June 16, 2025 • 30 mins
It's Jizz June, Rat Pack! In this episode of Bad Advice Only, Nora, Tara, and Ali tackle the ultimate bedroom secret: how to fake an orgasm (like you really mean it!). Your New York City rat hosts dive headfirst into the chaotic world of faking pleasure for ego, why some women swear off it (and others still do!), and the wild techniques involved. Ever heard of "shooting the dick out" with a Kegel? Now you have. We also expose the tell-tale signs of a male fake orgasm and debate the societal double standards. Plus, listen for a truly unhinged NYC disaster story and Tara's outrageous "three orgasm minimum" rule. This episode is packed with real talk about sex and dating in NYC you won't hear anywhere else!
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fake orgasm tips, women faking orgasms, male fake orgasms, sex in NYC, dating in New York, Bad Advice Only podcast, raunchy podcast, adult humor, sexual honesty, orgasm secrets, Jizz June
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 01 (00:00):
I would fake not coming.
Like I would come.
She would mask her orgasm.
We're your hosts, Tara, Nora,and Allie, and you're listening
(00:23):
to Bad Advice Only.
We're just three New York Cityrats talking about scurrying
around the Big Apple.
Here, we make the New York Citymistakes so you don't have to.
We're begging you.
Speaker 00 (00:34):
Leave us a review and follow us on Instagram and
TikTok at BadAdviceOnlyNYC.
We release new episodes everyMonday, so stay tuned, rats.
Speaker 01 (00:43):
Welcome back, Rat Pack, to another episode of Bad
Advice Only during the month ofJune.
That's right.
Today, we are going to betalking about a skill which you
might already have, but youmight not admit it.
How to fake the orgasm.
(01:05):
Before we get started, though,I think we do need to call out
the
Speaker 00 (01:09):
elephant
Speaker 01 (01:09):
in the room.
Speaker 00 (01:10):
Tara and I...
Hot off the press, sharing alittle Mikey Mike action today.
Speaker 01 (01:16):
We are having some technical difficulties this
morning.
Nora's about to lose hergoddamn mind.
And Tara and Ali are nowsharing a mic, so fights will
ensue.
Speaker 00 (01:25):
Mostly because Tara didn't want to share a mic with
me.
I'm kind of like the rat that'sbeen left out.
Speaker 01 (01:30):
I just assumed you and Nora would share the mic.
All right.
So before we get into how tofake an O and why to fake an O,
Ali, I think you had a New Yorkexperience that you wanted to
share with the Ratlings.
Speaker 00 (01:42):
Thank you so much.
I do.
I don't know if either of youare going to be able to relate
to this.
And also it happened in Jersey.
So let's call the elephant inthe room too.
It's not as New York as itcould be, but New York adjacent.
So I signed up for a fitnessclass last night in Hoboken and
it's part of a chain that's herein the city.
(02:03):
And I normally go in the city,but Given time frames and my
personal life adventures, Idecided to take it back home.
And I have never been there tothis location before, and it was
an F-45.
It's like standard.
There's tons of F-45s around.
I have no idea what that is.
Yeah, same.
Anyway, so I was trying to goto find this gym in Hoboken, and
I swear to God that I have seenthis before from the little
(02:27):
train that goes in between the
Speaker 01 (02:30):
different boroughs of Jersey, if you will.
Oh, the light
Speaker 00 (02:32):
rail thing?
The light rail, yeah.
Okay.
I'm walking and like all of asudden an entire street blown
out like the entire actualcement is like a sinkhole like
completely blown out and I'mlike how the fuck do I cross the
streets like I can't I'm notseeing the gym I can't cross the
street I end up walking aboutlike six blocks farther than I
(02:54):
need to just to cross the streetand then I'm trying to
backtrack to find this gym guysthe gym was the gym does not
exist
Speaker 02 (03:02):
no
Speaker 00 (03:03):
not only did I sign up for a 6 30 p.m class I got
there at 5 30 because I knew itmight be I might have some
difficulty finding this.
A whole hour.
I keep looking up the addressand I keep trying to walk with
my Google map.
And it keeps saying the gymcloses soon at 6 p.m.
But I'm like, but I have a 6.30class.
Like, how does it close?
(03:23):
Like, there's just so manythings that aren't lining up.
And then I keep walking aroundthis one complex and I'm...
New York moment lookingupstairs because it's like this
massive right warehouse and I'mlike maybe it's through a door
like there's a lot of peopledressed in gym clothes I walk in
and it's a music school oh
Speaker 01 (03:41):
What?
So you stayed and did tapdancing.
I literally just got on thetrain and went home.
Speaker 00 (03:48):
I was like, I guess I'm not meant to work out
tonight.
That
Speaker 01 (03:52):
was probably a sign.
Like, you should have stayedand learned some music.
Maybe.
That was the sign.
That is so tragic.
Also, side note, having astreet blown out, I agree, is
such a New York experience.
The worst case scenario,though, is when you're on a bike
and there's no fucking warningthat the street is just fucking
non-existent and ruined and thenyou just...
(04:13):
Fall into a sinkhole.
Fucking fall into a sinkhole.
I have to say, I was inCalifornia recently and I meant
to send y'all a picture, but Iwas walking down the sidewalk
and there was the tiniest littlelike disruption in the
sidewalk, like this midgiestlittle sinkhole.
And there was a big yellow coneover it.
And I was like, my God, thesepussies.
New York will literally havelike a fucking street
Speaker 00 (04:35):
long sinkhole.
They don't even care.
To your point, they won't evencall it out.
One time, Nora and I werewalking down the street.
I don't think you were with us,but shit his pants, AJ was with
us and there was a massivesinkhole.
And this guy was up back andwhen hoverboards were cool.
Oh, I was there.
Were you with us?
Oh, yeah, because
Speaker 01 (04:50):
of the TV.
This guy fucking hit a sinkholeso bad on his fucking
hoverboard.
And he fell straight on hisass.
We all thought he wasparalyzed.
We all just went, oh.
It wasn't like the, ooh, likeyou're kind of laughing at him.
No, we thought his spine wentthrough his throat and he was
paralyzed.
But also, in the most New Yorkmoment, we just passed him by
and he did not ask if he wasokay.
(05:12):
How would we rate that?
I think like a four, I think.
Oh, I was going to give it atwo.
Sinkhole's very New York,though she wasn't in New York.
She was in New Jersey.
She lost points because she wasin Jersey.
And also, like, I think themore New York moment, because
we're just so used to theseholes, is not being able to find
the fucking address that is infront of your face.
(05:34):
Like, you have the address.
You're standing in front of thebuilding, but it is not
Speaker 00 (05:37):
where you should be.
No, 100%.
It's at 720 Monroe Street.
Speaker 01 (05:41):
The most New York thing, too, is just having to
give up and walk away.
home because there's no wayyou're ever going to find your
appointment.
Absolutely tragic.
Well, Ali, thanks for your howNew York was it story.
We need to come up with abetter name for that segment.
But let's go ahead and get intothe meat and potatoes, the meat
and potatoes, how to fake itlike you really mean it.
Speaker 00 (06:04):
Should we be like, oh,
Speaker 01 (06:08):
yeah.
I knew someone was going to doan orgasm fucking impression.
Ooh, baby.
She's so loud sitting next toher, guys.
As much as I love watching youcome across for me, one, I
wanted to address...
Why should you fake it?
Why do we fake it?
Slash do we fake it?
(06:28):
Oh.
Allie, do you fake it?
Speaker 00 (06:31):
Yeah.
Actually, I was thinking aboutthis on the way here.
Did you do any research?
I'm curious what the percentageof all women would say they
fake it.
Oh, it's high.
It's got to be high.
I've
Speaker 01 (06:42):
seen stats like this before.
It's got to be high.
I pretty solidly faked it upuntil I was like 26, and then I
stopped.
And now you're just 100%honest.
I vowed to never fake again,and I don't.
I'm 100% honest.
If I don't come, I just don'tcome, and I tell them.
Wow.
And you tell them.
How do you tell them?
They're like, did you come?
And I'm like, baby boy, you'dknow.
