La Toxica Within: Navigating Jealousy, Drama, and Growth

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Dora (00:06):
Hey, hey, mi gente, Welcome back to.
I Am Mi Hijita, embracing yourRoots, I'm Dora, alicia Praxedes
and I'm Daisy, and today we'retalking about something spicy,
messy and super relatable latoxica.

Daisy (00:18):
Oof.
That word is everywhere lately,but do we even know what it
really means?

Dora (00:23):
That's exactly what we're going to figure out today.
We'll share our own chismes, dosome role-playing and talk
about why sometimes we get alittle toxica.
So grab your cafecito or yourwine, because this is about to
get real good, oh yeah teadrinking is allowed okay hermana

(00:52):
, when you hear la word toxica,what's the first image that pops
into your head?

Daisy (00:58):
oh, that's a hot mess.
Um, I think of the woman goingthrough a man's phone, like
sending 30 texts in a row, likeoh my god, yes, and the one
throwing chunk glass because helikes some girls bikini pic on
instagram you better dug.
Oh yeah, does that remind mymommy but it's not just the

(01:24):
romantic stuff like.
It's friends who guilt trip you, moms who control you, or even
you know those co-workers whostir the fucking pot, oh yeah
facts being toxica is anyone whodrains your energy, manipulates
you or tries to control youthrough the drama and let's be
super for real.
We've all had our toxic momentsum, yeah, uh-huh raising hands

(01:46):
absolutely hair flip absolutelyso.

Dora (01:49):
No one's perfect.
The key is knowing when you'recrossing the line.
Amen, all right.
So to kind of role play this alittle bit, let's role play with
the silent treatment queen ohthe scenario okay, all right, so
I'll be the boyfriend, okay,and I'm gonna be home.
I'm coming home late, a littlelater than normal, checking the

(02:09):
clock, okay, yeah, so that I'llbe the boyfriend, all right so
let me pretend that I'm walkingin through the door, right,
given that you didn't lock meout, sure did both legs.
Okay, all right, so I'm theboyfriend coming home late, and
then how are you gonna react,miss toxic?

Daisy (02:24):
um, I'm just gonna be like motherfucker, where the
hell have you been?

Dora (02:30):
all right.
So let's pretend that you'repissed as hell.
Yes, and you just do the silentstare.
Oh, I like that one.

Daisy (02:37):
Yeah, serious, yeah, I'm fine.

Dora (02:43):
And then I'm the boyfriend and I ask are you mad?

Daisy (02:48):
No, and I, you know, got to give him a little attitude
with that, you know, look himright in the eyeball and then
I'm going to keep asking are yousure you're not mad?
No, and then you slam around acouple cabinets.
You know you're closing doors alittle harder than you should.
You know he knows what's up,and then you never really talk

(03:10):
about it.
Right, we don't, we don't?
And then do you go to sleep.
I hate that you shouldn't.
That should be a rule foreverybody, all right?

Dora (03:13):
so that's where I think a healthier version would be, as
you said at first, probably.
You know, just putting it outthere, just be direct, yeah, and
so just worrying that you, thatyou know the boyfriend's late
and just let me know next time,that's all.

Daisy (03:28):
We're all talking about communication, communication,
communication and overcommunication.
Thank you, because I'm like.
Silent treatment takes usnowhere.
It does it, literally, doesn't?
You're just wasting your energyon a empty, empty bowl.
It's not going anywhere.
Oh yeah, well, thank you, thatwas a good one.
Oh, thank you.

Dora (03:47):
Okay, Amanda.
So let's talk about some redflags.
Hit me with one.

Daisy (03:50):
Ooh, there's so many, I think.
Definitely jealousy big time,Like wanting to know who you're
texting, where you're going.
They're just blowing up yourphone.
Everyone has a little bit ofjealousy.
Everyone's possible of havingit.
But you know, if you're not incontrol of how much you let that
seed grow, it consumes you.

Dora (04:09):
Oof.
Or let's talk aboutmanipulative guilt trips, like
if you really love me, you dothis for me, right?

Daisy (04:17):
I hate that.
And gaslighting.
I hate that shit, Making youfeel like you're loca when
you're on 10.
Like you're're on 10.
Like you're standing on 10.
You're knowing the truth andyou're sharing it and they're
just not listening.

Dora (04:30):
Yeah, always needing to be the victim, so everyone feels
sorry for them.

Daisy (04:34):
Eso está horrible, Playing that victim card.
Horrible pero horrible.

Dora (04:42):
All right, so I'm not too familiar with Instagram, but I
know Instagram social media canbe a little toxic at times, I
agree.

Daisy (04:49):
I agree, don't worry, hermana, I got you.
So the insta stalker?
You know it's the girls and theguys checking their significant
others following count, youknow, like, oh you, you added
three yesterday.
Who are these three?
And you know it's just too much.
It's too much like everyone'sbeing love island right now.
There's a million bikini photosout there.
Who who's not gonna like acouple of them, right?

(05:11):
So the scenario in this case isthe partner likes someone's
bikini photo, so why don't weplay that out?
You can be um, my favorite, thedoxica, and I'll be the partner
, all right?

Dora (05:22):
so I see that you like the photo multiple photos for that
matter and I'm thinking tomyself right like oh, how am I
gonna, you know?
So I approach my partner you inthis case and say who is she?
You've been liking all her pics.

Daisy (05:38):
I mean, it's just instagram okay delete her right
now that's so, so extra, soexcessive.
No, I don't think so.

Dora (05:50):
Again, I'm not even on Instagram, but that does happen.

Daisy (05:52):
That's a very common topic.
Honestly, I think I have hitthe lottery.
My guy is on none of the socialmedia platforms and, quite
honestly, like I rememberprevious relationships,
relationships and they causeproblems and it's like who is
that?
Okay, new co-worker, who's that?
Oh, I met her at so and so it.
Just, if there's no locked intrust, it's gonna leave cracks

(06:14):
and this instant stalker thingis vicious, you know, because
everyone's playing this, youknow comparative game and it may
be leaning into likeinsecurities and stuff but, then
we can flip it right wheresomeone's liking your pictures
oh yeah, but you don't havecontrol over who's liking your
pictures yeah, I'm not, yeah,I'm actually gonna I'm actually
gonna give an example.

Dora (06:34):
So, um, a while back I'm not gonna say no names, but like
about 10 years ago, I rememberon facebook, um, and I don't,
I'm not on facebook as well.
I have a facebook right, rightsince when it started for sure,
it's phasing out a little nowand 10 years ago plus, I had
this one person start liking allmy pictures like in a row oh,

(06:55):
that's so freaky.
Yeah, it was cringy and so thisperson then I am'd me and said
you look, your lips look verylike, voluptuous, and you're so
pretty and you're so fine.
And then I text and I messageback and I'm like, oh okay,
thank you.

Daisy (07:11):
And then tell me more please.

Dora (07:15):
And then the person texts back like I am or whatever, and
says oh, let me know when youwant to grab a drink.

Daisy (07:22):
And I'm like like what, Wait a minute.

Dora (07:24):
So that's where I could have very well, like you know,
just kept it at that.
But no, what did I decide to do?
I decided to tell Phoebe oh, no, Because this person would not
leave me alone.

Daisy (07:36):
I mean, you got to share that.
You know it's disturbing yourpeace.
Your partner, you know, mightwant to know why you're a little
on edge.

Dora (07:43):
This person happened to be like someone we would see at
gatherings with friends.
Wow, they had kids.

Daisy (07:50):
These men out here, they're just cooking around.
We'll talk about toxic.

Dora (07:55):
You don't have control over those things, right.

Daisy (07:56):
You don't?

Dora (07:57):
Let's just say Philly the hubby.
He put his foot down and he didhis guy thing.

Daisy (08:02):
Hell yeah, leave my wife the wey.
Yeah, leave my wife the fuckalone.
Exactly, they got to knowyou're not alone.
Those pictures you're servingare just for yourself.
We were super into the pictures, exactly.

Dora (08:15):
I wasn't out there like that.

Daisy (08:16):
Creeps are going to creep when they want to creep.
They be creeping, but yeah, soagain.

Dora (08:20):
Yes, yes, back to the communication.
Right, talk to your partner.
Make sure that you guys aregood and well.
In this case, I could havedefinitely kept it to myself.

Daisy (08:28):
I know, and well, on top of it you didn't do anything
right or you know wrong.
You could have two ways tohandle the situation there.
But I think one healthy thingthat people need to do in
relationships is set thosesocial media boundaries, like
why are you not posting me?
Or you know who's posting eachother too much?
Like you know, that's a pic ofme sleeping.
That's kind of weird you know,like, where are the lines?

(08:48):
So, like, if you're gonna havein the social media and be
active, both of you need to belike all right, cool, we know
the rules.
This is arena we like to playin.

Dora (08:56):
We're gonna keep it in the sandbox yeah, so in this bag
it's the stalker.
It's like one of two ways,right?
Yeah, it could be approached,or if you're seeing it happen
with your spouse, it's like talkabout it, right?
Yeah, 100 or might be something, something right, but just make
sure you talk about it, agreed,okay, hermana, time to confess

(09:17):
have you ever been a toxica?

