June 12, 2024 • 22 mins
What if the love you thought you knew was just a reflection of cultural expectations and not genuine connection? Join me, Harkaren, as I unravel the journey of self-discovery and healing after my tumultuous divorce. Influenced by Kate Rose's book, "You Only Fall in Love Three Times," we explore the different types of relationships—idealistic, karmic, and twin flame—and how they influenced my failed marriage. The solitude and introspection brought on by the pandemic lockdown gave me the rare opportunity to question deeply ingrained beliefs, redefine my values, and confront the reasons behind my past choices. This episode stresses the importance of understanding our emotional triggers and using them as avenues for growth and healing.
Have you ever felt that love required self-sacrifice? Through my relationship with a thoughtful partner named Sloth, I transitioned from a people pleaser to someone who experienced unconditional love. Despite our deep bond and shared growth, different life paths revealed that love alone couldn’t sustain us. We delve into the concept of love not just as an emotion but as a state of being, emphasizing the need for emotional safety, mutual respect, and meaningful connections. By reflecting on these experiences, we discuss the importance of processing past relationships to heal and rediscover our identities, ultimately aiming to live in a state of love that transcends mere feelings. Join our conversation to understand how spending time alone can pave the way for healthier future relationships.
Join our community of radiant souls. Subscribe and tune in every Wednesday to hear the latest episode. Be a part of a vibrant tribe that supports, inspires, and grows together.
Follow on Instagram: @balancebabypodcast
Follow on Tiktok: @balancebabypodcast
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Harkaren (00:03):
Hello everyone and welcome to Balance Baby, the
podcast designed to help youconsistently show up as the best
version of yourself.
My name is Harkaren and I'll beyour host.
I'll be here every week sharingstories and teaching you
techniques to prioritize theonly thing we have any control
(00:25):
over in this world ourselves.
We only fall in love threetimes in our lifetime, each one
for a specific reason, andthough these loves all feel
different, each serves the samepurpose to help us grow, evolve
(00:48):
and learn.
This is a quote I read from abook called you Only Fall in
Love Three Times the SecretSearch for Our Twin Flame by
Kate Rose.
It doesn't mean that we willonly fall in love with three
romantic partners in ourlifetime, but that there are
three distinct types of love,that we will only fall in love
with three romantic partners inour lifetime, but that there are
three distinct types of lovethat we fall into.
(01:09):
There's the idealistic love,the karmic love and the twin
flame.
I read this book while I was onmy post-divorce healing journey
and it really helped me makesense of things.
Fortunately for me, I was goingthrough my separation and
divorce during the pandemic.
(01:29):
I was back, living with myfamily, everything was locked
down and there was nothing to dobut heal.
The forced solitude gave me therare chance to reflect deeply
on my experiences and recognizethe patterns that had shaped my
choices Growing up.
The criteria for a partner hadalways been clear-cut he must be
(01:54):
a jut from a respectable familywith a good career.
These guidelines, ingrainedfrom childhood, defined my
concept of love and partnership.
It was more about ticking boxesthan forming a genuine
connection, and all of my SouthAsian friends and all of my
(02:15):
cousins were told the samethings by their families.
I didn't entertain any optionsoutside of my culture because I
knew, if things went wellbetween us, we wouldn't be able
to get married anyways.
Needless to say, this was avery problematic approach to
finding a life partner.
In those quiet, introspectivemonths, I spent my time
(02:39):
unraveling the impact myfamilial and cultural
expectations had on me.
The impact my familial andcultural expectations had on me.
I didn't even believe indivorce.
Yet here I was getting divorced.
So was it really a belief I had, or was it just that I was
conditioned to think that way?
What did I truly value in arelationship?
(03:03):
It dawned on me that many of myso-called beliefs were in fact
inherited rather than chosen.
This realization was bothunsettling and liberating.
They were rooted in the desireto conform to the expectations
of my family and community, tobe the good daughter who upheld
(03:24):
tradition and brought honor tothe family.
But as I sat with thesethoughts, I began to question
everything.
Why had I accepted thiscriteria without question?
Why had I allowed my lifechoices to be dictated by the
expectations of others?
The lockdown gave me the spaceand solitude to confront these
(03:46):
questions head-on, Without thedaily distractions and social
obligations.
