May 19, 2025 • 47 mins
What happens when a bank teller and a marketing guy fall in love over karaoke at a country bar? In our first-ever guest episode, we're thrilled to welcome Nick and Brandy Kastner, who bring 19 years of marriage wisdom to the table.
Their story begins with workplace animosity (Brandy wasn't thrilled when Nick got quickly promoted at the bank where they both worked) and transforms into a relationship built on compromise, communication, and intentional connection. After a memorable first date where Brandy sang "Baby Got Back"—the moment Nick claims he fell in love—they navigated early relationship challenges, including an ex trying to reconnect. When they finally decided to marry, they skipped the expensive ceremony, opting for a $50 backyard wedding that proved true commitment doesn't require grand gestures.
The Kastners openly share their struggles with balancing busy schedules, raising their now nearly-adult daughters, and nurturing their relationship through different love languages. Despite the chaos of volleyball tournaments, work travel, and everyday life, they've maintained a strong connection by never going to bed angry and making intentional time for each other. They've experienced only three truly heated arguments in nearly two decades together—a testament to their communication skills and mutual respect.
As they prepare for their oldest daughter's graduation and the next chapter of their lives, Nick and Brandy offer practical advice about staying truthful with each other, not forcing expectations on children, and most importantly, creating dedicated time for your relationship. Their journey reminds us that beautiful marriages don't happen by accident—they're built through daily choices, honest conversations, and the willingness to compromise (even on graduation party plates).
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hey guys, what's up?
I'm Greg.
I hope you guys are ready tounpack and get into some good
conversations today.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
And I'm Jess, and this is our podcast Baggage
Claim.
Thank you for joining us.
Speaker 1 (00:17):
Welcome to Baggage Claim.
Thank you guys so much forjoining us today.
So if you're new here, this isjust a place where we want to
start conversations and justhelp create community around
marriage and blended family.
Wherever you're at, whateveryou're doing, we just want to
ask you just to take a deepbreath, just relax, grab that
(00:38):
drink, that coffee depends onwhat kind of day you've had and
what kind of drink you're havingand pull up to the table and
join us for some conversationand hopefully we create some
community here.
So tonight is really fun for us.
It's really exciting.
I mean, we're only on 13thepisode Only, but we have some
really cool guests 13 is a bigdeal.
(01:00):
It is.
13 is a big deal.
It's an odd number and it's anunlucky number, but we're not
going to talk about that.
But we have some really coolguests with us.
We have Nick and Brandy Kastnerwho are with us tonight our
very first guest on BaggageClaims.
So you guys, I want to saywelcome, how are you guys?
Hey, thank you for having us.
(01:22):
So let's tell us just a littlebit about you guys and then tell
the like you can tell the backstory on kind of how we met, how
we know each other a little bit.
But just yeah, who wants to gofirst?
Speaker 3 (01:35):
Sure, brady's pointing at me.
So I'm, you're a talker.
Yeah, okay, fair.
So I'm Nick Brady and I havebeen married now for 19 years.
Speaker 1 (01:52):
I just want to make sure I don't mess that up, right
.
Speaker 3 (01:58):
And so career-wise, we've kind of met there.
So we talk a lot about that.
So I'm in marketing, Brandy'sin banking and yeah, the story
starts, I guess, at a bank.
Actually that's so romantic.
Speaker 1 (02:14):
It is.
Yeah, yeah, that's exactly howmost marriages should start and
that's where we met Jessica itis.
We'll get to that in a minute.
Yeah, so how many?
19 years ago?
19.
Okay, wow, okay.
Speaker 3 (02:26):
Yeah, so, and we dated for A little over a year.
Speaker 4 (02:30):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (02:31):
Okay, I was going to say right out of maybe a little
over a year.
Speaker 1 (02:33):
It really is.
Yeah, Now are you both from the?
Speaker 3 (02:37):
Gainesville, area no Georgia, which is just north of
Brandy.
Speaker 4 (02:42):
Which is really weird , because I was born and raised
in Gainesville but my family isfrom Cornelia.
Speaker 3 (02:48):
Georgia.
Yeah, and weird fact, her aunt.
Speaker 4 (02:50):
Georgia, my great aunt.
Speaker 3 (02:52):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
We do have friends that are not in Georgia that
listen to us.
So we're talking about thenortheast Georgia area.
Yes, yeah.
Speaker 3 (02:59):
So Brandy's great aunt was friends with my
grandparents, wow, okay.
Well, that's super fun, that'sweird.
Speaker 2 (03:06):
Greg and I have a connection with that too.
That makes it a little bitweird.
Speaker 1 (03:10):
I was going to talk about that.
We're not going to talk aboutthat too.
No, we're not talking aboutthat.
We'll come back to that.
It got a little weird.
Speaker 3 (03:22):
I was like, bro, we, we actually met at the bank, so
I started working at the samebank Brandy was working at and
went through a divorce and justkind of, we'd only been married
18 months but went through adivorce and Brandy also, right,
went through a divorce.
(03:43):
Yeah, I was married for a yearand a day, one year and one day.
Speaker 4 (03:44):
One year and one day.
And Brandy also right, wentthrough a divorce.
Speaker 1 (03:45):
Yeah, I was married for a year and a day One year,
and one day One year.
Speaker 2 (03:50):
And one day.
Okay, After all these years Ihave known both of you.
I didn't know that at all.
Speaker 1 (03:55):
Really Did not.
So did those end in good ways?
Were those good?
No, okay, okay, we won't getinto that.
Yeah, yeah, okay, not a Goodways.
Were those good?
No, okay, we won't get intothat.
Yeah, okay.
Speaker 4 (04:05):
Not a good experience .
Speaker 3 (04:06):
Yeah, but I would say both.
If we're going to do theChristian thing here, you know
both biblical divorces, how'sthat?
Okay, that is a firm belief.
Yeah, there you go.
So I had made some new friendsat the bank because I didn't
know anybody in Gainesvillereally.
You had me.
So I had made some new friendsat the bank because I didn't
know anybody in Gainesvillereally.
(04:27):
And so Me on the same floor,that's right, and Brandy and I
had some mutual friends, okay.
So that's kind of how thingshappened for us.
Speaker 4 (04:35):
Do you not remember exactly though?
Speaker 1 (04:38):
I'm saving the story for you.
I'm not told you.
Speaker 4 (04:41):
So the bank that we worked at, we had an events
committee?
Yes, we did, and so I was thepresident or the chairman of the
events committee.
And then it was time to kind ofmove over and Nick was the
chairman of the incoming eventscommittee.
Speaker 3 (04:57):
Yeah, and you didn't like me.
Speaker 4 (04:58):
I didn't like him very much because he came into
the bank and I had been therefor years trying to build and
grow and move up.
And he came in, Mr Big Shot man.
Speaker 3 (05:10):
No, I started out as an assistant and I got promoted
in a month and that made her mad.
Speaker 1 (05:14):
Meanwhile One month and I'm moving up Meanwhile.
Speaker 2 (05:20):
I worked at the same bank, but in a completely
different department than theboth of you.
I was part of the executivestaff.
Blah blah blah and me and you,nick, our offices were connected
by this weird kitchen, hallway,work area Right.
And that's just kind of wherethe marketing department and
(05:41):
then my department kind of notnecessarily congregated, but
that's where we kind of like wehad to use them and didn't our
executive assistant, who was theolder lady?
Speaker 3 (05:51):
she kind of sat in the middle of that, right, yeah,
okay yeah, and kind of feltlike she controlled all of us.
Speaker 1 (05:55):
That's right, so not to dig anything up, but let's go
back to the part where youdidn't like him yeah, let's
start there.
Let's go back to that and soyou didn't like him because he
got promoted quickly.
Speaker 4 (06:04):
Yes, yes, because I had worked.
I had started at that bankwhenever I was in college and I
started as a teller.
So whenever I worked, I didteller work, I did customer
service work and it had taken mea long time to work up to where
I was at Mr Big Shot rolls inMr Big.
Shot rolls in and he's like,hey, I'm the man.
Speaker 3 (06:22):
That's not how that went.
I had a connection with thebank president.
Okay, no, there was noconnection.
Sorry, we're not attacking her.
Speaker 2 (06:32):
I was just really curious about that I'm sorry,
that's a different bank that wealso both worked at.
Speaker 3 (06:36):
That's correct At the same time.
Correct, yep.
But with the story with Brandyand I, what's crazy is we did
not she.
The story with brandy and I,what's crazy is we?
We did not like, she didn'tlike me.
I didn't know she didn't likeme and so until until we started
dating and then she told me shedidn't like me that's a good
way to find out.
Speaker 1 (06:54):
Yeah, I actually don't like you so, but um her,
how long did y'all date beforeyou came up to that information
where you said I don't reallylike you Was that first date, it
wasn't long.
Speaker 4 (07:07):
It was a little while .
Speaker 3 (07:08):
Okay, because I was actually pretty nice at the
beginning.
Okay, gotcha All right.
Yeah, so we were together, sothe way we got together, but her
friend Andrea, her best friendAndrea, who lives in Mississippi
, actually encouraged me, brandythat well but we had gotten to
know each other through thatyeah, but not not like in that
(07:31):
capacity at that point dray wasyeah, dray worked downstairs.
Speaker 4 (07:34):
She was teller at teller for a little while, okay,
um, and did some other thingsokay yeah, and so I had some
friends at the company.
Speaker 3 (07:42):
Another company that I knew had some friends over
there and they were encouragedme to.
There were two other youngladies in loan ops that they
kept telling me that I needed todate, which I had no interest.
So one I've never dated anybodythat I worked in the same place
with and so I was kind of anti,like we're not going to date
somebody that I work with.
Speaker 2 (08:00):
That gets weird.
Speaker 3 (08:02):
Because I was afraid it would get weird.
But Andrea just was adamantabout like you should give
Brandy a chance, and she wasdoing the same thing to Brandy.
And then you know, here we aregoing on our first date.
Do you want to tell them aboutthe first date?
Speaker 4 (08:14):
Oh, I don't want to hear the first date Always tell
everybody that he officiallyfell in love with me on our
first date.
Oh wow, when he saw me get upand do karaoke to sing Baby Got
Back.
Speaker 2 (08:25):
Ooh, I probably would have fallen in love with you
with that.
Speaker 1 (08:28):
Okay, what song did you sing?
That was it Baby Got Back, babyGot Back.
Speaker 3 (08:31):
Oh, I'm sorry, I missed that Wow, okay, yeah,
okay, wow At.
Speaker 4 (08:36):
Stringers and Commerce.
Speaker 3 (08:37):
Stringers and Commerce a catfish restaurant.
Yes, that's right.
Okay, which is also in NorthGeorgia.
Speaker 2 (08:42):
for those, that don't know?
My goodness, it was not.
Yeah, immediately just.
This is the one.
Speaker 1 (08:50):
Did you know the words by heart or were you
watching?
Speaker 4 (08:52):
Of course I did, of course Sorry.
Speaker 1 (08:55):
Of course I did.
Sorry, can you?
Speaker 2 (08:58):
recite some of those words Correct.
Speaker 4 (09:05):
If you played the song, I'd sing it word for word,
okay.
Speaker 3 (09:09):
So first date karaoke fell in love, yeah, and then um
, and then well, yeah.
So we went there first, andthen we went to yeah, oh, where
was it?
Your friend took us oh was,yeah, there was a redneck yeah
country redneck bar, countryrock, which was like next level
(09:32):
country bar her friend wanted togo to.
Okay, and so we went there.
Speaker 4 (09:35):
In Cornelia.
No, this was in Commerce, inbetween Commerce and Athens.
It was in between Commerce andAthens Okay, not far from the
University of Illinois, I'm notsure, but I'm pretty sure it got
shut down.
It was an interesting place.
Speaker 3 (09:45):
It was an interesting place and I was in a band.
Speaker 2 (09:52):
I'd been a lot of interesting places but not like
a country bar, not like thisplace, and so yeah, but only in
a band.
But your band opened for.
Speaker 3 (09:58):
Bon Jovi years ago.
Yeah, yeah, so, anyway.
So with uh we can tell thatstory too, because that's a
funny story.
But we went back, uh went todrop her off and we actually sat
on her front porch and talkedfor.
Speaker 4 (10:16):
Oh, for the longest time.
