September 4, 2025 • 24 mins
Guilt whispers "I did something bad" while shame declares "I am bad" – and for many first-generation Latinas and women of color, these emotions form invisible chains keeping us trapped in cycles of self-sacrifice and silence.
From childhood phrases like "no seas egoísta" (don't be selfish) or "calladita te ves más bonita" (you look prettier when quiet), we inherit cultural scripts that dictate our worth based on how well we serve others. These messages manifest as people-pleasing, perfectionism, self-sabotage, and the inability to speak our truth. The knot in your throat when you want to speak up in meetings? That shame isn't yours – it belongs to generations of women taught that their voices weren't valuable.
This episode unpacks how these emotions get passed down through families and cultures, creating what I call "cajas de cristal" – crystal cages where we can see freedom but can't access it. Drawing from my personal journey as a teen mom who faced judgment, a daughter who became responsible for siblings at age five, and a professional who struggled to use her voice, I share how recognizing these patterns is the first step toward liberation.
Through practical healing tools including awareness exercises, reframing techniques, energetic limpias, journaling practices, and boundary-setting strategies, you'll learn to identify guilt that isn't truly yours and ritually release it. The weight you've been carrying on your shoulders isn't just emotional – it's ancestral, cultural, and collective. And it's time to set it down.
Whether guilt shows up when you prioritize rest over cleaning or shame appears when you speak your truth, remember: you don't have to carry what isn't yours. Join my 5 Day The Inner Spark Challenge beginning September 15, 2025 at dorapraxedis.com/challenge to continue this healing journey together. It's time to embrace your raices and reclaim your esencia without apology.
Join the waitlist for The Inner Shift: 12 Week Coaching Program
Email: dora@dorapraxedis.com
Follow Dora on Instagram @dpraxedis
Check out the website: www.dorapraxedis.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Dora (00:06):
Hola cariño, welcome back to another episode of Ay Mijita,
embracing your Roots, reclaimyour Essence.
I'm your Dora Alicia Praxedis,your intuitive guide, shamanic
energy healer, and today we'regoing deep.
We're going deep, we're talkingabout two emociones that so
many of us carry like heavychains guilt and shame.
(00:30):
Whether it's guilt for wantingmore or shame for not being
enough, these feelings keep usstuck in cycles of
self-sacrifice and silence.
And here's the thing, amigaMost of that guilt, it's not
even ours.
It's inherited, it's cultural,it's generational.
(00:55):
This episode is a littlepreview of what we'll dive in
together inside my five-dayInner Spark Challenge, where we
release what's not ours andreconnect with our esencia.
So grab your cafecito orbeverage of choice, your journal
, and let's dig in.
When I think of guilt as beingoverwhelming to me, that's where
it makes me think back of whenI became a teen mom and I lost
(01:17):
so many of my friends, anddefinitely family, that they
didn't talk to us anymore.
So I'll be sharing a few thingsfrom my personal life as well,
and looking forward to digginginto deeper into this subject,
because it is a touchy subjectfor me.
Let's start by breaking it down.
(01:46):
Guilt says I did something bad.
Shame says I am bad.
Do you feel the difference?
Guilt is about actions.
Shame is about identity andwhen we grow up in households
where we hear things like noseas egoísta or calladita te ves
(02:06):
más bonita, we internalizethose words as truth.
For first gen latinas andmujeres of color, guilt and
shame often come from culturalscripts Guilt for saying no to
familia, shame for wanting alife outside of tradition, like,
for example, for me.
(02:27):
I work nine to five and I do alot of other things outside of
the household and I usually feelthe guilt when I don't clean or
when I'm not doing thattraditional wifey role and the
mother role of like cleaning,cooking, taking care of the
kiddos and everything I do feelthat I feel the guilt.
(02:53):
But then there's another layerof shame, because my husband
would be very notorious for thisand my mom would just give me
the looks of like why are youcleaning?
Why are you just watching TV?
Well, I'm resting.
I also need to recoup right.
There's a little balance ofeverything.
Fortunately, the kiddos are oldenough that they can clean and
do stuff around the house andthey're self-sufficient.
But there comes a time wherethose people around you also
(03:19):
give you like las indirectas,like the look or like the make
you feel that shame.
The other one was when I wouldspeak up as a kid, I would often
get shut up from my parentsbecause they're like, and that
really caused me to hold myvoice back.
(03:39):
And so when I became an adultand into my career, we would be
in meetings.
I would want to chime in and Iwouldn't speak up and it would
frustrate people so much becauseI had the knowledge but I was
afraid of speaking up, like tothe point where I would get a
knot in my throat and it took meso long to overcome those
things.
But that's how, like, feelingthat guilt, right, the knot in
(04:02):
my throat and the shame ofothers, like my parents.
I remember them telling me thatthat's like the voice in my
head, right, is my dad saying no, ya callate.
