August 29, 2025 • 39 mins
Choosing who to marry might be the single most consequential decision of your life—more significant than your career path, education, or where you live. In this vulnerable and honest conversation, we explore why this choice matters so deeply and how it shapes everything that follows.
The person you commit to can either propel you forward like a rocket ship or devastate your potential like a nuclear bomb. They bring their own baggage, values, communication styles, and conflict patterns that will inevitably intertwine with yours. We share from our own experiences how crucial it is to find someone who shares your fundamental values, even if you're not always on the same page.
Marriage isn't just about romance and butterflies—though those matter! It's about finding someone who reads your emotional "page" even when they disagree, who handles conflict in ways you can navigate together, and who's willing to grow alongside you as priorities shift. We candidly discuss how our own values have remained consistent through 13 years together, while our focus has evolved dramatically as we've moved through different life stages.
For those already married and struggling to connect, we offer two simple but powerful exercises: remember why you said "yes" initially, and identify why you're choosing to stay now. These questions can reorient you toward each other and the foundations of your relationship. We believe that when you commit that "divorce is not an option," you create the safety needed to work through even the toughest challenges together.
Whether you're considering marriage, newly wed, or decades in, join us at the table as we unpack our baggage about what makes relationships last when the initial excitement fades. Share your thoughts with us—we'd genuinely love to hear from you as we continue this journey together.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hey guys, what's up?
I'm Greg.
I hope you guys are ready tounpack and get into some good
conversations today.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
And I'm Jess, and this is our podcast Baggage
Claim.
Thank you for joining us.
Speaker 1 (00:17):
What's up everybody.
Welcome to Baggage Claim.
Sorry if you're a regular andyou missed us last week.
Jess was sick, I was very sickWasn't able to record.
But Baggage Claim is just aplace where we come together for
a conversation and somecommunity around marriage,
blended families, relationships.
(00:38):
Sorry, I just put like fourthings, crammed them all into a
welcome.
But welcome, thank you forbeing here.
If this is your first time here, man, just kind of take a deep
breath, relax, kind of.
We always say grab yourfavorite beverage, whatever that
is, wherever you're at, andjust proverbially pull up to the
(00:58):
table with us and we're justgoing to unpack some baggage.
And look into some of ourbaggage and see what's there and
unpack it together and havesome fun, yeah, so if I sound
different this week, oh, yousound different.
A hundred percent.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
Yeah, I'm still struggling.
Last week that's why we skippeda week recording between
episode 25 and today's episode26.
We're a little bit behind.
Speaker 1 (01:21):
So sorry guys.
Speaker 2 (01:22):
Yeah, so if I sound different, the back to school
cooties have gotten me and I'mdoing the best I can.
I've got my cough drop here.
I've got my drink, trying tohelp it be normal.
But yeah, if my voice delaystrying to come out, so it's
still me Thank you yes.
Speaker 1 (01:43):
Before we jump into our topic for tonight, I always
say today, tonight, today,tonight.
Speaker 2 (01:50):
It's usually nighttime when we're recording.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
So this is probably.
This is almost like Christmastime for me, Like this time of
year is the best time of year Ifyou're not listening when this
is actually recorded, it's theend of August.
Hopefully this goes out thisweek, though, right.
Speaker 2 (02:09):
But if our friends are not listening, it's the end
of August, going into the firstweekend of September, when we're
recording this now, which isthe kickoff of UGA football,
college football, georgiaBulldogs yes.
There are no other teams as faras we are concerned, except for
the ones that we beat.
So we are completely, 100%, aGeorgia Bulldog family.
Speaker 1 (02:32):
Yes, 1000%.
So we're ramping all kinds ofGeorgia gear this week, excited.
Speaker 2 (02:39):
Well, you got your Georgia shirt on.
I have on my dress.
I wore to work today, yeah.
Speaker 1 (02:44):
Okay, so maybe that, and I got my Georgia cup you do
yes, but we're excited becauseit is so fun.
Saturdays at the Peck householdconsist of a lot of barbecuing,
cooking out, hanging out withfriends and watching football
and having a good time.
So it's two of those greatthings get to come together Some
friends, family, yes and somegood old barbecue and football.
Speaker 2 (03:06):
Yeah, our producer Michael is sick tonight, and so
our son, thomas, is stepping inagain, pinch hitting for Michael
.
Firefighter Thomas.
Firefighter Thomas.
Way to go, producer Thomas,thank you for being here.
You've got a microphone, if youchoose to use it.
I can't get it to work, hecan't get it to work.
He can't get it to work.
Okay, cool, so, anywho, here wego.
(03:27):
So what are we talking tonight?
So tonight, we're— what are wetalking tonight?
We are— what are we talkingabout?
Speaker 1 (03:33):
Okay, we're jumping into a topic that— If you've
been married for 10, 12 yearsand I throw out this topic,
you'd be like okay, be like okay, I'm going to encourage you.
Don't hit stop, don't hit pause.
Just hang with me and listen.
Okay, before we get into it,though, I thought of this this
is my ADD brain.
Oh gosh, everyone who you arein Singapore, who is listening
(03:53):
to us, please shoot me a DMPlease.
And I just want to say thankyou Because y'all welcome to the
South.
y'all, that's a Southern termfor everyone.
Speaker 2 (04:03):
Y'all have like really for real, like hardcore,
like I'm a fan, I'm downloadinglots of episodes and I am just
shocked beyond belief.
Speaker 1 (04:12):
Yeah, I would love to connect.
Shoot us a DM on any of oursocials.
Speaker 2 (04:17):
I'll just tell you the truth.
Everybody is listening.
Anybody that's outside of therealm of where we live that
listens to us baffles me.
And now we are in like what?
Six countries, seven, 10.
Speaker 1 (04:30):
Okay, excuse me 10 countries, 147 cities,
everywhere from I mean fromCalifornia to Washington,
everywhere.
Speaker 2 (04:38):
I cannot comprehend that.
Speaker 1 (04:39):
Lots of people in Texas.
You know a lot of downloads inTexas.
Speaker 2 (04:42):
Please, I really would like to hear from some of
y'all that are listening to us,because we literally tonight.
Speaker 1 (04:48):
If I'm honest, before we get into this, we had a
heart-to-heart like seriouslike— it was not fun.
No, it was not a funconversation.
We were almost to the pointwhere we're like I'm just done,
we're not going to do thisanymore.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
Thorns in the tail.
We're not going to do thisanymore.
Speaker 1 (05:03):
Throwing a towel Not you and I Baggage claim yeah,
yeah, because it is tough.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
I'm sorry if I cough y'all.
I will do the best I can to getaway from the microphone.
Speaker 1 (05:11):
And we're like is it actually hitting?
Is it working?
Are we just talking intomicrophones?
Are we just is anyone gettinganything out of it?
And we did.
We sit down to do contentcreation and we spent an hour
trying to figure out if we wantto keep going or not.
Yeah, like where are you at?
That's us being 100% honest.
(05:31):
That's real.
We're here recording, so we'removing forward.
We're trying to do the best wecan.
Speaker 2 (05:39):
We came to a good conclusion.
Yeah, we're just trying tofigure out what's next for us
For real, though, like hearingfrom some of the folks that are
listening to us would be reallyencouraging for both of us,
because we do.
We pour our heart and soul intothis and this is real life for
us, like even our son sitting inthe room producer Thomas, can
attest to this.
(05:59):
This is real life that we'resharing with you guys, and so,
if it just shoot us a message ora thumbs up, keep going, yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:10):
And that's a very selfish thing for us.
Speaker 2 (06:11):
It is selfish, we need to pat on the back.
Pat me on the back.
I'm okay with that.
Speaker 1 (06:17):
So when I was starting to say, if you hear
this topic, I'm going toencourage you to stick with me,
because if you've been marriedfor 10 years, there's content
for you here we're going to getthere.
If you're thinking about, ifyou're listening to this and
you're not married, thank youfor listening, and listening for
relationship advice and some ofthose things or some tricks or
(06:39):
hints, but tonight we're talkingabout the single biggest
decision you will make in yourlife.
I believe this is the biggestdecision you can make and we've
debated that back and forth andI think we've come to that
conclusion of who you marry isthe biggest, single biggest
decision you'll make in yourlife, more than where you go to
school, what you do for a living, oh gosh, yes, all those things
(07:01):
like this is it, and it's a bigdecision that we so many times
rush into and then so many timeshas been commercialized and
just made into this somethingoverly romantic and I'm not
saying it shouldn't be, but it'sall about the presentation.
Speaker 2 (07:16):
I mean there's a space for that, but that like
the Hallmark cards and movies,and will you buy me flowers and
all those?
It sensationalizes it.
Speaker 1 (07:25):
Yeah.
So we're going to dig into theactual idea of when you said yes
.
Why did you say yes?
How do you pick the rightperson?
Why did you pick that person?
And then we're going to talkinto if you're two, five, six,
ten years in and you're like Ipicked this person but I don't
even know who this person is.
Speaker 2 (07:42):
But here I am.
Speaker 1 (07:42):
We're going to address that also.
Speaker 2 (07:44):
So you and I have the I don't know that advantage is
the right word for ourexperience, but you and I have
the experience of having donethis twice.
Speaker 1 (07:54):
So you had a trial run.
Trial run, son.
Okay, sorry.
Speaker 2 (07:58):
I don't feel like that's the right word.
Speaker 1 (08:00):
It's not the right word at all, sorry.
Speaker 2 (08:03):
You and I have the experience of having done this
twice, of choosing who you'regoing to marry.
Speaker 1 (08:09):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (08:09):
So let's talk about why that is important.
Why is it important to reallythink about the person that
you're going to choose to marry?
Because you do get a choice.
Speaker 1 (08:20):
We tried to have this topic last time, and then we
got sidetracked into somethingcompletely different.
Speaker 2 (08:24):
Most of the time we get sidetracked.
Speaker 1 (08:26):
Yeah, so I'm going to try to stay focused here on the
real reasons I'm so excitedYou're going to be a focus fox,
that's what I use with my firstgraders.
