Celebrating Women's History Month "It's Time to Be Something Different"

Today we're here to continue the celebration of Women's History Month by sharing the stories of inspiring women and honoring the choices that they've made throughout their lives. Today Wendy invited national speaker, trainer, and Toastmasters graduate Rah Kalon onto the podcast. Rah got their bachelor's in strategic communication from the University of North Texas and claimed their master's in clinical counseling from UNT Dallas. They went on to found their own emotional intelligence consulting company in 2020.

Episode Transcript

(00:01):
- Belief is just a thoughtthat I've thought a lot.
So if I believe I can't,if I shift that thinking,
I can believe something different
and I can be something different
and it's time to be something different.
- Welcome to balancingLife's Issues, the podcast.
I'm your host Kai, and today we're here
to continue the celebrationof Women's History Month

(00:21):
by sharing the stories of inspiring women
and honoring the choices
that they've made throughout their lives.
Today, Wendy invitedNational speaker, trainer,
and Toastmasters graduate RockAlon onto the podcast Raw.
Got their bachelor's instrategic communication from the
University of North Texasand claimed their master's in
clinical counseling from UNT Dallas.
They went on to found theirown emotional intelligence

(00:43):
consulting company in 2020.
Take it away, Wendy.
- Hey Rah, how are ya?
- I'm doing so well this morning, Wendy,
how about yourself? Good.
- I'm so happy you like,popped in to my living room
and, um, I love talking tobrilliant women, so thank you.
Um, I appreciate that.
And, and we're, we're justtaking some time out this month

(01:04):
to highlight, um, women
and especially caring smart,amazing women that are helping
to change the world in their own way.
So instead of me introducing you,
I'm gonna just throw it over to you.
Like, can you tell oureveryone who you are?
- Absolutely. So my name isRaw Kalon de She pronouns.

(01:25):
I am the creator and ownerof Raw Kalon Coaching
and Consulting, an emotionalintelligence agency
that helps individuals,couples, communities,
and companies understand
that they are not simplyenough, but they are more than.
So in a nutshell, I justhelp people, people better
through welcoming withthem, with emotional health
and emotional intelligence.
And it's been a lifelongjourney and very fulfilling.

(01:46):
- You know, it, it's so funny
'cause sometimes you everjust take a step back
and say like, don'tthey know this already?
Like, and what would you say?
Like, but the problem Wendy is,
- Oh, the problem Wendy, is
that people don't trust themselves.
There are lots of things that we know,
we know on a deep cellular level.
However, we have beenconditioned throughout life
to trust people
and circumstances externalto us, outside of us.

(02:08):
And so, especially as women,especially as women of color,
I know that I can find myselfhaving imposter syndrome
or self-doubt that justinhibits me from living
in my full potential.
So what I've been able to do
and what I'm doing all mylife is removing those layers
of doubt, revealing thetruth, and then embodying that
and reminding other people to do the same.

(02:29):
- Oh my goodness. I need tip number one.
- Tip number one is sit with yourself,
become comfortable in your own solitude.
You'll be amazed at how quicklyyou go into survival mode.
As soon as you sit your buttdown to actually be still.
You just don't trust it.There's been so much go, go, go
that you think that ifyou're sitting still,
you're missing something.
But really by not sitting still

(02:50):
and sitting with you,sitting in your own solitude,
you're missing everything.
You're missing how you are feeling
and your feelings determine what you think
and your thoughts determine your behavior.
So yeah, that's thought numberone. Suggestion number one.
- So rock, can you share with us like when
that's been a challenge for you?
Like, can you share aparticular story about

(03:11):
where it's like been like,you know, Winnie, I get it
because it's been hard because,
- Well, I think it's,uh, the easiest story
to think about is startingyour own business.
You know, you know that you have a gift.
I have always had a gift with speaking.
I've always had a gift withwords, writing, playwriting,
connecting with people.
And when I went through grad school

(03:32):
and I got my master's in clinicalcounseling, it seemed easy
to go the path that everyoneelse would go be a counselor,
be a licensed counselor,go that direction.
But the community that I wasworking with, the community
that I was around, honestlydidn't trust counselors,
didn't trust therapists,
and was much more interestedin having someone to talk to.
Just someone who could helpthem unpack how they feel.