I was left with just myself andthe echoes of my past decisions
.
I realized that the path I hadfollowed wasn't truly mine.
It was laid out by generationsbefore me, designed to fit a
mold that didn't necessarilyalign with my evolving sense of
(04:10):
self.
When I did get married, it waswith someone who perfectly fit
this mold.
He was everything my family hadenvisioned for me.
But over time I realized thatour relationship was lacking the
depth and mutual understandingthat I desired.
My marriage was a karmic love.
(04:31):
In the book, the authordescribes our karmic love as the
hardest love we experience.
It's often tumultuous andfilled with intense emotional
highs and lows.
This relationship can beemotionally draining and may
involve patterns of unhealthybehavior.
It often ends in a difficultbreakup, but leaves us with
(04:55):
crucial life lessons.
It was absolutely correct.
In my case, that relationshipbroke me to my core and
completely shattered myunderstanding of life.
The plan was always finishschool, get a job, get married,
start a family.
A divorce was never part of theplan.
(05:17):
But the divorce, as painful asit was, became a turning point.
It forced me to confront theseingrained beliefs and gave me
the courage to redefine myvalues on my own terms.
As the pandemic ended, I feltlike I had a really good sense
of who I was and what matteredto me in life.
(05:39):
I could see what my strengthsand weaknesses were, and I was
relearning how to love and trustmyself.
But relationships stillconfused me.
I wasn't sure if I had reallyexperienced love.
I didn't know what it felt liketo be in a healthy relationship
.
I had done all the healing Icould do on my own and I knew I
(06:03):
had come to a point where Ineeded to meet different types
of men, to be triggered indifferent ways, so that I could
heal my relationship wounds.
I wanted to heal the woundsthat my ex had caused, but also
the deeper wounds that caused meto choose someone like him in
the first place, Because itwasn't that he was a jut from a
(06:25):
respectable family with a goodcareer that made him a bad fit
for me.
It was who he was as a personthat made him a bad partner for
me.
That made him a bad partner forme.
It's easy to be happy and kindwhen the situation calls for it,
but a true test of yourspiritual alignment is how you
respond when you're beingtriggered.
(06:46):
Being triggered forces us toconfront our deepest wounds and
insecurities, bringing to thesurface emotions that we might
have buried or ignored.
It's in these moments ofdiscomfort that we have the
opportunity to truly understandourselves and our pattern of
behavior.
Instead of running from thesetriggers, I made the conscious
(07:10):
decision to lean into them, toexplore the underlying causes of
my reactions and to heal thewounds that I had.
This desire for more healing iswhat prompted me to start
dating.
I joined the wonderful world ofdating apps and was disappointed
almost immediately, but it waspartially my fault.
(07:33):
I was sticking to dating brownmen while simultaneously holding
on to a subconscious fear ofbrown men.
I had a fear that all brown menwere the same and that they
would disappoint me or hurt methe same way my ex had.
Because, truthfully, the men Ientertained before my ex were no
(07:55):
better than him.
They were liars, cheaters andthey could get away with almost
anything because no one wasregulating their behavior
Certainly nowhere close to howwomen in my culture are
regulated.
I went on a lot of first datesand everyone was pretty nice,
fairly easy to get along with,but everything felt so platonic
(08:17):
and I could tell that I stillhad my guard up.
I ended up taking a break fromdating and refocused on my
personal goals.
This is when I moved downtownand started living a life of
true freedom.
This is when I truly began tounderstand who I am outside of
my family and my community.
(08:38):
A few months into living alone,I was ready to start meeting
people again.
Because of how I was raised, Iwas made to believe that you
date to find a life partner.
I had never really entertainedthe idea of dating casually or
short-term or dating withoutintention or expectation, but I
finally had autonomy over my ownlife and I wasn't sure I was
(09:02):
ready to be in a seriousrelationship just yet.
All of my friends lived about40 minutes away.
So my intention was to meet menand women who lived closer to
me so that I could spend timewith them.
I was meeting people from alldifferent backgrounds and I was
really enjoying it.
And then I met someone superspecial, Someone I know was sent
(09:25):
for me by the universe.
