December 16, 2025 • 45 mins
Family doesn’t come with instructions, and neither do in-laws. We open up about the moments that almost derailed our trust—a sleep training text that landed like a judgment, a missed message that morphed into rejection—and how we pulled those threads back to the real issue: assumptions dressed up as facts. From the funny detours (holiday gift debates and the legend of drunk Uncle Roger) to the tender stuff (protecting your spouse when a parent crosses a line), we walk through the messy middle where most families actually live.
You’ll hear how we use “anchor points” to name the stories we attach to small hurts, then decide whether to build a wall or a floor. We lean on a simple toolkit—love that is patient and curious, forgiveness that releases without forgetting, and boundaries that protect the home you’re building. We also get practical about what to do when effort isn’t returned: how to show up with grace, set time limits, deflect baited topics, and keep your marriage first without making a scene at Thanksgiving.
We also explore the difference between chosen love in marriage and given love in parent-child bonds. That tension is real, and it’s why the spouse should lead any hard talk with their own parent. If you’re raising kids, you’re already shaping your future as in-laws; modeling apology, clarity, and firm kindness now lays a stable floor for later. If your in-law landscape is rocky, start small: clear one misunderstanding, set one boundary you’ll actually keep, and offer one honest olive branch. The payoff is a family culture that can handle truth without tearing.
If this helped, tap follow, share it with someone navigating in-law drama, and leave a review with the one boundary that changed your family dynamic. Your story might be the floor someone else needs to stand on.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_04 (00:00):
Hey guys, what's up?
I'm Greg.
I hope you guys are ready tounpack and get into some good
conversations today.
SPEAKER_02 (00:07):
And I'm Jess, and this is our podcast, Baggage
Claim.
Thank you for joining us.
SPEAKER_04 (00:17):
What's up, Baggage Claim?
How's everybody doing today?
Thank you so much for joiningus.
If you're new here, welcome.
I hope you get something out oftoday's message or thoughts or
podcast or whatever the hell itis we're doing here.
We're trying our best.
Yeah, this is a place wherewe're trying to do trying to
(00:39):
create some community andconversations around marriages,
blended families, relationships,all the fun stuff in between.
And sometimes it's a trainwreck, sometimes it's beautiful.
As is life.
It's always beautiful.
SPEAKER_03 (00:54):
We'll let you decide.
SPEAKER_04 (00:55):
Yeah, you you decide by a like, subscribe.
Please, uh please like us.
If you subscribe, whateverpodcast you're listening to, you
get updates as we update those.
We try to do them on Tuesdays,um, but sometimes I screw up
because I have other jobs, likelots of other jobs.
And um, but I'm trying to be I'mtrying to be good at it.
(01:16):
But if you're new, if you if ifyou've been here before, you
know the drills.
Sorry.
Grab your favorite drink,whatever it may be, pull up to
the table with us, uhproverbially, what if you're
driving or whatever you'redoing.
SPEAKER_02 (01:28):
I mean, if you want to come to here literally, yeah,
if you want to come be aliteralist, you can come hang
out with us.
SPEAKER_04 (01:33):
Pull up to the table.
I mean, it's our house, so it'snot like phenomenal.
Um, we love it because we're mygosh, our house is phenomenal.
SPEAKER_03 (01:41):
It's pretty phenomenal.
Oh, well.
SPEAKER_04 (01:44):
And if you want to watch a uh Georgia Bulldog game,
uh come by on a Saturday.
SPEAKER_02 (01:49):
If you've ever wondered why at the end of some
or most of every single episodewe've watched.
Every episode, if you listen allthe whole way to the end when we
sign off, we usually say godogs.
That's why.
SPEAKER_03 (02:02):
For all of our out-of-the-country people.
SPEAKER_04 (02:04):
College football, Georgia Bulldogs is in Athens,
Georgia.
SPEAKER_02 (02:08):
The state we live in is Georgia.
Yes, we live in the northeasternpart of it.
SPEAKER_04 (02:12):
About 40 minutes from Athens, where the classic
city where is God's country.
The most amazing football teamever to exist.
SPEAKER_02 (02:22):
The University of Georgia Bulldogs.
SPEAKER_04 (02:24):
And so we love watching them play on Saturdays,
and we have a blast.
SPEAKER_02 (02:28):
That's why we sign off, stay and go dogs.
SPEAKER_04 (02:30):
Yes.
So we're huge, we're huge dogfans.
SPEAKER_02 (02:32):
There's a story about why I think Greg married
me.
SPEAKER_04 (02:35):
Yeah, we'll get into that later.
Okay.
So, anyway, got your favoritedrink, whatever it may be.
If it's early in the morning,it's coffee, if it's water,
whatever.
Sweet tea.
Uh weird.
SPEAKER_02 (02:45):
Maybe in the south, you don't drink.
SPEAKER_04 (02:47):
Or maybe if you're in if you're in the south, you
get a sweet tea.
I'll take some sweet tea.
SPEAKER_02 (02:50):
I'll make some good sweet tea.
SPEAKER_04 (02:51):
If it's been a hard day, grab the bourbon and pull
on up and let's have a talk.
SPEAKER_02 (02:55):
So that was the country I've ever heard.
You say I've done it.
SPEAKER_04 (02:58):
It's very country, I'm sorry.
SPEAKER_02 (02:59):
So we're uh No, it's not the country's.
SPEAKER_04 (03:02):
So we're uh we're jumping back into this is part
two of our episode of In-Law's.
Because in-laws deserve morethan one part.
Um We are difficult.
SPEAKER_02 (03:13):
In-laws are difficult.
SPEAKER_04 (03:14):
So we're and we are in-laws, so we can talk about
in-laws.
And so um we're going to talkabout those situations of
in-laws.
And producer Michael.
Producer Michael, what do youwant to know?
Yeah, what are you asking, bro?
Is it is it question time?
Oh.
I was like, bro, that does notmake sense.
SPEAKER_03 (03:33):
That means exactly question time.
SPEAKER_04 (03:34):
Question mark, and it says time with another
question mark.
Is it question for two marks?
SPEAKER_02 (03:40):
You were asking, how long do you want to be?
That's what I was like.
I will know the tapture.
SPEAKER_03 (03:49):
I will admit that maybe my shorthand writing was
not the most clear.
SPEAKER_02 (03:54):
I understand what you're saying now that you said
time.
SPEAKER_03 (03:57):
Okay, it's Christmas.
SPEAKER_02 (03:58):
If you're watching us on YouTube, no, time out,
time out.
Oh my gosh.
Thank you.
SPEAKER_04 (04:06):
This is a segment where we I'm trying to produce
here.
Well, we always ask a sometimesdumb, sometimes.
SPEAKER_02 (04:11):
Producers are gonna produce.
Okay?
SPEAKER_04 (04:13):
Sometimes dumb questions, sometimes good
questions, but mostly dumbtimes.
SPEAKER_02 (04:17):
If you're watching us on YouTube, we've we've got
some Christmas.
SPEAKER_04 (04:23):
By the way, for those of you who can't see, I
don't know.
She's very sassy right now.
SPEAKER_02 (04:27):
Social media sassy, marketing director, Miranda.
Great question.
Producer Michael Jr.
SPEAKER_03 (04:32):
Producer Michael Jr.
SPEAKER_02 (04:34):
Producer Michael Jr.
Okay, this is a good question.
This is a Christmas question.
Are y'all ready?
Would you rather get one biggift or get many small gifts?
Would you rather give one?
SPEAKER_04 (04:51):
Who's that for?
Is that just from Randy or yousaid her name?
SPEAKER_02 (04:53):
All of us.
SPEAKER_04 (04:54):
All of us.
I say Miranda doesn't.
SPEAKER_02 (04:56):
I was giving Miranda for our beautiful decor, too.
So what does that have to dowith decor?
Christmas.
Okay.
I was confused.
SPEAKER_03 (05:06):
You have to go first, though.
SPEAKER_02 (05:07):
Would you rather get one big gift or several small
gifts for Christmas?
SPEAKER_01 (05:12):
Would it all fall within the same budget though?
SPEAKER_02 (05:15):
I didn't say anything about budget.
You are Mrs.
Budget.
SPEAKER_04 (05:20):
Budget does matter.
SPEAKER_02 (05:21):
Budget?
Erase that word from your fromyour I know you can't.
But in general, would you ratherget one big gift or many small
gifts?
SPEAKER_04 (05:29):
Okay, so you have a thousand dollar budget.
You can get a thousand dollarsworth of big.
SPEAKER_02 (05:33):
If you want everybody in your life that
loves you to go in together toget you one big gift, or would
you rather get lots of littlegifts?
One big gift.
Kitchen aid mixer.
That is the top of your wishlist.
SPEAKER_04 (05:47):
That's a straight up mom answer right there.
SPEAKER_01 (05:50):
No, it's a trad wife answer.
Trad wife.
The wooden bowl with the green.
I know, right?
SPEAKER_03 (05:57):
I saw that this week.
SPEAKER_01 (05:58):
I want that one.
SPEAKER_04 (05:59):
I want that one.
That's ridiculous.
What are y'all talking about?
SPEAKER_01 (06:04):
If someone wants to buy me one, I will make you all
the sweet treats.
The mixer?
Yeah.
That's been the top of your wishlist.
SPEAKER_03 (06:10):
But no, they have a limited edition now.
I saw it this week.
It is like an army hunter greenwith a dark wood mixing box.
SPEAKER_02 (06:19):
Also, way back to way back to when y'all got
married on your wedding wishlist.
There was a Kitchen A mixer onthere.
Nobody bought it for you.
SPEAKER_03 (06:29):
They're so expensive.
I would like to get it.
They are even few.
They're like 200 bucks.
I would like one big gift.
SPEAKER_02 (06:35):
Greg, you would like one big gift?
SPEAKER_03 (06:36):
One big gift, yes, please.
SPEAKER_02 (06:39):
Do you okay?
Do we need to specify what youwant the one big gift to be?
Okay, one big gift.
That's okay.
Because we know you and that.
Would you rather one big gift orsmall gifts producer?
SPEAKER_03 (06:50):
I would totally do one big gift.
Oh my gosh.
Do you want a bunch of littlegifts?
I want a bunch of little gifts.
SPEAKER_02 (06:57):
What the one big gift is?
No, that was not specified.
SPEAKER_03 (07:00):
But I can put it on my list though, right?
SPEAKER_02 (07:01):
You can make a list if it happens to get.
SPEAKER_03 (07:04):
I will make a list of one thing.
And that's what will be on thatlist.
The one big thing.
SPEAKER_02 (07:09):
I'm gonna go the opposite of all of you people.
I want a lot of little gifts.
SPEAKER_04 (07:14):
See, I feel that though.
I get that.
Jess is a gift.
She's a gift person.
SPEAKER_01 (07:18):
I'm a gift, gift giving and receiving.
SPEAKER_04 (07:21):
You know, more than she likes getting more.
SPEAKER_01 (07:23):
Does the small gift mean like cheap or expensive and
Miranda.
SPEAKER_04 (07:30):
Or like smaller.
Miranda.
Miranda.
Okay, it's usability.
It's the thought behind thegift, not the price tag.
SPEAKER_02 (07:35):
See?
He knows why that's my answer.
SPEAKER_03 (07:38):
However, according to Michael Scott.
SPEAKER_02 (07:40):
Give me hell, because you were like, oh my
god.
SPEAKER_03 (07:42):
But according to Michael Scott, a gift is a great
way to say, hey, I love you thismini-dollar.
This mini-dollar point.
So take it or leave it.
SPEAKER_02 (07:51):
Okay.
SPEAKER_03 (07:51):
Thank you for the great words.
SPEAKER_02 (07:54):
Let's pass the mic to Thomas.
He's in the studio today.
Do you want one big gift or lotsof little gifts?
SPEAKER_00 (08:01):
One big gift.
SPEAKER_02 (08:02):
Why am I the only one?
SPEAKER_00 (08:04):
Because you just like lots of stuff.
It's only care.
It's something that I want rightnow.
So that's what I'm saying.
Can we just transmission?
Can we just have a lot oftransmission?
No.
SPEAKER_02 (08:13):
That would be nice.
SPEAKER_00 (08:14):
That would be nice.
That would be nice.
SPEAKER_04 (08:15):
Yeah.
Jess likes things.
Let me just understand this foryou.
Like our closet has so manythings in it the other day.
She had on a sweater.
Or what was it the other day?
We went out to eat and I waslike, what is that?
I haven't seen that.
And she goes, Yeah, I forgot Ihad it.
And look, there's creases in it.
I had it.
Because it was stuck over nearthe jeans and it was folded up.
(08:36):
What was that?
Do you remember?
SPEAKER_02 (08:37):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (08:38):
And you like, I even forgot I had this outfit.
SPEAKER_02 (08:40):
It was a sweatsuit.
I forgot.
Yes.
I got it for Christmas lunches.
SPEAKER_04 (08:44):
It actually had the creases like from when it was
folded in the store.
It was still a year ago.
Yeah, it'd been sitting therefor so long.
She had no idea.
SPEAKER_02 (08:55):
No, it's one naughty in the air and got me.
unknown (08:57):
Oh.
SPEAKER_04 (08:58):
So anyway.
