July 24, 2025 • 26 mins
Relationships serve as powerful mirrors reflecting not just who we are, but also our deepest wounds, beliefs, and generational patterns. When something triggers us in a relationship, it's rarely just about the other person—it's about an old wound being activated.
As Latinas and first-generation Americans, many of us carry cultural beliefs about love that shape our relationships in profound ways: staying together for appearances, avoiding conflict, equating loyalty with tolerating mistreatment, normalizing secrets, and adhering to rigid gender roles. We're taught that "aguantar" (enduring hardship) is love, when truly, love should never leave you feeling drained or diminished.
Recognizing relationship patterns requires honest self-reflection. Red flags include constantly explaining yourself, anxiety when awaiting responses, avoiding necessary conflict, pretending everything's fine when it's not, and relationships that feel like emotional roller coasters. Green flags to seek include feeling safe to speak your truth, experiencing mutual effort and emotional consistency, having boundaries respected, and being genuinely celebrated for your growth.
The journey toward healthier relationships begins with practical healing tools: energetic cleansing (limpias), reflective journaling, exploring astrological and human design insights, setting loving boundaries, and performing cord-cutting visualizations to release old attachments. Perhaps most transformative is understanding how our inner child drives our relationship dynamics—when someone triggers abandonment wounds, it's this younger version of ourselves crying out for protection.
Ready to transform your relationship patterns? Start with these journal questions: What did love look like growing up? What are you still tolerating? Where do you stay silent to keep peace? What boundaries need setting? Remember, healing takes patience and much self-love, but creates space for relationships that help you grow rather than keep you small.
Share your journey or questions with me — I'd love to hear your story and support your healing path.
Get the Free Guide: The Raiz Ritual for grounding your energy and reconnecting with your esencia.
Join the waitlist for The Inner Shift: 12 Week Coaching Program
Email: dora@dorapraxedis.com
Follow Dora on Instagram @dpraxedis
Check out the website: www.dorapraxedis.com
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Dora (00:06):
Hola, hola, mi gente hermosa and welcome back to Ay
Mijita.
Embrace your roots, reclaimyour esencia.
I'm Dora Alicia Praxedis, yourSpanglish hermana, intuitive
healer, life coach and yourcompañera para todo lo que es
healing, empowerment yreclaiming who the heck we
really are is healingempowerment and reclaiming who
the heck we really are.
Hoy we're diving deep into atema que hits home for all of us
(00:28):
relationships, not justromantic love, pero familia,
friendships, comunidad andespecially the relationships you
have con contigo mismo.
Because the truth is, how weshow up in relationships often
reflects our deepest wounds andour deepest healing.
(00:50):
So, ponte comfortable, grabyour cafecito or a tea, your
journal, your tissues, if you'resensitive like me, Porque hoy
we're going to talk about how toheal relationship patterns from
the inside out.
We're going to talk about howto heal relationship patterns
from the inside out.
I'll share personal stories,spiritual tools y te voy a dejar
(01:12):
con preguntas para quereflexiones y start transforming
how you connect with others andespecially yourself, contigo
mismo.
So let's talk about somethingsuper real Relationships are
(01:35):
mirrors.
Todo lo que we attract, tolerateor struggle with in
relationships often comes fromold wounds, beliefs and
generational patterns.
Many of us grew up hearingthings like La familia es lo más
importante, aunque te lastimen.
Calladita te ves más bonita.
Which I've used that one in thepast before.
(01:55):
It's your duty to stay loyal,aunque no seas feliz, like en
serio.
And that creates this idea thatloving others means sacrificing
yourself.
Pero love isn't supposed tohurt, it's not supposed to drain
you, it's supposed to expandyou.
And sometimes we don't realizethat the person we're really
(02:16):
fighting with is our innerwounds.
So, mijita, mijito, I want youto pause and ask yourself when
was the last time I felttriggered in a relationship?
Was it really about that personor about an old wound being
poked at?
These are the preguntas thatstart to wake us up and become a
(02:37):
little more open and start todig a little deeper on what
might be underlying the surfaceor the.
I can see, when I had this firstrealization that our
relationships are mirrors, Ididn't really want to admit it
because it was something that,for me, I felt shamed, right, or
(02:58):
embarrassed to admit.
Because I didn't want to admitthat I was triggered by a
certain thing someone would do,because I didn't see myself like
that.
But there was underlying thingssuch as ego or like I would
never wear that.
But that was probably because Ihad insecurities with my own
body and I wasn't able to givemyself permission to allow those
(03:22):
feelings and emotions to comeup.
So I can process and I didthink I loved my body the way it
was.
But looking at others kind ofdress a certain type of way that
I thought I couldn't dress,that was the underlying issue.
So it's not really justone-to-one.
It might be something deeperonce you look into it further.
(03:45):
Let's talk cultura.
