June 19, 2024 • 20 mins
Can you ever truly forgive an alcoholic parent who has caused so much pain? Join me on an emotional and transformative journey as I recount my experiences growing up with my alcoholic father. Through the chaos and love that marked my childhood, I'll share how gaining distance and a shift in perspective allowed me to see my father's humanity and struggles. Inspired by a powerful moment from a Tony Robbins documentary, I discovered that my father's battles, though painful, shaped my independence and ambition. This episode is not just about healing from past wounds but also about finding empathy and gratitude amid life's challenges.
Feel the raw emotion as I recount an unexpected hug from my father and the profound sense of intuition that led me back home just in time to support my family before his untimely death. These moments brought clarity and peace, teaching me the importance of trusting inner nudges and signals from the universe. I delve into the themes of love, forgiveness, and the unspoken connections that guide us. As we wrap up, I'll share my excitement for where my intuition is leading next and invite you to be part of a community ready to uplift each other and embrace life's joys. Join me on this heartfelt episode of Balance Baby, and let's explore the power of intuition and healing together.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Harkaren (00:03):
Hello everyone and welcome to Balance Baby, the
podcast designed to help youconsistently show up as the best
version of yourself.
My name is Harkaren and I'll beyour host.
I'll be here every week sharingstories and teaching you
techniques to prioritize theonly thing we have any control
(00:25):
over in this world ourselves.
There are very few things thatare guaranteed in life.
One of them, undeniably, isthat one day we will pass away.
Life's unpredictability oftenchallenges us away.
(00:47):
Life's unpredictability oftenchallenges us, presenting
opportunities to grow and evolvein ways we never anticipated.
This podcast is a reflection ofthat journey.
When you listen to my episodes,you have the freedom to choose
your own path.
You might decide to jump intowhichever topic you're
interested in or follow alongfrom the beginning as I guide
(01:08):
you on a timeline of my growthand evolution so far.
Either way, my hope is that bysharing my life stories,
articulating my thoughts andoffering my understandings of
life my understandings of life Ican help you make sense of the
situations in your own life.
Maybe I can provide a differentperspective, all with the hopes
(01:38):
of facilitating healing andgrowth.
I truly believe that we alldeserve to live peaceful and
fulfilling lives.
Through the lens of myexperiences.
I aim to show that even in theface of life's greatest
challenges, we can find our wayto deeper understanding and
inner peace.
In this week's episode, I sharethe intuitive guidance that
(01:58):
brought me home just before mydad's passing, a moment that,
despite the grief, led to deeppersonal healing and
transformation.
It's amazing how death bringseverything into perspective.
It reminds us to live fully andauthentically, to prioritize
(02:19):
what truly matters and toembrace each day with gratitude
and openness.
If I get to live as long as mygrandpa, I've already lived
one-third of my life, but if Ionly get to live as long as my
dad, I'm already more thanhalfway through my life.
(02:40):
There is no time for judgment,or hesitation or regret.
This past weekend was Father'sDay, and it's never been a day
that held much significance forme.
My dad and I always had atumultuous relationship, mainly
(03:00):
due to his alcoholism.
He was an alcoholic before Iever existed and it impacted
every part of my being.
I had a stable home life in thesense that my parents stayed
married.
We always had a home to live in, we always had food to eat, we
had toys, we had clothes.
(03:20):
All of our needs were met, butnot in an emotional sense.
It was actually quite chaoticand unsettling.
Growing up, I never knew whichversion of my dad I would get.
Some days he was filled withstories and laughter.
On other days he was distantand unpredictable.
(03:42):
Days he was distant andunpredictable.
Hearing my parents constantlyarguing left me walking on
eggshells.
The inconsistency created acomplex mix of love, fear and
resentment inside of me.
I loved my dad and wanted hisapproval, but I also resented
(04:02):
the chaos he brought into ourlives.
I grew up feeling a lot of shameand stigma.
Addiction has a way of castinga shadow not just over the
addict but over the entirefamily.
It was difficult to talk aboutmy dad's alcoholism,
particularly because thebehavior is normalized and
(04:25):
enabled within the Punjabicommunity and also because there
was a fear of judgment andmisunderstanding.
