June 24, 2025 • 40 mins
Ever notice how marriage comes with an instruction manual for everything except the bedroom? That silence might be more damaging than you realize.
We tackle the conversation every couple needs but few actually have – honest communication about sex in marriage. Despite being married for years (13 for Greg, 24 for me), discussing intimacy can still make cheeks flush with embarrassment. This vulnerability highlights exactly why this conversation matters so desperately.
Our different backgrounds created wildly different perspectives. Growing up where sex was considered dirty and shameful versus environments where it was discussed crudely both failed to prepare us for healthy intimacy in marriage. This pattern repeats across countless relationships, creating disconnection where there should be unity.
When couples retreat to separate corners instead of communicating desires and needs, predictable patterns emerge. Women often seek emotional fulfillment in children, novels, or social media while men might turn to work or pornography. The divide grows wider, creating gaps where resentment festers. The simple act of having uncomfortable conversations can prevent this spiral.
Marriage moves through distinct seasons – from newlyweds to parenting young children to empty nesting and beyond. Your intimate relationship naturally evolves through these phases. Being intentional about scheduling time together isn't unromantic – it's acknowledging the reality of busy lives while prioritizing your connection. Sometimes that means Atlanta date nights at fancy speakeasies, other times it's Taco Bell and Talladega Nights on the couch. Both can be equally meaningful with the right perspective.
Perhaps most importantly, remember that laughter belongs in the bedroom. From Greg's hilariously disastrous honeymoon moment (involving shorts around ankles and an ill-timed tumble) to those awkward "what do I do with my arms?" moments, perfection isn't the goal – connection is. When you can laugh together in your most vulnerable moments, you've found something truly special.
Ready to transform your relationship? Start the conversation today. Your partner might be waiting for permission to open up too.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hey guys, what's up?
I'm Greg.
I hope you guys are ready tounpack and get into some good
conversations today.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
And I'm Jess, and this is our podcast Baggage
Claim.
Thank you for joining us.
Speaker 1 (00:17):
Welcome to Baggage Claim.
Everybody so excited abouttonight's topic.
Before we get into that, ifyou're new here, thank you for
joining us.
If you're a regular here,welcome back.
I hope you got your favoritedrink in your hand.
If you're new, grab thatfavorite drink.
Whether it's coffee, whetherit's a little strong, whatever
it is for you, grab that drink,pull up to the table.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
So I was really loud right there.
I was getting a little excited.
Yeah, I am Pull up to the tableeverybody.
Speaker 1 (00:46):
Yeah, just metaphorically and just kind of
take a deep breath.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
You could physically come here and pull up to the
table.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
You could yeah, and just kind of relax and let's get
into some fun conversations.
Baggage Claim is about some funconversations and community
around blended family andmarriages, so tonight's topic is
going to be a fun one.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
Tonight we're going to talk about something that
every marriage has.
Why are you holding me A?
Speaker 1 (01:16):
big foot.
If you're not watching us onYouTube Every marriage, just to
say, I don't know where you'reat.
Speaker 2 (01:22):
You have to tell our listeners who are not looking on
YouTube.
Speaker 1 (01:24):
Okay so yeah, you're just listening.
We have this cutout of a bigBigfoot in our studio, which I
absolutely love.
It's a show I cannot stopwatching those stupid AI Bigfoot
on TikTok Like it consumes.
The other night it was 1.30 inthe morning and I was still just
watching them.
And the Yeti, yeah, the Yeti.
Speaker 2 (01:45):
I laughed.
And now there's the Bigfootgirl.
Speaker 1 (01:49):
Yeah, I don't like her as much.
Speaker 2 (01:50):
Did you see there's a—some rodent has got one.
Now I saw a couple beavers.
It was the beaver.
Yeah, a couple beavers had one.
Okay, we're going too far.
There's penguins, Sorry.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
Bigfoot is the real deal, so anyway.
Speaker 2 (02:06):
That's not what we're talking about.
In your marriage, if you have,Bigfoot in your marriage, then
rock on.
We need to save that for adifferent episode.
Talk about your Bigfoot.
Speaker 1 (02:17):
Bigfoot's real.
Speaker 2 (02:17):
Bigfoot lore Okay go ahead Okay, ready.
Speaker 1 (02:20):
I'm ready.
Speaker 2 (02:22):
So we're going to talk about something that every
marriage has, but it's the thingthat we talk the least about.
Speaker 1 (02:28):
Okay, we hope every marriage has this.
If you don't have this, it cancreate issues, something's wrong
.
Okay, I do want to say this,though, Like today's topic is a
little different from any othertopic we've shared so far yeah
it's probably not for littleears, yeah, so if you're in the
car and there's little onesaround, you may want to hit
pause.
You may want to wait till later.
Speaker 2 (02:49):
Yeah that's true.
This is probably not— we're notgoing to be ugly or vulgar, but
it's a mature topic.
Speaker 1 (02:55):
And I don't want to start a conversation for you
that you have to finish withyour kids.
Yeah, so if that's the case, goahead and hit pause.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
I'm pretty sure you've gathered what we're going
to talk about.
Speaker 1 (03:11):
Yes, yes, money the S word.
No, the S word yes.
So what was the old song?
Let's talk about sex, baby.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
Yeah, let's talk about you.
Speaker 1 (03:18):
Amy, yeah, it's okay, it's all good Peppa, yeah, Nice
Wow that was back in my day,anyway.
So yeah to today's topic.
We're talking about sex.
Now we're not going to get intothe down and dirty of it.
One, because Thomas is ourproducer today, our son, and I
don't want to put him in tooawkward of a position.
Speaker 2 (03:39):
But also, even if our son wasn't sitting here, I
would literally die.
Speaker 1 (03:43):
I have to be careful, because sometimes I say things.
You get carried away, my mouthwill open up and words come out
when, I probably shouldn't.
Speaker 2 (03:49):
Yeah, and this is part of why it's important to
talk about it.
Speaker 1 (03:53):
Correct.
Speaker 2 (03:54):
I'm 47 and my cheeks still turn red if we talk about
something that is like.
Speaker 1 (03:58):
Can I be honest?
Speaker 2 (03:59):
Oh no.
Speaker 1 (04:01):
We recorded this episode last week.
Speaker 2 (04:03):
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 1 (04:04):
And Jess was so embarrassed.
Speaker 2 (04:06):
I was so nervous.
Speaker 1 (04:07):
It was so bad we had to scrap it.
We're doing it again.
I was talking in circles.
She said the same thing likefour times.
Speaker 2 (04:14):
I was literally a nervous wreck, anyway, okay, so
this is take two for the sextalk, if that tells you how
nervous I am about this.
Speaker 1 (04:22):
So we're still trying .
I mean, there's still somethings we're trying to figure
out, and we've been at this for13 years.
Yeah, this go around, you wereat it for you got married when
you were 16?
Speaker 2 (04:37):
No, I did not.
Speaker 1 (04:37):
I'm sorry, 11 years.
I was married for 11 years,okay, so Jess is 24 years into
marriage and talking about sexstill makes her embarrassed.
Still difficult, yeah, so thatshould tell you where we're at.
Speaker 2 (04:47):
Well, a lot of that has to do with how I was raised
100%.
Speaker 1 (04:52):
Well, it has to do with I mean, it all has to do
with how we're raised.
Well, yeah, like I mean, whatwe don't realize as parents and
even as adults how we interactwith other people, how we
interact with our wives, how wecommunicate, how we interact
with other people, how weinteract with our wives, how we
communicate All those things hasso much to do with how we were
raised and the environment thatwe grew up in.
Speaker 2 (05:10):
Well, growing up, sex was not something that was
talked about.
It was dirty, it was just notsomething that you talk about At
all.
Speaker 1 (05:23):
Period, at all period .
So did your um, did your momand dad?
Did you like catch them like inthe kitchen smooching, making?
Speaker 2 (05:29):
out anything like that.
Okay, none, never.
Okay, all right, no you?
Speaker 1 (05:34):
no, absolutely no.
My dad was an alcoholic.
No, he was usually throwingshit and drunk, so, oh, so I
just anyway.
Um, but yeah, he was usuallyjust so.
It was not that.
Now my stepdad was German.
Speaker 2 (05:49):
Yeah, it was a little bit more healthier environment.
It was very healthy with them,yeah, when they got married.
Speaker 1 (05:53):
Yeah, it was a lot better.
Speaker 2 (05:55):
Yeah.
And I was like freshman in highschool I was raised with.
It was dirty, it was yuck.
You don't talk about it.
You.
Speaker 1 (06:08):
I was raised and I wasn't raised, but I spent a lot
of time on a construction crewlaying gas lines In your young,
formidable years.
Yes, in middle school early Iwas introduced to a lot of
things way, way too early, sothere wasn't much I didn't know.
Um, as far as that went, andnot in a good, healthy way, yeah
(06:29):
, um, so it was kind of, youknow, it's just, it was, it was
different yeah, it's verydifferent like yeah and it
wasn't.
It wasn't great.
I mean it wasn't.
I don't say it's a good,different, um, I don't think the
way that it happened for me andthe way that happened for you,
I don't think either one ofthose not right versus wrong
right it's just exposure, Iguess.
Speaker 2 (06:50):
Is that the right word?
Speaker 1 (06:51):
I don't know but anyway it was a um, starkly
different.
I learned a lot way earlybefore it actually kind of this
is weird.
It kind of scared me towardwomen, like a little bit.
The whole sex thing Like thatwas not—I steer clear of that a
lot in high school because I waslike hmm, no, which is kind of
(07:12):
interesting.
It is.
So playing football, growing upin a construction crew, all of
those things like I wasintroduced to things that
weren't the healthiest things,introduced to pornography at a
really, really young age.
Speaker 2 (07:26):
Right.
Speaker 1 (07:26):
On a construction crew.
That's before the internet.
So it was all magazine stuff,right, but it was just.
There was not a healthy visionor picture for what sex is, but
also on the flip side, eventhough you were overexposed for
me.
Speaker 2 (07:43):
I don't know that it was necessarily healthy for me
either, because it was dirty andit was a no and those kinds of
things.
Speaker 1 (07:52):
So there was no talking at all, like you didn't
talk about it, like for me thatwas the other problem with that,
like we were so used to it,like nothing was off topic.
Speaker 2 (08:00):
You talk about anything and everything.
Speaker 1 (08:02):
So it made it kind of interesting.
So, it's really cool when youlook at.
Speaker 2 (08:08):
When you back up and look at it.
Speaker 1 (08:10):
Yeah, when you back up and look at marriage like
women are and you can speak tothis more than me, of course,
because you're a woman and I'mnot Men are more for the.
Thank you for clarifying.
I appreciate that Men are moreof the physical attraction, Like
it's, like I want to see her.
It's the visual aspect of that,not just the emotional side.
Speaker 2 (08:34):
Guys want to be, they want to hear from their woman
Want to be wanted that sort ofemotional fulfillment.
But for men I feel like most ofthe time it's a physical
satisfaction.