How else do you explain thathis job moved him to Vancouver
from the East Coast at the sametime as me moving downtown and
that we moved onto the samestreet within a few months of
each other, even though he hadalready paid a deposit for
another place?
Or that I was open to exploringoutside of my culture when we
(09:49):
matched on a dating app?
Whatever it was that brought ustogether, I'm glad that it
happened, because he was theperson who taught me
unconditional love.
I grew up as a people pleaser,so I believed that love was
conditional, that it was earnedand only sustained through
meeting expectations and thedesires of others, that in order
(10:13):
to be loved, I needed to put mypartner's needs before my own.
That in order to be loved, Ineeded to put my partner's needs
before my own.
That was until I met a tall,white Canadian guy who grew up
on the East Coast.
We'll call him Sloth to make iteasier to follow along, but
also because he might come upagain in future episodes.
His friends had given him thatnickname when he was younger and
(10:40):
, of course, the universe usedit to deepen our connection with
each other.
Sloth and I hit it off rightaway.
We enjoyed each other's company, so naturally we started
spending a lot of time together.
The first thing I noticed washow calm I felt in his presence.
There was no nervousness.
There was no nervousness, therewas no anxiety.
I was just existing andenjoying the present moment
(11:01):
whenever I was with him.
The next thing I noticed washow thoughtful he was.
Thoughtful was never acharacteristic I would have used
to describe what I want out ofa future partner, but now it's
one of the main qualities I lookfor.
It was the little thingsWalking me home or to my car
(11:23):
after every date, Taking my dogfor runs during lunch so I could
catch up on work, Calming medown when I would feel
overwhelmed, Making sure I waswarm enough before I ever
mentioned being cold.
Always walking on the side oftraffic and helping random
strangers whenever we'd be outtogether.
It was these small acts ofkindness that showed me he truly
(11:47):
cared and that he was agenuinely good human being.
He was interested in mywell-being and valued me as a
person.
One of the best lessons Ilearned from our time together
was the importance of emotionalsafety in relationships.
With Sloth, I felt safe enoughto express my true feelings and
(12:10):
thoughts without the fear ofbeing criticized or
misunderstood.
He listened withoutinterrupting, offered support
without trying to fix everything, and valued my perspective,
even when we didn't see eye toeye.
This kind of acceptance allowedme to explore parts of myself
that I had kept hidden for solong, afraid that they were
(12:34):
unworthy or unlovable.
Our relationship wasn't perfectno relationship is but was real
.
We had our disagreements andchallenges, but we faced them
together, always with theintention of understanding each
other better.
Sloth taught me that true loveis always about growing together
(12:58):
, about supporting each otherthrough the highs and lows, and
about finding joy in the simplemoments of connection.
Both of us had come from toxicrelationships where we were
badly hurt, but instead ofhurting each other, we did
everything possible to help eachother heal.
(13:19):
As our relationship deepened, Ibegan to let go of the need to
constantly prove myself worthyof love.
I realized that I didn't haveto be perfect or meet every
expectation to be deserving ofaffection and care.
Love, as I experienced it withSloth, was not about earning
(13:41):
approval or sacrificing my needsfor the sake of the
relationship.
It was about being seen,accepted and cherished for who I
truly was.
The sloth was my idealisticlove.
The author says idealistic loveis often our first love,
(14:01):
although it wasn't in my case,because it's so sweet and pure
and almost fairytale-like.
It teaches us the excitementand passion of love.
Our love was effortless, joyfuland full of mutual admiration.
When we met there was animmediate connection, a spark
(14:23):
that made everything seemperfect.
It was the kind of love whereeverything just clicks, where
two people seem perfectlyaligned.
We laughed easily, shared ourdreams and found joy in each
other's company without tryingtoo hard.
In many ways, Sloth representedthe ideal partner I had
(14:45):
imagined, A person who couldunderstand and appreciate me
without the need for constantexplanation or effort.
He was thoughtful and attentiveand he made me feel cherished
in a way I hadn't experiencedbefore.
With him, everything felt easyand right.
There was an almost magicalquality to our relationship, and
(15:10):
that's because the universe wasdefinitely conspiring behind
the scenes.
