August 14, 2025 • 33 mins
Healing the mother wound requires courage to look at what's been passed down through generations of Latina mothers and daughters. This deeply personal exploration dives into the painful patterns that develop when love feels conditional, when we're praised for self-sacrifice instead of self-expression, and when cultural messages about being a "good daughter" leave us feeling perpetually inadequate.
Drawing from her own experience of becoming a caretaker for her siblings at just five years old, the host shares how early trauma shaped her understanding of love and responsibility. Her vulnerable storytelling creates space for listeners to recognize their own wounds—whether they appear as people-pleasing, boundary struggles, chronic overgiving, or a persistent feeling of "not-enoughness" that no amount of achievement can satisfy.
What sets this exploration apart is its nuanced approach to healing. Rather than encouraging blame, the conversation focuses on understanding our mothers as complex women who carried their own unhealed pain, often mothering from survival rather than wholeness. The host offers practical tools for healing, from journaling prompts that bring awareness to inner child work that nurtures what wasn't nurtured in us, to setting small but powerful boundaries without drowning in guilt.
The spiritual dimension of healing receives special attention through cultural practices like limpias (energetic cleansings) and connecting with ancestors. These approaches honor our Latino roots while transforming pain into power. The most liberating insight? Your healing doesn't depend on your mother changing or acknowledging your pain. "Tu sanación no depende de ella"—you can reclaim your wholeness regardless.
Ready to break generational cycles and heal not just for yourself but for the women who came before and after you? This episode provides the roadmap, affirmations in both Spanish and English, and an invitation to deeper work through the Inner Shift program. Your journey to freedom starts with acknowledging what hurts—and believing that healing is possible.
✨ The Inner Shift – 12 Weeks to Heal, Break Cycles, and Step Into Your Full Self. Porque you deserve to feel free, whole, and enough – sin culpa. Learn More
Email: dora@dorapraxedis.com
Follow Dora on Instagram @dpraxedis
Follow Ay Mijita on Instagram @dora_ay.mijita
Check out the website: www.dorapraxedis.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Dora (00:11):
Hi, mijita, how many times have you heard this?
Respect your mother no matterwhat.
Or maybe familia comes first,no importa que.
But what happens when thatrelationship the one that's
supposed to feel safe and lovingends up being the one that
leaves the deepest wounds?
Today we're diving intosomething that often stays
(00:33):
silent in our cultura the motherwound, that pain we carry from
what we didn't receive, what wasleft unsaid and the
expectations that made us feellike we were never enough.
Now, before you think Dora isabout to drag our moms hold up,
this is not about blaming mama.
(00:54):
This is about understandingwhere this pain comes from, why
it shows up the way it does and,most importantly, how we can
start healing it.
Because if you've ever feltlike you're not good enough,
you've carried guilt for sayingno, if you've been the one who
holds it all together, even whenyou're falling apart, hijita,
(01:17):
you are not alone.
This is about you, me and somany of us breaking cycles.
I'm going to share a little bitof my story because for me, the
(01:38):
mother wound started when I wasjust five years old.
I ended up becoming a caretakerfor my sisters because my
parents worked all the time, andthis was before I started going
to school and I remember Iwould have to clean and I had to
have that pressure of beingbien portada, and that shaped
the relationship with my mom,because I felt like there was so
(02:00):
much that I had to do for mysisters and protect them.
There was so much that I had todo for my sisters and protect
them.
In part, this motherly instinctbecame about because and this
might be a trigger, if you knowabout childhood, for some of you
, but for me, when I was young,it started at the age of five
and then, all the way throughthe age of nine, I was molested
(02:24):
as a kid and that was somethingthat scarred me in the way that
I needed to protect my youngersiblings, which are two and
three years younger than me, andso, going through that for the
number of years, I always felt asense of responsibility with
them and for my parents.
I couldn't tell them because Iwas, in a way, blackmailed by
(02:49):
this individual, and so it was aperson that was living with us
for a number of years and theywere way older and it was a
family member, and that wassomething that shaped many
things for me, and so eventuallyI realized that becoming a
mother.
I became a mother at the age offive because I had bestowed on
(03:13):
me all this sense ofresponsibility and with my mom,
she just expected me because Iwas the older sibling, because I
was the oldest and needed to doso many different things, and
we were three girls.
So for my dad, he didn't havethat boy right.
In our culture, siempre tieneque haber el heredero, that type
(03:34):
of thing that carries thefamily name.
Well, I was the firstborn andmy dad kind of treated me as
that boy that he never had.
So when it comes to this motherwound, you better bet that I
was feeling it, especially at avery short age.
(03:54):
In this episode we're going tocover what the mother wound is
and how it starts, how it showsup in our lives today, our
relationships, our work, evenhow we see ourselves and, most
importantly, how to starthealing without feeling like
you're a mala hija or a baddaughter.
So grab your cafecito, yourjournal, get comfy, maybe keep
your journal nearby, because hoyvamos deep mijita.
(04:19):
So what is the mother wound?
It's the deep pain that comesfrom the mother-daughter
relationship, what we didn'treceive, what wasn't said and
(04:40):
the heavy expectations wecarried.
It's not just a badrelationship with your mom.
It's deeper than that.
It's about the unspokenmessages we received about who
we had to be to be loved,accepted or even tolerated.
In our culture, mama is sacred,right.
Honor your mother, honra tumadre.
But that doesn't always mean wegrew up emotionally healthy.
(05:01):
Many times our mothers werecarrying their own wounds, doing
their best to survive, doing lomejor que podían.
But here's the thing justbecause they were doing their
best doesn't mean we didn't gethurt.
And this isn't about blamingthem.
It's about recognizing whathappened, because what we don't
acknowledge, we can't heal.
(05:22):
In so many Latino households,being a good daughter quote
unquote came with conditions Bequiet, be strong, don't complain
, put la familia primero, evenwhen it hurts.
Sound familiar?
That's the foundation of themother root.
Some examples are feeling likeyou always had to learn love by
(05:46):
doing more, or learning thatyour feelings weren't as
important as keeping the peace,being praised for self-sacrifice
instead of self-expression.
Now let's reflect, pause andask yourself what messages did I
learn from my mom about being agood daughter?
