June 23, 2025 • 32 mins
This week, we're serving up an episode that's extra spicy.
First up, Ali drops a bombshell with her wild new hotdog restaurant idea where the menu isn't the only thing getting raunchy – prepare for some serious dirty talk from your server!
Then, things get really personal as we each spill the tea on our very first blow job experiences. Get ready for all the awkward, hilarious, and unforgettable details from our pasts.
But it's not all just reminiscing! We're also diving deep into the art of oral pleasure, sharing our top tips and tricks for giving truly mind-blowing head. Whether you're looking to upgrade your skills or don't know where to start, we've got the secrets.
Lastly, we're sharing some unusual and unexpected blow job positions that are guaranteed to spice things up in the bedroom.
In this episode:
- Ali's New Controversial Business Venture Restaurant Idea
- Our Hilarious (and Awkward) First Blow Job Stories
- Expert Tips for Giving Mind-Blowing Head
- Unusual Blow Job Positions You NEED to Try
------------------------------------------
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Sponsor Us: SponsorBadAdviceOnly@gmail.com
Find us on Instagram: BadAdviceOnlyNYC
------------------------------------------
#SexPositivePodcast, #RelationshipTalk, #FirstTimeStories, #OralSexTips, #SexualWellness, #AdultHumor, #PodcastLife, #DatingAdvice, #UnusualPositions, #IntimateConversations, #PodcastForAdults, #ComedyPodcast, #FunnyStories, #BedroomTips, #TabooTopics, #PodcastCommunity, #ExplicitContent, #HotTakes, #AdultHumorPodcast, #NewEpisode
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_01 (00:00):
Yeah, keep your pinchers.
I think we're rebranding it.
No okay to sign ladies, it'spinchers.
The men that listen to this areabsolutely flaccid.
We're your hosts, Tara, Nora,and Allie, and you're listening
(00:22):
to Bad Advice Only.
We're just three New York Cityrats talking about scurrying
around the Big Apple.
Here, we make the New York Citymistakes so you don't have to.
We're begging you.
Leave us a review and follow uson Instagram and TikTok at
BadAdviceOnlyNYC.
We release new episodes everyMonday, so stay tuned, rats.
(00:43):
Welcome back, ladies.
Hi, rats.
Hi, rat.
Hi, rat.
Happy Tuesday.
Good morning.
Good morning.
Well, we release on Mondays, so.
Happy Monday.
I'm glad that you all get tolisten to us on those miserable
Mondays.
Hopefully we bring a little joyto your ears.
Fun fact, this comes out at 5a.m.
(01:06):
So any of you early bird rats,early rats, tune in.
So today we're going to betalking about blowjobs for our
June.
So we wanted to talk a littlebit about blowjobs because, you
know, there is some jizzinvolved in blowies.
Sometimes.
Sometimes.
Not all.
(01:26):
Not all.
And I'll get into my ownjourneys of blowies.
Not all jobs are complete.
That's never the case for me.
I never complete the job.
Anyways.
So before we get into it, Ithink Allie had an
entrepreneurial update.
I woke up this morning with thisidea.
And I don't know where it camefrom.
(01:46):
But I woke up with this idea.
And you know how I wanted toopen up Not my own food truck.
I know.
Nacho average nachos listener,like a cold stone for nachos.
More on that later.
But I thought about a new foodventure today.
And I thought of dirty dogs.
And the concept would be.
(02:07):
It's a hot dog food truck.
Of course.
And you know how, I don't knowif you've ever been to North
Carolina.
This is very niche.
I don't think so.
But there's a restaurant therecalled Dirty Dick's Crab Shack
and they are purposely mean toyou that it's called dicks
because they're dicks to you.
They put like insults on a hatand you have to wear it around.
I've seen the concept.
And I was like, what if we havedirty dogs and the concept is it
(02:29):
is a slutty hot dog food truck.
And they'll serve you your hotdog and be like, you dirty
fucking whore.
Like they're just like, youknow, or they'll be like, mouth
let me see you eat that dog andwould all the dogs have sex
position names or like it'd belike doggy style totally and
they'd be really sloppy like I'mtalking like all the sauces all
(02:49):
the cheese sauce and the waitersjust dirty talk you they're just
like I like how you suck thatdog baby I don't mean to shame
Paul Fotenhauer a throwback toour jewelry jizz episode but
this sounds way better than hisjust throwing jizz and things to
be clear I don't want to putjizz on the hot dogs yeah i
understand i just but you couldyou could you could it could be
(03:12):
a condiment oh yeah you could belike the jizz dog yeah yeah the
jizz dog oh that's exciting youcould do like jizz shots with
like ketchup and stuff like staytuned rats stay tuned dirty dogs
coming to you soon i just wantto call out normal podcasts oh
we're gonna have merch no we'regonna have a sex hot dog shop
how cool we do need investorsthough so um anybody that's
(03:34):
listening my venmo um dm me andi will give it to you Thanks.
Also, I know there's a segue inhere somewhere, but my brain
ain't working.
Dogs, blowjobs.
I feel like when you deep throata hot dog, it's basically deep
throat and a dick.
It is a good way to startgetting those muscles ready for
a blowjob.
Anybody else deep throat on hotdogs or just this bitch?
(03:54):
You know, I've been in three hotdog eating competitions.
I don't know how many timesyou've announced that to our
platform.
It's on our Hinge, guys.
So if you ever find a girl onHinge who says she's been in
three hot dog eatingcompetitions.
Also says I like it.
clean sheets, okay?
There's more to me than just thehot dogs.
Actually, she has two hot dogprops
SPEAKER_00 (04:12):
for the
SPEAKER_01 (04:13):
record.
I figured what we could doreally quickly is talk about our
first time, but then we'reobviously going to have to talk
about Allie's face to base.
Face to base.
Our listeners loved it.
The listeners ate up face tobase last episode.
Yeah, they need more.
That's not the only thingthey're going to be eating up if
they try to do it.
(04:33):
You know what I mean?
So we're talking first time?
First blowjob.
Does anyone want to go first?
Are you nervous?
I don't remember mine.
How can you not remember?
You have asked me this before,and I truly, when I say I do not
remember my first blowy blow, Idon't.
That's crazy.
That's really crazy.
It's memorable.
(04:54):
Yeah, it's traumatic for mostgirls.
Well...
Maybe I repressed it.
She was just blowing so manydudes in high school.
No, it's not that I've blown somany dicks.
In high school?
In high school, I blew...
Wow.
How many?
I'll say two.
I'll say concretely I canremember two.
So give us a story of one of thetwo.
(05:16):
It happened on a rock.
What rock?
Was he sitting on it?
He was laying.
It's really hard.
Oh, my God.
Are you a mermaid in this?
So I was dating this guy in highschool.
And this was like early stagesbefore we really met.
committed to the bit and wewere...
(05:37):
Weirdly, this started at aplayground.
It always starts at aplayground.
We get horny as fuck on aplayground for some reason.
It must be being aroundchildren.
We were like, we shan't make outin this children's playscape.
We must evacuate the premises.
(05:59):
I don't know why we decidedto...
He was like, hey, we were in hisneighborhood And he was like,
let's go to this weird, like,hotel thing and we parked and on
the side of the hotel was likethis cliff you've actually eaten
there Tara I was imagining thisplace you know what I'm talking
about we have pictures of usthere on that huge rock sheet
(06:21):
legit when you said it was on arock that's where my brain went
wow yeah so I've been to Ally'sfirst place yeah how cute did it
go to just please I don't thinkso I can't believe she doesn't
remember I know so here's myimmediate thought like I would
assume, because guys blow sofast, like, they blow their load
(06:42):
so fast when they're losingtheir virginity.
So, like, why aren't they justlosing their shit?
I mean, we're probably justreally bad at blowing.
Just really bad at blowing.
Blowjobs?
Yeah.
Like, noming on on the coil top.
Yeah.
And, like, we'll get to thatwith me.
I know I did not know what I wasdoing.
Oh, God.
So, no, just bleaching.
Not that I remember, but, like,he could have.
Now is a different story.
Now I'm 10 years.
You should go back and redeemyourself.