Almost immediately after westarted dating, we started
seeing sloths and ladybugstogether everywhere, Like in
books and at the store and on TV.
And when there was a display ofstuffed animals, somehow the
(15:30):
sloth and the ladybug werealways beside each other.
Ladybugs started landing on himon a weekly basis, sometimes
multiple times a day.
When we'd be watching a sunsetor going for a walk, there was
almost always a ladybug around.
All he had to do was think ofme and a ladybug would appear.
(15:50):
It really was magic.
When I first met him, he was abit of a pessimist Well, maybe
realist is a better way todescribe him.
He was always a kind person,but he was definitely jaded by
the hardships of life and didn'treally believe in God or
spirituality.
And then there was me, blindlyfollowing my intuitive guidance
(16:14):
and lighting up every time I sawa ladybug.
And wouldn't you know it, mypositive energy rubbed off on
him Time and time again.
He has been bombarded withsynchronicities and has become a
believer in the signs from theuniverse.
He has grown and evolved andstarted to trust in divine
(16:34):
timing.
So much so that he hasintentionally decided on a new
symbol from the universe toremind him that everything is
always working out.
We dated on and off for abouttwo years On because we were so
good for each other and so goodto each other Off, because
(16:56):
idealistic love often fallsapart when real world problems
come into play.
When I was with him, I feltlike I was living in a bubble of
happiness, shielded from theharsh realities of the outside
world.
It's easy to get swept up inthe fantasy, to only see the
best in each other and to ignoreor minimize the challenges that
(17:18):
inevitably arise.
For us, the challenges came inthe form of differing life paths
and goals.
While we shared a deepconnection and enjoyed an
incredible bond, we were alsotwo individuals with our own
unique journeys and aspirations.
We started to face the realitythat love alone was not enough.
(17:40):
No matter how idealistic itmight have seemed, Our
relationship began to show signsof strain when we encountered
situations that required us toaddress real-life issues like
future plans, long-termcommitments and personal growth.
Sloth and I eventually partedways as life led us in different
(18:03):
directions, but the impact hehad on me remains profound.
He showed me that love could befree of conditions and that
true connection is built on afoundation of mutual respect,
understanding and genuine care.
These lessons continue to shapemy approach to relationships
(18:25):
and my journey of self-love,reminding me that the most
meaningful connections are thosethat allow us to be our
authentic selves and to growtogether.
Sloth and I parted ways with adeep sense of gratitude for the
time we shared and the lessonswe learned from each other.
We taught each other thatgrowth doesn't have to come from
(18:47):
destruction.
We got to grow through love,and that's a beautiful thing.
And perhaps the most liberatingrealization of all was
understanding that I couldextend this unconditional love
to myself.
For so long I had soughtvalidation from others,
(19:08):
believing that my worth was tiedto their approval, but through
my relationship with Sloth Ilearned that the most important
love of all is the love I givemyself Unconditional, unwavering
and ever-present.
I am now in a place to welcomein the third type of love, the
(19:30):
most profound and balanced love,the twin flame.
It is the most rewarding of thethree and often arrives when we
least expect it.
And often arrives when we leastexpect it.
This love feels effortless andaligns closely with our true
selves.
It's a relationship where bothpartners have grown individually
(19:53):
and come together in a mature,fulfilling partnership.
Thank you so much for tuning into my ninth episode of season
two.
Love is not a feeling, it is astate of being.
It's about how we choose tolive and interact with the world
and the people in it.
(20:14):
Being in a state of love meansapproaching life and
relationships with an open heart, ready to give and receive
without conditions.
It means accepting ourselvesand others fully, with all our
flaws and imperfections.
It's about nurturingconnections that allow us to
(20:35):
grow and evolve together,embracing both the joy and the
pain that comes with deep,meaningful relationships.
But there's another crucialaspect to maintaining this state
of love spending time alonebetween relationships.
These periods alone allow us toprocess and integrate the
(20:57):
lessons from past relationships,to heal from any wounds and to
rediscover our own identityoutside of being with someone
else.
Rushing from one relationship tothe next can lead to a cycle of
repeated patterns where wemight find ourselves
encountering multiple karmicloves.
(21:18):
These are relationships thatchallenge us to confront our
deepest fears and insecurities,often pushing us to grow in
uncomfortable ways.