If you've ever been impacted byalcoholism or any kind of
addiction, then you can alreadyunderstand where I'm coming from
.
You know the pain of lovingsomeone who's battling demons
(04:47):
you can't see and don't fullyunderstand, and the sense of
helplessness that comes with it.
Before I got married, I spentmany years living in silence
with my dad, even though welived under the same roof.
Not speaking to each other wasthe only way we knew how to
(05:07):
coexist.
When I moved back home after mydivorce, my dad was one of the
main reasons I felt I needed tomove out on my own.
The tension at home wassuffocating and I needed space
to breathe and find myself.
Leaving wasn't an act ofrebellion, but a necessary step
(05:28):
for my own well-being andevolution, and it ended up being
a positive step for everyoneinvolved.
The distance gave me theperspective I needed.
It allowed me to view my dadnot just as a source of my
struggles, but as a person withhis own battles.
The time and space apart gaveme room to reflect and grow to
(05:53):
understand that his actions andwords were not a reflection of
my worth, but rather amanifestation of his own pain
and struggles.
Living separately, I began tostop taking everything he said
and did so personally.
Instead, I saw a complex manfighting his own demons.
(06:16):
I started to see the humanityin him beyond the hurt and the
anger.
Recognizing my dad's strugglesdidn't erase the hurt or the
damage done, but it softened theedges of my resentment.
It opened a door to empathy andeventually, to forgiveness.
(06:37):
I began to understand that hisinability to show love or
communicate effectively was nota reflection of my value, but of
his own limitations, and I canstill remember the day when all
of this came together for me.
I was at my apartment watching aTony Robbins documentary on
(06:59):
Netflix called I Am Not yourGuru.
This particular scene wasimpactful for me because it
offered me a perspective Ihadn't considered.
He was doing some work with theaudience when he started
talking to a young woman who wasthere with her mom.
She asked a question that hadsomething to do with weight loss
(07:20):
, but it was really clear thatthat wasn't the root of her
problems.
Somehow he led her to the topicof her dad and she revealed
that her dad was an addict andthat she doesn't speak with him.
I resonated with this.
Tony mentioned how he couldtell that she was a sweet girl
with a tiger inside of her, thatshe was driven and ambitious.
(07:44):
But if she wanted to blame herdad for all that had gone wrong
in her life, she also had toblame him for all that had gone
right.
His absence is what made hermore independent.
His lack of reliability is whatmade her so ambitious.
(08:04):
I had to pause the documentaryand cry and journal.
I had spent my whole lifewishing my dad was different,
wondering what would my life belike if my dad wasn't an
alcoholic, or always went towork, or took us on family
vacations, or was present andloving, or had money saved for
(08:27):
my education or whatever else.
You know.
Nothing extravagant, but thethings I thought normal dads do
normal dads do.
But at that moment, for thefirst time ever, I felt so much
gratitude towards my dad.
I am who I am because he waswho he was, and I love who I am.
(08:52):
I learned how to show up formyself.
I took a deep dive into therapyto learn all about my triggers,
all about my emotions, allabout life, and I'm so grateful.
I am driven and motivated.
I am ambitious because I neverhad a safety net to fall back on
(09:13):
.
I am considerate and loving andnurturing because I know how it
feels to be without it.
I am so self-aware because ofthe work that I felt I had to do
to show up as the person Iwanted to be, and I would never
change that Ever.
Sometimes we put expectationson our parents to know what's
(09:39):
best and to always take thecorrect steps.
We forget that, just like us,they are experiencing life for
the first time and learningalong the way they too have
faced their own challenges andtrauma, many of which they might
not have had the luxury oropportunity to process and heal
(10:02):
from.
That change of mindset andshift in my perspective caused
the most beautiful healing tooccur.
A few weeks after I had thisintense realization, I was at my
parents' house for a visit.
Intense realization I was at myparents' house for a visit.
(10:22):
My aunt was over, so I went togive her a hug and say hello.
As I was leaving the livingroom, my dad reached out his
arms to give me a hug.
This was strange because wewere barely on speaking terms
and definitely didn't hug eachother.
