December 9, 2025 • 40 mins
Ever felt the emotional whiplash of loving your partner and wrangling their family traditions at the same time? We open the door on what “yes” really means—because when you choose a person, you inherit a clan, their rhythms, and the unspoken rules that come with them. From the hilariously uncomfortable “would you rather” of pop-in in-laws vs. a month-long takeover to the real-world realities of holiday scheduling, we get practical about building peace without losing yourself.
We share two origin stories that changed how we see in-laws altogether. When Charles asked to propose, we didn’t offer a lecture; we offered weekly time and an open table. When Miranda unexpectedly moved into our orbit during a COVID quarantine, she brought questions, curiosity, and courage—sparking conversations on faith, identity, and belonging that reshaped our home. These scenes are more than anecdotes; they’re a roadmap for how intentional time, gentle structure, and flexible traditions turn strangers into family.
Along the way, we tackle the biggest friction points: unmet expectations, rigid holiday plans, and clashing personality styles. You’ll hear how to set boundaries that protect your marriage, advocate for a more reserved partner without starting a war, and reframe traditions as living agreements rather than fixed laws. We talk scripts for tense moments, how to create a “bubble of peace” around your relationship, and why learning how others receive feedback is a secret weapon. And we look ahead: you’re likely to become an in-law someday—so start practicing the empathy you’ll want your future kids and their partners to feel.
If you’re navigating marriage, blended families, or serious dating, this conversation offers tools, stories, and a mindset that keeps love bigger than logistics. Listen, share it with someone who needs a calmer holiday, and tell us your best boundary or in-law win. Subscribe, leave a quick review, and message us on Instagram at baggageclaim.podcast or email info@unpacktogether.com with topics you want us to unpack next.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_02 (00:00):
Hey guys, what's up?
I'm Greg.
I hope you guys are ready tounpack and get into some good
conversations today.
SPEAKER_00 (00:07):
And I'm Jess, and this is our podcast, Baggage
Claim.
Thank you for joining us.
SPEAKER_02 (00:17):
What's up, Baggage Claim?
How are you guys doing?
Thank you so much for taking thetime to uh check us out.
Uh, if you're new to BaggageClaim, it is a place where we're
trying to create some communityand conversation around
relationships, marriages,blended families, all that fun
stuff.
Uh so if you've been herebefore, you know the drill.
SPEAKER_01 (00:39):
Welcome back.
SPEAKER_02 (00:39):
Yeah.
Grab your favorite drink, pullup to the table.
It is Christmas time here atBaggage Claim.
We have all the stuff.
Thank you, Michael.
That's so sweet.
I mean, it's like Christmasthrew up on our table and behind
us.
So, but we're gonna have a goodtime.
Yeah.
Uh, that's our um marketingmanager, Miranda, or Marketing
(01:04):
Director?
Yeah, she falls under MichaelJohnson, the producer.
Michael, go ahead, Michael.
No, I still I still vote for thename Producer Michael Jr.
SPEAKER_03 (01:12):
Producer Michael Jr.
If someone called me a t-shirt,I'm gonna do it.
SPEAKER_04 (01:15):
I think it's I think it's gonna stick.
I was like, I know a girl whocan make one.
Her name's Miranda.
SPEAKER_03 (01:19):
I'm now making my own.
SPEAKER_02 (01:21):
Producer Michael Jr., I like it.
So we've got to get anotherMichael.
Welcome to Baggage Claim, aplace where we're just gonna
hang out, we're gonna talk,we're gonna have fun.
Uh, we're probably gonna bestupid, but we are gonna be
real.
SPEAKER_01 (01:33):
Or most of the time we're gonna be a little bit
stupid.
SPEAKER_02 (01:35):
Yeah, because that's just who we are.
SPEAKER_01 (01:36):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (01:37):
But we promise to be real.
We try, uh, we're gonna be ashonest as we can, be respectful
um of people, and the same timetry to share some real life
situations doing aroundmarriage.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (01:48):
So a real life situation right now is that if
our sound is a little different,we're doing the best we can, but
we have some new mic stands thatGreg made.
SPEAKER_02 (01:59):
We got rid of the big old arms, the big extension.
SPEAKER_01 (02:01):
So if you watch us on YouTube, there's been these
like mechanical arms in front ofus and around us.
But but when we have guests,it's really awkward.
SPEAKER_02 (02:09):
And so we're trying to have more guests on the show.
Uh, we're trying to have morepeople, more couples uh to share
their experience, their life,um, just work through things and
they just don't work with thosethings.
SPEAKER_01 (02:19):
No.
And it's funny because wheneverwe were talking about this
wonderful idea, I was like,yeah, it's so good.
It's great.
Get rid of the mechanicalsituation in front of us.
But then I realized when we weretesting it out before we were
recording, I like to sit back inmy chair, and so the mechanical
arm would come with me and Icould sit back the whole time.
And this is different.
(02:39):
I have to sit up and I'm gonnaget used to it.
It's gonna be so great.
SPEAKER_02 (02:43):
It's amazing.
It's nice craftsmanship, too, bythe way.
For you guys listening.
Handmade.
Handmade, forged in the pegshop.
Yes, with blood, sweat, adjacentto the podcast studio here.
Yeah, it is adjacent to thepodcast.
On the peg plantation.
There's lots of fire, lots of uhbourbon consumptions.
(03:06):
Um but yeah, we made it.
We we made some mic stands.
So anyway.
Oh, here we are.
SPEAKER_01 (03:11):
It's always an adventure.
SPEAKER_02 (03:12):
So we're we're talking about a subject that's
that can be very um but wait.
SPEAKER_01 (03:17):
Hard questions.
SPEAKER_02 (03:20):
Okay, all right.
That was a weak.
SPEAKER_01 (03:24):
Okay, my first question.
Let me get my glasses.
SPEAKER_02 (03:27):
Uh make it the one we're talking about.
Stay in the mic.
unknown (03:30):
Okay.
SPEAKER_02 (03:31):
Stay in the mic.
SPEAKER_01 (03:33):
I can lean back, but I just you can't hear me if I
lean back.
Okay, here's the question.
Would you rather have yourin-laws pop in unannounced every
weekend or only visit once ayear for an entire month?
Can you guess what our subjectis this evening?
SPEAKER_02 (03:52):
Hold on, what read that read that question?
SPEAKER_01 (03:54):
Would you rather have your in-laws pop in
unannounced every weekend oronly visit once a year for an
entire month?
SPEAKER_04 (04:05):
It's kind of deceiving by saying once a year.
SPEAKER_01 (04:07):
I know.
Also, the uh pop in unannouncedevery weekend, because you know
it's gonna happen every weekend,but it also you don't know when.
SPEAKER_02 (04:16):
I got no nod.
But the reality is is if you ifyou actually do the time and put
them together, the probably onemonth that you're gonna spend
there is going to be more timewith them than if they popped in
every weekend.
Mm-hmm.
I don't know about for an entiremonth.
Yeah.
Do the math.
So they stay for 30 minutes.
(04:37):
That's only two hours.
Uh that's a two hours a month.
Two times twelve.
SPEAKER_01 (04:42):
No, it just says pop in.
Pop in doesn't mean you stay fora long time.
SPEAKER_02 (04:46):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (04:47):
Quit overthinking it.
SPEAKER_02 (04:48):
Well, shoot, if they're gonna pop in for the
weekend, I'll just be gone forthe weekend.
I feel like that's I would thinkthat I would do to pop in for
the weekend if it's me.
SPEAKER_01 (04:56):
I would say pop in because pop in unannounced every
weekend can be like Sundaymorning.
Yeah, then they go home orSaturday evening and then they
go home.
SPEAKER_02 (05:07):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (05:07):
I think I would choose to pop in unannounced.
SPEAKER_02 (05:10):
Yeah.
I think so too.
Yeah.
How about you?
Producer Michael.
I would also do pop-in for theweekend.
There you go.
So nobody took the spend a monthwith your in-laws.
SPEAKER_01 (05:21):
Co-producer Michael Jr., Miranda.
SPEAKER_02 (05:23):
Yeah, co-producer Michael Jr.
We are your in-laws.
SPEAKER_01 (05:27):
What would you choose?
SPEAKER_02 (05:28):
Would you rather us pop in here all the time?
SPEAKER_01 (05:30):
You you you have to hold the microphone up.
I don't.
There you go.
SPEAKER_02 (05:35):
You gotta get closer.
SPEAKER_01 (05:36):
Why you are the pop-in in-law here, though.
Is that bad?
No.
SPEAKER_02 (05:42):
No, I don't mind.
SPEAKER_01 (05:43):
Would you rather just us pop in at your house
every weekend unannounced orspend a whole month with us only
just a month?
Both?
Yeah, she's Miranda is theposter child for the best
daughter-in-law of ever all.
SPEAKER_02 (06:04):
But like I had no idea you were coming over
yesterday.
Like that was a pop, like I gothome and I was thinking, oh,
just Jess is coming home.
And then you and Lucy showed upand I was like, oh, cool,
they're here.
And so it wasn't a bad, itwasn't a bad thing at all.
Yes, but we're horriblecommunicators because we talk
about all the time on the show.
SPEAKER_01 (06:22):
We've talked about that today.
You and I talked about we arenot.
SPEAKER_02 (06:24):
She didn't share that with me.
SPEAKER_01 (06:26):
Can I pass the mic?
unknown (06:26):
Oh my god.
SPEAKER_02 (06:27):
You can get the mic back.
Thank you.
So so today we're digging intothe idea, the subject of
in-laws, and we may not get toall the good stuff in this
episode.
I promise you, we will try tounpack everything that's
involved with this.
And this is not an easy35-minute conversation that we
(06:47):
can have.
This is one that's gonna takesome time uh to get into.
And we're gonna share the good,the bad, the ugly with all of
that.
We'll share some of our personalexperiences that we've had, some
of the um, some of the goodones, some of the hard ones.
Um, and I know we had somefriends who are are working
through some other issues within-laws too.
(07:09):
Um, so we want to try to givehelpful advice, but it's some
encouragement, and just try tofigure out how we can all walk
through this together.
SPEAKER_01 (07:17):
If you're listening and you're not married, but
you're in a relationship, youmight be thinking like, I don't
have in-laws yet.
Yeah, you do.
SPEAKER_02 (07:24):
Yeah, wait a minute.
Like, don't don't hit don't hitpause, don't skip, don't jump
out of it.
Hang in here for a few minutes.
We're gonna get into the goodstuff.
SPEAKER_01 (07:32):
Any kind of a long-term relationship, whether
you're married or not, you havein-laws.
SPEAKER_03 (07:36):
Yes.
SPEAKER_01 (07:37):
You you do.
So there's there's a lot ofpeople that that are in this
category that may not realizethat they are.
SPEAKER_02 (07:44):
Oh, really?
Okay, tell me, uh tell me whatyou mean by that.
SPEAKER_01 (07:48):
If you're my boyfriend, and we've just been
dating for, you know, five, sixmonths.
SPEAKER_02 (07:53):
Yep.
SPEAKER_01 (07:55):
I have in-laws, and you do too.
SPEAKER_02 (07:57):
Ooh.
unknown (07:58):
Okay.
SPEAKER_02 (07:58):
Because if we're in a long-term relationship at all,
it's kind of like your dad whenwe first started dating, your
dad called me over and five.
And we were in his garage.
SPEAKER_01 (08:07):
Mind you, I was 34, you were 39.
SPEAKER_02 (08:10):
Yeah, I was a 39-year-old adult.
SPEAKER_01 (08:12):
We we both had children.
We both had we both owned ourown home.
Like, we it was a whole thing.
But yeah, my daddy called youover.
SPEAKER_02 (08:19):
Yeah, and he's like, So what do you do for a living?
I was like, that's a greatquestion, Mike.
I don't know, bro.
I was like, I'm figuring thatout.
And he's like, Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_01 (08:30):
Yeah, yeah.
He wanted to know how you go andsupport Jesse and the kids.
SPEAKER_02 (08:34):
I was like, I don't know, I was hoping she'd support
me.
So yeah, it was uh it's aninteresting, even in the
beginning.
