual neural pathways andneuroplasticity changes in your
brain, to allow you to be moreaware of yourself when you're
not actually practicingmindfulness.
So it strengthens theconnection specifically in your
prefrontal cortex to just beable to feel into what's the
(10:56):
next best right decision andwhen you more clearly can make a
more efficient and quickdecision.
You don't waste little moments,little pockets of time
throughout your day.
You have more motivation,you're more effective and slowly
, all of a sudden, you startfeeling like you have more time
in your day to make the nextright decision.
(11:18):
Let me give you an example ofthis happening in the operating
room, because I think it'sreally clear there, if you are a
practicing CA or AA student andyou've ever noticed the
difference between a surgeonwho's just kind of so-so like,
let's say, they're a generalsurgeon doing a lap coli and
(11:41):
they're just sort of averageso-so versus that surgeon who
can do a lap coli in like sevenminutes.
The difference.
There is such an extremeintention to every move they
make, every decision they makeis made one time.
There's no going back and forth.
There's no hemming and hawing,there's no like maybe I should
cut there.
No, I should cut here.
Let me put the staple there.
No, no.
It is so clear what they'redoing and why, and they're so
(12:05):
comfortable with it that all ofthose little moments where
they're not pausing, wherethey're not second guessing
themselves, add up over time.
And now this LACOLI takes sevenminutes instead of three hours,
and it really really matters.
The same thing happens whenyou're using your mindfulness
practice to learn more aboutyourself through a process of
(12:29):
self-awareness that happenstruly, literally in our brains.
That when you are tired atnight and the maybe the house is
quiet if you have kids, thekids are in bed and you're like
I just don't feel right,something's wrong, I'm not sure.
So you open the fridge and seeif it's something to eat.
You open your phone to see ifyou missed an email.
(12:51):
You get on Instagram to get alittle dopamine boost.
You sort of meander around yourhouse for a while, thinking, oh
, it'll come to me.
Once you start practicingmindfulness, you will more
clearly know that in that moment.
Oh, I'm tired, I feel tired.
I'm aware that I'm tired.
My next best move is to goupstairs to bed, as opposed to
(13:11):
wasting that time trying tofigure out what's wrong.
You just are more aware of whoyou are and what you need and
how you're feeling, and you canjust act more efficiently, and
that truly builds time back inyour day, hands you back time,
and once you have more time,it's so much easier to make the
(13:31):
next right decision.
Okay, so that's the first thingthat mindfulness has given me
into this.
But how do I become healthy?
But how do I thrive as a CAA?
Is I need to recapture time?
So that's number one.
Number two is that I need tomore clearly know my intuition.
(13:54):
I don't know about you, but fora very long time, I basically
just did what other peoplewanted me to do and I couldn't
even tell you what it was that Iwanted, very disconnected from
my own intuition.
As I began practicingmindfulness little bits here and
there, through, of course, allthe other therapy things I was
doing, as I mentioned, and then,once more specifically, I
(14:16):
started practicing mindfulnessmy intuition became so loud and
clear that not only did I regaintime because I could just do
whatever I needed to do, I couldtell that that was the exact
right next move for me.
But it also just got so muchmore clarity around big
decisions in my life.
I could turn inward.
(14:37):
You know, that thing people sayyou're supposed to do is like
listen to your gut or listen toyour intuition.
It was just so foreign to me.
But the dial of volume on myintuition started getting louder
and louder and louder.
Then, every time I acted on myintuition and it worked out and
I was like, oh okay, that's whatit feels like when I say yes to
(14:58):
myself and no to the externalforces that maybe want me to do
something different and I followmy own intuition.
This is how life works out forme.
And it just snowballed and Ikept going and going and going.
That was all so directlystemmed from my mindfulness
practice.
Okay, the next thing is that mymindfulness practice has broken
(15:21):
that repeating phrase in mybrain that I am only worthy if
I'm productive and doing andworking and making money.
It's like interrupted thatrecord that plays in my head and
probably most of your heads.
That's the culture we'rebrought up in.
That's our highest purpose.
That's where we find meaning isthrough productivity and my
(15:44):
mindfulness practice, because itis infused with compassion as
well.
So treating myself like I woulda good friend has allowed me to
truly feel like I do not needto do anything to be worthy,
that I am enough just as I am.
I just am so much morepracticed in being kind and
(16:05):
gentle to myself.
I can be kind and gentle toother people, which, you know,
just fuels everything in lifethat feels good with belonging
and connection.
Okay, so the last one that I'mgoing to talk about is that
mindfulness has allowed me toget comfortable with being
uncomfortable, and I'm talkingabout when you are truly doing a
(16:28):
mindfulness practice and youhave an itch or your knee is
sort of achy or weird or yourbig toe is cramping.
I'm constantly allowing myselfto sit in that discomfort.
