July 1, 2025 • 43 mins
What's the real enemy of a thriving relationship? According to Greg and Jess, it might be something we don't like to admit: selfishness. In this deeply personal and sometimes emotional conversation, the Baggage Claim hosts unpack the complex tension between selfishness and selflessness that exists in every meaningful relationship.
The discussion begins with Jess sharing a thought-provoking statement from 12 years ago: "The greatest enemy of marriage isn't from the outside, it's something that comes within each of us - selfishness." This launches a candid exploration of how cultural messages about self-care and self-focus have shifted over the past decade, and whether modern emphasis on "me time" has complicated our ability to build truly selfless partnerships.
Greg offers a powerful perspective on life's necessary trade-offs, sharing personal stories about declining lucrative career opportunities to honor his commitment to being present with his family. "Time is that one thing I can't reproduce," he reflects, highlighting the irreplaceable nature of moments spent with loved ones. Meanwhile, Jess vulnerably recounts seasons where she pursued education while raising four children - periods that could have appeared selfish from the outside but were actually collaborative family decisions.
Perhaps most compelling is their rejection of the "marriage is 50-50" myth. As Greg puts it, "Sometimes you may come with 60% and I need to be 40%." This acknowledgment of marriage's natural ebbs and flows offers listeners permission to embrace the reality that balance isn't always equal, but it can still be fair.
The conversation concludes with a profound spiritual insight about the command to "love your neighbor as yourself," raising the question: how can we truly love our partners if we haven't learned to properly love ourselves?
Whether you're newly married, navigating a blended family, or simply trying to balance your own needs with those of your partner, this episode offers permission to acknowledge the struggle while providing practical wisdom for creating more selfless relationships. Join the conversation by texting us your thoughts or connecting on social media!
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hey guys, what's up?
I'm Greg.
I hope you guys are ready tounpack and get into some good
conversations today.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
And I'm Jess, and this is our podcast Baggage
Claim.
Thank you for joining us.
Speaker 1 (00:17):
What's up everybody?
Welcome to Baggage Claim.
If it's your first time here,welcome.
Thanks for joining us.
If you're a regular, you knowwhat to do.
Grab that drink.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Pull up to the table.
Speaker 1 (00:30):
That's right.
So we're here.
Baggage Claim is a place wherewe're hoping to create some
communication, some conversation.
Speaker 2 (00:39):
And some community.
Speaker 1 (00:41):
There's a lot of C's in there C words Alliteration.
Aww C words.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
Alliteration Aw so fancy.
Speaker 1 (00:46):
So community conversations, and what else did
I say?
Speaker 2 (00:50):
Something else?
Collaboration?
I don't know.
I don't remember what you said.
Speaker 1 (00:54):
Kung fu fighting, that's a.
C, that's a.
Speaker 2 (00:56):
K.
What if?
What if?
What if everybody was not kungfu fighting?
Speaker 1 (01:02):
It wouldn't be fun it it was not Kung Fu fighting.
It wouldn't be fun It'd be kindof sad.
Speaker 2 (01:05):
A long time ago there was a Facebook that's how old I
am A Facebook trend.
And my brother, if my brotherCorey oh, I'm fidgeting with my
pen.
Speaker 1 (01:17):
My brother Corey.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
My brother, corey, if he's listening, he participated
with this trend with me.
It was like what if everybodywas not kung fu fighting?
And it was like all these songsthat had been popular forever.
And it was like the opposite,what if, like the cool kids, did
not sit in the back of the bus?
I don't know.
That's just what made me thinkof that.
Speaker 1 (01:38):
I'm sorry thank you for sharing.
I'm chasing the rabbit.
That was all.
That was awesome actually.
Thank you so much.
Welcome, welcome.
So take a deep breath.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
What if the rain was not purple Relax.
Speaker 1 (01:54):
And just kind of pull off to the table metaphorically
with us, wherever you're at,whatever you're doing, and just
enjoy some fun conversationaround blended families, around
marriage.
Man, it's a crazy time aroundhere and we're just trying to
(02:14):
figure it out as we go Summer'sin full effect in the Peck House
.
It is.
We're in full swing right now.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
We are.
Speaker 1 (02:21):
Just loving life and having a good old time.
Speaker 2 (02:23):
Yeah, I've been summering out of school for a
few weeks.
This week I've had a trainingthat feels nonsense for me, but
I'm trying to have a goodattitude.
But we're going to the beachthis weekend.
Speaker 1 (02:38):
So for also to just want to do a shout out for some
of you, there's some of youfolks that are in New York.
I've seen we've had somedownloads in New Yorkork, new
york and bronx and all thosekind of places.
Man, we love new york we do, ifyou're in new york and you're
listening to this like there's aplay, even not if you're in new
york, if anywhere in the worldyou're listening to this.
(02:58):
Yeah, on spotify apple podcast.
Right under there it says sendus a text please do click that
link on your phone, on yourmobile device, computer,
wherever you're at, and justsend us a message it's so fun
for us to know where you areyeah, just be like hey,
listening from so-and-so uhlistening from this and just
shoot that, send us a text.
We get those things.
(03:19):
We love to be involved with youguys.
If there's something you wantus to talk about, click that.
Send a text.
Speaker 2 (03:25):
Or if you want some more clarification or detail on
something that we've said.
Whatever the case may be,communicate with us.
We love it.
You can find us on all thesocials we're on YouTube, tiktok
, instagram, facebook.
Speaker 1 (03:41):
We're on all those fun places.
Make sure to catch us, beinvolved, follow uh as we drop
new stuff and try to get uh thisthing rolling as we keep
recording and keep having fun.
So tonight is about man.
This is a.
This is a big, big, big topicit is um and this may be a
(04:01):
two-parter, so we may be halfwaythrough just be like okay, time
out, we'll catch this next time.
Speaker 2 (04:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (04:09):
Wherever we're at in that, as we roll through it.
But I always say, I always saythis, like even when in
consulting days.
I used to sit with guys andthey would be like man, I just
want to make this amount ofmoney, I just want to do this,
for I want to be able to achievethis, and my response to them
was you can if you want, butit's going to cost you something
(04:31):
.
So we're always.
Life is about trades.
Speaker 2 (04:35):
It is.
It's about trade-offs.
Speaker 1 (04:37):
Yeah, you're trading something for something, always.
So sometimes you're tradingtime for money.
Sometimes you're trading timewith someone for potential the
opposite Sometimes you'retrading time for money Sometimes
you're trading time withsomeone for potential.
Speaker 2 (04:47):
The opposite.
Sometimes you're trading moneyfor time, Like it's all a
trade-off.
Speaker 1 (04:52):
Yeah, it goes both ways.
We're always trading stuff andin relationships sometimes it's
so crazy because you're likeyou're trading things back and
forth, sometimes without eversaying a word.
Oh yeah, sometimes it's justkind of an unspoken that just
kind of happens.
(05:12):
We don't ever recognize it orsay it, because if we do it's
kind of weird, but we do it allthe time and so tonight or today
, Whenever you're listening.
Why do I always say tonight?
Speaker 2 (05:25):
Well, because we record in the evenings.
Okay, that's why that'sprobably true.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
So today we're talking about this topic of
selfishness versus selflessness.
Maybe.
Why don't you start us off withreading?
Speaker 2 (05:42):
So you know how, ladies, gentlemen, men, some of
you on our Facebook there willbe how it pops up with the
memories.
And so early this morning, Iwas drinking my coffee before I
had to go on my online trainingfor school I'm not.
(06:03):
It would be negative if I talkabout that and literally 12
years ago.
There's a screenshot on myphone that I literally threw in
the floor a minute ago, but Iwrote it down.
It said because there was this.
It was like two or three littlemarriage pages that I would
follow when you and I first gotmarried, marriage pages that I
(06:26):
would follow when you and Ifirst got married.
And this is one of the thingsthat I had shared 12 years ago.
And it said the greatest enemyof marriage isn't from the
outside, it's something thatcomes within each of us
Selfishness.
You can overcome selfishnessand protect your marriage by
putting the needs, desires anddreams of your spouse and family
(06:48):
ahead of your own.
When we selflessly serve thosethat we love, our families will
thrive.
Speaker 1 (06:55):
Wow Okay.
Speaker 2 (06:57):
That's a lot.
Speaker 1 (06:58):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (06:59):
There's like probably five or six pieces of that that
you can dive into.
Speaker 1 (07:05):
Yes, yes, yeah, man.
If you're on TikTok, if you'reon any social media platform,
it's all about man.
If you read that statementright now, it would not be
accepted?
Well, no, there would probablybe a lot of pushback.
Speaker 2 (07:24):
That's what I wanted to make, which is interesting
because it said that's why Iwanted to make sure I said 12
years ago, because now, why doestime make a difference?
Well, time makes a difference.
There's a few statements,mainly the one where I said you
(07:46):
can protect your marriage byputting the needs and desires
and dreams of your spouse andfamily ahead of your own.
That is not.
Speaker 1 (07:53):
It's not a popular belief you don't think no.
Why do you think that is,though?
What makes that such a negative?
What makes that such a negative?
Speaker 2 (08:12):
Well, like I said three times now, 12 years ago,
fast forward to now the worldper se is a lot more selfish
than it has ever been.
I feel like there's all these.
If you're looking at socialmedia, there's all these
influencers and you know allthese people trying to promote,
like, self-care, and you know,take care of yourself.
(08:33):
And it's about how you feel andyour feelings, which granted.
Speaker 1 (08:38):
Are all valid.
Some of them are valid, that'swhat I was about to say.
Speaker 2 (08:41):
They are valid, but when we're talking about the
subject of selfishness, thescales tip either way, according
to what point of view you mighthave.
Speaker 1 (08:56):
Right.
So I think one of the things wewant to talk about I think
maybe I want to talk about,maybe you don't is the idea of
selfishness versus self-care.
Like, where does selfishnesscome in the way of?
Where's the line of selfishnessversus self-care?
What does that line look like?
Because it's probably different, for not probably a hundred
(09:20):
percent- is different for all ofus.
Speaker 2 (09:22):
It is yeah Well in human nature.
