April 1, 2025 • 43 mins
Family culture doesn't happen by accident. Drawing on corporate experience, we discovered how establishing core values could transform our blended family's dynamics and create an intentional environment for our children to thrive.
With sticky notes spread across our kitchen table, we invited our children (ages 8-12) to help identify what mattered most to our family. This collaborative process resulted in six core values: Love, Communication, Service, Together, Fun, and Faith. Each family member selected one value that resonated personally with them, then painted it on canvas as a visual reminder of our shared commitments.
These values became guideposts for daily life together. When arguments threatened to escalate, our communication value reminded us to speak respectfully and take a cooling-off lap around the neighborhood if needed. When weekend mountain bike races consumed our time, our fun value pushed us to find creative ways to make these trips enjoyable for everyone. Our faith value encouraged questions and personal discovery rather than forced participation.
The real power wasn't in the pretty canvases hanging on our walls—it was in modeling these values consistently. Children don't learn from what we say but from what we do. Even when we stumbled (and we certainly did), returning to these core principles helped reset our family's direction.
Whether you're in a newly blended family, raising teenagers who challenge every boundary, or just beginning your parenting journey, establishing core values provides a foundation for intentional family culture. Start small with just one or two values—what matters is beginning the conversation about what your family stands for and how you'll live that out together.
What core values would you choose for your family? We'd love to hear which principles guide your home.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hey guys, what's up?
I'm Greg.
I hope you guys are ready tounpack and get into some good
conversations today.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
And I'm Jess, and this is our podcast Baggage
Claim.
Thank you for joining us.
Speaker 1 (00:17):
What's up everybody?
Welcome to Baggage Claim.
Thank you so much for joiningus again today.
So, no matter where you're at,what you're doing we say this
every week If you're riding inyour car, sitting at your desk
in your cubicle, or maybe onyour comfy couch or in your
comfy chair at home, grab yourfavorite drink maybe coffee, tea
, if you're at home A cozyblankie and a cozy blankie if
(00:37):
you want.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
And just kind of nestle up to our metaphorical
table and let's get ready tounpack some stuff at baggage
claim.
Yeah, and if you heard megiggle right when greg started
the welcome, it's because we doa clap kind of like the
director's cue because we can'tafford one of those things, yes,
so that's our cue, and everytime, I don't care who does it,
(01:03):
it makes me laugh.
It's Jess's first time to do it,so tonight was the very first
time Today was my first day Igot to be the one that did the
clap and I still giggled.
I can't help it.
It didn't take much to amuse me, apparently.
Speaker 1 (01:19):
So yeah, it actually is number eight.
Whoa that's crazy.
Yeah, we're traveling down thatroad.
Speaker 2 (01:26):
And we don't even know what we're doing.
Speaker 1 (01:31):
We do, we have an idea.
I mean, we have an idea Waymore down the road than we were
when we started.
Speaker 2 (01:36):
Yeah, but still it's kind of like okay, thank you for
trying this out with us.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
Yeah, we're having fun and enjoying sharing our
life and past, present all thefun stuff that we were going
through.
Today we're going to talk aboutsomething, though, that I kind
of get really pumped about.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
From your corporate consultant years.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
Yeah, and some people would just go really what?
I don't get it, but we were offat a weekend retreat with a
corporate company.
Speaker 2 (02:05):
We no.
Speaker 1 (02:09):
Okay, I was with a company I had from before, but
anyway, we were there and wewere talking about core values
and culture and we were talkingabout those things, about the
core values for the company helpset all this.
Well, I was just thinking aboutit, I was sitting at the
airport on the way home and Iwas like why don't we ever do
that as a family?
(02:29):
And so when I got back I waslike we're going to jump into
and try to set up core valuesfor our family and what that
would look like, because helpingin our core values would
definitely help set our culture.
Speaker 2 (02:43):
Meanwhile, I had no idea what you were talking about
, because that was really aforeign concept to me.
Speaker 1 (02:51):
Right.
Speaker 2 (02:52):
I never even thought about it.
Speaker 1 (02:54):
Yeah, what do you mean?
Thought about what?
Speaker 2 (02:57):
Well, core values, kind of like a goal with your
family.
Like when TJ and I were married, it was like we're going to get
married, we're going to buy ahouse, we're going to have kids
and we're just going to livelife.
Speaker 1 (03:13):
There's nothing wrong with that.
Speaker 2 (03:14):
No, there's not, but I had never thought about the
idea of no, let's have like anactual conversation of what are
we about Now?
We did talk about, you know,raising our children in church
and you know we had some thingsthat were important to us.
Speaker 1 (03:31):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (03:32):
But as far as what we're getting into tonight,
today, with what we're going totalk about, I never thought that
deeply into it.
Speaker 1 (03:40):
Well, it's a simple concept.
It's not that it's simple, wejust don't apply.
I mean, if you're listening tothis and you've been in the
corporate world, you've satthrough one of those weekend
sessions.
Speaker 2 (03:51):
What I was about to say is it's simple if you are in
the corporate world and you'vesat through these conferences or
your monthly meetings, orwhatever the case may be, it's
simple when it comes in acorporate situation or in a
business world.
Speaker 1 (04:06):
Okay.
When I say simple, the conceptis simple, the process is not.
Everybody has core values.
I mean any company that you gointo or you're a part of.
Disney has core values.
I mean anybody.
I don't know why I thought ofDisney right off the top of my
head, but anyway, in everycompany, school systems, they
(04:30):
all have core values thatthey're based off of because it
determines the direction of thecompany.
Speaker 2 (04:32):
True, but I don't think very many people think
about applying it to your family.
I'd agree, which is what ledyou to that?
Thought you were just talkingabout.
Speaker 1 (04:39):
Yeah, and I mean we've read a bunch of books on
family and those things and noone ever really talks about the
culture or core values for yourfamily.
So we decided to do those andif you caught us a few episodes
back, I'm not sure which onethat was we talked about
boundaries.
Helping our kids set boundaries.
(04:59):
One thing we're really big on,and we always were, is allowing
our kids to be a part ofeverything that happened.
Speaker 2 (05:06):
We gave them a voice in just about everything.
Speaker 1 (05:09):
Because we also know that if you have shared value in
something, you have more buy-in, and when you have buy-in it
becomes more real and you wantto do that better, whether it be
at work or home or whatever itis.
So we're trying to give ourkids buy-in.
So we broke out our handy-andylittle post-it sticky notes.
So if you're not watching onlineor haven't seen it, we have
(05:30):
these little post-it notes andsticky note pads, yeah, we gave
every kid a stack of these andsome pens and we set around our
table just like we set it up forthe boundaries and guidelines
yes, and what can you get introuble for and what should the
punishment be?
Speaker 2 (05:46):
Or consequence?
Speaker 1 (05:47):
sorry, and so we ask some kind of big, broad
questions Like hey, when someonesees our family or they say
something about our family,what's a word that comes to mind
?
Yeah, what do you think of?
Speaker 2 (05:59):
And as the conversation went on, it was
what did you and I and the kids,what do we want to be about as
a family?
Speaker 1 (06:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (06:08):
And, like you just said, when people look at us,
what do you want people to say?
You know what Blank isimportant to their family.
What can we display?
Yeah, and how can we get afterthat?
Speaker 1 (06:20):
Now we got some really I mean, understand these,
they were young.
We got some really interestinganswers.
Understand these, they wereyoung.
We got some really interestinganswers.
Yeah, they were between the agesof 8 and 12 yeah, some really
interesting things written downon these sticky notes all over,
and this is again was at ourkitchen table table that we
talked about last episode, um,and so we started just, I mean
(06:41):
this, this process took a littlewhile.
It wasn't like a uh, 15 20minute thing, I mean I remember
it took a little while.
It wasn't like a 15, 20-minutething, I mean, I remember it
took us a while.
Speaker 2 (06:48):
It did.
It took a little bit.
Speaker 1 (06:50):
And so, as they were writing and each person had, our
entire table was full we allgot up and we would walk Full of
sticky notes, yes, and so therewere little post-it notes all
over this thing with wordswritten on them, and so we
started to find words that lookthe same.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
We started to kind of move them around into
categories, yep.
Speaker 1 (07:08):
And so it was like okay, that word, you know that
word love and loving, that's thesame thing.
Speaker 2 (07:13):
I'd give anything if we had kept all of them.
Yeah, that'd be so sweet.
Speaker 1 (07:17):
Yeah, and so it was.
And so we spent some timetrying to let kids figure out
which words were together,categorizing them, and the idea
was there were six of us.
I mean we put a lot of thought,brainpower into this A lot of
thought yeah, there's six of us,so we're going to have six core
values.
Each person gets to pick avalue that they kind of identify
with or just really connectwith.
Speaker 2 (07:39):
So we, like we were saying, we kind of categorized
them into six categories.
It took some kind of finaglingto get some of them to work.
You think, if you have an eightand nine year old, what are we
going to come up with?
But there were six categoriesabout what was important to us,
(08:00):
and so the six categories wereso we had say yeah, so we had
love was one.
If you're watching the YouTubevideo, love is the one that's
propped up here between ourmicrophone stands, because, I
mean, that's the wholefoundation of why literally why
we became a family, because weloved each other, you and I.
(08:20):
That's true.
Speaker 1 (08:21):
And sort of.
So we had love, we hadcommunication, we had serve, we
had I'm reading them off thetable actually together fun, and
then faith.
Speaker 2 (08:32):
Yeah, so we in front of us on our baggage claim table
.
They're all of the all of thecanvases are here.
They're probably like eight byten size canvases.
Speaker 1 (08:43):
Yep Explain why we did canvases and paintings.
Speaker 2 (08:45):
So before Greg and I met I remember literally it was
like a month or two after TJpassed away one of my friends
from school, April April Curley,if you're listening, thank you
she invited me to come to apaint class that was being
(09:05):
hosted in her neighborhood, atSterling, in their community
center.
She was like it's the first one, I don't know what we're doing,
so why don't you come?
And so April and I and two orthree other ladies from school,
we went to this painting classand it was very vague
instructions of what we weregoing to paint.
(09:26):
There was a few examples and itwas and literally it was kind
of like a go with what your gutsays, go with what's in your
heart.
And so that was literally thefirst time I ever painted on
canvas and if, if I'm honest,that first painting came out
kind of dark, I was going to saywhat did you paint?
Speaker 1 (09:45):
Do you remember?
