August 6, 2025 • 41 mins
What draws us to our partners initially, and what makes a relationship last through decades of change? In this intimate conversation, Greg and Jess explore the profound question of how to truly love someone for who they are—not who we wish they might become.
The journey begins with attraction, where we discover what initially draws us to our significant others is often qualities completely different from our own. Greg shares how Jess's independence and deep connections with others captivated him, while Jess was drawn to Greg's drive, risk-taking nature, and adventurous spirit. These complementary differences create a beautiful balance in relationships, yet can become sources of frustration if we start wishing our partners were more like ourselves.
Marriage requires intentionality that many overlook. Just as we dedicate time to physical fitness and personal growth, our relationships need regular maintenance and care. Small unaddressed issues compound over time, creating invisible barriers between partners who once felt completely connected. Greg and Jess offer practical wisdom for couples at every stage—from those newly dating to those who've been married for decades and feel they've grown apart.
The most powerful insight emerges when they discuss what it truly means to love someone authentically: "I love you for not who you can become or who you can be, but for who you are at that moment." This profound perspective challenges us to examine whether we're truly accepting our partners or secretly keeping a list of desired "improvements."
Whether you're single, newly married, or celebrating decades together, this conversation offers fresh perspective on building relationships that thrive through life's inevitable changes. Listen, reflect, and consider reaching out for their free family culture guide mentioned in the episode by DMing them on social media.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hey guys, what's up?
I'm Greg.
I hope you guys are ready tounpack and get into some good
conversations today.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
And I'm Jess, and this is our podcast Baggage
Claim.
Thank you for joining us.
Speaker 1 (00:17):
What's up everybody?
Welcome to Baggage Claim.
If you're new here, thank youfor joining us.
If you're an original or one ofthe old fogies, or what do you
call it?
Speaker 2 (00:30):
A fan.
Yeah, okay, I like old fogies.
Speaker 1 (00:33):
Old fogies.
If you're an old fogie, welcomeback to the table.
I thought it was a fogie.
Fogie Could be a fogie.
Producer Michael doesn't knowwhat he's talking about.
Oh okay, so hey, grab yourfavorite drink.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
Thanks, for joining us.
Yeah, absolutely, whoever youare.
Speaker 1 (00:49):
This is episode 24.
Yes, of Baggage Claim.
We've been going for about sixmonths.
We've been at this, we've beentrying to.
We've missed a couple weeks insix months, but it's every week.
We've been putting out content.
Um, I hope you guys areenjoying it.
I hope everybody's listeningand getting something out of it.
(01:10):
Just something interesting.
Right now we are, um, are youabout to say something?
No, I just took a deep breath.
Oh, okay, we're in.
Uh, we've had downloads whichare people listening, which
download the episode in ninedifferent countries and 138
different cities across, whichis kind of cool Across the world
(01:31):
, yeah, across the world.
You didn't finish your sentence.
Oh sorry, and so it's one ofthose nights.
It's Tuesday night, school isback in, so Jess is about to go
to bed in five minutes, so ifshe, gets up and stops talking
in the middle of the episode.
Speaker 2 (01:45):
She just went to bed.
If I disappear, I'm just done.
Yeah, she's just like well,jess is out it takes me a few
weeks at the beginning of schoolyear to get back in the school
rhythm and I am absolutelyexhausted.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
Yeah, she almost falls asleep eating dinner, so
we're recording this after ourdinner, so she may not last but
15, 20 minutes.
So for some of you guys that maybe like thank God, it's only 15
minutes, so, but anyway, allthat said, thanks for joining us
, if you're new here.
Back to, if you're new here.
Baggage Claim is a place wherewe talk about marriage
(02:18):
relationships in blendedfamilies outside of blended
families, blended familiesoutside of blended families.
We're just here to create someconversations in this community
around that topic and just havesome fun with it and just create
kind of a place where you canask questions and get some
information and have some funand we share our stories and all
the craziness that goes on.
So, before we jump into whatwe're talking about tonight,
(02:43):
before we jump into what we'retalking about tonight, we've
been attending a local churchhere that we absolutely have
just— we love it, yeah, love it.
I have a huge history there,yeah, so for me it's where I
came to faith at.
It's been huge and this is alsoa huge center point for a lot
of pain in my life.
But also, too, we've decidedwe're going to give it a shot
(03:06):
and we absolutely love it.
Love the pastor, love theworship, love the people there
doing some cool, but they'redoing thing.
Talking about the home and thefamily, yeah, the family, the
huge part of family.
So we have written I don't knowif you remember but episode
eight way, way, way back when inthe files If you want to go
check out episode eight, wetalked about creating a family
(03:28):
culture, how we did that andit's called something roots,
developing culture or something.
It's episode eight.
So if you go, if you go look upepisode eight, we can actually
get the title of that.
But we have, in that process wewrote a four week study oh, I
don't remember what the actualtitle is.
(03:49):
I'm sorry oh, we had to look onour platform, but, um, on any of
the podcasts.
If you go there, it's episodeeight of that, so but we wrote a
four-week study talking abouthelping create culture in your
home.
It's very simple.
Yeah, it's not complex.
We want to make it somethingsimple.
Well, what we're doing for thenext three weeks, since our
(04:11):
church is talking about familyand home and the importance of
that, we decided we're going todevelop this thing and then
we're actually going to give itaway to you if you want it, if
you want it, if you want thatstudy, all you need to do and I
say study, it's not really, it'snot kind of like an exercise,
it's not really a study.
(04:31):
You're not studying culture.
It's kind of like a.
Speaker 2 (04:34):
It's short, it's simple.
Speaker 1 (04:37):
Yeah, because we know we all live busy lives.
Yeah, but also, too, we wantedto create something for you to
help you give some direction andsome purpose to the culture in
your home, and so we're going tojust be handing that out.
So, if you want it, you can DMus on any of the socials and
just let us know, and we'll sendthat out to you in a PDF form
(04:57):
Something fun.
The name of that episode isFrom Sticky Notes to Strong
Roots.
Speaker 2 (05:02):
Ah there we go Define your Family Culture.
Thank you, producer.
Speaker 1 (05:04):
Michael, thank you.
So there we have it.
So that's something we're doing.
We're going to finish that upby the time this airs this week.
It'll be there.
So if you can just shoot us aDM if you want that, we're
working on getting a webpage upthere.
We'll have it where you candownload it.
We may even put it on oursocials.
(05:29):
You can just go to our socialsand find it if you want.
I don't know how that works,but anyway, we'll figure it out,
okay, so, anyway.
So what are we talking aboutthis afternoon?
Speaker 2 (05:35):
We're talking about marriage.
Speaker 1 (05:37):
Well, that's kind of another topic.
It's something we haven'ttalked about we're talking about
.
Speaker 2 (05:44):
when we first started talking about this topic, we
were thinking about it in onedirection, but then it went into
another direction of how do youknow that you love your spouse
for?
Who they truly are is where itwent.
Speaker 1 (05:59):
Yeah, that's where it ended, but, man, you just
jumped to the end.
I know that's the end of thatepisode, if you guys.
Thanks for joining us tonight.
So the whole idea is so you putme on the spot and I was not
ready to do the introduction.
Okay, so we started thisdiscussion.
We're riding in the car and arewith our kids or someone I
(06:21):
can't remember, but we were likewe feel like the biggest
decision you will make in yourlife or so, from where you go to
school, all of those otherthings is who you are going to
marry.
Like that's probably thebiggest decision you're going to
make in your life because itdetermines so many things in
your life, like that's yourpartner, your ride or die.
(06:42):
That's the person you're saying, hey, I'm in this no matter
what happens.
So that's a huge decision.
And so many times we make thatdecision based off of oh my gosh
, they're so cute and I lovethem and they're so sweet and
I'm like, ok, wait, there's gotto be more depth to this.
Speaker 2 (06:59):
OK, that's great.
Speaker 1 (07:01):
Yeah, those aren't bad things at all.
Hopefully they are sweet andhopefully they are pretty
attractive to you, but at thesame time, it's like there's so
much more to that, and so that'swhat led us into the discussion
that you just ended.
Speaker 2 (07:13):
I did not just end it , you put me on the spot.
Speaker 1 (07:21):
So you were the trusty notes, you were to kick
us out.
Speaker 2 (07:24):
Well, the beginning of my notes is apparently not
helping me very much right now.
So one thing that we havetalked about a lot is that how a
lot of people will say in theirmarriage well, I'm just not
happy, I'm just not happyanymore.
But when you start to thinkabout that, it's like okay, well
, what expectation has not beenmet or what have you not
(07:47):
identified yet, like what is thecause or what is it in you that
is reflecting that unmetexpectation as well, just to
make you feel quote unquote nothappy.
Speaker 1 (07:58):
Yeah, because it's interesting.
Happy, I mean, if you look atthat, happy is a decision.
You get to decide whetheryou're happy or not.
That's an emotion.
So you get to decide whetheryou're happy or not.
That's an emotion.
So you get to decide that it'snot something that's decided for
you.
I mean you can look at anysituation and find goodness or
happiness in it if you want, oryou can find frustration and
anger in it.
So for me it goes back to thecore.
(08:20):
And man, I beat this drum somuch on this podcast.
It's ridiculous.
I know you guys are like, oh myGod, Is he going?
to say it again A core value no,no, okay, thank you you said
core though.
Yeah, but it's one of the thingsthat it is one of the core
values probably with this showTo be like if you want to have a
(08:40):
really really healthy marriage,healthy relationship, you want
to have a really really healthymarriage, healthy relationship,
you need to be the healthiestversion of yourself.
Like.
Before you start thinking aboutwho am I going to marry, maybe
you should start asking yourquestions about who am I Like?
What are my values?
What do I what like?
Who am I Like?
How do I think, how do I work,how do I process, how do I
communicate, how do I like?
(09:02):
Not just some of the the likesand hobbies.
So many times when we are withsomeone, we're like, oh, they're
pretty and they like the samethings I like, and so, therefore
, we should be compatible.
Let's try this out without evenreally knowing who we are and
how we function.
And so we started with askingthe question.
I was like, okay, just whatmade you want to after that
(09:25):
intense, beautiful cup of coffeeat Waffle House after our first
date?
What made you say yes, please,I want to know more.
And so that was the question.
That kind of led us into herlist of things.
And then I had a list of thingstoo.
Do you want to share?
Speaker 2 (09:42):
yours, sure.
Yeah, that's why we're here,right.
I think so.
Your beautiful blue eyes,you're so cute, you're so.
No, yes, all those are true.
