August 13, 2025 • 44 mins
Leadership is everywhere in the corporate world – books, seminars, workshops – but why don't we talk about it at home? That's the question Greg and Jess tackle in this revealing conversation about what leadership actually looks like within a marriage and family.
The truth? Someone is leading in your household right now, whether you've acknowledged it or not. But contrary to what many believe, leadership isn't about being bossy or controlling – it's about trust, direction, and creating an environment where everyone can thrive. As Jess puts it, true leadership makes you think, "I can't help but trust you."
Drawing from their own marriage, Greg and Jess share how they've discovered "lane leadership" – dividing responsibilities according to their natural strengths. Greg handles finances while Jess manages the family calendar and connections with extended family. This division isn't about power but about recognizing who excels where. When Greg sets the emotional tone during difficult conversations and Jess maintains the family's relational connections, they complement rather than compete with each other.
Perhaps most thought-provoking is their discussion of how family attitude reflects leadership quality – echoing the famous line from Remember the Titans: "Attitude reflects leadership, captain." When couples struggle with conflicting leadership approaches, they recommend finding common ground through intentional questions like "What's your biggest concern with my approach?" and remembering you're "all on the same team."
This conversation offers practical wisdom for any relationship struggling with leadership dynamics. As John Maxwell says, "Everything worthwhile is uphill" – and family leadership, while challenging, creates the foundation for your most meaningful relationships. Whether you're part of a blended family, nuclear family, or single-parent household, this episode will transform how you think about leadership at home.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hey guys, what's up?
I'm Greg.
I hope you guys are ready tounpack and get into some good
conversations today.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
And I'm Jess, and this is our podcast Baggage
Claim.
Thank you for joining us.
Speaker 1 (00:17):
Welcome to Baggage Claim everybody.
If this is your first time here, thank you so much for joining.
If you're a regular, uh, youknow the drill grab your
favorite drink that was thunder,lightning and thundering year.
Speaker 3 (00:32):
That just shook the room that's crazy.
Speaker 2 (00:35):
There's a crazy storm right here where we are, if you
hear sounds, yeah, it'sliterally rain if you hear a
light screaming and a lightning,we've been hit.
And if I panic it's because I'mterrified of storms.
Anyway, continue with yourwelcome.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
So welcome to Baggage Claim, a place where we are
hoping to create someconversations and community
around marriage and a blendedfamily and relationships, all
those fun things that are there.
So we always say, grab yourfavorite drink, whatever that is
tea, coffee, maybe somethingstronger.
I don't know what kind of weekyou've had or what kind of day
(01:11):
you're having or where you're atin your day, but thanks for
sitting down to listen to us?
Speaker 2 (01:15):
Yeah, thanks for.
Or standing while you'recleaning or riding.
Speaker 1 (01:19):
Riding.
Whatever, thanks for listening.
I just want to say this off theget-go we had someone in Israel
, in Tel Aviv, listen to ourpodcast, so this next episode is
going to be sponsored by Jesus.
This is an official sponsor ofour podcast.
Now, just kidding, I'm kidding.
There's a lot of people outthere probably get offended by
(01:39):
that, but honestly, whoever is,all over the world, that's
listening to us that just blowsmy mind.
Yeah, if you're in Israel andyou listen to us, shoot me a DM.
I'd love to just— Please, yeah,just—and if you hated it, you
can just— you can say that too.
Say a DM and go.
That was trash.
Speaker 3 (01:56):
And I'm like okay.
Speaker 1 (01:58):
But anyway, thanks everybody for listening.
I mean we're in in like over140 different cities now and 10
different countries.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
It's just nuts to me that that many people and that
many downloads and that manyplaces that want to hear what we
have to say.
Speaker 1 (02:14):
Maybe they do, maybe they listen to five seconds and
they're like, eh, okay, maybe,regardless, thanks for listening
and we're having a blast.
Um, thanks for listening andwe're having a blast.
And today we're jumping into atopic that I never hear really
talked about in the home and hasto do with marriage or with the
family, which is reallyinteresting.
Um, but we're going to talkabout this L word that just I
(02:39):
don't even want to say saturatesthe market when it comes to
corporate leadership.
It's insane.
Speaker 2 (02:45):
Oh, it 100% does.
It's the most talked about wordin the corporate world.
Speaker 1 (02:50):
So tonight we're digging into the idea of
leadership and what doesleadership look like in your
household Right now?
If you want to buy a book onleadership, you have 57,000
options yes Of books aboutleadership right now which is
insane to think about.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
I'll go even further.
There's 57,000 books in theworld with leadership the word
leadership in the title.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
There you go and I mean, like there's so many
different variations, there's somany different things.
When's so many different things?
Uh, when it comes to leadershipin so many areas we could dive
into.
I mean, people make livings offof just talking about
leadership, yeah, and we'regoing to try to take leadership
and pack it into one little tinysegment of a podcast, which
(03:38):
means we'll probably dig into adifferent area of that later on,
but we're going to give theoverall kind of the I like to
say the 30,000 foot view ofleadership in the home.
Tell me more about what youmean by that.
Like, when you're in your plane, you're 30,000 feet up and you
look down and you see everything.
You don't see all the detailsof how of all those things, but
(03:58):
you see the overall picture Justlike an overview.
Yeah, that's a verycorporate-ish I know.
Speaker 2 (04:03):
That's why I wanted you to say that because not all
of us me, we don't live in thecorporate world.
I don't either.
Not all of us do.
We used to.
Speaker 1 (04:11):
I spent a day on a massive Ferguson, bush hogging
my old family farm, whichactually was pretty awesome.
Speaker 2 (04:17):
Right, yeah, I loved it.
Speaker 1 (04:19):
It's so different than it used to be.
Now it has AC.
Speaker 2 (04:21):
You spent a lot of years in the corporate world, so
that 30,000 feet view wouldregister for you.
I spent some years in thecorporate world before I became
a teacher, but I mean that feelslike literally a lifetime ago.
But that's why I was like, okay, tell me what you mean by that.
Speaker 1 (04:38):
So when we talk about leadership in the household,
just know this is the30,000-foot view.
We're probably not going to getinto the weeds, aka the details
of a lot of things that we'regoing to talk about, so we're
going to try to keep it.
Just give you some broadstrokes.
You are so corporate right nowI'm sorry, I think I just said
(04:59):
leadership and my brain clickedand it was like oh, we're doing
this.
Speaker 2 (05:02):
Earsuit, yep Broad strokes and 30,000 feet view.
Speaker 1 (05:07):
So, when I say the word leadership, jess, what do
you think about?
Like, what's the first thingthat comes to mind?
Trust, that's it, okay, trust.
Speaker 2 (05:17):
First Okay, guidance.
Speaker 1 (05:22):
Okay, tell me I know this is in your notes note, so
this is probably gonna freak youout a little bit tell me um of
one really really good leaderyou had.
It just stands out to you.
Speaker 2 (05:32):
You're like, when I say leadership, you're like, oh,
I know that person well it justkind of jumps out at you I
don't think he's listened tothis podcast, but dave moody
okay, okay.
He's a local man.
Speaker 1 (05:45):
I love Dave.
Speaker 2 (05:46):
I know he's a local guy in our board of education
now, but when I first startedgood gracious 2008 is when I
went from banking as my careerto education that's a whole
story in and of itself.
We're not going to go intothere, but I joined a school
(06:10):
that was brand new and there wasthis whole vision that was cast
by this man, dave, that we'retalking about, of a Spanish
Immersion Academy in our countywhere we live in Northeast
Georgia.
It was the first one of itskind and I mean literally.
(06:30):
God landed me there when we goback to this story at some point
, but nobody had done this wherewe live and this whole idea was
just like crazy.
But this man, he had thisvision and he had a plan and he
had goals and it was all laidout in detail so much that it
(06:54):
was just like I can't help butto trust you.
Speaker 1 (06:56):
And also, too, he has this overwhelming personality.
When he walks in the room,you're like he grabs your
attention.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
He's like I got to talk to that guy.
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (07:07):
And I hadn't seen Dave in years.
I ran into him on the screenand he hugged my neck and he was
just as kind as he was thefirst time I met him Well, I
just got to see him last weekand it made my whole day and I
texted you, he did text me.
Speaker 2 (07:21):
That yeah, but he just encapsulates leadership
with his personality and his Imean even word choice.
Yeah, the way he develops andthen presents a plan.
You just want to, you just wantto join him.
And then I did, and then herewe are.
Speaker 1 (07:43):
Nice.
So what I find interesting,though for me, because reading
corporate books, being in thatworld, being in the church world
, being in just family life.
Yeah, just doing a lot of likeself-starter and it's like
leadership.
I've been in it, around it,teaching it.
I've been taught.
(08:03):
I mean I can't tell you howmany seminars of leadership I've
sat through.
It's interesting to me that wenever really talk about it in
the household.
We never really talk aboutthose things that Dave Moody
would like ooze, be like.
What about those things in yourfamily, like, do you as a
leader in your home, are thosethe characteristics that you,
(08:27):
you know people would say aboutyou?
Your kids would say about you,your, your, maybe your outer
circle, your inner circle, thosepeople that around you that see
you lead in your household?
Um, because we always havethese.
I mean there's so many differentforms of leadership yeah um,
and I always, I always rememberI can't remember if it was
Maxwell or someone else always,as one of his books always said,
(08:50):
if you have to tell people thatyou're the leader, then you're
not the leader.
And it's like, if you thinkleadership is just bossing
people around and telling peoplewhat to do, that is actually
the lowest form of leadershipyou could get to, yeah, like
that's basement level, and it'snot even really a great form of
leadership, it's kind of adictatorship.
(09:11):
And so it's different in a sensetoo.
So when you dive into this,there's so many aspects, so many
places, and I'm going to try tostay focused tonight, so this
isn't like an hour and a halfepisode.
Speaker 2 (09:23):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:26):
But I would almost encourage, encourage, like look
at yourself If you're if you'rea single, if you're a single mom
, if you're a single dad, ifyou're a blended family, if
you're not a blended family andyou're just a nuclear family,
that's been together from theword go.
Someone's the leader andsomeone has a leadership style.
In that home there isleadership.
Somebody's leading in your home.
(09:47):
Whether you actually say it ornot, someone is the leader.
Speaker 2 (09:50):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:52):
And usually it's pretty easy to pick out the
leader in the home.
And it's not always not hear meit's not always the man.
Speaker 2 (10:01):
No, every home or family has a leader.
Speaker 1 (10:04):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (10:06):
Whether you know it or not, right, I just said it
didn't I.
Not that part.
Oh okay, you may not realizethat you're a leader in your
home.
Okay, but there is one Right.
But what is the importance ofhaving a leader in the home?
Why is that important?
Speaker 1 (10:22):
Well, think about it this way we used to do a and I
know I've talked about it onetime.
We did this backpacking tripwhere we would get up every day
and we'd talk to these kids howto read a topo map and how to
build fires and how to doeverything.
