June 30, 2025 • 30 mins
Welcome back Rat Pack, this week we're pulling back the curtain on the wild, wired, and wonderfully chaotic world of sex, dating, and hookups in New York City's vibrant gay scene! If you're looking for polite pointers, you're in the wrong DM. But if you're ready for unhinged conversations, chaotic confessions, and the raunchiest, most unBElievable tales from the front lines of urban queer romance, you've found your new obsession. Get ready to laugh, gasp, and maybe even clutch your pearls.
In this episode, your favorite Rat Girls are holding nothing back. We're diving deep into:
- The treacherous terrain of gay dating apps: From Grindr and Scruff sagas to the elusive connections on Hinge and Tinder.
- Decoding the dictionary of gay slang: Ever wondered what "DDF" really means? We're breaking down the lingo that makes the queer dating world go 'round, sharing our favorite (and least favorite) terms we've encountered.
- Our craziest gay hookup stories, uncensored! Brace yourselves for tales of unexpected encounters, "right now" rendezvous, and the sheer audacity of some NYC hookups. From the sublime to the utterly ridiculous, you'll hear it all.
- Why the NYC queer dating scene is a special kind of fabulous hell (and why we keep coming back for more drama and daddies!).
Whether you're single, coupled up, or just curious about the wild side of NYC queer dating, Nora, Tara, and Ali are here to make you laugh, cringe, and maybe even re-think your own love life.
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Submit your questions and topics you’d like to hear on the podcast to: BadAdviceOnlyNYC@gmail.com
Sponsor Us: SponsorBadAdviceOnly@gmail.com
Find us on Instagram: BadAdviceOnlyNYC
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NYC dating, Queer dating, Gay hookups, LGBTQ+ podcast, Gay dating apps, Grindr stories, Queer sex, New York City, Gay slang, Dating in NYC, Unhinged stories, Raunchy podcast, Queer relationships, Sex positive, Gay culture, Dating advice (bad), LGBTQ stories, Queer life NYC, Gay humor, Adult podcast
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
We threw out a lot of the toxic, you know, gender
roles and now they're on assshit.
And now they're gay.
We're your hosts, Tara, Nora,and Allie, and you're listening
(00:20):
to Bad Advice Only.
We're just three New York Cityrats talking about scurrying
around the Big Apple.
Here, we make the New York Citymistakes so you don't have to.
We're begging you.
Leave us a review and follow uson Instagram and TikTok at
BadAdviceOnlyNYC.
We release new episodes everyMonday, so stay tuned, rats.
(00:41):
Welcome back, rats, to anotherepisode of Bad Advice Only.
During the month of June.
I have to say, because I did therat chatter.
Too early, and I have to say,last week's episode, when we
talked about your chompers, andyou went...
It was so clear.
Could you hear it?
(01:01):
I didn't notice, but that'sfunny.
It was very funny.
Well, today we are talking aboutgages.
Our favorite gays.
Happy Pride, y'all.
Happy Pride.
That's exactly what I was aboutto say.
So it is Pride month, and howcould we not do a Gages June?
Well, we could not do it aswe're all straight-ish.
(01:22):
Well, Tara's kind of gay.
Yeah, I did right in the outlinethat 2.5 straight women will be
talking about.
I think if you add it all up,we're two straight women.
Like if you put all the partstogether.
Yeah, you're right.
Between the three of us, there'sat least one gay person.
There's at least one gay.
Because Tara's 50%.
Oh, thank you.
So you and I are both 25%.
(01:43):
And I'm like 10%.
So math wise.
We're getting close.
We're a little shy of one gaywoman.
I will say this as the listenerwho has the most queer, gay,
bisexual, etc.
friends in the community.
She's always like comparing.
No, I am blanket statingapologies for whatever comes out
of my mouth during this episode.
(02:05):
You're not a listener though.
You're a host of this podcast.
I meant to address that to ourlisteners.
Sorry, guys.
I sweat out all my coffee on mywalk here this morning to the
studio.
It's 100 degrees outside.
It's so fucking hot.
I can't think straight.
For our proud tourists thatdon't live in New York, it's
going to be 101 degrees, whichsome people may not think it's
(02:28):
that hot, but we don't havecentral air and we walk
everywhere.
And we live in a concrete fryingpan with no access to water.
That's 101 degrees Fahrenheitfor all you bitches in Celsius.
That's way hotter.
Yeah, that's over like 35, Ithink, for our Euro listeners,
which we have a lot of too.
Okay, so let's dive in.
(02:50):
Unless, Allie, did you have anyupdates for us?
No.
Then let's just dive in.
UNKNOWN (02:58):
Good.
Good.
SPEAKER_00 (02:59):
Great.
Good.
Have we been hanging out toomuch?
We have no updates.
Okay.
Let's dive into Gay-Jizz June.
So I wanted to talk about a fewthings, but primarily we're
going to stick with just gay.
The community at large, it's sobig.
You can't just get 30 minutesand explain the entire
(03:21):
community.
So we're going for gay men.
So we're starting with gay menand if it's a hit we'll dive
deeper into the other parts ofthe community I love gay men
sometimes I think I'm a gay mantrapped in a woman's body you
are kind of you are a gay man Igot the bitchiness I got the
style you're calling gay menbitchy already homophobic
(03:41):
already yes my friends arebitchy and I tell them to their
face she does attract the bitchygays I think I attract the gays
that pretend to be straight100%.
All Tara's gays are gay men whowant to pass as straight men.
Or turn them, and we'll talkabout that later.
(04:03):
Okay, so I feel like everyoneknows only one gay dating app,
say it.
Grindr.
Grindr.
Yeah.
Can y'all think of any others?
Bumble, Hinge.
You can set any of them to yourpreference.
Okay, I love that Allie saidthat.
But do they use them?
They do.
So what Allie just said is thatthe straight community primarily
uses Bumble and Hinge.
I would Like the vanilla people.
(04:25):
But gays also use it.
And like Allie said, you canswitch.
So if you're a curious listener,you can just go to your settings
and switch it.
Who hasn't switched it out ofcuriosity?
Dude.
You haven't, Allie?
No.
I do it all the time.
Oh, I do it all the time.
You guys yell at me.
I have too many friends.
Why would I go out with a girl?
I'm not telling you to go outwith them.
I'm saying just take a peek.
No.
(04:45):
Or see who likes you.
What kind of women you attract.
See how hot you are.
Yeah.
I know it will be abysmal.
All women are beautiful.
Okay.
So the other ones.
And I knew this one.
I knew three of the six.
Grinder.
Scruff.
Jacked.
Spelled J-A-C-K apostrophe D.
(05:08):
That's an app I want to be on.
Growler.
Spelled like grinders withoutthe E.
Hornet.
UNKNOWN (05:15):
I giggle.
SPEAKER_00 (05:16):
And sniffies.
Ew.
I don't like sniffies.
I wonder how realistic theseare.
Did you ask any of your gayfriends if they use these?
Yeah.
So they've used them all.
Oh.
Al, have you heard of any ofthese from your gay friends?
I just go to the gym with mygays.
That's the app.
That's the live app.
A lot of Allie's gay friends aremarried men, like married to
(05:37):
each other.
Yeah.
A lot of yours are married andlike kind of committed.
Yeah.
Or in throuples.
I know two gay throuple couples.
I love that.
Can't wait.
Can't wait to broke.
It's not a throuple couple.
It's just a throuple.
Yeah.
So they're all pretty much thesame.
They're apps for the queercommunity.