Speaker 2 (08:33):
I have not taught these new first graders this yet
.
You'll be a focus fox.
Speaker 1 (08:37):
So why?
Because this is not a, this isnot just a.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
I love them is not a, this is not just uh, I love
them, they look really pretty.
Speaker 1 (08:49):
Uh, oh my gosh, I have butterflies yeah, they're
so cute.
I mean there's those timesthere's that and I mean of
course you have to have that.
If you don't, if you're lookingat this person going, I mean
they're okay.
Uh, that's probably not a greatstart to the relationship, yeah
, um, but in the same sense,like if that's what it's based
on, um, it's just kind of likethere's got to be more.
You know, it's like a lot ofpeople look at relationships and
go there's got to be more tothis, right, um.
(09:10):
So you're asking are you askingme why we started, or why am I
asking you?
Speaker 2 (09:17):
we're just talking about why it's important, of who
you choose to be married.
Like what, if you think aboutit in the bigger picture of who
you choose to marry, it has animpact on what can happen in
your future.
Oh 100% what kind of future youmight have.
Speaker 1 (09:36):
I would say it has the capacity to cripple you or
empower you.
I think one could be a rocketship and one could be a nuclear
bomb.
Okay, fancy pants analogy I meanjust like, for instance, like
someone who you marry could besomeone who encourages you
(09:56):
toward your dreams and yourambitions and trusts you and
just says, hey, go for it yeah.
Or they can be someone who says, no, that's a dumb idea, just
go make it, yeah.
Or they can be someone who says, no, that's a dumb idea, just
go make money, yeah, just earn apaycheck.
I mean there's more to it, butultimately they can be that.
Speaker 2 (10:15):
I feel like one of the most important things is,
though, when you're thinkingabout marrying somebody because
it's not just like, oh, we'regoing to get married and we're
going to live happy ever after,like all the ladies usually want
to believe, that will happenthat there's a lot more to it,
according to like what do theyvalue?
(10:35):
Does that person that you'rethinking about getting married
to and spending, hopefully, therest of your life with?
Do they value what you value?
Speaker 1 (10:46):
Well, the thing is, too, you got to know what you
value, true, like.
The question for me would belike, if I'm doing premarital,
I'd be like, okay, tell me alist of the things that you,
from most important to leastimportant, tell me what you
value, like, what's your topfour, top five?
Right, and be very, very honestwith yourself.
That's the problem.
We're not honest with ourselves.
But it's like, figure out whatthose top four are that you
(11:11):
value and that kind of helps seta standard for what it is that
you're looking for for someoneelse when they value those
things too, because it takesmore than one to two to three to
four dates.
I mean, anybody can, you know,put on a good sales pitch for a
little while and just say theright things and do the right
things, and then you're going tobe like, oh, okay, they always
just say, hey, when the rubbermeets the road, when things get
(11:33):
real, what really comes out?
Speaker 2 (11:35):
Like, what do they feel about?
Like, what are their familyvalues, Not just your own?
Like what do you hope and dreamfor your own future?
But like, like what do you hopeand dream for your own future?
But like, how is like when youjoin together?
How is that going to look fortheir established family that
they came from?
You know what?
Um, what kind of faith do theyhave place value in?
Speaker 1 (11:55):
yeah that can look different for lots of people I
think one of the things is likehow do they handle conflict,
like when?
Things get tough yeah and youget like, and because life gets
tough and it's stress yeah, whenthey get tough and you get like
, and because life gets toughand it's stress.
Yeah, when they get stressed,when you get stressed, how do
you handle stress?
How do they handle stress?
Do you shut down and not talk?
Speaker 2 (12:12):
Do you get frustrated .
Speaker 1 (12:13):
Yes, I do, I do.
Speaker 2 (12:15):
Do you?
Speaker 1 (12:15):
get mad.
What do you like?
Speaker 2 (12:17):
How do you handle?
Speaker 1 (12:18):
those things.
Speaker 2 (12:19):
I mean, here's an illustration Like, even if we're
not on the same page, can youread my page and can you
understand it?
We don't have to agree everytime, but if that person that
you are trying to join your lifewith can't even like quote,
unquote read your page andunderstand it, like that's a big
(12:40):
deal.
Speaker 1 (12:41):
Yeah, well it takes a little while to get there.
Speaker 2 (12:43):
It does.
Speaker 1 (12:43):
Guys are a little slower at that than women are.
It takes us a little bit to getthere Sometimes.
Speaker 2 (12:47):
but, like I mean, when I learned how to
communicate, it didn't take muchfor me to be like no, literally
this is just how I feel.
If I could just be real honestwith you and say to you how I
feel, then you could be on thesame page as me most of the time
.
Speaker 1 (13:06):
Now catch me.
I don't know about you.
You may have a differentopinion of this, because we
haven't talked about it.
You're not looking for an idealclone of yourself to marry,
because that would be boring.
But I'm talking about.
You're looking for somebodywho's in the same ballpark.
Speaker 2 (13:21):
Like you don't want to be at Truist Field and
they're in Wrigley Field, likewell, talking about pages
totally different place talkingabout pages, like if you're on
the same page as me, if you canjust be in the same book as me,
you don't have to be on the samechapter, you don't have to be
on the same page if you can justbe in the same book.
Speaker 1 (13:41):
I'm okay with that, so doesn't have to be.
You got to believe exactly likeme.
You got to say now, when itcomes to faith, that's a huge
thing.
That is a huge thing Becausethere's a huge difference in
those things.
And I would tell you, man, ifyou're looking at someone and
they're Buddhist and you'reChristian or you're whatever, it
may be Catholic whatever thatmay be, or agnostic in general.
Speaker 2 (14:07):
Yeah, just looking at those, like you need to have
some really hard, seriousconversations.
That's going to be hard to getin the same book as one another
yeah To be able to create commonvalues, yeah.
Speaker 1 (14:15):
And I'm not saying that's a reason to, but so many
times in life we give upportions of who we are just to
be with somebody else because wethink they can give us
something that we want.
And I think that's the.
That's probably the biggest redflag, I would say, when you're
in dating or around someone, Ifyou can't be who you really are,
(14:35):
then that ought to be a redflag to be like maybe this is
not the right relationship?
Speaker 2 (14:41):
Yeah, Because that that changes the value.
I keep using that word, butthat's a really big word.
Speaker 1 (14:47):
Yeah, Because even conflict like we handle conflict
different.
Speaker 2 (14:51):
We do.
I want to avoid it and I wantto tuck it under a rug.
And you want to shut down andnot talk about it.
Speaker 1 (14:57):
I do I do, and then I go through these times and I
would do this early on.
We'd have a conflict.
I'm like I'm not going to sayanything until she brings it up.
Speaker 2 (15:07):
She has to bring it up.
That's literally eight timesout of ten will never happen.
Speaker 1 (15:14):
We would still be stuck on the very first thing
you got frustrated about yeah,and we wouldn't have talked
about it.
Speaker 2 (15:20):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (15:21):
Now I can be frustrated and be like, well,
that's not fair, I had to bringit up about it.
Yeah, now I can be frustratedand be like, well, that's not
fair, I had to bring it up.
Speaker 2 (15:26):
Yeah, call it.
Speaker 1 (15:26):
Whatever you want to call it, it's like I want to
move past it, but at the sametime, there has to be that give
and take in the same sense offiguring that, and that's what
we're saying about being in thesame book, right, being the same
idea.
Speaker 2 (15:37):
Now, like, if you're having conflict, if I'm with you
and we're having conflict, andyou start screaming and yelling
and name calling and throwingstuff, that's an easy like yeah,
matt, I don't want to do that.
I'm sure you'd rather theshutdown rather than the
screaming and yelling.
Oh, or what do you?
Oh, that's a whole differentconversation.
Yeah, that's a.
Speaker 1 (15:54):
I mean, here's what.
When people scream and yell andlash out like that, it's easier
to see and predict who they areand what they're about.
When people people don't andthey shut down, that's more
mysterious.
It's like they don't want youto know, so they go into protect
mode, so it's just a protectionthing.
It's like I go back to my safespace where no one can say
anything or hurt me or doanything.
Speaker 2 (16:15):
But over time I have learned with communication
that's something that you value,which is why we go back to like
why is that important?
The person that you choose tomarry because I mean the my
communication mindset haschanged over time and we've
changed over time together andso, like your mindset as you
(16:37):
move through your relationshipis going to change.
Right, even like what you seeis like valuable or important in
your relationship is going tochange.
Speaker 1 (16:48):
Oh, those values.
Speaker 2 (16:50):
Well, I'm not saying your values will shift
completely Like your basicvalues but, like your focus, it
will change over time, like ourvalues have remained the same
Right.
But, like the focus has changedover our 13 years together.
Speaker 1 (17:04):
Yeah, when you're 23, things are different than when
you're 33.
Things matter different whenyou're 33 versus 23.
Right, and then when you're 43versus 33, you're like I was
such an idiot.
Speaker 2 (17:16):
In our world.
I was 34.
I think I was 34 when we gotmarried and I'm 47 now, although
our focus has remained the samebut, like, the mindset of what
that looks like has changed.
So like, if you're listening,and you've been married for a
while.
Or, if you like, producerThomas, our son and his wife
(17:40):
have been married for almost twoyears.
Speaker 1 (17:42):
They're brand new into this.
Speaker 2 (17:43):
They are still brand new with our precious baby
granddaughter who just turnedone year old, lucy.
But, like, the values are stillthere, but your mindset changes
, right.
Speaker 1 (17:54):
But Well, because now , even for them, it's the crazy
thing, like for them, when theywere first there, they were both
working, they both had incomeswhen they had a baby.
Now they decided for her tostay home because child care was
so expensive.
Yes, and so then money shifts,which adds pressure, uh, now uh,
miranda's at home with lucy andall her times with lucy.
(18:16):
Thomas is working on and off,so he's gone 24.