Speaker 3 (10:17):
About three or four hours.
Speaker 4 (10:18):
Because we had a lot in common as far as our
experience and what we had gonethrough, and that's kind of
where we bonded.
The only person that knew atthe bank that we were dating at
the time was Andrea Yep.
Speaker 2 (10:27):
I were dating at the time was Andrea Yep.
Speaker 4 (10:29):
I honestly didn't know y'all were dating when we
were in the family.
Nobody else knew.
We kept it very, very down lowsecret.
Matter of fact, I had.
Do you remember Janice Bojarski?
Yeah, so she worked with me inmy department and she looked at
me and we would talk or we'dsend messages to each other.
Yeah, she was like you reallyneed to date him.
Speaker 2 (10:47):
I just have a good feeling about you two Well when
we reconnected years and yearsand years and years and years
later at the church, you and Isaw each other first of all, and
then, when I realized that youtwo had gotten married years ago
, I was like I didn't even knowthey were dating.
Meanwhile, you were not onlydating, got married and had two
(11:09):
beautiful girls that are grownat this point yeah, almost
they're getting there, yeah.
That was a shocker for me, yeah.
Speaker 3 (11:20):
So Brandi and I, you know we dated and then the weird
thing for us and we don't talkabout this, I'm just going to
say it because I think it wouldbe interesting for your
listeners my ex tried to comeback Okay, she came back and
begged me to take her back, andbecause my faith told me that
you're supposed to work throughthe marriage right.
Speaker 1 (11:42):
How long have you two been separated by this point?
Speaker 4 (11:47):
I mean about six months, because we had just
started talking and he said shetold me she had come back and so
at that point, because myChristian beliefs, I looked at
him and I said it is your wifeand you have to try.
So I am walking away, yeah.
Speaker 3 (12:03):
Oh, wow, yeah, and so we actually split up for I
don't know, not very long.
Speaker 4 (12:08):
It was about three months yeah.
Speaker 3 (12:12):
Because I had to give that a shot, but I mean that
lasted all of maybe a week and ahalf, like it did not last long
at all, and so, but I hadalready done some damage to this
relationship, right, and so soI had to wait for her to be
willing to jump back in.
Speaker 1 (12:26):
I'm really curious, how did that go Like when you're
saying okay, that didn't workout.
A week and a half later you goback to brandy and go okay, that
didn't work out, so you want togive it another shot like yeah,
well, she had already been onanother date I'd gotten set up
on a horrible one day.
Speaker 4 (12:46):
Oh, it was terrible so yeah, I just told him he had
to give me a little time becauseI wanted to make sure it wasn't
going to.
Speaker 3 (12:53):
Wasn't going to happen Right.
Speaker 4 (12:53):
Like I didn't want the basketball effect.
No, no, no, and so it was kindof one of those things like you
need to try to work that out.
That's fine, I'm going to do mything for a little while.
Speaker 3 (13:07):
Yeah, but that was.
You know, that didn't last verylong.
So we try to.
It's not fun to talk aboutRight.
Speaker 1 (13:12):
You know, no, but it's also too a part of.
But it shows something aboutyou guys and willing to.
When that comes around, thatyou guys actually work through
that and say, okay, look, yeah,I wanted to try to make that
work.
I really want to give this ashot.
Yeah, I get that, that's tough.
(13:34):
Yeah, it's not an easy thing.
That's the thing, too, that'sinteresting about when people
come into relationships and theyhave past baggage.
Like because that's the crazything we always talk about Like
everybody has baggage, like weall got it.
A lot of us never unpack, leaveit there, and it's just.
Sometimes it's good just tounpack it.
Speaker 2 (13:54):
it's in pretty, but even for us, when we first
started dating, there was a onespecific conversation when I
thought you're breaking up withme yeah it was it was the it's,
not you, it's me conversation itwas and it was just all based
on like I wore a shirt to theschool I was working at.
(14:17):
That was a school shirt and Iwas so proud of myself because
it had belonged to TJ,previously my first husband, and
I could wear it with pride andexcitement, and I remember I
posted about it on social mediasocial media, the killer of all
things.
But it was not in any way, butwe weren't even actually
(14:38):
officially dating at that pointyou're just kind of figured just
filling it out to each other,whatever, whatever.
But I posted it out ofexcitement.
I'm so proud of myself.
I have like crossed a bighurdle, like I can wear this and
do this, and yay, that's whereI was coming from.
But he was like, okay, wait,are you?
Speaker 1 (14:57):
actually what I heard is you're not saying the vote.
Yeah, you're still hanging onto that relationship.
Yeah, and I can't.
Speaker 2 (15:04):
I can't compete with that, so I'm like no, that was
not it at all, so it took us alittle while to actually work
through that situation, just tobut I think it all came down to
just having the conversation.
Speaker 1 (15:14):
Basketball, he didn's the same thing.
Speaker 2 (15:15):
You didn't want to be basketball.
He didn't want to be the pieceof that.
Speaker 3 (15:18):
The rebound.
Speaker 2 (15:18):
Not the rebound, necessarily, but just a piece of
that.
You know, you have to figure itout, you have to talk about it.
Speaker 1 (15:25):
Yeah, and that's the unfun part about relationships
we never really talk about.
It's like unpack those bags andsometimes you're like I'm not
happy about what's in here, butthis is it.
This is who I am, but it makesyou better as a couple too.
Speaker 3 (15:43):
I think for us working through that, I think
made us stronger, and then theway the rest of the cards fell.
I remember when I askedBrandy's dad if I could marry
her.
Speaker 2 (16:00):
How long into y'all dating was that Do you remember?
Speaker 3 (16:03):
Oh, wow.
Speaker 4 (16:06):
I'm sorry, I don't completely remember.
I don't either, because we gotmarried fairly quick, because
you asked me to marry you inFebruary and we got married in
March.
Speaker 3 (16:11):
Correct.
Yeah, because it was just uslike we didn't need the big
wedding and all the things right.
Speaker 4 (16:18):
We got married in the backyard.
Speaker 1 (16:21):
Did y'all have the big wedding?
Speaker 3 (16:23):
thing first round I did.
I did the first time.
Yeah, like 300 people the wholebig thing.
I mean it was huge.
Speaker 2 (16:28):
We both, respectively .
We had big weddings.
Yours was probably Greg, yourswas probably a lot larger than
mine.
It was a little elaborate.
Speaker 3 (16:36):
It was.
Speaker 2 (16:37):
I've seen pictures.
It was a lot elaborate.
Yes, it was Compared to mineespecially.
But when he and I got married,I mean we tried to have a small
wedding per se, but our chapelheld like 150 people.
It was the Eagle Ranch Chapel.
It's a beautiful element, it is.
Yeah, it's a very special place, but there were people standing
all over the place.
(16:58):
It was ridiculous.
Speaker 3 (16:59):
Get ready for this.
We got married in somebody'sbackyard.
Speaker 4 (17:01):
We did Nice.
We found a Cleveland preacher.
Speaker 3 (17:03):
Yeah, we found a Cleveland preacher who had a
rose garden in March that had noroses on it.
Speaker 2 (17:21):
And it was my friend Ben and his wife, and then matt
and andrea announced the onlypeople that were there our
parents were not there.
Brandy's dad holds it againstme to this day and you do not
tell them, or did you just Ifeel like, as as the bride's mom
.
Speaker 4 (17:26):
I would oh, I still get.
Yeah, we still get.
But I always put it back on mydad, because my dad had always
told me that he wouldn't give meaway again.
So we kind of just decided likewe're going to make it simple,
we're going to go and do this,and we kind of did it our way.
And it cost us $50.
Speaker 3 (17:45):
$50.
And it's worth every penny,because the wedding video is
somewhere and he talks for 30minutes about a bridge.
I still don't know what he wastalking about.
At least you have a video of abridge.
I still don't know what he wastalking about.
At least you have a video ofhis bridge.
I don't even know what happened.
Speaker 2 (17:59):
We don't have a video of our wedding.
Speaker 3 (18:01):
And then Even greater .
Speaker 4 (18:03):
he really isn't Nick Kastner.
Yeah, at the end he goes.
Speaker 3 (18:07):
And now I pronounce you, Mr and Mrs Nick Zimmerman,
and in the video we look at eachother and go.
We just shrug you.
We look at each other and go,we just shrug.
Speaker 1 (18:16):
You're like all right , whatever, I'll go with
Zimmerman, We'll go with it, soI took Brandy's last name
apparently that's awesome.
I love that.
But here's what's interestingthough.
I find it interesting and I getthat the wedding day is a
special day, but it's also toosometimes we over inflate it so
(18:39):
much and we do so much aroundthat.
But it's like about like I gotinto this, we were talking I
can't remember who it was one ofour kids there.
I was like what do you want theceremony to be?
Oh, we don't.
We don't really, we don'treally.
You know, it doesn't matter,you do what you want.
I was like kind of both of the,I was like wait a minute that's
the most important part is the,not the flowers, not the food,
(19:02):
not the the?
This is the, what is saidbetween the two of you, but
what's?
Speaker 2 (19:06):
interesting we have four children, that the older
two are married and both of themdidn't give a lot of heavy
thought to what it was they said.
At the ceremony, both couplessaid their own private vows to
each other, away from everybody.
Speaker 3 (19:25):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (19:26):
There's photos of those moments happening but,
like I said, they wrote theirown vows but they didn't read
them in front of the crowd.
It was weird for us in thebeginning.
Speaker 1 (19:37):
It's neither here nor there, but the reality is that
you guys are still happilymarried, even though you spent
$50 and did it in the back yard,rose Garden with the roses, you
know.
Speaker 3 (19:49):
so it's like hey, you drove to Helen and ate at
Yoni's.
No, it was the grill that weate at.
I don't even know.
Know it was still there.
Speaker 4 (19:56):
It is still there.
What is the name of that?
I forgot yeah anyway.
Speaker 2 (20:00):
Well, we went to a local pizza place where we had
pizza from tonight before we didthis.
Speaker 3 (20:05):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:06):
That's where we went after our wedding.
That is true, yeah, yeah, Itook off the wedding situation,
put a baseball hat on and aT-shirt, and off the wedding
situation, put a baseball hat onand a t-shirt and we went and
ate pizza.
Speaker 1 (20:17):
We spent more on our honeymoon than we did our
wedding, yeah, for sure.
So which I felt like was a verywise investment.
Sure, we had a blast.
Speaker 2 (20:23):
Sure.
Speaker 1 (20:24):
All right.
So you guys are, you're, you'reengaged, you're married in a
week.
Basically Could be Pretty muchA couple weeks Kind of.
Speaker 3 (20:39):
And then and then, uh , okay, so then from there, what
kids quick, okay, kids realquick?
You know, yeah, um, you know,grace is born, that fall and um,
you know, so we, you know a lotof marriages, you know,
especially now you hear peopleyou know we have, you know, two
years, three years into theirmarriage and they haven't had
kids.
You know we're, you know, likeright at nine months in our
marriage and having kids, butwe'd already been, you know,
down the path before so um sothat know, we're, you know, like
right at nine months in ourmarriage and having kids, but
we'd already been, you know,down the path before.
So so that's what we're talkingabout now.
(21:01):
A lot of what we're talkingabout now is, you know, grace
graduates in a week.
So our oldest daughtergraduates in a week, and that's
going to be new for us, right?
So so, yeah, our oldestdaughter, our youngest daughter,
still has two more years, butwhen she graduates also, okay.
Now what do we do?
Speaker 2 (21:18):
Well, that's what we've said a lot of times when
you get married and you startyour family, everybody's like oh
, the newborn stage, oh theterrible twos and the toddler
age, and it's just this and that, it's just.
Oh my gosh, nobody warned youabout the teenager years and the
okay, they've graduated andthey're adulting.
Now what happens?
Speaker 1 (21:39):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (21:39):
Nobody warned you about that phase and you guys
are still young.
Speaker 1 (21:42):
You guys get to have some fun.
Now they're gone, Like I alwaysused to tell Jess and I would
tell our kids this all the timebecause we'd have date nights.
I'd be like you guys are goingto leave us one day.
So I'm going on a date with herBecause when you guys leave,
it's going to be the two of us,and we always used to say that.
Speaker 2 (21:58):
And sometimes it would get a little bit like, you
know, feelings hurt or whatever.
