May 27, 2025 • 56 mins
"We had no idea what we were doing." Those words might not be what you expect to hear from podcast hosts sharing advice about blended families, but that's exactly what makes Baggage Claim so refreshingly honest. In this vulnerable episode, Greg and Jess pull back the curtain on their 13-year journey of blending families to reveal the messy, beautiful truth: nobody really knows what they're doing.
The highlight reels we often see of blended families can be intimidating. Core values, behavior lists, and carefully structured routines make it seem like some families have it all figured out. But behind those Instagram-worthy moments are real people navigating uncharted waters, making mistakes, and learning as they go. Greg and Jess share some of their biggest failures—from leaving kids at practice because they missed calendar invites to writing checks for groceries they knew wouldn't clear—and how those challenging moments actually created some of their family's most cherished traditions.
What stands out most is their resilience through financial hardships and communication challenges. As Greg shares the humbling experience of not being able to afford medical care for Jess during a time of illness, they reflect on how these struggles shaped their family philosophy: "If we can't be happy with a hundred dollars in our bank account, we'll never be happy with hundreds of thousands." This perspective shift transformed their approach to both money and marriage.
Whether you're in the trenches of early blended family life or navigating the evolving relationships with adult children, this episode offers comfort in knowing you're not alone. The real magic happens not in having all the answers, but in showing up consistently with love, curiosity, and the willingness to fail forward. After all, if you're failing, it means you're trying—and that's something worth celebrating.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hey guys, what's up?
I'm Greg.
I hope you guys are ready tounpack and get into some good
conversations today.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
And I'm Jess, and this is our podcast Baggage
Claim.
Thank you for joining us.
Speaker 1 (00:17):
Welcome to Baggage Claim everybody.
Thank you so much for tuning into listen to us.
Thank you so much for tuning into listen to us, man, it's been
a fun ride.
Baggage Claim is about a placewhere we can create
conversations and community andblended family and marriages.
Just a place where we can bereal with each other and where
(00:39):
we can just say the things weneed to say, walk through the
things we need to walk through.
But wherever you're at today,whatever you're doing, man, just
take a minute, take a deepbreath, just with me and just
let it out.
And today is just going to be afun episode that hopefully we
can all connect with.
But whatever you're doing, man,just grab your favorite drink,
(01:04):
wherever you're at, and just,kind of metaphorically, pull up
to the table with us and justenjoy.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
There's two things I'm excited about.
Speaker 1 (01:13):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (01:14):
Number one.
Speaker 1 (01:15):
Yep.
Speaker 2 (01:16):
We are worldwide.
Speaker 1 (01:17):
That's kind of crazy.
Speaker 2 (01:20):
There has been somebody in Australia that has
been listening to us and thereis somebody in the Netherlands
that have listened to us.
So not only are we nationwide,but we can technically say we're
worldwide.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
Yeah, it's kind of crazy.
There are 98 different citiesin the United States that we are
anywhere from.
Speaker 2 (01:46):
We're almost at 100 cities.
Speaker 1 (01:48):
Yeah, from the West Coast to the East Coast.
Speaker 2 (01:50):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:51):
Almost 1,000 downloads.
So again, thank you guys somuch.
Sometimes I feel like we soundlike idiots, just kind of
fumbling through this.
Speaker 2 (02:00):
But we appreciate, we sincerely appreciate, that you
feel like what we are saying hasvalue and that you want to
spend a little bit of time withus out of your schedule.
Speaker 1 (02:13):
Yes, thank you for doing that.
I really, really, reallyappreciate it.
I ran into a listener just theother day and was like love your
podcast.
It's so awesome and I couldn'tsay thank you enough.
No, just to say thank you,thank you, thank you for
listening to us, but with thatbeing said, we're going to talk
about— Wait, I said two things.
Speaker 2 (02:30):
Okay, two, sorry I was getting ahead of myself.
Number two is where we are inthe county that I teach in.
There's three days of schoolleft.
Speaker 1 (02:39):
That is correct.
Speaker 2 (02:40):
I cannot express to you how excited I am.
Some years are harder thanothers.
They are, and there are someyears where I'm just weepy for
the weeks approaching the end ofthe school year and I just
boo-hoo at the end of the schoolyear.
Putting them, especially thelast day of school, is very
(03:00):
emotional.
This year I'm like bye y'all.
Speaker 1 (03:05):
Well, it's not your kids, though.
Your kids are all—I love yourkids, Like I've been in—I went
and done reading in theclassroom.
Speaker 2 (03:11):
You have.
You read them a little.
Speaker 1 (03:12):
I was there for the end-of-the-year party to ice
cream sandwich Sundays.
I love hanging out with yourkids.
I take them donuts every nowand then.
Speaker 2 (03:25):
You get them sugared up before I leave and you know I
sincerely appreciate that.
But it was a reward they workfor and they appreciate your
investment with us Some years.
Teachers who are listening youwill understand some years are
more challenging than others andI appreciate these little
people.
But it's just been achallenging year and we've made
a lot of growth and I'm excitedto see what they do in second
(03:49):
grade.
Speaker 1 (03:50):
So, jess, just give Jess some leeway.
She's about to get to summer,jess, which means she may be a
different girl doing summerpodcast Just carefree and just
you know.
Yeah, a different girl.
Yeah, Well, to kick us off, youhave a quote for us.
Speaker 2 (04:04):
I do.
I have a quote.
There was a wise poet in amovie that we've seen by the
name of Owen Wilson, and it istrue love is your soul's
recognition of its counterpointin another.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
That's beautiful.
Name that movie.
Oh my gosh, If you can't namethat movie.
Speaker 2 (04:30):
Can we be friends with you?
Speaker 1 (04:32):
Yes, that's a hard one they talked about.
Speaker 2 (04:35):
Okay, let me say it, Michael, our producer said, say
it again, question mark Truelove is your soul's recognition
of its counterpoint in another,and it's the poet Owen Wilson
true love is your soul'srecognition of its counterpoint
in another, and it's the poetOwen Wilson.
Speaker 1 (04:49):
Please tell me if you've not seen that.
Speaker 2 (04:50):
We're about to break up, Michael.
Speaker 1 (04:51):
Bro, are you kidding me?
What is?
Speaker 2 (04:53):
it.
Speaker 1 (04:54):
Wedding Crashers.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
Wedding.
Speaker 1 (04:54):
Crashers oh bro.
Speaker 4 (04:56):
You know how long it's been since I've seen that.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
Oh my gosh, it doesn't matter.
You should remember that that'sa you problem, that that's a
you problem.
It is a you problem.
I'm sorry, I just date.
So we own the DVD.
Speaker 4 (05:08):
We did.
When's the last time youwatched a DVD, though?
Speaker 1 (05:11):
Maybe like three weeks ago.
Speaker 4 (05:12):
Yeah, I was about to say maybe a month ago.
Speaker 1 (05:14):
Oh, are you serious?
Speaker 2 (05:15):
Yes, that's a favorite.
I love that.
Speaker 1 (05:19):
It's a favorite for us, we quote that movie all the
time.
Speaker 4 (05:23):
It's been years since I watched a all the time.
Now that's a good quote.
Speaker 2 (05:25):
But what we quote often is you lock it up, you
lock it up, you shut your mouthwhen you're talking to me.
Speaker 1 (05:31):
Yes, we say that all the time.
We do say that it's anotherwedding crash.
So apparently.
Speaker 3 (05:36):
Michael, we need to have a movie night.
We should have a movie night.
Speaker 2 (05:39):
Okay, I'm all for it Especially summer.
Jess is engaged Movie night.
Speaker 1 (05:44):
So tonight, tonight, I just we want to be real, I
really just want to be, and notthat we've been fake, it's not
that at all.
It's almost.
If you're listening to thepodcast and you've heard us talk
about our family, core valuesand the things we've done and
our behavior list and all thesethings, you may be like dang bro
(06:04):
, they got their crap togetherlike whoa.
But no, it's the highlight reelof our blended family.
Speaker 2 (06:12):
Just just you know if you rewind it all the way back,
it was like, oh my gosh, wefell in love yeah, we had this
great like that.
Speaker 1 (06:20):
We we laugh at that quote.
But, like on our wedding day,we're just like oh my gosh, this
is going to be so amazing.
We're going to go on ourhoneymoon, we're going to come
back.
Speaker 2 (06:31):
Hey, you want to go get some pizza?
Speaker 1 (06:33):
Yeah, it's just like everything's going to be awesome
.
It's going to be, and it was ato say it was a train wreck.
Speaker 2 (06:39):
You're about to say train wreck.
It was not a train wreck, itwas close.
Speaker 1 (06:42):
I was going to say train wreck.
It was not a train wreck, itwas close.
It was really really close.
Speaker 2 (06:45):
We had so many good plans.
Okay, we did have great plansand we had great ideas Real good
plans.
Speaker 1 (06:52):
We had unrealistic expectations.
Speaker 2 (06:54):
We didn't know they were unrealistic.
Speaker 1 (06:56):
Yeah, we did.
Speaker 2 (06:57):
I mean, maybe a little bit we did not, that's
true.
Speaker 1 (06:59):
We did not.
We were like, oh, we got thisfigured out, we know what we're
doing.
We thought we knew, yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:04):
So I mean we had tried to do everything we could
right that we thought was right,which is why tonight we're
talking about.
We really had no idea what wewere doing.
Speaker 1 (07:17):
No, no no, no, no.
You said that in the past tense.
We still have no idea whatwe're doing, Like, literally
like as we're doing this podcast.
I learn something new everysingle week about podcasting,
yeah, Whether it's reels, shortswhich we suck at, and really
need to work at, not even that.
Speaker 2 (07:35):
We learn something every week about the children
that we put together in thisfamily.
Speaker 1 (07:40):
I'm just saying like we're constantly learning, like
we're at a point now where wehave adult kids.
We have no idea what we'redoing.
I had coffee with a good friendof mine.
We've been meeting and talkingfor years and years and years.
He's blended family too and Ijust told him.
I patted him on the shoulderand said hey, bro, it doesn't
(08:01):
get easier and he's just like.
Thank you for the encouragement.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
Greg and bless his heart, he'll call you or text
you and set up a time to meet.
Here's the problem and this iswhat's going on.
And here's where we're at blah,blah, blah, blah, blah.
What do I do?
And you're like I don't know.
Speaker 1 (08:18):
Sounds like you're doing great to me, like hang in
there, big guy, like I'll cheerfor you.
So we say that to say, ifyou're out there and you're
listening to this and maybe youfeel defeated, maybe you feel
beat down, Maybe you're at apoint with this and you're just
like this is freaking hard, Likethis is just really really hard
(08:40):
and we are not doing a greatjob.
Speaker 2 (08:44):
Hang in there, hey, rest assured, we still feel that
way.
Speaker 1 (08:46):
Oh, a thousand percent.
Thirteen years in, or twelveand a half, we're still like man
, this is hard, Like this is noteasy.
Speaker 2 (08:57):
I mean just to throw back to all the previous
episodes.
That's why all the other stuffis so important.
Right.
So that when you hit thesethings that are like I don't
know what to do yeah, I don'tknow.
Speaker 1 (09:09):
That's when we talk about.
Know who you are, yeah, knowhow you process.
Know yourself.
Know your spouse yeah, likelove on each other, because now
that our kids are gone, it'sJess and I and it's like it's
the two of us sitting outsidetrying to talk through and work
through emotionally, mentally,just physically, just so many
(09:31):
things, all the things.
Yeah, how do we navigate thisso we honor our kids but, at the
same time, we don't go crazy?
Speaker 2 (09:38):
You said sitting outside.
We do sit inside too, but ourfavorite place to be is outside.
We do have a house.
Speaker 1 (09:43):
We do sit inside too, but our favorite place to be is
outside.
We do have a house.
Speaker 2 (09:46):
We do have a home.
Speaker 1 (09:47):
We love being outside .
Speaker 2 (09:48):
But we have several places outside of our home that
we love to sit.
And that's just kind of ourthing.
Speaker 1 (09:53):
We have a porch swing in our carport, which is not a
garage because carport's an oldhome.
Speaker 2 (09:58):
Our house is an old, oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:59):
Yeah, so we have a swing, we sit out there, we have
our cafe area that I like torefer to the patio as yeah, it's
behind our house.
Speaker 2 (10:07):
We have a vintage home.
Speaker 1 (10:09):
It's a very old home, yeah, but regardless it's, you
know it's.
So I just want you to like, ifyou're listening to this, if
you're in a blended family, ifyou're trying to figure it out
and you're like bro, In a normalfamily like a core.
Speaker 2 (10:22):
I'm sorry, I said normal In a core family.
Speaker 1 (10:25):
I don't think anything's normal.
Speaker 2 (10:27):
Not anymore, but there are phases where things
are going to ebb and flow.
Speaker 1 (10:33):
It's called seasons.
Speaker 2 (10:34):
Yeah, yeah.
And every time there's a changeor a shift or your kids are
entering like teenage years oradulting, or college or all the
things, everything changes.
Speaker 1 (10:49):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (10:49):
Like.
No matter what foundationyou've built and what you tried
so hard to do, everythingchanges.
Speaker 1 (10:56):
Yeah, life has seasons.
There are seasons with yourkids.
There are seasons where you'regoing to connect and
everything's beautiful, it'sawesome.
Speaker 2 (11:04):
You're all together.
And then it's just like this isoh my gosh, we're such great
parents, we're doing such a goodjob.
Speaker 1 (11:10):
Yeah, we're so good.
And then winter comes andyou're just like.
Speaker 2 (11:14):
Winter is coming.
Winter is coming.
Speaker 1 (11:24):
We're Game of the time.
I'm like this is your fault, no, but it really is just so
tonight.
We just want to share some ofour stories of where we've just
I mean basically some of ourscrew ups.
Yeah Well, we've and we'restill.
Just, you know, we're in thiswith you, we're in the thick of
(11:49):
it.
We're in this just because wemay be a few years ahead of you
or a few years behind you, bro,we're just trying to figure it
out Every single day.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (12:01):
And the thing of it is though, even though we raised
all four of our kids togetherSame way, off and on with two of
them If you've listened to pastepisodes, you'll know what
we're talking about when they'rewith us as the parents we raise
them the same way and we'vetried equally all four of the
kids in the same manner, in thesame relationally manner and the
(12:23):
same relationally just doinglife together and just on a
daily basis.