(06:07):
Did I feel like I had to behavea certain way to deserve cariño
?
Write down the first thing thatcomes to mind Now.
Some common causes in first-genhomes are unrealistic
expectations to be the perfectdaughter, take care of everyone.
Emotional neglect like mija nollores se fuerte, don't cry, be
(06:32):
strong.
Lack of validation, not hearingI'm proud of you.
Or the controller.
Criticism like everything hadto be my way or no way, or the
highway, like everything had tobe my way or no way, or the
highway.
And with this one in particular, in a later episode I'll get
into what that kind of parentingstyle is the authoritarian
versus authoritative parenting.
(06:55):
But in my household, yeah, mydad was more of like my way or
the highway, and so was my mom,so there wasn't necessarily that
emotional regulation that wouldhappen.
If I were, let's say, to havelike a shitty day and I wanted
to sit down and talk to someone,I would probably sit down and
talk to the wall because thatwas the closest thing I would
get to someone hearing me out.
(07:15):
I want you to ask yourself thisand if you have your journal,
write it down what did love looklike in your home when you were
growing up?
Did it feel safe to expressyour emotions?
Or did you hear things likeyou're too sensitive?
Or stop being dramatic, take amoment and really feel what
(07:38):
comes up For me.
Love looked like me trago mispalabras, like I just swallow my
words because I can't speak upand I just want to keep the
peace.
And going back to the beginningof this episode, I felt like I
had to protect my sisters, thatthere was danger.
(07:58):
I would sense danger and I feellike that's when my ability
started happening, where I couldbe intuitive.
So this overly sense ofresponsibility and caretaking
for my sisters, that's what Ifelt love was.
Or with my parents, especiallywith my dad, being perfect to
earn his approval, like get thegood grades, do the great stuff,
(08:21):
I would help him.
Because he was a mechanic, onthe weekends, like as a side job
, I would help him outside,break my nails all the time, and
that's what I felt like lovewas right.
Or cleaning for my mom andhaving like trying to have it
spotless for her to be so proudof me.
So when we start to understandwhere this wound comes from, we
(08:42):
realize it's not our fault andthat's powerful.
How does this show up in yourlife today?
Let's talk about that next.
Okay, so now that we know whatthe mother wound is and where it
comes from, let's talk abouthow it actually shows up in our
lives today Because, even if youthink, oh, I'm fine, eso no me
(09:06):
afecta, the truth is usually itdoes In ways we don't even
realize.
Let's talk about the signs,because if we can name it, we
can start healing it.
Here are some ways the motherwound might show up in your life
today Feeling like you're neverenough, carrying guilt every
(09:27):
time you put yourself first,overgiving oh, this is my
favorite Always being the onewho takes care of everyone else
before yourself, struggling tospeak up for your needs because
you don't want to upset anybodyor anyone around you, fear of
disappointing your mom or others.
Does any of that sound familiaror sound like you?
(09:49):
Write this down?
Which of these signs do I seein myself and how does it show
up in my relationships, my work,mi vida diaria?
Awareness is the first step,mijita Digging deeper on the
ways it shows up.
(10:10):
Number one overgiving andover-responsibility.
If you grew up feelingresponsible for everyone's
emotions, like si mama esta bien, then I'm okay, you probably
learned to take care of everyoneelse before yourself.
And now maybe you're the onealways fixing, rescuing and
giving, even when you'reexhausted.
That sound familiar.
(10:31):
That's the mother wound alsoshowing up there.
So for me, when there's aproblem, I always would feel
like I have to make it better,keep the line, keep the peace or
try to fix it.
If someone is upset or having arift with another, I don't know
(10:52):
why, but I just take it uponmyself and take it as my
responsibility to fix theirproblems, because I feel like I
see the big picture.
Or sometimes, at the beginning,when I would start working with
my clients, I would tend toover-deliver, over-give or
charge way too little for myservices, and that in and of
(11:13):
itself would actually harm theother person, right?
Because I'm not letting themlearn.
Or if I'm jumping in and savingthem all the time, then I'm
doing myself a disservice toguiding them on how to be able
to solve their own issues orproblems.
Or sometimes they wouldn't eventell me to jump in.
I would just do it for them.
(11:33):
Right?
I would kind of swoop in,especially with my kiddos, like
I learned.
Okay, sometimes I have to letthem fall down and then they
have to ask for the help, andthat's how, for my parenting
style, or the way I am nowadays,it's I like them to be more
independent.
In a way.
I feel like that in and ofitself builds resilience.
(11:55):
So number two is guilt forsetting boundaries.
This one's a big one.
How many times have you saidyes when your whole heart and
your body and everything saysand wanted to scream no, and
then después you feel resentfulbut also guilty, because good
daughters don't say no.
(12:15):
Mijita, that guilt that'll getyou.
That's the voice of culturalconditioning, not your truth.
Think about the last time yousaid yes when you really wanted
to say no.
How did that feel in your body?
Did you feel peace or did youfeel heavy?
So I want you to pause for afew seconds and jot down what's
(12:41):
coming up for you in yourjournal.
All right.
Number three people pleasingeverywhere.
People pleasing isn't just withmama.
It shows up in your friends,our friendships, our jobs, even
romantic relationships.
If you grew up feeling like youhad to earn love by being bien
(13:03):
portada, you might still becarrying that pattern, and so
sit with that and just identifyif any of those things do come
up for you.
Number four struggling withself-worth.
Oh, this one I do strugglequite a bit when my mom didn't
validate us or when her lovefelt conditional, like only when
(13:25):
you achieve something orbehaved right.
Quote, quote, unquote.
We internalize that as I'm notgood enough or I'm not enough as
I am.
Oh, this one really struck achord with me because I remember
my mom would tell me that likeoh eres un pendeja, or you don't
do this or you don't do that,and I didn't feel like I could
(13:48):
know, actually execute like Iwanted her to.
So that belief, it impactseverything Our confidence, our
relationships and even theopportunities we go after.
So if you're journaling, writethis down.
When do you feel like you'renot enough, unless you're doing
(14:12):
something for someone else?
Now marinate in that likecarnitasada.
Let that sink in, becauseawareness is the first step to
healing.
And with this self-worth, thiswas huge for me because for so
long I felt like my value camefrom doing everything for
(14:33):
everyone, especially my familyhere in my home, catering to my
kids, my hubby.