I did have this shift inmindset, but I hadn't told him
about it.
I thought that he wouldn'tunderstand or I wouldn't know
(10:45):
how to explain it, so there wasno point in trying.
But in that moment, when hehugged me, he said I love you.
And, in shock, I said it back.
I looked at my mom and my auntand they were looking back at us
, smiling.
I left the living room feelingvery confused but also happy.
(11:07):
As far as I could remember,that was the only time my dad
ever told me he loved me.
I believe that my internalshift, my decision to forgive
him, created the space for himto express his love.
It was a mental forgivenessthat didn't require words, but
(11:29):
was powerful enough to bridgethe gap between us.
In that moment, I felt years ofresentment fade away.
In the previous episodes, we'vebeen talking about intuition.
Connecting with our intuitionallows us to make decisions that
align with our highest good,leading to a more fulfilling and
(11:52):
authentic life.
Trusting your intuition is likebuilding a muscle the more you
use it, the stronger it becomes,and over time, you'll find that
your intuition becomes areliable source of guidance and
wisdom.
If you listened to Season 1,episode 1, you would know that I
(12:14):
timed the release of my podcastto the passing of my grandpa,
my dad's dad.
He passed away in January of2023, and I released my first
podcast episode in January of2024.
After my grandpa passed, myintuition somehow felt
heightened.
(12:35):
Normally, my intuition wasexciting and uplifting.
Normally, my intuition wasexciting and uplifting like a
feeling of excited anticipation,but this intuitive feeling was
different.
It felt heavy.
I kept getting the feeling thatI needed to move back home.
There had been some minorbreak-ins at the apartment
(12:55):
building I was living at and Ithought, oh, maybe something bad
is going to happen at thisbuilding.
But my intuition wasn't tellingme to move somewhere else.
It was specifically telling meto go home.
It didn't make sense to me.
I was so happy on my own, but Ialso had never felt my
intuition speak to me in thisway.
(13:17):
I reached out to the propertymanager and asked how much
notice he needed, and he told mea month.
This way, I reached out to theproperty manager and asked how
much notice he needed, and hetold me a month was sufficient.
I told him it would likely besometime in the summer, but I
just wanted to give him a headsup.
I also told my parents that Iwas thinking of moving back, and
they were happy to hear that.
I went back and forth in mymind of when I should move back.
Should I enjoy one more summerdowntown?
(13:39):
Should I go sooner than later?
And then my intuition spoke upagain.
It was close to the end ofFebruary and I knew I needed to
get my notice into the propertymanager before the end of the
month, so that March would be myfinal month.
I returned the keys to theapartment and moved back home on
(14:00):
March 30th and four days later,on April 3rd, my dad passed
away Suddenly, unexpectedlypassed away in his bedroom at
the age of 61.
Looking back, I see that myintuition was guiding me home.
(14:21):
For this reason, it was as ifsome part of me knew I needed to
be there, to be present.
As I was on the phone with 911,I looked around the room at my
mom and my older brother and Irealized I needed to be there
for my family at that moment.
They were both staring blanklyin shock, but somehow I went
(14:47):
into nursing mode.
I was able to have theconversations with the police
and the paramedics.
I was able to stay calm andcomposed until I was okay to
feel my emotions.
In his passing, while everyonearound me was questioning why
him?
Why now?
(15:07):
Why so soon after his dad, Ifound a strange sense of peace
and clarity.
It felt as though he must havebeen ready.
If he was ready, who are we toquestion why now?
My dad lost his mom when he wasabout 25 years old and spent
(15:28):
his whole life grieving her.
He had a complex relationshipwith his own dad, filled with
love and tension.
To me, it was clear that hedidn't want to exist without his
parents.
He had done all he could do inthis lifetime and now he was
(15:51):
ready to join the souls that hadpassed before him.
His death was a profoundcatalyst for my own healing.
It was as if, with his passing,he took with him the sad,
damaged little girl inside of mewho had always been seeking his
validation.
Overnight, I felt a shiftwithin me.
(16:12):
The weight of unmetexpectations and unspoken words
seemed to lift and I foundmyself standing taller with a
newfound sense of self-worth.