As a Latina myself, mujer decolor first gen, I carry so many
beliefs about love andsacrifice and, as we all do,
because that's kind of what someof these societal norms make us
believe, for example, stayingin a relationship for
(04:07):
appearances.
You don't want to get into thechisme right of others and
that's where keeping theapariencias.
I know my parents played a lotinto this one because they
didn't want to admit theyweren't in love or that they
weren't this happy family.
It was kind of playing thatcharade.
I know divorce in our familywasn't something of the norm or
(04:30):
maybe people would talk in ourfamily I mean, I think that's
something my mom and my dadwanted to prevent was to be
gossiped about.
Where we ended up beinggossiped anyway because of my
pregnancy at 16.
Everybody thought I was doomed,but anyway I digress.
The other one is avoidingconflict at all costs, like
(04:53):
don't rock the boat Walking oneggshells.
When someone is a superreactive in a relationship, you
don't want to poke the bearright and have them lash out and
say hurtful, meaningful thingsat times, so sometimes we just
keep quiet.
The other one is believingloyalty means tolerating
(05:16):
mistreatment, being complacentbecause you want to prove your
love.
You don't want the other personto think, oh, I don't love you
the way you are, or you want tobe that person that they go to.
So we ended up tolerating a lotof shit that we shouldn't and
being treated a certain way thatis not respectful to us.
(05:38):
And the last one here isthinking it's normal to have
secrets or live in silence.
I remember growing up we wouldjust pretend like nothing
happened the next day, eventhough we had a huge fight or we
would argue or we would yell ateach other.
But because ignorance is abliss that's one of my favorite
sayings we just kind of sweep itunder the rug.
(05:59):
And I lied.
I do have one more for you.
And let's not forget how genderroles play into it, especially
in our culture.
That is a tough one to swallow.
But growing up I remember mytia saying things like una mujer
(06:19):
aguanta, eso es amor.
A woman is supposed to tolerateeverything for being with my
man, and I get that.
But then I don't get that,because then we end up enduring
so much pain and hurt and thingsover time that I feel like it
builds up and we explodesometimes.
And I believed it until Irealized that aguantar cost me
(06:46):
my health, my mental peace andmy own voice.
Mijita, aguantar is not love.
You deserve relationships thatfeel safe, free and expansive
Expansivos.
Let me get real contigo.
For years I was a people pleaserin every relationship I thought
(07:06):
being low maintenance made melovable, keeping quiet kept,
pero let's just say it wasintense.
This person would disappearemotionally, then come back like
(07:29):
nothing happened and I'd staythinking y pensando, y pensando.
If I love harder, they'll stay.
If I give it my all, they'llcome back.
But I was chasing someoneemotionally unavailable because
deep down I felt unworthy of theconsistent love.
One night after a huge fight, Iremember I was crying in my car
(07:53):
, shaking, and I asked myselfwhy do I keep choosing people
who can't choose me back Like Ifeel so used who can't choose me
back Like I feel so used.
That moment really changed mylife and it shifted.
I started to become more awareof how crummy it made me feel,
(08:15):
and that's when it was the startof my inner shift.
And it wasn't easy.
Healing relationship patternsnever is, pero it's so worth it,
porque now I'm in relationshipswhere I'm seen, heard and
valued, and so can you.
In this particular relationshipthat I had this fallout with,
(08:39):
and realization, it was a familymember and so that's not
someone I could just brush offand say, oh, I'm not going to
talk to them ever again.
There was a point in time whereI didn't talk to them for a bit
, and I try to put my foot down,but every time I would go back
after months of not talking, itwould be the same thing over and
(09:01):
over again.
And that's when I realized Ineed to forgive the person for
where they're at, because theydon't know better.
They really don't.
They're not aware.
In my awareness, my sense ofconsciousness, I was able to see
things in a different light,and it was for me to get better.
(09:23):
I can't change other people,and that was another huge
realization was I need to lovethe person the way they are, and
if that means I have to keep adistance, then so be it, but I
still send the person love.
Once you start havingrelationships that you feel like
you're reciprocated and you'revalued, it definitely shifts
(09:46):
your perspective.
But it all starts with youtreating yourself in that way,
with respect and love andcompassion.
Let's talk red flags y patronestóxicos.
We sometimes ignore Constantlyexplaining yourself like neta,
te sientes que necesitasexplicar todo.
Like you need to explainyourself for everything.
(10:06):
Feeling anxious when someonetakes long to reply.
So when you're sitting thereyou're waiting for someone to
reply, you feel like you need tofill the void sometimes for
someone to reply, you feel likeyou need to fill the void
sometimes, especially if you'refeeling, if you're sitting face
to face.
That's another one wheresilence sometimes is super
uncomfortable for people.
(10:27):
Avoiding conflict at all costs,that is trying to brush
everything under the rug.
It's ignoring, like pretendingthat nothing's wrong because you
don't again.
Like pretending that nothing'swrong because you don't again
want to rock that boat sayingI'm fine cuando no estás fine.