He's doing the shifts, so he'sat the fire department, he's
gone.
So there's a doing the shift,so he's at the fire department,
he's gone.
So there's a lot moreresponsibility.
Shift, all things shift.
And it's like, okay, thiswasn't what it was like when we
first said yes to each other.
Speaker 2 (18:29):
But that's when you have to decide that you're
sticking with your person, eventhough the mindset has changed.
Right, it's like you know, youstill have your common values,
why you chose to be together.
But things change.
But you have to choose tochange together.
Speaker 1 (18:49):
Yes, and that's the thing too about relationships,
like you talk aboutrelationships who are going
through hard times or roughtimes.
And my first question is or hey,are you both on the same page
of?
Are you both into the fightingfor Right Like if you both are
in this relationship and youboth on the same page of?
Are you both into the fightingfor it Right, like if you both
are in this relationship andyou're saying, like for us, we
made this decision early on.
We said we're never going touse the divorce word.
(19:10):
No, we're just not going to.
We're not going to say that.
So, no matter how mad you getat me, no matter how frustrated
you get at, I'm not going to usethat word.
And so that's never an option.
Speaker 2 (19:19):
It's not an option.
Speaker 1 (19:20):
So my option is to figure out how to work through
this with you, right?
And so at that point, itdoesn't matter what life does,
if we're broke, if we're rich,it doesn't matter what happens.
No, I'm going to choose tofight with you.
Speaker 2 (19:34):
You got to choose to fight with me, but it takes two
people to do that.
Yes, and that goes back tobeing on the same page With the
divorce is not an option.
We're in the same book.
We might not be in the samechapter of.
Speaker 1 (19:47):
This is how I feel versus this is— we're rarely in
the same chapter.
Speaker 2 (19:49):
True, and we're even more rarely on the same page,
but we know we're in the same—Ikeep saying book.
I'm a teacher.
I'm sorry, that's my analogythat makes sense.
We're in the same book of here.
This is what we are doing andwe don't.
Divorce is our option, and soI'm going to choose to continue
to work towards being with you.
Speaker 1 (20:12):
Because here's what's over time like you marry
because of your values, you sayyes to them.
Speaker 2 (20:18):
And the butterflies.
I mean, you can't.
Speaker 1 (20:19):
Yeah, but the thing is, though, is that I think, if
you want to have a lasting,great relationship, work on
becoming best friends with thatperson.
you said yes to oh gosh yes,like make that your best friend.
Like there's certain people inmy life like if I want to hang
out and I've had a day, I'mgoing to tell Jess and be like
(20:42):
hey, let's hang out and have adate and let's just chill, like
let's sit outside and there'sonly maybe three or four other
people in my life maybe three orfour that I will call and say
hey, let's just man, let's justdo a how about a bourbon and a
cigar?
and let's just chill, decompress, yeah, and let's just hang.
There's only a few people in mylife that I will call to do
(21:06):
that, because those are my closefriends that I do life with,
and so if you don't have thatwith your spouse, if your spouse
is not your close friend,you're going to find so many
excuses not to do other things.
Speaker 2 (21:17):
And that kind of circles back to the and that
kind of circles back to the.
Why is it important to who youchose to marry Right and spend
your life with?
Speaker 1 (21:25):
If you're dating.
I'm just going to say this, I'mgoing to throw it out there and
say it and I may catch flack, Imay catch.
If you are constantly fightingin a relationship that you're in
and you're not married, youjust need to walk away from that
relationship.
Like why are you both fightingand you're not even you're
dating?
This is the best it's going toget.
Speaker 2 (21:44):
Yeah, I was just about to say.
You always say no, I don't saythis is the best it's going to
get.
Speaker 1 (21:47):
This is the least responsibility you're ever going
to have in this relationship.
Speaker 2 (21:51):
It's the easiest it will ever be.
Speaker 1 (21:53):
Yeah.
And then you're going to haveto work hard and if you're
fighting now, wait till youstart having all the really
stresses of life in there.
It gets really really tough,really really fast.
Speaker 2 (22:03):
It does.
Speaker 1 (22:03):
And so we know okay, so change happens, Every change
happens.
What we like, what we think,how we feel, all those things
change yeah.
Speaker 2 (22:18):
And as things are changing I'm sorry, my voice is
going You're going to have tochoose what you're going to
compromise over as time movesalong.
Because things are going tochange.
You have to choose.
Speaker 1 (22:33):
Because here's what you need to keep in mind the
person you're saying yes to,that you're married to, or
you're married to maybe for 10years or whatever.
That person is bringing theirbaggage into this relationship
from, say, family.
So let's take family, forinstance.
Say you marry someone who comesfrom a very broken family, who
never really valued timetogether as a family who didn't
(22:54):
really value those other things.
together.
You come from a place where youreally valued family, and
family's a huge thing.
When you merge those twotogether, there's going to be
conflict.
Yeah, like who's giving, who'staking?
Yeah, what are we going to do,Like that?
One person may be like I don'twant to be around my family
during the holidays because itcreates stress for me.
(23:16):
You may be like I love beingaround my family during the
holidays because we have allthese traditions.
Speaker 2 (23:20):
Yeah, I can't not be around my family.
Speaker 1 (23:22):
And so you have to figure out how those two mesh
together and how they work.
Speaker 2 (23:27):
And also I mean maybe I'm speaking from experience,
but from the beginning of ourmarriage some family situations
look one way and as time hasprogressed, even my family and
time has progressed and looksdifferent, and so we have to
figure out how to work togetheron all those things, because
(23:50):
what's important to me, as I'msorry, as the mom of our family,
as we're still working withwhat's changing with our grown
children's family there's a lotof moving parts.
Speaker 1 (24:03):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (24:05):
It's a lot.
Speaker 1 (24:06):
Well, you have to, and things change, like in the
same sense of when we weretalking about family, like, for
instance, a vacation.
We used to go on a familyvacation where every single one
of my siblings and all theirkids and everyone would go on
vacation together.
You're talking like 26, 27people.
Speaker 2 (24:23):
Now we're up to 30 of our immediate family.
I love my family.
Speaker 1 (24:28):
I love them to death.
But at the same time I was likeI have my kids and if I can get
them into one place, Becausenow just our family.
Speaker 2 (24:38):
We're up to nine.
Speaker 1 (24:39):
Yeah, and so if I can get them in one place, it's
kind of selfishly.
I'm like I want to spend timewith them, like I want time, I
want one-on-one time with them,and so we have to start being
more focused on those ninepeople in our lives.
Speaker 2 (24:59):
If we get seven days away with our little family,
away from everything else, Iwill choose that every day, no
matter what.
Yeah, and that might look likea jerk to some members of an
extended family on either side.
Speaker 1 (25:17):
But it's never meant to be that way.
Speaker 2 (25:18):
Never, because that's what we value.
Yeah, that's where we go backto.
I mean, that's one of thethings that drew me to you.
When I was you know, I had thechoice to marry you whether or
not.
I said yes and so, but I knewwhat kind of values you placed
on family, because I had learnedthat about you, and so I knew
(25:39):
that that's something that youwould carry forward, and I feel
like you probably learned thatabout you, and so I knew that
that's something that you wouldcarry forward, and I feel like
you probably learned that aboutme on my side.
Speaker 1 (25:47):
Yes, yeah, I spent time with your dad today, just
hanging out with your dad.
Outside of I was doing somework for him.
But even then, my sweet littledaddy yeah just riding to Home
Depot because I broke his toiletand we had to buy another one,
and that's another story.
I didn't install the new one.
But it was just like justconversation with him riding to
and from Home Depot.
(26:07):
Like for me that's priceless,like that's really cool.
Those are opportunities I'mrealizing more and more, and I
know this is an older thing andwhen you're younger you just
freaking, can't understand it.
True, you only have a certainamount of time and the clock is
running and you enjoy each ofthose moments because you never
(26:28):
know when that clock stops.
Speaker 2 (26:29):
It's been a really big thing.
That's running kind of throughyour mind a lot in the last
several months.
Speaker 1 (26:35):
And it's, I will say, if I'm honest, it's undue
pressure.
It's a lot of pressure onmyself that I don't love.
I pressure myself because Ifeel like my clock is running
out and I need to get as much inas fast as I can and I just
need to.
Speaker 2 (26:49):
But the trade off for that is can you enjoy?
I'm trying.
With a relaxed spirit.
Speaker 1 (26:54):
I literally had the conversation with dad today.
I was like, bro, I am trying totake in right now, this moment,
right here.
I was like I'm trying to figureout how to stop and take in
that moment.
Speaker 2 (27:05):
Because there is a trade-off to what you value,
like you might, and it was timewith my dad, and so that's
family time and so that'ssomething we value.
But what if it wasn't my dad?
And what if it was somethingthat you had spent hours and
hours and hours at a job thattook time away from our family,
(27:28):
and then you traded that valuefor money or time away, and so,
like, there's always a trade off.
Speaker 1 (27:36):
Yeah, we always trade .
We always and always say thatwe're always trading time for
money.
Speaker 2 (27:40):
You do, but at the same time, not you, we do.
Speaker 1 (27:43):
But it's one of those .
We trade time and money for allkinds of things.
Like you show me somebody who'sfilthy rich and I'll be like
bro.
That's awesome.
Speaker 2 (27:52):
What did you trade for that?
Speaker 1 (27:53):
Yeah, what did it cost you?
Speaker 2 (27:55):
How many games did you miss?
How many cheerleadingcompetitions you?
Speaker 1 (27:59):
did.
I guarantee you, I've sat atthe table with those guys.
I'm not saying it's wrong.
If that's what you value andthat's what you're chasing, then
go chase that.
But you know, and I know thatit costs you something.
And I'm not saying you're rightand I'm wrong and you're wrong
and I'm right.
I'm not either one of those.
I'm just saying you have todecide what you value and what
you're chasing.
Speaker 2 (28:20):
Yeah, and when you do that as a couple together,
Because as a family, we havelived both sides of that.