Speaker 00 (07:03):
Why do they ask?
Speaker 01 (07:05):
Why
Speaker 00 (07:05):
do they ask?
Because they've never made agirl come before, so they don't
know who you're talking
Speaker 01 (07:10):
about.
To answer your question—
Speaker 00 (07:14):
Nora's are mine.
Speaker 01 (07:17):
Guys, listen to her.
She just whispers to Allie, Iforgot her question.
You know what?
Have you faked it before?
Yeah, do you fake it?
Not anymore, but yeah.
When did you stop?
Similar to you, I did make avow that I shan't.
I shan't fake it.
I shan't not cum.
You shan't not cum.
(07:37):
Yeah.
At all.
Yeah.
If I know I'm not going to havean orgasm, I just won't have
sex.
Oh, wow.
Because, yeah.
How do you know?
What's the point?
Yeah.
How do you know?
Okay.
If you've drunk too much.
True.
True.
Sometimes I surprise myself,though.
Ali, I didn't realize you werestill faking in your 30s.
I have no honor.
Speaker 00 (07:55):
I'll fake it.
until they feel good aboutthemselves.
Is that why you're faking it?
Speaker 01 (08:01):
To help their ego?
It's for them.
Okay, so it's for their ego.
It's because I'm a good person.
That's nice.
That's not...
That makes you a bad person.
You're lying to them.
Would you fake it with afull-on partner or just like
randos?
Not a full-on partner.
Because that seems weird.
Speaker 00 (08:15):
Yeah, like that.
I'm like, there's...
You gotta communicate.
We're gonna have to figure itout, guys.
This has been a one-time thing.
I mean, I've definitely doneit, but like...
With a partner?
Yeah, but more so because itjust...
I just was like maybe if I fakeit long enough, it'll happen.
But it would be like instanceswhere I'm too drunk or something
where I'm really trying to pushthe pedal to the metal, not
(08:35):
when I'm like first waking up inthe morning trying to nut.
Sure.
Speaker 01 (08:39):
Okay.
So that was actually going tobe my other point that I wrote
down for this epi.
There are times where I won'tfake an orgasm, but I will fake
it.
Same.
Because, like, maybe whatthey're doing
Speaker 00 (08:52):
is...
Wait, wait.
That seems worse to me thanfaking an orgasm.
How is that worse?
Like, faking
Speaker 01 (08:58):
that you're turned on.
No, it's more of, like, meencouraging the other player in
the game.
Like, they're getting to it.
Like, they're doing somethingright, so I want to...
audibly encourage them.
You're like, I like that, baby.
Yeah, that
Speaker 00 (09:16):
feels good.
Speaker 01 (09:17):
No, like moan more.
You moan.
Yeah, I'll moan more.
The theatrics.
The theatrics come out,
Speaker 00 (09:21):
but it's not taking it for granted.
I must decide
Speaker 01 (09:27):
how annoying, I know we've talked about this before,
but not on mic, how annoying Ifind it in movies when people
start making out or liketouching tit and the girl's like
moaning.
I don't understand.
So that's not what I'm doing,is That's where you're coming,
where you're going, where you'regoing.
No, I, we're already in thethroes, peeing in puss, and like
(09:50):
what they're doing feels good.
So I want to encourage it.
But it's not going to make youcum.
No, I think if we keep at it,it could, but I also have to get
my brain in it.
You got to get your brain
Speaker 00 (09:59):
right.
So how is that different thanwhat I do?
Speaker 01 (10:01):
You are faking a full-blown orgasm.
Yeah, I think faking afull-blown O is like, okay, it's
nice for their ego.
Speaker 00 (10:09):
But so, okay, so I do the whole build them up
Buttercup as well.
Speaker 01 (10:14):
And then you fake.
So you fake
Speaker 00 (10:16):
till you fake.
Well, I think it's a little bitmore polite to fake interest
and then fake an orgasm and thenfake interest and then not
Speaker 01 (10:23):
orgasm.
No.
Oh, my God.
You're misunderstanding
Speaker 00 (10:27):
me completely.
How I hear you say it is likeyou're just like, yeah, yeah,
right there.
It feels good.
And then you're like, I did
Speaker 01 (10:33):
not come.
And then everyone's blueballing.
Speaker 00 (10:35):
Yeah.
And then you're just like,
Speaker 01 (10:36):
no, literally, I mean, fake it till you make it.
And like, eventually, ifthey're doing good.
If the player is in the rightplace, I'm not doing it if
they've got their fucking fingerfive inches from my clit.
No, I mean, if it's starting tofeel good and I think there's
(11:09):
possibility, especially since Iknow which positions will get
me, to achieve an orgasm or tojust pletion for just June, I
will encourage it before I'mactually feeling it because I do
think I'll make it eventually.
You'll make it.
And it's calculated.
It is calculated.
Question.
Yes.
When you were younger and youdid fake orgasms, what was your
(11:29):
reason to get it over with?
Speaker 00 (11:32):
Same.
Mine's always, like, how do weget out of here sooner?
Like, I'm tired.
I need to start my day or go tobed.
Like, I just want it done.
Like, it's a chore.
Speaker 01 (11:40):
Next question.
It's become a chore, yes.
Next question, because this ismy scenario.
When I was younger, I used tofake orgasms.
Not with part, like, realboyfriends.
I wouldn't, because you've gotto sort that out.
But with randoms or, like, fuckbuddies I would for the same
reason.
But I had one fuck buddy.
And every time I faked myorgasm, he would immediately
come.
So he just thought we werecoming at the same time.
(12:03):
Oh, that's embarrassing forhim.
Every single time we had sex.
And I'm like, how does hefucking believe this?
What a dummy.
Dweeb.
Dweeb.
I don't know if that's dweeby.
It's a little psychotic.
So, Al, when you fake, do theycome as a next step?
Unknown (12:19):
Yeah.
Speaker 00 (12:19):
It depends.
Not all the time.
It depends on the situation.
It depends on where we are,what the mood is.
But then what if they don't
Speaker 01 (12:25):
come?
Then what?
You fake another
Speaker 00 (12:27):
one?
How do you get out of this?
If they don't finish, then I'mjust like, eventually this must
come to an end.
And I'll just be like, okay.
So then
Speaker 01 (12:35):
no one comes.
So that's where I was going togo with this.
There is nothing worse thanfaking an orgasm and then it not
ending.
And then it doesn't end it.
You were so in character.
You were trying your best.
You were giving it your all youdon't get to come but you fake
it and then they keepjackhammering right then what
(12:55):
then what
Speaker 00 (12:56):
where do we go from here oh you're not wet anymore
yeah no shit take the cue
Speaker 01 (12:59):
never was baby
Speaker 00 (13:02):
get it together
Speaker 01 (13:04):
uh so do we recommend faking it for our rat
girls
Speaker 00 (13:08):
bad advice only hell yeah
Speaker 01 (13:09):
brother it really depends on the situation we have
vowed on this platform that Weshould not fake it and we
encourage our listeners not tofake it.
But I do think there are someinstances.
(13:30):
Like, yes, I want men who havemade women
Speaker 00 (13:58):
cum.
Speaker 01 (14:16):
They gotta figure it out.
Read a goddamn book.
Read a book.
Read
Speaker 00 (14:21):
a book.
The beak can't make you squeak.
You gotta get out.
Speaker 01 (14:26):
Wait, guys, that's so sad because Allie had a much
better.
Actually, I don't know whichone's better.
Those are both great.
Allie had a really good one,but the audio was lost.
What was the other good one?
Face to base.
Face to base.
We'll pull it out on anotherepisode.
Don't you worry.
We lost some great audio whereAllie described a blowjob as
face to base.
Speaker 00 (14:43):
That's what I'm talking about.
You know what I'm talking
Speaker 01 (14:45):
about.
Is that actually a thing?
Did you steal that from
Speaker 00 (14:48):
someone?
No, I mean, that's what I'mdoing.
My face goes to the base.
Speaker 01 (14:52):
And then if the beak doesn't make
Speaker 00 (14:55):
you squeak.