Speaker 2 (10:38):
I don't know what a topo map is.
Speaker 1 (10:39):
It's a topographical map, so it's just.
It tells elevations and lots ofokay, Okay.
Speaker 2 (10:48):
No, our friends listening may not know what that
means.
Speaker 1 (10:51):
Oh that's true, okay, I'm sorry.
And so we teach them how toread that, and so we would get
up each morning and we'd be likeokay, we're here and we need to
get to.
We're at point A and you needto get us to point B.
Here's your map, here's yourcompass Yikes.
Speaker 2 (11:06):
Have a good day.
How many years ago was this?
Speaker 1 (11:09):
It was a long time ago.
Speaker 2 (11:10):
I would still be wandering.
Speaker 1 (11:13):
Now we did.
There were times where we wouldlet them and we would wander
and I'm like we are not goingthe way we need to go, but they
would have the map and we wouldlet them wander off, but they
would have the map and we wouldlet them wander off.
Our job as leaders then was thequiet leadership to stand in
the back and make sure no onegot hurt and safe, everybody was
safe.
We wandered around andsometimes we never made it to
(11:35):
the destination, but sometimeswe did the idea behind that when
I say what is a leader a leaderhelps so many different things.
As far as the leader sets thetone for your household, it does
.
It sets the direction of yourhousehold, the vision, the plan.
They help implement the plan.
They help.
And you may be like dude, areyou kidding me?
(11:57):
We don't even have a vision orplan for our house.
Speaker 2 (12:00):
You do, you just may not realize it.
Speaker 1 (12:01):
Yeah, somebody does and somebody's doing it.
Speaker 2 (12:03):
You're conveying a message.
Speaker 1 (12:05):
Yeah, so all those things happen in leadership.
A lot of times they're justunspoken.
Speaker 2 (12:11):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (12:11):
They're just happening Like you're like,
right now, I feel like my visionis the ball field, because
we're there 24-7 and I'm a taxiand they'll be like yeah, that's
your path right now.
What's the plan?
Like, so I would challenge insaying that it'd be like okay so
how do you use that time?
Speaker 2 (12:27):
or what build your family right?
What kind of leader do you wantto be right?
Speaker 1 (12:31):
yeah, you get to decide that.
I mean, that's the crazy partabout it is like no, you get to
choose you.
You as the, the husband or thewife or the couple or the single
mom or single dad.
You get to choose that path.
So many times we think we don't, but we 100% do.
Speaker 2 (12:48):
Well, yeah.
So, Let me just side note.
I knew that you would get firedup about this subject of
leadership and that you wouldtake over the majority of the
conversation.
I'm sorry Because of yourpersonality.
That's not a bad thing, becausethe smirk you have on your face
(13:11):
.
I'm literally trying not to saya word, I know For our friends
that are not watching, but youhave a smirk on your face.
But when you and I got togetherwe've talked about this
previously like you had your ownthing, it was working, I had my
own thing, it was working.
So my not attitude, maybe it isattitude, I don't know,
(13:39):
Although you are the leader inour home and we'll get more into
that in a minute but my wholeattitude has been like you're
not the boss of me and we'll getmore into that in a minute but
my whole attitude has been likeyou're not the boss of me.
Speaker 1 (13:48):
Yeah, you love saying that.
Speaker 2 (13:49):
That's my favorite and I'm always like you're right
.
Speaker 1 (13:51):
I'm not the boss of you.
But sometimes you do, sometimesyou're like yes, I am, but then
yeah, because, like, forinstance, you would say you're
not the boss of me, I'm likewhat flight are we getting on?
Speaker 2 (14:03):
I don't know, this is what I'm saying what country
are we going to?
Speaker 1 (14:07):
I'm not sure I have no idea, yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:09):
So it's like okay, well, somebody's got to lead
this, we're not going anywherewhat terminal do you get off
when we're on the plane train I,I don't know so.
So that's why I'm like I meanyou're not the boss of me, but
kind of you are, because well,that's kind of a funny saying,
but people look at it.
Speaker 1 (14:27):
They look at leadership that way as like oh,
you're just the bossy one, Belike no, that's a good leader
will lead and they'll never feellike they're bossy.
Speaker 2 (14:36):
Yeah Well, I mean you're good at it.
Speaker 1 (14:38):
You don't have to be bossy.
Speaker 2 (14:40):
I've learned early on in our relationship and still
now.
I learned early on in ourrelationship and still now.
Speaker 1 (14:50):
But I mean, I kind of do want you to be the boss of
me because you are better at alot of things than I am.
That's not true.
That's not true.
I think good leaders are goingto bring you along with them in
the journey.
As far as saying I want yourinput, I want to hear what you
have to say, but I also want toencourage you to the moment to
where sometimes you may thinkit's called influence.
(15:14):
It's not manipulation.
There's a difference inmanipulating it versus.
I want to encourage you to usethe gifts you have and the
abilities you have and theinfluence you have, because in a
household, parents havedifferent influences over
different kids.
Yeah, they just do.
Speaker 2 (15:32):
And different parents in different areas with
different kids Like it's a wholemixture.
Speaker 1 (15:37):
Oh, yeah, yeah, like I mean as far as even the
leadership goes, it's talkingabout, okay, money-wise, like
where are we at?
Like, who's handling the money,who's handling the schedule,
who's handling this, who'shandling that, who's going to
make?
I mean even the simple thingsof, hey, plan out our meals for
this week, or what are we goingto do, like, what do we have
(15:58):
going?
Speaker 2 (15:59):
on.
I mean as silly as that phraseis what I said like you're not
the boss of me.
When it boils down to it,because of our life experience
together, I 100% trust yourleadership in our home.
When it comes to your lane,like stay in your lane, bro, you
know that whole thing.
Like we have lanes yes, we do,we definitely have lanes.
(16:21):
Yes, but leaders in the homemake you have.
There's a heavy.
There's a heavy weight to thatwhen it's who's the leader of
what in the home?
Like you've got spiritualdecisions, you've got just
emotional decisions, financialdecisions.
(16:42):
There's a lot of weight tobeing the leader in your home.
Speaker 1 (16:44):
Yeah, even the things of the leader usually depicts
on.
How do we handle conflict?
Yeah, how do we handleemotional situations?
How do we get who's going to,during the tough times, still
stand up and keep going?
Who's going to be the one toencourage or who's going to be
(17:06):
the one to pick people up?
I mean, there's so manydifferent things to that.
Speaker 2 (17:10):
Well, with you and I, a personal example.
There are some times where, iftimes are tough, or if there's a
personal decision or even apersonal hurt of who's going to
pick who up, we're, you know, wedefinitely shift the weight
when it comes to those kinds ofthings of just like the moving
through life.
You know, sometimes I've gotlike I mean right now, with
(17:33):
school starting, I'm exhausted.
There's a lot going on atschool.
There's just it feels likeliterally like layers piled up
on top of me and I mean evenlike when we were trying to plan
out our meals for this week, Iwas like I can't even think, I
literally don't know.
And then you said, what aboutthis, what about this, what
about this?
And then we can have leftoverson this night.
(17:54):
Yes, let's just do that.
And although that seems like asimple task for me, that took a
really big weight off of me,Like I didn't have to think
forward four or five days.
I didn't have to do that.
You did that for me.
Speaker 1 (18:08):
One thing we do, though, that I feel like a lot
of couples don't is like as, asthe husband, we feel like, okay,
my role in the home and noteven talking about roles and
responsibilities, cause I meanleadership is that is part of
that role but so many times it'slike the husband's like well,
my job's to go make the moneyand bring home the money and my
(18:29):
wife's job is to run thehousehold.
That's not 100% true, like Iget the results, but it's like
putting all of that weight onher is not fair to her.
Speaker 2 (18:38):
Well, a good leader, and sometimes it may feel like
I'm a leader, sometimes it mayfeel like you're the leader, but
a good leader will delegate andI feel like you and I do a
pretty good job of that.
Speaker 1 (18:50):
We have an absurd amount of conversations about
things we do and I think somepeople would look at it and go,
oh my gosh, Like you, look atthis and you go dude, you have a
plan for where you want to go.
You have ideas.
Speaker 2 (19:05):
Yeah, 100%, we do.
We literally I say you, but inyour office here at home there's
literally a whiteboard withwhere we're going.
Speaker 1 (19:14):
Yeah, and we have discussions around that we do
Like it's not like I just comeup with these ideas and
implement them.
Speaker 2 (19:20):
And like you are better at.
Like we share leadership in ourhome.
Yes, like, for instance, me, Ilead on calendar and scheduling.
Speaker 3 (19:34):
Thank God.
Speaker 1 (19:36):
Whether it be, like you know, literally our great
niece's birthday party or Iliterally this is no lie today I
was on the tractor today and Iwas bush hogging and listening
to country music.
Speaker 2 (19:50):
I knew you were going to bring this one up.
Speaker 1 (19:52):
No, there was two things.
Speaker 2 (19:53):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:53):
One.
It popped up and it was anotification.
It says except, and it saidAugust birthdays, august
birthday celebrations.
And I was like I have no idea,except sure I'll be there.
I don't know what that is, butI'm going to be at that and then
I was like when is Lucy'sbirthday party?
Now, this is our grandchildhaving her first birthday for
(20:14):
one year old and I was like whenis her party?
Speaker 2 (20:20):
So I had to pull out my phone.
Speaker 1 (20:21):
Yeah, and luckily you added it on my phone.
I had already put it on yourcalendar, yeah, which?
And I looked and I was like, ohcool.
Speaker 2 (20:23):
Her birthday party is not on her actual birthday,
correct, because Lucy's mommywas working with her daddy's
fire station calendar, and sothat's just what it was.
But the August birthdaycelebration was because, behind
the scenes, me and ourdaughter-in-law and my
sister-in-law were puttingtogether that Because in August
(20:46):
it is Lucy, my brother and mymom are all having a birthday in
August, and they're all withinliterally two days of one
another, and so we were tryingto all of us, put our heads
together to figure out when wecan have a meaningful dinner
celebration moment, and sothat's when I was like August
(21:06):
birthday celebration, send it toGreg.
Speaker 1 (21:09):
But you had no idea even all that was happening no,
and not to be mean, but I don'treally want to be a part of that
conversation either.
Speaker 2 (21:17):
Like I'm not gonna add any value to that no, and so
for me I was like, except, okay, I'll be there because in that
conversation was working aroundour nieces, cheer and and
Thomas' our son's fire stationcalendar and you know your real
estate and you know all of thesethings and my mama and like all
(21:39):
these, like you didn't have tobe a part of all that, I took
care of that, but I put on yourcalendar for you, thank you.
But that, like also for myself,I feel like not, I feel like it
is like the connectivity withour immediate family and
extended family and your side ofthe family too, like making
(22:01):
sure that it all works and we'reall being at all the things
that we can be at.