While karmic loves are powerfulteachers, experiencing them
repeatedly without taking timeto heal can be exhausting and
emotionally draining.
(21:39):
By spending time alone, we giveourselves the space to become
whole and content on our own,which is the foundation for
forming healthy, fulfillingrelationships in the future.
I'll see you next Wednesday forepisode 10,.
And I leave you with a quote Ilove from the movie Interstellar
(22:00):
Love is the one thing we'recapable of perceiving that
transcends dimensions of timeand space.
Maybe we should trust that,even if we can't understand it.
Together, here we're creating acommunity of beautiful souls,
ready to uplift each other,ready to experience all the joy
(22:23):
that this life has to offer us.
And don't forget life is allabout balance, baby.
Hello everyone and welcome to Balance Baby, the
podcast designed to help youconsistently show up as the best
version of yourself.
My name is Harkaren and I'll beyour host.
I'll be here every week sharingstories and teaching you
techniques to prioritize theonly thing we have any control
(00:25):
over in this world ourselves.
We only fall in love threetimes in our lifetime, each one
for a specific reason, andthough these loves all feel
different, each serves the samepurpose to help us grow, evolve
(00:48):
and learn.
This is a quote I read from abook called you Only Fall in
Love Three Times the SecretSearch for Our Twin Flame by
Kate Rose.
It doesn't mean that we willonly fall in love with three
romantic partners in ourlifetime, but that there are
three distinct types of love,that we will only fall in love
with three romantic partners inour lifetime, but that there are
three distinct types of lovethat we fall into.
(01:09):
There's the idealistic love,the karmic love and the twin
flame.
I read this book while I was onmy post-divorce healing journey
and it really helped me makesense of things.
Fortunately for me, I was goingthrough my separation and
divorce during the pandemic.
(01:29):
I was back, living with myfamily, everything was locked
down and there was nothing to dobut heal.
The forced solitude gave me therare chance to reflect deeply
on my experiences and recognizethe patterns that had shaped my
choices Growing up.
The criteria for a partner hadalways been clear-cut he must be
(01:54):
a jut from a respectable familywith a good career.
These guidelines, ingrainedfrom childhood, defined my
concept of love and partnership.
It was more about ticking boxesthan forming a genuine
connection, and all of my SouthAsian friends and all of my
(02:15):
cousins were told the samethings by their families.
I didn't entertain any optionsoutside of my culture because I
knew, if things went wellbetween us, we wouldn't be able
to get married anyways.
Needless to say, this was avery problematic approach to
finding a life partner.
In those quiet, introspectivemonths, I spent my time
(02:39):
unraveling the impact myfamilial and cultural
expectations had on me.
The impact my familial andcultural expectations had on me.
I didn't even believe indivorce.
Yet here I was getting divorced.
So was it really a belief I had, or was it just that I was
conditioned to think that way?
What did I truly value in arelationship?
(03:03):
It dawned on me that many of myso-called beliefs were in fact
inherited rather than chosen.
This realization was bothunsettling and liberating.
They were rooted in the desireto conform to the expectations
of my family and community, tobe the good daughter who upheld
(03:24):
tradition and brought honor tothe family.
But as I sat with thesethoughts, I began to question
everything.
Why had I accepted thiscriteria without question?
Why had I allowed my lifechoices to be dictated by the
expectations of others?
The lockdown gave me the spaceand solitude to confront these
(03:46):
questions head-on, Without thedaily distractions and social
obligations.
I was left with just myself andthe echoes of my past decisions
.
I realized that the path I hadfollowed wasn't truly mine.
It was laid out by generationsbefore me, designed to fit a
mold that didn't necessarilyalign with my evolving sense of
(04:10):
self.
When I did get married, it waswith someone who perfectly fit
this mold.
He was everything my family hadenvisioned for me.
But over time I realized thatour relationship was lacking the
depth and mutual understandingthat I desired.
My marriage was a karmic love.
(04:31):
In the book, the authordescribes our karmic love as the
hardest love we experience.
It's often tumultuous andfilled with intense emotional
highs and lows.
This relationship can beemotionally draining and may
involve patterns of unhealthybehavior.