You run for the hills.
Wait, what was the line sayingagain?
Speaker 01 (14:59):
If the beak don't make you squeak?
Can you imagine a squeakyorgasm?
That's Nora's orgasm.
That's not squeak I'm talkingabout.
Guys, I've got a reallyimmature aside, which is that
when I was in middle school,what people used to do to each
other is they'd punch each otherin the gut.
And then whatever noise youmade, they'd go, that's your
(15:19):
orgasm noise.
What was yours?
Whatever fucking noise youmade.
Someone punched me.
I don't know.
No, she already threatened tohit me.
today.
Yeah, we've been fighting allmorning.
It was fun for me.
Speaker 00 (15:31):
Honestly, glad I'm not in the crossfires
Speaker 01 (15:35):
today.
Honestly, I think because Allieand I are sitting next to each
other, we're more in like thisteam energy.
Speaker 00 (15:40):
She likes the two against one when she has
Speaker 01 (15:43):
a teammate.
For sure.
Oh, yeah.
That's why friendships of threenever work.
Thank God you guys are blood.
That's what's our saving gracehere.
Is that what's keeping usfresh?
All right, ladies, I want toget in to the real nitty gritty
here of how to fake the best Oof your life and I'm not talking
moaning I'm not talking aboutjust the moans you would hear
Speaker 00 (16:05):
I'm talking about like spitting that dick out with
the clit
Speaker 01 (16:08):
and the puss if you can spit a dick out and listener
I hope you know what we'retalking about I don't think
we've talked about this beforethe vagina so hard the kegel
that the dick is ejected fromyou that with speed that is a
great
Speaker 00 (16:21):
thing with velocity yeah I do that every time I fake
an orgasm shut up I'm like,you're done.
I
Speaker 01 (16:29):
think we need better explanation.
Okay, Allie, please backtrack.
I'm going to sit back on thisone.
Speaker 00 (16:35):
Imagine you're trying to throw a dart.
But instead of it being twofingers with perfect aim, it is
both sides of your vaginal walljust pinching together.
And then you push.
As though you're trying to pee,but it's your Kegels that are
contracting.
And it just creates such atight vacuum seal that it
(16:57):
literally shits the dick rightout of your vagina.
That's your fake.
That's the fake.
But they love it.
And then they'll try to go backin.
And I'm like, oh, and I justkeep doing that over and over
again.
You're like, I
Speaker 01 (17:07):
can't because I'm just coming so
Speaker 00 (17:09):
hard.
I'm like, oh, keep going.
That's
Speaker 01 (17:11):
a really good tip, Al.
I mean, I don't think I canphysically do that, but my God.
Just do Kegels right now.
I'm doing them right now.
Tara, faking advice?
Whenever I do Kegels.
I get really horny.
Anyone else?
Whoa.
My Kegels have stopped.
No.
I've stopped doing them.
No.
You've never been horny aroundme?
I'm not going to lie.
I don't really think Iphysically know how to do a
Kegel totally.
It's probably why I have somuch trouble peeing.
(17:32):
It's definitely.
My pussy be loose.
She's just dropping urine allover the place.
I can't drip dry, you know?
I do do Kegels when I'm tryingto drip dry for sure.
I feel like that's going tolike shake it off.
Sure.
What was your question?
How, what's your, what's yourhot tip for faking?
Because Allie just kind of tookthe cake there.
I don't know.
Yeah, I don't know if I shouldeven try to follow with that.
(17:52):
Give it a shot.
It's been so long, but Iremember I would definitely moan
when I was younger as iflike...
Oof, that's so cringe.
It's so cringe.
It's so cringe.
It's like a bad fashion trendfrom your youth.
But like luckily for me, I waswith men that definitely didn't
know the difference between anorgasm or a fake orgasm back
(18:13):
then.
So like, you know, whatever.
But I think my most recent onesI've gotten better with like I
think I'm going to steal yourthunder, like shaking of legs.
Like, you know, when you get areal good orgasm and your legs
kind of shake.
You just tighten up so muchthat you cause your, like, hips
and legs to shake.
And male listeners, if youhaven't seen that, Try harder.
(18:36):
But that is a really good onebecause that happens to me when
I actually come.
You just lose full control.
It's like a tenseness.
You get so tense that thingsshake.
It's actually more so not whenyou're coming, but right before
you come.
I think it's from all theexertion.
All
Speaker 00 (18:51):
the work.
Feel the shakes because that'swhat they say in every Pilates
class that you'll ever take.
You're like, embrace theshakes.
Feel the shakes.
That's kind of what it is.
That's kind of what
Speaker 01 (19:00):
it is.
When you're like on your tippytoes and squatting, you're like,
shake.
I think the best way to fake anorgasm is just tell them you're
coming like if you because Ijust voice it well not like that
but you know like just sayyou're gonna come like that will
help because they want tobelieve it you know like I
Speaker 00 (19:17):
agree I actually think just to circle back on the
noise between the two of youlike the moaning like doing the
opposite is a good tip likepretending like you're coming
and just being like with yourmouth open but no noise comes
out
Speaker 01 (19:29):
interesting what's funny though is that This is a
bit convoluted, so bear with me,ladies.
But what's funny is when I comealone, like when I'm
masturbating, it's not like I'mout there moaning or anything.
You know, like I'm just like...
I've gotten a grunt out before.
I just like come silently.
Like I definitely don't need tomake noise when I come.
(19:52):
You know what I mean?
Like it is theatrics a bit.
Like I'm leaning in.
But like I can very well comein silence if I wanted to.
So this whole faking is a bitsilly.
So all of it's a little fake.
It's a bit silly.
It's all a little fake is whatI'm saying.
It's all a little fake ifyou're not groaning and moaning
when you're fucking yourself.
Right.
(20:13):
Because are you when you'remasturbating?
I told you I get a grunt.
She gets that grunt.
Maybe if I'm really drunk.
It's where I have like a sighof relief.
Speaker 00 (20:20):
I don't know about y'all, but.
Thank God it's over.
That forearm is killing me.
Speaker 01 (20:24):
Guys, I'm throwing out my shoulder when I jerk off.
I'm so dead ass.
Speaker 00 (20:27):
No, we know.
Speaker 01 (20:29):
Take it up with PT, Nora.
Our physical therapist willhelp you.
So anyways, back to theorgasms.
I don't know about y'all, butsex for me is.
is so pointless unless I'mguaranteed an orgasm.
And there's actually a rule inmy current relationship that I
require three if we're going todo it.
(20:51):
Three orgasms?
Yeah.
Piece of shit.
Piece of shit.
Good boy.
He listens.
Or he's good at laying it down.
I don't know.
Laying pipe.
That's crazy.
Wait.
Okay.
I've got questions.
Because I'm tired.
I love sex.
To a degree, but I love so manythings more.
(21:14):
Yeah, she likes reading in bed.
Her and Piece of Shit spendmore time reading in bed
together than anything.
Yes.
Eating, sleeping, playing withmy dog.
Like, I love...
orgasms more than all of thosethings.
More than her dog.
I definitely love an orgasmmore than my dog.
(21:35):
Sorry, tiny girlfriend.
You don't give me that type ofpleasure.
Bitch ain't trained.
She ain't trained yet.
She doesn't know the threeminimum rule.
She kind of does because shesleeps next to me.
Girlfriend's there for thethree O's?
(21:55):
Hold She's just barking.
like cover our eyes that helpslike blinding us honestly after
(22:30):
reading Fifty Shades of Greywhen I was like 17 he does one
trick where he puts like musicin your ears so I'm like maybe I
should try that because itwould be nice this is a little
side tangent I jerk off withlike if I'm watching porn I'll
put headphones in and it's wayhotter
Speaker 00 (22:47):
I'm about to derail this because I just keep
thinking of if Helen Keller washere that bitch must have had
was great you guys are blindingand deafening yourselves to
focus in on the oh think aboutthat I'm like this is
Speaker 01 (23:02):
gonna get dark but like Helen Keller definitely got
raped right
Speaker 00 (23:07):
oh Nora I thought you were making like a dark
blind joke I didn't know youwere making like a it's not a
Speaker 01 (23:12):
joke it's like sad I'm gonna try so
Speaker 00 (23:14):
hard to stay on track yeah rape's
Speaker 01 (23:17):
sad fuck okay back to me so yes the oral gets me
close and then we go intointercourse and then yeah I
forgot we were talking about Irequire three orgasms to make it
worth it and not because thesex is bad.
