Episode Transcript
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Dora (00:01):
Hola, hola and welcome
back to Ay Mijita.
I'm your host, Dora AliciaPraxedis.
If this is your first time here, be metics.
This space is for first-gensouls ready to break cycles,
reclaim their esencia andembrace their raices with love
and honesty.
Today we're talking aboutsomething deep el trauma
generacional, the things weinherited but never asked for.
(00:23):
The silence, the guilt, thepressure to survive, succeed and
sacrifice.
This episode is about namingthose wounds so we can begin to
alchemize them into wisdom.
Hola, hola and welcome to AyMijita, embracing your Roots.
I'm your host, Dora AliciaPraxedis.
Intuitive healer, life coach,mamá hija hermana y proud
(00:53):
first-gen mexicana doing thedeeper inner work to break
generational cycles andreconnect with my true self.
This podcast is pa' ti who'sever asked yourself why am I
like this?
Because, deep down, you knowthere's more to your story than
just survival.
Here we dive into the messy,the magical, the medicine of
healing, from inner child workto energetic limpias, astrology
to ancestral wisdom, humandesign to hard boundaries.
(01:15):
I share my lived experiences,spiritual tools and teachable
moments, all with corazón yhonestidad.
So grab your cafecito tecito orthat bubbly drink you love and
let's get into today's episode,porque tu historia, tu voz y tu
healing matter.
Many of us grew up with unspokenrules Don't talk back, don't
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cry, be grateful.
And while our caregivers mayhave done their best, they were
often carrying unhealed wounds.
So we became the ones whosmiled even when it hurt, the
ones who felt guilty for wantingmore.
That's generationalconditioning, so it's not
necessarily about the obviousthings like abuse and neglect.
For me, growing up, that'swhere I could definitely
(01:59):
pinpoint to it wasn't allowed todemonstrate emotion, so I
always expected to be the strongone, to suppress those emotions
and not be able to cry aboutcertain things, even if they
wounded me deeply.
Also, being soft, like havingthat softness.
You wanted to be like hard,strong, don't demonstrate
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vulnerability.
And so also play like there aretimes where like play wasn't
allowed, like we needed toactually work, like clean and do
things around the house, um andand that shows up as well in
that generational trauma, and soit kind of hides in these
things when we especially whenwe make mistakes.
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That's where making mistakes Iwould feel horrible as a kid,
because I wanted to make sure Ipleased my parents, pleased
those around me, pleased myteachers and those adults that
cared for me, and so peoplepleasing.
That's when it rooted, that'swhen it started, and in order to
overcompensate some of thesethings when I would feel like
shitty I would overachieve, justto feel like I had that sense
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of worthiness, I wouldoverperform, especially when it
came to the grades, I alwaysstrive for the A's, strive to
get in on the honors classes,honor roll, do all the things
just to make myself feel like Iam worth of having the life I'm
having, or having that joy thatjust to be happy, I needed to
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make everybody else happy first.
And it also shows up aspatterns of over-apologizing,
like if you feel the need toapologize for who you are
because it doesn't pleasesomeone else.
That's another way that itshows up being hyper vigilant,
like always on a defensive,thinking that you're going to
get shamed or made fun of, andone of the things that I
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remember getting made fun of wasneeding to earn that rest.
So that was something that if Ineeded to just take a nap
during the weekend, or that if Ineeded to just take a nap
during the weekend or that, orlike didn't want to clean, or
that I was considered lazy.
I want to take time for myself.
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So ever since I was little, Iwas very conditioned to work
hard, and that's one thing.
I definitely am very gratefulto my parents that they
instilled that work hard andwork ethic in me, and that is
something that has definitelytaken me through adulthood.
Trauma isn't just what happenedto you, it's also what didn't
happen to you the affection, therest, the conversations.
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We never had, the freedom wedidn't feel safe to claim.
However, there was things thatwere pretty deep, like, for
example, when I would go andtranslate for my parents.
I would learn a lot about themand that because they the doctor
or the bank or various thingsthat came in the mail, I would
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end up translating them to thebest of my ability at a very
short age, like around nine or10.
I was already translating formy parents and then for those
around me, and it felt good tohelp out my parents and
especially feel that praiseright that I actually did
something to contribute to thefamily.
And that's where theoverachiever was born, that
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excelling and trying to do allthese various things for my
parents and perform in schoolsettings and at home and in
other areas.
That's where I thought I wouldreceive more love.
When I was little, I became thestrong one real quick because I
was praised for how responsibleI was, but no one asked how I
felt, and years later thatturned into emotional numbness,
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resentment and burnout.