Daisy (09:18):
oh, when have I not been a toxica?
Um, I want to say like when Iwas early 20s, definitely super
toxic, because I just didn'tknow how to navigate, like these
extreme romantic feelings, youknow, and everything was kind of
like I don't want to say a game, but you feel like wow, I'm

(09:39):
getting attention here, I'mgetting attention over there,
and you kind of allow yourselfto be flooded by it.
So definitely, certainboyfriends I could have treated
better, especially when I wasintoxicated.
That whiskey can really changeyou up.
But you know, just being likeultra jealous or like you know,

(10:01):
if he's at a wedding and he'sdancing with somebody else, like
I should chill, right, but I'mlike what the fuck?
Like where's my pinche baile?
Like this isn't cool.
When it's my turn, what thefuck?
Yeah, but I definitely think,like you know, just like
answering his phone and likedoing stupid shit, like checking

(10:21):
the location oh, on his behalf.
um, you know, and this was meway younger um, I thought it was
okay, I'm like, well, I'mentitled, I'm the girlfriend,
like this is my role.
But I didn't realize at thetime, like how much it was
stepping over boundaries.
And, yes, while you're eachother's universe, it's cute to
say, it's not realistic, likeyou gotta, you gotta, take a

(10:43):
minute and be like everyone'sgot a million things popping
through their head.
And that's why now, like thattoxic God that I was in my early
twenties and the whiskeyinduced one.
But back in the day, oh man, Iwould do everything, like show
up unannounced, I would you know, go and crash boys night Cause
I'm like, let's make sure it'sboys night.

(11:05):
This is before location.
This is before location.
This was after three minutesafter nine.
And then this is before my myyou know nice little find, my
boyfriend app that every iPhonehas.
So yeah, the, the drop-ins, Ithink I could have done without,
but I mean, I learned from it.
So yeah, did you everins?

Dora (11:25):
I think I could have done without, but I mean, I learned
from it.

Daisy (11:26):
So, yeah, did you ever find anything?
I found out that one of myex-boyfriends was cheating on me
.
Yeah, okay, so your suspicions,your sixth sense was on.
I mean, if it's right the gut,you got to check it, you got to
go with it so well, that's why Ilearned from it.
I wouldn't have approached itthat way.
I got the information I neededright and like that particular

(11:46):
relationship, did you get himred-handed?
I didn't get him red, dude, hewas making tortillas, burritos,
gorditas.
Man, this motherfucker wasdoing too much and this was like
during a rough time in my lifewhen papi was not doing well and
he was in the hospital, so Iwas working a lot.
I was in the hospital, so I wasworking a lot.
I would, you know, split mytime between the hospital, then

(12:07):
my boyfriend's house and I'mover here thinking like, oh,
he's so supportive and you know,I'm like trying to not be toxic
.
I'm trying to be like grateful,I'm trying to be wow, like
you're helping me out duringthis time.
But little did I know, whileI'm in the hospital taking care
of puppy and sleeping in thechair, this motherfucker's out
on facebook messaging peoplefrom our old high school and I

(12:27):
just like when I found out itwas bullshit, like it was just
earth shattering, and that'swhen I realized like una cosa
ser toxica.
And then another thing is whenyour gut is telling you
something.
So I think it's check the gutmessage.
If it's true, like, go with it,but your actions have to be
sound.
And that's where, like, back inthe day wasn't sound.

(12:49):
I was so mad.
I could have keyed this man'scar, like I could have.
I could have done so much.
I was pissed.
Oh yeah, I was so mad, andespecially just because during
that time, like my energy wasalways on e because I was so
drained from everything.
So I just felt like, fuck thisdude, I learned it, I caught it
and we're done.
And you know that gut check isthat gut check is always correct

(13:13):
, like you have to follow it.
I just think now what'sdifferent with me is like how I
actionably follow through withit.
Um, because you know you can'tbe that crazy at the house and
like you know, but, yeah,definitely you know some toxic
moments, um, but I wouldn'tchange anything.
I feel like every instance Iwas just learning, I was just

(13:37):
navigating.
This is a new layer of jealousyor this is a new feeling like
why am I overly angry?
Because this triggered me?
Um, yeah, I would definitelylash out before.
I would be like a mini huda,you know like crash out central,
um, you know definitely silenttreatment.
Or like I'm leaving if I wasupset about something and you

(14:01):
know, maybe a little bratty, butI'm like, oh my god, this is,
this is not what I deserve, andlike I would just take my ass
home.
I was a runner, I was aprofessional track star when it
came to clean the scene.
Yes, because I'm like I don'twant to handle this, I won't and
I would just dip.

Dora (14:17):
Well, I think you were really good about what things
you were going to tolerate andnot tolerate, right, yeah?
So you drew your boundaries.

Daisy (14:23):
I think so.

Dora (14:24):
I mean in a way, I may not have known it, but it's like
you knew what you wanted forsure.

Daisy (14:29):
That's why I was so quick to hit that eject button.
Though, when it got difficult.
That, like I'm realizing now inmy current relationship, like
wow, like if he's staying, he'spatient, I'm not hitting that
eject button.
I, you know we're workingthrough it, but like I have
tools now that help me.
But when I was little, I wasjust like like you're just

(14:52):
another shot, like you're justerasing it with time.
You know activities, concerts,you know like outing, you know
we're just doing it all, but itjust it wasn't something that
like.
I think we can deep dive and belike, oh, you did all these
things wrong in your 20s.

(15:12):
Everyone fucks up so much intheir 20s, like that's your era
to do it, and like, if you don't, your 30s are gonna look a lot
different because you're gonnastumble upon stuff that you're
like, oh wait, like this is new.
How am I gonna respond to it asan adult?
Like I'd rather do all thestupid shit when I'm 21, 22, now
, when I'm 34, like yeah, andthen you're, you're risking less

(15:34):
in the way because you don'thave that.

Dora (15:36):
You know, like that establishment of career and
family and right, that's thebiggest thing, so what?

Daisy (15:42):
do you gotta lose.
I, for real, exactly now I'm inmy senora era.
I just want to cook up someshrimp.
I want to chill at home.
I'm playing pool like I'm justchilling now, but before it was
like if you were to call me upand be like you want to go here,
you want to go there everywhere.
I was everywhere, every localstate next to illinois, like we

(16:02):
were just popping off.
So I think too, like that's why,like taking patience with
yourself, like before it was somany like just instinctual, like
okay, yes, I'm going, or, oh,I'm gonna do this, and it was so
reactive and now it's just waymore like think about it, like
you have to think about itbefore you act.
Before it was just pureemotional response and you know,

(16:23):
even at work I'm like cryingbecause I'm so mad about
something and I'm in thebathroom like in the keyboard.
Yes, I'm like, fuck you, spacebar, fuck you.
But yeah, that's why everyonehas toxica moments and it
relates to you know, your work,your boyfriend, your family,
your friends, like just anyanything around you.

(16:44):
Um, you can make yourenvironment toxic, you can make,
you know, like shared spacestoxic, but it's just important
to be like yo, where do I wantto invest my energy, and if it's
the wrong energy, just flip it.
Flip it asap.
That's.
That's like been my biggestchange as an adult oh, yeah,
yeah.

Dora (17:02):
And that's where for me, yeah, being toxic, like having
those toxic moments.
Yeah, philly has been myrelationship for what?

Daisy (17:08):
23 years now right, like we're coming up on that forever
and yeah I'm like blowing up hisphone if he, if he doesn't know
keep life simple.

Dora (17:21):
Tell your girl what's up yeah, but for the most part he's
, he's good, like he comes homeand all that stuff right.
He has a good memory.
I mean, maybe in the past, like10 plus years ago, he probably
slept in the garage here andthere, because it's been a lot
um.
I do remember locking him out,yeah, when he was yeah right,
when we started living together.

Daisy (17:40):
He would go and like was the next.
Thing right, see I, that's a bigthing that I think people will
always relate to.
Like I thought I knew how tohandle everything and I'm mature
now and I got all this stuff.
But living with a partner is awhole different ball game.
That's where I'm like wow, Ireally shed some of my toxic

(18:02):
traits because I've had to and,like you, being with Philly for
23 years like that is no easyfeat because I've been living
with my dude for six months andI'm like bro, but I mean I
wouldn't change it.
Like I think that's why now,like I'm just I'm so much more
patient than I was before.

(18:22):
But like, had I met him 10years ago and we would have
moved in, like we would havebeen broken up for sure.

Dora (18:29):
That's where you're talking about the relationship,
romantic relationship.
Yes, well, mom and mom and uslive for 12 years Right.
And that like mom seeing us gothrough.
Oh yeah, very true, but like,yeah, I would probably stonewall
her sometimes too, like I wouldjust silent treatment with her,
yeah, or she would with me whenwe would get in our little kind
of rift and that so with mom,she's not one to express her

(18:52):
emotions very much yeah, so thatwas really hard living with her
when it's like okay, que no, tegusto what's going on, and then
she's like nada, todo está bien, right, right, I've seen her
change.
You need to, you need to, yeah.

Daisy (19:03):
So that's where it's much and I think that, like, I'm so
happy she's more open because itis, it's like it's also nice.
Everyone has to go through thislike this, this metamorphosis
you know of like this is how youwere, but this is how you want
to be.
There's a gap.
Fix it, change it, work onyourself to get there and like I
mean, mommy's so funny nowshe's so open.