But for women we're looking forthat emotional connection most
of the time not 100% of the timefor either or, but in general I
(08:55):
feel like that's probably andthen we fall back into that same
trap we always fall back intowhen we don't know how to
communicate something inmarriage.
Speaker 1 (09:03):
What do we do?
We shut down and we don't talkabout it at all we do.
Speaker 2 (09:06):
I like to shut down.
It's fun.
Speaker 1 (09:08):
And so what you do is you go to your perspective
corners, yes, and you're likewell, we're not going to talk
about what I really want and sowhat happens?
The man goes, not always, butsometimes the man goes to porn
to look to satisfy that, andthen the the woman goes to
either novels, instagram,romance novels, whatever it may
(09:29):
be like even looking for thatemotional fulfillment.
Speaker 2 (09:31):
That's when a lot of wives will dive into their
children.
That's meeting that need offeeling wanted, like the kids
want you and like all thesecommitments and, yes, the spicy
novels and those types of things.
Speaker 1 (09:45):
And social media too.
I mean, women's interaction onsocial media is so much higher
than guys, and so it's just thatkind of but it's that.
I want that acceptance, I wantthe connection Guys want that.
We just really suck at tellingpeople hey, I want to be wanted
by you, I want you to know thatyou're proud of me, that you
(10:05):
love me, that you want me.
Like.
Guys want that.
They're just not as upfrontabout it as women are.
Speaker 2 (10:11):
Yeah, I think that a lot of married couples, or
couples in general, might forgetthat sex is not just a physical
act that feels good because Imean it's obviously that but
it's meeting a need for yourpartner and you're meeting it
with.
You're meeting those needstogether, so it's not like
(10:32):
you're going to go find thatneed for yourself.
No, I can do that.
Speaker 1 (10:36):
Correct.
Speaker 2 (10:36):
And I want you to want that from me.
Speaker 1 (10:38):
Yeah, you know what I mean.
Yeah, because we have these,like when I say we don't know,
we don't know how to communicate, so we don't communicate at all
about it.
And so, therefore, we put upthose walls and it's really
awkward, really weird, yeah.
And so we're like, we're notgoing to talk about it.
And then you have these weirdkind of probably unrealistic
expectations of what it shouldbe, and you never even talk
(11:00):
about what you want or what youthink it should be or what you
want it to be, and then,therefore, when those aren't met
, you get frustrated, she getsfrustrated, and then you find
yourself back in that same spotagain, going well, crap here we
are.
Speaker 2 (11:13):
Well, I mean, for goodness sake, most of the
things we talk about goes backto a communication issue,
because it is.
And then every time there's acommunication issue it goes back
to having unmet expectations.
But because you didn'tcommunicate it clearly of what
you actually want, those needsare not going to be met.
Speaker 1 (11:33):
Because I mean there's a difference in
communicating and sharing yourexpectations when it comes to
money and relationships and thekids and everything else, but
it's completely different.
Speaker 2 (11:45):
Oh gosh, it's so vulnerable.
Speaker 1 (11:46):
Yeah, when you're like, hey, let's talk about sex,
this is what I want.
Yeah, it's very, veryvulnerable.
It's like letting the guarddown completely.
Yes, completely yeah, and sothere's a huge level of trust
with that.
Yeah, there's a chance for youto build trust Drastically.
There's a chance for you tobuild trust Drastically.
There's a chance for you todestroy trust also.
Yeah, so it's definitely—.
Speaker 2 (12:08):
I mean I'd say—I mean money talks and those kinds of
things are hard, but I don'tfeel like one of the most
difficult conversations you canactually have in marriage is
about sex, and I feel like it'savoided too often and I'm guilty
of that.
Well it's— I'm throwing myselfunder the bus on that one.
Speaker 1 (12:25):
Well, yeah, it's rare that people talk about this.
And it's rare that people areopen and honest about it to say,
hey, communicate what you want,because you're afraid if I
communicate to you what I wantand you go, oh, you're sick and
deprived.
Speaker 2 (12:40):
You're weird.
Speaker 1 (12:41):
You're a sicko.
What is wrong with you?
Yeah, and then you're just likeoh well.
Speaker 2 (12:46):
Or if I say what I want, you're not living in a
romance novel.
What are you talking about?
That's not real.
Speaker 1 (12:51):
And you're just like, well, I'm just going to go turn
Netflix on or YouTube and watchgolf.
Yeah.
So it's like I don't want toeven touch that or deal with
that, and so that's therefore,and I'm not getting into, I'm
(13:12):
not getting into what's right,what's wrong for you, we're not
going there today, that's foryou and your partner to decide.
That's for you guys to figureout and have a communication
about and talk about.
There are certain things that Iwould say you should probably
just steer clear of this.
You should steer clear of that.
I mean, there's some prettyobvious things you should.
Speaker 2 (13:31):
Well, I mean, to most people it would be obvious
probably.
Speaker 1 (13:35):
Okay, yeah, it's true , but at the same time, like
this is have a conversation.
I'm just saying we're talkinglike basement level,
foundational.
We're not talking about this toshare our own opinions.
Speaker 2 (13:45):
I'm just saying we're talking like basement level
foundation.
We're not talking about this toshare our own opinions.
We're just talking about it asa healthy relationship point of
view.
Yeah, Because I mean the basisof it.
When you get down to it, likesex was created by God Correct,
it was created to procreate, butit was also created for the
husband and wife to enjoy eachother Correct yes, You're wife
(14:06):
to enjoy each other Correct.
Speaker 1 (14:07):
Yes, you're supposed to enjoy it.
Speaker 2 (14:08):
Yeah, and if you're looking for, that part of the
Bible, go to Song of Solomon andjust camp out there for a while
, but I mean even back inGenesis, whenever God created
man and woman like they werecreated.
Speaker 1 (14:18):
I am reading through Genesis.
I'm doing a chronological readthrough Genesis.
Yeah, bruh, like it's, there'ssome crazy junk in Genesis.
I don't know if you've donethat in a while.
You should go check it out.
It's really interesting, likeI'm like what.
Speaker 2 (14:32):
Yeah, but if you haven't, you should read the
Song of Solomon, because it'slike yikes.
Speaker 1 (14:39):
Yeah, it's pretty.
Speaker 2 (14:42):
It's colorful and poetic language, but also it's
not.
Speaker 1 (14:46):
Right, so we can start with the basic standard of
saying okay, sex is differentfor women than it is for men.
That's pretty easy.
We know that.
It's kind of simple, likethat's a foundation.
We know that that's afoundation, we know that.
So, all right, let's have aconversation around those things
(15:07):
to say okay, how do we evenbecause even just trying to
figure out, how do we start thisconversation, how do we, what
does this look like?
Speaker 2 (15:15):
First of all, tell yourself it's okay that you want
it.
Yeah, it's okay.
Speaker 1 (15:19):
Yeah, you're supposed to.
Yeah, if you don't, thenthere's something else wrong.
Speaker 2 (15:25):
There's another difference.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (15:27):
There's another issue and something else that needs
to be addressed and somethingthat needs to be talked about.
Speaker 2 (15:31):
It's also okay to talk about what you like and
what you don't like.
Speaker 1 (15:34):
Correct and be honest .
That's the thing that we don'tdo is be honest when it comes to
this conversation, becauseyou're afraid you're going to
hurt each other's feelings orone way or the other, or again
you're being vulnerable andyou're afraid you're going to
get shot down.
But it's literally have andkind of give the umbrella of
(15:56):
grace to say, hey, we can talkabout these things here.
This is a safe safe place for usto talk about.
I'm not going to use thisagainst you and throw it up
against you when I get mad orsomething I don't agree with.
Speaker 2 (16:09):
I would rather you talk about those things with me
than anybody else.
Speaker 1 (16:12):
Well, because if they're not talking about them
with each other, they're talkingabout them somewhere.
They're going somewhere else tohave that conversation.
Speaker 2 (16:20):
And that's not okay.
Speaker 1 (16:21):
No, have the conversation in there now in the
relationship.
Speaker 2 (16:27):
Well, and communication as you go along
too, because I mean we'veexperienced different seasons in
the time that we've beenmarried.
Like we didn't have infants andtoddlers and little guys
together, but we had little kids.
A house full of little kids,yes, so we have personally
experienced different seasonstogether.
Speaker 1 (16:49):
Yeah, because where you're at like— Just pause where
you're at the season you're inin marriage.
It's not going to be that wayforever.
Speaker 2 (16:58):
No.
Speaker 1 (16:58):
But also too, if you're not careful, you can find
yourself in a comfortable zone,yes, and you get stuck there.
Yes, and if you don't work toget out of it, you'll be there
for the rest of your marriage, Imean not to throw Producer
Thomas under the bus, but, likewe said earlier, Producer Thomas
, tonight is here our son, ouroldest.
Speaker 2 (17:17):
They have a nine-month-old.
I can pretty much guaranteethat, now that Lucy's nine
months old, it's a lot differentfor you, Miranda, than when you
first got married, Just likewhen all of y'all were little
and it was a circus.
It was different than it is now.
Or, you know ages of kids,their sports involvement and all
(17:40):
of the commitments that youhave whenever you're raising
kids.
If you're not communicatingabout what you need and what you
want in your own relationship,those kids are going to
overshadow everything.
Yeah, and they're going to.
It's going to, like you justsaid, it's just going to stay
that way.
Speaker 1 (17:54):
Yeah.
And then sometimes you, oh,every couple does this, I know.
So it's just going to stay thatway, yeah, and then sometimes
you, oh, every couple does this,I know.
So it's just one of thosethings to just like hey,
everybody does it, so it's okay.
Like you're texting back andforth, you'd be like, oh my gosh
, this is what's gonna happen.
Blah, blah, blah, blah blah andthen it usually ends with you
falling asleep on the couch, orjust one's in a chair, one
(18:14):
somewhere else, like thathappens.
Or I fall asleep reading yeahdon't beat yourself up, because
that's normal life it is.
You're living life, you'retrying to raise a family, you're
trying to have a job Like those.
Things are difficult.
Speaker 2 (18:27):
It is.
Speaker 1 (18:28):
So just know that that's okay.
Speaker 2 (18:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (18:33):
Don't hold yourself to a ridiculously stupid
standard, yeah.
Speaker 2 (18:36):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (18:33):
Well, I mean— Don't hold yourself to a ridiculously
stupid standard.
Speaker 2 (18:33):
Well, yeah Well your kids' ages play into it, but
then your own age plays into ittoo, that's true, yes.
We've gone from our 30s toyou've just entered your 50s
together.
Speaker 1 (18:48):
Thank you for sharing my age online too.
I appreciate that.
Speaker 2 (18:52):
You already told your age earlier.
Speaker 1 (18:53):
Yeah, I'm getting those AARP cards in the mail and
I just rip them up and I'm likebruh, but Nope.
Speaker 2 (19:00):
I'm 47.
Does that make you feel better?
I've said how old I am.
Speaker 1 (19:02):
No, it does not at all.
No, because there's not a fivein front of it.
Yeah, you got a four, I got afive.
Speaker 2 (19:20):
But like we've changed just how our bodies work
, my hormones are a disaster,like we've gone through those
things.