Here's the thing we don'trealize about in-laws.
Like when you date someone oryou're you're thinking about
getting married to them, whenyou say yes to that person, um,
you're saying yes to theirfamily.
(08:55):
You're saying yes to the themom, the dad, every if it's a
blended family, there's morethan one.
So yeah.
Um when you're saying yes tothat, you're saying yes to both
sides of that family, and whatdoes that look like?
Um, because we believe the Bibletells us when you become
married, those two become one.
And so then you're one person.
So I'm just Jess is me.
(09:17):
We see that as as one person.
So as I'm saying yes to you, Iwant to marry you, I'm saying
yes to your mom, your dad, uh,that means all of me.
All those people that areinvolved.
I'm saying yes to you.
SPEAKER_01 (09:28):
I come from a blended family too.
So our blended family goes witha blended family.
Like it's it's a whole tellingyou there's like a thousand
branches on our family tree.
SPEAKER_02 (09:38):
This is crazy.
It starts four days early, endsfour days late.
But you just embrace it and loveit and just move on with it.
Yeah.
Um, so we're gonna dig into theidea of in-laws.
So there's this there's thisthing of expectations.
So you see these uh rom comswhere it's the you know, the
in-laws, and everything is justlike, oh, we love them.
(10:00):
They're the best there is.
SPEAKER_01 (10:01):
You love a rom-com.
SPEAKER_02 (10:02):
Yes, I do.
Go ahead.
You you you put us on the worst.
Oh no.
Is it a rom com or is it aChristmas movie?
The family stone?
SPEAKER_01 (10:12):
It's both.
SPEAKER_02 (10:13):
It is the oh my gosh, it's just the family
stone.
SPEAKER_01 (10:17):
It is an old movie.
Miranda and I were talking aboutit earlier today.
She's never seen it.
It is so good.
It is so good.
SPEAKER_02 (10:23):
I just see this.
And you can call me what youwant.
You can comment online.
I don't care.
I cried at the end.
Yeah, you can not.
And if you don't cry at the end,you go see a counselor or a
therapist because you're Oh, sogood.
Um, but at the same time, I'mjust like, what is like they
have this, they paint thispicture in this movie of this
incredible in-law relationship,but there's also tension in that
(10:46):
relationship.
SPEAKER_01 (10:47):
Well, they're not quite in-laws yet.
What it really is.
SPEAKER_02 (10:50):
According to you, because you said if you're
dating, you have in-laws.
SPEAKER_01 (10:52):
That's where I was going with that.
They're not technically in-lawsyet because as one of the
brothers is bringing home a girlfor Christmas that he wants to,
he thinks he wants, I don't wantto give it away if you haven't
seen it, but he thinks he wantsto propose to her.
And so it's a whole dynamic ofhow she fits in with her
potential in-laws.
SPEAKER_02 (11:14):
Okay.
SPEAKER_01 (11:14):
And it is a mess.
SPEAKER_02 (11:16):
Great, great movie, but that doesn't have anything
to do with us.
SPEAKER_01 (11:19):
Not you and I, but it's kind of like a the the
brother bless his heart.
SPEAKER_02 (11:24):
Don't get too much in the story.
You can give away the problem.
SPEAKER_01 (11:27):
I'm just saying he had he had all of these
expectations built up.
SPEAKER_02 (11:33):
Yeah.
Which we all do.
I mean, no matter where we're atin a relationship, we all have
expectations.
SPEAKER_01 (11:38):
I wasn't trying to ruin the movie.
I was just saying Everett is acharacter's name.
He has all these expectationsbuilt up of how she's gonna work
in and how everybody's gonnawork in together and the dynamic
and how it's just gonna be.
And whether or not that worksout, I'm not gonna say.
But in real life, like we haveexpectations whenever we're
(11:58):
going into a relationship or weintroduce, like, okay, like
you're my boyfriend.
I'm gonna introduce you toeverybody, and I want everybody
to love you, and I want you tolove everybody.
And that's what my expectationis because I'm just blinded by
love or whatever.
And whether or not that worksout, I mean, the reality is that
(12:20):
most, not most, is it's probablylike a 50-50 shot, whether or
not, like, okay, is this gonnaclick or is this not gonna click
with everybody?
SPEAKER_02 (12:27):
Yeah, it's a 50-50 shot.
SPEAKER_01 (12:28):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (12:29):
I mean, the thing is we've had two opportunities
where we've invited people intoour our family circle, yes, our
inner circle.
Into the six peck, and into thesix pack, which is expanding.
Uh, one, the first one was withCharles.
SPEAKER_01 (12:43):
Yes.
SPEAKER_02 (12:43):
I remember when we were at Corkett and he invited
us to Corkett is a local, likeum wine wine place.
Do you go have wine?
SPEAKER_01 (12:51):
Yeah, it's not just wine, but yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (12:52):
Yeah, it's it's mainly wine.
Yeah, so it's just a wine, alittle wine place on the square
here in downtown Gainesville.
So we go to Corkett and heasked.
SPEAKER_01 (12:59):
He invited us there.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (13:00):
And I just had no idea.
SPEAKER_01 (13:02):
Clueless.
I told you I was like, cool,we're going to get drinking.
He and Callie at this point havebeen dating for like two years.
And I, when he invited us, hesent you and I group text
together and invited us to meethim at Corkett at so and so
o'clock on this day.
It was during Christmas breakbecause he knew I was gonna be
home.
And he's like, Will you meet me?
And we're I you, yes, of coursewe will.
(13:23):
I was like, he's about to ask usthe question.
And you're like, no, he's not.
SPEAKER_02 (13:27):
Yeah, when Jess brought that up to me, I
remember I was in the bathroom.
Yeah, I was like, What?
Um, I got sick to my stomach.
SPEAKER_01 (13:34):
Yeah, I said, he's about to ask permission to
propose to Callie, and you'relike, No, he's not.
He's home because he was homefrom college at that point.
And you're like, He, we're justbecause we had all been working
really hard on our relationship.
And I was like, No, he's gonnaask us the question.
And you still didn't believe meuntil No, until it happened.
SPEAKER_02 (13:52):
Sitting at the table.
I still remember the table wewere sitting at, too.
SPEAKER_01 (13:55):
And I grabbed your arm and I was boo-hooing, and he
just looked at and he was like,Miss Jess, are you okay?
Charles said, and I was like, Itold Greg that you were gonna
say this, and you didn't believeme until right that second.
SPEAKER_02 (14:08):
So then my response to Charles was and I was like,
So cool.
If this is what you want, ofcourse we we we love you, and
Callie loves you.
So, but you and I are gonna meetonce a week.
SPEAKER_03 (14:20):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (14:20):
Um, until you guys get married.
Yeah.
And I think it was like six,seven, eight months.
I can't remember.
SPEAKER_01 (14:26):
It was about eight months because I was about I
remember it's comparative.
SPEAKER_02 (14:29):
And he was like, Okay, cool.
And so I would drive up toDelonica because he was in
school at Delonica.
SPEAKER_01 (14:34):
I was gonna say it was a little bit more of an
effort and planning part becausehe was an ROTC at that point, 45
minutes away at school.
And so we had to you had to planabout it.
SPEAKER_02 (14:43):
And so he and I would meet somewhere up there,
we would meet somewhere here, wewere back and forth.
Uh, just for me, because I'mlike, this guy's coming into our
family.
I want to know him, I want toknow who he is, I want to know
uh all about him because hisfamily, his background, all the
things.
Yeah, and I was like, I I wantto love this guy the way that
Kelly loves him in a way becauseif he's he's gonna be a part of
(15:07):
our family.
SPEAKER_01 (15:07):
Yeah.
And so um I was fortunate to beto be included in some of those
too.
SPEAKER_02 (15:13):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (15:13):
Which was really sweet because he didn't have to
include me because I'm, youknow, in that relationship, I'm
quote unquote just a stepmom.
SPEAKER_02 (15:20):
But and most of the time we weren't, I mean, we
weren't doing a book, we weren'tdoing anything.
We were literally just gettinginto like, bro, how's your how's
life?
Like, how's school?
What's going on?
How you feeling, what'shappening, what's going on with
your family.
It was nothing just just otherthan let's just spend some time
together.
SPEAKER_03 (15:36):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (15:36):
Um, and so that was a key for us uh in that.
And I still, every now and then,I try to sit I try to send
Charles texts every time I thinkabout him.
I'll send him a text and justsay, thinking about you.
You know, all the just try tobecause our contact with him is
very limited because he's out ofthe state.
SPEAKER_01 (15:54):
And so they they both are.
SPEAKER_02 (15:56):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (15:56):
And they they're so cute because they both share an
adventurous spirit.
And so it's like right now theylive in Florida, but it then
it's like he he brought that outin Cali.
He well, she gets it from youtoo, though.
SPEAKER_02 (16:09):
Yeah, she definitely does, but she learned it from
you.
He he stoked that fire withinher.
SPEAKER_01 (16:14):
I mean, she went to El Salvador with you when she
was 10.
SPEAKER_02 (16:16):
So Yeah, she was in fifth grade.
SPEAKER_01 (16:18):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (16:19):
It's really crazy that I drug her to El Salvador.
When I look back at that, I waslike, it's probably a horrible
thing.
SPEAKER_01 (16:23):
But when we were just visiting her two weeks ago
in Florida, we were visitingthem, she brought that trip up.
It's like that's so when we saythey have an adventure, she
definitely has an adventurousspirit because of you.
But the intention with Charlesfrom the get-go was to establish
a relationship.
SPEAKER_02 (16:40):
Yeah, because I knew as an in-law, I want to know him
and I want him to be able toknow me and be I want him to
have the relationship.
If he needs something, he canpick up the phone and call me.
Right.
If he wants to chat or if heneeds whatever it may be, yeah,
that I'm there.
SPEAKER_01 (16:53):
Um and then not too long after that, the newest
in-law came along.
SPEAKER_02 (16:58):
Yep.
And she literally just movedinto the house.
SPEAKER_01 (17:01):
Yeah.
Miranda.
Miranda is not Miranda's notfrom Georgia, she's from out of
state.
And so when she graduated fromschool and she had just like
within how many months?
It wasn't a year yet.
Two months?
That was all?
Oh my god.
unknown (17:19):
What?
SPEAKER_01 (17:19):
Wait.
It was new.
It was I was gonna say six.
SPEAKER_02 (17:25):
I'll just tell you how all of our relationships
started.
We all like through 2020, yeah,none of us had had COVID at all.
Period.
And then on my birthday,December 28th.
SPEAKER_01 (17:37):
2020.
SPEAKER_02 (17:38):
Yes, it was 2020.
And I was like, bro, we wemissed the whole COVID thing.
Like we've got to be.
SPEAKER_01 (17:48):
That's what you're thinking about, Thomas.
SPEAKER_02 (17:49):
The entire house caught COVID.
SPEAKER_01 (17:51):
All of us.
SPEAKER_02 (17:52):
All of us at one time.
And Miranda's parents were like,just stay there.
I'd never met Miranda.
SPEAKER_01 (17:58):
Well, because she has very much younger siblings.
SPEAKER_02 (18:00):
I'd met you one time.
SPEAKER_01 (18:01):
No, two.
Two.
SPEAKER_02 (18:04):
The first time I don't remember, so I'm just
gonna say one.
SPEAKER_01 (18:07):
Two.
SPEAKER_02 (18:08):
I was still calling you weird names like Melissa.
SPEAKER_01 (18:11):
We didn't all the way know your name because when
I didn't know your namecompletely.
Thomas did it the first time hestarted talking about you.
Didn't that's why all the M yourlast name nicknames came about.
SPEAKER_02 (18:22):
Thomas didn't realize, yeah, you know now.
That's all that matters.
SPEAKER_01 (18:31):
Well, Miranda has siblings that are quite a bit
younger than her.
So gosh, at that point, yourlittle brother would have been
five, and then your sister wouldhave been almost 10.
And so, yeah, her parents werelike, no, don't bring that
because nobody knew what COVIDwas at that point.
Everything was new.