Yes, but and the real ones,though, after I got to know you,
the real?
Speaker 1 (09:58):
ones.
Those are the fake ones.
I mean I know what you mean.
Speaker 2 (10:06):
They're not.
My brain is gone.
Speaker 1 (10:07):
Anyway.
Speaker 2 (10:08):
Superficial Superficial, yes.
Thank you for your vocabulary.
You're welcome, because I don'thave it.
After I got to know you, Iadmired your drive.
Although at that moment you hadsold your companies and you
didn't have like a quote,unquote job, like a nine to five
, you still were chasing ideas.
(10:28):
You still were setting goalsand figuring out how to get
there.
I appreciated how, when you hadideas most of your ideas are
good ideas and you acted on themyou figured out a plan how to
get there, because that's theopposite of me it really is that
(10:50):
you have a structure.
Whenever you do have a plan, itmay not be fleshed out with all
the details, like I wouldprefer, but there's definitely a
structure to your thoughts.
Speaker 1 (11:01):
Yeah, I'm an outline, Like give me an outline with
some bullet points and I'm goodto go.
I can figure it out.
Speaker 2 (11:07):
Right.
Speaker 1 (11:07):
You are a.
Speaker 2 (11:09):
Oh man, I need all the bullet points, I need all
the details, I need graphs andcharts and labels and I need
everything yeah you would likeeven to have a, you know, like a
reference page from the outlinethat gives more details on what
the details should be?
Yes, I also appreciated thatyou're a risk taker, even though
that scares me.
But I appreciate that about youand then how adventurous you
(11:31):
were then and still are, becauseI'm not I'm a scaredy cat.
So most of these qualities thatwere attractive to me with you
are things that are not like me.
Speaker 1 (11:42):
It's interesting because when you were asking
that question, you're kind ofmapping those out and I'm like
not to be mean, but none ofthose are totally you.
Speaker 2 (11:50):
No.
Speaker 1 (11:51):
Like at all, and so and it's usually what happens in
relationships the oppositeattract and you're just like
okay, this person is nothinglike me, you're intrigued by
them.
Speaker 2 (12:00):
Yeah, that whole list of.
I mean, I have drive, but whenit comes to being a risk taker
and just like I have an idea I'mgoing to go get it.
Like I don't, I'm not that way.
Speaker 1 (12:11):
Well, it's like we had the idea to do this podcast
for a long, long time, yeah, andit wasn't finally until I sat
down and was like okay.
I sat down with Michael and waslike how do we do this?
What do I need?
He sends me a list of equipmentto buy and I just started
buying it and putting ittogether, Bought our table on
Facebook and we're just like,okay, we're going to do this.
Speaker 2 (12:29):
And I'm sitting there thinking what are we going to
talk about?
Oh my gosh, how do we do this?
I need step one, two, three.
I needed it, but you werealready taking that risk.
Speaker 1 (12:38):
You were already being proactive and and do all
those other things, and you'rejust like, oh my gosh, so I get
that.
What about you?
Well, I mean, of course, youwere extremely attractive, and I
was like, oh okay, cool,probably one of the most
appealing things to me.
(12:59):
And it sounds weird when I sayit, though, but when I met you
after coffee, didn't?
You didn't need me, I guess, tosay like I could feel the, like
it wasn't, like it wasn't ahard sell, like what's it gonna
take to get you in thisrelationship tonight?
You know it wasn't, and therewas no sales pitch to that at
(13:20):
all.
It was just kind of like hey,this is who I am.
If am.
If you're okay with that, cool.
If not, hey, it's a good cup ofcoffee.
Well, it's average cup ofcoffee.
Great company, I hope.
And so you, you know, I thinkthat was one of the things I was
like okay, she's not, shedoesn't, she's not.
You didn't chase me.
No, I didn't.
Speaker 2 (13:40):
I didn't need a man.
Speaker 1 (13:41):
Yeah.
Yeah, it's kind of like, but itwasn't like.
Speaker 2 (13:43):
Not in an ugly way, I was just like, no, I'm okay.
Speaker 1 (13:46):
Yeah, it wasn't that like I don't need, I can do it
all on my own, I don't need aman, like because it's not you.
No, but at the same time youwere very independent and very
driven on your own to be like Igot this figured out and I'm
doing it.
You were very connectedemotionally too into—I'm not
(14:12):
saying I wasn't.
Speaker 2 (14:13):
Like my friendships.
Speaker 1 (14:14):
Yeah, people—here's the things.
Every time I would bring yourname up, everybody just raved
about you Like everybody lovesJessica, and if you're ever out
with us, if we're ever outsomewhere at a restaurant, we
never, ever, go somewhere whereyou don't run into someone, you
know, and everybody's just like,oh my God, it's Jessica and I'm
(14:37):
just standing there like, hey,I'm Greg, you know.
It's just like everybody lovesyou and you connected with
people so easily and everybodyloves you.
That was a.
That was a really cool thingfor me, and so that was
something that really attractedme into that to say, ok, I want
to know more, like, who is thisperson behind that?
So it's just for me, those werecool things your independence,
(14:59):
your sense of hey, you had lifefigured out, you're doing life
like you were a mom with kids.
Speaker 2 (15:05):
I had my routine.
Speaker 1 (15:07):
Yeah, you did and you're okay if I didn't fit into
that and some guys would befrustrated by that and be like
no, no, no, but I was like no, Ilike the fact that you got your
thing and hey, here's whatwe're doing.
You can be a part of it if youwant.
Speaker 2 (15:23):
I remember my counselor saying I mentioned
this before too, but stillthinking about it it's funny
because he said that he asked ifpeople had started trying to
set me up yet.
And I was like, well, one dayit wasn't great, not you, it was
one before you and I was likethere's a man that some friends
are trying to set me up with,but I don't know.
(15:43):
And he said what are youworried about?
And I was like I don't want himto mess it up.
And he was like, yeah, that'show you know you're ready.
And he was like, yeah, that'show you know you're ready.
He was like you've got yourselftogether, you know who you are,
you're standing on your ownfeet and you don't want him to
come mess it up, because youworked hard on who you are.
Speaker 1 (15:59):
Well, because, too, it wasn't a, you weren't rushing
into this, and I wasn't rushinginto this in the sense of okay,
and under the circumstances ofwhat we did, people would be
like, oh bro, you rushed intothis, yeah, and of course that
debate's out there.
Speaker 2 (16:15):
Explain what you mean by that, in case somebody
doesn't know.
Speaker 1 (16:19):
From the time we met and were engaged.
We were married in eight months, yeah.
So, yeah, you could call thatrushing in, you know, because I
hear people who are like, ifyou've been in, that you
shouldn't at least date for acertain amount of time, you
shouldn't do this for a certainamount of time, and I agree with
some of those things, yeah.
But I also know that peopleprocess information, they
(16:42):
process feelings, they processthings in different ways.
So I'm never going to be theone that tells you oh, you got
to at least wait two yearsbefore you do this but if you're
dragging I wasn't draggingpeople and be like oh, meet my
kids, here's my kids, here's,meet this.
Speaker 2 (16:58):
No, we didn't do that no.
Speaker 1 (17:00):
so it was like, okay, we're very intentional about
that.
Speaker 2 (17:07):
So all that to say those are the things that
attracted us to each other,because we're asking this, yeah,
but I love the fact, though,that the things that attracted
us to each other was what wewere confident about in our own
selves, which is interesting,yeah it is interesting.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (17:22):
Well, because you supplemented the things that I
was not good at, and you've donethe same for me.
Yeah, but it wasn't like I hadto have you to feel that, or it
was going to be just weird.
Speaker 2 (17:35):
Yeah, does that make sense?
Yeah, totally.
Speaker 1 (17:39):
So the problem with this comes though.
Like when you meet someone andyou're dating you're like I want
to marry this person.
You're usually in that reallyfrilly feel good, Everything in
the world is great, I don't.
There's nothing that they dothat I despise kind of stage.
Speaker 2 (17:55):
It's always going to be this way the lovey-dovey,
Right yeah.
Speaker 1 (17:58):
And then that just over time just wears, it changes
, it doesn't wear off.
I think we just change.
Speaker 2 (18:05):
We do.
I was listening to the radiothis morning.
It's a local show in Atlantaand the host was saying that he
thinks it's silly sometimes thatpeople get married in their 20s
and 30s because you don't knowwho you are at that age.
You don't know who you areuntil you're in your 40s.
Speaker 1 (18:22):
I mean, I would agree , you don't?
Know who you are in your 20s.
Speaker 2 (18:24):
Well, I would agree with another statement that he
made, that when you're 22,you're not the same person that
you are when you're 45.
Speaker 1 (18:30):
No, absolutely not.
Yeah, you're not going to be.
Speaker 2 (18:33):
And I also agree with what he said.
That's why a lot of marriagesfail in the long run, because if
you don't grow and adapttogether and still get to know
each other, like I mean, I knowI've changed since we've gotten
married and you have too in someways, but we grown together.
Speaker 1 (18:52):
but if you don't do that, then yeah, of course
you're, you're, it's not goingto be fun, yeah, if you get to a
point and you're set in the, inthat, and be like, no, this is
who I am, this is right, andyou're not growing, you're not
adapting, you're not changingwith that person, then, yes,
you're going to grow apart.
Like I am vigilant about.
It could be something so minute, like we have a disagreement
(19:16):
about something silly.
I'm trying to think ofsomething we had a disagreement
about here lately.
Speaker 2 (19:21):
Laundry.
Speaker 1 (19:22):
Oh yeah, laundry doesn't bother me though I don't
really.
Oh yeah, maybe, okay, maybe itdoes.
I was like, hey, can we foldthe laundry?
Because every time I go to getdressed I got to go dig through
the laundry baskets in our roomand so I was like Sunday we just
dumped it all on our bed andwe're like we're going to fold
this stuff and take care of it.
The problem is is like youcould be frustrated by those
(19:45):
things, like if there's onelittle thing that I feel like
has come between us that wehaven't talked about or we
haven't addressed.
Speaker 2 (19:52):
You will make sure we talk about it.
Speaker 1 (19:54):
Yeah, it just drives me nuts because I know it could
be something so simple and solike a mis-.
It could be something little.
Yeah, just even amiscommunication of like you
thought I was angry, I wasn'tangry, you thought I was upset,
but I wasn't.
Or I thought you were upset butyou weren't.
But if we don't ever talk aboutit, then that one little thing
(20:18):
becomes yeah, it just, it's justokay, that's a marking point.