The sex is great.
But the orgasms is all I careabout.
And that's when I realized Iwas like in my like Nora mid 20s
(23:38):
probably when I was like nomore faking.
I deserve a fucking orgasm.
And if you don't get no, theydeserve to feel a little bad
about it.
Speaker 00 (23:48):
If there's no.
Oh, then they're real low.
On that sexual totem pole.
Wow.
Speaker 01 (23:53):
We're going to have so much merch with Allie's
stuff.
J-J-J-J-June.
J-J-J-J-June merch coming soon.
No, it's not, listener.
It's not.
No, it's really not.
I don't know if this is on youroutline, sister, but anything
about the male orgasm.
I do have that.
Fake male orgasm.
I'm pretty sure that men havefaked with me before.
Me too.
What?
And I find it extremely rude.
(24:15):
I do too.
Would you rather them just say,I can't come?
You couldn't make me come?
Speaker 00 (24:20):
I'd rather them break up with me.
Speaker 01 (24:21):
Yeah, just leave.
Just walk out.
Walk out the door.
Speaker 00 (24:24):
Get out.
Speaker 01 (24:24):
Never come back.
What?
No.
Here's the problem with menfaking, though.
They can only fake if they'rewearing a condom.
Oh, so they never fake withyou, too.
Wow.
She's calling us whores whodon't
Speaker 00 (24:37):
use condoms.
I wear condoms with the dirtyones.
I'm kidding.
I don't wear them at all.
I'm kidding.
I'm funny this morning.
Speaker 01 (24:46):
No, I haven't used a condom in like a month.
She
Speaker 00 (24:50):
got cleared for the mids and
Speaker 01 (24:52):
she's back on.
Cleared for the mids, listener.
I haven't had chlamydia inmonths.
She's cleared for the mids andshe cured.
Huge news.
I forgot to tell you.
Does Tara know?
Oh, I told you both.
Well, listener.
Listener, I've had HPV for thelast fucking decade and I'm
finally clear.
Speaker 00 (25:09):
She's clear.
You two have.
What did you say you did withyours?
She cured hers with healthyeating.
Speaker 01 (25:17):
They said that I could cure it with healthy
eating.
Yeah, it's not really clear.
cured.
Look it up, boys.
You guys can't get testedanyway.
Doesn't matter.
I don't think I've ever had aman fake an orgasm with me.
They'll definitely admit ifthey can't come.
I'd rather that.
Me too.
It's such a societal genderthing.
(25:38):
There's something wrong herebecause women fake and men
mostly don't fake.
Speaker 00 (25:43):
It's easier to know if a man is faking.
But if
Speaker 01 (25:47):
there's a condom, it's hard to tell.
I was going to say it's easierfor men to come.
Thank you.
True as
Speaker 00 (25:53):
well.
That's also fact.
Speaker 01 (25:55):
No, I mean like I'm thinking about like drunken
nights or like maybe we'vealready had sex a couple of
times that day.
Like they're just dried up inthere.
Dried up, shriveled up balls.
They're used.
Used, dick.
Ew.
Used.
But yeah, guys definitely dofake on occasion when there's a
condom on.
Sometimes, okay, this is theexact opposite, but I just have
(26:16):
to share now because I'mdisturbed.
I had a guy who would cometwice in a row And I mean in a
row.
I know who you're talkingabout.
Fully comes.
Keep blowing them or whatever.
Fully comes again within, like,two seconds.
You should probably get thatchecked out.
I think there's, like, blockageor something in between the
blows.
Right?
Speaker 00 (26:38):
It's just rude because, like, you're
anticipating one load.
Right.
Two?
Unknown (26:44):
Two?
Speaker 00 (26:45):
That's rude.
Like that's aggressive to thinkthat I'm going to take that for
you.
Speaker 01 (26:48):
Look, in my dream scenario, a guy can just come
indefinitely like forever.
But
Speaker 00 (26:54):
here's the thing about coming and jizzing from a
man's perspective into a woman.
Yeah, I'd love to know yourman's
Speaker 01 (27:00):
perspective, hon.
Speaker 00 (27:02):
No, it's not the man's perspective.
It's the woman's perspective ofwhy it's rude.
Okay.
Okay.
Jizz lives for multiple days.
Things they don't tell you insex ed class.
Their jizz and semen aredifferent.
Yeah.
Right?
Speaker 01 (27:14):
Wait,
Speaker 00 (27:15):
what?
Yeah.
Yes.
Sperm and semen are different.
Okay.
And the spermies, the littletadpole looking guys, live in
you after you're loaded insideme.
Yes.
I don't want the double...
The double load becauseprobability is high there.
It's definitely higher.
And I'm risking the biscuit foryou.
Speaker 01 (27:36):
Y'all, I could be pregnant right now.
No joke.
I should get my period thisweekend.
I'll keep listener posted on ifwe're getting an abortion.
Speaker 00 (27:42):
Oh, God.
I'm glad that we're doing liveupdates around Nora's sex life
again.
Is
Speaker 01 (27:48):
August going to be abortion August?
Oh, no.
Guys, I'm aborting this baby sofast.
Oh, my God.
Though the man who might havegiven it to me has really good
hair.
Great hair.
Great hair.
Tim's a girl, you know?
Speaker 00 (28:01):
Okay, back to blowing loads, you
Speaker 01 (28:04):
were saying.
Back to blowing loads.
Okay, I have one last quickaside for you bitches, and I
wonder if you guys can relate.
And Tara, when I told her this,called me the pettiest bitch in
the world and said, we need asegment just of like my petty
shit I've done.
And this was that, it's hard tosay because it's a bit of a
double negative.
Sometimes, with a particularex-boyfriend who I hated, I
(28:28):
would fake not coming.
Like I would come.
She would mask her orgasm.
She'd mask her gizpletion.
I would mask the gizpletionbecause I didn't want to feed
his ego.
Speaker 00 (28:43):
How much effort does that take to...
And then pretend that youactually didn't come.
Would you suck it back up?
Like, you know?
Speaker 01 (28:52):
I honestly believe she could have caused a seizure.
By thinking not having anorgasm.
Think about it.
Okay, I don't know about fory'all's level of orgasm, but,
like, I kind of black out.
Like, my brain short circuits alittle.
And...
Sometimes I go deaf.
Exactly.
Like, I passed out from anorgasm before.
I'm doing it wrong, guys.
(29:15):
I've never had either of those.
I came to you really quickly.
You're faking.
So, like, I'm just imagining meenjoying a fucking gispletion.
Just blank face.
And then just, like, trying tohide it and look like a fucking
dead fish.
Speaker 00 (29:30):
I just couldn't imagine trying to shoot a dick
out and then forced by gravitysuck it back into me.
Okay,
Speaker 01 (29:36):
well, not everyone shoots the dick every time they
come.
I don't, for the record.
When we make a big alley,people are going to be
requesting this on stage.
Speaker 00 (29:44):
Okay, well, maybe when that happens.
Patreon.
We need payment for that.
We
Speaker 01 (29:49):
need money, listener.
If you can, please send money.
Unknown (29:53):
Please.
Speaker 01 (29:55):
Should we just create a Venmo account for Bad
Advice Only?
Oh, that would be funny.
We'd probably get fuckingrobbed or something.
I don't know technology wellenough.
Robbed.
Honey.
She's loud and deaf.
She's loud and deaf.
Just like Helen.
Where's the rap in this?
I was getting to it.
Well, ladies, thanks fordiscussing your orgasms or your
(30:18):
fake orgasms.
To recap, Tara and I have vowednot to fake it.
We beg of the rats not to fakeit.
Allie, keep on faking.
Speaker 00 (30:25):
Have fun.
I'm going to keep doing me.