Speaker 1 (12:29):
We've tried.
Speaker 2 (12:30):
We tried real hard, and so now we're on the other
side where, with all four ofthem, it is very different for
relationships with all four kids.
Speaker 1 (12:43):
Oh, a thousand percent.
I literally texted our youngerson.
Cody today and he just said Ilove you.
Are you alive?
Are you okay?
Are you okay?
I said are you okay?
And he answered me six hourslater yeah, what's up.
And I was like just making sureyou're still okay.
Speaker 2 (12:59):
Meanwhile I texted him the day before yesterday and
I hadn't heard back.
So then we've got our older son.
They're here almost everysingle day, he and his wife and
our grandbaby Lulu.
Half a mile away yeah, no, it'sone mile.
No, it's not a mile.
Miranda measured it.
She said it was one regardless,and I know that they have our
(13:22):
granddaughter, which we want tobe with 24 hours a day, but that
relationship can be unhealthyas well.
Yeah, but not as well none ofthem are healthy none of them
are unhealthy.
That was not the word I wantedto say, but um, they're just
different they're all they'redifferent kids with different
(13:45):
personalities, different drives.
Speaker 1 (13:47):
Uh, they are.
They want they all four wantsomething different out of life.
Yeah, like Callie is anadventurer, she loves adventure,
she loves.
And I love that about her andshe's super independent.
Which is totally me, yeah.
So as much as I would love forher to live in the house in
front of me and have coffee withher every morning because she's
so fun, I can't deny that Ilove her adventure side.
(14:09):
And her, and her husband, yeahfor her and Charles.
When they said, hey, we'removing to Florida in two weeks,
I was like what are you going todo?
I don't know what are you goingto do?
I don't know and I was like, butyou're so far away, I'm
actually kind of excited aboutit for you.
I was like that sounds like alot of fun.
Yeah, so you have them.
(14:30):
You have, they're just all fourso different.
Speaker 2 (14:33):
Thomas lives around the block with his wife and baby
that are constant physicalpresence in our life.
And then Cody, who is literally35 minutes down the road, which
is not far, but he is livinghis best life.
Speaker 1 (14:49):
He's a very independent guy.
Speaker 2 (14:50):
In his college town.
Very independent, yes, willfigure everything out.
Doesn't need a parent's support.
I got this, yes, and then thebaby that's living in our house.
Still, that's like I still haveone foot in the door and one
foot out the door and I'm tryingto figure out who I am as a
person.
Speaker 1 (15:08):
We say all that to say.
Speaker 2 (15:09):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (15:10):
We have no idea where parenting, where friendship,
where adult.
We're figuring all that out,right now we have no idea what
we're doing.
Yeah, so it's just one of thosethings we're like.
I hope we get it right.
We're just going to do what weknow best and we're going to
love them the way that we thinkwe should love them.
We're going to care for themthe way we should care for them
and support them the way weshould Are we going to get it
(15:32):
right.
Absolutely not, Absolutely not.
We're going to screw that upand we're going to overstep our
bounds.
We're going to feel toopretentious.
We're going to say things weshouldn't say.
Speaker 2 (15:46):
We're going to do things we shouldn't do.
I hey, this is our first timehaving adult kids.
We don't know what we're doing,just like you're, the first
time you've been an adult andyou don't know what we're doing.
So, let's just acknowledge that.
But you remember back when theywere little we briefly touched
on this in a previous episodewhen we thought one another knew
(16:11):
what we were doing and we lefta kid at practice.
Speaker 1 (16:16):
Oh yes, that was episode 10, when we were talking
about scheduling.
See, there's this reallyinteresting thing.
Jess made this, which is agreat idea, and we talked about
it.
Speaker 2 (16:24):
It's a fantastic idea .
Create a.
Speaker 1 (16:26):
Google Calendar that's shared by everyone.
You invite everyone in and thenJess adds things to the
calendar.
Speaker 2 (16:33):
That's all great if— If you look at your invites in
your inbox.
Speaker 1 (16:37):
Correct If you look at the calendar.
If you look at the calendar andyou use the calendar, it's kind
of the key point of having thecalendar, so that was a struggle
for me.
Speaker 2 (16:48):
That was 13 years ago .
Well, when that was happening,it was probably more like 10
years, 12 years ago.
Speaker 1 (16:55):
Yeah, I really upped my game in the last six months
of looking at my calendar Sixmonths, yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:02):
However, there's been a couple little people in our
lives.
Their birthday party I put onyour calendar.
You were like, oh wait, whatwe're going to?
I'm just we're going to wait.
Tatum's birthday party I put onyour calendar.
You were like, oh wait whatwe're going to.
Speaker 1 (17:15):
I'm just we're going to wait Tatum's birthday party
Saturday.
I would say this that I can.
I just share one of the besttimes of my life like this was
probably I before we got married.
No, no, no.
Speaker 2 (17:28):
I look back at this time.
Speaker 1 (17:29):
I was like like everything was right in the
world.
Speaker 2 (17:31):
Okay, when was that?
I was at?
Speaker 1 (17:32):
12 Stone.
Yes, and I had the absolutebest O-M-G Administrative
assistant Madison Flowers,madison.
Speaker 2 (17:39):
I absolutely love her to death.
She was like wife, junior, butnot on a weird level.
No, no, no, she was like themanager of his life calendar.
So she would tell him.
Speaker 1 (17:52):
She had access to all my emails, all my calendars.
Speaker 2 (17:55):
She had access to my calendar as much stuff as I
wanted.
Speaker 1 (17:59):
I gave her access to everything.
Speaker 2 (18:00):
I was like here's my life and she and I would text.
Like can you put on Greg'scalendar that Cody has a soccer
game at LSA at 1 o'clock onSaturday?
Yes, got it.
Speaker 1 (18:12):
And so I loved life when I had Madison in my life.
Speaker 2 (18:15):
I loved life when you had Madison.
Speaker 1 (18:18):
I came out of a— it was amazing.
Speaker 2 (18:22):
Don't tell me, you had your shirt on.
Speaker 1 (18:23):
Madison's in Nashville right now working at
an awesome church.
Speaker 2 (18:26):
Love you, Madison Flower.
Speaker 1 (18:27):
Yeah, she is amazing.
Speaker 2 (18:29):
Love you, Madison.
You almost said your last name.
Speaker 1 (18:32):
I don't.
Anyway, regardless, I was inthis executive meeting.
It was an early meeting, like 8, 8.30-ish.
It was right off the firstthing, was it the?
Speaker 2 (18:41):
donut situation.
Speaker 1 (18:42):
No, no, no, that was a donut eating contest one
morning.
Speaker 2 (18:47):
Yeah, that was a different story.
Speaker 1 (18:49):
So I go in this meeting and these are like the
bigger ups.
I was like I've got to makesure I've got my stuff together
for this meeting, so I had allmy ducks in a row.
I go in the meeting and I comeout of the meeting and Madison
is outside the door and she goeshey, greg, good morning, you
did a great job.
Like here's all the, here'syour next meeting coming up.
Here's this meeting and we'rewalking back to the office and
she looks at me so sweet and sokind she goes just so you know
(19:16):
your shirt's on inside out and Iwas like thank you very much
and then she texted meimmediately when he went to the
next meeting.
Speaker 2 (19:27):
She's like Jess, come on.
I was like I was at workalready.
What?
Speaker 1 (19:31):
So, yeah, that's my life right there in a nutshell,
like 100%.
Speaker 2 (19:36):
Which is why the shared calendar part is
important.
Speaker 1 (19:40):
Yeah, so we're almost 13.
So, wives, if you're out there,maybe your husband's different
than me, maybe, but if you'reout there, just have a little
grace, have some patience.
Or vice versa, if the husband issuper organized, yeah ever
which way you're going hurricaneyes it's it's not that I never
(20:01):
looked at my calendar and I wasthinking I don't care what that
woman has to say.
Yeah, I don't care what's goingon.
That was not it at all.
I had five million things goingon in my life and I would
forget to look at that calendarsometimes and be like, oh, I'm
supposed to get that kid.
Speaker 2 (20:15):
I do too.
I'm supposed to get that kid.
That was different.
It's like oh wait, where'sThomas?
Yeah.
Bless his little patientsweetheart.
Speaker 1 (20:28):
He's a great kid.
He's a great adult.
Now he is a great patient,sweetheart.
He's a great kid.
Speaker 2 (20:30):
But what about— he's a great adult now.
He is a great adult now.
But what about the weekend thatwe planned to go away?
Because it was like a winterbreak situation for me?
It was, and we had some very,very sweet friends of ours.
Yes, thank you so much yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:49):
Scott and Jim were like hey, we're trying to get
away for a couple days.
Budget's tight, we're lookingfor a place, we just want to
plan baggage claim like work onthe initial start.
Speaker 2 (20:59):
They have a place relatively close yeah.
Speaker 1 (21:02):
And so he's like go stay there for a couple days.
We're like awesome, thank youAwesome.
And so we started putting stufftogether that day.
We were getting ready to go.
It was weird.
I don't know what happened, butwe just it just blew up Like it
was a.
I don't want to talk to you.
Why are we doing this?
Speaker 2 (21:20):
I don't want to go out of town with you.
Speaker 1 (21:22):
Yeah, I don't even want to be in the car with you
and we don't normally fuss likethat, and I don't know.
If you ask me now what thatargument was about, I couldn't
tell you.
Speaker 2 (21:29):
I have no idea.
Speaker 1 (21:31):
But I also went and I was like I just need to go
outside.
So I went outside and I'mpacing around the front yard and
I was like we're freaking goingon this trip, like we're going
on this trip, and I was insideangrily, like shoving things in
my overnight bag.
Speaker 2 (21:47):
I'm like I don't want to go.
I don't know why I don't wantto go Because when you came back
in you were like what, what,what.
Speaker 1 (21:53):
Yeah, and I was like we're going on this trip and
you're like, are you sure?
And I was like we are going onthis trip, we're going to figure
it out on the ride up and we'regoing to figure it out when
we're there.
Now we didn't say anything theentire ride up zero, just listen
to music.
Uh, we got there and we're like.
(22:14):
We sat on the couch and watcheda documentary and they were
just like where do you want togo eat?
Speaker 2 (22:17):
okay, I don't know, can we walk to this place?
We didn't even talk then, yetyeah, we did.
Speaker 1 (22:22):
We started the conversation there and so it
just and, and we got okay andthen the next couple days were
very productive and helping uskick off what bag.
So baggage claim started.
It was a train wreck.
Just so you know, like it's notbecause you listen to some of
these you'd be like, oh yeah,that's awesome.
Are you maybe listening to one?
These guys are joke, um,wherever you're at well, thank
(22:43):
you for listening.
Speaker 2 (22:44):
Yeah, still thank you for still listening.
Speaker 1 (22:46):
Yeah, but it's just so you know, like we're we're
real people trying to figurethis out.
Speaker 2 (22:51):
And we still, almost 13 years later, we have no idea
what we're doing Right, but wedo know the pieces and parts
that have worked well, and Ifeel like our kids would say in
support of that no, these arethe things that you did that
worked well.
So, that we all were on the samepage and there was never a
(23:12):
question of what our goal is, of.
We're going to be a healthyfamily, no matter whose house
you live in, on what days or howwe got here Like, our goal is
to be a healthy family unittogether.
Speaker 1 (23:28):
Yeah, that was the goal.
Always, always, try to keepthat at the center going, no
matter what.
That's what we're going to goback to.
That's our true north.
Yeah, we're always going to goback to that.
Speaker 2 (23:37):
We had no idea how to be step-parents for each
other's kids.
Speaker 1 (23:41):
Yeah, when to step in , when to step out, when to say
something, when not to saysomething?
Yeah, when to get upset over Isent clothes and those clothes
never came home.
Should I be mad?
Should I not be mad?
How do we help, support thekids, because the kids are going
back and forth with their stuff?
There's so many things that wewere, and we will talk about all
of those things too as we moveforward.
But at the same time, it's notbeen an easy road for us.
(24:07):
Like, just so you know, likeit's not been beautiful paved.
There was a time where, evenfor us, I was in, I was in real
estate.
I've been in real estate forseven years, so some of my time
when I stepped out of 12 Stone,I went into real estate, money
was really, really tight for us.
I mean, it was, it was bad,like to a point.
Speaker 2 (24:30):
There's been bad points yeah there's been bad.
Speaker 1 (24:32):
So when you hear the New York story and the
California trips and all those,it sounds glamorous.
Yeah, just so you know, therewas a time where we went and
bought groceries and I wrote acheck to buy groceries for our
kids and I'm not proud of thisat all.
I'm going to date myself when Isay the fact that I wrote a
check for groceries.
Yeah, you can tell that wasn'tyesterday of this at all.
Speaker 2 (24:50):
I'm going to say a date myself when I say the fact
I wrote a check for groceries.
We wrote a check for groceries.
Yeah, you can tell that wasn'tyesterday.
We're not proud of it, but it'sfunny in the fact of, like we
knew we had to feed our kids,Right.
Speaker 1 (25:02):
We didn't have lavish cars, we didn't have all those
things.
It was just, we were justtrying to figure it out and I
wrote a check, knowing there wasno way that check was going to
clear the bank, but I was goingto buy groceries for the kids,
and so that was one of thosethings You're talking about, one
of those moments.
Speaker 2 (25:22):
And I remember we sat in the car, we laughed and we
cried at the same time.
Speaker 1 (25:24):
Yeah, we kind of laughed and cried.
It was like what do we do?
There was another time.
It was shortly thereafter that.
Speaker 2 (25:30):
Let me sidebar that.
The meals that we would do inthose times where it was tight,
in the times where it wasliterally impossible, those
meals that we would put togetherduring those times, are still
all four of our children.
That is their favorite comfortmeals and that, just this many
(25:52):
years later, I'm going to cry.
I mean it just warms my heartbecause, although it was such a
struggle for you and I, we don'tknow what we're going to do,
but our babies have food intheir bellies when they go to
bed.