In his passing, he had given mea final gift the freedom to let
go of the pain and embrace anew understanding of love and
(16:37):
forgiveness.
His presence remains with me,not in the form of a tumultuous
past, but as a bright,supportive energy.
I feel him cheering me on,sending me the love and
encouragement he struggled toexpress in life.
(16:57):
I do wonder what might havehappened if this healing had
come sooner, if we had learnedhow to communicate with each
other.
What was troubling him so muchthat he rejected the love of his
own family?
These are questions I'll neverhave answers to, but I find
(17:17):
solace in knowing that he's okaynow and still with us in spirit
.
He's been showing me signs,like moving boxes in my room
while we were still deep in thegrieving process, or as a
ladybug that landed on mybrother during my cousin's
wedding just three weeks afterhe passed, or the owl that
(17:41):
perched on the power linesoutside of my house as I was
writing this episode.
These moments remind me thatlove transcends physical
presence and that the bonds weshare are never truly broken.
Thank you so much for tuning into my 10th episode of season 2.
(18:03):
This was by far the mostdifficult episode I've created.
Death has a way of strippingaway the superficial and
bringing us face to face withthe essence of what truly
matters.
With the essence of what trulymatters.
It urges us to live life fullyand authentically, to prioritize
(18:28):
love, connection andforgiveness over judgment,
hesitation and regret.
My dad's passing was a harshreminder of this truth.
It taught me that there is notime to waste.
Life is too short and precious.
As we move through life, it'scrucial to tap into that inner
(18:49):
voice, to trust our instincts,even when they lead us into the
unknown.
My decision to move back homewas guided by a deep, intuitive
sense that there was somethingimportant I needed to be present
for.
It wasn't easy and it didn'tcome without fear or doubt, but
(19:11):
ultimately it brought me to aplace of deeper understanding
and connection For those of youlistening.
I encourage you to pay attentionto those subtle nudges from
within.
Whether they come as a quietwhisper or a strong, undeniable
urge, they are guiding youtowards your true path.
(19:34):
Trusting your intuition canlead to unexpected yet beautiful
transformations in your life,just as it has in mine, and I
can't wait to share where myintuition has led me in next
week's episode.
And if you're finding value inthis podcast, please consider
(19:55):
sharing with your friends andfamily.
As always, I would reallyappreciate a five-star review.
This helps other listeners findmy podcast, so we can continue
to grow our community.
I'll see you on Wednesday forepisode 11.
Together, here we're creating acommunity of beautiful souls,
(20:16):
ready to uplift each other,ready to experience all the joy
that this life has to offer us.
And don't forget, life is allabout balance.
Baby, balance, baby.
Hello everyone and welcome to Balance Baby, the
podcast designed to help youconsistently show up as the best
version of yourself.
My name is Harkaren and I'll beyour host.
I'll be here every week sharingstories and teaching you
techniques to prioritize theonly thing we have any control
(00:25):
over in this world ourselves.
There are very few things thatare guaranteed in life.
One of them, undeniably, isthat one day we will pass away.
Life's unpredictability oftenchallenges us away.
(00:47):
Life's unpredictability oftenchallenges us, presenting
opportunities to grow and evolvein ways we never anticipated.
This podcast is a reflection ofthat journey.
When you listen to my episodes,you have the freedom to choose
your own path.
You might decide to jump intowhichever topic you're
interested in or follow alongfrom the beginning as I guide
(01:08):
you on a timeline of my growthand evolution so far.
Either way, my hope is that bysharing my life stories,
articulating my thoughts andoffering my understandings of
life my understandings of life Ican help you make sense of the
situations in your own life.
Maybe I can provide a differentperspective, all with the hopes
(01:38):
of facilitating healing andgrowth.
I truly believe that we alldeserve to live peaceful and
fulfilling lives.
Through the lens of myexperiences.
I aim to show that even in theface of life's greatest
challenges, we can find our wayto deeper understanding and
inner peace.
In this week's episode, I sharethe intuitive guidance that
(01:58):
brought me home just before mydad's passing, a moment that,
despite the grief, led to deeppersonal healing and
transformation.
It's amazing how death bringseverything into perspective.