It's just your carnal, naturaldesire to be selfish.
You can't help it.
Speaker 1 (09:32):
Well, there's one thing I learned in sales long,
long, long, long time ago, yearsand years ago.
If you're in sales, you knowthis.
If there's one thing peoplewant to do is they love to talk
about themselves and they loveto talk about their family.
So if I'm a sales guy, what I'mgonna do is ask you questions
and get you to talk aboutyourself.
Right, because people love.
(09:53):
It's a natural thing.
Speaker 2 (09:55):
People just like to do that now, if you were to ask
me, do I like to talk aboutmyself?
I I would say no.
But if you say, tell me aboutyourself, I'm going to talk
about my family I'm going totalk about.
I'm going to say, you know, wehave a granddaughter, our first
(10:15):
grandchild.
Her name's Lucy.
She's this, she's that, this iswhat she can do.
She's the most brilliant ninemonth old in the world.
We have this many kids.
He's the most brilliantnine-month-old in the world.
We have this many kids.
This is what they do.
My husband is this and that Ifeel like that's not talking
about myself, but I mean itstill is.
Well, it's about you, it'sabout your life, it's my life.
Speaker 1 (10:37):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (10:38):
So but on the flip side, if you were to ask other
folks, like you were saying inthe business world, if you were
traveling or you sat down and,you know, had a conversation
with somebody, you said tell meabout yourself, what would those
folks mainly say?
Speaker 1 (10:54):
Well, it really depends on.
It's interesting because I usedto travel a lot.
Speaker 2 (10:59):
There's a fly in here .
Speaker 1 (11:01):
Let me say it at the same time Jinx, you owe me a
Coke.
Speaker 2 (11:06):
Dr Pepper.
Speaker 1 (11:08):
So it's a when I used to travel a lot.
You would go into a restaurantlike an Outback or a Longhorns
and there's the bar area and youcan tell all the people who are
traveling who are there, bythemselves.
Speaker 2 (11:22):
There's no way for a table to sit by yourself.
You're just going to walk outwith an open chair.
Speaker 1 (11:26):
You're sitting at the bar, yeah, one, so you can talk
to someone, not because you'realways drinking, no, most of the
people there not most of them,a lot of people weren't even
drinking.
You're drinking water or sweettea or Coke or whatever.
But it's like I don traveling.
I'm here by myself, so I wouldalways, when I would travel, I
would go sit at the bar and juststart conversations with people
(11:48):
, and I love love to startconversations with total
strangers because it's justfascinating to me, like it's.
So.
I'm so that's the curiosityside of me, yeah and just
intrigued to go where you at,where you going.
Why are you here?
Who are you at when?
Speaker 2 (12:04):
are you going?
Why are you here?
Who?
Speaker 1 (12:05):
are you?
Yeah, what's going on?
Like, what in the world broughtyou Like?
I remember in Toronto I wassitting at an Outback at the bar
one time and I just went andthere was like five of the guys
sitting there by themselves andI just went up and I sat down
and was like what's up, fellas?
And they're all like hey, I was.
Speaker 2 (12:27):
Hey, it's like, I'm from atlanta, georgia, you know
just started with that, and sowe had great conversation,
because that's your personality,yeah, and we know what I would
do.
I would go sit in a dark cornerand just wait for somebody to
come ask me what do I want?
Speaker 1 (12:36):
and so we had, we had fun and uh, but I was just
asking the.
The conversation was about whatyou guys have.
Why are you here?
What are you doing?
Yeah, where you going um, andwe got fun, like for you know,
while we had dinner, we just hadsome good conversation you said
, they were guys.
So they were all guys.
Hey, tell me about yourselfalways came down to what they
(12:58):
did for a living like yeah, ifyou ask a guy hey, what do you?
Speaker 2 (13:04):
know, tell me about yourself, yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:05):
They're going to say what they do.
It's just normal.
That's what guys do Like.
They associate their self withwhat it is that they do for a
living, which is not totallytrue.
It's not right or wrong, no,but that's kind of the surface
level.
Speaker 2 (13:22):
That's where they're kind of identity, right.
No, but that's kind of thesurface level.
Speaker 1 (13:24):
That's where their identity Right.
But then if you start talkingyou'll find out really really
quick if they love golf, if theylove their family.
They'll talk about their wives,they'll talk about some of the
things that they're passionateabout, like their hobbies.
Those things always come outreally really quick because
people just like to talk aboutthose things, the things we're
passionate about, we talk about.
(13:44):
It's not a bad thing, but justin marriage sometimes it's.
We're inherently selfish when itcomes to marriage, yeah, like
in that relationship.
So we look at that like mesitting at the bar with a bunch
of guys that I have no idea whothey are and wanting to know
them is completely differentfrom in a marriage relationship
(14:08):
with my wife.
When I come home, kids arecrazy.
She's been at home with thekids.
Maybe she's working a job.
She picks some of the kids up,she, she, maybe she's working a
job.
Yeah, she picked some of thekids up.
She's coming home.
I'm coming home.
We're both meeting at the house.
It's crazy.
There's stuff going on or we'reat the ball field or we're
grabbing food like it's justchaos and sometimes it's just
(14:30):
you want to be like, what aboutme?
like, what about what I want?
And so many times we ask thatand that's an okay question to
ask, but we get stuck there, weget stuck and we hang out there.
Speaker 2 (14:45):
We can't go past that sometimes, Do you feel like
sometimes people get stuck therewith a?
What about me If you get kindof like stuck in your feelings?
What do you mean?
What do?
Speaker 1 (14:56):
of like stuck in your feelings.
What do you mean?
What do you mean stuck in yourfeelings?
Speaker 2 (14:59):
Kind of like when you're not looking at the big
picture and I mean that's,that's selfish, I mean in
general, but like when you'resaying all this chaos and this
and that and the life and theall these moving parts, but then
you, you get to the point aboutthe what about me, maybe?
(15:24):
I mean I know I always comeback to this, but maybe, if it's
a lack of communication, but doyou feel like it's maybe
sometimes like, do you feel likeyour feelings are not supported
, or like maybe it's not a likeI see you.
Speaker 1 (15:41):
Okay, I think that's the key.
I think that's the thing forcouples is that I feel like they
go through life or you gothrough.
I mean you're a teacher, yeah,so you get up in the morning,
you leave early, you're atschool, you're doing the school
thing.
You come home from school, um,you change.
(16:02):
You go to the gym, you comehome from the gym.
When you get home from the gym,I'm usually trying to figure
out dinner.
We do dinner to get, we havewhich we have previously planned
.
We do plan out our dinners sothere's like 45 minutes we do
dinner and then it's just likeI'm exhausted, I need to go
shower.
Like so many times you can getstuck in that routine.
Speaker 2 (16:20):
But like what about me you?
Speaker 1 (16:22):
don't get seen Like it's just like am.
I just here to cook the dinner.
Speaker 2 (16:27):
Cook and help you clean.
Speaker 1 (16:30):
Yeah, is that what we're down to Like?
Making sure the dishwasher isemptied or full, or dinner is
cooked?
Speaker 2 (16:37):
In the midst of what feels.
I mean, if you boil it down tominutes, it probably is 45
minutes for us in the schoolweek, because in the midst of
that we've got the one kid thatstill lives at home.
That's 21.
We've got our producer Thomas,that's a guest home this 21.
(16:59):
We've got our producer thomasthat's a guest.
My producer michael is onanother occasion this evening,
but producer thomas is here asour guest producer, our oldest
son.
He and his wife live around thecorner with our grandbaby, lulu
lucy, who's nine months old,and they're here most of the
time, which obviously we welcome, it's like.
So we're balancing work,self-care, which we'll come back
(17:20):
to, self-care versus familytime, versus you and I time.
Speaker 1 (17:27):
Yep.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
Versus like I'm just freaking tired.
Speaker 1 (17:31):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:32):
And then tomorrow we're going to do it all over
again.
Speaker 1 (17:34):
Yeah, you just get up and go right back in, right,
and then tomorrow we're going todo it all over again.
You just get up and go rightback out.
Speaker 2 (17:37):
that, in summary, is most people's lives who are
probably listening to thispodcast and it might not be
adult kids and grandbaby and allthe things, but it might be
ball field or volleyball courtor basketball or whatever the
venue might, or Cub Scoutsthere's a hundred different
(17:57):
things yes that you can.
You can sign up for you.
Maybe should not, but you cansign up for right.
But at some point there's gonnabe a time where you're like
okay, well, what about me?
Speaker 1 (18:15):
well, there's a million things.
Biden for your time, yeah.
So how do you draw the linebetween not being selfish but
having self-care, like, can youdefine those two, or those two
separate things?
Can you define those, for Imean?
Speaker 2 (18:33):
I probably could for my own self and my type A
personality.
I'm referring to our notes thatwe have made and so I'm looking
back.
So we were talking about whenwe were planning this.
We were talking about beingselfish and when you want to
(18:56):
seek out your own validation foryour own self.
Basically, Sometimes that stemsfrom, like a lack of support
from your partner.
Speaker 1 (19:08):
Sometimes that- Not being seen, that idea of not
being seen, yeah.
Speaker 2 (19:11):
Maybe there's hidden hurt that you're trying to cover
for.
Speaker 1 (19:14):
Right.
Speaker 2 (19:16):
Maybe there's hidden hurt that you're trying to cover
for Right.
Maybe there's hidden resentmentor a lack of validation, and
that goes back to where we weretalking about empathy a few
weeks ago.
Speaker 1 (19:26):
So when the word empathy pops up, what do you
think about?
Like, what's the first thingthat comes to mind when you
think of empathy?
Literally, do you see?
Speaker 2 (19:37):
me oh wow, okay, yeah , yeah, I mean I that literally
like empathy means if, if I, ifsomebody said do you have
empathy for greg?
Do I see greg for greg?
Yes, I mean I try to, I triedto maintain that.
Am I perfect Empathy?
I just feel like, do I see youfor you?
Speaker 1 (19:58):
Like for me, empathy is an interesting place.
Like, let me put it this way.