It often ends in a difficultbreakup, but leaves us with
(04:55):
crucial life lessons.
It was absolutely correct.
In my case, that relationshipbroke me to my core and
completely shattered myunderstanding of life.
The plan was always finishschool, get a job, get married,
start a family.
A divorce was never part of theplan.
(05:17):
But the divorce, as painful asit was, became a turning point.
It forced me to confront theseingrained beliefs and gave me
the courage to redefine myvalues on my own terms.
As the pandemic ended, I feltlike I had a really good sense
of who I was and what matteredto me in life.
(05:39):
I could see what my strengthsand weaknesses were, and I was
relearning how to love and trustmyself.
But relationships stillconfused me.
I wasn't sure if I had reallyexperienced love.
I didn't know what it felt liketo be in a healthy relationship
.
I had done all the healing Icould do on my own and I knew I
(06:03):
had come to a point where Ineeded to meet different types
of men, to be triggered indifferent ways, so that I could
heal my relationship wounds.
I wanted to heal the woundsthat my ex had caused, but also
the deeper wounds that caused meto choose someone like him in
the first place, Because itwasn't that he was a jut from a
(06:25):
respectable family with a goodcareer that made him a bad fit
for me.
It was who he was as a personthat made him a bad partner for
me.
That made him a bad partner forme.
It's easy to be happy and kindwhen the situation calls for it,
but a true test of yourspiritual alignment is how you
respond when you're beingtriggered.
(06:46):
Being triggered forces us toconfront our deepest wounds and
insecurities, bringing to thesurface emotions that we might
have buried or ignored.
It's in these moments ofdiscomfort that we have the
opportunity to truly understandourselves and our pattern of
behavior.
Instead of running from thesetriggers, I made the conscious
(07:10):
decision to lean into them, toexplore the underlying causes of
my reactions and to heal thewounds that I had.
This desire for more healing iswhat prompted me to start
dating.
I joined the wonderful world ofdating apps and was disappointed
almost immediately, but it waspartially my fault.
(07:33):
I was sticking to dating brownmen while simultaneously holding
on to a subconscious fear ofbrown men.
I had a fear that all brown menwere the same and that they
would disappoint me or hurt methe same way my ex had.
Because, truthfully, the men Ientertained before my ex were no
(07:55):
better than him.
They were liars, cheaters andthey could get away with almost
anything because no one wasregulating their behavior
Certainly nowhere close to howwomen in my culture are
regulated.
I went on a lot of first datesand everyone was pretty nice,
fairly easy to get along with,but everything felt so platonic
(08:17):
and I could tell that I stillhad my guard up.
I ended up taking a break fromdating and refocused on my
personal goals.
This is when I moved downtownand started living a life of
true freedom.
This is when I truly began tounderstand who I am outside of
my family and my community.
(08:38):
A few months into living alone,I was ready to start meeting
people again.
Because of how I was raised, Iwas made to believe that you
date to find a life partner.
I had never really entertainedthe idea of dating casually or
short-term or dating withoutintention or expectation, but I
finally had autonomy over my ownlife and I wasn't sure I was
(09:02):
ready to be in a seriousrelationship just yet.
All of my friends lived about40 minutes away.
So my intention was to meet menand women who lived closer to
me so that I could spend timewith them.
I was meeting people from alldifferent backgrounds and I was
really enjoying it.
And then I met someone superspecial, Someone I know was sent
(09:25):
for me by the universe.
How else do you explain thathis job moved him to Vancouver
from the East Coast at the sametime as me moving downtown and
that we moved onto the samestreet within a few months of
each other, even though he hadalready paid a deposit for
another place?
Or that I was open to exploringoutside of my culture when we
(09:49):
matched on a dating app?
Whatever it was that brought ustogether, I'm glad that it
happened, because he was theperson who taught me
unconditional love.
I grew up as a people pleaser,so I believed that love was
conditional, that it was earnedand only sustained through
meeting expectations and thedesires of others, that in order
(10:13):
to be loved, I needed to put mypartner's needs before my own.
That in order to be loved, Ineeded to put my partner's needs
before my own.
That was until I met a tall,white Canadian guy who grew up
on the East Coast.
We'll call him Sloth to make iteasier to follow along, but
also because he might come upagain in future episodes.