Yeah, for me, when our kidswere little, after we got
married and I was going toschool and I had to trade my
time getting my degree, myadvanced degree, versus like
(28:44):
taking people to practice whenyou're going to 47 different
places, versus like when you hadto work out of town and I was
doing the 47 different places.
Speaker 1 (28:52):
But we also set a time limit for how long those
things were going to happen?
Speaker 2 (28:55):
We sure did.
Speaker 1 (28:56):
And so for couples who are in those situations and
we're way sidetracked, we'rechasing a rabbit, I know.
I'm sorry, but I would say, ifthat's where you're at and
you're there, if you're notsitting, like you can, that cool
, cool opportunity can become aditch that you can't get out of
it.
Sure can, and you need somebodyto snatch you up out of that.
Speaker 2 (29:15):
That's true.
So, to circle back to the wholeidea and I know that we are
both like we're hoarse and we'reclearing our throats, Sorry.
Speaker 1 (29:25):
We're coughing.
There's a lot of dishonestthings going on in our house
right now.
Speaker 2 (29:27):
I'm sorry, I brought first grade cooties home to Greg
and I'm sorry.
Speaker 1 (29:32):
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (29:32):
I'm sorry.
And so to circle back to likethinking about the importance of
who you married, what if youare already married?
And you're thinking about ohgosh.
Okay, if I take an inventory ofmy life right now, we've been
married for 10, 12 years,wherever you are.
Speaker 1 (29:52):
Five, six years.
You can be there.
In five years it's true, it'strue.
Speaker 2 (29:56):
So what do we do?
What now?
What now?
What now?
Speaker 1 (30:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (30:02):
So kind of leading into our unpack part and so like
what I like to, not like towhat I do and have always done,
especially when our kids arelittle, and it was difficult and
what we were just saying, likeif you were out of town you were
doing stuff, or if yourschedule was hectic, or if I was
(30:23):
in school and I would come homefrom full-time job and you were
literally juggling all the kidsand dinner and schedules.
And there's been times wherethere's been a balance, like how
did we keep it back to thebasics of like why are we even
(30:43):
doing this?
Speaker 1 (30:45):
Yeah, well, I think that was something we talked.
Here's the this doesn't.
I don't know if this doesn'tanswer your question.
Speaker 2 (30:52):
It may not, it's okay .
Speaker 1 (30:54):
Because you asked the question and then you went to
that.
Speaker 2 (30:58):
My whole sidetrack thing.
It's okay, I'm not sure whatthat was.
Speaker 1 (31:01):
But, like you asked a question, and why?
I think it's because we had thecommon goal of what we were
chasing together.
Speaker 2 (31:08):
Right.
Speaker 1 (31:09):
And we had the decision you were going back to
school.
Speaker 2 (31:10):
You said I was going on a montage, but that's where I
was going, yeah.
Speaker 1 (31:14):
So like there was an idea that, because we sat down
and had a discussion, are yougoing to go back to school.
Yes, okay, both were on thesame page.
Speaker 2 (31:21):
Right.
Speaker 1 (31:21):
We're going to chase that together.
So let's chase that.
But I'm thinking like if you'reseven years in because that's
the seven year itch when mostreally marriages start getting
really rocky and rough andyou're like, ok, we don't, we
don't like the same thingsanymore, we don't, we're not,
we're not even in the same placeanymore.
So what next?
(31:42):
I'm going to say I always liketo keep things as simple as
possible because I'm a simpleperson I'm like give me one.
Speaker 2 (31:48):
You are not.
You are not a simple person.
Speaker 1 (31:51):
Give me one to two, thank you.
Give me one to two things I canwork on, then.
Okay, so I want one to twothings I can work on.
If I'm seven years in or I'm 10years in, I'm like this is,
this is hard.
Speaker 2 (32:05):
Number one what made you say yes in the first place?
Speaker 1 (32:09):
Back to the root, yeah, root, root, root, root of
it all.
Speaker 2 (32:12):
Why did you say yes?
Speaker 1 (32:14):
Go back to the foundation.
Okay, so that's like for me.
If you say that to me, I'm likeokay, cool, that's a.
Let's go have coffee or let'sgo have if I don't want to
commit to.
Let's go have dinner, let's gohave if.
Speaker 2 (32:25):
I don't want to commit to it.
Let's go have dinner, let's gohave coffee.
I would hope you would not useproverbially the person
listening.
Speaker 1 (32:31):
If you can't go to dinner with your wife, then
that's an issue.
I agree with that.
Speaker 2 (32:34):
My voice is going If you can't say like, yeah, we'll
go.
Well, let's go to dinner.
Speaker 1 (32:40):
Let's get back to the basics.
Some are deep, deep coffeeconversations.
Like when I'm having coffee, Ican get some deep conversation.
When we're doing dinner, I'mthinking about food, like I'm so
sidetracked in what I'm eating.
Speaker 2 (32:53):
You mentioned earlier , like we had a tough
conversation, we had wineoutside in our garage, so it's
like, whichever the case may be,so it almost roots down to like
for we, like for us.
Speaker 1 (33:07):
when we were talking about baggage claim, we looked
at it and I said why did youwant to do this?
Like what do you see this going?
Why do you even want to do this?
Why are we even recording?
And I'm not saying it in a meanway, but I wanted to be like
Greg was pressuring me tocontinue.
No, I wanted to be like why didwe start this Continue?
No, I wanted to be like why didwe start this and what are you
after?
Because I was like I have theseexpectations for it.
(33:29):
You have expectations for it,yeah, and we need to make sure
those are lined up.
So, again, we're going back tothe root of why we even started
this Before we in your marriage,you may want to look back and
go my expectations have changedin this marriage and I expected
this, but this is what'shappened.
What did you expect and is whatyou expected happened?
(33:53):
So it's almost get down to thatand just be have an honest and
we're going to have, we're goingto have a podcast, but it's how
to have really honest, hardconversations in a constructive
way, because you have to havethose in marriage.
So we're going to talk aboutthat and we're trying to stay
under a time limit, so we mayberush here at the end.
So we're trying to.
Our producer, michael, told uswe're going to, that's Thomas.
(34:15):
No, michael.
The conversation we had twodays ago with producer Michael
Stay with me.
Speaker 2 (34:19):
I was like that's Thomas.
Speaker 1 (34:21):
I know who Thomas is, babe.
Speaker 2 (34:27):
I'm just saying, I know 100% who he is.
I was writing when you weresaying that I was writing a note
.
Number two Okay, Two.
What makes you say yes tostaying there, staying together?
What makes you say yes?
Speaker 1 (34:37):
I don't know what does make you say yes.
Speaker 2 (34:39):
Well, well, all the things that you were just saying
, Even in our whole conversationtoday, we're in the same book.
I keep going back to my bookand teaching reference.
We are in the same book.
We may not be on the same page,but we're in the same chapter
of continuing with thisparticular situation of baggage
(35:00):
claim, and so that could beanything from okay.
Why are we continuing?
Let's pretend like why are wecontinuing with our son staying
in travel baseball?
Okay, Are we in the samechapter?
Are we in the same page?
Are we in the same book?
Do you value that?
(35:21):
Or it could be even why are weserving in this specific
ministry at church?
Are we in the same chapter?
Is this not where you want toserve?
Okay, well, where do you wantto serve?
Are we in the same chapter orthe same page?
You can be the same book ofwhat you value together as a
(35:43):
couple of why it's importantthat you're who you chose.
But like, if you, if you're notgoing in the same direction,
like, okay, where are you going?
Okay, and how can we get backto there?
Speaker 1 (35:56):
I agree, you know, it just hit me where I'm going on
a golf trip this weekend.
Yeah, the very first, and thisis crazy.
Speaker 2 (36:05):
I love this.
Speaker 1 (36:07):
This is the very first time I've ever been on a
golf trip.
Yeah, the very first.
Now, this is crazy.
I love this.
This is the very first timeI've ever been on a golf trip.
Yes, this is the, and it justhit me today.
This is the very first timeI've been on a guy's trip since
we've been married.
That is not around a bachelorparty.
Speaker 2 (36:21):
Okay, I was about to say what about these bachelors?
Speaker 1 (36:23):
I've been on bachelor parties, but it's like I was
invited to go on and some ofthem went.
You know, thomas's was our sonand the other it's like most of
our trips since we've beenmarried is me and you Like, if
you give me the option, and Ilove, I love my like.
I love the trip with Thomas.
I love the trip to Austin andNew Orleans and all those with
the guys and it was fun.
(36:43):
But if you ask me, you can dothat or you can go with your
wife somewhere.
I'm going to choose you.
Speaker 2 (36:49):
I've never been on a trip without you since we've
been married.
Speaker 1 (36:52):
And that's not a bad thing.
I love my friends.
Speaker 2 (36:55):
The one time I had the option was when Brittany
married Corey, my brother, and Istill kick myself today, but I
really truly did not have achoice, because it was when I
was in school and I had a paperdue or some something with
school when I was still inschool and I had made that
choice to commit to that and Icommitted to that, regardless of
(37:18):
what our kids activities werefor.
And then it happened to fallwhenever my brother was getting
married.
It happened to fall whenever mybrother was getting married.
But anyway, I didn't go.
Speaker 1 (37:28):
I've not been on it Go where you didn't even say,
where you had the chance to go,on the bachelorette trip with my
current sister-in-law.
What are you talking about?
Speaker 2 (37:37):
I've never been on a trip without you since we got
married.
Speaker 1 (37:40):
So I'm just saying, like, wherever you're at in the
spectrum, whatever's going on,and if you're struggling to find
the connection with your, withyour significant other, take a
minute, sit down, maybe, dothose two just small little
exercises.
Why did we say yes to eachother and why are we on?
Yeah, are we on the same page?
And why are we staying?
Why are we in this?
Speaker 2 (38:00):
are you my ride or die?
So ride or die, so to unpackokay that was unpacking we never
said the word unpack.
Well, that was our unpack,though okay right I mean it kind
of, is we never said unpack?