SPEAKER_02 (09:00):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (09:00):
Regardless.
SPEAKER_02 (09:01):
I was so happy when I remembered I had it, though.
SPEAKER_03 (09:04):
That's like when you find money in your pockets,
you're like, oh my gosh, Ididn't know I had this.
I can't remember the last time Ifound it.
Oh bro, last time I did it waslike 50 bucks, and I got up my
winter bucket with all my likejackets in it, and it had a$50
bill in it, and it was literallylike Christmas.
SPEAKER_04 (09:20):
I don't even First off, I never have cash.
And if I found cash stuffed inclothes somewhere, I feel like
it's a scam.
Cash is a scam.
Yeah.
So I so my people.
Because we never have it.
I don't know what happened.
SPEAKER_02 (09:32):
I feel like because I said I want lots of little
stuff, that's negative becauseyou just switched it to just
like stuff.
SPEAKER_04 (09:39):
All right, can we move on from the tag show
episode of what we're talkingabout?
Because people are probablyriding in their car going, would
they please stop talking aboutit?
SPEAKER_03 (09:47):
Answer it for yourself.
If you're in your car, would yourather have one big gift or many
small gifts?
Ponder.
SPEAKER_02 (09:53):
Not you, Greg.
SPEAKER_03 (09:54):
Ponder.
SPEAKER_02 (09:55):
You just read that thin.
SPEAKER_04 (09:58):
So let's jump into our uh what we're talking about
today because and the reason Isay this is because we we listen
to podcasts all the time when wetravel.
Uh we travel so much.
Uh but when we're when we'redriving to Florida to see our
beloved kid and son-in-law, uh,we have a good five and a half
hours.
So we listen podcasts.
And there's been so many timesyou've been like, Did you shut
(10:20):
up and get to the point?
SPEAKER_02 (10:22):
The last time.
SPEAKER_04 (10:23):
So we shut up and get to the point.
SPEAKER_02 (10:25):
Well, the couple weeks ago, we paused it because
I said, Can you shut up and getto the point?
I paused and it was 22 minutesand some odd seconds in.
And I'm like, we're not gonna bethose people.
SPEAKER_03 (10:36):
So we got like another 10 minutes to go.
SPEAKER_04 (10:37):
No, we're done.
No, we're not doing that.
Okay, we're gonna move on.
I'm gonna help you and say, No,we're not doing that.
SPEAKER_02 (10:43):
So like we said, the podcast before this one we're
recording today, right now.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (10:49):
If you haven't, if you didn't catch uh in-laws uh
part one, it's on episode 39.
Uh go check it out.
This is episode 40.
We're continuing.
SPEAKER_02 (10:59):
Um So the first part we were setting up talking about
in-laws, you're, you know, ifyou're in a relationship,
whether you be married or you'rein a long-term dating partner,
this or that, whatever you wantto label it, you have an in-law.
It just means it's the family ofthe person that you're dating or
married to.
You have those people, and theyhave you have to work those
(11:21):
hopes into your life.
SPEAKER_04 (11:23):
The good side in the hopes of in-laws.
Now we're gonna talk about stuffthat's real.
Like what really happens whenyou realize that your
mother-in-law doesn't like youand hasn't liked you for a long
time?
Uh what happens when your uh youknow, father-in-law or
mother-in-law has been avoidingyou or talking trash about you
(11:43):
behind your back to other familymembers?
That's the stuff we're gettinginto uh today in state.
SPEAKER_02 (11:49):
Like what happens when it all goes wrong?
SPEAKER_04 (11:51):
Yeah, what happens when drunk Uncle Roger shows up
in the coffee?
SPEAKER_02 (11:54):
The game of drunk Uncle Roger.
SPEAKER_04 (11:56):
I'm just kidding.
If y'all don't have a drunkUncle Roger.
SPEAKER_02 (11:58):
There's literally nobody in either of our family's
name Roger.
SPEAKER_04 (12:02):
Not now.
There used to be.
unknown (12:04):
No.
SPEAKER_04 (12:05):
So I grew up in a different life outside of this.
I'm just kidding.
Uh it's not, you know, you'veyou've got to be.
SPEAKER_02 (12:12):
That's your fictitious character.
SPEAKER_04 (12:14):
It is.
It is.
It's okay.
I always uh, you know, har youknow, harness my drunk uncle
Roger when things go sideways,when somebody throws a grenade
in the room and things just youknow blow up.
So in-laws can be amazing and itcan be life-giving, but it can
also be life-sucking.
Um and so we're gonna talk intosome of those of what that
(12:36):
happens when things go sideways,how do you deal with it as a
couple forward?
SPEAKER_02 (12:40):
In our personal experience, because this is our
second marriage with each other.
SPEAKER_04 (12:45):
It is with each other, not our first marriage
with each other, but our firstbut our second marriage.
SPEAKER_02 (12:50):
You and I both have had experience with in-laws two
times.
We're we're two times in here.
SPEAKER_04 (12:58):
Correct.
SPEAKER_02 (12:59):
Would you say that you're batting a thousand ones?
SPEAKER_04 (13:03):
I'm easily a thousand.
SPEAKER_02 (13:04):
In both experiences.
SPEAKER_04 (13:07):
Now, I mean, they may they may have to be.
SPEAKER_02 (13:09):
You've had two mothers-in-law names named
Jackie.
You didn't have to learn a newmom-in-law name.
SPEAKER_04 (13:15):
That's true.
Okay, maybe I'm not a thousand.
Um but I mean, if you ask me inmy head, I'm a thousand percent.
Because sometimes perception iswhat you make it.
Oh, okay.
And so I just think everybodylikes me.
Uh up until you cuss me out andtell me what you really think
about me.
I think you like me.
SPEAKER_02 (13:34):
Oh god.
I will say with both of yourin-laws situations, there's not
a whole lot of people on yourex-wife's side of the family or
my side of the family that aregoing to cuss you out.
SPEAKER_04 (13:46):
I love them.
I love all of them.
Like I love my uh my in-lawsfrom my ex.
I do too.
SPEAKER_02 (13:53):
I've I have a relationship with them.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (13:55):
Yeah, they're amazing folks.
I love them to death.
And I I literally if I see themI'm not sure.
SPEAKER_02 (13:59):
It's a lot of sweet people in both scenarios that
are not gonna just approach youand cuss you out.
SPEAKER_04 (14:05):
Right.
So that's what I'm saying.
I think everybody loves me untilthey tell me otherwise.
SPEAKER_02 (14:08):
Why you're battening a thousand.
Yeah.
Okay.
Okay.
SPEAKER_04 (14:11):
Everybody loves Greg.
Everybody wants old Greg.
Everybody wants to go.
SPEAKER_02 (14:16):
It's an old, old YouTube skit if you don't know
what old Greg is.
SPEAKER_04 (14:20):
Yeah, don't look it up.
SPEAKER_02 (14:23):
Don't do it.
Um I feel like I've had I feellike I've had good experiences.
SPEAKER_04 (14:31):
I think so.
SPEAKER_02 (14:32):
Um I'm still friends with TJ's mom.
I mean, I say friends.
SPEAKER_04 (14:36):
I mean you're better friends with your your with TJ's
mom than you.
I talk well, I don't say I'mbetter friends with her.
SPEAKER_02 (14:42):
Not better, but you have a you have a very weirdly
healthy relationship with myfirst mother-in-law.
I like her.
SPEAKER_04 (14:50):
I do.
I really do like her.
She's awesome.
SPEAKER_02 (14:52):
Yeah, she she's quirky.
So I mean she's a lot of people.
SPEAKER_04 (14:54):
I don't know how we get along so well, but we do.
SPEAKER_02 (14:57):
I don't either, because y'all butt heads a lot,
but you do it with a smile onyour face.
That's the cutest thing ever.
SPEAKER_04 (15:01):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (15:01):
I mean, there's been phases of the last 13 and a half
years where you talk to her nameis Cindy, where you talk to
Cindy more than I talk to Cindy.
And I'm like, okay, I haven'theard from Cindy this week.
And you're like, oh, I justtalked to her today.
She's this, that, and the other.
It's just the cutest thing ever.
Um I still have a goodrelationship with that in-law.
It's not always been easy, andwe haven't always seen eye to
(15:24):
eye, but I've always had a goodrelationship with that in the
law.
SPEAKER_04 (15:27):
You're never Let me just throw this on the table and
just really you're never goingto see eye to eye on everything
with your in-laws.
SPEAKER_05 (15:33):
No.
SPEAKER_04 (15:34):
If you think you are, pull your head out of the
sand and welcome to real life.
Like you're just not going to dothat because they're different
people.
SPEAKER_05 (15:41):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (15:41):
You're a different person, you have different
perspectives, you have differentlife experiences.
You're not gonna see eye to eyeon everything.
But that's not the goal.
The goal with your in-laws isnot to uh agree on everything.
SPEAKER_02 (15:54):
Well, like we talked about in the episode before this
one.
Like when you approach an in-lawsituation, you've got different
traditions and differentbackgrounds and different ways
of life.
And so the there's literally noway for you to see eye to eye on
everything.
Right.
Because you don't you're notcoming from the same family.
SPEAKER_04 (16:14):
Let's not waste any time.
Let's just jump into the deepwater.
Because I think that's where youlearn to swim and it's fun.
Like I learned to swim becausemy dad threw me in the water and
that's not fun.
SPEAKER_02 (16:24):
That's why I'm not sure.
SPEAKER_04 (16:25):
So my mom saw me up for swimming lessons.
The great swimmer, actually.
Thank you, Bob.
But anyway, it's uh um we had awe had a we're we're brand new
to this grandparent thing.
Never grandparented before.
It's my first round.
SPEAKER_02 (16:41):
It's my first round.
SPEAKER_04 (16:42):
I just feel like I'm killing it and I'm doing really,
really good at it.
SPEAKER_02 (16:44):
Lucy Grace, she's 15 months old.
SPEAKER_04 (16:47):
That's my opinion, by the way.
Um but anyway.
SPEAKER_02 (16:49):
We are champion grandparents.
SPEAKER_04 (16:52):
So we were keeping uh Lucy one weekend and Thomas
and Moran were off doing Godknows what.
We don't even really know what.
Anyway, we were just babysittinguh for the weekend because we
want them to have time to go bethemselves and have fun.
So we're like, let's do it.
SPEAKER_02 (17:09):
We want them to have a happy marriage.
Yes.
SPEAKER_04 (17:11):
And so we're like, and first off, we want to hang
out with our grandkids.
Yeah, we want her and so anyway,we're doing uh that's where
that's where we're we're at.
And so it's the whole bedtimeroutine is kind of a an
interesting routine thing thatthat happens, and we've given
specific instructions like agremlin, don't feed them this
(17:31):
time, feed them this time.
SPEAKER_02 (17:33):
We are very, very good direction followers.
SPEAKER_04 (17:36):
You are, I'm not.
I am just kind of like eh, let'swing it in your roots.
SPEAKER_02 (17:41):
I'm I am like, mommy says this is blah, blah, blah,
this is routine, this is what wedo, this is how we do it.
SPEAKER_04 (17:47):
My interpretation of that is if mommy does know,
mommy does know.
So we don't have to tell mommy.
SPEAKER_02 (17:53):
Which is why JJ's in charge when Lucy is here.
SPEAKER_04 (17:57):
Who does Lucy reach for every time she comes to the
city?
Gonna thank you very much.
So in the case.
SPEAKER_02 (18:01):
She knows G's a fun parent.
She's a fun grandparent.
JJ's like, nope, she'srevolving.
SPEAKER_04 (18:07):
Anyway, we put Lucy This was back in the summer.
Yeah, so we're putting Lucydown.
It wasn't summerish.
Yeah, summerish.
In the summer.
unknown (18:17):
August.
SPEAKER_04 (18:18):
Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (18:18):
Yeah, it was August.
SPEAKER_04 (18:19):
So it wasn't our first time with her.
Like she had hung out with us.
Like, we'd spent time with her.
SPEAKER_02 (18:24):
Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (18:24):
But so she was spending the night, and they're
like, hey, put her down.
We're trying to let this if shecries, let her cry.
And we're like, okay, cool.
SPEAKER_02 (18:31):
It was a sleep training era.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (18:32):
And so we put her down, she cries, and she goes,
She'll usually cry for like acertain amount of time.
So I was like, okay.
And then you console.
This is how much of a rulefollower Jess is.
She sets a timer on her phone.
SPEAKER_02 (18:44):
And then, because mommy said, You can you can
she'll cry for this amount oftime.
And mommy said, I usually set atimer, and then if she's still
crying when this happens, thenwe'll console rock, do, and you
know, help her feel better.
Then we'll lay her back down andthen start it all over again.
I was like, we're doing it.
(19:04):
I had timers.
I was doing what mommy said.
SPEAKER_04 (19:06):
We did all the things.
She was still screaming her gutsout.
Uh just not having a great time.
SPEAKER_01 (19:12):
She she still does have her guts.
Yeah, so everything everythingwas kind of like just crazy.
SPEAKER_04 (19:19):
It wound up.
We went in a couple of finallyshe went to sleep.
SPEAKER_02 (19:22):
No, well, here's what happened.
SPEAKER_04 (19:24):
You oh, you rocked her to sleep.