His friends had given him thatnickname when he was younger and
(10:40):
, of course, the universe usedit to deepen our connection with
each other.
Sloth and I hit it off rightaway.
We enjoyed each other's company, so naturally we started
spending a lot of time together.
The first thing I noticed washow calm I felt in his presence.
There was no nervousness.
There was no nervousness, therewas no anxiety.
I was just existing andenjoying the present moment
(11:01):
whenever I was with him.
The next thing I noticed washow thoughtful he was.
Thoughtful was never acharacteristic I would have used
to describe what I want out ofa future partner, but now it's
one of the main qualities I lookfor.
It was the little thingsWalking me home or to my car
(11:23):
after every date, Taking my dogfor runs during lunch so I could
catch up on work, Calming medown when I would feel
overwhelmed, Making sure I waswarm enough before I ever
mentioned being cold.
Always walking on the side oftraffic and helping random
strangers whenever we'd be outtogether.
It was these small acts ofkindness that showed me he truly
(11:47):
cared and that he was agenuinely good human being.
He was interested in mywell-being and valued me as a
person.
One of the best lessons Ilearned from our time together
was the importance of emotionalsafety in relationships.
With Sloth, I felt safe enoughto express my true feelings and
(12:10):
thoughts without the fear ofbeing criticized or
misunderstood.
He listened withoutinterrupting, offered support
without trying to fix everything, and valued my perspective,
even when we didn't see eye toeye.
This kind of acceptance allowedme to explore parts of myself
that I had kept hidden for solong, afraid that they were
(12:34):
unworthy or unlovable.
Our relationship wasn't perfectno relationship is but was real
.
We had our disagreements andchallenges, but we faced them
together, always with theintention of understanding each
other better.
Sloth taught me that true loveis always about growing together
(12:58):
, about supporting each otherthrough the highs and lows, and
about finding joy in the simplemoments of connection.
Both of us had come from toxicrelationships where we were
badly hurt, but instead ofhurting each other, we did
everything possible to help eachother heal.
(13:19):
As our relationship deepened, Ibegan to let go of the need to
constantly prove myself worthyof love.
I realized that I didn't haveto be perfect or meet every
expectation to be deserving ofaffection and care.
Love, as I experienced it withSloth, was not about earning
(13:41):
approval or sacrificing my needsfor the sake of the
relationship.
It was about being seen,accepted and cherished for who I
truly was.
The sloth was my idealisticlove.
The author says idealistic loveis often our first love,
(14:01):
although it wasn't in my case,because it's so sweet and pure
and almost fairytale-like.
It teaches us the excitementand passion of love.
Our love was effortless, joyfuland full of mutual admiration.
When we met there was animmediate connection, a spark
(14:23):
that made everything seemperfect.
It was the kind of love whereeverything just clicks, where
two people seem perfectlyaligned.
We laughed easily, shared ourdreams and found joy in each
other's company without tryingtoo hard.
In many ways, Sloth representedthe ideal partner I had
(14:45):
imagined, A person who couldunderstand and appreciate me
without the need for constantexplanation or effort.
He was thoughtful and attentiveand he made me feel cherished
in a way I hadn't experiencedbefore.
With him, everything felt easyand right.
There was an almost magicalquality to our relationship, and
(15:10):
that's because the universe wasdefinitely conspiring behind
the scenes.
Almost immediately after westarted dating, we started
seeing sloths and ladybugstogether everywhere, Like in
books and at the store and on TV.
And when there was a display ofstuffed animals, somehow the
(15:30):
sloth and the ladybug werealways beside each other.
Ladybugs started landing on himon a weekly basis, sometimes
multiple times a day.
When we'd be watching a sunsetor going for a walk, there was
almost always a ladybug around.
All he had to do was think ofme and a ladybug would appear.
(15:50):
It really was magic.
When I first met him, he was abit of a pessimist Well, maybe
realist is a better way todescribe him.
He was always a kind person,but he was definitely jaded by
the hardships of life and didn'treally believe in God or
spirituality.
And then there was me, blindlyfollowing my intuitive guidance
(16:14):
and lighting up every time I sawa ladybug.