I mean, there's stuff thathappens out of our control, but
like that's me, I'm making surewe're doing all the things and
that's a lot, because there's alot of members of all both sides
of our family and even our ownfamily with four grown kids two
are married a grandbaby and allthe in-laws and all the things.
(22:24):
There's a lot.
Speaker 1 (22:26):
Yeah, anyway, to say the least.
Speaker 2 (22:28):
Yeah, so the calendar and the connectiveness with
everyone, that's my job.
But when we talk a lot you havesaid that part of my leadership
of our family is I kind of setthe emotional tone, oh, yes, for
our family.
Is that I kind of set theemotional tone?
(22:49):
Oh, yes, for our family?
Speaker 1 (22:52):
Yeah, you do set the emotional tone, but you, because
I've tried this Again.
If we say this once, we talkthings to death around our house
and if there's ever a weirdconversation or conflict I don't
want to say conflict, butmisunderstanding-
(23:13):
miscommunication A possiblemisunderstanding.
Sometimes there's been someissues and we had to have hard
conversations.
I always have to lead thoseconversations.
Speaker 2 (23:23):
You do.
Speaker 1 (23:23):
Like you, I know going into it.
It doesn't matter how much Isay, you're going to lead this,
you're going to lead this.
Speaker 3 (23:29):
You're like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I won't.
Speaker 1 (23:31):
And you get to the table and you freeze up 100% and
you just go like it's the oneI'm looking at and you're not
going to say a word.
Speaker 2 (23:37):
Yeah, no, it's not a bad thing, it's just knowing
what you're good at, but I doknow what I'm good at and and
when something happens that I'mlike there's a miscommunication
or a misunderstanding, I go toyou because I know that you're
going to lead me through thatconversation of help me decipher
(24:00):
what's feelings versus fact.
And then when we get to, whenwe— Because there's too much
together for you a lot they do,and that's what I was about to
say Like when you and I talkthrough it and we get down to
like, okay, here's the actualissue.
So when we get together withwhomever it's involving, or we
have a phone call or like meetwith whomever usually of a
(24:24):
family member, I still mushthose together.
Speaker 1 (24:29):
Yeah Well, you add your feelings, I do, you add
your feelings, I do you add yourfeelings with the facts, and
those always go together.
Speaker 2 (24:35):
But that's when I trust your leadership, because I
have come to you first ofhere's what has been said and
this is what it makes me feel.
But you always say don't readinto it, let's talk about the
facts.
Speaker 3 (24:50):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (24:51):
So again, the leadership part, because that's
your strong point you're able todecipher the feelings from the
facts, but my heart can't.
Speaker 3 (25:01):
Yeah, I understand.
Speaker 1 (25:03):
You know, yeah, you're more the emotional, and
that's okay.
Speaker 2 (25:05):
Yeah, Again with those setting the emotional tone
.
Speaker 1 (25:09):
Like money.
Money's simple.
You've done money for a whileand stressed you out, so it's
like, okay, I'll do it.
I don't love doing it.
It's one of those things I'mjust like, ah, okay, but it
doesn't stress me out because Idon't really care, it's just
money.
Speaker 2 (25:21):
So when it comes to like big decisions like that
with, like I say, big decisions,but when it comes to big
financial decisions, of coursewe make those together.
But it feels like a bigdecision for me to financially
quote unquote lead our familyday to day and week to week or
whatever, and we have thoseconversations about saying, hey,
(25:43):
this week we're really going totry to tighten down, we just
need to go out one time.
Speaker 1 (25:47):
If we're going out this weekend, we're going out
once, let's figure out when thatis.
We need to eat home one time.
If we're going out this weekend, we're going out once.
Yes, figure out when that is.
Uh, we need to eat home, likefor sunday after church.
Let's don't go out and eat,let's come home.
Uh, we just got some things,we're trying to get rid of this,
we're trying to get rid of that, and so there's communication
that happens.
It's not like, uh, oh, can Iplease, can we please go out and
get something to eat can weplease?
Speaker 2 (26:07):
it's not that kind of scenario.
Speaker 1 (26:10):
It's not I'm sitting around dictating what we do and
don't do.
It's very much a conversation.
Speaker 2 (26:15):
And as much as I like to play around with the, you're
not the boss of me, even whenthose conversations come up.
Speaker 1 (26:21):
Yeah, most people that are listening don't
understand that, though they'reprobably like.
Speaker 2 (26:25):
That was a very childish sentence.
To say You're not the boss ofme, you can't tell me what to
say.
You're not the boss of me, youcan't tell me what to do.
But also, I'm okay with theweight of the financial just
living day-to-day expenses fallson you and Okay, well, in that
area you kind of are the boss ofme because you know what's
(26:46):
going on more than I do.
Speaker 1 (26:48):
I'm not the boss of you.
Please just stop saying thatit's not helpful.
Speaker 2 (26:54):
But it's also funny.
Speaker 1 (26:55):
It's funny, because it is for us, because I know.
Speaker 2 (26:59):
That I don't mean it, and you know, yeah, but there's
a lot of people out there whowould mean that and be like
don't tell me what to do.
Speaker 1 (27:08):
If that's your attitude, like, and that's what?
If you have a problem withsomeone leading and you don't
like to be told what to do,that's a that's a whole
different conversation it trulyis so let's get to this.
Maybe let's get to unpack.
I'm not sure how far we areinto this, or if we're just
rambling yet, or if we're inthat point.
Speaker 2 (27:22):
I don't feel like we're really producing michael.
Where are we at?
Speaker 1 (27:25):
okay, so michael's's telling us we don't have to shut
up yet.
Okay, but there's one thing Iwant to say, and this is
probably one of those quotesfrom probably the best.
Speaker 2 (27:35):
Not probably Okay In some opinions.
Speaker 1 (27:37):
Well, some opinions they differ.
The very best football movieever made.
That's out there.
It's so inspiring, it's so fun.
Remember the.
Speaker 2 (27:46):
Titans yeah, there, that's out there.
It's so inspiring, it's so fun.
Speaker 1 (27:48):
Remember the Titans?
Yeah, there's a conversation,they're having the linebacker
and the full and they're justgoing on and on and on and
they're talking about one wasthe captain, yeah, and they're
talking about leadership andit's back and forth and he goes
well, your attitude stinks.
And to one guy and he goes.
Speaker 2 (28:04):
You don't block my line worth of this and you don't
do this.
Speaker 1 (28:07):
Basically the line goes he's like well, your
attitude's horrible.
And he said well, attitudereflects leadership, captain.
Speaker 2 (28:14):
So I tell you this if you're looking at God, there's
so many quotes from that moviethat's floating through my head
Because also football season isaround the corner.
You know you married the rightgirl.
Speaker 3 (28:25):
Are you good?
Attitude reflects leadership.
Speaker 2 (28:28):
Attitude reflects leadership.
Captain.
So, if you're in your home,though and you— I liked football
before I met you, so go ahead.
I'm sorry.
Speaker 1 (28:36):
If you're not happy with the attitude or what's
happening in your home, justknow and understand.
I was trying to have a seriousmoment here and you killed it
like three times.
Speaker 2 (28:45):
It's just football Three times Like whoo Okay.
Speaker 1 (28:48):
Okay, we're talking about attitude, though I'm sorry
, so it's.
The whole idea is like You'rewelcome, sorry.
What happens in your home is areflection of the leadership of
who you are.
Speaker 2 (29:06):
Whether that be good, bad or whatever it may be, so
speaking, of that.
Speaker 1 (29:08):
so why don't you lead us into?
Speaker 2 (29:09):
No, I'm just going to talk about that statement again
.
Attitude reflects leadership.
Speaker 1 (29:14):
See what I'm doing.
I'm not interrupting.
See what I'm doing.
I'm so proud of you.
I am so proud of you, yeah.
Speaker 2 (29:20):
But if you're the leader of our home, because you
think this is going to be so bad, you think you're the boss of
me.
Are you going to use thatphrase how many times in this
podcast?
In a bad way?
I'm going to have an attitudeabout it because I don't agree
or I don't trust your leadership.
That's bad.
If you're the leader and you'relooking at me and you're
(29:42):
thinking, well, you don't dowhat I say, well, then that's a
trust issue.
On your part too, it's trust.
Speaker 1 (29:50):
Yeah, it's a trust and a character issue.
If I don't trust you and you'remy spouse, we're in the house,
we're doing stuff together.
That's a man.
We need to go back and have awhole different conversation.
Speaker 2 (30:01):
See, you were giving me a hard time because I was
talking about football.
Speaker 3 (30:04):
I'll let you finish your thought.
Speaker 2 (30:06):
I appreciate that so much.
You're welcome.
Speaker 1 (30:09):
Appreciate it.
It's leadership.
Oh my gosh, okay, you are sofunny.
So unpacked oh my gosh.
Okay, we need to unpack beforewe have a fight here about
leadership.
Speaker 2 (30:25):
We're not going to have a fight.
I'm just going to want to keeptalking about football and
you're going to roll your eyesat me.
Speaker 1 (30:31):
I mean, I'm all about talking about football, but
that's not where we're attonight.
Speaker 2 (30:34):
No, Okay, so here we are.
Ooh, here's a good question forour friends, because we're in
unpack right now.
Yeah, are there areas that youwish your significant other
would lead more in?
Speaker 1 (30:53):
Hmm, that is a great question.
Speaker 2 (30:55):
actually it was a long pause.
Speaker 1 (30:59):
Okay, that's a very deep question.
Like just in the, this is alittle facilitation hack for you
guys who are out there havingconversations.
Speaker 2 (31:11):
You're reverting to your old career.
Speaker 1 (31:13):
Yes, I can't read that you just scribbled.
Speaker 2 (31:15):
Michael scribbled something on the board for me.
Producer Michael wants to sharea thought and we don't know
what he said on there.
Speaker 1 (31:21):
Turn your mic on For facilitation questions.
There's a sequence to it.
You don't go to a really deep,open-ended question off the
get-go.
Maybe you want to lead intothat with us.
This is not a lead-off question.
I'll say all that to say.
But this is a great question toask each other because it's one
to go.
Where do you want me to step up?
(31:42):
More and not?
So yes, michael, you may ask aquestion.
Speaker 3 (31:48):
Go for, go for it, big guy so you're talking about
leadership yes, right and trustamong spouses.
Speaker 2 (31:52):
We're trying to talk about it we're doing our best.
Speaker 3 (31:56):
no, so one, one question I have for you is when
you work through those issuesand say it's not necessarily
that you don't trust your, yourspouse, but say there's a
leadership decision that youboth may feel strongly in
different directions, you talkabout shared leadership, whether
it be a specific goal you'regoing after as a family, or
(32:18):
whether it be a big financialdecision, things like that.
How do you work through thatleadership structure, that
leadership style, how you workamongst each other to resolve
those kinds of differences?
I have some thoughts.
That's a good question.
Speaker 2 (32:34):
Thank you for asking it.