Or the other one that's reallygood, that it's probably going
to hit a nerve for some of youis yeah, eres muy pendeja, or
you're stupid and dumb, and yeah, you internalize those words.
(04:24):
They hurt deeply.
So take a deep breath and askyourself what's one moment in
the past week where guilt orshame showed up?
Now for real, pause for amoment.
Think of the last time you feltguilty.
Was it really because you didsomething wrong or was it
(04:48):
because you were afraid ofdisappointing alguien más?
If you have your journal handy,I would suggest for you to
write it down in your journal.
When I look back, I see howguilt and shame showed up for me
.
Desde chiquita, growing up, Ibecame like a mama to my sisters
(05:10):
at five years old.
If I didn't do everything right, I felt guilty.
When I couldn't hold it alltogether, I felt shame.
Later, as a teen mom, societypiled on the in quotes.
You ruined your life.
That wasn't mine to carry, butI believed it.
(05:30):
Think about your childhood.
Did you ever feel like you weretoo much or not enough?
Did you carry guilt for thingsthat weren't even your fault
this is generational thatweren't even your fault?
This is generational Our madres, abuelas, bisabuelas.
They were taught to puteveryone else first.
(05:51):
Self-sacrifice became survival.
But that survival patterndoesn't serve us anymore.
These emotions aren't random,they're inherited.
Many of us carry that Catholicguilt, that cultural guilt,
guilt, machismo, expectations.
I remember once when I feltshamed and I think we go through
(06:12):
this often where I was told queme veo gordita and gordita me
veo mas bonita.
Or the other one is to gooddaughter sacrifice like.
That's what I was inherentlytold because I was the oldest
and I had to take care of mysisters, having felt that
responsibility so young anddoing like the chores of like
(06:35):
vacuuming and stuff at a veryyoung age.
Those are responsibilities thatI carried embodied and if I
didn't do them right, that'swhere I would have the guilt
settle in.
I needed to be the one tofigure shit out, to go through
the motions, even for my parents, and then I was shamed into it
(06:56):
if something went wrong.
It was like on me and Ihonestly probably learned this
from my mom.
My mom endured a lot.
She had the operations of thehousehold, she was the CEO.
She was the one that managedthe kids, the house, the
cleaning, the cooking, theworking, the everything.
(07:16):
My mom is a go-getter.
I've never met a woman that hasself-sacrificed as much as she
has, even with my grandma, likeshe still, to this day, goes and
drops her off her Carlita dePollo every weekend when she can
and it's most weekends, unlessshe is literally out like
because she's sick or something.
(07:39):
Ask yourself, when was the firsttime I remember feeling guilt?
When was the first time Iremember feeling guilt.
When was the first time I feltshame?
Notice if it connects back tofamily, cultura or survival
patterns.
What guilt or shame did yourparents or culture hand you that
doesn't feel true to youanymore?
(07:59):
Meditate on that or write itdown in your journal and see
what comes up.
Now let's dissect a little bitof what happens when we carry
guilt and shame.
They show up as people pleasing, always saying yes.
When we're, when we'reexhausted and we just want to
(08:20):
crash like we want to go tosleep, we want to shower,
whatever and just go right, andwe still keep saying yes and
even though we don'tenergetically want to be there
for them, we really do.
We push through and we weretaught to grind, to push through
and be there for everybody, andif you're not there, you're
like perceived as lazy or youdon't care, which that is not
(08:43):
true.
The next one is perfectionism.
If I'm flawless, no one canjudge me right.
That's the one thing that wethink that's going to get us
through is being perfect and, aswe all know, jesus was perfect.
Like we're not perfect, we allhave flaws.
We sin on a daily.
You know, vamos a la iglesia.
And right when we're outside ofthe, in the parking lot.
(09:05):
We're like already sinning, solet's just get real.
Nobody's perfect lot.
We're like already sinning, solet's just get real, nobody's
perfect.
And I like this quote fromsomeone, and I don't know who
said it, but I am no one and noone is perfect.
Therefore I am perfect.
That's kind of funny, butthat's where we want to strive
for this perfectionism and wejust beat ourselves up.
(09:26):
So that's the other way.
It keeps showing up in my life,for sure, because I strive for
that, you know, like getting theA plus plus all the points, and
and we just beat ourselves up.
So that's the other way.
It keeps showing up in my life,for sure, because I strive for
that, you know, like getting theA plus plus all the points and
everything.
The third one is self-sabotage.
That's where when we don't fitin, we just like to play it
small so no one gets upset, andthat's definitely not something
(09:46):
that you want to be living by,right, because you have things
are going, and that's the otherthing too.
I noticed that, like particularpeople in my family I'm not
going to say who usually likewe're good and then all of a
sudden, like some stupid, we getmad over some stupid shit like
cleaning and shit, like I don'treally understand that.