(07:04):
I can't because we actuallyfound out that we know somebody
in common in our adulthoodlives.
And I feel like we resurfacedthat and it didn't go well.
Oh, is that guy?
Yeah.
Yeah.
If you want that story, pay forthe story.
Yes.
Yeah.
Nora, what about you?
Okay.
I do remember my first time forthe record.
(07:28):
Relax.
But...
It was just like a normal, Igave it my best.
On a bed?
Do you think you gave it yourbest at the time?
Yeah, but I was really nervous,so I kept making jokes.
Just holding the dick as a mic.
Is this thing on?
But one of my first times, sameguy, I just remember that I
(07:50):
didn't know how to contain mysaliva properly.
That's not a bad thing.
No, it can be.
I was drooling so aggressivelyon his dick that like when he
stood up he was laying on thebed there was literally a puddle
because I just wasn't like Iwasn't bringing it back into the
mouth I was just like letting itgravity take it from me I think
(08:12):
some of our male listeners willthey love this will give you a
stamp of approval for this itwas really yuck in hindsight
think about men like that thougha little high school Nora just
slobbin on and off like legitslobbin okay so like not
terrible did he just plead Idon't I don't remember.
See, okay.
I would like an apology.
I'm going to say no.
(08:33):
I'm going to say no because Idated that guy for a long time
and I don't think he ever oncecame from a blowjob because I
was a child and didn't know whatI was doing.
And to clarify, as a child, shewas 17.
17-ish.
Early 20s.
Early 20s.
We dated a while.
And then Chomper's over here.
Tara, what'd you say?
Well, I said corner of the coband she said, we'll get to that.
So I'm confused.
(08:54):
Wait, no.
That was something else.
UNKNOWN (08:59):
Um...
SPEAKER_01 (08:59):
My first time, I remember it vividly.
We had a conversation before.
Oh.
I was a senior.
He was a junior.
Can you walk me through whatthat conversation was like?
We were like, we want to havesex.
And we were like, yeah, you'relike, I'm a Christian.
So was he.
We were both Catholic.
So you got to find a differenthole.
(09:20):
Yeah.
So as long as you're Catholicand you want to do it out of
wedlock, you just get creativeand find another hole.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, there's a lot of holes onyour body, guys.
So anyways, we were like, shouldwe try oral first?
And we were like, yeah, let's dothat.
I'm sure he was like, yeah.
He wanted to have sex on promnight, and I was like, I'm not
(09:42):
doing that.
You're not that kind of girl.
Number one, I didn't want to goto prom, and we didn't.
There was a huge debate with ourmother about that, but I didn't
want to go to prom.
She said it would be my biggestregret ever.
Guess what?
I'm 34.
It's not.
SPEAKER_00 (09:55):
Your biggest regret.
SPEAKER_01 (09:56):
Yeah, she told me I would regret it for the rest of
my life.
Never mind.
on somebody regretted it anywaysback to the oral so I told him
no we're definitely not havingsex on prom night that's so gay
we're bringing that back I'malso though just dying laughing
thinking about like a tiny Tarabeing like no I won't have sex
with you and now she's fullydoing the reverse splits on a
(10:17):
dick I know he really missed outhe's married now so hopefully
he's having great marriage sexdefinitely isn't shout out I
hear that marriage sex is bombyeah That sounds so hot.
I heard everyone's so happilymarried.
No one's cheating.
So you were like, I'm not goingto fuck you, but I will suck
(10:39):
you.
Yeah, I was like, let'sdefinitely try oral first.
Because him going down on mesounded ideal.
I was like, this sounds great.
Like you're so far away.
It doesn't count.
So he went down on me first.
Oh God, give you a match.
We had the place to ourselves.
Our parents were out of town forNora's volleyball game.
(11:01):
You had a volleyball game in SanAntonio.
And so I had him over.
He went down on me terribly.
I just laid there like a deadfish not knowing what the fuck
to do with that.
Did you pretend to enjoy it?
No.
Okay.
We were both so shy.
She didn't know.
No.
We were both so shy and we werelike I'm sure he just licked my
(11:21):
lips and like maybe fingered me.
Maybe.
And then he was like your turn.
And I was like okay my turn andI like hopped down there and
like I had no idea that you weresupposed to like include
pressure like sucking holding itthis is so real this is I feel
(11:42):
like I'm in the room I know Iknow and like I wish you could
see it like I'm pretty sure wehad like the little mermaid
playing on in the backgroundjust a movie you know because
that was in my DVD player at alltimes I heard multiple guys tell
me that was their first boner iswhen she turns from mermaid to
human because she's hot as fuckoh and she's nude yeah she's
nude and she's hot we've allfucked at Disney movies I took
(12:04):
some kids virginity to FindingNemo that's a dark one to fuck
too I wasn't anticipating was itwhen Darla or whatever shook the
fish bag until it died guys I'mnot saying it was right okay so
back to me I definitely did notknow what I was doing I doubt I
used hands I did not notice likesuck or do anything I definitely
(12:26):
didn't have like a wet mouth
SPEAKER_00 (12:28):
like
SPEAKER_01 (12:29):
aww And I'm pretty sure I just like pumped it like
two or three times in my mouth.
And then I looked up at him andI go, I don't like it.
And he was like, okay, you canstop.
That's very sweet.
And then Nora walked in on us.
Yeah.
Nora got home from hervolleyball game and we were
cuddling naked under the covers.
And Nora has zero cool, zerochill, comes up, rips the covers
off and goes, ah, and ran out ofthe room laughing.
(12:52):
Such a little monster.
How old were you?
As if you never walked in on mehaving sex.
I have.
And I was cool about it.
But none of us want to.
to walk in on you having sex.
I don't mind.
I really don't mind.
We know you don't mind.
We mind, Nora.
We mind.
If you repeat Italy one moretime, I'm going to lose it.
Allie and I don't want to seeyou on a date.
(13:13):
I genuinely don't mind.
I feel like I'm so close withy'all.
It doesn't turn me on.
It's just like if I were poopingor something.
Listener, we did have a seriousconversation with our last Italy
trip.
We were all single and Nora andI had a serious conversation of
what we were going to do if webrought a guy home since we were
sharing a bed.
And we, like, really had itplanned out of, like, okay, I'll
(13:34):
just go to the couch or Norawill go to the couch.
We'll stay on one side of thebed.
Well, Al and I are down with,like, same rooms.
Yeah.
I think Nora and I shouldn'thave sex next to each other.
I agree.
But, like, we could tap in andout.
After I'm done, she can go in.
In the same bed.
She doesn't mean same guy, Idon't think.
No, she means same bed, though.
(13:55):
Same bed.
But the juice is...
There is juices.
Nora can do it on top of thecomforter.
I'll pull the comforter off.
Ju-ju-ju-ju-juice juice.
UNKNOWN (14:02):
Oh, God.
SPEAKER_01 (14:04):
Okay, so we've certainly gone off topic.
Okay, so the next part that Iwant to talk about is blowing to
just pletion.
And let's bring back thatface-to-base, Allie.
Tell us more.
I cannot tell you, listener, howmany DMs we got about
face-to-base.
First of all, I can't believethat it's not out there.
I'm sure it is, but I've neverseen it.
(14:25):
Even in porn, I know.
I don't see face-to-face.
I mean, maybe in some, like,really aggressive form.
Right, but it's not, like, thecategory.
It should be calledface-to-face.
You know what I mean?
Because there's a differencebetween literally deep-throating
a dick to just please you andversus blowing the tippy.
Oh, for sure.
To just please you.
And we'll talk about that.
Okay, so we're just talkingabout our techniques now.
Yeah, I want to hear yourface-to-face technique.
(14:47):
Okay, because that's, like, mymain technique.
Face-to-face, sorry.
That's our main technique.
Face-to-face also, depending onif you're laying down.
Depending on the position.
It really depends on whoinitiates it.
Yeah, you're right.
Face-to-face.
It also is an option.
I'll start with base to facefirst.
So base to face is initiated bythe man.
This is I am laying on my back,head off the bed.
(15:07):
Or this could be I am on myknees and wanting to back away
from the dick.
And the man will grab your headin either position.
And he shoves the dick.