Speaker 1 (32:38):
I.
You may want to hold the micbecause I'm gonna have more
questions for you.
Speaker 2 (32:42):
So the question, the question.
Speaker 1 (32:44):
Yes, 100%.
I would start with trying tounderstand and look at the
differences of where they wantto go versus what you want to go
.
If that makes sense, Like ifit's a big idea over a shared
vision or thought or idea, Iwould ask questions leading into
(33:04):
that to figure out what,because what's really happening
in a lot of cases, not always,but Can I?
Speaker 2 (33:11):
can I pause you for a second?
Speaker 1 (33:12):
No, in most cases in just a second, you can Not right
now, no, but in most casesyou're going to be able to find
some really common ground andyou're going to find that those
two probably align closer thanyou thought they did.
Speaker 2 (33:27):
That goes back to the help me understand episode.
I don't know what number it is.
Speaker 3 (33:32):
No, find common ground.
That's a great response.
Help me understand.
I think that's tremendous,because we can get so focused on
our ideals of what we want togo after that we forget the
common ground.
Speaker 1 (33:43):
Yeah, and because most cases, even if I have a
thought or idea, Jess may addsomething.
I'm like man, I didn't eventhink of that and that's
actually a better idea.
Speaker 2 (33:52):
But also, when you're faced with those kinds of
things where you think you'renot on the same page.
If you really actually talk toeach other, like you said, like
help me figure out what you'reafter, you're ultimately going
to, most of the time, be afterthe same thing.
Speaker 1 (34:09):
Yeah, because if it's heading the same direction, I
am, but it's different than whatI want Say, I had a different
goal than what you had, butthey're heading in the same
direction.
I'm okay to go.
Well, let's just do yours.
First let's do yours and thenlet's attack, or what do we say?
Speaker 2 (34:23):
Or vice versa, like let's try it your way, and if
that doesn't work, okay, great,then let's try it your way, and
if that doesn't work, okay,great, then we'll try it my way.
Speaker 1 (34:29):
Yeah, let's attack one for a bit and see how that
works.
Yeah, let's rotate or pivot.
Let's pivot and try the otherone, and so it's.
I think there has to be inleadership.
If you're walking in the room,going this is my way, the only
way, and if you're doing thatwith your steamy head, you're
not going to get very far 100%.
That's not a very.
(34:50):
Those leaders are not veryinfluential.
Speaker 2 (34:53):
No, they're not.
Speaker 1 (34:54):
So if you're asking those questions, that question
for that shared leadership, andyou're struggling you have
something to say?
Speaker 2 (35:02):
you got your finger up, I have my finger, you got
your finger pistols.
Finger pistols are right.
Shoot, you get your fingerpistols, my finger pistols are
red Shoot.
If, like what you just broughtup, producer Michael, if we're
not seeing it the same way orthe same pathway, if a
(35:27):
conversation of I mean howyou're getting to whatever goal
or whatever the leadership lookslike at that moment, what if
that causes an argument?
What if you just really cannotsee eye to eye on that?
Speaker 1 (35:40):
I would, for me, I would really want to.
For instance, like I would wantdetails on what do you mean?
We can't see eye to eye.
Let's pretend.
Speaker 2 (35:48):
If.
Speaker 1 (35:48):
I was with a couple and I was coaching him through
this.
I would want them to tell meexactly what it was.
Speaker 2 (35:52):
Okay, let's pretend we're meeting with a couple.
Speaker 1 (35:56):
Okay, and they have the wife, we're pretend coaching
, one-on-one coaching.
Now Pretend here we are.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (36:02):
Our imaginary friends are sitting at the table with
us.
That are sitting at the tablewith us and they have a
financial goal and the wife hasone route to get there and the
husband has another route to getthere.
Speaker 1 (36:15):
Oh, Dave Ramsey would love this.
Speaker 2 (36:17):
I know he would.
And they're completelydifferent and they cannot do
what we just said.
Let's try your way, and if thatdoesn't work, we'll try your
way.
What if they can't get to thatpart?
Speaker 1 (36:32):
I would if I'm the one, that's if I'm in that.
Speaker 2 (36:37):
Let's pretend like that's us.
Speaker 1 (36:39):
Okay, I would be asking you okay, I see where
you're going, right, if Iunderstand, like if you've
helped me understand the pictureof where you want to go, I get
that picture of where you wantto go.
I get that.
I see where you're going to go.
Um, do you see what I'm after?
And so I would make sure thatyou know what I'm after, right
at the same time knowing whatyou're after.
So we got to make sure that wesee what you're after and what
(37:02):
I'm after.
But the thing of it is that'sjust step one, but but then I
would actually try to begin tosay what's your biggest holdup
with the way that I'm proposing?
Speaker 2 (37:15):
You would do that, yes, yeah, and then it should go
vice versa.
Speaker 1 (37:20):
So I'm going to answer the question for you,
though Be like I see what you'reafter.
Here's the things that feellike are problematic for your
issue.
Here's some things that I thinkcould be problematic for mine.
Do you agree or disagree andtry to find like you have to
talk to, but go ahead.
Speaker 2 (37:38):
Do you see the communication tools you're using
right now, though?
Yes, in our imaginary situation.
Speaker 1 (37:44):
Yeah well, you, I mean you got to teach.
You.
Do you got to teach people howto communicate?
Like yeah well, I mean, you gotto teach, you.
Do you got to teach people howto communicate?
If you don't know how to dothose things, you're going to
argue about stupid crap all thetime.
Speaker 2 (37:54):
Let's pretend like I cannot and will not want to
understand where you're comingfrom, because I want control.
Let's pretend like that I wantthe power and I want you to just
do what I want to do, becausethat's my thoughts okay.
Speaker 1 (38:17):
Is this a single parent home or?
Speaker 2 (38:19):
I know, I know.
Speaker 1 (38:23):
I'd love to hear your response.
I have a response, but I'd loveto hear yours.
Speaker 3 (38:26):
I mean.
My thing, I think, is at thatpoint if you want to be
successful in a relationship,your response I have a response,
but I love to hear yours.
I mean my thing, I think, is atthat point, if you want to be
successful in a relationship andin your family, what you're
building towards you have toboth come back to the
realization of this is a teameffort.
It's a both of us.
It requires a collaboration.
Speaker 2 (38:46):
So you have to get past the.
You're not the boss of me.
You can't tell me what to do.
Speaker 3 (38:51):
I would say that on both sides yes.
Speaker 1 (38:54):
Yeah, I think that goes both ways though.
Speaker 3 (38:56):
Yeah, we need to use a different phrase.
Speaker 1 (38:58):
Besides, you're not the boss of me.
Speaker 3 (39:00):
That's my favorite phrase.
I know it's what I tell mybrother all the time, though
it's hilarious.
Speaker 2 (39:04):
See, it's not just me , babe.
So See, it's not just me, babe.
Speaker 1 (39:06):
So the idea and we used to always tell we used that
phrase all the time with Callieand she got so annoyed with it
Our oldest yeah, our oldestchild because when there was an
issue or there was somethinggoing on, if it was a situation,
we would always say, hey, wealways establish this right out
of the gate.
Hey, we're all on the same team, we're all after the same thing
.
Speaker 2 (39:27):
Correct, yes, and so as long as we know that let's
move forward in that direction.
She hated that, Not hated it,just kind of like got to her.
That phrase got so much to herthat for one Christmas I had it
printed on a t-shirt.
It said we're all on the sameteam.
And she laughed till she hadtears.
It was the funniest thing ever.
Speaker 1 (39:48):
Yeah, so let's wrap this up, because we've been
going for a while here.
Speaker 2 (39:53):
I feel like, whichever side you're on, you
need to have realisticexpectations.
Speaker 1 (39:59):
Right and be honest.
You've got to be honest andrealistic.
Speaker 2 (40:03):
You have to, because if I were to have the
expectation for you to guide ourcalendar or connecting with
family members on both sides andour own family, that is not a
realistic expectation.
Speaker 1 (40:19):
We probably would every now and then, but not much
.
Speaker 2 (40:21):
Yeah, they probably wonder what happened to us,
right, just like we've tried forme to be the lead on financial
just, even daily life, and itwas an anxiety attack every day
and it works better for you todo that.
So it's the leadership part isnot like I'm in control, it's
(40:45):
more of a steering or anavigating situation, because I
trust your leadership in thoseareas and you trust my
leadership in other areas.
Speaker 1 (40:59):
Leadership is a complex thing.
Speaker 2 (41:01):
I just punched the microphone.
You just right hooked themicrophone.
I did.
I'm sorry.
Speaker 1 (41:07):
Well, I say we, are you okay if I wrap this up?
Speaker 2 (41:11):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (41:12):
Okay, this is a complex topic.
It is Especially for thehousehold, so it's probably
something we should dig intosome more.
If you want to hear more aboutthe details, more into the weeds
of how we actually do some ofthe things, we'd be more than
glad.
Just send us something and letus know.
If not, we're going to talkabout what we want to talk about
(41:32):
.
Speaker 2 (41:33):
We've had trial and error on literally everything we
ever talk about.
Speaker 1 (41:37):
But I was.
So first off I would say findyour leadership style and maybe
ask is that the style ofleadership you want to be?
And it's okay if you change.
It's okay if you hopefully youdo develop and change over time.
But I will say this Marriage istough, like it's work.
Speaker 2 (41:59):
It's not easy, yeah.
Speaker 1 (42:01):
I heard a statement and I will say this I heard a
statement by John Maxwell and itrocked my world.
I was in a seminar and it justit's something that stuck with
me.
And he said everythingworthwhile is uphill.
Like everything worthwhile isuphill, he's like it's not easy.
If it's easy, it's not going tomean a whole lot to you.
(42:25):
So your marriage, this idea ofleadership in your household,
it's uphill.
It is and it's not going tomean a whole lot to you.
So your marriage, this idea ofleadership in your household,
it's uphill.
It is, and it's not going to bethe easiest thing you do, but I
can tell you that it's worth it.
Speaker 2 (42:36):
It's the most rewarding work.
Speaker 1 (42:38):
Yeah, it really is, and so don't give up, Hang in
there and keep pursuing and keeppushing forward and just
remember like hey, this is yourfamily, you get one shot at it.
Speaker 2 (42:53):
And if you're working towards the same goal together,
it's fun.
Speaker 1 (42:57):
Yeah, it can be fun.
I'm not saying it's all like,oh my gosh, this is going to be
hard for the rest of your life.
Speaker 2 (43:02):
I feel like some of our podcasts come off of like oh
my gosh, it's all work.
No, we have a blast beingmarried to each other has come
off of like oh my gosh, it's allwork, no, we have a blast being
married to each other, but it'swork.
Speaker 1 (43:11):
I mean, we have fun doing it, like there's a lot of
jobs that are work, but if youlove it, you're going to love
work.
Yeah, you're going to enjoy it.