I you you rocked.
I did.
She fell asleep.
So basically, the kid wasexhausted.
SPEAKER_02 (19:30):
She was exhausted.
It was pitiful.
And so I was like, I'm trying sohard, so, so, so hard to follow
instructions.
But also, my grandparentinstincts, my OG mom instincts
are kicking in.
So I'm like, I'm gonna hold thisbaby.
I'm just gonna hold her.
And I've tried.
And so I rocked her with herpasty, but I was like, okay,
(19:50):
she's facing front.
I'm not snuggling her.
It's not a whole thing.
Like I was like, I'm semifollowing instructions.
She went to sleep.
It was, we thought it was okay.
SPEAKER_04 (20:00):
We thought in our grandparent mind we don't use we
yet.
SPEAKER_02 (20:04):
We thought we succeeded because then she went
night night and she slept thewhole night that night.
SPEAKER_04 (20:08):
Yeah.
And so then and then the nextday Yes Mommy and Daddy come
back into town.
And I don't know, stressed.
I don't know what they've beenunder.
I think they were tired.
SPEAKER_02 (20:18):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (20:19):
Lord.
Just tired and something wasgoing on.
They were tired.
They were and so Lucy wouldn'tnap again.
SPEAKER_02 (20:26):
She did not sleep well the next night.
SPEAKER_04 (20:28):
And so Miranza sends a text in our group, because we
have a group text called WonderBoobs.
SPEAKER_01 (20:33):
That's a whole story.
And that's a whole differentstory.
Well, actually, Thomas sent thetext.
SPEAKER_04 (20:40):
No, it was from Miranda.
SPEAKER_02 (20:42):
I would have never sent that.
Thomas said she didn't sleepwell.
And I was like, oh gosh, I'm sosorry what happened.
She said her sleep training.
Miranda said her sleep trainingwas reset.
So basically regressed or reset.
SPEAKER_04 (20:56):
It was reset because I remember that because it was
eight period.
Jess, you would have thought yousent Jess a text saying you are
the worst grandmother I've everhad.
I hate you, and you're nevergonna see Lucy again.
Jess went into this spiral.
Oh, bad.
Bad spiral.
And I was like, what is wrongwith you?
(21:18):
Days.
She was just going on and on.
They hated the city.
I went on and on to Greg.
SPEAKER_02 (21:22):
I never went on out loud to them.
SPEAKER_00 (21:25):
No.
No.
I heard it for days.
SPEAKER_02 (21:27):
Okay, Thomas has a microphone.
SPEAKER_00 (21:29):
You gotta understand where we were coming from as
brand new parents because wefelt like we did a great job.
She was just sleeping throughthe night.
At that point, we had no ideathat sleep regressions were a
thing.
SPEAKER_02 (21:41):
Or RSV.
SPEAKER_00 (21:42):
Or RSV.
And so it happened right at thesame time for both of them.
Right.
And so at that point, it waslike it was all y'all's fault.
SPEAKER_02 (21:50):
Literally.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (21:54):
Lucy wounds up in the hospital.
SPEAKER_01 (21:56):
Three days later, she was in the hospital for four
days.
But we weren't really angry withyou guys.
It was more like a she didn'tsleep good last night.
Her sleeping rest.
SPEAKER_04 (22:06):
Well, see, that that's the problem.
Here's the problem.
We're having this conversationfor you guys.
SPEAKER_01 (22:11):
Not as you're the most horrible, terrible.
Never seeing Lucy again.
Never mind.
That was like her sleep trainingwas Richard because you suck.
SPEAKER_04 (22:22):
And basically, yeah, that's what Jess heard.
You are not a good person.
You're not a good grandparent.
SPEAKER_02 (22:27):
And I was like, I did not hear that as a
grandfather.
SPEAKER_04 (22:29):
I was like, they're just I was like, they're just
tired of it.
I was like, who cares?
We meant it.
Yeah, I was like, and you fordays, and I was like, you have
to call Miranda and talk to herabout this.
I was like, you have to talk toher about it.
SPEAKER_01 (22:43):
It took a while for that conversation to happen.
Okay, she went to the hospital.
SPEAKER_02 (22:47):
But but you had the same similar situation literally
a month previous that you didn'ttalk about.
So go ahead.
SPEAKER_01 (22:55):
Yes, when we finally talked about the sleep
regression thing, I finally hadthe courage to talk about my
issue that it had.
Fourth of July.
SPEAKER_02 (23:06):
Yeah.
You were so super strong and youwere gonna run a race.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (23:10):
5K, not run a race.
It was still a race.
Yeah, but like mental race, notokay.
SPEAKER_04 (23:18):
A 5K is still a race.
SPEAKER_02 (23:19):
So leading up to it, there was like a a discussion
because Thomas was gonna be onshift at the fire station and
you were like, Maybe I mightwant you to keep Lucy, so blah,
blah, blah.
And I was still in the maybe Imight want you to.
SPEAKER_01 (23:34):
And I thought it was a confirmed you're gonna watch
Lucy for me so she doesn't haveto wake up early.
SPEAKER_02 (23:39):
Yes.
SPEAKER_01 (23:40):
It was a whole miscommunication.
SPEAKER_02 (23:43):
Yeah, you thought you said one thing, but I
thought I said another thing.
And it was so it's this thiswhole same thing with the whole
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (23:52):
And then the day came the night before.
The day before.
I tried texting.
Y'all are busy.
Didn't see it.
I took that as you saw it, yousaid I don't like her.
Threw it away.
SPEAKER_02 (24:07):
Yeah.
Meanwhile, my phone was in mybag and I didn't see any of the
things.
So what it boils down what itboils down to was communication.
SPEAKER_04 (24:18):
Yeah, just really, really bad communication.
Yeah, but that's like an anchorpoint of cooking.
Yeah.
And that's what happens so manytimes is that you have that
experience or that situation.
And then so from that point on,you anchor everything Jess does
or I do through that scenario ofsaying, well, they don't really
(24:41):
want to be a part of that.
They don't care.
They blah, blah, blah, blah,blah.
SPEAKER_01 (24:44):
I won't lie, it did go through that filter until I
was able to talk about it andrealized the real situation, not
my one-sided because every storyhas two sides.
SPEAKER_04 (24:57):
We all had a conversation, correct?
SPEAKER_02 (24:59):
Yeah.
And then when you think abouttoo, the time that the four of
us have invested in our actualrelationship and getting to know
each other as people, not just,oh, you're my mother-in-law and
I need you to help out with thebaby every now and again.
It was like, no, that's not whothey are as actual people.
Just like, which I know that'swhy it bothered me when I read
(25:20):
into the statement about thesleep regression, just like when
you read into my not answering atext.
It was like, no, that's reallytruly not who who we are as
people.
Which is when you would go backto like, what are your
expectations?
Well, our relationship has apretty big foundation.
(25:43):
And so then that develops likeexpectations as not only
in-laws, but then now asgrandparents.
It's like there's a relationshipthere.
SPEAKER_04 (25:52):
Well, for us, I was like, you have to call Miranda
because one, we're not gonnahave this crap hanging over our
relationship.
Like, you gotta go solve this.
Like, I know that's not theirheart, but you gotta go have
this conversation.
So uh that was my push for Jess,because I was like, I don't mean
to be, I don't mean to be theguy and be like, I don't know,
it doesn't really matter, but Iwas like, I wouldn't mean into
(26:13):
that.
Like I didn't.
I think I was like, okay.
SPEAKER_02 (26:16):
You're way better at that than I am, though.
Thomas, what are you gonna say?
You have the microphone on yourhand?
SPEAKER_00 (26:20):
That's where it our relationship differentiates from
other relationships within-laws, is that we've worked
towards that communication withMiranda, trying to bring that
out of her.
SPEAKER_02 (26:32):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (26:33):
Because she wasn't raised in that environment.
SPEAKER_02 (26:35):
You were.
SPEAKER_00 (26:36):
I was.
SPEAKER_02 (26:36):
You were raised forced to be able to talk about
things.
SPEAKER_00 (26:40):
That's that's why it was easy for me, but to get her
to actually talk about things,especially in front of other
people when it's not just inprivate, has been really hard.
So having that floor that we canbuild off of was really
important with our relationship.
That's a good way to put itwhere other people, their
relationship with their in-lawsmight not be that.
SPEAKER_02 (27:01):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (27:02):
Like it's gonna be like Miranda was saying, it's
gonna be an anchor that youthrow over and you're just gonna
sit there and eventually take onwater and sink.
SPEAKER_02 (27:11):
And just be stuck.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (27:12):
Yeah.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (27:13):
That's a good way to put it.
SPEAKER_04 (27:15):
So what happened?
So we resolved that.
Everything worked out great.
We're stalled.
SPEAKER_02 (27:19):
Oh, obviously, here we are.
SPEAKER_04 (27:21):
Yeah.
So I mean And we can talk aboutit.
SPEAKER_02 (27:24):
And we I I would say the four of us learned a big
lesson then.
SPEAKER_04 (27:27):
Yeah.
Just because honestly, it's likea huge, it's a huge thing just
to be honest and go, dude, I'mtired.
Like I need I need some rest.
This is strong.
Be like, dude, drop Lucy off andjust like let her hang out with
us.
You know, go, go chill, go takea nap, do whatever you need to
do.
Like being honest with eachother.
But what happens when you're inan in-law situation, and that's
(27:50):
not the case.
You don't have that floor, youdon't have that foundation, you
don't have that thing to buildon.
How do you, and there's tensionbetween you.
SPEAKER_05 (27:59):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (28:00):
How do you resolve that?
And so producer Michael said hehad something.
I asked him his opinion on this,and I asked him his thoughts on
that.
He said, I'm not gonna, I'm notgonna tell you.
I want to wait till the show islive, so I'm gonna give your
honest opinions.
SPEAKER_03 (28:17):
So I think that two things, two-sided.
SPEAKER_04 (28:21):
One of course there's always two.
I love how you do that.
SPEAKER_03 (28:25):
It's just the way my mind works.
I love it.
SPEAKER_04 (28:27):
I love it.
SPEAKER_03 (28:28):
Love and forgiveness change everything in your own
personal perspective, how youlook at things.
Okay, what do you so and I'llunpack that very I'll try to
make it quick here.
Right.
So one, on the love side, and Ihonestly just in my own personal
beliefs I I can't help but lookto scripture when I look at
(28:49):
love, when I think of how thatapplies to life, especially when
you're looking at someone youwant to build a life with.
Um, one, that goes to a spouse,but two, that also includes
their parents, their family,everything involved in that.
Love is patient, love is kind,doesn't envy, doesn't boast.
Um, all these things, and youcan dig dig more into the Bible
uh as far as what that lookslike.
(29:10):
But um every single moment thatyou come across, especially when
it comes to friction or issues,frustrations, basically you're
handed a brick.
And that brick can either one belaid down right in front of you,
which that brick starts buildinga wall between you and that
person.
(29:30):
Or two, you can let love beatthe crap out of that brick, turn
it to dust, and throw it to thewind.
SPEAKER_02 (29:37):
Or can you put it under your feet, let it be the
floor?
SPEAKER_03 (29:41):
That too.
But but that's a concept of one,you could it could be like built
building blocks to futurecommunication.
SPEAKER_02 (29:49):
Yes, Thomas is saying building blocks to future
communication, which is what wedid apparently as parents for
Thomas.
How I would be.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (29:58):
But so on one side, on the on the love side, there
there are certain elements thatyou you must understand if you
are going to be around thisperson for the rest of your
life, God willing, that's whatwe're going for in a marriage
relationship.
You have to be aware of you areonly responsible for your
decisions and how you choose tointeract.
(30:18):
You cannot force anyone else to.
So love is literally the onlything that can overcome that.
Secondly, forgiveness and andyou can get very easily caught
up in this mindset, is thatforgiveness is for you.
That's not true because that's aselfish way to look at
forgiveness.
(30:38):
However, if you are truly ableto forgive, that lifts a burden
of weight and stress off of you.
Now realize if you go outforgiveness in a selfish way,
you're not gonna be able totruly forgive, which means it
doesn't remove that weight, thatburden, that frustration.
So those two things for me aresignificant when it comes to
(31:02):
keeping yourself from allowing awall to be built between you and
that person because it's gonnaseparate you and it's gonna
distance you emotionally.
It's gonna distance you whenyou're hanging out in the living
room at a game night or onThanksgiving or for Christmas
Eve, whatever that looks like.
And and that's just not fun.
That's gonna wear you down andtear you down over time.
And years it's gonna show.
(31:22):
And what's gonna end uphappening is it's gonna bottle
up and then it's gonna explodeone day.
SPEAKER_05 (31:26):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (31:26):
And that's not healthy for anyone involved
because emotions are soinvolved.
So for me, when it comes tosomething when someone is unable
to compromise, unwill unwillingto work with you, unwilling to
communicate, those two thingsare the only things that I have
found that help keep you movingforward in a healthy manner.
That it doesn't tear you apartas you're going through that.
(31:51):
Wow.
SPEAKER_04 (31:53):
Okay.
So what happens when I givelove, I give forgiveness, and
the other side or the otherparty says, no, thank you.
SPEAKER_03 (32:08):
Well, you can't control what they do.