Then from that marking pointthe next time some little thing
happens, and then that littlething sticks to that other
marking point and then thatlittle thing becomes something a
little bigger and then I'm justlike oh gosh, she just gets
frustrated at this or thishappens when she does this and
this and this.
Speaker 2 (20:32):
Every time I ask him to do this, he has an attitude.
Speaker 1 (20:35):
And so, yeah, then those things keep compounding
and compounding and compoundingto where it's like I don't ask
him to do anything, becauseevery time I ask him he gets
attitude, and this goes on.
And there's this small littlething.
It's like if you had adiscussion.
So I'm very, very vigilantabout, because what happens is I
.
So I'm very, very vigilantabout, because what happens is I
know that you may be like Greg,you're over-exaggerating.
I'm telling you the truth.
I have seen so many marriagesfive, ten years later look at
(21:01):
each other and be like why doyou not like each other?
Speaker 2 (21:03):
And they can't even tell you why they can't tell you
yeah, I don't know why.
Speaker 1 (21:07):
And then you always go to that easy, just back
pocket thing like we're justdifferent people now.
Speaker 2 (21:13):
We've just grown apart.
Speaker 1 (21:14):
Yeah, we're growing apart and we're not in love.
Well, that's just BS.
But of course you've grown,you've changed.
Of course you have.
Your kids are grown, your kidsare different, you're different,
your body's different, likethere's so many different things
in your life.
But if that's the case, then,what are you getting married and
(21:38):
divorced every 10 years?
Like, every time you change,you go through a season.
You're like oh, I'm differentnow, so I gotta get rid of them,
yeah, and so it's like that.
That idea doesn't make sense.
So it's like why can't youchange and adapt with those
people as you go?
Like that's the idea.
Because what happens, though,is like all the things that we
got married that we foundinteresting about you, I, I
could, over time, be like well,why aren't you more like me?
Well, if I stop and look atthem, I'm like because the
(21:59):
things that attracted me to youwere the things that were not
like me, right, so why would Iwant to make you a clone of me?
That's just boring, that's notfun.
I know that's just boring,that's not fun.
Speaker 2 (22:10):
I know, I think the only thing that pops up every
now and again about ourdifference is it kind of drives
you nuts.
It's just another bigdifference that you appreciate
when you think about it is thatI think slower than you do,
which could be very frustratingat times when you've got 500
ideas in your head and I'm stillprocessing the first three, but
(22:35):
you're on 501, and you'reprobably thinking why can you
not be where I'm at?
Come over here with me.
I'm like well, I'm stillworking on the first few ideas.
But that's another thing thatif you don't work on still
appreciating that about yourspouse, or specifically us, that
could drive you nuts to thepoint where, like God, I can't
even have a conversation withher anymore.
Speaker 1 (22:52):
It's true, it could, yeah, it really could.
I don't, and it could be thesame way about like you came
home today and I've been at thekitchen table.
I was doing real estate, so Iwas working on some offers and
some real estate stuff.
But I also had these big stickynotes and on the windows and so
I'm mapping out, for baggageclaim, how to kind of lay out
our website and the threedifferent areas.
We're going to do Like, hey, atone point we're going to do
(23:14):
retreats, we want to do someone-on-one coaching, we want to
do some mastermind or cohortkind of things with couples
together so we can walk throughsome of the things that we're
talking about.
And so I'm laying all this outon a piece of paper and you're
just like okay, what are wetalking about tonight?
And I'm like, what?
Like, okay, what are we talkingabout tonight?
And I'm like what Like?
Are you serious?
Like I have like 15 otherthings in my mind.
(23:36):
And you're like okay, so whatare we talking about tonight?
Speaker 2 (23:38):
Well, then again, I'm not frustrated, but I'm used to
it.
But I brought up that I sharedan idea with one of my
administrators that I was prettybrave about and I said I can't
wait to tell you about it, butyour brain kept going about
baggage claim and I didn't getto share that idea with you yet
that's true, but that's just anexample.
(23:58):
I'm not mad about that because Iknow I will get to, but if I
weren't careful and just mindful, it's like he didn't mean it at
me.
It's just.
That's how his mind works.
Yeah you could hear it as Idon't care.
Yeah, I don't care about whatyou have to say, but I don't
read it that way, just because Iknow that's not your intent.
Speaker 1 (24:16):
No.
Speaker 2 (24:17):
I've adapted and grown.
Speaker 1 (24:19):
Yeah, that makes me feel horrible as a communicator,
though, no.
I remember you saying that,like because you said you were
so proud of yourself you gobecause I had an idea and then I
acted on it and I went to theprincipal's office today and
told them about it and I waslike, oh, that's awesome.
I thought that was the pointthat you acted on the idea.
Speaker 2 (24:37):
I wanted to tell you the rest of the details because
that came up whenever I wastalking about the list of things
that I was making that wereattractive to me when I first
met you is that when you had anidea, you acted on it.
So I was like this is a goodtime to share.
But it was not a good time toshare.
Speaker 1 (24:54):
So okay, so we say these things and we're talking
about this, and you may be outthere If you're listening to
this and you're not married.
God bless you.
Thank you so much for listeningto us.
I hope you find some value insome of this.
But also, too, as you'relistening and you're thinking
(25:17):
about who am I, what do I wantto do?
But then at the other and youmay be like we've been married
15 years.
I'm like we're kids deep inthis, we're out mortgage payment
and car payments and sports andeverything else like I don't
feel that.
What do you say to that person?
Speaker 2 (25:37):
You don't feel.
Speaker 1 (25:38):
Like I feel the separation.
I don't feel that, like I don'tfeel like we're on the same
page.
We fight and argue more than wedon't.
We don't see things the sameway, like how do you what's?
Speaker 2 (25:55):
your thoughts on that .
What do you do with that?
Well, I mean, I've not been inthat position, but I have been
in a place where to know thatit's okay to start over, and I
don't mean with a fresh newmarriage, I mean with a fresh
clean slate.
Speaker 1 (26:12):
Well, honey, I'm done , we're out, I gotta go.
Speaker 2 (26:15):
No, I mean with a clean slate.
It's okay to start over and Iwould encourage you because,
like what your example is, ifyou've been together for that
many years and you have, youknow all the kids and all the
things and now all that's over,you know, or you're the raising
littles is coming to an end andyou know some of that's starting
to die down.
You should get to know eachother again.
Speaker 1 (26:38):
I agree you got to see it almost as an adventure,
like a fun kind of adventure tobe like.
Oh, I get to rediscover whothis person is that I fell in
love with, that I've built thislife with, Like there's a lot of
life together.
Just because you see a fewthings differently doesn't mean
you walk away from that itdoesn't mean you.
(26:59):
It's just like it's a hard.
I think, first off, when you'rein that position, you got to
find some common ground to belike, okay, let's find some
things that we have some commonground and let's start with that
.
Like, let's build on that.
What's the foundation of thosethings?
Because you both, I mean theidea is, if you're in a
relationship with someone, bothpeople have to want it.
Speaker 2 (27:19):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (27:20):
You got to want that relationship and you're going to
have to work at it.
It's interesting to me like wepush the gym working out, be
healthy, be healthy, blah, blah,blah, workout, workout, do
these things, watch what you eat.
But then it's like if you tookthat same intentionality toward
your marriage to work on yourmarriage to make it good and
make it healthy, you're notgoing to have that issue.
(27:41):
Like if you just think you'rejust going to show up and wake
up in bed with this person everymorning and just go through
life and you think if we don'thave those intentional
conversations of being healthytogether, you're not going to
have a healthy relationship.
It's asinine to think it's justgoing to happen on its own
because it's not.
Speaker 2 (28:02):
I think people forget in the fast pace of life that a
relationship is work.
I mean there are parts of itthat are easy.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (28:12):
And it should be easy and it should be fun.
But it's also like you enjoygoing to the gym, you love going
to the gym, you enjoy it, I do,but it's also work.
Speaker 2 (28:19):
It is work.
Speaker 1 (28:20):
Yeah, the relationship's the same way, a
marriage is the same way.
It's a work, and not to stealthe joy from you and be like
it's not all flowers and fun,it's like sometimes it's work
yeah.
Speaker 2 (28:33):
Well, I mean, 13 years ago I fell in love with
you for who you were then, butnow I still love you just as
much for who you are now.
But that's because we've workedand we've grown together.
I mean there's a lot of thingsthat have changed for you and I.
Speaker 1 (28:54):
I've had so many different jobs.
I've had so many different andI kind of have an
entrepreneurial spirit.
I'm a risk taker.
So, like ladies, if you'remarrying an entrepreneur or even
a risk taker kind of guy, welove to push all our chips into
the middle of the table and justroll the dice and see what
happens.
Often Sometimes too oftenbecause I just think it's fun
(29:16):
and Jess is like it's not as funas you think it is no, it's not
, no, it's not.
But on the other hand, you knowwho I am and so you can talk to
me before we get to the push,everything in the middle and be
like are you sure this is whatwe need to do?
Speaker 2 (29:31):
But then on the other side of that is I trust you
with that.
Speaker 1 (29:36):
Because I also know, too, that growth is going to
come out of that, but also, too,there's a lot of tension points
that can be frustrations andarguments.
So that's why I'm saying, whenyou're thinking about your
relationship and who you'regoing to marry and who you're in
this relationship with, thoseare all very, very important
parts of that.
Yeah, so make sure that thoseare included in those things.
(29:58):
And yeah, we all have seasons.
You're going to change, yeah,and that's okay.
It's adapting.
And finally, that's why I'msaying, knowing who you are at
your core and the person youmarry is okay with who you are
and you're okay Like.
I'm not trying to change you.
No, I don't want you to be likeme, because I don't.
I mean, sometimes I'm not, I'mjust like I don't want to be
(30:19):
like me.
I want to be more like you.
Speaker 2 (30:22):
But we've never asked each other to change.
Speaker 1 (30:24):
No, I never have.
Speaker 2 (30:26):
We've used the help me understand phrase.
Speaker 1 (30:28):
Yeah, understand phrase.
Yeah, you've done that a lot, afew times.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (30:31):
But I've never asked you to change from all those
qualities that I love.
Speaker 1 (30:35):
Well, because there's a level of trust that I trust
that you have my best interestand you trust that I have your
best interest and I'm not doingit to hurt you, harm you or
anything else, just to make usbetter.
Speaker 2 (30:47):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (30:47):
In the end.
Speaker 2 (30:48):
So you ready to unpack a little bit?
Yeah, let's unpack this.