And this one I kind of laughand giggle to myself because I
(10:47):
used to use this one with Phillyall the time my husband and it
drove him nuts because he wouldask estás bien?
And I'm like, no, si está bien,todo está bien, everything's
fine, and it really wasn't.
I just didn't want to pick afight and I I was having a hard
time honestly trying to processwhat was going through my head
and my heart and my feelings andeverything.
(11:09):
And honestly I didn't want tocause a scene, because sometimes
it was my berrinches, like mybrat moments, that I just wanted
to cause him to pay attentionto me and that was one way of
doing that.
So now, my proudest momentrelationships that feel like
roller coasters.
(11:29):
So it's a montaña rusa ofemotions and I know people in my
life they get on that rollercoaster of emotions and I pretty
much tell them call me whenit's over, because I am so not
taking that ride.
Mijita, love should feel calm,not like you're holding your
breath.
There is a bright side to this.
(11:50):
So, también, let's talk aboutgreen flags, because not
everything is negativo.
Feeling safe to speak up,opening up with the no filter,
is the best feeling ever.
Right, opening your heart,being able to talk freely,
without judgment, the mutualeffort, so someone that
reciprocates, alguien, give meto where you are and walks you
(12:14):
through hand by hand.
That emotional consistency,that other person regulating
emotions is key for the personwith that emotional intelligence
right, that maturity that feelsso good when you finally find
it with someone Respectingboundaries, and that goes first
of all with yourself.
But it's great when someoneknows what your boundaries are
(12:40):
and having the other personhonor that and respect them,
that is key, genuinelycelebrating your growth, not
having that other person guardarresentimientos or like look at
(13:02):
you with the side eye or bebutthurt because you're doing
better than them.
So that person that reallycheers you on without any
hesitation.
Healing means learning torecognize both right, the toxic
parts and the green flags.
So ask yourself, am I choosinglove or familiar chaos?
So ¿cómo empezamos to healnuestros patrones, our patterns?
(13:28):
Te voy a compartir my favoritetools.
Number one, of course, is thelimpias.
So I do egg limpias to releaseheavy energy from past breakups,
any arguments, those heavyfeeling vibes, and when I feel
entangled in someone's energy,una limpia helps me clear it out
.
So that can be with palo santocrystals.
(13:51):
Sage a shower and just gothrough the motions of releasing
everything that doesn't serveyou anymore.
Number two is journaling.
Ask yourself questions likewhat did love look like in my
childhood?
And if something does come up,that's where you probably want
to sit with it.
(14:12):
If you can, if you feel safeand comfortable, dig in and see
what comes up emotionally andthoughts, memories.
Ask yourself what do I trulywant in a relationship?
How do you want to be treated?
What's your ideal in therelationship that you're asking
(14:35):
for and put it out there in theuniverse.
Deal in a relationship thatyou're asking for and put it out
there in the universe.
Who drains my energy and whogives me peace?
That's a good one, becausesometimes when you journal, it's
automatic writing and that'swhere things come up that you
didn't even realize you had inyou, or thoughts right, put them
on paper and sometimes, whenyou reread it, and sometimes
(15:02):
when you reread it, somethingelse jumps out at you.
Number three is astrology andhuman design.
So your natal birth chart canshow you love patterns,
attachment styles and soullessons.
I strongly believe that wechose our parents coming into
this lifetime.
They are our teachers in thislife and so when you're looking
at your birth chart, that givesa lot of indications, especially
(15:25):
what placements you have in thedifferent houses, what might be
going on, especially in yourhome and family.
House number four, house numbereight of shared resources and
definitely house number 11 whenit comes to community social
gatherings, that type of thing.
(15:45):
And, of course, house numberone, which is the most important
one, I think, because that'show you portray yourself to
others, especially to thebroader world.
Human design shows how you bestconnect with others.
So, for example, I'm agenerator, so I need sacred
responses before I can commit topeople or projects.
(16:08):
Number four is boundaries conamor.
So those boundaries are notwalls, they're bridges built
with respect.
So practice small boundariesfirst.
For example, I'm not availableto talk about this right now, or
I need time to think about myanswer Like ¿es diciendo no?
Without saying no necessarily.
(16:30):
So that comes in handy whenyou're trying to navigate some
of these difficult conversations, or you really don't have that
mental space or emotionalbandwidth to talk about it at
that given moment.
Number five is energetic cordcutting.
So visualize scissors.
Or if you actually havescissors and a string or a
(16:53):
ribbon, you can go ahead andphysically do this.
You are cutting old ties withpeople who no longer serve you
and you say out loud when you'redoing this, I release this
energy, with love and gratitude,I call back my power.
You'd be surprised how freeingit feels.
I remember I tried this with mygrandma and she was so confused
(17:14):
about this exercise, but onceshe was done she was able to say
, wow, that felt really good,like letting go, and so this is
a way to physically do that withthat intention.