Grindr and Scruff are probablythe most popular, I would guess.
(05:59):
Sniffies is kind of like.
Stop saying it.
You've got to stop saying it.
It's so gross.
I like it.
Why would you?
Are you sniffing panties?
Yeah, what are you sniffing?
What are they sniffing?
Buttholes?
Okay, so it's kind of like theold app Happn.
Is that what it's called?
Oh, yeah.
Happn.
I love Happn, guys.
So similar to Grindr, it alertsyou when you're like near dick.
Oh, because you're sniffing fordick.
(06:19):
Yeah, you're sniffing at thatdick.
They could have just rebrandedHappn.
Yeah, I love Happn.
Happn is so funny.
Or like Near.
Okay.
Nearby Dick.
Nearby Dick NBD.
So the other two things that Iwant to talk about, and I want
to spend majority of the time onthese two instead of just like
the dating apps, but I did wantto educate our...
on a few other apps in casethey're getting a little curious
from this episode.
They're getting a little gay.
Getting a little gay.
(06:40):
I hope that my goal at the endof this episode is everyone's
just a little gay.
When this airs on June 30th, byJuly 1st, we'll have 25% more
gay listeners.
I'd love that.
Yes.
So I want to talk a little bitabout gay slang and then also
share some of my favorite gaystories of like some of my gay
friends who have, I'm justenvious of how the gay man gets
(07:03):
to sleep around.
I'm so envious.
They have a ball.
Jealous.
Literally.
Literally.
Because if there's no womeninvolved, then they're not
judging.
Nobody's judging.
No one's judging.
No one's getting pregnant.
It's easy.
You're just having fun.
You're just having a goodfucking time.
Okay.
So let's go through some of thegay slang.
I think most of, I think you'llknow most of them, but we're
(07:23):
going to quiz you.
First one, baby gay.
Oh, that's when someone has comeout recently and they're like
learning the ropes of being gay.
Ding, ding, ding.
And I would call it a gay bee.
A gay bee is way better.
A bear.
Big, big boy.
Big, burly.
Big and burly.
Hairy.
Hairy big guy who's gay.
(07:44):
Don't forget.
Okay.
Gold star.
Oh, I know this one.
Answer.
A gold star has never slept witha woman.
They are 100% gold star gay.
What's the one that also doesn'tcome out of a vagina?
Platinum star.
Platinum star is reallycontroversial.
(08:05):
Is it?
Why?
I mean, it's very made up.
It's all made up.
But this one's like a stretch.
A platinum star for the listeneris?
Someone who, a man who is gay,who never even, when they were
delivered as a baby they werenot delivered vaginally so they
have physically never touched avagina so they're c-section
(08:27):
babies never touched a vaginaplatinum star here's my argument
with that and come at me gays Iit's not sexual to come out of a
fucking vagina but they've nevertouched it they've never even
touched it I guess I don't knowI would brag about it I would
brag I mean, yeah, I would too.
I'm either a gold star straightor gay.
(08:47):
Same.
This one might be my absolutefavorite.
Father-son.
Ew.
A daddy, daddy, daddy-sonmoment.
Sorry, I thought...
I mean, you've role-playeddaddy-daughter.
I know, but I thought tooliterally in the gay sense.
You're also okay withfather-son.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
We're not going into an incestthing, and I'm not okay with
(09:11):
mothers.
You love incest.
Okay.
Nor is Pearl that.
Nor is Pearl incest andbestiality.
For a different episode.
This is a kink in which guys ofdramatically different ages have
sex while fantasizing that oneis the son and the other is the
father.
To make this work, you'll haveto say son or dad while you're
(09:32):
doing it.
Guys, I might have to explore myhomophobia because I love
daddy-daughter, but father-sonfucks me up.
What's the difference betweendaddy-daughter and father-son?
I don't know.
Like, I would arguedaddy-daughter is much worse.
It is.
Like, much, much worse.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I just hadn't thought of it.
So, okay, it's two against one.
(09:52):
Nora thinks father-son is worse.
And Allie and I thinkfather-daughter is worse.
Is that what I'm hearing?
Yes.
They're all just fantasies, butI just hadn't thought of that
one.
She's now taking the homophobic,right?
I knew you two would lose.
So those are just a few of many,many.
(10:15):
And they're not scared of dying.
It's accessible.
It's easy.
It sounds so lovely.
And Allie is the perfect exampleof the ease.
(10:36):
I have so many examples.
Like, they can just, and itdepends on which group I'm with,
right?
Because there are some that havepredetermined rules.
And to your point earlier, like,I have a lot of friends who are
married.
I have fewer friends who aresingle, for sure.
But, you know, some have, like,open discussions around who and
when and how they can sleep withothers.
So they're in open marriages ofsome type.
(10:58):
In a sense, yeah.
But for the gay man, that'spretty monogamous.
Right.
And then for the others, theyare not allowed to sleep with
anybody else unless it's in thesame room yeah it's my rule so
I'm coming to you soon Noradaddy and son she is looking for
two males guys two male femalemale I might have to give up on
(11:21):
that search but I don't thinkyou should give up female daddy
son Maybe one of our listeners.
I know a lot of podcasters thathook up with their listeners.
So maybe I'll get two gentlemento offer to Eiffel Tower you.
So I think some of the crazieststories that come top of mind.
Actually, one just happenedyesterday.
But, okay, I was hanging outwith one of my gays.
(11:45):
And they were like, hey, I'll beright there.
I'll be right there.
And I'm like, okay.
And I'm like waiting for themoutside their building.
And then they come out and we'regoing for a walk.
And...
I'm like, hey, how's your daygoing?
And he goes, good.
And he's just, like, wiping hismouth a little bit.
I'm like, are you okay?
Like, are you drooling?
Like, is my beauty, like, makingyou drool?
Because, you know, I love tojoke with my gays.
And he was like, no, I actuallyjust was on my way down, and
(12:06):
there was a really hot deliverydriver.
And I took him in the stairwell,and I blew him.
How?
And I go, well, that was myquestion.
I was like, literally, how?
Also, the generosity.
Did he receive anything?
No, I don't think that is whathe wanted.
I think he just wanted to blowit to the pig.
According to him, they made eyecontact.
(12:27):
No words were spoken.
It reminds me, we'll talk aboutthis another time, but how you
made out with a stranger on aplane one time, Nora.
No words spoken.
You just have that energy.
I do not exude that much sexualenergy because this has never
happened to me.
It happened to me on a plane,listener.
We'll tell it another day.
I guess one thing led to anotherand he must have just pulled him
in.
I didn't even know there was astairwell in this building.
(12:49):
He's a delivery driver.
They lock eyes and he just pullshim into a stairwell and blows
him.
Pulls his pants down.
That's amazing.
But then again, I had anothergay who was at this spot where I
have a crush.
And we were all hanging out andthe crush was there.
(13:10):
He's like the most beautiful manI've ever seen in my life.
And I keep seeing him around andI never have the courage to go
up and talk to this man becausehe's actually so hot.
You've seen him before.
The tatted guy.
Oh, he's so hot.
Damn.
He lives in a building.
We literally the hottest manI've ever seen in my life.
We love a tatted man.
He's so cute.
And he's nice.
If you're listening, tatted man.
No, no, I know.
His name's Jordan.
(13:30):
I love him.
Oh my God.
How did I get his name?
Because my gay, as soon as Ileft, literally, Literally
within five minutes, I get atext message and it's just
Jordan, tatted guy from pool,dog washer.