Then I get calls from others.
Then I feel, or felt, like Ihave to complete all these tasks
like superwoman.
This translated to working toomuch, being aaholic, like really
(14:54):
indulging in all those things,keeping myself busy, and I
thought doing more, I was goingto be more for two people and
that was my self-worth, or thatmy job title defined who I was
or how much money I had in thebank.
So those are the differentthings that shape us on a
day-to-day basis.
(15:16):
So now that we've covered, or,more so, uncovered, the ways
this wound shows up, let's talkabout the most important part
how do we start healing?
How do we break up from theskills and create healthy
boundaries that's coming up?
But first, where does thiswound come from?
(15:38):
And here's the truth it didn'tstart with you and it didn't
even start with your mom.
This is generational, ancestral.
Our moms learned to survive ina world that told them their
worth was tied to sacrifice.
They were taught be strong,don't show weakness.
(16:03):
La mujer se aguanta.
And they carried their own pain.
Sometimes they didn't know anyother way to love except through
control, guilt or highexpectations.
So ask yourself, what did mymama live through that shaped
how she mothered me Poverty,trauma, abandonment.
And how does that help me seeher as a human, and not just as
(16:26):
a mom, but a woman with her ownwounds.
Mom, but a woman with her ownwounds.
So my mom like really reflectingon my mom's childhood.
At the short age of 12, shewell, my grandma, she, my
grandma was 45 when she hadtwins, and so my mom at 12, when
(16:50):
the twins were born.
Born, my grandma was goingthrough a series of health
issues that she was bedridden.
So my mom ended up being a momto those twins, to your younger
siblings at the age of 12.
She would cook and she wouldclean, and my mom now shares
that.
She would have to do all thehouse chores and make sure those
(17:10):
two little girls were like hadtheir everything done in order
for her to go to the violas, tothe dances, to the parties or to
even to go out.
And my grandma kind of reallyrelied on her to do those things
because the whole my mom haseight brothers and sisters, so
the twins are two.
And then my mom has eightbrothers and sisters, so the
twins are two.
(17:30):
And then my mom also has fiveother siblings and she had a
younger brother.
So my mom that went chingalimpiando and doing what she had
to do tortillas, harina andcook and clean.
And so now I look at her and nowonder she had these high
expectations of cleaning and ofdoing house chores, because she
(17:51):
was whipped into shape at 12.
She needed to get her shittogether in order for her to
even think about going out, andmy mom didn't really have that
opportunity to go to schoolbecause she needed to stay home
and help out the grandma andthey lived on this ranchito land
and my grandpa was a very hardworker, had his animals like his
(18:13):
cows, his chickens andeverything, and he was a hard
worker.
But the ladies of the houseright culturally the ladies of
the house have to take care ofthe household and feed everybody
else and so that was my mom'srole.
So I get that my mom as I grewolder, older and started
understanding all these thingsof keeping up with the household
(18:34):
, that's how I started givingher some compassion because she
had such a tough upbringingbecause they didn't live rich.
They actually lived, you know,within their means and it wasn't
super impoverished, but itwasn't super rich either within
their means and it wasn't superimpoverished but it wasn't super
(18:54):
rich either.
But that gave me clarity thatover this time I've seen my mom
over these past 20 years, heal alot of those traumas that she's
had.
And so the twins are kind oflike her children in a way,
because she helped raise themuntil they were five, because
that's when my mom got marriedat 18.
And then at 19, she had me, soshe didn't really have that
(19:16):
adolescent life, let's say, andespecially not traditionally
here in the States, where youwould go away to college and go
through those motions.
My mom didn't know any of thosethings.
So I have a lot of love andrespect for my mom things.
So I have a lot of love andrespect for my mom, especially
(19:36):
the upbringing she had.
Let's be real If we don't healthis, it doesn't just stay with
us, it becomes a chain.
It shows up in how we love andwho we choose as partners and
how we parent and even how wetreat ourselves.
Maybe you stay in relationshipswhere you feel like you have to
prove your worth.
Maybe you parent from guiltinstead of confidence.
Maybe you're burnt out becauseyou're trying to be everything
(20:00):
for everyone.
And sometimes it even shows upin our bodies Anxiety, stress,
illness that comes from caringtoo much.
Write this down.
Where is this wound showing upin my life right now?
In my relationships, in my work?
In mi cuerpo, like for me, thiswound affected my life because
(20:26):
I would crash at the end of theday and I didn't even know where
my energy went.
Crash at the end of the day andI didn't even know where my
energy went.
Or my favorite would be when Iwould explode emotionally and I
would just cry unconsolably andnot understand why.
Learning how to heal is superimportant in order for you to
then be able to take the nextstep and meditate and sit with
(20:48):
what is going on right now.
Meditate and sit with what isgoing on right now.
All right, mijita, now we getto the heart of the matter.
How do we start healing thismadre wound?
Because knowing the problem isone thing, but healing takes
real work with a capital W, andit's also a spiritual journey.
Here's the truth.
(21:10):
Healing the mother wound isn'tabout fixing your mom.
It's about freeing yourself.
It's about breaking the cyclefor you and for the next
generation.
Here are some steps you canstart today.
Step number one is awarenessJournal on this, or meditate on
it, or think about it.
What did I need as a child thatI didn't get?
(21:32):
What do I believe about being agood daughter?
So start there and see whatcomes up.
Do that automatic writing ormeditate on it and just see what
comes up, the thoughts that ormemories that you can bring
yourself back and revisit someof those things One of the most
(21:56):
powerful tools I've used with myclients and myself is
connecting with our inner niñainterior, the little girl inside
who maybe didn't get heldenough, wasn't heard.
Maybe didn't get held enough,wasn't heard or had to be strong
(22:16):
too soon.
So in your journal, or youcould grab a sheet of paper,
write a letter to your youngerself.
Tell her what she needed tohear.
Maybe you are enough or it'sokay to feel scared.
You are enough or it's okay tofeel scared.
This practice helps us give lovewhere it was missing and start
(22:39):
shifting those old wounds.
The first time I did this withmy life coach, I wrote a letter
to myself.