(19:24):
Yeah, like talk all night forreal, like I was talking about
my cuticulos the other day.
I'm leaving her house and I'mlike mom, I take so long to
clean my cuticulos and she'slike, how did we land there,
mommy?
But I'm like she would never belike that before.
And I'm like, how did we landthere, mommy?
But I'm like she would never belike that before and I'm like I

(19:46):
can swear on her, I can jokearound her.
Topics that were completelyshut off the table are now open,
ready for discussion and likethat, honestly, I'm so thankful
for, because it's like you knowyour mom as not just mom, it's
like your friend.
You know a person as a buddylike, and I think you know, when

(20:06):
it comes to shedding that, likeyou need to let people see your
vulnerability, because thiswhole you know, doxie guy, it's
all front like you're hidingsomething.

Dora (20:16):
So let's work on that before you're just lashing out
at people for no reason butdefinitely, yeah, no, we've
definitely evolved and with momand our relationship, yeah it's,
it's way more open, you'reright she's open to more things.
Yeah, um, she's not justwatching laura in america or
laura or whatever in america orsomething right, what's out
there?

Daisy (20:36):
she, she's actually like interested and invested in being
a better person, right, youknow?

Dora (20:41):
just not being afraid of everything, or it's like.
You know, did I get the spam?

Daisy (20:46):
oh my god.
She doesn't know what a junkmessage is.

Dora (20:49):
She does not she's like wait who do I gotta pay and it's
like no you don't gotta paynobody.

Daisy (20:53):
She's like you're gonna cancel my driver's license,
right?

Dora (20:56):
it's like mommy no oh, again back to that communication
, right yeah being able to beopen with people for sure, I.
I love that so let's get deep.
Why do you think we sometimesbecome toxic?

Daisy (21:13):
I mean there's so many things like the.
The insecurities is definitelynumber one.
Um, as a younger adult, like inmy 20s, like I didn't really
know how to deal with myinsecurities and I always came
off as super confident, but thatmixed with trauma, you know
your, your fear of abandonment,um, it's just a lot of deep
stuff.
So I think while you're workingthrough it, the people that

(21:36):
come across in your life duringthat timeline unfortunately they
become the experiment like letme, collateral damage, like bro,
you got the strap metal, likeI'm sorry, but um, and there
have been a couple victims ofthat in my past, and I think
that's the biggest thing is justlike identifying what triggers

(21:57):
you, how everyone's going to bedifferent in that regard, like
that explanation.
But when you can tell yourselfhonestly like yes, you are a
jealous bitch, yes, you don'tlike it.
When your man does xyz, like behonest with yourself, like
because if you're gonna betripping about it, it's gonna
affect them, and then they'regonna be like what is this
passive aggressiveness you'reall seria like and it's just

(22:20):
like open, open up.
And I think that's been likethe biggest antidote to being a
tóxica is just open, the fuck up.
But becoming one so easy.

Dora (22:31):
Like the recipe book is there, just take the damn drink,
like anyone can do it, andthat's where, for me, I grew up
like, especially when it came torelationships like romantically
.
I thought novelas right, so onebig saying was si, no te I would
do with philly, I would be onhis ass all the time and for me
I I don't know why I was justlike I think the first 10 to 15

(22:55):
years it was.
I was just always jealous, yeah, but under underlyingly though,
after working through it, hasbeen my insecurities.
Yeah, like I didn't think that,like my self-confidence was
really low, even thougheverybody thought, oh, I'm a
very confident person but, inreality, like Philly would
sometimes use that against me.
Yeah in the way of like you'renot a good mother, you're not a

(23:16):
good right and it starts outwith like he's not trying to be
mean, but he's.

Daisy (23:20):
He's also pissed off about something.
And it's like I know yourbuttons, I'm pushing them right
now, you know, and and I think,just as you highlighted, like
you knew that he was doing that,but like that may not have been
known in that moment, likeyou're just like not living
until like three years ago did Ifinally discover he's like I
just told you shit out of spite,yeah no, I actually believed it

(23:41):
, dude, that petty battlethat'll get you out, dude, like
like people playing pettinesswith each other.
that's why, like now, I'm a bigI used to hold grudges.
Oh my god, if I want to betoxic about something, it was
about holding grudges.
I would be like on my dead body, like not gonna be me, like I'm
never talking to them again.

(24:01):
And it was just again.
I was a runner, I was a fuckingtrack star.
I'm get me out of here, I don'tneed to deal with it, it's not
even worth it.
But like, cutting people out ofyour life is also like really
shit, you know, and like for you, it's like you can't cut out,
like it's like here we are,we're locked in, we tried, we
tried the sciss, the scissors,like we're gonna cut this this

(24:22):
year, but it's just like itdoesn't work between us.

Dora (24:25):
Right, we tried.
That's where it's like I cutyou out and you cut me out, and
then we put, we'll cut eachother out and then, we
eventually cut out mom even likeI know it was and that's why.

Daisy (24:35):
But I think that's where it's like I needed to do that,
because I knew like I'm tooreactive when I was like I'm a
little Tasmanian devil.
I don't know what's going totrigger me, I don't know what's
going to make me cry, what'sgoing to make me pop off and
just like lash out with my mouththose words like they're going
to come out and, knowing myself,I was like, ah, shrink, wrap

(24:55):
that up.
Like you don't want this badjuju flowing out there.
And that's why, like, I had tolearn a lot about like
forgiveness.
I was going to church a lot, Iwas doing my own healing, like,
but what helped me was just likethe forgiveness learning, like
it's not for them, it's foryourself, like for me.
That was huge because I thoughtI was doing myself some big,

(25:16):
like honorable thing of likedon't let them, you know, step
on your respect and you knowit's just a very prideful way
and we grew up that you knowit's like that's how parientias,
and like you know, oh, thehouse is clean for everybody
else.
But it's like, how do you wantyour house?
You know, how do you want to be?
Um, but under the rug.
There was a lot.
There was a lot of dust.
There's a lot of juicy duststories we'll get into juicy

(25:37):
dust.
Juicy dust, uh.
But I'm just glad that you know, now we're older and we both
had to take our own journeys andtime apart to like work through
and like I, you know I missedyou throughout that whole time.
But it was also like I don'twant to fuck it up by saying the
wrong thing or by beingreactive and, like we all know,
I was explosive.
So like it's kind of nice nowthat just wait bro, where is the

(26:02):
fucking lighter?
but that's why now I'm so happy,because it's like we both had
to go through our own things tounderstand, like, okay, this is
what I need to be good, can yougive me that?
Okay, this is what I need to begood, can you give me that?
And I think, like it's justbeen so healthy with our family,
even just like seeing how timecan heal so much.

(26:23):
But, more importantly, like ifyou're willing to put the effort
in to change, like it will come.
And that's why, like thedynamic we had years past versus
now, like I'm so grateful forwhat we have now oh yeah,
totally for sure.

Dora (26:36):
That's where leading into our next is can a toxic actually
change?

Daisy (26:43):
oh, yes, yes, yes, snaps, we can absolutely change.
Um, yeah, I definitely think so.
Um, you have to own it first,though.
Like you can't fix what youdeny if you're not willing to
look at yourself and recognizethings that you don't like about

(27:04):
yourself or other people youknow know have problems with.
Like you have to really facethat.
That's what I mean about likebeing brutally honest, and I've
always been pretty direct, so itwas kind of nice like okay,
this directness, like is itaffecting other people?
Yeah, sometimes, when I wouldsay stuff and how I would say,

(27:24):
it wouldn't land how I wanted itto.
So, like all the work that I'vedone now to that got me to this
point.
Like I feel like I communicatea lot better.
I feel like I don't pop off asquickly as I used to, that like
sit in on what it not reallyapplies, you know, and it's just
kind of nice, like when youknow like you were able to pick

(27:46):
apart like four things aboutyourself where you're like all
right, girl, everyone can be atoxic cat.
Am I gonna let this continue mywhole life?
Like, am I always gonna be likethat?
Am I always gonna be the bitchholding grudges or just like
popping off jealous at her man,like and it would be stupid shit
.
I remember we went, it was likewhen I first started dating

(28:07):
Aldine, and we were at this barand it was a late night one and
you know we're in Chicago andhe's like teaching me all about
his spots and he goes up andsays hello to this bartender and
it's a girl and I'm just likewhoa, big hug, you know, like
big hug, energy.
I'm like whoa, a little toolong.
And then it was like a littlejokey, jokey and that's where I

(28:28):
was like okay, daisy, like yougot the, the blue pill or the
red pill, like it's literallylike what wire is it gonna be
that, like my brain executesthis, this out?
So luckily I did the rightthing.
Like I was so proud of myself,I was mad, visibly, but I also
like shut it in.
And then I pulled him asideafter he came back to the table

(28:50):
and I was like listen, like whois that?
I don't feel comfortable withyou, like being so touchy with
people I don't even know, likemaybe if I knew her, and he's
like, oh, my god, of course,like I'll introduce you, like my
bad, like I didn't read thesituation and like little things
like that were like before.
I would just get mad and get inmy car and you wouldn't see me

(29:14):
drive away, go go to indiana.
You are not getting, you're notgonna get anything else out of
me.
It was so bad.
I would just cut people off,especially people that I was
dating.
I would be like absolutely not,that's not permissible.
You again you disrespected meand I take my respect so serious
and it was just like yo, chill,respect it is, it is and like

(29:37):
that's where I was like mixingthe two.
It's like he thinks it'sharmless because he's like oh my
god, it's someone I've knownfor years.
You just don't know them.
Let's bridge that gap.
Okay, we do that.
Cool, I didn't pop off, I keptsipping my Diet Coke.