But we, we continue to talkabout it and I mean I've gotten
help from a specialist, ahormonal specialist.
I mean it's hard to believethat I'm at that age, but that's
where we are Right.
And so, like I was saying asecond ago, the things change
with your kids' ages, but itchanges with your age too.
Speaker 1 (19:39):
When I know this sounds completely obvious, but I
will say it again Like whenyou're in a relationship and
they're sex, you have to beintentional.
When you have little kids, whenyou're it's just the two of you
and there's nobody else, Okay,it's easy, you don't have to be
as intentional.
(20:00):
But when you have a kid, you'relike bro, we got a babysitter,
I've already spent $40 and wedidn't even left the house yet.
Like we're going to eat.
It's like this is, you know,like you have.
You just had to be intentionalin planning.
And Because you plan yourromantic time together, it
doesn't lessen that at all, itdoesn't make it any less
(20:21):
meaningful, but at the same time, that's just again.
That's about being intentional.
It's a season.
Speaker 2 (20:26):
It's a season.
Speaker 1 (20:27):
And it will change it will.
Just give it time.
Speaker 2 (20:29):
Well, I mean when the kids were growing up, we would
schedule like an Atlanta datenight where we would spend the
night away.
God, those were so fun.
Speaker 1 (20:39):
So, yeah, we would always try to find these really
cool speakeasies around Atlanta.
Speaker 2 (20:45):
We found a lot of cool spots that we take our kids
to now.
Speaker 1 (20:47):
Yeah, just kind of a fun, just to go chill, vibe, and
then we'd usually stay therethe whole night.
Speaker 2 (20:52):
But we'd have to schedule it weeks in advance to
make sure everybody was wherethey needed to be.
Speaker 1 (20:58):
But then there's those.
Some nights like those werereally, really fun.
But then there was some nightswhere it's like we're watching
Talladega Nights and we got abox of tacos from Taco Bell.
You know it was like we'revegging out on the couch eating
tacos from Taco Bell andwatching Talladega Nights and
laughing.
Speaker 2 (21:15):
Well, a lot of the time, transparency.
When the kids were younger,those nights were necessary just
for budget reasons.
Speaker 1 (21:22):
Well, yeah, you're broke.
Speaker 2 (21:23):
We had four kids doing 47 different things.
But those even the at-home datenights.
We were so intentional inplaying those just as hard as we
planned the Atlanta ones I meanthere was a good chunk of time
that the home ones were ourfavorites right, I mean because
you, you, you have to.
Speaker 1 (21:41):
This is where communication comes in, though,
because if she's expecting anight in Atlanta and you're
thinking, taco bell funny movie.
Yeah, like, and you're notsharing those with each other?
Speaker 2 (21:51):
when it comes time to be a disappointment for
somebody yeah, somebody'sgetting their feelings hurt and
getting mad and then the wholenight's just trashed.
Speaker 1 (21:57):
So that's where it goes back to just have the
conversation.
Like even as crazy as it is andI know this is probably being a
little too honest, butsometimes the communication is
like this is where we're at inour life now, like if we get in
the car and I'm like, hey, it'stonight.
Speaker 2 (22:15):
Like we're get in the car and I'm like hey, it's
tonight, like we're going, youknow, are we going to play?
Speaker 1 (22:17):
Yeah, we're going to play, Not as like a no thank you
, because it's going to dependon what I get to eat tonight,
like either.
If it's not, I'm going like ifwe are, we're like, yeah, I'm
getting a chicken, caesar wrapand some fries.
Or if I'm like no, certainthings, you're just like, bro, I
can't.
Speaker 2 (22:37):
It's okay to be forward and ask yeah, I'm like,
do I get a?
Speaker 1 (22:40):
salad, or do I go for the like?
Am I getting the really big?
Speaker 2 (22:44):
Or you're getting the double-decker burger situation.
Speaker 1 (22:47):
Yeah cheese and bacon and all that.
So I'm feeling like ughafterwards and that special
sauce.
Speaker 2 (22:51):
When was that it was so good?
Anyway 57, it's a taco mac ohtaco mac yeah, anyway, but it's
okay because you know what, likewe keep saying, if you ask
ahead of time, it's going toprevent unmet expectations yeah,
that doesn't steal again.
Speaker 1 (23:09):
It doesn't steal away from the moment, it doesn't
take from what is happening.
It is just a like.
If you don't do that like, youmay have expectations.
You're going on a date and belike yeah, this is happening
tonight.
And you're sitting around in apageant seat going there's
absolutely no way in the worldthis is happening tonight and
it's like, even if I just don'thave that stupid simple
(23:30):
conversation, like myexpectations are going to be
torqued up and you're going tobe like well, why are you mad?
Speaker 2 (23:38):
Like, why are you upset?
You should just know that mystomach has been hurting all day
.
Speaker 1 (23:41):
Yeah, so it's just like I don't know those things?
Speaker 2 (23:43):
Oh wait, I didn't tell you that, oh, okay.
Speaker 1 (23:46):
Yeah, so it's always that idea of just trying to
figure it out.
Just go ahead and pull the capoff.
Producer Thomas, you, you knowhe's trying to pull a cap off of
the dry erase marker, so you'recreaking it's okay, just so you
know we're okay.
Thank you, bud we're in theprocess of trying to figure out
how to get better mics, becausethese mics pick up everything.
(24:06):
I think a mouse just farted inthe corner and the mic picked it
up.
So it's like we're trying tofigure out, we're trying to get
some better mics, but we're on ashoestring budget right now.
Speaker 2 (24:16):
Yeah, a few seconds ago I just kind of held up my
hand and pointed to my wristlike where we at on time trying
to be discreet about it.
Well then, the creaky, creaky,creaky, dry erase marker.
You know it's okay.
Speaker 1 (24:28):
We're figuring it out , people.
Speaker 2 (24:29):
We're doing this in our house.
We don't know what we're doing.
Speaker 1 (24:32):
It's we are doing this in our house, and so, but
it's also too.
Again back on the subject.
Speaker 2 (24:38):
Well, here's the thing, too, that I think that a
lot of just to again throw myown self under the bus a lot of
people that were raised like mewhere sex is dirty and you don't
talk about it, it's okay toeducate yourself.
Speaker 1 (24:54):
Right.
Speaker 2 (24:54):
And that doesn't mean porn no, not at all, it's okay
to educate yourself, right?
Speaker 1 (24:57):
Yes, and that doesn't mean porn?
Speaker 2 (24:58):
No, no, not at all.
It's okay.
There is stuff out there thatyou can look at together and
read together.
Speaker 1 (25:06):
What does she really want?
What does he really want?
What?
Are you after?
Are you okay with the thingsthat he wants and the things
that she wants?
Yeah, and figure out what thoselike.
Marriage is a place where, ifyou can't have that conversation
in your marriage, where are youhaving that conversation at?
Like you should be able to talkabout those things.
Speaker 2 (25:24):
And not all of the.
There's studies you can do andkind of like the book of
questions that we have that welike to do some of the
lighthearted questions thatwe'll do every now and again.
There's books like that thatyou can do together as a couple
about sex, just to help you talkabout it.
Speaker 1 (25:39):
Right, just to kick the conversation off.
Speaker 2 (25:42):
They're not all Bible-based, because some of the
Bible-based ones get a little—Cheesy yeah.
Speaker 1 (25:46):
They get a lot cheesy A lot cheesy, and that's okay
too.
Speaker 2 (25:49):
There's a time and a place for that.
Speaker 1 (25:51):
And if that fits you and that's where you're at, okay
, be there, have at it.
I'm not saying you gotta godirty, raunchy, whatever it is,
you gotta find what fits whereyou're at.
But I'm saying more thananything else just at least have
the conversation.
Yeah, just at least start thetalk, because if you're not, it
(26:13):
just leads down a road that'snot healthy for anybody.
Speaker 2 (26:15):
It's not, it's just not.
And sometimes that unhealthyroad may just lead to both of
you are just miserable and youjust choose to stay there.
Sometimes, when the road leadsto you're not happy, it makes
one spouse stray from yourcommitment.
Speaker 1 (26:31):
Well, usually Just to say it nicely Honestly, what
happens in those situations isthe wife attaches herself to the
kids, yeah, and she starts topulling all of her life into
that.
The husband the naturalreaction is to pour himself into
his job, his job and his lifeand so everything about him.
If you ask like, ask a man, bejust like, hey, tell me about
(26:52):
yourself.
The very first thing he's goingto do is tell you what he does
for a living.
And that's just because guysare like, well, this is what I
do, so this is who I am.
Speaker 2 (27:02):
But yeah, and for us, the first thing we're going to
talk about is our kids.
Speaker 1 (27:05):
Yeah, and it's just about like hey, this is who I am
, yeah, it's not what I do.
I do those things so I can livemy life.
So it's always guys are justand they do that.
And if you don't do anythingabout it, you just continue to
work those separate ways.
And then it's just like thewhole sex thing is like he wants
sex and I don't even like him,I can't even stand to be around
(27:27):
him.
She doesn't like me, shedoesn't find me attractive, blah
, blah, blah, blah, blah.
And then it just becomes soeasy.
When somebody at the gym orsomebody at work goes oh, you
look so good.
It's just like boom.
Next thing you know you're in areally bad spot, yeah, and so
it's like be intentional andhave the conversation with your
(27:48):
significant other yeah like havethe conversation so let's
unpack yeah, okay, this one'sgonna be a little.
Our episode's a little shorter,but that's okay.
It's not a lot you can sayabout sex, other than talk about
it and do it.
Speaker 2 (28:01):
Yeah, that's true, Right.
Just make it perfect is whatthey say.
Yeah, I'm proud of you for well, we're not done.
Speaker 1 (28:10):
I haven't made any inappropriate.
Speaker 2 (28:12):
I was about to say I'm proud of you for not being
inappropriate, but we're notfinished yet.
I'm going to save that.
Speaker 1 (28:18):
Okay, I'm working really hard over here, you're
doing so good, I'm so proud ofyou Filter's on.
Speaker 2 (28:22):
I'm proud.
Well, in the unpacked portionwe like to make some notes about
where we're going to go andthings that we think that maybe
people can put into practice inyour real life.
Not maybe, hopefully, peoplecan put into practice in their
real life.
Speaker 1 (28:37):
Here's what I struggle with, because I was
listening to.
Speaker 2 (28:40):
I'm a podcast junkie so I was listening to a podcast
today and I was riding in thecar, oh, and you were stuck in
traffic going zero miles an hour.
Speaker 1 (28:51):
I didn't want to talk about it.
But I'm stuck in the car and Irealized I was like I know what
to do.
Sometimes I know what to do.
Just give me one simple firststep, yeah, and then give me a
simple second step, like let'sdon't overcomplicate this, like,
let's just go.
Like for me it's like sometimesit's just like okay, let's get
(29:14):
okay, I've got it simple, I'vegot it.
Speaker 2 (29:16):
Okay, ready to me.
Take your clothes off and havea good time you're talking about
right now no, not right nowsorry that could be awkward for
thomas.
Speaker 1 (29:25):
I'm sorry that was my hundred pro.