Speaker 1 (38:15):
so because we said it , it doesn't matter, okay.
So we didn't say unpack, so itdoesn't matter.
So no, where are you at?
What's going on?
I'm so confused, I am too Allright, so we're going to wrap up
.
Speaker 2 (38:30):
We didn't say that was unpacked, that unpacked
section.
No, we didn't say the wordunpack.
Speaker 1 (38:35):
Do those two things okay, and I hope you have a
great week.
Speaker 2 (38:45):
And no matter where you're at.
Speaker 1 (38:47):
I just want to say go Dawgs, go Dawgs and unpack this
together and it's going to beso good.
Yeah, it is, it is, it is, itis.
Hey guys, what's up?
I'm Greg.
I hope you guys are ready tounpack and get into some good
conversations today.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
And I'm Jess, and this is our podcast Baggage
Claim.
Thank you for joining us.
Speaker 1 (00:17):
What's up everybody.
Welcome to Baggage Claim.
Sorry if you're a regular andyou missed us last week.
Jess was sick, I was very sickWasn't able to record.
But Baggage Claim is just aplace where we come together for
a conversation and somecommunity around marriage,
blended families, relationships.
(00:38):
Sorry, I just put like fourthings, crammed them all into a
welcome.
But welcome, thank you forbeing here.
If this is your first time here, man, just kind of take a deep
breath, relax, kind of.
We always say grab yourfavorite beverage, whatever that
is, wherever you're at, andjust proverbially pull up to the
(00:58):
table with us and we're justgoing to unpack some baggage.
And look into some of ourbaggage and see what's there and
unpack it together and havesome fun, yeah, so if I sound
different this week, oh, yousound different.
A hundred percent.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
Yeah, I'm still struggling.
Last week that's why we skippeda week recording between
episode 25 and today's episode26.
We're a little bit behind.
Speaker 1 (01:21):
So sorry guys.
Speaker 2 (01:22):
Yeah, so if I sound different, the back to school
cooties have gotten me and I'mdoing the best I can.
I've got my cough drop here.
I've got my drink, trying tohelp it be normal.
But yeah, if my voice delaystrying to come out, so it's
still me Thank you yes.
Speaker 1 (01:43):
Before we jump into our topic for tonight, I always
say today, tonight, today,tonight.
Speaker 2 (01:50):
It's usually nighttime when we're recording.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
So this is probably.
This is almost like Christmastime for me, Like this time of
year is the best time of year Ifyou're not listening when this
is actually recorded, it's theend of August.
Hopefully this goes out thisweek, though, right.
Speaker 2 (02:09):
But if our friends are not listening, it's the end
of August, going into the firstweekend of September, when we're
recording this now, which isthe kickoff of UGA football,
college football, georgiaBulldogs yes.
There are no other teams as faras we are concerned, except for
the ones that we beat.
So we are completely, 100%, aGeorgia Bulldog family.
Speaker 1 (02:32):
Yes, 1000%.
So we're ramping all kinds ofGeorgia gear this week, excited.
Speaker 2 (02:39):
Well, you got your Georgia shirt on.
I have on my dress.
I wore to work today, yeah.
Speaker 1 (02:44):
Okay, so maybe that, and I got my Georgia cup you do
yes, but we're excited becauseit is so fun.
Saturdays at the Peck householdconsist of a lot of barbecuing,
cooking out, hanging out withfriends and watching football
and having a good time.
So it's two of those greatthings get to come together Some
friends, family, yes and somegood old barbecue and football.
Speaker 2 (03:06):
Yeah, our producer Michael is sick tonight, and so
our son, thomas, is stepping inagain, pinch hitting for Michael
.
Firefighter Thomas.
Firefighter Thomas.
Way to go, producer Thomas,thank you for being here.
You've got a microphone, if youchoose to use it.
I can't get it to work, hecan't get it to work.
He can't get it to work.
Okay, cool, so, anywho, here wego.
(03:27):
So what are we talking tonight?
So tonight, we're— what are wetalking tonight?
We are— what are we talkingabout?
Speaker 1 (03:33):
Okay, we're jumping into a topic that— If you've
been married for 10, 12 yearsand I throw out this topic,
you'd be like okay, be like okay, I'm going to encourage you.
Don't hit stop, don't hit pause.
Just hang with me and listen.
Okay, before we get into it,though, I thought of this this
is my ADD brain.
Oh gosh, everyone who you arein Singapore, who is listening
(03:53):
to us, please shoot me a DMPlease.
And I just want to say thankyou Because y'all welcome to the
South.
y'all, that's a Southern termfor everyone.
Speaker 2 (04:03):
Y'all have like really for real, like hardcore,
like I'm a fan, I'm downloadinglots of episodes and I am just
shocked beyond belief.
Speaker 1 (04:12):
Yeah, I would love to connect.
Shoot us a DM on any of oursocials.
Speaker 2 (04:17):
I'll just tell you the truth.
Everybody is listening.
Anybody that's outside of therealm of where we live that
listens to us baffles me.
And now we are in like what?
Six countries, seven, 10.
Speaker 1 (04:30):
Okay, excuse me 10 countries, 147 cities,
everywhere from I mean fromCalifornia to Washington,
everywhere.
Speaker 2 (04:38):
I cannot comprehend that.
Speaker 1 (04:39):
Lots of people in Texas.
You know a lot of downloads inTexas.
Speaker 2 (04:42):
Please, I really would like to hear from some of
y'all that are listening to us,because we literally tonight.
Speaker 1 (04:48):
If I'm honest, before we get into this, we had a
heart-to-heart like seriouslike— it was not fun.
No, it was not a funconversation.
We were almost to the pointwhere we're like I'm just done,
we're not going to do thisanymore.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
Thorns in the tail.
We're not going to do thisanymore.
Speaker 1 (05:03):
Throwing a towel Not you and I Baggage claim yeah,
yeah, because it is tough.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
I'm sorry if I cough y'all.
I will do the best I can to getaway from the microphone.
Speaker 1 (05:11):
And we're like is it actually hitting?
Is it working?
Are we just talking intomicrophones?
Are we just is anyone gettinganything out of it?
And we did.
We sit down to do contentcreation and we spent an hour
trying to figure out if we wantto keep going or not.
Yeah, like where are you at?
That's us being 100% honest.
(05:31):
That's real.
We're here recording, so we'removing forward.
We're trying to do the best wecan.
Speaker 2 (05:39):
We came to a good conclusion.
Yeah, we're just trying tofigure out what's next for us
For real, though, like hearingfrom some of the folks that are
listening to us would be reallyencouraging for both of us,
because we do.
We pour our heart and soul intothis and this is real life for
us, like even our son sitting inthe room producer Thomas, can
attest to this.
(05:59):
This is real life that we'resharing with you guys, and so,
if it just shoot us a message ora thumbs up, keep going, yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:10):
And that's a very selfish thing for us.
Speaker 2 (06:11):
It is selfish, we need to pat on the back.
Pat me on the back.
I'm okay with that.
Speaker 1 (06:17):
So when I was starting to say, if you hear
this topic, I'm going toencourage you to stick with me,
because if you've been marriedfor 10 years, there's content
for you here we're going to getthere.
If you're thinking about, ifyou're listening to this and
you're not married, thank youfor listening, and listening for
relationship advice and some ofthose things or some tricks or
(06:39):
hints, but tonight we're talkingabout the single biggest
decision you will make in yourlife.
I believe this is the biggestdecision you can make and we've
debated that back and forth andI think we've come to that
conclusion of who you marry isthe biggest, single biggest
decision you'll make in yourlife, more than where you go to
school, what you do for a living, oh gosh, yes, all those things
(07:01):
like this is it, and it's a bigdecision that we so many times
rush into and then so many timeshas been commercialized and
just made into this somethingoverly romantic and I'm not
saying it shouldn't be, but it'sall about the presentation.
Speaker 2 (07:16):
I mean there's a space for that, but that like
the Hallmark cards and movies,and will you buy me flowers and
all those?
It sensationalizes it.
Speaker 1 (07:25):
Yeah.
So we're going to dig into theactual idea of when you said yes
.
Why did you say yes?
How do you pick the rightperson?
Why did you pick that person?
And then we're going to talkinto if you're two, five, six,
ten years in and you're like Ipicked this person but I don't
even know who this person is.
Speaker 2 (07:42):
But here I am.
Speaker 1 (07:42):
We're going to address that also.
Speaker 2 (07:44):
So you and I have the I don't know that advantage is
the right word for ourexperience, but you and I have
the experience of having donethis twice.
Speaker 1 (07:54):
So you had a trial run.
Trial run, son.
Okay, sorry.
Speaker 2 (07:58):
I don't feel like that's the right word.
Speaker 1 (08:00):
It's not the right word at all, sorry.
Speaker 2 (08:03):
You and I have the experience of having done this
twice, of choosing who you'regoing to marry.
Speaker 1 (08:09):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (08:09):
So let's talk about why that is important.
Why is it important to reallythink about the person that
you're going to choose to marry?
Because you do get a choice.
Speaker 1 (08:20):
We tried to have this topic last time, and then we
got sidetracked into somethingcompletely different.
Speaker 2 (08:24):
Most of the time we get sidetracked.
Speaker 1 (08:26):
Yeah, so I'm going to try to stay focused here on the
real reasons I'm so excitedYou're going to be a focus fox,
that's what I use with my firstgraders.
Speaker 2 (08:33):
I have not taught these new first graders this yet
.
You'll be a focus fox.
Speaker 1 (08:37):
So why?
Because this is not a, this isnot just a.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
I love them is not a, this is not just uh, I love
them, they look really pretty.
Speaker 1 (08:49):
Uh, oh my gosh, I have butterflies yeah, they're
so cute.
I mean there's those timesthere's that and I mean of
course you have to have that.
If you don't, if you're lookingat this person going, I mean
they're okay.
Uh, that's probably not a greatstart to the relationship, yeah
, um, but in the same sense,like if that's what it's based
on, um, it's just kind of likethere's got to be more.
