Balancing Life! Balenciaga!

Season 2: Episode 3 - Balancing Life! Balenciaga!

In this episode of Banta with Toni, we explore the power of pivoting, with Rihanna as a prime example of reinvention and resilience, including a candid discussion about public criticism of her relationships. Toni also highlights New Zealand's progressive bill aimed at preserving indigenous rights and reversing colonial impacts.

The main discussion of the day however was on balancing life effectively, with practical tips like time blocking and prioritization to help listeners navigate their busy schedules with ease.

As always, she concludes the show with her "Book of the Week" selection, alongside her weekly picks for gospel and secular music. This thoughtful mix provides listeners with the perfect soundtrack and inspiration to carry them through the hustle and bustle of life.

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Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Welcome to Banta with Tony. Join me as I share stories about
motherhood, faith, life, love, and everything else in between.
I promise we'll also have some fun along the way, and I hope
that the time we spend together will end up being some of the
highlights of your week. Thank you for coming along.
Hello, hello, and welcome to another episode of Banta with

(00:24):
Tony. So Mimi had a friend named
Gregory that she said every timehe saw her, he'll go like Banta.
So I picked that up from those stories 'cause I thought they
were so funny. So every time you see me just go
Banta with Tony, just a little fun.
I hope everybody is having a wonderful week.

(00:44):
These episodes are usually goingto come out on Fridays, so it's
right before your weekend and toget you energized for the
following week. So hopefully you can listen to
it before you go out on the weekend and re listen to it
again in the following week. I hope we're all recovering.
If you're still in the process of recovery, whatever that looks
like for you, I hope you continue down that path.
I think for the most part I'm over it, so I'm good.

(01:05):
Like I said before, I had personal things happening before
the elections and those personalthings are still continuing.
So those are the things I have to deal with.
But I think I'm over the election.
It is what it is. Life is going to move on.
And so we're going to do what wegoing to do, OK, Anyways, we're
going to go back to regular programming today.
We're going to cover a little bit of pop culture and then
we'll go into our topic for the day.

(01:27):
I hope that if you are on episode 3 listening that I will.
I have grabbed onto your ears and I'll continue to grab onto
your ears. So let's go.
I don't know why, but it seems like Rihanna has been popping up
on my feed lately, like on Threads when I go on Instagram,
even when I'm on TikTok. So the girl is out here working
and it's like different things that popped up.
OK, so the first thing that popped up for me with Rihanna on

(01:50):
Threads was this person. And because of the nature of the
story, I'm not going to find outthe name of the person or the
individual. A lot of times when I say the
name of the user is I'm trying to give them credit.
So like if you are listening to the story, you can go back and
follow that individual or you know, go and show love or
whatever it is. But if it's the kind of story
like the one I'm going to tell, I will not listen anymore.
The individual, because I don't want anybody going and having

(02:12):
opinions about this person and the story I'm about to share.
I hope that makes sense. In essence, what I'm trying to
say is I'm always going to give people their flowers when
they're due. So this individual made a post
saying that they were pretty much disappointed in Rihanna
because they felt like her beingwith A$AP Rocky was her not
being with a man that's deserving of her because they're
thinking like she's a billionaire, so she needs to be

(02:32):
with a billionaire. I don't know about this
individual. I don't know nothing about their
life. But when I read that, I was
like, wow, so many things that Iwanted to address in just one
thing, right? The first thing that came to my
mind is I have never considered myself wealthy.
One day I pray the good Lord will bless me through my hard
work, through the dreams I have everything I'm trying to

(02:53):
accomplish that He will bless meand I'll be among the wealthy.
But I have never considered myself that.
But it doesn't mean that I've not spent my life like learning
and trying to gather as much knowledge as possible from
people that I consider to be wealthy or, you know, have made
well to do for themselves in this life.
And one of the things that I've always noticed is that no matter
the amount of money that somebody has, eventually the

(03:14):
things that they seek in life are the most regular things that
we who we're striving for that status or we're striving to have
those achievements that we tend to take for granted.
So a person will tell you when Iget to the point where I can buy
anything in this world that I want and I've traveled, I've
accessed the biggest things, everything on my wish list for
life. I've bought my dream car, my

(03:36):
dream home, dream vacation, doneit 50 million * I start wanting
the basic things that I cannot buy with money because that's
where the value is at. So that's what came to me like
when I saw this statement that this individual made because I'm
like, it's not something that I think from what I've gathered
from Rihanna, I don't this woman, but just what I've seen
from the media, I don't think she will pursue a relationship

(03:57):
just because a person is a billionaire.
And I went ahead to list on the comments for this young lady,
like all the things that at least that we can see from the
outside looking in. Again, we're not in these
people's lives. We don't know what it's like.
But from the outside looking in,what I have observed, I think
they're they're equally yoked because they're about the same
age. They're both have heritage, from
what I've read from the islands.So they connect in that way.

(04:19):
They're I think he keeps her grounded.
I think they seem like they havefun and they laugh together.
They have a beautiful family together.
Given her success and the amountof time that she has, you know,
now taken to build her empire, he seems to have done a pretty
good job as far as like holding down the home for it and not
letting his ego get in the way. I think a couple weeks ago, he
was launching a fashion line. And that's like the first time

(04:42):
that I've actually seen something that he's doing.
And he had music that just came out not too long ago, too.
So he is doing some projects of his own.
But I know that I read an article somewhere where he had
stated that he didn't want, like, too much outside help.
So it's either if he can't take care of the kids, then Rihanna
is going to do it. And I'm sure family members help
them here and there. I don't know how true that is,
but that just kind of shows likewhere his head is at, like with

(05:04):
prioritizing his family and obviously being in a supportive
role to Rihanna. So I list these things.
I'm like, he seems supportive. They seem like they're equally
yoked in that way. He's also a celebrity in his own
right. Yes, he was not a Rihanna, but I
mean, what the heck does that mean at the end of the day, You
know, they seem to have the samesense of style.
Like you wouldn't think about putting those kind of

(05:24):
combinations together. And it's the kind of things that
only the two of them could do. I think they connect in that
area too with like fashion. So when you look at all these
different things, I'm like, it seems like it's a pretty good
match to me. So if you're only thing of
saying like she can do better, she deserves more, blah, blah,
blah, she doesn't match this individual is because of
monetary things that you think she should go and be with a