Dora (29:53):
I know this person now Wow in your brain this could have
gone so nowhere In my head.

Daisy (29:56):
I'm thinking like Soraya Energy, let's get in there.
Who the hell are you?
He get in there.
Who the hell are you mad?
In spanish?
She'll pause off my man forreal, cries in spanish, yells in
spanish.
But I just think that you canchange, because even that for me
was like this is someone Ireally care about, that I met,
that I want to invest my time in.
I see a future with, like I'mreally digging this guy.

(30:19):
Is it worth it?
And like I, I think that's thebiggest catalyst to change like.
Is it worth it for you?
There's gonna think that's thebiggest catalyst to change Like.
Is it worth it for you?
There's going to be a lot ofshit that's just not worth your
energy, that you shouldn't evenwaste your time on.
No te cae bien, la gente estápesada.
Like I tell Dina all the time.
I try to translate it liketienes sangre pesada.
And it's just like.
There's just some people whenyou meet you're not going to

(30:41):
like.
When you meet you're not gonnalike and that's it.
50 of the room.
You're not going to get alongwith them.
They may not like you for somedumb reason.
You cannot control how peoplethink, how they react.
That's where I was, like youjust need to own your own
variables and I can only controlwhat I say, how I act.
Como reacciono?
Like that's the biggest one,like the, the body reaction, the

(31:03):
, the verbal reaction, even thethe you know resting bitch face
that I would put on sometimeslike I'm not happy it was on
purpose, it was on purpose andthen it was just like.
But if I would have just said,if I would have just said and
like that's been my biggestcatalyst to change, like this
man I feel like is patient withme and was willing to work with
me through all these things.

(31:24):
And now, when I am pissed offabout something, even if I think
it's silly, like I don't wantto be passive, aggressive, I
don't want to have it snowball.
So now I'm probably a littlemore direct than he's used to,
but I'm always telling him likebabe, like esto no, me, cayo
bien.
Or like this wasn't good for me, or this is how I feel about
this, like does that make senseto you?

(31:46):
Or you, you're like whoa,that's yeah, it's like like and
like now I just feel like it'sjust so nice we can talk through
an issue he's also learningabout.
Like okay, uh, the considerationwe grew up where we were very
considerate of each other.
I feel like, like it was like.
I remember mommy telling melike go tell your sister to put

(32:09):
her coat on, and I was like.
I was like telling lolita.
I was like go put your coat on,and I was like you, preoccupate
for tu persona and you know,like it was just funny stuff
that it was like, yeah, we weretaking care of each other, but I
always had this little sass inme.
So that's why, like coming from, like serving the five plates

(32:30):
at the dinner table, like you'renot forgetting one, or like
making sure my garbage is full,you take it out because, like
someone's got to do it, like wewere just always like watching
out for each other at the busstop, like we just grew up that
way.
And then he grew up differently.
He grew up in Bosnia, he grewup in a refugee camp in Germany.
He saw a lot of things that Idon't think a young child should

(32:54):
be witnessing, and that's why,when I realized I was wrong like
this is probably my biggestthing of like I think I was
brought up in a good way.
My parents instilled goodvalues in us.
I feel like we're good people,we're nice people for the most
part.
No nos hagas imputar, becausethen, yeah, we've been assholes
too.

(33:14):
Don't poke the bear With that.
My biggest realization was theworld is seen by so many
different lenses and like partof the biggest thing we have is
just misunderstanding.
So what I saw like sit, myfavorite thing to do is now my
sit down.
I've always been a good sitdown person.

Dora (33:32):
Like, let's sit down and talk about it they don't see
face to face like eye to eyeyeah just like watching tv,
you're talking oh, I hate, Ican't stand that shit.

Daisy (33:40):
I I immediately like, if I'm like I want to talk about
something, or like I asked youlike are you ready?
Because, like, what kind of dayhas he had?
Is he physically drained?
Is he?
Did he sleep well?
Did he not eat yet?
Are you hangry right now?
Is this a good time, like youkind of have to check in?

Dora (33:56):
yeah, one thing I've learned with philia is first I
feed him and then we talk girl.

Daisy (34:00):
Yes, because I'm like now he's sleepy, so he's just like
okay, yes, he's talking.
No, I was making one of thosecabrones for Arlene, that's his
favorite, but, um, I just likethat.
Yeah, it's turn the tv off, siton the couch.
I love like to feel connectedwhen we're communicating,
because I feel like I'm likedude, I'm opening up a little

(34:21):
bit.
I'm like dude, I'm opening up alittle bit, I'm cracking the
shell for you.
Like no one else gets to seethis.
Like, make me feel safe, giveme that safe place.
And like now he knows andrecognizes, like I love to be
cuddled up on the couch, holdinghands, even and I'm just
talking to him about how I feel,why I feel it, even if it
sounds irrational, it's like wereached such a level of like
safe that I'm like I know itsounds kind of all over, but

(34:43):
what do you think?
Like am I?
Does this make sense?
Is this off the handle?
Like you know?
And he'll say like, okay, I,and I see where you're coming
from.
Or he'll be like what the hell,babe, what do you mean?
Like what?
Why?
What are you tripping about?
Um, but it's because of thedifferent backgrounds, like we
grew up with a lot of peoplearound us at all times.

(35:04):
We had a lot of tios, a lot oftias, always taking care of us.
Like I was a big kid, you knowwe always had a family man.
If anything, my pantito wouldshow the world like man I am
taken care of.
Like, like we.
We better than royalty up inthis house, like the, everything
but like, and that's why Ilearned to be so grateful for
like all those things and itwould always give me so much

(35:26):
like happiness, like, oh, evenmommy made sopas the other day
for me and I picked them up andI'm like it's just cute, like
she makes them with her handsher time and with Aldine.
That's why, like I, I come fromthat like okay, like it's all
rosy, we should love each other.
Yeah, we should love each other.
And he's seen not the not sonice side of the world, of

(35:47):
actual events, of war, of, youknow, breaking down families,
and that's where his approachand his lens is a little
different.
Um, so we may be seeing theexact same view, but a different
angle, and I had to learn likethat's everyone, like you may
think you're right, but hey, noteveryone's going to think

(36:08):
you're right and me my biggestproblem Toxica is me thinking
I'm right, like that was alwaysright.

Dora (36:16):
Always, I was like put it on God, I'm always right, it's
like the competitiveness yes,that's what Philly tells me and
reminds me all the time.
It's like, no, I got you knowit's not win or lose.
Yeah, it's like we're on thesame team here, right?

Daisy (36:28):
That's been the big mindset change.
I think yeah, for any couple,that's just like not connecting,
like I'm sure breadwinner who'sdoing manual labor.
It's like I always was tellingmy guy, like I don't care what
you do, as long as it's honestwork.
But, like you know, we went tocollege and like we're

(36:49):
comparatively like, we're doingwell in our careers, and some
men see that as like a threat or, like you know, again an
insecurity on their end possibly, and then they try to like
mirror it back to you.
But those are things where it'slike, again, if it's worth it,
this is your person.

Dora (37:07):
You have to like find serenity in the dysfunction of
like okay, something's going onthere, let's dig in yeah, and
that's where I know afili wentthrough that shift, because
normally in our culture, rightit's the man needs to be the
breadwinner and everything likethat right, so when so?
When I was going to college,there was a point in time where
I had three jobs.

Daisy (37:24):
Yeah, and he wasn't employed.

Dora (37:25):
And then, like 2009, when I'm about to graduate, we're
both looking at each other inthe living room because none of
us had a job, yeah, and we hadjust gotten married.
It's like, how the hell are wegoing to pull this together?
It's like the world's fallingon you.
Everything fell apart.
And that's where it's likegoing on with Sacar de Nero,
right, yeah, and that's whereit's just there's so many ways

(37:45):
that you can go about it, andthat's where I feel like the
ugly comes out.

Daisy (37:48):
Yeah, Sometimes oh yeah.

Dora (37:50):
When you're going through those things like really
challenging moments, but beingable to crawl out of that, it's
like you have to have like theroot of love, 100% that all has
from love and compassion, and atthe moment I didn't know what
it was, but you want to take itout on the other person, right,
because you're so.

Daisy (38:07):
They're the closest thing to you, like I've said this to
all the and I'm like you're theclosest thing to myself that I
have now because of how muchtime, of how much you know of me
.
So like it's definitely toxica,but like taking it out on your
partner because they're the onesthat are your safety there,

(38:29):
it's like you can't treat themas a punching bag.

Dora (38:31):
They kind of know well, he kind of says that he knows me,
but he does actually know me,yeah, but it's like we can
change though.
So then it's like these upleveling right together yeah,
it's like upgrading yourself, ohyeah every little, every little
, like you know Mario bros andyou know you're going on to the
next, I'm always baby Mario.

Daisy (38:48):
Shout out Danny, Shout out Danny, but yeah so that's
where.

Dora (38:52):
Definitely, then, surrounding yourself with people
who loving, lovingly call youout instead of hyping up your
toxic side.

Daisy (38:59):
That's been a big thing.
I will tell you the friendgroup I had wow, like drastic
change.
Like I was hanging out witheverybody, I was friends with
everybody, I was goingeverywhere.
And now that, like you know,years come through and you're
looking at quality, you'relooking at connection, you're
looking at who really has melike that circle is way smaller,

(39:21):
happily so, like the peoplethat I can call on, and even
like hanging out with my familywhen I come over to your house
on the weekends, like, like,it's just like.
You're like, wow, like I'm soblessed to have this because I
could go out on Wall Streetright now and go to like Utopia,
tailgate and be like let's havefun.
And it's for what?
It's?
Emptiness.