SPEAKER_02 (18:49):
So if you got COVID, it was two-week quarantine in
the house, nobody sees you,nobody.
So it's like the two weeks,we're all locked in the house.
SPEAKER_01 (18:58):
She was down here visiting, and then we just
babied in all of us.
SPEAKER_02 (19:02):
Would you rather?
unknown (19:03):
Right?
SPEAKER_02 (19:04):
I kind of felt bad for her.
I was like, bless her heart,she's crapped here with us.
SPEAKER_01 (19:08):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (19:09):
And doesn't know us, doesn't know anything.
I was like, I felt kind of badfor her.
Because I'm like, this is ourbut I'm like, welcome to the
city.
SPEAKER_01 (19:16):
We did well navigating that.
Just I mean, you're you're sweetanyway, Miranda.
SPEAKER_02 (19:22):
Well, regardless, when all that passed, yes, we
got through COVID, they becameserious, they got engaged,
Thomas got in his apartment.
SPEAKER_01 (19:29):
Well, yeah, December.
And then when you graduated fromcollege, it was like I had a
short little rental.
Yeah, there was like a rentalsituation.
It was like, okay, this isexpiring, or I got to find a
place here so fast, or I have tomove back to South Carolina.
And Thomas was like, hey, guesswhat?
I'm moving in with my fireschool friend.
(19:50):
And so it was like, okay,Miranda, you come here.
Like it was this whole thing,but it was such a it was a fun
way to get to know you.
SPEAKER_02 (19:58):
Yeah, because we speak.
Literally at that point, wespent more time.
More time with you than we spentwith Thomas.
SPEAKER_01 (20:04):
Because fire school took up your whole life.
SPEAKER_02 (20:06):
Yeah, he was in school all the time.
Miranda was here, and Mirandawas on this spiritual journey.
SPEAKER_03 (20:11):
Oh my gosh.
SPEAKER_02 (20:12):
Where church we're going to.
So it's like we would go tochurch on Sunday.
She grew up Catholic.
We were at a pretty traditionalconservative church, or it was
like a I guess it would be aBaptist church.
So it's anyway.
Miranda would be like, I gotquestions.
Like, what is this about?
And so she would pull out hernotebook.
SPEAKER_01 (20:28):
It was the cutest thing ever.
We'd get home from like church,lunch, we'd come here to relax
and do whatever.
And she would pull out herlittle notebook that she had,
and she was like, literally say,I have some questions.
So we'd sit down together withno distractions.
We'd probably turn music on orwhatever.
And just we would have the wholeafternoon of question time.
SPEAKER_02 (20:46):
Which is really, really cool and really fun.
SPEAKER_01 (20:48):
It was a refreshing way for us to revisit our faith
and why we believe what webelieve, but it was also a great
time for you to like, you know,like filter through your uh
Catholic upbringing versus likeyou were defining your own
faith.
It was such a precious time.
We that was a precious time inour life.
SPEAKER_02 (21:06):
So for us, so we got to spend a lot of really good
time.
So Miranda is more and this maynot be, she's more of a friend
than an in-law.
I see Miranda's a friend and anin-law.
So it's like like Miranda and Iwould do all kinds of dumb
projects.
Like when Jess would be off orat school and I would be home,
Miranda and I would just do justall kind of weird projects.
SPEAKER_01 (21:27):
And they'll work together for a short span in
time and you both had the sameday off.
So it was a really fun time fory'all to work on projects
together.
SPEAKER_02 (21:33):
It was we had fun.
But the reality is you may be inthe situation and be like, that
sounds so sweet.
SPEAKER_01 (21:39):
So storybook and lullaby is so cute.
SPEAKER_02 (21:42):
But that's not, we didn't plan it that way.
It just happened.
Uh but you may be in thesituation going, bro, that's not
the situation.
SPEAKER_01 (21:49):
That's me and you.
That's our experience with ourin-laws.
But like on the reverse side,like my experience with in-laws
and your experience within-laws, whether it be this time
or the first time, both of us,isn't it was not that sweet and
precious.
No lullabies, and it was, youknow, normal life.
SPEAKER_02 (22:10):
Yeah.
It was probably the moretraditional.
Yeah.
Like, yeah, hey, I really likethis person.
We're dating.
They're like, okay.
SPEAKER_00 (22:17):
Here they are.
SPEAKER_02 (22:18):
You know, yeah, here they are.
They're not, you know, are theya serial killer?
Are they okay?
Yeah.
Like, and so it was the thetraditional kind of thing.
So I didn't have I had greatrelationships uh with them, with
my in-laws, and and really likedthem.
Um, I really did.
And so it was, and I think justbecause I'm pretty easy to get
along with.
(22:38):
You are uh but at the same time,there's so many issues that come
up when you deal with in-lawsbecause we talk about
expectations and unmetexpectations, and we we say this
hundreds of times on BaggageClaim.
Unmet expectations will kill arelationship faster than
anything.
SPEAKER_01 (22:55):
Any kind of relationship.
SPEAKER_02 (22:56):
Yes.
I mean, we had some unmetexpectations this weekend, and I
got all in my feelings, and itwas a weird, it was a weird
moment, and just yeah, I was Iadmitted it, you know.
I wasn't, I was I was being alittle pouty, I was being mean.
I was just being me.
Um, so that's something we stillwill deal with.
SPEAKER_01 (23:14):
You were pouty, you weren't mean.
SPEAKER_02 (23:15):
I was pouty.
But on the other hand, like wehave those when it comes to our
in-laws, but we don'tcommunicate that with them.
SPEAKER_01 (23:21):
No, we don't, but I will say sharing those personal
stories about our own in-laws, Ifeel like because of the
relationship that we have withour children, it was easy to
approach our in-laws with anopen mind to to welcome them in.
And I think that's the whole,that's the whole like it's a
(23:42):
mindset thing.
I mean, well, really anything wetalk about on this whole podcast
is a mindset thing.
SPEAKER_03 (23:47):
Right.
SPEAKER_01 (23:48):
Um, but this is a really big one.
Um, because you get to, you getto decide what that relationship
is gonna look like, especiallyif you're on the the receiving
end of like Miranda or Charles,like they are coming into our
family and we get to set thatexpectation and that what that
feels like.
SPEAKER_02 (24:06):
Right.
And and they're not gonna seeout of like when you go to
another family, they're gonnahave their own traditions.
SPEAKER_01 (24:12):
Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (24:13):
They're gonna have their own religious beliefs,
they're gonna have their own uhalmost way of life.
Yeah, they they have all thosethings and you're stepping into
that.
And in most cases, 99% of thetime, you're expected to be a
part of what they have going onand be okay with that.
Not most people are not like,hey, are you okay with this?
(24:34):
Do you want to change this?
Do you want to do somethingdifferent?
SPEAKER_01 (24:36):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (24:36):
Um, most of the time it's like, oh, this is the way
we do things around here.
Yeah.
This is the way this happens.
SPEAKER_01 (24:42):
And when you run into that and it's not what
you're used to or what you werehoping for, it is so easy to,
because we're humans, it is soeasy to build up a resentment
with that.
And then that's just gonna causecause like some friction with
anything that the in-laws arewanting to do.
It's like, no, that's not how Iwant to do it.
That's not how I've always doneit.
(25:03):
That's not, you know, what I washoping for.
SPEAKER_03 (25:05):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (25:05):
And if you're not approaching things with an open
mind, then that resentment isgonna build up pretty big.
SPEAKER_02 (25:11):
Yeah.
I mean, and there's nothing morethan when this this crap hits
your front door, is onThanksgiving and Christmas.
I mean, bro, if you want to talkabout traditions and all the
things that come out, it comesout now.
And people are like, no, wealways get together on Christmas
Eve, or no, we always gettogether on Christmas Day.
And it's like, but that doesn'twork for our family.
SPEAKER_01 (25:32):
It doesn't.
And I mean, and you know, if Idon't, I just had this
conversation with my own motheryesterday because I I she used
to mention last last few timesthat we've been together how
much she wishes Thomas could bea part of some things.
Thomas works all the time.
And so I was like, I textedMiranda.
I was like, let's let's go aheadand plan Christmas so I can
(25:54):
communicate with my mom, mybrother, and his family.
When will this work?
She gave me a date.
It's not Christmas Eve, it's notChristmas Day, it's ahead of
time, it's on the 20th.
And so I texted my mom and I wasgotta start four days early.
SPEAKER_02 (26:08):
You know, I mean Jesus Jesus started his walk
into Nazareth pretty early.
SPEAKER_01 (26:12):
I'm I was trying to get ahead of it.
SPEAKER_02 (26:14):
Yeah, sorry, that's Easter.
Sorry, you're gonna be confused.
SPEAKER_01 (26:18):
I was trying to get ahead of it because it's not
what we usually do.
SPEAKER_02 (26:23):
God, we should not talk about the Bible on here.
SPEAKER_01 (26:27):
My my mom, because of my grandmother, is very
traditional and it has to be onthe day, and that's just how she
was raised, and she can't helpit.
And so I was telling her, like,if you want all of us, like
literally all of the PeckPatillo family, this is the day
it's gonna have to happen.
And I know it's not what youwant, but this is what it is.
(26:49):
And so my sister-in-law was onboard, like everybody else is on
board.
And so I had to help my mom havean open mind and not have like a
whole resentment or badattitude.
It was like, I know it's notwhat we've always done.
I know it's not our way of lifeor whatever, but it's more
important to all be together,not whatever the date is,
(27:11):
because we're together, we'remaking memories.
SPEAKER_02 (27:13):
Well, it's because we talked about this.
SPEAKER_01 (27:16):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (27:16):
Like it's it's not that it's it's the time you get
together.
It's not necessarily the date ofwhich that falls.
SPEAKER_01 (27:23):
Yes.
And so that's we talked aboutthat a few episodes ago.
SPEAKER_02 (27:26):
Yeah.
So it's important for for youguys to just say even just one
to have an open mind to be like,Yeah, we're together, we're
celebrating.
It doesn't like we did ourfamily, just our kids uh get
together celebration thing onWednesday for Thanksgiving.
Uh-huh.
And it wasn't on Thanksgiving,so it didn't make it any less
Thanksgiving-y, I guess.
SPEAKER_01 (27:48):
That's a word.
SPEAKER_02 (27:48):
Um, but we had a blast.
We had so much fun.
We spent, we literally spentmore of the day together than I
thought we were going to.
So I was totally surprised andtotally happy.
SPEAKER_01 (27:58):
That was the most amount of hours that well, now
we have nine.
Well, it was the most amount oftime the nine of us have spent
together, and I cannot tell youwhen.
SPEAKER_02 (28:08):
I mean, the dudes went to the gym.
I mean, we tried to keep eachother.
SPEAKER_01 (28:10):
We did.
You did try to kill each other.
SPEAKER_02 (28:12):
For some reason.
Uh the ladies hung out at home.
SPEAKER_01 (28:14):
We were cooking when Lucy took her nap.
It was a whole thing.
So yeah, we just it was so good.
SPEAKER_02 (28:19):
But it wasn't on Thanksgiving, but it was okay.
SPEAKER_01 (28:21):
But that was my Thanksgiving in my heart.
SPEAKER_02 (28:23):
Yeah.
And so it's we get so set onthese things, but it's being
able to say, okay, what works?
How do we make this work?
Instead of just always being sodead set on it has to be this
time, it has to be this, it hasbecause we have those
expectations of what they canbe.
Yeah.
And so sometimes it's you had tojust let them go.
There's producer Michael broughtup uh a point um that I thought
(28:45):
was really, really good.
Do you remember about um whenyou said be careful of in-laws?
Was it you'll be one?
What was that?
SPEAKER_04 (28:54):
Yeah, no, well, yeah, be aware of how your
relationship with your in-lawsare.
Um be aware of things thateither one, like frustrate you,
and also things that you loveabout your in-laws.
Because if you're uh married andyou got kids, you're gonna be
most likely an in-law someday.
(29:14):
And so you get to be in somemoment in your life the one who
uh helps be a deciding factorhow you interact with an in-law,
even if it's a daughter or ason-in-law.