You know, it's working.
Keep shooting dick.
Still single.
Speaker 01 (30:29):
Keep shooting dick.
All right.
See you later, rats, for ournext episode in June.
Speaker 00 (30:37):
Bye, rats.
As always, thanks forlistening.
If you're interested in evenmore bad advice, scurry on over
to Instagram and TikTok atbadadviceonlynyc.
We're begging you, download andrate the show and leave us a
review.
Talk to you next Monday.
Stay tuned, rats.
I would fake not coming.
Like I would come.
She would mask her orgasm.
We're your hosts, Tara, Nora,and Allie, and you're listening
(00:23):
to Bad Advice Only.
We're just three New York Cityrats talking about scurrying
around the Big Apple.
Here, we make the New York Citymistakes so you don't have to.
We're begging you.
Speaker 00 (00:34):
Leave us a review and follow us on Instagram and
TikTok at BadAdviceOnlyNYC.
We release new episodes everyMonday, so stay tuned, rats.
Speaker 01 (00:43):
Welcome back, Rat Pack, to another episode of Bad
Advice Only during the month ofJune.
That's right.
Today, we are going to betalking about a skill which you
might already have, but youmight not admit it.
How to fake the orgasm.
(01:05):
Before we get started, though,I think we do need to call out
the
Speaker 00 (01:09):
elephant
Speaker 01 (01:09):
in the room.
Speaker 00 (01:10):
Tara and I...
Hot off the press, sharing alittle Mikey Mike action today.
Speaker 01 (01:16):
We are having some technical difficulties this
morning.
Nora's about to lose hergoddamn mind.
And Tara and Ali are nowsharing a mic, so fights will
ensue.
Speaker 00 (01:25):
Mostly because Tara didn't want to share a mic with
me.
I'm kind of like the rat that'sbeen left out.
Speaker 01 (01:30):
I just assumed you and Nora would share the mic.
All right.
So before we get into how tofake an O and why to fake an O,
Ali, I think you had a New Yorkexperience that you wanted to
share with the Ratlings.
Speaker 00 (01:42):
Thank you so much.
I do.
I don't know if either of youare going to be able to relate
to this.
And also it happened in Jersey.
So let's call the elephant inthe room too.
It's not as New York as itcould be, but New York adjacent.
So I signed up for a fitnessclass last night in Hoboken and
it's part of a chain that's herein the city.
(02:03):
And I normally go in the city,but Given time frames and my
personal life adventures, Idecided to take it back home.
And I have never been there tothis location before, and it was
an F-45.
It's like standard.
There's tons of F-45s around.
I have no idea what that is.
Yeah, same.
Anyway, so I was trying to goto find this gym in Hoboken, and
I swear to God that I have seenthis before from the little
(02:27):
train that goes in between the
Speaker 01 (02:30):
different boroughs of Jersey, if you will.
Oh, the light
Speaker 00 (02:32):
rail thing?
The light rail, yeah.
Okay.
I'm walking and like all of asudden an entire street blown
out like the entire actualcement is like a sinkhole like
completely blown out and I'mlike how the fuck do I cross the
streets like I can't I'm notseeing the gym I can't cross the
street I end up walking aboutlike six blocks farther than I
(02:54):
need to just to cross the streetand then I'm trying to
backtrack to find this gym guysthe gym was the gym does not
exist
Speaker 02 (03:02):
no
Speaker 00 (03:03):
not only did I sign up for a 6 30 p.m class I got
there at 5 30 because I knew itmight be I might have some
difficulty finding this.
A whole hour.
I keep looking up the addressand I keep trying to walk with
my Google map.
And it keeps saying the gymcloses soon at 6 p.m.
But I'm like, but I have a 6.30class.
Like, how does it close?
(03:23):
Like, there's just so manythings that aren't lining up.
And then I keep walking aroundthis one complex and I'm...
New York moment lookingupstairs because it's like this
massive right warehouse and I'mlike maybe it's through a door
like there's a lot of peopledressed in gym clothes I walk in
and it's a music school oh
Speaker 01 (03:41):
What?
So you stayed and did tapdancing.
I literally just got on thetrain and went home.
Speaker 00 (03:48):
I was like, I guess I'm not meant to work out
tonight.
That
Speaker 01 (03:52):
was probably a sign.
Like, you should have stayedand learned some music.
Maybe.
That was the sign.
That is so tragic.
Also, side note, having astreet blown out, I agree, is
such a New York experience.
The worst case scenario,though, is when you're on a bike
and there's no fucking warningthat the street is just fucking
non-existent and ruined and thenyou just...
(04:13):
Fall into a sinkhole.
Fucking fall into a sinkhole.
I have to say, I was inCalifornia recently and I meant
to send y'all a picture, but Iwas walking down the sidewalk
and there was the tiniest littlelike disruption in the
sidewalk, like this midgiestlittle sinkhole.
And there was a big yellow coneover it.
And I was like, my God, thesepussies.
New York will literally havelike a fucking street
Speaker 00 (04:35):
long sinkhole.
They don't even care.
To your point, they won't evencall it out.
One time, Nora and I werewalking down the street.
I don't think you were with us,but shit his pants, AJ was with
us and there was a massivesinkhole.
And this guy was up back andwhen hoverboards were cool.
Oh, I was there.
Were you with us?
Oh, yeah, because
Speaker 01 (04:50):
of the TV.
This guy fucking hit a sinkholeso bad on his fucking
hoverboard.
And he fell straight on hisass.
We all thought he wasparalyzed.
We all just went, oh.
It wasn't like the, ooh, likeyou're kind of laughing at him.
No, we thought his spine wentthrough his throat and he was
paralyzed.
But also, in the most New Yorkmoment, we just passed him by
and he did not ask if he wasokay.
(05:12):
How would we rate that?
I think like a four, I think.
Oh, I was going to give it atwo.
Sinkhole's very New York,though she wasn't in New York.
She was in New Jersey.
She lost points because she wasin Jersey.
And also, like, I think themore New York moment, because
we're just so used to theseholes, is not being able to find
the fucking address that is infront of your face.
(05:34):
Like, you have the address.
You're standing in front of thebuilding, but it is not
Speaker 00 (05:37):
where you should be.
No, 100%.
It's at 720 Monroe Street.
Speaker 01 (05:41):
The most New York thing, too, is just having to
give up and walk away.
home because there's no wayyou're ever going to find your
appointment.
Absolutely tragic.
Well, Ali, thanks for your howNew York was it story.
We need to come up with abetter name for that segment.
But let's go ahead and get intothe meat and potatoes, the meat
and potatoes, how to fake itlike you really mean it.
Speaker 00 (06:04):
Should we be like, oh,
Speaker 01 (06:08):
yeah.
I knew someone was going to doan orgasm fucking impression.
Ooh, baby.
She's so loud sitting next toher, guys.
As much as I love watching youcome across for me, one, I
wanted to address...
Why should you fake it?
Why do we fake it?
Slash do we fake it?
(06:28):
Oh.
Allie, do you fake it?
Speaker 00 (06:31):
Yeah.
Actually, I was thinking aboutthis on the way here.
Did you do any research?
I'm curious what the percentageof all women would say they
fake it.
Oh, it's high.
It's got to be high.
I've
Speaker 01 (06:42):
seen stats like this before.
It's got to be high.
I pretty solidly faked it upuntil I was like 26, and then I
stopped.
And now you're just 100%honest.
I vowed to never fake again,and I don't.
I'm 100% honest.
If I don't come, I just don'tcome, and I tell them.
Wow.
And you tell them.
How do you tell them?
They're like, did you come?
And I'm like, baby boy, you'dknow.
Speaker 00 (07:03):
Why do they ask?
Speaker 01 (07:05):
Why
Speaker 00 (07:05):
do they ask?
Because they've never made agirl come before, so they don't
know who you're talking
Speaker 01 (07:10):
about.
To answer your question—
Speaker 00 (07:14):
Nora's are mine.
Speaker 01 (07:17):
Guys, listen to her.
She just whispers to Allie, Iforgot her question.
You know what?
Have you faked it before?