But that's like sabotaging thesituation, right?
(10:08):
Or we're like I'm doingsomething and I scrutinize it
and I find one error, oh my God,and then I doubt everything
I've done.
Like at work, I startdissecting and going through all
the motions and and doing mydue diligence, but then it
becomes to a point where it'scounterproductive.
The last one is silence, so notspeaking your truth, because
(10:33):
you're scared of that rejection.
And rejection is real, like Isee it in a daily with my family
, my friends, the clients that Iwork with.
We just we're afraid of beingperceived a certain way and so
sometimes we just don't sayanything at all because we're
like, no, why do we rock theboat?
Right?
That's where you really have tospeak up in a compassionate and
(10:56):
loving way.
And, yes, it takes a little bit, it takes a little discipline
to not have diarrhea of themouth and just keep going with
you know words.
But when you're so passive thatway, like with that silence,
the other person can't read yourmind and that's how you hinder
the communication between peoplethat you love, and that's where
setting the boundaries and soon and so forth.
(11:17):
That's where, by being silent,you're not helping out the
situation, you're actuallyhurting it.
For me, guilt delayed my podcast.
I kept thinking.
For me, guilt delayed mypodcast.
I kept thinking who do I thinkI am to share my story?
And then shame, right behind it, came whispering.
(11:39):
Your voice isn't enough.
But guilt and shame aren'tmotivators, they're actually
cages they give you.
It's una caja de cristal, likeyou can see everything around,
but you're like.
You're like in your own prison.
They keep us disconnected fromour authentic self.
And that shame is cabrona,because it makes me second guess
(11:59):
myself when I'm in, especiallyat work, like it would really
hit me in the butt, because Iwould think, oh no, tu que sabes
?
Like you know, everybody got it, you don't need to chime in.
But now I guess, in the positionI am, I have, I carry this
wealth of knowledge that I'mdoing everybody a disservice if
I don't share it, and especiallywith my relationships.
(12:21):
Being a mommy like I have to, Ihave to call my kids out on
their shit, that when they do it, you know when they're not
doing it right or when, mr, youknow my kid is acting out,
acting out in the way of, likeyou know, overconfident to the
point where it's like cocky.
That's the type of thing that Ihave to, you know, kind, of
course, correct a little bit.
But yeah then, and sometimesbeing silent sometimes is
(12:44):
perceived rude, and that's notalways the case.
They definitely got thoughts.
Everybody got something tobring to the table.
It's just a matter of beingopen and being safe, right to
speak up as well.
So that's where working throughthat knot in my throat, man,
that took years, but that'swhere now, knowing what I know,
(13:06):
now, I'm able to help others gothrough those motions and really
dig in deep and see where it'scoming from.
So then we can go ahead andwork on those things where it's
rooted from.
Now, close your eyes, if you can, of course, if you're not
driving.
Breathe in through your nose,breathe out slowly.
(13:29):
Bring to mind one guilt orshame you've carried recently.
Now is a good time to, if youcan, place your hand on your
corazón, breathe in compassion.
One Breathe in compassion.
(13:59):
Breathe out to release thatguilt or shame you are hanging
onto, feel the release with yourexhale.
Let's talk about cómo sanamos.
Healing guilt and shame is notabout pretending they don't
exist.
It's about alchemizing theminto compassion.
Here we're going to walkthrough a few tools that we can
do and have.
(14:19):
The first one is awareness.
So name that voice.
Is it yours or an echo offamilia or cultura?
So I always thought that Ineeded to be right and it still
comes up for me where I need tobe that perfection.
(14:40):
And that came rooted from whenmy parents would put me as a
translator and stuff, and if Igot something wrong it was
obviously on me.
But like I was young, I didn'tknow better, and so that's when
I realized that guilty thoughtof always being right wasn't
(15:00):
actually mine, like I was giventhat and I was told that from my
parents that and consequentlythat I needed to figure it out.
And I always need to figure outthe answer, like I don't rest
until I do, and I'm aware ofthat now, where I have to
sometimes let it go, and it'sreally hard for me because I'm
(15:23):
semi-control freak, but it'sreally hard for me to let go for
things and come to thatresolution and reconciliation of
I just don't know the answer,but fortunately with Google and
Chetchupti it's way easier.
But having that awareness formyself has really caused me to
lift that guilt from myshoulders.
(15:44):
The second one is reframing andyou can say something like I'm
selfish for resting right,that's that feeling guilt, and
you can reframe it to restingmakes me stronger for my
comunidad, or I deserve to resttoo.
And keeping going with thisexample of I need to always be
(16:08):
right and keeping going withthis example of I need to always
be right, instead of sayingthat it's I'm allowed to not
know the answer and ask for helpwhen I need it that, for me,
was a game changer asking forhelp because I always thought I
needed to know the answer right.