It reminds us to live fully andauthentically, to prioritize
(02:19):
what truly matters and toembrace each day with gratitude
and openness.
If I get to live as long as mygrandpa, I've already lived
one-third of my life, but if Ionly get to live as long as my
dad, I'm already more thanhalfway through my life.
(02:40):
There is no time for judgment,or hesitation or regret.
This past weekend was Father'sDay, and it's never been a day
that held much significance forme.
My dad and I always had atumultuous relationship, mainly
(03:00):
due to his alcoholism.
He was an alcoholic before Iever existed and it impacted
every part of my being.
I had a stable home life in thesense that my parents stayed
married.
We always had a home to live in, we always had food to eat, we
had toys, we had clothes.
(03:20):
All of our needs were met, butnot in an emotional sense.
It was actually quite chaoticand unsettling.
Growing up, I never knew whichversion of my dad I would get.
Some days he was filled withstories and laughter.
On other days he was distantand unpredictable.
(03:42):
Days he was distant andunpredictable.
Hearing my parents constantlyarguing left me walking on
eggshells.
The inconsistency created acomplex mix of love, fear and
resentment inside of me.
I loved my dad and wanted hisapproval, but I also resented
(04:02):
the chaos he brought into ourlives.
I grew up feeling a lot of shameand stigma.
Addiction has a way of castinga shadow not just over the
addict but over the entirefamily.
It was difficult to talk aboutmy dad's alcoholism,
particularly because thebehavior is normalized and
(04:25):
enabled within the Punjabicommunity and also because there
was a fear of judgment andmisunderstanding.
If you've ever been impacted byalcoholism or any kind of
addiction, then you can alreadyunderstand where I'm coming from
.
You know the pain of lovingsomeone who's battling demons
(04:47):
you can't see and don't fullyunderstand, and the sense of
helplessness that comes with it.
Before I got married, I spentmany years living in silence
with my dad, even though welived under the same roof.
Not speaking to each other wasthe only way we knew how to
(05:07):
coexist.
When I moved back home after mydivorce, my dad was one of the
main reasons I felt I needed tomove out on my own.
The tension at home wassuffocating and I needed space
to breathe and find myself.
Leaving wasn't an act ofrebellion, but a necessary step
(05:28):
for my own well-being andevolution, and it ended up being
a positive step for everyoneinvolved.
The distance gave me theperspective I needed.
It allowed me to view my dadnot just as a source of my
struggles, but as a person withhis own battles.
The time and space apart gaveme room to reflect and grow to
(05:53):
understand that his actions andwords were not a reflection of
my worth, but rather amanifestation of his own pain
and struggles.
Living separately, I began tostop taking everything he said
and did so personally.
Instead, I saw a complex manfighting his own demons.
(06:16):
I started to see the humanityin him beyond the hurt and the
anger.
Recognizing my dad's strugglesdidn't erase the hurt or the
damage done, but it softened theedges of my resentment.
It opened a door to empathy andeventually, to forgiveness.
(06:37):
I began to understand that hisinability to show love or
communicate effectively was nota reflection of my value, but of
his own limitations, and I canstill remember the day when all
of this came together for me.
I was at my apartment watching aTony Robbins documentary on
(06:59):
Netflix called I Am Not yourGuru.
This particular scene wasimpactful for me because it
offered me a perspective Ihadn't considered.
He was doing some work with theaudience when he started
talking to a young woman who wasthere with her mom.
She asked a question that hadsomething to do with weight loss
(07:20):
, but it was really clear thatthat wasn't the root of her
problems.
Somehow he led her to the topicof her dad and she revealed
that her dad was an addict andthat she doesn't speak with him.
I resonated with this.
Tony mentioned how he couldtell that she was a sweet girl
with a tiger inside of her, thatshe was driven and ambitious.
(07:44):
But if she wanted to blame herdad for all that had gone wrong
in her life, she also had toblame him for all that had gone
right.
His absence is what made hermore independent.
His lack of reliability is whatmade her so ambitious.
(08:04):
I had to pause the documentaryand cry and journal.