Cariño, the inner child runs theshow in relationships.
When someone triggersabandonment wounds, it's your
(17:35):
inner niña, niño, interior,crying for protection.
Some ways to connect with themis to place your hand on your
heart and say I'm here, I seeyou, I love you, you're safe.
Visualize your inner child atthe age you felt most hurt or
(17:56):
the situation that came up thatupset.
You sit with them, tell themthat they're not alone.
You can also do a limpia whenyou're setting the intention to
release that childhood painaround the love.
In your visualization, healingyour inner child transforms how
(18:21):
you show up in all relationships, including the one contigo
mismo.
No dejes olvidado o olvidadathat little kid that came out to
feel safe, to expressthemselves, especially in a
healthy way.
I know there's more to explorehere, which we will do at a
(18:43):
later podcast episode, but fornow, sit with what you feel
resonates with you, and starthaving that relationship with
your inner child.
That will make you understandwhy you are the way you are, and
there might be memories youdon't remember now, but when
you're doing this work, thingscome up because it's the time to
(19:07):
work through them.
Okay, let's pause and reflect.
Aquí te dejo preguntas para tujournal.
What did love look and feellike growing up?
What am I still tolerating inmy relationships?
(19:28):
Where do I stay silent to keepthe peace?
What do I want my relationshipsto feel like moving forward?
(19:49):
What boundary do I need to setthis week?
Take your time.
Healing takes paciencia y muchoamor.
I'd love to hear from you.
Have you recognized a patternin your relationships?
You're ready to heal?
Do you have a story where youfinally spoke your truth?
(20:11):
You can send me a DM onInstagram, at deepraxedis, or
email me at hola, atdorapraxedcom, and maybe we'll
share your story on a futureepisode.
Siempre, anonymous, if youprefer.
I'd love to hear what you'regoing through and if there's any
way that I can assist.
I'm here for you and I'mrooting for you as well.
(20:40):
I thought to get some guidancewith my oracle cards, which is
another tool I love to use.
And I pulled a card from theWisdom of the Oracle from
Colette Barron-Reed, and thecard that came up was number six
, not for you.
And the card that came up wasnumber six, not for you.
(21:04):
Now the visual of it is it'slike a fortune cookie, like one
of those Chinese fortune cookies, in between a chessboard, and
so we have the white pieces onthe left, the black pieces on
the right, and then there's awindow, a ventana looking thing,
or a chest at the top, and it'sbeing held by a hand.
And so I'm going to read whatthis card means.
(21:26):
So the essential meanings forthis card is a clear knowing
that something is being deniedyou.
Rejection is God's protection.
And again, I pulled this oraclecard to give a little more
flavor and guidance onrelationships.
And so the oracle message forthis is there are times when it
(21:48):
appears that, no matter howdeeply you desire something, no
matter how hard you work atsomething, the result you seek
always seems to elude you.
It's as if you don't really getto be in the game and you feel
you're just watching from thesidelines.
The appearance of this cardindicates that you are not going
(22:09):
to attain what you want toright now that, indeed, your
dreams for that exact thing willnot be fulfilled.
This is a time to radicallyaccept that not everything is
available to you when you wantit.
Take heart, for there arebenevolent forces who desire the
(22:29):
best for you and have a muchclearer idea of what is for your
highest good.
Rejection is God's protection.
Something much better that willmake you truly happy is on its
way.
Trust this.
The relationship message withthis card is some relationships
carry an innate seed of failurein them.
(22:51):
That is obvious from thebeginning, but the red flags
escape your observation or yourefuse to acknowledge them.
When a relationship is notmeant to be, it is not possible
to make it be.
Rejection is a sign that you'rebeing protected by the divine.
If you are the one who mustreject another, remember that
(23:11):
you do so for both your sakes.
For every pot there is a lid.
This one may not be the bestfit.
The prosperity message with thiscard is you can strategize and
project and systemize and investall the time and energy, but
sometimes your best laid plansseem to go awry.
(23:34):
In spite of it all, keep inmind that no effort is wasted.
Fail fast and learn from defeat.
Then keep going.
You will eventually succeed,although perhaps not at this
game, not at this time.
Know when to fold your cards.
The protection message with thiscard is don't chase after what
(23:55):
flees from you.
Don't obsess over what eludesyou.
Don't bang your head againstthe wall.
There is nothing romantic aboutwhat is unavailable, no prize
given for torturing yourself andnothing to be gained by
refusing to see the red flagsthat have been waving since you
began your pursuit.
Now is the time to walk away.
(24:15):
There are other goals, otherloves, other gains, other
successes waiting for you.
The way out of obsessing isradical acceptance and surrender
.
Spirit wants only the best foryou.
This is a sign that you havesomething much better waiting
for you Trust.
So hopefully this reading andthis card resonated with you and
(24:39):
I think is very in line withour conversation today regarding
relationships.