All the way down the throat.
So the base is at the face.
Man rats, please discuss thiswith your sex partner before you
(15:27):
do it.
Yeah.
Thanks.
Face fucking is totally fine aslong as you get consent for it.
We're going to need someconsent.
Right.
Yeah.
Some girls love it.
Base to face can have twodifferent types of technique.
It can be you just hold it downthere and then you give a little
hummer where you swallow.
The dick?
Yeah, I've gotten reallypositive feedback.
(15:48):
It's completely face-to-face,and then you just swallow,
swallow, swallow.
Yeah.
I still grow up.
Oh, it's really hard.
Yeah, I couldn't.
So no, that's amazing.
For the listener, the penis isall the way down the jugular.
And then swallow, like you'reswallowing a pill.
That's hard.
It's really hard.
It's also dangerous.
(16:08):
Careful, guys.
So dangerous.
Be careful out there, rats.
SPEAKER_00 (16:11):
You need to be properly lubricated, or else it
just really hurts.
UNKNOWN (16:14):
Yeah, that makes sense.
SPEAKER_01 (16:15):
It can also be an instant where you throw up on a
penis, because Nora and I haveboth done this.
Yeah, I have pretty much dialedon a dick.
The other base to face is justreally, like, they pull out.
Like, you know in Pilates whenthey're, like, down an inch, up
an inch?
Yeah.
That's how I feel base to face,where it's, like, down an inch,
back an inch.
Oh, so you're keeping it almostdeep-throated.
(16:35):
You're keeping it fully on adeep thing, but, like, you're
barely moving.
I like that.
That's a good tip.
Wow.
I don't know any men that I'veblown that would want that.
That's a good thing, actually.
It's very painful.
No, it's really hard.
Face to base, on the other hand,is me initiating it.
You're in control of that.
And now I'm grabbing handsaround hip and I am pulling the
man into me.
Pushing it into you.
(16:56):
And then same things apply.
In an inch, down an inch.
Like I now have more freedom andcontrol.
Wow.
And then once it's all sloppysloppy, then I do the rest of my
work.
And I'm a one-handed kind of atwisty girl.
So if I am getting back towardsthe tip, I've now gone...
Face away from base.
Yes.
I have my one little hand.
(17:17):
Righty.
She's a righty.
I'm a righty.
And I will just do a twisty,like basically connect my hand
to my mouth.
Yeah, fist to mouth.
And we move together, but thehand's twisting.
But you're still twisting.
Interesting.
And then if I get tired, Iswitch hands.
Sometimes I do the hand to lipconnection, no twisty, face to
base.
Face to base, hand lipconnection.
(17:38):
Where does the hand go if you'reface to base?
You spread it.
Spread it, good.
At the base, spread the hand.
So then you open your hand, soyou're just making the okay
sign.
Okay sign, or you can open itall together.
So that you can read.
Really good.
Face to face.
Bonus tip.
Something I've noticed guysreally like.
Go on.
I don't know why.
I think it has to do with yourprostate, boys.
(18:00):
I really don't know.
But like they like their taintto be touched.
Love the taint.
Are you poking it?
I'm poking it.
It's a poke, but like a firmpressing.
Do you hold the press?
Behind the balls.
Yeah, like I'll use like one, mymiddle finger usually.
Okay, palm on the balls, middlefinger to the taint.
That's what I do.
Firm press.
Cute.
I don't know why they like itthough.
Twinning.
(18:20):
Twinning.
I don't know if there's somenerve over there.
That's their G spot.
You think?
Yeah, no, I've read it.
I've read about it.
At least I think so factuallythat I just assume you're a
liar.
No, I've actually read aboutthis.
That's why they like it isbecause it is in their prostate.
Their G-spot's in theirprostate, and that is a direct
correlator.
Well, then just let us peg them.
I know.
Just let us get up in the butt.
(18:40):
Let us peg you.
You know you guys want to go.
Come on.
Bad advice only.
Looking for an O?
Let me beg you.
Begging for pegging.
Come on.
Bring that back, boys.
So Tara does something that Ithink is quite porn star-esque.
Yeah.
And I think it's too much work,personally.
Okay, so that's the thing,though.
Like, I love the theatrics ofit.
That's where I really enjoy it.
(19:03):
And I think it's more on the,like, dom-y side for people
because the way y'all describeit, it's so sub-y
SPEAKER_00 (19:09):
sounding that
SPEAKER_01 (19:10):
I could never.
I would not enjoy it.
I would be, ugh, it soundshumiliating.
A dom blowjob just makes nosense to me.
A dom job.
A dom job, as I call them now.
I came up with it.
Yeah, I really get theatrical,so I definitely learned how to
give head by watching porn.
(19:31):
And by no means am I saying I'mdoing porn star theatrics, but I
took some cues from them.
So for me, I definitely startreally, really slowly teasing
them, playing with it by barelyputting it in my mouth, barely
licking it.
Maybe I don't even put it in mymouth.
I just hold their dick up alongmy face and lick it.
Wait, so she's holding it and itlooks like a bayonet.
(19:53):
She's about to go the waterladies this is the exact
opposite of face to face this isthe exact opposite she's barely
touching this thing I'm barelytouching it they're getting
blowing on it yeah they'regetting so hard and horny
because I'm just teasing iteventually I'll like go like
maybe two pumps down on my withmy mouth to get it a little wet
(20:17):
two pumps down it's likeStarbucks they're like I'll take
two pumps of vanilla you are sobasic Allie.
She's like Pilates andStarbucks.
How is this relatable?
So two pumps.
Yeah, two pumps with the mouthand then like I'll get it good
and wet there and then I'll domy churning of the butter both
hands.
(20:38):
It's a both hand twisty twisty.
Nora rarely uses hands dependingon the partner.
Allie uses one hand and thenswitches if it gets tired.
I go like 1800s pilgrim womanchurning that butter.
Ringing out a towel.
Yes, Allie has her hand raised Ihave a question.
Go on.
I think this is impressive.
Thank you.
What about a small dick, though?
(20:58):
Because I've always wondered,two hands, like, what do you do
when you're just getting thetip?
So here's the thing.
I do think, and remember, I'vebeen with, like, micro dicks and
smaller penises in the past, andso I have played with this, and
I do think it's still goodbecause they also get a little
bit of an ego boost when you'reusing two hands.
So you do use, even if it's amicro, you're not using just the
(21:19):
pinchers.
No, you're not pinching a dick.
No, but, like, you know what Imean?
Like, if it's a micro penis, youjust gotta Guys, visualize.
Visualize the pinchers.
Please, God.
Yeah, I did have to do that withthe micro penis.
Okay, okay.
That's what I was thinking.
Regular under medium.
We're not talking micro penisanymore.
Just under average.
All right.
So like a five inch below.
(21:40):
Yeah, below five inches.
I will still use two hands justa little bit, but you can always
lose a couple fingers.
So like you could do pinky up.
So like grab your dick, ladies.
Good.
With both hands.
Pinkies up.
Because we're ladies.
Or even ring finger up.
Yeah, you can get your ringfinger up.
You can get back to yourpincers.
Back to your pincers.
You do get back to your pincers,but we're talking girth still.
(22:03):
Ladies.
So then once you're getting downto the base with your hand, not
your mouth, you can spread themand still keep the okay sign.
Keep the pincers.
Yeah, keep your pincers.
I think we're rebranding it.
No okay sign, ladies.
It's pincers.
The men that listen to this areabsolutely flaccid.
Guys, DM us if you're hardduring this.
(22:23):
They were really into me lickingthe side of it.
Absolutely.
The pictures lose a few fingers.
I wonder if that was helpful foranyone.
Anyways.
I think it's great.
Around that time, I've nowpumped them maybe five times
with mouth and hand.
(22:44):
At that point, you've gatheredsome saliva, so then I'll spit
on it and then jerk them offmore with the churning of
butter.
What's your mouth up to?
I'm taking breath.
She breaks.
She's yawning.
I make an eye contact saying,you like that?
She's checking the time.
This is mostly a hand job, forthe record.
Yeah, and then, so that's thething.
I get them good and warmed up,and then I go to town with my
(23:07):
mouth.