You know, it's like a lot ofpeople look at relationships and
go there's got to be more tothis, right, um.
(09:10):
So you're asking are you askingme why we started, or why am I
asking you?
Speaker 2 (09:17):
we're just talking about why it's important, of who
you choose to be married.
Like what, if you think aboutit in the bigger picture of who
you choose to marry, it has animpact on what can happen in
your future.
Oh 100% what kind of future youmight have.
Speaker 1 (09:36):
I would say it has the capacity to cripple you or
empower you.
I think one could be a rocketship and one could be a nuclear
bomb.
Okay, fancy pants analogy I meanjust like, for instance, like
someone who you marry could besomeone who encourages you
(09:56):
toward your dreams and yourambitions and trusts you and
just says, hey, go for it yeah.
Or they can be someone who says, no, that's a dumb idea, just
go make it, yeah.
Or they can be someone who says, no, that's a dumb idea, just
go make money, yeah, just earn apaycheck.
I mean there's more to it, butultimately they can be that.
Speaker 2 (10:15):
I feel like one of the most important things is,
though, when you're thinkingabout marrying somebody because
it's not just like, oh, we'regoing to get married and we're
going to live happy ever after,like all the ladies usually want
to believe, that will happenthat there's a lot more to it,
according to like what do theyvalue?
(10:35):
Does that person that you'rethinking about getting married
to and spending, hopefully, therest of your life with?
Do they value what you value?
Speaker 1 (10:46):
Well, the thing is, too, you got to know what you
value, true, like.
The question for me would belike, if I'm doing premarital,
I'd be like, okay, tell me alist of the things that you,
from most important to leastimportant, tell me what you
value, like, what's your topfour, top five?
Right, and be very, very honestwith yourself.
That's the problem.
We're not honest with ourselves.
But it's like, figure out whatthose top four are that you
(11:11):
value and that kind of helps seta standard for what it is that
you're looking for for someoneelse when they value those
things too, because it takesmore than one to two to three to
four dates.
I mean, anybody can, you know,put on a good sales pitch for a
little while and just say theright things and do the right
things, and then you're going tobe like, oh, okay, they always
just say, hey, when the rubbermeets the road, when things get
(11:33):
real, what really comes out?
Speaker 2 (11:35):
Like, what do they feel about?
Like, what are their familyvalues, Not just your own?
Like what do you hope and dreamfor your own future?
But like, like what do you hopeand dream for your own future?
But like, how is like when youjoin together?
How is that going to look fortheir established family that
they came from?
You know what?
Um, what kind of faith do theyhave place value in?
Speaker 1 (11:55):
yeah that can look different for lots of people I
think one of the things is likehow do they handle conflict,
like when?
Things get tough yeah and youget like, and because life gets
tough and it's stress yeah, whenthey get tough and you get like
, and because life gets toughand it's stress.
Yeah, when they get stressed,when you get stressed, how do
you handle stress?
How do they handle stress?
Do you shut down and not talk?
Speaker 2 (12:12):
Do you get frustrated .
Speaker 1 (12:13):
Yes, I do, I do.
Speaker 2 (12:15):
Do you?
Speaker 1 (12:15):
get mad.
What do you like?
Speaker 2 (12:17):
How do you handle?
Speaker 1 (12:18):
those things.
Speaker 2 (12:19):
I mean, here's an illustration Like, even if we're
not on the same page, can youread my page and can you
understand it?
We don't have to agree everytime, but if that person that
you are trying to join your lifewith can't even like quote,
unquote read your page andunderstand it, like that's a big
(12:40):
deal.
Speaker 1 (12:41):
Yeah, well it takes a little while to get there.
Speaker 2 (12:43):
It does.
Speaker 1 (12:43):
Guys are a little slower at that than women are.
It takes us a little bit to getthere Sometimes.
Speaker 2 (12:47):
but, like I mean, when I learned how to
communicate, it didn't take muchfor me to be like no, literally
this is just how I feel.
If I could just be real honestwith you and say to you how I
feel, then you could be on thesame page as me most of the time
.
Speaker 1 (13:06):
Now catch me.
I don't know about you.
You may have a differentopinion of this, because we
haven't talked about it.
You're not looking for an idealclone of yourself to marry,
because that would be boring.
But I'm talking about.
You're looking for somebodywho's in the same ballpark.
Speaker 2 (13:21):
Like you don't want to be at Truist Field and
they're in Wrigley Field, likewell, talking about pages
totally different place talkingabout pages, like if you're on
the same page as me, if you canjust be in the same book as me,
you don't have to be on the samechapter, you don't have to be
on the same page if you can justbe in the same book.
Speaker 1 (13:41):
I'm okay with that, so doesn't have to be.
You got to believe exactly likeme.
You got to say now, when itcomes to faith, that's a huge
thing.
That is a huge thing Becausethere's a huge difference in
those things.
And I would tell you, man, ifyou're looking at someone and
they're Buddhist and you'reChristian or you're whatever, it
may be Catholic whatever thatmay be, or agnostic in general.
Speaker 2 (14:07):
Yeah, just looking at those, like you need to have
some really hard, seriousconversations.
That's going to be hard to getin the same book as one another
yeah To be able to create commonvalues, yeah.
Speaker 1 (14:15):
And I'm not saying that's a reason to, but so many
times in life we give upportions of who we are just to
be with somebody else because wethink they can give us
something that we want.
And I think that's the.
That's probably the biggest redflag, I would say, when you're
in dating or around someone, Ifyou can't be who you really are,
(14:35):
then that ought to be a redflag to be like maybe this is
not the right relationship?
Speaker 2 (14:41):
Yeah, Because that that changes the value.
I keep using that word, butthat's a really big word.
Speaker 1 (14:47):
Yeah, Because even conflict like we handle conflict
different.
Speaker 2 (14:51):
We do.
I want to avoid it and I wantto tuck it under a rug.
And you want to shut down andnot talk about it.
Speaker 1 (14:57):
I do I do, and then I go through these times and I
would do this early on.
We'd have a conflict.
I'm like I'm not going to sayanything until she brings it up.
Speaker 2 (15:07):
She has to bring it up.
That's literally eight timesout of ten will never happen.
Speaker 1 (15:14):
We would still be stuck on the very first thing
you got frustrated about yeah,and we wouldn't have talked
about it.
Speaker 2 (15:20):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (15:21):
Now I can be frustrated and be like, well,
that's not fair, I had to bringit up about it.
Yeah, now I can be frustratedand be like, well, that's not
fair, I had to bring it up.
Speaker 2 (15:26):
Yeah, call it.
Speaker 1 (15:26):
Whatever you want to call it, it's like I want to
move past it, but at the sametime, there has to be that give
and take in the same sense offiguring that, and that's what
we're saying about being in thesame book, right, being the same
idea.
Speaker 2 (15:37):
Now, like, if you're having conflict, if I'm with you
and we're having conflict, andyou start screaming and yelling
and name calling and throwingstuff, that's an easy like yeah,
matt, I don't want to do that.
I'm sure you'd rather theshutdown rather than the
screaming and yelling.
Oh, or what do you?
Oh, that's a whole differentconversation.
Yeah, that's a.
Speaker 1 (15:54):
I mean, here's what.
When people scream and yell andlash out like that, it's easier
to see and predict who they areand what they're about.
When people people don't andthey shut down, that's more
mysterious.
It's like they don't want youto know, so they go into protect
mode, so it's just a protectionthing.
It's like I go back to my safespace where no one can say
anything or hurt me or doanything.
Speaker 2 (16:15):
But over time I have learned with communication
that's something that you value,which is why we go back to like
why is that important?
The person that you choose tomarry because I mean the my
communication mindset haschanged over time and we've
changed over time together andso, like your mindset as you
(16:37):
move through your relationshipis going to change.
Right, even like what you seeis like valuable or important in
your relationship is going tochange.
Speaker 1 (16:48):
Oh, those values.
Speaker 2 (16:50):
Well, I'm not saying your values will shift
completely Like your basicvalues but, like your focus, it
will change over time, like ourvalues have remained the same
Right.
But, like the focus has changedover our 13 years together.
Speaker 1 (17:04):
Yeah, when you're 23, things are different than when
you're 33.
Things matter different whenyou're 33 versus 23.
Right, and then when you're 43versus 33, you're like I was
such an idiot.
Speaker 2 (17:16):
In our world.
I was 34.
I think I was 34 when we gotmarried and I'm 47 now, although
our focus has remained the samebut, like, the mindset of what
that looks like has changed.
So like, if you're listening,and you've been married for a
while.
Or, if you like, producerThomas, our son and his wife
(17:40):
have been married for almost twoyears.
Speaker 1 (17:42):
They're brand new into this.
Speaker 2 (17:43):
They are still brand new with our precious baby
granddaughter who just turnedone year old, lucy.
But, like, the values are stillthere, but your mindset changes
, right.
Speaker 1 (17:54):
But Well, because now , even for them, it's the crazy
thing, like for them, when theywere first there, they were both
working, they both had incomeswhen they had a baby.
Now they decided for her tostay home because child care was
so expensive.
Yes, and so then money shifts,which adds pressure, uh, now uh,
miranda's at home with lucy andall her times with lucy.
(18:16):
Thomas is working on and off,so he's gone 24.
He's doing the shifts, so he'sat the fire department, he's
gone.
So there's a doing the shift,so he's at the fire department,
he's gone.
So there's a lot moreresponsibility.
Shift, all things shift.
And it's like, okay, thiswasn't what it was like when we
first said yes to each other.
Speaker 2 (18:29):
But that's when you have to decide that you're
sticking with your person, eventhough the mindset has changed.
Right, it's like you know, youstill have your common values,
why you chose to be together.
But things change.
But you have to choose tochange together.
Speaker 1 (18:49):
Yes, and that's the thing too about relationships,
like you talk aboutrelationships who are going
through hard times or roughtimes.
And my first question is or hey,are you both on the same page
of?