But they didn't know that.
Speaker 1 (26:11):
No, we never talked about that in front of them.
Speaker 2 (26:14):
We knew that we didn't need to put that pressure
or worry on them and I'm sorry,I'm so emotional.
Speaker 1 (26:23):
You don't have to be sorry.
Speaker 2 (26:25):
But all four of them, like I said, those meals are
their favorite things now andeven when the out-of-state baby
comes home or the one that's 35minutes down the road feels like
out-of-state comes home.
Those are the meals that theyrequest.
That makes them feel like I'mhome, home.
(26:47):
Yeah.
And so for us it's a point of,just like I said, worry and
doubt and fear, but I'm proud ofus because we didn't put that
on them Right.
Speaker 1 (27:06):
Those are the things I was like oh, we had potato
soup you know, on whatever nightit was, we could spend $6 on a
meal and feed all of our kids.
Speaker 2 (27:13):
Yeah, or we had spaghetti once a week and they
still all of them loved that.
Speaker 1 (27:21):
We hope, maybe they do.
Wow.
Speaker 2 (27:24):
It's just the fact that, like, although we had no
idea what we were doing then andwe just did the best we could,
there was still positive seedsthat were planted.
Speaker 1 (27:36):
Right, our whole idea was we're just going to keep
moving forward, no matter whatLike, no matter how rough it is,
how bad it is, we're going tokeep moving forward, and I think
that's the whole idea is justgoing to keep moving forward,
and we'll talk about budgeting,we'll talk about money in an
(27:57):
episode coming up.
Speaker 2 (27:58):
Budget is a cuss word .
It is.
Speaker 1 (28:01):
Jess hates the word budget.
I do, but I mean, even in thattime and I don't even know if
I've shared this with you, butat that same time there was a
time where Jess was really sick,yeah, i'm—dang it.
And so, as a guy, you want tomake sure you—as a man, you want
(28:23):
to take care of your family,you want to love on your family,
you want to provide themleadership, provide them the
basic necessities they wanted.
And you were sick and we were—.
Speaker 2 (28:34):
As a teacher of littles.
Broke Like we were flat broke,I get all the things.
We had nothing.
Speaker 1 (28:39):
Yeah, at the time we were just getting by and you
were sick and you needed to goto urgent care.
Yeah, we didn't have the moneyand I remember sitting in the
closet and I just sat there andI remember sitting in the closet
and I just sat there and Iweeped as the lights were off
and as a as a guy man, that wasso humiliating, yeah, and such a
humbling moment to go.
(29:01):
I can't even provide justsimple health care for my wife,
like I can't provide for her togo to urgent care just to get
something to feel better, and itwas just, there was a lot that
was going on and so for me itwas a.
I remember just sitting there,praying and being like, okay,
god, I don't want to live hereanymore, I'm not going to be in
(29:23):
this spot, and we've madechanges over the times with him.
But just you know, there'sstorms and there's ups and
there's downs and there'sseasons, and sometimes those
seasons suck and sometimesthey're not fun.
Sometimes they do, andsometimes they're amazing and we
share a lot of amazing seasonson here.
Speaker 2 (29:43):
We do, but it's because we work so hard at all
of the things that actuallymatter, which is why we're 14.
This is the 14th episode in.
We've never talked about money,because we don't really care
about money.
Yeah, we've never talked aboutfinances or those kinds of
(30:07):
things, because that's not whatmatters.
Of course, that money makes theworld, world go around, all the
things.
Speaker 1 (30:15):
But we also realized just a simple statement, though
we realized early on that if I,if money was going to be what
made us happy, then we werealways going to be up and down,
yeah, this is going to be bad,like money was not the one thing
that was kind of pushing us tobe like, oh my gosh, we got to
have a whole ton of money inorder to make this work.
(30:36):
No because, I mean yeah we justit was tough and it was like
yeah, we're not going to do that.
Speaker 2 (30:42):
That wouldn't be the fix all.
Speaker 1 (30:43):
Yeah, I read and not to get on this because we may
later, but I was reading a bookby Chip Gaines, from it's called
Capital Gaines.
Speaker 2 (30:51):
Gosh, that was so many years ago.
Speaker 1 (30:53):
It was a long time ago I got to do that for, like
Father's Day or something.
Yeah, great book Chip and.
Joanna Gaines girls we know,everybody knows who they are.
Speaker 2 (31:00):
The whole farmhouse era.
Speaker 1 (31:01):
Yes, so he read a book which I really connected
with him because he's just ahandsy guy kind of like me, yeah
he wrote a whole book about hisexperience.
Yeah, and so he made astatement in that book.
That man just resonated with meand he and Joanna he was
talking about they had rentalproperties and money was tight
(31:22):
and they were doing a whole lotof things and he said this is a
rough estimate.
It's been a long time.
So, for some odd reason, if youhear this Chip and you're like
bro, that's not what I said, I'msorry what?
Speaker 2 (31:33):
oh my goodness.
Speaker 1 (31:34):
But he said uh, he said if I can't, if we decided
if we can't be happy with ahundred dollars in our bank
account, we'll never be happywith hundreds of thousands of
dollars in our bank account.
And I went to jess and I waslike we have to wrestle that to
the ground, like we have tofigure this out, like we can't
be happy whether we have a hugenumber in our bank account or we
(31:58):
don't.
I'm not saying be irrational,be silly or dumb with your money
, but at the same time that wasnot Literally.
Speaker 2 (32:06):
if you cannot be happy with one another, if I
can't look at you, greg, and sayI'm happy being married to you
when we have $100 to our name,I'm not going to treasure you
and be the same happy with youwhen there's a million dollars
in the bank.
Speaker 1 (32:23):
Yeah, and so, just so you guys know listening, that
was a huge hurdle for us, yeah,and when we jumped that hurdle
we're just like, oh my gosh.
Now to say that we didn't seethat hurdle again would be a lie
, you see it all the time, yeah,and if you've ever been in real
estate or been around realestate, you know that it is
feast or famine yes, and herelately has been.
(32:44):
It feels like it's more faminethan feasting.
Yeah, so we're eating a lot ofpotato soup these days 15 beats,
but at the same.
Speaker 2 (32:50):
Yeah, buddy, but at the same time, all that to be
said like— but I'm still—and Iknow a lot of the pressure falls
on you just because you're thehusband and you're the you know,
quote-unquote soul provider I'mstill just as happy with being
your wife, like even currentlyjust being completely
(33:12):
transparent.
It's like currently it's afamine situation Versus when
it's a feast.
I'm equally as happy with youas a human being.
Speaker 1 (33:26):
Yeah, it's all right.
Speaker 2 (33:28):
It's all right, michael, michael our producer
had a chair situation and if youhear that, that's okay.
Speaker 1 (33:35):
It just goes to show.
This is where we're at, man.
We're in Thomas' old bedroom.
Speaker 2 (33:40):
And it goes with that , trying to figure it out, we
had no idea what we were doing.
Speaker 1 (33:44):
Yeah, true, so let's get to Unpack.
Yeah, let's unpack some of this.
Unpack it with me.
Speaker 2 (33:50):
Also, there will be portions coming up where Michael
, our producer, yeah we'regetting him a mic.
Speaker 1 (33:57):
Yes, we are, because we want Mike to be a part of
this.
Oh well, michael, does anybodycall you Mike?
No, some people do Some people.
Michael, michael, michael.
Speaker 4 (34:08):
Mike, nobody should call you Mike, but I will say if
I can say something.
Speaker 1 (34:14):
You can say anything you want.
Speaker 2 (34:15):
Can I turn my microphone to you?
Will that be helpful?
Speaker 4 (34:18):
I don't think that'll help Okay.
As I get older, hearing y'all'sperspective and you can kind of
repeat what I'm saying Okay,there is significant meaning and
understanding in my perspectiveof going through those famines.
What do you say?
Speaker 2 (34:39):
Repeat that, because you're good at that.
Speaker 1 (34:40):
Okay.
So Michael basically is sayingas he's getting older he can
understand the perspective andappreciate it more as going
through those famines.
Speaker 2 (34:50):
When he was growing up.
Speaker 1 (34:51):
Yeah, as he was growing up through.
Speaker 4 (34:54):
Because I feel like the more I hear from you guys
and the more I reflect on my ownlife growing up, every parent,
regardless of what generation Imean you look back history
thousands of years.
What parent knows everything?
Right?
Speaker 2 (35:11):
Michael was saying if you look back across history,
there's what parent knowseverything while we're parenting
.
Speaker 1 (35:21):
Here's what I don't trust People who think they know
everything Nobody does Like ifI'm in a church and I come
across a pastor who's like youneed to do this, this, this and
this, and I'm like, yeah, Idon't want to do any of that
because I don't trust you.
Like if you think if you haveyour life.
That Okay, sorry, maybe not allthat there's pieces of yes.
(35:41):
Like when you think you haveyour entire life, when you think
you have it figured out.
Speaker 4 (35:45):
That's the key point and when you don't have any of
it figured out.
Yes, I think one of the biggestthings that has changed in my
life is being able to be okayand accept where you are.
Speaker 2 (35:59):
It's okay to not be okay.
Speaker 1 (36:01):
Who's that Jelly Roll sings that I am not okay, he
does he does sing that song,yeah.
Speaker 2 (36:10):
But being okay, Shout out hashtag jelly roll Big fan.
Speaker 4 (36:15):
You're living where you are, but knowing, you want
and desire to move forward andyou proceed to move forward.
Yeah, right.
That is what makes asignificant change when you're
living in a famine.
Yep.
Okay, well, are we just alwaysgoing to be in a famine Right
Right, or are well, are we justalways going to be in a famine
Right Right, or are weacknowledging where we are?
(36:35):
Because if you're not, Comingtogether as a family unit and
moving forward.
Speaker 2 (36:40):
Because if you're not trying, you're failing.
Speaker 1 (36:44):
Well, if you're not failing, you're not trying.
Maybe that's why.
Speaker 4 (36:47):
It goes both ways.
I would say it that way.
Yes, no-transcript.
It goes both ways.
Speaker 1 (36:49):
I would say it that way yes, yeah because the idea
is that and what Michael wassaying is, if you're in a famine
, you can look at that and lookat those times and say man, this
is hard, this is tough.
One thing I've learned is noone's going to show up on your
front door and solve all yourproblems.
No one's going to show up onyour front door with the old
(37:13):
school check when they had andit's like, oh, thanks, for what
is that?
Speaker 2 (37:18):
sweepstakes things.
Here's your big clearing house.
Yeah, it's like hey, here'syour check.
You had a magically uncle thatpassed away and here's your
check for whatever.
Speaker 1 (37:33):
Yeah, that's never happened to me, so it's always
been one of those realizationmoments of going I don't like
where I'm at.
I want to be different.
So I'm going to figure out aplan for how to be different and
I'm going to work my butt offto be different.
And I'm going to fail along theway, and that's okay.
Speaker 2 (37:49):
Yeah, because if you're not failing, you're not
trying what we were saying inthe beginning.
And another thing of whenyou're not stuck in your
situation, where you're tryingto improve or this or that, when
we're parenting our children,just to kind of bring it back to
(38:09):
where we don't know what we'redoing.
We've never been stuck in ouropinion when it comes to working
with our kids as the wholegroup of them and individually.
Speaker 1 (38:22):
Because sometimes they're right and I'm like, yeah
, you're right, I'm wrong.
Speaker 2 (38:26):
I was wrong in that.
Even if we don't want to admitthat they're right sometimes
they actually are.
Speaker 1 (38:30):
Yeah, and you've got to kind of accept that and say,
yeah, you're right, I missedthat, I was wrong on that, and
move forward.
And that's hard as a parentbecause you want to feel like
you have it figured out, butit's also too saying I don't
have it figured out.
Speaker 2 (38:44):
No, you're right.
I missed that, have we?
Speaker 1 (38:53):
always been quick or easy to say oh wait, we're wrong
.
I've tried, man.
That's one of the hardestthings.
Speaker 2 (38:56):
It is hard.
Speaker 1 (38:57):
Man, I've sat at the table, at our table, our kitchen
table.
I can't count on two hands.
How many times have I looked ata kid and go?
I screwed that up and I'm sorry.
Speaker 2 (39:06):
I messed up.
I'm sorry.
Speaker 1 (39:08):
Yeah, I did that, I was wrong.
Speaker 2 (39:11):
And that's hard.
I feel like it would be hardfor adults in general.
Yeah, just a human in the world.
Speaker 1 (39:19):
Well, because it's letting go of yourself.
Speaker 2 (39:21):
Yeah, it's hard for adults to be like no wait, I
messed that up, that was bad.
But then if you're if you're Imean from our point of view if
you're trying really, reallyhard to do the right thing all
the time and to be selfless,it's hard to get to the place
where it was like no, I reallycould have done better.
Speaker 1 (39:43):
Yeah, because I thought I knew better.
Yeah, I agree.
So anything else to unpack?
Speaker 2 (39:52):
What do you do when you fail?
Speaker 1 (39:54):
You get up Because that's the part that matters,
that's the part that matters.
Yeah, here's the thing too,that people don't do a lot of.
And this is that wholeself-reflection thing on sitting
down and going.
Okay, I screwed that up.
What could we have donedifferent?
What should I have donedifferent?
How do we not find ourselves inthis place again?
Speaker 2 (40:14):
But what you just said is not the norm.
The norm is I'm going to dig myheels in, I'm right, you're
wrong, I'm the grown-up, you'rethe kid, or whatever the case
may be.
How do you decide and this is aquestion for you how do you
decide to just dig your heels in?
(40:38):
This is where I'm standing andthis is my opinion.
Or how do you decide to okay,wait, maybe pieces of what you
are saying are correct or rightand what you feel is right?
How do you decide to dig yourheels in versus make some
changes for growth to moveforward?
(41:00):
How have we done that?
Speaker 1 (41:05):
I'm not Okay.
Speaker 2 (41:06):
How are we trying to do that?
Speaker 1 (41:10):
I'm not so much a dig my heels in and say I'm right,
you're wrong kind of guy?
No, you're not.
I want to understand what yourthoughts are and your
perspective is and how you gotthere.