And one story that I rememberfrom my childhood is whenever I
felt sick at school, I wouldneed to call my parents, and my
dad was the one that worked thesecond shift, so he would be
home or he would go into workearly and I would need to call
my parents, and my dad was theone that worked the second shift
, so he would be home or hewould go into work early and I
would need to call him.
Every time I called my dad, Ifelt like I was getting
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reprimanded for being sick.
So I remember walking down tothe office to the school nurse
and calling my dad and before Ieven picked up the phone I began
to cry.
And that was something that Iknew deep in my gut that my dad
would reprimand me for beingsick.
I felt like it was my faultthat I got sick, that I threw up
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at school, and I had to callhim.
He had to get out of work, eventhough he worked very close by
like around five to ten minutesdrive, and I would think he's
all upset.
So with that experience, Iwould always feel like I can't
get sick because that wouldupset my dad so much, because he
has to get out of work and Iinconvenienced him and I felt
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guilty for feeling sick.
So, throughout my adulthood,anytime I would get sick, I
would push through it because,again, we don't demonstrate
vulnerability.
We can never get sick.
We need to go, go, go, keepgoing, keep doing and deliver,
even though that, for me, wouldcompromise health and trying to
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get better.
I did not understand theconcept that mom or dad had to
stay home with you and take careof you, because my dad would
just drop me off at like when Iwas nine, 10, maybe he would buy
me something to eat like, suchas McDonald's, like my favorite
was a Big Mac with fries andthat was supposed to make me
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feel better after I threw up.
And that was the type ofconditioning that I received
when I was growing up.
Resting, feeling sick cameacross as being lazy.
If you wanted to rest andrecover, there was no going to
the doctor making sure youdidn't have strep throat, the
flu.
Now, with COVID, there was notesting.
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There was no going to thedoctor and trying to figure out
if there's anything seriousgoing on with you, because my
parents and I, we didn't knowbetter.
We thought those things don'thappen Until later in life, when
one of my siblings had amedical emergency.
That's when we finally realizedthe importance of going to get
checked, going to the doctor anddoing your due diligence in
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order to make sure that you'rewell, that your well-being is in
the forefront.
So this pressure came to makemy family proud, always by
sacrificing my joy or mywell-being, which that did I
later discover was not thenormal or a way of living that I
needed to prioritize myself.
Culturally.
There's a lot going on herewith my parents' upbringing and
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their childhood traumas.
It just was a cycle and itbecame over and over.
We grew up thinking it's normalto ignore our needs to put
everyone before us.
Cultural values like respetoand familia are beautiful, but
when taken to the extreme, theycan become cages.
Healing means honoring the goodwhile releasing the parts that
(09:09):
keep us small.
There was quite a few dichosgrowing up, like, por ejemplo,
calladita te ves mas bonita.
That means keeping quiet, youlook prettier.
Also, another kind of saying inEnglish is less is more, and so
it's kind of like suppressingthose emotions that I was
feeling, or that's somethingthat I would see in common
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Mexican culture is you don'tspeak back or you don't speak up
.
You have to keep quiet.
You just have to take it.
You don't have to challengewhat you're being told,
especially by your parents oryour elders.
You have to accept the waythings are.
The other dicho that I grew upwith was la familia es todo
right, like blood supersedes anyother relationships, and so
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that I did experience firsthandwhen my family like my mom, dad,
my sisters and I we were anucleus family, but then, when I
decided to leave the nest withmy boyfriend because we had our
daughter, that became an issueright, and there was a lot of
contrast there, a lot ofconflict there, and I will
(10:16):
definitely leave that story foranother episode.
The other thing that I shouldtouch upon is that shame-based
narrative around mental health,where, for example, mi abuelita
she suffers from ansiedad, andeven with my immediate family,
like, for example, my husband,or here at home, like sometimes,
these things come across aslike, if you go seek help with a
(10:39):
psychiatrist or a professionalhelp, que es pa' locos, right,
it's for the crazy.
Especially when I was goingthrough my pregnancies, I did
suffer from depression, and thefirst time around, because I was
16, my parents just thought Iwas sad and I would cry myself
to sleep every day, thinkingthat this is just the life,
right, this is how it's supposedto be for me.
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Because I made all thesechoices and decisions my friends
not speaking to me in highschool and definitely not having
that social life as I did withthem prior to my pregnancy, I
was very sad and I wasn'tclinically depressed because I
did not seek help at that pointin time.
But my second time around,pregnancy wise, I was clinically
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depressed, and you have theseoptions of taking medications or
going through the motions ofgetting counseling and seeking
that help every week and feelingsupported.