So what I'll typically do.
Yeah, pre-work.
You've got to get it warmed up.
Everyone should stretch beforephysical activities, and that's
what I'm doing.
I'm getting my dick stretched.
Stretching that mouth?
Not stretching the mouth.
I'm not doing shit with thatthing.
So going back to my, this is mycrazy, when we were talking
about our porn I can't rememberwhich episode that was where we
talked about porn and how Iwatched the same porn.
(23:28):
Yeah, that's where I learned it.
He's like, they're like, I feeltowering her basically.
And he's like tongue out.
And she's like, and like, itwent deeper.
And I was like, Oh, interested.
I will say making that noise.
Great idea.
Oh, I fake gag almost everytime.
Yeah, all the time.
And then when you want to take abreak from especially when
(23:49):
you're doing what Nora and Alliedo that face to base, if you
want to take a break from that,come on.
Come up with both your hands,keep churning that butter, and
then really work on the head andslurp on it.
They love it.
At least slurp on it.
Unless they're faking orgasms.
Call back to last episode.
No, I love it.
Slurping on that and derping.
Slurping, derping.
(24:09):
I've had multiple guys tell methey specifically don't want
hands, like guys I've dated.
That's so weird to me.
I know, and I always thought itwas really weird.
Are you?
UNKNOWN (24:19):
No.
SPEAKER_01 (24:19):
Right.
Right.
I agree.
Because like a lot of guys, OK,it's like boyfriends who have
told me this, who are like, Iactually I know I'm really
weird, but I'm just someone whodoesn't like hands.
And then when I find when I givethem the hands, they love it.
So I'm like, do they not know?
I wonder if it's more of liketheir exes.
(24:40):
So like maybe similar to Norah'scomplaint in our last episode of
women not teaching men how to Godown on them properly.
(25:19):
And I don't know if that hadsomething to do with his penis
size, but, like, I've had otherguys that, like, want me to
basically act like I'mstrangling him.
Here's the thing.
Seriously.
Girls are different, but I thinkthis might be a subby thing.
You tell me, Tara.
But, like, I like instruction.
Like, instruction to me is sexy.
Like, if a guy's, like, loosenyour grip, I'm like, oof, yes.
(25:41):
Or if they're, like, moretongue, I'm like, yeah.
I get kind of offended because Iknow I'm good at it.
So, like, if somebody's givingme criticism.
But people are just different.
It's different.
I don't have to do all of that.
But personally, I don't likegiving instruction to men.
Like, that doesn't turn me on.
I want instructions prior.
Like, that's dirty talk for me.
I get, like, really turned on,like, telling me what you like.
(26:03):
Even over dinner.
Like, not even in the bedroom.
Like, talk to me over acocktail.
Like, tell me what you like.
I think it's really hot.
If a guy does say, oh, can you,like, loosen your grip or
tighten your grip, whatever,during, I'm not going to be
upset about it.
But I definitely would.
I wouldn't want someone to tellme what to do.
I want them to tell me.
I'd either do the opposite orI'd be like, and you're done.
(26:25):
You've lost Tara privileges.
You've lost the community.
Get on your knees and crawl outof here.
Oh, daddy.
Jesus Christ.
The rats get so wound up whenI'm being Dami on here.
So strange.
They both kind of like...
get into attention becausenormally we dom you in like
conversations this is so truesounds true because her real
(26:47):
life is much more submissiveyeah I have a very submissive
personal life so when you comeout with who you are sexually
it's my time to shine I will sayI think I hear what you're
saying and I agree to someextent like I do like the
guidance but I don't like itverbally like I'd rather you
just take my hand more like youknow what I mean just show me
what you want right because thenI can perform it right how do we
(27:09):
feel about getting the ball I doball play.
I slurp on them.
The slurping.
Stop saying slurp.
You said slurp-a-derp.
Slurp-a-derp.
I don't like any of it.
I derp on them balls.
Yeah, when you're doing theholding of the penis and licking
it, you can work your way downto the balls and suck on it
while you're jerking them off.
A couple in the mouth.
(27:29):
Get a couple of them in there.
If you suck on it, they likethat, like a little hard.
What about a licking of thetaint?
Do you lick the taint, sister?
I don't like the taint.
They like it.
I said lick.
Oh, lick.
Did she?
Yes, I said, do you lick thetank?
Do we have a tank?
Do I have a taint?
Do women?
Yeah.
It's a smaller space.
(27:50):
It was more just like aclarifying question because
between lick and like I'mcertain men have licked my taint
missing all together my clit andlips.
Do I lick the taint?
Not necessarily.
I don't really lick the taintbut I do when I suck the balls
or like have them in my mouthI'm like reaching the tongue
back there.
What position are you in forthat?
(28:10):
Knees.
On my knees.
No I don't do that.
For my position we didn't reallytalk about positions.
I'm typically starting outlaying on my tummy with my knees
bent and like twisted likekicking my feet back and forth.
Guys think it's cute becauseit's girly.
That's literally the reason Ididn't get the tattoo on the
bottom of my foot.
(28:30):
I'm not joking.
I don't think the listener knowswhat tattoo you want on the
bottom of your foot.
Listen I wanted to get the wordcorpse on the bottom of my foot
so that when I sleep peoplethink I might be dead but I
didn't want guys to see it whileI blow them.
They can't read while they'regetting blown.
It's fine.
I I thought it would bedistracting.
That's a lot of work, though, toflip your feet.
Yeah, you know, that's whenyou're taking breaks, too.
(28:52):
If your mouth gets tired, youcan, like, come up, work on the
tip and, like, kick your feetback and forth.
Let's do a quick rapid fire ofsome positions for blowies the
rats might not have heard of.
My favorite, man missionary.
And then you got ball play.
Then you lick from shaft to tip.
You have everything exposed atonce.
So man missionary, meaningthey're on their back.
(29:13):
I'm on my knees in front ofthem.
You're asked.
Yeah.
They're very exposed.
It's a playground.
It's a playground.
Have y'all ever blown backwardsfrom behind?
Ooh.
What?
Like they're doing, they're likebent, are they bent over?
How do they make that work?
Yeah.
I hate that.
(29:33):
What?
Okay, can you describe it to me?
I'm confused.
Imagine a man standing in frontof you and your front is to
their back.
So your chest is to their back.
Okay.
Then you're like, They bendover.
You get on your knees.
They tuck the dick.
They bring the dick down alittle bit.
Whoa.
No.
I've never done that.
Why would they want that?
(29:54):
Do they like that?
It's just a different angle.
It's kind of like how we talkabout that curved dick.
There's a really good positionfor curved dicks and there's
really bad positions for curveddicks.
It's similar to that.
So if they have a reallysignificant downward curve,
SPEAKER_00 (30:08):
you
SPEAKER_01 (30:09):
can get in there.
Rad.
But you have to be comfortablewith some ass stuff.
Like obviously the ass is inyour face.
Your face is going to be rightin the ass.
I said to rapid fire somepositions.
I'm sorry.
My favorite blowjob positionis...
For the listener, that's not myfavorite.
I was just saying there's anoption.
My favorite, and it's becauseit's the best for my pleasure,
is me on my back, so regularmissionary.
(30:33):
She's just sleeping, listener.
My head...
Not conscious is my favorite.
No.
My head is resting against aheadboard, so it's tilted.
So bad for your neck.
UNKNOWN (30:45):
The man...
SPEAKER_01 (30:45):
The man is on his knees straddling my neck slash
tit area and fucking my face.
That way my vagina clit is soexposed and open I can use my
vibrator.
It's about 69 though.
I don't really like 69.
I hate 69.
Does anyone like 69?
You know what's the worst?
Okay, so when I was not verysexually active with my
(31:08):
boyfriend at the time, Ohio, wehad a very long dry spell, but
he would trick me into some oralsex occasion by starting he'd go
down on me and then he'd do aquick flip so I'm on my back so
it's the upside down 69.
And he's just dangling it.
So his dick is just danglingnear my face hoping that I'll
like take a bite.
I feel like the only way a mancould trap me into blowing him
(31:30):
unwillingly would be if he hadlike a donut wrapped around it
or something.