SPEAKER_04 (32:10):
Right, but they're your in-laws.
So do you choose not toparticipate in the family
functions they're a part of?
Or do you choose to be a part ofthat and not like how do you how
do you nav how would you say younavigate that in that situation?
SPEAKER_03 (32:26):
Well, I think excuse me.
I think it uh it depends on whatyou're talking about, right?
Just because you love someonedoesn't mean you don't have
boundaries, right?
And it doesn't mean you don'thave healthy things in place for
you and your spouse to be ableto be who you need to be to
raise your family, to live yourfamily and do all that.
But no, you can still hang outwith someone and not like them.
(32:46):
You can still hang out withsomeone and not like how they
treat you.
Right.
And I'm not saying it's easy byany means.
No, right.
I'm not I'm not saying, oh,well, just love and it's all
good and all rainbows andbutterflies, you know.
SPEAKER_02 (33:01):
What happens if when you've given your full effort
and been your true self and thenyou figure out they haven't
liked me all along.
SPEAKER_03 (33:15):
And I'm sure there's a lot of hurt that comes with
that.
SPEAKER_02 (33:18):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (33:19):
I think it that it tells me though that they
haven't put in the effort toknow who you really are.
Like that's a I mean, andrelationships are this crazy
weird thing that we try tocomplicate and they're not
complicated.
They're very simple.
It's it's two-sided.
SPEAKER_05 (33:38):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (33:39):
Like it's not a we just talked about like a few
episodes ago, marriage is not50-50.
SPEAKER_05 (33:44):
Right.
SPEAKER_04 (33:45):
Um I'm giving I'm giving you all I got.
Oh.
Relationships are that way inthe same sense of if I want a
relationship with you, I'm gonnashow interest in you.
I'm going to reach out to you.
I'm gonna be a part of yourlife.
Um, if one party is not doingthat, um, then there's no
relationship.
And they here's what drives menut freaking nuts.
(34:09):
Like, I can't I can't stand likeI walked in the other day and
you're watching The Secret Lifeof Mormons.
The Mormons.
The Mormons.
SPEAKER_02 (34:16):
So I everybody's watching the Mormons.
SPEAKER_04 (34:18):
They are, everybody's watching it.
So I walk in and I'm there forlike five minutes, and this girl
is sitting around five otherwomen who's saying, He's done me
wrong, he's done this, and allof them agreeing with her.
And I was like, This woman isfreaking nuts.
I was like, why does she havesix people around her who are
(34:38):
just telling her what she needsto hear?
I was like, why not be honestwith her?
SPEAKER_03 (34:42):
What she needs to hear or wants to hear.
SPEAKER_04 (34:44):
It's just like it's it's what she wants to hear,
it's not what she needs to hear.
What she needs to hear.
SPEAKER_02 (34:48):
In that situation, it was both.
SPEAKER_04 (34:50):
She's not going to allow anybody in her life to say
that.
Well, that's that's so true forwhat we do in our lives, though.
We find we surround ourselveswith people who tell us who just
tickle our ear and tell us whatwe want to hear, and not the
reality of like, hey, you're notall of that.
Like you have flaws, you havethings that are messed up with
you, but if you want to have areal relationship with somebody,
(35:12):
be real and honest with them.
Like just be straight up honest.
Whether it's an in-law, whetherit's a mother-in-law,
father-in-law, like you get tochoose that, and I you can
extend that as much as you, andI try to.
I try to extend that as much asI want.
SPEAKER_02 (35:26):
I'm not I do too.
SPEAKER_04 (35:28):
But if you choose to accept it, you can, if not.
SPEAKER_02 (35:31):
I think that that's one of the most hurtful parts of
being an in-law of any sort offather, sister, mother, brother,
or whatever in-law.
It's like I know I'm giving youall of who I am.
That's just that I that's thekind of person I am.
I've always been that kind ofperson.
(35:52):
Um but when the receiving sidehas not given that same effort,
it still hurts me.
SPEAKER_04 (36:00):
Well, it's like it's just just to say it's like you
don't know who I truly am.
Because it's vulnerable when yousay, I'm gonna put myself out
there.
SPEAKER_02 (36:08):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (36:08):
And when you put yourself out there and someone
says, no, thank you, that's avery vulnerable moment.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (36:14):
To go, okay.
And the the opposite side willsay, I have this, this, this,
and this reason.
SPEAKER_04 (36:20):
And those are their anchor points, which are
probably nestled into the anchorpoint, yeah, stupid assumptions.
We could have.
SPEAKER_02 (36:28):
Miranda and I could have used that mother-in-law,
daughter-in-law, as an anchorpoint of a bad communication for
all of us at that point.
We chose not to.
We chose to move forward, butexcuse me.
There's other points where I'vebeen involved in where it's like
(36:49):
I've got a an opposing quoteunquote opposing party of an
in-law where it's like they havethese things, they could list
three or four things of ofanchor points.
Whereas if if there was somekind of communication there,
that those would not be anchorpoints.
SPEAKER_04 (37:09):
Also, too, there's a point too, as an in-law, Thomas
chose to love Miranda and sayyes to her.
SPEAKER_02 (37:16):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (37:17):
So I'm choosing to do the same thing that Thomas
did.
SPEAKER_02 (37:19):
And Callie.
SPEAKER_04 (37:22):
So I'm choosing to do the same thing.
I love Charles.
I love Miranda.
Uh do anything in the world forthem.
SPEAKER_02 (37:28):
Um But then on the receiving end, Miranda and
Charles have both chosen as forus to be the in-laws, they've
chosen to do the same thing,though.
SPEAKER_04 (37:39):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (37:39):
Like it was.
SPEAKER_04 (37:40):
But when someone doesn't, that's where you have
to set those healthy boundaries.
SPEAKER_02 (37:43):
Yes.
SPEAKER_03 (37:44):
Well, and I think another another piece of this is
and I forget who was speakingthis earlier, you know.
When you look at relationshipslike a parent and a child.
SPEAKER_04 (37:54):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (37:55):
Like as a child, yes, you choose to love your
parents because like they'reyour parents, you love them.
They've got their quirks,they've got their things that
you don't like, you don'tappreciate, but they also raised
you.
And you have a deep love forthem in that regard.
Parents to a child, same way.
You brought them into thisworld.
You you have a love for them.
(38:16):
They could go off and be theworst person in the world, and
you're still gonna love thatperson.
They're your child.
But when you talk about amarriage relationship, that is a
gay thing.
I'm I'm choosing you.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (38:29):
My best friend Kate is the one who brought this to
our attention.
This is a good thing to talkabout.
And we we talked to her on thephone before we we did this.
That's where you're talkingabout.
SPEAKER_03 (38:41):
You're you're choosing to be with that person
because of who that person is.
Yeah.
Right.
But the hard dynamic of that isyou are now having a
parent-in-law.
SPEAKER_02 (38:53):
Yep.
Who views their child that youmarried the same way.
SPEAKER_03 (38:56):
Yes.
But now you're and and I don'tmean this in a bad way, but
you're you're stuck with them,right?
So you almost have to kind oftake on that perspective of
they're a parent.
unknown (39:07):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (39:07):
They've got their quirks, they've got things that
they do, they're they're in sometime set in their ways, they're
they've they've been through alot, different things like that,
but you still choose to lovethem anyways.
SPEAKER_02 (39:18):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (39:19):
You know what I mean?
And vice versa.
If you are a uh uh if you arethe mother or father-in-law and
you're listening to this andyou've got children-in-law, is
that even a wordchildren-in-law?
Go ahead.
Do it, go with it.
SPEAKER_05 (39:31):
Go with it.
SPEAKER_03 (39:31):
But it's also kind of the same thing, like, hey,
this is who my daughter or sonhas chosen.
Yeah.
I'm gonna choose to choose themas well.
You know?
And so it it by no means makesit easy, makes it perfect,
because it takes two people tobe able to communicate.
It does.
SPEAKER_02 (39:47):
But good gracious, you know what is just like we're
this is a 40th episode in.
I'm I'm looking at my book ofall the things that we've talked
about.
Just about every single thingthat we have ever Talked about
comes down to communication andexpectations.
SPEAKER_04 (40:04):
Right.
SPEAKER_02 (40:04):
No matter who it is.
SPEAKER_04 (40:07):
We're one day gonna do some stuff, some actual
seminars or classes on be a goodcommunicator.
I don't know what that is.
SPEAKER_03 (40:16):
Communicate people.
Communicate.
SPEAKER_02 (40:18):
Communicate with each other.
SPEAKER_04 (40:20):
It's late.
SPEAKER_02 (40:21):
It is late for us.
It's like 10 o'clock right now.
It's super late.
SPEAKER_04 (40:26):
Be a decent communicator with those around
you.
SPEAKER_02 (40:29):
And have reasonable expectations.
SPEAKER_03 (40:31):
And I would encourage be vulnerable
sometimes.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (40:35):
That many times.
With both of those things, beingvulnerable makes you better at
both of those things.
Trevor Burrus, Jr.
SPEAKER_03 (40:42):
Well, and also so many times we close ourselves
off because we don't want hurtfeelings.
SPEAKER_02 (40:48):
Or we don't want to sound stupid.
I mean, just to be honest withyou.
SPEAKER_04 (40:51):
I will tell you this though.
Like if you're in a situationwhere your in-laws say you're
the husband or you're the wife,and the in-laws are attacking
your uh your significant other.
SPEAKER_02 (41:03):
You better stand up for this.
SPEAKER_04 (41:05):
It's time for you.
Like you're one.
So stand up for that person.
Fight for that.
It's your kind of yourresponsibility to stand up and
go, hey, we need to talk aboutthis.
We need to work through this.
You're kind of the one thatneeds to lead that conversation.
SPEAKER_02 (41:18):
Because that's your parent.
SPEAKER_04 (41:20):
Yeah, to say, hey mom or hey dad, like this.
We need to sit down and talkabout this because this is an
issue.
Like we're gonna move forward,like they're not going anywhere.
Yeah.
You're not going anywhere.
So let's let's let's resolvethis.
SPEAKER_02 (41:31):
And I know we're far into this, but I I would
encourage you to approach yourrelationship with your own
parent and in-law with a mindsetof like one day if you have kids
and they grow up, you're gonnabe that in-law.
You're gonna be one.
SPEAKER_05 (41:51):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (41:52):
You would you would hope whether or not your kids
get married or if they have along-term partner, you're gonna
be one.
SPEAKER_05 (41:58):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (41:59):
So I would hope you would approach your relationship
with your own in-laws and yourown.
SPEAKER_04 (42:03):
So let go of your crap and just be open-minded and
love love them.
SPEAKER_02 (42:07):
As Thomas brought up a good point when he had the
microphone earlier.
If you're gonna if you're gonnateach it in your own home, where
he he said about building afloor when you brought when
Michael, you brought up thebrick, you're gonna build that
floor for you to build off of.
If you're gonna teachcompromise, you're gonna teach
how to work with other people,you need to be willing to do the
same thing.
SPEAKER_03 (42:28):
Because the reality is you're starting those
relationships now as they arekids.
Yep.
Yeah, 100%.
In the same way, like you lookat, and I know we made a joke of
it earlier, but like y'alltalked about the communication
piece with Thomas.
Like that's something he's beenraised with.
SPEAKER_02 (42:41):
He has.
SPEAKER_03 (42:43):
So look at how that has helped how many years down
the road.
SPEAKER_02 (42:46):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (42:47):
So if you've got kids now, why not?
SPEAKER_02 (42:50):
How old are you?
Just kidding.
I know, I'm just kidding.
No.
SPEAKER_03 (42:54):
So if if you have kids now, why not start
developing what thatrelationship is gonna look like?
SPEAKER_02 (42:59):
Teach what that's supposed to look like.
SPEAKER_03 (43:01):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (43:01):
Yeah.
unknown (43:01):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (43:02):
There's so much to talk about with this.
SPEAKER_04 (43:04):
Well, yeah.
We're gonna wrap it up.
SPEAKER_02 (43:07):
We will.
SPEAKER_04 (43:08):
Because, you know, in-laws, we can only take so
much of in-laws and then wegotta go home.
So this is the part where we gohome.
This is the part where we gohome.
SPEAKER_02 (43:15):
We are home.
This is our home.
Thank you for listening to us.
SPEAKER_04 (43:20):
Yes.
And if you have suggestions oryou have some thoughts and you
have some ideas on in-laws,shoot us up on the socials.
Uh baggageclaim.podcast onInstagram.
I think it's just baggage claimon Facebook.
Uh, you can send us a text oneither uh if you're listening to
Apple Podcasts or Spotify, youcan just click that button, send
(43:40):
a text.
Send us a text.
And just I know you just show upand talk on Tuesdays.
I do.
And so it's like send us a text,let us know.
Just so you guys know, we coveruh things that you guys have let
us know that you want us to talkabout.
We do try to cover so we don'twe don't want to be discreet and
throw your name out and go, oh,so-and-so said this.
(44:01):
Um and if you want to send us anemail.
If you'd rather send us anemail, it's info at
unpacttogether.com.
Again, info atunpacktogether.com.
Send us an email that just sayshey, here's what we're after.
Uh here's what we're doing.
I'm trying to get our websiteup, which is unpacktogether.com.