Dog washer?
And I was like, I thought he wasa nurse.
And he was like, no, we talkedfor like the whole time after
you left.
He thought his dog washingscrubs were nursing scrubs.
(13:53):
No, no, no.
It turns out he's not a doctoror a nurse.
I don't know why he's beenwearing scrubs because he's, I
guess, in sales.
What?
Very weird.
All right, we are losing thisstory.
Is he a dog washer?
He's not a dog, well, I keptasking.
I was like, well, is he a dogwasher?
like because no judgment butlike he might not be the one but
(14:15):
I think he apparently he'sstarting his own dog washing
business anyway just to prove apoint that like they're very
social yeah and and they getaway with straight men and gay
men oh I know did he hook upwith it no he's fully straight
but he was trying to talk me uphe said but I'm worried he's
trying to steal him for you nowe I we agreed to it that like
(14:36):
he's yours you called Dibs.
If we do a house party and he'sinterested in both, we'll figure
it out.
Rock, paper, scissors?
No.
Same time.
Same time.
That'd be cute.
He said, I wouldn't mind you topeg me.
And I said, oh.
Allie, do you want to borrow mystrap on?
No, I can't.
I can't peg him.
We're too close.
Yeah, I don't think you should.
You could do it.
You could do it.
I don't want to do it.
(14:56):
Okay, so we're talking aboutjust like the ease for this,
like...
Dick is available.
It's available.
They're just always available.
They're giving.
They're so generous.
They're so generous.
Except for Cowboy.
Cowboy Gay, our friend, is alittle selfish.
The gay cowboy is not a generouslover, just like me.
That's why we love each other.
I've never met the gay cowboy.
(15:16):
I don't think he'd like me,though.
You know, he might not.
He's more of a Tara Gay.
You're a fruit fly, and I'm...
We need a name for, like, yes,Fruit Fly versus whatever Tara
is.
Grunge Gay.
Grunge Gay.
UNKNOWN (15:30):
Grunge Gay.
What?
SPEAKER_00 (15:31):
Okay, so I asked him.
We were talking about all of hisgreat sex that he gets to have
all the time, anonymous sex.
And I was like, well, tell me,has there ever been a moment
where you've gotten into adangerous situation?
I need to know.
Like, surely.
Yeah.
You're going in no name.
Some people just leave theirdoor unlocked and sit with their
(15:53):
ass up in the air.
And a man just walks in theroom, fucks him, and leaves.
That's incredible.
It's incredible.
To be fair, we've all had ourfair share of showing up in an
apartment and a naked person iswaiting for us.
So he was like, oh, yeah,something really bad happened to
me one time.
And I was like, oh, my God, areyou okay, gay cowboy?
(16:14):
And he's like, yeah.
I got catfished so hard and Iwas like, okay and he goes the
guy was fucking fat oh my godand I was like okay yes that's
catfishing but like where's thedanger that's not danger okay I
did ask how much fatter so I'mglad we're on the same
(16:35):
wavelength he said no I get itand I quote because I didn't say
this listener he had to pull uphis stomach to see his dick oh
no and he goes I didn't knowwhat to do I didn't want to
sleep with him he catfished meand I'm like where's the danger
in the story and he was like Weended up completely naked.
I'm like, how?
How do you end up completelynaked?
(16:56):
Just leave.
And Gay Cowboy's hot.
No, Gay Cowboy's hot.
He keeps trying to go down on mebecause I don't believe he's
good at licking pussy.
We need that for the pod.
Why are you saying no?
Listen, it's...
going to happen at some pointit's inevitable we need to know
absolutely inevitable oh man hisboyfriend's hot too if someone's
(17:17):
gonna do it I'd like to one ofyou get the boyfriend one of you
get the cowboy you know theywould be down to have sex with
you I bet I think I'd be downyeah they're really handsome
they're both really hot yeah yougotta get on prep so anyways I'm
like waiting for this story andhe's like yeah so we the
situation goes we both end upnaked and he really So I'm like,
(17:40):
I don't want to fuck him.
And so I just start jerkingmyself off and I made myself
come.
That's crazy.
So I could leave.
That is crazy.
First of all, why not just putyour pants on and walk out?
First of all, why even getundressed?
I need the gay cowboy to knowthat this is not a dangerous
situation.
How dare you describe this asone.
(18:01):
But two, some fat guy really putme in on any of these.
This fat guy made me jerk off.
Made me jerk off.
So I wouldn't have to penetratehim.
I'm curious where he came from.
He was like, lift that tummy up.
But yeah, he basically is I justwas like, oops, sorry, I came
too early.
Gotta go and left.
Do you know what's funny?
(18:22):
I'm mind blown.
I'm speechless.
Can you imagine if a woman couldonly come once and then they're
like, gotta go.
Oopsie.
To the least sexy situationpossible.
That's crazy.
How did he get it done?
The gay cowboy is a magicalcreature.
(18:44):
He's a man.
He really is a magical creature.
This reminds me of my gayfriend.
You have a gay friend?
Yeah, Nora has one that shedoesn't keep in touch with.
Oh, I remember him.
We kind of lost touch.
No, no, no bad blood.
We just sort of lost touch overthe years.
We went to his birthday party inBrooklyn like seven years ago
and never saw him again.
Didn't you make out with him?
Yeah, once.
Yeah.
We made out.
I think he fingered me.
(19:05):
Anyway.
And he was like, I'm gay.
Unrelated.
He's inside of Nora.
I ain't got to tell you.
I knew he was gay before that.
Anyway, but it's funny because Iknew him for years and he wasn't
out and he didn't tell me he wasgay.
And in fact, he seemed verystraight.
He was straight passing.
He would consistently, we wouldalways go out.
(19:26):
He would talk to me about hisdates with me.
presumably women, and he wouldgive me all the deets and like,
we just love talking dating.
Maybe that should have been asign.
But it was always about women.
But I always noticed he had anunusual amount of stories about
anal.
Describe unusual amount.
(19:47):
Like every time.
Like every time we would talksex, he was like, well, you
know, during anal.
And I'd be like, huh, he does alot of anal.
Is he saying she, her pronouns?
Yes.
Wow.
He was closeted.
Well, yeah, I have something tosay after this.
He should have just switched tothe vagina.
But anyway- Couldn't.
Too gay.
Your gay cowboy story reminds mebecause one time he was telling
(20:09):
me a story about how he gotcatfished.
Very similar.
He just showed up to someone'shouse and I was like, wow,
that's crazy that a woman letyou do that.
And then he was like, yeah, shedidn't really look like how I
thought she would.
And I was like, oh, what waswrong?
And he goes, she had like areally large gut.
And I was like, what?
Like, women don't.
You wouldn't describe a woman ashaving a huge gut.
(20:29):
We don't carry the weight there.
How hard was it to have created8,000 dating stories about men
by calling them women.
He's confused.
He's now confused.
He's now bisexual.
I don't know how he did it, butyeah, he eventually came out as
gay, and I was like, oh.
You were like, that girl withthat gut.
I was like, that gut makes moresense.
(20:51):
That gut makes more sense.
That beer belly.
I don't think I would have puttwo and two together, though,
Nora.
I think I would have been like,wow, you really ran through some
chicks to figure this out.
If this is my homophobe comingthrough, I would have been like,
A lot of ass play.
It's a little gay.
A little gay.
A little gay.
Like, when people are like, Iwant you to rim me, I'm like, I
think you might also like men.
(21:12):
Straight guys love gettingrimmed nowadays, though.