Take it.
Speaker 2 (29:28):
I almost made it you almost made it yeah, so but with
your partner, get naked andhave fun, right.
Speaker 1 (29:38):
There's a sign in our bathroom.
It's right above our bathtub,though.
But it just makes me laugh.
Every time I see it.
Speaker 2 (29:43):
It just says get naked and so that should be when
we moved here and we wereredoing everything and I put
that sign up.
Callie walked in there and shewas helping me put something
else in the bathroom and she waslike, oh my God, jessie, really
.
And I was like, yeah, really.
Speaker 1 (30:00):
So I agree, I think that's a really really good
first step.
Speaker 2 (30:04):
You said a simple first step.
Speaker 1 (30:09):
Yep, okay, that's a good first step.
Speaker 2 (30:11):
I feel like it is.
Speaker 1 (30:12):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (30:13):
So the other, the next thing that we talked about
is that you have to learn to beokay with talking about your
wants and needs in the bedroomand I'm talking to myself,
because we've been married for along time and I still sometimes
I personally still strugglewith what do I want or need?
Speaker 1 (30:33):
I'm just curious out there For those of you who
aren't watching.
I'm holding my finger up.
I don't need, I'm just curiousout there For those of you
aren't watching.
I'm holding my finger up.
I don't know why I'm holding myfinger up.
Speaker 2 (30:38):
He's making a point.
Speaker 1 (30:39):
I'm about to make a point here.
Speaker 2 (30:40):
It's important if you're watching this on the
video.
Speaker 1 (30:43):
Yes, you can catch us on.
Youtube too we try to uploadthose on YouTube.
We're struggling when we'regetting there.
Speaker 2 (30:50):
Here we go.
Now you're holding up twofingers.
Oh my gosh, I just forgot whatI was going to say.
I got so into the thing Let merepeat what I said Learn to be
okay with talking about yourwants and needs in the bedroom.
Speaker 1 (31:04):
Yeah, that's not it Okay cool.
My ADD mind just went somewhereelse.
It always circles back.
Speaker 2 (31:10):
So here's something it's okay to laugh.
Speaker 1 (31:15):
Yeah, 100%.
Speaker 2 (31:16):
If you haven't laughed at least once, you're
being way too serious about it.
Speaker 1 (31:23):
I'm about, oh my.
Speaker 2 (31:24):
God.
Speaker 1 (31:26):
I'm about to be very vulnerable right now.
I'm going to share this momentwith you guys.
Speaker 2 (31:31):
Just a little bit.
Speaker 1 (31:33):
What this is all about me.
You're gonna think this is allthis is.
This is my humiliation for theentire world this was last week
no, no, it's not.
Speaker 2 (31:45):
We're on our honeymoon oh my gosh, I cannot
believe you're about to tellthis story and we're in this.
Little thomas is laughingbecause he knows this story.
Speaker 1 (31:53):
It's in this little thatch cabin Thomas is laughing
because he knows the story.
It's in this little thatchcabin thing.
Speaker 2 (31:57):
It was a hut.
It was a glorified fancy hut.
Speaker 1 (32:01):
Off this island in Belize.
It was super cool though.
Speaker 2 (32:03):
It was amazing.
Speaker 1 (32:04):
But it really didn't have walls, it just had these.
Speaker 2 (32:07):
I mean, it went like maybe like eight feet or so,
yeah, and there was a stop.
Speaker 1 (32:10):
So it's open, like the whole roof was open to the
same thing.
Speaker 2 (32:13):
So, like our quote unquote bathroom, it was
private-ish but it didn't havewalls.
Speaker 1 (32:19):
So we were.
We had been out in the, out inthe middle of the ocean.
It felt like Like you couldn'tsee land and we're on this reef
and they cooked us dinner outthere and we're cooking and they
have drinks and they're likewe're sitting on a table, it was
on a sandbar.
Speaker 2 (32:34):
We're sitting on a table, it was on a sandbar.
We're sitting on a table withchairs and we couldn't see land
in any direction.
No, there's no land anywhere.
It's the weirdest.
Speaker 1 (32:38):
It's the coolest thing.
It was ridiculous.
We're sitting in the middle ofthe ocean eating lobster and
fish.
Speaker 2 (32:43):
So we were exploring.
I know what you're about totalk about.
Speaker 1 (32:46):
Yeah, we're exploring , so I see this massive star
Starfish story.
Speaker 2 (32:51):
I was picking up all these giant conch shells.
Speaker 1 (32:54):
This is not about you .
Speaker 2 (32:55):
This is my story you're just stealing my story.
I don't know if the conch isstill in it.
That's a different story, soanyway.
Speaker 1 (33:00):
I find the starfish and I go to step off.
It's a little deeper than Ithought and I tweaked my back
and I was like, oh god, so I'mtweaking my back, but I still do
.
Speaker 2 (33:10):
I have a really cute picture of you with a starfish
on your head, so I got thestarfish and put it on my head.
We're going to share.
Speaker 1 (33:14):
It Draped over my ear , it was massive.
So, anyway, that is part of thestory, because we're back at
the hut that night and I waslike, oh it's on, it's that time
, and so I go and Jess is layingin this really big king bed and
(33:37):
we got this big ceiling,ceiling going like.
Speaker 2 (33:38):
It's literally dreamy , amazing.
And you said I've got to go tothe bathroom.
Speaker 1 (33:40):
No, no, I said I'm gonna take my shorts.
I want to take my shorts offtoward the bathroom.
No, the bathroom was there andso I'm gonna take my shorts off.
When my bag was tweaked and soI my foot got caught in my
shorts when I was trying to getoff, because your back's hurt.
If you ever ever had your backhurt, you know what I'm talking
about.
And you weren't holding on toanything.
No, and I start falling.
And as I start falling Istarted to fart and I farted all
(34:06):
the way to the ground and youfell in like slow motion.
I fell, hit the door, fell outthe door, hit the door frame and
landed in the middle of thedoor the door's wide open, still
farting, farting my shortsliterally around my ankles, and
I'm laying here and I'm justlooking at you going.
There's no recovery from that.
(34:29):
I thought I was trying to dosome sexy dance or something and
I got out of my shorts andliterally embarrass myself to
death, like it was.
It was so funny, yeah, and sothere's just no recovering from
it.
Speaker 2 (34:43):
There's not.
Speaker 1 (34:43):
So to say.
Speaker 2 (34:45):
I thought you were going to talk about the other
day, when you didn't know whatto do with your arms.
Speaker 1 (34:48):
I did, I did, I did make that statement.
I don't know what to do with myarms.
Them arms are in the way, um,but we, we laughed about that
one too.
Oh my gosh, I forgot.
Speaker 2 (34:59):
So we, if you're, if you're not laughing in the
bedroom.
You're being too serious,you're taking yourself way too
serious.
Speaker 1 (35:03):
Like just relax a little bit.
It's not like you're not doingbrain surgery, okay thank you
for bringing up that greatmemory so that's me, that's true
, that really happened, rightthere I can't believe I shared
it for the world, but anyway I'mso proud of you.
Speaker 2 (35:22):
Thank you so laugh.
Speaker 1 (35:25):
Yeah, have fun.
Cut up like this is a it.
It's a fun thing for you andyour significant other to enjoy.
Yeah, that's what it wascreated for.
So how fun, enjoy, laugh witheach other.
Speaker 2 (35:37):
Sometimes there's storybook romance and sometimes
there's farts.
Speaker 1 (35:40):
Sometimes there's beautiful candles and sometimes
you almost knock yourself out onthe doorframe while you're
farting Time to keep your pantsoff, Like it's just who knows.
Okay, what's our next one?
Speaker 2 (35:53):
Well, the next.
It's hard to go from laughingso hard to me, okay.
So intimacy begins way beforethe bedroom.
Yeah, that's a sharp last turnright there, yeah, but it does
and, like you were talking aboutearlier, like there's like all
these texts that go back andforth during the day, like
you're trying to, you know, setyour like intention way ahead of
(36:17):
the time.
Sometimes it works andsometimes it doesn't and it's
not.
Speaker 1 (36:21):
Here's the thing, though.
It's not like you can get mador frustrated when it doesn't
pan out yeah like I'm gonna sayjust be okay.
Sometimes, when it does, justbe excited that it did.
When it doesn't, it's okay.
Give some grace to one personor the other, because, yeah, it
would be perfect if life justworked out the way you planned
(36:42):
it all the time.
But that's not life.
No, it's not, it's just kind ofdifficult, and so be okay with
that.
But it does For guys.
It doesn't take much for you.
You can walk by and smack heron the butt in the kitchen and
be like, yeah, it's on.
It may take a little bit morefor her to get there.
Speaker 2 (37:02):
Yeah, so keep that in mind.
Speaker 1 (37:04):
Sometimes that works and sometimes it doesn't, yeah,
so don't be.
And just because it works onetime doesn't mean it works every
time.
Speaker 2 (37:09):
No, Welcome to being a girl yeah, it.
And being a girl yeah it's justlike it doesn't always work.
Mm-mm.
You hate when I bring up thisphrase.
Oh God, you know what I'm aboutto say.
Speaker 1 (37:21):
It's such an old.
Speaker 2 (37:21):
It's such a church phrase, it's an old school
church thing.
Yeah, women are crockpots andmen are microwaves.
Yeah, you know, you can cook aroast in a microwave though, and
a baked potato roast in amicrowave, and you can bake
potato too.
We learned that from ourdaughter-in-law.
Speaker 1 (37:34):
We did so microwaves are pretty handy.
But anyway, regardless it's, Imean the concept is but then,
women take longer to get there.
Not not all women are like thatbut to your point.
Speaker 2 (37:45):
You just said you can walk past your girl in the
kitchen, smack her on the buttand she's like, oh, oh, okay,
like just talk, yeah, just talk.
Speaker 1 (37:55):
Like hold her hand when you're riding the car.
Speaker 2 (37:58):
That's a big deal for us.
Speaker 1 (37:59):
Hug her when she's in the kitchen.
If you guys are in the kitchencooking together, hug on her.
Kiss her on the cheek.
Kiss her on the cheek in themorning.
The forehead kisses we all likethose and don't expect anything
in return.
Like, hey, I'm just, I want tolove you, I want to show you
affection, those things are okay, and they're okay in front of
your kids, because you get toshow your kids what a real
(38:21):
loving relationship looks likeyeah, yeah, don't be ashamed to
love on each other in front ofyour kids.
Speaker 2 (38:27):
I mean, I feel like Now, if you're out, in public.
Speaker 1 (38:29):
There's some lines.
Speaker 2 (38:30):
There are some lines.
Speaker 1 (38:35):
You see people cross those lines, but it's okay to
show that you love each other.
Speaker 2 (38:37):
Yes, it really is.
There's one little side note ofkind of like a warning I guess
I might would say, just becauseI'm a reader, I don't read these
kinds of books often, or but Ithink that sometimes mostly
women I guess some men read them, but you need to be careful
about expecting like the spicybooks, like that kind of same
(38:58):
quality in real life, becausethat's not real life, no, or
movies or whatever.