So I'm going to ask a lot ofquestions on the fact of how did
you get to there?
Like, please help me understandhow you feel that way, how you
(41:31):
think that way.
I want to know what it is likeif I've done something wrong.
Yeah, tell me, like be specific, but tell me what it is that
I've done wrong so I can make achange.
Speaker 2 (41:41):
a second I'm gonna be like a you're my first grader.
I'm gonna pause you because oneof the and probably was like
well, we got married and we kneweach other eight months, maybe
a few weeks in you would sayhelp me understand.
You're laughing, that was oneof the big phrases.
(42:07):
Help me understand, blah, blah,blah, blah, blah.
And it annoyed me to all getout at first because I never had
anybody do that to me.
Speaker 1 (42:20):
Right.
Speaker 2 (42:20):
Which is part of my communication growth, which we
touched on in other episodes.
But literally, help meunderstand.
We don't know what we're doing.
I don't know what we're doing.
I don't know what I'm doing.
Help me understand how you havearrived to this point or idea
or whatever, as annoying as itis, that's helpful.
Speaker 1 (42:43):
Right.
Speaker 2 (42:44):
Even when you—.
Speaker 1 (42:45):
Well, it is for me, because I don't know what I
don't know.
So maybe I've done or saidsomething that was offensive or
wrong.
I don't know that, so pleasehelp me understand what I've
said or done that pushed you tothat point and if I'm wrong, I'm
going to say you're right, Iscrewed that up.
(43:06):
But if, in the same sense,going that doesn't make sense to
me, can we unpack that a littlemore?
Can we dig into that?
Like I always say, everythinghas a root, every single thing
has a root, it does.
You just got to keep pulling,and pulling, and pulling until
you get to the root, and that'snot fun.
Speaker 2 (43:23):
No, it's awful and I had to learn that.
I mean, I realized after we hadgotten together I was awful at
communicating and it was.
I didn't mean to what.
Speaker 1 (43:35):
Michael has something he wants to add.
Producer Michael.
Speaker 4 (43:39):
Speaking on specifically the phrase help me
understand.
Speaker 2 (43:44):
Is that literally help me?
Speaker 4 (43:46):
How would you speak to someone?
Just because I think we've allrelatively been there in this
concept.
Are the mics picking you up?
Probably not.
You'll have to rephrase whatI'm saying.
How do you speak into someonewho does live in?
That mindset of my opinion iswhat's right and that's what
(44:13):
needs to be moving forward ohwow.
So how do you rephrase that?
How do you take that mindset tosaying?
Speaker 2 (44:16):
help me understand our plans moving forward is to
give producer michael his ownmicrophone for this specific.
Speaker 1 (44:24):
So we can push back and ask these questions which I
love.
Speaker 2 (44:27):
I love the back and forth.
Speaker 1 (44:29):
So Michael asked a question.
Speaker 2 (44:31):
When you're interacting Producer Michael.
Speaker 1 (44:33):
Producer Michael, that's it.
That's awesome.
So when you have someone thatyou're communicating with or
talking with and they thinktheir opinion is right and they
think that, correct me if I'mwrong, but this is what you said
, how do you use that phrase tohave them understand, when they
(44:54):
feel like they're right andtheir logic or their thoughts
are truth?
Speaker 4 (45:03):
And it's both sides.
It's both sides, one being heyon side A saying hey, my opinion
is right, this is what we mustdo.
Side B being hey, maybe it'ssomeone that thinks their
opinion is right.
How do I communicate that?
Speaker 2 (45:17):
So Michael's saying like both sides.
One side thinks they're right,the other side thinks they're
right.
I feel like, even for my ownself, who was awful at
communication, the phrase helpme understand that doesn't say
to the recipient I'm right,you're wrong.
(45:37):
Let me tell you why you'rewrong.
It's I'm open to receiving whatyou're feeling in your thought
process so that I can match itto mine.
Speaker 1 (45:49):
No, you had to be curious to know.
Everyone arrives at an opinionand a thought, and their truth
and their perspective.
Speaker 2 (45:57):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (45:57):
And they arrive from so many different variables oh
for crying out loud theirenvironment, the way they grew
up, the way that they wereraised by their grandparents,
their interactions with allthose people.
There's so many.
Speaker 2 (46:12):
And then, on top of what you said, we put together
our marriage experiences, right,all of the layers.
You just said yes, and then youput together all of that.
Speaker 1 (46:26):
So here's how I would , honestly, here's how I would
approach that.
I don't know if you rememberthe episode where I did the
point the finger in the sky andspin and then come down and talk
about your perspective.
Speaker 2 (46:33):
Yeah, when you're looking at it.
Can you redefine that?
Okay, so in one episode Michael, the producer said can you
redefine that?
Speaker 1 (46:40):
Yeah, so in an episode I asked people to,
wherever you're at, put yourfinger point toward the sky
wherever you're at it.
Put your finger point towardthe sky wherever you're at, and
you can do that now.
If you're there, I'm doing it.
Point your finger toward thesky and start spinning clockwise
if you don't know which way isclockwise and when it's a right
to left, just hit pause and goto a different podcast.
So I'm just kidding so if you're, you're clockwise and you and
(47:04):
you want to bring that down andas you're on YouTube, you can
see us doing it.
And so you're coming down,you're bringing it down in front
of you until it's below you andyou're looking down at it.
Which way is that going Towardsyourself?
It's counterclockwise.
So nothing changed other thanthe way you're looking at it.
So, in a sense, where someonesays I'm right, you're wrong,
(47:28):
I'm like what if you're lookingunderneath and I'm looking from
above?
Speaker 2 (47:34):
Which is where the famous Greg Peck phrase of help
me understand.
Speaker 1 (47:41):
So that would be where I would start and say this
is right, you're right and thisis right.
Like what if we're both right?
That's true.
And what if we're just lookingat it in a different way?
So can you tell me why you seethat the way that you see that,
why you see this truth the waythat you see this truth?
Now, there's different andpeople, so there's those areas
(48:04):
that we have to dig into.
But for me it's like God, man,it's curiosity.
Be curious about the way peoplework, the way they think, the
way they act.
Don't be so judgmental andquick to the answer.
Speaker 2 (48:21):
That's natural for you, but it was not natural for
me.
Speaker 1 (48:25):
No, it's not natural for a lot.
I learned that though I really,really spent a lot of years
trying to hone that craft andskill.
Speaker 2 (48:33):
Because that's what you were after.
Speaker 1 (48:35):
Yeah, because one, it was something that I was really
passionate about, right, and Ireally was curious because I
love like.
I mean, I met this guy.
I met this side note and wewon't get into it but I met a
guy in the middle of the woodsin western North Carolina who
had on a pair of blue jeanshorts, no shirt, was drinking a
(48:56):
Budweiser and had a 9mm in hishand and we walked up and he
said I buried Bigfoot's baby,bigfoot's baby.
And I was like I want to talkto this guy Because I was so
curious.
What's your name?
Yeah, I was like this dude isso interesting.
Yeah, so I was like I want to gofor it, so for me that's just a
curiosity for people.
Speaker 2 (49:17):
For you you wanted to investigate that man, but for
me I would have done about faceand gone back.
I wouldn't even have been onthe trail in the first place, as
just me personally.
But that's the thing it's likeif when you're listening to us
and you're like what makes youwork for who you are, it's.
I appreciate that part of youand it took you a little bit
(49:42):
more time, but you've understoodthat that part of me is not as
prominent.
Speaker 1 (49:48):
Right, everybody doesn't think and act the way.
Speaker 2 (49:50):
I do Because we don't know what we're doing.
Speaker 1 (49:51):
Right, yeah, and we're still trying to figure
this out Like we're learningevery day.
So again, wherever you're at.
Can I, before we jump intoquestions, yeah, I have a
question for you.
Awesome, I'm so excited.
Actually, I am so excited,actually, I'm so excited.
So, wherever you're at in yourmarriage, if it's a blended
family, it's not a blendedfamily.
(50:13):
Whatever it may be, I just wantto encourage you.
If you're failing,congratulations, you're doing
something.
Speaker 2 (50:20):
You're trying because if you're failing, you're
trying.
Speaker 1 (50:23):
Yeah way to go.
Keep moving.
Here's what I say.
Evaluate why you fail, talkabout it, be honest with
yourself and then move forwardand be honest with one another.
Yeah, and let your pride down.
Let all those things down andjust be honest and move forward.
And so that's what life isabout period, whether it's
marriage, whether it's work,professionally fail, figure it
(50:47):
out, make corrections do itagain.
Speaker 2 (50:49):
It's okay to fail.
Do something different.
Tell yourself that while you'refailing, yeah this is okay,
we're doing something.
Speaker 1 (50:54):
All right, give me a question.
We're going to wrap it up witha question.
Speaker 2 (50:57):
If you could make a documentary that millions of
people saw across the world,what would it be about?
Don't say Bigfoot, with all thelove in my heart.
If you could make a documentarythat millions of people across
the world would see, what wouldit be about?
I mean, I immediately have myown answer.
Speaker 1 (51:20):
Okay, give me yours.
Speaker 2 (51:22):
What do teachers actually deal with?
That's a documentary, yeah, andwhy do we?
Speaker 1 (51:25):
not get paid enough.
That's a documentary.
Speaker 2 (51:27):
Yeah.
And why do we not get paidenough?
Speaker 1 (51:30):
It's not about the money.
I don't think you guys areunderpaid.
I don't say it just becauseyou're my wife.
Speaker 2 (51:35):
People don't understand the millions of
points of pressure that teachersdeal with on a daily basis.
Speaker 1 (51:46):
My documentary.
What would it be about?
Speaker 2 (51:48):
Oh my God, that's so different from yours.
Oh my gosh, you keep giggling.
What would it be?
Speaker 1 (51:53):
about Okay, so I have this thing.
I don't sleep a whole lot, soI'm pretty sure I have insomnia,
or some.
I feel like you probably doSome form of like I don't sleep
well, but anyway I go into thesedeep dives of.
So my whole documentary wouldbe what if conspiracy theories
really aren't conspiracytheories?
What if they're truth?
Speaker 2 (52:14):
Oh gosh, I would watch that documentary.
That means you're a conspiracytheorist.
No, no, no.
Speaker 1 (52:21):
Why did conspiracy theory become such a negative
word?
Because all it is is a thoughtprocess, for what if?
But the problem is that— it's awhat if statement, not a—.
There's so many things.
Speaker 2 (52:38):
Babe, we're sitting closer than I'm used to sitting.
Speaker 1 (52:40):
I know now you can put your hands on me.
You can actually grab me now.
I'm touching his arm to makehim stop talking.
Speaker 2 (52:49):
But the problem is that some conspiracy theories
are true.
Speaker 1 (52:55):
Yes, agreed, a thousand.
Speaker 2 (52:57):
Yeah, I would say there's a lot of, I think
there's a lot of them that areNow.
Speaker 1 (53:02):
I think there's some out there that are just like bro
, that's whacked, but I stilllisten to it.
Yeah, like Now, I think there'ssome out there that are just
like bro, that's whacked, but Istill listen to it because I'm
just curious.
I'm just like you believe that.
Speaker 2 (53:09):
So your whole documentary.
Documentary I've used all mywords and syllables today.
Documentary idea is conspiracytheories, Bro.
If we could dice documentaries.
I would 100% watch thatProducer Michael, if you got
involved in that idea, it wouldbe.
Speaker 4 (53:28):
Oh, it would seem like yeah.
Speaker 2 (53:30):
I love that it would literally consume your whole
life, can I?
Speaker 1 (53:32):
tell you what a deep dive I spent the other night.
I got into the deep dive theoryof if the moon landing really
happened and I spent it was like4 o'clock in the morning and
then we watched and I'm stilllike I have to go to bed because
I get up at 6.15.
Speaker 2 (53:46):
I literally was like I'm going to bed.
We watched that movie Fly Me tothe Moon.
Yeah, it was a really goodmovie, it was Scarlett Johansson
.
Speaker 1 (53:56):
Yeah, it piques my curiosity, I'm not saying one
way or the other.
I can understand why peoplethink that's fake.
Speaker 2 (54:03):
We're not getting into that, but anyway, yeah
we're not going there.
Speaker 1 (54:05):
This is not.
Maybe if Sean Ryan goes, I'llgo talk to him about it Sean
Ryan, I'm just kidding, if hekeeps saying his name over and
over again.
Speaker 2 (54:12):
Will you listen?
Speaker 1 (54:13):
to him.
Speaker 2 (54:19):
No, he'll call us and tell us to F off.
Speaker 1 (54:21):
We're not important in this world.
But Anyway, I love that dude.
Speaker 2 (54:25):
Anyway, all right, so we love you guys that are
actually listening to us.
Speaker 1 (54:28):
If you're still, listening to this man.
You're my friend.
Thank you.
Thank you, I will buy you adrink.
If you run into me in public, Iwill buy you a drink.
Okay, I promise yes.
So anyway, thank you forlistening.
Thank you for being a part oftonight.
Speaker 2 (54:42):
Thank you for listening to the idea that we
have no idea what we're doingWith a podcast and our life.
Speaker 1 (54:50):
Yeah, and so let that resonate with you.
So when you think your life isfalling apart and it's just
crowded, just be like hey, it'sokay, Just keep moving.
Speaker 2 (54:55):
It's okay because you can have fun when you don't
know what you're doing.
Yeah, we have for 13 years.
Speaker 1 (55:01):
Yeah just enjoy smile and life.
I mean enjoy smile and laugh.
I mean, man, if you're suckingair and always say, hey man, I'm
above ground.
Speaker 2 (55:08):
Yeah, it's a good day .
It's a good day If it's a dayyou get to be inside that day,
it's a good day.
Speaker 1 (55:14):
So love you guys.
Yes thank you Thank you so muchfor all you people who are
listening all over the place.
Thank you for sharing.
Speaker 2 (55:27):
Thank you for dude, just thank you for dude, just
thank you for listening, and ifyou, if you come up with a
comment, or even if it's justlike a we love what you're doing
or this specific thing helpedus, we would love to hear back
from everybodybaggageclaimpodcast is that it
on instagram.