(39:41):
It's like it's just filling intime.
And now that I'm like time isthe highest currency that we all
have, like you spend it asquickly as you earn it.
And that's where I'm like, ifyou're not putting that energy
towards things that are gonnauplift you, aka your partner,
the relationships that you havewith your family, your parents,
your sisters, your sisters, yourcousins, your friends, like

(40:02):
these are all the buildingblocks that you need to create
that village around you so thatwhen you have those bad days
because sometimes everything'sgoing smoothly.

Dora (40:15):
I think, right along with time, is trust right.
Everything you said, mirrorswith trust.
Trust is also a big currency.
Big currency, I think, inhaving your partner right
Everything you said mirrors withtrust.

Daisy (40:21):
Trust is also a big currency.

Dora (40:22):
Big currency I think in having your partner right in
crime, yeah and then also likeother people in your corner
right.

Daisy (40:28):
Yeah.

Dora (40:28):
I you know, having Fili my family, you're my sisters.
We have another sister, lolitamy mom and then dad when he was
around.
Yeah, best friend, big, bigbest friend in your corner, big
ups to Boppy yeah, and so havingall these people coming into
your corner, it's like youchoose who you have in your
corner, right?
But then you also have to callout the ones that are no longer

(40:49):
up there in the vibration 100%.

Daisy (40:52):
It's like your MySpace top 8 all over again.
You're like and you've beendethroned, we got a whole new
lineup.
But no, it's funny you bring upup because, like, I think part
of me changing was him changing,because he had to change.
You know, puppy, he had a bunchof heart problems and the
stress and he was a workaholicand I was a workaholic and I was

(41:14):
following.
Yeah, we were following in hissteps.
That's what we're taught.
Like you know you work ethic, itis work ethic.
But it's also like what thefuck are you doing to yourself?
Like you, we're taught.
Like you know you work ethic,it is work ethic.
But it's also like what thefuck are you doing to yourself?
Like you gotta live, you know,to your detriment.
And, yeah, I was the same way.
I would throw myself in work,thinking this is healthy, this
is honorable, this is, uh,respected.
You know, you're just aworkaholic.

(41:36):
Everyone can count on you.
But that power to be like, no,this doesn't serve me.
That word I'm becoming, you know, very acquainted with over the
last years of just don't spreadyourself too thin, and that's
where the closing of the circlehappens, where it's like all
right, who is really in mycorner.
Who can I trust If I'm sad asfuck, if I'm going through shit

(42:03):
with my boyfriend and I don'tknow how, like, if I'm tripping,
or if I'm going through shitwith my boyfriend and I don't
know how, like if I'm tripping,or if I'm not getting along with
him, is this normal?
Like we just moved in?
I hate him right now because heturned the ac off and I walked
in with swamp ass like who?
Who's at fault here?
Right, so like I'll call it allthe time and I'll be like, oh
my god, because I know she's notgonna be like oh him, it's like
no, it's just let me hear youvent, get it out.

(42:23):
All right, now what?
And it's just like it's a safespace to do it.
And I think getting to theright people and having them in
your corner to carry out thatsafe place is the only way you
can actually work on yourself.
Because if you're hanging outwith these people that just are
drinking buddies and I had allthat like leaving high school
into college, it's like I had mydrinking buddies.

(42:45):
We would hang out all everyweekend and it was just like
toxic, intoxicated.
You're just doing stupid shit,you're laughing, but you're also
.
You wake up with like bruisesbecause you fell and you're like
wait, is this the best knee,bro?
like, is it really pictures ofme with my ass out right and I'm
sure my supposed quote-unquotefriend took that ass picture of

(43:08):
me and it's like wait, where is?
It, hey, just keep that pg, ohno oh no well, I mean, you
remember certain events.
For me, subway bathroom, letbathrooms, let's just call it
that way my first birthday?
I don't remember.

Dora (43:29):
Alrighty, so now talking into some cultural chisme, toxic
and culture.
You know pop culture, but letme just start off with, like our
growing up kind of novelasright?
Oh yeah, they were I mean innovelas, it's glamorized, it's
true romance.
So I think the ones like thenovelas that come to my mind is

(43:59):
Teresa Teresita, bro, ruby.

Daisy (44:02):
Ruby was everywhere.
Remember my best friend when Iwas 18?
She was from Jordan, likehalfway across the world, and
she's like we were watching Ruby.
Oh damn no, she was sinisterman, that was evil shit.
That was just like pettyhardcore, like to the max.

Dora (44:19):
Yeah, like I'm going, gonna ruin your life.
She like enamora right this guyand he's like so innocent, so
naive and with money superloaded and she was poor right
and she's like I'm gonna doeverything that's possible just
to get up there, right like shewants to raise her status yeah,
did they end up being together?
I think so right?

Daisy (44:36):
I think so.
She's changed or somethingright?
That's why she did change.

Dora (44:39):
Yeah, so there for the Toxic.

Daisy (44:41):
After her bags are full of money.
You know, change comes easierthen.
Oh my, all them dollars fortherapy.

Dora (44:49):
So again, I'm not too familiar with social media, but
I think in social media what wesee out there, like in TikTok,
instagram, the works.
Oh, and here we have littlePlachi chiming in right now.

Daisy (44:59):
My sobrino.

Dora (45:01):
My little doggy, my little cholo.
Yeah, he knows what's up Toxica.

Daisy (45:05):
He loves Cheeseman as well.
But I'll fill you in onsomething a little more recent.
This one is, for me, funny ashell.
So there was this dude that'sthe CEO of Astronomer.
It's been all around, it's beenabout a week.
It's about a week, yeah.
So they were at a cold playconcert and they do the kiss cam
and they end up being on thecamera and had they like just

(45:29):
played it off, like okay, butthey would have been normal they
.
The ceo astronomer was standingthere arms around this lady who
I, from me again me not knowingwho they are I'd be like, oh,
he's with this girl, he's withthis girl.
And it wasn't the case.
So that woman that he washugging was the chief staff of

(45:51):
hr for astronomer.
So, and they're both married,oh, so let's just drop it there.

Dora (45:56):
So didn't I?
I read an article about it,because obviously here I am
right, my geek way of writing.

Daisy (46:03):
I got you, I got you.

Dora (46:04):
But she had just gotten hired, like within last year.
Yeah, so I think she waskissing some ass.

Daisy (46:09):
It was fresh and it was spicy.
I don't know what was going onthere.
Again, I think both of themacted inappropriately, but I'll
throw it to you, Like who do youthink was more toxic or toxic
in that situation?
Cause I have my opinion, but Iwant to hear yours.
Shame on him, because he shouldknow better and he's in

(46:32):
leadership, but shame on herbecause she's HR right.
Yes, so I don't know.

Dora (46:33):
I have a feeling though she kind of used the ropes to
kind of get herself in thatposition, based on what I read
and my little research, to kindof get herself in that position
based on what I read and mylittle research, yeah, my little
research, but it went viral andhe ended up resigning.

Daisy (46:46):
She also no longer works there.
She wiped her LinkedIn.
She did, oh my God, she did.
I just found out about that andI was like, because people were
looking her up.

Dora (46:58):
And then him, his wife.

Daisy (46:59):
There's another guy that's similar name to that
astronomer, the ceo and he'sbeen put as like the scapegoat,
like oh, it's that.

Dora (47:05):
And then he the, the one that's not the ceo, right?
He's like thanks for hitting meup and he has like a little
message on a little tagline ohmy god that's what I mean.

Daisy (47:17):
Like, and that's where it's like if you are so reactive
like you're, you're just notgonna do it right.

Dora (47:23):
But they, but I did watch the video, so they pretty much
like look at the camera and thenthey stop, drop and roll right
stop drop, roll, fright, freeze,run away like the girl next to
the other.

Daisy (47:36):
One has the giggles.
She works in hr apparently.
Um is well, I don't know.
I I'm like we're all like isthis company going under?
Like we never heard of thiscompany before?

Dora (47:44):
and then astronomer actually came out with a video
with, um the coldplay um chrismartin yeah, his ex, uh, guaneth
paltrow guaneth paltrow.

Daisy (47:55):
Yes, the bone marrow broth baby.
Uh, we've all tried it.
Don't even start.
But yeah, guedes paltrow,because they need to bring some
star power to remedy this kindof thing.
But for me, of this situation,I'm like who's more toxic?
Who's more toxic, right?
And for me it's the, it's theceo.
Like there's a clear powerimbalance.

(48:16):
You are the leadership, right,and that's where I see, like,
don't the visionary for thecompany?
Yes, like, but this bitch justlike.
Oh, I want to cuddle with you alittle bit, but the immorality.
The immorality for me isridiculous because like this,
you know, yes, I do holdmarriage like super high,
there's a sanctity.
And you guys are just out herehugging in front of everyone at

(48:39):
a concert, with co-workersaround, like you know you're
doing something wrong.
And how comfortable they werelike they've been doing this for
a while, right, that's where II saw that video and I was like,
oh, that's not the first timethey've hugged and it it sucks,
because it's like it's gonnalead to their spouses like what
are their feelings about this?