I don't know.
It's the new thing.
It's the fucking Gen Z.
Gen Z, they love it.
Gen Z loves ass play.
We threw out a lot of the toxic,you know, gender roles, and now
they want ass shit.
And now they're gay.
They're fluid.
Gen Z is all very fluid.
This is actually reminding me ofone other...
(21:34):
incident and it's kind of likeon the sense of maybe turning
straight guys gay a little bitbut this guy's already straight
like he hasn't come out as gayso Tara and I one time and I
don't know what we should callhim we'll call him pretty boy he
says he's a pretty boyobjectively he's a pretty boy
(21:54):
once you get to know hispersonality he's less pretty was
Nora with us?
no she was parked in the boat noshe was peeing in the grass I
was peeing in the grass Justvisualize that, listener.
Visual.
Nora is maybe 150 feet awaypeeing on a hill in grass, and
Tara and I are left on the dockwith Pretty Boy.
(22:16):
And this was our first timehaving ever met Pretty Boy.
First encounter.
First, yeah.
First encounter.
We had maybe spent maybe alreadytwo hours with this person, and
we didn't really learn much,except that this guy was a real
jerk.
He wasn't very nice.
And he's straight.
He's He's a one-upper.
He thinks that he knowseverything.
(22:39):
And that's not really the kindof people that we like to hang
out with.
And Tara and I are on this dockwaiting for our friends to park
the boat and for Nora to stoppissing before we can leave.
This is getting really specificand identifiable.
But okay.
And...
I forget totally what happened,but you were talking to him,
(23:01):
Tara.
He was being really sexual, andI just don't like it when men
are trying to be sexual,especially in a first encounter.
Straight men.
Straight men being sexual.
It feels a little aggressive.
So Tara starts baiting him.
So I bait him.
So I'm like, yeah, well, if youwant to bend over, I will peg
you.
And he was like, oh, yeah, I getmy dick sucked by my barber all
(23:24):
the time.
And we were like...
Really?
And he's like, well, only whenwe're drunk and only when I see
my barber.
He's like, but it's not gay,though.
Well, it's a little gay.
He goes...
Well, he's sucking my dick, sothere's nothing gay about it.
There's nothing gay aboutgetting your dick sucked.
That's our favorite line.
And we're like, it's a littlegay.
(23:45):
It's a little gay.
So I was like, well, how oftenare you drinking with your
barber?
And he's like, every time I seehim.
By the way, men get their haircut like every six weeks.
This friend has now recentlybecome engaged.
And I would say we're not reallyclosely like that friends with
him.
But when I found out the newsthat this was going to happen,
because I heard it like throughthe rumor mill.
(24:05):
The engagement.
And I just go, oh, it's poorbarber.
Like, what's he going to do?
Is he going to be at thewedding?
For clarification, he gotengaged to a woman.
Yeah.
So here's the thing.
He's still going to be seeingthe barber.
The barber is still doing hisjob.
Still getting that tip.
(24:26):
I don't know if he tips him.
That's fucked.
No, he tips him.
If you know what I mean.
Slides that tip right in.
She winked at me, y'all.
Slides that tip right into hismouth.
This is my last and absolutefavorite story about the gay
cowboy.
And again, I just envy him andhis lifestyle.
(24:46):
I want like a shirt with like astencil of a gay cowboy.
Dude, I think that could be partof our merch.
I think he could have such abrand.
He has a brand.
He's so handsome.
He's such an icon.
So anyways, this is my favoritestory.
To date, I'm sure there will bemany, many more.
But he goes on an annual skitrip with all his street
(25:08):
friends.
Skis?
He skis.
Oh, yeah.
He's the dream.
He is my husband.
So he skis.
He's the full package.
But he goes with all of hisstreet friends, and they're like
boyfriends and husbands, andthey always do an annual ski
trip, right?
So one year, they're on themountain, and the gay cowboy
catches the eye of a cute boy,and they chat a little bit on
(25:30):
the slopes, whatever.
On the slopes?
They confuse me with a littleboy.
No, you never get hit on on theslopes.
You look like a pile of trash.
No, I look like a fat potato.
Yeah, everyone looks 50 poundsheavier.
Yeah, it's very confusing howgay men can just pull
motherfuckers.
So they see each other the nextday while they're getting on the
(25:51):
gondola.
And it's a big enough gondolafor, like, his whole friend
group to get on.
It's fake.
I mean, to recognize somebodyonce, let alone twice, two
different days.
You tell me, yo.
Did he suck his dick on thegondola?
Well, the gay cowboy definitelydidn't suck his dick.
He's not a giver like that.
He's a selfish lover just likeme.
So he tells his friends, hey,you get on this gondola.
(26:13):
Go ahead.
He waits, gets on the nextgondola.
Make sure it's just him and theguy.
The guy sucks him off tocompletion.
To just completion.
On the gondola?
On the gondola.
Two minute or less ride.
Two minute or less ride.
Holy shit.
And sucks him off.
gets off the gondola, meets upwith his friends, and his
friends are like, what happened?
And the gay cowboy is like, oh,he just sucked me off real quick
(26:34):
before this ride.
Let's go.
To completion.
All of the boyfriends andhusbands.
were so impressed the wholetrip.
They were like, can you do itagain?
They wanted him.
They were like, what about thatguy?
They were wingmanning so hardafter that because they're so
jealous.
They're so jealous that this isan option for gay men.
(26:56):
Straight men.
Hey, straight men, it's anoption for you if you stop
killing and raping women.
Yeah, I would suck a guy off tocompletion.
I thought you were going to sayif you just let a gay man suck
your dick, but that too.
That too.
Both of those.
Those are you.
Those are your options.
Those are your options.
My biggest takeaway is that thegay cowboy can come on demand.
Like, that is what I need.
(27:17):
Two instances now.
That's true.
He knows how to just plea.
That's super important.
He knows how to just plea.
Second of all, is his dick notcold?
Like, you're getting wet in air.
Ooh, on the mountain.
And then you've got to put itback inside the snowsuit.
And then ski.
I know we, our last episode, wetalked.
Standing up in snow boots.
This story is crazy.
Oh, I know.
I know.
(27:37):
So, here's the thing.
We talked last week.
episode about how great we areat giving hummers.
I wouldn't say I'm that great,but...
The gays know what they'refucking doing.
No, I bet.
And they have stronger mouthsthan us.
They're stronger because they'remen.
Is that testosterone?
I'm just saying, they must be alot better.
I just, I loved the straight manin the story.
They're all just like, please doit again.
(27:59):
Do it again.
Because they're so jealous thatthey can't do that.
But you can.
There is a sub-tribe of the gaycommunity where they love love
fucking straight men and not toput the gay cowboy on the spot
but that's one of hisspecialties is turning a
straight man he loves a turnturning a man he loves a turn
(28:20):
gay which I get I get that I getthat fantasy it's a good fantasy
like you want to turn a gay guystraight yeah oh yeah that would
be awesome they would never Iknow I feel like I obviously
can't it would be insulting likeit would be like a hate crime
but like I understand why that'slike attractive like you're just
so good and hot you're soThey've changed their mind.
(28:42):
No, it would be a hate crime.
It's like, you know how there'slike a small percentage of Jews
left in the world?
There's a small percentage ofgays.
You can't make them straight.
Right.
Fair.
Save the gays.
We should only be adding to thecommunity, not subtracting.
I hear you.
All right, listener.
To be clear, I can't turn a gayman.
Nor could I.