You're going to leave us athome?
Well, yeah, there's pizzasitting here and when y'all are
all in your teen years, right,yeah, we're going to leave you
right here.
And we're going to leave youright here and we're going to go
on a date.
Speaker 1 (22:15):
But now even you look at it and you're like, okay,
they're gone.
Speaker 3 (22:18):
It happens really fast.
It happens real fast.
Yeah, it does happen reallyquick it does.
Yeah, and that even you know,even preparing for tonight, like
I left dinner at the house andapparently Grace found a bone in
something that I had and shefreaked out and now she's like
I'm hungry because I refuse toeat this now and I'm like, oh my
gosh.
Honestly, that literally soundslike me.
Speaker 1 (22:39):
I found a bone beside it and I'm not eating it
anymore.
I'm not going to eat it.
Speaker 4 (22:42):
That literally sounds like me.
It wasn't Grace that found it.
Speaker 3 (22:45):
It was Lorelai, and Lorelai probably.
Speaker 4 (22:56):
Lorelai probably said it out loud on purpose.
Yeah, she probably in heroverdramatic manner.
Speaker 3 (22:58):
Oh yeah, I'm sure.
Speaker 4 (22:59):
Oh, almost choked to death on the bone.
Yeah correct, right, right, Imean.
Speaker 2 (23:03):
I can identify.
I'm sorry, yeah, all right.
Speaker 1 (23:07):
So after all, two kids, a lot of years, what's
like if you're giving me youknow in sales?
You go give me your elevatorspeech, your two-minute speech
on marriage.
What's your like?
Give me your hot take on youroverall marriage, like it
(23:28):
doesn't have to be advice butjust yeah, we talked about.
Speaker 3 (23:32):
So in preparation for today we took some notes
because I wasn't sure what wewould end up, where we would
land together on this stuff,because we don't talk about it a
lot.
But the things that come easyfor us and you know, brandy said
, nothing comes completely easy.
(23:54):
It really doesn't.
Speaker 2 (23:56):
Even if it looks easy , it's not.
Speaker 3 (23:59):
But we compromise a lot.
Speaker 4 (24:01):
We have a pretty easy time compromising.
Now I am the more headstrongone in the relationship, sure.
So there are times when I see apath and I think this is what
we should do, or this is what Iwant to do.
Yes, I don't want to do.
Yes, what is that?
I want to do that?
Okay, but he's very goodsometimes to kind of pull me
(24:24):
back.
He'll let me have my momentwhen I'm really stressed about
it and I'm frustrated because wecan't do what I think I want to
do.
He knows how to Can we have a,for instance.
Speaker 1 (24:36):
Is that too much?
Oh, let's talk about someplates.
Speaker 3 (24:39):
How about that?
Speaker 1 (24:40):
Let's talk about plates Plates.
Yeah, that sounds like a greatplace to start.
Speaker 3 (24:44):
Oh, Randy's face says we were talking about plates
from last night about Grace'sgraduation party.
Speaker 4 (24:50):
Oh my goodness, let's start there.
Speaker 3 (24:53):
That's an easy place to start.
Speaker 4 (24:54):
So I've been stressed about grace's graduation party
because I am a planner.
Yes, I have things that I wantand whenever I see things, I
have a certain way I want it tolook and she's the first one,
and she's the first one, and Iwant to make sure it's
everything she's dreamed of, forher graduation party.
Speaker 2 (25:10):
You as well, like you want.
Speaker 4 (25:12):
You have dreams too and so we're talking about yes,
I'm trying to work on decor.
He had to go with me to HobbyLobby because I was at the point
where I didn't know.
Speaker 3 (25:22):
That's your first mistake.
She may have bought the wholestore.
You took it with you.
No, no, no, she would havebought the whole store, and so I
was like we don't need that, wedon't need that, we don't need
that.
Need, no need and want are twodifferent things.
Speaker 2 (25:34):
They are, and the but that line is very skewed.
When the mamas are trying toplan a big deal, it is.
Speaker 3 (25:43):
It is, and the plates thing.
So she's been looking at plateson Amazon.
I'm so excited about the plates.
And here's the thing about theplates.
She kept picking out plates andone of the packs of plates she
found was like 200 plates.
And Grace, goes, goes, we'lljust use them later.
It's fun.
And I was like, well, why do weneed 200 plates?
And they were.
They weren't cheap either right.
Speaker 4 (26:01):
Well, and they're plastic, because I told him I
wanted the plastic because ifpeople are putting food on them,
I don't want paper plates thatare gonna fall right and make a
mess, but this is a snack event.
Speaker 3 (26:11):
This is not a come eat dinner with us event.
It's a snack event.
Speaker 1 (26:14):
Is this at your house ?
Speaker 2 (26:15):
yes, here's the big question what time of day.
Speaker 3 (26:23):
Three o'clock, three o'clock, perfect.
Okay.
And so with that I finallylooked at both her and grace
last night and was like, look, Ihear that you want these
plastic plates, but I alsobelieve they're too expensive
for what they are.
And what happens to theseplates once people are done with
them and they're like peoplethrow them away.
And I was like, okay, so why dowe need the expensive plates?
Because, they're pretty, butpeople are just going to throw
(26:45):
them away.
Speaker 1 (26:45):
But they're pretty.
So was that your argument?
They're pretty, they're prettyand I like them.
Speaker 4 (26:50):
I knew that.
Speaker 2 (26:52):
That's why I said that.
Speaker 3 (26:53):
And so I found the compromise and that's what we're
going to get right.
But here's the thing we do workwell together.
I don't think we have a lot of,you know, some people have like
knock-down, drag-out argumentsand fights and things.
I think we've been married foralmost 20 years now and we've
only had like three maybe fightswhere anyone ever raised their
(27:16):
voice we talked about that too.
Speaker 2 (27:18):
We've been married almost it'd be 13 is it 13 or
almost?
Speaker 1 (27:23):
it'd be 13 in october we.
Speaker 2 (27:26):
We never know what, actually which day it was,
either october 13th or 14th andso that's always a happy debate,
because we don't know.
We don't know Other than amonogram pillow my aunt gave us,
but we've never had a like whatyou might call a knockdown drag
(27:46):
out.
Speaker 3 (27:46):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (27:47):
You've wanted, we've wanted to.
Yeah, we came really reallyclose.
Speaker 1 (27:51):
Yeah, two or three times.
It's always a pause as well asa way Go get your go figure like
relax close.
Yeah, two or three times, it'salways a pause.
Just walk away, go get your gofigure, like relax a little bit,
let's get out of the moment andthen we'll come back.
Who's the first one in yourrelationship to say I'm sorry?
Who's usually the first?
You.
Speaker 3 (28:08):
Me Always.
Speaker 4 (28:10):
Always, almost, always, almost always.
Speaker 3 (28:12):
Almost always Really.
Speaker 4 (28:13):
I have a hard time sometimes with that.
Speaker 1 (28:15):
Really why.
Speaker 4 (28:16):
It's about 50-50 for us, I think, because sometimes I
have a hard time admitting whenI'm not exactly right.
Speaker 1 (28:24):
I love how you say it .
I'm not going to say I'm wrong,but I'm not exactly right.
So I have to read that.
Speaker 3 (28:30):
So this is a commentary when we're talking
about our struggles and thingsand in our text message feed,
here she goes nothing's beencompletely easy, but we are
pretty good at compromise.
Most days I said, yeah,compromise, as in I'm right,
you're wrong, that's correct.
And she's like that's wrong.
And I was like, no, you'rewrong.
Speaker 1 (28:50):
Interesting Okay.
Speaker 4 (28:53):
Well, that's not a.
I'm just a stubborn person.
I'll admit it.
Speaker 1 (28:59):
Well, you know that about yourself.
Speaker 4 (29:00):
I know that about myself and he knows that about
me.
Speaker 1 (29:03):
So okay, if he says I'm sorry first.
Who do you think is the bettercommunicator when I say that?
Who expresses feelings andemotions or tries to work toward
a Not right?
Speaker 3 (29:15):
versus wrong, but just where you're at, yeah,
trying to work toward a sureyeah trying to work toward a
yeah, so I think I express myemotions a little bit better
sometimes than he does sure,yeah, I agree most guys, because
it's pretty easy for him to sayI'm sorry, but like telling me
sometimes how he's reallyfeeling about things and what's
going on he has a really hardtime with that, yeah, the good
(29:36):
and bad thing about what I dobecause I'm in marketing is I
know how to communicate in a waythat is politically correct,
right, and so I can navigatewater that I probably shouldn't
belong in that way, but it alsois damaging.
I mean, just like I cannavigate an argument that we
have in a way to not cause anargument, right, but I can walk
(29:58):
away from it being mad.
Speaker 2 (30:00):
So can Greg because of his consultant career.
Speaker 3 (30:01):
Yeah, yeah, it's good and bad.
Speaker 2 (30:06):
It is good and bad.
Because it's good?
Obviously because we cannavigate conversations better
than I would feel, like mostpeople, sure.
But then also I know when we'vecome through a frustration
point or an intense fellowship.
I know sometimes after I'vecooled off, it's been a day or
(30:29):
two.
I'm like he totally talked meinto believing his point of view
.
Speaker 3 (30:37):
How does that happen?
Speaker 2 (30:38):
And tricked me.
Speaker 1 (30:40):
There's no trickery.
Speaker 2 (30:42):
To thinking.
Speaker 1 (30:42):
That was what I originally thought in the first
place.
Speaker 2 (30:45):
I'm like, okay, wait a minute Now I'm mad all over
again.
Speaker 1 (30:48):
It's self-discovery.
I'm just helping you find thetruth.
No, you find the solution.
No.
No, it's true.
It's interesting because evenin ours, in our relationship,
when we're communicating likeJess is a shutdown.
When she gets frustrated or mad, she's a shutdown.
Speaker 2 (31:05):
It took me the first probably, what five years of our
marriage to figure out how toeffectively communicate?
Speaker 1 (31:12):
I didn't realize I didn't know how Well for me'm
gonna get frustrated because I'mlike I don't want to always
have to be the guy that goes andgoes.
Can we talk about this?
Like we know this is an issue,can we talk about it?
I was like, can you please askthat question sometimes, when is
that all?
And it took us a while to getthere and a lot of work and a
lot of patience on both oursides, because for me I'll be
(31:34):
like well, I, well, I'm diggingmy heels in.
Speaker 2 (31:35):
I'm not going to say anything and I'm like I'm going
to turn, I'm going to about facewith my heels and go the other
way because I don't want to talkabout it and it didn't work out
at all.
Speaker 1 (31:44):
No, it's stupid, yeah .
So yeah, I mean that's the partof it's like because we're
working on some material stuffto kind of help, even like
churches and different kind ofthings, and I was like tell me
two things that you thinkcouples struggle with the most.
Speaker 2 (32:04):
When he asked me that immediately.
Yeah, she's right.
Communication and expectations.
Speaker 1 (32:06):
I didn't have to think about it.
Yeah, she's like if couples canget those two things down, all
the other stuff they can workthrough.
Speaker 3 (32:14):
Sure.
And so yeah it's just tough,yeah, no matter where you're at.
I think you know that'ssomething that we've kind of
navigated with all things.
Communication part.
Speaker 4 (32:23):
I will say, though, he does get frustrated with me
when we do get in a disagreement.
True, I at times I don't shutdown, but if I get to a point
where I'm really mad I'll walkaway, just because I don't want
to say things out of anger.
So that's kind of my mechanism.
I want to resolve it.
Speaker 2 (32:41):
Well, that's me in the first place.
Place, like I don't want tocommunicate if I know that we
are opposing, because I don'twant to cause any negative
feelings from the get-go, like Idon't want negativity at all,
sure, and so like, well, it'seasier if I just don't talk at
all well, I don't think walkingaway when you're and you're
(33:03):
upset is a bad thing, but do yougive like a hey, I I'm going to
step away because I'mfrustrated.
Speaker 1 (33:08):
I'll be back in a minute.
Speaker 3 (33:10):
It happens rare.
Speaker 4 (33:12):
I mean again this is rare, very rare but I will be
like I just need to go and wewill discuss it when I get back,
because and I think it offendshim sometimes because I'll say I
don't want to say things whenI'm mad, well, and he's like
what do you really want to?
Speaker 3 (33:27):
say then, what do you need?