Yeah, do you fake it?
Not anymore, but yeah.
When did you stop?
Similar to you, I did make avow that I shan't.
I shan't fake it.
I shan't not cum.
You shan't not cum.
(07:37):
Yeah.
At all.
Yeah.
If I know I'm not going to havean orgasm, I just won't have
sex.
Oh, wow.
Because, yeah.
How do you know?
What's the point?
Yeah.
How do you know?
Okay.
If you've drunk too much.
True.
True.
Sometimes I surprise myself,though.
Ali, I didn't realize you werestill faking in your 30s.
I have no honor.
Speaker 00 (07:55):
I'll fake it.
until they feel good aboutthemselves.
Is that why you're faking it?
Speaker 01 (08:01):
To help their ego?
It's for them.
Okay, so it's for their ego.
It's because I'm a good person.
That's nice.
That's not...
That makes you a bad person.
You're lying to them.
Would you fake it with afull-on partner or just like
randos?
Not a full-on partner.
Because that seems weird.
Speaker 00 (08:15):
Yeah, like that.
I'm like, there's...
You gotta communicate.
We're gonna have to figure itout, guys.
This has been a one-time thing.
I mean, I've definitely doneit, but like...
With a partner?
Yeah, but more so because itjust...
I just was like maybe if I fakeit long enough, it'll happen.
But it would be like instanceswhere I'm too drunk or something
where I'm really trying to pushthe pedal to the metal, not
(08:35):
when I'm like first waking up inthe morning trying to nut.
Sure.
Speaker 01 (08:39):
Okay.
So that was actually going tobe my other point that I wrote
down for this epi.
There are times where I won'tfake an orgasm, but I will fake
it.
Same.
Because, like, maybe whatthey're doing
Speaker 00 (08:52):
is...
Wait, wait.
That seems worse to me thanfaking an orgasm.
How is that worse?
Like, faking
Speaker 01 (08:58):
that you're turned on.
No, it's more of, like, meencouraging the other player in
the game.
Like, they're getting to it.
Like, they're doing somethingright, so I want to...
audibly encourage them.
You're like, I like that, baby.
Yeah, that
Speaker 00 (09:16):
feels good.
Speaker 01 (09:17):
No, like moan more.
You moan.
Yeah, I'll moan more.
The theatrics.
The theatrics come out,
Speaker 00 (09:21):
but it's not taking it for granted.
I must decide
Speaker 01 (09:27):
how annoying, I know we've talked about this before,
but not on mic, how annoying Ifind it in movies when people
start making out or liketouching tit and the girl's like
moaning.
I don't understand.
So that's not what I'm doing,is That's where you're coming,
where you're going, where you'regoing.
No, I, we're already in thethroes, peeing in puss, and like
(09:50):
what they're doing feels good.
So I want to encourage it.
But it's not going to make youcum.
No, I think if we keep at it,it could, but I also have to get
my brain in it.
You got to get your brain
Speaker 00 (09:59):
right.
So how is that different thanwhat I do?
Speaker 01 (10:01):
You are faking a full-blown orgasm.
Yeah, I think faking afull-blown O is like, okay, it's
nice for their ego.
Speaker 00 (10:09):
But so, okay, so I do the whole build them up
Buttercup as well.
Speaker 01 (10:14):
And then you fake.
So you fake
Speaker 00 (10:16):
till you fake.
Well, I think it's a little bitmore polite to fake interest
and then fake an orgasm and thenfake interest and then not
Speaker 01 (10:23):
orgasm.
No.
Oh, my God.
You're misunderstanding
Speaker 00 (10:27):
me completely.
How I hear you say it is likeyou're just like, yeah, yeah,
right there.
It feels good.
And then you're like, I did
Speaker 01 (10:33):
not come.
And then everyone's blueballing.
Speaker 00 (10:35):
Yeah.
And then you're just like,
Speaker 01 (10:36):
no, literally, I mean, fake it till you make it.
And like, eventually, ifthey're doing good.
If the player is in the rightplace, I'm not doing it if
they've got their fucking fingerfive inches from my clit.
No, I mean, if it's starting tofeel good and I think there's
(11:09):
possibility, especially since Iknow which positions will get
me, to achieve an orgasm or tojust pletion for just June, I
will encourage it before I'mactually feeling it because I do
think I'll make it eventually.
You'll make it.
And it's calculated.
It is calculated.
Question.
Yes.
When you were younger and youdid fake orgasms, what was your
(11:29):
reason to get it over with?
Speaker 00 (11:32):
Same.
Mine's always, like, how do weget out of here sooner?
Like, I'm tired.
I need to start my day or go tobed.
Like, I just want it done.
Like, it's a chore.
Speaker 01 (11:40):
Next question.
It's become a chore, yes.
Next question, because this ismy scenario.
When I was younger, I used tofake orgasms.
Not with part, like, realboyfriends.
I wouldn't, because you've gotto sort that out.
But with randoms or, like, fuckbuddies I would for the same
reason.
But I had one fuck buddy.
And every time I faked myorgasm, he would immediately
come.
So he just thought we werecoming at the same time.
(12:03):
Oh, that's embarrassing forhim.
Every single time we had sex.
And I'm like, how does hefucking believe this?
What a dummy.
Dweeb.
Dweeb.
I don't know if that's dweeby.
It's a little psychotic.
So, Al, when you fake, do theycome as a next step?
Unknown (12:19):
Yeah.
Speaker 00 (12:19):
It depends.
Not all the time.
It depends on the situation.
It depends on where we are,what the mood is.
But then what if they don't
Speaker 01 (12:25):
come?
Then what?
You fake another
Speaker 00 (12:27):
one?
How do you get out of this?
If they don't finish, then I'mjust like, eventually this must
come to an end.
And I'll just be like, okay.
So then
Speaker 01 (12:35):
no one comes.
So that's where I was going togo with this.
There is nothing worse thanfaking an orgasm and then it not
ending.
And then it doesn't end it.
You were so in character.
You were trying your best.
You were giving it your all youdon't get to come but you fake
it and then they keepjackhammering right then what
(12:55):
then what
Speaker 00 (12:56):
where do we go from here oh you're not wet anymore
yeah no shit take the cue
Speaker 01 (12:59):
never was baby
Speaker 00 (13:02):
get it together
Speaker 01 (13:04):
uh so do we recommend faking it for our rat
girls
Speaker 00 (13:08):
bad advice only hell yeah
Speaker 01 (13:09):
brother it really depends on the situation we have
vowed on this platform that Weshould not fake it and we
encourage our listeners not tofake it.
But I do think there are someinstances.
(13:30):
Like, yes, I want men who havemade women
Speaker 00 (13:58):
cum.
Speaker 01 (14:16):
They gotta figure it out.
Read a goddamn book.
Read a book.
Read
Speaker 00 (14:21):
a book.
The beak can't make you squeak.
You gotta get out.
Speaker 01 (14:26):
Wait, guys, that's so sad because Allie had a much
better.
Actually, I don't know whichone's better.
Those are both great.
Allie had a really good one,but the audio was lost.
What was the other good one?
Face to base.
Face to base.
We'll pull it out on anotherepisode.
Don't you worry.
We lost some great audio whereAllie described a blowjob as
face to base.
Speaker 00 (14:43):
That's what I'm talking about.
You know what I'm talking
Speaker 01 (14:45):
about.
Is that actually a thing?
Did you steal that from
Speaker 00 (14:48):
someone?
No, I mean, that's what I'mdoing.
My face goes to the base.
Speaker 01 (14:52):
And then if the beak doesn't make
Speaker 00 (14:55):
you squeak.
You run for the hills.
Wait, what was the line sayingagain?
Speaker 01 (14:59):
If the beak don't make you squeak?
Can you imagine a squeakyorgasm?
That's Nora's orgasm.
That's not squeak I'm talkingabout.
Guys, I've got a reallyimmature aside, which is that
when I was in middle school,what people used to do to each
other is they'd punch each otherin the gut.
And then whatever noise youmade, they'd go, that's your
(15:19):
orgasm noise.
What was yours?