Speaker 1 (55:40):
I literally don't know if you go to um, you can
find us on instagram.
You can find us on tiktok.
You can find us on Instagramyou can find us on TikTok.
Speaker 2 (55:46):
You can find us on Facebook.
Old people.
Speaker 1 (55:47):
Facebook old people Facebook.
Speaker 4 (55:51):
So make sure you.
What are you doing?
Speaker 2 (55:55):
so make sure you we gotta go, just DM us, it's just
a cool night and we appreciateyou and thank you so much and we
absolutely love that you're apart of our podcast adios,
amigos, family, goodnightgoodnight.
Speaker 1 (56:08):
Thank you so much and we absolutely love that you're
part of our podcast.
Adios amigos, good night, goodnight.
Hey guys, what's up?
I'm Greg.
I hope you guys are ready tounpack and get into some good
conversations today.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
And I'm Jess, and this is our podcast Baggage
Claim.
Thank you for joining us.
Speaker 1 (00:17):
Welcome to Baggage Claim everybody.
Thank you so much for tuning into listen to us.
Thank you so much for tuning into listen to us, man, it's been
a fun ride.
Baggage Claim is about a placewhere we can create
conversations and community andblended family and marriages.
Just a place where we can bereal with each other and where
(00:39):
we can just say the things weneed to say, walk through the
things we need to walk through.
But wherever you're at today,whatever you're doing, man, just
take a minute, take a deepbreath, just with me and just
let it out.
And today is just going to be afun episode that hopefully we
can all connect with.
But whatever you're doing, man,just grab your favorite drink,
(01:04):
wherever you're at, and just,kind of metaphorically, pull up
to the table with us and justenjoy.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
There's two things I'm excited about.
Speaker 1 (01:13):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (01:14):
Number one.
Speaker 1 (01:15):
Yep.
Speaker 2 (01:16):
We are worldwide.
Speaker 1 (01:17):
That's kind of crazy.
Speaker 2 (01:20):
There has been somebody in Australia that has
been listening to us and thereis somebody in the Netherlands
that have listened to us.
So not only are we nationwide,but we can technically say we're
worldwide.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
Yeah, it's kind of crazy.
There are 98 different citiesin the United States that we are
anywhere from.
Speaker 2 (01:46):
We're almost at 100 cities.
Speaker 1 (01:48):
Yeah, from the West Coast to the East Coast.
Speaker 2 (01:50):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:51):
Almost 1,000 downloads.
So again, thank you guys somuch.
Sometimes I feel like we soundlike idiots, just kind of
fumbling through this.
Speaker 2 (02:00):
But we appreciate, we sincerely appreciate, that you
feel like what we are saying hasvalue and that you want to
spend a little bit of time withus out of your schedule.
Speaker 1 (02:13):
Yes, thank you for doing that.
I really, really, reallyappreciate it.
I ran into a listener just theother day and was like love your
podcast.
It's so awesome and I couldn'tsay thank you enough.
No, just to say thank you,thank you, thank you for
listening to us, but with thatbeing said, we're going to talk
about— Wait, I said two things.
Speaker 2 (02:30):
Okay, two, sorry I was getting ahead of myself.
Number two is where we are inthe county that I teach in.
There's three days of schoolleft.
Speaker 1 (02:39):
That is correct.
Speaker 2 (02:40):
I cannot express to you how excited I am.
Some years are harder thanothers.
They are, and there are someyears where I'm just weepy for
the weeks approaching the end ofthe school year and I just
boo-hoo at the end of the schoolyear.
Putting them, especially thelast day of school, is very
(03:00):
emotional.
This year I'm like bye y'all.
Speaker 1 (03:05):
Well, it's not your kids, though.
Your kids are all—I love yourkids, Like I've been in—I went
and done reading in theclassroom.
Speaker 2 (03:11):
You have.
You read them a little.
Speaker 1 (03:12):
I was there for the end-of-the-year party to ice
cream sandwich Sundays.
I love hanging out with yourkids.
I take them donuts every nowand then.
Speaker 2 (03:25):
You get them sugared up before I leave and you know I
sincerely appreciate that.
But it was a reward they workfor and they appreciate your
investment with us Some years.
Teachers who are listening youwill understand some years are
more challenging than others andI appreciate these little
people.
But it's just been achallenging year and we've made
a lot of growth and I'm excitedto see what they do in second
(03:49):
grade.
Speaker 1 (03:50):
So, jess, just give Jess some leeway.
She's about to get to summer,jess, which means she may be a
different girl doing summerpodcast Just carefree and just
you know.
Yeah, a different girl.
Yeah, Well, to kick us off, youhave a quote for us.
Speaker 2 (04:04):
I do.
I have a quote.
There was a wise poet in amovie that we've seen by the
name of Owen Wilson, and it istrue love is your soul's
recognition of its counterpointin another.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
That's beautiful.
Name that movie.
Oh my gosh, If you can't namethat movie.
Speaker 2 (04:30):
Can we be friends with you?
Speaker 1 (04:32):
Yes, that's a hard one they talked about.
Speaker 2 (04:35):
Okay, let me say it, Michael, our producer said, say
it again, question mark Truelove is your soul's recognition
of its counterpoint in another,and it's the poet Owen Wilson
true love is your soul'srecognition of its counterpoint
in another, and it's the poetOwen Wilson.
Speaker 1 (04:49):
Please tell me if you've not seen that.
Speaker 2 (04:50):
We're about to break up, Michael.
Speaker 1 (04:51):
Bro, are you kidding me?
What is?
Speaker 2 (04:53):
it.
Speaker 1 (04:54):
Wedding Crashers.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
Wedding.
Speaker 1 (04:54):
Crashers oh bro.
Speaker 4 (04:56):
You know how long it's been since I've seen that.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
Oh my gosh, it doesn't matter.
You should remember that that'sa you problem, that that's a
you problem.
It is a you problem.
I'm sorry, I just date.
So we own the DVD.
Speaker 4 (05:08):
We did.
When's the last time youwatched a DVD, though?
Speaker 1 (05:11):
Maybe like three weeks ago.
Speaker 4 (05:12):
Yeah, I was about to say maybe a month ago.
Speaker 1 (05:14):
Oh, are you serious?
Speaker 2 (05:15):
Yes, that's a favorite.
I love that.
Speaker 1 (05:19):
It's a favorite for us, we quote that movie all the
time.
Speaker 4 (05:23):
It's been years since I watched a all the time.
Now that's a good quote.
Speaker 2 (05:25):
But what we quote often is you lock it up, you
lock it up, you shut your mouthwhen you're talking to me.
Speaker 1 (05:31):
Yes, we say that all the time.
We do say that it's anotherwedding crash.
So apparently.
Speaker 3 (05:36):
Michael, we need to have a movie night.
We should have a movie night.
Speaker 2 (05:39):
Okay, I'm all for it Especially summer.
Jess is engaged Movie night.
Speaker 1 (05:44):
So tonight, tonight, I just we want to be real, I
really just want to be, and notthat we've been fake, it's not
that at all.
It's almost.
If you're listening to thepodcast and you've heard us talk
about our family, core valuesand the things we've done and
our behavior list and all thesethings, you may be like dang bro
(06:04):
, they got their crap togetherlike whoa.
But no, it's the highlight reelof our blended family.
Speaker 2 (06:12):
Just just you know if you rewind it all the way back,
it was like, oh my gosh, wefell in love yeah, we had this
great like that.
Speaker 1 (06:20):
We we laugh at that quote.
But, like on our wedding day,we're just like oh my gosh, this
is going to be so amazing.
We're going to go on ourhoneymoon, we're going to come
back.
Speaker 2 (06:31):
Hey, you want to go get some pizza?
Speaker 1 (06:33):
Yeah, it's just like everything's going to be awesome
.
It's going to be, and it was ato say it was a train wreck.
Speaker 2 (06:39):
You're about to say train wreck.
It was not a train wreck, itwas close.
Speaker 1 (06:42):
I was going to say train wreck.
It was not a train wreck, itwas close.
It was really really close.
Speaker 2 (06:45):
We had so many good plans.
Okay, we did have great plansand we had great ideas Real good
plans.
Speaker 1 (06:52):
We had unrealistic expectations.
Speaker 2 (06:54):
We didn't know they were unrealistic.
Speaker 1 (06:56):
Yeah, we did.
Speaker 2 (06:57):
I mean, maybe a little bit we did not, that's
true.
Speaker 1 (06:59):
We did not.
We were like, oh, we got thisfigured out, we know what we're
doing.
We thought we knew, yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:04):
So I mean we had tried to do everything we could
right that we thought was right,which is why tonight we're
talking about.
We really had no idea what wewere doing.
Speaker 1 (07:17):
No, no no, no, no.
You said that in the past tense.
We still have no idea whatwe're doing, Like, literally
like as we're doing this podcast.
I learn something new everysingle week about podcasting,
yeah, Whether it's reels, shortswhich we suck at, and really
need to work at, not even that.
Speaker 2 (07:35):
We learn something every week about the children
that we put together in thisfamily.
Speaker 1 (07:40):
I'm just saying like we're constantly learning, like
we're at a point now where wehave adult kids.
We have no idea what we'redoing.
I had coffee with a good friendof mine.
We've been meeting and talkingfor years and years and years.
He's blended family too and Ijust told him.
I patted him on the shoulderand said hey, bro, it doesn't
(08:01):
get easier and he's just like.
Thank you for the encouragement.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
Greg and bless his heart, he'll call you or text
you and set up a time to meet.
Here's the problem and this iswhat's going on.
And here's where we're at blah,blah, blah, blah, blah.
What do I do?
And you're like I don't know.
Speaker 1 (08:18):
Sounds like you're doing great to me, like hang in
there, big guy, like I'll cheerfor you.
So we say that to say, ifyou're out there and you're
listening to this and maybe youfeel defeated, maybe you feel
beat down, Maybe you're at apoint with this and you're just
like this is freaking hard, Likethis is just really really hard
(08:40):
and we are not doing a greatjob.
Speaker 2 (08:44):
Hang in there, hey, rest assured, we still feel that
way.
Speaker 1 (08:46):
Oh, a thousand percent.
Thirteen years in, or twelveand a half, we're still like man
, this is hard, Like this is noteasy.
Speaker 2 (08:57):
I mean just to throw back to all the previous
episodes.
That's why all the other stuffis so important.
Right.
So that when you hit thesethings that are like I don't
know what to do yeah, I don'tknow.
Speaker 1 (09:09):
That's when we talk about.
Know who you are, yeah, knowhow you process.
Know yourself.
Know your spouse yeah, likelove on each other, because now
that our kids are gone, it'sJess and I and it's like it's
the two of us sitting outsidetrying to talk through and work
through emotionally, mentally,just physically, just so many
(09:31):
things, all the things.
Yeah, how do we navigate thisso we honor our kids but, at the
same time, we don't go crazy?
Speaker 2 (09:38):
You said sitting outside.
We do sit inside too, but ourfavorite place to be is outside.
We do have a house.
Speaker 1 (09:43):
We do sit inside too, but our favorite place to be is
outside.
We do have a house.
Speaker 2 (09:46):
We do have a home.
Speaker 1 (09:47):
We love being outside .
Speaker 2 (09:48):
But we have several places outside of our home that
we love to sit.
And that's just kind of ourthing.
Speaker 1 (09:53):
We have a porch swing in our carport, which is not a
garage because carport's an oldhome.
Speaker 2 (09:58):
Our house is an old, oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:59):
Yeah, so we have a swing, we sit out there, we have
our cafe area that I like torefer to the patio as yeah, it's
behind our house.
Speaker 2 (10:07):
We have a vintage home.
Speaker 1 (10:09):
It's a very old home, yeah, but regardless it's, you
know it's.
So I just want you to like, ifyou're listening to this, if
you're in a blended family, ifyou're trying to figure it out
and you're like bro, In a normalfamily like a core.
Speaker 2 (10:22):
I'm sorry, I said normal In a core family.
Speaker 1 (10:25):
I don't think anything's normal.
Speaker 2 (10:27):
Not anymore, but there are phases where things
are going to ebb and flow.
Speaker 1 (10:33):
It's called seasons.
Speaker 2 (10:34):
Yeah, yeah.
And every time there's a changeor a shift or your kids are
entering like teenage years oradulting, or college or all the
things, everything changes.
Speaker 1 (10:49):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (10:49):
Like.
No matter what foundationyou've built and what you tried
so hard to do, everythingchanges.
Speaker 1 (10:56):
Yeah, life has seasons.
There are seasons with yourkids.
There are seasons where you'regoing to connect and
everything's beautiful, it'sawesome.
Speaker 2 (11:04):
You're all together.
And then it's just like this isoh my gosh, we're such great
parents, we're doing such a goodjob.
Speaker 1 (11:10):
Yeah, we're so good.
And then winter comes andyou're just like.
Speaker 2 (11:14):
Winter is coming.
Winter is coming.
Speaker 1 (11:24):
We're Game of the time.
I'm like this is your fault, no, but it really is just so
tonight.
We just want to share some ofour stories of where we've just
I mean basically some of ourscrew ups.
Yeah Well, we've and we'restill.
Just, you know, we're in thiswith you, we're in the thick of
(11:49):
it.
We're in this just because wemay be a few years ahead of you
or a few years behind you, bro,we're just trying to figure it
out Every single day.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (12:01):
And the thing of it is though, even though we raised
all four of our kids togetherSame way, off and on with two of
them If you've listened to pastepisodes, you'll know what
we're talking about when they'rewith us as the parents we raise
them the same way and we'vetried equally all four of the
kids in the same manner, in thesame relationally manner and the
(12:23):
same relationally just doinglife together and just on a
daily basis.
Speaker 1 (12:29):
We've tried.
Speaker 2 (12:30):
We tried real hard, and so now we're on the other
side where, with all four ofthem, it is very different for
relationships with all four kids.
Speaker 1 (12:43):
Oh, a thousand percent.
I literally texted our youngerson.
Cody today and he just said Ilove you.
Are you alive?
Are you okay?
Are you okay?
I said are you okay?
And he answered me six hourslater yeah, what's up.
And I was like just making sureyou're still okay.