Speaker 1 (39:03):
Well, it's the same as a guy watching some porn
thing and think that's going tohappen at his house, Like really
.
Speaker 2 (39:09):
You're married to a normal woman.
Yeah, don't be stupid.
Yeah, first off, just becareful of just being
unrealistic.
Speaker 1 (39:17):
We're not advocating to do anything like outside.
So hear us say that, yeah, I'madvocating for you to sit down
with your spouse and have aconversation, and share your
expectations.
Speaker 2 (39:28):
Talk about what you want.
Talk about what you like.
Yes, and have a good time beingmarried.
Speaker 1 (39:35):
Yeah.
So, with all that being said,we're just going to say hey,
thanks for joining tonight andgo get naked.
Speaker 2 (39:43):
Oh my gosh.
So, Greg, you almost made it.
There we go.
Thank you for joining us onBaggage Claim tonight.
You should let me know, oh gosh.
Hey guys, what's up?
I'm Greg.
I hope you guys are ready tounpack and get into some good
conversations today.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
And I'm Jess, and this is our podcast Baggage
Claim.
Thank you for joining us.
Speaker 1 (00:17):
Welcome to Baggage Claim.
Everybody so excited abouttonight's topic.
Before we get into that, ifyou're new here, thank you for
joining us.
If you're a regular here,welcome back.
I hope you got your favoritedrink in your hand.
If you're new, grab thatfavorite drink.
Whether it's coffee, whetherit's a little strong, whatever
it is for you, grab that drink,pull up to the table.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
So I was really loud right there.
I was getting a little excited.
Yeah, I am Pull up to the tableeverybody.
Speaker 1 (00:46):
Yeah, just metaphorically and just kind of
take a deep breath.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
You could physically come here and pull up to the
table.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
You could yeah, and just kind of relax and let's get
into some fun conversations.
Baggage Claim is about some funconversations and community
around blended family andmarriages, so tonight's topic is
going to be a fun one.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
Tonight we're going to talk about something that
every marriage has.
Why are you holding me A?
Speaker 1 (01:16):
big foot.
If you're not watching us onYouTube Every marriage, just to
say, I don't know where you'reat.
Speaker 2 (01:22):
You have to tell our listeners who are not looking on
YouTube.
Speaker 1 (01:24):
Okay so yeah, you're just listening.
We have this cutout of a bigBigfoot in our studio, which I
absolutely love.
It's a show I cannot stopwatching those stupid AI Bigfoot
on TikTok Like it consumes.
The other night it was 1.30 inthe morning and I was still just
watching them.
And the Yeti, yeah, the Yeti.
Speaker 2 (01:45):
I laughed.
And now there's the Bigfootgirl.
Speaker 1 (01:49):
Yeah, I don't like her as much.
Speaker 2 (01:50):
Did you see there's a—some rodent has got one.
Now I saw a couple beavers.
It was the beaver.
Yeah, a couple beavers had one.
Okay, we're going too far.
There's penguins, Sorry.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
Bigfoot is the real deal, so anyway.
Speaker 2 (02:06):
That's not what we're talking about.
In your marriage, if you have,Bigfoot in your marriage, then
rock on.
We need to save that for adifferent episode.
Talk about your Bigfoot.
Speaker 1 (02:17):
Bigfoot's real.
Speaker 2 (02:17):
Bigfoot lore Okay go ahead Okay, ready.
Speaker 1 (02:20):
I'm ready.
Speaker 2 (02:22):
So we're going to talk about something that every
marriage has, but it's the thingthat we talk the least about.
Speaker 1 (02:28):
Okay, we hope every marriage has this.
If you don't have this, it cancreate issues, something's wrong
.
Okay, I do want to say this,though, Like today's topic is a
little different from any othertopic we've shared so far yeah
it's probably not for littleears, yeah, so if you're in the
car and there's little onesaround, you may want to hit
pause.
You may want to wait till later.
Speaker 2 (02:49):
Yeah that's true.
This is probably not— we're notgoing to be ugly or vulgar, but
it's a mature topic.
Speaker 1 (02:55):
And I don't want to start a conversation for you
that you have to finish withyour kids.
Yeah, so if that's the case, goahead and hit pause.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
I'm pretty sure you've gathered what we're going
to talk about.
Speaker 1 (03:11):
Yes, yes, money the S word.
No, the S word yes.
So what was the old song?
Let's talk about sex, baby.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
Yeah, let's talk about you.
Speaker 1 (03:18):
Amy, yeah, it's okay, it's all good Peppa, yeah, Nice
Wow that was back in my day,anyway.
So yeah to today's topic.
We're talking about sex.
Now we're not going to get intothe down and dirty of it.
One, because Thomas is ourproducer today, our son, and I
don't want to put him in tooawkward of a position.
Speaker 2 (03:39):
But also, even if our son wasn't sitting here, I
would literally die.
Speaker 1 (03:43):
I have to be careful, because sometimes I say things.
You get carried away, my mouthwill open up and words come out
when, I probably shouldn't.
Speaker 2 (03:49):
Yeah, and this is part of why it's important to
talk about it.
Speaker 1 (03:53):
Correct.
Speaker 2 (03:54):
I'm 47 and my cheeks still turn red if we talk about
something that is like.
Speaker 1 (03:58):
Can I be honest?
Speaker 2 (03:59):
Oh no.
Speaker 1 (04:01):
We recorded this episode last week.
Speaker 2 (04:03):
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 1 (04:04):
And Jess was so embarrassed.
Speaker 2 (04:06):
I was so nervous.
Speaker 1 (04:07):
It was so bad we had to scrap it.
We're doing it again.
I was talking in circles.
She said the same thing likefour times.
Speaker 2 (04:14):
I was literally a nervous wreck, anyway, okay, so
this is take two for the sextalk, if that tells you how
nervous I am about this.
Speaker 1 (04:22):
So we're still trying .
I mean, there's still somethings we're trying to figure
out, and we've been at this for13 years.
Yeah, this go around, you wereat it for you got married when
you were 16?
Speaker 2 (04:37):
No, I did not.
Speaker 1 (04:37):
I'm sorry, 11 years.
I was married for 11 years,okay, so Jess is 24 years into
marriage and talking about sexstill makes her embarrassed.
Still difficult, yeah, so thatshould tell you where we're at.
Speaker 2 (04:47):
Well, a lot of that has to do with how I was raised
100%.
Speaker 1 (04:52):
Well, it has to do with I mean, it all has to do
with how we're raised.
Well, yeah, like I mean, whatwe don't realize as parents and
even as adults how we interactwith other people, how we
interact with our wives, how wecommunicate, how we interact
with other people, how weinteract with our wives, how we
communicate All those things hasso much to do with how we were
raised and the environment thatwe grew up in.
Speaker 2 (05:10):
Well, growing up, sex was not something that was
talked about.
It was dirty, it was just notsomething that you talk about At
all.
Speaker 1 (05:23):
Period, at all period .
So did your um, did your momand dad?
Did you like catch them like inthe kitchen smooching, making?
Speaker 2 (05:29):
out anything like that.
Okay, none, never.
Okay, all right, no you?
Speaker 1 (05:34):
no, absolutely no.
My dad was an alcoholic.
No, he was usually throwingshit and drunk, so, oh, so I
just anyway.
Um, but yeah, he was usuallyjust so.
It was not that.
Now my stepdad was German.
Speaker 2 (05:49):
Yeah, it was a little bit more healthier environment.
It was very healthy with them,yeah, when they got married.
Speaker 1 (05:53):
Yeah, it was a lot better.
Speaker 2 (05:55):
Yeah.
And I was like freshman in highschool I was raised with.
It was dirty, it was yuck.
You don't talk about it.
You.
Speaker 1 (06:08):
I was raised and I wasn't raised, but I spent a lot
of time on a construction crewlaying gas lines In your young,
formidable years.
Yes, in middle school early Iwas introduced to a lot of
things way, way too early, sothere wasn't much I didn't know.
Um, as far as that went, andnot in a good, healthy way, yeah
(06:29):
, um, so it was kind of, youknow, it's just, it was, it was
different yeah, it's verydifferent like yeah and it
wasn't.
It wasn't great.
I mean it wasn't.
I don't say it's a good,different, um, I don't think the
way that it happened for me andthe way that happened for you,
I don't think either one ofthose not right versus wrong
right it's just exposure, Iguess.
Speaker 2 (06:50):
Is that the right word?
Speaker 1 (06:51):
I don't know but anyway it was a um, starkly
different.
I learned a lot way earlybefore it actually kind of this
is weird.
It kind of scared me towardwomen, like a little bit.
The whole sex thing Like thatwas not—I steer clear of that a
lot in high school because I waslike hmm, no, which is kind of
(07:12):
interesting.
It is.
So playing football, growing upin a construction crew, all of
those things like I wasintroduced to things that
weren't the healthiest things,introduced to pornography at a
really, really young age.
Speaker 2 (07:26):
Right.
Speaker 1 (07:26):
On a construction crew.
That's before the internet.
So it was all magazine stuff,right, but it was just.
There was not a healthy visionor picture for what sex is, but
also on the flip side, eventhough you were overexposed for
me.
Speaker 2 (07:43):
I don't know that it was necessarily healthy for me
either, because it was dirty andit was a no and those kinds of
things.
Speaker 1 (07:52):
So there was no talking at all, like you didn't
talk about it, like for me thatwas the other problem with that,
like we were so used to it,like nothing was off topic.
Speaker 2 (08:00):
You talk about anything and everything.
Speaker 1 (08:02):
So it made it kind of interesting.
So, it's really cool when youlook at.
Speaker 2 (08:08):
When you back up and look at it.
Speaker 1 (08:10):
Yeah, when you back up and look at marriage like
women are and you can speak tothis more than me, of course,
because you're a woman and I'mnot Men are more for the.
Thank you for clarifying.
I appreciate that Men are moreof the physical attraction, Like
it's, like I want to see her.
It's the visual aspect of that,not just the emotional side.
Speaker 2 (08:34):
Guys want to be, they want to hear from their woman
Want to be wanted that sort ofemotional fulfillment.
But for men I feel like most ofthe time it's a physical
satisfaction.
But for women we're looking forthat emotional connection most
of the time not 100% of the timefor either or, but in general I
(08:55):
feel like that's probably andthen we fall back into that same
trap we always fall back intowhen we don't know how to
communicate something inmarriage.
Speaker 1 (09:03):
What do we do?
We shut down and we don't talkabout it at all we do.
Speaker 2 (09:06):
I like to shut down.
It's fun.
Speaker 1 (09:08):
And so what you do is you go to your perspective
corners, yes, and you're likewell, we're not going to talk
about what I really want and sowhat happens?
The man goes, not always, butsometimes the man goes to porn
to look to satisfy that, andthen the the woman goes to
either novels, instagram,romance novels, whatever it may
(09:29):
be like even looking for thatemotional fulfillment.
Speaker 2 (09:31):
That's when a lot of wives will dive into their
children.
That's meeting that need offeeling wanted, like the kids
want you and like all thesecommitments and, yes, the spicy
novels and those types of things.
Speaker 1 (09:45):
And social media too.