Are you both into the fightingfor Right Like if you both are
in this relationship and youboth on the same page of?
Are you both into the fightingfor it Right, like if you both
are in this relationship andyou're saying, like for us, we
made this decision early on.
We said we're never going touse the divorce word.
(19:10):
No, we're just not going to.
We're not going to say that.
So, no matter how mad you getat me, no matter how frustrated
you get at, I'm not going to usethat word.
And so that's never an option.
Speaker 2 (19:19):
It's not an option.
Speaker 1 (19:20):
So my option is to figure out how to work through
this with you, right?
And so at that point, itdoesn't matter what life does,
if we're broke, if we're rich,it doesn't matter what happens.
No, I'm going to choose tofight with you.
Speaker 2 (19:34):
You got to choose to fight with me, but it takes two
people to do that.
Yes, and that goes back tobeing on the same page With the
divorce is not an option.
We're in the same book.
We might not be in the samechapter of.
Speaker 1 (19:47):
This is how I feel versus this is— we're rarely in
the same chapter.
Speaker 2 (19:49):
True, and we're even more rarely on the same page,
but we know we're in the same—Ikeep saying book.
I'm a teacher.
I'm sorry, that's my analogythat makes sense.
We're in the same book of here.
This is what we are doing andwe don't.
Divorce is our option, and soI'm going to choose to continue
to work towards being with you.
Speaker 1 (20:12):
Because here's what's over time like you marry
because of your values, you sayyes to them.
Speaker 2 (20:18):
And the butterflies.
I mean, you can't.
Speaker 1 (20:19):
Yeah, but the thing is, though, is that I think, if
you want to have a lasting,great relationship, work on
becoming best friends with thatperson.
you said yes to oh gosh yes,like make that your best friend.
Like there's certain people inmy life like if I want to hang
out and I've had a day, I'mgoing to tell Jess and be like
(20:42):
hey, let's hang out and have adate and let's just chill, like
let's sit outside and there'sonly maybe three or four other
people in my life maybe three orfour that I will call and say
hey, let's just man, let's justdo a how about a bourbon and a
cigar?
and let's just chill, decompress, yeah, and let's just hang.
There's only a few people in mylife that I will call to do
(21:06):
that, because those are my closefriends that I do life with,
and so if you don't have thatwith your spouse, if your spouse
is not your close friend,you're going to find so many
excuses not to do other things.
Speaker 2 (21:17):
And that kind of circles back to the and that
kind of circles back to the.
Why is it important to who youchose to marry Right and spend
your life with?
Speaker 1 (21:25):
If you're dating.
I'm just going to say this, I'mgoing to throw it out there and
say it and I may catch flack, Imay catch.
If you are constantly fightingin a relationship that you're in
and you're not married, youjust need to walk away from that
relationship.
Like why are you both fightingand you're not even you're
dating?
This is the best it's going toget.
Speaker 2 (21:44):
Yeah, I was just about to say.
You always say no, I don't saythis is the best it's going to
get.
Speaker 1 (21:47):
This is the least responsibility you're ever going
to have in this relationship.
Speaker 2 (21:51):
It's the easiest it will ever be.
Speaker 1 (21:53):
Yeah.
And then you're going to haveto work hard and if you're
fighting now, wait till youstart having all the really
stresses of life in there.
It gets really really tough,really really fast.
Speaker 2 (22:03):
It does.
Speaker 1 (22:03):
And so we know okay, so change happens, Every change
happens.
What we like, what we think,how we feel, all those things
change yeah.
Speaker 2 (22:18):
And as things are changing I'm sorry, my voice is
going You're going to have tochoose what you're going to
compromise over as time movesalong.
Because things are going tochange.
You have to choose.
Speaker 1 (22:33):
Because here's what you need to keep in mind the
person you're saying yes to,that you're married to, or
you're married to maybe for 10years or whatever.
That person is bringing theirbaggage into this relationship
from, say, family.
So let's take family, forinstance.
Say you marry someone who comesfrom a very broken family, who
never really valued timetogether as a family who didn't
(22:54):
really value those other things.
together.
You come from a place where youreally valued family, and
family's a huge thing.
When you merge those twotogether, there's going to be
conflict.
Yeah, like who's giving, who'staking?
Yeah, what are we going to do,Like that?
One person may be like I don'twant to be around my family
during the holidays because itcreates stress for me.
(23:16):
You may be like I love beingaround my family during the
holidays because we have allthese traditions.
Speaker 2 (23:20):
Yeah, I can't not be around my family.
Speaker 1 (23:22):
And so you have to figure out how those two mesh
together and how they work.
Speaker 2 (23:27):
And also I mean maybe I'm speaking from experience,
but from the beginning of ourmarriage some family situations
look one way and as time hasprogressed, even my family and
time has progressed and looksdifferent, and so we have to
figure out how to work togetheron all those things, because
(23:50):
what's important to me, as I'msorry, as the mom of our family,
as we're still working withwhat's changing with our grown
children's family there's a lotof moving parts.
Speaker 1 (24:03):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (24:05):
It's a lot.
Speaker 1 (24:06):
Well, you have to, and things change, like in the
same sense of when we weretalking about family, like, for
instance, a vacation.
We used to go on a familyvacation where every single one
of my siblings and all theirkids and everyone would go on
vacation together.
You're talking like 26, 27people.
Speaker 2 (24:23):
Now we're up to 30 of our immediate family.
I love my family.
Speaker 1 (24:28):
I love them to death.
But at the same time I was likeI have my kids and if I can get
them into one place, Becausenow just our family.
Speaker 2 (24:38):
We're up to nine.
Speaker 1 (24:39):
Yeah, and so if I can get them in one place, it's
kind of selfishly.
I'm like I want to spend timewith them, like I want time, I
want one-on-one time with them,and so we have to start being
more focused on those ninepeople in our lives.
Speaker 2 (24:59):
If we get seven days away with our little family,
away from everything else, Iwill choose that every day, no
matter what.
Yeah, and that might look likea jerk to some members of an
extended family on either side.
Speaker 1 (25:17):
But it's never meant to be that way.
Speaker 2 (25:18):
Never, because that's what we value.
Yeah, that's where we go backto.
I mean, that's one of thethings that drew me to you.
When I was you know, I had thechoice to marry you whether or
not.
I said yes and so, but I knewwhat kind of values you placed
on family, because I had learnedthat about you, and so I knew
(25:39):
that that's something that youwould carry forward, and I feel
like you probably learned thatabout you, and so I knew that
that's something that you wouldcarry forward, and I feel like
you probably learned that aboutme on my side.
Speaker 1 (25:47):
Yes, yeah, I spent time with your dad today, just
hanging out with your dad.
Outside of I was doing somework for him.
But even then, my sweet littledaddy yeah just riding to Home
Depot because I broke his toiletand we had to buy another one,
and that's another story.
I didn't install the new one.
But it was just like justconversation with him riding to
and from Home Depot.
(26:07):
Like for me that's priceless,like that's really cool.
Those are opportunities I'mrealizing more and more, and I
know this is an older thing andwhen you're younger you just
freaking, can't understand it.
True, you only have a certainamount of time and the clock is
running and you enjoy each ofthose moments because you never
(26:28):
know when that clock stops.
Speaker 2 (26:29):
It's been a really big thing.
That's running kind of throughyour mind a lot in the last
several months.
Speaker 1 (26:35):
And it's, I will say, if I'm honest, it's undue
pressure.
It's a lot of pressure onmyself that I don't love.
I pressure myself because Ifeel like my clock is running
out and I need to get as much inas fast as I can and I just
need to.
Speaker 2 (26:49):
But the trade off for that is can you enjoy?
I'm trying.
With a relaxed spirit.
Speaker 1 (26:54):
I literally had the conversation with dad today.
I was like, bro, I am trying totake in right now, this moment,
right here.
I was like I'm trying to figureout how to stop and take in
that moment.
Speaker 2 (27:05):
Because there is a trade-off to what you value,
like you might, and it was timewith my dad, and so that's
family time and so that'ssomething we value.
But what if it wasn't my dad?
And what if it was somethingthat you had spent hours and
hours and hours at a job thattook time away from our family,
(27:28):
and then you traded that valuefor money or time away, and so,
like, there's always a trade off.
Speaker 1 (27:36):
Yeah, we always trade .
We always and always say thatwe're always trading time for
money.
Speaker 2 (27:40):
You do, but at the same time, not you, we do.
Speaker 1 (27:43):
But it's one of those .
We trade time and money for allkinds of things.
Like you show me somebody who'sfilthy rich and I'll be like
bro.
That's awesome.
Speaker 2 (27:52):
What did you trade for that?
Speaker 1 (27:53):
Yeah, what did it cost you?
Speaker 2 (27:55):
How many games did you miss?
How many cheerleadingcompetitions you?
Speaker 1 (27:59):
did.
I guarantee you, I've sat atthe table with those guys.
I'm not saying it's wrong.
If that's what you value andthat's what you're chasing, then
go chase that.
But you know, and I know thatit costs you something.
And I'm not saying you're rightand I'm wrong and you're wrong
and I'm right.
I'm not either one of those.
I'm just saying you have todecide what you value and what
you're chasing.
Speaker 2 (28:20):
Yeah, and when you do that as a couple together,
Because as a family, we havelived both sides of that.
Yeah, for me, when our kidswere little, after we got
married and I was going toschool and I had to trade my
time getting my degree, myadvanced degree, versus like
(28:44):
taking people to practice whenyou're going to 47 different
places, versus like when you hadto work out of town and I was
doing the 47 different places.
Speaker 1 (28:52):
But we also set a time limit for how long those
things were going to happen?
Speaker 2 (28:55):
We sure did.
Speaker 1 (28:56):
And so for couples who are in those situations and
we're way sidetracked, we'rechasing a rabbit, I know.
I'm sorry, but I would say, ifthat's where you're at and
you're there, if you're notsitting, like you can, that cool
, cool opportunity can become aditch that you can't get out of
it.