So I know I keep saying I fellin love with you for who you are
, before we get that thought,okay, hold it, we're going back
to that.
Speaker 1 (30:59):
Okay, if you're new here, uh, it's your first time
listening.
Unpack is where we kind of tryto take what we've talked about
and put some feet to it and putsome action steps to it, some
practical spots to.
Hey, we've talked about thesethings, okay, now go do this
this week.
We're simple people, so we likesimple steps.
The world loves to complicatethings and take something simple
(31:21):
and make it complex.
We like to try to do theopposite.
Let's take something complexand make it simple so we can
apply it in life.
So our unpack.
When we say let's unpack,that's what we're meaning.
Let's jump into this.
Speaker 2 (31:32):
Turn the page Now.
What do you do?
Speaker 1 (31:35):
Turn the page Right.
Speaker 2 (31:36):
Yes, so, like I was saying, I have repeated multiple
times, I know that I fell inlove with you for who you are.
What if you?
Okay, let me rephrase that whatdoes it mean to truly love
somebody for who they are?
Speaker 1 (31:56):
That's a deep question.
Speaker 2 (31:57):
I know.
Speaker 1 (32:00):
I think I love you.
Oh God, this sounds so cliche,so I'm trying not to make it
sound cliche, but I love you fornot who you can become or who
you can be, but for who you areat that moment.
Yeah, Like I'm not aspiring tobe like, oh my gosh, she's so
(32:23):
messy and I just want her to beneat.
Speaker 2 (32:27):
Like.
Speaker 1 (32:27):
I love your mess.
I love your— I'm not messy.
First of all, You're not messy.
Your purgatory stool in thecloset is messy.
Speaker 2 (32:34):
That does drive you nuts, but—.
Speaker 1 (32:36):
No, I just think it's interesting.
Speaker 2 (32:38):
Are you going to explain that?
Speaker 1 (32:39):
Because not everybody knows what— so, okay, you know
we have a walk-in closet and Ihave a small portion.
Speaker 2 (32:44):
You do Like a fourth of our yes.
Speaker 1 (32:50):
The rest is Jess.
And then there's this stepstool, because she has like five
shelves over there that she hasblue jeans from 15 years ago.
No, I don't.
Anyway, there's this shelf thathas a stack of clothes on it.
I was like what are those?
Speaker 2 (33:04):
It's on the little stool.
Yeah, the stool.
Speaker 1 (33:06):
yeah, the clothes are , and she goes well, they're not
dirty, but they're not clean.
Speaker 2 (33:10):
So I might could wear them one more time.
Speaker 1 (33:12):
But they sit on this stool and I'm like, well, what
is the stool?
And she goes it's thein-between of dirty and clean
and I'm like it's like purgatoryfor your clothes.
Speaker 2 (33:22):
They're not, they're neither they're nowhere, they're
just in the middle.
Speaker 1 (33:27):
They're just hanging out and so we're just kind of at
this place to be like anyway.
Speaker 2 (33:32):
Most women probably have a pile, although your
husband hasn't named it likemine did, so when we get rid of
that, it's always a happy day.
Speaker 1 (33:39):
But that doesn't bother me.
No, I'm not trying to changethat in you, though.
So I think loving someone forwho they are is not who they can
be, but who they are at thatmoment.
Speaker 2 (33:48):
Right, because if you want to change them, or if you
think you've got this littlelist in your head of things that
you want them to quote unquoteimprove on, do you really love
them for who they are?
I mean, I would say no.
Speaker 1 (34:00):
Yeah, well, that's, yeah, it's valid, because it'd
be like if they didn't do this,if they didn't do that, if
there's those things that are inyour, then that's a big red
flag for you.
To be like I would love that.
This just drives me nuts.
When they do this, I mean like,okay, maybe that's a red flag
for you.
Speaker 2 (34:14):
We're not perfect.
There are things that eachother does that drives each
other nuts.
Speaker 1 (34:19):
Like I love, love and I don't know why, to see how
far I can go on the empty tankbefore.
Oh my gosh, like right now,like right now.
I got in my truck this morningand I've been at the house most
of the day.
I drove and went to the bank.
When I got in the truck it saidlow level, like it doesn't even
say miles.
I drove to the bank and droveback home.
Speaker 2 (34:41):
You didn't go, get gas.
Speaker 1 (34:42):
Didn't go get gas because I'm like I leave
tomorrow.
I'm going to see if I can makeit to the gas station.
Speaker 2 (34:47):
I don't understand that and I kept telling him for
years and years and years andyears.
You're going to run out of gas,and he did before we married
each other.
But I was like you're going torun out of gas and you were
driving my other car I hadbefore my Jeep and I said you've
got to get some gas when you'regoing to run an errand in my
car.
No, I don't, no, I don't, no, Idon't.
Who ran out of gas before theycould get?
Speaker 1 (35:08):
back here.
It's because I didn't know yourcar.
I know my truck.
Speaker 2 (35:11):
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 1 (35:11):
I know my truck.
I know exactly what she's gotin her.
Speaker 2 (35:14):
Would I like to change that about you?
Probably, yeah, I'm sure youwould.
Speaker 1 (35:19):
I actually would probably like to change that
about myself too, but I kind of—.
Speaker 2 (35:24):
It drives me nuts there's a part Anyway so here's
some things to think of aboutyour own self, because this, you
know, the Bible verse is easyto pick out a plank out of
somebody else's eye instead ofthe splinter of your own eye.
Speaker 1 (35:43):
It's true.
Speaker 2 (35:44):
Well, how about you think about your own self, think
about who you are, think aboutthings that you value, what's
important to you, and are youreflecting that to your
significant other?
Because if you're not showingthose things that you value and
are important to you, then areyou really showing them who you
are?
Speaker 1 (36:05):
Right.
That's what happens when youstart dating.
You always put your best selfout forward and then, when you
get to know each other, you'recomfortable, like I know you.
As soon as we get home,literally we walk in the door
and it's five minutes later youhave already changed into comfy
lay-around-the-house clothes,like literally, I haven't even
got to the island yet and you'regone, and you come back around
(36:27):
the corner with comfy.
Speaker 2 (36:32):
I was like you got pajamas on already.
It's like sure do.
It's like we just got home.
We are home from runningerrands.
Here come the pajamas.
Speaker 1 (36:36):
It's like immediately yes, and then you.
It drives you nuts that I wearmy shoes in the house.
Speaker 2 (36:40):
All freaking day.
Speaker 1 (36:41):
Why do you have your shoes on?
Speaker 2 (36:45):
Why do you have blue jeans on for four hours?
I?
Speaker 1 (36:47):
was like because they're pants and I'm wearing
pants at the house.
Speaker 2 (36:50):
You need to go put some pajama pants on.
So, yeah, anyway, if you don'tknow, like I said, if you don't
know who you are, how are yougoing to know what you're
looking for in someone else?
Speaker 1 (37:00):
100%.
And it goes back to that Knowyourself, yes, and Know who you
are Like, really dig into thatLike.
Who do you want to be Like?
Do you guys see?
Do you think about money thesame way?
Do you think aboutcommunication the same way?
Do you think spiritually aboutchurch or faith?
(37:20):
Do you feel the same way?
Because if you're, I mean ifyour faith is a huge part of
your life and you're withsomebody who's not, that's a big
thing.
I'm not saying that could beone of those things to be like
you walk away from, but also,too, on the other side, I would
be like that should be a flagfor you, a red flag for you to
go, hold this, tap the brakesand see what's like, yeah, we
need to figure this out.
(37:40):
Yeah, it's a big discussionpoint and so those are the
things like I'm marrying aserial entrepreneur who's always
pushing and he's wide open,because those guys usually have
some kind of tension deficitdaughter and they run it a
thousand miles an hour all overthe place.
So just know that's who you'remarrying.
It's like a squirrel, yes, andso you're okay with that.
Speaker 2 (38:04):
So a little bit ago you brought up what if you've
been married to the same personfor 15 plus years and all of a
sudden you realize, oh, I don'tknow who you are anymore.
What do you do?
Speaker 1 (38:18):
You start the conversation, you find the
common ground.
Start the conversation.
Think of it in your perspective,like I'm looking at it this way
, they're looking at it this waythe whole thinking of like
we're looking at the same thingjust in different ways.
Change the way you look at itthis way.
The whole um thinking of likewe're looking at the same thing
just in different ways.
Um, change the way you look atit.
Look at it as an adventure, toto explore some new, fun things
together, and so that's where Iwould say it's gonna take work,
(38:43):
both commit to do the work andthen just look at it as an
adventure and doing somethingfun well, it's definitely an
adventure being married to youyeah, well, I mean, I mean we're
trying to figure out a fun newstage of our lives, like our
kids are gone and now we have agrandbaby, which is amazing and
love her to death.
Speaker 2 (38:59):
She's the best thing in the whole wide world.
Speaker 1 (39:00):
And so when she comes over, it's like everything in
the world stops Nothing, um, butit is new for us.
But then we also, too, like togo like we had a blast Friday
night going out with Thomas, ourson, and AJ and just having a
good time Like we had so muchfun.
Um, and so it's like we'retrying to figure out.
(39:20):
This is a different stage forus in life and that's okay.
But you look at it as adventure, not as a stressful place.
Yeah, so, um, anything else toadd?
I don't think.
So back, ask who?
Would I be here?
Would I be saying wow?
Speaker 2 (39:38):
and and you want to go to first grade with me
tomorrow in your uh, in your com, in your relationships.
Speaker 1 (39:45):
Don't be afraid to ask the hard questions.
Yeah, like don't be afraid toto get in there and say what,
how are we doing?
Like, do a checkup, almost likewhen the gas light comes on and
the engine light comes on, oh,and you should go get gas.
Oh yeah, there's somethinggoing on.
Don't wait till it'scatastrophic to be like okay,
our marriage is falling apart,we need to fix it.
Speaker 2 (40:06):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (40:06):
Like there's have some warning signs, some things
in place to go like how we doing, we okay.
Speaker 2 (40:11):
We good, we had a real conversation in a couple of
days, yeah.
Speaker 1 (40:14):
You like how's things going?
Just get a coffee, just sitdown Like a coffee, a tea, I
don't care Whatever you want andjust have a conversation,
whether it be.
It doesn't have to be a hardone, but it can just be a
conversation to be like you'reokay, you're good, I love you,
I'm thinking about you, and thenjust start and build from there
(40:37):
.
If you're new in thisrelationship and you're looking
into dating and going deeper, beokay with just being who you
are, be who you are, and if theydon't love you for who you are,
then that's okay.