But first it was very powerfulbecause we had a visualization
and I went back to the momentwhere I remember getting yelled
at for I don't know what, but Iwas in my room on my bed and I
was just crying and I justwanted someone next to me, like
(23:00):
carrying me out, even giving mea hug.
And so I visualized myselfgoing back to my, to that moment
in that room and witnessing mylittle girl me as a little girl
sitting on that bed, sobbing andlike asking if I can sit next
(23:22):
to her and then hugging her.
And that's where I rememberfeeling like my little girl,
like melted in my arms, and itwas so powerful, like feeling
that and giving her that love.
Right, I didn't have to sayanything, it was more of just
giving that hug.
So either the visualization orwriting that letter to yourself
(23:46):
to give that inner work, theinner child work.
So, with this step number twoof inner child work, talk to
your little girl inside you, say, mija, it wasn't your fault,
you are enough, you are loved.
Now.
Step number three is boundarieswithout guilt.
(24:07):
Now, this one's tricky becausela culpa runs deep.
But healing doesn't mean youhave to make big, dramatic moves
right away.
Start small, for example,saying I can't talk right now, I
need to recharge, I won't takeon that extra responsibility
today.
These small no's are acts ofself-love and reclaiming your
(24:32):
power.
Think about one small boundaryyou can set this week.
Write it down.
Maybe it's turning off yourphone during family dinners or
not answering every call from latia or de las amigas.
Step number four is forgiveness.
The real kind Forgiveness isn'tabout saying what happened was
(24:53):
okay.
It's about saying I releasedthis, so it doesn't own me
anymore.
Step number five are spiritualand ancestral healings.
This is where our cultura comesin Limpias meditation
connecting with our ancestors,writing cartas to release guilt
and resentment.
(25:14):
So, in this energetic cleansingand limpias, another thing I
always recommend is an energeticcleansing.
Many of us know about limpiaslike using a huevo, herbs or
even sage smudge, but it's morethan just a ritual.
It's about clearing theheaviness that stays stuck in
(25:34):
our energy field from these oldwounds and expectations.
After Olympia, you feel lighteror connected to your sensia.
If you haven't tried it ordon't know how, I'll be sharing
a simple Olympia ritual on myInstagram soon, so keep an eye
out.
I'm going to share someaffirmations with you for
(25:54):
healing.
Say these with me mijita, Estábien cuidar de mí.
No soy mala hija.
It's okay to take care of me.
I am not a bad daughter.
Me libero del peso que no mepertenece.
I liberate myself from theweight that is not mine.
Merezco amor y respeto tal comosoy.
(26:16):
I deserve love and respect justthe way I am.
Repeat them daily, especiallywhen guilt tries to sneak in and
pick your favorite in Spanishor in English.
These are just some of thetools to get you started.
These are just some of thetools to get you started, but
(26:39):
true healing is a journey anddeeper work often requires
support.
Next, I'll share what deeperhealing looks like, plus how you
can take the next step with me.
But first, pause and write thiswhat's one small action I can
take esta semana to nurture myinner niña?
Maybe it's journaling.
Maybe it's saying inner niña,maybe it's journaling.
Maybe it's saying no withoutguilt.
Maybe it's just resting.
Okay, mijita, now that you'vegot some tools to start the
(27:06):
healing process, let's talkabout what integration really
looks like, because healingisn't just about doing a ritual
once or writing it in yourjournal one time.
It's about making this part ofyour life poco a poco.
So what does integration looklike?
Number one recognizing thathealing isn't linear.
First, understand that thiswork isn't a straight line.
(27:30):
You'll have good days where youfeel empowered and strong, and
then some days donde la culpahit hard.
That's normal Healing.
The mother wound is likepeeling layers.
Each layer brings moreawareness and more freedom.
Number two is letting go of theneed to fix your mom philosophy
(27:51):
.
This one is big.
When we start healing, sometimeswe want our moms to heal too.
We think if only she understood, if only she apologized.
But the truth is, you can healeven if she never changes.
Tu sanación no depende de ella.
This is about you reclaimingyour power and choosing peace
(28:11):
for yourself.
So I want you to reflect onthis prompt Ask yourself am I
holding on to hope that my momwill change before I allow
myself to feel whole?
Number three breakinggenerational cycles.
When you heal, you're not doingthis just for you.
You're doing it for yourancestors and for the next
(28:33):
generation.
You're doing it for yourancestors and for the next
generation.
Cuando sanas tú, sanas tulineaje.
That's powerful.
Imagine your future kids oryour nieces and nephews growing
up without this heavy ass weight.
Now, for me, healing this woundhas caused me to be able to have
(28:54):
space for my kids, for my mom,for mi abuela be in a whole
different vibe, more open andaccepting.
And I've seen this change withmy mom specifically because now
she's very open-minded and I nowrealize also mi abuela.
She's more open to okay, shehas anxiety or she's depressed,
(29:16):
and she's become a little bitmore vocal instead of complacent
or very passive.
Same thing with my mom she usedto be a little heavy, right On
the heavy sangre side, but nowshe's very more way more relaxed
, less stressed and she has amore carefree not careless but
carefree attitude of life likeflow is really in her life now
(29:38):
and she takes everything withgratitude versus why is this
happening to me?
She really looks at herblessings, which is another big
thing that she's learned is notto be a putty mouth.
She used to like swear all thetime and now she's a very
different, completely differentwoman and I'm so proud of her
for that and I feel like thatwas due to me being that light
(30:01):
for her that it can be donedifferently, life can look
differently.
We don't have to keep on livingthese traditions out and it
serves no one, you know, whenwe're living under this undue
stress.
So this is deep work andsometimes it's too heavy to do
it alone.
That's why I created mycoaching program, the Inner
Shift De Adentro Pa' Fuera, andit's a 12-week journey where we
(30:24):
work one-on-one on these woundsand release generational trauma
and bring in spiritual practiceslike limpias astrology human
design to help you reconnectwith your true self.
Like limpias astrology humandesign to help you reconnect
with your true self.
So if you're feeling called togo deeper, check out the link in
the show notes or message me onInstagram at DeepRaxedis, and
I'd love to walk this journeywith you.
Before we wrap up.
(30:48):
Repeat these with me.
I honor my healing journey, evenwhen it's messy.