There's nothing magical about mymouth or puss to do such a
thing.
Not when they have men.
(29:02):
Like, we're screwed.
Not when they have men.
This is the one time men trumpwomen, I think.
Wow.
All right, listener.
Write in.
I want to know Let us know ifyou straighties have ever
dabbled with a suck in the D.
And would you rather have yourdick sucked or would you rather
suck dick?
And if you want to feel thewrath of the gay cowboy, mayhaps
write us in and let us know ifyou'd like to get your dick
(29:22):
sucked by him as well.
Again, he will not suck dick,but he will gladly let you suck
his dick.
Yee-haw.
Yee-haw.
That's all we have, rats.
Yee-motherfucking-haw.
Happy pride, rats.
Happy pride.
As always, thanks for listening.
If you're interested in evenmore bad advice, scurry on over
to Instagram and TikTok atBadAdviceOnlyNYC.
(29:44):
We're begging you, download andrate the show and leave us a
review.
Talk to you next Monday.
Stay tuned, rats.
We threw out a lot of the toxic, you know, gender
roles and now they're on assshit.
And now they're gay.
We're your hosts, Tara, Nora,and Allie, and you're listening
(00:20):
to Bad Advice Only.
We're just three New York Cityrats talking about scurrying
around the Big Apple.
Here, we make the New York Citymistakes so you don't have to.
We're begging you.
Leave us a review and follow uson Instagram and TikTok at
BadAdviceOnlyNYC.
We release new episodes everyMonday, so stay tuned, rats.
(00:41):
Welcome back, rats, to anotherepisode of Bad Advice Only.
During the month of June.
I have to say, because I did therat chatter.
Too early, and I have to say,last week's episode, when we
talked about your chompers, andyou went...
It was so clear.
Could you hear it?
(01:01):
I didn't notice, but that'sfunny.
It was very funny.
Well, today we are talking aboutgages.
Our favorite gays.
Happy Pride, y'all.
Happy Pride.
That's exactly what I was aboutto say.
So it is Pride month, and howcould we not do a Gages June?
Well, we could not do it aswe're all straight-ish.
(01:22):
Well, Tara's kind of gay.
Yeah, I did right in the outlinethat 2.5 straight women will be
talking about.
I think if you add it all up,we're two straight women.
Like if you put all the partstogether.
Yeah, you're right.
Between the three of us, there'sat least one gay person.
There's at least one gay.
Because Tara's 50%.
Oh, thank you.
So you and I are both 25%.
(01:43):
And I'm like 10%.
So math wise.
We're getting close.
We're a little shy of one gaywoman.
I will say this as the listenerwho has the most queer, gay,
bisexual, etc.
friends in the community.
She's always like comparing.
No, I am blanket statingapologies for whatever comes out
of my mouth during this episode.
(02:05):
You're not a listener though.
You're a host of this podcast.
I meant to address that to ourlisteners.
Sorry, guys.
I sweat out all my coffee on mywalk here this morning to the
studio.
It's 100 degrees outside.
It's so fucking hot.
I can't think straight.
For our proud tourists thatdon't live in New York, it's
going to be 101 degrees, whichsome people may not think it's
(02:28):
that hot, but we don't havecentral air and we walk
everywhere.
And we live in a concrete fryingpan with no access to water.
That's 101 degrees Fahrenheitfor all you bitches in Celsius.
That's way hotter.
Yeah, that's over like 35, Ithink, for our Euro listeners,
which we have a lot of too.
Okay, so let's dive in.
(02:50):
Unless, Allie, did you have anyupdates for us?
No.
Then let's just dive in.
UNKNOWN (02:58):
Good.
Good.
SPEAKER_00 (02:59):
Great.
Good.
Have we been hanging out toomuch?
We have no updates.
Okay.
Let's dive into Gay-Jizz June.
So I wanted to talk about a fewthings, but primarily we're
going to stick with just gay.
The community at large, it's sobig.
You can't just get 30 minutesand explain the entire
(03:21):
community.
So we're going for gay men.
So we're starting with gay menand if it's a hit we'll dive
deeper into the other parts ofthe community I love gay men
sometimes I think I'm a gay mantrapped in a woman's body you
are kind of you are a gay man Igot the bitchiness I got the
style you're calling gay menbitchy already homophobic
(03:41):
already yes my friends arebitchy and I tell them to their
face she does attract the bitchygays I think I attract the gays
that pretend to be straight100%.
All Tara's gays are gay men whowant to pass as straight men.
Or turn them, and we'll talkabout that later.
(04:03):
Okay, so I feel like everyoneknows only one gay dating app,
say it.
Grindr.
Grindr.
Yeah.
Can y'all think of any others?
Bumble, Hinge.
You can set any of them to yourpreference.
Okay, I love that Allie saidthat.
But do they use them?
They do.
So what Allie just said is thatthe straight community primarily
uses Bumble and Hinge.
I would Like the vanilla people.
(04:25):
But gays also use it.
And like Allie said, you canswitch.
So if you're a curious listener,you can just go to your settings
and switch it.
Who hasn't switched it out ofcuriosity?
Dude.
You haven't, Allie?
No.
I do it all the time.
Oh, I do it all the time.
You guys yell at me.
I have too many friends.
Why would I go out with a girl?
I'm not telling you to go outwith them.
I'm saying just take a peek.
No.
(04:45):
Or see who likes you.
What kind of women you attract.
See how hot you are.
Yeah.
I know it will be abysmal.
All women are beautiful.
Okay.
So the other ones.
And I knew this one.
I knew three of the six.
Grinder.
Scruff.
Jacked.
Spelled J-A-C-K apostrophe D.
(05:08):
That's an app I want to be on.
Growler.
Spelled like grinders withoutthe E.
Hornet.
UNKNOWN (05:15):
I giggle.
SPEAKER_00 (05:16):
And sniffies.
Ew.
I don't like sniffies.
I wonder how realistic theseare.
Did you ask any of your gayfriends if they use these?
Yeah.
So they've used them all.
Oh.
Al, have you heard of any ofthese from your gay friends?
I just go to the gym with mygays.
That's the app.
That's the live app.
A lot of Allie's gay friends aremarried men, like married to
(05:37):
each other.
Yeah.
A lot of yours are married andlike kind of committed.
Yeah.
Or in throuples.
I know two gay throuple couples.
I love that.
Can't wait.
Can't wait to broke.
It's not a throuple couple.
It's just a throuple.
Yeah.
So they're all pretty much thesame.
They're apps for the queercommunity.
Grindr and Scruff are probablythe most popular, I would guess.
(05:59):
Sniffies is kind of like.
Stop saying it.
You've got to stop saying it.
It's so gross.
I like it.
Why would you?
Are you sniffing panties?
Yeah, what are you sniffing?
What are they sniffing?
Buttholes?
Okay, so it's kind of like theold app Happn.
Is that what it's called?
Oh, yeah.
Happn.
I love Happn, guys.
So similar to Grindr, it alertsyou when you're like near dick.
Oh, because you're sniffing fordick.
(06:19):
Yeah, you're sniffing at thatdick.
They could have just rebrandedHappn.
Yeah, I love Happn.
Happn is so funny.
Or like Near.
Okay.
Nearby Dick.
Nearby Dick NBD.
So the other two things that Iwant to talk about, and I want
to spend majority of the time onthese two instead of just like
the dating apps, but I did wantto educate our...
on a few other apps in casethey're getting a little curious
from this episode.
They're getting a little gay.
Getting a little gay.