Yeah, I was driving down theroad today and I saw a lady
pulling a wagon it was full ofstuff.
Pulling a wagon, it was full ofstuff and I don't know what it
(20:24):
was, but man, I saw that ladyand my heart broke.
Speaker 2 (20:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:27):
Because I'm like we're literally maybe two or
three decisions away from thatbeing me, or being someone else.
Speaker 2 (20:35):
All of us are Right.
Speaker 1 (20:36):
And so it's like when I see empathy, that's the way I
see it.
When I look at someone, can Isee myself in that, can I see
myself in them?
Speaker 2 (20:46):
I mean, it's kind of like that old phrase of like put
yourself in their shoes.
Speaker 1 (20:49):
Right, because it's neither here nor there.
I'm not saying like you shoulddo something or not, but it's
like for me, empathy is beingable to see someone and going.
I see myself in that Like whenI see you and you're hurting or
you're upset or you're whateverthat feeling may be that you're
(21:10):
going through.
When I look at it, if I'mhaving empathy going, can I see
myself there Like do I feel thatDo?
Speaker 2 (21:18):
I see that, so would you say that the opposite of
empathy is selfish, like theinability to see yourself in
someone else's shoes?
Speaker 1 (21:30):
Man.
Speaker 2 (21:31):
No matter the severity, because you know your
example from today with the ladywith the wagon.
We don't see that on a dailybasis.
So what if you?
What not you?
Specifically you?
What if one partner is unableto envision themselves in their
(21:53):
partner's role?
Just what if and it goes bothways what if the wife, whether
she works or not, or outside thehome, managing the schedule of
the children's, this or that orthe other that you've signed
(22:14):
them up for, and the husband isworking inside or outside the
home?
Because, I mean, we live in thevirtual world and you're living
in your both worlds.
What if one cannot empathizewith the other?
Speaker 1 (22:33):
So the husband doesn't see the work the wife
does.
The wife doesn't see the workthe wife does.
The wife doesn't see the workthe husband does.
Speaker 2 (22:37):
Right, whatever the case may be.
Speaker 1 (22:40):
Happens a lot, so much.
It's so sad though.
Speaker 2 (22:46):
Is the opposite of empathy selfish.
Speaker 1 (22:51):
Maybe it is when you say it that way, yeah, maybe it
is when you say it that way,yeah.
I mean, that's very, it's avery obvious I think.
I think, if you want to be, ifyou want to be in a really,
really healthy relationship withyour your spouse, have empathy
(23:11):
and find yourself in thatposition.
In other words, if I have theopportunity to be home and let
her go, do her.
Thing right, maybe home, 100percent home, and let her go do
her thing.
Right Me be home, 100% home,let her go do her thing.
And then I get just a taste ofwhat that's like, a taste you
have to keep that in mind,though, too, or?
Speaker 2 (23:23):
vice versa.
What if I'm not the one that'srunning the house and the
children and the schedule andall the things?
What if I'm the one that's thebreadwinner and carries all that
weight on my shoulders?
What if those roles werereversed?
Speaker 1 (23:40):
yeah, yeah, it's, it's not a it's not a right or
wrong no, it's not.
It's really being becausehere's.
Here's what frustrates me,though, because we always we
started with everything is atrade.
You're trading something.
Always, yeah, like you'realways like I like when I used
to meet with, uh, when I woulddo culture coaching and
(24:03):
consulting- and stuff and guyswould be like this is what I
want to do, this is what I wantto achieve.
Um, okay, cool, you can do that, but it's just no, it's gonna
cost you something.
You're gonna you're gonna tradeoff time with your family, with
your spouse, with your kids.
I sit with guys who made stupidamounts of money like stupid
amounts of money.
(24:23):
We're sitting there and I'mlike I don't like my life, I
don't see my kids.
Speaker 2 (24:31):
I don't see my wife.
You traded your happiness formoney, yeah they traded
something I can say somethingI'm really proud of you for,
over the course of our marriage.
Like I know the opportunitiesthat you have given up, you've
traded.
Okay, let me say, let merephrase that I know the
opportunities you have tradedfor time with your kids.
Speaker 1 (24:55):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (24:55):
And I know or money or whatever the case may be,
I've seen you actively makethose choices for a lot of years
.
Speaker 1 (25:05):
Well, it's a.
You're not just for me.
I look at it and I'm going.
I'm not just trading money fortime with my family.
I'm trading like we're probablynot going to have the nicest,
coolest car, we're not going tohave the newest stuff, we're not
going to have the coolestgadgets.
But I can tell you this theywill have me and they'll have
(25:27):
time with you.
Speaker 2 (25:28):
I was just getting emotional too because, like, um,
rewind to the first episode orwhatever episode it was.
Like me and Thomas and AaronGrace, we know the value of
trading.
I mean literally time for time,yeah, With little bitty kids
(25:53):
fast forwarding to how youappreciate the impact that had
on us, yeah.
And then I mean you can evenrewind it to the promise that
you made to yourself and to Godwhen your divorce happened.
The promise you made aboutmaking sure that you I'm sorry,
(26:17):
I'm getting upset, it's okay,it's just a promise that you
made, gosh, 15 years ago aboutmaking sure that you were
physically there for Callie andCody when you were a single dad.
Like, I'm so grateful that youunderstood that before you even
(26:39):
met me.
About how precious time is, youcan't, there is nothing that
you can trade that's moreprecious than time.
Speaker 1 (26:49):
That's true, that's very true, and so it's one of
the like.
For me that's been.
Has that always been an easy?
If I sit here and said it'salways been easy, that's a lie.
Speaker 2 (26:59):
It is a lie, Because I mean.
Speaker 1 (27:01):
Because there's some decisions I could have made that
would have made our lifefinancially a lot easier.
Speaker 2 (27:05):
Were we engaged.
Speaker 1 (27:06):
Yet whenever that opportunity came up for you to
go away for three months, Idon't know I don't know for sure
I had made this commitment thatI was not going to trade my
time for money.
And what's crazy is just I madethat commitment.
Speaker 2 (27:23):
Before we met.
Speaker 1 (27:25):
Yeah, and literally I got an opportunity to go away
for like three months.
Speaker 2 (27:33):
It was three months because we had met at this point
and it was like, hey, I needyou for three months.
Speaker 1 (27:36):
You're gonna walk away out of state yeah, with
making about a year's salary inthree months, and so I looked at
it and I was like okay, well,can I trade my time for my.
I started, I started trying tofigure everything out.
What it didn't work out like thethe ultimate goal was is like
no, I can't, um, I can't getthat time make it balance.
(27:59):
And so I just told the guyslike sorry, I can't do it.
I'd love to, but I can't.
It's a fun, sounds cool, I'dlove to do it, but I just can't
do it it was hard for him tohear that explanation.
Speaker 2 (28:10):
Yeah, I was just like what.
Speaker 1 (28:12):
That doesn't make sense.
And I was like yeah, I don'texpect it to.
It's time, yeah, and so that'sone thing that I've realized is
that you can make thosedecisions where you decide
whether you want to sacrificethe time for your family.
Speaker 2 (28:29):
Right.
Speaker 1 (28:29):
Like that money because you're going to get
opportunities where and again,I'm not saying don't work extra,
like there's been times in mylife where I've worked two or
three jobs at one time but couldyou have been selfish at that
point?
Speaker 2 (28:44):
going back to what we're talking about this evening
, could you have been selfish atthat point and was like, yeah,
that's a no-brainer, I'm gonnamake a year's salary in three
months?
Speaker 1 (28:53):
yeah, yeah, and there's probably a lot of
financial people out there whowould listen to this and go
you're an idiot.
Speaker 2 (28:57):
You're an idiot.
Speaker 1 (28:58):
You should have done that, and you can debate that
back and forth, but for me I washappy with my decision.
Speaker 2 (29:04):
I was like no, no, no , I made the right decision and
we did not suffer for yourchoice.
No, we were just fine.
We, and on a daily basis,though we briefly mentioned this
.
But like I go to the gym everyafternoon when I get home from
work and I go in the summerearly in the day, so it doesn't
interrupt anything, but I goevery day during the school year
(29:28):
.
I come home, I spend Gosh.
It feels like if you're home,we get like 15, 20 minutes to
speak.
I change clothes, I leave, goto the gym, get home an hour
later and then, like we weresaying there's the 45 minutes
and the this or that and it'sjust very little amounts of time
(29:50):
and me choosing to go to thegym could be considered selfish.
Yeah, it could be, it could be.
Speaker 1 (29:57):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (29:58):
And just like when I went back to school after we had
been married a couple of years,when you encouraged me to do
that, that was a decision.
Speaker 1 (30:06):
Okay, that was a decision for both of us.
We made it together.
Speaker 2 (30:09):
But you did encourage me to do that, because I would
have never thought that I coulddo that.
I had a business degreebeforehand.
But just a long story short, Ihad landed in the pair pro for
kindergarten world and when wegot married it was really
(30:29):
convenient because I could be onthe kids' schedule when you
were doing all the things, andso you were the one that brought
up.
So it's awesome that you're onthe kids' schedule when you're
doing all the things, and so youwere the one that brought up.
So it's awesome that you're onthe kids' schedule and you
really enjoy it.
How about you go to school tobe a teacher and you can have
your own classroom rather thanbeing somebody's support?
Speaker 1 (30:48):
Well, we had the discussion too.
We had a friend of ours whogave you an opportunity to go
back into the business world,yeah, and say hey.
Speaker 2 (30:57):
It was a big crossroads.
Speaker 1 (30:58):
Yeah, you could do this back in the business world
or you can follow the teacherrole, but to follow the teacher
thing you had to go back toschool.
I did Do those things and I waslike we had a discussion about
that.
Like I was like what do youwant to do?
What does your heart say?
What are you after?
Yeah, and it was like I lovethe classroom was like done,
let's go back.
Speaker 2 (31:15):
I love the classroom number one, number two I loved
being able to be on the kidsschedule because they were all
with me but for you to make thatsacrifice and say I'm going
back to school was huge for usbecause it took.
Speaker 1 (31:31):
We had four little kids.