(05:45):
billionaire. I'm like, Oh my goodness, like
this person, you must not understand that when you get to
a certain level in life where you have a certain amount of
money, you're looking for those little things.
So yes, she is going to try to gravitate towards the person
that speaks to her soul, towardsthe person that feels like home.
And I remember also reading another article where it stated
like she was saying how, you know, they have both seen each

(06:06):
other in relationships that havenot been so great.
So one of the things they try tobe cognizant of is the fact that
they work well, great together, but they also have the ability
of being like dynamite for each other, right?
So it's making sure that they don't tap into each other's
vulnerabilities or going to likethe traumatic things that they
know could trigger each other. So even approaching their
relationship, like having that awareness in the beginning of

(06:28):
it, I think that's a beautiful thing.
So when I saw that, I'm just like, girl, I don't know what
you're talking about, Miss Ma'am, but that is not a
requirement for love. And to be honest, I feel like
Rihanna's such a personality that I don't think that is even
anything that's on her radar. I think if she wasn't with A$AP
Rocky, I don't think she's goingto be looking out there like,
I'm a billionaire now, so I needto go make sure I find myself a
billionaire. No, because again, it's

(06:49):
something that she has worked towards.
It's a value that's there that'sthat's attached to her from what
I even observed from her life, like she tends to kind of leave
like a very low key life that I love.
She's always gonna be fabulous. I mean, she's gonna have some
wonderful jewelry on someone of a kind bag and you know, because
she's a fashion girly. But this is also the person that
I saw like shopping at Target. This is the person that, you

(07:11):
know, when she's with her familycan be very down to earth from
what I can see. Like just living like a regular
person's life, which is what it should be like to be in that
space of like, I'm not allowing this money or this amount of
things that I have to then cloudor take over all the
experiences. So why would she just be with
somebody just because oh, I'm a millionaire, I should be with
somebody that's a millionaire too.

(07:33):
So that young lady, I'm just like, I hope she gets to
challenge her thinking. And then you know me, I'm always
going to go deeper. So then I'm like, OK, hopefully
this individual, that's not how they approach their
relationships too. Because then bringing it down to
earth for us everyday people made me think about how many
girls are out there that maybe aman is checking off a lot of the
boxes for you, but you're holding off because you think,

(07:53):
OK, I make 6 figures and he needs to make 7 figures.
And that's the idea I've had in my head.
So even though this person checks off all these boxes, I'm
not going to give him a chance. Meanwhile, I'll give somebody a
chance that makes the seven figures.
But they don't check off a lot of these boxes.
And at the end of the day, the material things are great, but
it's like, how does that person make you feel?
Do you feel at home with them? Are they going to be patient
with you? Are they going to see your ugly
moments and still love you through all of that?

(08:16):
And when you find that, that's the thing that you cannot
replace with money. So to any of my younger
listeners out there, I hope whenyou're building your list of
things that it's kind of like the things that I talked about
that I felt like was there in their relationship.
Like, do you guys have fun together?
I think we miss that so much. Like we put all these other
things on our list. But is this somebody you guys
can laugh together? You can have your quirky jokes

(08:39):
together? Do you guys share a common
interest? So like for these two, like I
said, they're both musicians, they both have fashion like they
have, I'm sure other things thatwe don't know about, but there's
a common ground in a lot of things.
So these are all the things thatyou should look for.
And if that person happens to have, you know, $1,000,000 in
their bank account, great. But if you meet somebody that
checks off all those boxes, likefor me for example, faith is a

(09:01):
big thing, right? So I need to be with somebody
who believes in God, goes to church, all of that stuff.
Like that's a no go area for me if he meets all those boxes.
But he might make the same as I do or maybe a little bit less
than I do. Africans always say to tomorrow
is pregnant, we don't know what tomorrow brings.
If you have the right people together, like let's say you are
more of like a go getter or whatever.

(09:21):
And maybe this person, they might want something different
in life or from you. But let's say you guys get
together, you don't know what tomorrow's going to bring.
You don't know where his passions and his things are
going to take him to. So if that person checks off a
lot of things for you and it's just that one thing, why would
you give up on that? And then you miss out on the
chance of being with somebody that could have been a good
match for you. So to my young girl is out there

(09:42):
because you know me, huh? Hey, I'm no longer in the market
selling fish. My fish is not for sale.
OK, That was like the craziest metaphor.
But for those of you that are still in the market selling
fish, I need to let you know, please have better criteria.
Don't say, oh, this person is not your level because you dress
nice and fancy and he doesn't dress nice.

(10:03):
If that's a thing that's like priority for you.
Maybe you have like a public relations or you have something
that you know, you're constantlygoing out.
So you need somebody that knows how to put together, but it will
still, is this a real reason foryou to say, oh, no, I cannot.
Like if the person is open to it, like, OK, I'm going to have
events that are coming up for work, you know, because like,
maybe your work have a lot of galas, maybe you work have a lot

(10:24):
of stuff. So like this person, they might
just be chilling in their basketball shorts.
But if you let them know, OK, when these things come up, I
need to dress you or we need to go to a tailor and they seem
like they're OK with it. Why would that be something that
you check off somebody for? You don't check off somebody off
your list because they don't know how to dress.
How do they treat you? How do you feel at home?
How do they challenge you? How do you guys grow with each

(10:45):
other? And how do you guys help each
other grow? And this thing called marriage
is not easier. So you want to make sure you
have the right person at the core, at the Center for you.
And all the other frivolous things, like they're going to
come, they're going to go, like I said, even like somebody'd
body at a certain age, unless you're Mike Tyson that just went
down for 58 years. Oh Lord, that person's not going

(11:05):
to have muscles for the rest of their life.
So are you going to write them off because, you know, muscles
are not there. Like, come on, girls, I need us
to have more substance. And I need us to see the true
value of what beautiful, good relationships can be built off
of. And again, I'm not saying I know
Brianna's relationship. I'm just saying from the
outside, these are the things that I had seen that I felt like