(44:21):
I I'm trying.
Uh but anyway, we'll get there.
SPEAKER_02 (44:24):
So good.
SPEAKER_04 (44:25):
So I know.
I'm so proud of you.
No, just a pretty face.
So thank y'all for joining us.
Uh please like.
Uh if you like us, uh if youfollow our channel, you'll get
updates as stuff hits.
And we're trying to get better.
Um, you know, we're gettingproducer Michael to do his thing
and producer Michael Jr.
to do her thing.
(44:46):
And so uh we're just trying torandom.
We're trying to get out there,we're trying to grow, we just
want to help, and so we want tobe involved.
So whatever you need help with,let us know.
Uh, love you guys, and thanksfor joining us today.
And uh, as always, go to the
Hey guys, what's up?
I'm Greg.
I hope you guys are ready tounpack and get into some good
conversations today.
SPEAKER_02 (00:07):
And I'm Jess, and this is our podcast, Baggage
Claim.
Thank you for joining us.
SPEAKER_04 (00:17):
What's up, Baggage Claim?
How's everybody doing today?
Thank you so much for joiningus.
If you're new here, welcome.
I hope you get something out oftoday's message or thoughts or
podcast or whatever the hell itis we're doing here.
We're trying our best.
Yeah, this is a place wherewe're trying to do trying to
(00:39):
create some community andconversations around marriages,
blended families, relationships,all the fun stuff in between.
And sometimes it's a trainwreck, sometimes it's beautiful.
As is life.
It's always beautiful.
SPEAKER_03 (00:54):
We'll let you decide.
SPEAKER_04 (00:55):
Yeah, you you decide by a like, subscribe.
Please, uh please like us.
If you subscribe, whateverpodcast you're listening to, you
get updates as we update those.
We try to do them on Tuesdays,um, but sometimes I screw up
because I have other jobs, likelots of other jobs.
And um, but I'm trying to be I'mtrying to be good at it.
(01:16):
But if you're new, if you if ifyou've been here before, you
know the drills.
Sorry.
Grab your favorite drink,whatever it may be, pull up to
the table with us, uhproverbially, what if you're
driving or whatever you'redoing.
SPEAKER_02 (01:28):
I mean, if you want to come to here literally, yeah,
if you want to come be aliteralist, you can come hang
out with us.
SPEAKER_04 (01:33):
Pull up to the table.
I mean, it's our house, so it'snot like phenomenal.
Um, we love it because we're mygosh, our house is phenomenal.
SPEAKER_03 (01:41):
It's pretty phenomenal.
Oh, well.
SPEAKER_04 (01:44):
And if you want to watch a uh Georgia Bulldog game,
uh come by on a Saturday.
SPEAKER_02 (01:49):
If you've ever wondered why at the end of some
or most of every single episodewe've watched.
Every episode, if you listen allthe whole way to the end when we
sign off, we usually say godogs.
That's why.
SPEAKER_03 (02:02):
For all of our out-of-the-country people.
SPEAKER_04 (02:04):
College football, Georgia Bulldogs is in Athens,
Georgia.
SPEAKER_02 (02:08):
The state we live in is Georgia.
Yes, we live in the northeasternpart of it.
SPEAKER_04 (02:12):
About 40 minutes from Athens, where the classic
city where is God's country.
The most amazing football teamever to exist.
SPEAKER_02 (02:22):
The University of Georgia Bulldogs.
SPEAKER_04 (02:24):
And so we love watching them play on Saturdays,
and we have a blast.
SPEAKER_02 (02:28):
That's why we sign off, stay and go dogs.
SPEAKER_04 (02:30):
Yes.
So we're huge, we're huge dogfans.
SPEAKER_02 (02:32):
There's a story about why I think Greg married
me.
SPEAKER_04 (02:35):
Yeah, we'll get into that later.
Okay.
So, anyway, got your favoritedrink, whatever it may be.
If it's early in the morning,it's coffee, if it's water,
whatever.
Sweet tea.
Uh weird.
SPEAKER_02 (02:45):
Maybe in the south, you don't drink.
SPEAKER_04 (02:47):
Or maybe if you're in if you're in the south, you
get a sweet tea.
I'll take some sweet tea.
SPEAKER_02 (02:50):
I'll make some good sweet tea.
SPEAKER_04 (02:51):
If it's been a hard day, grab the bourbon and pull
on up and let's have a talk.
SPEAKER_02 (02:55):
So that was the country I've ever heard.
You say I've done it.
SPEAKER_04 (02:58):
It's very country, I'm sorry.
SPEAKER_02 (02:59):
So we're uh No, it's not the country's.
SPEAKER_04 (03:02):
So we're uh we're jumping back into this is part
two of our episode of In-Law's.
Because in-laws deserve morethan one part.
Um We are difficult.
SPEAKER_02 (03:13):
In-laws are difficult.
SPEAKER_04 (03:14):
So we're and we are in-laws, so we can talk about
in-laws.
And so um we're going to talkabout those situations of
in-laws.
And producer Michael.
Producer Michael, what do youwant to know?
Yeah, what are you asking, bro?
Is it is it question time?
Oh.
I was like, bro, that does notmake sense.
SPEAKER_03 (03:33):
That means exactly question time.
SPEAKER_04 (03:34):
Question mark, and it says time with another
question mark.
Is it question for two marks?
SPEAKER_02 (03:40):
You were asking, how long do you want to be?
That's what I was like.
I will know the tapture.
SPEAKER_03 (03:49):
I will admit that maybe my shorthand writing was
not the most clear.
SPEAKER_02 (03:54):
I understand what you're saying now that you said
time.
SPEAKER_03 (03:57):
Okay, it's Christmas.
SPEAKER_02 (03:58):
If you're watching us on YouTube, no, time out,
time out.
Oh my gosh.
Thank you.
SPEAKER_04 (04:06):
This is a segment where we I'm trying to produce
here.
Well, we always ask a sometimesdumb, sometimes.
SPEAKER_02 (04:11):
Producers are gonna produce.
Okay?
SPEAKER_04 (04:13):
Sometimes dumb questions, sometimes good
questions, but mostly dumbtimes.
SPEAKER_02 (04:17):
If you're watching us on YouTube, we've we've got
some Christmas.
SPEAKER_04 (04:23):
By the way, for those of you who can't see, I
don't know.
She's very sassy right now.
SPEAKER_02 (04:27):
Social media sassy, marketing director, Miranda.
Great question.
Producer Michael Jr.
SPEAKER_03 (04:32):
Producer Michael Jr.
SPEAKER_02 (04:34):
Producer Michael Jr.
Okay, this is a good question.
This is a Christmas question.
Are y'all ready?
Would you rather get one biggift or get many small gifts?
Would you rather give one?
SPEAKER_04 (04:51):
Who's that for?
Is that just from Randy or yousaid her name?
SPEAKER_02 (04:53):
All of us.
SPEAKER_04 (04:54):
All of us.
I say Miranda doesn't.
SPEAKER_02 (04:56):
I was giving Miranda for our beautiful decor, too.
So what does that have to dowith decor?
Christmas.
Okay.
I was confused.
SPEAKER_03 (05:06):
You have to go first, though.
SPEAKER_02 (05:07):
Would you rather get one big gift or several small
gifts for Christmas?
SPEAKER_01 (05:12):
Would it all fall within the same budget though?
SPEAKER_02 (05:15):
I didn't say anything about budget.
You are Mrs.
Budget.
SPEAKER_04 (05:20):
Budget does matter.
SPEAKER_02 (05:21):
Budget?
Erase that word from your fromyour I know you can't.
But in general, would you ratherget one big gift or many small
gifts?
SPEAKER_04 (05:29):
Okay, so you have a thousand dollar budget.
You can get a thousand dollarsworth of big.
SPEAKER_02 (05:33):
If you want everybody in your life that
loves you to go in together toget you one big gift, or would
you rather get lots of littlegifts?
One big gift.
Kitchen aid mixer.
That is the top of your wishlist.
SPEAKER_04 (05:47):
That's a straight up mom answer right there.
SPEAKER_01 (05:50):
No, it's a trad wife answer.
Trad wife.
The wooden bowl with the green.
I know, right?
SPEAKER_03 (05:57):
I saw that this week.
SPEAKER_01 (05:58):
I want that one.
SPEAKER_04 (05:59):
I want that one.
That's ridiculous.
What are y'all talking about?
SPEAKER_01 (06:04):
If someone wants to buy me one, I will make you all
the sweet treats.
The mixer?
Yeah.
That's been the top of your wishlist.
SPEAKER_03 (06:10):
But no, they have a limited edition now.
I saw it this week.
It is like an army hunter greenwith a dark wood mixing box.
SPEAKER_02 (06:19):
Also, way back to way back to when y'all got
married on your wedding wishlist.
There was a Kitchen A mixer onthere.
Nobody bought it for you.
SPEAKER_03 (06:29):
They're so expensive.
I would like to get it.
They are even few.
They're like 200 bucks.
I would like one big gift.
SPEAKER_02 (06:35):
Greg, you would like one big gift?
SPEAKER_03 (06:36):
One big gift, yes, please.
SPEAKER_02 (06:39):
Do you okay?
Do we need to specify what youwant the one big gift to be?
Okay, one big gift.
That's okay.
Because we know you and that.
Would you rather one big gift orsmall gifts producer?
SPEAKER_03 (06:50):
I would totally do one big gift.
Oh my gosh.
Do you want a bunch of littlegifts?
I want a bunch of little gifts.
SPEAKER_02 (06:57):
What the one big gift is?
No, that was not specified.
SPEAKER_03 (07:00):
But I can put it on my list though, right?
SPEAKER_02 (07:01):
You can make a list if it happens to get.
SPEAKER_03 (07:04):
I will make a list of one thing.
And that's what will be on thatlist.
The one big thing.
SPEAKER_02 (07:09):
I'm gonna go the opposite of all of you people.
I want a lot of little gifts.
SPEAKER_04 (07:14):
See, I feel that though.
I get that.
Jess is a gift.
She's a gift person.
SPEAKER_01 (07:18):
I'm a gift, gift giving and receiving.
SPEAKER_04 (07:21):
You know, more than she likes getting more.
SPEAKER_01 (07:23):
Does the small gift mean like cheap or expensive and
Miranda.
SPEAKER_04 (07:30):
Or like smaller.
Miranda.
Miranda.
Okay, it's usability.
It's the thought behind thegift, not the price tag.
SPEAKER_02 (07:35):
See?
He knows why that's my answer.
SPEAKER_03 (07:38):
However, according to Michael Scott.
SPEAKER_02 (07:40):
Give me hell, because you were like, oh my
god.
SPEAKER_03 (07:42):
But according to Michael Scott, a gift is a great
way to say, hey, I love you thismini-dollar.
This mini-dollar point.
So take it or leave it.
SPEAKER_02 (07:51):
Okay.
SPEAKER_03 (07:51):
Thank you for the great words.
SPEAKER_02 (07:54):
Let's pass the mic to Thomas.
He's in the studio today.
Do you want one big gift or lotsof little gifts?
SPEAKER_00 (08:01):
One big gift.
SPEAKER_02 (08:02):
Why am I the only one?
SPEAKER_00 (08:04):
Because you just like lots of stuff.
It's only care.
It's something that I want rightnow.
So that's what I'm saying.
Can we just transmission?
Can we just have a lot oftransmission?
No.
SPEAKER_02 (08:13):
That would be nice.
SPEAKER_00 (08:14):
That would be nice.
That would be nice.
SPEAKER_04 (08:15):
Yeah.
Jess likes things.
Let me just understand this foryou.
Like our closet has so manythings in it the other day.
She had on a sweater.
Or what was it the other day?
We went out to eat and I waslike, what is that?
I haven't seen that.
And she goes, Yeah, I forgot Ihad it.
And look, there's creases in it.
I had it.
Because it was stuck over nearthe jeans and it was folded up.
(08:36):
What was that?
Do you remember?
SPEAKER_02 (08:37):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (08:38):
And you like, I even forgot I had this outfit.
SPEAKER_02 (08:40):
It was a sweatsuit.
I forgot.
Yes.
I got it for Christmas lunches.
SPEAKER_04 (08:44):
It actually had the creases like from when it was
folded in the store.
It was still a year ago.
Yeah, it'd been sitting therefor so long.
She had no idea.
SPEAKER_02 (08:55):
No, it's one naughty in the air and got me.
unknown (08:57):
Oh.
SPEAKER_04 (08:58):
So anyway.
SPEAKER_02 (09:00):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (09:00):
Regardless.
SPEAKER_02 (09:01):
I was so happy when I remembered I had it, though.
SPEAKER_03 (09:04):
That's like when you find money in your pockets,
you're like, oh my gosh, Ididn't know I had this.
I can't remember the last time Ifound it.
Oh bro, last time I did it waslike 50 bucks, and I got up my
winter bucket with all my likejackets in it, and it had a$50
bill in it, and it was literallylike Christmas.
SPEAKER_04 (09:20):
I don't even First off, I never have cash.
And if I found cash stuffed inclothes somewhere, I feel like
it's a scam.
Cash is a scam.
Yeah.
So I so my people.
Because we never have it.
I don't know what happened.