There was a lot that wasinvolved with that, like, a lot
of like, even more mountainbiking or cross country.
Speaker 2 (31:38):
I was a full time student and a full time parapro
and a full time mama at all atthe same time, right.
Speaker 1 (31:45):
And so life was was.
It was not easy, no, it wasn'teasy at all, and some people
could look at it and say, well,that's selfish.
Speaker 2 (31:53):
I was selfish because I wanted to go back to school.
Speaker 1 (31:55):
But at the same time we knew that was the best thing
for you.
Speaker 2 (31:58):
But bless our little kids.
I'm going to get emotionalagain.
Even our kids, even though theywere little.
I remember, cody, I'm sorry,I'm sorry.
It's really been a marker forme in my life and our marriage,
(32:21):
to use a current phrase.
I felt seen.
I had been sitting at the tablesince we got home from school,
working on whatever I was doing.
You had cooked supper, you hadcleaned it up and you had cooked
supper, you had cleaned it up.
You were helping the kids, likebath time or this or that, and
(32:41):
reading and homework and thecircus, and Cody must have been
in middle school at the time.
He came up behind me and huggedme, which was not out of the
ordinary, but he kind oflingered and he said he was like
Jesse, I can't wait for you tobe done with this.
You can do the regular momstuff.
And he still has no idea howbig of an impact that made for
(33:07):
me, because I was like baby, I'mworking so hard to get done
with this so I can, and so like.
Well, on the outside looking in, it could have been selfish of
me to try to go back to schooland do all the things, but it
was really not.
It was a season.
It was a season Because here'sthe thing.
Speaker 1 (33:29):
Sometimes we get stuck in those places, like even
as dads, and we get stuck inthe place of I want to provide
for my kids, but we miss ourkids growing up, place of I want
to provide for my kids, but wemiss our kids growing up because
we're trying to provide.
So it's like we always had thisidea, like I want their life to
be better than mine, but at thesame time it's like what do I
need to do to help them get bybut at the same time, be there
(33:51):
to support them.
Speaker 2 (33:52):
Yeah, and then show them what hard work looks like,
right, and I'm doing this sothat I can be here better for
you, right?
Although it was a season of youknow, it may have felt like I
was mentally not there.
I was always there.
(34:26):
It was just like, but thatcould have been looked at as
selfish.
Speaker 1 (34:32):
Right.
Speaker 2 (34:35):
But for you.
Speaker 1 (34:36):
So for us to say, though marriage is 50-50, is BS.
Speaker 2 (34:39):
Oh gosh.
Speaker 1 (34:40):
Like marriage is not.
Speaker 2 (34:42):
No.
Speaker 1 (34:42):
Sometimes you may come with 60% and I need to be
40.
Sometimes, like during schooltime, I would show up with zero,
absolutely zero, yeah and Ineed to show up for the kids and
show up for you, and so it'slike it's not about 50-50.
It's about no, I'm in this.
Speaker 2 (35:02):
Well, I was just thinking about that.
I spent a time whenever youwere this is just a snippet,
because you didn't do it verylong when you were installing
those ramps and you would travelall over the state of Georgia.
Speaker 1 (35:16):
Yeah, I traveled a little bit.
Speaker 2 (35:18):
Oh yeah, daily.
Speaker 1 (35:20):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (35:20):
And so it was like me making sure everybody was doing
and going and homeworking andpracticing and eating supper and
showering, and then you wouldhave come home.
So it's kind of like—.
Speaker 1 (35:35):
Yeah, there's been times on both sides like yes my
time, when I was at 12 stone,there was a time where I was
doing seven days a week and justworking a lot.
It wasn't always, but I wasworking a lot and so it's like
you both have to.
You can be resentful and beselfish and be mad about it.
You could choose to be selfishor yeah, you can choose to just
(36:00):
do the right thing and just belike I'm there for you.
Speaker 2 (36:03):
There's a lot of times, though, for you as a
husband, father, just human thatyou choose not to be selfish,
even when you can, though that'sone thing about you.
Speaker 1 (36:18):
Yeah, that's probably from my mom.
Good old Faye installed that inme.
I love to serve, I love to bewith people.
That's my thing.
Speaker 2 (36:42):
I enjoy serving.
Speaker 1 (36:43):
I'm getting teary just talking about how selfless
you are as a person, Becauselike our friend Wes, I had an
opportunity to go Like I don'tdo a whole lot of trips anymore.
I used to be very adventurousand do a lot of trips.
I haven't a whole lot.
Uh, buddy of mine, wes, the guywho did our table, was like hey
(37:04):
, we're going to Peru, we'redoing a, we're climbing the
highest mountain in Peru.
We want you to go with us.
Dude, nothing excited me morethan me.
Like oh and be like oh.
My gosh, bro, I want to be onthat trip.
Financially.
I know it's pressing for ourfamily, but at the same time
it's time away from our family.
(37:25):
I was gone at the time.
It's even hard for me herelately and I don't know why I
said this.
This is why I'm not really goodat self-care.
I'm really not good atself-care.
I need to figure that out.
Yeah, but like, we had a golftrip last year that I had
planned with your brother, mybrother and his crazy friends,
(37:45):
which is a good friend of mine.
And I don't like his friendshave kind of taken me on the
wing.
I guess they feel sad for theelderly guy.
Speaker 2 (37:52):
They don't they love you.
There's the elderly guy.
They don't they love you.
Speaker 1 (37:54):
There's the elderly guy.
Let's take him along.
Speaker 2 (37:56):
No, that's not at all , so we can get the senior
discount.
No, that's not at all.
Speaker 1 (38:00):
But like we had a trip planned last week, Last
year.
Well, it was Lucy's I paid formy trip.
Speaker 2 (38:06):
It was around Lucy's due date.
Yeah, and I was like day or twobefore you were supposed to
leave and miranda went for acheckup and they were like oh no
, we're inducing on blah blahthe day, and it was a day after
you were supposed to be out oftown.
Speaker 1 (38:27):
Yeah, so I said no to my golf trip and luckily brant
and those guys were super kindand were just like bro, we get
it, we'll give your spot tosomebody else, and they did.
Speaker 2 (38:37):
But there's some men that would choose to be away.
Speaker 1 (38:40):
There's no way Like for me.
It was a non-negotiable.
I was like, yeah, I'm going tobe here.
Speaker 2 (38:45):
There's no way you would miss the birth of your
first grandchild.
Speaker 1 (38:48):
Yeah, I'm not going to do that.
But there's men that would Noteven for Miranda and for Thomas.
For me, that's the like myactions speak.
I feel like my actions speakway louder than my words do,
like I can say a lot of thingsbut until I actually do those
and live those out.
So for me that was a huge, hugething.
(39:09):
Again I'm on the golf tripagain this year, so we'll see if
it happens this year.
Nobody's having a baby.
Speaker 2 (39:14):
Nobody's pregnant this year.
We're not having a baby, sowe'll see if that happens this
year.
Nobody's having a baby,nobody's pregnant this year
we're not having a baby.
Speaker 1 (39:18):
So we'll see if the golf trip happens.
Speaker 2 (39:19):
But that goes back to when you were single.
It was a promise that you hadmade when you and God were
having a pretty intense meeting,that promise that you made to
him about you and your time withyour kids.
Speaker 1 (39:35):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (39:36):
At that point, your kids consisted of Callie and
Cody.
But that promise continues now.
Yeah, it does.
Speaker 1 (39:42):
I still.
It's always in my head and Ialways think time is that one
thing I can't reproduce.
You can't get it back, yeah, Ican't Like today's gone, like
whatever we've done today it'sgone and I have tomorrow to do
what I want with it.
So it's just being very carefulabout how I spend that time and
if I spend it the way that Iwant to.
I know and I would say I suckat self-care.
(40:06):
I probably go more on the otherway than I should.
Speaker 2 (40:10):
I would agree with you that you suck at self-care.
Speaker 1 (40:13):
Yeah, like I need to be better at that, and I'm not
there yet.
I'm working on it.
I'm working on trying to figureout how to do some things that
help me feel like even morealive.
Speaker 2 (40:22):
Gym memberships and things that you've, you've
started.
You have a hard time continuingjust because, like I keep
getting emotional, but like youdon't want to get up before I do
and leave to go to the gymbecause you want to be here to
fix my coffee, like for cryingout loud.
Speaker 1 (40:44):
Yeah, I don't like sleep a whole lot, so getting up
early is kind of an easy thingfor me.
But at the same time it's like,yeah, I want that time with you
because I feel like now my timeis even more precious than it
used to be.
I know.
Speaker 2 (40:58):
So it is All right.
Speaker 1 (41:00):
So we're going on here, and it's been, this is
going to be a two part.
Speaker 2 (41:04):
Yeah, so we're going to, because here's where we're
going to kind of stop for todayor tonight, whatever the case
may be, because we've talkedabout what it looks like for
selfishness and we've kind ofstarted diving into selflessness
.
Um, I would like to kind of endon the maybe a question of if
(41:32):
selfishness is it good or is itbad well, okay, so let's do a
two-parter like something foryou and your significant other
to talk about and grab.
Speaker 1 (41:43):
Part two is almost like are you, are you good as
self-care?
Speaker 2 (41:50):
what does?
Speaker 1 (41:51):
that look like for you, and when is it that you
feel like you're selfish?
Speaker 2 (41:59):
and when is it that you feel like you're selfish,
and what do you feel like you'reselfish about?
Yeah, because when we, when wemeet back together again here at
the table, is going to be moreof a conversation of not good
versus bad, but selfishnessversus self-care.
What does that look like?
Speaker 1 (42:14):
and then we may even jump into a little self-worth,
because all that self-worthflows into the self-care.
Speaker 2 (42:22):
It sure does.
Speaker 1 (42:22):
We're talking a lot about self.
But understand this, and I'llclose with this Okay.
And this rocked my world.
This scripture verse where itsays.
Jesus says what is the greatestcommand?
It says you love your neighboras you love yourself.
And we always hear that, butI'm like I don't know that I
(42:44):
love myself very well.
How in the world am I going tolove my spouse?