Speaker 2 (43:20):
And so, with that being said, Thank you to whoever
you are, wherever you are, forjoining us, because it's still,
like I said in the beginning,baffles me that there are so
many people all over the placethat actually listen to us,
we're just normal.
It's wild.
Speaker 1 (43:34):
Just a normal couple sitting in a room in our house.
Speaker 2 (43:38):
In our home.
Speaker 1 (43:38):
Yeah, just talking about our life and our
experience, and so love you guys.
Thank you so much for listening.
I really, really mean that fromthe bottom of my heart.
Speaker 2 (43:47):
We really appreciate it.
Speaker 1 (43:53):
We keep growing every week and we love it and keep
sharing and keep listening.
So see you later, friends.
Hey guys, what's up?
I'm Greg.
I hope you guys are ready tounpack and get into some good
conversations today.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
And I'm Jess, and this is our podcast Baggage
Claim.
Thank you for joining us.
Speaker 1 (00:17):
Welcome to Baggage Claim everybody.
If this is your first time here, thank you so much for joining.
If you're a regular, uh, youknow the drill grab your
favorite drink that was thunder,lightning and thundering year.
Speaker 3 (00:32):
That just shook the room that's crazy.
Speaker 2 (00:35):
There's a crazy storm right here where we are, if you
hear sounds, yeah, it'sliterally rain if you hear a
light screaming and a lightning,we've been hit.
And if I panic it's because I'mterrified of storms.
Anyway, continue with yourwelcome.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
So welcome to Baggage Claim, a place where we are
hoping to create someconversations and community
around marriage and a blendedfamily and relationships, all
those fun things that are there.
So we always say, grab yourfavorite drink, whatever that is
tea, coffee, maybe somethingstronger.
I don't know what kind of weekyou've had or what kind of day
(01:11):
you're having or where you're atin your day, but thanks for
sitting down to listen to us?
Speaker 2 (01:15):
Yeah, thanks for.
Or standing while you'recleaning or riding.
Speaker 1 (01:19):
Riding.
Whatever, thanks for listening.
I just want to say this off theget-go we had someone in Israel
, in Tel Aviv, listen to ourpodcast, so this next episode is
going to be sponsored by Jesus.
This is an official sponsor ofour podcast.
Now, just kidding, I'm kidding.
There's a lot of people outthere probably get offended by
(01:39):
that, but honestly, whoever is,all over the world, that's
listening to us that just blowsmy mind.
Yeah, if you're in Israel andyou listen to us, shoot me a DM.
I'd love to just— Please, yeah,just—and if you hated it, you
can just— you can say that too.
Say a DM and go.
That was trash.
Speaker 3 (01:56):
And I'm like okay.
Speaker 1 (01:58):
But anyway, thanks everybody for listening.
I mean we're in in like over140 different cities now and 10
different countries.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
It's just nuts to me that that many people and that
many downloads and that manyplaces that want to hear what we
have to say.
Speaker 1 (02:14):
Maybe they do, maybe they listen to five seconds and
they're like, eh, okay, maybe,regardless, thanks for listening
and we're having a blast.
Um, thanks for listening andwe're having a blast.
And today we're jumping into atopic that I never hear really
talked about in the home and hasto do with marriage or with the
family, which is reallyinteresting.
Um, but we're going to talkabout this L word that just I
(02:39):
don't even want to say saturatesthe market when it comes to
corporate leadership.
It's insane.
Speaker 2 (02:45):
Oh, it 100% does.
It's the most talked about wordin the corporate world.
Speaker 1 (02:50):
So tonight we're digging into the idea of
leadership and what doesleadership look like in your
household Right now?
If you want to buy a book onleadership, you have 57,000
options yes Of books aboutleadership right now which is
insane to think about.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
I'll go even further.
There's 57,000 books in theworld with leadership the word
leadership in the title.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
There you go and I mean, like there's so many
different variations, there's somany different things.
When's so many different things?
Uh, when it comes to leadershipin so many areas we could dive
into.
I mean, people make livings offof just talking about
leadership, yeah, and we'regoing to try to take leadership
and pack it into one little tinysegment of a podcast, which
(03:38):
means we'll probably dig into adifferent area of that later on,
but we're going to give theoverall kind of the I like to
say the 30,000 foot view ofleadership in the home.
Tell me more about what youmean by that.
Like, when you're in your plane, you're 30,000 feet up and you
look down and you see everything.
You don't see all the detailsof how of all those things, but
(03:58):
you see the overall picture Justlike an overview.
Yeah, that's a verycorporate-ish I know.
Speaker 2 (04:03):
That's why I wanted you to say that because not all
of us me, we don't live in thecorporate world.
I don't either.
Not all of us do.
We used to.
Speaker 1 (04:11):
I spent a day on a massive Ferguson, bush hogging
my old family farm, whichactually was pretty awesome.
Speaker 2 (04:17):
Right, yeah, I loved it.
Speaker 1 (04:19):
It's so different than it used to be.
Now it has AC.
Speaker 2 (04:21):
You spent a lot of years in the corporate world, so
that 30,000 feet view wouldregister for you.
I spent some years in thecorporate world before I became
a teacher, but I mean that feelslike literally a lifetime ago.
But that's why I was like, okay, tell me what you mean by that.
Speaker 1 (04:38):
So when we talk about leadership in the household,
just know this is the30,000-foot view.
We're probably not going to getinto the weeds, aka the details
of a lot of things that we'regoing to talk about, so we're
going to try to keep it.
Just give you some broadstrokes.
You are so corporate right nowI'm sorry, I think I just said
(04:59):
leadership and my brain clickedand it was like oh, we're doing
this.
Speaker 2 (05:02):
Earsuit, yep Broad strokes and 30,000 feet view.
Speaker 1 (05:07):
So, when I say the word leadership, jess, what do
you think about?
Like, what's the first thingthat comes to mind?
Trust, that's it, okay, trust.
Speaker 2 (05:17):
First Okay, guidance.
Speaker 1 (05:22):
Okay, tell me I know this is in your notes note, so
this is probably gonna freak youout a little bit tell me um of
one really really good leaderyou had.
It just stands out to you.
Speaker 2 (05:32):
You're like, when I say leadership, you're like, oh,
I know that person well it justkind of jumps out at you I
don't think he's listened tothis podcast, but dave moody
okay, okay.
He's a local man.
Speaker 1 (05:45):
I love Dave.
Speaker 2 (05:46):
I know he's a local guy in our board of education
now, but when I first startedgood gracious 2008 is when I
went from banking as my careerto education that's a whole
story in and of itself.
We're not going to go intothere, but I joined a school
(06:10):
that was brand new and there wasthis whole vision that was cast
by this man, dave, that we'retalking about, of a Spanish
Immersion Academy in our countywhere we live in Northeast
Georgia.
It was the first one of itskind and I mean literally.
(06:30):
God landed me there when we goback to this story at some point
, but nobody had done this wherewe live and this whole idea was
just like crazy.
But this man, he had thisvision and he had a plan and he
had goals and it was all laidout in detail so much that it
(06:54):
was just like I can't help butto trust you.
Speaker 1 (06:56):
And also, too, he has this overwhelming personality.
When he walks in the room,you're like he grabs your
attention.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
He's like I got to talk to that guy.
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (07:07):
And I hadn't seen Dave in years.
I ran into him on the screenand he hugged my neck and he was
just as kind as he was thefirst time I met him Well, I
just got to see him last weekand it made my whole day and I
texted you, he did text me.
Speaker 2 (07:21):
That yeah, but he just encapsulates leadership
with his personality and his Imean even word choice.
Yeah, the way he develops andthen presents a plan.
You just want to, you just wantto join him.
And then I did, and then herewe are.
Speaker 1 (07:43):
Nice.
So what I find interesting,though for me, because reading
corporate books, being in thatworld, being in the church world
, being in just family life.
Yeah, just doing a lot of likeself-starter and it's like
leadership.
I've been in it, around it,teaching it.
I've been taught.
(08:03):
I mean I can't tell you howmany seminars of leadership I've
sat through.
It's interesting to me that wenever really talk about it in
the household.
We never really talk aboutthose things that Dave Moody
would like ooze, be like.
What about those things in yourfamily, like, do you as a
leader in your home, are thosethe characteristics that you,
(08:27):
you know people would say aboutyou?
Your kids would say about you,your, your, maybe your outer
circle, your inner circle, thosepeople that around you that see
you lead in your household?
Um, because we always havethese.
I mean there's so many differentforms of leadership yeah um,
and I always, I always rememberI can't remember if it was
Maxwell or someone else always,as one of his books always said,
(08:50):
if you have to tell people thatyou're the leader, then you're
not the leader.
And it's like, if you thinkleadership is just bossing
people around and telling peoplewhat to do, that is actually
the lowest form of leadershipyou could get to, yeah, like
that's basement level, and it'snot even really a great form of
leadership, it's kind of adictatorship.
(09:11):
And so it's different in a sensetoo.
So when you dive into this,there's so many aspects, so many
places, and I'm going to try tostay focused tonight, so this
isn't like an hour and a halfepisode.
Speaker 2 (09:23):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:26):
But I would almost encourage, encourage, like look
at yourself If you're if you'rea single, if you're a single mom
, if you're a single dad, ifyou're a blended family, if
you're not a blended family andyou're just a nuclear family,
that's been together from theword go.
Someone's the leader andsomeone has a leadership style.
In that home there isleadership.
Somebody's leading in your home.
(09:47):
Whether you actually say it ornot, someone is the leader.
Speaker 2 (09:50):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:52):
And usually it's pretty easy to pick out the
leader in the home.
And it's not always not hear meit's not always the man.
Speaker 2 (10:01):
No, every home or family has a leader.
Speaker 1 (10:04):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (10:06):
Whether you know it or not, right, I just said it
didn't I.
Not that part.
Oh okay, you may not realizethat you're a leader in your
home.
Okay, but there is one Right.
But what is the importance ofhaving a leader in the home?
Why is that important?
Speaker 1 (10:22):
Well, think about it this way we used to do a and I
know I've talked about it onetime.
We did this backpacking tripwhere we would get up every day
and we'd talk to these kids howto read a topo map and how to
build fires and how to doeverything.
Speaker 2 (10:38):
I don't know what a topo map is.
Speaker 1 (10:39):
It's a topographical map, so it's just.
It tells elevations and lots ofokay, Okay.
Speaker 2 (10:48):
No, our friends listening may not know what that
means.
Speaker 1 (10:51):
Oh that's true, okay, I'm sorry.
And so we teach them how toread that, and so we would get
up each morning and we'd be likeokay, we're here and we need to
get to.
We're at point A and you needto get us to point B.
Here's your map, here's yourcompass Yikes.
Speaker 2 (11:06):
Have a good day.
How many years ago was this?
Speaker 1 (11:09):
It was a long time ago.
Speaker 2 (11:10):
I would still be wandering.
Speaker 1 (11:13):
Now we did.