SPEAKER_02 (09:32):
I feel like because I said I want lots of little
stuff, that's negative becauseyou just switched it to just
like stuff.
SPEAKER_04 (09:39):
All right, can we move on from the tag show
episode of what we're talkingabout?
Because people are probablyriding in their car going, would
they please stop talking aboutit?
SPEAKER_03 (09:47):
Answer it for yourself.
If you're in your car, would yourather have one big gift or many
small gifts?
Ponder.
SPEAKER_02 (09:53):
Not you, Greg.
SPEAKER_03 (09:54):
Ponder.
SPEAKER_02 (09:55):
You just read that thin.
SPEAKER_04 (09:58):
So let's jump into our uh what we're talking about
today because and the reason Isay this is because we we listen
to podcasts all the time when wetravel.
Uh we travel so much.
Uh but when we're when we'redriving to Florida to see our
beloved kid and son-in-law, uh,we have a good five and a half
hours.
So we listen podcasts.
And there's been so many timesyou've been like, Did you shut
(10:20):
up and get to the point?
SPEAKER_02 (10:22):
The last time.
SPEAKER_04 (10:23):
So we shut up and get to the point.
SPEAKER_02 (10:25):
Well, the couple weeks ago, we paused it because
I said, Can you shut up and getto the point?
I paused and it was 22 minutesand some odd seconds in.
And I'm like, we're not gonna bethose people.
SPEAKER_03 (10:36):
So we got like another 10 minutes to go.
SPEAKER_04 (10:37):
No, we're done.
No, we're not doing that.
Okay, we're gonna move on.
I'm gonna help you and say, No,we're not doing that.
SPEAKER_02 (10:43):
So like we said, the podcast before this one we're
recording today, right now.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (10:49):
If you haven't, if you didn't catch uh in-laws uh
part one, it's on episode 39.
Uh go check it out.
This is episode 40.
We're continuing.
SPEAKER_02 (10:59):
Um So the first part we were setting up talking about
in-laws, you're, you know, ifyou're in a relationship,
whether you be married or you'rein a long-term dating partner,
this or that, whatever you wantto label it, you have an in-law.
It just means it's the family ofthe person that you're dating or
married to.
You have those people, and theyhave you have to work those
(11:21):
hopes into your life.
SPEAKER_04 (11:23):
The good side in the hopes of in-laws.
Now we're gonna talk about stuffthat's real.
Like what really happens whenyou realize that your
mother-in-law doesn't like youand hasn't liked you for a long
time?
Uh what happens when your uh youknow, father-in-law or
mother-in-law has been avoidingyou or talking trash about you
(11:43):
behind your back to other familymembers?
That's the stuff we're gettinginto uh today in state.
SPEAKER_02 (11:49):
Like what happens when it all goes wrong?
SPEAKER_04 (11:51):
Yeah, what happens when drunk Uncle Roger shows up
in the coffee?
SPEAKER_02 (11:54):
The game of drunk Uncle Roger.
SPEAKER_04 (11:56):
I'm just kidding.
If y'all don't have a drunkUncle Roger.
SPEAKER_02 (11:58):
There's literally nobody in either of our family's
name Roger.
SPEAKER_04 (12:02):
Not now.
There used to be.
unknown (12:04):
No.
SPEAKER_04 (12:05):
So I grew up in a different life outside of this.
I'm just kidding.
Uh it's not, you know, you'veyou've got to be.
SPEAKER_02 (12:12):
That's your fictitious character.
SPEAKER_04 (12:14):
It is.
It is.
It's okay.
I always uh, you know, har youknow, harness my drunk uncle
Roger when things go sideways,when somebody throws a grenade
in the room and things just youknow blow up.
So in-laws can be amazing and itcan be life-giving, but it can
also be life-sucking.
Um and so we're gonna talk intosome of those of what that
(12:36):
happens when things go sideways,how do you deal with it as a
couple forward?
SPEAKER_02 (12:40):
In our personal experience, because this is our
second marriage with each other.
SPEAKER_04 (12:45):
It is with each other, not our first marriage
with each other, but our firstbut our second marriage.
SPEAKER_02 (12:50):
You and I both have had experience with in-laws two
times.
We're we're two times in here.
SPEAKER_04 (12:58):
Correct.
SPEAKER_02 (12:59):
Would you say that you're batting a thousand ones?
SPEAKER_04 (13:03):
I'm easily a thousand.
SPEAKER_02 (13:04):
In both experiences.
SPEAKER_04 (13:07):
Now, I mean, they may they may have to be.
SPEAKER_02 (13:09):
You've had two mothers-in-law names named
Jackie.
You didn't have to learn a newmom-in-law name.
SPEAKER_04 (13:15):
That's true.
Okay, maybe I'm not a thousand.
Um but I mean, if you ask me inmy head, I'm a thousand percent.
Because sometimes perception iswhat you make it.
Oh, okay.
And so I just think everybodylikes me.
Uh up until you cuss me out andtell me what you really think
about me.
I think you like me.
SPEAKER_02 (13:34):
Oh god.
I will say with both of yourin-laws situations, there's not
a whole lot of people on yourex-wife's side of the family or
my side of the family that aregoing to cuss you out.
SPEAKER_04 (13:46):
I love them.
I love all of them.
Like I love my uh my in-lawsfrom my ex.
I do too.
SPEAKER_02 (13:53):
I've I have a relationship with them.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (13:55):
Yeah, they're amazing folks.
I love them to death.
And I I literally if I see themI'm not sure.
SPEAKER_02 (13:59):
It's a lot of sweet people in both scenarios that
are not gonna just approach youand cuss you out.
SPEAKER_04 (14:05):
Right.
So that's what I'm saying.
I think everybody loves me untilthey tell me otherwise.
SPEAKER_02 (14:08):
Why you're battening a thousand.
Yeah.
Okay.
Okay.
SPEAKER_04 (14:11):
Everybody loves Greg.
Everybody wants old Greg.
Everybody wants to go.
SPEAKER_02 (14:16):
It's an old, old YouTube skit if you don't know
what old Greg is.
SPEAKER_04 (14:20):
Yeah, don't look it up.
SPEAKER_02 (14:23):
Don't do it.
Um I feel like I've had I feellike I've had good experiences.
SPEAKER_04 (14:31):
I think so.
SPEAKER_02 (14:32):
Um I'm still friends with TJ's mom.
I mean, I say friends.
SPEAKER_04 (14:36):
I mean you're better friends with your your with TJ's
mom than you.
I talk well, I don't say I'mbetter friends with her.
SPEAKER_02 (14:42):
Not better, but you have a you have a very weirdly
healthy relationship with myfirst mother-in-law.
I like her.
SPEAKER_04 (14:50):
I do.
I really do like her.
She's awesome.
SPEAKER_02 (14:52):
Yeah, she she's quirky.
So I mean she's a lot of people.
SPEAKER_04 (14:54):
I don't know how we get along so well, but we do.
SPEAKER_02 (14:57):
I don't either, because y'all butt heads a lot,
but you do it with a smile onyour face.
That's the cutest thing ever.
SPEAKER_04 (15:01):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (15:01):
I mean, there's been phases of the last 13 and a half
years where you talk to her nameis Cindy, where you talk to
Cindy more than I talk to Cindy.
And I'm like, okay, I haven'theard from Cindy this week.
And you're like, oh, I justtalked to her today.
She's this, that, and the other.
It's just the cutest thing ever.
Um I still have a goodrelationship with that in-law.
It's not always been easy, andwe haven't always seen eye to
(15:24):
eye, but I've always had a goodrelationship with that in the
law.
SPEAKER_04 (15:27):
You're never Let me just throw this on the table and
just really you're never goingto see eye to eye on everything
with your in-laws.
SPEAKER_05 (15:33):
No.
SPEAKER_04 (15:34):
If you think you are, pull your head out of the
sand and welcome to real life.
Like you're just not going to dothat because they're different
people.
SPEAKER_05 (15:41):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (15:41):
You're a different person, you have different
perspectives, you have differentlife experiences.
You're not gonna see eye to eyeon everything.
But that's not the goal.
The goal with your in-laws isnot to uh agree on everything.
SPEAKER_02 (15:54):
Well, like we talked about in the episode before this
one.
Like when you approach an in-lawsituation, you've got different
traditions and differentbackgrounds and different ways
of life.
And so the there's literally noway for you to see eye to eye on
everything.
Right.
Because you don't you're notcoming from the same family.
SPEAKER_04 (16:14):
Let's not waste any time.
Let's just jump into the deepwater.
Because I think that's where youlearn to swim and it's fun.
Like I learned to swim becausemy dad threw me in the water and
that's not fun.
SPEAKER_02 (16:24):
That's why I'm not sure.
SPEAKER_04 (16:25):
So my mom saw me up for swimming lessons.
The great swimmer, actually.
Thank you, Bob.
But anyway, it's uh um we had awe had a we're we're brand new
to this grandparent thing.
Never grandparented before.
It's my first round.
SPEAKER_02 (16:41):
It's my first round.
SPEAKER_04 (16:42):
I just feel like I'm killing it and I'm doing really,
really good at it.
SPEAKER_02 (16:44):
Lucy Grace, she's 15 months old.
SPEAKER_04 (16:47):
That's my opinion, by the way.
Um but anyway.
SPEAKER_02 (16:49):
We are champion grandparents.
SPEAKER_04 (16:52):
So we were keeping uh Lucy one weekend and Thomas
and Moran were off doing Godknows what.
We don't even really know what.
Anyway, we were just babysittinguh for the weekend because we
want them to have time to go bethemselves and have fun.
So we're like, let's do it.
SPEAKER_02 (17:09):
We want them to have a happy marriage.
Yes.
SPEAKER_04 (17:11):
And so we're like, and first off, we want to hang
out with our grandkids.
Yeah, we want her and so anyway,we're doing uh that's where
that's where we're we're at.
And so it's the whole bedtimeroutine is kind of a an
interesting routine thing thatthat happens, and we've given
specific instructions like agremlin, don't feed them this
(17:31):
time, feed them this time.
SPEAKER_02 (17:33):
We are very, very good direction followers.
SPEAKER_04 (17:36):
You are, I'm not.
I am just kind of like eh, let'swing it in your roots.
SPEAKER_02 (17:41):
I'm I am like, mommy says this is blah, blah, blah,
this is routine, this is what wedo, this is how we do it.
SPEAKER_04 (17:47):
My interpretation of that is if mommy does know,
mommy does know.
So we don't have to tell mommy.
SPEAKER_02 (17:53):
Which is why JJ's in charge when Lucy is here.
SPEAKER_04 (17:57):
Who does Lucy reach for every time she comes to the
city?
Gonna thank you very much.
So in the case.
SPEAKER_02 (18:01):
She knows G's a fun parent.
She's a fun grandparent.
JJ's like, nope, she'srevolving.
SPEAKER_04 (18:07):
Anyway, we put Lucy This was back in the summer.
Yeah, so we're putting Lucydown.
It wasn't summerish.
Yeah, summerish.
In the summer.
unknown (18:17):
August.
SPEAKER_04 (18:18):
Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (18:18):
Yeah, it was August.
SPEAKER_04 (18:19):
So it wasn't our first time with her.
Like she had hung out with us.
Like, we'd spent time with her.
SPEAKER_02 (18:24):
Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (18:24):
But so she was spending the night, and they're
like, hey, put her down.
We're trying to let this if shecries, let her cry.
And we're like, okay, cool.
SPEAKER_02 (18:31):
It was a sleep training era.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (18:32):
And so we put her down, she cries, and she goes,
She'll usually cry for like acertain amount of time.
So I was like, okay.
And then you console.
This is how much of a rulefollower Jess is.
She sets a timer on her phone.
SPEAKER_02 (18:44):
And then, because mommy said, You can you can
she'll cry for this amount oftime.
And mommy said, I usually set atimer, and then if she's still
crying when this happens, thenwe'll console rock, do, and you
know, help her feel better.
Then we'll lay her back down andthen start it all over again.
I was like, we're doing it.
(19:04):
I had timers.
I was doing what mommy said.
SPEAKER_04 (19:06):
We did all the things.
She was still screaming her gutsout.
Uh just not having a great time.
SPEAKER_01 (19:12):
She she still does have her guts.
Yeah, so everything everythingwas kind of like just crazy.
SPEAKER_04 (19:19):
It wound up.
We went in a couple of finallyshe went to sleep.
SPEAKER_02 (19:22):
No, well, here's what happened.
SPEAKER_04 (19:24):
You oh, you rocked her to sleep.
I you you rocked.
I did.
She fell asleep.
So basically, the kid wasexhausted.
SPEAKER_02 (19:30):
She was exhausted.
It was pitiful.
And so I was like, I'm trying sohard, so, so, so hard to follow
instructions.
But also, my grandparentinstincts, my OG mom instincts
are kicking in.
So I'm like, I'm gonna hold thisbaby.
I'm just gonna hold her.
And I've tried.
And so I rocked her with herpasty, but I was like, okay,
(19:50):
she's facing front.
I'm not snuggling her.
It's not a whole thing.
Like I was like, I'm semifollowing instructions.
She went to sleep.
It was, we thought it was okay.
SPEAKER_04 (20:00):
We thought in our grandparent mind we don't use we
yet.