Speaker 2 (42:50):
How am I going?
Speaker 1 (42:51):
to love my neighbor when I don't even love me.
So we're going to dig into thata little bit on this next
session of how do we learn tolove ourselves and have some
self-worth.
So, man, kind of a deep, deeptopic.
And so thank you guys forjoining us, thank you for
(43:12):
listening, thank you for sharing, make sure to follow us on all
the socials, make sure to uh,leave us a review.
Actually, remember, if you wantto please leave a comment, hit
that, send a text.
Yes, let us know what you'rethinking, where you're at.
Uh, we love you guys and thankyou so much for being a part of
what we're doing here at baggageyes, thank you so much.
Peace out.
Hey guys, what's up?
I'm Greg.
I hope you guys are ready tounpack and get into some good
conversations today.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
And I'm Jess, and this is our podcast Baggage
Claim.
Thank you for joining us.
Speaker 1 (00:17):
What's up everybody?
Welcome to Baggage Claim.
If it's your first time here,welcome.
Thanks for joining us.
If you're a regular, you knowwhat to do.
Grab that drink.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Pull up to the table.
Speaker 1 (00:30):
That's right.
So we're here.
Baggage Claim is a place wherewe're hoping to create some
communication, some conversation.
Speaker 2 (00:39):
And some community.
Speaker 1 (00:41):
There's a lot of C's in there C words Alliteration.
Aww C words.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
Alliteration Aw so fancy.
Speaker 1 (00:46):
So community conversations, and what else did
I say?
Speaker 2 (00:50):
Something else?
Collaboration?
I don't know.
I don't remember what you said.
Speaker 1 (00:54):
Kung fu fighting, that's a.
C, that's a.
Speaker 2 (00:56):
K.
What if?
What if?
What if everybody was not kungfu fighting?
Speaker 1 (01:02):
It wouldn't be fun it it was not Kung Fu fighting.
It wouldn't be fun It'd be kindof sad.
Speaker 2 (01:05):
A long time ago there was a Facebook that's how old I
am A Facebook trend.
And my brother, if my brotherCorey oh, I'm fidgeting with my
pen.
Speaker 1 (01:17):
My brother Corey.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
My brother, corey, if he's listening, he participated
with this trend with me.
It was like what if everybodywas not kung fu fighting?
And it was like all these songsthat had been popular forever.
And it was like the opposite,what if, like the cool kids, did
not sit in the back of the bus?
I don't know.
That's just what made me thinkof that.
Speaker 1 (01:38):
I'm sorry thank you for sharing.
I'm chasing the rabbit.
That was all.
That was awesome actually.
Thank you so much.
Welcome, welcome.
So take a deep breath.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
What if the rain was not purple Relax.
Speaker 1 (01:54):
And just kind of pull off to the table metaphorically
with us, wherever you're at,whatever you're doing, and just
enjoy some fun conversationaround blended families, around
marriage.
Man, it's a crazy time aroundhere and we're just trying to
(02:14):
figure it out as we go Summer'sin full effect in the Peck House
.
It is.
We're in full swing right now.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
We are.
Speaker 1 (02:21):
Just loving life and having a good old time.
Speaker 2 (02:23):
Yeah, I've been summering out of school for a
few weeks.
This week I've had a trainingthat feels nonsense for me, but
I'm trying to have a goodattitude.
But we're going to the beachthis weekend.
Speaker 1 (02:38):
So for also to just want to do a shout out for some
of you, there's some of youfolks that are in New York.
I've seen we've had somedownloads in New Yorkork, new
york and bronx and all thosekind of places.
Man, we love new york we do, ifyou're in new york and you're
listening to this like there's aplay, even not if you're in new
york, if anywhere in the worldyou're listening to this.
(02:58):
Yeah, on spotify apple podcast.
Right under there it says sendus a text please do click that
link on your phone, on yourmobile device, computer,
wherever you're at, and justsend us a message it's so fun
for us to know where you areyeah, just be like hey,
listening from so-and-so uhlistening from this and just
shoot that, send us a text.
We get those things.
(03:19):
We love to be involved with youguys.
If there's something you wantus to talk about, click that.
Send a text.
Speaker 2 (03:25):
Or if you want some more clarification or detail on
something that we've said.
Whatever the case may be,communicate with us.
We love it.
You can find us on all thesocials we're on YouTube, tiktok
, instagram, facebook.
Speaker 1 (03:41):
We're on all those fun places.
Make sure to catch us, beinvolved, follow uh as we drop
new stuff and try to get uh thisthing rolling as we keep
recording and keep having fun.
So tonight is about man.
This is a.
This is a big, big, big topicit is um and this may be a
(04:01):
two-parter, so we may be halfwaythrough just be like okay, time
out, we'll catch this next time.
Speaker 2 (04:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (04:09):
Wherever we're at in that, as we roll through it.
But I always say, I always saythis, like even when in
consulting days.
I used to sit with guys andthey would be like man, I just
want to make this amount ofmoney, I just want to do this,
for I want to be able to achievethis, and my response to them
was you can if you want, butit's going to cost you something
(04:31):
.
So we're always.
Life is about trades.
Speaker 2 (04:35):
It is.
It's about trade-offs.
Speaker 1 (04:37):
Yeah, you're trading something for something, always.
So sometimes you're tradingtime for money.
Sometimes you're trading timewith someone for potential the
opposite Sometimes you'retrading time for money Sometimes
you're trading time withsomeone for potential.
Speaker 2 (04:47):
The opposite.
Sometimes you're trading moneyfor time, Like it's all a
trade-off.
Speaker 1 (04:52):
Yeah, it goes both ways.
We're always trading stuff andin relationships sometimes it's
so crazy because you're likeyou're trading things back and
forth, sometimes without eversaying a word.
Oh yeah, sometimes it's justkind of an unspoken that just
kind of happens.
(05:12):
We don't ever recognize it orsay it, because if we do it's
kind of weird, but we do it allthe time and so tonight or today
, Whenever you're listening.
Why do I always say tonight?
Speaker 2 (05:25):
Well, because we record in the evenings.
Okay, that's why that'sprobably true.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
So today we're talking about this topic of
selfishness versus selflessness.
Maybe.
Why don't you start us off withreading?
Speaker 2 (05:42):
So you know how, ladies, gentlemen, men, some of
you on our Facebook there willbe how it pops up with the
memories.
And so early this morning, Iwas drinking my coffee before I
had to go on my online trainingfor school I'm not.
(06:03):
It would be negative if I talkabout that and literally 12
years ago.
There's a screenshot on myphone that I literally threw in
the floor a minute ago, but Iwrote it down.
It said because there was this.
It was like two or three littlemarriage pages that I would
follow when you and I first gotmarried, marriage pages that I
(06:26):
would follow when you and Ifirst got married.
And this is one of the thingsthat I had shared 12 years ago.
And it said the greatest enemyof marriage isn't from the
outside, it's something thatcomes within each of us
Selfishness.
You can overcome selfishnessand protect your marriage by
putting the needs, desires anddreams of your spouse and family
(06:48):
ahead of your own.
When we selflessly serve thosethat we love, our families will
thrive.
Speaker 1 (06:55):
Wow Okay.
Speaker 2 (06:57):
That's a lot.
Speaker 1 (06:58):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (06:59):
There's like probably five or six pieces of that that
you can dive into.
Speaker 1 (07:05):
Yes, yes, yeah, man.
If you're on TikTok, if you'reon any social media platform,
it's all about man.
If you read that statementright now, it would not be
accepted?
Well, no, there would probablybe a lot of pushback.
Speaker 2 (07:24):
That's what I wanted to make, which is interesting
because it said that's why Iwanted to make sure I said 12
years ago, because now, why doestime make a difference?
Well, time makes a difference.
There's a few statements,mainly the one where I said you
(07:46):
can protect your marriage byputting the needs and desires
and dreams of your spouse andfamily ahead of your own.
That is not.
Speaker 1 (07:53):
It's not a popular belief you don't think no.
Why do you think that is,though?
What makes that such a negative?
What makes that such a negative?
Speaker 2 (08:12):
Well, like I said three times now, 12 years ago,
fast forward to now the worldper se is a lot more selfish
than it has ever been.
I feel like there's all these.
If you're looking at socialmedia, there's all these
influencers and you know allthese people trying to promote,
like, self-care, and you know,take care of yourself.
(08:33):
And it's about how you feel andyour feelings, which granted.
Speaker 1 (08:38):
Are all valid.
Some of them are valid, that'swhat I was about to say.
Speaker 2 (08:41):
They are valid, but when we're talking about the
subject of selfishness, thescales tip either way, according
to what point of view you mighthave.
Speaker 1 (08:56):
Right.
So I think one of the things wewant to talk about I think
maybe I want to talk about,maybe you don't is the idea of
selfishness versus self-care.
Like, where does selfishnesscome in the way of?
Where's the line of selfishnessversus self-care?
What does that line look like?
Because it's probably different, for not probably a hundred
(09:20):
percent- is different for all ofus.
Speaker 2 (09:22):
It is yeah Well in human nature.
It's just your carnal, naturaldesire to be selfish.
You can't help it.
Speaker 1 (09:32):
Well, there's one thing I learned in sales long,
long, long, long time ago, yearsand years ago.
If you're in sales, you knowthis.
If there's one thing peoplewant to do is they love to talk
about themselves and they loveto talk about their family.
So if I'm a sales guy, what I'mgonna do is ask you questions
and get you to talk aboutyourself.
Right, because people love.
(09:53):
It's a natural thing.
Speaker 2 (09:55):
People just like to do that now, if you were to ask
me, do I like to talk aboutmyself?
I I would say no.
But if you say, tell me aboutyourself, I'm going to talk
about my family I'm going totalk about.
I'm going to say, you know, wehave a granddaughter, our first
(10:15):
grandchild.
Her name's Lucy.
She's this, she's that, this iswhat she can do.
She's the most brilliant ninemonth old in the world.
We have this many kids.
He's the most brilliantnine-month-old in the world.
We have this many kids.
This is what they do.