Soy libre de las expectativasque no son mías.
I choose peace and love,starting with myself.
Take a deep breath and let itout.
(31:09):
Feel that release.
And you can actually take adeep breath after each one of
these and feel that beingintegrated and then the exhale
of releasing whatever is nolonger serving you.
(31:42):
Today we talked about the motherwound, what it is, how it shows
up and steps to start healingwithout guilt.
Remember this is a process andyou're not alone, mijita.
Healing the mother wound isn'teasy.
It's's messy, it takes time,but it's worth it, because when
you heal, you're not just doingit for you, you're doing it for
all the women who came beforeyou and all the women who will
(32:04):
come after.
If this episode spoke to you,share it on Instagram.
Tag me at DeepRoxedis and letme know your biggest takeaway.
And if you're ready to godeeper, check out my 12-week
program, the Inner Shift.
The link is in the show notes.
Until next time, embrace yourraíces, reclaim your esencia.
Nos vemos en el próximoepisodio Con cariño y con amor.
(32:26):
Un fuerte abrazo, bye you.
Hi, mijita, how many times have you heard this?
Respect your mother no matterwhat.
Or maybe familia comes first,no importa que.
But what happens when thatrelationship the one that's
supposed to feel safe and lovingends up being the one that
leaves the deepest wounds?
Today we're diving intosomething that often stays
(00:33):
silent in our cultura the motherwound, that pain we carry from
what we didn't receive, what wasleft unsaid and the
expectations that made us feellike we were never enough.
Now, before you think Dora isabout to drag our moms hold up,
this is not about blaming mama.
(00:54):
This is about understandingwhere this pain comes from, why
it shows up the way it does and,most importantly, how we can
start healing it.
Because if you've ever feltlike you're not good enough,
you've carried guilt for sayingno, if you've been the one who
holds it all together, even whenyou're falling apart, hijita,
(01:17):
you are not alone.
This is about you, me and somany of us breaking cycles.
I'm going to share a little bitof my story because for me, the
(01:38):
mother wound started when I wasjust five years old.
I ended up becoming a caretakerfor my sisters because my
parents worked all the time, andthis was before I started going
to school and I remember Iwould have to clean and I had to
have that pressure of beingbien portada, and that shaped
the relationship with my mom,because I felt like there was so
(02:00):
much that I had to do for mysisters and protect them.
There was so much that I had todo for my sisters and protect
them.
In part, this motherly instinctbecame about because and this
might be a trigger, if you knowabout childhood, for some of you
, but for me, when I was young,it started at the age of five
and then, all the way throughthe age of nine, I was molested
(02:24):
as a kid and that was somethingthat scarred me in the way that
I needed to protect my youngersiblings, which are two and
three years younger than me, andso, going through that for the
number of years, I always felt asense of responsibility with
them and for my parents.
I couldn't tell them because Iwas, in a way, blackmailed by
(02:49):
this individual, and so it was aperson that was living with us
for a number of years and theywere way older and it was a
family member, and that wassomething that shaped many
things for me, and so eventuallyI realized that becoming a
mother.
I became a mother at the age offive because I had bestowed on
(03:13):
me all this sense ofresponsibility and with my mom,
she just expected me because Iwas the older sibling, because I
was the oldest and needed to doso many different things, and
we were three girls.
So for my dad, he didn't havethat boy right.
In our culture, siempre tieneque haber el heredero, that type
(03:34):
of thing that carries thefamily name.
Well, I was the firstborn andmy dad kind of treated me as
that boy that he never had.
So when it comes to this motherwound, you better bet that I
was feeling it, especially at avery short age.
(03:54):
In this episode we're going tocover what the mother wound is
and how it starts, how it showsup in our lives today, our
relationships, our work, evenhow we see ourselves and, most
importantly, how to starthealing without feeling like
you're a mala hija or a baddaughter.
So grab your cafecito, yourjournal, get comfy, maybe keep
your journal nearby, because hoyvamos deep mijita.
(04:19):
So what is the mother wound?
It's the deep pain that comesfrom the mother-daughter
relationship, what we didn'treceive, what wasn't said and
(04:40):
the heavy expectations wecarried.
It's not just a badrelationship with your mom.
It's deeper than that.
It's about the unspokenmessages we received about who
we had to be to be loved,accepted or even tolerated.
In our culture, mama is sacred,right.
Honor your mother, honra tumadre.
But that doesn't always mean wegrew up emotionally healthy.
(05:01):
Many times our mothers werecarrying their own wounds, doing
their best to survive, doing lomejor que podían.
But here's the thing justbecause they were doing their
best doesn't mean we didn't gethurt.
And this isn't about blamingthem.
It's about recognizing whathappened, because what we don't
acknowledge, we can't heal.
(05:22):
In so many Latino households,being a good daughter quote
unquote came with conditions Bequiet, be strong, don't complain
, put la familia primero, evenwhen it hurts.
Sound familiar?
That's the foundation of themother root.
Some examples are feeling likeyou always had to learn love by
(05:46):
doing more, or learning thatyour feelings weren't as
important as keeping the peace,being praised for self-sacrifice
instead of self-expression.
Now let's reflect, pause andask yourself what messages did I
learn from my mom about being agood daughter?
(06:07):
Did I feel like I had to behavea certain way to deserve cariño
?
Write down the first thing thatcomes to mind Now.
Some common causes in first-genhomes are unrealistic
expectations to be the perfectdaughter, take care of everyone.
Emotional neglect like mija nollores se fuerte, don't cry, be
(06:32):
strong.
Lack of validation, not hearingI'm proud of you.
Or the controller.
Criticism like everything hadto be my way or no way, or the
highway, like everything had tobe my way or no way, or the
highway.
And with this one in particular, in a later episode I'll get
into what that kind of parentingstyle is the authoritarian
versus authoritative parenting.
(06:55):
But in my household, yeah, mydad was more of like my way or
the highway, and so was my mom,so there wasn't necessarily that
emotional regulation that wouldhappen.
If I were, let's say, to havelike a shitty day and I wanted
to sit down and talk to someone,I would probably sit down and
talk to the wall because thatwas the closest thing I would
get to someone hearing me out.
(07:15):
I want you to ask yourself thisand if you have your journal,
write it down what did love looklike in your home when you were
growing up?