Face to face that bitch I mean.
I would be like Krispy Kreme onthat bitch.
I would face to face.
I would face to face if therewas a little treat at the end.
UNKNOWN (31:45):
Right?
SPEAKER_01 (31:45):
All right, listener, I'd want to hear from you.
Rats, how did you feel aboutthat backwards dick sucky?
I don't feel good about it.
All the men are either 50% or50% have a raging voter thinking
about this.
Rock hard.
Let us know which one you are,rats.
We'll see you next week for ourlast episode of June.
(32:09):
And we're doing gauges.
As always, thanks for listening.
If you're interested in evenmore bad advice, scurry on over
to Instagram and TikTok atBadAdviceOnlyNYC.
We're begging you, download andrate the show and leave us a
review.
Talk to you next Monday.
Stay tuned, Rats.
Yeah, keep your pinchers.
I think we're rebranding it.
No okay to sign ladies, it'spinchers.
The men that listen to this areabsolutely flaccid.
We're your hosts, Tara, Nora,and Allie, and you're listening
(00:22):
to Bad Advice Only.
We're just three New York Cityrats talking about scurrying
around the Big Apple.
Here, we make the New York Citymistakes so you don't have to.
We're begging you.
Leave us a review and follow uson Instagram and TikTok at
BadAdviceOnlyNYC.
We release new episodes everyMonday, so stay tuned, rats.
(00:43):
Welcome back, ladies.
Hi, rats.
Hi, rat.
Hi, rat.
Happy Tuesday.
Good morning.
Good morning.
Well, we release on Mondays, so.
Happy Monday.
I'm glad that you all get tolisten to us on those miserable
Mondays.
Hopefully we bring a little joyto your ears.
Fun fact, this comes out at 5a.m.
(01:06):
So any of you early bird rats,early rats, tune in.
So today we're going to betalking about blowjobs for our
June.
So we wanted to talk a littlebit about blowjobs because, you
know, there is some jizzinvolved in blowies.
Sometimes.
Sometimes.
Not all.
(01:26):
Not all.
And I'll get into my ownjourneys of blowies.
Not all jobs are complete.
That's never the case for me.
I never complete the job.
Anyways.
So before we get into it, Ithink Allie had an
entrepreneurial update.
I woke up this morning with thisidea.
And I don't know where it camefrom.
(01:46):
But I woke up with this idea.
And you know how I wanted toopen up Not my own food truck.
I know.
Nacho average nachos listener,like a cold stone for nachos.
More on that later.
But I thought about a new foodventure today.
And I thought of dirty dogs.
And the concept would be.
(02:07):
It's a hot dog food truck.
Of course.
And you know how, I don't knowif you've ever been to North
Carolina.
This is very niche.
I don't think so.
But there's a restaurant therecalled Dirty Dick's Crab Shack
and they are purposely mean toyou that it's called dicks
because they're dicks to you.
They put like insults on a hatand you have to wear it around.
I've seen the concept.
And I was like, what if we havedirty dogs and the concept is it
(02:29):
is a slutty hot dog food truck.
And they'll serve you your hotdog and be like, you dirty
fucking whore.
Like they're just like, youknow, or they'll be like, mouth
let me see you eat that dog andwould all the dogs have sex
position names or like it'd belike doggy style totally and
they'd be really sloppy like I'mtalking like all the sauces all
(02:49):
the cheese sauce and the waitersjust dirty talk you they're just
like I like how you suck thatdog baby I don't mean to shame
Paul Fotenhauer a throwback toour jewelry jizz episode but
this sounds way better than hisjust throwing jizz and things to
be clear I don't want to putjizz on the hot dogs yeah i
understand i just but you couldyou could you could it could be
(03:12):
a condiment oh yeah you could belike the jizz dog yeah yeah the
jizz dog oh that's exciting youcould do like jizz shots with
like ketchup and stuff like staytuned rats stay tuned dirty dogs
coming to you soon i just wantto call out normal podcasts oh
we're gonna have merch no we'regonna have a sex hot dog shop
how cool we do need investorsthough so um anybody that's
(03:34):
listening my venmo um dm me andi will give it to you Thanks.
Also, I know there's a segue inhere somewhere, but my brain
ain't working.
Dogs, blowjobs.
I feel like when you deep throata hot dog, it's basically deep
throat and a dick.
It is a good way to startgetting those muscles ready for
a blowjob.
Anybody else deep throat on hotdogs or just this bitch?
(03:54):
You know, I've been in three hotdog eating competitions.
I don't know how many timesyou've announced that to our
platform.
It's on our Hinge, guys.
So if you ever find a girl onHinge who says she's been in
three hot dog eatingcompetitions.
Also says I like it.
clean sheets, okay?
There's more to me than just thehot dogs.
Actually, she has two hot dogprops
SPEAKER_00 (04:12):
for the
SPEAKER_01 (04:13):
record.
I figured what we could doreally quickly is talk about our
first time, but then we'reobviously going to have to talk
about Allie's face to base.
Face to base.
Our listeners loved it.
The listeners ate up face tobase last episode.
Yeah, they need more.
That's not the only thingthey're going to be eating up if
they try to do it.
(04:33):
You know what I mean?
So we're talking first time?
First blowjob.
Does anyone want to go first?
Are you nervous?
I don't remember mine.
How can you not remember?
You have asked me this before,and I truly, when I say I do not
remember my first blowy blow, Idon't.
That's crazy.
That's really crazy.
It's memorable.
(04:54):
Yeah, it's traumatic for mostgirls.
Well...
Maybe I repressed it.
She was just blowing so manydudes in high school.
No, it's not that I've blown somany dicks.
In high school?
In high school, I blew...
Wow.
How many?
I'll say two.
I'll say concretely I canremember two.
So give us a story of one of thetwo.
(05:16):
It happened on a rock.
What rock?
Was he sitting on it?
He was laying.
It's really hard.
Oh, my God.
Are you a mermaid in this?
So I was dating this guy in highschool.
And this was like early stagesbefore we really met.
committed to the bit and wewere...
(05:37):
Weirdly, this started at aplayground.
It always starts at aplayground.
We get horny as fuck on aplayground for some reason.
It must be being aroundchildren.
We were like, we shan't make outin this children's playscape.
We must evacuate the premises.
(05:59):
I don't know why we decidedto...
He was like, hey, we were in hisneighborhood And he was like,
let's go to this weird, like,hotel thing and we parked and on
the side of the hotel was likethis cliff you've actually eaten
there Tara I was imagining thisplace you know what I'm talking
about we have pictures of usthere on that huge rock sheet
(06:21):
legit when you said it was on arock that's where my brain went
wow yeah so I've been to Ally'sfirst place yeah how cute did it
go to just please I don't thinkso I can't believe she doesn't
remember I know so here's myimmediate thought like I would
assume, because guys blow sofast, like, they blow their load
(06:42):
so fast when they're losingtheir virginity.
So, like, why aren't they justlosing their shit?
I mean, we're probably justreally bad at blowing.
Just really bad at blowing.
Blowjobs?
Yeah.
Like, noming on on the coil top.
Yeah.
And, like, we'll get to thatwith me.
I know I did not know what I wasdoing.
Oh, God.
So, no, just bleaching.
Not that I remember, but, like,he could have.
Now is a different story.
Now I'm 10 years.
You should go back and redeemyourself.
(07:04):
I can't because we actuallyfound out that we know somebody
in common in our adulthoodlives.
And I feel like we resurfacedthat and it didn't go well.
Oh, is that guy?
Yeah.
Yeah.
If you want that story, pay forthe story.
Yes.
Yeah.
Nora, what about you?
Okay.
I do remember my first time forthe record.
(07:28):
Relax.
But...
It was just like a normal, Igave it my best.
On a bed?
Do you think you gave it yourbest at the time?
Yeah, but I was really nervous,so I kept making jokes.
Just holding the dick as a mic.
Is this thing on?
But one of my first times, sameguy, I just remember that I
(07:50):
didn't know how to contain mysaliva properly.
That's not a bad thing.
No, it can be.