(11:25):
this young lady missed when she made that comment.
I'm always going to relate it back to us in real life, right?
Because like I said, we could always learn something from
something. So that's that.
And then I was on TikTok and sawa video of Rihanna in Barbados
or in Jamaica. Maybe it was Barbados.
Yeah, because she said coming home.
So I think she was in Barbados and she's launching her Fenty
line in the Caribbean's. I didn't know that she never

(11:46):
had, like, any stores and nothing there.
So that's beautiful because I know I think last year or the
year before, she had launched inAfrica.
So I assumed that she had already had like her line in her
home. But knowing that now it's going
to be established there, I thought that was a beautiful
thing. So she was just kind of talking
about how and a lot of people were saying like, this is a sign
that she's definitely not makingmusic anymore.
You know, just talking about howthe haters, the people who have

(12:09):
supported her, that she always loved coming home and people are
worried about, you know, her coming out with another album.
But I felt like she was teachingus a master class and how to be
like, authentic and how to evolve.
And I know there are some peoplethat came in like, what do you
mean by that? I'm like, first of all, listen,
Linda. Linda, OK, that's my opinion.
I came on the comments section and I wrote that.

(12:31):
I wrote that because that's my opinion, Linda.
So I'm going to keep my opinion and you're going to keep yours.
What a beautiful life. You see how that work?
I kept my opinion and you kept yours, and the world kept
spinning. So this is what I meant by that.
I felt like she was teaching us a master class in evolution
because she had mastered the pivot before we can even put a
word to it. Like, even for me, that's

(12:52):
something I've been looking at. Like, what does it mean to
pivot? And how do you do it gracefully
and beautifully? OK, so she's mastered pivoting
well, because we knew her for one thing.
She was great at one thing up tonow, OK, I think there was some
list that I saw that it was her,Taylor Swift and Beyoncé that
were like at the top. So even though she has not come
up with anything for a while, her music was so beautiful.

(13:14):
It's still resonating. Just the other day, out of the
blue, I was just singing day. That was like one of my favorite
songs of hers. So I mean, she created a
soundtrack to a lot of our like,college, live, young lives,
young adult lives growing up. So it's always going to be
there. So she was so great at one
thing, but then she decided thatshe was going to pivot into
something else. And at the time, I don't think a
lot of us realized that that's what she was doing.

(13:35):
But clearly that's what she's doing because like, that's the
path that she's on now. I think it's one of those things
nobody's ever going to leave. Like the thing that brings them
joy and all those things forever.
I think it's going to be one of those things maybe like she will
eventually come back and do a tour again.
Just like how, you know, every now and then Sade pops up every
decade or so. Miss Sade I do pops up, comes

(13:56):
out of the album, goes on tour, sells out.
We still love her. She's still who she is.
And then she goes on, lives her married life.
I mean, that's the kind of set up.
If I was a celebrity, singer, actress, whatever, I just pop
out, do my team disappear? You don't see me.
You don't even know anything. I mean, I could not tell you.
I know the lady is living somewhere in London.
That's what I could tell you. Sade, I don't know how many

(14:17):
children she has. I don't know if she has her
husband. I knew that she was vegan at one
point, but she's not vegan anymore.
It's very slim, very little, theamount that I know about her.
So that's the kind of setup. I'm like, may I have a Sade
setup if I'm ever in that kind of position anyway.
So like with the Rihanna thing, like she pivoted and she did it
in such a beautiful way, but I think a lot of us didn't know
she was pivoting at the time. Like we really thought it was

(14:38):
like what Beyoncé is doing rightnow, right?
So like that's like the difference.
Like Beyoncé is still going to do music and everything else.
And then she's dipping into likethis entrepreneurial things.
So that's what she's doing. But Rihanna, I feel like she has
completely pivoted because she feels like she needs to be at
the center of the empire and thethings that she's creating.
And then her family is probably also young too.
So you have to think about that.Like that's time to run
everything that she has going onwith her team.

(15:00):
And clearly she seems to be likeat the center of stuff.
Like she is creating things. And that's part of the beauty of
this brand that she has made is that she's at the center of it.
Whether you're using the makeup or whatever, you know that even
though she's putting the videos out there, it's not just for her
putting the videos out there that she uses her own products.
These are things that she has tested so like her brand is so
intertwined with her that I think to a certain level that

(15:22):
maybe she can't truly be like removed from the process or
removed from it. I think she's like removed a
little bit from like the lingerie side of it.
I think somebody else is runningit, but I'm sure it's like a
machine that's running, but likeshe's at the center of it.
And then, you know, for a young mother, think about like running
a company. Obviously, she has not been
valued at, I think of 3 or 4 billion, so to the magnitude

(15:43):
that she's running it at. And then on top of that, you
want to make somebody go on a tour for months and months.
And, and like touring is hard and difficult from what I've
heard. I've never been on tour, but
from what I've heard from these people, it takes a toll.
And that's why people will do itfor a certain period of time.
But after that, like maybe you do it to get the money up to do
other things, to venture into other things, but it's very
difficult and it's very hard. And she also is like in a

(16:06):
different place in her life too.Every time she come out with
something, they're like, oh, shereleased that one but she ain't
released the album. Oh, we got new underwear but we
ain't got the album. Oh, we got a new formula for the
foundation, but we still waitingon that single.
I mean every two minutes. Then she came out, she give you
guys and Wakanda Forever, Lift me up, you guys were not
satisfied. Still be torturing that one.

(16:26):
Every time she come have pictureoutside of her apartment, be
like, oh, she can leave her apartment but she cannot go to a
studio. What is it?
So that's what I was talking about with authenticity.
I just feel like it's such a bigpart of her brand, just like
being herself. Like even when I look at her for
celebrity, as far as from what Ican see, I don't think she's
even gotten any work done. Like after the babies, I think

(16:46):
like she's definitely lost weight, but you can tell, like
she still has her little mommy pooch there.
And I'm sure that's part of likeher authentically doing that for
herself. Like, OK, I know I have the
money. I know I have the means to, but
I don't really want to. Like, this is the body that I've
had after pregnancy and I want to learn how to embrace it.
Well, I'm going to embrace it. I'm still going to be sexy.
I mean, after that, she has still come out of laundry where
you can see it's what mommy pooch is there or mommy pooch is

(17:08):
not there. She's still delivering.
She's still giving the delivery boss.
OK. So I just felt like that's why I
made that statement. So that was interesting because
a lot of people agree with it. I mean, it kind of threw me off
because I just made a little random comment and then I see,
you know, I came back and it's like every day.
And I think the last time I checked, it was like 3000 likes.
I was like, well, so before I left, the last piece of pop

(17:29):
culture that I wanted to talk about was this one that popped
up on my TikTok. I mean, at this point, TikTok is
the babe. OK?
This one that popped up on my TikTok, it was by the New York
Times, but I think all the outlets have picked it up.
It was the New Zealand Parliament was having like a
regular session, but then there's a law in place.
I'm, I'm trying to make sure I get the story right.