Speaker 2 (12:59):
Meanwhile I texted him the day before yesterday and
I hadn't heard back.
So then we've got our older son.
They're here almost everysingle day, he and his wife and
our grandbaby Lulu.
Half a mile away yeah, no, it'sone mile.
No, it's not a mile.
Miranda measured it.
She said it was one regardless,and I know that they have our
(13:22):
granddaughter, which we want tobe with 24 hours a day, but that
relationship can be unhealthyas well.
Yeah, but not as well none ofthem are healthy none of them
are unhealthy.
That was not the word I wantedto say, but um, they're just
different they're all they'redifferent kids with different
(13:45):
personalities, different drives.
Speaker 1 (13:47):
Uh, they are.
They want they all four wantsomething different out of life.
Yeah, like Callie is anadventurer, she loves adventure,
she loves.
And I love that about her andshe's super independent.
Which is totally me, yeah.
So as much as I would love forher to live in the house in
front of me and have coffee withher every morning because she's
so fun, I can't deny that Ilove her adventure side.
(14:09):
And her, and her husband, yeahfor her and Charles.
When they said, hey, we'removing to Florida in two weeks,
I was like what are you going todo?
I don't know what are you goingto do?
I don't know and I was like, butyou're so far away, I'm
actually kind of excited aboutit for you.
I was like that sounds like alot of fun.
Yeah, so you have them.
(14:30):
You have, they're just all fourso different.
Speaker 2 (14:33):
Thomas lives around the block with his wife and baby
that are constant physicalpresence in our life.
And then Cody, who is literally35 minutes down the road, which
is not far, but he is livinghis best life.
Speaker 1 (14:49):
He's a very independent guy.
Speaker 2 (14:50):
In his college town.
Very independent, yes, willfigure everything out.
Doesn't need a parent's support.
I got this, yes, and then thebaby that's living in our house.
Still, that's like I still haveone foot in the door and one
foot out the door and I'm tryingto figure out who I am as a
person.
Speaker 1 (15:08):
We say all that to say.
Speaker 2 (15:09):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (15:10):
We have no idea where parenting, where friendship,
where adult.
We're figuring all that out,right now we have no idea what
we're doing.
Yeah, so it's just one of thosethings we're like.
I hope we get it right.
We're just going to do what weknow best and we're going to
love them the way that we thinkwe should love them.
We're going to care for themthe way we should care for them
and support them the way weshould Are we going to get it
(15:32):
right.
Absolutely not, Absolutely not.
We're going to screw that upand we're going to overstep our
bounds.
We're going to feel toopretentious.
We're going to say things weshouldn't say.
Speaker 2 (15:46):
We're going to do things we shouldn't do.
I hey, this is our first timehaving adult kids.
We don't know what we're doing,just like you're, the first
time you've been an adult andyou don't know what we're doing.
So, let's just acknowledge that.
But you remember back when theywere little we briefly touched
on this in a previous episodewhen we thought one another knew
(16:11):
what we were doing and we lefta kid at practice.
Speaker 1 (16:16):
Oh yes, that was episode 10, when we were talking
about scheduling.
See, there's this reallyinteresting thing.
Jess made this, which is agreat idea, and we talked about
it.
Speaker 2 (16:24):
It's a fantastic idea .
Create a.
Speaker 1 (16:26):
Google Calendar that's shared by everyone.
You invite everyone in and thenJess adds things to the
calendar.
Speaker 2 (16:33):
That's all great if— If you look at your invites in
your inbox.
Speaker 1 (16:37):
Correct If you look at the calendar.
If you look at the calendar andyou use the calendar, it's kind
of the key point of having thecalendar, so that was a struggle
for me.
Speaker 2 (16:48):
That was 13 years ago .
Well, when that was happening,it was probably more like 10
years, 12 years ago.
Speaker 1 (16:55):
Yeah, I really upped my game in the last six months
of looking at my calendar Sixmonths, yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:02):
However, there's been a couple little people in our
lives.
Their birthday party I put onyour calendar.
You were like, oh wait, whatwe're going to?
I'm just we're going to wait.
Tatum's birthday party I put onyour calendar.
You were like, oh wait whatwe're going to.
Speaker 1 (17:15):
I'm just we're going to wait Tatum's birthday party
Saturday.
I would say this that I can.
I just share one of the besttimes of my life like this was
probably I before we got married.
No, no, no.
Speaker 2 (17:28):
I look back at this time.
Speaker 1 (17:29):
I was like like everything was right in the
world.
Speaker 2 (17:31):
Okay, when was that?
I was at?
Speaker 1 (17:32):
12 Stone.
Yes, and I had the absolutebest O-M-G Administrative
assistant Madison Flowers,madison.
Speaker 2 (17:39):
I absolutely love her to death.
She was like wife, junior, butnot on a weird level.
No, no, no, she was like themanager of his life calendar.
So she would tell him.
Speaker 1 (17:52):
She had access to all my emails, all my calendars.
Speaker 2 (17:55):
She had access to my calendar as much stuff as I
wanted.
Speaker 1 (17:59):
I gave her access to everything.
Speaker 2 (18:00):
I was like here's my life and she and I would text.
Like can you put on Greg'scalendar that Cody has a soccer
game at LSA at 1 o'clock onSaturday?
Yes, got it.
Speaker 1 (18:12):
And so I loved life when I had Madison in my life.
Speaker 2 (18:15):
I loved life when you had Madison.
Speaker 1 (18:18):
I came out of a— it was amazing.
Speaker 2 (18:22):
Don't tell me, you had your shirt on.
Speaker 1 (18:23):
Madison's in Nashville right now working at
an awesome church.
Speaker 2 (18:26):
Love you, Madison Flower.
Speaker 1 (18:27):
Yeah, she is amazing.
Speaker 2 (18:29):
Love you, Madison.
You almost said your last name.
Speaker 1 (18:32):
I don't.
Anyway, regardless, I was inthis executive meeting.
It was an early meeting, like 8, 8.30-ish.
It was right off the firstthing, was it the?
Speaker 2 (18:41):
donut situation.
Speaker 1 (18:42):
No, no, no, that was a donut eating contest one
morning.
Speaker 2 (18:47):
Yeah, that was a different story.
Speaker 1 (18:49):
So I go in this meeting and these are like the
bigger ups.
I was like I've got to makesure I've got my stuff together
for this meeting, so I had allmy ducks in a row.
I go in the meeting and I comeout of the meeting and Madison
is outside the door and she goeshey, greg, good morning, you
did a great job.
Like here's all the, here'syour next meeting coming up.
Here's this meeting and we'rewalking back to the office and
she looks at me so sweet and sokind she goes just so you know
(19:16):
your shirt's on inside out and Iwas like thank you very much
and then she texted meimmediately when he went to the
next meeting.
Speaker 2 (19:27):
She's like Jess, come on.
I was like I was at workalready.
What?
Speaker 1 (19:31):
So, yeah, that's my life right there in a nutshell,
like 100%.
Speaker 2 (19:36):
Which is why the shared calendar part is
important.
Speaker 1 (19:40):
Yeah, so we're almost 13.
So, wives, if you're out there,maybe your husband's different
than me, maybe, but if you'reout there, just have a little
grace, have some patience.
Or vice versa, if the husband issuper organized, yeah ever
which way you're going hurricaneyes it's it's not that I never
(20:01):
looked at my calendar and I wasthinking I don't care what that
woman has to say.
Yeah, I don't care what's goingon.
That was not it at all.
I had five million things goingon in my life and I would
forget to look at that calendarsometimes and be like, oh, I'm
supposed to get that kid.
Speaker 2 (20:15):
I do too.
I'm supposed to get that kid.
That was different.
It's like oh wait, where'sThomas?
Yeah.
Bless his little patientsweetheart.
Speaker 1 (20:28):
He's a great kid.
He's a great adult.
Now he is a great patient,sweetheart.
He's a great kid.
Speaker 2 (20:30):
But what about— he's a great adult now.
He is a great adult now.
But what about the weekend thatwe planned to go away?
Because it was like a winterbreak situation for me?
It was, and we had some very,very sweet friends of ours.
Yes, thank you so much yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:49):
Scott and Jim were like hey, we're trying to get
away for a couple days.
Budget's tight, we're lookingfor a place, we just want to
plan baggage claim like work onthe initial start.
Speaker 2 (20:59):
They have a place relatively close yeah.
Speaker 1 (21:02):
And so he's like go stay there for a couple days.
We're like awesome, thank youAwesome.
And so we started putting stufftogether that day.
We were getting ready to go.
It was weird.
I don't know what happened, butwe just it just blew up Like it
was a.
I don't want to talk to you.
Why are we doing this?
Speaker 2 (21:20):
I don't want to go out of town with you.
Speaker 1 (21:22):
Yeah, I don't even want to be in the car with you
and we don't normally fuss likethat, and I don't know.
If you ask me now what thatargument was about, I couldn't
tell you.
Speaker 2 (21:29):
I have no idea.
Speaker 1 (21:31):
But I also went and I was like I just need to go
outside.
So I went outside and I'mpacing around the front yard and
I was like we're freaking goingon this trip, like we're going
on this trip, and I was insideangrily, like shoving things in
my overnight bag.
Speaker 2 (21:47):
I'm like I don't want to go.
I don't know why I don't wantto go Because when you came back
in you were like what, what,what.
Speaker 1 (21:53):
Yeah, and I was like we're going on this trip and
you're like, are you sure?
And I was like we are going onthis trip, we're going to figure
it out on the ride up and we'regoing to figure it out when
we're there.
Now we didn't say anything theentire ride up zero, just listen
to music.
Uh, we got there and we're like.
(22:14):
We sat on the couch and watcheda documentary and they were
just like where do you want togo eat?
Speaker 2 (22:17):
okay, I don't know, can we walk to this place?
We didn't even talk then, yetyeah, we did.
Speaker 1 (22:22):
We started the conversation there and so it
just and, and we got okay andthen the next couple days were
very productive and helping uskick off what bag.
So baggage claim started.
It was a train wreck.
Just so you know, like it's notbecause you listen to some of
these you'd be like, oh yeah,that's awesome.
Are you maybe listening to one?
These guys are joke, um,wherever you're at well, thank
(22:43):
you for listening.
Speaker 2 (22:44):
Yeah, still thank you for still listening.
Speaker 1 (22:46):
Yeah, but it's just so you know, like we're we're
real people trying to figurethis out.
Speaker 2 (22:51):
And we still, almost 13 years later, we have no idea
what we're doing Right, but wedo know the pieces and parts
that have worked well, and Ifeel like our kids would say in
support of that no, these arethe things that you did that
worked well.
So, that we all were on the samepage and there was never a
(23:12):
question of what our goal is, of.
We're going to be a healthyfamily, no matter whose house
you live in, on what days or howwe got here Like, our goal is
to be a healthy family unittogether.
Speaker 1 (23:28):
Yeah, that was the goal.
Always, always, try to keepthat at the center going, no
matter what.
That's what we're going to goback to.
That's our true north.
Yeah, we're always going to goback to that.
Speaker 2 (23:37):
We had no idea how to be step-parents for each
other's kids.
Speaker 1 (23:41):
Yeah, when to step in , when to step out, when to say
something, when not to saysomething?
Yeah, when to get upset over Isent clothes and those clothes
never came home.
Should I be mad?
Should I not be mad?
How do we help, support thekids, because the kids are going
back and forth with their stuff?
There's so many things that wewere, and we will talk about all
of those things too as we moveforward.
But at the same time, it's notbeen an easy road for us.
(24:07):
Like, just so you know, likeit's not been beautiful paved.
There was a time where, evenfor us, I was in, I was in real
estate.
I've been in real estate forseven years, so some of my time
when I stepped out of 12 Stone,I went into real estate, money
was really, really tight for us.
I mean, it was, it was bad,like to a point.
Speaker 2 (24:30):
There's been bad points yeah there's been bad.
Speaker 1 (24:32):
So when you hear the New York story and the
California trips and all those,it sounds glamorous.
Yeah, just so you know, therewas a time where we went and
bought groceries and I wrote acheck to buy groceries for our
kids and I'm not proud of thisat all.
I'm going to date myself when Isay the fact that I wrote a
check for groceries.
Yeah, you can tell that wasn'tyesterday of this at all.
Speaker 2 (24:50):
I'm going to say a date myself when I say the fact
I wrote a check for groceries.
We wrote a check for groceries.
Yeah, you can tell that wasn'tyesterday.
We're not proud of it, but it'sfunny in the fact of, like we
knew we had to feed our kids,Right.
Speaker 1 (25:02):
We didn't have lavish cars, we didn't have all those
things.
It was just, we were justtrying to figure it out and I
wrote a check, knowing there wasno way that check was going to
clear the bank, but I was goingto buy groceries for the kids,
and so that was one of thosethings You're talking about, one
of those moments.
Speaker 2 (25:22):
And I remember we sat in the car, we laughed and we
cried at the same time.
Speaker 1 (25:24):
Yeah, we kind of laughed and cried.
It was like what do we do?
There was another time.
It was shortly thereafter that.
Speaker 2 (25:30):
Let me sidebar that.
The meals that we would do inthose times where it was tight,
in the times where it wasliterally impossible, those
meals that we would put togetherduring those times, are still
all four of our children.
That is their favorite comfortmeals and that, just this many
(25:52):
years later, I'm going to cry.
I mean it just warms my heartbecause, although it was such a
struggle for you and I, we don'tknow what we're going to do,
but our babies have food intheir bellies when they go to
bed.
But they didn't know that.
Speaker 1 (26:11):
No, we never talked about that in front of them.
Speaker 2 (26:14):
We knew that we didn't need to put that pressure
or worry on them and I'm sorry,I'm so emotional.
Speaker 1 (26:23):
You don't have to be sorry.
Speaker 2 (26:25):
But all four of them, like I said, those meals are
their favorite things now andeven when the out-of-state baby
comes home or the one that's 35minutes down the road feels like
out-of-state comes home.
Those are the meals that theyrequest.
That makes them feel like I'mhome, home.
(26:47):
Yeah.
And so for us it's a point of,just like I said, worry and
doubt and fear, but I'm proud ofus because we didn't put that
on them Right.