Did it feel safe to expressyour emotions?
Or did you hear things likeyou're too sensitive?
Or stop being dramatic, take amoment and really feel what
(07:38):
comes up For me.
Love looked like me trago mispalabras, like I just swallow my
words because I can't speak upand I just want to keep the
peace.
And going back to the beginningof this episode, I felt like I
had to protect my sisters, thatthere was danger.
(07:58):
I would sense danger and I feellike that's when my ability
started happening, where I couldbe intuitive.
So this overly sense ofresponsibility and caretaking
for my sisters, that's what Ifelt love was.
Or with my parents, especiallywith my dad, being perfect to
earn his approval, like get thegood grades, do the great stuff,
(08:21):
I would help him.
Because he was a mechanic, onthe weekends, like as a side job
, I would help him outside,break my nails all the time, and
that's what I felt like lovewas right.
Or cleaning for my mom andhaving like trying to have it
spotless for her to be so proudof me.
So when we start to understandwhere this wound comes from, we
(08:42):
realize it's not our fault andthat's powerful.
How does this show up in yourlife today?
Let's talk about that next.
Okay, so now that we know whatthe mother wound is and where it
comes from, let's talk abouthow it actually shows up in our
lives today Because, even if youthink, oh, I'm fine, eso no me
(09:06):
afecta, the truth is usually itdoes In ways we don't even
realize.
Let's talk about the signs,because if we can name it, we
can start healing it.
Here are some ways the motherwound might show up in your life
today Feeling like you're neverenough, carrying guilt every
(09:27):
time you put yourself first,overgiving oh, this is my
favorite Always being the onewho takes care of everyone else
before yourself, struggling tospeak up for your needs because
you don't want to upset anybodyor anyone around you, fear of
disappointing your mom or others.
Does any of that sound familiaror sound like you?
(09:49):
Write this down?
Which of these signs do I seein myself and how does it show
up in my relationships, my work,mi vida diaria?
Awareness is the first step,mijita Digging deeper on the
ways it shows up.
(10:10):
Number one overgiving andover-responsibility.
If you grew up feelingresponsible for everyone's
emotions, like si mama esta bien, then I'm okay, you probably
learned to take care of everyoneelse before yourself.
And now maybe you're the onealways fixing, rescuing and
giving, even when you'reexhausted.
That sound familiar.
(10:31):
That's the mother wound alsoshowing up there.
So for me, when there's aproblem, I always would feel
like I have to make it better,keep the line, keep the peace or
try to fix it.
If someone is upset or having arift with another, I don't know
(10:52):
why, but I just take it uponmyself and take it as my
responsibility to fix theirproblems, because I feel like I
see the big picture.
Or sometimes, at the beginning,when I would start working with
my clients, I would tend toover-deliver, over-give or
charge way too little for myservices, and that in and of
(11:13):
itself would actually harm theother person, right?
Because I'm not letting themlearn.
Or if I'm jumping in and savingthem all the time, then I'm
doing myself a disservice toguiding them on how to be able
to solve their own issues orproblems.
Or sometimes they wouldn't eventell me to jump in.
I would just do it for them.
(11:33):
Right?
I would kind of swoop in,especially with my kiddos, like
I learned.
Okay, sometimes I have to letthem fall down and then they
have to ask for the help, andthat's how, for my parenting
style, or the way I am nowadays,it's I like them to be more
independent.
In a way.
I feel like that in and ofitself builds resilience.
(11:55):
So number two is guilt forsetting boundaries.
This one's a big one.
How many times have you saidyes when your whole heart and
your body and everything saysand wanted to scream no, and
then después you feel resentfulbut also guilty, because good
daughters don't say no.
(12:15):
Mijita, that guilt that'll getyou.
That's the voice of culturalconditioning, not your truth.
Think about the last time yousaid yes when you really wanted
to say no.
How did that feel in your body?
Did you feel peace or did youfeel heavy?
So I want you to pause for afew seconds and jot down what's
(12:41):
coming up for you in yourjournal.
All right.
Number three people pleasingeverywhere.
People pleasing isn't just withmama.
It shows up in your friends,our friendships, our jobs, even
romantic relationships.
If you grew up feeling like youhad to earn love by being bien
(13:03):
portada, you might still becarrying that pattern, and so
sit with that and just identifyif any of those things do come
up for you.
Number four struggling withself-worth.
Oh, this one I do strugglequite a bit when my mom didn't
validate us or when her lovefelt conditional, like only when
(13:25):
you achieve something orbehaved right.
Quote, quote, unquote.
We internalize that as I'm notgood enough or I'm not enough as
I am.
Oh, this one really struck achord with me because I remember
my mom would tell me that likeoh eres un pendeja, or you don't
do this or you don't do that,and I didn't feel like I could
(13:48):
know, actually execute like Iwanted her to.
So that belief, it impactseverything Our confidence, our
relationships and even theopportunities we go after.
So if you're journaling, writethis down.
When do you feel like you'renot enough, unless you're doing
(14:12):
something for someone else?
Now marinate in that likecarnitasada.
Let that sink in, becauseawareness is the first step to
healing.
And with this self-worth, thiswas huge for me because for so
long I felt like my value camefrom doing everything for
(14:33):
everyone, especially my familyhere in my home, catering to my
kids, my hubby.
Then I get calls from others.
Then I feel, or felt, like Ihave to complete all these tasks
like superwoman.
This translated to working toomuch, being aaholic, like really
(14:54):
indulging in all those things,keeping myself busy, and I
thought doing more, I was goingto be more for two people and
that was my self-worth, or thatmy job title defined who I was
or how much money I had in thebank.
So those are the differentthings that shape us on a
day-to-day basis.
(15:16):
So now that we've covered, or,more so, uncovered, the ways
this wound shows up, let's talkabout the most important part
how do we start healing?
How do we break up from theskills and create healthy
boundaries that's coming up?
But first, where does thiswound come from?
(15:38):
And here's the truth it didn'tstart with you and it didn't
even start with your mom.
This is generational, ancestral.
Our moms learned to survive ina world that told them their
worth was tied to sacrifice.
They were taught be strong,don't show weakness.
(16:03):
La mujer se aguanta.
And they carried their own pain.