But for those around me it justlooked like I just wanted to be
lazy, that I just wanted tosleep all day, que no quería
hacer, nada, era una floja y noquería limpiar.
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So I didn't want to clean or doanything around the house.
And of course, it wasn't evenlike that.
It was just I didn't know howto regulate my emotions.
I didn't even know what wasgoing on with myself.
I just felt all this like grief, even feeling, of the life I
had.
And so that touches aboutanother point on sexuality.
My parents never really talkedto me about those things.
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They just thought, okay, youjust go to school, come home and
that's it.
No boyfriends, no, nothing.
It was a very strict householdwhere we couldn't go out at all.
And when I came to my freshmanyear I realized, well, that's
not how I want to live my life.
I want to go out.
So I started to rebel.
So that was definitely when Ibecame rebellious with them in
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my freshman year, snuck out.
That was definitely when Ibecame rebellious with them in
my freshman year, snuck out.
And I remember when I got myperiod at age 10, my mom said oh
, you can get pregnant from nowon.
No context, not periods comeevery month, that type of thing
or the regularity.
They believe strongly that theschool system teaches you
everything you needed to know,and so that was a huge
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misconception.
And for me, if I couldn'tapproach my parents, I felt
afraid asking for help withanybody, even my friends.
I felt like I was the one thatdidn't know better and in
reality I was living under arock.
But I did not want to admit it.
I didn't want to feel like anoutsider, like I was weird or I
was any different.
So I did want to have thissense of belonging.
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So, again, just being shamedinto falling under these beliefs
that didn't really serve me atthat point in time.
They were not supportive ofanything, they just caused me to
sink deeper in this hole ofunknown with my emotions that I
did not know how to regulate, oreven identify, for that matter.
Which leads me to how doestrauma show up in adulthood?
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This could be feelingemotionally disconnected or numb
.
I would definitely feeldisconnected with my emotions
because I would just ignore themand I would numb myself with
things such as working so hardor overworking.
There's guilt around resting orsaying no.
As we discussed before, sayingno is not a sentence.
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Sometimes for individuals, theywant to see why you have a no,
and sometimes that guilt is sobig that you forego doing things
just to feel like you'd have todeliver to others' needs and
not your own.
So it's, in a sense, overridingyour own system, your own body.
Another way this shows up ishyper-independence, like making
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sure you don't need anybodyaround you.
Burnout, overworking so thatcaused me to burn out to the
point where I hurt my back and Icouldn't walk for two weeks,
also never asking for help.
That is another area that Ithought oh no, I'm a chingona, I
could do this all on my own, Idon't need anybody else.
You also.
You question your identity,belonging, your worthiness
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because you need to fit the moldin culturally.
This is how we've been wired,this is how we've just brought
up throughout our childhood, andso we think that is a normal
behavior.
Have you ever felt guilty fordoing what's right for you, for
saying no, for resting, forchoosing a different path than
your family expected?
That's not just your voice,that's the inherited belief that
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our worth is tied to how muchwe give, how much we carry.
This often shows up in work,our friendships and even how we
show up for ourselves.
If we're always performingstrength, we miss out on the
softness we deserve, and inorder not to get hurt, we avoid
intimacy or to be seen.
We feel like we need toovershare, and so that is very
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confusing.
Control for safety.
I would consider myself aperson that is very controlling.
I like things a certain type ofway.
I also want to know what'sgoing to happen from A to Z.
I want all the steps.
So that's another area for mepersonally that I've struggled
with.
Knowing all the things and forme, I do admit, like staying in
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that survival mode of the hustleof the sacrifice of the
perfection, have always been sonormal for me.
And stepping out of that andknowing what it is to have calm,
peace and joy, those are twodifferent lifestyles.
In addition to everything else,we always have this chronic
guilt or fear of disappointingthose around us, especially our
(16:01):
elders, and so that definitelywas something with my parents
that I wanted to perform.
I wanted to make sure that theywere proud of me.
Even though I never reallyheard that from their mouths, I
would always hear that fromthird parties, like my aunt or
uncle or someone else saying ohI was talking to your ma or your
pa and they were telling methat they were very proud of you
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.
But not hearing it from theirmouths really is like a deep
wound that I had to endure overtime.
So this shows up in so many ofus staying in jobs that we hate
relationships that drain usbecause at least it's stable,
right, and in quotes, we thinkbreaking a pattern means
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betraying your family, butstaying stuck is betraying
ourselves actually.
Pattern means betraying yourfamily, but staying stuck is
betraying ourselves actually.