So just be aware, you know, justuh store it away in your brain
because who knows, and you know,five to eighteen years, you you
(29:34):
bet you might be an in-lawsomeday.
SPEAKER_01 (29:36):
That's true.
And you, Greg, you look you weretalking, we were talking earlier
about something that you hadread at one point about
approaching things with yourspouse and your family with a in
a bubble of peace.
You remember that?
Because it's to help deflectnegativity and to maintain your
(29:57):
own peace of mind while you'retrying to work through this.
SPEAKER_02 (30:00):
Yeah, you can't.
SPEAKER_01 (30:00):
It's kind of like your phrase, your umbrella of
protection that you've used.
SPEAKER_02 (30:03):
It kind of is, yeah.
Like, I I get it.
Family is crazy.
It's chaos.
It is, it's really chaos.
And uh you, you know, you loveyour family, you can get to
choose your family a lot oftimes.
They choose you.
SPEAKER_03 (30:16):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (30:16):
Um, so you're just kind of into it.
So you're like, all right, thisis the crazy, this is crazy
circus I'm a part of.
So, you know, let's let's letthe monkey dance and see what
happens.
Oh, that's weird.
Um, and so you don't have adancing monkey in y'all's
family.
SPEAKER_01 (30:30):
That's weird.
SPEAKER_02 (30:31):
So anyway, it's a it's it's just kind of sometimes
people are not gonna like you.
Uh people are not gonna agreewith you.
People are not going to, noteveryone's gonna like you, even
in your family.
Not everyone's gonna like yourspouse.
Yeah.
Um, and so you have a decisionto make also too um with your
spouse of like, okay, so how dowe deal with that?
(30:52):
How do we move forward withthat?
What does that look like?
How do we deal with that?
And so there's there's a fewthings that you just you just
gotta kind of understand to say,hey, look, I'm married to Jess.
You're the one I said yes to.
You're the one, so when we go tofamily, if there's issues um and
they're attacking you or theydon't like you, I'm like, hey,
that's me.
If you're attacking her, you'reattacking me.
(31:14):
Um something to think about ifyou're an in-law and you're
like, I can't stand my mydaughter-in-law.
Well, just understand when yousay that, yeah, you're you're
ultimately saying, I can't standmy son also, if I can't stand my
daughter-in-law, because they'rethey're two in one.
Like they've chosen to bemarried, they've chosen to say
yes to each other.
So all that being said, let's uhyou're you're motioning to me to
(31:39):
get it to unpack because we needto unpack.
We're at an unpack session.
SPEAKER_01 (31:42):
And I will say, all of what we've shared so far is a
lot to to take in because Ithink a lot of people don't
really think about the bigpicture.
It's more like, I'm in love,we're getting married, and oh
yeah, he has a family.
That's the fun part.
SPEAKER_02 (32:01):
That's the that's the rom gum version.
You know, it's like, oh my god,it's just so beautiful.
And it's like, no, she has thereal version where they talk
about you in the kitchen abouthow much they don't like you and
how repulsive you are.
Like, or they don't want to bearound you because ugly we don't
like we don't like her becausehe doesn't come around as much
(32:21):
anymore.
We don't like her because thisdoesn't happen anymore.
How do you feel about it?
Felt like I just all right, goahead.
SPEAKER_01 (32:31):
Let's let's conclude part one of navigating our
in-laws, and let's pick up inpart two because there's a lot
to unpack about this.
Okay, and the unpacked part'snot gonna be all the way pretty
because it's a lot of things.
SPEAKER_02 (32:47):
I have a couple unpacked for this section,
though.
SPEAKER_01 (32:49):
Okay.
SPEAKER_02 (32:50):
Do you have any?
SPEAKER_01 (32:51):
Right now?
SPEAKER_02 (32:52):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (32:52):
No, because I feel like I'm gonna say what I want
to say on the part.
SPEAKER_02 (32:55):
Okay, don't, don't, and you've got you.
SPEAKER_01 (32:57):
One, two, three.
Sit back boo.
You just have sit back boo.
SPEAKER_02 (33:03):
I know I don't ever call you that.
SPEAKER_01 (33:05):
No, you don't.
SPEAKER_02 (33:06):
Um one, um, manage your expectations of your
in-laws.
Be realistic.
Like sit down with your spouse.
The two of you be reallytruthfully honest, and be honest
about who your your parents are.
If you're if your dad is abutthole or your mom's a
butthole, just be like, hey,they're a butthole.
Like they're they're good,they're hard to get along with.
(33:27):
My mom is my way or the highway,and that's it.
SPEAKER_01 (33:29):
Why is butthole a funny word?
SPEAKER_02 (33:30):
I don't know if it is funny.
I wasn't gonna say the otherword because we I appreciate
that.
SPEAKER_01 (33:34):
Thank you.
SPEAKER_02 (33:35):
Check that explicit box.
SPEAKER_01 (33:36):
We're not gonna be able to do it.
SPEAKER_02 (33:38):
You want to make it family friendly.
I don't know if butthole'sfamily friendly, but anyway.
Um but anyway, you have tomanage your expectations and be
real with each other and just behonest uh in that.
And so it's like, and then alsotoo, keep in mind your
perspective of saying, okay, Iif I want to be if you're an
(33:58):
in-law and you're listening tothis and you're like, this is
kind of silly.
I'm putting real unrealisticexpectations on that
daughter-in-law or thatson-in-law, or everything.
SPEAKER_01 (34:09):
Especially if you put expectations on your spouse
or significant other that arenot even your own expectations
with your family.
SPEAKER_02 (34:18):
Right.
Yeah, they're just crazy.
It is crazy, but it happensevery single day.
It does.
Uh producer Michael, are youabout to say something?
SPEAKER_04 (34:25):
Yeah, I'll let you finish this because I have
another thought.
Uh no, go ahead.
No, I was gonna say I think itit's very important to be aware
of personality styles as well.
100%.
Especially between you and yourspouse.
Um, because my immediate thoughtwent to say it's okay to not
always get your way.
Right.
It should be yeah, if you'regetting your way all the time.
SPEAKER_01 (34:44):
You have to be okay with not always getting your
way.
SPEAKER_04 (34:46):
No, I say, I say that with a grain of salt.
Okay.
Because let's say your spouse isvery um maybe reserved or not
more so likenon-confrontational.
They'll just let it go the wayit goes because it's more
peaceful that way.
That wears on a person.
(35:07):
Yes.
That wears on a person big time.
So know how your spouse is inthose kind of situations.
Maybe that means you need totake up the gauntlet and fight
for them more within your ownfamily.
Or even for them within theirown family.
SPEAKER_01 (35:22):
Yeah, and that's what we're gonna talk about in
part two is what happens when itgoes wrong.
SPEAKER_04 (35:26):
Yeah, okay.
Or when it goes sideways.
But then also at the same time,uh, it's okay to not get your
weight.
Sorry about that.
If you cage fight, no, if youare a more something to spill.
I don't know what that was.
SPEAKER_03 (35:38):
I don't know either.
SPEAKER_04 (35:39):
But if you are more of a bulldog and you're used to
kind of able to being able topush and and usually work
through to get what you want,right?
unknown (35:48):
Right.
SPEAKER_04 (35:48):
So it's a both and so yes, I say it's okay to not
get your way, but also do beintentional that you don't just
allow yourself to get run overnonstop.
SPEAKER_02 (35:56):
Well, it's the whole idea to balance respect and
communication, yes, experience.
And those balance, like, knowhow you communicate, know how
other people communicate.
We talk about personalityprofiles all the time and
knowing yourself, and people getso caught up because inherently,
I was having this conversationwith Miranda the other day.
We were driving somewhere, and Itold Miranda, I was like,
Brandon, I I love you, but justI want you to know people are
(36:18):
inherently selfish and theydon't really care what you
think.
Because people, most peopledon't.
And I didn't mean that to her ina bad way.
I was just saying inherentlywe're just selfish to be.
SPEAKER_01 (36:27):
She said, Maybe you need to be a therapist, but like
a really blunt one.
SPEAKER_02 (36:30):
Yes, you did, which I felt bad about when she said.
I was like, okay, maybe we needto reword that.
But it was like the idea was islike most people are so involved
in themselves that they don'treally look outside of that.
And that comes with everything,even with in-laws, even how we
communicate, our personalitytypes.
So when we say know yourpersonality, it's not know how
(36:52):
you like to give and receivefeedback.
Know how other people like toget feedback, how they want to
receive feedback, how theycommunicate.
Because when you learn thosetraits of how other people do
that, you can communicate in away that they understand.
Dude, it changes everything.
It's a that's a game changeracross the board, all your
relationships.
You will you will reach newplaces, not just with your
(37:14):
in-laws, but in work and yourmarriage and all those things.
So it's a I'm very I'm a hugecomponent of that, and I'm
always gonna push that up thehill.
And everybody ignores it andjust be like, Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I know I'm this and I'm that.
And I'm like, it's not aboutyou, it's knowing about the
people that are around you.
What are they?
Like, know what they are, and sothat's the key.
So those are my expectations,managing those, and uh, um those
(37:36):
those are the biggest things,and talk about it with your
spouse, be open incommunication, yeah, and knowing
how they give and receive thosekind of things.
And you are stepping into afamily structure, keep that in
mind.
You're stepping into that.
Don't go in there going, I'mgetting my way.
SPEAKER_01 (37:50):
Because no, you're not.
SPEAKER_02 (37:51):
That's like stepping into a corporation, a business,
and going, I'm about to changethis business up.
And be like, bro, you're aboutto go the boot back out the
door.
Like, just be careful.
Go in and just say, I want to bea part.
What does that look like?
SPEAKER_01 (38:04):
Um, so join us in part two where we talk about and
unpack even more.
SPEAKER_02 (38:11):
Somebody throws a hand grenade in the living room.
SPEAKER_01 (38:13):
Yeah, it was like on the flip side of what happens
when it all goes wrong.
SPEAKER_02 (38:18):
When drunk Uncle Roger shows up at Thanksgiving
and things go sideways.
SPEAKER_01 (38:22):
Who is even drunk Uncle Roger?
SPEAKER_02 (38:24):
Sorry.
SPEAKER_01 (38:25):
You just your imaginary character you always
bring up.
SPEAKER_02 (38:28):
If you know drunk Uncle Roger, you know him.
He showed up.
SPEAKER_01 (38:31):
What happens when it doesn't go the way you think it
should go?
Is what we're gonna talk aboutnext.
SPEAKER_02 (38:36):
Exactly.
So thank you guys so much forjoining in to Baggage Claim.
Love you guys.
Uh please keep sharing.
We have a goal before our 50thepisode.
We want to hit at least uh 20countries, and we want to hit
over 200 cities, uh, differentplaces of downloads.
We're at 17 countries and 189different cities.
So we're trying to uh hit thosenumbers.
(38:59):
We're gonna do a live um on ouron our 50th.
And so, but we're trying tofigure out.
We want you to tell us what youwant us to talk about.
SPEAKER_03 (39:08):
Yes.
SPEAKER_02 (39:08):
So if you want to follow us on Instagram, it's
baggageclaim.podcast.
Uh you can follow us onFacebook.
Uh you can follow us on Instaand TikTok.
Yeah, uh on TikTok.
We do have baggage claim.
We have not posted much, butwe're trying to.
Uh, the idea is DM us, send us amessage, info at
unpacktogether.com.
SPEAKER_01 (39:30):
Oh my gosh, you know that.
I don't know that.
SPEAKER_02 (39:32):
Is our is our email.
Send an email, tell me somethingyou want us to talk about, and
we'll address that.
If you have a situation you wantus to talk about, we would love
to talk about.
We want you to be in a part ofthis community and create some
conversations with us.
So, do you have something youwant to say, Michael?
Say what was that email again?
It is unpacktogether.com.
SPEAKER_01 (39:52):
So the email, though.
SPEAKER_02 (39:54):
That is info at unpack together.
Info at yeah, sorry.
Our our web address isunpacked.com.
UnpackTogether.com and I'mtrying to get that website up.
I'm sorry.
We're doing the best we can.
I'm trying to work on it.