Sometimes they didn't know anyother way to love except through
control, guilt or highexpectations.
So ask yourself, what did mymama live through that shaped
how she mothered me Poverty,trauma, abandonment.
And how does that help me seeher as a human, and not just as
(16:26):
a mom, but a woman with her ownwounds.
Mom, but a woman with her ownwounds.
So my mom like really reflectingon my mom's childhood.
At the short age of 12, shewell, my grandma, she, my
grandma was 45 when she hadtwins, and so my mom at 12, when
(16:50):
the twins were born.
Born, my grandma was goingthrough a series of health
issues that she was bedridden.
So my mom ended up being a momto those twins, to your younger
siblings at the age of 12.
She would cook and she wouldclean, and my mom now shares
that.
She would have to do all thehouse chores and make sure those
(17:10):
two little girls were like hadtheir everything done in order
for her to go to the violas, tothe dances, to the parties or to
even to go out.
And my grandma kind of reallyrelied on her to do those things
because the whole my mom haseight brothers and sisters, so
the twins are two.
And then my mom has eightbrothers and sisters, so the
twins are two.
(17:30):
And then my mom also has fiveother siblings and she had a
younger brother.
So my mom that went chingalimpiando and doing what she had
to do tortillas, harina andcook and clean.
And so now I look at her and nowonder she had these high
expectations of cleaning and ofdoing house chores, because she
(17:51):
was whipped into shape at 12.
She needed to get her shittogether in order for her to
even think about going out, andmy mom didn't really have that
opportunity to go to schoolbecause she needed to stay home
and help out the grandma andthey lived on this ranchito land
and my grandpa was a very hardworker, had his animals like his
(18:13):
cows, his chickens andeverything, and he was a hard
worker.
But the ladies of the houseright culturally the ladies of
the house have to take care ofthe household and feed everybody
else and so that was my mom'srole.
So I get that my mom as I grewolder, older and started
understanding all these thingsof keeping up with the household
(18:34):
, that's how I started givingher some compassion because she
had such a tough upbringingbecause they didn't live rich.
They actually lived, you know,within their means and it wasn't
super impoverished, but itwasn't super rich either within
their means and it wasn't superimpoverished but it wasn't super
(18:54):
rich either.
But that gave me clarity thatover this time I've seen my mom
over these past 20 years, heal alot of those traumas that she's
had.
And so the twins are kind oflike her children in a way,
because she helped raise themuntil they were five, because
that's when my mom got marriedat 18.
And then at 19, she had me, soshe didn't really have that
(19:16):
adolescent life, let's say, andespecially not traditionally
here in the States, where youwould go away to college and go
through those motions.
My mom didn't know any of thosethings.
So I have a lot of love andrespect for my mom things.
So I have a lot of love andrespect for my mom, especially
(19:36):
the upbringing she had.
Let's be real If we don't healthis, it doesn't just stay with
us, it becomes a chain.
It shows up in how we love andwho we choose as partners and
how we parent and even how wetreat ourselves.
Maybe you stay in relationshipswhere you feel like you have to
prove your worth.
Maybe you parent from guiltinstead of confidence.
Maybe you're burnt out becauseyou're trying to be everything
(20:00):
for everyone.
And sometimes it even shows upin our bodies Anxiety, stress,
illness that comes from caringtoo much.
Write this down.
Where is this wound showing upin my life right now?
In my relationships, in my work?
In mi cuerpo, like for me, thiswound affected my life because
(20:26):
I would crash at the end of theday and I didn't even know where
my energy went.
Crash at the end of the day andI didn't even know where my
energy went.
Or my favorite would be when Iwould explode emotionally and I
would just cry unconsolably andnot understand why.
Learning how to heal is superimportant in order for you to
then be able to take the nextstep and meditate and sit with
(20:48):
what is going on right now.
Meditate and sit with what isgoing on right now.
All right, mijita, now we getto the heart of the matter.
How do we start healing thismadre wound?
Because knowing the problem isone thing, but healing takes
real work with a capital W, andit's also a spiritual journey.
Here's the truth.
(21:10):
Healing the mother wound isn'tabout fixing your mom.
It's about freeing yourself.
It's about breaking the cyclefor you and for the next
generation.
Here are some steps you canstart today.
Step number one is awarenessJournal on this, or meditate on
it, or think about it.
What did I need as a child thatI didn't get?
(21:32):
What do I believe about being agood daughter?
So start there and see whatcomes up.
Do that automatic writing ormeditate on it and just see what
comes up, the thoughts that ormemories that you can bring
yourself back and revisit someof those things One of the most
(21:56):
powerful tools I've used with myclients and myself is
connecting with our inner niñainterior, the little girl inside
who maybe didn't get heldenough, wasn't heard.
Maybe didn't get held enough,wasn't heard or had to be strong
(22:16):
too soon.
So in your journal, or youcould grab a sheet of paper,
write a letter to your youngerself.
Tell her what she needed tohear.
Maybe you are enough or it'sokay to feel scared.
You are enough or it's okay tofeel scared.
This practice helps us give lovewhere it was missing and start
(22:39):
shifting those old wounds.
The first time I did this withmy life coach, I wrote a letter
to myself.
But first it was very powerfulbecause we had a visualization
and I went back to the momentwhere I remember getting yelled
at for I don't know what, but Iwas in my room on my bed and I
was just crying and I justwanted someone next to me, like
(23:00):
carrying me out, even giving mea hug.
And so I visualized myselfgoing back to my, to that moment
in that room and witnessing mylittle girl me as a little girl
sitting on that bed, sobbing andlike asking if I can sit next
(23:22):
to her and then hugging her.
And that's where I rememberfeeling like my little girl,
like melted in my arms, and itwas so powerful, like feeling
that and giving her that love.
Right, I didn't have to sayanything, it was more of just
giving that hug.
So either the visualization orwriting that letter to yourself
(23:46):
to give that inner work, theinner child work.
So, with this step number twoof inner child work, talk to
your little girl inside you, say, mija, it wasn't your fault,
you are enough, you are loved.
Now.
Step number three is boundarieswithout guilt.
(24:07):
Now, this one's tricky becausela culpa runs deep.
But healing doesn't mean youhave to make big, dramatic moves
right away.