Sure can, and you need somebodyto snatch you up out of that.
Speaker 2 (29:15):
That's true.
So, to circle back to the wholeidea and I know that we are
both like we're hoarse and we'reclearing our throats, Sorry.
Speaker 1 (29:25):
We're coughing.
There's a lot of dishonestthings going on in our house
right now.
Speaker 2 (29:27):
I'm sorry, I brought first grade cooties home to Greg
and I'm sorry.
Speaker 1 (29:32):
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (29:32):
I'm sorry.
And so to circle back to likethinking about the importance of
who you married, what if youare already married?
And you're thinking about ohgosh.
Okay, if I take an inventory ofmy life right now, we've been
married for 10, 12 years,wherever you are.
Speaker 1 (29:52):
Five, six years.
You can be there.
In five years it's true, it'strue.
Speaker 2 (29:56):
So what do we do?
What now?
What now?
What now?
Speaker 1 (30:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (30:02):
So kind of leading into our unpack part and so like
what I like to, not like towhat I do and have always done,
especially when our kids arelittle, and it was difficult and
what we were just saying, likeif you were out of town you were
doing stuff, or if yourschedule was hectic, or if I was
(30:23):
in school and I would come homefrom full-time job and you were
literally juggling all the kidsand dinner and schedules.
And there's been times wherethere's been a balance, like how
did we keep it back to thebasics of like why are we even
(30:43):
doing this?
Speaker 1 (30:45):
Yeah, well, I think that was something we talked.
Here's the this doesn't.
I don't know if this doesn'tanswer your question.
Speaker 2 (30:52):
It may not, it's okay .
Speaker 1 (30:54):
Because you asked the question and then you went to
that.
Speaker 2 (30:58):
My whole sidetrack thing.
It's okay, I'm not sure whatthat was.
Speaker 1 (31:01):
But, like you asked a question, and why?
I think it's because we had thecommon goal of what we were
chasing together.
Speaker 2 (31:08):
Right.
Speaker 1 (31:09):
And we had the decision you were going back to
school.
Speaker 2 (31:10):
You said I was going on a montage, but that's where I
was going, yeah.
Speaker 1 (31:14):
So like there was an idea that, because we sat down
and had a discussion, are yougoing to go back to school.
Yes, okay, both were on thesame page.
Speaker 2 (31:21):
Right.
Speaker 1 (31:21):
We're going to chase that together.
So let's chase that.
But I'm thinking like if you'reseven years in because that's
the seven year itch when mostreally marriages start getting
really rocky and rough andyou're like, ok, we don't, we
don't like the same thingsanymore, we don't, we're not,
we're not even in the same placeanymore.
So what next?
(31:42):
I'm going to say I always liketo keep things as simple as
possible because I'm a simpleperson I'm like give me one.
Speaker 2 (31:48):
You are not.
You are not a simple person.
Speaker 1 (31:51):
Give me one to two, thank you.
Give me one to two things I canwork on, then.
Okay, so I want one to twothings I can work on.
If I'm seven years in or I'm 10years in, I'm like this is,
this is hard.
Speaker 2 (32:05):
Number one what made you say yes in the first place?
Speaker 1 (32:09):
Back to the root, yeah, root, root, root, root of
it all.
Speaker 2 (32:12):
Why did you say yes?
Speaker 1 (32:14):
Go back to the foundation.
Okay, so that's like for me.
If you say that to me, I'm likeokay, cool, that's a.
Let's go have coffee or let'sgo have if I don't want to
commit to.
Let's go have dinner, let's gohave if.
Speaker 2 (32:25):
I don't want to commit to it.
Let's go have dinner, let's gohave coffee.
I would hope you would not useproverbially the person
listening.
Speaker 1 (32:31):
If you can't go to dinner with your wife, then
that's an issue.
I agree with that.
Speaker 2 (32:34):
My voice is going If you can't say like, yeah, we'll
go.
Well, let's go to dinner.
Speaker 1 (32:40):
Let's get back to the basics.
Some are deep, deep coffeeconversations.
Like when I'm having coffee, Ican get some deep conversation.
When we're doing dinner, I'mthinking about food, like I'm so
sidetracked in what I'm eating.
Speaker 2 (32:53):
You mentioned earlier , like we had a tough
conversation, we had wineoutside in our garage, so it's
like, whichever the case may be,so it almost roots down to like
for we, like for us.
Speaker 1 (33:07):
when we were talking about baggage claim, we looked
at it and I said why did youwant to do this?
Like what do you see this going?
Why do you even want to do this?
Why are we even recording?
And I'm not saying it in a meanway, but I wanted to be like
Greg was pressuring me tocontinue.
No, I wanted to be like why didwe start this Continue?
No, I wanted to be like why didwe start this and what are you
after?
Because I was like I have theseexpectations for it.
(33:29):
You have expectations for it,yeah, and we need to make sure
those are lined up.
So, again, we're going back tothe root of why we even started
this Before we in your marriage,you may want to look back and
go my expectations have changedin this marriage and I expected
this, but this is what'shappened.
What did you expect and is whatyou expected happened?
(33:53):
So it's almost get down to thatand just be have an honest and
we're going to have, we're goingto have a podcast, but it's how
to have really honest, hardconversations in a constructive
way, because you have to havethose in marriage.
So we're going to talk aboutthat and we're trying to stay
under a time limit, so we mayberush here at the end.
So we're trying to.
Our producer, michael, told uswe're going to, that's Thomas.
(34:15):
No, michael.
The conversation we had twodays ago with producer Michael
Stay with me.
Speaker 2 (34:19):
I was like that's Thomas.
Speaker 1 (34:21):
I know who Thomas is, babe.
Speaker 2 (34:27):
I'm just saying, I know 100% who he is.
I was writing when you weresaying that I was writing a note
.
Number two Okay, Two.
What makes you say yes tostaying there, staying together?
What makes you say yes?
Speaker 1 (34:37):
I don't know what does make you say yes.
Speaker 2 (34:39):
Well, well, all the things that you were just saying
, Even in our whole conversationtoday, we're in the same book.
I keep going back to my bookand teaching reference.
We are in the same book.
We may not be on the same page,but we're in the same chapter
of continuing with thisparticular situation of baggage
(35:00):
claim, and so that could beanything from okay.
Why are we continuing?
Let's pretend like why are wecontinuing with our son staying
in travel baseball?
Okay, Are we in the samechapter?
Are we in the same page?
Are we in the same book?
Do you value that?
(35:21):
Or it could be even why are weserving in this specific
ministry at church?
Are we in the same chapter?
Is this not where you want toserve?
Okay, well, where do you wantto serve?
Are we in the same chapter orthe same page?
You can be the same book ofwhat you value together as a
(35:43):
couple of why it's importantthat you're who you chose.
But like, if you, if you're notgoing in the same direction,
like, okay, where are you going?
Okay, and how can we get backto there?
Speaker 1 (35:56):
I agree, you know, it just hit me where I'm going on
a golf trip this weekend.
Yeah, the very first, and thisis crazy.
Speaker 2 (36:05):
I love this.
Speaker 1 (36:07):
This is the very first time I've ever been on a
golf trip.
Yeah, the very first.
Now, this is crazy.
I love this.
This is the very first timeI've ever been on a golf trip.
Yes, this is the, and it justhit me today.
This is the very first timeI've been on a guy's trip since
we've been married.
That is not around a bachelorparty.
Speaker 2 (36:21):
Okay, I was about to say what about these bachelors?
Speaker 1 (36:23):
I've been on bachelor parties, but it's like I was
invited to go on and some ofthem went.
You know, thomas's was our sonand the other it's like most of
our trips since we've beenmarried is me and you Like, if
you give me the option, and Ilove, I love my like.
I love the trip with Thomas.
I love the trip to Austin andNew Orleans and all those with
the guys and it was fun.
(36:43):
But if you ask me, you can dothat or you can go with your
wife somewhere.
I'm going to choose you.
Speaker 2 (36:49):
I've never been on a trip without you since we've
been married.
Speaker 1 (36:52):
And that's not a bad thing.
I love my friends.
Speaker 2 (36:55):
The one time I had the option was when Brittany
married Corey, my brother, and Istill kick myself today, but I
really truly did not have achoice, because it was when I
was in school and I had a paperdue or some something with
school when I was still inschool and I had made that
choice to commit to that and Icommitted to that, regardless of
(37:18):
what our kids activities werefor.
And then it happened to fallwhenever my brother was getting
married.
It happened to fall whenever mybrother was getting married.
But anyway, I didn't go.
Speaker 1 (37:28):
I've not been on it Go where you didn't even say,
where you had the chance to go,on the bachelorette trip with my
current sister-in-law.
What are you talking about?
Speaker 2 (37:37):
I've never been on a trip without you since we got
married.
Speaker 1 (37:40):
So I'm just saying, like, wherever you're at in the
spectrum, whatever's going on,and if you're struggling to find
the connection with your, withyour significant other, take a
minute, sit down, maybe, dothose two just small little
exercises.
Why did we say yes to eachother and why are we on?
Yeah, are we on the same page?
And why are we staying?
Why are we in this?
Speaker 2 (38:00):
are you my ride or die?
So ride or die, so to unpackokay that was unpacking we never
said the word unpack.
Well, that was our unpack,though okay right I mean it kind
of, is we never said unpack?
Speaker 1 (38:15):
so because we said it , it doesn't matter, okay.
So we didn't say unpack, so itdoesn't matter.
So no, where are you at?
What's going on?
I'm so confused, I am too Allright, so we're going to wrap up
.
Speaker 2 (38:30):
We didn't say that was unpacked, that unpacked
section.
No, we didn't say the wordunpack.
Speaker 1 (38:35):
Do those two things okay, and I hope you have a
great week.
Speaker 2 (38:45):
And no matter where you're at.
Speaker 1 (38:47):
I just want to say go Dawgs, go Dawgs and unpack this
together and it's going to beso good.
Yeah, it is, it is, it is, itis.
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