Speaker 2 (33:28):
to say yeah, well, get it out, let's go say I need
to walk away like he hadstrapped 50 pounds in a backpack
and go start walking theneighborhood.
He was just.
He would say I need to take aminute because we're not getting
anywhere.
It it's just getting ugly likewhatever, and he'll walk away
(33:49):
and I'm like, okay, well,instead of you saying like well,
what did you need to say?
I would take on the.
Well, I shouldn't have saidanything in the first place.
Speaker 3 (33:57):
Oh, I see, yeah, that's where I would go.
Yeah, I just want to resolve it.
I mean that's it.
Speaker 2 (34:02):
I'm like I just should never say so.
Speaker 1 (34:05):
Well, that's the fixer and guys, most guys are
just like let's solve this, fixit, move on, let's just get done
with this.
And it's like nope, we can't dothat.
Sometimes it's weird because Itell Jess, I feel like sometimes
I take on the role of the womanin the communication, you take
on the role of the man.
Sometimes it's like weird forus.
Well it's not anymore.
Speaker 3 (34:30):
No, it was.
Yeah, as far as things that we,those things come like, I said,
I think we do fairly well incommunication and all those
things, for the most part, theplaces where we struggle is
there's two sort of spaces.
Number one is busyness.
Yeah, yeah, I had.
(34:51):
No, I mean, when we had kids, Ididn't know, you know, I didn't
know how busy you were going tobe.
Nobody does, I don't think.
And you know, with Grace, gracehas been all in volleyball
since she was 12.
Travel, volleyball, all thethings, and so, and with that
comes a lot of time, you know.
So we donated, you know, a lotof time to that Do you travel a
(35:16):
lot for your work.
Well, and I haven't reallytraveled that much until the
pandemic, like right after thepandemic, and so 22, I started
traveling too.
So you know, I would say 22, Iwas probably gone what?
Every six weeks or so,something like that.
It slowed down a little bit,but yeah, gotcha.
Speaker 1 (35:34):
How do you manage that?
Speaker 2 (35:36):
That's not often.
Speaker 3 (35:38):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (35:39):
If it's just every six weeks or so, but for y'all
it may feel.
Speaker 3 (35:43):
Yeah, it was a lot.
I mean with you know, becausewith that, between my work,
travel and volleyball and kidsand all the things, like
especially when we weretraveling for volleyball, I mean
I would be gone for work Like Imight fly out on Monday, come
back on a Thursday and then we'dleave on Friday.
You know, like we were justgoing all the time and so that
(36:04):
was a struggle, I mean I wouldsay, just trying to navigate the
busyness, because we were goingthrough like, okay, what do we
struggle with?
And so Brandy's first thing wasyou know, we struggle because
we have different love languagesand then we're busy, which
affects the love languages, andso you know, like you know.
So you know, because Brandy'sis quality time and if we're
(36:26):
really busy then it's hard tohave quality time, right, yeah,
or we're giving all the time tothe kids, right, you know?
So kind of reconnecting asGrace preps to graduate.
You know we've been talkingabout, okay, how do we navigate
that?
And what happens now?
Speaker 2 (36:41):
I mean that goes back to why we were talking about,
how we were so intentional, evenwhen it was busy about how we
were so intentional, even whenit was busy.
We have kids in four differentsports at four different times
and sometimes four differentplaces.
And so you know, we, we madesure, and it was not easy and it
wasn't always often, but justto make sure that was like okay,
(37:02):
where's our home base yeah,what people don't realize is
that healthy marriages andrelationships take work.
Speaker 1 (37:11):
It's a lot of work to have and they don't revolve
around your kids, Correct no?
And so you love them and youcare for them and you want the
best for them, but at the sametime, you're like your job is to
raise them and let them go beproductive adults.
Speaker 2 (37:26):
Your job is not to revolve your lives around them,
and I feel like a lot of peoplenow, especially now people
forget that, that's true.
Speaker 4 (37:34):
They do, and if there's anything that I could
have changed about as far as ourrelationship as the girls were
growing up, it would have beenbeing more intentional with our
time together, because I alsohave a hard time asking people
for help and feel like I have todo everything on my own, and so
(37:54):
I don't like to have to askpeople to babysit or to watch
the kids, and so as they'vegotten older, it's gotten a lot
easier, I mean they're fine now.
Okay, we'll leave you at homewith a pizza, or you, or
something.
Speaker 2 (38:05):
Bless Callie's heart Once you got old enough.
No, you know, if there was nota plan in place or a sleeper for
this, or grandma this orwhatever it was like.
Okay, like you said, well,callie, we're gonna order a
pizza or two and they'll bethere.
If you just hang out here, youknow the boys would occupy
(38:26):
themselves.
It would just be like you justneed to entertain Aaron Grace
for two hours hour and a half,whatever, but that I feel like
that's a big deal.
Speaker 4 (38:36):
It is a big deal yeah .
Speaker 3 (38:38):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (38:38):
And that's one of the things I would have changed.
I think just being moreintentional, taking that time,
sure, going out on a date once amonth, even because we
sometimes I mean I can remembertimes whenever it would be
probably a year before we gottime to really just yeah, yeah
us together by ourselves thatwas one of our favorite date
(38:59):
nights because I mean raisingkids.
Speaker 2 (39:02):
It's expensive yeah, you mentioned volleyball for
grace and know there's so manyof our kids and there were
sports all over the place.
It was like okay, for, like youknow, there was a routine and
schedule for if it was a fourkid week or a two kid week.
It's like, okay, well, ifCallie and Cody are with their
mother this night, okay, well,let's see if Cindy TJ's mother
(39:26):
is available and Thomas andAaron Grace can spend the night
that night, and we'll go getsome tacos and we'll just go
home and watch a movie so we canjust sit beside each other on
the couch, to just be in thesame space as you without four
kids literally climbing all overus and we're also too.
Speaker 3 (39:45):
we've gotten better, especially as the kids have
gotten older, about making timea little bit more intentional.
We were Disney pass holders fora while, and so Brandy and I,
like kids, are so mad.
We're like we're going toDisney, they're like we're not
going.
And I was like, no, you're not.
And they're like you can't, youcan't, leave us.
I was like, oh, like, oh, yeah,we can.
(40:14):
Yes, we can, absolutely, youknow.
Speaker 4 (40:15):
so very cool all right, so, but yeah, I mean
those are the.
Speaker 1 (40:18):
You know, I think generally we do a you know, okay
job, okay, john, I think we'reall just trying to do okay yeah,
we all do okay.
It's like yeah, we're good Ithink the the biggest thing, too
, is just knowing.
Always talk about just knowingyour blind spots.
Like knowing the areas whereit's like, hey, this is a
struggle for us, this is a hardpoint for us.
So this is these are thingsthat are easy, we know that, but
(40:39):
here's the things.
Let's keep our eyes on thesethings spots as you work through
it.
I mean everybody.
If somebody says they don'thave those, they have no idea
what they're doing oh for sure.
Speaker 2 (40:48):
They're definitely in the middle of them, so it's I
mean, so it's huge.
The biggest thing.
I feel like what we figured outis being intentional, but in
all areas.
Like you are intentional withyour time with your children,
you're intentional with yourtime with each other, just like
you're intentional with yourtime at work.
Everything has to have athought behind it and it's
(41:10):
exhausting but it's alsorewarding it feels like it takes
the romance out of it sometimes.
Speaker 3 (41:17):
But in all reality.
Speaker 1 (41:18):
It's like no, it actually gives you time to have
romance and to add that into it,Because if you don't, it just
won't happen.
So we're getting close to ourtime.
I think I'm not sure where ourtime is, Michael.
Where are we at on our time,boss?
Okay, cool, so let's do.
We like to do a thing we callunpack, so it's just basically.
Speaker 2 (41:40):
You're going to unpack your baggage, your
baggage plane.
Speaker 1 (41:44):
So it's basically, I would love for you guys to say,
hey, give us like for thosepeople who are out there
listening, no matter wherethey're at in their relationship
.
They may be started, they maybe 10 years, in 19 years, in
what's one kind of advice or tipyou would give to those people.
(42:04):
Each one of you can go.
Do you want to go first, brandy?
Do you have something?
I don't know, because there'stwo really important things that
I would those people.
Each one of you can go.
Do you want to go first, brandy?
Do you have something?
Speaker 4 (42:09):
I don't know, because there's two really important
things that I would tell people.
Speaker 2 (42:13):
Then say two things yeah, you can have two, I'll
give you two.
Speaker 3 (42:16):
Watch her.
Take one of mine.
Go for it.
Let's see.
Speaker 2 (42:19):
I'm so excited.
Speaker 4 (42:22):
I would say my biggest thing is 100%.
Always be real and truthful.
Don't be afraid to go throughthe hard stuff and don't try to
keep it all to yourself, becauseit's not healthy and it won't
do you any good.
And I still, to this day, I'vebeen told this.
I was told this by mygrandmother and my mother, but
(42:45):
one of the key things that wenever did is we don't go to bed
angry.
We don't go to sleep beforewe've had time to.
We may still be a littlefrustrated, but we make sure
that we lean over and give eachother a kiss and tell each other
good night.
Is it that kind of?
Speaker 1 (43:07):
kiss, like Sometimes it can be.
Speaker 3 (43:08):
That has happened.
Speaker 1 (43:11):
If you're saying you've never went to bed angry.
Speaker 4 (43:14):
we go back to that number one truth I can't say I'm
not frustrated still, but I'mnot angry and mad Like I'm not
going to hold on to it, becausethen I just wake up and I'm even
worse in the morning.
Speaker 3 (43:26):
Gotcha Interesting.
Okay, you didn't take mine.
I'm even worse in the morning.
Yeah, gotcha Interesting.
Okay, you didn't take mine.
I appreciate that, thank you.
Speaker 1 (43:32):
You said two things.
I did, she did two.
Yeah, oh, that's yeah.
No, no, no oh.
Speaker 3 (43:36):
Yeah, the one thing we've talked tried to make them
be something they're not.
And so you know, we've seenother people really push their
kids really hard into whateverit is they want them to be or
(43:56):
what they want them to do, andwe've never really done that,
even with you know, because,grace, when she was 12, she
asked me, I asked her.
I said do you really want toplay volleyball?
And she said yes.
And I asked her every said doyou really want to play
volleyball?
And she said yes.
And I asked her every year doyou still want to do this?
Do you still want to do this?
Do you want to play in college?
Yes, do you want to play incollege?
Yes, and then her senior yearshe came to me and goes I don't
(44:17):
want to do that anymore.
And I was like okay, Okay.
You know so, and I think that'ssomething that we work really
hard, and I think it's thereason why we have good
relationships with our kids,because a lot of people don't.
And we don't, we're nothelicopter parents, we don't
push all that stuff on our kidsLike that's not, that's not who
we are, and I think that's a.
(44:41):
That's something I think we seea lot, especially in families
around us, and know we never, Inever wanted.
People always ask me why we putour kids in public school, not
private school or homeschool andthe answer is we survived it
and we're fine yeah you know,and I think you can't hide your
(45:02):
kids from the world, right.
So so those are the things thatyou know and we have.
Brandy is right, we've alwaystried not to get a bit angry and
all those things.
But you know, and I would agreewith what you guys said about
taking time with one another,you know trying to find the time
Right.
You know, because even the busytimes, you know, when we were
(45:24):
going 100 miles an hour, youknow we still tried a couple
weeks.
Speaker 4 (45:27):
I mean I was gone for a week at banking school and
then I come back and home fortwo days and then he flies out
to go to arkansas.
Speaker 2 (45:35):
And yeah, it's crazy because when you're raising kids
, it doesn't matter what agethey are.
It's going to be a busy time,sure?
And it's going to last like,even like, our granddaughter
although she's eight months old,fixing to be nine months old,
she's getting teeth, and that'shard for little babies yeah and
(45:55):
her dad, you know, is afirefighter and then works a
second job and her mommy's astay-at-home mommy.
But it's like their schedulesand their needs and when you
bring the baby's needs in don'talways sign up Just like banking
, school out of town, volleyballtraveling, like it doesn't
matter what age it is, it'salways going to not always be
(46:19):
convenient.
Speaker 3 (46:20):
Yep, yep, yep, and you just have to.