So that was a big reframe forme mindset wise shift wise that
(16:31):
gave me the permission to kindof seek for the answers but not
necessarily have the end goal ofknowing the answer right.
Or delegating delegating andasking for help to someone that
can help me out in my situation.
The third one, which is my faveand my fan fave, is an energetic
limpia, so using a huevo tosweep guilt and shame off your
(16:55):
body, or you can burn sage copalif you have it.
I also like rose incense aswell, where you can clear the
air with that palo Santo or sageif you use it, especially when
(17:15):
I need to remove that emotionalweight or when I feel happy and
that shame that wasn't mine,when I go to a party, or if I
observe something, if I picksomething up and I feel it like
I'll go through and I'll comehome and I'll like barrarme con
palo santo and just like releasethe negative energy.
And I say that three times,which is my favorite to do.
(17:38):
Number four is journaling Writedown the stories of guilt,
shame and then rip it up, burnit.
Burn that piece of paper,obviously in a very safe
container or outside, where it'sstill like it's starting to
become like end of summer intofall.
It's a little chilly here inChicago, but you can go outside
(18:00):
and burn it and this is sosymbolic because you're
releasing and that in and ofitself is powerful and with the
burning I have symbolized thatit's a ritual to shift that
energy right.
You're not holding onto thatany longer and you could do this
for like negative energy, butthis guilt and shame.
(18:24):
But you can use this exerciseactually if something's weighing
on you like grief, negativity,I don't know, somebody needs to
hear this right now.
I would say write downeverything that is no longer
serving you and either rip it up, but the best would be to burn
it outside because it doesrelease that black smoke and
(18:46):
that way you're not hanging ontoit anymore and that way you're
not hanging on to it anymore.
Now, the last one number five isboundaries Practicing saying no
with love.
Now this one in particular.
This past week I actually washaving a conversation with my
husband on how there are certainelements and certain things
(19:09):
that have happened recently thathave caused me to shift my
priorities in life and I flatout told him I'm like, like I'm
not going to accept negativityanymore.
I'm not going to tolerate itfrom you and from no one.
Like that's one thing, likesaying it right, communicating
(19:29):
that to my husband, but then forhim to actually accept it and
embody that right.
And I do feel guilty because Idon't want to cut him off and I
do want to hear him out and I dowant him to vent and all.
But I need to be asked first,like do I want to hear it?
You know it's like sometimespessimistic thoughts, intrusive
(19:52):
thoughts like that don't help asituation.
Like just try to be on thepositive side, but obviously I
cannot be positive for both ofus.
You know that'd be for myhusband or for anybody else
around me Like I'm not going toaccept that, I'm not going to
tolerate that from this pointforward.
Right, prospectively, maybe inthe past I did and I totally
(20:14):
felt guilty about it.
But I feel like I'm in aposition in my life right now
where I don't have to toleratethat shit no longer and I'm just
going to hold that boundary.
And as long as I communicate itand if a person does become
negative, it's like, okay, I'mbowing out of this conversation.
Right now, I'm going to be veryhonest and I'm going to hold
(20:34):
that boundary to the point whereI might say, okay, this
conversation is over and I walkaway.
If it's in person, or Iliterally will hang up the phone
and it's like I'll text themback just saying call me when
you're, you know, out of thatfunk of negativity, because I'm
not willing to hear it.
It sounds very blunt, but it'snot serving me, so why do I have
(20:59):
to hang around?
And again, this is where wepeople please, right, like, oh,
que va a decir?
Aquel Que me va a decir Se va asentir mal.
No, it's like I needed to watchout for myself, right.
And no, it's like I needed towatch out for myself, right.
And you need to hold the.
You need to hold it up, youneed to respect yourself, and
that's a way of respectingyourself is holding up the
boundary, because once yourespect yourself and you hold
the boundary, I bet that theother person is going to respect
(21:21):
you for it going forward.
It's just a learning curve atthis point, so that is
definitely something that I'vebeen working on this week and
it's been paying off for meactually.
Now for a reflection exercise.
Bring to mind one guilt you'vecarried.
Ask yourself is this mine?
And if no, visualize handing itback to where it came from.
(21:46):
Thank you for teaching you andlet it go.
And if you rather journal, grabyour journal and write down the
guilt I've been carrying is andfinish out that sentence and
let it pour out as long as youneed.
You can pause this when you'redone.
(22:07):
Ask is this mine or does itbelong to someone else?
Circle what's not yours.
That's what we need to release.
Now visualize holding a heavybackpack.
You can put it on yourshoulders or you can carry it on
(22:28):
your shoulder.
Inside are rocks labeled guiltand shame, and these are not
pebbles.
These are actually big blocks,big rocks.
Feel the weight, how it feelson your shoulders how it weighs
(22:48):
you down in your body.
Now imagine setting it down.