(06:40):
I hope that my goal at the endof this episode is everyone's
just a little gay.
When this airs on June 30th, byJuly 1st, we'll have 25% more
gay listeners.
I'd love that.
Yes.
So I want to talk a little bitabout gay slang and then also
share some of my favorite gaystories of like some of my gay
friends who have, I'm justenvious of how the gay man gets
(07:03):
to sleep around.
I'm so envious.
They have a ball.
Jealous.
Literally.
Literally.
Because if there's no womeninvolved, then they're not
judging.
Nobody's judging.
No one's judging.
No one's getting pregnant.
It's easy.
You're just having fun.
You're just having a goodfucking time.
Okay.
So let's go through some of thegay slang.
I think most of, I think you'llknow most of them, but we're
(07:23):
going to quiz you.
First one, baby gay.
Oh, that's when someone has comeout recently and they're like
learning the ropes of being gay.
Ding, ding, ding.
And I would call it a gay bee.
A gay bee is way better.
A bear.
Big, big boy.
Big, burly.
Big and burly.
Hairy.
Hairy big guy who's gay.
(07:44):
Don't forget.
Okay.
Gold star.
Oh, I know this one.
Answer.
A gold star has never slept witha woman.
They are 100% gold star gay.
What's the one that also doesn'tcome out of a vagina?
Platinum star.
Platinum star is reallycontroversial.
(08:05):
Is it?
Why?
I mean, it's very made up.
It's all made up.
But this one's like a stretch.
A platinum star for the listeneris?
Someone who, a man who is gay,who never even, when they were
delivered as a baby they werenot delivered vaginally so they
have physically never touched avagina so they're c-section
(08:27):
babies never touched a vaginaplatinum star here's my argument
with that and come at me gays Iit's not sexual to come out of a
fucking vagina but they've nevertouched it they've never even
touched it I guess I don't knowI would brag about it I would
brag I mean, yeah, I would too.
I'm either a gold star straightor gay.
(08:47):
Same.
This one might be my absolutefavorite.
Father-son.
Ew.
A daddy, daddy, daddy-sonmoment.
Sorry, I thought...
I mean, you've role-playeddaddy-daughter.
I know, but I thought tooliterally in the gay sense.
You're also okay withfather-son.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
We're not going into an incestthing, and I'm not okay with
(09:11):
mothers.
You love incest.
Okay.
Nor is Pearl that.
Nor is Pearl incest andbestiality.
For a different episode.
This is a kink in which guys ofdramatically different ages have
sex while fantasizing that oneis the son and the other is the
father.
To make this work, you'll haveto say son or dad while you're
(09:32):
doing it.
Guys, I might have to explore myhomophobia because I love
daddy-daughter, but father-sonfucks me up.
What's the difference betweendaddy-daughter and father-son?
I don't know.
Like, I would arguedaddy-daughter is much worse.
It is.
Like, much, much worse.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I just hadn't thought of it.
So, okay, it's two against one.
(09:52):
Nora thinks father-son is worse.
And Allie and I thinkfather-daughter is worse.
Is that what I'm hearing?
Yes.
They're all just fantasies, butI just hadn't thought of that
one.
She's now taking the homophobic,right?
I knew you two would lose.
So those are just a few of many,many.
(10:15):
And they're not scared of dying.
It's accessible.
It's easy.
It sounds so lovely.
And Allie is the perfect exampleof the ease.
(10:36):
I have so many examples.
Like, they can just, and itdepends on which group I'm with,
right?
Because there are some that havepredetermined rules.
And to your point earlier, like,I have a lot of friends who are
married.
I have fewer friends who aresingle, for sure.
But, you know, some have, like,open discussions around who and
when and how they can sleep withothers.
So they're in open marriages ofsome type.
(10:58):
In a sense, yeah.
But for the gay man, that'spretty monogamous.
Right.
And then for the others, theyare not allowed to sleep with
anybody else unless it's in thesame room yeah it's my rule so
I'm coming to you soon Noradaddy and son she is looking for
two males guys two male femalemale I might have to give up on
(11:21):
that search but I don't thinkyou should give up female daddy
son Maybe one of our listeners.
I know a lot of podcasters thathook up with their listeners.
So maybe I'll get two gentlemento offer to Eiffel Tower you.
So I think some of the crazieststories that come top of mind.
Actually, one just happenedyesterday.
But, okay, I was hanging outwith one of my gays.
(11:45):
And they were like, hey, I'll beright there.
I'll be right there.
And I'm like, okay.
And I'm like waiting for themoutside their building.
And then they come out and we'regoing for a walk.
And...
I'm like, hey, how's your daygoing?
And he goes, good.
And he's just, like, wiping hismouth a little bit.
I'm like, are you okay?
Like, are you drooling?
Like, is my beauty, like, makingyou drool?
Because, you know, I love tojoke with my gays.
And he was like, no, I actuallyjust was on my way down, and
(12:06):
there was a really hot deliverydriver.
And I took him in the stairwell,and I blew him.
How?
And I go, well, that was myquestion.
I was like, literally, how?
Also, the generosity.
Did he receive anything?
No, I don't think that is whathe wanted.
I think he just wanted to blowit to the pig.
According to him, they made eyecontact.
(12:27):
No words were spoken.
It reminds me, we'll talk aboutthis another time, but how you
made out with a stranger on aplane one time, Nora.
No words spoken.
You just have that energy.
I do not exude that much sexualenergy because this has never
happened to me.
It happened to me on a plane,listener.
We'll tell it another day.
I guess one thing led to anotherand he must have just pulled him
in.
I didn't even know there was astairwell in this building.
(12:49):
He's a delivery driver.
They lock eyes and he just pullshim into a stairwell and blows
him.
Pulls his pants down.
That's amazing.
But then again, I had anothergay who was at this spot where I
have a crush.
And we were all hanging out andthe crush was there.
(13:10):
He's like the most beautiful manI've ever seen in my life.
And I keep seeing him around andI never have the courage to go
up and talk to this man becausehe's actually so hot.
You've seen him before.
The tatted guy.
Oh, he's so hot.
Damn.
He lives in a building.
We literally the hottest manI've ever seen in my life.
We love a tatted man.
He's so cute.
And he's nice.
If you're listening, tatted man.
No, no, I know.
His name's Jordan.
(13:30):
I love him.
Oh my God.
How did I get his name?
Because my gay, as soon as Ileft, literally, Literally
within five minutes, I get atext message and it's just
Jordan, tatted guy from pool,dog washer.
Dog washer?
And I was like, I thought he wasa nurse.
And he was like, no, we talkedfor like the whole time after
you left.
He thought his dog washingscrubs were nursing scrubs.
(13:53):
No, no, no.
It turns out he's not a doctoror a nurse.
I don't know why he's beenwearing scrubs because he's, I
guess, in sales.
What?
Very weird.
All right, we are losing thisstory.
Is he a dog washer?
He's not a dog, well, I keptasking.
I was like, well, is he a dogwasher?
like because no judgment butlike he might not be the one but
(14:15):
I think he apparently he'sstarting his own dog washing
business anyway just to prove apoint that like they're very
social yeah and and they getaway with straight men and gay
men oh I know did he hook upwith it no he's fully straight
but he was trying to talk me uphe said but I'm worried he's
trying to steal him for you nowe I we agreed to it that like
(14:36):
he's yours you called Dibs.
If we do a house party and he'sinterested in both, we'll figure
it out.
Rock, paper, scissors?
No.