Sometimes we don't understandwhy things happen, but know in
your heart and in your mind.
That's where logic needs tocome on board.
Right is everything's happeningfor you, not against, against
you?
Remember to trust the processand endure it, because you are
(25:04):
learning so much from it andyou're going to be such a better
person on the other side.
Cariño, thank you for hangingout conmigo today.
Remember, relationships are notmeant to keep you small.
(25:27):
They're meant to help you grow,heal and shine even brighter.
If this episode resonatedcontigo, share with someone who
needs it or leave me a review somore people can find this space
.
Don't forget to download myfree guide, the Raiz Ritual for
(25:48):
grounding your energy andreconnecting with your esencia.
You can find the link in theshow notes below.
Next week, we'll be talkingmore about relationships in my
life.
Trust me, you don't want tomiss it.
Until next time, keep embracingyour raices and reclaiming your
esencia.
Besitos, mi gente.
Hola, hola, mi gente hermosa and welcome back to Ay
Mijita.
Embrace your roots, reclaimyour esencia.
I'm Dora Alicia Praxedis, yourSpanglish hermana, intuitive
healer, life coach and yourcompañera para todo lo que es
healing, empowerment yreclaiming who the heck we
really are is healingempowerment and reclaiming who
the heck we really are.
Hoy we're diving deep into atema que hits home for all of us
(00:28):
relationships, not justromantic love, pero familia,
friendships, comunidad andespecially the relationships you
have con contigo mismo.
Because the truth is, how weshow up in relationships often
reflects our deepest wounds andour deepest healing.
(00:50):
So, ponte comfortable, grabyour cafecito or a tea, your
journal, your tissues, if you'resensitive like me, Porque hoy
we're going to talk about how toheal relationship patterns from
the inside out.
We're going to talk about howto heal relationship patterns
from the inside out.
I'll share personal stories,spiritual tools y te voy a dejar
(01:12):
con preguntas para quereflexiones y start transforming
how you connect with others andespecially yourself, contigo
mismo.
So let's talk about somethingsuper real Relationships are
(01:35):
mirrors.
Todo lo que we attract, tolerateor struggle with in
relationships often comes fromold wounds, beliefs and
generational patterns.
Many of us grew up hearingthings like La familia es lo más
importante, aunque te lastimen.
Calladita te ves más bonita.
Which I've used that one in thepast before.
(01:55):
It's your duty to stay loyal,aunque no seas feliz, like en
serio.
And that creates this idea thatloving others means sacrificing
yourself.
Pero love isn't supposed tohurt, it's not supposed to drain
you, it's supposed to expandyou.
And sometimes we don't realizethat the person we're really
(02:16):
fighting with is our innerwounds.
So, mijita, mijito, I want youto pause and ask yourself when
was the last time I felttriggered in a relationship?
Was it really about that personor about an old wound being
poked at?
These are the preguntas thatstart to wake us up and become a
(02:37):
little more open and start todig a little deeper on what
might be underlying the surfaceor the.
I can see, when I had this firstrealization that our
relationships are mirrors, Ididn't really want to admit it
because it was something that,for me, I felt shamed, right, or
(02:58):
embarrassed to admit.
Because I didn't want to admitthat I was triggered by a
certain thing someone would do,because I didn't see myself like
that.
But there was underlying thingssuch as ego or like I would
never wear that.
But that was probably because Ihad insecurities with my own
body and I wasn't able to givemyself permission to allow those
(03:22):
feelings and emotions to comeup.
So I can process and I didthink I loved my body the way it
was.
But looking at others kind ofdress a certain type of way that
I thought I couldn't dress,that was the underlying issue.
So it's not really justone-to-one.
It might be something deeperonce you look into it further.
(03:45):
Let's talk cultura.
As a Latina myself, mujer decolor first gen, I carry so many
beliefs about love andsacrifice and, as we all do,
because that's kind of what someof these societal norms make us
believe, for example, stayingin a relationship for
(04:07):
appearances.
You don't want to get into thechisme right of others and
that's where keeping theapariencias.
I know my parents played a lotinto this one because they
didn't want to admit theyweren't in love or that they
weren't this happy family.
It was kind of playing thatcharade.
I know divorce in our familywasn't something of the norm or
(04:30):
maybe people would talk in ourfamily I mean, I think that's
something my mom and my dadwanted to prevent was to be
gossiped about.
Where we ended up beinggossiped anyway because of my
pregnancy at 16.
Everybody thought I was doomed,but anyway I digress.
The other one is avoidingconflict at all costs, like
(04:53):
don't rock the boat Walking oneggshells.
When someone is a superreactive in a relationship, you
don't want to poke the bearright and have them lash out and
say hurtful, meaningful thingsat times, so sometimes we just
keep quiet.
The other one is believingloyalty means tolerating
(05:16):
mistreatment, being complacentbecause you want to prove your
love.