It's not that you can't createtime, but you have to make sure
you set aside the time Exactly.
Yep, that's exactly right.
Speaker 1 (46:28):
Well, man, that's good stuff.
You can't create time, but youhave to make sure you set aside
the time.
That's exactly right.
Well, man, that's good stuff.
That's good stuff to wrap up onand finish up.
Thank you, guys, so much forcoming and sharing your story,
our very first guest ever.
Yay, and so thanks to everybodyfor listening and tuning in.
Speaker 2 (46:49):
It's just fun and I actually just can't believe
people actually listen to us,but thank you for doing it.
Speaker 1 (46:53):
Yeah, so those were idiots.
Thank you guys for coming againtonight and thanks for tuning
in.
We'll talk to you guys later,you.
Hey guys, what's up?
I'm Greg.
I hope you guys are ready tounpack and get into some good
conversations today.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
And I'm Jess, and this is our podcast Baggage
Claim.
Thank you for joining us.
Speaker 1 (00:17):
Welcome to Baggage Claim.
Thank you guys so much forjoining us today.
So if you're new here, this isjust a place where we want to
start conversations and justhelp create community around
marriage and blended family.
Wherever you're at, whateveryou're doing, we just want to
ask you just to take a deepbreath, just relax, grab that
(00:38):
drink, that coffee depends onwhat kind of day you've had and
what kind of drink you're havingand pull up to the table and
join us for some conversationand hopefully we create some
community here.
So tonight is really fun for us.
It's really exciting.
I mean, we're only on 13thepisode Only, but we have some
really cool guests 13 is a bigdeal.
(01:00):
It is.
13 is a big deal.
It's an odd number and it's anunlucky number, but we're not
going to talk about that.
But we have some really coolguests with us.
We have Nick and Brandy Kastnerwho are with us tonight our
very first guest on BaggageClaims.
So you guys, I want to saywelcome, how are you guys?
Hey, thank you for having us.
(01:22):
So let's tell us just a littlebit about you guys and then tell
the like you can tell the backstory on kind of how we met, how
we know each other a little bit.
But just yeah, who wants to gofirst?
Speaker 3 (01:35):
Sure, brady's pointing at me.
So I'm, you're a talker.
Yeah, okay, fair.
So I'm Nick Brady and I havebeen married now for 19 years.
Speaker 1 (01:52):
I just want to make sure I don't mess that up, right
.
Speaker 3 (01:58):
And so career-wise, we've kind of met there.
So we talk a lot about that.
So I'm in marketing, Brandy'sin banking and yeah, the story
starts, I guess, at a bank.
Actually that's so romantic.
Speaker 1 (02:14):
It is.
Yeah, yeah, that's exactly howmost marriages should start and
that's where we met Jessica itis.
We'll get to that in a minute.
Yeah, so how many?
19 years ago?
19.
Okay, wow, okay.
Speaker 3 (02:26):
Yeah, so, and we dated for A little over a year.
Speaker 4 (02:30):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (02:31):
Okay, I was going to say right out of maybe a little
over a year.
Speaker 1 (02:33):
It really is.
Yeah, Now are you both from the?
Speaker 3 (02:37):
Gainesville, area no Georgia, which is just north of
Brandy.
Speaker 4 (02:42):
Which is really weird , because I was born and raised
in Gainesville but my family isfrom Cornelia.
Speaker 3 (02:48):
Georgia.
Yeah, and weird fact, her aunt.
Speaker 4 (02:50):
Georgia, my great aunt.
Speaker 3 (02:52):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
We do have friends that are not in Georgia that
listen to us.
So we're talking about thenortheast Georgia area.
Yes, yeah.
Speaker 3 (02:59):
So Brandy's great aunt was friends with my
grandparents, wow, okay.
Well, that's super fun, that'sweird.
Speaker 2 (03:06):
Greg and I have a connection with that too.
That makes it a little bitweird.
Speaker 1 (03:10):
I was going to talk about that.
We're not going to talk aboutthat too.
No, we're not talking aboutthat.
We'll come back to that.
It got a little weird.
Speaker 3 (03:22):
I was like, bro, we, we actually met at the bank, so
I started working at the samebank Brandy was working at and
went through a divorce and justkind of, we'd only been married
18 months but went through adivorce and Brandy also, right,
went through a divorce.
(03:43):
Yeah, I was married for a yearand a day, one year and one day.
Speaker 4 (03:44):
One year and one day.
And Brandy also right, wentthrough a divorce.
Speaker 1 (03:45):
Yeah, I was married for a year and a day One year,
and one day One year.
Speaker 2 (03:50):
And one day.
Okay, After all these years Ihave known both of you.
I didn't know that at all.
Speaker 1 (03:55):
Really Did not.
So did those end in good ways?
Were those good?
No, okay, okay, we won't getinto that.
Yeah, yeah, okay, not a Goodways.
Were those good?
No, okay, we won't get intothat.
Yeah, okay.
Speaker 4 (04:05):
Not a good experience .
Speaker 3 (04:06):
Yeah, but I would say both.
If we're going to do theChristian thing here, you know
both biblical divorces, how'sthat?
Okay, that is a firm belief.
Yeah, there you go.
So I had made some new friendsat the bank because I didn't
know anybody in Gainesvillereally.
You had me.
So I had made some new friendsat the bank because I didn't
know anybody in Gainesvillereally.
(04:27):
And so Me on the same floor,that's right, and Brandy and I
had some mutual friends, okay.
So that's kind of how thingshappened for us.
Speaker 4 (04:35):
Do you not remember exactly though?
Speaker 1 (04:38):
I'm saving the story for you.
I'm not told you.
Speaker 4 (04:41):
So the bank that we worked at, we had an events
committee?
Yes, we did, and so I was thepresident or the chairman of the
events committee.
And then it was time to kind ofmove over and Nick was the
chairman of the incoming eventscommittee.
Speaker 3 (04:57):
Yeah, and you didn't like me.
Speaker 4 (04:58):
I didn't like him very much because he came into
the bank and I had been therefor years trying to build and
grow and move up.
And he came in, Mr Big Shot man.
Speaker 3 (05:10):
No, I started out as an assistant and I got promoted
in a month and that made her mad.
Speaker 1 (05:14):
Meanwhile One month and I'm moving up Meanwhile.
Speaker 2 (05:20):
I worked at the same bank, but in a completely
different department than theboth of you.
I was part of the executivestaff.
Blah blah blah and me and you,nick, our offices were connected
by this weird kitchen, hallway,work area Right.
And that's just kind of wherethe marketing department and
(05:41):
then my department kind of notnecessarily congregated, but
that's where we kind of like wehad to use them and didn't our
executive assistant, who was theolder lady?
Speaker 3 (05:51):
she kind of sat in the middle of that, right, yeah,
okay yeah, and kind of feltlike she controlled all of us.
Speaker 1 (05:55):
That's right, so not to dig anything up, but let's go
back to the part where youdidn't like him yeah, let's
start there.
Let's go back to that and soyou didn't like him because he
got promoted quickly.
Speaker 4 (06:04):
Yes, yes, because I had worked.
I had started at that bankwhenever I was in college and I
started as a teller.
So whenever I worked, I didteller work, I did customer
service work and it had taken mea long time to work up to where
I was at Mr Big Shot rolls inMr Big.
Shot rolls in and he's like,hey, I'm the man.
Speaker 3 (06:22):
That's not how that went.
I had a connection with thebank president.
Okay, no, there was noconnection.
Sorry, we're not attacking her.
Speaker 2 (06:32):
I was just really curious about that I'm sorry,
that's a different bank that wealso both worked at.
Speaker 3 (06:36):
That's correct At the same time.
Correct, yep.
But with the story with Brandyand I, what's crazy is we did
not she.
The story with brandy and I,what's crazy is we?
We did not like, she didn'tlike me.
I didn't know she didn't likeme and so until until we started
dating and then she told me shedidn't like me that's a good
way to find out.
Speaker 1 (06:54):
Yeah, I actually don't like you so, but um her,
how long did y'all date beforeyou came up to that information
where you said I don't reallylike you Was that first date, it
wasn't long.
Speaker 4 (07:07):
It was a little while .
Speaker 3 (07:08):
Okay, because I was actually pretty nice at the
beginning.
Okay, gotcha All right.
Yeah, so we were together, sothe way we got together, but her
friend Andrea, her best friendAndrea, who lives in Mississippi
, actually encouraged me, brandythat well but we had gotten to
know each other through thatyeah, but not not like in that
(07:31):
capacity at that point dray wasyeah, dray worked downstairs.
Speaker 4 (07:34):
She was teller at teller for a little while, okay,
um, and did some other thingsokay yeah, and so I had some
friends at the company.
Speaker 3 (07:42):
Another company that I knew had some friends over
there and they were encouragedme to.
There were two other youngladies in loan ops that they
kept telling me that I needed todate, which I had no interest.
So one I've never dated anybodythat I worked in the same place
with and so I was kind of anti,like we're not going to date
somebody that I work with.
Speaker 2 (08:00):
That gets weird.
Speaker 3 (08:02):
Because I was afraid it would get weird.
But Andrea just was adamantabout like you should give
Brandy a chance, and she wasdoing the same thing to Brandy.
And then you know, here we aregoing on our first date.
Do you want to tell them aboutthe first date?
Speaker 4 (08:14):
Oh, I don't want to hear the first date Always tell
everybody that he officiallyfell in love with me on our
first date.
Oh wow, when he saw me get upand do karaoke to sing Baby Got
Back.
Speaker 2 (08:25):
Ooh, I probably would have fallen in love with you
with that.
Speaker 1 (08:28):
Okay, what song did you sing?
That was it Baby Got Back, babyGot Back.
Speaker 3 (08:31):
Oh, I'm sorry, I missed that Wow, okay, yeah,
okay, wow At.
Speaker 4 (08:36):
Stringers and Commerce.
Speaker 3 (08:37):
Stringers and Commerce a catfish restaurant.
Yes, that's right.
Okay, which is also in NorthGeorgia.
Speaker 2 (08:42):
for those, that don't know?
My goodness, it was not.
Yeah, immediately just.
This is the one.
Speaker 1 (08:50):
Did you know the words by heart or were you
watching?
Speaker 4 (08:52):
Of course I did, of course Sorry.
Speaker 1 (08:55):
Of course I did.
Sorry, can you?
Speaker 2 (08:58):
recite some of those words Correct.
Speaker 4 (09:05):
If you played the song, I'd sing it word for word,
okay.
Speaker 3 (09:09):
So first date karaoke fell in love, yeah, and then um
, and then well, yeah.
So we went there first, andthen we went to yeah, oh, where
was it?
Your friend took us oh was,yeah, there was a redneck yeah
country redneck bar, countryrock, which was like next level
(09:32):
country bar her friend wanted togo to.
Okay, and so we went there.
Speaker 4 (09:35):
In Cornelia.
No, this was in Commerce, inbetween Commerce and Athens.
It was in between Commerce andAthens Okay, not far from the
University of Illinois, I'm notsure, but I'm pretty sure it got
shut down.
It was an interesting place.
Speaker 3 (09:45):
It was an interesting place and I was in a band.
Speaker 2 (09:52):
I'd been a lot of interesting places but not like
a country bar, not like thisplace, and so yeah, but only in
a band.
But your band opened for.
Speaker 3 (09:58):
Bon Jovi years ago.
Yeah, yeah, so, anyway.
So with uh we can tell thatstory too, because that's a
funny story.
But we went back, uh went todrop her off and we actually sat
on her front porch and talkedfor.
Speaker 4 (10:16):
Oh, for the longest time.
Speaker 3 (10:17):
About three or four hours.
Speaker 4 (10:18):
Because we had a lot in common as far as our
experience and what we had gonethrough, and that's kind of
where we bonded.
The only person that knew atthe bank that we were dating at
the time was Andrea Yep.
Speaker 2 (10:27):
I were dating at the time was Andrea Yep.
Speaker 4 (10:29):
I honestly didn't know y'all were dating when we
were in the family.
Nobody else knew.
We kept it very, very down lowsecret.
Matter of fact, I had.
Do you remember Janice Bojarski?
Yeah, so she worked with me inmy department and she looked at
me and we would talk or we'dsend messages to each other.
Yeah, she was like you reallyneed to date him.