I allow my body and my brain,my mind, all the things to just
be in that sense of tension,that sense of discomfort, and
(16:50):
practicing that, giving my bodyand my brain and the
neurochemicals, thenoradrenaline and the epi coming
out of my adrenal glands andthe cortisol and my body the
sense to withstand that feelingand not need to fight, flight or
freeze, but be able to sort ofjust relax into it and know I'm
(17:11):
not going to die, it will beokay.
I can sit here for five moreminutes and complete.
My mindfulness practice hasbeen so transformational because
tolerating that amount ofdiscomfort over and over and
over again has allowed me to dothings like conquer a lot of my
(17:31):
OCD discomfort.
I have actual true obsessivecompulsive disorder.
It is a somewhat debilitatingdisease.
I have a lot of intrusivethoughts for the majority of my
life that created a pain insideof me that I spent what felt
like 95% of my energy trying tohide and I'm only saying this
(17:55):
because I lived so much of mylife in discomfort that I was
constantly trying to hide andpush away and not feel.
And then I had all these OCDcompulsions to cover up that
discomfort because it was justtoo much to handle.
And my mindfulness practice hasallowed me to sort of uncover
that discomfort, live with it,work with it, be in relationship
(18:19):
with it and know that I can getthrough it to the other side.
Of course I've done this a lotwith therapy.
I've certainly not done thisall on my own, but that's one of
those skills living withdiscomfort, living with the fear
of failure.
If you're an AA student outthere right now and you are just
terrified of getting a B plusor a C plus, or getting called
(18:40):
out in clinicals, or you'rehaving the Sunday scaries before
you go into the operating roomfor your clinical day in
clinicals, or you're having theSunday scaries before you go
into the operating room for yourclinical day on Monday and
you're just so overwhelmed withthe discomfort of not looking
your best, being your best,getting a question wrong.
That feeling you can work within a mindfulness practice and as
(19:01):
your body gets exposed to itand I'm talking like on a
neurobiological level, as yourbody's exposed to that feeling
of discomfort, you becomedesensitized, the fear goes down
around the discomfort and youbecome better and better to
tolerate it.
This is that buzzwordresilience that we hear so much
in health care and in highereducation.
(19:22):
How do you build resilience?
Much in healthcare and inhigher education.
How do you build resilience?
And it's just allowing yourbody to feel discomfort, feel
stress, in a way that feelscontrolled and safe to you, so
that you know, and your bodyknows, that when the big
discomfort comes, when the realstuff happens, when you're
really in the operating room andsomeone's coding, that you will
(19:42):
be able to get through itbecause you've gotten through
all these other littlediscomforts along the way and
it's built up, your capacity, soso important for me, where I
can now be my healthiest self,because I know that discomfort
won't kill me and that there isanother side, on the other side
of that big scary feeling, and Iwill eventually get through it.
(20:05):
So long as I wait it out, staycalm, use my coping skills, use
my resources, find my sense ofconnection, find the positives
in my life, lean on the peoplewho understand me and know me.
So much has happened throughthis ability to withstand
discomfort because of mymindfulness practice.
(20:25):
I just could go on and on, butI'm not, because we have come to
the end of my 20 minutes andI'm so excited to have shared
this personal journey with you,shared about mindfulness.
And if now you're asking butMary, how and why, like how do
you do mindfulness, how do youbuild this skill and why might I
(20:47):
want to build this skill, Iwant to direct you to a free
resource I just created.
I actually hosted a livewebinar called Introduction to
Mindfulness for CAAs.
You can access it by puttingyour email in the link in the
show notes and you will receivethat instantly to your inbox.
It's a video and also I sendyou the podcast-style audio and
(21:11):
there's also ways to continuepracticing mindfulness in a CAA
community.
You can sign up to receivethose emails.
I will be doing these MindfulConnection workshops once a
month through Season 4 of AwakenAnesthetist.
So if you're listening to thisin real time, you can sign up
through the link in my shownotes to receive more
information about mindfulconnections.
(21:34):
And, yeah, I really feel excitedabout bringing mindfulness and
the skill of mindfulness and thepractice of mindfulness
specifically to this CAAcommunity.
There is so much to gainthrough this practice and so
much accessibility to us as CAAs.
Because of who we are and howour brain works, I do think we
(21:56):
have a unique ability topractice mindfulness and to
understand the science and thewhy behind it, and that can keep
us going when sometimes thepractice feels tedious or maybe
not the most exciting thing todo.
I just think there's such ahuge potential for the CAA
community for us all to usemindfulness as a tool to live
(22:16):
our best life, and I'm justreally proud to bring this
directly to this certifiedanesthesiologist community.
It's a resource that I feelreally called to create and I'm
hoping that you all find ituseful and helpful.
So, again, you can get the linkto the introduction to
mindfulness for CAAs in the shownotes.
(22:36):
It's a webinar and also apodcast style audio, and then
you can sign up to continuepracticing with a community of
CAAs by the link in the shownotes for Mindful Connections.
Okay, I think that's all fortoday.
I'll be back next week.
I'm so excited to see what youall think about mindfulness and
I hope you all take advantage ofthat free resource.
(22:58):
All right, let's talk againsoon, y'all.
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