I had spent my whole lifewishing my dad was different,
wondering what would my life belike if my dad wasn't an
alcoholic, or always went towork, or took us on family
vacations, or was present andloving, or had money saved for
(08:27):
my education or whatever else.
You know.
Nothing extravagant, but thethings I thought normal dads do
normal dads do.
But at that moment, for thefirst time ever, I felt so much
gratitude towards my dad.
I am who I am because he waswho he was, and I love who I am.
(08:52):
I learned how to show up formyself.
I took a deep dive into therapyto learn all about my triggers,
all about my emotions, allabout life, and I'm so grateful.
I am driven and motivated.
I am ambitious because I neverhad a safety net to fall back on
(09:13):
.
I am considerate and loving andnurturing because I know how it
feels to be without it.
I am so self-aware because ofthe work that I felt I had to do
to show up as the person Iwanted to be, and I would never
change that Ever.
Sometimes we put expectationson our parents to know what's
(09:39):
best and to always take thecorrect steps.
We forget that, just like us,they are experiencing life for
the first time and learningalong the way they too have
faced their own challenges andtrauma, many of which they might
not have had the luxury oropportunity to process and heal
(10:02):
from.
That change of mindset andshift in my perspective caused
the most beautiful healing tooccur.
A few weeks after I had thisintense realization, I was at my
parents' house for a visit.
Intense realization I was at myparents' house for a visit.
(10:22):
My aunt was over, so I went togive her a hug and say hello.
As I was leaving the livingroom, my dad reached out his
arms to give me a hug.
This was strange because wewere barely on speaking terms
and definitely didn't hug eachother.
I did have this shift inmindset, but I hadn't told him
about it.
I thought that he wouldn'tunderstand or I wouldn't know
(10:45):
how to explain it, so there wasno point in trying.
But in that moment, when hehugged me, he said I love you.
And, in shock, I said it back.
I looked at my mom and my auntand they were looking back at us
, smiling.
I left the living room feelingvery confused but also happy.
(11:07):
As far as I could remember,that was the only time my dad
ever told me he loved me.
I believe that my internalshift, my decision to forgive
him, created the space for himto express his love.
It was a mental forgivenessthat didn't require words, but
(11:29):
was powerful enough to bridgethe gap between us.
In that moment, I felt years ofresentment fade away.
In the previous episodes, we'vebeen talking about intuition.
Connecting with our intuitionallows us to make decisions that
align with our highest good,leading to a more fulfilling and
(11:52):
authentic life.
Trusting your intuition is likebuilding a muscle the more you
use it, the stronger it becomes,and over time, you'll find that
your intuition becomes areliable source of guidance and
wisdom.
If you listened to Season 1,episode 1, you would know that I
(12:14):
timed the release of my podcastto the passing of my grandpa,
my dad's dad.
He passed away in January of2023, and I released my first
podcast episode in January of2024.
After my grandpa passed, myintuition somehow felt
heightened.
(12:35):
Normally, my intuition wasexciting and uplifting.
Normally, my intuition wasexciting and uplifting like a
feeling of excited anticipation,but this intuitive feeling was
different.
It felt heavy.
I kept getting the feeling thatI needed to move back home.
There had been some minorbreak-ins at the apartment
(12:55):
building I was living at and Ithought, oh, maybe something bad
is going to happen at thisbuilding.
But my intuition wasn't tellingme to move somewhere else.
It was specifically telling meto go home.
It didn't make sense to me.
I was so happy on my own, but Ialso had never felt my
intuition speak to me in thisway.
(13:17):
I reached out to the propertymanager and asked how much
notice he needed, and he told mea month.
This way, I reached out to theproperty manager and asked how
much notice he needed, and hetold me a month was sufficient.
I told him it would likely besometime in the summer, but I
just wanted to give him a headsup.
I also told my parents that Iwas thinking of moving back, and
they were happy to hear that.
I went back and forth in mymind of when I should move back.
Should I enjoy one more summerdowntown?
(13:39):
Should I go sooner than later?
And then my intuition spoke upagain.
It was close to the end ofFebruary and I knew I needed to
get my notice into the propertymanager before the end of the
month, so that March would be myfinal month.