I was drooling so aggressivelyon his dick that like when he
stood up he was laying on thebed there was literally a puddle
because I just wasn't like Iwasn't bringing it back into the
mouth I was just like letting itgravity take it from me I think
(08:12):
some of our male listeners willthey love this will give you a
stamp of approval for this itwas really yuck in hindsight
think about men like that thougha little high school Nora just
slobbin on and off like legitslobbin okay so like not
terrible did he just plead Idon't I don't remember.
See, okay.
I would like an apology.
I'm going to say no.
(08:33):
I'm going to say no because Idated that guy for a long time
and I don't think he ever oncecame from a blowjob because I
was a child and didn't know whatI was doing.
And to clarify, as a child, shewas 17.
17-ish.
Early 20s.
Early 20s.
We dated a while.
And then Chomper's over here.
Tara, what'd you say?
Well, I said corner of the coband she said, we'll get to that.
So I'm confused.
(08:54):
Wait, no.
That was something else.
UNKNOWN (08:59):
Um...
SPEAKER_01 (08:59):
My first time, I remember it vividly.
We had a conversation before.
Oh.
I was a senior.
He was a junior.
Can you walk me through whatthat conversation was like?
We were like, we want to havesex.
And we were like, yeah, you'relike, I'm a Christian.
So was he.
We were both Catholic.
So you got to find a differenthole.
(09:20):
Yeah.
So as long as you're Catholicand you want to do it out of
wedlock, you just get creativeand find another hole.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, there's a lot of holes onyour body, guys.
So anyways, we were like, shouldwe try oral first?
And we were like, yeah, let's dothat.
I'm sure he was like, yeah.
He wanted to have sex on promnight, and I was like, I'm not
(09:42):
doing that.
You're not that kind of girl.
Number one, I didn't want to goto prom, and we didn't.
There was a huge debate with ourmother about that, but I didn't
want to go to prom.
She said it would be my biggestregret ever.
Guess what?
I'm 34.
It's not.
SPEAKER_00 (09:55):
Your biggest regret.
SPEAKER_01 (09:56):
Yeah, she told me I would regret it for the rest of
my life.
Never mind.
on somebody regretted it anywaysback to the oral so I told him
no we're definitely not havingsex on prom night that's so gay
we're bringing that back I'malso though just dying laughing
thinking about like a tiny Tarabeing like no I won't have sex
with you and now she's fullydoing the reverse splits on a
(10:17):
dick I know he really missed outhe's married now so hopefully
he's having great marriage sexdefinitely isn't shout out I
hear that marriage sex is bombyeah That sounds so hot.
I heard everyone's so happilymarried.
No one's cheating.
So you were like, I'm not goingto fuck you, but I will suck
(10:39):
you.
Yeah, I was like, let'sdefinitely try oral first.
Because him going down on mesounded ideal.
I was like, this sounds great.
Like you're so far away.
It doesn't count.
So he went down on me first.
Oh God, give you a match.
We had the place to ourselves.
Our parents were out of town forNora's volleyball game.
(11:01):
You had a volleyball game in SanAntonio.
And so I had him over.
He went down on me terribly.
I just laid there like a deadfish not knowing what the fuck
to do with that.
Did you pretend to enjoy it?
No.
Okay.
We were both so shy.
She didn't know.
No.
We were both so shy and we werelike I'm sure he just licked my
(11:21):
lips and like maybe fingered me.
Maybe.
And then he was like your turn.
And I was like okay my turn andI like hopped down there and
like I had no idea that you weresupposed to like include
pressure like sucking holding itthis is so real this is I feel
(11:42):
like I'm in the room I know Iknow and like I wish you could
see it like I'm pretty sure wehad like the little mermaid
playing on in the backgroundjust a movie you know because
that was in my DVD player at alltimes I heard multiple guys tell
me that was their first boner iswhen she turns from mermaid to
human because she's hot as fuckoh and she's nude yeah she's
nude and she's hot we've allfucked at Disney movies I took
(12:04):
some kids virginity to FindingNemo that's a dark one to fuck
too I wasn't anticipating was itwhen Darla or whatever shook the
fish bag until it died guys I'mnot saying it was right okay so
back to me I definitely did notknow what I was doing I doubt I
used hands I did not notice likesuck or do anything I definitely
(12:26):
didn't have like a wet mouth
SPEAKER_00 (12:28):
like
SPEAKER_01 (12:29):
aww And I'm pretty sure I just like pumped it like
two or three times in my mouth.
And then I looked up at him andI go, I don't like it.
And he was like, okay, you canstop.
That's very sweet.
And then Nora walked in on us.
Yeah.
Nora got home from hervolleyball game and we were
cuddling naked under the covers.
And Nora has zero cool, zerochill, comes up, rips the covers
off and goes, ah, and ran out ofthe room laughing.
(12:52):
Such a little monster.
How old were you?
As if you never walked in on mehaving sex.
I have.
And I was cool about it.
But none of us want to.
to walk in on you having sex.
I don't mind.
I really don't mind.
We know you don't mind.
We mind, Nora.
We mind.
If you repeat Italy one moretime, I'm going to lose it.
Allie and I don't want to seeyou on a date.
(13:13):
I genuinely don't mind.
I feel like I'm so close withy'all.
It doesn't turn me on.
It's just like if I were poopingor something.
Listener, we did have a seriousconversation with our last Italy
trip.
We were all single and Nora andI had a serious conversation of
what we were going to do if webrought a guy home since we were
sharing a bed.
And we, like, really had itplanned out of, like, okay, I'll
(13:34):
just go to the couch or Norawill go to the couch.
We'll stay on one side of thebed.
Well, Al and I are down with,like, same rooms.
Yeah.
I think Nora and I shouldn'thave sex next to each other.
I agree.
But, like, we could tap in andout.
After I'm done, she can go in.
In the same bed.
She doesn't mean same guy, Idon't think.
No, she means same bed, though.
(13:55):
Same bed.
But the juice is...
There is juices.
Nora can do it on top of thecomforter.
I'll pull the comforter off.
Ju-ju-ju-ju-juice juice.
UNKNOWN (14:02):
Oh, God.
SPEAKER_01 (14:04):
Okay, so we've certainly gone off topic.
Okay, so the next part that Iwant to talk about is blowing to
just pletion.
And let's bring back thatface-to-base, Allie.
Tell us more.
I cannot tell you, listener, howmany DMs we got about
face-to-base.
First of all, I can't believethat it's not out there.
I'm sure it is, but I've neverseen it.
(14:25):
Even in porn, I know.
I don't see face-to-face.
I mean, maybe in some, like,really aggressive form.
Right, but it's not, like, thecategory.
It should be calledface-to-face.
You know what I mean?
Because there's a differencebetween literally deep-throating
a dick to just please you andversus blowing the tippy.
Oh, for sure.
To just please you.
And we'll talk about that.
Okay, so we're just talkingabout our techniques now.
Yeah, I want to hear yourface-to-face technique.
(14:47):
Okay, because that's, like, mymain technique.
Face-to-face, sorry.
That's our main technique.
Face-to-face also, depending onif you're laying down.
Depending on the position.
It really depends on whoinitiates it.
Yeah, you're right.
Face-to-face.
It also is an option.
I'll start with base to facefirst.
So base to face is initiated bythe man.
This is I am laying on my back,head off the bed.
(15:07):
Or this could be I am on myknees and wanting to back away
from the dick.
And the man will grab your headin either position.
And he shoves the dick.
All the way down the throat.
So the base is at the face.
Man rats, please discuss thiswith your sex partner before you
(15:27):
do it.
Yeah.
Thanks.
Face fucking is totally fine aslong as you get consent for it.
We're going to need someconsent.
Right.
Yeah.
Some girls love it.
Base to face can have twodifferent types of technique.
It can be you just hold it downthere and then you give a little
hummer where you swallow.
The dick?
Yeah, I've gotten reallypositive feedback.
(15:48):
It's completely face-to-face,and then you just swallow,
swallow, swallow.
Yeah.
I still grow up.
Oh, it's really hard.
Yeah, I couldn't.
So no, that's amazing.
For the listener, the penis isall the way down the jugular.
And then swallow, like you'reswallowing a pill.
That's hard.
It's really hard.
It's also dangerous.