Step forward lighter, whisperto yourself Soy suficiente, I am
enough.
Take a deep breath in andexhale out any residue that you
(23:27):
have.
Mijita healing.
Guilt and shame doesn't meanyou'll never feel them again.
It means they don't ruin yourlife anymore.
You're allowed to rest, you'reallowed to shine, you're allowed
to be enough, exactly as youare.
And if this episode spoke toyour corazón, I want to
personally invite you to join mefor my five-day Inner Spark
(23:51):
Challenge.
We begin September 15th at 7: 30PM Central Standard Time. (23:51):
undefined
Together, we'll release what'snot yours, reconnect with your
true self and start shiftingfrom that inside out.
You can sign up at dorapraxedis.
com/ challenge.
Let's walk this path togetherand remember this you don't have
(24:13):
to carry what isn't yours.
Until next time, embrace yourraices, reclaim your esencia.
Bye, y, con cariño, un fuerteabrazo.
Hola cariño, welcome back to another episode of Ay Mijita,
embracing your Roots, reclaimyour Essence.
I'm your Dora Alicia Praxedis,your intuitive guide, shamanic
energy healer, and today we'regoing deep.
We're going deep, we're talkingabout two emociones that so
many of us carry like heavychains guilt and shame.
(00:30):
Whether it's guilt for wantingmore or shame for not being
enough, these feelings keep usstuck in cycles of
self-sacrifice and silence.
And here's the thing, amigaMost of that guilt, it's not
even ours.
It's inherited, it's cultural,it's generational.
(00:55):
This episode is a littlepreview of what we'll dive in
together inside my five-dayInner Spark Challenge, where we
release what's not ours andreconnect with our esencia.
So grab your cafecito orbeverage of choice, your journal
, and let's dig in.
When I think of guilt as beingoverwhelming to me, that's where
it makes me think back of whenI became a teen mom and I lost
(01:17):
so many of my friends, anddefinitely family, that they
didn't talk to us anymore.
So I'll be sharing a few thingsfrom my personal life as well,
and looking forward to digginginto deeper into this subject,
because it is a touchy subjectfor me.
Let's start by breaking it down.
(01:46):
Guilt says I did something bad.
Shame says I am bad.
Do you feel the difference?
Guilt is about actions.
Shame is about identity andwhen we grow up in households
where we hear things like noseas egoísta or calladita te ves
(02:06):
más bonita, we internalizethose words as truth.
For first gen latinas andmujeres of color, guilt and
shame often come from culturalscripts Guilt for saying no to
familia, shame for wanting alife outside of tradition, like,
for example, for me.
(02:27):
I work nine to five and I do alot of other things outside of
the household and I usually feelthe guilt when I don't clean or
when I'm not doing thattraditional wifey role and the
mother role of like cleaning,cooking, taking care of the
kiddos and everything I do feelthat I feel the guilt.
(02:53):
But then there's another layerof shame, because my husband
would be very notorious for thisand my mom would just give me
the looks of like why are youcleaning?
Why are you just watching TV?
Well, I'm resting.
I also need to recoup right.
There's a little balance ofeverything.
Fortunately, the kiddos are oldenough that they can clean and
do stuff around the house andthey're self-sufficient.
But there comes a time wherethose people around you also
(03:19):
give you like las indirectas,like the look or like the make
you feel that shame.
The other one was when I wouldspeak up as a kid, I would often
get shut up from my parentsbecause they're like, and that
really caused me to hold myvoice back.
(03:39):
And so when I became an adultand into my career, we would be
in meetings.
I would want to chime in and Iwouldn't speak up and it would
frustrate people so much becauseI had the knowledge but I was
afraid of speaking up, like tothe point where I would get a
knot in my throat and it took meso long to overcome those
things.
But that's how, like, feelingthat guilt, right, the knot in
(04:02):
my throat and the shame ofothers, like my parents.
I remember them telling me thatthat's like the voice in my
head, right, is my dad saying no, ya callate.
Or the other one that's reallygood, that it's probably going
to hit a nerve for some of youis yeah, eres muy pendeja, or
you're stupid and dumb, and yeah, you internalize those words.
(04:24):
They hurt deeply.
So take a deep breath and askyourself what's one moment in
the past week where guilt orshame showed up?
Now for real, pause for amoment.
Think of the last time you feltguilty.
Was it really because you didsomething wrong or was it
(04:48):
because you were afraid ofdisappointing alguien más?
If you have your journal handy,I would suggest for you to
write it down in your journal.
When I look back, I see howguilt and shame showed up for me
.
Desde chiquita, growing up, Ibecame like a mama to my sisters
(05:10):
at five years old.
If I didn't do everything right, I felt guilty.
When I couldn't hold it alltogether, I felt shame.
Later, as a teen mom, societypiled on the in quotes.
You ruined your life.
That wasn't mine to carry, butI believed it.