I returned the keys to theapartment and moved back home on
(14:00):
March 30th and four days later,on April 3rd, my dad passed
away Suddenly, unexpectedlypassed away in his bedroom at
the age of 61.
Looking back, I see that myintuition was guiding me home.
(14:21):
For this reason, it was as ifsome part of me knew I needed to
be there, to be present.
As I was on the phone with 911,I looked around the room at my
mom and my older brother and Irealized I needed to be there
for my family at that moment.
They were both staring blanklyin shock, but somehow I went
(14:47):
into nursing mode.
I was able to have theconversations with the police
and the paramedics.
I was able to stay calm andcomposed until I was okay to
feel my emotions.
In his passing, while everyonearound me was questioning why
him?
Why now?
(15:07):
Why so soon after his dad, Ifound a strange sense of peace
and clarity.
It felt as though he must havebeen ready.
If he was ready, who are we toquestion why now?
My dad lost his mom when he wasabout 25 years old and spent
(15:28):
his whole life grieving her.
He had a complex relationshipwith his own dad, filled with
love and tension.
To me, it was clear that hedidn't want to exist without his
parents.
He had done all he could do inthis lifetime and now he was
(15:51):
ready to join the souls that hadpassed before him.
His death was a profoundcatalyst for my own healing.
It was as if, with his passing,he took with him the sad,
damaged little girl inside of mewho had always been seeking his
validation.
Overnight, I felt a shiftwithin me.
(16:12):
The weight of unmetexpectations and unspoken words
seemed to lift and I foundmyself standing taller with a
newfound sense of self-worth.
In his passing, he had given mea final gift the freedom to let
go of the pain and embrace anew understanding of love and
(16:37):
forgiveness.
His presence remains with me,not in the form of a tumultuous
past, but as a bright,supportive energy.
I feel him cheering me on,sending me the love and
encouragement he struggled toexpress in life.
(16:57):
I do wonder what might havehappened if this healing had
come sooner, if we had learnedhow to communicate with each
other.
What was troubling him so muchthat he rejected the love of his
own family?
These are questions I'll neverhave answers to, but I find
(17:17):
solace in knowing that he's okaynow and still with us in spirit
.
He's been showing me signs,like moving boxes in my room
while we were still deep in thegrieving process, or as a
ladybug that landed on mybrother during my cousin's
wedding just three weeks afterhe passed, or the owl that
(17:41):
perched on the power linesoutside of my house as I was
writing this episode.
These moments remind me thatlove transcends physical
presence and that the bonds weshare are never truly broken.
Thank you so much for tuning into my 10th episode of season 2.
(18:03):
This was by far the mostdifficult episode I've created.
Death has a way of strippingaway the superficial and
bringing us face to face withthe essence of what truly
matters.
With the essence of what trulymatters.
It urges us to live life fullyand authentically, to prioritize
(18:28):
love, connection andforgiveness over judgment,
hesitation and regret.
My dad's passing was a harshreminder of this truth.
It taught me that there is notime to waste.
Life is too short and precious.
As we move through life, it'scrucial to tap into that inner
(18:49):
voice, to trust our instincts,even when they lead us into the
unknown.
My decision to move back homewas guided by a deep, intuitive
sense that there was somethingimportant I needed to be present
for.
It wasn't easy and it didn'tcome without fear or doubt, but
(19:11):
ultimately it brought me to aplace of deeper understanding
and connection For those of youlistening.
I encourage you to pay attentionto those subtle nudges from
within.
Whether they come as a quietwhisper or a strong, undeniable
urge, they are guiding youtowards your true path.
(19:34):
Trusting your intuition canlead to unexpected yet beautiful
transformations in your life,just as it has in mine, and I
can't wait to share where myintuition has led me in next
week's episode.
And if you're finding value inthis podcast, please consider
(19:55):
sharing with your friends andfamily.
As always, I would reallyappreciate a five-star review.
This helps other listeners findmy podcast, so we can continue
to grow our community.
I'll see you on Wednesday forepisode 11.
Together, here we're creating acommunity of beautiful souls,
(20:16):
ready to uplift each other,ready to experience all the joy
that this life has to offer us.
And don't forget, life is allabout balance.
Baby, balance, baby.
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