You don't want the other personto think, oh, I don't love you
the way you are, or you want tobe that person that they go to.
So we ended up tolerating a lotof shit that we shouldn't and
being treated a certain way thatis not respectful to us.
(05:38):
And the last one here isthinking it's normal to have
secrets or live in silence.
I remember growing up we wouldjust pretend like nothing
happened the next day, eventhough we had a huge fight or we
would argue or we would yell ateach other.
But because ignorance is abliss that's one of my favorite
sayings we just kind of sweep itunder the rug.
(05:59):
And I lied.
I do have one more for you.
And let's not forget how genderroles play into it, especially
in our culture.
That is a tough one to swallow.
But growing up I remember mytia saying things like una mujer
(06:19):
aguanta, eso es amor.
A woman is supposed to tolerateeverything for being with my
man, and I get that.
But then I don't get that,because then we end up enduring
so much pain and hurt and thingsover time that I feel like it
builds up and we explodesometimes.
And I believed it until Irealized that aguantar cost me
(06:46):
my health, my mental peace andmy own voice.
Mijita, aguantar is not love.
You deserve relationships thatfeel safe, free and expansive
Expansivos.
Let me get real contigo.
For years I was a people pleaserin every relationship I thought
(07:06):
being low maintenance made melovable, keeping quiet kept,
pero let's just say it wasintense.
This person would disappearemotionally, then come back like
(07:29):
nothing happened and I'd staythinking y pensando, y pensando.
If I love harder, they'll stay.
If I give it my all, they'llcome back.
But I was chasing someoneemotionally unavailable because
deep down I felt unworthy of theconsistent love.
One night after a huge fight, Iremember I was crying in my car
(07:53):
, shaking, and I asked myselfwhy do I keep choosing people
who can't choose me back Like Ifeel so used who can't choose me
back Like I feel so used.
That moment really changed mylife and it shifted.
I started to become more awareof how crummy it made me feel,
(08:15):
and that's when it was the startof my inner shift.
And it wasn't easy.
Healing relationship patternsnever is, pero it's so worth it,
porque now I'm in relationshipswhere I'm seen, heard and
valued, and so can you.
In this particular relationshipthat I had this fallout with,
(08:39):
and realization, it was a familymember and so that's not
someone I could just brush offand say, oh, I'm not going to
talk to them ever again.
There was a point in time whereI didn't talk to them for a bit
, and I try to put my foot down,but every time I would go back
after months of not talking, itwould be the same thing over and
(09:01):
over again.
And that's when I realized Ineed to forgive the person for
where they're at, because theydon't know better.
They really don't.
They're not aware.
In my awareness, my sense ofconsciousness, I was able to see
things in a different light,and it was for me to get better.
(09:23):
I can't change other people,and that was another huge
realization was I need to lovethe person the way they are, and
if that means I have to keep adistance, then so be it, but I
still send the person love.
Once you start havingrelationships that you feel like
you're reciprocated and you'revalued, it definitely shifts
(09:46):
your perspective.
But it all starts with youtreating yourself in that way,
with respect and love andcompassion.
Let's talk red flags y patronestóxicos.
We sometimes ignore Constantlyexplaining yourself like neta,
te sientes que necesitasexplicar todo.
Like you need to explainyourself for everything.
(10:06):
Feeling anxious when someonetakes long to reply.
So when you're sitting thereyou're waiting for someone to
reply, you feel like you need tofill the void sometimes for
someone to reply, you feel likeyou need to fill the void
sometimes, especially if you'refeeling, if you're sitting face
to face.
That's another one wheresilence sometimes is super
uncomfortable for people.
(10:27):
Avoiding conflict at all costs,that is trying to brush
everything under the rug.
It's ignoring, like pretendingthat nothing's wrong because you
don't again.
Like pretending that nothing'swrong because you don't again
want to rock that boat sayingI'm fine cuando no estás fine.
And this one I kind of laughand giggle to myself because I
(10:47):
used to use this one with Phillyall the time my husband and it
drove him nuts because he wouldask estás bien?
And I'm like, no, si está bien,todo está bien, everything's
fine, and it really wasn't.
I just didn't want to pick afight and I I was having a hard
time honestly trying to processwhat was going through my head
and my heart and my feelings andeverything.
(11:09):
And honestly I didn't want tocause a scene, because sometimes
it was my berrinches, like mybrat moments, that I just wanted
to cause him to pay attentionto me and that was one way of
doing that.
So now, my proudest momentrelationships that feel like
roller coasters.
(11:29):
So it's a montaña rusa ofemotions and I know people in my
life they get on that rollercoaster of emotions and I pretty
much tell them call me whenit's over, because I am so not
taking that ride.
Mijita, love should feel calm,not like you're holding your
breath.
There is a bright side to this.
(11:50):
So, también, let's talk aboutgreen flags, because not
everything is negativo.