So let's get into a little moreon that survival mode and the
first gen pressure.
My parents always told me, youknow, they came here to give us
a better life.
They wanted us to be us,meaning my sisters and I to be
better.
And watching them work two,three jobs just to maintain the
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household, give us our needs, weshould be grateful.
Right Like that was love forthem.
The way my mom cooks, likethat's the way she loves keeping
the house clean, everythingtidy, that was her way of
demonstrating love to us and toher husband and then my dad.
It was being that father figureof working so hard, being that
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father figure of working so hard, and so for them they missed
out completely on spending timewith us.
Our time together was limited,but I don't necessarily remember
the quality time of loving eachother, of hugging each other,
of saying we love each other andthat is the story of many
immigrant families the parentsespecially, where they didn't
have time to sleep, much lesslike watch TV and do all the
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things with the family, plantrips together, and so that was
something that wasn't part ofour lives on a day to day, like
getting dinner together,everybody kind of came and went
whenever they wanted.
So missing out on that thatcreated that survival mode right
that I needed to watch out formyself and for my sisters, me
being the oldest, at the age offive.
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I was always around them and Iwas looked at like, oh, take
care of them.
And then at seven, I rememberjust babysitting them all by
myself.
Now, when we would get togetheras, like our extended family,
my mom's brothers would gettogether and then her sisters
later on.
That was something that youknow, my parents always liked to
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play that competition game ofwho's going to be la primera to
succeed, and I think that's why,when I went to college, even
taking that step to go tocollege, I felt like none of my
family went on to schooling.
Graduated high school wasbarely on my hit list because of
my pregnancy, my sophomore yearin high school.
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So going on to college, that waskind of like my ticket out,
right that I wanted to have abetter life for myself, for my
daughter, and then Philly, mynow husband, my boyfriend at the
time.
He always wanted what was bestfor me, what was going to make
me happy, what was going to payoff for our daughter, regardless
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if we were together or not.
The other feeling I got was Ialways have to pay them back
with my life my parents becauseof all the sacrifices and
everything that I did.
So being successful was one waythat I could attribute it to
them.
Like, for example, when theelders for us, it's in the
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Mexican culture instead ofputting them in nursing homes,
it's like you have them livingwith you because you need to be
their caretaker when they'reelderly.
And if you err for the otherside, like putting them in a
nursing homes, it's like youhave them living with you
because you need to be theircaretaker when they're elderly.
And if you err for the otherside, like putting them in a
nursing home, then that goes toshow that you don't love them,
you didn't appreciate them.
But that is definitely not howit truly is.
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It's more of like what doesthat person need?
Right?
And I did work in a nursinghome for a couple of years when
I was in college and it was suchan eye-awakening experience for
me, seeing it firsthand, likethe families and the elders, and
how their mental, emotional andphysical well-being kind of
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deteriorated very fast for someof them because they had
dementia and things of thatnature and and I saw firsthand
for the families it was so hard.
But then again, who's going totake care of them and what's
going to get them that care thatthey need?
And because you're so busytrying to survive and with all
this pressure, there is noemotional room.
Because you're alwaysperforming, you're always trying
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to see what's the next thing,instead of sitting there and
processing the things that weregoing on with you.
It's like you're in it, right?
You're in this fight or flightmode.
Our parents were surviving, notalways thriving.
They didn't have that luxury topause and process, but we do,
and when we do that inner work,we're not disrespecting them.
We're fulfilling their deepestwish for us to be free and we
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are their prayer.
We are eventually going to bebetter than them and more aware
than them, because I have aphilosophy once you learn
something or become aware ofsomething, you can't unlearn it
anymore.
What does the path to healinglook like?
The first step is becomingaware of what is going on with
you, like taking that moment topause and really dig deep into
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the emotions, what's physicallygoing on, closing your eyes,
being in tune with your body.
Healing begins with curiositywhen we ask where did this
belief come from?
Why do I feel like I need toearn rest or love or joy?
That's where we start toreparent ourselves by offering
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the compassion we didn't receive.
And one can reparent your innerchild, and this is regardless
of your gender or your age, andthrough this podcast we'll talk
about how you can reparent yourinner child.
But it's giving yourselfpermission to live differently
and release that guilt thatyou're hanging on to, naming
your truth and honoring yourhealing and prioritizing it.
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Of course, one needs to be openin order to receive right.
So if you want to work throughthese things, that's where you
need to really honor yourselfand where you're at, cut
yourself some love and grace andunderstand that this is going
to be a process and it might bea painful one, but the other
side, that other side of thebridge, is so much better.