(48:59):
How are they gonna guessing?

Dora (49:00):
they didn't have a conversation.

Daisy (49:01):
They did not, at the end of the day, of how your day was
today, honey To be a fly on thatwall and just to hear the
passive aggressiveness, I don'tthink we'd be there at this
point.
We would just be full on.
I'm throwing vases at your headLike what are we doing?
But again, it's just like thelack of thought and and the lack

(49:28):
of consideration.
And that's where it's like ifthe aftermath, this the
aftermath, but I mean for me.
That's why, when I, when Iheard about this, I just thought
like how fucking dumb dude.
And then they came out withlike a fake apology letter that
he, he supposedly wrote, but itwas oh, it's all crafted yeah,
yeah, it wasn't him actually.
Um, they released it, sayingthat he released it on his
behalf, but it was more sosaying how, like, he blames
Coldplay for outing them andlike, how dare you take a

(49:49):
private moment, right?
I mean, he's got to get alittle bit of that.
$500, $500,000.

Dora (49:56):
Royalties on all the memes that are out there nowadays.

Daisy (49:59):
Instead of the kiss cam.
What is it called now?
Oh, it's the cold play cam.
I know the mlb was then likeokay, everyone acted out and you
see, like the mascots for allthese sports teams like just
like playing the stop, drop androll thing and like it's just,
it's mayhem, because let's lookat society like we know it's
wrong.
It was like how do you fuck upthat?
monumentally it's called likescarlet letter put that, put

(50:23):
that, put that on your shirtlike it's.
It's bad and that's why we'rejoking about it now and it's
gonna ruin families and it sucks.
But it's also like it is viralbecause it's like whoa, like
you're not supposed to do that.
You know why do people watchthose shows?
Like cheaters or caught in theact, unfaithful, like all these
shows like it's, because we'relike whoa.

(50:43):
That's just crazy.
Because you don't want it tohappen to you.
You want it to be otherdimensional, you want it to be
far away from you.
But like yo, I'm pretty surethat guy and that hr lady
thought they would never getfound out oh yeah, well, you
make me think of another show.

Dora (51:00):
Oh, I love catfish.
I actually sometimes it's kindof yeah, but then that's where
it's like some people deceiving,right, oh, and that's that's
where it's like what's thebackground?

Daisy (51:10):
like, why are they doing it?
Right, like some people wantattention, they're lonely, like
when they go and knock on theperson's house and it's like a
man.
He's like I'm monica, okay,okay, bro, nice beard, uh, nice
to meet you, monica, it's justtoo much.
But yeah, I mean, that's beenthe most recent hot, no, um, and

(51:32):
that's why it just gives you,you know, a little, a little
chip on your shoulder of likewhoa, could my husband be doing
that, could my wife be doingthat and you, my wife, be doing
that?
And you know that's where it'slike no, those are those yeah?
because it's like what'sacceptable, exactly what is
acceptable.
And I love thinking about this.
When we go out, like me and myguy, like we'll go play pool a

(51:53):
lot, and it's co-ed, usuallylike there's just always a bunch
of guys, always a bunch ofgirls.
I'm usually hanging with mygirl squad and we always are
like ladies night, you know, andthey're getting us bacon, bombs
and stuff like that and we'rehaving a great time.
But it's because we all knoweach other, we've spent hours
understanding each other andlike our group of friends.
So when an outsider comes in,you know it's like the antennas

(52:15):
go up and I'm like Whoa, is thisa fair reaction or not?
And that's why you kind of haveto check yourself.
But yeah, and like we'vecommunicated about what are we
okay with in public, and like weknow we're going to fight
because we just see thingsdifferently.
So, like, if I get mad aboutsomething or he gets mad about
something, it's like let's gotalk about it outside.

(52:35):
Make a point of discussion.
It is a point of discussionbecause that's how things.
Yes, a point of discussionbecause that's how things.
Yes, things snowball crazy.
And you have to kind ofcontrast, like, okay, here's
what I expect and here's whatyou expect, and if you're not
being direct with it, there'sgoing to be misunderstanding.
So, for example, I was out atmy um pooling night out in
Chicago and our friend Gar wasgetting super drunk, like he was

(53:00):
off the next day, and he wasmosh pitting, like me and a
bunch of other girls and theguys we thought it was hilarious
because you know he loves heavymetal and we know him and we,
we love him, his wife, his kids,like we, we know them and I
don't know why it was like I wasmoshing with him and he's a big
dude, dora, like I'm talkinglike Tito, like big dude, yeah.

(53:22):
So then I was jokingly like I'mgonna, I'm gonna like flat you,
like, I'm gonna, I can pick youup, like, and I, dora, I don't
know if I'm like strong woman orwhat, but like I got a little
air under his little toes.
You know that kind of that kindof feel and we're all laughing
and we're having a great time.
We know he's drunk but he'ssafe because it's us right.
This was not okay, though, tomy partner, and again, it's for

(53:45):
things that I didn't understandand I just remember, like what,
I'm having so much fun, we'reall laughing, it's hilarious.
He's like, it's the vibe atthat moment, and I think what he
didn't communicate to me wasjust like, again, the
physicalness, like, oh, physicalboundaries physical boundaries,

(54:08):
like why are you leaning intohim so much?
like what I'm like?
Okay, that's fair to be jealous, but then let's break it down
like here's why I think it'sokay.
I thought I was just messingaround.
Everyone was laughing, you tookit more seriously.
And why is that?
It's because I I thought I wasjust messing around.
Everyone was laughing, you tookit more seriously.
And why is that?
It's because I've gone to thebarbecues and like the parties
where I meet all of them, theyknow me, I know them more and

(54:29):
we've been able to kind of justlike convivir más.
And for me it like it changesyour relationship as you get to
know someone in their element,their home, with their, their
family.
When you break bread withpeople, it just you connect way
quicker right than just oh, Isaw you at the pool hall it's a
deeper relationship.

Dora (54:46):
It is, it's definitely like oh, I just see you.

Daisy (54:48):
The acquaintance, yeah, the acquaintance, and like
that's why for me they're likeoh, these are like good friends,
good people.
And then to him he's like whyare you?
I barely know this dude.
Yes, this is an acquaintance.
Like what the fuck?
And just when we kind ofbridged the gap after and he was
able to like see it from mypoint of view, I was able to see
his point of view.
It's like all right, bet, Iunderstand, but am I

(55:09):
rambunctious sometimes?
That's why it's like like, justlike we gotta go crazy.
And you know, it wasn't evenalcohol induced, it was just
like we're just in a silly,goofy mood.
Yeah, right, and that's whereI'm just like I have to watch
that though, because I'm likeI'm thinking flip it daisy.
Be honest with yourself, andthis is where it's key.
Be honest.
If, if aldine was doing thatwith some girl that I thought of

(55:33):
as just an acquaintance, that Ididn't really get to tratar
that well, I would be some typeof way.
So I was like I'm being, I'mgonna be honest.
The answer is yes, I understand, so that's why, like a big
issue that could have blown upbefore.
Like you know, we broke up inthe past before, and it was
because of big differences whereit's just like we're not

(55:58):
getting on the same page, andwhat was lacking for us was like
that communication style, andhe didn't even know what his
boundaries were.

Dora (56:05):
Let's be real like he didn't know he didn't even know.

Daisy (56:09):
And then here's me like, here's things I need.
And then you also have todistinguish like do you need
this in a relationship or do youwant it like better, like
you've got to actually be likeright, like it's a budget.

Dora (56:20):
You can only allow currency here of trust and
boundaries and right, right it'slike are we gonna put energy
towards that or not, right?

Daisy (56:26):
right and that's where I'm just like we decided, you
know, at that point, no.
And then it was like no, like amonth kicked in later, I'm like
I miss this fool, like I needhim back in my life, I miss my
boot.
Like it's just like the worldaround you is grayer, like and
it's.
And then you're like realizing,like again, be honest with
yourself, like, can you move onfrom that?
No, do you want to invest inthis and fix it and put the work

(56:50):
in?
Yes, and like that's where I'm.
Like that example, like Ithought I did nothing wrong,
right, this comes from the olddaisy.
Like I'm right, wiring, rightthat you have.
Yeah, they, they were fucked upa little bit on certain
circumstances, but in thissituation I thought my wires are
fine, I'm getting validation.
That's another thing, too, thatI learned the outside external

(57:13):
people, like your friends.
They do affect yourrelationship, right?
So if they're validating onepartner over the other, this is
like you know you got air underyour wings.
Like, oh, I'm right as fuck,like I'm moving the right way.
But who wins there?
No one.
Like you.
Okay, you're right, what are yougonna do with that?
I tell him all the time nowlike I don't care, I don't need

(57:35):
to be right, I just need it tobe us like and like you said
earlier, like that teammentality.
It's huge when you're dealingwith these issues.
Because I mean us like and likeyou said earlier, like that
team mentality.
It's huge when you're dealingwith these issues.
Because I mean, think about itlike you know, you've played
soccer, softball, whatever.
If you're gonna pass the ballto someone and you know like oh,
I'm gonna, you just hit itfucking hard as hell and it goes

(57:55):
right past them.
Like whose fault is it?
You can't say like you didn'tget that pass, like you didn't
set him up for success that wasunpredictable, right.
so, and that's what it is, youpractice, you and you have to
practice.
And that's why, like you, likeeven with aldine, like just the
work I've done with him out ofall my ex-partners, I'm proud of

(58:17):
myself.
I'm so proud of him because Ijust see him as a different
person.
You know, he was more reservedwhen I met him.
I'm the crazy outgoingextrovert.
I'm like and then he's likewhat a blossom.
Yeah, no, yeah, he's blossoming, he's blossoming, and it's just
kind of nice seeing how muchmore he opens himself.
And it's because, like, we'vefound the code to like to keep

(58:41):
it a safe space.
But if that safe space issabotaged, that's where the
conversation starts talking.
Yeah, we got to dial it back in.
We got to make sure we're allcozy.