Whatever fucking noise youmade.
Someone punched me.
I don't know.
No, she already threatened tohit me.
today.
Yeah, we've been fighting allmorning.
It was fun for me.
Speaker 00 (15:31):
Honestly, glad I'm not in the crossfires
Speaker 01 (15:35):
today.
Honestly, I think because Allieand I are sitting next to each
other, we're more in like thisteam energy.
Speaker 00 (15:40):
She likes the two against one when she has
Speaker 01 (15:43):
a teammate.
For sure.
Oh, yeah.
That's why friendships of threenever work.
Thank God you guys are blood.
That's what's our saving gracehere.
Is that what's keeping usfresh?
All right, ladies, I want toget in to the real nitty gritty
here of how to fake the best Oof your life and I'm not talking
moaning I'm not talking aboutjust the moans you would hear
Speaker 00 (16:05):
I'm talking about like spitting that dick out with
the clit
Speaker 01 (16:08):
and the puss if you can spit a dick out and listener
I hope you know what we'retalking about I don't think
we've talked about this beforethe vagina so hard the kegel
that the dick is ejected fromyou that with speed that is a
great
Speaker 00 (16:21):
thing with velocity yeah I do that every time I fake
an orgasm shut up I'm like,you're done.
I
Speaker 01 (16:29):
think we need better explanation.
Okay, Allie, please backtrack.
I'm going to sit back on thisone.
Speaker 00 (16:35):
Imagine you're trying to throw a dart.
But instead of it being twofingers with perfect aim, it is
both sides of your vaginal walljust pinching together.
And then you push.
As though you're trying to pee,but it's your Kegels that are
contracting.
And it just creates such atight vacuum seal that it
(16:57):
literally shits the dick rightout of your vagina.
That's your fake.
That's the fake.
But they love it.
And then they'll try to go backin.
And I'm like, oh, and I justkeep doing that over and over
again.
You're like, I
Speaker 01 (17:07):
can't because I'm just coming so
Speaker 00 (17:09):
hard.
I'm like, oh, keep going.
That's
Speaker 01 (17:11):
a really good tip, Al.
I mean, I don't think I canphysically do that, but my God.
Just do Kegels right now.
I'm doing them right now.
Tara, faking advice?
Whenever I do Kegels.
I get really horny.
Anyone else?
Whoa.
My Kegels have stopped.
No.
I've stopped doing them.
No.
You've never been horny aroundme?
I'm not going to lie.
I don't really think Iphysically know how to do a
Kegel totally.
It's probably why I have somuch trouble peeing.
(17:32):
It's definitely.
My pussy be loose.
She's just dropping urine allover the place.
I can't drip dry, you know?
I do do Kegels when I'm tryingto drip dry for sure.
I feel like that's going tolike shake it off.
Sure.
What was your question?
How, what's your, what's yourhot tip for faking?
Because Allie just kind of tookthe cake there.
I don't know.
Yeah, I don't know if I shouldeven try to follow with that.
(17:52):
Give it a shot.
It's been so long, but Iremember I would definitely moan
when I was younger as iflike...
Oof, that's so cringe.
It's so cringe.
It's so cringe.
It's like a bad fashion trendfrom your youth.
But like luckily for me, I waswith men that definitely didn't
know the difference between anorgasm or a fake orgasm back
(18:13):
then.
So like, you know, whatever.
But I think my most recent onesI've gotten better with like I
think I'm going to steal yourthunder, like shaking of legs.
Like, you know, when you get areal good orgasm and your legs
kind of shake.
You just tighten up so muchthat you cause your, like, hips
and legs to shake.
And male listeners, if youhaven't seen that, Try harder.
(18:36):
But that is a really good onebecause that happens to me when
I actually come.
You just lose full control.
It's like a tenseness.
You get so tense that thingsshake.
It's actually more so not whenyou're coming, but right before
you come.
I think it's from all theexertion.
All
Speaker 00 (18:51):
the work.
Feel the shakes because that'swhat they say in every Pilates
class that you'll ever take.
You're like, embrace theshakes.
Feel the shakes.
That's kind of what it is.
That's kind of what
Speaker 01 (19:00):
it is.
When you're like on your tippytoes and squatting, you're like,
shake.
I think the best way to fake anorgasm is just tell them you're
coming like if you because Ijust voice it well not like that
but you know like just sayyou're gonna come like that will
help because they want tobelieve it you know like I
Speaker 00 (19:17):
agree I actually think just to circle back on the
noise between the two of youlike the moaning like doing the
opposite is a good tip likepretending like you're coming
and just being like with yourmouth open but no noise comes
out
Speaker 01 (19:29):
interesting what's funny though is that This is a
bit convoluted, so bear with me,ladies.
But what's funny is when I comealone, like when I'm
masturbating, it's not like I'mout there moaning or anything.
You know, like I'm just like...
I've gotten a grunt out before.
I just like come silently.
Like I definitely don't need tomake noise when I come.
(19:52):
You know what I mean?
Like it is theatrics a bit.
Like I'm leaning in.
But like I can very well comein silence if I wanted to.
So this whole faking is a bitsilly.
So all of it's a little fake.
It's a bit silly.
It's all a little fake is whatI'm saying.
It's all a little fake ifyou're not groaning and moaning
when you're fucking yourself.
Right.
(20:13):
Because are you when you'remasturbating?
I told you I get a grunt.
She gets that grunt.
Maybe if I'm really drunk.
It's where I have like a sighof relief.
Speaker 00 (20:20):
I don't know about y'all, but.
Thank God it's over.
That forearm is killing me.
Speaker 01 (20:24):
Guys, I'm throwing out my shoulder when I jerk off.
I'm so dead ass.
Speaker 00 (20:27):
No, we know.
Speaker 01 (20:29):
Take it up with PT, Nora.
Our physical therapist willhelp you.
So anyways, back to theorgasms.
I don't know about y'all, butsex for me is.
is so pointless unless I'mguaranteed an orgasm.
And there's actually a rule inmy current relationship that I
require three if we're going todo it.
(20:51):
Three orgasms?
Yeah.
Piece of shit.
Piece of shit.
Good boy.
He listens.
Or he's good at laying it down.
I don't know.
Laying pipe.
That's crazy.
Wait.
Okay.
I've got questions.
Because I'm tired.
I love sex.
To a degree, but I love so manythings more.
(21:14):
Yeah, she likes reading in bed.
Her and Piece of Shit spendmore time reading in bed
together than anything.
Yes.
Eating, sleeping, playing withmy dog.
Like, I love...
orgasms more than all of thosethings.
More than her dog.
I definitely love an orgasmmore than my dog.
(21:35):
Sorry, tiny girlfriend.
You don't give me that type ofpleasure.
Bitch ain't trained.
She ain't trained yet.
She doesn't know the threeminimum rule.
She kind of does because shesleeps next to me.
Girlfriend's there for thethree O's?
(21:55):
Hold She's just barking.
like cover our eyes that helpslike blinding us honestly after
(22:30):
reading Fifty Shades of Greywhen I was like 17 he does one
trick where he puts like musicin your ears so I'm like maybe I
should try that because itwould be nice this is a little
side tangent I jerk off withlike if I'm watching porn I'll
put headphones in and it's wayhotter
Speaker 00 (22:47):
I'm about to derail this because I just keep
thinking of if Helen Keller washere that bitch must have had
was great you guys are blindingand deafening yourselves to
focus in on the oh think aboutthat I'm like this is
Speaker 01 (23:02):
gonna get dark but like Helen Keller definitely got
raped right
Speaker 00 (23:07):
oh Nora I thought you were making like a dark
blind joke I didn't know youwere making like a it's not a
Speaker 01 (23:12):
joke it's like sad I'm gonna try so
Speaker 00 (23:14):
hard to stay on track yeah rape's
Speaker 01 (23:17):
sad fuck okay back to me so yes the oral gets me
close and then we go intointercourse and then yeah I
forgot we were talking about Irequire three orgasms to make it
worth it and not because thesex is bad.
The sex is great.
But the orgasms is all I careabout.