SPEAKER_02 (20:04):
We thought we succeeded because then she went
night night and she slept thewhole night that night.
SPEAKER_04 (20:08):
Yeah.
And so then and then the nextday Yes Mommy and Daddy come
back into town.
And I don't know, stressed.
I don't know what they've beenunder.
I think they were tired.
SPEAKER_02 (20:18):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (20:19):
Lord.
Just tired and something wasgoing on.
They were tired.
They were and so Lucy wouldn'tnap again.
SPEAKER_02 (20:26):
She did not sleep well the next night.
SPEAKER_04 (20:28):
And so Miranza sends a text in our group, because we
have a group text called WonderBoobs.
SPEAKER_01 (20:33):
That's a whole story.
And that's a whole differentstory.
Well, actually, Thomas sent thetext.
SPEAKER_04 (20:40):
No, it was from Miranda.
SPEAKER_02 (20:42):
I would have never sent that.
Thomas said she didn't sleepwell.
And I was like, oh gosh, I'm sosorry what happened.
She said her sleep training.
Miranda said her sleep trainingwas reset.
So basically regressed or reset.
SPEAKER_04 (20:56):
It was reset because I remember that because it was
eight period.
Jess, you would have thought yousent Jess a text saying you are
the worst grandmother I've everhad.
I hate you, and you're nevergonna see Lucy again.
Jess went into this spiral.
Oh, bad.
Bad spiral.
And I was like, what is wrongwith you?
(21:18):
Days.
She was just going on and on.
They hated the city.
I went on and on to Greg.
SPEAKER_02 (21:22):
I never went on out loud to them.
SPEAKER_00 (21:25):
No.
No.
I heard it for days.
SPEAKER_02 (21:27):
Okay, Thomas has a microphone.
SPEAKER_00 (21:29):
You gotta understand where we were coming from as
brand new parents because wefelt like we did a great job.
She was just sleeping throughthe night.
At that point, we had no ideathat sleep regressions were a
thing.
SPEAKER_02 (21:41):
Or RSV.
SPEAKER_00 (21:42):
Or RSV.
And so it happened right at thesame time for both of them.
Right.
And so at that point, it waslike it was all y'all's fault.
SPEAKER_02 (21:50):
Literally.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (21:54):
Lucy wounds up in the hospital.
SPEAKER_01 (21:56):
Three days later, she was in the hospital for four
days.
But we weren't really angry withyou guys.
It was more like a she didn'tsleep good last night.
Her sleeping rest.
SPEAKER_04 (22:06):
Well, see, that that's the problem.
Here's the problem.
We're having this conversationfor you guys.
SPEAKER_01 (22:11):
Not as you're the most horrible, terrible.
Never seeing Lucy again.
Never mind.
That was like her sleep trainingwas Richard because you suck.
SPEAKER_04 (22:22):
And basically, yeah, that's what Jess heard.
You are not a good person.
You're not a good grandparent.
SPEAKER_02 (22:27):
And I was like, I did not hear that as a
grandfather.
SPEAKER_04 (22:29):
I was like, they're just I was like, they're just
tired of it.
I was like, who cares?
We meant it.
Yeah, I was like, and you fordays, and I was like, you have
to call Miranda and talk to herabout this.
I was like, you have to talk toher about it.
SPEAKER_01 (22:43):
It took a while for that conversation to happen.
Okay, she went to the hospital.
SPEAKER_02 (22:47):
But but you had the same similar situation literally
a month previous that you didn'ttalk about.
So go ahead.
SPEAKER_01 (22:55):
Yes, when we finally talked about the sleep
regression thing, I finally hadthe courage to talk about my
issue that it had.
Fourth of July.
SPEAKER_02 (23:06):
Yeah.
You were so super strong and youwere gonna run a race.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (23:10):
5K, not run a race.
It was still a race.
Yeah, but like mental race, notokay.
SPEAKER_04 (23:18):
A 5K is still a race.
SPEAKER_02 (23:19):
So leading up to it, there was like a a discussion
because Thomas was gonna be onshift at the fire station and
you were like, Maybe I mightwant you to keep Lucy, so blah,
blah, blah.
And I was still in the maybe Imight want you to.
SPEAKER_01 (23:34):
And I thought it was a confirmed you're gonna watch
Lucy for me so she doesn't haveto wake up early.
SPEAKER_02 (23:39):
Yes.
SPEAKER_01 (23:40):
It was a whole miscommunication.
SPEAKER_02 (23:43):
Yeah, you thought you said one thing, but I
thought I said another thing.
And it was so it's this thiswhole same thing with the whole
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (23:52):
And then the day came the night before.
The day before.
I tried texting.
Y'all are busy.
Didn't see it.
I took that as you saw it, yousaid I don't like her.
Threw it away.
SPEAKER_02 (24:07):
Yeah.
Meanwhile, my phone was in mybag and I didn't see any of the
things.
So what it boils down what itboils down to was communication.
SPEAKER_04 (24:18):
Yeah, just really, really bad communication.
Yeah, but that's like an anchorpoint of cooking.
Yeah.
And that's what happens so manytimes is that you have that
experience or that situation.
And then so from that point on,you anchor everything Jess does
or I do through that scenario ofsaying, well, they don't really
(24:41):
want to be a part of that.
They don't care.
They blah, blah, blah, blah,blah.
SPEAKER_01 (24:44):
I won't lie, it did go through that filter until I
was able to talk about it andrealized the real situation, not
my one-sided because every storyhas two sides.
SPEAKER_04 (24:57):
We all had a conversation, correct?
SPEAKER_02 (24:59):
Yeah.
And then when you think abouttoo, the time that the four of
us have invested in our actualrelationship and getting to know
each other as people, not just,oh, you're my mother-in-law and
I need you to help out with thebaby every now and again.
It was like, no, that's not whothey are as actual people.
Just like, which I know that'swhy it bothered me when I read
(25:20):
into the statement about thesleep regression, just like when
you read into my not answering atext.
It was like, no, that's reallytruly not who who we are as
people.
Which is when you would go backto like, what are your
expectations?
Well, our relationship has apretty big foundation.
(25:43):
And so then that develops likeexpectations as not only
in-laws, but then now asgrandparents.
It's like there's a relationshipthere.
SPEAKER_04 (25:52):
Well, for us, I was like, you have to call Miranda
because one, we're not gonnahave this crap hanging over our
relationship.
Like, you gotta go solve this.
Like, I know that's not theirheart, but you gotta go have
this conversation.
So uh that was my push for Jess,because I was like, I don't mean
to be, I don't mean to be theguy and be like, I don't know,
it doesn't really matter, but Iwas like, I wouldn't mean into
(26:13):
that.
Like I didn't.
I think I was like, okay.
SPEAKER_02 (26:16):
You're way better at that than I am, though.
Thomas, what are you gonna say?
You have the microphone on yourhand?
SPEAKER_00 (26:20):
That's where it our relationship differentiates from
other relationships within-laws, is that we've worked
towards that communication withMiranda, trying to bring that
out of her.
SPEAKER_02 (26:32):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (26:33):
Because she wasn't raised in that environment.
SPEAKER_02 (26:35):
You were.
SPEAKER_00 (26:36):
I was.
SPEAKER_02 (26:36):
You were raised forced to be able to talk about
things.
SPEAKER_00 (26:40):
That's that's why it was easy for me, but to get her
to actually talk about things,especially in front of other
people when it's not just inprivate, has been really hard.
So having that floor that we canbuild off of was really
important with our relationship.
That's a good way to put itwhere other people, their
relationship with their in-lawsmight not be that.
SPEAKER_02 (27:01):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (27:02):
Like it's gonna be like Miranda was saying, it's
gonna be an anchor that youthrow over and you're just gonna
sit there and eventually take onwater and sink.
SPEAKER_02 (27:11):
And just be stuck.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (27:12):
Yeah.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (27:13):
That's a good way to put it.
SPEAKER_04 (27:15):
So what happened?
So we resolved that.
Everything worked out great.
We're stalled.
SPEAKER_02 (27:19):
Oh, obviously, here we are.
SPEAKER_04 (27:21):
Yeah.
So I mean And we can talk aboutit.
SPEAKER_02 (27:24):
And we I I would say the four of us learned a big
lesson then.
SPEAKER_04 (27:27):
Yeah.
Just because honestly, it's likea huge, it's a huge thing just
to be honest and go, dude, I'mtired.
Like I need I need some rest.
This is strong.
Be like, dude, drop Lucy off andjust like let her hang out with
us.
You know, go, go chill, go takea nap, do whatever you need to
do.
Like being honest with eachother.
But what happens when you're inan in-law situation, and that's
(27:50):
not the case.
You don't have that floor, youdon't have that foundation, you
don't have that thing to buildon.
How do you, and there's tensionbetween you.
SPEAKER_05 (27:59):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (28:00):
How do you resolve that?
And so producer Michael said hehad something.
I asked him his opinion on this,and I asked him his thoughts on
that.
He said, I'm not gonna, I'm notgonna tell you.
I want to wait till the show islive, so I'm gonna give your
honest opinions.
SPEAKER_03 (28:17):
So I think that two things, two-sided.
SPEAKER_04 (28:21):
One of course there's always two.
I love how you do that.
SPEAKER_03 (28:25):
It's just the way my mind works.
I love it.
SPEAKER_04 (28:27):
I love it.
SPEAKER_03 (28:28):
Love and forgiveness change everything in your own
personal perspective, how youlook at things.
Okay, what do you so and I'llunpack that very I'll try to
make it quick here.
Right.
So one, on the love side, and Ihonestly just in my own personal
beliefs I I can't help but lookto scripture when I look at
(28:49):
love, when I think of how thatapplies to life, especially when
you're looking at someone youwant to build a life with.
Um, one, that goes to a spouse,but two, that also includes
their parents, their family,everything involved in that.
Love is patient, love is kind,doesn't envy, doesn't boast.
Um, all these things, and youcan dig dig more into the Bible
uh as far as what that lookslike.
(29:10):
But um every single moment thatyou come across, especially when
it comes to friction or issues,frustrations, basically you're
handed a brick.
And that brick can either one belaid down right in front of you,
which that brick starts buildinga wall between you and that
person.
(29:30):
Or two, you can let love beatthe crap out of that brick, turn
it to dust, and throw it to thewind.
SPEAKER_02 (29:37):
Or can you put it under your feet, let it be the
floor?
SPEAKER_03 (29:41):
That too.
But but that's a concept of one,you could it could be like built
building blocks to futurecommunication.
SPEAKER_02 (29:49):
Yes, Thomas is saying building blocks to future
communication, which is what wedid apparently as parents for
Thomas.
How I would be.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (29:58):
But so on one side, on the on the love side, there
there are certain elements thatyou you must understand if you
are going to be around thisperson for the rest of your
life, God willing, that's whatwe're going for in a marriage
relationship.
You have to be aware of you areonly responsible for your
decisions and how you choose tointeract.
(30:18):
You cannot force anyone else to.
So love is literally the onlything that can overcome that.
Secondly, forgiveness and andyou can get very easily caught
up in this mindset, is thatforgiveness is for you.
That's not true because that's aselfish way to look at
forgiveness.
(30:38):
However, if you are truly ableto forgive, that lifts a burden
of weight and stress off of you.
Now realize if you go outforgiveness in a selfish way,
you're not gonna be able totruly forgive, which means it
doesn't remove that weight, thatburden, that frustration.
So those two things for me aresignificant when it comes to
(31:02):
keeping yourself from allowing awall to be built between you and
that person because it's gonnaseparate you and it's gonna
distance you emotionally.
It's gonna distance you whenyou're hanging out in the living
room at a game night or onThanksgiving or for Christmas
Eve, whatever that looks like.
And and that's just not fun.
That's gonna wear you down andtear you down over time.
And years it's gonna show.
(31:22):
And what's gonna end uphappening is it's gonna bottle
up and then it's gonna explodeone day.
SPEAKER_05 (31:26):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (31:26):
And that's not healthy for anyone involved
because emotions are soinvolved.
So for me, when it comes tosomething when someone is unable
to compromise, unwill unwillingto work with you, unwilling to
communicate, those two thingsare the only things that I have
found that help keep you movingforward in a healthy manner.
That it doesn't tear you apartas you're going through that.
(31:51):
Wow.
SPEAKER_04 (31:53):
Okay.
So what happens when I givelove, I give forgiveness, and
the other side or the otherparty says, no, thank you.
SPEAKER_03 (32:08):
Well, you can't control what they do.
SPEAKER_04 (32:10):
Right, but they're your in-laws.
So do you choose not toparticipate in the family
functions they're a part of?
Or do you choose to be a part ofthat and not like how do you how
do you nav how would you say younavigate that in that situation?
SPEAKER_03 (32:26):
Well, I think excuse me.
I think it uh it depends on whatyou're talking about, right?
Just because you love someonedoesn't mean you don't have
boundaries, right?
And it doesn't mean you don'thave healthy things in place for
you and your spouse to be ableto be who you need to be to
raise your family, to live yourfamily and do all that.
But no, you can still hang outwith someone and not like them.
(32:46):
You can still hang out withsomeone and not like how they
treat you.
Right.
And I'm not saying it's easy byany means.
No, right.