Speaker 2 (09:46):
It was branches.
It was supposed to be as if youwere kind of lying down and
looking up at the night sky with, like a moon, branches and
stuff.
Mine turned out kind of darkbut if I mean, that's where I
was.
Speaker 1 (10:00):
Right.
Speaker 2 (10:00):
It was in a dark place.
And so then, not too long afterthat, another friend invited me
to join her at a place nearbywhere it was literally painting
classes.
So the teacher would get upthere and she would show you
kind of step by step of what topaint, but then you kind of
(10:23):
interpret it in your own way.
And that first class I was like, okay, this kind of feels good
from a heart, it feels good tokind of have an outlet.
And so I didn't know I was apainter until then and so I
would go to class regularly.
My parents and TJ's mom, mygrandmother, would kind of watch
(10:48):
the kids for me or take them tokarate or soccer or whatever,
so that I could go paint likeonce a month.
Speaker 1 (10:55):
So that became your therapy, in a sense.
Speaker 2 (10:57):
Very much so.
Gotcha, it was kind of a gift Ididn't know I had and, like you
said, it was therapy.
It just kind of gave me like anoutlet.
And then my friend Lisa and Iwe would find things on
Pinterest or just whatever andwe would say to ourselves we can
paint that.
Speaker 1 (11:16):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (11:16):
Let's do it.
Let's do it at home.
So then we literally startedpainting at home.
So painting became a big dealfor me.
So when you share with me thisidea, and of course you wanted
to involve the kids, and so Iwas like I know, so there's six
of us, like we were saying there, so let's come up with six
(11:37):
different core values and let'sall paint them.
And so it just made sense to methat each of us would get a
canvas, and whatever value itwas that we had assigned to each
person, we painted it what itfelt like to us.
Speaker 1 (11:59):
Right.
Speaker 2 (12:00):
And so that's how we have these six canvases that are
on the table in front of us.
Speaker 1 (12:04):
It's kind of fun when you think about it.
I had no idea.
Like when I had this thought orthis idea, painting a canvas
was nowhere in the picture atall.
I was like I have this idea,we're going to do this, this,
this and this, and then you tookthat idea and made it really
pretty and nice andunderstandable for our kids.
If I would have tried to leadthem through this process it
(12:28):
would have been a big flop.
Speaker 2 (12:29):
Well, not a flop, necessarily.
Speaker 1 (12:31):
I don't think it would have grabbed.
Speaker 2 (12:32):
I think that a hands-on I mean I'm a teacher of
littles and so any way you canget a hands-on experience to
kind of immerse kids in whatyou're doing.
It gives it a lot more concretevalue for them.
And we've kind of immerse kidsin what you're doing.
Speaker 1 (12:46):
It gives it a lot more concrete value for them and
we've kind of always done that,like even the first time we met
yeah we'll talk about not met,but the first time we brought
the kids together, yeah um.
So we got these canvases and weeach said I remember we had our
six core values and I rememberwe doled them out to the kids.
Hey, which one do you?
Kind of connect with.
(13:08):
And so we allowed them to takethose, and I think I just took
whatever was left.
I mean, I did too.
It's just like I'll take those.
And then the idea was you canpaint whatever you want on your
canvas, like there are no rulesas to painting your canvas.
What it looks like.
Speaker 2 (13:27):
It needs to be your personality and what you feel
and what you want, but to kindof lean towards whatever that
word is it could be.
Speaker 1 (13:33):
It didn't have to be.
It didn't have to.
If it was a representation ofthat word, it would be nice.
Speaker 2 (13:38):
It would be, and each of the words had a Bible verse
associated with, because one ofthe six core values for our
family was faith, cause, givenwhat all six of us had been
through, we had to have thatfaith that brought us to where
we were.
Speaker 1 (13:54):
And faith.
Faith for us is a really, andwe'll have a podcast, just a
whole episode on our faith andwhat that looks like and how
like.
In our house it was probablyvery different from others.
We ask questions a lot.
We encourage our kids toexplore, to read.
We didn't force our kids to goto Wednesday night churches, we
(14:15):
encouraged them to.
Yeah, so some of those thingsthat we just faith was a huge
part of us, but it was just verydifferent.
When you hear that word you maythink you probably have a
picture in your mind.
It may be a little differentfor us, but we you know.
Speaker 2 (14:29):
We can address that separately.
Yeah, one day.
Speaker 1 (14:31):
Okay, so we're back on core values.
So everybody's painting.
Speaker 2 (14:33):
Everybody's painting and the whole idea was is for
all six of us what we value as afamily, determined going
forward how we acted as a family.
Speaker 1 (14:52):
Right?
Well, this is what we wouldalways okay, we I say we.
This is what I would teach whenyou're in an organization,
because we did a lot oforganizational help and
development for nonprofits andcorporations.
It was like your core valueshelp set your culture, your
culture helps it, the dynamicand the outcomes of your staff
(15:12):
or your customers or whoever itis you're interacting with.
So it's a process.
So if we don't know what wevalue, then our culture just
becomes what it is off a default.
So we don't, we're not, wedon't want to have direction
over that.
Speaker 2 (15:25):
So for us, in your business world.
Yes, that's true, but one thingI didn't realize I was doing in
my own classroom until youidentified with it after
spending time with me and how Iam with my kids, because every
year I always say this is thebest group of kids I've ever had
.
This is the best year, this isthe best group of kids but ever
had, this is the best year.
(15:45):
This is the best group of kids.
But you helped me see, it'sbecause of the culture that I
develop in my classroom wherethey know what's okay, they know
what's not.
They know I don't expect them tobe little soldiers.
They've got freedom but we'vegot some boundaries and that
kind of thing.
And so I didn't realize that Ihad set culture in my classroom
(16:06):
over the years.
But you helped me see that andhelped me figure out how to
transfer that into our family.
Speaker 1 (16:12):
Yeah, because the reality is you have culture in
your family, you just don't, youmay not realize it.
Speaker 2 (16:17):
Yeah, you don't know.
Speaker 1 (16:18):
You may not know what it is yet, you may not have
identified it, but there isculture there.
Yeah, and not have identifiedit, but there is culture there.
And so a friend of mine,michael, who produces for us too
, we were actually just chattingabout, and we always talk about
culture.
This is something that is dearto us and just how it affects
the people who work there, andit can inspire you or it can
(16:39):
just drain you, and so he madethe analogy like if, when you
don't have core values or you'rejust like driving a car with no
steering wheel, not puttingyour hands on the wheel, you're
just all over the place and,just like we've seen poor
leadership develop a poorculture that has just driven it
down the drain.
Speaker 2 (16:58):
Well, I mean, that's kind of the same thing that you
have the opportunity to do ornot do with your family, right?
Speaker 1 (17:05):
And just being in the thing is is it's intentionality
, like slowing down just enoughto figure it, just to look at it
and go okay, what is this Like?
And maybe you have to workbackwards, you don't want to
start with well, what is ourculture?
Maybe even look at okay, we'regetting these outcomes from our
family.
Let's take, okay, so these areour outcomes.
(17:27):
Let's step back and go whatdoes that mean about our culture
?
Like when we get into anargument or there's frustration,
there's screaming, there'syelling, there's throwing.
Why is that?
And so we back up and back upand back up and go.
Core value of ours is Maybe wedon't communicate, maybe that's
not a core value, that we don'tcommunicate in a way that is
helpful.
Speaker 2 (17:47):
What we said while we were talking about this and
getting ready for this one iswhat are you modeling for your
kids?
Speaker 1 (17:54):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:54):
So is it a frustration that your teenagers
or your preteens are on theirphone all the time?
Well, are you on your phone allthe time?
Yeah, well, those are reallyhard questions, it's hard, but
it's very basic at the same time.
It was like when you have tohave a discussion with your kids
, does it turn into an argument?
(18:15):
Okay, well, maybe they don'tsee it, but do discussions
between you and your spouse oryour significant other, does
that turn into an argument?
Maybe there's a communication.
I mean the communication corevalue for our family.
Maybe there's a communicationthing going on and you don't
know it.
Like, what are you modeling?
(18:37):
Yeah, but we had to model thesethings.
It's not like we're just tryingto be this picture-perfect
family and here's the six thingsthat we want to be about that
are so magical.
It's like no, literally, whatare you— part of the thing that
makes it work or not work iswhat are you modeling as the
adults?
Speaker 1 (18:57):
Yeah, because the reality is that your kids are
modeling what you're doing,whether you know it or not,
whether you think it or not,they are modeling.
I used to work for—I used to dosome work with some boys home
and it was so interesting.
We would work with these guyshands-on a lot with like
processing skills, communication, like just helping them learn
(19:20):
to do life together, becausethey lived in homes.
And then they were like hey,can you guys do what you do with
the students?
Can you do that with theparents?
We have a parents night.
We're like hey, can you guys dowhat you do with the students?
Can you do that with theparents?
We have a parents' night.
We're like sure we'd love to,and so the parents gathered and
we're doing the parent night.
I literally could walk around, Icould look around the room and
go that's so-and-so's parents,that's so-and-so.
(19:41):
And I would ask them.
I was like, hey, are youso-and-so's parents?
Yeah, how'd you know that?
You saw the exact samebehaviors and the mannerisms and
the way they would act and theway they would do in the parents
that I did in the kids.
And it was one of those thingsFor me.
That light bulb went off and Iwas like, oh my gosh, my kids
are watching me and they'regoing to become me who I am.
So it's just kind of one ofthose scary crazy.
(20:04):
It's scary crazy, but you candeny it all you want, but it
happens.
Speaker 2 (20:07):
But it's true, and if you hear on the broadcast today
, if you hear a little baby cry,it's just because we're in our
home and our daughter-in-law,miranda, is part of our crew and
baby Lucy was trying to gonight-night and she apparently
(20:27):
needed her passy.
Speaker 1 (20:28):
Yeah, she wasn't happy.
Speaker 2 (20:29):
So if you hear, a little whiny.
Speaker 1 (20:30):
that's our grandbaby, If you ever hear that?
Speaker 2 (20:33):
just think aw, not how unprofessional.
Just think aw, that's ourgrandbaby.
Lulu needed her passy.
Speaker 1 (20:40):
So okay.
So, anyway reminder that we'rein our home.
But modeling behavior is a hugepart of how do you set the
culture in your home.
When you say modeling, I meaneverything down to the way you
speak to each other, the tone inwhich you speak.