I mean, women's interaction onsocial media is so much higher
than guys, and so it's just thatkind of but it's that.
I want that acceptance, I wantthe connection Guys want that.
We just really suck at tellingpeople hey, I want to be wanted
by you, I want you to know thatyou're proud of me, that you
(10:05):
love me, that you want me.
Like.
Guys want that.
They're just not as upfrontabout it as women are.
Speaker 2 (10:11):
Yeah, I think that a lot of married couples, or
couples in general, might forgetthat sex is not just a physical
act that feels good because Imean it's obviously that but
it's meeting a need for yourpartner and you're meeting it
with.
You're meeting those needstogether, so it's not like
(10:32):
you're going to go find thatneed for yourself.
No, I can do that.
Speaker 1 (10:36):
Correct.
Speaker 2 (10:36):
And I want you to want that from me.
Speaker 1 (10:38):
Yeah, you know what I mean.
Yeah, because we have these,like when I say we don't know,
we don't know how to communicate, so we don't communicate at all
about it.
And so, therefore, we put upthose walls and it's really
awkward, really weird, yeah.
And so we're like, we're notgoing to talk about it.
And then you have these weirdkind of probably unrealistic
expectations of what it shouldbe, and you never even talk
(11:00):
about what you want or what youthink it should be or what you
want it to be, and then,therefore, when those aren't met
, you get frustrated, she getsfrustrated, and then you find
yourself back in that same spotagain, going well, crap here we
are.
Speaker 2 (11:13):
Well, I mean, for goodness sake, most of the
things we talk about goes backto a communication issue,
because it is.
And then every time there's acommunication issue it goes back
to having unmet expectations.
But because you didn'tcommunicate it clearly of what
you actually want, those needsare not going to be met.
Speaker 1 (11:33):
Because I mean there's a difference in
communicating and sharing yourexpectations when it comes to
money and relationships and thekids and everything else, but
it's completely different.
Speaker 2 (11:45):
Oh gosh, it's so vulnerable.
Speaker 1 (11:46):
Yeah, when you're like, hey, let's talk about sex,
this is what I want.
Yeah, it's very, veryvulnerable.
It's like letting the guarddown completely.
Yes, completely yeah, and sothere's a huge level of trust
with that.
Yeah, there's a chance for youto build trust Drastically.
There's a chance for you tobuild trust Drastically.
There's a chance for you todestroy trust also.
Yeah, so it's definitely—.
Speaker 2 (12:08):
I mean I'd say—I mean money talks and those kinds of
things are hard, but I don'tfeel like one of the most
difficult conversations you canactually have in marriage is
about sex, and I feel like it'savoided too often and I'm guilty
of that.
Well it's— I'm throwing myselfunder the bus on that one.
Speaker 1 (12:25):
Well, yeah, it's rare that people talk about this.
And it's rare that people areopen and honest about it to say,
hey, communicate what you want,because you're afraid if I
communicate to you what I wantand you go, oh, you're sick and
deprived.
Speaker 2 (12:40):
You're weird.
Speaker 1 (12:41):
You're a sicko.
What is wrong with you?
Yeah, and then you're just likeoh well.
Speaker 2 (12:46):
Or if I say what I want, you're not living in a
romance novel.
What are you talking about?
That's not real.
Speaker 1 (12:51):
And you're just like, well, I'm just going to go turn
Netflix on or YouTube and watchgolf.
Yeah.
So it's like I don't want toeven touch that or deal with
that, and so that's therefore,and I'm not getting into, I'm
(13:12):
not getting into what's right,what's wrong for you, we're not
going there today, that's foryou and your partner to decide.
That's for you guys to figureout and have a communication
about and talk about.
There are certain things that Iwould say you should probably
just steer clear of this.
You should steer clear of that.
I mean, there's some prettyobvious things you should.
Speaker 2 (13:31):
Well, I mean, to most people it would be obvious
probably.
Speaker 1 (13:35):
Okay, yeah, it's true , but at the same time, like
this is have a conversation.
I'm just saying we're talkinglike basement level,
foundational.
We're not talking about this toshare our own opinions.
Speaker 2 (13:45):
I'm just saying we're talking like basement level
foundation.
We're not talking about this toshare our own opinions.
We're just talking about it asa healthy relationship point of
view.
Yeah, Because I mean the basisof it.
When you get down to it, likesex was created by God Correct,
it was created to procreate, butit was also created for the
husband and wife to enjoy eachother Correct yes, You're wife
(14:06):
to enjoy each other Correct.
Speaker 1 (14:07):
Yes, you're supposed to enjoy it.
Speaker 2 (14:08):
Yeah, and if you're looking for, that part of the
Bible, go to Song of Solomon andjust camp out there for a while
, but I mean even back inGenesis, whenever God created
man and woman like they werecreated.
Speaker 1 (14:18):
I am reading through Genesis.
I'm doing a chronological readthrough Genesis.
Yeah, bruh, like it's, there'ssome crazy junk in Genesis.
I don't know if you've donethat in a while.
You should go check it out.
It's really interesting, likeI'm like what.
Speaker 2 (14:32):
Yeah, but if you haven't, you should read the
Song of Solomon, because it'slike yikes.
Speaker 1 (14:39):
Yeah, it's pretty.
Speaker 2 (14:42):
It's colorful and poetic language, but also it's
not.
Speaker 1 (14:46):
Right, so we can start with the basic standard of
saying okay, sex is differentfor women than it is for men.
That's pretty easy.
We know that.
It's kind of simple, likethat's a foundation.
We know that that's afoundation, we know that.
So, all right, let's have aconversation around those things
(15:07):
to say okay, how do we evenbecause even just trying to
figure out, how do we start thisconversation, how do we, what
does this look like?
Speaker 2 (15:15):
First of all, tell yourself it's okay that you want
it.
Yeah, it's okay.
Speaker 1 (15:19):
Yeah, you're supposed to.
Yeah, if you don't, thenthere's something else wrong.
Speaker 2 (15:25):
There's another difference.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (15:27):
There's another issue and something else that needs
to be addressed and somethingthat needs to be talked about.
Speaker 2 (15:31):
It's also okay to talk about what you like and
what you don't like.
Speaker 1 (15:34):
Correct and be honest .
That's the thing that we don'tdo is be honest when it comes to
this conversation, becauseyou're afraid you're going to
hurt each other's feelings orone way or the other, or again
you're being vulnerable andyou're afraid you're going to
get shot down.
But it's literally have andkind of give the umbrella of
(15:56):
grace to say, hey, we can talkabout these things here.
This is a safe safe place for usto talk about.
I'm not going to use thisagainst you and throw it up
against you when I get mad orsomething I don't agree with.
Speaker 2 (16:09):
I would rather you talk about those things with me
than anybody else.
Speaker 1 (16:12):
Well, because if they're not talking about them
with each other, they're talkingabout them somewhere.
They're going somewhere else tohave that conversation.
Speaker 2 (16:20):
And that's not okay.
Speaker 1 (16:21):
No, have the conversation in there now in the
relationship.
Speaker 2 (16:27):
Well, and communication as you go along
too, because I mean we'veexperienced different seasons in
the time that we've beenmarried.
Like we didn't have infants andtoddlers and little guys
together, but we had little kids.
A house full of little kids,yes, so we have personally
experienced different seasonstogether.
Speaker 1 (16:49):
Yeah, because where you're at like— Just pause where
you're at the season you're inin marriage.
It's not going to be that wayforever.
Speaker 2 (16:58):
No.
Speaker 1 (16:58):
But also too, if you're not careful, you can find
yourself in a comfortable zone,yes, and you get stuck there.
Yes, and if you don't work toget out of it, you'll be there
for the rest of your marriage, Imean not to throw Producer
Thomas under the bus, but, likewe said earlier, Producer Thomas
, tonight is here our son, ouroldest.
Speaker 2 (17:17):
They have a nine-month-old.
I can pretty much guaranteethat, now that Lucy's nine
months old, it's a lot differentfor you, Miranda, than when you
first got married, Just likewhen all of y'all were little
and it was a circus.
It was different than it is now.
Or, you know ages of kids,their sports involvement and all
(17:40):
of the commitments that youhave whenever you're raising
kids.
If you're not communicatingabout what you need and what you
want in your own relationship,those kids are going to
overshadow everything.
Yeah, and they're going to.
It's going to, like you justsaid, it's just going to stay
that way.
Speaker 1 (17:54):
Yeah.
And then sometimes you, oh,every couple does this, I know.
So it's just going to stay thatway, yeah, and then sometimes
you, oh, every couple does this,I know.
So it's just one of thosethings to just like hey,
everybody does it, so it's okay.
Like you're texting back andforth, you'd be like, oh my gosh
, this is what's gonna happen.
Blah, blah, blah, blah blah andthen it usually ends with you
falling asleep on the couch, orjust one's in a chair, one
(18:14):
somewhere else, like thathappens.
Or I fall asleep reading yeahdon't beat yourself up, because
that's normal life it is.
You're living life, you'retrying to raise a family, you're
trying to have a job Like those.
Things are difficult.
Speaker 2 (18:27):
It is.
Speaker 1 (18:28):
So just know that that's okay.
Speaker 2 (18:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (18:33):
Don't hold yourself to a ridiculously stupid
standard, yeah.
Speaker 2 (18:36):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (18:33):
Well, I mean— Don't hold yourself to a ridiculously
stupid standard.
Speaker 2 (18:33):
Well, yeah Well your kids' ages play into it, but
then your own age plays into ittoo, that's true, yes.
We've gone from our 30s toyou've just entered your 50s
together.
Speaker 1 (18:48):
Thank you for sharing my age online too.
I appreciate that.
Speaker 2 (18:52):
You already told your age earlier.
Speaker 1 (18:53):
Yeah, I'm getting those AARP cards in the mail and
I just rip them up and I'm likebruh, but Nope.
Speaker 2 (19:00):
I'm 47.
Does that make you feel better?
I've said how old I am.
Speaker 1 (19:02):
No, it does not at all.
No, because there's not a fivein front of it.
Yeah, you got a four, I got afive.
Speaker 2 (19:20):
But like we've changed just how our bodies work
, my hormones are a disaster,like we've gone through those
things.
But we, we continue to talkabout it and I mean I've gotten
help from a specialist, ahormonal specialist.
I mean it's hard to believethat I'm at that age, but that's
where we are Right.
And so, like I was saying asecond ago, the things change
with your kids' ages, but itchanges with your age too.
Speaker 1 (19:39):
When I know this sounds completely obvious, but I
will say it again Like whenyou're in a relationship and
they're sex, you have to beintentional.
When you have little kids, whenyou're it's just the two of you
and there's nobody else, Okay,it's easy, you don't have to be
as intentional.
(20:00):
But when you have a kid, you'relike bro, we got a babysitter,
I've already spent $40 and wedidn't even left the house yet.
Like we're going to eat.
It's like this is, you know,like you have.
You just had to be intentionalin planning.
And Because you plan yourromantic time together, it
doesn't lessen that at all, itdoesn't make it any less
(20:21):
meaningful, but at the same time, that's just again.