Speaker 1 (27:06):
Those are the things I was like oh, we had potato
soup you know, on whatever nightit was, we could spend $6 on a
meal and feed all of our kids.
Speaker 2 (27:13):
Yeah, or we had spaghetti once a week and they
still all of them loved that.
Speaker 1 (27:21):
We hope, maybe they do.
Wow.
Speaker 2 (27:24):
It's just the fact that, like, although we had no
idea what we were doing then andwe just did the best we could,
there was still positive seedsthat were planted.
Speaker 1 (27:36):
Right, our whole idea was we're just going to keep
moving forward, no matter whatLike, no matter how rough it is,
how bad it is, we're going tokeep moving forward, and I think
that's the whole idea is justgoing to keep moving forward,
and we'll talk about budgeting,we'll talk about money in an
(27:57):
episode coming up.
Speaker 2 (27:58):
Budget is a cuss word .
It is.
Speaker 1 (28:01):
Jess hates the word budget.
I do, but I mean, even in thattime and I don't even know if
I've shared this with you, butat that same time there was a
time where Jess was really sick,yeah, i'm—dang it.
And so, as a guy, you want tomake sure you—as a man, you want
(28:23):
to take care of your family,you want to love on your family,
you want to provide themleadership, provide them the
basic necessities they wanted.
And you were sick and we were—.
Speaker 2 (28:34):
As a teacher of littles.
Broke Like we were flat broke,I get all the things.
We had nothing.
Speaker 1 (28:39):
Yeah, at the time we were just getting by and you
were sick and you needed to goto urgent care.
Yeah, we didn't have the moneyand I remember sitting in the
closet and I just sat there andI remember sitting in the closet
and I just sat there and Iweeped as the lights were off
and as a as a guy man, that wasso humiliating, yeah, and such a
humbling moment to go.
(29:01):
I can't even provide justsimple health care for my wife,
like I can't provide for her togo to urgent care just to get
something to feel better, and itwas just, there was a lot that
was going on and so for me itwas a.
I remember just sitting there,praying and being like, okay,
god, I don't want to live hereanymore, I'm not going to be in
(29:23):
this spot, and we've madechanges over the times with him.
But just you know, there'sstorms and there's ups and
there's downs and there'sseasons, and sometimes those
seasons suck and sometimesthey're not fun.
Sometimes they do, andsometimes they're amazing and we
share a lot of amazing seasonson here.
Speaker 2 (29:43):
We do, but it's because we work so hard at all
of the things that actuallymatter, which is why we're 14.
This is the 14th episode in.
We've never talked about money,because we don't really care
about money.
Yeah, we've never talked aboutfinances or those kinds of
(30:07):
things, because that's not whatmatters.
Of course, that money makes theworld, world go around, all the
things.
Speaker 1 (30:15):
But we also realized just a simple statement, though
we realized early on that if I,if money was going to be what
made us happy, then we werealways going to be up and down,
yeah, this is going to be bad,like money was not the one thing
that was kind of pushing us tobe like, oh my gosh, we got to
have a whole ton of money inorder to make this work.
(30:36):
No because, I mean yeah we justit was tough and it was like
yeah, we're not going to do that.
Speaker 2 (30:42):
That wouldn't be the fix all.
Speaker 1 (30:43):
Yeah, I read and not to get on this because we may
later, but I was reading a bookby Chip Gaines, from it's called
Capital Gaines.
Speaker 2 (30:51):
Gosh, that was so many years ago.
Speaker 1 (30:53):
It was a long time ago I got to do that for, like
Father's Day or something.
Yeah, great book Chip and.
Joanna Gaines girls we know,everybody knows who they are.
Speaker 2 (31:00):
The whole farmhouse era.
Speaker 1 (31:01):
Yes, so he read a book which I really connected
with him because he's just ahandsy guy kind of like me, yeah
he wrote a whole book about hisexperience.
Yeah, and so he made astatement in that book.
That man just resonated with meand he and Joanna he was
talking about they had rentalproperties and money was tight
(31:22):
and they were doing a whole lotof things and he said this is a
rough estimate.
It's been a long time.
So, for some odd reason, if youhear this Chip and you're like
bro, that's not what I said, I'msorry what?
Speaker 2 (31:33):
oh my goodness.
Speaker 1 (31:34):
But he said uh, he said if I can't, if we decided
if we can't be happy with ahundred dollars in our bank
account, we'll never be happywith hundreds of thousands of
dollars in our bank account.
And I went to jess and I waslike we have to wrestle that to
the ground, like we have tofigure this out, like we can't
be happy whether we have a hugenumber in our bank account or we
(31:58):
don't.
I'm not saying be irrational,be silly or dumb with your money
, but at the same time that wasnot Literally.
Speaker 2 (32:06):
if you cannot be happy with one another, if I
can't look at you, greg, and sayI'm happy being married to you
when we have $100 to our name,I'm not going to treasure you
and be the same happy with youwhen there's a million dollars
in the bank.
Speaker 1 (32:23):
Yeah, and so, just so you guys know listening, that
was a huge hurdle for us, yeah,and when we jumped that hurdle
we're just like, oh my gosh.
Now to say that we didn't seethat hurdle again would be a lie
, you see it all the time, yeah,and if you've ever been in real
estate or been around realestate, you know that it is
feast or famine yes, and herelately has been.
(32:44):
It feels like it's more faminethan feasting.
Yeah, so we're eating a lot ofpotato soup these days 15 beats,
but at the same.
Speaker 2 (32:50):
Yeah, buddy, but at the same time, all that to be
said like— but I'm still—and Iknow a lot of the pressure falls
on you just because you're thehusband and you're the you know,
quote-unquote soul provider I'mstill just as happy with being
your wife, like even currentlyjust being completely
(33:12):
transparent.
It's like currently it's afamine situation Versus when
it's a feast.
I'm equally as happy with youas a human being.
Speaker 1 (33:26):
Yeah, it's all right.
Speaker 2 (33:28):
It's all right, michael, michael our producer
had a chair situation and if youhear that, that's okay.
Speaker 1 (33:35):
It just goes to show.
This is where we're at, man.
We're in Thomas' old bedroom.
Speaker 2 (33:40):
And it goes with that , trying to figure it out, we
had no idea what we were doing.
Speaker 1 (33:44):
Yeah, true, so let's get to Unpack.
Yeah, let's unpack some of this.
Unpack it with me.
Speaker 2 (33:50):
Also, there will be portions coming up where Michael
, our producer, yeah we'regetting him a mic.
Speaker 1 (33:57):
Yes, we are, because we want Mike to be a part of
this.
Oh well, michael, does anybodycall you Mike?
No, some people do Some people.
Michael, michael, michael.
Speaker 4 (34:08):
Mike, nobody should call you Mike, but I will say if
I can say something.
Speaker 1 (34:14):
You can say anything you want.
Speaker 2 (34:15):
Can I turn my microphone to you?
Will that be helpful?
Speaker 4 (34:18):
I don't think that'll help Okay.
As I get older, hearing y'all'sperspective and you can kind of
repeat what I'm saying Okay,there is significant meaning and
understanding in my perspectiveof going through those famines.
What do you say?
Speaker 2 (34:39):
Repeat that, because you're good at that.
Speaker 1 (34:40):
Okay.
So Michael basically is sayingas he's getting older he can
understand the perspective andappreciate it more as going
through those famines.
Speaker 2 (34:50):
When he was growing up.
Speaker 1 (34:51):
Yeah, as he was growing up through.
Speaker 4 (34:54):
Because I feel like the more I hear from you guys
and the more I reflect on my ownlife growing up, every parent,
regardless of what generation Imean you look back history
thousands of years.
What parent knows everything?
Right?
Speaker 2 (35:11):
Michael was saying if you look back across history,
there's what parent knowseverything while we're parenting
.
Speaker 1 (35:21):
Here's what I don't trust People who think they know
everything Nobody does Like ifI'm in a church and I come
across a pastor who's like youneed to do this, this, this and
this, and I'm like, yeah, Idon't want to do any of that
because I don't trust you.
Like if you think if you haveyour life.
That Okay, sorry, maybe not allthat there's pieces of yes.
(35:41):
Like when you think you haveyour entire life, when you think
you have it figured out.
Speaker 4 (35:45):
That's the key point and when you don't have any of
it figured out.
Yes, I think one of the biggestthings that has changed in my
life is being able to be okayand accept where you are.
Speaker 2 (35:59):
It's okay to not be okay.
Speaker 1 (36:01):
Who's that Jelly Roll sings that I am not okay, he
does he does sing that song,yeah.
Speaker 2 (36:10):
But being okay, Shout out hashtag jelly roll Big fan.
Speaker 4 (36:15):
You're living where you are, but knowing, you want
and desire to move forward andyou proceed to move forward.
Yeah, right.
That is what makes asignificant change when you're
living in a famine.
Yep.
Okay, well, are we just alwaysgoing to be in a famine Right
Right, or are well, are we justalways going to be in a famine
Right Right, or are weacknowledging where we are?
(36:35):
Because if you're not, Comingtogether as a family unit and
moving forward.
Speaker 2 (36:40):
Because if you're not trying, you're failing.
Speaker 1 (36:44):
Well, if you're not failing, you're not trying.
Maybe that's why.
Speaker 4 (36:47):
It goes both ways.
I would say it that way.
Yes, no-transcript.
It goes both ways.
Speaker 1 (36:49):
I would say it that way yes, yeah because the idea
is that and what Michael wassaying is, if you're in a famine
, you can look at that and lookat those times and say man, this
is hard, this is tough.
One thing I've learned is noone's going to show up on your
front door and solve all yourproblems.
No one's going to show up onyour front door with the old
(37:13):
school check when they had andit's like, oh, thanks, for what
is that?
Speaker 2 (37:18):
sweepstakes things.
Here's your big clearing house.
Yeah, it's like hey, here'syour check.
You had a magically uncle thatpassed away and here's your
check for whatever.
Speaker 1 (37:33):
Yeah, that's never happened to me, so it's always
been one of those realizationmoments of going I don't like
where I'm at.
I want to be different.
So I'm going to figure out aplan for how to be different and
I'm going to work my butt offto be different.
And I'm going to fail along theway, and that's okay.
Speaker 2 (37:49):
Yeah, because if you're not failing, you're not
trying what we were saying inthe beginning.
And another thing of whenyou're not stuck in your
situation, where you're tryingto improve or this or that, when
we're parenting our children,just to kind of bring it back to
(38:09):
where we don't know what we'redoing.
We've never been stuck in ouropinion when it comes to working
with our kids as the wholegroup of them and individually.
Speaker 1 (38:22):
Because sometimes they're right and I'm like, yeah
, you're right, I'm wrong.
Speaker 2 (38:26):
I was wrong in that.
Even if we don't want to admitthat they're right sometimes
they actually are.
Speaker 1 (38:30):
Yeah, and you've got to kind of accept that and say,
yeah, you're right, I missedthat, I was wrong on that, and
move forward.
And that's hard as a parentbecause you want to feel like
you have it figured out, butit's also too saying I don't
have it figured out.
Speaker 2 (38:44):
No, you're right.
I missed that, have we?
Speaker 1 (38:53):
always been quick or easy to say oh wait, we're wrong
.
I've tried, man.
That's one of the hardestthings.
Speaker 2 (38:56):
It is hard.
Speaker 1 (38:57):
Man, I've sat at the table, at our table, our kitchen
table.
I can't count on two hands.
How many times have I looked ata kid and go?
I screwed that up and I'm sorry.
Speaker 2 (39:06):
I messed up.
I'm sorry.
Speaker 1 (39:08):
Yeah, I did that, I was wrong.
Speaker 2 (39:11):
And that's hard.
I feel like it would be hardfor adults in general.
Yeah, just a human in the world.
Speaker 1 (39:19):
Well, because it's letting go of yourself.
Speaker 2 (39:21):
Yeah, it's hard for adults to be like no wait, I
messed that up, that was bad.
But then if you're if you're Imean from our point of view if
you're trying really, reallyhard to do the right thing all
the time and to be selfless,it's hard to get to the place
where it was like no, I reallycould have done better.
Speaker 1 (39:43):
Yeah, because I thought I knew better.
Yeah, I agree.
So anything else to unpack?
Speaker 2 (39:52):
What do you do when you fail?
Speaker 1 (39:54):
You get up Because that's the part that matters,
that's the part that matters.
Yeah, here's the thing too,that people don't do a lot of.
And this is that wholeself-reflection thing on sitting
down and going.
Okay, I screwed that up.
What could we have donedifferent?
What should I have donedifferent?
How do we not find ourselves inthis place again?
Speaker 2 (40:14):
But what you just said is not the norm.
The norm is I'm going to dig myheels in, I'm right, you're
wrong, I'm the grown-up, you'rethe kid, or whatever the case
may be.
How do you decide and this is aquestion for you how do you
decide to just dig your heels in?
(40:38):
This is where I'm standing andthis is my opinion.
Or how do you decide to okay,wait, maybe pieces of what you
are saying are correct or rightand what you feel is right?
How do you decide to dig yourheels in versus make some
changes for growth to moveforward?
(41:00):
How have we done that?
Speaker 1 (41:05):
I'm not Okay.
Speaker 2 (41:06):
How are we trying to do that?
Speaker 1 (41:10):
I'm not so much a dig my heels in and say I'm right,
you're wrong kind of guy?
No, you're not.
I want to understand what yourthoughts are and your
perspective is and how you gotthere.
So I'm going to ask a lot ofquestions on the fact of how did
you get to there?
Like, please help me understandhow you feel that way, how you
(41:31):
think that way.
I want to know what it is likeif I've done something wrong.
Yeah, tell me, like be specific, but tell me what it is that
I've done wrong so I can make achange.
Speaker 2 (41:41):
a second I'm gonna be like a you're my first grader.
I'm gonna pause you because oneof the and probably was like
well, we got married and we kneweach other eight months, maybe
a few weeks in you would sayhelp me understand.
You're laughing, that was oneof the big phrases.
(42:07):
Help me understand, blah, blah,blah, blah, blah.
And it annoyed me to all getout at first because I never had
anybody do that to me.