SPEAKER_04 (40:08):
So maybe wait a few weeks before you try to look up
the website.
We also we have real jobs.
SPEAKER_01 (40:11):
We're doing the best we can.
SPEAKER_02 (40:12):
Yeah, I'm I've got a job and I'm trying to do this on
the side.
But the email works.
Yes, thank you for it.
We love you.
Thank you so much.
Email comes our inbox.
Or also, too, if you'relistening to it.
If you're listening to it onApple Podcasts or Spotify, you
there's a it says send a text.
You text us something you wantus to talk about, and we'll dig
into it.
So uh it's very simple, veryeasy.
(40:32):
But thank you guys so much forjoining.
Thank you for live.
Yeah, check out part two of umthis craziness of in-laws.
SPEAKER_01 (40:40):
So love you guys.
SPEAKER_02 (40:42):
Hey, go dogs.
Good dogs.
Hey guys, what's up?
I'm Greg.
I hope you guys are ready tounpack and get into some good
conversations today.
SPEAKER_00 (00:07):
And I'm Jess, and this is our podcast, Baggage
Claim.
Thank you for joining us.
SPEAKER_02 (00:17):
What's up, Baggage Claim?
How are you guys doing?
Thank you so much for taking thetime to uh check us out.
Uh, if you're new to BaggageClaim, it is a place where we're
trying to create some communityand conversation around
relationships, marriages,blended families, all that fun
stuff.
Uh so if you've been herebefore, you know the drill.
SPEAKER_01 (00:39):
Welcome back.
SPEAKER_02 (00:39):
Yeah.
Grab your favorite drink, pullup to the table.
It is Christmas time here atBaggage Claim.
We have all the stuff.
Thank you, Michael.
That's so sweet.
I mean, it's like Christmasthrew up on our table and behind
us.
So, but we're gonna have a goodtime.
Yeah.
Uh, that's our um marketingmanager, Miranda, or Marketing
(01:04):
Director?
Yeah, she falls under MichaelJohnson, the producer.
Michael, go ahead, Michael.
No, I still I still vote for thename Producer Michael Jr.
SPEAKER_03 (01:12):
Producer Michael Jr.
If someone called me a t-shirt,I'm gonna do it.
SPEAKER_04 (01:15):
I think it's I think it's gonna stick.
I was like, I know a girl whocan make one.
Her name's Miranda.
SPEAKER_03 (01:19):
I'm now making my own.
SPEAKER_02 (01:21):
Producer Michael Jr., I like it.
So we've got to get anotherMichael.
Welcome to Baggage Claim, aplace where we're just gonna
hang out, we're gonna talk,we're gonna have fun.
Uh, we're probably gonna bestupid, but we are gonna be
real.
SPEAKER_01 (01:33):
Or most of the time we're gonna be a little bit
stupid.
SPEAKER_02 (01:35):
Yeah, because that's just who we are.
SPEAKER_01 (01:36):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (01:37):
But we promise to be real.
We try, uh, we're gonna be ashonest as we can, be respectful
um of people, and the same timetry to share some real life
situations doing aroundmarriage.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (01:48):
So a real life situation right now is that if
our sound is a little different,we're doing the best we can, but
we have some new mic stands thatGreg made.
SPEAKER_02 (01:59):
We got rid of the big old arms, the big extension.
SPEAKER_01 (02:01):
So if you watch us on YouTube, there's been these
like mechanical arms in front ofus and around us.
But but when we have guests,it's really awkward.
SPEAKER_02 (02:09):
And so we're trying to have more guests on the show.
Uh, we're trying to have morepeople, more couples uh to share
their experience, their life,um, just work through things and
they just don't work with thosethings.
SPEAKER_01 (02:19):
No.
And it's funny because wheneverwe were talking about this
wonderful idea, I was like,yeah, it's so good.
It's great.
Get rid of the mechanicalsituation in front of us.
But then I realized when we weretesting it out before we were
recording, I like to sit back inmy chair, and so the mechanical
arm would come with me and Icould sit back the whole time.
And this is different.
(02:39):
I have to sit up and I'm gonnaget used to it.
It's gonna be so great.
SPEAKER_02 (02:43):
It's amazing.
It's nice craftsmanship, too, bythe way.
For you guys listening.
Handmade.
Handmade, forged in the pegshop.
Yes, with blood, sweat, adjacentto the podcast studio here.
Yeah, it is adjacent to thepodcast.
On the peg plantation.
There's lots of fire, lots of uhbourbon consumptions.
(03:06):
Um but yeah, we made it.
We we made some mic stands.
So anyway.
Oh, here we are.
SPEAKER_01 (03:11):
It's always an adventure.
SPEAKER_02 (03:12):
So we're we're talking about a subject that's
that can be very um but wait.
SPEAKER_01 (03:17):
Hard questions.
SPEAKER_02 (03:20):
Okay, all right.
That was a weak.
SPEAKER_01 (03:24):
Okay, my first question.
Let me get my glasses.
SPEAKER_02 (03:27):
Uh make it the one we're talking about.
Stay in the mic.
unknown (03:30):
Okay.
SPEAKER_02 (03:31):
Stay in the mic.
SPEAKER_01 (03:33):
I can lean back, but I just you can't hear me if I
lean back.
Okay, here's the question.
Would you rather have yourin-laws pop in unannounced every
weekend or only visit once ayear for an entire month?
Can you guess what our subjectis this evening?
SPEAKER_02 (03:52):
Hold on, what read that read that question?
SPEAKER_01 (03:54):
Would you rather have your in-laws pop in
unannounced every weekend oronly visit once a year for an
entire month?
SPEAKER_04 (04:05):
It's kind of deceiving by saying once a year.
SPEAKER_01 (04:07):
I know.
Also, the uh pop in unannouncedevery weekend, because you know
it's gonna happen every weekend,but it also you don't know when.
SPEAKER_02 (04:16):
I got no nod.
But the reality is is if you ifyou actually do the time and put
them together, the probably onemonth that you're gonna spend
there is going to be more timewith them than if they popped in
every weekend.
Mm-hmm.
I don't know about for an entiremonth.
Yeah.
Do the math.
So they stay for 30 minutes.
(04:37):
That's only two hours.
Uh that's a two hours a month.
Two times twelve.
SPEAKER_01 (04:42):
No, it just says pop in.
Pop in doesn't mean you stay fora long time.
SPEAKER_02 (04:46):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (04:47):
Quit overthinking it.
SPEAKER_02 (04:48):
Well, shoot, if they're gonna pop in for the
weekend, I'll just be gone forthe weekend.
I feel like that's I would thinkthat I would do to pop in for
the weekend if it's me.
SPEAKER_01 (04:56):
I would say pop in because pop in unannounced every
weekend can be like Sundaymorning.
Yeah, then they go home orSaturday evening and then they
go home.
SPEAKER_02 (05:07):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (05:07):
I think I would choose to pop in unannounced.
SPEAKER_02 (05:10):
Yeah.
I think so too.
Yeah.
How about you?
Producer Michael.
I would also do pop-in for theweekend.
There you go.
So nobody took the spend a monthwith your in-laws.
SPEAKER_01 (05:21):
Co-producer Michael Jr., Miranda.
SPEAKER_02 (05:23):
Yeah, co-producer Michael Jr.
We are your in-laws.
SPEAKER_01 (05:27):
What would you choose?
SPEAKER_02 (05:28):
Would you rather us pop in here all the time?
SPEAKER_01 (05:30):
You you you have to hold the microphone up.
I don't.
There you go.
SPEAKER_02 (05:35):
You gotta get closer.
SPEAKER_01 (05:36):
Why you are the pop-in in-law here, though.
Is that bad?
No.
SPEAKER_02 (05:42):
No, I don't mind.
SPEAKER_01 (05:43):
Would you rather just us pop in at your house
every weekend unannounced orspend a whole month with us only
just a month?
Both?
Yeah, she's Miranda is theposter child for the best
daughter-in-law of ever all.
SPEAKER_02 (06:04):
But like I had no idea you were coming over
yesterday.
Like that was a pop, like I gothome and I was thinking, oh,
just Jess is coming home.
And then you and Lucy showed upand I was like, oh, cool,
they're here.
And so it wasn't a bad, itwasn't a bad thing at all.
Yes, but we're horriblecommunicators because we talk
about all the time on the show.
SPEAKER_01 (06:22):
We've talked about that today.
You and I talked about we arenot.
SPEAKER_02 (06:24):
She didn't share that with me.
SPEAKER_01 (06:26):
Can I pass the mic?
unknown (06:26):
Oh my god.
SPEAKER_02 (06:27):
You can get the mic back.
Thank you.
So so today we're digging intothe idea, the subject of
in-laws, and we may not get toall the good stuff in this
episode.
I promise you, we will try tounpack everything that's
involved with this.
And this is not an easy35-minute conversation that we
(06:47):
can have.
This is one that's gonna takesome time uh to get into.
And we're gonna share the good,the bad, the ugly with all of
that.
We'll share some of our personalexperiences that we've had, some
of the um, some of the goodones, some of the hard ones.
Um, and I know we had somefriends who are are working
through some other issues within-laws too.
(07:09):
Um, so we want to try to givehelpful advice, but it's some
encouragement, and just try tofigure out how we can all walk
through this together.
SPEAKER_01 (07:17):
If you're listening and you're not married, but
you're in a relationship, youmight be thinking like, I don't
have in-laws yet.
Yeah, you do.
SPEAKER_02 (07:24):
Yeah, wait a minute.
Like, don't don't hit don't hitpause, don't skip, don't jump
out of it.
Hang in here for a few minutes.
We're gonna get into the goodstuff.
SPEAKER_01 (07:32):
Any kind of a long-term relationship, whether
you're married or not, you havein-laws.
SPEAKER_03 (07:36):
Yes.
SPEAKER_01 (07:37):
You you do.
So there's there's a lot ofpeople that that are in this
category that may not realizethat they are.
SPEAKER_02 (07:44):
Oh, really?
Okay, tell me, uh tell me whatyou mean by that.
SPEAKER_01 (07:48):
If you're my boyfriend, and we've just been
dating for, you know, five, sixmonths.
SPEAKER_02 (07:53):
Yep.
SPEAKER_01 (07:55):
I have in-laws, and you do too.
SPEAKER_02 (07:57):
Ooh.
unknown (07:58):
Okay.
SPEAKER_02 (07:58):
Because if we're in a long-term relationship at all,
it's kind of like your dad whenwe first started dating, your
dad called me over and five.
And we were in his garage.
SPEAKER_01 (08:07):
Mind you, I was 34, you were 39.
SPEAKER_02 (08:10):
Yeah, I was a 39-year-old adult.
SPEAKER_01 (08:12):
We we both had children.
We both had we both owned ourown home.
Like, we it was a whole thing.
But yeah, my daddy called youover.
SPEAKER_02 (08:19):
Yeah, and he's like, So what do you do for a living?
I was like, that's a greatquestion, Mike.
I don't know, bro.
I was like, I'm figuring thatout.
And he's like, Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_01 (08:30):
Yeah, yeah.
He wanted to know how you go andsupport Jesse and the kids.
SPEAKER_02 (08:34):
I was like, I don't know, I was hoping she'd support
me.
So yeah, it was uh it's aninteresting, even in the
beginning.
Here's the thing we don'trealize about in-laws.
Like when you date someone oryou're you're thinking about
getting married to them, whenyou say yes to that person, um,
you're saying yes to theirfamily.
(08:55):
You're saying yes to the themom, the dad, every if it's a
blended family, there's morethan one.
So yeah.
Um when you're saying yes tothat, you're saying yes to both
sides of that family, and whatdoes that look like?
Um, because we believe the Bibletells us when you become
married, those two become one.
And so then you're one person.
So I'm just Jess is me.
(09:17):
We see that as as one person.
So as I'm saying yes to you, Iwant to marry you, I'm saying
yes to your mom, your dad, uh,that means all of me.
All those people that areinvolved.
I'm saying yes to you.
SPEAKER_01 (09:28):
I come from a blended family too.
So our blended family goes witha blended family.