There were times where we wouldlet them and we would wander
and I'm like we are not goingthe way we need to go, but they
would have the map and we wouldlet them wander off, but they
would have the map and we wouldlet them wander off.
Our job as leaders then was thequiet leadership to stand in
the back and make sure no onegot hurt and safe, everybody was
safe.
We wandered around andsometimes we never made it to
(11:35):
the destination, but sometimeswe did the idea behind that when
I say what is a leader a leaderhelps so many different things.
As far as the leader sets thetone for your household, it does
.
It sets the direction of yourhousehold, the vision, the plan.
They help implement the plan.
They help.
And you may be like dude, areyou kidding me?
(11:57):
We don't even have a vision orplan for our house.
Speaker 2 (12:00):
You do, you just may not realize it.
Speaker 1 (12:01):
Yeah, somebody does and somebody's doing it.
Speaker 2 (12:03):
You're conveying a message.
Speaker 1 (12:05):
Yeah, so all those things happen in leadership.
A lot of times they're justunspoken.
Speaker 2 (12:11):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (12:11):
They're just happening Like you're like,
right now, I feel like my visionis the ball field, because
we're there 24-7 and I'm a taxiand they'll be like yeah, that's
your path right now.
What's the plan?
Like, so I would challenge insaying that it'd be like okay so
how do you use that time?
Speaker 2 (12:27):
or what build your family right?
What kind of leader do you wantto be right?
Speaker 1 (12:31):
yeah, you get to decide that.
I mean, that's the crazy partabout it is like no, you get to
choose you.
You as the, the husband or thewife or the couple or the single
mom or single dad.
You get to choose that path.
So many times we think we don't, but we 100% do.
Speaker 2 (12:48):
Well, yeah.
So, Let me just side note.
I knew that you would get firedup about this subject of
leadership and that you wouldtake over the majority of the
conversation.
I'm sorry Because of yourpersonality.
That's not a bad thing, becausethe smirk you have on your face
(13:11):
.
I'm literally trying not to saya word, I know For our friends
that are not watching, but youhave a smirk on your face.
But when you and I got togetherwe've talked about this
previously like you had your ownthing, it was working, I had my
own thing, it was working.
So my not attitude, maybe it isattitude, I don't know,
(13:39):
Although you are the leader inour home and we'll get more into
that in a minute but my wholeattitude has been like you're
not the boss of me and we'll getmore into that in a minute but
my whole attitude has been likeyou're not the boss of me.
Speaker 1 (13:48):
Yeah, you love saying that.
Speaker 2 (13:49):
That's my favorite and I'm always like you're right
.
Speaker 1 (13:51):
I'm not the boss of you.
But sometimes you do, sometimesyou're like yes, I am, but then
yeah, because, like, forinstance, you would say you're
not the boss of me, I'm likewhat flight are we getting on?
Speaker 2 (14:03):
I don't know, this is what I'm saying what country
are we going to?
Speaker 1 (14:07):
I'm not sure I have no idea, yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:09):
So it's like okay, well, somebody's got to lead
this, we're not going anywherewhat terminal do you get off
when we're on the plane train I,I don't know so.
So that's why I'm like I meanyou're not the boss of me, but
kind of you are, because well,that's kind of a funny saying,
but people look at it.
Speaker 1 (14:27):
They look at leadership that way as like oh,
you're just the bossy one, Belike no, that's a good leader
will lead and they'll never feellike they're bossy.
Speaker 2 (14:36):
Yeah Well, I mean you're good at it.
Speaker 1 (14:38):
You don't have to be bossy.
Speaker 2 (14:40):
I've learned early on in our relationship and still
now.
I learned early on in ourrelationship and still now.
Speaker 1 (14:50):
But I mean, I kind of do want you to be the boss of
me because you are better at alot of things than I am.
That's not true.
That's not true.
I think good leaders are goingto bring you along with them in
the journey.
As far as saying I want yourinput, I want to hear what you
have to say, but I also want toencourage you to the moment to
where sometimes you may thinkit's called influence.
(15:14):
It's not manipulation.
There's a difference inmanipulating it versus.
I want to encourage you to usethe gifts you have and the
abilities you have and theinfluence you have, because in a
household, parents havedifferent influences over
different kids.
Yeah, they just do.
Speaker 2 (15:32):
And different parents in different areas with
different kids Like it's a wholemixture.
Speaker 1 (15:37):
Oh, yeah, yeah, like I mean as far as even the
leadership goes, it's talkingabout, okay, money-wise, like
where are we at?
Like, who's handling the money,who's handling the schedule,
who's handling this, who'shandling that, who's going to
make?
I mean even the simple thingsof, hey, plan out our meals for
this week, or what are we goingto do, like, what do we have
(15:58):
going?
Speaker 2 (15:59):
on.
I mean as silly as that phraseis what I said like you're not
the boss of me.
When it boils down to it,because of our life experience
together, I 100% trust yourleadership in our home.
When it comes to your lane,like stay in your lane, bro, you
know that whole thing.
Like we have lanes yes, we do,we definitely have lanes.
(16:21):
Yes, but leaders in the homemake you have.
There's a heavy.
There's a heavy weight to thatwhen it's who's the leader of
what in the home?
Like you've got spiritualdecisions, you've got just
emotional decisions, financialdecisions.
(16:42):
There's a lot of weight tobeing the leader in your home.
Speaker 1 (16:44):
Yeah, even the things of the leader usually depicts
on.
How do we handle conflict?
Yeah, how do we handleemotional situations?
How do we get who's going to,during the tough times, still
stand up and keep going?
Who's going to be the one toencourage or who's going to be
(17:06):
the one to pick people up?
I mean, there's so manydifferent things to that.
Speaker 2 (17:10):
Well, with you and I, a personal example.
There are some times where, iftimes are tough, or if there's a
personal decision or even apersonal hurt of who's going to
pick who up, we're, you know, wedefinitely shift the weight
when it comes to those kinds ofthings of just like the moving
through life.
You know, sometimes I've gotlike I mean right now, with
(17:33):
school starting, I'm exhausted.
There's a lot going on atschool.
There's just it feels likeliterally like layers piled up
on top of me and I mean evenlike when we were trying to plan
out our meals for this week, Iwas like I can't even think, I
literally don't know.
And then you said, what aboutthis, what about this, what
about this?
And then we can have leftoverson this night.
(17:54):
Yes, let's just do that.
And although that seems like asimple task for me, that took a
really big weight off of me,Like I didn't have to think
forward four or five days.
I didn't have to do that.
You did that for me.
Speaker 1 (18:08):
One thing we do, though, that I feel like a lot
of couples don't is like as, asthe husband, we feel like, okay,
my role in the home and noteven talking about roles and
responsibilities, cause I meanleadership is that is part of
that role but so many times it'slike the husband's like well,
my job's to go make the moneyand bring home the money and my
(18:29):
wife's job is to run thehousehold.
That's not 100% true, like Iget the results, but it's like
putting all of that weight onher is not fair to her.
Speaker 2 (18:38):
Well, a good leader, and sometimes it may feel like
I'm a leader, sometimes it mayfeel like you're the leader, but
a good leader will delegate andI feel like you and I do a
pretty good job of that.
Speaker 1 (18:50):
We have an absurd amount of conversations about
things we do and I think somepeople would look at it and go,
oh my gosh, Like you, look atthis and you go dude, you have a
plan for where you want to go.
You have ideas.
Speaker 2 (19:05):
Yeah, 100%, we do.
We literally I say you, but inyour office here at home there's
literally a whiteboard withwhere we're going.
Speaker 1 (19:14):
Yeah, and we have discussions around that we do
Like it's not like I just comeup with these ideas and
implement them.
Speaker 2 (19:20):
And like you are better at.
Like we share leadership in ourhome.
Yes, like, for instance, me, Ilead on calendar and scheduling.
Speaker 3 (19:34):
Thank God.
Speaker 1 (19:36):
Whether it be, like you know, literally our great
niece's birthday party or Iliterally this is no lie today I
was on the tractor today and Iwas bush hogging and listening
to country music.
Speaker 2 (19:50):
I knew you were going to bring this one up.
Speaker 1 (19:52):
No, there was two things.
Speaker 2 (19:53):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:53):
One.
It popped up and it was anotification.
It says except, and it saidAugust birthdays, august
birthday celebrations.
And I was like I have no idea,except sure I'll be there.
I don't know what that is, butI'm going to be at that and then
I was like when is Lucy'sbirthday party?
Now, this is our grandchildhaving her first birthday for
(20:14):
one year old and I was like whenis her party?
Speaker 2 (20:20):
So I had to pull out my phone.
Speaker 1 (20:21):
Yeah, and luckily you added it on my phone.
I had already put it on yourcalendar, yeah, which?
And I looked and I was like, ohcool.
Speaker 2 (20:23):
Her birthday party is not on her actual birthday,
correct, because Lucy's mommywas working with her daddy's
fire station calendar, and sothat's just what it was.
But the August birthdaycelebration was because, behind
the scenes, me and ourdaughter-in-law and my
sister-in-law were puttingtogether that Because in August
(20:46):
it is Lucy, my brother and mymom are all having a birthday in
August, and they're all withinliterally two days of one
another, and so we were tryingto all of us, put our heads
together to figure out when wecan have a meaningful dinner
celebration moment, and sothat's when I was like August
(21:06):
birthday celebration, send it toGreg.
Speaker 1 (21:09):
But you had no idea even all that was happening no,
and not to be mean, but I don'treally want to be a part of that
conversation either.
Speaker 2 (21:17):
Like I'm not gonna add any value to that no, and so
for me I was like, except, okay, I'll be there because in that
conversation was working aroundour nieces, cheer and and
Thomas' our son's fire stationcalendar and you know your real
estate and you know all of thesethings and my mama and like all
(21:39):
these, like you didn't have tobe a part of all that, I took
care of that, but I put on yourcalendar for you, thank you.
But that, like also for myself,I feel like not, I feel like it
is like the connectivity withour immediate family and
extended family and your side ofthe family too, like making
(22:01):
sure that it all works and we'reall being at all the things
that we can be at.
I mean, there's stuff thathappens out of our control, but
like that's me, I'm making surewe're doing all the things and
that's a lot, because there's alot of members of all both sides
of our family and even our ownfamily with four grown kids two
are married a grandbaby and allthe in-laws and all the things.
(22:24):
There's a lot.
Speaker 1 (22:26):
Yeah, anyway, to say the least.
Speaker 2 (22:28):
Yeah, so the calendar and the connectiveness with
everyone, that's my job.
But when we talk a lot you havesaid that part of my leadership
of our family is I kind of setthe emotional tone, oh, yes, for
our family.
Is that I kind of set theemotional tone?
(22:49):
Oh, yes, for our family?
Speaker 1 (22:52):
Yeah, you do set the emotional tone, but you, because
I've tried this Again.