(16:08):
Careful, guys.
So dangerous.
Be careful out there, rats.
SPEAKER_00 (16:11):
You need to be properly lubricated, or else it
just really hurts.
UNKNOWN (16:14):
Yeah, that makes sense.
SPEAKER_01 (16:15):
It can also be an instant where you throw up on a
penis, because Nora and I haveboth done this.
Yeah, I have pretty much dialedon a dick.
The other base to face is justreally, like, they pull out.
Like, you know in Pilates whenthey're, like, down an inch, up
an inch?
Yeah.
That's how I feel base to face,where it's, like, down an inch,
back an inch.
Oh, so you're keeping it almostdeep-throated.
(16:35):
You're keeping it fully on adeep thing, but, like, you're
barely moving.
I like that.
That's a good tip.
Wow.
I don't know any men that I'veblown that would want that.
That's a good thing, actually.
It's very painful.
No, it's really hard.
Face to base, on the other hand,is me initiating it.
You're in control of that.
And now I'm grabbing handsaround hip and I am pulling the
man into me.
Pushing it into you.
(16:56):
And then same things apply.
In an inch, down an inch.
Like I now have more freedom andcontrol.
Wow.
And then once it's all sloppysloppy, then I do the rest of my
work.
And I'm a one-handed kind of atwisty girl.
So if I am getting back towardsthe tip, I've now gone...
Face away from base.
Yes.
I have my one little hand.
(17:17):
Righty.
She's a righty.
I'm a righty.
And I will just do a twisty,like basically connect my hand
to my mouth.
Yeah, fist to mouth.
And we move together, but thehand's twisting.
But you're still twisting.
Interesting.
And then if I get tired, Iswitch hands.
Sometimes I do the hand to lipconnection, no twisty, face to
base.
Face to base, hand lipconnection.
(17:38):
Where does the hand go if you'reface to base?
You spread it.
Spread it, good.
At the base, spread the hand.
So then you open your hand, soyou're just making the okay
sign.
Okay sign, or you can open itall together.
So that you can read.
Really good.
Face to face.
Bonus tip.
Something I've noticed guysreally like.
Go on.
I don't know why.
I think it has to do with yourprostate, boys.
(18:00):
I really don't know.
But like they like their taintto be touched.
Love the taint.
Are you poking it?
I'm poking it.
It's a poke, but like a firmpressing.
Do you hold the press?
Behind the balls.
Yeah, like I'll use like one, mymiddle finger usually.
Okay, palm on the balls, middlefinger to the taint.
That's what I do.
Firm press.
Cute.
I don't know why they like itthough.
Twinning.
(18:20):
Twinning.
I don't know if there's somenerve over there.
That's their G spot.
You think?
Yeah, no, I've read it.
I've read about it.
At least I think so factuallythat I just assume you're a
liar.
No, I've actually read aboutthis.
That's why they like it isbecause it is in their prostate.
Their G-spot's in theirprostate, and that is a direct
correlator.
Well, then just let us peg them.
I know.
Just let us get up in the butt.
(18:40):
Let us peg you.
You know you guys want to go.
Come on.
Bad advice only.
Looking for an O?
Let me beg you.
Begging for pegging.
Come on.
Bring that back, boys.
So Tara does something that Ithink is quite porn star-esque.
Yeah.
And I think it's too much work,personally.
Okay, so that's the thing,though.
Like, I love the theatrics ofit.
That's where I really enjoy it.
(19:03):
And I think it's more on the,like, dom-y side for people
because the way y'all describeit, it's so sub-y
SPEAKER_00 (19:09):
sounding that
SPEAKER_01 (19:10):
I could never.
I would not enjoy it.
I would be, ugh, it soundshumiliating.
A dom blowjob just makes nosense to me.
A dom job.
A dom job, as I call them now.
I came up with it.
Yeah, I really get theatrical,so I definitely learned how to
give head by watching porn.
(19:31):
And by no means am I saying I'mdoing porn star theatrics, but I
took some cues from them.
So for me, I definitely startreally, really slowly teasing
them, playing with it by barelyputting it in my mouth, barely
licking it.
Maybe I don't even put it in mymouth.
I just hold their dick up alongmy face and lick it.
Wait, so she's holding it and itlooks like a bayonet.
(19:53):
She's about to go the waterladies this is the exact
opposite of face to face this isthe exact opposite she's barely
touching this thing I'm barelytouching it they're getting
blowing on it yeah they'regetting so hard and horny
because I'm just teasing iteventually I'll like go like
maybe two pumps down on my withmy mouth to get it a little wet
(20:17):
two pumps down it's likeStarbucks they're like I'll take
two pumps of vanilla you are sobasic Allie.
She's like Pilates andStarbucks.
How is this relatable?
So two pumps.
Yeah, two pumps with the mouthand then like I'll get it good
and wet there and then I'll domy churning of the butter both
hands.
(20:38):
It's a both hand twisty twisty.
Nora rarely uses hands dependingon the partner.
Allie uses one hand and thenswitches if it gets tired.
I go like 1800s pilgrim womanchurning that butter.
Ringing out a towel.
Yes, Allie has her hand raised Ihave a question.
Go on.
I think this is impressive.
Thank you.
What about a small dick, though?
(20:58):
Because I've always wondered,two hands, like, what do you do
when you're just getting thetip?
So here's the thing.
I do think, and remember, I'vebeen with, like, micro dicks and
smaller penises in the past, andso I have played with this, and
I do think it's still goodbecause they also get a little
bit of an ego boost when you'reusing two hands.
So you do use, even if it's amicro, you're not using just the
(21:19):
pinchers.
No, you're not pinching a dick.
No, but, like, you know what Imean?
Like, if it's a micro penis, youjust gotta Guys, visualize.
Visualize the pinchers.
Please, God.
Yeah, I did have to do that withthe micro penis.
Okay, okay.
That's what I was thinking.
Regular under medium.
We're not talking micro penisanymore.
Just under average.
All right.
So like a five inch below.
(21:40):
Yeah, below five inches.
I will still use two hands justa little bit, but you can always
lose a couple fingers.
So like you could do pinky up.
So like grab your dick, ladies.
Good.
With both hands.
Pinkies up.
Because we're ladies.
Or even ring finger up.
Yeah, you can get your ringfinger up.
You can get back to yourpincers.
Back to your pincers.
You do get back to your pincers,but we're talking girth still.
(22:03):
Ladies.
So then once you're getting downto the base with your hand, not
your mouth, you can spread themand still keep the okay sign.
Keep the pincers.
Yeah, keep your pincers.
I think we're rebranding it.
No okay sign, ladies.
It's pincers.
The men that listen to this areabsolutely flaccid.
Guys, DM us if you're hardduring this.
(22:23):
They were really into me lickingthe side of it.
Absolutely.
The pictures lose a few fingers.
I wonder if that was helpful foranyone.
Anyways.
I think it's great.
Around that time, I've nowpumped them maybe five times
with mouth and hand.
(22:44):
At that point, you've gatheredsome saliva, so then I'll spit
on it and then jerk them offmore with the churning of
butter.
What's your mouth up to?
I'm taking breath.
She breaks.
She's yawning.
I make an eye contact saying,you like that?
She's checking the time.
This is mostly a hand job, forthe record.
Yeah, and then, so that's thething.
I get them good and warmed up,and then I go to town with my
(23:07):
mouth.
So what I'll typically do.
Yeah, pre-work.
You've got to get it warmed up.
Everyone should stretch beforephysical activities, and that's
what I'm doing.
I'm getting my dick stretched.
Stretching that mouth?
Not stretching the mouth.
I'm not doing shit with thatthing.
So going back to my, this is mycrazy, when we were talking
about our porn I can't rememberwhich episode that was where we
talked about porn and how Iwatched the same porn.
(23:28):
Yeah, that's where I learned it.
He's like, they're like, I feeltowering her basically.
And he's like tongue out.
And she's like, and like, itwent deeper.
And I was like, Oh, interested.
I will say making that noise.
Great idea.
Oh, I fake gag almost everytime.
Yeah, all the time.
And then when you want to take abreak from especially when
(23:49):
you're doing what Nora and Alliedo that face to base, if you
want to take a break from that,come on.