Start small, for example,saying I can't talk right now, I
need to recharge, I won't takeon that extra responsibility
today.
These small no's are acts ofself-love and reclaiming your
(24:32):
power.
Think about one small boundaryyou can set this week.
Write it down.
Maybe it's turning off yourphone during family dinners or
not answering every call from latia or de las amigas.
Step number four is forgiveness.
The real kind Forgiveness isn'tabout saying what happened was
(24:53):
okay.
It's about saying I releasedthis, so it doesn't own me
anymore.
Step number five are spiritualand ancestral healings.
This is where our cultura comesin Limpias meditation
connecting with our ancestors,writing cartas to release guilt
and resentment.
(25:14):
So, in this energetic cleansingand limpias, another thing I
always recommend is an energeticcleansing.
Many of us know about limpiaslike using a huevo, herbs or
even sage smudge, but it's morethan just a ritual.
It's about clearing theheaviness that stays stuck in
(25:34):
our energy field from these oldwounds and expectations.
After Olympia, you feel lighteror connected to your sensia.
If you haven't tried it ordon't know how, I'll be sharing
a simple Olympia ritual on myInstagram soon, so keep an eye
out.
I'm going to share someaffirmations with you for
(25:54):
healing.
Say these with me mijita, Estábien cuidar de mí.
No soy mala hija.
It's okay to take care of me.
I am not a bad daughter.
Me libero del peso que no mepertenece.
I liberate myself from theweight that is not mine.
Merezco amor y respeto tal comosoy.
(26:16):
I deserve love and respect justthe way I am.
Repeat them daily, especiallywhen guilt tries to sneak in and
pick your favorite in Spanishor in English.
These are just some of thetools to get you started.
These are just some of thetools to get you started, but
(26:39):
true healing is a journey anddeeper work often requires
support.
Next, I'll share what deeperhealing looks like, plus how you
can take the next step with me.
But first, pause and write thiswhat's one small action I can
take esta semana to nurture myinner niña?
Maybe it's journaling.
Maybe it's saying inner niña,maybe it's journaling.
Maybe it's saying no withoutguilt.
Maybe it's just resting.
Okay, mijita, now that you'vegot some tools to start the
(27:06):
healing process, let's talkabout what integration really
looks like, because healingisn't just about doing a ritual
once or writing it in yourjournal one time.
It's about making this part ofyour life poco a poco.
So what does integration looklike?
Number one recognizing thathealing isn't linear.
First, understand that thiswork isn't a straight line.
(27:30):
You'll have good days where youfeel empowered and strong, and
then some days donde la culpahit hard.
That's normal Healing.
The mother wound is likepeeling layers.
Each layer brings moreawareness and more freedom.
Number two is letting go of theneed to fix your mom philosophy
(27:51):
.
This one is big.
When we start healing, sometimeswe want our moms to heal too.
We think if only she understood, if only she apologized.
But the truth is, you can healeven if she never changes.
Tu sanación no depende de ella.
This is about you reclaimingyour power and choosing peace
(28:11):
for yourself.
So I want you to reflect onthis prompt Ask yourself am I
holding on to hope that my momwill change before I allow
myself to feel whole?
Number three breakinggenerational cycles.
When you heal, you're not doingthis just for you.
You're doing it for yourancestors and for the next
(28:33):
generation.
You're doing it for yourancestors and for the next
generation.
Cuando sanas tú, sanas tulineaje.
That's powerful.
Imagine your future kids oryour nieces and nephews growing
up without this heavy ass weight.
Now, for me, healing this woundhas caused me to be able to have
(28:54):
space for my kids, for my mom,for mi abuela be in a whole
different vibe, more open andaccepting.
And I've seen this change withmy mom specifically because now
she's very open-minded and I nowrealize also mi abuela.
She's more open to okay, shehas anxiety or she's depressed,
(29:16):
and she's become a little bitmore vocal instead of complacent
or very passive.
Same thing with my mom she usedto be a little heavy, right On
the heavy sangre side, but nowshe's very more way more relaxed
, less stressed and she has amore carefree not careless but
carefree attitude of life likeflow is really in her life now
(29:38):
and she takes everything withgratitude versus why is this
happening to me?
She really looks at herblessings, which is another big
thing that she's learned is notto be a putty mouth.
She used to like swear all thetime and now she's a very
different, completely differentwoman and I'm so proud of her
for that and I feel like thatwas due to me being that light
(30:01):
for her that it can be donedifferently, life can look
differently.
We don't have to keep on livingthese traditions out and it
serves no one, you know, whenwe're living under this undue
stress.
So this is deep work andsometimes it's too heavy to do
it alone.
That's why I created mycoaching program, the Inner
Shift De Adentro Pa' Fuera, andit's a 12-week journey where we
(30:24):
work one-on-one on these woundsand release generational trauma
and bring in spiritual practiceslike limpias astrology human
design to help you reconnectwith your true self.
Like limpias astrology humandesign to help you reconnect
with your true self.
So if you're feeling called togo deeper, check out the link in
the show notes or message me onInstagram at DeepRaxedis, and
I'd love to walk this journeywith you.
Before we wrap up.
(30:48):
Repeat these with me.
I honor my healing journey, evenwhen it's messy.
Soy libre de las expectativasque no son mías.
I choose peace and love,starting with myself.
Take a deep breath and let itout.
(31:09):
Feel that release.
And you can actually take adeep breath after each one of
these and feel that beingintegrated and then the exhale
of releasing whatever is nolonger serving you.
(31:42):
Today we talked about the motherwound, what it is, how it shows
up and steps to start healingwithout guilt.
Remember this is a process andyou're not alone, mijita.
Healing the mother wound isn'teasy.
It's's messy, it takes time,but it's worth it, because when
you heal, you're not just doingit for you, you're doing it for
all the women who came beforeyou and all the women who will
(32:04):
come after.
If this episode spoke to you,share it on Instagram.
Tag me at DeepRoxedis and letme know your biggest takeaway.
And if you're ready to godeeper, check out my 12-week
program, the Inner Shift.
The link is in the show notes.
Until next time, embrace yourraíces, reclaim your esencia.
Nos vemos en el próximoepisodio Con cariño y con amor.
(32:26):
Un fuerte abrazo, bye you.
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