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That's where the rainbows andthe unicorns and everything live
.
And healing doesn't meanblaming.
It means honoring that.
We come from strong roots andnow we get to plant something
new.
We are allowed to choose peace,even if no one else around you
understands it yet, you are theone your ancestors dreamed of.
Breaking the cycle doesn't meanbreaking the connection.
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It just means restoring it withmore light.
And we'll get into thatspiritual and ancestral healing
as well in this podcast.
But for now, I think this ismore than enough.
Treat this journey as healing,as you remember your wholeness,
all of you, the light and thedark.
Take a deep breath, check in.
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Did any of this land in yourbody?
I want you to grab your journaland, if it did, and pause this.
If you like to go, get that penand paper and I invite you to
reflect.
What were you expected to begrowing up?
What weren't you allowed toexpress?
What weren't you allowed toexpress?
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What part of yourself is askingto be seen ahora, right now.
And if you want to skip thewriting it down, you can talk to
a trusted friend.
And if you're ready to explorethis work más profundo, send me
a message.
Down below in the show notes, Ihave a place where you can
click and send me a messagedirectly.
I hold space for folks doingthis brave, beautiful work of
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remembering who they are beneaththe noise, with love, clarity
and ancestral wisdom.
And I pulled a card from one ofmy favorite decks called the
Healing the Inner Child Oracleby Nina Monandry.
I probably butchered her name.
I'm so sorry.
I know the feeling because alot of people butcher my name,
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braxedis.
And so it says inside the box.
It's so beautiful.
It says no matter what yourchildhood was like, it's never
too late to heal.
And the card I pulled was 14trust.
And it's this one gal.
She's on like these balloonslooking thing and she's trying
to walk this tightrope and shehas angels flying around her and
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it looks like a sunset, verybeautiful picture.
And so this one it's theinvitation of the tarot begins
with the fool stepping into theunknown, seemingly off a cliff.
It is the ultimate beginningand the end of a journey full of
innocent trust, realizing thatnothing is within our control,
blissfully surrendering theconstant worries and fears of
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the mind.
The full archetype stands forthe faith that everything is
always working in our bestinterest.
The woman in this card isstepping into the complete
unknown.
Yet she is not alone.
There are wings at her back andguides cheering her on.
She knows there is no goingback.
This card is an invitation tostep into surrender with the
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deep trust that you aresupported and the universe will
not let you fall.
Inner Child Children have nochoice but to trust.
Babies are completelyvulnerable and must have faith
that they will be fed andclothed, but if care is denied
or withheld over time, you mighthave lost trust in your
caregivers.
Today, it is essential thatyour younger self trusts you.
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Each time you honor your innerchild's feelings without
explaining them away.
They trust you a little morewhen you spend time with your
inner child, listen and askquestions.
Their faith in you increasesuntil one day there is no
separation between you.
Hold your inner child's hands,look into their eyes and say out
loud little one.
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Together we will trust lifeagain.
The journey when are you holdingon tightly at the moment?
Kick off your shoes, lean backinto a chair, close your eyes
and imagine yourself outside ofyour home, looking into the
window, observing yourself.
Go about your day, notice whatit is like.
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Are you at ease?
Are your movements slow andcontent or fearful and anxious?
How are you spending your time?
Are you dancing, smiling?
Don't judge.
Simply continue to observe.
Now invite into the scene theversion of you that trusts.
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How does she move?
How does she prepare a meal?
What is she spending her timedoing at home?
If you can imagine it, you canexperience it.
There is no difference.
Step into the soft clouds andembraced by the love within you
and all around you.
Gracias for being here andholding space for this truth.
(27:14):
Next week, we'll explore limpiasspiritual cleansings and how
our ancestors moved energy whenthings felt heavy.
Until then, keep softening intoyour truth, embrace your raices
, reclaim your esencia.
Nos vemos pronto.
Gracias por acompañarme, cariño.
I hope this episode offered youa moment of connection with
your story, your ancestors, ormaybe even a part of yourself
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you've forgotten.
Remember, healing isn't linear.
Sometimes it's a whisper, aboundary, a quiet no mas.
Other times it's a breakthroughthat shifts everything.
Whatever it is for you today,honor it.
You're not alone on this path.
If this episode resonated,please share it with an hermana
hermano, a prima primo or acomadre who needs to hear it too
(28:00):
.
Leave a review, hit, subscribeand let's keep building this
healing comunidad together.
Till next time, keep embracingyour raices, reclaiming your
esencia and walking your path Padentro y pa fuera.