Same time.
Same time.
That'd be cute.
He said, I wouldn't mind you topeg me.
And I said, oh.
Allie, do you want to borrow mystrap on?
No, I can't.
I can't peg him.
We're too close.
Yeah, I don't think you should.
You could do it.
You could do it.
I don't want to do it.
(14:56):
Okay, so we're talking aboutjust like the ease for this,
like...
Dick is available.
It's available.
They're just always available.
They're giving.
They're so generous.
They're so generous.
Except for Cowboy.
Cowboy Gay, our friend, is alittle selfish.
The gay cowboy is not a generouslover, just like me.
That's why we love each other.
I've never met the gay cowboy.
(15:16):
I don't think he'd like me,though.
You know, he might not.
He's more of a Tara Gay.
You're a fruit fly, and I'm...
We need a name for, like, yes,Fruit Fly versus whatever Tara
is.
Grunge Gay.
Grunge Gay.
UNKNOWN (15:30):
Grunge Gay.
What?
SPEAKER_00 (15:31):
Okay, so I asked him.
We were talking about all of hisgreat sex that he gets to have
all the time, anonymous sex.
And I was like, well, tell me,has there ever been a moment
where you've gotten into adangerous situation?
I need to know.
Like, surely.
Yeah.
You're going in no name.
Some people just leave theirdoor unlocked and sit with their
(15:53):
ass up in the air.
And a man just walks in theroom, fucks him, and leaves.
That's incredible.
It's incredible.
To be fair, we've all had ourfair share of showing up in an
apartment and a naked person iswaiting for us.
So he was like, oh, yeah,something really bad happened to
me one time.
And I was like, oh, my God, areyou okay, gay cowboy?
(16:14):
And he's like, yeah.
I got catfished so hard and Iwas like, okay and he goes the
guy was fucking fat oh my godand I was like okay yes that's
catfishing but like where's thedanger that's not danger okay I
did ask how much fatter so I'mglad we're on the same
(16:35):
wavelength he said no I get itand I quote because I didn't say
this listener he had to pull uphis stomach to see his dick oh
no and he goes I didn't knowwhat to do I didn't want to
sleep with him he catfished meand I'm like where's the danger
in the story and he was like Weended up completely naked.
I'm like, how?
How do you end up completelynaked?
(16:56):
Just leave.
And Gay Cowboy's hot.
No, Gay Cowboy's hot.
He keeps trying to go down on mebecause I don't believe he's
good at licking pussy.
We need that for the pod.
Why are you saying no?
Listen, it's...
going to happen at some pointit's inevitable we need to know
absolutely inevitable oh man hisboyfriend's hot too if someone's
(17:17):
gonna do it I'd like to one ofyou get the boyfriend one of you
get the cowboy you know theywould be down to have sex with
you I bet I think I'd be downyeah they're really handsome
they're both really hot yeah yougotta get on prep so anyways I'm
like waiting for this story andhe's like yeah so we the
situation goes we both end upnaked and he really So I'm like,
(17:40):
I don't want to fuck him.
And so I just start jerkingmyself off and I made myself
come.
That's crazy.
So I could leave.
That is crazy.
First of all, why not just putyour pants on and walk out?
First of all, why even getundressed?
I need the gay cowboy to knowthat this is not a dangerous
situation.
How dare you describe this asone.
(18:01):
But two, some fat guy really putme in on any of these.
This fat guy made me jerk off.
Made me jerk off.
So I wouldn't have to penetratehim.
I'm curious where he came from.
He was like, lift that tummy up.
But yeah, he basically is I justwas like, oops, sorry, I came
too early.
Gotta go and left.
Do you know what's funny?
(18:22):
I'm mind blown.
I'm speechless.
Can you imagine if a woman couldonly come once and then they're
like, gotta go.
Oopsie.
To the least sexy situationpossible.
That's crazy.
How did he get it done?
The gay cowboy is a magicalcreature.
(18:44):
He's a man.
He really is a magical creature.
This reminds me of my gayfriend.
You have a gay friend?
Yeah, Nora has one that shedoesn't keep in touch with.
Oh, I remember him.
We kind of lost touch.
No, no, no bad blood.
We just sort of lost touch overthe years.
We went to his birthday party inBrooklyn like seven years ago
and never saw him again.
Didn't you make out with him?
Yeah, once.
Yeah.
We made out.
I think he fingered me.
(19:05):
Anyway.
And he was like, I'm gay.
Unrelated.
He's inside of Nora.
I ain't got to tell you.
I knew he was gay before that.
Anyway, but it's funny because Iknew him for years and he wasn't
out and he didn't tell me he wasgay.
And in fact, he seemed verystraight.
He was straight passing.
He would consistently, we wouldalways go out.
(19:26):
He would talk to me about hisdates with me.
presumably women, and he wouldgive me all the deets and like,
we just love talking dating.
Maybe that should have been asign.
But it was always about women.
But I always noticed he had anunusual amount of stories about
anal.
Describe unusual amount.
(19:47):
Like every time.
Like every time we would talksex, he was like, well, you
know, during anal.
And I'd be like, huh, he does alot of anal.
Is he saying she, her pronouns?
Yes.
Wow.
He was closeted.
Well, yeah, I have something tosay after this.
He should have just switched tothe vagina.
But anyway- Couldn't.
Too gay.
Your gay cowboy story reminds mebecause one time he was telling
(20:09):
me a story about how he gotcatfished.
Very similar.
He just showed up to someone'shouse and I was like, wow,
that's crazy that a woman letyou do that.
And then he was like, yeah, shedidn't really look like how I
thought she would.
And I was like, oh, what waswrong?
And he goes, she had like areally large gut.
And I was like, what?
Like, women don't.
You wouldn't describe a woman ashaving a huge gut.
(20:29):
We don't carry the weight there.
How hard was it to have created8,000 dating stories about men
by calling them women.
He's confused.
He's now confused.
He's now bisexual.
I don't know how he did it, butyeah, he eventually came out as
gay, and I was like, oh.
You were like, that girl withthat gut.
I was like, that gut makes moresense.
(20:51):
That gut makes more sense.
That beer belly.
I don't think I would have puttwo and two together, though,
Nora.
I think I would have been like,wow, you really ran through some
chicks to figure this out.
If this is my homophobe comingthrough, I would have been like,
A lot of ass play.
It's a little gay.
A little gay.
A little gay.
Like, when people are like, Iwant you to rim me, I'm like, I
think you might also like men.
(21:12):
Straight guys love gettingrimmed nowadays, though.
I don't know.
It's the new thing.
It's the fucking Gen Z.
Gen Z, they love it.
Gen Z loves ass play.
We threw out a lot of the toxic,you know, gender roles, and now
they want ass shit.
And now they're gay.
They're fluid.
Gen Z is all very fluid.
This is actually reminding me ofone other...
(21:34):
incident and it's kind of likeon the sense of maybe turning
straight guys gay a little bitbut this guy's already straight
like he hasn't come out as gayso Tara and I one time and I
don't know what we should callhim we'll call him pretty boy he
says he's a pretty boyobjectively he's a pretty boy
(21:54):
once you get to know hispersonality he's less pretty was
Nora with us?
no she was parked in the boat noshe was peeing in the grass I
was peeing in the grass Justvisualize that, listener.
Visual.
Nora is maybe 150 feet awaypeeing on a hill in grass, and
Tara and I are left on the dockwith Pretty Boy.
(22:16):
And this was our first timehaving ever met Pretty Boy.