Feeling safe to speak up,opening up with the no filter,
is the best feeling ever.
Right, opening your heart,being able to talk freely,
without judgment, the mutualeffort, so someone that
reciprocates, alguien, give meto where you are and walks you
(12:14):
through hand by hand.
That emotional consistency,that other person regulating
emotions is key for the personwith that emotional intelligence
right, that maturity that feelsso good when you finally find
it with someone Respectingboundaries, and that goes first
of all with yourself.
But it's great when someoneknows what your boundaries are
(12:40):
and having the other personhonor that and respect them,
that is key, genuinelycelebrating your growth, not
having that other person guardarresentimientos or like look at
(13:02):
you with the side eye or bebutthurt because you're doing
better than them.
So that person that reallycheers you on without any
hesitation.
Healing means learning torecognize both right, the toxic
parts and the green flags.
So ask yourself, am I choosinglove or familiar chaos?
So ¿cómo empezamos to healnuestros patrones, our patterns?
(13:28):
Te voy a compartir my favoritetools.
Number one, of course, is thelimpias.
So I do egg limpias to releaseheavy energy from past breakups,
any arguments, those heavyfeeling vibes, and when I feel
entangled in someone's energy,una limpia helps me clear it out
.
So that can be with palo santocrystals.
(13:51):
Sage a shower and just gothrough the motions of releasing
everything that doesn't serveyou anymore.
Number two is journaling.
Ask yourself questions likewhat did love look like in my
childhood?
And if something does come up,that's where you probably want
to sit with it.
(14:12):
If you can, if you feel safeand comfortable, dig in and see
what comes up emotionally andthoughts, memories.
Ask yourself what do I trulywant in a relationship?
How do you want to be treated?
What's your ideal in therelationship that you're asking
(14:35):
for and put it out there in theuniverse.
Deal in a relationship thatyou're asking for and put it out
there in the universe.
Who drains my energy and whogives me peace?
That's a good one, becausesometimes when you journal, it's
automatic writing and that'swhere things come up that you
didn't even realize you had inyou, or thoughts right, put them
on paper and sometimes, whenyou reread it, and sometimes
(15:02):
when you reread it, somethingelse jumps out at you.
Number three is astrology andhuman design.
So your natal birth chart canshow you love patterns,
attachment styles and soullessons.
I strongly believe that wechose our parents coming into
this lifetime.
They are our teachers in thislife and so when you're looking
at your birth chart, that givesa lot of indications, especially
(15:25):
what placements you have in thedifferent houses, what might be
going on, especially in yourhome and family.
House number four, house numbereight of shared resources and
definitely house number 11 whenit comes to community social
gatherings, that type of thing.
(15:45):
And, of course, house numberone, which is the most important
one, I think, because that'show you portray yourself to
others, especially to thebroader world.
Human design shows how you bestconnect with others.
So, for example, I'm agenerator, so I need sacred
responses before I can commit topeople or projects.
(16:08):
Number four is boundaries conamor.
So those boundaries are notwalls, they're bridges built
with respect.
So practice small boundariesfirst.
For example, I'm not availableto talk about this right now, or
I need time to think about myanswer Like ¿es diciendo no?
Without saying no necessarily.
(16:30):
So that comes in handy whenyou're trying to navigate some
of these difficult conversations, or you really don't have that
mental space or emotionalbandwidth to talk about it at
that given moment.
Number five is energetic cordcutting.
So visualize scissors.
Or if you actually havescissors and a string or a
(16:53):
ribbon, you can go ahead andphysically do this.
You are cutting old ties withpeople who no longer serve you
and you say out loud when you'redoing this, I release this
energy, with love and gratitude,I call back my power.
You'd be surprised how freeingit feels.
I remember I tried this with mygrandma and she was so confused
(17:14):
about this exercise, but onceshe was done she was able to say
, wow, that felt really good,like letting go, and so this is
a way to physically do that withthat intention.
Cariño, the inner child runs theshow in relationships.
When someone triggersabandonment wounds, it's your
(17:35):
inner niña, niño, interior,crying for protection.
Some ways to connect with themis to place your hand on your
heart and say I'm here, I seeyou, I love you, you're safe.
Visualize your inner child atthe age you felt most hurt or
(17:56):
the situation that came up thatupset.
You sit with them, tell themthat they're not alone.
You can also do a limpia whenyou're setting the intention to
release that childhood painaround the love.
In your visualization, healingyour inner child transforms how
(18:21):
you show up in all relationships, including the one contigo
mismo.
No dejes olvidado o olvidadathat little kid that came out to
feel safe, to expressthemselves, especially in a
healthy way.
I know there's more to explorehere, which we will do at a
(18:43):
later podcast episode, but fornow, sit with what you feel
resonates with you, and starthaving that relationship with
your inner child.
That will make you understandwhy you are the way you are, and
there might be memories youdon't remember now, but when
you're doing this work, thingscome up because it's the time to
(19:07):
work through them.