Like it's it's a whole tellingyou there's like a thousand
branches on our family tree.
SPEAKER_02 (09:38):
This is crazy.
It starts four days early, endsfour days late.
But you just embrace it and loveit and just move on with it.
Yeah.
Um, so we're gonna dig into theidea of in-laws.
So there's this there's thisthing of expectations.
So you see these uh rom comswhere it's the you know, the
in-laws, and everything is justlike, oh, we love them.
(10:00):
They're the best there is.
SPEAKER_01 (10:01):
You love a rom-com.
SPEAKER_02 (10:02):
Yes, I do.
Go ahead.
You you you put us on the worst.
Oh no.
Is it a rom com or is it aChristmas movie?
The family stone?
SPEAKER_01 (10:12):
It's both.
SPEAKER_02 (10:13):
It is the oh my gosh, it's just the family
stone.
SPEAKER_01 (10:17):
It is an old movie.
Miranda and I were talking aboutit earlier today.
She's never seen it.
It is so good.
It is so good.
SPEAKER_02 (10:23):
I just see this.
And you can call me what youwant.
You can comment online.
I don't care.
I cried at the end.
Yeah, you can not.
And if you don't cry at the end,you go see a counselor or a
therapist because you're Oh, sogood.
Um, but at the same time, I'mjust like, what is like they
have this, they paint thispicture in this movie of this
incredible in-law relationship,but there's also tension in that
(10:46):
relationship.
SPEAKER_01 (10:47):
Well, they're not quite in-laws yet.
What it really is.
SPEAKER_02 (10:50):
According to you, because you said if you're
dating, you have in-laws.
SPEAKER_01 (10:52):
That's where I was going with that.
They're not technically in-lawsyet because as one of the
brothers is bringing home a girlfor Christmas that he wants to,
he thinks he wants, I don't wantto give it away if you haven't
seen it, but he thinks he wantsto propose to her.
And so it's a whole dynamic ofhow she fits in with her
potential in-laws.
SPEAKER_02 (11:14):
Okay.
SPEAKER_01 (11:14):
And it is a mess.
SPEAKER_02 (11:16):
Great, great movie, but that doesn't have anything
to do with us.
SPEAKER_01 (11:19):
Not you and I, but it's kind of like a the the
brother bless his heart.
SPEAKER_02 (11:24):
Don't get too much in the story.
You can give away the problem.
SPEAKER_01 (11:27):
I'm just saying he had he had all of these
expectations built up.
SPEAKER_02 (11:33):
Yeah.
Which we all do.
I mean, no matter where we're atin a relationship, we all have
expectations.
SPEAKER_01 (11:38):
I wasn't trying to ruin the movie.
I was just saying Everett is acharacter's name.
He has all these expectationsbuilt up of how she's gonna work
in and how everybody's gonnawork in together and the dynamic
and how it's just gonna be.
And whether or not that worksout, I'm not gonna say.
But in real life, like we haveexpectations whenever we're
(11:58):
going into a relationship or weintroduce, like, okay, like
you're my boyfriend.
I'm gonna introduce you toeverybody, and I want everybody
to love you, and I want you tolove everybody.
And that's what my expectationis because I'm just blinded by
love or whatever.
And whether or not that worksout, I mean, the reality is that
(12:20):
most, not most, is it's probablylike a 50-50 shot, whether or
not, like, okay, is this gonnaclick or is this not gonna click
with everybody?
SPEAKER_02 (12:27):
Yeah, it's a 50-50 shot.
SPEAKER_01 (12:28):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (12:29):
I mean, the thing is we've had two opportunities
where we've invited people intoour our family circle, yes, our
inner circle.
Into the six peck, and into thesix pack, which is expanding.
Uh, one, the first one was withCharles.
SPEAKER_01 (12:43):
Yes.
SPEAKER_02 (12:43):
I remember when we were at Corkett and he invited
us to Corkett is a local, likeum wine wine place.
Do you go have wine?
SPEAKER_01 (12:51):
Yeah, it's not just wine, but yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (12:52):
Yeah, it's it's mainly wine.
Yeah, so it's just a wine, alittle wine place on the square
here in downtown Gainesville.
So we go to Corkett and heasked.
SPEAKER_01 (12:59):
He invited us there.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (13:00):
And I just had no idea.
SPEAKER_01 (13:02):
Clueless.
I told you I was like, cool,we're going to get drinking.
He and Callie at this point havebeen dating for like two years.
And I, when he invited us, hesent you and I group text
together and invited us to meethim at Corkett at so and so
o'clock on this day.
It was during Christmas breakbecause he knew I was gonna be
home.
And he's like, Will you meet me?
And we're I you, yes, of coursewe will.
(13:23):
I was like, he's about to ask usthe question.
And you're like, no, he's not.
SPEAKER_02 (13:27):
Yeah, when Jess brought that up to me, I
remember I was in the bathroom.
Yeah, I was like, What?
Um, I got sick to my stomach.
SPEAKER_01 (13:34):
Yeah, I said, he's about to ask permission to
propose to Callie, and you'relike, No, he's not.
He's home because he was homefrom college at that point.
And you're like, He, we're justbecause we had all been working
really hard on our relationship.
And I was like, No, he's gonnaask us the question.
And you still didn't believe meuntil No, until it happened.
SPEAKER_02 (13:52):
Sitting at the table.
I still remember the table wewere sitting at, too.
SPEAKER_01 (13:55):
And I grabbed your arm and I was boo-hooing, and he
just looked at and he was like,Miss Jess, are you okay?
Charles said, and I was like, Itold Greg that you were gonna
say this, and you didn't believeme until right that second.
SPEAKER_02 (14:08):
So then my response to Charles was and I was like,
So cool.
If this is what you want, ofcourse we we we love you, and
Callie loves you.
So, but you and I are gonna meetonce a week.
SPEAKER_03 (14:20):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (14:20):
Um, until you guys get married.
Yeah.
And I think it was like six,seven, eight months.
I can't remember.
SPEAKER_01 (14:26):
It was about eight months because I was about I
remember it's comparative.
SPEAKER_02 (14:29):
And he was like, Okay, cool.
And so I would drive up toDelonica because he was in
school at Delonica.
SPEAKER_01 (14:34):
I was gonna say it was a little bit more of an
effort and planning part becausehe was an ROTC at that point, 45
minutes away at school.
And so we had to you had to planabout it.
SPEAKER_02 (14:43):
And so he and I would meet somewhere up there,
we would meet somewhere here, wewere back and forth.
Uh, just for me, because I'mlike, this guy's coming into our
family.
I want to know him, I want toknow who he is, I want to know
uh all about him because hisfamily, his background, all the
things.
Yeah, and I was like, I I wantto love this guy the way that
Kelly loves him in a way becauseif he's he's gonna be a part of
(15:07):
our family.
SPEAKER_01 (15:07):
Yeah.
And so um I was fortunate to beto be included in some of those
too.
SPEAKER_02 (15:13):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (15:13):
Which was really sweet because he didn't have to
include me because I'm, youknow, in that relationship, I'm
quote unquote just a stepmom.
SPEAKER_02 (15:20):
But and most of the time we weren't, I mean, we
weren't doing a book, we weren'tdoing anything.
We were literally just gettinginto like, bro, how's your how's
life?
Like, how's school?
What's going on?
How you feeling, what'shappening, what's going on with
your family.
It was nothing just just otherthan let's just spend some time
together.
SPEAKER_03 (15:36):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (15:36):
Um, and so that was a key for us uh in that.
And I still, every now and then,I try to sit I try to send
Charles texts every time I thinkabout him.
I'll send him a text and justsay, thinking about you.
You know, all the just try tobecause our contact with him is
very limited because he's out ofthe state.
SPEAKER_01 (15:54):
And so they they both are.
SPEAKER_02 (15:56):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (15:56):
And they they're so cute because they both share an
adventurous spirit.
And so it's like right now theylive in Florida, but it then
it's like he he brought that outin Cali.
He well, she gets it from youtoo, though.
SPEAKER_02 (16:09):
Yeah, she definitely does, but she learned it from
you.
He he stoked that fire withinher.
SPEAKER_01 (16:14):
I mean, she went to El Salvador with you when she
was 10.
SPEAKER_02 (16:16):
So Yeah, she was in fifth grade.
SPEAKER_01 (16:18):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (16:19):
It's really crazy that I drug her to El Salvador.
When I look back at that, I waslike, it's probably a horrible
thing.
SPEAKER_01 (16:23):
But when we were just visiting her two weeks ago
in Florida, we were visitingthem, she brought that trip up.
It's like that's so when we saythey have an adventure, she
definitely has an adventurousspirit because of you.
But the intention with Charlesfrom the get-go was to establish
a relationship.
SPEAKER_02 (16:40):
Yeah, because I knew as an in-law, I want to know him
and I want him to be able toknow me and be I want him to
have the relationship.
If he needs something, he canpick up the phone and call me.
Right.
If he wants to chat or if heneeds whatever it may be, yeah,
that I'm there.
SPEAKER_01 (16:53):
Um and then not too long after that, the newest
in-law came along.
SPEAKER_02 (16:58):
Yep.
And she literally just movedinto the house.
SPEAKER_01 (17:01):
Yeah.
Miranda.
Miranda is not Miranda's notfrom Georgia, she's from out of
state.
And so when she graduated fromschool and she had just like
within how many months?
It wasn't a year yet.
Two months?
That was all?
Oh my god.
unknown (17:19):
What?
SPEAKER_01 (17:19):
Wait.
It was new.
It was I was gonna say six.
SPEAKER_02 (17:25):
I'll just tell you how all of our relationships
started.
We all like through 2020, yeah,none of us had had COVID at all.
Period.
And then on my birthday,December 28th.
SPEAKER_01 (17:37):
2020.
SPEAKER_02 (17:38):
Yes, it was 2020.
And I was like, bro, we wemissed the whole COVID thing.
Like we've got to be.
SPEAKER_01 (17:48):
That's what you're thinking about, Thomas.
SPEAKER_02 (17:49):
The entire house caught COVID.
SPEAKER_01 (17:51):
All of us.
SPEAKER_02 (17:52):
All of us at one time.
And Miranda's parents were like,just stay there.
I'd never met Miranda.
SPEAKER_01 (17:58):
Well, because she has very much younger siblings.
SPEAKER_02 (18:00):
I'd met you one time.
SPEAKER_01 (18:01):
No, two.
Two.
SPEAKER_02 (18:04):
The first time I don't remember, so I'm just
gonna say one.
SPEAKER_01 (18:07):
Two.
SPEAKER_02 (18:08):
I was still calling you weird names like Melissa.
SPEAKER_01 (18:11):
We didn't all the way know your name because when
I didn't know your namecompletely.
Thomas did it the first time hestarted talking about you.
Didn't that's why all the M yourlast name nicknames came about.
SPEAKER_02 (18:22):
Thomas didn't realize, yeah, you know now.
That's all that matters.
SPEAKER_01 (18:31):
Well, Miranda has siblings that are quite a bit
younger than her.
So gosh, at that point, yourlittle brother would have been
five, and then your sister wouldhave been almost 10.
And so, yeah, her parents werelike, no, don't bring that
because nobody knew what COVIDwas at that point.
Everything was new.
SPEAKER_02 (18:49):
So if you got COVID, it was two-week quarantine in
the house, nobody sees you,nobody.
So it's like the two weeks,we're all locked in the house.
SPEAKER_01 (18:58):
She was down here visiting, and then we just
babied in all of us.
SPEAKER_02 (19:02):
Would you rather?
unknown (19:03):
Right?
SPEAKER_02 (19:04):
I kind of felt bad for her.
I was like, bless her heart,she's crapped here with us.
SPEAKER_01 (19:08):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (19:09):
And doesn't know us, doesn't know anything.
I was like, I felt kind of badfor her.
Because I'm like, this is ourbut I'm like, welcome to the
city.
SPEAKER_01 (19:16):
We did well navigating that.
Just I mean, you're you're sweetanyway, Miranda.
SPEAKER_02 (19:22):
Well, regardless, when all that passed, yes, we
got through COVID, they becameserious, they got engaged,
Thomas got in his apartment.