Speaker 2 (10:47):
I just have a good feeling about you two Well when
we reconnected years and yearsand years and years and years
later at the church, you and Isaw each other first of all, and
then, when I realized that youtwo had gotten married years ago
, I was like I didn't even knowthey were dating.
Meanwhile, you were not onlydating, got married and had two
(11:09):
beautiful girls that are grownat this point yeah, almost
they're getting there, yeah.
That was a shocker for me, yeah.
Speaker 3 (11:20):
So Brandi and I, you know we dated and then the weird
thing for us and we don't talkabout this, I'm just going to
say it because I think it wouldbe interesting for your
listeners my ex tried to comeback Okay, she came back and
begged me to take her back, andbecause my faith told me that
you're supposed to work throughthe marriage right.
Speaker 1 (11:42):
How long have you two been separated by this point?
Speaker 4 (11:47):
I mean about six months, because we had just
started talking and he said shetold me she had come back and so
at that point, because myChristian beliefs, I looked at
him and I said it is your wifeand you have to try.
So I am walking away, yeah.
Speaker 3 (12:03):
Oh, wow, yeah, and so we actually split up for I
don't know, not very long.
Speaker 4 (12:08):
It was about three months yeah.
Speaker 3 (12:12):
Because I had to give that a shot, but I mean that
lasted all of maybe a week and ahalf, like it did not last long
at all, and so, but I hadalready done some damage to this
relationship, right, and so soI had to wait for her to be
willing to jump back in.
Speaker 1 (12:26):
I'm really curious, how did that go Like when you're
saying okay, that didn't workout.
A week and a half later you goback to brandy and go okay, that
didn't work out, so you want togive it another shot like yeah,
well, she had already been onanother date I'd gotten set up
on a horrible one day.
Speaker 4 (12:46):
Oh, it was terrible so yeah, I just told him he had
to give me a little time becauseI wanted to make sure it wasn't
going to.
Speaker 3 (12:53):
Wasn't going to happen Right.
Speaker 4 (12:53):
Like I didn't want the basketball effect.
No, no, no, and so it was kindof one of those things like you
need to try to work that out.
That's fine, I'm going to do mything for a little while.
Speaker 3 (13:07):
Yeah, but that was.
You know, that didn't last verylong.
So we try to.
It's not fun to talk aboutRight.
Speaker 1 (13:12):
You know, no, but it's also too a part of.
But it shows something aboutyou guys and willing to.
When that comes around, thatyou guys actually work through
that and say, okay, look, yeah,I wanted to try to make that
work.
I really want to give this ashot.
Yeah, I get that, that's tough.
(13:34):
Yeah, it's not an easy thing.
That's the thing, too, that'sinteresting about when people
come into relationships and theyhave past baggage.
Like because that's the crazything we always talk about Like
everybody has baggage, like weall got it.
A lot of us never unpack, leaveit there, and it's just.
Sometimes it's good just tounpack it.
Speaker 2 (13:54):
it's in pretty, but even for us, when we first
started dating, there was a onespecific conversation when I
thought you're breaking up withme yeah it was it was the it's,
not you, it's me conversation itwas and it was just all based
on like I wore a shirt to theschool I was working at.
(14:17):
That was a school shirt and Iwas so proud of myself because
it had belonged to TJ,previously my first husband, and
I could wear it with pride andexcitement, and I remember I
posted about it on social mediasocial media, the killer of all
things.
But it was not in any way, butwe weren't even actually
(14:38):
officially dating at that pointyou're just kind of figured just
filling it out to each other,whatever, whatever.
But I posted it out ofexcitement.
I'm so proud of myself.
I have like crossed a bighurdle, like I can wear this and
do this, and yay, that's whereI was coming from.
But he was like, okay, wait,are you?
Speaker 1 (14:57):
actually what I heard is you're not saying the vote.
Yeah, you're still hanging onto that relationship.
Yeah, and I can't.
Speaker 2 (15:04):
I can't compete with that, so I'm like no, that was
not it at all, so it took us alittle while to actually work
through that situation, just tobut I think it all came down to
just having the conversation.
Speaker 1 (15:14):
Basketball, he didn's the same thing.
Speaker 2 (15:15):
You didn't want to be basketball.
He didn't want to be the pieceof that.
Speaker 3 (15:18):
The rebound.
Speaker 2 (15:18):
Not the rebound, necessarily, but just a piece of
that.
You know, you have to figure itout, you have to talk about it.
Speaker 1 (15:25):
Yeah, and that's the unfun part about relationships
we never really talk about.
It's like unpack those bags andsometimes you're like I'm not
happy about what's in here, butthis is it.
This is who I am, but it makesyou better as a couple too.
Speaker 3 (15:43):
I think for us working through that, I think
made us stronger, and then theway the rest of the cards fell.
I remember when I askedBrandy's dad if I could marry
her.
Speaker 2 (16:00):
How long into y'all dating was that Do you remember?
Speaker 3 (16:03):
Oh, wow.
Speaker 4 (16:06):
I'm sorry, I don't completely remember.
I don't either, because we gotmarried fairly quick, because
you asked me to marry you inFebruary and we got married in
March.
Speaker 3 (16:11):
Correct.
Yeah, because it was just uslike we didn't need the big
wedding and all the things right.
Speaker 4 (16:18):
We got married in the backyard.
Speaker 1 (16:21):
Did y'all have the big wedding?
Speaker 3 (16:23):
thing first round I did.
I did the first time.
Yeah, like 300 people the wholebig thing.
I mean it was huge.
Speaker 2 (16:28):
We both, respectively .
We had big weddings.
Yours was probably Greg, yourswas probably a lot larger than
mine.
It was a little elaborate.
Speaker 3 (16:36):
It was.
Speaker 2 (16:37):
I've seen pictures.
It was a lot elaborate.
Yes, it was Compared to mineespecially.
But when he and I got married,I mean we tried to have a small
wedding per se, but our chapelheld like 150 people.
It was the Eagle Ranch Chapel.
It's a beautiful element, it is.
Yeah, it's a very special place, but there were people standing
all over the place.
(16:58):
It was ridiculous.
Speaker 3 (16:59):
Get ready for this.
We got married in somebody'sbackyard.
Speaker 4 (17:01):
We did Nice.
We found a Cleveland preacher.
Speaker 3 (17:03):
Yeah, we found a Cleveland preacher who had a
rose garden in March that had noroses on it.
Speaker 2 (17:21):
And it was my friend Ben and his wife, and then matt
and andrea announced the onlypeople that were there our
parents were not there.
Brandy's dad holds it againstme to this day and you do not
tell them, or did you just Ifeel like, as as the bride's mom
.
Speaker 4 (17:26):
I would oh, I still get.
Yeah, we still get.
But I always put it back on mydad, because my dad had always
told me that he wouldn't give meaway again.
So we kind of just decided likewe're going to make it simple,
we're going to go and do this,and we kind of did it our way.
And it cost us $50.
Speaker 3 (17:45):
$50.
And it's worth every penny,because the wedding video is
somewhere and he talks for 30minutes about a bridge.
I still don't know what he wastalking about.
At least you have a video of abridge.
I still don't know what he wastalking about.
At least you have a video ofhis bridge.
I don't even know what happened.
Speaker 2 (17:59):
We don't have a video of our wedding.
Speaker 3 (18:01):
And then Even greater .
Speaker 4 (18:03):
he really isn't Nick Kastner.
Yeah, at the end he goes.
Speaker 3 (18:07):
And now I pronounce you, Mr and Mrs Nick Zimmerman,
and in the video we look at eachother and go.
We just shrug you.
We look at each other and go,we just shrug.
Speaker 1 (18:16):
You're like all right , whatever, I'll go with
Zimmerman, We'll go with it, soI took Brandy's last name
apparently that's awesome.
I love that.
But here's what's interestingthough.
I find it interesting and I getthat the wedding day is a
special day, but it's also toosometimes we over inflate it so
(18:39):
much and we do so much aroundthat.
But it's like about like I gotinto this, we were talking I
can't remember who it was one ofour kids there.
I was like what do you want theceremony to be?
Oh, we don't.
We don't really, we don'treally.
You know, it doesn't matter,you do what you want.
I was like kind of both of the,I was like wait a minute that's
the most important part is the,not the flowers, not the food,
(19:02):
not the the?
This is the, what is saidbetween the two of you, but
what's?
Speaker 2 (19:06):
interesting we have four children, that the older
two are married and both of themdidn't give a lot of heavy
thought to what it was they said.
At the ceremony, both couplessaid their own private vows to
each other, away from everybody.
Speaker 3 (19:25):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (19:26):
There's photos of those moments happening but,
like I said, they wrote theirown vows but they didn't read
them in front of the crowd.
It was weird for us in thebeginning.
Speaker 1 (19:37):
It's neither here nor there, but the reality is that
you guys are still happilymarried, even though you spent
$50 and did it in the back yard,rose Garden with the roses, you
know.
Speaker 3 (19:49):
so it's like hey, you drove to Helen and ate at
Yoni's.
No, it was the grill that weate at.
I don't even know.
Know it was still there.
Speaker 4 (19:56):
It is still there.
What is the name of that?
I forgot yeah anyway.
Speaker 2 (20:00):
Well, we went to a local pizza place where we had
pizza from tonight before we didthis.
Speaker 3 (20:05):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:06):
That's where we went after our wedding.
That is true, yeah, yeah, Itook off the wedding situation,
put a baseball hat on and aT-shirt, and off the wedding
situation, put a baseball hat onand a t-shirt and we went and
ate pizza.
Speaker 1 (20:17):
We spent more on our honeymoon than we did our
wedding, yeah, for sure.
So which I felt like was a verywise investment.
Sure, we had a blast.
Speaker 2 (20:23):
Sure.
Speaker 1 (20:24):
All right.
So you guys are, you're, you'reengaged, you're married in a
week.
Basically Could be Pretty muchA couple weeks Kind of.
Speaker 3 (20:39):
And then and then, uh , okay, so then from there, what
kids quick, okay, kids realquick?
You know, yeah, um, you know,grace is born, that fall and um,
you know, so we, you know a lotof marriages, you know,
especially now you hear peopleyou know we have, you know, two
years, three years into theirmarriage and they haven't had
kids.
You know we're, you know, likeright at nine months in our
marriage and having kids, butwe'd already been, you know,
down the path before so um sothat know, we're, you know, like
right at nine months in ourmarriage and having kids, but
we'd already been, you know,down the path before.
So so that's what we're talkingabout now.
(21:01):
A lot of what we're talkingabout now is, you know, grace
graduates in a week.
So our oldest daughtergraduates in a week, and that's
going to be new for us, right?
So so, yeah, our oldestdaughter, our youngest daughter,
still has two more years, butwhen she graduates also, okay.
Now what do we do?
Speaker 2 (21:18):
Well, that's what we've said a lot of times when
you get married and you startyour family, everybody's like oh
, the newborn stage, oh theterrible twos and the toddler
age, and it's just this and that, it's just.
Oh my gosh, nobody warned youabout the teenager years and the
okay, they've graduated andthey're adulting.
Now what happens?
Speaker 1 (21:39):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (21:39):
Nobody warned you about that phase and you guys
are still young.
Speaker 1 (21:42):
You guys get to have some fun.
Now they're gone, Like I alwaysused to tell Jess and I would
tell our kids this all the timebecause we'd have date nights.
I'd be like you guys are goingto leave us one day.
So I'm going on a date with herBecause when you guys leave,
it's going to be the two of us,and we always used to say that.
Speaker 2 (21:58):
And sometimes it would get a little bit like, you
know, feelings hurt or whatever.
You're going to leave us athome?
Well, yeah, there's pizzasitting here and when y'all are
all in your teen years, right,yeah, we're going to leave you
right here.
And we're going to leave youright here and we're going to go
on a date.
Speaker 1 (22:15):
But now even you look at it and you're like, okay,
they're gone.
Speaker 3 (22:18):
It happens really fast.
It happens real fast.
Yeah, it does happen reallyquick it does.
Yeah, and that even you know,even preparing for tonight, like
I left dinner at the house andapparently Grace found a bone in
something that I had and shefreaked out and now she's like
I'm hungry because I refuse toeat this now and I'm like, oh my
gosh.
Honestly, that literally soundslike me.
Speaker 1 (22:39):
I found a bone beside it and I'm not eating it
anymore.