I'm not I'm not saying, oh,well, just love and it's all
good and all rainbows andbutterflies, you know.
SPEAKER_02 (33:01):
What happens if when you've given your full effort
and been your true self and thenyou figure out they haven't
liked me all along.
SPEAKER_03 (33:15):
And I'm sure there's a lot of hurt that comes with
that.
SPEAKER_02 (33:18):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (33:19):
I think it that it tells me though that they
haven't put in the effort toknow who you really are.
Like that's a I mean, andrelationships are this crazy
weird thing that we try tocomplicate and they're not
complicated.
They're very simple.
It's it's two-sided.
SPEAKER_05 (33:38):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (33:39):
Like it's not a we just talked about like a few
episodes ago, marriage is not50-50.
SPEAKER_05 (33:44):
Right.
SPEAKER_04 (33:45):
Um I'm giving I'm giving you all I got.
Oh.
Relationships are that way inthe same sense of if I want a
relationship with you, I'm gonnashow interest in you.
I'm going to reach out to you.
I'm gonna be a part of yourlife.
Um, if one party is not doingthat, um, then there's no
relationship.
And they here's what drives menut freaking nuts.
(34:09):
Like, I can't I can't stand likeI walked in the other day and
you're watching The Secret Lifeof Mormons.
The Mormons.
The Mormons.
SPEAKER_02 (34:16):
So I everybody's watching the Mormons.
SPEAKER_04 (34:18):
They are, everybody's watching it.
So I walk in and I'm there forlike five minutes, and this girl
is sitting around five otherwomen who's saying, He's done me
wrong, he's done this, and allof them agreeing with her.
And I was like, This woman isfreaking nuts.
I was like, why does she havesix people around her who are
(34:38):
just telling her what she needsto hear?
I was like, why not be honestwith her?
SPEAKER_03 (34:42):
What she needs to hear or wants to hear.
SPEAKER_04 (34:44):
It's just like it's it's what she wants to hear,
it's not what she needs to hear.
What she needs to hear.
SPEAKER_02 (34:48):
In that situation, it was both.
SPEAKER_04 (34:50):
She's not going to allow anybody in her life to say
that.
Well, that's that's so true forwhat we do in our lives, though.
We find we surround ourselveswith people who tell us who just
tickle our ear and tell us whatwe want to hear, and not the
reality of like, hey, you're notall of that.
Like you have flaws, you havethings that are messed up with
you, but if you want to have areal relationship with somebody,
(35:12):
be real and honest with them.
Like just be straight up honest.
Whether it's an in-law, whetherit's a mother-in-law,
father-in-law, like you get tochoose that, and I you can
extend that as much as you, andI try to.
I try to extend that as much asI want.
SPEAKER_02 (35:26):
I'm not I do too.
SPEAKER_04 (35:28):
But if you choose to accept it, you can, if not.
SPEAKER_02 (35:31):
I think that that's one of the most hurtful parts of
being an in-law of any sort offather, sister, mother, brother,
or whatever in-law.
It's like I know I'm giving youall of who I am.
That's just that I that's thekind of person I am.
I've always been that kind ofperson.
(35:52):
Um but when the receiving sidehas not given that same effort,
it still hurts me.
SPEAKER_04 (36:00):
Well, it's like it's just just to say it's like you
don't know who I truly am.
Because it's vulnerable when yousay, I'm gonna put myself out
there.
SPEAKER_02 (36:08):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (36:08):
And when you put yourself out there and someone
says, no, thank you, that's avery vulnerable moment.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (36:14):
To go, okay.
And the the opposite side willsay, I have this, this, this,
and this reason.
SPEAKER_04 (36:20):
And those are their anchor points, which are
probably nestled into the anchorpoint, yeah, stupid assumptions.
We could have.
SPEAKER_02 (36:28):
Miranda and I could have used that mother-in-law,
daughter-in-law, as an anchorpoint of a bad communication for
all of us at that point.
We chose not to.
We chose to move forward, butexcuse me.
There's other points where I'vebeen involved in where it's like
(36:49):
I've got a an opposing quoteunquote opposing party of an
in-law where it's like they havethese things, they could list
three or four things of ofanchor points.
Whereas if if there was somekind of communication there,
that those would not be anchorpoints.
SPEAKER_04 (37:09):
Also, too, there's a point too, as an in-law, Thomas
chose to love Miranda and sayyes to her.
SPEAKER_02 (37:16):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (37:17):
So I'm choosing to do the same thing that Thomas
did.
SPEAKER_02 (37:19):
And Callie.
SPEAKER_04 (37:22):
So I'm choosing to do the same thing.
I love Charles.
I love Miranda.
Uh do anything in the world forthem.
SPEAKER_02 (37:28):
Um But then on the receiving end, Miranda and
Charles have both chosen as forus to be the in-laws, they've
chosen to do the same thing,though.
SPEAKER_04 (37:39):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (37:39):
Like it was.
SPEAKER_04 (37:40):
But when someone doesn't, that's where you have
to set those healthy boundaries.
SPEAKER_02 (37:43):
Yes.
SPEAKER_03 (37:44):
Well, and I think another another piece of this is
and I forget who was speakingthis earlier, you know.
When you look at relationshipslike a parent and a child.
SPEAKER_04 (37:54):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (37:55):
Like as a child, yes, you choose to love your
parents because like they'reyour parents, you love them.
They've got their quirks,they've got their things that
you don't like, you don'tappreciate, but they also raised
you.
And you have a deep love forthem in that regard.
Parents to a child, same way.
You brought them into thisworld.
You you have a love for them.
(38:16):
They could go off and be theworst person in the world, and
you're still gonna love thatperson.
They're your child.
But when you talk about amarriage relationship, that is a
gay thing.
I'm I'm choosing you.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (38:29):
My best friend Kate is the one who brought this to
our attention.
This is a good thing to talkabout.
And we we talked to her on thephone before we we did this.
That's where you're talkingabout.
SPEAKER_03 (38:41):
You're you're choosing to be with that person
because of who that person is.
Yeah.
Right.
But the hard dynamic of that isyou are now having a
parent-in-law.
SPEAKER_02 (38:53):
Yep.
Who views their child that youmarried the same way.
SPEAKER_03 (38:56):
Yes.
But now you're and and I don'tmean this in a bad way, but
you're you're stuck with them,right?
So you almost have to kind oftake on that perspective of
they're a parent.
unknown (39:07):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (39:07):
They've got their quirks, they've got things that
they do, they're they're in sometime set in their ways, they're
they've they've been through alot, different things like that,
but you still choose to lovethem anyways.
SPEAKER_02 (39:18):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (39:19):
You know what I mean?
And vice versa.
If you are a uh uh if you arethe mother or father-in-law and
you're listening to this andyou've got children-in-law, is
that even a wordchildren-in-law?
Go ahead.
Do it, go with it.
SPEAKER_05 (39:31):
Go with it.
SPEAKER_03 (39:31):
But it's also kind of the same thing, like, hey,
this is who my daughter or sonhas chosen.
Yeah.
I'm gonna choose to choose themas well.
You know?
And so it it by no means makesit easy, makes it perfect,
because it takes two people tobe able to communicate.
It does.
SPEAKER_02 (39:47):
But good gracious, you know what is just like we're
this is a 40th episode in.
I'm I'm looking at my book ofall the things that we've talked
about.
Just about every single thingthat we have ever Talked about
comes down to communication andexpectations.
SPEAKER_04 (40:04):
Right.
SPEAKER_02 (40:04):
No matter who it is.
SPEAKER_04 (40:07):
We're one day gonna do some stuff, some actual
seminars or classes on be a goodcommunicator.
I don't know what that is.
SPEAKER_03 (40:16):
Communicate people.
Communicate.
SPEAKER_02 (40:18):
Communicate with each other.
SPEAKER_04 (40:20):
It's late.
SPEAKER_02 (40:21):
It is late for us.
It's like 10 o'clock right now.
It's super late.
SPEAKER_04 (40:26):
Be a decent communicator with those around
you.
SPEAKER_02 (40:29):
And have reasonable expectations.
SPEAKER_03 (40:31):
And I would encourage be vulnerable
sometimes.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (40:35):
That many times.
With both of those things, beingvulnerable makes you better at
both of those things.
Trevor Burrus, Jr.
SPEAKER_03 (40:42):
Well, and also so many times we close ourselves
off because we don't want hurtfeelings.
SPEAKER_02 (40:48):
Or we don't want to sound stupid.
I mean, just to be honest withyou.
SPEAKER_04 (40:51):
I will tell you this though.
Like if you're in a situationwhere your in-laws say you're
the husband or you're the wife,and the in-laws are attacking
your uh your significant other.
SPEAKER_02 (41:03):
You better stand up for this.
SPEAKER_04 (41:05):
It's time for you.
Like you're one.
So stand up for that person.
Fight for that.
It's your kind of yourresponsibility to stand up and
go, hey, we need to talk aboutthis.
We need to work through this.
You're kind of the one thatneeds to lead that conversation.
SPEAKER_02 (41:18):
Because that's your parent.
SPEAKER_04 (41:20):
Yeah, to say, hey mom or hey dad, like this.
We need to sit down and talkabout this because this is an
issue.
Like we're gonna move forward,like they're not going anywhere.
Yeah.
You're not going anywhere.
So let's let's let's resolvethis.
SPEAKER_02 (41:31):
And I know we're far into this, but I I would
encourage you to approach yourrelationship with your own
parent and in-law with a mindsetof like one day if you have kids
and they grow up, you're gonnabe that in-law.
You're gonna be one.
SPEAKER_05 (41:51):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (41:52):
You would you would hope whether or not your kids
get married or if they have along-term partner, you're gonna
be one.
SPEAKER_05 (41:58):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (41:59):
So I would hope you would approach your relationship
with your own in-laws and yourown.
SPEAKER_04 (42:03):
So let go of your crap and just be open-minded and
love love them.
SPEAKER_02 (42:07):
As Thomas brought up a good point when he had the
microphone earlier.
If you're gonna if you're gonnateach it in your own home, where
he he said about building afloor when you brought when
Michael, you brought up thebrick, you're gonna build that
floor for you to build off of.
If you're gonna teachcompromise, you're gonna teach
how to work with other people,you need to be willing to do the
same thing.
SPEAKER_03 (42:28):
Because the reality is you're starting those
relationships now as they arekids.
Yep.
Yeah, 100%.
In the same way, like you lookat, and I know we made a joke of
it earlier, but like y'alltalked about the communication
piece with Thomas.
Like that's something he's beenraised with.
SPEAKER_02 (42:41):
He has.
SPEAKER_03 (42:43):
So look at how that has helped how many years down
the road.
SPEAKER_02 (42:46):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (42:47):
So if you've got kids now, why not?
SPEAKER_02 (42:50):
How old are you?
Just kidding.
I know, I'm just kidding.
No.
SPEAKER_03 (42:54):
So if if you have kids now, why not start
developing what thatrelationship is gonna look like?
SPEAKER_02 (42:59):
Teach what that's supposed to look like.
SPEAKER_03 (43:01):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (43:01):
Yeah.
unknown (43:01):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (43:02):
There's so much to talk about with this.
SPEAKER_04 (43:04):
Well, yeah.
We're gonna wrap it up.
SPEAKER_02 (43:07):
We will.
SPEAKER_04 (43:08):
Because, you know, in-laws, we can only take so
much of in-laws and then wegotta go home.
So this is the part where we gohome.
This is the part where we gohome.
SPEAKER_02 (43:15):
We are home.
This is our home.
Thank you for listening to us.
SPEAKER_04 (43:20):
Yes.
And if you have suggestions oryou have some thoughts and you
have some ideas on in-laws,shoot us up on the socials.
Uh baggageclaim.podcast onInstagram.
I think it's just baggage claimon Facebook.
Uh, you can send us a text oneither uh if you're listening to
Apple Podcasts or Spotify, youcan just click that button, send
(43:40):
a text.
Send us a text.
And just I know you just show upand talk on Tuesdays.
I do.
And so it's like send us a text,let us know.
Just so you guys know, we coveruh things that you guys have let
us know that you want us to talkabout.
We do try to cover so we don'twe don't want to be discreet and
throw your name out and go, oh,so-and-so said this.
(44:01):
Um and if you want to send us anemail.
If you'd rather send us anemail, it's info at
unpacttogether.com.
Again, info atunpacktogether.com.
Send us an email that just sayshey, here's what we're after.
Uh here's what we're doing.
I'm trying to get our websiteup, which is unpacktogether.com.
(44:21):
I I'm trying.
Uh but anyway, we'll get there.
SPEAKER_02 (44:24):
So good.
SPEAKER_04 (44:25):
So I know.
I'm so proud of you.
No, just a pretty face.
So thank y'all for joining us.
Uh please like.
Uh if you like us, uh if youfollow our channel, you'll get
updates as stuff hits.
And we're trying to get better.
Um, you know, we're gettingproducer Michael to do his thing
and producer Michael Jr.
to do her thing.
(44:46):
And so uh we're just trying torandom.
We're trying to get out there,we're trying to grow, we just
want to help, and so we want tobe involved.
So whatever you need help with,let us know.
Uh, love you guys, and thanksfor joining us today.
And uh, as always, go to the
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