Dora (58:51):
Well, I've noticed your growth completely.

Daisy (58:54):
Thank you.

Dora (58:56):
The old Daisy or 20s Daisy .
But before it's like, yes, youjust couldn't.
I would just start yelling knowI would just start yelling.

Daisy (59:03):
Oh, that's been my biggest thing that I've had to
work on.
I'm loud, you know, and he'squiet, and I am impatient and I
have to learn.
I can't yeah, bro, I'm like comeon, spit it out, bro.
It's been five minutes, we're.
What's the point?
What is the reason?
Like I'm cardi b, I'm like whatis the reason?

(59:25):
And he's like I'm getting there, you can't rush, it takes
longer to process, yeah, and,and it also it's like I think
he's, you know, wanting toexplain in a way that doesn't
offend, ruffle my feathers.
Yeah, because, well, I'm notgonna lie.

Dora (59:39):
Previously, like previous, like years ago, it was like
walking on eggshells yeah, andit's like how do you approach
you?
Yeah, because you are a veryintimidating person at times.
I I don't know if, like in yourpersonal relationships, but
also at work right, you're verydetermined.
You're very like assertive in agood way.

Daisy (59:54):
Oh, yeah, I also had to change at work, like I used to
just be, like it's my way, thehighway also.
I mean, what, where do you workas far as like, are they giving
you the autonomy to to be thatway?
I mean, I walked into my oldspot and I remember one of the
sales reps is just yelling onthe phone like crazy.

(01:00:14):
And then they're like, oh yeah,that's just Sarge, like that's
just how, that's how they are,that's how they are.
And then here I am like, oh, isthis your way of success?
Like you know, like like thesestrong emotions and being a
woman in like this?
industry, yeah, even even, yeah,logistics, um, even the, even
the pool hall, like most of thetournaments I go to, it's all

(01:00:35):
guys, you know.
So I've always been my father'sson.
That he never had.
I joke because I'm like, I'mmini Josecito, like I always pop
in and I would say what I needto say and it's just like wait a
minute, yeah, and sometimesit's like whoa, whoa, whoa
Filter, baby Filter, likesometimes it's nice to sprinkle

(01:00:55):
a little sugar in there.
And my old job, like everyone.
I mean, I've been calledVoldemort, I've been called
Voldemort, I've been called,yeah, and it's Harry Potter.
I love Harry Potter.
So I was like I'll be Voldemort, but, um, yeah, I'm a Slytherin
now, you know, I recentlychanged from Gryffindor, so
really thank you.
Aldine um, but no, it reallycomes down to like do you want

(01:01:19):
to have people like be chummywith you and like get along with
you, or do you want to get thework done?
And I only thought there weretwo worlds before, and now I'm
blending, right, so we're thetwo worlds.
The two worlds were, do you?
It's literally Michael Scott.
I'd rather have people fear meor love me.
And he's like I want both.
I'm like fuck that, I'd ratheryou if I say something.

(01:01:42):
I don't want to have to repeatmyself If I tell you let's do it
this way, that's the way we'redoing it.
And I was given a lot of freedomto run my team how I wanted to,
and it was also my first timelike owning a team, like being
the team lead, the leader of thepack.
And then here I am, hitting allthese like really cool goals

(01:02:04):
for myself, like margin in a dayrecord, like a really good
month.
I remember like I had such agood month.
I was like, mommy, we're buyingyou new sofa and like,
literally it's just like I waslike, but this is allowing me to
succeed being this way, and youknow what?
What's funny to me is like Iwas modeling after the men in
the leadership positions at thiscompany, and you know what?
What's funny to me is like Iwas modeling after the men in
the leadership positions at thiscompany but because I have long

(01:02:26):
hair, I had extensions backthen.
Don't get them, guys, do notget them.
I had, like you know, just alot of attitude.
This is back when my nails wereclaws, guys.
I'm talking like three inches.
This is before the dip era.
Before the dip era and you knowwe're more demure and cute.
But I had my claws out.
You would hear just all day.

(01:02:47):
I was loud, I was like bouncethat truck.
I would get in everyone's sauceLike I didn't care.
I was just like this is successhere, proving yourself.

Dora (01:02:56):
Proving myself.

Daisy (01:02:57):
Building your brand at work Right, myself building your
brand at work right, and itdoes it I realized like, wait,
you shouldn't make people cry atwork.
You know like and I neverintended it do you have a tally
of how many people you've madecrying at work?
The last place, yeah, or justthe last place oh, three, but
okay, so here and then that'sanother thing.
Do I feel bad?
Yes, but also I'm just likewhoa like you, apologize.

Dora (01:03:18):
Did you ever apologize?

Daisy (01:03:20):
I apologized one time of the three.

Dora (01:03:23):
Yeah, this is the growth, the latter of the examples.
This is the growth I wastalking about.
Okay, but like you know,Measurable growth, the
measurable growth.

Daisy (01:03:31):
Like in the beginning, I made mistakes, like you know,
like I was using caps lock inthe chat, right, that's not
exactly like I'm yelling at youand.
But here I am mirroring thesemen in the industry and how
strongly they speak, and even mydirector was the same way.

(01:03:52):
So I'm modeling, but it'scoming off different because I'm
a female, or oh wow, we're justnot used to that.
Yeah, exactly that's how you'reperceived and that's why I would
always be like I'm here tobring the big dick energy, so
like I'm taking up as much spaceas you, my male counterparts,
at this table.

Dora (01:04:11):
So you kind of have to compensate for that.

Daisy (01:04:13):
It was a chip on my shoulder.
Yeah, I was like, let me provethem wrong, let me be number one
, top dog and fuck off Like andin this industry it was like it
was welcomed.
So it did change how I was inpersonal relationships Cause,
like I said, I was way toodirect.
I was very workaholic.
So, like it was not an easyswitch when you leave the office

(01:04:33):
and then you have to go intolike a romantic relationship I
learned that quickly with AldineLike you need to take the ride
home, decompress, like switch,though you can't come in and be
like, oh my God, the laundryneeds to get done, the dishes,
like you know it's just too much.
You have too much tasks and allthat and delegate and exactly
and I'm like wait, I, this isn'tmy team here, like like I'm not
the leader of the team we'reboth, we're not your job.

(01:04:56):
Yes, right, it's so hard toclick out of it.
Um, and when I was working fromhome for a year last year, I
realized like I needed that.
I just needed to like thecommute.

Dora (01:05:09):
The commute was disgusting , oh no yeah, but on top of it,
actually, you had a really longcommute.

Daisy (01:05:15):
I had a terrible commute Because you worked in Chicago.
But, more importantly, it waslike take away that micro
environment of the people aroundyou that are either egging you
on because you're entertainingor you know you're doing
something.
Yeah, you're doing somethingoutlandish and it's just like

(01:05:36):
they're just, they're, they'rewatching the circus, they're
watching the show and popcorn inhand.
And that's where I realizedlike my reaction should not be
like entertaining to that extent, like it's just, it's not gonna
happen.
And while, yes, you have tosometimes be firm with people,
like I, I've learned, like in inmy new role now I've learned
that you have to be firm andfair.
So it's like velvet, glove,iron fist mentality that I have,

(01:05:57):
like I'm gonna be super nice toyou, but the work ethic has to
be there.
I'm always treating you yes,respectfully, but does it still
happen?
You know, like in this industry, like I hear stuff at work,
sometimes I'm like whoa, that'snot politically correct or like
hr you know, but it's, it'salways like that's part of our
industry.
So while I've drank a littlebit, you know, over the years,

(01:06:20):
like I was really fucking saucybefore, like like just bd, big
daisy energy, just like walkingin, and I think I was just so
much more louder before, but andnow like I'm just calmer, like
I'm chilling I don't know if youhad your cortisol out through
the room for real.

(01:06:41):
I just felt like I was runningaround like chicken, was my head
cut off, and I didn't let mybrain rust, I didn't let myself
be honest with how I was feeling.
I was running like you know,daddy was sick and it's like I
go visit him at the hospitalevery day and it was like let me
go out with my friends as aescape, like as a as a avoidant

(01:07:02):
kind of way to wrap my headaround, like what reality is
like?
Because it was dark.
It was like, fuck, I don't wantto do this on my own, I want to
get distracted.

Dora (01:07:12):
Let me go out let's get drunk in a way and numbing
absolutely.

Daisy (01:07:15):
And now I'm just like I just want to go home and like
chill with my cat, my dog, myman, like make some good food,
watch a good show, talk likewe're chilling, you know and
it's just a different era that'swhy the senora era is fully in
mode right now.
There's no plans to change,leave me alone.
But I see myself come out everyso, every often, like but you

(01:07:41):
know, I think the Libra in mesees, when there's an injustice
or like you know, the littleman's not being stuck up, like
like sticking up, for that'swhere I jump in.
I love that shit, cause I'mlike Ooh, I got a voice, I'm
going to be your loud speaker.
Yeah, come, come with me,little birdie, like we're going
to be all right, because there'sjust a lot of that.