SPEAKER_01 (19:29):
Well, yeah, December.
And then when you graduated fromcollege, it was like I had a
short little rental.
Yeah, there was like a rentalsituation.
It was like, okay, this isexpiring, or I got to find a
place here so fast, or I have tomove back to South Carolina.
And Thomas was like, hey, guesswhat?
I'm moving in with my fireschool friend.
(19:50):
And so it was like, okay,Miranda, you come here.
Like it was this whole thing,but it was such a it was a fun
way to get to know you.
SPEAKER_02 (19:58):
Yeah, because we speak.
Literally at that point, wespent more time.
More time with you than we spentwith Thomas.
SPEAKER_01 (20:04):
Because fire school took up your whole life.
SPEAKER_02 (20:06):
Yeah, he was in school all the time.
Miranda was here, and Mirandawas on this spiritual journey.
SPEAKER_03 (20:11):
Oh my gosh.
SPEAKER_02 (20:12):
Where church we're going to.
So it's like we would go tochurch on Sunday.
She grew up Catholic.
We were at a pretty traditionalconservative church, or it was
like a I guess it would be aBaptist church.
So it's anyway.
Miranda would be like, I gotquestions.
Like, what is this about?
And so she would pull out hernotebook.
SPEAKER_01 (20:28):
It was the cutest thing ever.
We'd get home from like church,lunch, we'd come here to relax
and do whatever.
And she would pull out herlittle notebook that she had,
and she was like, literally say,I have some questions.
So we'd sit down together withno distractions.
We'd probably turn music on orwhatever.
And just we would have the wholeafternoon of question time.
SPEAKER_02 (20:46):
Which is really, really cool and really fun.
SPEAKER_01 (20:48):
It was a refreshing way for us to revisit our faith
and why we believe what webelieve, but it was also a great
time for you to like, you know,like filter through your uh
Catholic upbringing versus likeyou were defining your own
faith.
It was such a precious time.
We that was a precious time inour life.
SPEAKER_02 (21:06):
So for us, so we got to spend a lot of really good
time.
So Miranda is more and this maynot be, she's more of a friend
than an in-law.
I see Miranda's a friend and anin-law.
So it's like like Miranda and Iwould do all kinds of dumb
projects.
Like when Jess would be off orat school and I would be home,
Miranda and I would just do justall kind of weird projects.
SPEAKER_01 (21:27):
And they'll work together for a short span in
time and you both had the sameday off.
So it was a really fun time fory'all to work on projects
together.
SPEAKER_02 (21:33):
It was we had fun.
But the reality is you may be inthe situation and be like, that
sounds so sweet.
SPEAKER_01 (21:39):
So storybook and lullaby is so cute.
SPEAKER_02 (21:42):
But that's not, we didn't plan it that way.
It just happened.
Uh but you may be in thesituation going, bro, that's not
the situation.
SPEAKER_01 (21:49):
That's me and you.
That's our experience with ourin-laws.
But like on the reverse side,like my experience with in-laws
and your experience within-laws, whether it be this time
or the first time, both of us,isn't it was not that sweet and
precious.
No lullabies, and it was, youknow, normal life.
SPEAKER_02 (22:10):
Yeah.
It was probably the moretraditional.
Yeah.
Like, yeah, hey, I really likethis person.
We're dating.
They're like, okay.
SPEAKER_00 (22:17):
Here they are.
SPEAKER_02 (22:18):
You know, yeah, here they are.
They're not, you know, are theya serial killer?
Are they okay?
Yeah.
Like, and so it was the thetraditional kind of thing.
So I didn't have I had greatrelationships uh with them, with
my in-laws, and and really likedthem.
Um, I really did.
And so it was, and I think justbecause I'm pretty easy to get
along with.
(22:38):
You are uh but at the same time,there's so many issues that come
up when you deal with in-lawsbecause we talk about
expectations and unmetexpectations, and we we say this
hundreds of times on BaggageClaim.
Unmet expectations will kill arelationship faster than
anything.
SPEAKER_01 (22:55):
Any kind of relationship.
SPEAKER_02 (22:56):
Yes.
I mean, we had some unmetexpectations this weekend, and I
got all in my feelings, and itwas a weird, it was a weird
moment, and just yeah, I was Iadmitted it, you know.
I wasn't, I was I was being alittle pouty, I was being mean.
I was just being me.
Um, so that's something we stillwill deal with.
SPEAKER_01 (23:14):
You were pouty, you weren't mean.
SPEAKER_02 (23:15):
I was pouty.
But on the other hand, like wehave those when it comes to our
in-laws, but we don'tcommunicate that with them.
SPEAKER_01 (23:21):
No, we don't, but I will say sharing those personal
stories about our own in-laws, Ifeel like because of the
relationship that we have withour children, it was easy to
approach our in-laws with anopen mind to to welcome them in.
And I think that's the whole,that's the whole like it's a
(23:42):
mindset thing.
I mean, well, really anything wetalk about on this whole podcast
is a mindset thing.
SPEAKER_03 (23:47):
Right.
SPEAKER_01 (23:48):
Um, but this is a really big one.
Um, because you get to, you getto decide what that relationship
is gonna look like, especiallyif you're on the the receiving
end of like Miranda or Charles,like they are coming into our
family and we get to set thatexpectation and that what that
feels like.
SPEAKER_02 (24:06):
Right.
And and they're not gonna seeout of like when you go to
another family, they're gonnahave their own traditions.
SPEAKER_01 (24:12):
Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (24:13):
They're gonna have their own religious beliefs,
they're gonna have their own uhalmost way of life.
Yeah, they they have all thosethings and you're stepping into
that.
And in most cases, 99% of thetime, you're expected to be a
part of what they have going onand be okay with that.
Not most people are not like,hey, are you okay with this?
(24:34):
Do you want to change this?
Do you want to do somethingdifferent?
SPEAKER_01 (24:36):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (24:36):
Um, most of the time it's like, oh, this is the way
we do things around here.
Yeah.
This is the way this happens.
SPEAKER_01 (24:42):
And when you run into that and it's not what
you're used to or what you werehoping for, it is so easy to,
because we're humans, it is soeasy to build up a resentment
with that.
And then that's just gonna causecause like some friction with
anything that the in-laws arewanting to do.
It's like, no, that's not how Iwant to do it.
That's not how I've always doneit.
(25:03):
That's not, you know, what I washoping for.
SPEAKER_03 (25:05):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (25:05):
And if you're not approaching things with an open
mind, then that resentment isgonna build up pretty big.
SPEAKER_02 (25:11):
Yeah.
I mean, and there's nothing morethan when this this crap hits
your front door, is onThanksgiving and Christmas.
I mean, bro, if you want to talkabout traditions and all the
things that come out, it comesout now.
And people are like, no, wealways get together on Christmas
Eve, or no, we always gettogether on Christmas Day.
And it's like, but that doesn'twork for our family.
SPEAKER_01 (25:32):
It doesn't.
And I mean, and you know, if Idon't, I just had this
conversation with my own motheryesterday because I I she used
to mention last last few timesthat we've been together how
much she wishes Thomas could bea part of some things.
Thomas works all the time.
And so I was like, I textedMiranda.
I was like, let's let's go aheadand plan Christmas so I can
(25:54):
communicate with my mom, mybrother, and his family.
When will this work?
She gave me a date.
It's not Christmas Eve, it's notChristmas Day, it's ahead of
time, it's on the 20th.
And so I texted my mom and I wasgotta start four days early.
SPEAKER_02 (26:08):
You know, I mean Jesus Jesus started his walk
into Nazareth pretty early.
SPEAKER_01 (26:12):
I'm I was trying to get ahead of it.
SPEAKER_02 (26:14):
Yeah, sorry, that's Easter.
Sorry, you're gonna be confused.
SPEAKER_01 (26:18):
I was trying to get ahead of it because it's not
what we usually do.
SPEAKER_02 (26:23):
God, we should not talk about the Bible on here.
SPEAKER_01 (26:27):
My my mom, because of my grandmother, is very
traditional and it has to be onthe day, and that's just how she
was raised, and she can't helpit.
And so I was telling her, like,if you want all of us, like
literally all of the PeckPatillo family, this is the day
it's gonna have to happen.
And I know it's not what youwant, but this is what it is.
(26:49):
And so my sister-in-law was onboard, like everybody else is on
board.
And so I had to help my mom havean open mind and not have like a
whole resentment or badattitude.
It was like, I know it's notwhat we've always done.
I know it's not our way of lifeor whatever, but it's more
important to all be together,not whatever the date is,
(27:11):
because we're together, we'remaking memories.
SPEAKER_02 (27:13):
Well, it's because we talked about this.
SPEAKER_01 (27:16):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (27:16):
Like it's it's not that it's it's the time you get
together.
It's not necessarily the date ofwhich that falls.
SPEAKER_01 (27:23):
Yes.
And so that's we talked aboutthat a few episodes ago.
SPEAKER_02 (27:26):
Yeah.
So it's important for for youguys to just say even just one
to have an open mind to be like,Yeah, we're together, we're
celebrating.
It doesn't like we did ourfamily, just our kids uh get
together celebration thing onWednesday for Thanksgiving.
Uh-huh.
And it wasn't on Thanksgiving,so it didn't make it any less
Thanksgiving-y, I guess.
SPEAKER_01 (27:48):
That's a word.
SPEAKER_02 (27:48):
Um, but we had a blast.
We had so much fun.
We spent, we literally spentmore of the day together than I
thought we were going to.
So I was totally surprised andtotally happy.
SPEAKER_01 (27:58):
That was the most amount of hours that well, now
we have nine.
Well, it was the most amount oftime the nine of us have spent
together, and I cannot tell youwhen.
SPEAKER_02 (28:08):
I mean, the dudes went to the gym.
I mean, we tried to keep eachother.
SPEAKER_01 (28:10):
We did.
You did try to kill each other.
SPEAKER_02 (28:12):
For some reason.
Uh the ladies hung out at home.
SPEAKER_01 (28:14):
We were cooking when Lucy took her nap.
It was a whole thing.
So yeah, we just it was so good.
SPEAKER_02 (28:19):
But it wasn't on Thanksgiving, but it was okay.
SPEAKER_01 (28:21):
But that was my Thanksgiving in my heart.
SPEAKER_02 (28:23):
Yeah.
And so it's we get so set onthese things, but it's being
able to say, okay, what works?
How do we make this work?
Instead of just always being sodead set on it has to be this
time, it has to be this, it hasbecause we have those
expectations of what they canbe.
Yeah.
And so sometimes it's you had tojust let them go.
There's producer Michael broughtup uh a point um that I thought
(28:45):
was really, really good.
Do you remember about um whenyou said be careful of in-laws?
Was it you'll be one?
What was that?
SPEAKER_04 (28:54):
Yeah, no, well, yeah, be aware of how your
relationship with your in-lawsare.
Um be aware of things thateither one, like frustrate you,
and also things that you loveabout your in-laws.
Because if you're uh married andyou got kids, you're gonna be
most likely an in-law someday.
(29:14):
And so you get to be in somemoment in your life the one who
uh helps be a deciding factorhow you interact with an in-law,
even if it's a daughter or ason-in-law.
So just be aware, you know, justuh store it away in your brain
because who knows, and you know,five to eighteen years, you you
(29:34):
bet you might be an in-lawsomeday.
SPEAKER_01 (29:36):
That's true.
And you, Greg, you look you weretalking, we were talking earlier
about something that you hadread at one point about
approaching things with yourspouse and your family with a in
a bubble of peace.
You remember that?
Because it's to help deflectnegativity and to maintain your
(29:57):
own peace of mind while you'retrying to work through this.
SPEAKER_02 (30:00):
Yeah, you can't.
SPEAKER_01 (30:00):
It's kind of like your phrase, your umbrella of
protection that you've used.
SPEAKER_02 (30:03):
It kind of is, yeah.
Like, I I get it.
Family is crazy.
It's chaos.
It is, it's really chaos.
And uh you, you know, you loveyour family, you can get to
choose your family a lot oftimes.
They choose you.