If we say this once, we talkthings to death around our house
and if there's ever a weirdconversation or conflict I don't
want to say conflict, butmisunderstanding-
(23:13):
miscommunication A possiblemisunderstanding.
Sometimes there's been someissues and we had to have hard
conversations.
I always have to lead thoseconversations.
Speaker 2 (23:23):
You do.
Speaker 1 (23:23):
Like you, I know going into it.
It doesn't matter how much Isay, you're going to lead this,
you're going to lead this.
Speaker 3 (23:29):
You're like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I won't.
Speaker 1 (23:31):
And you get to the table and you freeze up 100% and
you just go like it's the oneI'm looking at and you're not
going to say a word.
Speaker 2 (23:37):
Yeah, no, it's not a bad thing, it's just knowing
what you're good at, but I doknow what I'm good at and and
when something happens that I'mlike there's a miscommunication
or a misunderstanding, I go toyou because I know that you're
going to lead me through thatconversation of help me decipher
(24:00):
what's feelings versus fact.
And then when we get to, whenwe— Because there's too much
together for you a lot they do,and that's what I was about to
say Like when you and I talkthrough it and we get down to
like, okay, here's the actualissue.
So when we get together withwhomever it's involving, or we
have a phone call or like meetwith whomever usually of a
(24:24):
family member, I still mushthose together.
Speaker 1 (24:29):
Yeah Well, you add your feelings, I do, you add
your feelings, I do you add yourfeelings with the facts, and
those always go together.
Speaker 2 (24:35):
But that's when I trust your leadership, because I
have come to you first ofhere's what has been said and
this is what it makes me feel.
But you always say don't readinto it, let's talk about the
facts.
Speaker 3 (24:50):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (24:51):
So again, the leadership part, because that's
your strong point you're able todecipher the feelings from the
facts, but my heart can't.
Speaker 3 (25:01):
Yeah, I understand.
Speaker 1 (25:03):
You know, yeah, you're more the emotional, and
that's okay.
Speaker 2 (25:05):
Yeah, Again with those setting the emotional tone
.
Speaker 1 (25:09):
Like money.
Money's simple.
You've done money for a whileand stressed you out, so it's
like, okay, I'll do it.
I don't love doing it.
It's one of those things I'mjust like, ah, okay, but it
doesn't stress me out because Idon't really care, it's just
money.
Speaker 2 (25:21):
So when it comes to like big decisions like that
with, like I say, big decisions,but when it comes to big
financial decisions, of coursewe make those together.
But it feels like a bigdecision for me to financially
quote unquote lead our familyday to day and week to week or
whatever, and we have thoseconversations about saying, hey,
(25:43):
this week we're really going totry to tighten down, we just
need to go out one time.
Speaker 1 (25:47):
If we're going out this weekend, we're going out
once, let's figure out when thatis.
We need to eat home one time.
If we're going out this weekend, we're going out once.
Yes, figure out when that is.
Uh, we need to eat home, likefor sunday after church.
Let's don't go out and eat,let's come home.
Uh, we just got some things,we're trying to get rid of this,
we're trying to get rid of that, and so there's communication
that happens.
It's not like, uh, oh, can Iplease, can we please go out and
get something to eat can weplease?
Speaker 2 (26:07):
it's not that kind of scenario.
Speaker 1 (26:10):
It's not I'm sitting around dictating what we do and
don't do.
It's very much a conversation.
Speaker 2 (26:15):
And as much as I like to play around with the, you're
not the boss of me, even whenthose conversations come up.
Speaker 1 (26:21):
Yeah, most people that are listening don't
understand that, though they'reprobably like.
Speaker 2 (26:25):
That was a very childish sentence.
To say You're not the boss ofme, you can't tell me what to
say.
You're not the boss of me, youcan't tell me what to do.
But also, I'm okay with theweight of the financial just
living day-to-day expenses fallson you and Okay, well, in that
area you kind of are the boss ofme because you know what's
(26:46):
going on more than I do.
Speaker 1 (26:48):
I'm not the boss of you.
Please just stop saying thatit's not helpful.
Speaker 2 (26:54):
But it's also funny.
Speaker 1 (26:55):
It's funny, because it is for us, because I know.
Speaker 2 (26:59):
That I don't mean it, and you know, yeah, but there's
a lot of people out there whowould mean that and be like
don't tell me what to do.
Speaker 1 (27:08):
If that's your attitude, like, and that's what?
If you have a problem withsomeone leading and you don't
like to be told what to do,that's a that's a whole
different conversation it trulyis so let's get to this.
Maybe let's get to unpack.
I'm not sure how far we areinto this, or if we're just
rambling yet, or if we're inthat point.
Speaker 2 (27:22):
I don't feel like we're really producing michael.
Where are we at?
Speaker 1 (27:25):
okay, so michael's's telling us we don't have to shut
up yet.
Okay, but there's one thing Iwant to say, and this is
probably one of those quotesfrom probably the best.
Speaker 2 (27:35):
Not probably Okay In some opinions.
Speaker 1 (27:37):
Well, some opinions they differ.
The very best football movieever made.
That's out there.
It's so inspiring, it's so fun.
Remember the.
Speaker 2 (27:46):
Titans yeah, there, that's out there.
It's so inspiring, it's so fun.
Speaker 1 (27:48):
Remember the Titans?
Yeah, there's a conversation,they're having the linebacker
and the full and they're justgoing on and on and on and
they're talking about one wasthe captain, yeah, and they're
talking about leadership andit's back and forth and he goes
well, your attitude stinks.
And to one guy and he goes.
Speaker 2 (28:04):
You don't block my line worth of this and you don't
do this.
Speaker 1 (28:07):
Basically the line goes he's like well, your
attitude's horrible.
And he said well, attitudereflects leadership, captain.
Speaker 2 (28:14):
So I tell you this if you're looking at God, there's
so many quotes from that moviethat's floating through my head
Because also football season isaround the corner.
You know you married the rightgirl.
Speaker 3 (28:25):
Are you good?
Attitude reflects leadership.
Speaker 2 (28:28):
Attitude reflects leadership.
Captain.
So, if you're in your home,though and you— I liked football
before I met you, so go ahead.
I'm sorry.
Speaker 1 (28:36):
If you're not happy with the attitude or what's
happening in your home, justknow and understand.
I was trying to have a seriousmoment here and you killed it
like three times.
Speaker 2 (28:45):
It's just football Three times Like whoo Okay.
Speaker 1 (28:48):
Okay, we're talking about attitude, though I'm sorry
, so it's.
The whole idea is like You'rewelcome, sorry.
What happens in your home is areflection of the leadership of
who you are.
Speaker 2 (29:06):
Whether that be good, bad or whatever it may be, so
speaking, of that.
Speaker 1 (29:08):
so why don't you lead us into?
Speaker 2 (29:09):
No, I'm just going to talk about that statement again
.
Attitude reflects leadership.
Speaker 1 (29:14):
See what I'm doing.
I'm not interrupting.
See what I'm doing.
I'm so proud of you.
I am so proud of you, yeah.
Speaker 2 (29:20):
But if you're the leader of our home, because you
think this is going to be so bad, you think you're the boss of
me.
Are you going to use thatphrase how many times in this
podcast?
In a bad way?
I'm going to have an attitudeabout it because I don't agree
or I don't trust your leadership.
That's bad.
If you're the leader and you'relooking at me and you're
(29:42):
thinking, well, you don't dowhat I say, well, then that's a
trust issue.
On your part too, it's trust.
Speaker 1 (29:50):
Yeah, it's a trust and a character issue.
If I don't trust you and you'remy spouse, we're in the house,
we're doing stuff together.
That's a man.
We need to go back and have awhole different conversation.
Speaker 2 (30:01):
See, you were giving me a hard time because I was
talking about football.
Speaker 3 (30:04):
I'll let you finish your thought.
Speaker 2 (30:06):
I appreciate that so much.
You're welcome.
Speaker 1 (30:09):
Appreciate it.
It's leadership.
Oh my gosh, okay, you are sofunny.
So unpacked oh my gosh.
Okay, we need to unpack beforewe have a fight here about
leadership.
Speaker 2 (30:25):
We're not going to have a fight.
I'm just going to want to keeptalking about football and
you're going to roll your eyesat me.
Speaker 1 (30:31):
I mean, I'm all about talking about football, but
that's not where we're attonight.
Speaker 2 (30:34):
No, Okay, so here we are.
Ooh, here's a good question forour friends, because we're in
unpack right now.
Yeah, are there areas that youwish your significant other
would lead more in?
Speaker 1 (30:53):
Hmm, that is a great question.
Speaker 2 (30:55):
actually it was a long pause.
Speaker 1 (30:59):
Okay, that's a very deep question.
Like just in the, this is alittle facilitation hack for you
guys who are out there havingconversations.
Speaker 2 (31:11):
You're reverting to your old career.
Speaker 1 (31:13):
Yes, I can't read that you just scribbled.
Speaker 2 (31:15):
Michael scribbled something on the board for me.
Producer Michael wants to sharea thought and we don't know
what he said on there.
Speaker 1 (31:21):
Turn your mic on For facilitation questions.
There's a sequence to it.
You don't go to a really deep,open-ended question off the
get-go.
Maybe you want to lead intothat with us.
This is not a lead-off question.
I'll say all that to say.
But this is a great question toask each other because it's one
to go.
Where do you want me to step up?
(31:42):
More and not?
So yes, michael, you may ask aquestion.
Speaker 3 (31:48):
Go for, go for it, big guy so you're talking about
leadership yes, right and trustamong spouses.
Speaker 2 (31:52):
We're trying to talk about it we're doing our best.
Speaker 3 (31:56):
no, so one, one question I have for you is when
you work through those issuesand say it's not necessarily
that you don't trust your, yourspouse, but say there's a
leadership decision that youboth may feel strongly in
different directions, you talkabout shared leadership, whether
it be a specific goal you'regoing after as a family, or
(32:18):
whether it be a big financialdecision, things like that.
How do you work through thatleadership structure, that
leadership style, how you workamongst each other to resolve
those kinds of differences?
I have some thoughts.
That's a good question.
Speaker 2 (32:34):
Thank you for asking it.
Speaker 1 (32:38):
I.
You may want to hold the micbecause I'm gonna have more
questions for you.
Speaker 2 (32:42):
So the question, the question.
Speaker 1 (32:44):
Yes, 100%.
I would start with trying tounderstand and look at the
differences of where they wantto go versus what you want to go
.
If that makes sense, Like ifit's a big idea over a shared
vision or thought or idea, Iwould ask questions leading into
(33:04):
that to figure out what,because what's really happening
in a lot of cases, not always,but Can I?
Speaker 2 (33:11):
can I pause you for a second?
Speaker 1 (33:12):
No, in most cases in just a second, you can Not right
now, no, but in most casesyou're going to be able to find
some really common ground andyou're going to find that those
two probably align closer thanyou thought they did.