Somebody will.
Yes, and don't run from that.
So, with that being said, we'regoing to wrap it up, yeah.
Speaker 2 (40:57):
Thank you for joining us today, yeah.
Speaker 1 (40:59):
Thank you guys.
And again, if you want thatstudy on our study I don't even
know what to call it, exercise,I don't know Four-week exercise
on family culture DM us and Iweek exercise on family culture
uh, dm us, and I'll be sure toget that to you in a pdf form.
But uh, thank you guys forjoining and listening to us.
Keep sharing, liking,subscribing, distributing, what
(41:20):
all this is anyway, come backagain, please, bye.
Hey guys, what's up?
I'm Greg.
I hope you guys are ready tounpack and get into some good
conversations today.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
And I'm Jess, and this is our podcast Baggage
Claim.
Thank you for joining us.
Speaker 1 (00:17):
What's up everybody?
Welcome to Baggage Claim.
If you're new here, thank youfor joining us.
If you're an original or one ofthe old fogies, or what do you
call it?
Speaker 2 (00:30):
A fan.
Yeah, okay, I like old fogies.
Speaker 1 (00:33):
Old fogies.
If you're an old fogie, welcomeback to the table.
I thought it was a fogie.
Fogie Could be a fogie.
Producer Michael doesn't knowwhat he's talking about.
Oh okay, so hey, grab yourfavorite drink.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
Thanks, for joining us.
Yeah, absolutely, whoever youare.
Speaker 1 (00:49):
This is episode 24.
Yes, of Baggage Claim.
We've been going for about sixmonths.
We've been at this, we've beentrying to.
We've missed a couple weeks insix months, but it's every week.
We've been putting out content.
Um, I hope you guys areenjoying it.
I hope everybody's listeningand getting something out of it.
(01:10):
Just something interesting.
Right now we are, um, are youabout to say something?
No, I just took a deep breath.
Oh, okay, we're in.
Uh, we've had downloads whichare people listening, which
download the episode in ninedifferent countries and 138
different cities across, whichis kind of cool Across the world
(01:31):
, yeah, across the world.
You didn't finish your sentence.
Oh sorry, and so it's one ofthose nights.
It's Tuesday night, school isback in, so Jess is about to go
to bed in five minutes, so ifshe, gets up and stops talking
in the middle of the episode.
Speaker 2 (01:45):
She just went to bed.
If I disappear, I'm just done.
Yeah, she's just like well,jess is out it takes me a few
weeks at the beginning of schoolyear to get back in the school
rhythm and I am absolutelyexhausted.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
Yeah, she almost falls asleep eating dinner, so
we're recording this after ourdinner, so she may not last but
15, 20 minutes.
So for some of you guys that maybe like thank God, it's only 15
minutes, so, but anyway, allthat said, thanks for joining us
, if you're new here.
Back to, if you're new here.
Baggage Claim is a place wherewe talk about marriage
(02:18):
relationships in blendedfamilies outside of blended
families, blended familiesoutside of blended families.
We're just here to create someconversations in this community
around that topic and just havesome fun with it and just create
kind of a place where you canask questions and get some
information and have some funand we share our stories and all
the craziness that goes on.
So, before we jump into whatwe're talking about tonight,
(02:43):
before we jump into what we'retalking about tonight, we've
been attending a local churchhere that we absolutely have
just— we love it, yeah, love it.
I have a huge history there,yeah, so for me it's where I
came to faith at.
It's been huge and this is alsoa huge center point for a lot
of pain in my life.
But also, too, we've decidedwe're going to give it a shot
(03:06):
and we absolutely love it.
Love the pastor, love theworship, love the people there
doing some cool, but they'redoing thing.
Talking about the home and thefamily, yeah, the family, the
huge part of family.
So we have written I don't knowif you remember but episode
eight way, way, way back when inthe files If you want to go
check out episode eight, wetalked about creating a family
(03:28):
culture, how we did that andit's called something roots,
developing culture or something.
It's episode eight.
So if you go, if you go look upepisode eight, we can actually
get the title of that.
But we have, in that process wewrote a four week study oh, I
don't remember what the actualtitle is.
(03:49):
I'm sorry oh, we had to look onour platform, but, um, on any of
the podcasts.
If you go there, it's episodeeight of that, so but we wrote a
four-week study talking abouthelping create culture in your
home.
It's very simple.
Yeah, it's not complex.
We want to make it somethingsimple.
Well, what we're doing for thenext three weeks, since our
(04:11):
church is talking about familyand home and the importance of
that, we decided we're going todevelop this thing and then
we're actually going to give itaway to you if you want it, if
you want it, if you want thatstudy, all you need to do and I
say study, it's not really, it'snot kind of like an exercise,
it's not really a study.
(04:31):
You're not studying culture.
It's kind of like a.
Speaker 2 (04:34):
It's short, it's simple.
Speaker 1 (04:37):
Yeah, because we know we all live busy lives.
Yeah, but also, too, we wantedto create something for you to
help you give some direction andsome purpose to the culture in
your home, and so we're going tojust be handing that out.
So, if you want it, you can DMus on any of the socials and
just let us know, and we'll sendthat out to you in a PDF form
(04:57):
Something fun.
The name of that episode isFrom Sticky Notes to Strong
Roots.
Speaker 2 (05:02):
Ah there we go Define your Family Culture.
Thank you, producer.
Speaker 1 (05:04):
Michael, thank you.
So there we have it.
So that's something we're doing.
We're going to finish that upby the time this airs this week.
It'll be there.
So if you can just shoot us aDM if you want that, we're
working on getting a webpage upthere.
We'll have it where you candownload it.
We may even put it on oursocials.
(05:29):
You can just go to our socialsand find it if you want.
I don't know how that works,but anyway, we'll figure it out,
okay, so, anyway.
So what are we talking aboutthis afternoon?
Speaker 2 (05:35):
We're talking about marriage.
Speaker 1 (05:37):
Well, that's kind of another topic.
It's something we haven'ttalked about we're talking about
.
Speaker 2 (05:44):
when we first started talking about this topic, we
were thinking about it in onedirection, but then it went into
another direction of how do youknow that you love your spouse
for?
Who they truly are is where itwent.
Speaker 1 (05:59):
Yeah, that's where it ended, but, man, you just
jumped to the end.
I know that's the end of thatepisode, if you guys.
Thanks for joining us tonight.
So the whole idea is so you putme on the spot and I was not
ready to do the introduction.
Okay, so we started thisdiscussion.
We're riding in the car and arewith our kids or someone I
(06:21):
can't remember, but we were likewe feel like the biggest
decision you will make in yourlife or so, from where you go to
school, all of those otherthings is who you are going to
marry.
Like that's probably thebiggest decision you're going to
make in your life because itdetermines so many things in
your life, like that's yourpartner, your ride or die.
(06:42):
That's the person you're saying, hey, I'm in this no matter
what happens.
So that's a huge decision.
And so many times we make thatdecision based off of oh my gosh
, they're so cute and I lovethem and they're so sweet and
I'm like, ok, wait, there's gotto be more depth to this.
Speaker 2 (06:59):
OK, that's great.
Speaker 1 (07:01):
Yeah, those aren't bad things at all.
Hopefully they are sweet andhopefully they are pretty
attractive to you, but at thesame time, it's like there's so
much more to that, and so that'swhat led us into the discussion
that you just ended.
Speaker 2 (07:13):
I did not just end it , you put me on the spot.
Speaker 1 (07:21):
So you were the trusty notes, you were to kick
us out.
Speaker 2 (07:24):
Well, the beginning of my notes is apparently not
helping me very much right now.
So one thing that we havetalked about a lot is that how a
lot of people will say in theirmarriage well, I'm just not
happy, I'm just not happyanymore.
But when you start to thinkabout that, it's like okay, well
, what expectation has not beenmet or what have you not
(07:47):
identified yet, like what is thecause or what is it in you that
is reflecting that unmetexpectation as well, just to
make you feel quote unquote nothappy.
Speaker 1 (07:58):
Yeah, because it's interesting.
Happy, I mean, if you look atthat, happy is a decision.
You get to decide whetheryou're happy or not.
That's an emotion.
So you get to decide whetheryou're happy or not.
That's an emotion.
So you get to decide that it'snot something that's decided for
you.
I mean you can look at anysituation and find goodness or
happiness in it if you want, oryou can find frustration and
anger in it.
So for me it goes back to thecore.
(08:20):
And man, I beat this drum somuch on this podcast.
It's ridiculous.
I know you guys are like, oh myGod, Is he going?
to say it again A core value no,no, okay, thank you you said
core though.
Yeah, but it's one of the thingsthat it is one of the core
values probably with this showTo be like if you want to have a
(08:40):
really really healthy marriage,healthy relationship, you want
to have a really really healthymarriage, healthy relationship,
you need to be the healthiestversion of yourself.
Like.
Before you start thinking aboutwho am I going to marry, maybe
you should start asking yourquestions about who am I Like?
What are my values?
What do I what like?
Who am I Like?
How do I think, how do I work,how do I process, how do I
communicate, how do I like?
(09:02):
Not just some of the the likesand hobbies.
So many times when we are withsomeone, we're like, oh, they're
pretty and they like the samethings I like, and so, therefore
, we should be compatible.
Let's try this out without evenreally knowing who we are and
how we function.
And so we started with askingthe question.
I was like, okay, just whatmade you want to after that
(09:25):
intense, beautiful cup of coffeeat Waffle House after our first
date?
What made you say yes, please,I want to know more.
And so that was the question.
That kind of led us into herlist of things.
And then I had a list of thingstoo.
Do you want to share?
Speaker 2 (09:42):
yours, sure.
Yeah, that's why we're here,right.
I think so.
Your beautiful blue eyes,you're so cute, you're so.
No, yes, all those are true.
Yes, but and the real ones,though, after I got to know you,
the real?
Speaker 1 (09:58):
ones.
Those are the fake ones.
I mean I know what you mean.
Speaker 2 (10:06):
They're not.
My brain is gone.
Speaker 1 (10:07):
Anyway.
Speaker 2 (10:08):
Superficial Superficial, yes.
Thank you for your vocabulary.
You're welcome, because I don'thave it.
After I got to know you, Iadmired your drive.
Although at that moment you hadsold your companies and you
didn't have like a quote,unquote job, like a nine to five
, you still were chasing ideas.
(10:28):
You still were setting goalsand figuring out how to get
there.