My husband is this and that Ifeel like that's not talking
about myself, but I mean itstill is.
Well, it's about you, it'sabout your life, it's my life.
Speaker 1 (10:37):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (10:38):
So but on the flip side, if you were to ask other
folks, like you were saying inthe business world, if you were
traveling or you sat down and,you know, had a conversation
with somebody, you said tell meabout yourself, what would those
folks mainly say?
Speaker 1 (10:54):
Well, it really depends on.
It's interesting because I usedto travel a lot.
Speaker 2 (10:59):
There's a fly in here .
Speaker 1 (11:01):
Let me say it at the same time Jinx, you owe me a
Coke.
Speaker 2 (11:06):
Dr Pepper.
Speaker 1 (11:08):
So it's a when I used to travel a lot.
You would go into a restaurantlike an Outback or a Longhorns
and there's the bar area and youcan tell all the people who are
traveling who are there, bythemselves.
Speaker 2 (11:22):
There's no way for a table to sit by yourself.
You're just going to walk outwith an open chair.
Speaker 1 (11:26):
You're sitting at the bar, yeah, one, so you can talk
to someone, not because you'realways drinking, no, most of the
people there not most of them,a lot of people weren't even
drinking.
You're drinking water or sweettea or Coke or whatever.
But it's like I don traveling.
I'm here by myself, so I wouldalways, when I would travel, I
would go sit at the bar and juststart conversations with people
(11:48):
, and I love love to startconversations with total
strangers because it's justfascinating to me, like it's.
So.
I'm so that's the curiosityside of me, yeah and just
intrigued to go where you at,where you going.
Why are you here?
Who are you at when?
Speaker 2 (12:04):
are you going?
Why are you here?
Who?
Speaker 1 (12:05):
are you?
Yeah, what's going on?
Like, what in the world broughtyou Like?
I remember in Toronto I wassitting at an Outback at the bar
one time and I just went andthere was like five of the guys
sitting there by themselves andI just went up and I sat down
and was like what's up, fellas?
And they're all like hey, I was.
Speaker 2 (12:27):
Hey, it's like, I'm from atlanta, georgia, you know
just started with that, and sowe had great conversation,
because that's your personality,yeah, and we know what I would
do.
I would go sit in a dark cornerand just wait for somebody to
come ask me what do I want?
Speaker 1 (12:36):
and so we had, we had fun and uh, but I was just
asking the.
The conversation was about whatyou guys have.
Why are you here?
What are you doing?
Yeah, where you going um, andwe got fun, like for you know,
while we had dinner, we just hadsome good conversation you said
, they were guys.
So they were all guys.
Hey, tell me about yourselfalways came down to what they
(12:58):
did for a living like yeah, ifyou ask a guy hey, what do you?
Speaker 2 (13:04):
know, tell me about yourself, yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:05):
They're going to say what they do.
It's just normal.
That's what guys do Like.
They associate their self withwhat it is that they do for a
living, which is not totallytrue.
It's not right or wrong, no,but that's kind of the surface
level.
Speaker 2 (13:22):
That's where they're kind of identity, right.
No, but that's kind of thesurface level.
Speaker 1 (13:24):
That's where their identity Right.
But then if you start talkingyou'll find out really really
quick if they love golf, if theylove their family.
They'll talk about their wives,they'll talk about some of the
things that they're passionateabout, like their hobbies.
Those things always come outreally really quick because
people just like to talk aboutthose things, the things we're
passionate about, we talk about.
(13:44):
It's not a bad thing, but justin marriage sometimes it's.
We're inherently selfish when itcomes to marriage, yeah, like
in that relationship.
So we look at that like mesitting at the bar with a bunch
of guys that I have no idea whothey are and wanting to know
them is completely differentfrom in a marriage relationship
(14:08):
with my wife.
When I come home, kids arecrazy.
She's been at home with thekids.
Maybe she's working a job.
She picks some of the kids up,she, she, maybe she's working a
job.
Yeah, she picked some of thekids up.
She's coming home.
I'm coming home.
We're both meeting at the house.
It's crazy.
There's stuff going on or we'reat the ball field or we're
grabbing food like it's justchaos and sometimes it's just
(14:30):
you want to be like, what aboutme?
like, what about what I want?
And so many times we ask thatand that's an okay question to
ask, but we get stuck there, weget stuck and we hang out there.
Speaker 2 (14:45):
We can't go past that sometimes, Do you feel like
sometimes people get stuck therewith a?
What about me If you get kindof like stuck in your feelings?
What do you mean?
What do?
Speaker 1 (14:56):
of like stuck in your feelings.
What do you mean?
What do you mean stuck in yourfeelings?
Speaker 2 (14:59):
Kind of like when you're not looking at the big
picture and I mean that's,that's selfish, I mean in
general, but like when you'resaying all this chaos and this
and that and the life and theall these moving parts, but then
you, you get to the point aboutthe what about me, maybe?
(15:24):
I mean I know I always comeback to this, but maybe, if it's
a lack of communication, but doyou feel like it's maybe
sometimes like, do you feel likeyour feelings are not supported
, or like maybe it's not a likeI see you.
Speaker 1 (15:41):
Okay, I think that's the key.
I think that's the thing forcouples is that I feel like they
go through life or you gothrough.
I mean you're a teacher, yeah,so you get up in the morning,
you leave early, you're atschool, you're doing the school
thing.
You come home from school, um,you change.
(16:02):
You go to the gym, you comehome from the gym.
When you get home from the gym,I'm usually trying to figure
out dinner.
We do dinner to get, we havewhich we have previously planned
.
We do plan out our dinners sothere's like 45 minutes we do
dinner and then it's just likeI'm exhausted, I need to go
shower.
Like so many times you can getstuck in that routine.
Speaker 2 (16:20):
But like what about me you?
Speaker 1 (16:22):
don't get seen Like it's just like am.
I just here to cook the dinner.
Speaker 2 (16:27):
Cook and help you clean.
Speaker 1 (16:30):
Yeah, is that what we're down to Like?
Making sure the dishwasher isemptied or full, or dinner is
cooked?
Speaker 2 (16:37):
In the midst of what feels.
I mean, if you boil it down tominutes, it probably is 45
minutes for us in the schoolweek, because in the midst of
that we've got the one kid thatstill lives at home.
That's 21.
We've got our producer Thomas,that's a guest home this 21.
(16:59):
We've got our producer thomasthat's a guest.
My producer michael is onanother occasion this evening,
but producer thomas is here asour guest producer, our oldest
son.
He and his wife live around thecorner with our grandbaby, lulu
lucy, who's nine months old,and they're here most of the
time, which obviously we welcome, it's like.
So we're balancing work,self-care, which we'll come back
(17:20):
to, self-care versus familytime, versus you and I time.
Speaker 1 (17:27):
Yep.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
Versus like I'm just freaking tired.
Speaker 1 (17:31):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:32):
And then tomorrow we're going to do it all over
again.
Speaker 1 (17:34):
Yeah, you just get up and go right back in, right,
and then tomorrow we're going todo it all over again.
You just get up and go rightback out.
Speaker 2 (17:37):
that, in summary, is most people's lives who are
probably listening to thispodcast and it might not be
adult kids and grandbaby and allthe things, but it might be
ball field or volleyball courtor basketball or whatever the
venue might, or Cub Scoutsthere's a hundred different
(17:57):
things yes that you can.
You can sign up for you.
Maybe should not, but you cansign up for right.
But at some point there's gonnabe a time where you're like
okay, well, what about me?
Speaker 1 (18:15):
well, there's a million things.
Biden for your time, yeah.
So how do you draw the linebetween not being selfish but
having self-care, like, can youdefine those two, or those two
separate things?
Can you define those, for Imean?
Speaker 2 (18:33):
I probably could for my own self and my type A
personality.
I'm referring to our notes thatwe have made and so I'm looking
back.
So we were talking about whenwe were planning this.
We were talking about beingselfish and when you want to
(18:56):
seek out your own validation foryour own self.
Basically, Sometimes that stemsfrom, like a lack of support
from your partner.
Speaker 1 (19:08):
Sometimes that- Not being seen, that idea of not
being seen, yeah.
Speaker 2 (19:11):
Maybe there's hidden hurt that you're trying to cover
for.
Speaker 1 (19:14):
Right.
Speaker 2 (19:16):
Maybe there's hidden hurt that you're trying to cover
for Right.
Maybe there's hidden resentmentor a lack of validation, and
that goes back to where we weretalking about empathy a few
weeks ago.
Speaker 1 (19:26):
So when the word empathy pops up, what do you
think about?
Like, what's the first thingthat comes to mind when you
think of empathy?
Literally, do you see?
Speaker 2 (19:37):
me oh wow, okay, yeah , yeah, I mean I that literally
like empathy means if, if I, ifsomebody said do you have
empathy for greg?
Do I see greg for greg?
Yes, I mean I try to, I triedto maintain that.
Am I perfect Empathy?
I just feel like, do I see youfor you?
Speaker 1 (19:58):
Like for me, empathy is an interesting place.
Like, let me put it this way.
Yeah, I was driving down theroad today and I saw a lady
pulling a wagon it was full ofstuff.
Pulling a wagon, it was full ofstuff and I don't know what it
(20:24):
was, but man, I saw that ladyand my heart broke.
Speaker 2 (20:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:27):
Because I'm like we're literally maybe two or
three decisions away from thatbeing me, or being someone else.
Speaker 2 (20:35):
All of us are Right.
Speaker 1 (20:36):
And so it's like when I see empathy, that's the way I
see it.
When I look at someone, can Isee myself in that, can I see
myself in them?
Speaker 2 (20:46):
I mean, it's kind of like that old phrase of like put
yourself in their shoes.
Speaker 1 (20:49):
Right, because it's neither here nor there.
I'm not saying like you shoulddo something or not, but it's
like for me, empathy is beingable to see someone and going.
I see myself in that Like whenI see you and you're hurting or
you're upset or you're whateverthat feeling may be that you're
(21:10):
going through.
When I look at it, if I'mhaving empathy going, can I see
myself there Like do I feel thatDo?