(17:49):
From what I had read, there was a bill in place that was going
to preserve like the indigenous people and help to reverse some
of the colonial rule and some ofthe things that have been done
to kind of like strip them of some of their rights.
And I guess they were trying to now rewrite or readdress these
bills that were already done before.
And there was this leader of theparty and she literally started

(18:10):
doing like a haka chant. And this is like, have you ever
watched rugby? If you watch rugby, I only know
about rugby because my husband. Okay, those guys, I play rugby,
have you seen them? They don't look like how people
you argue with. If if you are eating a sandwich
and one of them say give me yoursound, what you say yes ma'am,
would you like some mustard for that?
I mean, if you are walking somewhere and they happen to

(18:32):
push you, you say please can youpush me again, They're not the
people that you want to be arguing with.
Have you seen those rugby girls?They're tough and they have
power. And then the men are like times
2. So if you've ever seen like, the
rugby games and stuff, like someof the teams will do the haka
dances. And so it's like a traditional
thing for the indigenous people of New Zealand.

(18:52):
And the moment these ladies started, I guess I read
somewhere that what she had saidwas, you know, this is our land
or something. And we were here before you
guys. Rightfully so.
And the man that is leading the Parliament, you'll have to see
the video. He rolled his eyes.
But given how he looks, I assumed that he would be the one
to roll his eyes because he doesn't understand what it means
for a people to be robbed of themselves, like of their

(19:15):
identity, of a place like that was their own that somebody else
came into and occupied. And then that person now thinks
like they have a right. I'm always going to be on the
side of the oppressed. So I'm like, go on, girl.
You don't mean she ripped that bill up.
They started the chanting and itheld parliament for a day.
I haven't gone back to look at the story to see if they the

(19:36):
session the following day and ifthat bill was passed.
But man, I mean the balls. But that's what it takes
sometimes, you know, like just fighting for your rights and
fighting for what you believe in.
And you know, so many people outthere are going through the
struggles and you think about like, you know what I talked
last week about whenever you, wework on being better world
citizens. And then this story came up and

(19:58):
I'm like, just reminds you that everybody, all of the world,
they're people from different parts of the world.
Look at how New Zealand, like they're still fighting for their
rights there. And rightfully so.
I mean, you have the Aboriginal people in Australia too, same
story. Like whatever you have, like the
indigenous people. I mean, we don't have to go far.
We have indigenous people here and they have to fight so much
for rights. And when people are always

(20:18):
telling people to go back where they come from, like we all
gonna go back. We all gonna go back.
Because if you are not an even American tribe, I don't know
what to tell you how it belongs.To them anyways, I just thought
that was just a good story like to see in the news like that
Lady ripped off that paper cab. So I will follow up with that
story. But I hope that they are doing

(20:38):
enough things that they can at least go back and rework on that
bill or hold it off for a while.I wish them well on their
journey. So today what we are going to
talk about on this episode is balancing Life.
OK, That is our chat for today. I just thought it was good to
come here. Like I said with this podcast,

(20:58):
when it's Banta with Tony, oh wait, I have to do the way
Gregory. When it's Banta with Tony, I
always want to bring everything that I am.
And I am a nurse, I am a mom, I am a wife, I'm a daughter, I'm
an auntie, all these things. So sometimes balancing all these
titles, OK, you know, Tony is still Tony, but then I have all

(21:20):
these titles on me and some of these titles they come with
expectations. So balance in all of this and
I'm just going to share like thelessons that I've learned.
But like I've always said from the beginning, it does not mean
that I'm a know it all. It does not mean I have all the
answers. It doesn't mean if something
works for me, it's going to workfor you.
I'm just sharing my little pieces of Nuggets because I just
thought maybe especially like given the last couple weeks that

(21:41):
we've had, I'm sure a lot of people's like balancing act have
not been balancing. There's no balancier guy in the
team, OK, We're not balancing. Again, no balance, no balance
whatsoever. So I'm trying to help us, you
know, get back to equilibrium. That's my goal here.
So I really chose this topic because I feel like it resonates
with anybody that's like in my stage of life.

(22:03):
So I'm in my mid 30s and I have a pretty well, not too young, I
would say now, like middle age, middle school family.
And then I have all these other responsibilities as well and I
am juggling a second career and I'm juggling all these, you
know, passions that I like to doon the side.
There are other things that I'm working on, but I will not share

(22:24):
because we don't have to share everything, OK, It's OK.
Some things we hope for ourselves and that's perfectly
fine. But there's a lot of juggling
act going on. And a lot of times I feel like I
am not meeting some standard that I have set up in my head.
And I think it was last week, I shared a quote where Oprah had
said, you know, you can have it all, but not at the same time.