(05:30):
Think about your childhood.
Did you ever feel like you weretoo much or not enough?
Did you carry guilt for thingsthat weren't even your fault
this is generational thatweren't even your fault?
This is generational Our madres, abuelas, bisabuelas.
They were taught to puteveryone else first.
(05:51):
Self-sacrifice became survival.
But that survival patterndoesn't serve us anymore.
These emotions aren't random,they're inherited.
Many of us carry that Catholicguilt, that cultural guilt,
guilt, machismo, expectations.
I remember once when I feltshamed and I think we go through
(06:12):
this often where I was told queme veo gordita and gordita me
veo mas bonita.
Or the other one is to gooddaughter sacrifice like.
That's what I was inherentlytold because I was the oldest
and I had to take care of mysisters, having felt that
responsibility so young anddoing like the chores of like
(06:35):
vacuuming and stuff at a veryyoung age.
Those are responsibilities thatI carried embodied and if I
didn't do them right, that'swhere I would have the guilt
settle in.
I needed to be the one tofigure shit out, to go through
the motions, even for my parents, and then I was shamed into it
(06:56):
if something went wrong.
It was like on me and Ihonestly probably learned this
from my mom.
My mom endured a lot.
She had the operations of thehousehold, she was the CEO.
She was the one that managedthe kids, the house, the
cleaning, the cooking, theworking, the everything.
(07:16):
My mom is a go-getter.
I've never met a woman that hasself-sacrificed as much as she
has, even with my grandma, likeshe still, to this day, goes and
drops her off her Carlita dePollo every weekend when she can
and it's most weekends, unlessshe is literally out like
because she's sick or something.
(07:39):
Ask yourself, when was the firsttime I remember feeling guilt?
When was the first time Iremember feeling guilt.
When was the first time I feltshame?
Notice if it connects back tofamily, cultura or survival
patterns.
What guilt or shame did yourparents or culture hand you that
doesn't feel true to youanymore?
(07:59):
Meditate on that or write itdown in your journal and see
what comes up.
Now let's dissect a little bitof what happens when we carry
guilt and shame.
They show up as people pleasing, always saying yes.
When we're, when we'reexhausted and we just want to
(08:20):
crash like we want to go tosleep, we want to shower,
whatever and just go right, andwe still keep saying yes and
even though we don'tenergetically want to be there
for them, we really do.
We push through and we weretaught to grind, to push through
and be there for everybody, andif you're not there, you're
like perceived as lazy or youdon't care, which that is not
(08:43):
true.
The next one is perfectionism.
If I'm flawless, no one canjudge me right.
That's the one thing that wethink that's going to get us
through is being perfect and, aswe all know, jesus was perfect.
Like we're not perfect, we allhave flaws.
We sin on a daily.
You know, vamos a la iglesia.
And right when we're outside ofthe, in the parking lot.
(09:05):
We're like already sinning, solet's just get real.
Nobody's perfect lot.
We're like already sinning, solet's just get real, nobody's
perfect.
And I like this quote fromsomeone, and I don't know who
said it, but I am no one and noone is perfect.
Therefore I am perfect.
That's kind of funny, butthat's where we want to strive
for this perfectionism and wejust beat ourselves up.
(09:26):
So that's the other way.
It keeps showing up in my life,for sure, because I strive for
that, you know, like getting theA plus plus all the points, and
and we just beat ourselves up.
So that's the other way.
It keeps showing up in my life,for sure, because I strive for
that, you know, like getting theA plus plus all the points and
everything.
The third one is self-sabotage.
That's where when we don't fitin, we just like to play it
small so no one gets upset, andthat's definitely not something
(09:46):
that you want to be living by,right, because you have things
are going, and that's the otherthing too.
I noticed that, like particularpeople in my family I'm not
going to say who usually likewe're good and then all of a
sudden, like some stupid, we getmad over some stupid shit like
cleaning and shit, like I don'treally understand that.
But that's like sabotaging thesituation, right?
(10:08):
Or we're like I'm doingsomething and I scrutinize it
and I find one error, oh my God,and then I doubt everything
I've done.
Like at work, I startdissecting and going through all
the motions and and doing mydue diligence, but then it
becomes to a point where it'scounterproductive.
The last one is silence, so notspeaking your truth, because
(10:33):
you're scared of that rejection.
And rejection is real, like Isee it in a daily with my family
, my friends, the clients that Iwork with.
We just we're afraid of beingperceived a certain way and so
sometimes we just don't sayanything at all because we're
like, no, why do we rock theboat?
Right?
That's where you really have tospeak up in a compassionate and
(10:56):
loving way.
And, yes, it takes a little bit, it takes a little discipline
to not have diarrhea of themouth and just keep going with
you know words.