(03:53):
And so terms like coaching, oh,
- Wait a minute, raw,how many people told you
that it was a bad idea tostart your own business?
- You know, it wasn't so much
that people told me it was a bad idea.
They would just ask questionsthat would point to doubt.
Interesting. No one had the audacity,
especially if you knowme and how big I dream.
No one had the audacityto say, that's a bad idea.

(04:14):
They would try to poke holes.
They, and, and it wasn'teven that they wanted
to discourage me, theywanted me to be prepared.
And that's what a lot of people do,
- Right?
Because we shield you frombeing hurt, right? I mean, they
- Wanna shield you, but reallythey're just really setting
you up to be hurt bynot trusting yourself.
So starting this organization,starting this platform,

(04:34):
it is one of those moments whereself-awareness, self-trust,
self-acceptance andreally leaning into your
gift making room for you.
All of that started with this.
- So do you have women thatyou go to not maybe even
that you know, or that you don't know,
I don't know if you wanna usethe word role model or mentor.
Do you have those people,like when you walk in a room
and you're networking,are there a lot of women

(04:56):
or there a lot of women of color
and you're like, I wanna be like her.
- There's a handful of women that I want
to be in the same opportunities as her.
I can say that at this point in life,
there's no other woman Iwant to be other than me.
Uh, but I do have Dr.Quinta, Dr. Chandler.
These are experts in thefield of mental health
and emotional health that Ienjoy being able to reach out

(05:18):
to when my world is spending.
And let's be clear, just
because you know how to helppeople with their emotions
and their mindset doesn't mean
that you are constantly workingon your own maintenance.
- Yeah, it's so true.
You know, one thing here atat BLI that's always important
to us is we talk a littlebit about holistically,
like our own health, our own family.
So will you share with us likea little bit about what's the

(05:40):
other world like over there for you, raw,
like your family, your health?How's it going for you?
- I would say that my body is changing.
I'm 32 and I can tell and I can feel that.
So I'm learning what mybody needs right now.
So my health is doing wellbecause I'm paying attention,
but I'm looking forward to
what this next evolution looks like.
My family is doing well, we are thriving

(06:01):
and grateful to be doing so.
This marks the 10 year anniversary
of my mother passing away.
And so this 10 year moment,there's a lot of full circle.
There's a lot of appreciationfor not being in the depths
of grief like we were, but still knowing
that grief holds a place within us,
we've just grown bigger thanthe grief at this point.
So I'm more than proud of my family.
- Do you think that, like,as a woman, when you look at

(06:23):
where you mean 32?
I'm 62, so we got a little age thing.
I'm enough to be yourmom over here. Right?
I'll ask you this question,and I don't mean it negative,
but it does come out a little negative,
is we just haven't made enough progress.
I feel like we just haven'tmade enough progress.
Um, and it's, it gets to me some mornings.
How are you feeling about likewomen and our empowerment?

(06:44):
- You know, I, I think that we have made,
we've made progress, butthere's always more to be done
for me and my perspective.
It really is aboutappreciating where you're at
and using that as a catalystto get to the next place.
I find that if I'm alwaysonly having my sight set on
where I want to get towithout acknowledging all
that it took to get tohere, that I can start

(07:05):
to come off ungrateful and I'll get fussy
and then I'll start to put up obstacles
that aren't even necessarily there.
But if I start to see howI've overcome obstacles,
I've had 100% success,
success rate at getting to where I'm at.
Even if there were somescenic routes versus
some shortcuts that I wanted,
- Oh, I like that scenic route idea.
- The scenic route, you know, take,
taking all the scenery, taking the views.

(07:27):
But by this point now I amjust eager to see women embody,
honoring the desires of their heart,
not feeling selfish for that.
Recognizing self care is self preservation
and that by doing so, youhave more to give to the rest
of your village, to therest of the community.
And by honoring thatunapologetically, that's
what I'm interested in.