(22:44):
And that's one of the things like I heard her say one time,
and I kind of kept it at the back of my head.
And so like, when I go through these moments where I feel like,
oh, my gosh, so much on my plate, I have to remind myself
that because like, today, I might, you know, be great at
this. But tomorrow, I'm going to be
great at this. And this thing is going to have
to slip through the cracks and that's OK.
But I'm not going to be everything to everybody at the

(23:06):
same time. I'm going to drive myself crazy.
I'm going to burn out and then nobody going benefit.
Then I'm going to be nobody to nobody, OK?
I'm not going to be anybody to nobody.
That's the don't sound right. You know what I'm saying?
I'm not going to be nothing, OK to nobody at any time because
I'm trying to do 55 things. So I'm just going to talk.
And then if anybody has any tips, suggestions, this will be

(23:28):
a great time for you to, you know, leave a comment, write me
online. My handle on Instagram is at
Banta podcast, OK, and on socials.
My other handle is literally at lovely so LOVELITONI, so lovely

(23:48):
toning. And that's my handle on
Instagram. So I have two Instagram
accounts, Lovely Tony and Banta podcast, and then that's my
handle on TikTok and that's my handle everywhere else.
The lovely Tony 1. I don't have a band to TikTok.
I think I'm social media out. I don't have a Twitter account,
so you ain't gonna find me there.
So those are the places, TikTok and Insta, you will find me

(24:10):
there. OK, So those are the places if
you do want to follow me, if youwant to share with me about
anything that I'm talking about today.
So this juggling act. So for me, what do our mornings
look like? I'm very blessed in the fact
that I have a spouse that's veryinvolved.
So our mornings are usually likethe kids are waking up and for
the most part like because now my daughter is older, she's

(24:30):
self-sufficient in a lot of ways.
So on some mornings I am gettingup and making lunches, but
obviously I work overnight as a nurse.
So there are some mornings I'm not even present.
So my husband has come to like perfect the mornings really.
Because even sometimes like whenI'm home, if it's like the night
after I've worked, I'm so exhausted, I'm tired.
I have to go out of my way to really wake up that day after
I've come back from work to be there for the kids in the

(24:52):
morning. So like that morning routine is
good. He has it down packed.
And then as far as pickups, if I'm home, I'm going to do
pickups. But he has adjusted his schedule
to the point that he's able to do mornings and he's able to do
pickups. And that's a blessing because
like I said, when I work overnight, I tend to sleep
before I go to work and then I have to leave the house around
5:30. So then I will try to take a nap

(25:14):
around 3. And usually that's when the kids
need to be picked up. And then I'm working all night
and by the time I come home, they should have already been in
school. So like he had to based on my
schedule master pickup and drop off.
So I'm so lucky to have that because I know that there's some
others that I do work with that will tell me like, you know,
they have to do pick up and dropoff whether they're working or
not and not my girl. May the force be with you.

(25:35):
But can it be done? Yes.
Is it easy? No, because at that point you
just working on fumes, honey, because that means you ain't
getting to sleep on time and then you have to wake up early
to to go pick up kids. So I'm lucky for that.
And then for the most part for my shift at work, I work 12 hour
shifts, so three days a week. But it all depends.
Like I like to do my schedule sometimes where it's like I work
3 off 2 work three. That way I have a longer period

(25:56):
of time, like 5 days off or six days off and I can try to
recover during that time, but itdoesn't always pan out that way.
So sometimes I work for two days, I'm off for two days, then
I come back and I work for two or for two, then work for three.
And I hate those. I hate them.
I hate them. I hate them because I'm like,
for somebody who works overnight, giving them like even
one day off is a slap in the face.
That first day back after you work overnight shift is just

(26:19):
trash. I say that all the time.
There's no other word for me to use.
It's trash. OK?
Because imagine you've worked overnight.
You come home and now you're sleeping and you wake up and
most of the day has gone becausemaybe you wake up now to go pick
up kids or to do stuff, but mostof your day is gone.
And by the time you come home, you do dinner, you're still
exhausted because you haven't really fully rested.
And so you go back to sleep. And if you have to go to work

(26:41):
the following day, what have youdone?
You didn't clean nothing, you didn't cook nothing.
You just got up, maybe did one or two things.
I was picking up kids, came backhome and you went by back to
bed. That's why I say it's trash,
because why are you giving me one day off, man?
No, I'm, I'm gonna need more days.
OK? So that's typically what my
schedule is like. And then I have obviously
activities to drop kids off and all that.

(27:02):
So that's why I was saying earlier about the spouse that
you have. I mean, his cuteness ain't going
to pick up those kids. His six pack is not going to do
morning drop offs for you. I'm just letting you know, I've
never seen nobody 6 pack pick upkids and do drop offs, OK?
When you have a partner that's going to work with you that has
understanding and makes such a big difference.

(27:22):
So I know I am blessed in that area and I tell him that all the
time and I'm sure I need to showit to him all the time too.
I saw the other day there was a video online of this lady giving
flowers to her husband. I think I need to give my
husband flowers because he really does help in that area.
Because I can't imagine if I hadto do all of that pickups, drop
offs, manage work and cook and clean and oh a lot.

(27:43):
Just even thinking about it, I'mexhausted.
So these are all the things I have to juggle, right?
It might look different for somebody else who, you know,
maybe your work from home or youhave, you know, a different type
of job that maybe helps to have you have flexibility.
But when I first started therapy, I was overwhelmed a lot
because I was like, I would justlook at everything that I have
to do. I'll be like, my house is dirty.

(28:03):
I have laundry piling up. I have all of this stuff.
And then I go to work. And sometimes that can be
stressful. I've had work environments
before that I've been not so ideal is what I'll say there.
And so then it's like I'm stressed at work.
I come home and I'm stressed andthen I have personal things that
are happening because, you know,there always needs to be
55,000,000 things happening around me and then I have to
deal with those things and then,you know, cooking and drop offs

(28:26):
and keeping up with your assignments.
OK, so I was very overwhelmed and what my therapist taught me
was blocking time. Before that I had no clue.
I was like, ma'am, what is that?We having a block party.
She said no, you're going to be locked in time and when you
block this time, you're only going to do a specific thing in
that time. And when the time is up, you are

(28:46):
going to drop whatever you're doing and move to something
else. I was like, I got that down.
Girl, it was a struggle. I mean, there might be boys
listening to. So girl, boy, it was a struggle.
I'll be like, OK, I'm going to block time.
Time has come. It's been 3 hours since I
started to stick. I was only supposed to block
time for one hour. But yeah, I am still doing
something. So it took me a while and I had

(29:08):
to learn like my blocks needed to work like 2 or hours or three
hours for it to be effective. So that has really helped to
save me a lot. And now, like when I have my
chunk of days off, I literally would just set goal for each
day. So I'll be like, today is my
cooking day. And when today is my cooking
day, that's one of the blessingsof us living in an African
household. I can cook like three things.