(21:01):
All those things matter.
Speaker 2 (21:05):
Our sweet kids, all four of them.
I guess that we've always notalways most of the time we try
really hard to speak to oneanother in a kind tone.
Speaker 1 (21:16):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (21:17):
Because, well, I'll say, all of our kids, but me too
we're all really sensitive totone.
So if somebody in aconversation has a tone that
sounds the least bit frustrated,they're very sensitive.
Why are you mad at me?
Why are you upset?
Speaker 1 (21:35):
And then it goes to well, let's talk about it, let's
talk.
Speaker 2 (21:37):
It's like help me understand.
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 1 (21:40):
I do, I do use that phrase.
Speaker 2 (21:42):
I learned that phrase from you and that was part of
communication.
Again, I guess probably weshould probably do one whole
episode on communication.
Speaker 1 (21:49):
Probably.
Speaker 2 (21:50):
yes, We've done some, but just do another one, but
help me understand why you thinkyou're upset with me or I'm
upset with you.
Speaker 1 (21:58):
Yeah, I didn't say that because that's not Help me
understand why you're wrong andI'm right.
Speaker 2 (22:05):
You probably may want to say that Of course we all
want to say that, of course, weall want to say that.
But again it just goes back tomodeling, Just model, model,
model behavior that you want.
Speaker 1 (22:15):
And here's the thing, though, parents are, so we beat
ourselves up as parents.
Speaker 2 (22:21):
Yeah, we still do.
Speaker 1 (22:23):
Of course, like, oh, I should have done that or I
should have done more, Ishouldn't have done this.
First off, just relax and justtake a deep breath.
You know it's okay.
Just do the best you can.
That's all you're asking.
Just give it an effort.
And today, what we're talkingabout, I keep saying tonight.
Speaker 2 (22:44):
Well, it's evening for us.
Speaker 1 (22:50):
Yeah, so it's like the idea behind core values is
to give some direction to theculture in your home.
That's, that's mainly it.
It's not a.
We're not trying to overcomplicate it in that, it's just
like no, no no becausesometimes you may look at it,
you're like, bro, I have nofreaking idea what I'm doing,
what this like, what do you mean?
Yeah, like this is crazy, butit's like, no, no, just take
(23:10):
small steps and figure it out.
So because once you write allthis down, you paint them and
they look really cool, because Ican see our kids, personalities
and all of them so much and itjust makes me smile, makes my
heart happy now are we sayingyou have to paint canvases with
your family?
Speaker 2 (23:26):
No, no.
But what worked for us was tohave that family meeting at our
table with all the sticky notes,paint them, and they hung in a
place at our home where we gotmarried and moved in together
for the first time and it wasjust like a good reminder of
(23:46):
here's where we're starting,here's where we are.
We're a whole big team and weneeded to be reminded of those
because all the things movingforward after that, as a family
we tried to make sure itsupported these values.
Speaker 1 (24:02):
Yeah, because it comes down to if we don't apply
these core values to our family.
They're no more than just apainting on the wall.
Cute paintings of words yeah,it's just like, oh, that's cute
kid stuff, but no, it's like.
No, that word means somethingthat's a value for us, that's a
core value for us, that'ssomething our family's built
around.
So we got to see that.
(24:23):
You got to remind them.
It's the same thing in thecorporate world you remind
people of your culture, yourcore values all the time, and
you just constantly the samething is true in your home.
And so we tried to figure it.
We're like okay, how do weimplement these things?
Speaker 2 (24:45):
And can we take some of them and combine them
together and make them just work, even down to our boundaries
and guidelines that we talkedabout before.
A lot of them went back to this, or some of the quote-unquote
consequences led back to thesevalues of.
This is what we're about and wewant to make sure that here's
what we stay about.
Right yeah, and just a side noteof one of the values being fun
(25:19):
we were just talking aboutearlier Right, yeah, for his
races, and the other three wouldhave to go with us.
And so, no, them going to amountain bike race out of town
was not fun for them, but whilewe were there for that one
particular kid, we would try tofigure out how to make it fun
(25:39):
for the other three.
So as a family, I mean it'sjust, and your culture, know
that your culture is going tochange too.
Speaker 1 (25:46):
Yeah, at that time in our lives, like we would leave
on a, we would leave.
Speaker 2 (25:50):
Friday evening.
Speaker 1 (25:51):
Yeah, and we would be gone because we had to be there
early Saturday morning.
So Saturday we were all we weredoing stuff and we wanted to
have time to go play a littlebit.
Speaker 2 (25:58):
We wouldn't get home until Sunday afternoon.
Speaker 1 (26:01):
And then Sunday we're racing and, as soon as we're
done, packing everything in thecar, coming home and going back
to work on Monday.
So it was like a—.
Speaker 2 (26:07):
It had the potential to not be fun for anyone.
Speaker 1 (26:09):
Right, but that was a season and that was a culture
and it was okay at the time.
We just tried to be intentionalabout what we did with them,
like that trip we actually wentto where they filmed some of
the— One particular trip yeah,it was the Walking Dead.
Speaker 2 (26:23):
No Stranger Things.
It was the Walking Dead.
No Stranger.
Speaker 1 (26:25):
Things.
It was the Walking Dead thing,because we went to the
courthouse in the middle andthere was one where we did
Stranger Things.
I feel pretty sure.
Speaker 2 (26:34):
There were two of them.
Speaker 1 (26:36):
So we did two trips down there but it was just fun.
So we tried to do those kind offun things in the process, Also
one of the things we used to dotoo, like kind of togetherness
and just fun Because togetherwas one of the things we used to
do too, like kind oftogetherness and just fun,
Because together was one of thevalues.
Yeah, we would go and you haveto understand.
We had six kids, so we didn'thave enough.
Speaker 2 (26:56):
No, we had four kids.
Speaker 1 (26:57):
Four kids or six of us, that's right.
Sorry, there's a lot of numbers.
We were like we want to dosomething fun.
We don't have a ton of money.
Going to the movies at thattime would cost us $120, $130.
We're like we're not going todrop that to go watch a movie
and we just sat there and atepopcorn.
So we're going to do somethingmore interactive.
(27:17):
So we came up with this idea.
I mean, this is 13, 10 yearsago, probably 10 years, probably
9, 10 years ago.
These kids were young, they werelittle and so we would give
each kid five dollars and wewould go to the thrift store.
It was the thrift store, orwe'd go to five below, or five
below, and one time we did go tothe flea market and so we would
say you have to find a anythingthat starts with the letter of
(27:40):
your name.
Speaker 2 (27:41):
You can be as creative as you want.
First initial of your firstname, or the first initial of
your last name, which all of uswere, p, we all had the same one
at the end.
Speaker 1 (27:50):
You had options and you could just go buy whatever
you want and you had to.
Kind of, when you got backtogether, you could spend.
It could be a toy, it could bean article of clothing, whatever
yeah.
It could be whatever you wantedit to be.
Speaker 2 (28:01):
So what you're referring to is one of the we.
We tried to make sure thatthere was a clear model.
In my teacher word ofexpectation it's not that's a
negative word in the familyworld, I guess, but a clear
modeling for what each valuewould look like.
And so you were just talkingabout the fun value.
(28:21):
Um, we were kind of good withwhatever as long as nobody gets
hurt.
Speaker 1 (28:25):
Yeah, I mean we've had anything from water gun
fights in the house.
Speaker 2 (28:29):
Nerf guns that was a favorite.
Speaker 1 (28:31):
Yeah, a lot of people , and I know some.
Whatever, it may be One of myfavorite pranks that Callie
played on.
Speaker 2 (28:36):
You was in the kitchen.
Speaker 1 (28:38):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (28:40):
And she put a rubber band around the squirter, the
spray nozzle portion, the sink,and we were, we were all in on
it.
Um, so she put a rubber bandaround it and knew that whatever
you were doing would involvethe sink, because we're getting
ready to cook dinner.
And it was the funny.
They laughed, they literallycried it was so cute.
(29:02):
It was always practical jokes,yeah so, yeah, we would do the
thrift store thing with yourinitial or the flea market or
five below whatever.
So that was for fun, and thenwe would live out communication
by.
The biggest one was we don'traise our voices at each other.
Speaker 1 (29:21):
No, we had no yelling at our house and it was I mean
yeah.
Speaker 2 (29:27):
Were you allowed to get mad?
Yes, you can be mad all youwant to.
Speaker 1 (29:31):
Yeah, and if you can't have the discussion
without screaming or yelling,then go outside, go walk around,
go cool off, take a lap, dowhatever you need to do, and
then we can come back and havethis conversation, but we're not
going to scream and yell andcall names.
Speaker 2 (29:43):
But you and I modeled that behavior.
Speaker 1 (29:45):
Yes, and yell and call names, but you and I
modeled that behavior.
Yes, yeah.
I took several laps aroundsometimes.
Yeah, you did, I'd be like I'mputting my shoes on.
Where are you going Outside Got?
Speaker 2 (29:53):
to take a lap, okay, and so I would get my headphones
and just go.
Now whether you would be upsetwith me or a child.
We were really mindful of thatand for togetherness, we would
spend as much time together aswe could as a family and we
talked about different ways todo that and love like.
(30:14):
What kind of actions are youdisplaying to show that you love
one another?
Speaker 1 (30:19):
Well, even just kind of love and serving, like help
somebody in the family if theyneed help, if they're trying to
get out of the house, hands arefull, or you help clean up a
plate or help do something.
Speaker 2 (30:30):
But even as simple as when our sons would play video
games together.
Can you be patient and showlove by letting him have the
first turn, Like just simplesimple things like that and then
serve.
You kind of touched on servingjust then, but it's like we're
going to serve each other.
Like you said, if you see thatyour sibling or your parent or a
(30:52):
parent has their hands full,you're trying to do something or
carry groceries in or putgroceries away or whatever it is
like, help each other.
Don't just walk by and pretendlike you don't see it, because
if you can get used to servingeach other in your own home,
it's easier to serve otherpeople outside of your home.
And then faith.
(31:13):
We touched on that in thebeginning this evening.
But faith was an important partfor you and I because our faith
journey and trusting God on thepath that we were on that led
us to one another.
We wanted to display that samefaith to our kids.
(31:35):
We didn't want to force theminto anything, because if you
can own your faith, it becomesso much more deep and meaningful
.