Come up with both your hands,keep churning that butter, and
then really work on the head andslurp on it.
They love it.
At least slurp on it.
Unless they're faking orgasms.
Call back to last episode.
No, I love it.
Slurping on that and derping.
Slurping, derping.
(24:09):
I've had multiple guys tell methey specifically don't want
hands, like guys I've dated.
That's so weird to me.
I know, and I always thought itwas really weird.
Are you?
UNKNOWN (24:19):
No.
SPEAKER_01 (24:19):
Right.
Right.
I agree.
Because like a lot of guys, OK,it's like boyfriends who have
told me this, who are like, Iactually I know I'm really
weird, but I'm just someone whodoesn't like hands.
And then when I find when I givethem the hands, they love it.
So I'm like, do they not know?
I wonder if it's more of liketheir exes.
(24:40):
So like maybe similar to Norah'scomplaint in our last episode of
women not teaching men how to Godown on them properly.
(25:19):
And I don't know if that hadsomething to do with his penis
size, but, like, I've had otherguys that, like, want me to
basically act like I'mstrangling him.
Here's the thing.
Seriously.
Girls are different, but I thinkthis might be a subby thing.
You tell me, Tara.
But, like, I like instruction.
Like, instruction to me is sexy.
Like, if a guy's, like, loosenyour grip, I'm like, oof, yes.
(25:41):
Or if they're, like, moretongue, I'm like, yeah.
I get kind of offended because Iknow I'm good at it.
So, like, if somebody's givingme criticism.
But people are just different.
It's different.
I don't have to do all of that.
But personally, I don't likegiving instruction to men.
Like, that doesn't turn me on.
I want instructions prior.
Like, that's dirty talk for me.
I get, like, really turned on,like, telling me what you like.
(26:03):
Even over dinner.
Like, not even in the bedroom.
Like, talk to me over acocktail.
Like, tell me what you like.
I think it's really hot.
If a guy does say, oh, can you,like, loosen your grip or
tighten your grip, whatever,during, I'm not going to be
upset about it.
But I definitely would.
I wouldn't want someone to tellme what to do.
I want them to tell me.
I'd either do the opposite orI'd be like, and you're done.
(26:25):
You've lost Tara privileges.
You've lost the community.
Get on your knees and crawl outof here.
Oh, daddy.
Jesus Christ.
The rats get so wound up whenI'm being Dami on here.
So strange.
They both kind of like...
get into attention becausenormally we dom you in like
conversations this is so truesounds true because her real
(26:47):
life is much more submissiveyeah I have a very submissive
personal life so when you comeout with who you are sexually
it's my time to shine I will sayI think I hear what you're
saying and I agree to someextent like I do like the
guidance but I don't like itverbally like I'd rather you
just take my hand more like youknow what I mean just show me
what you want right because thenI can perform it right how do we
(27:09):
feel about getting the ball I doball play.
I slurp on them.
The slurping.
Stop saying slurp.
You said slurp-a-derp.
Slurp-a-derp.
I don't like any of it.
I derp on them balls.
Yeah, when you're doing theholding of the penis and licking
it, you can work your way downto the balls and suck on it
while you're jerking them off.
A couple in the mouth.
(27:29):
Get a couple of them in there.
If you suck on it, they likethat, like a little hard.
What about a licking of thetaint?
Do you lick the taint, sister?
I don't like the taint.
They like it.
I said lick.
Oh, lick.
Did she?
Yes, I said, do you lick thetank?
Do we have a tank?
Do I have a taint?
Do women?
Yeah.
It's a smaller space.
(27:50):
It was more just like aclarifying question because
between lick and like I'mcertain men have licked my taint
missing all together my clit andlips.
Do I lick the taint?
Not necessarily.
I don't really lick the taintbut I do when I suck the balls
or like have them in my mouthI'm like reaching the tongue
back there.
What position are you in forthat?
(28:10):
Knees.
On my knees.
No I don't do that.
For my position we didn't reallytalk about positions.
I'm typically starting outlaying on my tummy with my knees
bent and like twisted likekicking my feet back and forth.
Guys think it's cute becauseit's girly.
That's literally the reason Ididn't get the tattoo on the
bottom of my foot.
(28:30):
I'm not joking.
I don't think the listener knowswhat tattoo you want on the
bottom of your foot.
Listen I wanted to get the wordcorpse on the bottom of my foot
so that when I sleep peoplethink I might be dead but I
didn't want guys to see it whileI blow them.
They can't read while they'regetting blown.
It's fine.
I I thought it would bedistracting.
That's a lot of work, though, toflip your feet.
Yeah, you know, that's whenyou're taking breaks, too.
(28:52):
If your mouth gets tired, youcan, like, come up, work on the
tip and, like, kick your feetback and forth.
Let's do a quick rapid fire ofsome positions for blowies the
rats might not have heard of.
My favorite, man missionary.
And then you got ball play.
Then you lick from shaft to tip.
You have everything exposed atonce.
So man missionary, meaningthey're on their back.
(29:13):
I'm on my knees in front ofthem.
You're asked.
Yeah.
They're very exposed.
It's a playground.
It's a playground.
Have y'all ever blown backwardsfrom behind?
Ooh.
What?
Like they're doing, they're likebent, are they bent over?
How do they make that work?
Yeah.
I hate that.
(29:33):
What?
Okay, can you describe it to me?
I'm confused.
Imagine a man standing in frontof you and your front is to
their back.
So your chest is to their back.
Okay.
Then you're like, They bendover.
You get on your knees.
They tuck the dick.
They bring the dick down alittle bit.
Whoa.
No.
I've never done that.
Why would they want that?
(29:54):
Do they like that?
It's just a different angle.
It's kind of like how we talkabout that curved dick.
There's a really good positionfor curved dicks and there's
really bad positions for curveddicks.
It's similar to that.
So if they have a reallysignificant downward curve,
SPEAKER_00 (30:08):
you
SPEAKER_01 (30:09):
can get in there.
Rad.
But you have to be comfortablewith some ass stuff.
Like obviously the ass is inyour face.
Your face is going to be rightin the ass.
I said to rapid fire somepositions.
I'm sorry.
My favorite blowjob positionis...
For the listener, that's not myfavorite.
I was just saying there's anoption.
My favorite, and it's becauseit's the best for my pleasure,
is me on my back, so regularmissionary.
(30:33):
She's just sleeping, listener.
My head...
Not conscious is my favorite.
No.
My head is resting against aheadboard, so it's tilted.
So bad for your neck.
UNKNOWN (30:45):
The man...
SPEAKER_01 (30:45):
The man is on his knees straddling my neck slash
tit area and fucking my face.
That way my vagina clit is soexposed and open I can use my
vibrator.
It's about 69 though.
I don't really like 69.
I hate 69.
Does anyone like 69?
You know what's the worst?
Okay, so when I was not verysexually active with my
(31:08):
boyfriend at the time, Ohio, wehad a very long dry spell, but
he would trick me into some oralsex occasion by starting he'd go
down on me and then he'd do aquick flip so I'm on my back so
it's the upside down 69.
And he's just dangling it.
So his dick is just danglingnear my face hoping that I'll
like take a bite.
I feel like the only way a mancould trap me into blowing him
(31:30):
unwillingly would be if he hadlike a donut wrapped around it
or something.
Face to face that bitch I mean.
I would be like Krispy Kreme onthat bitch.
I would face to face.
I would face to face if therewas a little treat at the end.
UNKNOWN (31:45):
Right?
SPEAKER_01 (31:45):
All right, listener, I'd want to hear from you.
Rats, how did you feel aboutthat backwards dick sucky?
I don't feel good about it.
All the men are either 50% or50% have a raging voter thinking
about this.
Rock hard.
Let us know which one you are,rats.
We'll see you next week for ourlast episode of June.
(32:09):
And we're doing gauges.
As always, thanks for listening.
If you're interested in evenmore bad advice, scurry on over
to Instagram and TikTok atBadAdviceOnlyNYC.
We're begging you, download andrate the show and leave us a
review.
Talk to you next Monday.
Stay tuned, Rats.
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