Speaker 2 (21:18):
I see that, so would you say that the opposite of
empathy is selfish, like theinability to see yourself in
someone else's shoes?
Speaker 1 (21:30):
Man.
Speaker 2 (21:31):
No matter the severity, because you know your
example from today with the ladywith the wagon.
We don't see that on a dailybasis.
So what if you?
What not you?
Specifically you?
What if one partner is unableto envision themselves in their
(21:53):
partner's role?
Just what if and it goes bothways what if the wife, whether
she works or not, or outside thehome, managing the schedule of
the children's, this or that orthe other that you've signed
(22:14):
them up for, and the husband isworking inside or outside the
home?
Because, I mean, we live in thevirtual world and you're living
in your both worlds.
What if one cannot empathizewith the other?
Speaker 1 (22:33):
So the husband doesn't see the work the wife
does.
The wife doesn't see the workthe wife does.
The wife doesn't see the workthe husband does.
Speaker 2 (22:37):
Right, whatever the case may be.
Speaker 1 (22:40):
Happens a lot, so much.
It's so sad though.
Speaker 2 (22:46):
Is the opposite of empathy selfish.
Speaker 1 (22:51):
Maybe it is when you say it that way, yeah, maybe it
is when you say it that way,yeah.
I mean, that's very, it's avery obvious I think.
I think, if you want to be, ifyou want to be in a really,
really healthy relationship withyour your spouse, have empathy
(23:11):
and find yourself in thatposition.
In other words, if I have theopportunity to be home and let
her go, do her.
Thing right, maybe home, 100percent home, and let her go do
her thing.
Right Me be home, 100% home,let her go do her thing.
And then I get just a taste ofwhat that's like, a taste you
have to keep that in mind,though, too, or?
Speaker 2 (23:23):
vice versa.
What if I'm not the one that'srunning the house and the
children and the schedule andall the things?
What if I'm the one that's thebreadwinner and carries all that
weight on my shoulders?
What if those roles werereversed?
Speaker 1 (23:40):
yeah, yeah, it's, it's not a it's not a right or
wrong no, it's not.
It's really being becausehere's.
Here's what frustrates me,though, because we always we
started with everything is atrade.
You're trading something.
Always, yeah, like you'realways like I like when I used
to meet with, uh, when I woulddo culture coaching and
(24:03):
consulting- and stuff and guyswould be like this is what I
want to do, this is what I wantto achieve.
Um, okay, cool, you can do that, but it's just no, it's gonna
cost you something.
You're gonna you're gonna tradeoff time with your family, with
your spouse, with your kids.
I sit with guys who made stupidamounts of money like stupid
amounts of money.
(24:23):
We're sitting there and I'mlike I don't like my life, I
don't see my kids.
Speaker 2 (24:31):
I don't see my wife.
You traded your happiness formoney, yeah they traded
something I can say somethingI'm really proud of you for,
over the course of our marriage.
Like I know the opportunitiesthat you have given up, you've
traded.
Okay, let me say, let merephrase that I know the
opportunities you have tradedfor time with your kids.
Speaker 1 (24:55):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (24:55):
And I know or money or whatever the case may be,
I've seen you actively makethose choices for a lot of years
.
Speaker 1 (25:05):
Well, it's a.
You're not just for me.
I look at it and I'm going.
I'm not just trading money fortime with my family.
I'm trading like we're probablynot going to have the nicest,
coolest car, we're not going tohave the newest stuff, we're not
going to have the coolestgadgets.
But I can tell you this theywill have me and they'll have
(25:27):
time with you.
Speaker 2 (25:28):
I was just getting emotional too because, like, um,
rewind to the first episode orwhatever episode it was.
Like me and Thomas and AaronGrace, we know the value of
trading.
I mean literally time for time,yeah, With little bitty kids
(25:53):
fast forwarding to how youappreciate the impact that had
on us, yeah.
And then I mean you can evenrewind it to the promise that
you made to yourself and to Godwhen your divorce happened.
The promise you made aboutmaking sure that you I'm sorry,
(26:17):
I'm getting upset, it's okay,it's just a promise that you
made, gosh, 15 years ago aboutmaking sure that you were
physically there for Callie andCody when you were a single dad.
Like, I'm so grateful that youunderstood that before you even
(26:39):
met me.
About how precious time is, youcan't, there is nothing that
you can trade that's moreprecious than time.
Speaker 1 (26:49):
That's true, that's very true, and so it's one of
the like.
For me that's been.
Has that always been an easy?
If I sit here and said it'salways been easy, that's a lie.
Speaker 2 (26:59):
It is a lie, Because I mean.
Speaker 1 (27:01):
Because there's some decisions I could have made that
would have made our lifefinancially a lot easier.
Speaker 2 (27:05):
Were we engaged.
Speaker 1 (27:06):
Yet whenever that opportunity came up for you to
go away for three months, Idon't know I don't know for sure
I had made this commitment thatI was not going to trade my
time for money.
And what's crazy is just I madethat commitment.
Speaker 2 (27:23):
Before we met.
Speaker 1 (27:25):
Yeah, and literally I got an opportunity to go away
for like three months.
Speaker 2 (27:33):
It was three months because we had met at this point
and it was like, hey, I needyou for three months.
Speaker 1 (27:36):
You're gonna walk away out of state yeah, with
making about a year's salary inthree months, and so I looked at
it and I was like okay, well,can I trade my time for my.
I started, I started trying tofigure everything out.
What it didn't work out like thethe ultimate goal was is like
no, I can't, um, I can't getthat time make it balance.
(27:59):
And so I just told the guyslike sorry, I can't do it.
I'd love to, but I can't.
It's a fun, sounds cool, I'dlove to do it, but I just can't
do it it was hard for him tohear that explanation.
Speaker 2 (28:10):
Yeah, I was just like what.
Speaker 1 (28:12):
That doesn't make sense.
And I was like yeah, I don'texpect it to.
It's time, yeah, and so that'sone thing that I've realized is
that you can make thosedecisions where you decide
whether you want to sacrificethe time for your family.
Speaker 2 (28:29):
Right.
Speaker 1 (28:29):
Like that money because you're going to get
opportunities where and again,I'm not saying don't work extra,
like there's been times in mylife where I've worked two or
three jobs at one time but couldyou have been selfish at that
point?
Speaker 2 (28:44):
going back to what we're talking about this evening
, could you have been selfish atthat point and was like, yeah,
that's a no-brainer, I'm gonnamake a year's salary in three
months?
Speaker 1 (28:53):
yeah, yeah, and there's probably a lot of
financial people out there whowould listen to this and go
you're an idiot.
Speaker 2 (28:57):
You're an idiot.
Speaker 1 (28:58):
You should have done that, and you can debate that
back and forth, but for me I washappy with my decision.
Speaker 2 (29:04):
I was like no, no, no , I made the right decision and
we did not suffer for yourchoice.
No, we were just fine.
We, and on a daily basis,though we briefly mentioned this
.
But like I go to the gym everyafternoon when I get home from
work and I go in the summerearly in the day, so it doesn't
interrupt anything, but I goevery day during the school year
(29:28):
.
I come home, I spend Gosh.
It feels like if you're home,we get like 15, 20 minutes to
speak.
I change clothes, I leave, goto the gym, get home an hour
later and then, like we weresaying there's the 45 minutes
and the this or that and it'sjust very little amounts of time
(29:50):
and me choosing to go to thegym could be considered selfish.
Yeah, it could be, it could be.
Speaker 1 (29:57):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (29:58):
And just like when I went back to school after we had
been married a couple of years,when you encouraged me to do
that, that was a decision.
Speaker 1 (30:06):
Okay, that was a decision for both of us.
We made it together.
Speaker 2 (30:09):
But you did encourage me to do that, because I would
have never thought that I coulddo that.
I had a business degreebeforehand.
But just a long story short, Ihad landed in the pair pro for
kindergarten world and when wegot married it was really
(30:29):
convenient because I could be onthe kids' schedule when you
were doing all the things, andso you were the one that brought
up.
So it's awesome that you're onthe kids' schedule when you're
doing all the things, and so youwere the one that brought up.
So it's awesome that you're onthe kids' schedule and you
really enjoy it.
How about you go to school tobe a teacher and you can have
your own classroom rather thanbeing somebody's support?
Speaker 1 (30:48):
Well, we had the discussion too.
We had a friend of ours whogave you an opportunity to go
back into the business world,yeah, and say hey.
Speaker 2 (30:57):
It was a big crossroads.
Speaker 1 (30:58):
Yeah, you could do this back in the business world
or you can follow the teacherrole, but to follow the teacher
thing you had to go back toschool.
I did Do those things and I waslike we had a discussion about
that.
Like I was like what do youwant to do?
What does your heart say?
What are you after?
Yeah, and it was like I lovethe classroom was like done,
let's go back.
Speaker 2 (31:15):
I love the classroom number one, number two I loved
being able to be on the kidsschedule because they were all
with me but for you to make thatsacrifice and say I'm going
back to school was huge for usbecause it took.
Speaker 1 (31:31):
We had four little kids.
There was a lot that wasinvolved with that, like, a lot
of like, even more mountainbiking or cross country.
Speaker 2 (31:38):
I was a full time student and a full time parapro
and a full time mama at all atthe same time, right.
Speaker 1 (31:45):
And so life was was.
It was not easy, no, it wasn'teasy at all, and some people
could look at it and say, well,that's selfish.
Speaker 2 (31:53):
I was selfish because I wanted to go back to school.
Speaker 1 (31:55):
But at the same time we knew that was the best thing
for you.
Speaker 2 (31:58):
But bless our little kids.
I'm going to get emotionalagain.
Even our kids, even though theywere little.
I remember, cody, I'm sorry,I'm sorry.
It's really been a marker forme in my life and our marriage,
(32:21):
to use a current phrase.
I felt seen.
I had been sitting at the tablesince we got home from school,
working on whatever I was doing.
You had cooked supper, you hadcleaned it up and you had cooked
supper, you had cleaned it up.
You were helping the kids, likebath time or this or that, and
(32:41):
reading and homework and thecircus, and Cody must have been
in middle school at the time.