I appreciated how, when you hadideas most of your ideas are
good ideas and you acted on themyou figured out a plan how to
get there, because that's theopposite of me it really is that
(10:50):
you have a structure.
Whenever you do have a plan, itmay not be fleshed out with all
the details, like I wouldprefer, but there's definitely a
structure to your thoughts.
Speaker 1 (11:01):
Yeah, I'm an outline, Like give me an outline with
some bullet points and I'm goodto go.
I can figure it out.
Speaker 2 (11:07):
Right.
Speaker 1 (11:07):
You are a.
Speaker 2 (11:09):
Oh man, I need all the bullet points, I need all
the details, I need graphs andcharts and labels and I need
everything yeah you would likeeven to have a, you know, like a
reference page from the outlinethat gives more details on what
the details should be?
Yes, I also appreciated thatyou're a risk taker, even though
that scares me.
But I appreciate that about youand then how adventurous you
(11:31):
were then and still are, becauseI'm not I'm a scaredy cat.
So most of these qualities thatwere attractive to me with you
are things that are not like me.
Speaker 1 (11:42):
It's interesting because when you were asking
that question, you're kind ofmapping those out and I'm like
not to be mean, but none ofthose are totally you.
Speaker 2 (11:50):
No.
Speaker 1 (11:51):
Like at all, and so and it's usually what happens in
relationships the oppositeattract and you're just like
okay, this person is nothinglike me, you're intrigued by
them.
Speaker 2 (12:00):
Yeah, that whole list of.
I mean, I have drive, but whenit comes to being a risk taker
and just like I have an idea I'mgoing to go get it.
Like I don't, I'm not that way.
Speaker 1 (12:11):
Well, it's like we had the idea to do this podcast
for a long, long time, yeah, andit wasn't finally until I sat
down and was like okay.
I sat down with Michael and waslike how do we do this?
What do I need?
He sends me a list of equipmentto buy and I just started
buying it and putting ittogether, Bought our table on
Facebook and we're just like,okay, we're going to do this.
Speaker 2 (12:29):
And I'm sitting there thinking what are we going to
talk about?
Oh my gosh, how do we do this?
I need step one, two, three.
I needed it, but you werealready taking that risk.
Speaker 1 (12:38):
You were already being proactive and and do all
those other things, and you'rejust like, oh my gosh, so I get
that.
What about you?
Well, I mean, of course, youwere extremely attractive, and I
was like, oh okay, cool,probably one of the most
appealing things to me.
(12:59):
And it sounds weird when I sayit, though, but when I met you
after coffee, didn't?
You didn't need me, I guess, tosay like I could feel the, like
it wasn't, like it wasn't ahard sell, like what's it gonna
take to get you in thisrelationship tonight?
You know it wasn't, and therewas no sales pitch to that at
(13:20):
all.
It was just kind of like hey,this is who I am.
If am.
If you're okay with that, cool.
If not, hey, it's a good cup ofcoffee.
Well, it's average cup ofcoffee.
Great company, I hope.
And so you, you know, I thinkthat was one of the things I was
like okay, she's not, shedoesn't, she's not.
You didn't chase me.
No, I didn't.
Speaker 2 (13:40):
I didn't need a man.
Speaker 1 (13:41):
Yeah.
Yeah, it's kind of like, but itwasn't like.
Speaker 2 (13:43):
Not in an ugly way, I was just like, no, I'm okay.
Speaker 1 (13:46):
Yeah, it wasn't that like I don't need, I can do it
all on my own, I don't need aman, like because it's not you.
No, but at the same time youwere very independent and very
driven on your own to be like Igot this figured out and I'm
doing it.
You were very connectedemotionally too into—I'm not
(14:12):
saying I wasn't.
Speaker 2 (14:13):
Like my friendships.
Speaker 1 (14:14):
Yeah, people—here's the things.
Every time I would bring yourname up, everybody just raved
about you Like everybody lovesJessica, and if you're ever out
with us, if we're ever outsomewhere at a restaurant, we
never, ever, go somewhere whereyou don't run into someone, you
know, and everybody's just like,oh my God, it's Jessica and I'm
(14:37):
just standing there like, hey,I'm Greg, you know.
It's just like everybody lovesyou and you connected with
people so easily and everybodyloves you.
That was a.
That was a really cool thingfor me, and so that was
something that really attractedme into that to say, ok, I want
to know more, like, who is thisperson behind that?
So it's just for me, those werecool things your independence,
(14:59):
your sense of hey, you had lifefigured out, you're doing life
like you were a mom with kids.
Speaker 2 (15:05):
I had my routine.
Speaker 1 (15:07):
Yeah, you did and you're okay if I didn't fit into
that and some guys would befrustrated by that and be like
no, no, no, but I was like no, Ilike the fact that you got your
thing and hey, here's whatwe're doing.
You can be a part of it if youwant.
Speaker 2 (15:23):
I remember my counselor saying I mentioned
this before too, but stillthinking about it it's funny
because he said that he asked ifpeople had started trying to
set me up yet.
And I was like, well, one dayit wasn't great, not you, it was
one before you and I was likethere's a man that some friends
are trying to set me up with,but I don't know.
(15:43):
And he said what are youworried about?
And I was like I don't want himto mess it up.
And he was like, yeah, that'show you know you're ready.
And he was like, yeah, that'show you know you're ready.
He was like you've got yourselftogether, you know who you are,
you're standing on your ownfeet and you don't want him to
come mess it up, because youworked hard on who you are.
Speaker 1 (15:59):
Well, because, too, it wasn't a, you weren't rushing
into this, and I wasn't rushinginto this in the sense of okay,
and under the circumstances ofwhat we did, people would be
like, oh bro, you rushed intothis, yeah, and of course that
debate's out there.
Speaker 2 (16:15):
Explain what you mean by that, in case somebody
doesn't know.
Speaker 1 (16:19):
From the time we met and were engaged.
We were married in eight months, yeah.
So, yeah, you could call thatrushing in, you know, because I
hear people who are like, ifyou've been in, that you
shouldn't at least date for acertain amount of time, you
shouldn't do this for a certainamount of time, and I agree with
some of those things, yeah.
But I also know that peopleprocess information, they
(16:42):
process feelings, they processthings in different ways.
So I'm never going to be theone that tells you oh, you got
to at least wait two yearsbefore you do this but if you're
dragging I wasn't draggingpeople and be like oh, meet my
kids, here's my kids, here's,meet this.
Speaker 2 (16:58):
No, we didn't do that no.
Speaker 1 (17:00):
so it was like, okay, we're very intentional about
that.
Speaker 2 (17:07):
So all that to say those are the things that
attracted us to each other,because we're asking this, yeah,
but I love the fact, though,that the things that attracted
us to each other was what wewere confident about in our own
selves, which is interesting,yeah it is interesting.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (17:22):
Well, because you supplemented the things that I
was not good at, and you've donethe same for me.
Yeah, but it wasn't like I hadto have you to feel that, or it
was going to be just weird.
Speaker 2 (17:35):
Yeah, does that make sense?
Yeah, totally.
Speaker 1 (17:39):
So the problem with this comes though.
Like when you meet someone andyou're dating you're like I want
to marry this person.
You're usually in that reallyfrilly feel good, Everything in
the world is great, I don't.
There's nothing that they dothat I despise kind of stage.
Speaker 2 (17:55):
It's always going to be this way the lovey-dovey,
Right yeah.
Speaker 1 (17:58):
And then that just over time just wears, it changes
, it doesn't wear off.
I think we just change.
Speaker 2 (18:05):
We do.
I was listening to the radiothis morning.
It's a local show in Atlantaand the host was saying that he
thinks it's silly sometimes thatpeople get married in their 20s
and 30s because you don't knowwho you are at that age.
You don't know who you areuntil you're in your 40s.
Speaker 1 (18:22):
I mean, I would agree , you don't?
Know who you are in your 20s.
Speaker 2 (18:24):
Well, I would agree with another statement that he
made, that when you're 22,you're not the same person that
you are when you're 45.
Speaker 1 (18:30):
No, absolutely not.
Yeah, you're not going to be.
Speaker 2 (18:33):
And I also agree with what he said.
That's why a lot of marriagesfail in the long run, because if
you don't grow and adapttogether and still get to know
each other, like I mean, I knowI've changed since we've gotten
married and you have too in someways, but we grown together.
Speaker 1 (18:52):
but if you don't do that, then yeah, of course
you're, you're, it's not goingto be fun, yeah, if you get to a
point and you're set in the, inthat, and be like, no, this is
who I am, this is right, andyou're not growing, you're not
adapting, you're not changingwith that person, then, yes,
you're going to grow apart.
Like I am vigilant about.
It could be something so minute, like we have a disagreement
(19:16):
about something silly.
I'm trying to think ofsomething we had a disagreement
about here lately.
Speaker 2 (19:21):
Laundry.
Speaker 1 (19:22):
Oh yeah, laundry doesn't bother me though I don't
really.
Oh yeah, maybe, okay, maybe itdoes.
I was like, hey, can we foldthe laundry?
Because every time I go to getdressed I got to go dig through
the laundry baskets in our roomand so I was like Sunday we just
dumped it all on our bed andwe're like we're going to fold
this stuff and take care of it.
The problem is is like youcould be frustrated by those
(19:45):
things, like if there's onelittle thing that I feel like
has come between us that wehaven't talked about or we
haven't addressed.
Speaker 2 (19:52):
You will make sure we talk about it.
Speaker 1 (19:54):
Yeah, it just drives me nuts because I know it could
be something so simple and solike a mis-.
It could be something little.
Yeah, just even amiscommunication of like you
thought I was angry, I wasn'tangry, you thought I was upset,
but I wasn't.
Or I thought you were upset butyou weren't.
But if we don't ever talk aboutit, then that one little thing
(20:18):
becomes yeah, it just, it's justokay, that's a marking point.
Then from that marking pointthe next time some little thing
happens, and then that littlething sticks to that other
marking point and then thatlittle thing becomes something a
little bigger and then I'm justlike oh gosh, she just gets
frustrated at this or thishappens when she does this and
this and this.
Speaker 2 (20:32):
Every time I ask him to do this, he has an attitude.
Speaker 1 (20:35):
And so, yeah, then those things keep compounding
and compounding and compoundingto where it's like I don't ask
him to do anything, becauseevery time I ask him he gets
attitude, and this goes on.
And there's this small littlething.
It's like if you had adiscussion.
So I'm very, very vigilantabout, because what happens is I
.
So I'm very, very vigilantabout, because what happens is I
know that you may be like Greg,you're over-exaggerating.