That's about being intentional.
It's a season.
Speaker 2 (20:26):
It's a season.
Speaker 1 (20:27):
And it will change it will.
Just give it time.
Speaker 2 (20:29):
Well, I mean when the kids were growing up, we would
schedule like an Atlanta datenight where we would spend the
night away.
God, those were so fun.
Speaker 1 (20:39):
So, yeah, we would always try to find these really
cool speakeasies around Atlanta.
Speaker 2 (20:45):
We found a lot of cool spots that we take our kids
to now.
Speaker 1 (20:47):
Yeah, just kind of a fun, just to go chill, vibe, and
then we'd usually stay therethe whole night.
Speaker 2 (20:52):
But we'd have to schedule it weeks in advance to
make sure everybody was wherethey needed to be.
Speaker 1 (20:58):
But then there's those.
Some nights like those werereally, really fun.
But then there was some nightswhere it's like we're watching
Talladega Nights and we got abox of tacos from Taco Bell.
You know it was like we'revegging out on the couch eating
tacos from Taco Bell andwatching Talladega Nights and
laughing.
Speaker 2 (21:15):
Well, a lot of the time, transparency.
When the kids were younger,those nights were necessary just
for budget reasons.
Speaker 1 (21:22):
Well, yeah, you're broke.
Speaker 2 (21:23):
We had four kids doing 47 different things.
But those even the at-home datenights.
We were so intentional inplaying those just as hard as we
planned the Atlanta ones I meanthere was a good chunk of time
that the home ones were ourfavorites right, I mean because
you, you, you have to.
Speaker 1 (21:41):
This is where communication comes in, though,
because if she's expecting anight in Atlanta and you're
thinking, taco bell funny movie.
Yeah, like, and you're notsharing those with each other?
Speaker 2 (21:51):
when it comes time to be a disappointment for
somebody yeah, somebody'sgetting their feelings hurt and
getting mad and then the wholenight's just trashed.
Speaker 1 (21:57):
So that's where it goes back to just have the
conversation.
Like even as crazy as it is andI know this is probably being a
little too honest, butsometimes the communication is
like this is where we're at inour life now, like if we get in
the car and I'm like, hey, it'stonight.
Speaker 2 (22:15):
Like we're get in the car and I'm like hey, it's
tonight, like we're going, youknow, are we going to play?
Speaker 1 (22:17):
Yeah, we're going to play, Not as like a no thank you
, because it's going to dependon what I get to eat tonight,
like either.
If it's not, I'm going like ifwe are, we're like, yeah, I'm
getting a chicken, caesar wrapand some fries.
Or if I'm like no, certainthings, you're just like, bro, I
can't.
Speaker 2 (22:37):
It's okay to be forward and ask yeah, I'm like,
do I get a?
Speaker 1 (22:40):
salad, or do I go for the like?
Am I getting the really big?
Speaker 2 (22:44):
Or you're getting the double-decker burger situation.
Speaker 1 (22:47):
Yeah cheese and bacon and all that.
So I'm feeling like ughafterwards and that special
sauce.
Speaker 2 (22:51):
When was that it was so good?
Anyway 57, it's a taco mac ohtaco mac yeah, anyway, but it's
okay because you know what, likewe keep saying, if you ask
ahead of time, it's going toprevent unmet expectations yeah,
that doesn't steal again.
Speaker 1 (23:09):
It doesn't steal away from the moment, it doesn't
take from what is happening.
It is just a like.
If you don't do that like, youmay have expectations.
You're going on a date and belike yeah, this is happening
tonight.
And you're sitting around in apageant seat going there's
absolutely no way in the worldthis is happening tonight and
it's like, even if I just don'thave that stupid simple
(23:30):
conversation, like myexpectations are going to be
torqued up and you're going tobe like well, why are you mad?
Speaker 2 (23:38):
Like, why are you upset?
You should just know that mystomach has been hurting all day
.
Speaker 1 (23:41):
Yeah, so it's just like I don't know those things?
Speaker 2 (23:43):
Oh wait, I didn't tell you that, oh, okay.
Speaker 1 (23:46):
Yeah, so it's always that idea of just trying to
figure it out.
Just go ahead and pull the capoff.
Producer Thomas, you, you knowhe's trying to pull a cap off of
the dry erase marker, so you'recreaking it's okay, just so you
know we're okay.
Thank you, bud we're in theprocess of trying to figure out
how to get better mics, becausethese mics pick up everything.
(24:06):
I think a mouse just farted inthe corner and the mic picked it
up.
So it's like we're trying tofigure out, we're trying to get
some better mics, but we're on ashoestring budget right now.
Speaker 2 (24:16):
Yeah, a few seconds ago I just kind of held up my
hand and pointed to my wristlike where we at on time trying
to be discreet about it.
Well then, the creaky, creaky,creaky, dry erase marker.
You know it's okay.
Speaker 1 (24:28):
We're figuring it out , people.
Speaker 2 (24:29):
We're doing this in our house.
We don't know what we're doing.
Speaker 1 (24:32):
It's we are doing this in our house, and so, but
it's also too.
Again back on the subject.
Speaker 2 (24:38):
Well, here's the thing, too, that I think that a
lot of just to again throw myown self under the bus a lot of
people that were raised like mewhere sex is dirty and you don't
talk about it, it's okay toeducate yourself.
Speaker 1 (24:54):
Right.
Speaker 2 (24:54):
And that doesn't mean porn no, not at all, it's okay
to educate yourself, right?
Speaker 1 (24:57):
Yes, and that doesn't mean porn?
Speaker 2 (24:58):
No, no, not at all.
It's okay.
There is stuff out there thatyou can look at together and
read together.
Speaker 1 (25:06):
What does she really want?
What does he really want?
What?
Are you after?
Are you okay with the thingsthat he wants and the things
that she wants?
Yeah, and figure out what thoselike.
Marriage is a place where, ifyou can't have that conversation
in your marriage, where are youhaving that conversation at?
Like you should be able to talkabout those things.
Speaker 2 (25:24):
And not all of the.
There's studies you can do andkind of like the book of
questions that we have that welike to do some of the
lighthearted questions thatwe'll do every now and again.
There's books like that thatyou can do together as a couple
about sex, just to help you talkabout it.
Speaker 1 (25:39):
Right, just to kick the conversation off.
Speaker 2 (25:42):
They're not all Bible-based, because some of the
Bible-based ones get a little—Cheesy yeah.
Speaker 1 (25:46):
They get a lot cheesy A lot cheesy, and that's okay
too.
Speaker 2 (25:49):
There's a time and a place for that.
Speaker 1 (25:51):
And if that fits you and that's where you're at, okay
, be there, have at it.
I'm not saying you gotta godirty, raunchy, whatever it is,
you gotta find what fits whereyou're at.
But I'm saying more thananything else just at least have
the conversation.
Yeah, just at least start thetalk, because if you're not, it
(26:13):
just leads down a road that'snot healthy for anybody.
Speaker 2 (26:15):
It's not, it's just not.
And sometimes that unhealthyroad may just lead to both of
you are just miserable and youjust choose to stay there.
Sometimes, when the road leadsto you're not happy, it makes
one spouse stray from yourcommitment.
Speaker 1 (26:31):
Well, usually Just to say it nicely Honestly, what
happens in those situations isthe wife attaches herself to the
kids, yeah, and she starts topulling all of her life into
that.
The husband the naturalreaction is to pour himself into
his job, his job and his lifeand so everything about him.
If you ask like, ask a man, bejust like, hey, tell me about
(26:52):
yourself.
The very first thing he's goingto do is tell you what he does
for a living.
And that's just because guysare like, well, this is what I
do, so this is who I am.
Speaker 2 (27:02):
But yeah, and for us, the first thing we're going to
talk about is our kids.
Speaker 1 (27:05):
Yeah, and it's just about like hey, this is who I am
, yeah, it's not what I do.
I do those things so I can livemy life.
So it's always guys are justand they do that.
And if you don't do anythingabout it, you just continue to
work those separate ways.
And then it's just like thewhole sex thing is like he wants
sex and I don't even like him,I can't even stand to be around
(27:27):
him.
She doesn't like me, shedoesn't find me attractive, blah
, blah, blah, blah, blah.
And then it just becomes soeasy.
When somebody at the gym orsomebody at work goes oh, you
look so good.
It's just like boom.
Next thing you know you're in areally bad spot, yeah, and so
it's like be intentional andhave the conversation with your
(27:48):
significant other yeah like havethe conversation so let's
unpack yeah, okay, this one'sgonna be a little.
Our episode's a little shorter,but that's okay.
It's not a lot you can sayabout sex, other than talk about
it and do it.
Speaker 2 (28:01):
Yeah, that's true, Right.
Just make it perfect is whatthey say.
Yeah, I'm proud of you for well, we're not done.
Speaker 1 (28:10):
I haven't made any inappropriate.
Speaker 2 (28:12):
I was about to say I'm proud of you for not being
inappropriate, but we're notfinished yet.
I'm going to save that.
Speaker 1 (28:18):
Okay, I'm working really hard over here, you're
doing so good, I'm so proud ofyou Filter's on.
Speaker 2 (28:22):
I'm proud.
Well, in the unpacked portionwe like to make some notes about
where we're going to go andthings that we think that maybe
people can put into practice inyour real life.
Not maybe, hopefully, peoplecan put into practice in their
real life.
Speaker 1 (28:37):
Here's what I struggle with, because I was
listening to.
Speaker 2 (28:40):
I'm a podcast junkie so I was listening to a podcast
today and I was riding in thecar, oh, and you were stuck in
traffic going zero miles an hour.
Speaker 1 (28:51):
I didn't want to talk about it.
But I'm stuck in the car and Irealized I was like I know what
to do.
Sometimes I know what to do.
Just give me one simple firststep, yeah, and then give me a
simple second step, like let'sdon't overcomplicate this, like,
let's just go.
Like for me it's like sometimesit's just like okay, let's get
(29:14):
okay, I've got it simple, I'vegot it.
Speaker 2 (29:16):
Okay, ready to me.
Take your clothes off and havea good time you're talking about
right now no, not right nowsorry that could be awkward for
thomas.
Speaker 1 (29:25):
I'm sorry that was my hundred pro.
Take it.
Speaker 2 (29:28):
I almost made it you almost made it yeah, so but with
your partner, get naked andhave fun, right.
Speaker 1 (29:38):
There's a sign in our bathroom.
It's right above our bathtub,though.
But it just makes me laugh.
Every time I see it.
Speaker 2 (29:43):
It just says get naked and so that should be when
we moved here and we wereredoing everything and I put
that sign up.
Callie walked in there and shewas helping me put something
else in the bathroom and she waslike, oh my God, jessie, really
.
And I was like, yeah, really.
Speaker 1 (30:00):
So I agree, I think that's a really really good
first step.
Speaker 2 (30:04):
You said a simple first step.
Speaker 1 (30:09):
Yep, okay, that's a good first step.
Speaker 2 (30:11):
I feel like it is.