Speaker 1 (31:46):
Yeah, I don't want our kids to grow up and feel
like, hey, our parents alwaystold us we had to believe this
way, we had to do this, we hadto do that.
Speaker 2 (31:54):
I want it to be yours .
Speaker 1 (31:55):
Yeah, like if we were at church on Sunday.
Our question in the car on theway back is like okay, what did
you think about that?
Do you agree?
Do you disagree?
Speaker 2 (32:08):
We just tried to create an environment where it's
like okay, what'd you thinkabout that?
You agree, do you disagree?
Speaker 1 (32:10):
we just tried to create an environment where it
was it's okay to have questions,it's okay to talk, but, yeah,
you should, you should questionand you should talk about all of
it.
Yeah, um, that was a huge partwhy is all this important?
Speaker 2 (32:20):
well, the bottom line .
Why is this important?
Speaker 1 (32:22):
I mean it goes back to if you don't do these things,
you, you have defaults whereyou, just your culture is going
to determine itself.
Like you get to drive, you getto determine what your home,
what your house is going to beabout.
That's on you.
So you get to determine that Ifyou don't, then society or
(32:46):
other thing else will determineit for you.
They'll pick for you.
Speaker 2 (32:49):
Are we saying that we did this perfectly and that
we're the perfect family?
Speaker 1 (32:53):
Absolutely not no.
No, there were lots of timeswhere we would struggle with
this.
Speaker 2 (32:59):
It's like what are we even doing?
Speaker 1 (33:00):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (33:01):
Or why are we even trying so hard?
Speaker 1 (33:04):
Yeah.
So when you get to those things, I'll just say you just go
simple, yeah, just very, verysimple, like you know what.
Let's go have some fun together.
Things are tough right now.
Let's go have fun together.
What does that look like?
Maybe let's go to the park,let's go hike, let's go see a
waterfall.
Speaker 2 (33:19):
Do something easy, simple Play basketball in the
yard, whatever.
Speaker 1 (33:29):
But was it always easy for us to model the
behaviors that we are trying toteach our?
Speaker 2 (33:31):
children?
Absolutely not.
No, no, it wasn't.
It was a sacrifice a lot oftimes to try to model what we're
trying to teach our kids.
Speaker 1 (33:38):
And I know if you're listening you're like dude.
That sounds exhausting.
Speaker 2 (33:44):
It can be.
Yeah, it very much can be.
We said the same thing, but italso can be very rewarding.
Speaker 1 (33:49):
when you see it, your kids grab onto it and start
living it out.
You're like, oh, okay, there itis.
You have this glimmer of hopeand you're just like, yep,
that's it, that's what we'rehere for.
Speaker 2 (33:59):
So when we unpack this for our friends that are
listening or watching, what canthat look like?
Speaker 1 (34:08):
For me.
I say start simple, yes, Like,don't overthink this, don't
shoot for the moon.
We went big.
I tend to go big on things.
Jess always tells me that Ithink you set unreasonable
expectations sometimes.
I do most of the time, but atthe same price.
(34:30):
I was like this is what we did.
I'm not saying this is the way,this is a way.
So start simple, almost likesit down with your partner and
start the discussion Go what isour culture?
Speaker 2 (34:41):
What are we even about as a family?
Speaker 1 (34:43):
Yeah, because when you think about our family, what
words come to mind?
Speaker 2 (34:47):
Yeah, are there times where you're about a team or
you know, is you know?
Are you at the ball field?
Are you this?
Are you that?
It very well may be that's whatyou're doing right now, but
don't let that determine theculture of your family.
So, when you get down to it,being a part of a team, okay,
yeah, that's wonderful.
(35:07):
But when you go home, withinthe four walls of your home,
what do you want your family tobe about?
Now, we started with six corevalues, because there were six
of us.
But I mean, I would like tochallenge you, if you're
listening, maybe start with two,two core values.
(35:28):
Does it have to be some of ours?
No, I would love to hear if youcome up with Two core values.
Does it have to be some of ours?
No, I would love to hear if youcome up with some other core
values.
I would too.
Speaker 1 (35:34):
I'd love to hear ways you incorporate them too into
your family, into your life.
Like this is.
Again, we're here to helpestablish a community, so we
share stuff back and forth andwe're sharing, and I would love
for you guys to share back withus some things that you've done
or that worked for you, or maybehow you took this concept and
tweaked it and made it better.
Speaker 2 (35:55):
Or even what do you think about this as a core value
for our family?
How can we help us figure outhow to make this work, because
this seems to be the word thatkeeps coming back up.
Speaker 1 (36:05):
Right.
Speaker 2 (36:05):
I would love that.
Yeah, and we started small, forwhat small looked like for our
family?
Small for our family was six.
But I would encourage you tostart small, because if you set
lofty goals, they're going to bereal hard to meet and it's
going to be really easy to getfrustrated.
Speaker 1 (36:24):
Don't be mad because you're not going to hit a home
run every time.
No, you're going to strike out.
You may walk, it're not goingto hit a home run every time.
Speaker 2 (36:28):
No.
Speaker 1 (36:29):
You're going to strike out, you may walk.
It's not going to be perfectevery time.
Speaker 2 (36:33):
No.
Speaker 1 (36:34):
Just keep at it.
Speaker 2 (36:35):
Don't try to do everything in one fell swoop.
Speaker 1 (36:39):
Yeah, just do what you can.
Speaker 2 (36:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (36:42):
You used that the correct way.
Speaker 2 (36:43):
I did.
I used it the right way.
With that being wrapped up,it's my turn to ask a question
from our book A Year of Us.
So if you guys we're going to,we are going.
You say that every time.
I know I'm going to give hercredit.
Speaker 1 (36:58):
She may tell you to do something To stop it.
Speaker 2 (37:00):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (37:01):
So anyway, I'm ready.
So this is a question, and thisis kind of a deep question
because, you know me, I want to.
Speaker 2 (37:13):
I know, but don't be disappointed if I have to think
about it.
Speaker 1 (37:16):
Okay, what do you doubt most about yourself that
most people think you'reconfident about?
Speaker 2 (37:25):
Whoa.
What do I doubt about myself?
Speaker 1 (37:28):
Yeah, what do you doubt?
I have a hard time with that.
That's hard work.
Speaker 2 (37:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (37:33):
What do you doubt about yourself that most people
think you're confident about?
Speaker 2 (37:41):
Professionally, I think that I'm a pretty good
teacher because my leadershiphas always told me so.
But on a daily basis, I doubtmyself Am I meeting the needs of
all these littles that are inmy care?
You do doubt yourself as ateacher sometimes, which is
(38:04):
insane because you get thehighest marks and everybody
loves you, kids love you, andyou've watched me teach yeah,
I'm just not blowing smoke teach, so I mean you.
Speaker 1 (38:10):
Yeah, I'm just not blowing smoke when I'm like, no,
you're really good at your job,you're really good at it.
Speaker 2 (38:15):
I appreciate that.
But I doubt myself alwaysbecause, for so many reasons,
there's never a doubt in my mindthat God has not placed the
littles in my classroom thatneed to be with me.
There's never a doubt.
Sometimes I might question why,like why did you give me so and
so?
Help me understand that, butthere's never a doubt.
(38:35):
So, professionally, I doubtthat.
Um, personally, I don't knowpersonally.
I struggle personally withconfidence.
So I doubt myself a lotpersonally.
So so I don't just being raw.
I don't know that there's aplace that I display confidence
(38:58):
in myself where someone coulddoubt.
Why do you feel confident aboutthat?
And that's just something I'vepersonally struggled with my
whole life.
Is confidence in my own selfAll right?
How about you?
Speaker 1 (39:17):
It's interesting to me.
Some would say I have noproblem with confidence.
Speaker 2 (39:23):
I think that about you, okay, you present yourself
in a way that's very confident,but I know inside your head and
your heart, yes, not many peopledo.
Speaker 1 (39:39):
Yeah, I do struggle a lot.
For a long time I struggledwith being a people pleaser
because I only wanted everybodyto be happy with me, like
everything, and I just realizedthat's just ridiculous.
Yeah, it's a ridiculous thingto try to achieve, and so
sometimes I feel like I doubt myability to be able to speak on
things.
Sometimes, okay, but sometimesit comes off like.
(40:05):
Your ability to or the timing ofno like I've had the
opportunity to sit in the roomwith some really cool people and
do some really cool things andbe a part of cool meetings and I
would always go.
I don't deserve to be here.
Like, why am I here?
This is ridiculous.
I didn't finish college.
(40:27):
Why am I sitting in a room withsomeone you know?
These people run one of the top50 businesses in the world and
I'm sitting in the room andthey're asking for my advice.
Because college has nothing todo with giftedness, yeah.
So it's kind of a crazy thingfor me, but that's just a
struggle I've had and you knowI've worked around it.
But you know I just figure itout as a go.
Speaker 2 (40:48):
Yeah, just watching you maneuver the world, you do
not come off as a guy thatstruggles with self-confidence,
but, on that same token, youdon't ever come off as somebody
who's I've got it all undercontrol, I know what I'm doing
Like you're a good balance ofthat.
Speaker 1 (41:08):
Yeah, I try to be.
I don't want to be that guy,that's.
You know, there's always thatguy that parties like oh he's
been there, he's done that, andI get made fun of sometimes for
that.
Speaker 2 (41:17):
So I try not to share world experiences.
Speaker 1 (41:19):
I try not to share those a whole lot, unless I
don't want to be the guy alwaystalking Um.
So anyway, with all of thisbeing said, I just want to again
challenge you and love on youand say don't quit, don't give
up.
Speaker 2 (41:33):
Yeah, it's never too late to start this.
Speaker 1 (41:36):
Yeah, it doesn't matter where you're at in this
journey.
It doesn't matter if you've gota little baby.
Speaker 2 (41:41):
If you're holding a little baby right now as a mom
and you're drinking coffee ortea or whatever it may be,
you're going to model and setculture for that little one
you're holding, or if you're thedad that's got a house full of
teenagers where it literallyseems impossible.
Yeah, it's not.
Speaker 1 (41:57):
No, just start taking this, it's not easy, but it's
not impossible.
Yeah, take small steps, and sowe'll have all of our.
As we release this, we'll havetons of these things that we
post up so you can see these as,and we'll share some, some fun
stuff with those.
But again, thank you guys, somuch for listening, for sharing,
(42:19):
for helping us spread the wordabout baggage claim.
Speaker 2 (42:21):
Thank you for sharing your time with us too.