First encounter.
First, yeah.
First encounter.
We had maybe spent maybe alreadytwo hours with this person, and
we didn't really learn much,except that this guy was a real
jerk.
He wasn't very nice.
And he's straight.
He's He's a one-upper.
He thinks that he knowseverything.
(22:39):
And that's not really the kindof people that we like to hang
out with.
And Tara and I are on this dockwaiting for our friends to park
the boat and for Nora to stoppissing before we can leave.
This is getting really specificand identifiable.
But okay.
And...
I forget totally what happened,but you were talking to him,
(23:01):
Tara.
He was being really sexual, andI just don't like it when men
are trying to be sexual,especially in a first encounter.
Straight men.
Straight men being sexual.
It feels a little aggressive.
So Tara starts baiting him.
So I bait him.
So I'm like, yeah, well, if youwant to bend over, I will peg
you.
And he was like, oh, yeah, I getmy dick sucked by my barber all
(23:24):
the time.
And we were like...
Really?
And he's like, well, only whenwe're drunk and only when I see
my barber.
He's like, but it's not gay,though.
Well, it's a little gay.
He goes...
Well, he's sucking my dick, sothere's nothing gay about it.
There's nothing gay aboutgetting your dick sucked.
That's our favorite line.
And we're like, it's a littlegay.
(23:45):
It's a little gay.
So I was like, well, how oftenare you drinking with your
barber?
And he's like, every time I seehim.
By the way, men get their haircut like every six weeks.
This friend has now recentlybecome engaged.
And I would say we're not reallyclosely like that friends with
him.
But when I found out the newsthat this was going to happen,
because I heard it like throughthe rumor mill.
(24:05):
The engagement.
And I just go, oh, it's poorbarber.
Like, what's he going to do?
Is he going to be at thewedding?
For clarification, he gotengaged to a woman.
Yeah.
So here's the thing.
He's still going to be seeingthe barber.
The barber is still doing hisjob.
Still getting that tip.
(24:26):
I don't know if he tips him.
That's fucked.
No, he tips him.
If you know what I mean.
Slides that tip right in.
She winked at me, y'all.
Slides that tip right into hismouth.
This is my last and absolutefavorite story about the gay
cowboy.
And again, I just envy him andhis lifestyle.
(24:46):
I want like a shirt with like astencil of a gay cowboy.
Dude, I think that could be partof our merch.
I think he could have such abrand.
He has a brand.
He's so handsome.
He's such an icon.
So anyways, this is my favoritestory.
To date, I'm sure there will bemany, many more.
But he goes on an annual skitrip with all his street
(25:08):
friends.
Skis?
He skis.
Oh, yeah.
He's the dream.
He is my husband.
So he skis.
He's the full package.
But he goes with all of hisstreet friends, and they're like
boyfriends and husbands, andthey always do an annual ski
trip, right?
So one year, they're on themountain, and the gay cowboy
catches the eye of a cute boy,and they chat a little bit on
(25:30):
the slopes, whatever.
On the slopes?
They confuse me with a littleboy.
No, you never get hit on on theslopes.
You look like a pile of trash.
No, I look like a fat potato.
Yeah, everyone looks 50 poundsheavier.
Yeah, it's very confusing howgay men can just pull
motherfuckers.
So they see each other the nextday while they're getting on the
(25:51):
gondola.
And it's a big enough gondolafor, like, his whole friend
group to get on.
It's fake.
I mean, to recognize somebodyonce, let alone twice, two
different days.
You tell me, yo.
Did he suck his dick on thegondola?
Well, the gay cowboy definitelydidn't suck his dick.
He's not a giver like that.
He's a selfish lover just likeme.
So he tells his friends, hey,you get on this gondola.
(26:13):
Go ahead.
He waits, gets on the nextgondola.
Make sure it's just him and theguy.
The guy sucks him off tocompletion.
To just completion.
On the gondola?
On the gondola.
Two minute or less ride.
Two minute or less ride.
Holy shit.
And sucks him off.
gets off the gondola, meets upwith his friends, and his
friends are like, what happened?
And the gay cowboy is like, oh,he just sucked me off real quick
(26:34):
before this ride.
Let's go.
To completion.
All of the boyfriends andhusbands.
were so impressed the wholetrip.
They were like, can you do itagain?
They wanted him.
They were like, what about thatguy?
They were wingmanning so hardafter that because they're so
jealous.
They're so jealous that this isan option for gay men.
(26:56):
Straight men.
Hey, straight men, it's anoption for you if you stop
killing and raping women.
Yeah, I would suck a guy off tocompletion.
I thought you were going to sayif you just let a gay man suck
your dick, but that too.
That too.
Both of those.
Those are you.
Those are your options.
Those are your options.
My biggest takeaway is that thegay cowboy can come on demand.
Like, that is what I need.
(27:17):
Two instances now.
That's true.
He knows how to just plea.
That's super important.
He knows how to just plea.
Second of all, is his dick notcold?
Like, you're getting wet in air.
Ooh, on the mountain.
And then you've got to put itback inside the snowsuit.
And then ski.
I know we, our last episode, wetalked.
Standing up in snow boots.
This story is crazy.
Oh, I know.
I know.
(27:37):
So, here's the thing.
We talked last week.
episode about how great we areat giving hummers.
I wouldn't say I'm that great,but...
The gays know what they'refucking doing.
No, I bet.
And they have stronger mouthsthan us.
They're stronger because they'remen.
Is that testosterone?
I'm just saying, they must be alot better.
I just, I loved the straight manin the story.
They're all just like, please doit again.
(27:59):
Do it again.
Because they're so jealous thatthey can't do that.
But you can.
There is a sub-tribe of the gaycommunity where they love love
fucking straight men and not toput the gay cowboy on the spot
but that's one of hisspecialties is turning a
straight man he loves a turnturning a man he loves a turn
(28:20):
gay which I get I get that I getthat fantasy it's a good fantasy
like you want to turn a gay guystraight yeah oh yeah that would
be awesome they would never Iknow I feel like I obviously
can't it would be insulting likeit would be like a hate crime
but like I understand why that'slike attractive like you're just
so good and hot you're soThey've changed their mind.
(28:42):
No, it would be a hate crime.
It's like, you know how there'slike a small percentage of Jews
left in the world?
There's a small percentage ofgays.
You can't make them straight.
Right.
Fair.
Save the gays.
We should only be adding to thecommunity, not subtracting.
I hear you.
All right, listener.
To be clear, I can't turn a gayman.
Nor could I.
There's nothing magical about mymouth or puss to do such a
thing.
Not when they have men.
(29:02):
Like, we're screwed.
Not when they have men.
This is the one time men trumpwomen, I think.
Wow.
All right, listener.
Write in.
I want to know Let us know ifyou straighties have ever
dabbled with a suck in the D.
And would you rather have yourdick sucked or would you rather
suck dick?
And if you want to feel thewrath of the gay cowboy, mayhaps
write us in and let us know ifyou'd like to get your dick
(29:22):
sucked by him as well.
Again, he will not suck dick,but he will gladly let you suck
his dick.
Yee-haw.
Yee-haw.
That's all we have, rats.
Yee-motherfucking-haw.
Happy pride, rats.
Happy pride.
As always, thanks for listening.
If you're interested in evenmore bad advice, scurry on over
to Instagram and TikTok atBadAdviceOnlyNYC.
(29:44):
We're begging you, download andrate the show and leave us a
review.
Talk to you next Monday.
Stay tuned, rats.
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