(29:30):
So like yesterday, for example, was my cooking day.
My niece and my son actually helped me prepare all the meals
for the week. So I made okra soup, I made
peanut butter soup, and then I cooked my husband's native soup
because I always try to do something for him.
One of his love languages is food, really.
He loves to eat. And one of the ways you're going
to show him how much you care for me, one of the ways was by

(29:51):
me learning a lot of like his native foods that he eats.
And, you know, so I do that and then he's been like on a health
journey really. So it's hard for me to like cook
some of our typical things for him, but he's found like little
ways, like he eats like low carbfufu and all these things.
So, you know, I make sure to have those things.
And then if I have time during the week, then I can make
something like American is what I call it.

(30:13):
But like a spaghetti or Alfredo or, you know, tacos or whatever
that I can make that. I know that when I have that, we
eat that for dinner at any point, then the kids can pack it
for lunch. So they can always have that.
And then some days it's, you know, sandwiches.
Other days we might, you know, put some chicken on the grill
and that's what they're able to have for the week.
So the batch cooking helps though, because those things

(30:35):
that I cook usually will end up being dinner for them when they
come after school. So there's no such thing as me
like putting together their dinner when they come home from
school. Because now look at this week,
you have three options. What do you want?
You want okra soup, Do you want peanut butter soup or do you
want native soup? Either way, you have three
options. And that's what it's going to be
for the rest of the week. That's one of the things I've
learned. So your house might run

(30:55):
differently. Obviously, my house is a African
home, so it makes it easier in that sense.
Like, I don't have to figure outa dinner every night because I
can have three soups that I cooked that one day.
And then here and there in between, if I have time, I can
quickly whip up something. But maybe for you, it's
different. So then meal prep, I know there
have been times when I've done meal prep like the traditional
meal prep American way. Those have been the times when
like I've been so busy and I'm like, I really don't have time

(31:17):
to cook, you know, because African meals are in depth.
Like all the steps that it's going to take.
That's why I say it's the whole day.
By the time I'm done doing that,I just want to sit down.
My feet are hurting me. I need a foot massage.
I need it, I need it, I need it.So by the time I'm done doing
that, I really don't want to do nothing else because it's in
depth. But on the times when I've done
like the American version, I canmeal prep and I can say, OK, I'm

(31:40):
going to cook some salmon, make some mashed potatoes, make some
veggies, and then make another thing.
And then put it in the little containers I had bought, like
some containers from ALDI. And I'm able to do that.
And then there's meals there. And then that makes it easy too,
because then they can just grab some of those for lunch.
If they don't feel like having asandwich, they can grab them
when they come home for dinner. And then by the end of the week,
all of the compartments, all thelittle trays are gone.

(32:02):
So you figure out what works foryou really, but I think blocking
time and picking out a time to meal prep.
So if you work Monday through Friday, maybe it has to be every
Sunday for you. Like you guys go, you plan out
what you're going to do, you do your groceries, you come, you
cook. And then it can be a family
thing like where you guys all doit together.
You have fun. And you know, for somebody
that's been there, I've been there where I've tried to be

(32:22):
Wonder Woman and I'm trying to do all this stuff by myself and
then I'm pissed off and I'm mad.So incorporating the family into
it, having the kids help you like one day my husband just was
like, we can help you. You don't have to do this all by
yourself. I was like, oh, OK.
Oh, OK. Got some onions for me, please.
So take the help. Take the help from your family.

(32:44):
Take the help from the kids. I mean, yeah, take take the
help, sis, wherever you can get it.
If there's an app where they canInstacarts, Instacart is my
friend. OK?
If I need to do groceries is what I do while I'm at work, I
might go on Instacart, put everything together that I know,
OK, when they deliver this, I can make this for dinner today

(33:05):
and then you know, I can preparethe rest of the things for the
rest of the week. Go there, order it.
When I get home, I tell these people, look, they are going to
be delivering Instacart from this time to this time.
So please when they come, they ring doorbell, please answer.
And that's it. I took my behind to bed.
I wake up, they have delivered my Instacarts.
Everything is put in the fridge because the kids now know where
things go. It took time to get there.

(33:27):
I had to teach them because there was a time my son took an
entire package of cheese, shredded cheese that we use for
omelet and put it in the freezer.
And then like a crazy person, I was like, I know I ordered some
cheese. I'm over here looking for the
cheese, looking for the cheese. And then one day I was in the
freezer looking for fruits to make their smoothies.
And I go in there and lo and behold, as I moved, as I moved

(33:49):
the fruits out, I saw my cheese.I was just like, oh, now that I
don't need the cheese, of course, now I find the cheese in
the freezer. So it took a while to teach
them, like where things go. But they know now, like, how to
put up the groceries. Really, you know, they know how
to do that so I can sleep. The groceries get delivered.

(34:09):
They're put up. When I wake up, I say, OK, this
is what we're eating and whip that up and we keep it going.
So you got to find a little waysthat, you know, it helps to save
you so that you're not as stressed.
And I think Instacart has helpedme there, batching, blocking my
time, deciding, OK, this day I'mgoing to do this, this day I'm
going to do that. So if you have like, you know,
Wednesdays are my self-care days, then yeah, that's the day

(34:32):
that, you know, OK, if I have myhair appointments, it will be on
Wednesdays. Go get my nails done, maybe go
get a massage. You know, do skin care at home.
It might not even be you going out of the house, but maybe
that's the day you can take a bath, do your steaming for your
face, whatever it is that you got to do.
But if you decide that's the dayI'm going to do it, or from this
time to this time, blocking timehas really helped me.
And when I do that, then I don'tfeel so overwhelmed.