(07:48):
And I know that our progress is going
- On.
So let me ask you the hardestquestion. What's that?
Now in context, I have beencalled some names along the way
'cause I want what I want, what I want it.
Mm-Hmm, and
that word witch, but ithas a different name.
Mm-Hmm. rhyme.Different first letter. Mm-Hmm.
. Has it ever happened
to you? And how do you feel about that?
- You know, with theenergy that I have, Wendy,

(08:10):
people don't talk to me like that.
And if they talk about me likethat, they know better than
to do it to my face because I,
- But how, tell me howyou set that boundary.
How did you change that?Like, what did you do, rod?
That I can learn fromthat They would never
say that about me, Wendy.
'cause that's what I hearyou saying. They would never
- Do that.
Well, they wouldn't do it to my face.
I don't know what they do when they're not

(08:31):
in front of me, but they wouldn't do
- It.
And, and you know what, I'm good with that
'cause we can't control control that.
But, but what do you think?What do you think you've done?
And I, I mean, really tell mewhat do you think you've done
that that's just notpart of the conversation
where they would sayto your face, you know,
you're a a, a witch.
Mm-Hmm. . But the other one
- I've respected myself
and I have put myself in positions

(08:52):
where other people respect me too.
So that even when they disagreewith me, there's no need
to talk crazy to one another.
And also they know that I am so observant
and I am so aware of how I navigate people
and how I lead with humility.
That if they did get that low vibrational,
if they did choose to behavethat emotionally immature,
they would be kicking themselves out

(09:13):
of an opportunity to work with me.
So when we disagree, they justfind an amicable way to do it
because why would youwanna miss out on someone
who has this much to offer? Whoa,
- Whoa.
You know what I hear fromyou and I appreciate it
and it is something that Ithink we need so much more.
I self-confidence,
- Uh, and, and self-confidence.
Not arrogance confidence.

(09:34):
- Yeah. But you know, rathis is gonna be silly,
but let's, let's turn this into a
real coaching moment for a minute.
Okay? I went to a function last night
and there were a lot of people there,
and I, I thought I lookednice, I was pretty happy
and, but not, and, andthe people were dressed
and, you know, it waspretty, you know, upscale.
Not one person commented on my attire,

(09:57):
but they did on everyone else's.
Mm mm-Hmm, . And I went home
and I thought, I don't think a
man would ever care aboutthat. Why do I care?
- Mm.- Where, well, what happens with that?
What's wrong with me ?
- Well, it's not even.And I love when people ask
that question, what's wrong with me?
A better question is what happened to me?
It's not, what's wrongwith you? What happened?

(10:18):
And what happens with mostwomen is that we're conditioned
to find value in our appearance,
not necessarily at thesame level that we do with
what we are contributing.
And so even with that being the case,
you have this thoughtfulness over,
I put intention into how I look.
I want other people to appreciate that.
But at the end of the day,as long as you enjoyed

(10:39):
how you were styling, that'swhat matters. You know,
- What would be the last thing?
Like if you were, if you were,you know, you're on your,
your ability now tocommunicate to the world and,
and no script, um,
women's history month, you would say
- What I would say women, it's time.

(11:00):
The future is female,
but the present momentis divinely feminine.
I would say that the dooris locked from the inside.
So stop waiting for someoneto come and save you.
You have all the things you're equipped,
even if you don't feelprepared to save yourself.
It just comes with sitting your butt down
and getting familiar with whothat self you're saving is
leading with that self-acceptance

(11:21):
and that unconditionalcompassion that it is not
what is wrong with me,but what happened to me
that conditioned me toperceive things this way.
And that a belief is just athought that I've thought a lot.
So if I believe I can't,if I shift that thinking,
I can believe something different
and I can be something different
and it's time to be something different.
- I don't think you couldget any better than that.

(11:42):
She's a freaking genius off.
So I, all I can do istell you I'm grateful
for your relationship and yourwords and yeah, thank you.
- Of course. Well have me on anytime.
I love coming to your, yourliving room and talking with
- You.
- Big thanks to Raw Kalan andWendy for today's episode.
If you'd like to hear more from Raw,
you can catch your hostingthis month's free BLI webinar

(12:04):
titled Leadership
for Women on March 29that 1:00 PM Eastern.
Registration information is available at
bli-info.com/free webinars.
Until next time, everyone take care.
This has been a productionof Balancing Life's Issues
with your hosts, Kai Sorenson

(12:25):
and Wendy Woner, produced by me Kai Rate.
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Miles.