(01:08:02):
And if I was given anything likeit was my loud voice, my
confidence, and if I can helpother people, like when they're
like, hey, I don't, I don't knowhow to say this, or whatever
you know, and they're more quiet, they're more reserved.
That's where I'm like I'm theprotector of the people, you
know.
But it's just like sometimesI'm like well, calm the fuck
down, baby, like you don't, youdon't need to be right, you

(01:08:25):
don't need to be jumping off thestage and breaking up fights,
like you did, you know, back inthe day.
But now it's just like beintentional and be thoughtful
before I react, whether it'sverbal, whether it's physically,
like just even body language,right Like at work, like I'm
like I don't like someone.
It's like can't I roll that big,you know, don't I roll at all

(01:08:46):
Like let's learn to right, like,cut those things out, but yeah,
definitely more selective, youknow, and yeah, I'm not going
out as much, but I like it, Ichoose it.
That way, I I feel like I'mfinally like I found those
things that are important to me,that I want to invest all my
time in, and I learned to cutout the things that don't serve

(01:09:07):
me.

Dora (01:09:08):
So you've been prioritizing.

Daisy (01:09:10):
Wow, Absolutely Well.

Dora (01:09:11):
Thank you how it's impacted your life and, yeah,
definitely Good stuff.
You've seen such a growth.

Daisy (01:09:16):
Thank you, yeah, I try, I try.

Dora (01:09:18):
Mature in all levels, you know like mentally, physically,
emotionally.

Daisy (01:09:22):
Mm-hmm.

Dora (01:09:23):
Relationships at work personally.

Daisy (01:09:26):
For real.

Dora (01:09:32):
All the way around.
It's a challenge.
It's a constant evolution ofwho you are.
But you know there's someblunted change everything.

Daisy (01:09:36):
Thank you.
You know I'm trying to lookspicy all day, all night, but no
, it's just.
It really is.
It's like a I feel like Ientered the.
I was in that loud confidenceof just I'll do whatever I want.
Like you know, I'm twerkingshaking my ass at a madhouse in
Chicago so I can get a bullsjersey.
You know what I mean like doingstupid shit where.

(01:09:57):
Now it's like you've been toplaces I have not been.
Yeah.
I put it that way and twothere's still more to discover
for me there there is, butthat's why it's like I'm I'm
excited to just like take it inwith the way I see the world now
, like you just want to dothings for you truly, like
you're not just appeasing otherpeople.

(01:10:18):
People pleasing was a bigproblem for me before, and now
it's just more of like whatmakes Daisy happy, what makes
her peaceful, what makes hercalm, what makes her happy, you
know, and yeah, yeah, like doingthings that are going to enrich
, like your focus on the peoplethat matter the most to you,
like you're just upping thatvalue in that relationship.

(01:10:41):
And like you can't pour so muchinto every single relationship.
You do have to become moreselective as time comes on, and
that's why I think who I have inmy corner now is like damn,
like my Tom would be proud.
My top eight is fucking fireand I'm just like super happy
that now I'm like.
I feel like I'm I'm at a placewhere it's like all right, daisy

(01:11:04):
, now what's the next step?
Because I feel so calm, so atpeace, like you know before's
like don't burn the rice.
Now it's like all right, youmastered the fucking rice.
Like now what.
That's how I feel with likethis growth, like I like the
communication I'm having with myman.
I like the communication I havewith my friends, with my family
, and I'm still working on it atwork, but it's coming and it's

(01:11:28):
just kind of nice to be like Itrust myself in any situation
now, like if anyone's going toyou know doubles work in OT all
the time.
So if you know you're at arestaurant or you, you know
there's a fight break out, likeyou know, you know like okay, is
that energy for me?
No, is it yes for me?
No, is it yes?
All right, you pick, but we'repicking well nowadays.

(01:11:50):
We've been good, we've been sogood, so I'm proud of myself.

Dora (01:11:53):
Well, thank you so much for joining me in today's
conversation.
Dora, I love you sis, oh yeah,and that's where.
If you could leave a toxicathat relates with one message,
what would it be?

Daisy (01:12:07):
that's a good question.
If I could tell a mini daisytoxica advice now, I would say
don't do that bitch, I'm justkidding, I gotta think about it.
No, I would say, oh shit.

(01:12:27):
There's so much I would say,but the biggest one I would say
is, like, pay attention to yourenergy clock, because you're
gassing yourself the fuck outright now.
All this energy is spoiled onshitty drama.
Dumb people hint it thatactually love getting a rise out

(01:12:48):
of you.
Yeah, like they want to pokethe bear.
And I'm beth from like yellow,so I'm like I'm the fucking bear
, like you know, and it's like,yes, can you, you have you're so
powerful and if you feelyourself in that way like I feel
like I'm super powerful.
So I feel like if I reallywanted to do something like that
, shit's gonna get done.
It's gonna get done well, butlike this could be like if I

(01:13:09):
want to, you know, chew off thisperson's head and and pop off
on them.
I could.
I could make them cry I could, Iknow you can and it's just like
no, that's disgusting, likethat's, like, that's the old
daisy, that's just like wherethere's no filter.
You don't care how it's landing.
You're going for impact becauseyou know you have that power in
you.
Use the power for good, sister.

(01:13:30):
Use the power for good.
You don't need the drama, thetoxic, the, the friends that are
jealous of you.
You know who they are.
Cut them the fuck out now, likebetter, create some distance,
create healthy distance and,yeah, like, just cut out
everything that doesn't serveyou, because that she's gonna
keep taking away from yourcurrency, your time bank account

(01:13:53):
, and we don't have much in that.

Dora (01:13:56):
Yeah Time is limited.

Daisy (01:13:58):
Time is the highest currency, amen.
But yeah, that's what I wouldtell a little Toxica Jr.

Dora (01:14:04):
Thank you, sister, for being here today and having this
conversation with me because,yeah, we covered a lot.
We went all over, we went, wewent all over, we went all over,
but you dropped so many greatnuggets and just being able to
illustrate that with your ownlife thank you bringing that up
right and being so vulnerable inthis situation, like in in
those situations that Iappreciate it.

Daisy (01:14:24):
I feel like me.
You know I wouldn't have openedup before because it's again
those thoughts creep in of likewhat are people gonna think?
What do people guess?
It's more of like I know who Iam, I know what I mean.

Dora (01:14:36):
It's almost being you know I've seen where.
I want you to know that youknow this is probably hopefully
gonna help somebody.

Daisy (01:14:46):
I hope so.
Learn from my, my mistakes,babies, because you know I see
my niece now.
I see so much of myself and thefreshness I felt at 21.
And you know, jocelyn, I loveher and she's learning life
right now and I remember being16 and thinking we're immortal.
Nothing bad could ever happen.
Nothing you got your license,you can go anywhere, you're good

(01:15:14):
bro, get that cinnamon, butyou're just dumb.
Let yourself be dumb, but learn, learn, learn, learn.
And then, yeah, you got tofocus in on what you need in
life and maintaining thoserelationships and just your
hobbies Like now I'm killing itin pool because I cut out so
much other dumb shit that I canfocus in on like a really

(01:15:36):
productive hobby for me and Imet a lot of really cool people.
But that's why, going back toJosie, I'm just thinking like
wow, if I could tell myself at21, some of this stuff you know,
and I think it was because youknow mommy was a little
disconnected from the pictureand I feel like in my 20s it was
mostly me and dad, so puppywasn't as open and vulnerable.

(01:15:58):
That came later, when we'relike I'm like puppy, you're my
friend, bro, like I know you'remy dad, but you're my friend, we
have to drop some yes we gottadrop this prideful act.
What is this shit like?
And it's because he didn't wanthis view of, like, the provider
, the head of household, to betainted.
But it's like you have to.
You have to shed that, becausehow am I gonna get to know you,

(01:16:21):
the person, and like, be weird,be silly, be fucking, like
abnormal, like there's somestuff I do I think is pretty
weird, but I'm like, I like it,like this, that's just how it's
gonna be.
You know, like I'll be at thepool hall and you'll hear, and
you know it's just like what thefuck I'm like, I felt it came
out, came out from the good,came out from the love in my

(01:16:43):
heart.
You know it's just just energy.
So only focus in on the thingsthat serve you.
Oh well, thank you so much.
Thank you, dora.
This was a pleasure.
I had so much fun.
It will definitely bring youback for another episode.
I'm so excited for the next one.
Thank you for having me Allright.

Dora (01:17:08):
Okay, familia, we hope today's episode made you laugh,
laugh, reflect and realize thatbeing toxica is not the move,
but growth definitely is becausetoxica vibes are exhausting.

Daisy (01:17:19):
But being chingona, that's powerful mijita so tell
us on social media.

Dora (01:17:26):
Have you ever had a toxica moment, or do you want to
suggest a toxica scenario for usto act out next time?

Daisy (01:17:33):
And if you love this episode, leave us a review,
share it with your amigas andtag us on Instagram.
Thanks for hanging out with usand remember don't be Toxica, be
Chingona.

Dora (01:17:47):
We'll catch you on the next episode of I Mijita.
Embracing your Roots, reclaimyour Esencia.

Daisy (01:17:51):
Bye hasta luego paisas.

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