Speaker 1 (42:20):
Right.
Speaker 2 (42:20):
Which is part of my communication growth, which we
touched on in other episodes.
But literally, help meunderstand.
We don't know what we're doing.
I don't know what we're doing.
I don't know what I'm doing.
Help me understand how you havearrived to this point or idea
or whatever, as annoying as itis, that's helpful.
Speaker 1 (42:43):
Right.
Speaker 2 (42:44):
Even when you—.
Speaker 1 (42:45):
Well, it is for me, because I don't know what I
don't know.
So maybe I've done or saidsomething that was offensive or
wrong.
I don't know that, so pleasehelp me understand what I've
said or done that pushed you tothat point and if I'm wrong, I'm
going to say you're right, Iscrewed that up.
(43:06):
But if, in the same sense,going that doesn't make sense to
me, can we unpack that a littlemore?
Can we dig into that?
Like I always say, everythinghas a root, every single thing
has a root, it does.
You just got to keep pulling,and pulling, and pulling until
you get to the root, and that'snot fun.
Speaker 2 (43:23):
No, it's awful and I had to learn that.
I mean, I realized after we hadgotten together I was awful at
communicating and it was.
I didn't mean to what.
Speaker 1 (43:35):
Michael has something he wants to add.
Producer Michael.
Speaker 4 (43:39):
Speaking on specifically the phrase help me
understand.
Speaker 2 (43:44):
Is that literally help me?
Speaker 4 (43:46):
How would you speak to someone?
Just because I think we've allrelatively been there in this
concept.
Are the mics picking you up?
Probably not.
You'll have to rephrase whatI'm saying.
How do you speak into someonewho does live in?
That mindset of my opinion iswhat's right and that's what
(44:13):
needs to be moving forward ohwow.
So how do you rephrase that?
How do you take that mindset tosaying?
Speaker 2 (44:16):
help me understand our plans moving forward is to
give producer michael his ownmicrophone for this specific.
Speaker 1 (44:24):
So we can push back and ask these questions which I
love.
Speaker 2 (44:27):
I love the back and forth.
Speaker 1 (44:29):
So Michael asked a question.
Speaker 2 (44:31):
When you're interacting Producer Michael.
Speaker 1 (44:33):
Producer Michael, that's it.
That's awesome.
So when you have someone thatyou're communicating with or
talking with and they thinktheir opinion is right and they
think that, correct me if I'mwrong, but this is what you said
, how do you use that phrase tohave them understand, when they
(44:54):
feel like they're right andtheir logic or their thoughts
are truth?
Speaker 4 (45:03):
And it's both sides.
It's both sides, one being heyon side A saying hey, my opinion
is right, this is what we mustdo.
Side B being hey, maybe it'ssomeone that thinks their
opinion is right.
How do I communicate that?
Speaker 2 (45:17):
So Michael's saying like both sides.
One side thinks they're right,the other side thinks they're
right.
I feel like, even for my ownself, who was awful at
communication, the phrase helpme understand that doesn't say
to the recipient I'm right,you're wrong.
(45:37):
Let me tell you why you'rewrong.
It's I'm open to receiving whatyou're feeling in your thought
process so that I can match itto mine.
Speaker 1 (45:49):
No, you had to be curious to know.
Everyone arrives at an opinionand a thought, and their truth
and their perspective.
Speaker 2 (45:57):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (45:57):
And they arrive from so many different variables oh
for crying out loud theirenvironment, the way they grew
up, the way that they wereraised by their grandparents,
their interactions with allthose people.
There's so many.
Speaker 2 (46:12):
And then, on top of what you said, we put together
our marriage experiences, right,all of the layers.
You just said yes, and then youput together all of that.
Speaker 1 (46:26):
So here's how I would , honestly, here's how I would
approach that.
I don't know if you rememberthe episode where I did the
point the finger in the sky andspin and then come down and talk
about your perspective.
Speaker 2 (46:33):
Yeah, when you're looking at it.
Can you redefine that?
Okay, so in one episode Michael, the producer said can you
redefine that?
Speaker 1 (46:40):
Yeah, so in an episode I asked people to,
wherever you're at, put yourfinger point toward the sky
wherever you're at it.
Put your finger point towardthe sky wherever you're at, and
you can do that now.
If you're there, I'm doing it.
Point your finger toward thesky and start spinning clockwise
if you don't know which way isclockwise and when it's a right
to left, just hit pause and goto a different podcast.
So I'm just kidding so if you're, you're clockwise and you and
(47:04):
you want to bring that down andas you're on YouTube, you can
see us doing it.
And so you're coming down,you're bringing it down in front
of you until it's below you andyou're looking down at it.
Which way is that going Towardsyourself?
It's counterclockwise.
So nothing changed other thanthe way you're looking at it.
So, in a sense, where someonesays I'm right, you're wrong,
(47:28):
I'm like what if you're lookingunderneath and I'm looking from
above?
Speaker 2 (47:34):
Which is where the famous Greg Peck phrase of help
me understand.
Speaker 1 (47:41):
So that would be where I would start and say this
is right, you're right and thisis right.
Like what if we're both right?
That's true.
And what if we're just lookingat it in a different way?
So can you tell me why you seethat the way that you see that,
why you see this truth the waythat you see this truth?
Now, there's different andpeople, so there's those areas
(48:04):
that we have to dig into.
But for me it's like God, man,it's curiosity.
Be curious about the way peoplework, the way they think, the
way they act.
Don't be so judgmental andquick to the answer.
Speaker 2 (48:21):
That's natural for you, but it was not natural for
me.
Speaker 1 (48:25):
No, it's not natural for a lot.
I learned that though I really,really spent a lot of years
trying to hone that craft andskill.
Speaker 2 (48:33):
Because that's what you were after.
Speaker 1 (48:35):
Yeah, because one, it was something that I was really
passionate about, right, and Ireally was curious because I
love like.
I mean, I met this guy.
I met this side note and wewon't get into it but I met a
guy in the middle of the woodsin western North Carolina who
had on a pair of blue jeanshorts, no shirt, was drinking a
(48:56):
Budweiser and had a 9mm in hishand and we walked up and he
said I buried Bigfoot's baby,bigfoot's baby.
And I was like I want to talkto this guy Because I was so
curious.
What's your name?
Yeah, I was like this dude isso interesting.
Yeah, so I was like I want to gofor it, so for me that's just a
curiosity for people.
Speaker 2 (49:17):
For you you wanted to investigate that man, but for
me I would have done about faceand gone back.
I wouldn't even have been onthe trail in the first place, as
just me personally.
But that's the thing it's likeif when you're listening to us
and you're like what makes youwork for who you are, it's.
I appreciate that part of youand it took you a little bit
(49:42):
more time, but you've understoodthat that part of me is not as
prominent.
Speaker 1 (49:48):
Right, everybody doesn't think and act the way.
Speaker 2 (49:50):
I do Because we don't know what we're doing.
Speaker 1 (49:51):
Right, yeah, and we're still trying to figure
this out Like we're learningevery day.
So again, wherever you're at.
Can I, before we jump intoquestions, yeah, I have a
question for you.
Awesome, I'm so excited.
Actually, I am so excited,actually, I'm so excited.
So, wherever you're at in yourmarriage, if it's a blended
family, it's not a blendedfamily.
(50:13):
Whatever it may be, I just wantto encourage you.
If you're failing,congratulations, you're doing
something.
Speaker 2 (50:20):
You're trying because if you're failing, you're
trying.
Speaker 1 (50:23):
Yeah way to go.
Keep moving.
Here's what I say.
Evaluate why you fail, talkabout it, be honest with
yourself and then move forwardand be honest with one another.
Yeah, and let your pride down.
Let all those things down andjust be honest and move forward.
And so that's what life isabout period, whether it's
marriage, whether it's work,professionally fail, figure it
(50:47):
out, make corrections do itagain.
Speaker 2 (50:49):
It's okay to fail.
Do something different.
Tell yourself that while you'refailing, yeah this is okay,
we're doing something.
Speaker 1 (50:54):
All right, give me a question.
We're going to wrap it up witha question.
Speaker 2 (50:57):
If you could make a documentary that millions of
people saw across the world,what would it be about?
Don't say Bigfoot, with all thelove in my heart.
If you could make a documentarythat millions of people across
the world would see, what wouldit be about?
I mean, I immediately have myown answer.
Speaker 1 (51:20):
Okay, give me yours.
Speaker 2 (51:22):
What do teachers actually deal with?
That's a documentary, yeah, andwhy do we?
Speaker 1 (51:25):
not get paid enough.
That's a documentary.
Speaker 2 (51:27):
Yeah.
And why do we not get paidenough?
Speaker 1 (51:30):
It's not about the money.
I don't think you guys areunderpaid.
I don't say it just becauseyou're my wife.
Speaker 2 (51:35):
People don't understand the millions of
points of pressure that teachersdeal with on a daily basis.
Speaker 1 (51:46):
My documentary.
What would it be about?
Speaker 2 (51:48):
Oh my God, that's so different from yours.
Oh my gosh, you keep giggling.
What would it be?
Speaker 1 (51:53):
about Okay, so I have this thing.
I don't sleep a whole lot, soI'm pretty sure I have insomnia,
or some.
I feel like you probably doSome form of like I don't sleep
well, but anyway I go into thesedeep dives of.
So my whole documentary wouldbe what if conspiracy theories
really aren't conspiracytheories?
What if they're truth?
Speaker 2 (52:14):
Oh gosh, I would watch that documentary.
That means you're a conspiracytheorist.
No, no, no.
Speaker 1 (52:21):
Why did conspiracy theory become such a negative
word?
Because all it is is a thoughtprocess, for what if?
But the problem is that— it's awhat if statement, not a—.
There's so many things.
Speaker 2 (52:38):
Babe, we're sitting closer than I'm used to sitting.
Speaker 1 (52:40):
I know now you can put your hands on me.
You can actually grab me now.
I'm touching his arm to makehim stop talking.
Speaker 2 (52:49):
But the problem is that some conspiracy theories
are true.
Speaker 1 (52:55):
Yes, agreed, a thousand.
Speaker 2 (52:57):
Yeah, I would say there's a lot of, I think
there's a lot of them that areNow.
Speaker 1 (53:02):
I think there's some out there that are just like bro
, that's whacked, but I stilllisten to it.
Yeah, like Now, I think there'ssome out there that are just
like bro, that's whacked, but Istill listen to it because I'm
just curious.
I'm just like you believe that.
Speaker 2 (53:09):
So your whole documentary.
Documentary I've used all mywords and syllables today.
Documentary idea is conspiracytheories, Bro.
If we could dice documentaries.
I would 100% watch thatProducer Michael, if you got
involved in that idea, it wouldbe.
Speaker 4 (53:28):
Oh, it would seem like yeah.
Speaker 2 (53:30):
I love that it would literally consume your whole
life, can I?
Speaker 1 (53:32):
tell you what a deep dive I spent the other night.
I got into the deep dive theoryof if the moon landing really
happened and I spent it was like4 o'clock in the morning and
then we watched and I'm stilllike I have to go to bed because
I get up at 6.15.
Speaker 2 (53:46):
I literally was like I'm going to bed.
We watched that movie Fly Me tothe Moon.
Yeah, it was a really goodmovie, it was Scarlett Johansson
.
Speaker 1 (53:56):
Yeah, it piques my curiosity, I'm not saying one
way or the other.
I can understand why peoplethink that's fake.
Speaker 2 (54:03):
We're not getting into that, but anyway, yeah
we're not going there.
Speaker 1 (54:05):
This is not.
Maybe if Sean Ryan goes, I'llgo talk to him about it Sean
Ryan, I'm just kidding, if hekeeps saying his name over and
over again.
Speaker 2 (54:12):
Will you listen?
Speaker 1 (54:13):
to him.
Speaker 2 (54:19):
No, he'll call us and tell us to F off.
Speaker 1 (54:21):
We're not important in this world.
But Anyway, I love that dude.
Speaker 2 (54:25):
Anyway, all right, so we love you guys that are
actually listening to us.
Speaker 1 (54:28):
If you're still, listening to this man.
You're my friend.
Thank you.
Thank you, I will buy you adrink.
If you run into me in public, Iwill buy you a drink.
Okay, I promise yes.
So anyway, thank you forlistening.
Thank you for being a part oftonight.
Speaker 2 (54:42):
Thank you for listening to the idea that we
have no idea what we're doingWith a podcast and our life.
Speaker 1 (54:50):
Yeah, and so let that resonate with you.
So when you think your life isfalling apart and it's just
crowded, just be like hey, it'sokay, Just keep moving.
Speaker 2 (54:55):
It's okay because you can have fun when you don't
know what you're doing.
Yeah, we have for 13 years.
Speaker 1 (55:01):
Yeah just enjoy smile and life.
I mean enjoy smile and laugh.
I mean, man, if you're suckingair and always say, hey man, I'm
above ground.
Speaker 2 (55:08):
Yeah, it's a good day .
It's a good day If it's a dayyou get to be inside that day,
it's a good day.
Speaker 1 (55:14):
So love you guys.
Yes thank you Thank you so muchfor all you people who are
listening all over the place.
Thank you for sharing.
Speaker 2 (55:27):
Thank you for dude, just thank you for dude, just
thank you for listening, and ifyou, if you come up with a
comment, or even if it's justlike a we love what you're doing
or this specific thing helpedus, we would love to hear back
from everybodybaggageclaimpodcast is that it
on instagram.
Speaker 1 (55:40):
I literally don't know if you go to um, you can
find us on instagram.
You can find us on tiktok.
You can find us on Instagramyou can find us on TikTok.
Speaker 2 (55:46):
You can find us on Facebook.
Old people.
Speaker 1 (55:47):
Facebook old people Facebook.
Speaker 4 (55:51):
So make sure you.
What are you doing?
Speaker 2 (55:55):
so make sure you we gotta go, just DM us, it's just
a cool night and we appreciateyou and thank you so much and we
absolutely love that you're apart of our podcast adios,
amigos, family, goodnightgoodnight.
Speaker 1 (56:08):
Thank you so much and we absolutely love that you're
part of our podcast.
Adios amigos, good night, goodnight.
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