Bad Writing Is Better Than No Writing
Two published Canadian writers deconstruct their most mortifying literary creations. For you Fraser Valleyites, hear it on CIVL, 101.7 in Abbotsford and 92.3 in Chilliwack! Thursdays 9 - 10AM.
Episodes
In a galactic fantasy by young teenage Jocelyn, we're introduced to a far-off, enchanting place where a young woman's lifelong training is put to the test for five entire seconds and a misfit eats some waffles.
Our Stellar J's perform the traditional Story Doctor autopsy on the decomposing yet undead cadaver of "Zombie."
In our final moments of "Zombie," Joanne prepares for a life she didn't realize she'd signed up for in the apocalypse - one of danger, misery, and frustrating requests via a new device that pings with orders. The life...of a DoorDasher.
In this penultimate episode, we finish our story at the exact moment it starts. Next episode, we discuss where it could have gone, had our author continued on making...
After making the critical mistake of sleeping in after five nights lying in hazardous waste, Joanne sheepishly joins the Immunes for breakfast. A remarkably coherent conversation ensues after Joanne makes the brave decision to not speak unless necessary.
With excruciating care Joanne performs her ablutions, and allows herself to feel just how alone she is in the world (maybe).
Joanne is faced with her most humbling task yet as she's forced to interact with characters the author intended on the audience taking seriously. Without the coping mechanism of silent ironic name calling, Joanne flounders, and is sent to take a shower.
"Overwhelmed" is an understatement for Joanne as she faces the fresh horror of a boring room containing two or three chairs and five-ish people. However, truly nothing prepares her for the shock of having to carry a couple conversations.
In a stunning twist, Joanne is faced with the impossible choice between what is right, and what is comfortable.
And she chooses capris.
In a stunning act of familial cooperation, the Andrewses complain their way into a practical demonstration of their fate, only to discover that their sole hope for survival is being nuked.
Joanne's trauma after witnessing a brutal execution disappears immediately after her mother shows understandable but slightly embarrassing concern, and Joanne discovers a shocking truth about her father before finding out a slightly less shocking truth about the future of humanity.
Joanne's life worsens as she faces the grim reality that there are only so many executions she can witness before running out of ironic commentary on the subject.
It’s hard to believe that just a few short days ago, the can opener in Joanne’s kitchen drawer wasn’t something to kill someone over. Her nightmare broadens beyond the mortification of being around her family as she witnesses just how bad things can get when you lock down a city’s upper middle class and feed them soup.
Joanne and Co. travel through hordes of the unchosen to a "safe" spot, in which they attend a meeting that could very well have been an email.
It's Joanne and her yeast infection medication against an impending apocalypse as a military van takes her and her family away to safety...but why? And most importantly...where?
Joanne unwinds from a disturbing press conference with a peaceful walk during which no one dies.*
*Joanne is excellent at applying both denial and irony at times that might surprise the average person.
Joanne's generously furnished living room is silent with horror as the Andrews family watches the second worldwide press conference, and Joanne's unconscious (yet unparalleled) talent of insulting appearances is finally given the opportunity to shine.
In this 10-minute scene involving a very casual government break-in, Joanne gets the first inkling that, whilst she is not like other girls, she might also not be like anyone. Featuring a baffling 2010 imaginary cameo from an unbelievably 2023-relevant public figure!
In which we unpack a press conference like no other, and Joanne's dad proves that just because you're a remote worker, it doesn't mean you can work a remote.
A mysterious press conference…that requires skipping school?? Joanne is slowly realizing that things are getting…strange. (People have also died.)
Will you be chosen for the Parking Lot of Life? Or...the Parking Lot of Death? Join Joanne in this chilling installment, where life and death hang in the balance, and nothing - nothing - is more important than following the rules (when convenient).
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