Speaker 1 (42:24):
Thanks for taking the time to listen.
Please, if you've got a friendor family member or somebody
else, a coworker, that you thinkcould in this, please share it.
Speaker 2 (42:33):
Yeah, and don't forget, if you, or as you come
up with your core values, evenif it's just two, send them to
us so that we know that whatwe're doing makes a difference.
Speaker 1 (42:43):
Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 2 (42:45):
Yeah, that would mean a lot to us.
Speaker 1 (42:46):
Yeah, thank you guys, have a great week.
Speaker 2 (42:48):
Yeah, that would mean a lot to us.
Yeah, thank you guys.
Have a great week.
Yeah, thank you.
Hey guys, what's up?
I'm Greg.
I hope you guys are ready tounpack and get into some good
conversations today.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
And I'm Jess, and this is our podcast Baggage
Claim.
Thank you for joining us.
Speaker 1 (00:17):
What's up everybody?
Welcome to Baggage Claim.
Thank you so much for joiningus again today.
So, no matter where you're at,what you're doing we say this
every week If you're riding inyour car, sitting at your desk
in your cubicle, or maybe onyour comfy couch or in your
comfy chair at home, grab yourfavorite drink maybe coffee, tea
, if you're at home A cozyblankie and a cozy blankie if
(00:37):
you want.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
And just kind of nestle up to our metaphorical
table and let's get ready tounpack some stuff at baggage
claim.
Yeah, and if you heard megiggle right when greg started
the welcome, it's because we doa clap kind of like the
director's cue because we can'tafford one of those things, yes,
so that's our cue, and everytime, I don't care who does it,
(01:03):
it makes me laugh.
It's Jess's first time to do it,so tonight was the very first
time Today was my first day Igot to be the one that did the
clap and I still giggled.
I can't help it.
It didn't take much to amuse me, apparently.
Speaker 1 (01:19):
So yeah, it actually is number eight.
Whoa that's crazy.
Yeah, we're traveling down thatroad.
Speaker 2 (01:26):
And we don't even know what we're doing.
Speaker 1 (01:31):
We do, we have an idea.
I mean, we have an idea Waymore down the road than we were
when we started.
Speaker 2 (01:36):
Yeah, but still it's kind of like okay, thank you for
trying this out with us.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
Yeah, we're having fun and enjoying sharing our
life and past, present all thefun stuff that we were going
through.
Today we're going to talk aboutsomething, though, that I kind
of get really pumped about.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
From your corporate consultant years.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
Yeah, and some people would just go really what?
I don't get it, but we were offat a weekend retreat with a
corporate company.
Speaker 2 (02:05):
We no.
Speaker 1 (02:09):
Okay, I was with a company I had from before, but
anyway, we were there and wewere talking about core values
and culture and we were talkingabout those things, about the
core values for the company helpset all this.
Well, I was just thinking aboutit, I was sitting at the
airport on the way home and Iwas like why don't we ever do
that as a family?
(02:29):
And so when I got back I waslike we're going to jump into
and try to set up core valuesfor our family and what that
would look like, because helpingin our core values would
definitely help set our culture.
Speaker 2 (02:43):
Meanwhile, I had no idea what you were talking about
, because that was really aforeign concept to me.
Speaker 1 (02:51):
Right.
Speaker 2 (02:52):
I never even thought about it.
Speaker 1 (02:54):
Yeah, what do you mean?
Thought about what?
Speaker 2 (02:57):
Well, core values, kind of like a goal with your
family.
Like when TJ and I were married, it was like we're going to get
married, we're going to buy ahouse, we're going to have kids
and we're just going to livelife.
Speaker 1 (03:13):
There's nothing wrong with that.
Speaker 2 (03:14):
No, there's not, but I had never thought about the
idea of no, let's have like anactual conversation of what are
we about Now?
We did talk about, you know,raising our children in church
and you know we had some thingsthat were important to us.
Speaker 1 (03:31):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (03:32):
But as far as what we're getting into tonight,
today, with what we're going totalk about, I never thought that
deeply into it.
Speaker 1 (03:40):
Well, it's a simple concept.
It's not that it's simple, wejust don't apply.
I mean, if you're listening tothis and you've been in the
corporate world, you've satthrough one of those weekend
sessions.
Speaker 2 (03:51):
What I was about to say is it's simple if you are in
the corporate world and you'vesat through these conferences or
your monthly meetings, orwhatever the case may be, it's
simple when it comes in acorporate situation or in a
business world.
Speaker 1 (04:06):
Okay.
When I say simple, the conceptis simple, the process is not.
Everybody has core values.
I mean any company that you gointo or you're a part of.
Disney has core values.
I mean anybody.
I don't know why I thought ofDisney right off the top of my
head, but anyway, in everycompany, school systems, they
(04:30):
all have core values thatthey're based off of because it
determines the direction of thecompany.
Speaker 2 (04:32):
True, but I don't think very many people think
about applying it to your family.
I'd agree, which is what ledyou to that?
Thought you were just talkingabout.
Speaker 1 (04:39):
Yeah, and I mean we've read a bunch of books on
family and those things and noone ever really talks about the
culture or core values for yourfamily.
So we decided to do those andif you caught us a few episodes
back, I'm not sure which onethat was we talked about
boundaries.
Helping our kids set boundaries.
(04:59):
One thing we're really big on,and we always were, is allowing
our kids to be a part ofeverything that happened.
Speaker 2 (05:06):
We gave them a voice in just about everything.
Speaker 1 (05:09):
Because we also know that if you have shared value in
something, you have more buy-in, and when you have buy-in it
becomes more real and you wantto do that better, whether it be
at work or home or whatever itis.
So we're trying to give ourkids buy-in.
So we broke out our handy-andylittle post-it sticky notes.
So if you're not watching onlineor haven't seen it, we have
(05:30):
these little post-it notes andsticky note pads, yeah, we gave
every kid a stack of these andsome pens and we set around our
table just like we set it up forthe boundaries and guidelines
yes, and what can you get introuble for and what should the
punishment be?
Speaker 2 (05:46):
Or consequence?
Speaker 1 (05:47):
sorry, and so we ask some kind of big, broad
questions Like hey, when someonesees our family or they say
something about our family,what's a word that comes to mind
?
Yeah, what do you think of?
Speaker 2 (05:59):
And as the conversation went on, it was
what did you and I and the kids,what do we want to be about as
a family?
Speaker 1 (06:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (06:08):
And, like you just said, when people look at us,
what do you want people to say?
You know what Blank isimportant to their family.
What can we display?
Yeah, and how can we get afterthat?
Speaker 1 (06:20):
Now we got some really I mean, understand these,
they were young.
We got some really interestinganswers.
Understand these, they wereyoung.
We got some really interestinganswers.
Yeah, they were between the agesof 8 and 12 yeah, some really
interesting things written downon these sticky notes all over,
and this is again was at ourkitchen table table that we
talked about last episode, um,and so we started just, I mean
(06:41):
this, this process took a littlewhile.
It wasn't like a uh, 15 20minute thing, I mean I remember
it took a little while.
It wasn't like a 15, 20-minutething, I mean, I remember it
took us a while.
Speaker 2 (06:48):
It did.
It took a little bit.
Speaker 1 (06:50):
And so, as they were writing and each person had, our
entire table was full we allgot up and we would walk Full of
sticky notes, yes, and so therewere little post-it notes all
over this thing with wordswritten on them, and so we
started to find words that lookthe same.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
We started to kind of move them around into
categories, yep.
Speaker 1 (07:08):
And so it was like okay, that word, you know that
word love and loving, that's thesame thing.
Speaker 2 (07:13):
I'd give anything if we had kept all of them.
Yeah, that'd be so sweet.
Speaker 1 (07:17):
Yeah, and so it was.
And so we spent some timetrying to let kids figure out
which words were together,categorizing them, and the idea
was there were six of us.
I mean we put a lot of thought,brainpower into this A lot of
thought yeah, there's six of us,so we're going to have six core
values.
Each person gets to pick avalue that they kind of identify
with or just really connectwith.
Speaker 2 (07:39):
So we, like we were saying, we kind of categorized
them into six categories.
It took some kind of finaglingto get some of them to work.
You think, if you have an eightand nine year old, what are we
going to come up with?
But there were six categoriesabout what was important to us,
(08:00):
and so the six categories wereso we had say yeah, so we had
love was one.
If you're watching the YouTubevideo, love is the one that's
propped up here between ourmicrophone stands, because, I
mean, that's the wholefoundation of why literally why
we became a family, because weloved each other, you and I.
(08:20):
That's true.
Speaker 1 (08:21):
And sort of.
So we had love, we hadcommunication, we had serve, we
had I'm reading them off thetable actually together fun, and
then faith.
Speaker 2 (08:32):
Yeah, so we in front of us on our baggage claim table
.
They're all of the all of thecanvases are here.
They're probably like eight byten size canvases.
Speaker 1 (08:43):
Yep Explain why we did canvases and paintings.
Speaker 2 (08:45):
So before Greg and I met I remember literally it was
like a month or two after TJpassed away one of my friends
from school, April April Curley,if you're listening, thank you
she invited me to come to apaint class that was being
(09:05):
hosted in her neighborhood, atSterling, in their community
center.
She was like it's the first one, I don't know what we're doing,
so why don't you come?
And so April and I and two orthree other ladies from school,
we went to this painting classand it was very vague
instructions of what we weregoing to paint.
(09:26):
There was a few examples and itwas and literally it was kind
of like a go with what your gutsays, go with what's in your
heart.
And so that was literally thefirst time I ever painted on
canvas and if, if I'm honest,that first painting came out
kind of dark, I was going to saywhat did you paint?
Speaker 1 (09:45):
Do you remember?
Speaker 2 (09:46):
It was branches.
It was supposed to be as if youwere kind of lying down and
looking up at the night sky with, like a moon, branches and
stuff.
Mine turned out kind of darkbut if I mean, that's where I
was.
Speaker 1 (10:00):
Right.
Speaker 2 (10:00):
It was in a dark place.
And so then, not too long afterthat, another friend invited me
to join her at a place nearbywhere it was literally painting
classes.
So the teacher would get upthere and she would show you
kind of step by step of what topaint, but then you kind of
(10:23):
interpret it in your own way.
And that first class I was like, okay, this kind of feels good
from a heart, it feels good tokind of have an outlet.