I'm not going to eat it.
Speaker 4 (22:42):
That literally sounds like me.
It wasn't Grace that found it.
Speaker 3 (22:45):
It was Lorelai, and Lorelai probably.
Speaker 4 (22:56):
Lorelai probably said it out loud on purpose.
Yeah, she probably in heroverdramatic manner.
Speaker 3 (22:58):
Oh yeah, I'm sure.
Speaker 4 (22:59):
Oh, almost choked to death on the bone.
Yeah correct, right, right, Imean.
Speaker 2 (23:03):
I can identify.
I'm sorry, yeah, all right.
Speaker 1 (23:07):
So after all, two kids, a lot of years, what's
like if you're giving me youknow in sales?
You go give me your elevatorspeech, your two-minute speech
on marriage.
What's your like?
Give me your hot take on youroverall marriage, like it
(23:28):
doesn't have to be advice butjust yeah, we talked about.
Speaker 3 (23:32):
So in preparation for today we took some notes
because I wasn't sure what wewould end up, where we would
land together on this stuff,because we don't talk about it a
lot.
But the things that come easyfor us and you know, brandy said
, nothing comes completely easy.
(23:54):
It really doesn't.
Speaker 2 (23:56):
Even if it looks easy , it's not.
Speaker 3 (23:59):
But we compromise a lot.
Speaker 4 (24:01):
We have a pretty easy time compromising.
Now I am the more headstrongone in the relationship, sure.
So there are times when I see apath and I think this is what
we should do, or this is what Iwant to do.
Yes, I don't want to do.
Yes, what is that?
I want to do that?
Okay, but he's very goodsometimes to kind of pull me
(24:24):
back.
He'll let me have my momentwhen I'm really stressed about
it and I'm frustrated because wecan't do what I think I want to
do.
He knows how to Can we have a,for instance.
Speaker 1 (24:36):
Is that too much?
Oh, let's talk about someplates.
Speaker 3 (24:39):
How about that?
Speaker 1 (24:40):
Let's talk about plates Plates.
Yeah, that sounds like a greatplace to start.
Speaker 3 (24:44):
Oh, Randy's face says we were talking about plates
from last night about Grace'sgraduation party.
Speaker 4 (24:50):
Oh my goodness, let's start there.
Speaker 3 (24:53):
That's an easy place to start.
Speaker 4 (24:54):
So I've been stressed about grace's graduation party
because I am a planner.
Yes, I have things that I wantand whenever I see things, I
have a certain way I want it tolook and she's the first one,
and she's the first one, and Iwant to make sure it's
everything she's dreamed of, forher graduation party.
Speaker 2 (25:10):
You as well, like you want.
Speaker 4 (25:12):
You have dreams too and so we're talking about yes,
I'm trying to work on decor.
He had to go with me to HobbyLobby because I was at the point
where I didn't know.
Speaker 3 (25:22):
That's your first mistake.
She may have bought the wholestore.
You took it with you.
No, no, no, she would havebought the whole store, and so I
was like we don't need that, wedon't need that, we don't need
that.
Need, no need and want are twodifferent things.
Speaker 2 (25:34):
They are, and the but that line is very skewed.
When the mamas are trying toplan a big deal, it is.
Speaker 3 (25:43):
It is, and the plates thing.
So she's been looking at plateson Amazon.
I'm so excited about the plates.
And here's the thing about theplates.
She kept picking out plates andone of the packs of plates she
found was like 200 plates.
And Grace, goes, goes, we'lljust use them later.
It's fun.
And I was like, well, why do weneed 200 plates?
And they were.
They weren't cheap either right.
Speaker 4 (26:01):
Well, and they're plastic, because I told him I
wanted the plastic because ifpeople are putting food on them,
I don't want paper plates thatare gonna fall right and make a
mess, but this is a snack event.
Speaker 3 (26:11):
This is not a come eat dinner with us event.
It's a snack event.
Speaker 1 (26:14):
Is this at your house ?
Speaker 2 (26:15):
yes, here's the big question what time of day.
Speaker 3 (26:23):
Three o'clock, three o'clock, perfect.
Okay.
And so with that I finallylooked at both her and grace
last night and was like, look, Ihear that you want these
plastic plates, but I alsobelieve they're too expensive
for what they are.
And what happens to theseplates once people are done with
them and they're like peoplethrow them away.
And I was like, okay, so why dowe need the expensive plates?
Because, they're pretty, butpeople are just going to throw
(26:45):
them away.
Speaker 1 (26:45):
But they're pretty.
So was that your argument?
They're pretty, they're prettyand I like them.
Speaker 4 (26:50):
I knew that.
Speaker 2 (26:52):
That's why I said that.
Speaker 3 (26:53):
And so I found the compromise and that's what we're
going to get right.
But here's the thing we do workwell together.
I don't think we have a lot of,you know, some people have like
knock-down, drag-out argumentsand fights and things.
I think we've been married foralmost 20 years now and we've
only had like three maybe fightswhere anyone ever raised their
(27:16):
voice we talked about that too.
Speaker 2 (27:18):
We've been married almost it'd be 13 is it 13 or
almost?
Speaker 1 (27:23):
it'd be 13 in october we.
Speaker 2 (27:26):
We never know what, actually which day it was,
either october 13th or 14th andso that's always a happy debate,
because we don't know.
We don't know Other than amonogram pillow my aunt gave us,
but we've never had a like whatyou might call a knockdown drag
(27:46):
out.
Speaker 3 (27:46):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (27:47):
You've wanted, we've wanted to.
Yeah, we came really reallyclose.
Speaker 1 (27:51):
Yeah, two or three times.
It's always a pause as well asa way Go get your go figure like
relax close.
Yeah, two or three times, it'salways a pause.
Just walk away, go get your gofigure, like relax a little bit,
let's get out of the moment andthen we'll come back.
Who's the first one in yourrelationship to say I'm sorry?
Who's usually the first?
You.
Speaker 3 (28:08):
Me Always.
Speaker 4 (28:10):
Always, almost, always, almost always.
Speaker 3 (28:12):
Almost always Really.
Speaker 4 (28:13):
I have a hard time sometimes with that.
Speaker 1 (28:15):
Really why.
Speaker 4 (28:16):
It's about 50-50 for us, I think, because sometimes I
have a hard time admitting whenI'm not exactly right.
Speaker 1 (28:24):
I love how you say it .
I'm not going to say I'm wrong,but I'm not exactly right.
So I have to read that.
Speaker 3 (28:30):
So this is a commentary when we're talking
about our struggles and thingsand in our text message feed,
here she goes nothing's beencompletely easy, but we are
pretty good at compromise.
Most days I said, yeah,compromise, as in I'm right,
you're wrong, that's correct.
And she's like that's wrong.
And I was like, no, you'rewrong.
Speaker 1 (28:50):
Interesting Okay.
Speaker 4 (28:53):
Well, that's not a.
I'm just a stubborn person.
I'll admit it.
Speaker 1 (28:59):
Well, you know that about yourself.
Speaker 4 (29:00):
I know that about myself and he knows that about
me.
Speaker 1 (29:03):
So okay, if he says I'm sorry first.
Who do you think is the bettercommunicator when I say that?
Who expresses feelings andemotions or tries to work toward
a Not right?
Speaker 3 (29:15):
versus wrong, but just where you're at, yeah,
trying to work toward a sureyeah trying to work toward a
yeah, so I think I express myemotions a little bit better
sometimes than he does sure,yeah, I agree most guys, because
it's pretty easy for him to sayI'm sorry, but like telling me
sometimes how he's reallyfeeling about things and what's
going on he has a really hardtime with that, yeah, the good
(29:36):
and bad thing about what I dobecause I'm in marketing is I
know how to communicate in a waythat is politically correct,
right, and so I can navigatewater that I probably shouldn't
belong in that way, but it alsois damaging.
I mean, just like I cannavigate an argument that we
have in a way to not cause anargument, right, but I can walk
(29:58):
away from it being mad.
Speaker 2 (30:00):
So can Greg because of his consultant career.
Speaker 3 (30:01):
Yeah, yeah, it's good and bad.
Speaker 2 (30:06):
It is good and bad.
Because it's good?
Obviously because we cannavigate conversations better
than I would feel, like mostpeople, sure.
But then also I know when we'vecome through a frustration
point or an intense fellowship.
I know sometimes after I'vecooled off, it's been a day or
(30:29):
two.
I'm like he totally talked meinto believing his point of view
.
Speaker 3 (30:37):
How does that happen?
Speaker 2 (30:38):
And tricked me.
Speaker 1 (30:40):
There's no trickery.
Speaker 2 (30:42):
To thinking.
Speaker 1 (30:42):
That was what I originally thought in the first
place.
Speaker 2 (30:45):
I'm like, okay, wait a minute Now I'm mad all over
again.
Speaker 1 (30:48):
It's self-discovery.
I'm just helping you find thetruth.
No, you find the solution.
No.
No, it's true.
It's interesting because evenin ours, in our relationship,
when we're communicating likeJess is a shutdown.
When she gets frustrated or mad, she's a shutdown.
Speaker 2 (31:05):
It took me the first probably, what five years of our
marriage to figure out how toeffectively communicate?
Speaker 1 (31:12):
I didn't realize I didn't know how Well for me'm
gonna get frustrated because I'mlike I don't want to always
have to be the guy that goes andgoes.
Can we talk about this?
Like we know this is an issue,can we talk about it?
I was like, can you please askthat question sometimes, when is
that all?
And it took us a while to getthere and a lot of work and a
lot of patience on both oursides, because for me I'll be
(31:34):
like well, I, well, I'm diggingmy heels in.
Speaker 2 (31:35):
I'm not going to say anything and I'm like I'm going
to turn, I'm going to about facewith my heels and go the other
way because I don't want to talkabout it and it didn't work out
at all.
Speaker 1 (31:44):
No, it's stupid, yeah .
So yeah, I mean that's the partof it's like because we're
working on some material stuffto kind of help, even like
churches and different kind ofthings, and I was like tell me
two things that you thinkcouples struggle with the most.
Speaker 2 (32:04):
When he asked me that immediately.
Yeah, she's right.
Communication and expectations.
Speaker 1 (32:06):
I didn't have to think about it.
Yeah, she's like if couples canget those two things down, all
the other stuff they can workthrough.
Speaker 3 (32:14):
Sure.
And so yeah it's just tough,yeah, no matter where you're at.
I think you know that'ssomething that we've kind of
navigated with all things.
Communication part.
Speaker 4 (32:23):
I will say, though, he does get frustrated with me
when we do get in a disagreement.
True, I at times I don't shutdown, but if I get to a point
where I'm really mad I'll walkaway, just because I don't want
to say things out of anger.
So that's kind of my mechanism.
I want to resolve it.
Speaker 2 (32:41):
Well, that's me in the first place.
Place, like I don't want tocommunicate if I know that we
are opposing, because I don'twant to cause any negative
feelings from the get-go, like Idon't want negativity at all,
sure, and so like, well, it'seasier if I just don't talk at
all well, I don't think walkingaway when you're and you're
(33:03):
upset is a bad thing, but do yougive like a hey, I I'm going to
step away because I'mfrustrated.
Speaker 1 (33:08):
I'll be back in a minute.
Speaker 3 (33:10):
It happens rare.
Speaker 4 (33:12):
I mean again this is rare, very rare but I will be
like I just need to go and wewill discuss it when I get back,
because and I think it offendshim sometimes because I'll say I
don't want to say things whenI'm mad, well, and he's like
what do you really want to?
Speaker 3 (33:27):
say then, what do you need?
Speaker 2 (33:28):
to say yeah, well, get it out, let's go say I need
to walk away like he hadstrapped 50 pounds in a backpack
and go start walking theneighborhood.
He was just.
He would say I need to take aminute because we're not getting
anywhere.
It it's just getting ugly likewhatever, and he'll walk away
(33:49):
and I'm like, okay, well,instead of you saying like well,
what did you need to say?
I would take on the.
Well, I shouldn't have saidanything in the first place.
Speaker 3 (33:57):
Oh, I see, yeah, that's where I would go.
Yeah, I just want to resolve it.
I mean that's it.
Speaker 2 (34:02):
I'm like I just should never say so.