And that's when I realized Iwas like in my like Nora mid 20s
(23:38):
probably when I was like nomore faking.
I deserve a fucking orgasm.
And if you don't get no, theydeserve to feel a little bad
about it.
Speaker 00 (23:48):
If there's no.
Oh, then they're real low.
On that sexual totem pole.
Wow.
Speaker 01 (23:53):
We're going to have so much merch with Allie's
stuff.
J-J-J-J-June.
J-J-J-J-June merch coming soon.
No, it's not, listener.
It's not.
No, it's really not.
I don't know if this is on youroutline, sister, but anything
about the male orgasm.
I do have that.
Fake male orgasm.
I'm pretty sure that men havefaked with me before.
Me too.
What?
And I find it extremely rude.
(24:15):
I do too.
Would you rather them just say,I can't come?
You couldn't make me come?
Speaker 00 (24:20):
I'd rather them break up with me.
Speaker 01 (24:21):
Yeah, just leave.
Just walk out.
Walk out the door.
Speaker 00 (24:24):
Get out.
Speaker 01 (24:24):
Never come back.
What?
No.
Here's the problem with menfaking, though.
They can only fake if they'rewearing a condom.
Oh, so they never fake withyou, too.
Wow.
She's calling us whores whodon't
Speaker 00 (24:37):
use condoms.
I wear condoms with the dirtyones.
I'm kidding.
I don't wear them at all.
I'm kidding.
I'm funny this morning.
Speaker 01 (24:46):
No, I haven't used a condom in like a month.
She
Speaker 00 (24:50):
got cleared for the mids and
Speaker 01 (24:52):
she's back on.
Cleared for the mids, listener.
I haven't had chlamydia inmonths.
She's cleared for the mids andshe cured.
Huge news.
I forgot to tell you.
Does Tara know?
Oh, I told you both.
Well, listener.
Listener, I've had HPV for thelast fucking decade and I'm
finally clear.
Speaker 00 (25:09):
She's clear.
You two have.
What did you say you did withyours?
She cured hers with healthyeating.
Speaker 01 (25:17):
They said that I could cure it with healthy
eating.
Yeah, it's not really clear.
cured.
Look it up, boys.
You guys can't get testedanyway.
Doesn't matter.
I don't think I've ever had aman fake an orgasm with me.
They'll definitely admit ifthey can't come.
I'd rather that.
Me too.
It's such a societal genderthing.
(25:38):
There's something wrong herebecause women fake and men
mostly don't fake.
Speaker 00 (25:43):
It's easier to know if a man is faking.
But if
Speaker 01 (25:47):
there's a condom, it's hard to tell.
I was going to say it's easierfor men to come.
Thank you.
True as
Speaker 00 (25:53):
well.
That's also fact.
Speaker 01 (25:55):
No, I mean like I'm thinking about like drunken
nights or like maybe we'vealready had sex a couple of
times that day.
Like they're just dried up inthere.
Dried up, shriveled up balls.
They're used.
Used, dick.
Ew.
Used.
But yeah, guys definitely dofake on occasion when there's a
condom on.
Sometimes, okay, this is theexact opposite, but I just have
(26:16):
to share now because I'mdisturbed.
I had a guy who would cometwice in a row And I mean in a
row.
I know who you're talkingabout.
Fully comes.
Keep blowing them or whatever.
Fully comes again within, like,two seconds.
You should probably get thatchecked out.
I think there's, like, blockageor something in between the
blows.
Right?
Speaker 00 (26:38):
It's just rude because, like, you're
anticipating one load.
Right.
Two?
Unknown (26:44):
Two?
Speaker 00 (26:45):
That's rude.
Like that's aggressive to thinkthat I'm going to take that for
you.
Speaker 01 (26:48):
Look, in my dream scenario, a guy can just come
indefinitely like forever.
But
Speaker 00 (26:54):
here's the thing about coming and jizzing from a
man's perspective into a woman.
Yeah, I'd love to know yourman's
Speaker 01 (27:00):
perspective, hon.
Speaker 00 (27:02):
No, it's not the man's perspective.
It's the woman's perspective ofwhy it's rude.
Okay.
Okay.
Jizz lives for multiple days.
Things they don't tell you insex ed class.
Their jizz and semen aredifferent.
Yeah.
Right?
Speaker 01 (27:14):
Wait,
Speaker 00 (27:15):
what?
Yeah.
Yes.
Sperm and semen are different.
Okay.
And the spermies, the littletadpole looking guys, live in
you after you're loaded insideme.
Yes.
I don't want the double...
The double load becauseprobability is high there.
It's definitely higher.
And I'm risking the biscuit foryou.
Speaker 01 (27:36):
Y'all, I could be pregnant right now.
No joke.
I should get my period thisweekend.
I'll keep listener posted on ifwe're getting an abortion.
Speaker 00 (27:42):
Oh, God.
I'm glad that we're doing liveupdates around Nora's sex life
again.
Is
Speaker 01 (27:48):
August going to be abortion August?
Oh, no.
Guys, I'm aborting this baby sofast.
Oh, my God.
Though the man who might havegiven it to me has really good
hair.
Great hair.
Great hair.
Tim's a girl, you know?
Speaker 00 (28:01):
Okay, back to blowing loads, you
Speaker 01 (28:04):
were saying.
Back to blowing loads.
Okay, I have one last quickaside for you bitches, and I
wonder if you guys can relate.
And Tara, when I told her this,called me the pettiest bitch in
the world and said, we need asegment just of like my petty
shit I've done.
And this was that, it's hard tosay because it's a bit of a
double negative.
Sometimes, with a particularex-boyfriend who I hated, I
(28:28):
would fake not coming.
Like I would come.
She would mask her orgasm.
She'd mask her gizpletion.
I would mask the gizpletionbecause I didn't want to feed
his ego.
Speaker 00 (28:43):
How much effort does that take to...
And then pretend that youactually didn't come.
Would you suck it back up?
Like, you know?
Speaker 01 (28:52):
I honestly believe she could have caused a seizure.
By thinking not having anorgasm.
Think about it.
Okay, I don't know about fory'all's level of orgasm, but,
like, I kind of black out.
Like, my brain short circuits alittle.
And...
Sometimes I go deaf.
Exactly.
Like, I passed out from anorgasm before.
I'm doing it wrong, guys.
(29:15):
I've never had either of those.
I came to you really quickly.
You're faking.
So, like, I'm just imagining meenjoying a fucking gispletion.
Just blank face.
And then just, like, trying tohide it and look like a fucking
dead fish.
Speaker 00 (29:30):
I just couldn't imagine trying to shoot a dick
out and then forced by gravitysuck it back into me.
Okay,
Speaker 01 (29:36):
well, not everyone shoots the dick every time they
come.
I don't, for the record.
When we make a big alley,people are going to be
requesting this on stage.
Speaker 00 (29:44):
Okay, well, maybe when that happens.
Patreon.
We need payment for that.
We
Speaker 01 (29:49):
need money, listener.
If you can, please send money.
Unknown (29:53):
Please.
Speaker 01 (29:55):
Should we just create a Venmo account for Bad
Advice Only?
Oh, that would be funny.
We'd probably get fuckingrobbed or something.
I don't know technology wellenough.
Robbed.
Honey.
She's loud and deaf.
She's loud and deaf.
Just like Helen.
Where's the rap in this?
I was getting to it.
Well, ladies, thanks fordiscussing your orgasms or your
(30:18):
fake orgasms.
To recap, Tara and I have vowednot to fake it.
We beg of the rats not to fakeit.
Allie, keep on faking.
Speaker 00 (30:25):
Have fun.
I'm going to keep doing me.
You know, it's working.
Keep shooting dick.
Still single.
Speaker 01 (30:29):
Keep shooting dick.
All right.
See you later, rats, for ournext episode in June.
Speaker 00 (30:37):
Bye, rats.
As always, thanks forlistening.
If you're interested in evenmore bad advice, scurry on over
to Instagram and TikTok atbadadviceonlynyc.
We're begging you, download andrate the show and leave us a
review.
Talk to you next Monday.
Stay tuned, rats.
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