And so I didn't know I was apainter until then and so I
would go to class regularly.
My parents and TJ's mom, mygrandmother, would kind of watch
(10:48):
the kids for me or take them tokarate or soccer or whatever,
so that I could go paint likeonce a month.
Speaker 1 (10:55):
So that became your therapy, in a sense.
Speaker 2 (10:57):
Very much so.
Gotcha, it was kind of a gift Ididn't know I had and, like you
said, it was therapy.
It just kind of gave me like anoutlet.
And then my friend Lisa and Iwe would find things on
Pinterest or just whatever andwe would say to ourselves we can
paint that.
Speaker 1 (11:16):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (11:16):
Let's do it.
Let's do it at home.
So then we literally startedpainting at home.
So painting became a big dealfor me.
So when you share with me thisidea, and of course you wanted
to involve the kids, and so Iwas like I know, so there's six
of us, like we were saying there, so let's come up with six
(11:37):
different core values and let'sall paint them.
And so it just made sense to methat each of us would get a
canvas, and whatever value itwas that we had assigned to each
person, we painted it what itfelt like to us.
Speaker 1 (11:59):
Right.
Speaker 2 (12:00):
And so that's how we have these six canvases that are
on the table in front of us.
Speaker 1 (12:04):
It's kind of fun when you think about it.
I had no idea.
Like when I had this thought orthis idea, painting a canvas
was nowhere in the picture atall.
I was like I have this idea,we're going to do this, this,
this and this, and then you tookthat idea and made it really
pretty and nice andunderstandable for our kids.
If I would have tried to leadthem through this process it
(12:28):
would have been a big flop.
Speaker 2 (12:29):
Well, not a flop, necessarily.
Speaker 1 (12:31):
I don't think it would have grabbed.
Speaker 2 (12:32):
I think that a hands-on I mean I'm a teacher of
littles and so any way you canget a hands-on experience to
kind of immerse kids in whatyou're doing.
It gives it a lot more concretevalue for them.
And we've kind of immerse kidsin what you're doing.
Speaker 1 (12:46):
It gives it a lot more concrete value for them and
we've kind of always done that,like even the first time we met
yeah we'll talk about not met,but the first time we brought
the kids together, yeah um.
So we got these canvases and weeach said I remember we had our
six core values and I rememberwe doled them out to the kids.
Hey, which one do you?
Kind of connect with.
(13:08):
And so we allowed them to takethose, and I think I just took
whatever was left.
I mean, I did too.
It's just like I'll take those.
And then the idea was you canpaint whatever you want on your
canvas, like there are no rulesas to painting your canvas.
What it looks like.
Speaker 2 (13:27):
It needs to be your personality and what you feel
and what you want, but to kindof lean towards whatever that
word is it could be.
Speaker 1 (13:33):
It didn't have to be.
It didn't have to.
If it was a representation ofthat word, it would be nice.
Speaker 2 (13:38):
It would be, and each of the words had a Bible verse
associated with, because one ofthe six core values for our
family was faith, cause, givenwhat all six of us had been
through, we had to have thatfaith that brought us to where
we were.
Speaker 1 (13:54):
And faith.
Faith for us is a really, andwe'll have a podcast, just a
whole episode on our faith andwhat that looks like and how
like.
In our house it was probablyvery different from others.
We ask questions a lot.
We encourage our kids toexplore, to read.
We didn't force our kids to goto Wednesday night churches, we
(14:15):
encouraged them to.
Yeah, so some of those thingsthat we just faith was a huge
part of us, but it was just verydifferent.
When you hear that word you maythink you probably have a
picture in your mind.
It may be a little differentfor us, but we you know.
Speaker 2 (14:29):
We can address that separately.
Yeah, one day.
Speaker 1 (14:31):
Okay, so we're back on core values.
So everybody's painting.
Speaker 2 (14:33):
Everybody's painting and the whole idea was is for
all six of us what we value as afamily, determined going
forward how we acted as a family.
Speaker 1 (14:52):
Right?
Well, this is what we wouldalways okay, we I say we.
This is what I would teach whenyou're in an organization,
because we did a lot oforganizational help and
development for nonprofits andcorporations.
It was like your core valueshelp set your culture, your
culture helps it, the dynamicand the outcomes of your staff
(15:12):
or your customers or whoever itis you're interacting with.
So it's a process.
So if we don't know what wevalue, then our culture just
becomes what it is off a default.
So we don't, we're not, wedon't want to have direction
over that.
Speaker 2 (15:25):
So for us, in your business world.
Yes, that's true, but one thingI didn't realize I was doing in
my own classroom until youidentified with it after
spending time with me and how Iam with my kids, because every
year I always say this is thebest group of kids I've ever had
.
This is the best year, this isthe best group of kids but ever
had, this is the best year.
(15:45):
This is the best group of kids.
But you helped me see, it'sbecause of the culture that I
develop in my classroom wherethey know what's okay, they know
what's not.
They know I don't expect them tobe little soldiers.
They've got freedom but we'vegot some boundaries and that
kind of thing.
And so I didn't realize that Ihad set culture in my classroom
(16:06):
over the years.
But you helped me see that andhelped me figure out how to
transfer that into our family.
Speaker 1 (16:12):
Yeah, because the reality is you have culture in
your family, you just don't, youmay not realize it.
Speaker 2 (16:17):
Yeah, you don't know.
Speaker 1 (16:18):
You may not know what it is yet, you may not have
identified it, but there isculture there.
Yeah, and not have identifiedit, but there is culture there.
And so a friend of mine,michael, who produces for us too
, we were actually just chattingabout, and we always talk about
culture.
This is something that is dearto us and just how it affects
the people who work there, andit can inspire you or it can
(16:39):
just drain you, and so he madethe analogy like if, when you
don't have core values or you'rejust like driving a car with no
steering wheel, not puttingyour hands on the wheel, you're
just all over the place and,just like we've seen poor
leadership develop a poorculture that has just driven it
down the drain.
Speaker 2 (16:58):
Well, I mean, that's kind of the same thing that you
have the opportunity to do ornot do with your family, right?
Speaker 1 (17:05):
And just being in the thing is is it's intentionality
, like slowing down just enoughto figure it, just to look at it
and go okay, what is this Like?
And maybe you have to workbackwards, you don't want to
start with well, what is ourculture?
Maybe even look at okay, we'regetting these outcomes from our
family.
Let's take, okay, so these areour outcomes.
(17:27):
Let's step back and go whatdoes that mean about our culture
?
Like when we get into anargument or there's frustration,
there's screaming, there'syelling, there's throwing.
Why is that?
And so we back up and back upand back up and go.
Core value of ours is Maybe wedon't communicate, maybe that's
not a core value, that we don'tcommunicate in a way that is
helpful.
Speaker 2 (17:47):
What we said while we were talking about this and
getting ready for this one iswhat are you modeling for your
kids?
Speaker 1 (17:54):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:54):
So is it a frustration that your teenagers
or your preteens are on theirphone all the time?
Well, are you on your phone allthe time?
Yeah, well, those are reallyhard questions, it's hard, but
it's very basic at the same time.
It was like when you have tohave a discussion with your kids
, does it turn into an argument?
(18:15):
Okay, well, maybe they don'tsee it, but do discussions
between you and your spouse oryour significant other, does
that turn into an argument?
Maybe there's a communication.
I mean the communication corevalue for our family.
Maybe there's a communicationthing going on and you don't
know it.
Like, what are you modeling?
(18:37):
Yeah, but we had to model thesethings.
It's not like we're just tryingto be this picture-perfect
family and here's the six thingsthat we want to be about that
are so magical.
It's like no, literally, whatare you— part of the thing that
makes it work or not work iswhat are you modeling as the
adults?
Speaker 1 (18:57):
Yeah, because the reality is that your kids are
modeling what you're doing,whether you know it or not,
whether you think it or not,they are modeling.
I used to work for—I used to dosome work with some boys home
and it was so interesting.
We would work with these guyshands-on a lot with like
processing skills, communication, like just helping them learn
(19:20):
to do life together, becausethey lived in homes.
And then they were like hey,can you guys do what you do with
the students?
Can you do that with theparents?
We have a parents night.
We're like hey, can you guys dowhat you do with the students?
Can you do that with theparents?
We have a parents' night.
We're like sure we'd love to,and so the parents gathered and
we're doing the parent night.
I literally could walk around, Icould look around the room and
go that's so-and-so's parents,that's so-and-so.
(19:41):
And I would ask them.
I was like, hey, are youso-and-so's parents?
Yeah, how'd you know that?
You saw the exact samebehaviors and the mannerisms and
the way they would act and theway they would do in the parents
that I did in the kids.
And it was one of those thingsFor me.
That light bulb went off and Iwas like, oh my gosh, my kids
are watching me and they'regoing to become me who I am.
So it's just kind of one ofthose scary crazy.
(20:04):
It's scary crazy, but you candeny it all you want, but it
happens.
Speaker 2 (20:07):
But it's true, and if you hear on the broadcast today
, if you hear a little baby cry,it's just because we're in our
home and our daughter-in-law,miranda, is part of our crew and
baby Lucy was trying to gonight-night and she apparently
(20:27):
needed her passy.
Speaker 1 (20:28):
Yeah, she wasn't happy.
Speaker 2 (20:29):
So if you hear, a little whiny.
Speaker 1 (20:30):
that's our grandbaby, If you ever hear that?
Speaker 2 (20:33):
just think aw, not how unprofessional.
Just think aw, that's ourgrandbaby.
Lulu needed her passy.
Speaker 1 (20:40):
So okay.
So, anyway reminder that we'rein our home.
But modeling behavior is a hugepart of how do you set the
culture in your home.
When you say modeling, I meaneverything down to the way you
speak to each other, the tone inwhich you speak.
(21:01):
All those things matter.
Speaker 2 (21:05):
Our sweet kids, all four of them.
I guess that we've always notalways most of the time we try
really hard to speak to oneanother in a kind tone.
Speaker 1 (21:16):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (21:17):
Because, well, I'll say, all of our kids, but me too
we're all really sensitive totone.
So if somebody in aconversation has a tone that
sounds the least bit frustrated,they're very sensitive.
Why are you mad at me?
Why are you upset?
Speaker 1 (21:35):
And then it goes to well, let's talk about it, let's
talk.
Speaker 2 (21:37):
It's like help me understand.
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 1 (21:40):
I do, I do use that phrase.