And wouldn't you know it, mypositive energy rubbed off on
him Time and time again.
He has been bombarded withsynchronicities and has become a
believer in the signs from theuniverse.
He has grown and evolved andstarted to trust in divine
(16:34):
timing.
So much so that he hasintentionally decided on a new
symbol from the universe toremind him that everything is
always working out.
We dated on and off for abouttwo years On because we were so
good for each other and so goodto each other Off, because
(16:56):
idealistic love often fallsapart when real world problems
come into play.
When I was with him, I feltlike I was living in a bubble of
happiness, shielded from theharsh realities of the outside
world.
It's easy to get swept up inthe fantasy, to only see the
best in each other and to ignoreor minimize the challenges that
(17:18):
inevitably arise.
For us, the challenges came inthe form of differing life paths
and goals.
While we shared a deepconnection and enjoyed an
incredible bond, we were alsotwo individuals with our own
unique journeys and aspirations.
We started to face the realitythat love alone was not enough.
(17:40):
No matter how idealistic itmight have seemed, Our
relationship began to show signsof strain when we encountered
situations that required us toaddress real-life issues like
future plans, long-termcommitments and personal growth.
Sloth and I eventually partedways as life led us in different
(18:03):
directions, but the impact hehad on me remains profound.
He showed me that love could befree of conditions and that
true connection is built on afoundation of mutual respect,
understanding and genuine care.
These lessons continue to shapemy approach to relationships
(18:25):
and my journey of self-love,reminding me that the most
meaningful connections are thosethat allow us to be our
authentic selves and to growtogether.
Sloth and I parted ways with adeep sense of gratitude for the
time we shared and the lessonswe learned from each other.
We taught each other thatgrowth doesn't have to come from
(18:47):
destruction.
We got to grow through love,and that's a beautiful thing.
And perhaps the most liberatingrealization of all was
understanding that I couldextend this unconditional love
to myself.
For so long I had soughtvalidation from others,
(19:08):
believing that my worth was tiedto their approval, but through
my relationship with Sloth Ilearned that the most important
love of all is the love I givemyself Unconditional, unwavering
and ever-present.
I am now in a place to welcomein the third type of love, the
(19:30):
most profound and balanced love,the twin flame.
It is the most rewarding of thethree and often arrives when we
least expect it.
And often arrives when we leastexpect it.
This love feels effortless andaligns closely with our true
selves.
It's a relationship where bothpartners have grown individually
(19:53):
and come together in a mature,fulfilling partnership.
Thank you so much for tuning into my ninth episode of season
two.
Love is not a feeling, it is astate of being.
It's about how we choose tolive and interact with the world
and the people in it.
(20:14):
Being in a state of love meansapproaching life and
relationships with an open heart, ready to give and receive
without conditions.
It means accepting ourselvesand others fully, with all our
flaws and imperfections.
It's about nurturingconnections that allow us to
(20:35):
grow and evolve together,embracing both the joy and the
pain that comes with deep,meaningful relationships.
But there's another crucialaspect to maintaining this state
of love spending time alonebetween relationships.
These periods alone allow us toprocess and integrate the
(20:57):
lessons from past relationships,to heal from any wounds and to
rediscover our own identityoutside of being with someone
else.
Rushing from one relationship tothe next can lead to a cycle of
repeated patterns where wemight find ourselves
encountering multiple karmicloves.
(21:18):
These are relationships thatchallenge us to confront our
deepest fears and insecurities,often pushing us to grow in
uncomfortable ways.
While karmic loves are powerfulteachers, experiencing them
repeatedly without taking timeto heal can be exhausting and
emotionally draining.
(21:39):
By spending time alone, we giveourselves the space to become
whole and content on our own,which is the foundation for
forming healthy, fulfillingrelationships in the future.
I'll see you next Wednesday forepisode 10,.
And I leave you with a quote Ilove from the movie Interstellar
(22:00):
Love is the one thing we'recapable of perceiving that
transcends dimensions of timeand space.
Maybe we should trust that,even if we can't understand it.
Together, here we're creating acommunity of beautiful souls,
ready to uplift each other,ready to experience all the joy
(22:23):
that this life has to offer us.
And don't forget life is allabout balance, baby.
Popular Podcasts
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.