I'm telling you the truth.
I have seen so many marriagesfive, ten years later look at
(21:01):
each other and be like why doyou not like each other?
Speaker 2 (21:03):
And they can't even tell you why they can't tell you
yeah, I don't know why.
Speaker 1 (21:07):
And then you always go to that easy, just back
pocket thing like we're justdifferent people now.
Speaker 2 (21:13):
We've just grown apart.
Speaker 1 (21:14):
Yeah, we're growing apart and we're not in love.
Well, that's just BS.
But of course you've grown,you've changed.
Of course you have.
Your kids are grown, your kidsare different, you're different,
your body's different, likethere's so many different things
in your life.
But if that's the case, then,what are you getting married and
(21:38):
divorced every 10 years?
Like, every time you change,you go through a season.
You're like oh, I'm differentnow, so I gotta get rid of them,
yeah, and so it's like that.
That idea doesn't make sense.
So it's like why can't youchange and adapt with those
people as you go?
Like that's the idea.
Because what happens, though,is like all the things that we
got married that we foundinteresting about you, I, I
could, over time, be like well,why aren't you more like me?
Well, if I stop and look atthem, I'm like because the
(21:59):
things that attracted me to youwere the things that were not
like me, right, so why would Iwant to make you a clone of me?
That's just boring, that's notfun.
I know that's just boring,that's not fun.
Speaker 2 (22:10):
I know, I think the only thing that pops up every
now and again about ourdifference is it kind of drives
you nuts.
It's just another bigdifference that you appreciate
when you think about it is thatI think slower than you do,
which could be very frustratingat times when you've got 500
ideas in your head and I'm stillprocessing the first three, but
(22:35):
you're on 501, and you'reprobably thinking why can you
not be where I'm at?
Come over here with me.
I'm like well, I'm stillworking on the first few ideas.
But that's another thing thatif you don't work on still
appreciating that about yourspouse, or specifically us, that
could drive you nuts to thepoint where, like God, I can't
even have a conversation withher anymore.
Speaker 1 (22:52):
It's true, it could, yeah, it really could.
I don't, and it could be thesame way about like you came
home today and I've been at thekitchen table.
I was doing real estate, so Iwas working on some offers and
some real estate stuff.
But I also had these big stickynotes and on the windows and so
I'm mapping out, for baggageclaim, how to kind of lay out
our website and the threedifferent areas.
We're going to do Like, hey, atone point we're going to do
(23:14):
retreats, we want to do someone-on-one coaching, we want to
do some mastermind or cohortkind of things with couples
together so we can walk throughsome of the things that we're
talking about.
And so I'm laying all this outon a piece of paper and you're
just like okay, what are wetalking about tonight?
And I'm like, what?
Like, okay, what are we talkingabout tonight?
And I'm like what Like?
Are you serious?
Like I have like 15 otherthings in my mind.
(23:36):
And you're like okay, so whatare we talking about tonight?
Speaker 2 (23:38):
Well, then again, I'm not frustrated, but I'm used to
it.
But I brought up that I sharedan idea with one of my
administrators that I was prettybrave about and I said I can't
wait to tell you about it, butyour brain kept going about
baggage claim and I didn't getto share that idea with you yet
that's true, but that's just anexample.
(23:58):
I'm not mad about that because Iknow I will get to, but if I
weren't careful and just mindful, it's like he didn't mean it at
me.
It's just.
That's how his mind works.
Yeah you could hear it as Idon't care.
Yeah, I don't care about whatyou have to say, but I don't
read it that way, just because Iknow that's not your intent.
Speaker 1 (24:16):
No.
Speaker 2 (24:17):
I've adapted and grown.
Speaker 1 (24:19):
Yeah, that makes me feel horrible as a communicator,
though, no.
I remember you saying that,like because you said you were
so proud of yourself you gobecause I had an idea and then I
acted on it and I went to theprincipal's office today and
told them about it and I waslike, oh, that's awesome.
I thought that was the pointthat you acted on the idea.
Speaker 2 (24:37):
I wanted to tell you the rest of the details because
that came up whenever I wastalking about the list of things
that I was making that wereattractive to me when I first
met you is that when you had anidea, you acted on it.
So I was like this is a goodtime to share.
But it was not a good time toshare.
Speaker 1 (24:54):
So okay, so we say these things and we're talking
about this, and you may be outthere If you're listening to
this and you're not married.
God bless you.
Thank you so much for listeningto us.
I hope you find some value insome of this.
But also, too, as you'relistening and you're thinking
(25:17):
about who am I, what do I wantto do?
But then at the other and youmay be like we've been married
15 years.
I'm like we're kids deep inthis, we're out mortgage payment
and car payments and sports andeverything else like I don't
feel that.
What do you say to that person?
Speaker 2 (25:37):
You don't feel.
Speaker 1 (25:38):
Like I feel the separation.
I don't feel that, like I don'tfeel like we're on the same
page.
We fight and argue more than wedon't.
We don't see things the sameway, like how do you what's?
Speaker 2 (25:55):
your thoughts on that .
What do you do with that?
Well, I mean, I've not been inthat position, but I have been
in a place where to know thatit's okay to start over, and I
don't mean with a fresh newmarriage, I mean with a fresh
clean slate.
Speaker 1 (26:12):
Well, honey, I'm done , we're out, I gotta go.
Speaker 2 (26:15):
No, I mean with a clean slate.
It's okay to start over and Iwould encourage you because,
like what your example is, ifyou've been together for that
many years and you have, youknow all the kids and all the
things and now all that's over,you know, or you're the raising
littles is coming to an end andyou know some of that's starting
to die down.
You should get to know eachother again.
Speaker 1 (26:38):
I agree you got to see it almost as an adventure,
like a fun kind of adventure tobe like.
Oh, I get to rediscover whothis person is that I fell in
love with, that I've built thislife with, Like there's a lot of
life together.
Just because you see a fewthings differently doesn't mean
you walk away from that itdoesn't mean you.
(26:59):
It's just like it's a hard.
I think, first off, when you'rein that position, you got to
find some common ground to belike, okay, let's find some
things that we have some commonground and let's start with that
.
Like, let's build on that.
What's the foundation of thosethings?
Because you both, I mean theidea is, if you're in a
relationship with someone, bothpeople have to want it.
Speaker 2 (27:19):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (27:20):
You got to want that relationship and you're going to
have to work at it.
It's interesting to me like wepush the gym working out, be
healthy, be healthy, blah, blah,blah, workout, workout, do
these things, watch what you eat.
But then it's like if you tookthat same intentionality toward
your marriage to work on yourmarriage to make it good and
make it healthy, you're notgoing to have that issue.
(27:41):
Like if you just think you'rejust going to show up and wake
up in bed with this person everymorning and just go through
life and you think if we don'thave those intentional
conversations of being healthytogether, you're not going to
have a healthy relationship.
It's asinine to think it's justgoing to happen on its own
because it's not.
Speaker 2 (28:02):
I think people forget in the fast pace of life that a
relationship is work.
I mean there are parts of itthat are easy.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (28:12):
And it should be easy and it should be fun.
But it's also like you enjoygoing to the gym, you love going
to the gym, you enjoy it, I do,but it's also work.
Speaker 2 (28:19):
It is work.
Speaker 1 (28:20):
Yeah, the relationship's the same way, a
marriage is the same way.
It's a work, and not to stealthe joy from you and be like
it's not all flowers and fun,it's like sometimes it's work
yeah.
Speaker 2 (28:33):
Well, I mean, 13 years ago I fell in love with
you for who you were then, butnow I still love you just as
much for who you are now.
But that's because we've workedand we've grown together.
I mean there's a lot of thingsthat have changed for you and I.
Speaker 1 (28:54):
I've had so many different jobs.
I've had so many different andI kind of have an
entrepreneurial spirit.
I'm a risk taker.
So, like ladies, if you'remarrying an entrepreneur or even
a risk taker kind of guy, welove to push all our chips into
the middle of the table and justroll the dice and see what
happens.
Often Sometimes too oftenbecause I just think it's fun
(29:16):
and Jess is like it's not as funas you think it is no, it's not
, no, it's not.
But on the other hand, you knowwho I am and so you can talk to
me before we get to the push,everything in the middle and be
like are you sure this is whatwe need to do?
Speaker 2 (29:31):
But then on the other side of that is I trust you
with that.
Speaker 1 (29:36):
Because I also know, too, that growth is going to
come out of that, but also, too,there's a lot of tension points
that can be frustrations andarguments.
So that's why I'm saying, whenyou're thinking about your
relationship and who you'regoing to marry and who you're in
this relationship with, thoseare all very, very important
parts of that.
Yeah, so make sure that thoseare included in those things.
(29:58):
And yeah, we all have seasons.
You're going to change, yeah,and that's okay.
It's adapting.
And finally, that's why I'msaying, knowing who you are at
your core and the person youmarry is okay with who you are
and you're okay Like.
I'm not trying to change you.
No, I don't want you to be likeme, because I don't.
I mean, sometimes I'm not, I'mjust like I don't want to be
(30:19):
like me.
I want to be more like you.
Speaker 2 (30:22):
But we've never asked each other to change.
Speaker 1 (30:24):
No, I never have.
Speaker 2 (30:26):
We've used the help me understand phrase.
Speaker 1 (30:28):
Yeah, understand phrase.
Yeah, you've done that a lot, afew times.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (30:31):
But I've never asked you to change from all those
qualities that I love.
Speaker 1 (30:35):
Well, because there's a level of trust that I trust
that you have my best interestand you trust that I have your
best interest and I'm not doingit to hurt you, harm you or
anything else, just to make usbetter.
Speaker 2 (30:47):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (30:47):
In the end.
Speaker 2 (30:48):
So you ready to unpack a little bit?
Yeah, let's unpack this.
So I know I keep saying I fellin love with you for who you are
, before we get that thought,okay, hold it, we're going back
to that.
Speaker 1 (30:59):
Okay, if you're new here, uh, it's your first time
listening.
Unpack is where we kind of tryto take what we've talked about
and put some feet to it and putsome action steps to it, some
practical spots to.
Hey, we've talked about thesethings, okay, now go do this
this week.
We're simple people, so we likesimple steps.
The world loves to complicatethings and take something simple
(31:21):
and make it complex.
We like to try to do theopposite.
Let's take something complexand make it simple so we can
apply it in life.
So our unpack.
When we say let's unpack,that's what we're meaning.
Let's jump into this.
Speaker 2 (31:32):
Turn the page Now.
What do you do?