Speaker 2 (21:42):
I learned that phrase from you and that was part of
communication.
Again, I guess probably weshould probably do one whole
episode on communication.
Speaker 1 (21:49):
Probably.
Speaker 2 (21:50):
yes, We've done some, but just do another one, but
help me understand why you thinkyou're upset with me or I'm
upset with you.
Speaker 1 (21:58):
Yeah, I didn't say that because that's not Help me
understand why you're wrong andI'm right.
Speaker 2 (22:05):
You probably may want to say that Of course we all
want to say that, of course, weall want to say that.
But again it just goes back tomodeling, Just model, model,
model behavior that you want.
Speaker 1 (22:15):
And here's the thing, though, parents are, so we beat
ourselves up as parents.
Speaker 2 (22:21):
Yeah, we still do.
Speaker 1 (22:23):
Of course, like, oh, I should have done that or I
should have done more, Ishouldn't have done this.
First off, just relax and justtake a deep breath.
You know it's okay.
Just do the best you can.
That's all you're asking.
Just give it an effort.
And today, what we're talkingabout, I keep saying tonight.
Speaker 2 (22:44):
Well, it's evening for us.
Speaker 1 (22:50):
Yeah, so it's like the idea behind core values is
to give some direction to theculture in your home.
That's, that's mainly it.
It's not a.
We're not trying to overcomplicate it in that, it's just
like no, no no becausesometimes you may look at it,
you're like, bro, I have nofreaking idea what I'm doing,
what this like, what do you mean?
Yeah, like this is crazy, butit's like, no, no, just take
(23:10):
small steps and figure it out.
So because once you write allthis down, you paint them and
they look really cool, because Ican see our kids, personalities
and all of them so much and itjust makes me smile, makes my
heart happy now are we sayingyou have to paint canvases with
your family?
Speaker 2 (23:26):
No, no.
But what worked for us was tohave that family meeting at our
table with all the sticky notes,paint them, and they hung in a
place at our home where we gotmarried and moved in together
for the first time and it wasjust like a good reminder of
(23:46):
here's where we're starting,here's where we are.
We're a whole big team and weneeded to be reminded of those
because all the things movingforward after that, as a family
we tried to make sure itsupported these values.
Speaker 1 (24:02):
Yeah, because it comes down to if we don't apply
these core values to our family.
They're no more than just apainting on the wall.
Cute paintings of words yeah,it's just like, oh, that's cute
kid stuff, but no, it's like.
No, that word means somethingthat's a value for us, that's a
core value for us, that'ssomething our family's built
around.
So we got to see that.
(24:23):
You got to remind them.
It's the same thing in thecorporate world you remind
people of your culture, yourcore values all the time, and
you just constantly the samething is true in your home.
And so we tried to figure it.
We're like okay, how do weimplement these things?
Speaker 2 (24:45):
And can we take some of them and combine them
together and make them just work, even down to our boundaries
and guidelines that we talkedabout before.
A lot of them went back to this, or some of the quote-unquote
consequences led back to thesevalues of.
This is what we're about and wewant to make sure that here's
what we stay about.
Right yeah, and just a side noteof one of the values being fun
(25:19):
we were just talking aboutearlier Right, yeah, for his
races, and the other three wouldhave to go with us.
And so, no, them going to amountain bike race out of town
was not fun for them, but whilewe were there for that one
particular kid, we would try tofigure out how to make it fun
(25:39):
for the other three.
So as a family, I mean it'sjust, and your culture, know
that your culture is going tochange too.
Speaker 1 (25:46):
Yeah, at that time in our lives, like we would leave
on a, we would leave.
Speaker 2 (25:50):
Friday evening.
Speaker 1 (25:51):
Yeah, and we would be gone because we had to be there
early Saturday morning.
So Saturday we were all we weredoing stuff and we wanted to
have time to go play a littlebit.
Speaker 2 (25:58):
We wouldn't get home until Sunday afternoon.
Speaker 1 (26:01):
And then Sunday we're racing and, as soon as we're
done, packing everything in thecar, coming home and going back
to work on Monday.
So it was like a—.
Speaker 2 (26:07):
It had the potential to not be fun for anyone.
Speaker 1 (26:09):
Right, but that was a season and that was a culture
and it was okay at the time.
We just tried to be intentionalabout what we did with them,
like that trip we actually wentto where they filmed some of
the— One particular trip yeah,it was the Walking Dead.
Speaker 2 (26:23):
No Stranger Things.
It was the Walking Dead.
No Stranger.
Speaker 1 (26:25):
Things.
It was the Walking Dead thing,because we went to the
courthouse in the middle andthere was one where we did
Stranger Things.
I feel pretty sure.
Speaker 2 (26:34):
There were two of them.
Speaker 1 (26:36):
So we did two trips down there but it was just fun.
So we tried to do those kind offun things in the process, Also
one of the things we used to dotoo, like kind of togetherness
and just fun Because togetherwas one of the things we used to
do too, like kind oftogetherness and just fun,
Because together was one of thevalues.
Yeah, we would go and you haveto understand.
We had six kids, so we didn'thave enough.
Speaker 2 (26:56):
No, we had four kids.
Speaker 1 (26:57):
Four kids or six of us, that's right.
Sorry, there's a lot of numbers.
We were like we want to dosomething fun.
We don't have a ton of money.
Going to the movies at thattime would cost us $120, $130.
We're like we're not going todrop that to go watch a movie
and we just sat there and atepopcorn.
So we're going to do somethingmore interactive.
(27:17):
So we came up with this idea.
I mean, this is 13, 10 yearsago, probably 10 years, probably
9, 10 years ago.
These kids were young, they werelittle and so we would give
each kid five dollars and wewould go to the thrift store.
It was the thrift store, orwe'd go to five below, or five
below, and one time we did go tothe flea market and so we would
say you have to find a anythingthat starts with the letter of
(27:40):
your name.
Speaker 2 (27:41):
You can be as creative as you want.
First initial of your firstname, or the first initial of
your last name, which all of uswere, p, we all had the same one
at the end.
Speaker 1 (27:50):
You had options and you could just go buy whatever
you want and you had to.
Kind of, when you got backtogether, you could spend.
It could be a toy, it could bean article of clothing, whatever
yeah.
It could be whatever you wantedit to be.
Speaker 2 (28:01):
So what you're referring to is one of the we.
We tried to make sure thatthere was a clear model.
In my teacher word ofexpectation it's not that's a
negative word in the familyworld, I guess, but a clear
modeling for what each valuewould look like.
And so you were just talkingabout the fun value.
(28:21):
Um, we were kind of good withwhatever as long as nobody gets
hurt.
Speaker 1 (28:25):
Yeah, I mean we've had anything from water gun
fights in the house.
Speaker 2 (28:29):
Nerf guns that was a favorite.
Speaker 1 (28:31):
Yeah, a lot of people , and I know some.
Whatever, it may be One of myfavorite pranks that Callie
played on.
Speaker 2 (28:36):
You was in the kitchen.
Speaker 1 (28:38):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (28:40):
And she put a rubber band around the squirter, the
spray nozzle portion, the sink,and we were, we were all in on
it.
Um, so she put a rubber bandaround it and knew that whatever
you were doing would involvethe sink, because we're getting
ready to cook dinner.
And it was the funny.
They laughed, they literallycried it was so cute.
(29:02):
It was always practical jokes,yeah so, yeah, we would do the
thrift store thing with yourinitial or the flea market or
five below whatever.
So that was for fun, and thenwe would live out communication
by.
The biggest one was we don'traise our voices at each other.
Speaker 1 (29:21):
No, we had no yelling at our house and it was I mean
yeah.
Speaker 2 (29:27):
Were you allowed to get mad?
Yes, you can be mad all youwant to.
Speaker 1 (29:31):
Yeah, and if you can't have the discussion
without screaming or yelling,then go outside, go walk around,
go cool off, take a lap, dowhatever you need to do, and
then we can come back and havethis conversation, but we're not
going to scream and yell andcall names.
Speaker 2 (29:43):
But you and I modeled that behavior.
Speaker 1 (29:45):
Yes, and yell and call names, but you and I
modeled that behavior.
Yes, yeah.
I took several laps aroundsometimes.
Yeah, you did, I'd be like I'mputting my shoes on.
Where are you going Outside Got?
Speaker 2 (29:53):
to take a lap, okay, and so I would get my headphones
and just go.
Now whether you would be upsetwith me or a child.
We were really mindful of thatand for togetherness, we would
spend as much time together aswe could as a family and we
talked about different ways todo that and love like.
(30:14):
What kind of actions are youdisplaying to show that you love
one another?
Speaker 1 (30:19):
Well, even just kind of love and serving, like help
somebody in the family if theyneed help, if they're trying to
get out of the house, hands arefull, or you help clean up a
plate or help do something.
Speaker 2 (30:30):
But even as simple as when our sons would play video
games together.
Can you be patient and showlove by letting him have the
first turn, Like just simplesimple things like that and then
serve.
You kind of touched on servingjust then, but it's like we're
going to serve each other.
Like you said, if you see thatyour sibling or your parent or a
(30:52):
parent has their hands full,you're trying to do something or
carry groceries in or putgroceries away or whatever it is
like, help each other.
Don't just walk by and pretendlike you don't see it, because
if you can get used to servingeach other in your own home,
it's easier to serve otherpeople outside of your home.
And then faith.
(31:13):
We touched on that in thebeginning this evening.
But faith was an important partfor you and I because our faith
journey and trusting God on thepath that we were on that led
us to one another.
We wanted to display that samefaith to our kids.
(31:35):
We didn't want to force theminto anything, because if you
can own your faith, it becomesso much more deep and meaningful
.
Speaker 1 (31:46):
Yeah, I don't want our kids to grow up and feel
like, hey, our parents alwaystold us we had to believe this
way, we had to do this, we hadto do that.
Speaker 2 (31:54):
I want it to be yours .
Speaker 1 (31:55):
Yeah, like if we were at church on Sunday.
Our question in the car on theway back is like okay, what did
you think about that?
Do you agree?
Do you disagree?
Speaker 2 (32:08):
We just tried to create an environment where it's
like okay, what'd you thinkabout that?
You agree, do you disagree?
Speaker 1 (32:10):
we just tried to create an environment where it
was it's okay to have questions,it's okay to talk, but, yeah,
you should, you should questionand you should talk about all of
it.
Yeah, um, that was a huge partwhy is all this important?