(34:54):
Then I do feel like I've accomplished something because
when I say OK, from 4:00 to 5:00, I mean usually it's like 3
hours. So I might say from 4:00 to
7:00, I'm going to do this and then I get it done.
Whether I finish or not, I'm leaving it after 7.
That's also the key because for me, cleaning was one of those
things where I'd be like, I wantto clean.
Well, I'm going to clean from 9:00 till noon.
Whatever I don't finish at by noon, I'm leaving for the next

(35:16):
day. Same thing If I say I want to do
laundry, I'm going to do laundryfrom, you know, 9:00 till 3 when
I have to go pick up the kids. Whatever I don't get done, I'll
do the next day and then we'll just leave it at that.
But it just felt so much more doable once I started blocking
my time. So I'll recommend it to anybody
to do that. Another thing is also
prioritizing like I talked about, like on the days when I'm

(35:37):
working, really I would love to come up from work, go exercise,
take my bath, shower, go off to sleep.
Sometimes it doesn't always happen like that, but those are
not the times. And I had to learn that because
I was driving myself crazy with that too.
Like I will come home from work if, let's say the kitchen wasn't
the way I wanted it to, that would be now time that I'm
spending cleaning the kitchen orI'm putting this away.

(35:58):
I'm putting that away. And then before you know it, I
haven't gone to bed on time and da, da, da, da.
So no matter what my room is looking like, no matter what the
kitchen is looking like, it is not my business.
I am going to come home, work out if I can, If I'm too tired
to work out, take my shower and find my way to my bed and sleep.
And so I had to learn to do that, to prioritize and say this

(36:18):
is not going to happen right now.
And no matter how much that's driving me insane that those
dishes in the sink, not today, Ihad to learn how to let those
things go. And then I already kind of
covered that. But yourself, care is so
important. So you have to schedule that.
And I think that's one of the things that come to realize too,
like part of living this life that we live when we are abroad

(36:40):
and obviously when you have a family and all of that is just
planning stuff and it's OK. Like I have to plan in myself
care, I have to plan in my exercise.
One of the things with exercise that I realized is if I have it
in the back of my head, oh, I want to exercise whatever, 9 out
of 10 times it's not going to happen.
But when I started scheduling, so like right now, I have my
classes all the way up to November 25th picked out.

(37:03):
Like I go on my Peloton and I'm like, OK, I want to do biking
one day, wait list, one day bar,one day yoga, one day meditate.
I've already picked them all theway up to the 25th at 9:00 every
day. And I do that for consistency
because we have to remember thatwe're human beings that are kind
of like program like machines, right?
So the more you do something thesame way every day, the more

(37:24):
second nature it gets. So I want to get to the point
where like come 9:00, no matter what day of the week it is, my
body is just like, oh, exercise time because I've already
consistently done it that way. So by me picking that class,
like I have nothing to argue about.
I need to just put on my cute little outfit, get on my bike,
click on there and start. So you got to know the little
ways to help yourself because for me, it's important.

(37:47):
I can feel it when I haven't worked out consistently for two
weeks, 3 weeks, or maybe I only got one day of exercising.
Like I'm trying to do at minimumthree days, at most 5.
But like if you count like the days when I do like meditation,
even when I do yoga, I don't really consider it exercising.
It's more like of a stretching thing for me.
So then, you know, at that pointI'm doing like what, five days a
week? But I can consistently do it if

(38:09):
I plan ahead. And then I try to incorporate
walking too. So walking is something I can do
by myself. I can do with my husband.
He's an exercise person. So, you know, those are times
that we can spend together. Like we can go for a walk
together or I can do it with thekids.
So you just got to find the little ways of, you know,
helping yourself out. Like don't overthink it because
I used to be an overthinker. Like back in the day, I used to

(38:30):
have a Planet Fitness subscription, and then I'll be
like, Oh my gosh, it's 30 minutes away.
So that's why I got the Peloton back because I'm like, now it's
right in your house upstairs. You got to think about it.
You just got to put on your workout clothes and go upstairs.
And I'm definitely exercising more now than I ever have in
other parts of my adult life. I had a little time when I was
like maybe in my late 20s, almost 30, where I was

(38:52):
exercising consistently. But again, I learned that is
when I created a routine. So I used to work later.
So what I'll do is after dropping off the kids and doing
all that, I'll have my gym clothes and everything packed.
I'll go to the gym, work out at the gym, then get dressed for
work, do my makeup, all that in the gym bathroom, then go to
work because the gym was close to my work.
And I consistently did that for over a year while I worked this

(39:13):
particular job and I had lost somuch weight, I without even
trying. What that taught me was just
having a routine. And for me, that's what I'm
trying to develop now, having that routine, waking up every
day 9:00 AM, whether I'm workingor not.
It will be when I come back fromwork that I work out at 9:00 AM
or be me after we drop off the kids on the days I'm not
working, come back and work out at 9:00 AM.

(39:34):
But it needs to happen. And then give myself grace
sometimes like today, who today was a rough morning.
I had a rough night sleep wise. So I came back to bed like
around 5 or 6. So then I slept in till 9.
My husband did the morning runs with the kids.
So I really didn't even get out of my bed until like 11:00.
So I had a 9:00 workout plan butI just did it at 11.

(39:56):
But either way it got done. So giving myself grace and the
same thing for you guys, like give yourself grace, talk to
somebody. I wish I had done this more when
my kids were younger. But you know, having those
friendships with people that aremight be in the same place or
they are a little bit further ahead of you and just being
vulnerable with each other. And then when you are the person
that somebody is being vulnerable with, if you know you

(40:18):
cannot handle somebody's vulnerabilities, find a way to
at least tell them. You know, I'm sorry, I wish I
could help you. I cannot.
But don't be out here having somebody be vulnerable to your
name. You are using it now, talking
about them or spreading this thing.
Oh, do you know how children don't even eat?
Do you know she doesn't even give them bath?
Do you know she's not? Don't be that.
Don't, don't do it at all. If somebody is coming to you

(40:39):
with their vulnerability, you know what?
I'm just feeling overwhelmed. I can't do it if you know that
you are a parrot that cannot keep your mouth closed, just
like I wish I could help you. But maybe you should talk to
Anita because you know she's in that at least know yourself,
know yourself, know that I am a parrot.
I will take this thing and go and tell it in another way that
make this person look bad. And eventually when they find

(40:59):
out, they feel some kind of bad.Because sometimes it is the
people being vulnerable to the wrong people.
And then once you have violated them across them in some kind of
way, then they don't know how tobe vulnerable with anybody else.
And this thing called motherhoodis hard for us to do it without
the vulnerabilities. Sometimes I just want to say,
forget these kids. You should be able to have a
friendship that you can be able to tell somebody that and they