SPEAKER_03 (30:16):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (30:16):
Um, so you're just kind of into it.
So you're like, all right, thisis the crazy, this is crazy
circus I'm a part of.
So, you know, let's let's letthe monkey dance and see what
happens.
Oh, that's weird.
Um, and so you don't have adancing monkey in y'all's
family.
SPEAKER_01 (30:30):
That's weird.
SPEAKER_02 (30:31):
So anyway, it's a it's it's just kind of sometimes
people are not gonna like you.
Uh people are not gonna agreewith you.
People are not going to, noteveryone's gonna like you, even
in your family.
Not everyone's gonna like yourspouse.
Yeah.
Um, and so you have a decisionto make also too um with your
spouse of like, okay, so how dowe deal with that?
(30:52):
How do we move forward withthat?
What does that look like?
How do we deal with that?
And so there's there's a fewthings that you just you just
gotta kind of understand to say,hey, look, I'm married to Jess.
You're the one I said yes to.
You're the one, so when we go tofamily, if there's issues um and
they're attacking you or theydon't like you, I'm like, hey,
that's me.
If you're attacking her, you'reattacking me.
(31:14):
Um something to think about ifyou're an in-law and you're
like, I can't stand my mydaughter-in-law.
Well, just understand when yousay that, yeah, you're you're
ultimately saying, I can't standmy son also, if I can't stand my
daughter-in-law, because they'rethey're two in one.
Like they've chosen to bemarried, they've chosen to say
yes to each other.
So all that being said, let's uhyou're you're motioning to me to
(31:39):
get it to unpack because we needto unpack.
We're at an unpack session.
SPEAKER_01 (31:42):
And I will say, all of what we've shared so far is a
lot to to take in because Ithink a lot of people don't
really think about the bigpicture.
It's more like, I'm in love,we're getting married, and oh
yeah, he has a family.
That's the fun part.
SPEAKER_02 (32:01):
That's the that's the rom gum version.
You know, it's like, oh my god,it's just so beautiful.
And it's like, no, she has thereal version where they talk
about you in the kitchen abouthow much they don't like you and
how repulsive you are.
Like, or they don't want to bearound you because ugly we don't
like we don't like her becausehe doesn't come around as much
(32:21):
anymore.
We don't like her because thisdoesn't happen anymore.
How do you feel about it?
Felt like I just all right, goahead.
SPEAKER_01 (32:31):
Let's let's conclude part one of navigating our
in-laws, and let's pick up inpart two because there's a lot
to unpack about this.
Okay, and the unpacked part'snot gonna be all the way pretty
because it's a lot of things.
SPEAKER_02 (32:47):
I have a couple unpacked for this section,
though.
SPEAKER_01 (32:49):
Okay.
SPEAKER_02 (32:50):
Do you have any?
SPEAKER_01 (32:51):
Right now?
SPEAKER_02 (32:52):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (32:52):
No, because I feel like I'm gonna say what I want
to say on the part.
SPEAKER_02 (32:55):
Okay, don't, don't, and you've got you.
SPEAKER_01 (32:57):
One, two, three.
Sit back boo.
You just have sit back boo.
SPEAKER_02 (33:03):
I know I don't ever call you that.
SPEAKER_01 (33:05):
No, you don't.
SPEAKER_02 (33:06):
Um one, um, manage your expectations of your
in-laws.
Be realistic.
Like sit down with your spouse.
The two of you be reallytruthfully honest, and be honest
about who your your parents are.
If you're if your dad is abutthole or your mom's a
butthole, just be like, hey,they're a butthole.
Like they're they're good,they're hard to get along with.
(33:27):
My mom is my way or the highway,and that's it.
SPEAKER_01 (33:29):
Why is butthole a funny word?
SPEAKER_02 (33:30):
I don't know if it is funny.
I wasn't gonna say the otherword because we I appreciate
that.
SPEAKER_01 (33:34):
Thank you.
SPEAKER_02 (33:35):
Check that explicit box.
SPEAKER_01 (33:36):
We're not gonna be able to do it.
SPEAKER_02 (33:38):
You want to make it family friendly.
I don't know if butthole'sfamily friendly, but anyway.
Um but anyway, you have tomanage your expectations and be
real with each other and just behonest uh in that.
And so it's like, and then alsotoo, keep in mind your
perspective of saying, okay, Iif I want to be if you're an
(33:58):
in-law and you're listening tothis and you're like, this is
kind of silly.
I'm putting real unrealisticexpectations on that
daughter-in-law or thatson-in-law, or everything.
SPEAKER_01 (34:09):
Especially if you put expectations on your spouse
or significant other that arenot even your own expectations
with your family.
SPEAKER_02 (34:18):
Right.
Yeah, they're just crazy.
It is crazy, but it happensevery single day.
It does.
Uh producer Michael, are youabout to say something?
SPEAKER_04 (34:25):
Yeah, I'll let you finish this because I have
another thought.
Uh no, go ahead.
No, I was gonna say I think itit's very important to be aware
of personality styles as well.
100%.
Especially between you and yourspouse.
Um, because my immediate thoughtwent to say it's okay to not
always get your way.
Right.
It should be yeah, if you'regetting your way all the time.
SPEAKER_01 (34:44):
You have to be okay with not always getting your
way.
SPEAKER_04 (34:46):
No, I say, I say that with a grain of salt.
Okay.
Because let's say your spouse isvery um maybe reserved or not
more so likenon-confrontational.
They'll just let it go the wayit goes because it's more
peaceful that way.
That wears on a person.
(35:07):
Yes.
That wears on a person big time.
So know how your spouse is inthose kind of situations.
Maybe that means you need totake up the gauntlet and fight
for them more within your ownfamily.
Or even for them within theirown family.
SPEAKER_01 (35:22):
Yeah, and that's what we're gonna talk about in
part two is what happens when itgoes wrong.
SPEAKER_04 (35:26):
Yeah, okay.
Or when it goes sideways.
But then also at the same time,uh, it's okay to not get your
weight.
Sorry about that.
If you cage fight, no, if youare a more something to spill.
I don't know what that was.
SPEAKER_03 (35:38):
I don't know either.
SPEAKER_04 (35:39):
But if you are more of a bulldog and you're used to
kind of able to being able topush and and usually work
through to get what you want,right?
unknown (35:48):
Right.
SPEAKER_04 (35:48):
So it's a both and so yes, I say it's okay to not
get your way, but also do beintentional that you don't just
allow yourself to get run overnonstop.
SPEAKER_02 (35:56):
Well, it's the whole idea to balance respect and
communication, yes, experience.
And those balance, like, knowhow you communicate, know how
other people communicate.
We talk about personalityprofiles all the time and
knowing yourself, and people getso caught up because inherently,
I was having this conversationwith Miranda the other day.
We were driving somewhere, and Itold Miranda, I was like,
Brandon, I I love you, but justI want you to know people are
(36:18):
inherently selfish and theydon't really care what you
think.
Because people, most peopledon't.
And I didn't mean that to her ina bad way.
I was just saying inherentlywe're just selfish to be.
SPEAKER_01 (36:27):
She said, Maybe you need to be a therapist, but like
a really blunt one.
SPEAKER_02 (36:30):
Yes, you did, which I felt bad about when she said.
I was like, okay, maybe we needto reword that.
But it was like the idea was islike most people are so involved
in themselves that they don'treally look outside of that.
And that comes with everything,even with in-laws, even how we
communicate, our personalitytypes.
So when we say know yourpersonality, it's not know how
(36:52):
you like to give and receivefeedback.
Know how other people like toget feedback, how they want to
receive feedback, how theycommunicate.
Because when you learn thosetraits of how other people do
that, you can communicate in away that they understand.
Dude, it changes everything.
It's a that's a game changeracross the board, all your
relationships.
You will you will reach newplaces, not just with your
(37:14):
in-laws, but in work and yourmarriage and all those things.
So it's a I'm very I'm a hugecomponent of that, and I'm
always gonna push that up thehill.
And everybody ignores it andjust be like, Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I know I'm this and I'm that.
And I'm like, it's not aboutyou, it's knowing about the
people that are around you.
What are they?
Like, know what they are, and sothat's the key.
So those are my expectations,managing those, and uh, um those
(37:36):
those are the biggest things,and talk about it with your
spouse, be open incommunication, yeah, and knowing
how they give and receive thosekind of things.
And you are stepping into afamily structure, keep that in
mind.
You're stepping into that.
Don't go in there going, I'mgetting my way.
SPEAKER_01 (37:50):
Because no, you're not.
SPEAKER_02 (37:51):
That's like stepping into a corporation, a business,
and going, I'm about to changethis business up.
And be like, bro, you're aboutto go the boot back out the
door.
Like, just be careful.
Go in and just say, I want to bea part.
What does that look like?
SPEAKER_01 (38:04):
Um, so join us in part two where we talk about and
unpack even more.
SPEAKER_02 (38:11):
Somebody throws a hand grenade in the living room.
SPEAKER_01 (38:13):
Yeah, it was like on the flip side of what happens
when it all goes wrong.
SPEAKER_02 (38:18):
When drunk Uncle Roger shows up at Thanksgiving
and things go sideways.
SPEAKER_01 (38:22):
Who is even drunk Uncle Roger?
SPEAKER_02 (38:24):
Sorry.
SPEAKER_01 (38:25):
You just your imaginary character you always
bring up.
SPEAKER_02 (38:28):
If you know drunk Uncle Roger, you know him.
He showed up.
SPEAKER_01 (38:31):
What happens when it doesn't go the way you think it
should go?
Is what we're gonna talk aboutnext.
SPEAKER_02 (38:36):
Exactly.
So thank you guys so much forjoining in to Baggage Claim.
Love you guys.
Uh please keep sharing.
We have a goal before our 50thepisode.
We want to hit at least uh 20countries, and we want to hit
over 200 cities, uh, differentplaces of downloads.
We're at 17 countries and 189different cities.
So we're trying to uh hit thosenumbers.
(38:59):
We're gonna do a live um on ouron our 50th.
And so, but we're trying tofigure out.
We want you to tell us what youwant us to talk about.
SPEAKER_03 (39:08):
Yes.
SPEAKER_02 (39:08):
So if you want to follow us on Instagram, it's
baggageclaim.podcast.
Uh you can follow us onFacebook.
Uh you can follow us on Instaand TikTok.
Yeah, uh on TikTok.
We do have baggage claim.
We have not posted much, butwe're trying to.
Uh, the idea is DM us, send us amessage, info at
unpacktogether.com.
SPEAKER_01 (39:30):
Oh my gosh, you know that.
I don't know that.
SPEAKER_02 (39:32):
Is our is our email.
Send an email, tell me somethingyou want us to talk about, and
we'll address that.
If you have a situation you wantus to talk about, we would love
to talk about.
We want you to be in a part ofthis community and create some
conversations with us.
So, do you have something youwant to say, Michael?
Say what was that email again?
It is unpacktogether.com.
SPEAKER_01 (39:52):
So the email, though.
SPEAKER_02 (39:54):
That is info at unpack together.
Info at yeah, sorry.
Our our web address isunpacked.com.
UnpackTogether.com and I'mtrying to get that website up.
I'm sorry.
We're doing the best we can.
I'm trying to work on it.
SPEAKER_04 (40:08):
So maybe wait a few weeks before you try to look up
the website.
We also we have real jobs.
SPEAKER_01 (40:11):
We're doing the best we can.
SPEAKER_02 (40:12):
Yeah, I'm I've got a job and I'm trying to do this on
the side.
But the email works.
Yes, thank you for it.
We love you.
Thank you so much.
Email comes our inbox.
Or also, too, if you'relistening to it.
If you're listening to it onApple Podcasts or Spotify, you
there's a it says send a text.
You text us something you wantus to talk about, and we'll dig
into it.
So uh it's very simple, veryeasy.
(40:32):
But thank you guys so much forjoining.
Thank you for live.
Yeah, check out part two of umthis craziness of in-laws.
SPEAKER_01 (40:40):
So love you guys.
SPEAKER_02 (40:42):
Hey, go dogs.
Good dogs.
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