Speaker 1 (30:12):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (30:13):
So the other, the next thing that we talked about
is that you have to learn to beokay with talking about your
wants and needs in the bedroomand I'm talking to myself,
because we've been married for along time and I still sometimes
I personally still strugglewith what do I want or need?
Speaker 1 (30:33):
I'm just curious out there For those of you who
aren't watching.
I'm holding my finger up.
I don't need, I'm just curiousout there For those of you
aren't watching.
I'm holding my finger up.
I don't know why I'm holding myfinger up.
Speaker 2 (30:38):
He's making a point.
Speaker 1 (30:39):
I'm about to make a point here.
Speaker 2 (30:40):
It's important if you're watching this on the
video.
Speaker 1 (30:43):
Yes, you can catch us on.
Youtube too we try to uploadthose on YouTube.
We're struggling when we'regetting there.
Speaker 2 (30:50):
Here we go.
Now you're holding up twofingers.
Oh my gosh, I just forgot whatI was going to say.
I got so into the thing Let merepeat what I said Learn to be
okay with talking about yourwants and needs in the bedroom.
Speaker 1 (31:04):
Yeah, that's not it Okay cool.
My ADD mind just went somewhereelse.
It always circles back.
Speaker 2 (31:10):
So here's something it's okay to laugh.
Speaker 1 (31:15):
Yeah, 100%.
Speaker 2 (31:16):
If you haven't laughed at least once, you're
being way too serious about it.
Speaker 1 (31:23):
I'm about, oh my.
Speaker 2 (31:24):
God.
Speaker 1 (31:26):
I'm about to be very vulnerable right now.
I'm going to share this momentwith you guys.
Speaker 2 (31:31):
Just a little bit.
Speaker 1 (31:33):
What this is all about me.
You're gonna think this is allthis is.
This is my humiliation for theentire world this was last week
no, no, it's not.
Speaker 2 (31:45):
We're on our honeymoon oh my gosh, I cannot
believe you're about to tellthis story and we're in this.
Little thomas is laughingbecause he knows this story.
Speaker 1 (31:53):
It's in this little thatch cabin Thomas is laughing
because he knows the story.
It's in this little thatchcabin thing.
Speaker 2 (31:57):
It was a hut.
It was a glorified fancy hut.
Speaker 1 (32:01):
Off this island in Belize.
It was super cool though.
Speaker 2 (32:03):
It was amazing.
Speaker 1 (32:04):
But it really didn't have walls, it just had these.
Speaker 2 (32:07):
I mean, it went like maybe like eight feet or so,
yeah, and there was a stop.
Speaker 1 (32:10):
So it's open, like the whole roof was open to the
same thing.
Speaker 2 (32:13):
So, like our quote unquote bathroom, it was
private-ish but it didn't havewalls.
Speaker 1 (32:19):
So we were.
We had been out in the, out inthe middle of the ocean.
It felt like Like you couldn'tsee land and we're on this reef
and they cooked us dinner outthere and we're cooking and they
have drinks and they're likewe're sitting on a table, it was
on a sandbar.
Speaker 2 (32:34):
We're sitting on a table, it was on a sandbar.
We're sitting on a table withchairs and we couldn't see land
in any direction.
No, there's no land anywhere.
It's the weirdest.
Speaker 1 (32:38):
It's the coolest thing.
It was ridiculous.
We're sitting in the middle ofthe ocean eating lobster and
fish.
Speaker 2 (32:43):
So we were exploring.
I know what you're about totalk about.
Speaker 1 (32:46):
Yeah, we're exploring , so I see this massive star
Starfish story.
Speaker 2 (32:51):
I was picking up all these giant conch shells.
Speaker 1 (32:54):
This is not about you .
Speaker 2 (32:55):
This is my story you're just stealing my story.
I don't know if the conch isstill in it.
That's a different story, soanyway.
Speaker 1 (33:00):
I find the starfish and I go to step off.
It's a little deeper than Ithought and I tweaked my back
and I was like, oh god, so I'mtweaking my back, but I still do
.
Speaker 2 (33:10):
I have a really cute picture of you with a starfish
on your head, so I got thestarfish and put it on my head.
We're going to share.
Speaker 1 (33:14):
It Draped over my ear , it was massive.
So, anyway, that is part of thestory, because we're back at
the hut that night and I waslike, oh it's on, it's that time
, and so I go and Jess is layingin this really big king bed and
(33:37):
we got this big ceiling,ceiling going like.
Speaker 2 (33:38):
It's literally dreamy , amazing.
And you said I've got to go tothe bathroom.
Speaker 1 (33:40):
No, no, I said I'm gonna take my shorts.
I want to take my shorts offtoward the bathroom.
No, the bathroom was there andso I'm gonna take my shorts off.
When my bag was tweaked and soI my foot got caught in my
shorts when I was trying to getoff, because your back's hurt.
If you ever ever had your backhurt, you know what I'm talking
about.
And you weren't holding on toanything.
No, and I start falling.
And as I start falling Istarted to fart and I farted all
(34:06):
the way to the ground and youfell in like slow motion.
I fell, hit the door, fell outthe door, hit the door frame and
landed in the middle of thedoor the door's wide open, still
farting, farting my shortsliterally around my ankles, and
I'm laying here and I'm justlooking at you going.
There's no recovery from that.
(34:29):
I thought I was trying to dosome sexy dance or something and
I got out of my shorts andliterally embarrass myself to
death, like it was.
It was so funny, yeah, and sothere's just no recovering from
it.
Speaker 2 (34:43):
There's not.
Speaker 1 (34:43):
So to say.
Speaker 2 (34:45):
I thought you were going to talk about the other
day, when you didn't know whatto do with your arms.
Speaker 1 (34:48):
I did, I did, I did make that statement.
I don't know what to do with myarms.
Them arms are in the way, um,but we, we laughed about that
one too.
Oh my gosh, I forgot.
Speaker 2 (34:59):
So we, if you're, if you're not laughing in the
bedroom.
You're being too serious,you're taking yourself way too
serious.
Speaker 1 (35:03):
Like just relax a little bit.
It's not like you're not doingbrain surgery, okay thank you
for bringing up that greatmemory so that's me, that's true
, that really happened, rightthere I can't believe I shared
it for the world, but anyway I'mso proud of you.
Speaker 2 (35:22):
Thank you so laugh.
Speaker 1 (35:25):
Yeah, have fun.
Cut up like this is a it.
It's a fun thing for you andyour significant other to enjoy.
Yeah, that's what it wascreated for.
So how fun, enjoy, laugh witheach other.
Speaker 2 (35:37):
Sometimes there's storybook romance and sometimes
there's farts.
Speaker 1 (35:40):
Sometimes there's beautiful candles and sometimes
you almost knock yourself out onthe doorframe while you're
farting Time to keep your pantsoff, Like it's just who knows.
Okay, what's our next one?
Speaker 2 (35:53):
Well, the next.
It's hard to go from laughingso hard to me, okay.
So intimacy begins way beforethe bedroom.
Yeah, that's a sharp last turnright there, yeah, but it does
and, like you were talking aboutearlier, like there's like all
these texts that go back andforth during the day, like
you're trying to, you know, setyour like intention way ahead of
(36:17):
the time.
Sometimes it works andsometimes it doesn't and it's
not.
Speaker 1 (36:21):
Here's the thing, though.
It's not like you can get mador frustrated when it doesn't
pan out yeah like I'm gonna sayjust be okay.
Sometimes, when it does, justbe excited that it did.
When it doesn't, it's okay.
Give some grace to one personor the other, because, yeah, it
would be perfect if life justworked out the way you planned
(36:42):
it all the time.
But that's not life.
No, it's not, it's just kind ofdifficult, and so be okay with
that.
But it does For guys.
It doesn't take much for you.
You can walk by and smack heron the butt in the kitchen and
be like, yeah, it's on.
It may take a little bit morefor her to get there.
Speaker 2 (37:02):
Yeah, so keep that in mind.
Speaker 1 (37:04):
Sometimes that works and sometimes it doesn't, yeah,
so don't be.
And just because it works onetime doesn't mean it works every
time.
Speaker 2 (37:09):
No, Welcome to being a girl yeah, it.
And being a girl yeah it's justlike it doesn't always work.
Mm-mm.
You hate when I bring up thisphrase.
Oh God, you know what I'm aboutto say.
Speaker 1 (37:21):
It's such an old.
Speaker 2 (37:21):
It's such a church phrase, it's an old school
church thing.
Yeah, women are crockpots andmen are microwaves.
Yeah, you know, you can cook aroast in a microwave though, and
a baked potato roast in amicrowave, and you can bake
potato too.
We learned that from ourdaughter-in-law.
Speaker 1 (37:34):
We did so microwaves are pretty handy.
But anyway, regardless it's, Imean the concept is but then,
women take longer to get there.
Not not all women are like thatbut to your point.
Speaker 2 (37:45):
You just said you can walk past your girl in the
kitchen, smack her on the buttand she's like, oh, oh, okay,
like just talk, yeah, just talk.
Speaker 1 (37:55):
Like hold her hand when you're riding the car.
Speaker 2 (37:58):
That's a big deal for us.
Speaker 1 (37:59):
Hug her when she's in the kitchen.
If you guys are in the kitchencooking together, hug on her.
Kiss her on the cheek.
Kiss her on the cheek in themorning.
The forehead kisses we all likethose and don't expect anything
in return.
Like, hey, I'm just, I want tolove you, I want to show you
affection, those things are okay, and they're okay in front of
your kids, because you get toshow your kids what a real
(38:21):
loving relationship looks likeyeah, yeah, don't be ashamed to
love on each other in front ofyour kids.
Speaker 2 (38:27):
I mean, I feel like Now, if you're out, in public.
Speaker 1 (38:29):
There's some lines.
Speaker 2 (38:30):
There are some lines.
Speaker 1 (38:35):
You see people cross those lines, but it's okay to
show that you love each other.
Speaker 2 (38:37):
Yes, it really is.
There's one little side note ofkind of like a warning I guess
I might would say, just becauseI'm a reader, I don't read these
kinds of books often, or but Ithink that sometimes mostly
women I guess some men read them, but you need to be careful
about expecting like the spicybooks, like that kind of same
(38:58):
quality in real life, becausethat's not real life, no, or
movies or whatever.
Speaker 1 (39:03):
Well, it's the same as a guy watching some porn
thing and think that's going tohappen at his house, Like really
.
Speaker 2 (39:09):
You're married to a normal woman.
Yeah, don't be stupid.
Yeah, first off, just becareful of just being
unrealistic.
Speaker 1 (39:17):
We're not advocating to do anything like outside.
So hear us say that, yeah, I'madvocating for you to sit down
with your spouse and have aconversation, and share your
expectations.
Speaker 2 (39:28):
Talk about what you want.
Talk about what you like.
Yes, and have a good time beingmarried.
Speaker 1 (39:35):
Yeah.
So, with all that being said,we're just going to say hey,
thanks for joining tonight andgo get naked.
Speaker 2 (39:43):
Oh my gosh.
So, Greg, you almost made it.
There we go.
Thank you for joining us onBaggage Claim tonight.
You should let me know, oh gosh.
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