Speaker 1 (31:35):
Turn the page Right.
Speaker 2 (31:36):
Yes, so, like I was saying, I have repeated multiple
times, I know that I fell inlove with you for who you are.
What if you?
Okay, let me rephrase that whatdoes it mean to truly love
somebody for who they are?
Speaker 1 (31:56):
That's a deep question.
Speaker 2 (31:57):
I know.
Speaker 1 (32:00):
I think I love you.
Oh God, this sounds so cliche,so I'm trying not to make it
sound cliche, but I love you fornot who you can become or who
you can be, but for who you areat that moment.
Yeah, Like I'm not aspiring tobe like, oh my gosh, she's so
(32:23):
messy and I just want her to beneat.
Speaker 2 (32:27):
Like.
Speaker 1 (32:27):
I love your mess.
I love your— I'm not messy.
First of all, You're not messy.
Your purgatory stool in thecloset is messy.
Speaker 2 (32:34):
That does drive you nuts, but—.
Speaker 1 (32:36):
No, I just think it's interesting.
Speaker 2 (32:38):
Are you going to explain that?
Speaker 1 (32:39):
Because not everybody knows what— so, okay, you know
we have a walk-in closet and Ihave a small portion.
Speaker 2 (32:44):
You do Like a fourth of our yes.
Speaker 1 (32:50):
The rest is Jess.
And then there's this stepstool, because she has like five
shelves over there that she hasblue jeans from 15 years ago.
No, I don't.
Anyway, there's this shelf thathas a stack of clothes on it.
I was like what are those?
Speaker 2 (33:04):
It's on the little stool.
Yeah, the stool.
Speaker 1 (33:06):
yeah, the clothes are , and she goes well, they're not
dirty, but they're not clean.
Speaker 2 (33:10):
So I might could wear them one more time.
Speaker 1 (33:12):
But they sit on this stool and I'm like, well, what
is the stool?
And she goes it's thein-between of dirty and clean
and I'm like it's like purgatoryfor your clothes.
Speaker 2 (33:22):
They're not, they're neither they're nowhere, they're
just in the middle.
Speaker 1 (33:27):
They're just hanging out and so we're just kind of at
this place to be like anyway.
Speaker 2 (33:32):
Most women probably have a pile, although your
husband hasn't named it likemine did, so when we get rid of
that, it's always a happy day.
Speaker 1 (33:39):
But that doesn't bother me.
No, I'm not trying to changethat in you, though.
So I think loving someone forwho they are is not who they can
be, but who they are at thatmoment.
Speaker 2 (33:48):
Right, because if you want to change them, or if you
think you've got this littlelist in your head of things that
you want them to quote unquoteimprove on, do you really love
them for who they are?
I mean, I would say no.
Speaker 1 (34:00):
Yeah, well, that's, yeah, it's valid, because it'd
be like if they didn't do this,if they didn't do that, if
there's those things that are inyour, then that's a big red
flag for you.
To be like I would love that.
This just drives me nuts.
When they do this, I mean like,okay, maybe that's a red flag
for you.
Speaker 2 (34:14):
We're not perfect.
There are things that eachother does that drives each
other nuts.
Speaker 1 (34:19):
Like I love, love and I don't know why, to see how
far I can go on the empty tankbefore.
Oh my gosh, like right now,like right now.
I got in my truck this morningand I've been at the house most
of the day.
I drove and went to the bank.
When I got in the truck it saidlow level, like it doesn't even
say miles.
I drove to the bank and droveback home.
Speaker 2 (34:41):
You didn't go, get gas.
Speaker 1 (34:42):
Didn't go get gas because I'm like I leave
tomorrow.
I'm going to see if I can makeit to the gas station.
Speaker 2 (34:47):
I don't understand that and I kept telling him for
years and years and years andyears.
You're going to run out of gas,and he did before we married
each other.
But I was like you're going torun out of gas and you were
driving my other car I hadbefore my Jeep and I said you've
got to get some gas when you'regoing to run an errand in my
car.
No, I don't, no, I don't, no, Idon't.
Who ran out of gas before theycould get?
Speaker 1 (35:08):
back here.
It's because I didn't know yourcar.
I know my truck.
Speaker 2 (35:11):
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 1 (35:11):
I know my truck.
I know exactly what she's gotin her.
Speaker 2 (35:14):
Would I like to change that about you?
Probably, yeah, I'm sure youwould.
Speaker 1 (35:19):
I actually would probably like to change that
about myself too, but I kind of—.
Speaker 2 (35:24):
It drives me nuts there's a part Anyway so here's
some things to think of aboutyour own self, because this, you
know, the Bible verse is easyto pick out a plank out of
somebody else's eye instead ofthe splinter of your own eye.
Speaker 1 (35:43):
It's true.
Speaker 2 (35:44):
Well, how about you think about your own self, think
about who you are, think aboutthings that you value, what's
important to you, and are youreflecting that to your
significant other?
Because if you're not showingthose things that you value and
are important to you, then areyou really showing them who you
are?
Speaker 1 (36:05):
Right.
That's what happens when youstart dating.
You always put your best selfout forward and then, when you
get to know each other, you'recomfortable, like I know you.
As soon as we get home,literally we walk in the door
and it's five minutes later youhave already changed into comfy
lay-around-the-house clothes,like literally, I haven't even
got to the island yet and you'regone, and you come back around
(36:27):
the corner with comfy.
Speaker 2 (36:32):
I was like you got pajamas on already.
It's like sure do.
It's like we just got home.
We are home from runningerrands.
Here come the pajamas.
Speaker 1 (36:36):
It's like immediately yes, and then you.
It drives you nuts that I wearmy shoes in the house.
Speaker 2 (36:40):
All freaking day.
Speaker 1 (36:41):
Why do you have your shoes on?
Speaker 2 (36:45):
Why do you have blue jeans on for four hours?
I?
Speaker 1 (36:47):
was like because they're pants and I'm wearing
pants at the house.
Speaker 2 (36:50):
You need to go put some pajama pants on.
So, yeah, anyway, if you don'tknow, like I said, if you don't
know who you are, how are yougoing to know what you're
looking for in someone else?
Speaker 1 (37:00):
100%.
And it goes back to that Knowyourself, yes, and Know who you
are Like, really dig into thatLike.
Who do you want to be Like?
Do you guys see?
Do you think about money thesame way?
Do you think aboutcommunication the same way?
Do you think spiritually aboutchurch or faith?
(37:20):
Do you feel the same way?
Because if you're, I mean ifyour faith is a huge part of
your life and you're withsomebody who's not, that's a big
thing.
I'm not saying that could beone of those things to be like
you walk away from, but also,too, on the other side, I would
be like that should be a flagfor you, a red flag for you to
go, hold this, tap the brakesand see what's like, yeah, we
need to figure this out.
(37:40):
Yeah, it's a big discussionpoint and so those are the
things like I'm marrying aserial entrepreneur who's always
pushing and he's wide open,because those guys usually have
some kind of tension deficitdaughter and they run it a
thousand miles an hour all overthe place.
So just know that's who you'remarrying.
It's like a squirrel, yes, andso you're okay with that.
Speaker 2 (38:04):
So a little bit ago you brought up what if you've
been married to the same personfor 15 plus years and all of a
sudden you realize, oh, I don'tknow who you are anymore.
What do you do?
Speaker 1 (38:18):
You start the conversation, you find the
common ground.
Start the conversation.
Think of it in your perspective,like I'm looking at it this way
, they're looking at it this waythe whole thinking of like
we're looking at the same thingjust in different ways.
Change the way you look at itthis way.
The whole um thinking of likewe're looking at the same thing
just in different ways.
Um, change the way you look atit.
Look at it as an adventure, toto explore some new, fun things
together, and so that's where Iwould say it's gonna take work,
(38:43):
both commit to do the work andthen just look at it as an
adventure and doing somethingfun well, it's definitely an
adventure being married to youyeah, well, I mean, I mean we're
trying to figure out a fun newstage of our lives, like our
kids are gone and now we have agrandbaby, which is amazing and
love her to death.
Speaker 2 (38:59):
She's the best thing in the whole wide world.
Speaker 1 (39:00):
And so when she comes over, it's like everything in
the world stops Nothing, um, butit is new for us.
But then we also, too, like togo like we had a blast Friday
night going out with Thomas, ourson, and AJ and just having a
good time Like we had so muchfun.
Um, and so it's like we'retrying to figure out.
(39:20):
This is a different stage forus in life and that's okay.
But you look at it as adventure, not as a stressful place.
Yeah, so, um, anything else toadd?
I don't think.
So back, ask who?
Would I be here?
Would I be saying wow?
Speaker 2 (39:38):
and and you want to go to first grade with me
tomorrow in your uh, in your com, in your relationships.
Speaker 1 (39:45):
Don't be afraid to ask the hard questions.
Yeah, like don't be afraid toto get in there and say what,
how are we doing?
Like, do a checkup, almost likewhen the gas light comes on and
the engine light comes on, oh,and you should go get gas.
Oh yeah, there's somethinggoing on.
Don't wait till it'scatastrophic to be like okay,
our marriage is falling apart,we need to fix it.
Speaker 2 (40:06):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (40:06):
Like there's have some warning signs, some things
in place to go like how we doing, we okay.
Speaker 2 (40:11):
We good, we had a real conversation in a couple of
days, yeah.
Speaker 1 (40:14):
You like how's things going?
Just get a coffee, just sitdown Like a coffee, a tea, I
don't care Whatever you want andjust have a conversation,
whether it be.
It doesn't have to be a hardone, but it can just be a
conversation to be like you'reokay, you're good, I love you,
I'm thinking about you, and thenjust start and build from there
(40:37):
.
If you're new in thisrelationship and you're looking
into dating and going deeper, beokay with just being who you
are, be who you are, and if theydon't love you for who you are,
then that's okay.
Somebody will.
Yes, and don't run from that.
So, with that being said, we'regoing to wrap it up, yeah.
Speaker 2 (40:57):
Thank you for joining us today, yeah.
Speaker 1 (40:59):
Thank you guys.
And again, if you want thatstudy on our study I don't even
know what to call it, exercise,I don't know Four-week exercise
on family culture DM us and Iweek exercise on family culture
uh, dm us, and I'll be sure toget that to you in a pdf form.
But uh, thank you guys forjoining and listening to us.
Keep sharing, liking,subscribing, distributing, what
(41:20):
all this is anyway, come backagain, please, bye.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
The Bobby Bones Show
Listen to 'The Bobby Bones Show' by downloading the daily full replay.