But when you're so passive thatway, like with that silence,
the other person can't read yourmind and that's how you hinder
the communication between peoplethat you love, and that's where
setting the boundaries and soon and so forth.
(11:17):
That's where, by being silent,you're not helping out the
situation, you're actuallyhurting it.
For me, guilt delayed my podcast.
I kept thinking.
For me, guilt delayed mypodcast.
I kept thinking who do I thinkI am to share my story?
And then shame, right behind it, came whispering.
(11:39):
Your voice isn't enough.
But guilt and shame aren'tmotivators, they're actually
cages they give you.
It's una caja de cristal, likeyou can see everything around,
but you're like.
You're like in your own prison.
They keep us disconnected fromour authentic self.
And that shame is cabrona,because it makes me second guess
(11:59):
myself when I'm in, especiallyat work, like it would really
hit me in the butt, because Iwould think, oh no, tu que sabes
?
Like you know, everybody got it, you don't need to chime in.
But now I guess, in the positionI am, I have, I carry this
wealth of knowledge that I'mdoing everybody a disservice if
I don't share it, and especiallywith my relationships.
(12:21):
Being a mommy like I have to, Ihave to call my kids out on
their shit, that when they do it, you know when they're not
doing it right or when, mr, youknow my kid is acting out,
acting out in the way of, likeyou know, overconfident to the
point where it's like cocky.
That's the type of thing that Ihave to, you know, kind, of
course, correct a little bit.
But yeah then, and sometimesbeing silent sometimes is
(12:44):
perceived rude, and that's notalways the case.
They definitely got thoughts.
Everybody got something tobring to the table.
It's just a matter of beingopen and being safe, right to
speak up as well.
So that's where working throughthat knot in my throat, man,
that took years, but that'swhere now, knowing what I know,
(13:06):
now, I'm able to help others gothrough those motions and really
dig in deep and see where it'scoming from.
So then we can go ahead andwork on those things where it's
rooted from.
Now, close your eyes, if you can, of course, if you're not
driving.
Breathe in through your nose,breathe out slowly.
(13:29):
Bring to mind one guilt orshame you've carried recently.
Now is a good time to, if youcan, place your hand on your
corazón, breathe in compassion.
One Breathe in compassion.
(13:59):
Breathe out to release thatguilt or shame you are hanging
onto, feel the release with yourexhale.
Let's talk about cómo sanamos.
Healing guilt and shame is notabout pretending they don't
exist.
It's about alchemizing theminto compassion.
Here we're going to walkthrough a few tools that we can
do and have.
(14:19):
The first one is awareness.
So name that voice.
Is it yours or an echo offamilia or cultura?
So I always thought that Ineeded to be right and it still
comes up for me where I need tobe that perfection.
(14:40):
And that came rooted from whenmy parents would put me as a
translator and stuff, and if Igot something wrong it was
obviously on me.
But like I was young, I didn'tknow better, and so that's when
I realized that guilty thoughtof always being right wasn't
(15:00):
actually mine, like I was giventhat and I was told that from my
parents that and consequentlythat I needed to figure it out.
And I always need to figure outthe answer, like I don't rest
until I do, and I'm aware ofthat now, where I have to
sometimes let it go, and it'sreally hard for me because I'm
(15:23):
semi-control freak, but it'sreally hard for me to let go for
things and come to thatresolution and reconciliation of
I just don't know the answer,but fortunately with Google and
Chetchupti it's way easier.
But having that awareness formyself has really caused me to
lift that guilt from myshoulders.
(15:44):
The second one is reframing andyou can say something like I'm
selfish for resting right,that's that feeling guilt, and
you can reframe it to restingmakes me stronger for my
comunidad, or I deserve to resttoo.
And keeping going with thisexample of I need to always be
(16:08):
right and keeping going withthis example of I need to always
be right, instead of sayingthat it's I'm allowed to not
know the answer and ask for helpwhen I need it that, for me,
was a game changer asking forhelp because I always thought I
needed to know the answer right.
So that was a big reframe forme mindset wise shift wise that
(16:31):
gave me the permission to kindof seek for the answers but not
necessarily have the end goal ofknowing the answer right.
Or delegating delegating andasking for help to someone that
can help me out in my situation.
The third one, which is my faveand my fan fave, is an energetic
limpia, so using a huevo tosweep guilt and shame off your
(16:55):
body, or you can burn sage copalif you have it.
I also like rose incense aswell, where you can clear the
air with that palo Santo or sageif you use it, especially when
(17:15):
I need to remove that emotionalweight or when I feel happy and
that shame that wasn't mine,when I go to a party, or if I
observe something, if I picksomething up and I feel it like
I'll go through and I'll comehome and I'll like barrarme con
palo santo and just like releasethe negative energy.
And I say that three times,which is my favorite to do.
(17:38):
Number four is journaling Writedown the stories of guilt,
shame and then rip it up, burnit.