Okay, let's pause and reflect.
Aquí te dejo preguntas para tujournal.
What did love look and feellike growing up?
What am I still tolerating inmy relationships?
(19:28):
Where do I stay silent to keepthe peace?
What do I want my relationshipsto feel like moving forward?
(19:49):
What boundary do I need to setthis week?
Take your time.
Healing takes paciencia y muchoamor.
I'd love to hear from you.
Have you recognized a patternin your relationships?
You're ready to heal?
Do you have a story where youfinally spoke your truth?
(20:11):
You can send me a DM onInstagram, at deepraxedis, or
email me at hola, atdorapraxedcom, and maybe we'll
share your story on a futureepisode.
Siempre, anonymous, if youprefer.
I'd love to hear what you'regoing through and if there's any
way that I can assist.
I'm here for you and I'mrooting for you as well.
(20:40):
I thought to get some guidancewith my oracle cards, which is
another tool I love to use.
And I pulled a card from theWisdom of the Oracle from
Colette Barron-Reed, and thecard that came up was number six
, not for you.
And the card that came up wasnumber six, not for you.
(21:04):
Now the visual of it is it'slike a fortune cookie, like one
of those Chinese fortune cookies, in between a chessboard, and
so we have the white pieces onthe left, the black pieces on
the right, and then there's awindow, a ventana looking thing,
or a chest at the top, and it'sbeing held by a hand.
And so I'm going to read whatthis card means.
(21:26):
So the essential meanings forthis card is a clear knowing
that something is being deniedyou.
Rejection is God's protection.
And again, I pulled this oraclecard to give a little more
flavor and guidance onrelationships.
And so the oracle message forthis is there are times when it
(21:48):
appears that, no matter howdeeply you desire something, no
matter how hard you work atsomething, the result you seek
always seems to elude you.
It's as if you don't really getto be in the game and you feel
you're just watching from thesidelines.
The appearance of this cardindicates that you are not going
(22:09):
to attain what you want toright now that, indeed, your
dreams for that exact thing willnot be fulfilled.
This is a time to radicallyaccept that not everything is
available to you when you wantit.
Take heart, for there arebenevolent forces who desire the
(22:29):
best for you and have a muchclearer idea of what is for your
highest good.
Rejection is God's protection.
Something much better that willmake you truly happy is on its
way.
Trust this.
The relationship message withthis card is some relationships
carry an innate seed of failurein them.
(22:51):
That is obvious from thebeginning, but the red flags
escape your observation or yourefuse to acknowledge them.
When a relationship is notmeant to be, it is not possible
to make it be.
Rejection is a sign that you'rebeing protected by the divine.
If you are the one who mustreject another, remember that
(23:11):
you do so for both your sakes.
For every pot there is a lid.
This one may not be the bestfit.
The prosperity message with thiscard is you can strategize and
project and systemize and investall the time and energy, but
sometimes your best laid plansseem to go awry.
(23:34):
In spite of it all, keep inmind that no effort is wasted.
Fail fast and learn from defeat.
Then keep going.
You will eventually succeed,although perhaps not at this
game, not at this time.
Know when to fold your cards.
The protection message with thiscard is don't chase after what
(23:55):
flees from you.
Don't obsess over what eludesyou.
Don't bang your head againstthe wall.
There is nothing romantic aboutwhat is unavailable, no prize
given for torturing yourself andnothing to be gained by
refusing to see the red flagsthat have been waving since you
began your pursuit.
Now is the time to walk away.
(24:15):
There are other goals, otherloves, other gains, other
successes waiting for you.
The way out of obsessing isradical acceptance and surrender
.
Spirit wants only the best foryou.
This is a sign that you havesomething much better waiting
for you Trust.
So hopefully this reading andthis card resonated with you and
(24:39):
I think is very in line withour conversation today regarding
relationships.
Sometimes we don't understandwhy things happen, but know in
your heart and in your mind.
That's where logic needs tocome on board.
Right is everything's happeningfor you, not against, against
you?
Remember to trust the processand endure it, because you are
(25:04):
learning so much from it andyou're going to be such a better
person on the other side.
Cariño, thank you for hangingout conmigo today.
Remember, relationships are notmeant to keep you small.
(25:27):
They're meant to help you grow,heal and shine even brighter.
If this episode resonatedcontigo, share with someone who
needs it or leave me a review somore people can find this space
.
Don't forget to download myfree guide, the Raiz Ritual for
(25:48):
grounding your energy andreconnecting with your esencia.
You can find the link in theshow notes below.
Next week, we'll be talkingmore about relationships in my
life.
Trust me, you don't want tomiss it.
Until next time, keep embracingyour raices and reclaiming your
esencia.
Besitos, mi gente.
Popular Podcasts
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
The Joe Rogan Experience
The official podcast of comedian Joe Rogan.