(41:21):
don't judge you because they're like, guess what?
I've been there too. And then I'll be the time I ask
the person, what do you do for self-care?
I mean, is there times when yourhusband can watch the kids and
you just go, like I said, have an afternoon to yourself or day
to you? Block some time that is just
yourself care like and then yourhusband knows it too.
Like, you know, like I was saying, do that schedule so he
knows, OK, every Friday afternoon, that's Tony's

(41:43):
self-care time. So if I'm even trying to do
anything with the boys or I'm trying to do this and that, it's
not going to happen on Friday afternoons because when my wife
picks up those kids from school early, she brings them home.
They're my property and she don't care what I feed them.
If I want to feed them pizza, sushi, whatever it is I want to
do, that's my own. All I know is on those Friday
evenings she goes and she does her nails or gets a massage or

(42:05):
she does, you know, yourself care.
So when somebody is telling me that, that's what I would think.
And like I'm saying, please don't be the kind of person
that's going to violate somebodywhen they come to you in their
vulnerable moments and share stories.
Like I have been on the end of that and that's not been good
where it's like I've shared story or about something.
And then later on I hear back orthe person that I haven't shared

(42:25):
it about is coming out. I I heard this and I'm and then
I can put it in my head like, OK, who was the person that I
would have told about that in mymoment of this thing?
Like that's just the biggest violator of somebody because
that person trusted you enough or thought enough.
So know yourself, like I'm saying, I'll later appreciate
you telling me to go tell somebody else that'd be coming
to pour my heart to you. And then you go run your mouth
and tell every damn body. But I might be wishfully

(42:47):
thinking there because chances are the person that's running
their mouth, they want to hear all the juice anyways so that
they can go and tell. But find somebody that you can
be vulnerable with and share with and you guys can help each
other. So that's why I want to leave it
today. I hope that I've shared enough
and I've given you little Nuggets that can help you out
even in the midst of chaos, evenas we embrace the chaos.

(43:07):
Because at this point, especially like if you have
young kids, the chaos is there. We can't help it, but we still
want to find peace in that chaos.
We still want to enjoy life's moments in that chaos.
We still want to find joy in thechaos.
We still want to have all the good things that make us to have
a balanced life in those moments.
So just find what works for you.You know, this thing called
motherhood is a journey. It looks different for

(43:29):
everybody. Share with people, but don't
come from judgmental places for others and have grace, grace for
yourself and have grace for others too.
So now we're moving on to the last section.
What am I reading this time? So right now, I'm actually in
the middle of reading a book. I'm not done with it yet.
It's called Yinka, Where is yourhusband by Lizzie Damilola

(43:54):
Blackburn. OK, this is a British author
because even the person reading it has a British accent.
So right now I am on chapter 16.And how many chapters is there?
54 OK, so I have AI might be reading Yinka, Where's your
husband for a while. I say reading, but if you've
listened long enough, you know I'm listening.
So this is me listening to the audio book.

(44:14):
So that's what I'm listening to right now.
If you want to join me along or maybe you've already read it.
If you have, don't spoil it for me, please.
And then songs. Let's see.
I mean so many good songs, but Ihave to say I will over by Fido,
the remix with you are savage. I've been listening to that.
I know some of the stuff they talk about on there.
I know, I know, I'm not out heresmoking ganja.

(44:36):
I don't encourage people to smoke.
I don't do none of that. But I mean, when this song is
good, this song is good. So that's that.
So please don't come for me talking.
I I don't, I don't. The only thing I participate in
is wine. But now they're making like
alcohol free wines. They're making like alcohol
free. I think what's his name?
The NASCAR driver, I saw that hehad some kind of spirit or

(44:58):
something out that was alcohol free.
I thought that was pretty cool. Hamilton.
Anthony Hamilton, he had some drink out that's alcohol free.
So there's a really big alcohol free movement going on.
But yeah, I drink wine and I might have a mixed drink here
and there when I go out, but that's about it.
But it doesn't mean that I cannot like the music when the
music is there. I'm just saying no.

(45:19):
So somebody now ganja. So that's one of my songs of the
week and then my gospel song of the week.
I've been going old school with the gospel music.
After the week we had last week,I had to go digging deep.
OK, I had to go deep in the repertoire.
You know, like when you know thecomforts, where your comfort is

(45:39):
actually like, let me go back. So I had to dig deep.
And there are many songs that I added, but this one by Yolanda
Adams, The battle is the Lord's.I definitely played that for a
hot minute last week when I was going through what we were all
going through. I was like, oh, what is it, 2
weeks ago now? Two weeks ago, yeah.
When we're going through what we're going through.
I had to go back. I remember that.

(46:00):
I was like the battle, it's not yours, It's the Lord.
It's the Lord. It's the Lord.
OK, this episode has been so long I need to go y'all, but
thank you guys for joining me. I hope again, like I said with
all the other episodes that you heard something today I uplifted

(46:23):
your spirits. Go ahead and add me on socials
at Banta podcast. Don't forget and you can add my
personal Instagram at Lovely Tony.
On Lovely Tony, I like to share my fashions, my home decor, my
other things, and on the Banta podcast, for the most part, I
strictly like to do like my quotes and podcast related
things on there. I do have plans on different

(46:44):
things that I plan on doing in this up and coming year, but I
just needed time to kind of findmy foot in again of being
consistent with recording and bringing stuff out.
So I encourage you to follow me,tell your friends to follow me,
share my podcasts and let's do this too.
OK, You guys have a wonderful and blessed week and I will
catch you on the next one. Bye guys.

(47:10):
You just finished an episode of Banta with Tony.
Did you like it? I hope you had a great time and
that you have some takeaways from this episode.
But before you go, I want to askyou one thing and that is to
share this episode or this entire podcast with a friend,
family member, or acquaintance. Because remember, when you have
something good, you need to talkabout it, you need to share it

(47:31):
and you need to shout it from the rooftops.
So go on and let people know in your life that you have this
wonderful podcast that you wouldlike to share with them.
I appreciate you. I appreciate your time, your
support and everything else in between.
And remember, if you do it, I have to talk about it.
Have a great week.