He came up behind me and huggedme, which was not out of the
ordinary, but he kind oflingered and he said he was like
Jesse, I can't wait for you tobe done with this.
You can do the regular momstuff.
And he still has no idea howbig of an impact that made for
(33:07):
me, because I was like baby, I'mworking so hard to get done
with this so I can, and so like.
Well, on the outside looking in, it could have been selfish of
me to try to go back to schooland do all the things, but it
was really not.
It was a season.
It was a season Because here'sthe thing.
Speaker 1 (33:29):
Sometimes we get stuck in those places, like even
as dads, and we get stuck inthe place of I want to provide
for my kids, but we miss ourkids growing up, place of I want
to provide for my kids, but wemiss our kids growing up because
we're trying to provide.
So it's like we always had thisidea, like I want their life to
be better than mine, but at thesame time it's like what do I
need to do to help them get bybut at the same time, be there
(33:51):
to support them.
Speaker 2 (33:52):
Yeah, and then show them what hard work looks like,
right, and I'm doing this sothat I can be here better for
you, right?
Although it was a season of youknow, it may have felt like I
was mentally not there.
I was always there.
(34:26):
It was just like, but thatcould have been looked at as
selfish.
Speaker 1 (34:32):
Right.
Speaker 2 (34:35):
But for you.
Speaker 1 (34:36):
So for us to say, though marriage is 50-50, is BS.
Speaker 2 (34:39):
Oh gosh.
Speaker 1 (34:40):
Like marriage is not.
Speaker 2 (34:42):
No.
Speaker 1 (34:42):
Sometimes you may come with 60% and I need to be
40.
Sometimes, like during schooltime, I would show up with zero,
absolutely zero, yeah and Ineed to show up for the kids and
show up for you, and so it'slike it's not about 50-50.
It's about no, I'm in this.
Speaker 2 (35:02):
Well, I was just thinking about that.
I spent a time whenever youwere this is just a snippet,
because you didn't do it verylong when you were installing
those ramps and you would travelall over the state of Georgia.
Speaker 1 (35:16):
Yeah, I traveled a little bit.
Speaker 2 (35:18):
Oh yeah, daily.
Speaker 1 (35:20):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (35:20):
And so it was like me making sure everybody was doing
and going and homeworking andpracticing and eating supper and
showering, and then you wouldhave come home.
So it's kind of like—.
Speaker 1 (35:35):
Yeah, there's been times on both sides like yes my
time, when I was at 12 stone,there was a time where I was
doing seven days a week and justworking a lot.
It wasn't always, but I wasworking a lot and so it's like
you both have to.
You can be resentful and beselfish and be mad about it.
You could choose to be selfishor yeah, you can choose to just
(36:00):
do the right thing and just belike I'm there for you.
Speaker 2 (36:03):
There's a lot of times, though, for you as a
husband, father, just human thatyou choose not to be selfish,
even when you can, though that'sone thing about you.
Speaker 1 (36:18):
Yeah, that's probably from my mom.
Good old Faye installed that inme.
I love to serve, I love to bewith people.
That's my thing.
Speaker 2 (36:42):
I enjoy serving.
Speaker 1 (36:43):
I'm getting teary just talking about how selfless
you are as a person, Becauselike our friend Wes, I had an
opportunity to go Like I don'tdo a whole lot of trips anymore.
I used to be very adventurousand do a lot of trips.
I haven't a whole lot.
Uh, buddy of mine, wes, the guywho did our table, was like hey
(37:04):
, we're going to Peru, we'redoing a, we're climbing the
highest mountain in Peru.
We want you to go with us.
Dude, nothing excited me morethan me.
Like oh and be like oh.
My gosh, bro, I want to be onthat trip.
Financially.
I know it's pressing for ourfamily, but at the same time
it's time away from our family.
(37:25):
I was gone at the time.
It's even hard for me herelately and I don't know why I
said this.
This is why I'm not really goodat self-care.
I'm really not good atself-care.
I need to figure that out.
Yeah, but like, we had a golftrip last year that I had
planned with your brother, mybrother and his crazy friends,
(37:45):
which is a good friend of mine.
And I don't like his friendshave kind of taken me on the
wing.
I guess they feel sad for theelderly guy.
Speaker 2 (37:52):
They don't they love you.
There's the elderly guy.
They don't they love you.
Speaker 1 (37:54):
There's the elderly guy.
Let's take him along.
Speaker 2 (37:56):
No, that's not at all , so we can get the senior
discount.
No, that's not at all.
Speaker 1 (38:00):
But like we had a trip planned last week, Last
year.
Well, it was Lucy's I paid formy trip.
Speaker 2 (38:06):
It was around Lucy's due date.
Yeah, and I was like day or twobefore you were supposed to
leave and miranda went for acheckup and they were like oh no
, we're inducing on blah blahthe day, and it was a day after
you were supposed to be out oftown.
Speaker 1 (38:27):
Yeah, so I said no to my golf trip and luckily brant
and those guys were super kindand were just like bro, we get
it, we'll give your spot tosomebody else, and they did.
Speaker 2 (38:37):
But there's some men that would choose to be away.
Speaker 1 (38:40):
There's no way Like for me.
It was a non-negotiable.
I was like, yeah, I'm going tobe here.
Speaker 2 (38:45):
There's no way you would miss the birth of your
first grandchild.
Speaker 1 (38:48):
Yeah, I'm not going to do that.
But there's men that would Noteven for Miranda and for Thomas.
For me, that's the like myactions speak.
I feel like my actions speakway louder than my words do,
like I can say a lot of thingsbut until I actually do those
and live those out.
So for me that was a huge, hugething.
(39:09):
Again I'm on the golf tripagain this year, so we'll see if
it happens this year.
Nobody's having a baby.
Speaker 2 (39:14):
Nobody's pregnant this year.
We're not having a baby, sowe'll see if that happens this
year.
Nobody's having a baby,nobody's pregnant this year
we're not having a baby.
Speaker 1 (39:18):
So we'll see if the golf trip happens.
Speaker 2 (39:19):
But that goes back to when you were single.
It was a promise that you hadmade when you and God were
having a pretty intense meeting,that promise that you made to
him about you and your time withyour kids.
Speaker 1 (39:35):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (39:36):
At that point, your kids consisted of Callie and
Cody.
But that promise continues now.
Yeah, it does.
Speaker 1 (39:42):
I still.
It's always in my head and Ialways think time is that one
thing I can't reproduce.
You can't get it back, yeah, Ican't Like today's gone, like
whatever we've done today it'sgone and I have tomorrow to do
what I want with it.
So it's just being very carefulabout how I spend that time and
if I spend it the way that Iwant to.
I know and I would say I suckat self-care.
(40:06):
I probably go more on the otherway than I should.
Speaker 2 (40:10):
I would agree with you that you suck at self-care.
Speaker 1 (40:13):
Yeah, like I need to be better at that, and I'm not
there yet.
I'm working on it.
I'm working on trying to figureout how to do some things that
help me feel like even morealive.
Speaker 2 (40:22):
Gym memberships and things that you've, you've
started.
You have a hard time continuingjust because, like I keep
getting emotional, but like youdon't want to get up before I do
and leave to go to the gymbecause you want to be here to
fix my coffee, like for cryingout loud.
Speaker 1 (40:44):
Yeah, I don't like sleep a whole lot, so getting up
early is kind of an easy thingfor me.
But at the same time it's like,yeah, I want that time with you
because I feel like now my timeis even more precious than it
used to be.
I know.
Speaker 2 (40:58):
So it is All right.
Speaker 1 (41:00):
So we're going on here, and it's been, this is
going to be a two part.
Speaker 2 (41:04):
Yeah, so we're going to, because here's where we're
going to kind of stop for todayor tonight, whatever the case
may be, because we've talkedabout what it looks like for
selfishness and we've kind ofstarted diving into selflessness
.
Um, I would like to kind of endon the maybe a question of if
(41:32):
selfishness is it good or is itbad well, okay, so let's do a
two-parter like something foryou and your significant other
to talk about and grab.
Speaker 1 (41:43):
Part two is almost like are you, are you good as
self-care?
Speaker 2 (41:50):
what does?
Speaker 1 (41:51):
that look like for you, and when is it that you
feel like you're selfish?
Speaker 2 (41:59):
and when is it that you feel like you're selfish,
and what do you feel like you'reselfish about?
Yeah, because when we, when wemeet back together again here at
the table, is going to be moreof a conversation of not good
versus bad, but selfishnessversus self-care.
What does that look like?
Speaker 1 (42:14):
and then we may even jump into a little self-worth,
because all that self-worthflows into the self-care.
Speaker 2 (42:22):
It sure does.
Speaker 1 (42:22):
We're talking a lot about self.
But understand this, and I'llclose with this Okay.
And this rocked my world.
This scripture verse where itsays.
Jesus says what is the greatestcommand?
It says you love your neighboras you love yourself.
And we always hear that, butI'm like I don't know that I
(42:44):
love myself very well.
How in the world am I going tolove my spouse?
Speaker 2 (42:50):
How am I going?
Speaker 1 (42:51):
to love my neighbor when I don't even love me.
So we're going to dig into thata little bit on this next
session of how do we learn tolove ourselves and have some
self-worth.
So, man, kind of a deep, deeptopic.
And so thank you guys forjoining us, thank you for
(43:12):
listening, thank you for sharing, make sure to follow us on all
the socials, make sure to uh,leave us a review.
Actually, remember, if you wantto please leave a comment, hit
that, send a text.
Yes, let us know what you'rethinking, where you're at.
Uh, we love you guys and thankyou so much for being a part of
what we're doing here at baggageyes, thank you so much.
Peace out.
Popular Podcasts
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
The Clay Travis and Buck Sexton Show
The Clay Travis and Buck Sexton Show. Clay Travis and Buck Sexton tackle the biggest stories in news, politics and current events with intelligence and humor. From the border crisis, to the madness of cancel culture and far-left missteps, Clay and Buck guide listeners through the latest headlines and hot topics with fun and entertaining conversations and opinions.