Speaker 2 (33:27):
That goes back to the help me understand episode.
I don't know what number it is.
Speaker 3 (33:32):
No, find common ground.
That's a great response.
Help me understand.
I think that's tremendous,because we can get so focused on
our ideals of what we want togo after that we forget the
common ground.
Speaker 1 (33:43):
Yeah, and because most cases, even if I have a
thought or idea, Jess may addsomething.
I'm like man, I didn't eventhink of that and that's
actually a better idea.
Speaker 2 (33:52):
But also, when you're faced with those kinds of
things where you think you'renot on the same page.
If you really actually talk toeach other, like you said, like
help me figure out what you'reafter, you're ultimately going
to, most of the time, be afterthe same thing.
Speaker 1 (34:09):
Yeah, because if it's heading the same direction, I
am, but it's different than whatI want Say, I had a different
goal than what you had, butthey're heading in the same
direction.
I'm okay to go.
Well, let's just do yours.
First let's do yours and thenlet's attack, or what do we say?
Speaker 2 (34:23):
Or vice versa, like let's try it your way, and if
that doesn't work, okay, great,then let's try it your way, and
if that doesn't work, okay,great, then we'll try it my way.
Speaker 1 (34:29):
Yeah, let's attack one for a bit and see how that
works.
Yeah, let's rotate or pivot.
Let's pivot and try the otherone, and so it's.
I think there has to be inleadership.
If you're walking in the room,going this is my way, the only
way, and if you're doing thatwith your steamy head, you're
not going to get very far 100%.
That's not a very.
(34:50):
Those leaders are not veryinfluential.
Speaker 2 (34:53):
No, they're not.
Speaker 1 (34:54):
So if you're asking those questions, that question
for that shared leadership, andyou're struggling you have
something to say?
Speaker 2 (35:02):
you got your finger up, I have my finger, you got
your finger pistols.
Finger pistols are right.
Shoot, you get your fingerpistols, my finger pistols are
red Shoot.
If, like what you just broughtup, producer Michael, if we're
not seeing it the same way orthe same pathway, if a
(35:27):
conversation of I mean howyou're getting to whatever goal
or whatever the leadership lookslike at that moment, what if
that causes an argument?
What if you just really cannotsee eye to eye on that?
Speaker 1 (35:40):
I would, for me, I would really want to.
For instance, like I would wantdetails on what do you mean?
We can't see eye to eye.
Let's pretend.
Speaker 2 (35:48):
If.
Speaker 1 (35:48):
I was with a couple and I was coaching him through
this.
I would want them to tell meexactly what it was.
Speaker 2 (35:52):
Okay, let's pretend we're meeting with a couple.
Speaker 1 (35:56):
Okay, and they have the wife, we're pretend coaching
, one-on-one coaching.
Now Pretend here we are.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (36:02):
Our imaginary friends are sitting at the table with
us.
That are sitting at the tablewith us and they have a
financial goal and the wife hasone route to get there and the
husband has another route to getthere.
Speaker 1 (36:15):
Oh, Dave Ramsey would love this.
Speaker 2 (36:17):
I know he would.
And they're completelydifferent and they cannot do
what we just said.
Let's try your way, and if thatdoesn't work, we'll try your
way.
What if they can't get to thatpart?
Speaker 1 (36:32):
I would if I'm the one, that's if I'm in that.
Speaker 2 (36:37):
Let's pretend like that's us.
Speaker 1 (36:39):
Okay, I would be asking you okay, I see where
you're going, right, if Iunderstand, like if you've
helped me understand the pictureof where you want to go, I get
that picture of where you wantto go.
I get that.
I see where you're going to go.
Um, do you see what I'm after?
And so I would make sure thatyou know what I'm after, right
at the same time knowing whatyou're after.
So we got to make sure that wesee what you're after and what
(37:02):
I'm after.
But the thing of it is that'sjust step one, but but then I
would actually try to begin tosay what's your biggest holdup
with the way that I'm proposing?
Speaker 2 (37:15):
You would do that, yes, yeah, and then it should go
vice versa.
Speaker 1 (37:20):
So I'm going to answer the question for you,
though Be like I see what you'reafter.
Here's the things that feellike are problematic for your
issue.
Here's some things that I thinkcould be problematic for mine.
Do you agree or disagree andtry to find like you have to
talk to, but go ahead.
Speaker 2 (37:38):
Do you see the communication tools you're using
right now, though?
Yes, in our imaginary situation.
Speaker 1 (37:44):
Yeah well, you, I mean you got to teach.
You.
Do you got to teach people howto communicate?
Like yeah well, I mean, you gotto teach, you.
Do you got to teach people howto communicate?
If you don't know how to dothose things, you're going to
argue about stupid crap all thetime.
Speaker 2 (37:54):
Let's pretend like I cannot and will not want to
understand where you're comingfrom, because I want control.
Let's pretend like that I wantthe power and I want you to just
do what I want to do, becausethat's my thoughts okay.
Speaker 1 (38:17):
Is this a single parent home or?
Speaker 2 (38:19):
I know, I know.
Speaker 1 (38:23):
I'd love to hear your response.
I have a response, but I'd loveto hear yours.
Speaker 3 (38:26):
I mean.
My thing, I think, is at thatpoint if you want to be
successful in a relationship,your response I have a response,
but I love to hear yours.
I mean my thing, I think, is atthat point, if you want to be
successful in a relationship andin your family, what you're
building towards you have toboth come back to the
realization of this is a teameffort.
It's a both of us.
It requires a collaboration.
Speaker 2 (38:46):
So you have to get past the.
You're not the boss of me.
You can't tell me what to do.
Speaker 3 (38:51):
I would say that on both sides yes.
Speaker 1 (38:54):
Yeah, I think that goes both ways though.
Speaker 3 (38:56):
Yeah, we need to use a different phrase.
Speaker 1 (38:58):
Besides, you're not the boss of me.
Speaker 3 (39:00):
That's my favorite phrase.
I know it's what I tell mybrother all the time, though
it's hilarious.
Speaker 2 (39:04):
See, it's not just me , babe.
So See, it's not just me, babe.
Speaker 1 (39:06):
So the idea and we used to always tell we used that
phrase all the time with Callieand she got so annoyed with it
Our oldest yeah, our oldestchild because when there was an
issue or there was somethinggoing on, if it was a situation,
we would always say, hey, wealways establish this right out
of the gate.
Hey, we're all on the same team, we're all after the same thing
.
Speaker 2 (39:27):
Correct, yes, and so as long as we know that let's
move forward in that direction.
She hated that, Not hated it,just kind of like got to her.
That phrase got so much to herthat for one Christmas I had it
printed on a t-shirt.
It said we're all on the sameteam.
And she laughed till she hadtears.
It was the funniest thing ever.
Speaker 1 (39:48):
Yeah, so let's wrap this up, because we've been
going for a while here.
Speaker 2 (39:53):
I feel like, whichever side you're on, you
need to have realisticexpectations.
Speaker 1 (39:59):
Right and be honest.
You've got to be honest andrealistic.
Speaker 2 (40:03):
You have to, because if I were to have the
expectation for you to guide ourcalendar or connecting with
family members on both sides andour own family, that is not a
realistic expectation.
Speaker 1 (40:19):
We probably would every now and then, but not much
.
Speaker 2 (40:21):
Yeah, they probably wonder what happened to us,
right, just like we've tried forme to be the lead on financial
just, even daily life, and itwas an anxiety attack every day
and it works better for you todo that.
So it's the leadership part isnot like I'm in control, it's
(40:45):
more of a steering or anavigating situation, because I
trust your leadership in thoseareas and you trust my
leadership in other areas.
Speaker 1 (40:59):
Leadership is a complex thing.
Speaker 2 (41:01):
I just punched the microphone.
You just right hooked themicrophone.
I did.
I'm sorry.
Speaker 1 (41:07):
Well, I say we, are you okay if I wrap this up?
Speaker 2 (41:11):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (41:12):
Okay, this is a complex topic.
It is Especially for thehousehold, so it's probably
something we should dig intosome more.
If you want to hear more aboutthe details, more into the weeds
of how we actually do some ofthe things, we'd be more than
glad.
Just send us something and letus know.
If not, we're going to talkabout what we want to talk about
(41:32):
.
Speaker 2 (41:33):
We've had trial and error on literally everything we
ever talk about.
Speaker 1 (41:37):
But I was.
So first off I would say findyour leadership style and maybe
ask is that the style ofleadership you want to be?
And it's okay if you change.
It's okay if you hopefully youdo develop and change over time.
But I will say this Marriage istough, like it's work.
Speaker 2 (41:59):
It's not easy, yeah.
Speaker 1 (42:01):
I heard a statement and I will say this I heard a
statement by John Maxwell and itrocked my world.
I was in a seminar and it justit's something that stuck with
me.
And he said everythingworthwhile is uphill.
Like everything worthwhile isuphill, he's like it's not easy.
If it's easy, it's not going tomean a whole lot to you.
(42:25):
So your marriage, this idea ofleadership in your household,
it's uphill.
It is and it's not going tomean a whole lot to you.
So your marriage, this idea ofleadership in your household,
it's uphill.
It is, and it's not going to bethe easiest thing you do, but I
can tell you that it's worth it.
Speaker 2 (42:36):
It's the most rewarding work.
Speaker 1 (42:38):
Yeah, it really is, and so don't give up, Hang in
there and keep pursuing and keeppushing forward and just
remember like hey, this is yourfamily, you get one shot at it.
Speaker 2 (42:53):
And if you're working towards the same goal together,
it's fun.
Speaker 1 (42:57):
Yeah, it can be fun.
I'm not saying it's all like,oh my gosh, this is going to be
hard for the rest of your life.
Speaker 2 (43:02):
I feel like some of our podcasts come off of like oh
my gosh, it's all work.
No, we have a blast beingmarried to each other has come
off of like oh my gosh, it's allwork, no, we have a blast being
married to each other, but it'swork.
Speaker 1 (43:11):
I mean, we have fun doing it, like there's a lot of
jobs that are work, but if youlove it, you're going to love
work.
Yeah, you're going to enjoy it.
Speaker 2 (43:20):
And so, with that being said, Thank you to whoever
you are, wherever you are, forjoining us, because it's still,
like I said in the beginning,baffles me that there are so
many people all over the placethat actually listen to us,
we're just normal.
It's wild.
Speaker 1 (43:34):
Just a normal couple sitting in a room in our house.
Speaker 2 (43:38):
In our home.
Speaker 1 (43:38):
Yeah, just talking about our life and our
experience, and so love you guys.
Thank you so much for listening.
I really, really mean that fromthe bottom of my heart.
Speaker 2 (43:47):
We really appreciate it.
Speaker 1 (43:53):
We keep growing every week and we love it and keep
sharing and keep listening.
So see you later, friends.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
The Bobby Bones Show
Listen to 'The Bobby Bones Show' by downloading the daily full replay.