Speaker 1 (34:05):
Well, that's the fixer and guys, most guys are
just like let's solve this, fixit, move on, let's just get done
with this.
And it's like nope, we can't dothat.
Sometimes it's weird because Itell Jess, I feel like sometimes
I take on the role of the womanin the communication, you take
on the role of the man.
Sometimes it's like weird forus.
Well it's not anymore.
Speaker 3 (34:30):
No, it was.
Yeah, as far as things that we,those things come like, I said,
I think we do fairly well incommunication and all those
things, for the most part, theplaces where we struggle is
there's two sort of spaces.
Number one is busyness.
Yeah, yeah, I had.
(34:51):
No, I mean, when we had kids, Ididn't know, you know, I didn't
know how busy you were going tobe.
Nobody does, I don't think.
And you know, with Grace, gracehas been all in volleyball
since she was 12.
Travel, volleyball, all thethings, and so, and with that
comes a lot of time, you know.
So we donated, you know, a lotof time to that Do you travel a
(35:16):
lot for your work.
Well, and I haven't reallytraveled that much until the
pandemic, like right after thepandemic, and so 22, I started
traveling too.
So you know, I would say 22, Iwas probably gone what?
Every six weeks or so,something like that.
It slowed down a little bit,but yeah, gotcha.
Speaker 1 (35:34):
How do you manage that?
Speaker 2 (35:36):
That's not often.
Speaker 3 (35:38):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (35:39):
If it's just every six weeks or so, but for y'all
it may feel.
Speaker 3 (35:43):
Yeah, it was a lot.
I mean with you know, becausewith that, between my work,
travel and volleyball and kidsand all the things, like
especially when we weretraveling for volleyball, I mean
I would be gone for work Like Imight fly out on Monday, come
back on a Thursday and then we'dleave on Friday.
You know, like we were justgoing all the time and so that
(36:04):
was a struggle, I mean I wouldsay, just trying to navigate the
busyness, because we were goingthrough like, okay, what do we
struggle with?
And so Brandy's first thing wasyou know, we struggle because
we have different love languagesand then we're busy, which
affects the love languages, andso you know, like you know.
So you know, because Brandy'sis quality time and if we're
(36:26):
really busy then it's hard tohave quality time, right, yeah,
or we're giving all the time tothe kids, right, you know?
So kind of reconnecting asGrace preps to graduate.
You know we've been talkingabout, okay, how do we navigate
that?
And what happens now?
Speaker 2 (36:41):
I mean that goes back to why we were talking about,
how we were so intentional, evenwhen it was busy about how we
were so intentional, even whenit was busy.
We have kids in four differentsports at four different times
and sometimes four differentplaces.
And so you know, we, we madesure, and it was not easy and it
wasn't always often, but justto make sure that was like okay,
(37:02):
where's our home base yeah,what people don't realize is
that healthy marriages andrelationships take work.
Speaker 1 (37:11):
It's a lot of work to have and they don't revolve
around your kids, Correct no?
And so you love them and youcare for them and you want the
best for them, but at the sametime, you're like your job is to
raise them and let them go beproductive adults.
Speaker 2 (37:26):
Your job is not to revolve your lives around them,
and I feel like a lot of peoplenow, especially now people
forget that, that's true.
Speaker 4 (37:34):
They do, and if there's anything that I could
have changed about as far as ourrelationship as the girls were
growing up, it would have beenbeing more intentional with our
time together, because I alsohave a hard time asking people
for help and feel like I have todo everything on my own, and so
(37:54):
I don't like to have to askpeople to babysit or to watch
the kids, and so as they'vegotten older, it's gotten a lot
easier, I mean they're fine now.
Okay, we'll leave you at homewith a pizza, or you, or
something.
Speaker 2 (38:05):
Bless Callie's heart Once you got old enough.
No, you know, if there was nota plan in place or a sleeper for
this, or grandma this orwhatever it was like.
Okay, like you said, well,callie, we're gonna order a
pizza or two and they'll bethere.
If you just hang out here, youknow the boys would occupy
(38:26):
themselves.
It would just be like you justneed to entertain Aaron Grace
for two hours hour and a half,whatever, but that I feel like
that's a big deal.
Speaker 4 (38:36):
It is a big deal yeah .
Speaker 3 (38:38):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (38:38):
And that's one of the things I would have changed.
I think just being moreintentional, taking that time,
sure, going out on a date once amonth, even because we
sometimes I mean I can remembertimes whenever it would be
probably a year before we gottime to really just yeah, yeah
us together by ourselves thatwas one of our favorite date
(38:59):
nights because I mean raisingkids.
Speaker 2 (39:02):
It's expensive yeah, you mentioned volleyball for
grace and know there's so manyof our kids and there were
sports all over the place.
It was like okay, for, like youknow, there was a routine and
schedule for if it was a fourkid week or a two kid week.
It's like, okay, well, ifCallie and Cody are with their
mother this night, okay, well,let's see if Cindy TJ's mother
(39:26):
is available and Thomas andAaron Grace can spend the night
that night, and we'll go getsome tacos and we'll just go
home and watch a movie so we canjust sit beside each other on
the couch, to just be in thesame space as you without four
kids literally climbing all overus and we're also too.
Speaker 3 (39:45):
we've gotten better, especially as the kids have
gotten older, about making timea little bit more intentional.
We were Disney pass holders fora while, and so Brandy and I,
like kids, are so mad.
We're like we're going toDisney, they're like we're not
going.
And I was like, no, you're not.
And they're like you can't, youcan't, leave us.
I was like, oh, like, oh, yeah,we can.
(40:14):
Yes, we can, absolutely, youknow.
Speaker 4 (40:15):
so very cool all right, so, but yeah, I mean
those are the.
Speaker 1 (40:18):
You know, I think generally we do a you know, okay
job, okay, john, I think we'reall just trying to do okay yeah,
we all do okay.
It's like yeah, we're good Ithink the the biggest thing, too
, is just knowing.
Always talk about just knowingyour blind spots.
Like knowing the areas whereit's like, hey, this is a
struggle for us, this is a hardpoint for us.
So this is these are thingsthat are easy, we know that, but
(40:39):
here's the things.
Let's keep our eyes on thesethings spots as you work through
it.
I mean everybody.
If somebody says they don'thave those, they have no idea
what they're doing oh for sure.
Speaker 2 (40:48):
They're definitely in the middle of them, so it's I
mean, so it's huge.
The biggest thing.
I feel like what we figured outis being intentional, but in
all areas.
Like you are intentional withyour time with your children,
you're intentional with yourtime with each other, just like
you're intentional with yourtime at work.
Everything has to have athought behind it and it's
(41:10):
exhausting but it's alsorewarding it feels like it takes
the romance out of it sometimes.
Speaker 3 (41:17):
But in all reality.
Speaker 1 (41:18):
It's like no, it actually gives you time to have
romance and to add that into it,Because if you don't, it just
won't happen.
So we're getting close to ourtime.
I think I'm not sure where ourtime is, Michael.
Where are we at on our time,boss?
Okay, cool, so let's do.
We like to do a thing we callunpack, so it's just basically.
Speaker 2 (41:40):
You're going to unpack your baggage, your
baggage plane.
Speaker 1 (41:44):
So it's basically, I would love for you guys to say,
hey, give us like for thosepeople who are out there
listening, no matter wherethey're at in their relationship
.
They may be started, they maybe 10 years, in 19 years, in
what's one kind of advice or tipyou would give to those people.
(42:04):
Each one of you can go.
Do you want to go first, brandy?
Do you have something?
I don't know, because there'stwo really important things that
I would those people.
Each one of you can go.
Do you want to go first, brandy?
Do you have something?
Speaker 4 (42:09):
I don't know, because there's two really important
things that I would tell people.
Speaker 2 (42:13):
Then say two things yeah, you can have two, I'll
give you two.
Speaker 3 (42:16):
Watch her.
Take one of mine.
Go for it.
Let's see.
Speaker 2 (42:19):
I'm so excited.
Speaker 4 (42:22):
I would say my biggest thing is 100%.
Always be real and truthful.
Don't be afraid to go throughthe hard stuff and don't try to
keep it all to yourself, becauseit's not healthy and it won't
do you any good.
And I still, to this day, I'vebeen told this.
I was told this by mygrandmother and my mother, but
(42:45):
one of the key things that wenever did is we don't go to bed
angry.
We don't go to sleep beforewe've had time to.
We may still be a littlefrustrated, but we make sure
that we lean over and give eachother a kiss and tell each other
good night.
Is it that kind of?
Speaker 1 (43:07):
kiss, like Sometimes it can be.
Speaker 3 (43:08):
That has happened.
Speaker 1 (43:11):
If you're saying you've never went to bed angry.
Speaker 4 (43:14):
we go back to that number one truth I can't say I'm
not frustrated still, but I'mnot angry and mad Like I'm not
going to hold on to it, becausethen I just wake up and I'm even
worse in the morning.
Speaker 3 (43:26):
Gotcha Interesting.
Okay, you didn't take mine.
I'm even worse in the morning.
Yeah, gotcha Interesting.
Okay, you didn't take mine.
I appreciate that, thank you.
Speaker 1 (43:32):
You said two things.
I did, she did two.
Yeah, oh, that's yeah.
No, no, no oh.
Speaker 3 (43:36):
Yeah, the one thing we've talked tried to make them
be something they're not.
And so you know, we've seenother people really push their
kids really hard into whateverit is they want them to be or
(43:56):
what they want them to do, andwe've never really done that,
even with you know, because,grace, when she was 12, she
asked me, I asked her.
I said do you really want toplay volleyball?
And she said yes.
And I asked her every said doyou really want to play
volleyball?
And she said yes.
And I asked her every year doyou still want to do this?
Do you still want to do this?
Do you want to play in college?
Yes, do you want to play incollege?
Yes, and then her senior yearshe came to me and goes I don't
(44:17):
want to do that anymore.
And I was like okay, Okay.
You know so, and I think that'ssomething that we work really
hard, and I think it's thereason why we have good
relationships with our kids,because a lot of people don't.
And we don't, we're nothelicopter parents, we don't
push all that stuff on our kidsLike that's not, that's not who
we are, and I think that's a.
(44:41):
That's something I think we seea lot, especially in families
around us, and know we never, Inever wanted.
People always ask me why we putour kids in public school, not
private school or homeschool andthe answer is we survived it
and we're fine yeah you know,and I think you can't hide your
(45:02):
kids from the world, right.
So so those are the things thatyou know and we have.
Brandy is right, we've alwaystried not to get a bit angry and
all those things.
But you know, and I would agreewith what you guys said about
taking time with one another,you know trying to find the time
Right.
You know, because even the busytimes, you know, when we were
(45:24):
going 100 miles an hour, youknow we still tried a couple
weeks.
Speaker 4 (45:27):
I mean I was gone for a week at banking school and
then I come back and home fortwo days and then he flies out
to go to arkansas.
Speaker 2 (45:35):
And yeah, it's crazy because when you're raising kids
, it doesn't matter what agethey are.
It's going to be a busy time,sure?
And it's going to last like,even like, our granddaughter
although she's eight months old,fixing to be nine months old,
she's getting teeth, and that'shard for little babies yeah and
(45:55):
her dad, you know, is afirefighter and then works a
second job and her mommy's astay-at-home mommy.
But it's like their schedulesand their needs and when you
bring the baby's needs in don'talways sign up Just like banking
, school out of town, volleyballtraveling, like it doesn't
matter what age it is, it'salways going to not always be
(46:19):
convenient.
Speaker 3 (46:20):
Yep, yep, yep, and you just have to.
It's not that you can't createtime, but you have to make sure
you set aside the time Exactly.
Yep, that's exactly right.
Speaker 1 (46:28):
Well, man, that's good stuff.
You can't create time, but youhave to make sure you set aside
the time.
That's exactly right.
Well, man, that's good stuff.
That's good stuff to wrap up onand finish up.
Thank you, guys, so much forcoming and sharing your story,
our very first guest ever.
Yay, and so thanks to everybodyfor listening and tuning in.
Speaker 2 (46:49):
It's just fun and I actually just can't believe
people actually listen to us,but thank you for doing it.
Speaker 1 (46:53):
Yeah, so those were idiots.
Thank you guys for coming againtonight and thanks for tuning
in.
We'll talk to you guys later,you.
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