Burn that piece of paper,obviously in a very safe
container or outside, where it'sstill like it's starting to
become like end of summer intofall.
It's a little chilly here inChicago, but you can go outside
(18:00):
and burn it and this is sosymbolic because you're
releasing and that in and ofitself is powerful and with the
burning I have symbolized thatit's a ritual to shift that
energy right.
You're not holding onto thatany longer and you could do this
for like negative energy, butthis guilt and shame.
(18:24):
But you can use this exerciseactually if something's weighing
on you like grief, negativity,I don't know, somebody needs to
hear this right now.
I would say write downeverything that is no longer
serving you and either rip it up, but the best would be to burn
it outside because it doesrelease that black smoke and
(18:46):
that way you're not hanging ontoit anymore and that way you're
not hanging on to it anymore.
Now, the last one number five isboundaries Practicing saying no
with love.
Now this one in particular.
This past week I actually washaving a conversation with my
husband on how there are certainelements and certain things
(19:09):
that have happened recently thathave caused me to shift my
priorities in life and I flatout told him I'm like, like I'm
not going to accept negativityanymore.
I'm not going to tolerate itfrom you and from no one.
Like that's one thing, likesaying it right, communicating
(19:29):
that to my husband, but then forhim to actually accept it and
embody that right.
And I do feel guilty because Idon't want to cut him off and I
do want to hear him out and I dowant him to vent and all.
But I need to be asked first,like do I want to hear it?
You know it's like sometimespessimistic thoughts, intrusive
(19:52):
thoughts like that don't help asituation.
Like just try to be on thepositive side, but obviously I
cannot be positive for both ofus.
You know that'd be for myhusband or for anybody else
around me Like I'm not going toaccept that, I'm not going to
tolerate that from this pointforward.
Right, prospectively, maybe inthe past I did and I totally
(20:14):
felt guilty about it.
But I feel like I'm in aposition in my life right now
where I don't have to toleratethat shit no longer and I'm just
going to hold that boundary.
And as long as I communicate itand if a person does become
negative, it's like, okay, I'mbowing out of this conversation.
Right now, I'm going to be veryhonest and I'm going to hold
(20:34):
that boundary to the point whereI might say, okay, this
conversation is over and I walkaway.
If it's in person, or Iliterally will hang up the phone
and it's like I'll text themback just saying call me when
you're, you know, out of thatfunk of negativity, because I'm
not willing to hear it.
It sounds very blunt, but it'snot serving me, so why do I have
(20:59):
to hang around?
And again, this is where wepeople please, right, like, oh,
que va a decir?
Aquel Que me va a decir Se va asentir mal.
No, it's like I needed to watchout for myself, right.
And no, it's like I needed towatch out for myself, right.
And you need to hold the.
You need to hold it up, youneed to respect yourself, and
that's a way of respectingyourself is holding up the
boundary, because once yourespect yourself and you hold
the boundary, I bet that theother person is going to respect
(21:21):
you for it going forward.
It's just a learning curve atthis point, so that is
definitely something that I'vebeen working on this week and
it's been paying off for meactually.
Now for a reflection exercise.
Bring to mind one guilt you'vecarried.
Ask yourself is this mine?
And if no, visualize handing itback to where it came from.
(21:46):
Thank you for teaching you andlet it go.
And if you rather journal, grabyour journal and write down the
guilt I've been carrying is andfinish out that sentence and
let it pour out as long as youneed.
You can pause this when you'redone.
(22:07):
Ask is this mine or does itbelong to someone else?
Circle what's not yours.
That's what we need to release.
Now visualize holding a heavybackpack.
You can put it on yourshoulders or you can carry it on
(22:28):
your shoulder.
Inside are rocks labeled guiltand shame, and these are not
pebbles.
These are actually big blocks,big rocks.
Feel the weight, how it feelson your shoulders how it weighs
(22:48):
you down in your body.
Now imagine setting it down.
Step forward lighter, whisperto yourself Soy suficiente, I am
enough.
Take a deep breath in andexhale out any residue that you
(23:27):
have.
Mijita healing.
Guilt and shame doesn't meanyou'll never feel them again.
It means they don't ruin yourlife anymore.
You're allowed to rest, you'reallowed to shine, you're allowed
to be enough, exactly as youare.
And if this episode spoke toyour corazón, I want to
personally invite you to join mefor my five-day Inner Spark
(23:51):
Challenge.
We begin September 15th at 7: 30PM Central Standard Time. (23:51):
undefined
Together, we'll release what'snot yours, reconnect with your
true self and start shiftingfrom that inside out.
You can sign up at dorapraxedis.
com/ challenge.
Let's walk this path togetherand remember this you don't have
(24:13):
to carry what isn't yours.
Until next time, embrace yourraices, reclaim your esencia.
Bye, y, con cariño, un fuerteabrazo.
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