Speaker 2 (32:20):
well, the bottom line .
Why is this important?
Speaker 1 (32:22):
I mean it goes back to if you don't do these things,
you, you have defaults whereyou, just your culture is going
to determine itself.
Like you get to drive, you getto determine what your home,
what your house is going to beabout.
That's on you.
So you get to determine that Ifyou don't, then society or
(32:46):
other thing else will determineit for you.
They'll pick for you.
Speaker 2 (32:49):
Are we saying that we did this perfectly and that
we're the perfect family?
Speaker 1 (32:53):
Absolutely not no.
No, there were lots of timeswhere we would struggle with
this.
Speaker 2 (32:59):
It's like what are we even doing?
Speaker 1 (33:00):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (33:01):
Or why are we even trying so hard?
Speaker 1 (33:04):
Yeah.
So when you get to those things, I'll just say you just go
simple, yeah, just very, verysimple, like you know what.
Let's go have some fun together.
Things are tough right now.
Let's go have fun together.
What does that look like?
Maybe let's go to the park,let's go hike, let's go see a
waterfall.
Speaker 2 (33:19):
Do something easy, simple Play basketball in the
yard, whatever.
Speaker 1 (33:29):
But was it always easy for us to model the
behaviors that we are trying toteach our?
Speaker 2 (33:31):
children?
Absolutely not.
No, no, it wasn't.
It was a sacrifice a lot oftimes to try to model what we're
trying to teach our kids.
Speaker 1 (33:38):
And I know if you're listening you're like dude.
That sounds exhausting.
Speaker 2 (33:44):
It can be.
Yeah, it very much can be.
We said the same thing, but italso can be very rewarding.
Speaker 1 (33:49):
when you see it, your kids grab onto it and start
living it out.
You're like, oh, okay, there itis.
You have this glimmer of hopeand you're just like, yep,
that's it, that's what we'rehere for.
Speaker 2 (33:59):
So when we unpack this for our friends that are
listening or watching, what canthat look like?
Speaker 1 (34:08):
For me.
I say start simple, yes, Like,don't overthink this, don't
shoot for the moon.
We went big.
I tend to go big on things.
Jess always tells me that Ithink you set unreasonable
expectations sometimes.
I do most of the time, but atthe same price.
(34:30):
I was like this is what we did.
I'm not saying this is the way,this is a way.
So start simple, almost likesit down with your partner and
start the discussion Go what isour culture?
Speaker 2 (34:41):
What are we even about as a family?
Speaker 1 (34:43):
Yeah, because when you think about our family, what
words come to mind?
Speaker 2 (34:47):
Yeah, are there times where you're about a team or
you know, is you know?
Are you at the ball field?
Are you this?
Are you that?
It very well may be that's whatyou're doing right now, but
don't let that determine theculture of your family.
So, when you get down to it,being a part of a team, okay,
yeah, that's wonderful.
(35:07):
But when you go home, withinthe four walls of your home,
what do you want your family tobe about?
Now, we started with six corevalues, because there were six
of us.
But I mean, I would like tochallenge you, if you're
listening, maybe start with two,two core values.
(35:28):
Does it have to be some of ours?
No, I would love to hear if youcome up with Two core values.
Does it have to be some of ours?
No, I would love to hear if youcome up with some other core
values.
I would too.
Speaker 1 (35:34):
I'd love to hear ways you incorporate them too into
your family, into your life.
Like this is.
Again, we're here to helpestablish a community, so we
share stuff back and forth andwe're sharing, and I would love
for you guys to share back withus some things that you've done
or that worked for you, or maybehow you took this concept and
tweaked it and made it better.
Speaker 2 (35:55):
Or even what do you think about this as a core value
for our family?
How can we help us figure outhow to make this work, because
this seems to be the word thatkeeps coming back up.
Speaker 1 (36:05):
Right.
Speaker 2 (36:05):
I would love that.
Yeah, and we started small, forwhat small looked like for our
family?
Small for our family was six.
But I would encourage you tostart small, because if you set
lofty goals, they're going to bereal hard to meet and it's
going to be really easy to getfrustrated.
Speaker 1 (36:24):
Don't be mad because you're not going to hit a home
run every time.
No, you're going to strike out.
You may walk, it're not goingto hit a home run every time.
Speaker 2 (36:28):
No.
Speaker 1 (36:29):
You're going to strike out, you may walk.
It's not going to be perfectevery time.
Speaker 2 (36:33):
No.
Speaker 1 (36:34):
Just keep at it.
Speaker 2 (36:35):
Don't try to do everything in one fell swoop.
Speaker 1 (36:39):
Yeah, just do what you can.
Speaker 2 (36:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (36:42):
You used that the correct way.
Speaker 2 (36:43):
I did.
I used it the right way.
With that being wrapped up,it's my turn to ask a question
from our book A Year of Us.
So if you guys we're going to,we are going.
You say that every time.
I know I'm going to give hercredit.
Speaker 1 (36:58):
She may tell you to do something To stop it.
Speaker 2 (37:00):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (37:01):
So anyway, I'm ready.
So this is a question, and thisis kind of a deep question
because, you know me, I want to.
Speaker 2 (37:13):
I know, but don't be disappointed if I have to think
about it.
Speaker 1 (37:16):
Okay, what do you doubt most about yourself that
most people think you'reconfident about?
Speaker 2 (37:25):
Whoa.
What do I doubt about myself?
Speaker 1 (37:28):
Yeah, what do you doubt?
I have a hard time with that.
That's hard work.
Speaker 2 (37:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (37:33):
What do you doubt about yourself that most people
think you're confident about?
Speaker 2 (37:41):
Professionally, I think that I'm a pretty good
teacher because my leadershiphas always told me so.
But on a daily basis, I doubtmyself Am I meeting the needs of
all these littles that are inmy care?
You do doubt yourself as ateacher sometimes, which is
(38:04):
insane because you get thehighest marks and everybody
loves you, kids love you, andyou've watched me teach yeah,
I'm just not blowing smoke teach, so I mean you.
Speaker 1 (38:10):
Yeah, I'm just not blowing smoke when I'm like, no,
you're really good at your job,you're really good at it.
Speaker 2 (38:15):
I appreciate that.
But I doubt myself alwaysbecause, for so many reasons,
there's never a doubt in my mindthat God has not placed the
littles in my classroom thatneed to be with me.
There's never a doubt.
Sometimes I might question why,like why did you give me so and
so?
Help me understand that, butthere's never a doubt.
(38:35):
So, professionally, I doubtthat.
Um, personally, I don't knowpersonally.
I struggle personally withconfidence.
So I doubt myself a lotpersonally.
So so I don't just being raw.
I don't know that there's aplace that I display confidence
(38:58):
in myself where someone coulddoubt.
Why do you feel confident aboutthat?
And that's just something I'vepersonally struggled with my
whole life.
Is confidence in my own selfAll right?
How about you?
Speaker 1 (39:17):
It's interesting to me.
Some would say I have noproblem with confidence.
Speaker 2 (39:23):
I think that about you, okay, you present yourself
in a way that's very confident,but I know inside your head and
your heart, yes, not many peopledo.
Speaker 1 (39:39):
Yeah, I do struggle a lot.
For a long time I struggledwith being a people pleaser
because I only wanted everybodyto be happy with me, like
everything, and I just realizedthat's just ridiculous.
Yeah, it's a ridiculous thingto try to achieve, and so
sometimes I feel like I doubt myability to be able to speak on
things.
Sometimes, okay, but sometimesit comes off like.
(40:05):
Your ability to or the timing ofno like I've had the
opportunity to sit in the roomwith some really cool people and
do some really cool things andbe a part of cool meetings and I
would always go.
I don't deserve to be here.
Like, why am I here?
This is ridiculous.
I didn't finish college.
(40:27):
Why am I sitting in a room withsomeone you know?
These people run one of the top50 businesses in the world and
I'm sitting in the room andthey're asking for my advice.
Because college has nothing todo with giftedness, yeah.
So it's kind of a crazy thingfor me, but that's just a
struggle I've had and you knowI've worked around it.
But you know I just figure itout as a go.
Speaker 2 (40:48):
Yeah, just watching you maneuver the world, you do
not come off as a guy thatstruggles with self-confidence,
but, on that same token, youdon't ever come off as somebody
who's I've got it all undercontrol, I know what I'm doing
Like you're a good balance ofthat.
Speaker 1 (41:08):
Yeah, I try to be.
I don't want to be that guy,that's.
You know, there's always thatguy that parties like oh he's
been there, he's done that, andI get made fun of sometimes for
that.
Speaker 2 (41:17):
So I try not to share world experiences.
Speaker 1 (41:19):
I try not to share those a whole lot, unless I
don't want to be the guy alwaystalking Um.
So anyway, with all of thisbeing said, I just want to again
challenge you and love on youand say don't quit, don't give
up.
Speaker 2 (41:33):
Yeah, it's never too late to start this.
Speaker 1 (41:36):
Yeah, it doesn't matter where you're at in this
journey.
It doesn't matter if you've gota little baby.
Speaker 2 (41:41):
If you're holding a little baby right now as a mom
and you're drinking coffee ortea or whatever it may be,
you're going to model and setculture for that little one
you're holding, or if you're thedad that's got a house full of
teenagers where it literallyseems impossible.
Yeah, it's not.
Speaker 1 (41:57):
No, just start taking this, it's not easy, but it's
not impossible.
Yeah, take small steps, and sowe'll have all of our.
As we release this, we'll havetons of these things that we
post up so you can see these as,and we'll share some, some fun
stuff with those.
But again, thank you guys, somuch for listening, for sharing,
(42:19):
for helping us spread the wordabout baggage claim.
Speaker 2 (42:21):
Thank you for sharing your time with us too.
Speaker 1 (42:24):
Thanks for taking the time to listen.
Please, if you've got a friendor family member or somebody
else, a coworker, that you thinkcould in this, please share it.
Speaker 2 (42:33):
Yeah, and don't forget, if you, or as you come
up with your core values, evenif it's just two, send them to
us so that we know that whatwe're doing makes a difference.
Speaker 1 (42:43):
Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 2 (42:45):
Yeah, that would mean a lot to us.
Speaker 1 (42:46):
Yeah, thank you guys, have a great week.
Speaker 2 (42:48):
Yeah, that would mean a lot to us.
Yeah, thank you guys.
Have a great week.
Yeah, thank you.
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