Don’t Be the Only One

Season 2 - Episode 14: Don’t Be the Only One

In this episode of Banta with Toni, Toni dives into this week’s pop culture buzz—from Sierra Leone’s Independence Day and honouring African roots, to Shedeur Sanders' NFL draft discussions, and Blue Ivy’s stunning performance on the Cowboy Carter tour kick-off.

The core message of the episode, “Don’t Be the Only One,” centers on shared responsibility and emotional support. Toni reflects on the value of family, identifying roles within it, and the power of collective resilience. She encourages listeners to fight within their capacity, lean on trusted support systems, and be intentional students of their own lives.

As always, she concludes the show with her "Book of the Week" selection, alongside her weekly picks for gospel and secular music. This thoughtful mix provides listeners with the perfect soundtrack and inspiration to carry them through the hustle and bustle of life.

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Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Welcome to Banta with Tony. Join me as I share stories about
motherhood, faith, life, love, and everything else in between.
I promise we'll also have some fun along the way, and I hope
that the time we spend together will end up being some of the
highlights of your week. Thank you for coming along.

(00:22):
Hello. Hello and welcome to another
episode of Banta with Tony. Oh my goodness, I hope you guys
are having a wonderful week and by the time you hear this
episode that it will be the great way for you to start
another great weekend. Oh my gosh, so much has been
going on. I feel like I have so much to
cover in a short amount of time and I hope I can get to all of

(00:44):
it. I need to drink my water because
I have so much to talk about. That was me sipping on my water
because I'm going to be parched with this one.
I hope you guys all had a good week and that we have things in
our lives to look forward to. Remember, I hope you found the
eye of your storm. I hope no matter what's going on
that you find ways to center yourself, go back to you, you

(01:06):
know, spend time with the peopleyou love and care for,
appreciate every single thing you have.
And that's how we're going to make it through.
We're going to make it. We're definitely going to make
it, OK. We're going to do it together.
So pop culture, Oh my gosh, so much.
And I'm hoping that I can, like,at least create categories so
that I can cover, like, my baseswith certain topics when I'm

(01:27):
talking about them. So the first thing that great
nation called Sierra Leone, where yours truly is from, is
celebrated independence this weekend.
OK, It was Sierra Leone independence on Sunday here in
Houston. There is a Sierra Leonean group
called Leonette. I found out that they were
having an event like literally Ithink the day before the event.

(01:50):
So I already had plans. If you listen, last week I was
like, this week I'm going out ona date.
I'm going to go see sinners and that's going to be discussed
here too. So I wasn't able to, but from
what I could see from the peoplethat I do know that went, it
seemed like it was a great event.
So whatever they're putting on next that I'm able to attend, I
will go. But we celebrated our
independence this weekend. I am a Sierra Leone, an

(02:13):
American, OK, And I left Sierra Leone when I was seven years
old. So if you have listened to the
last few episodes, I've talked about how I'm trying to get back
into, like, truly learning my history.
Because I left the country before I was in secondary school
in other parts of the educational system that would
have required me to learn as much of my history.
So now I feel like it's my job to educate myself.

(02:33):
So that's what I've been on the hunt for.
I've seen some books that have come out and I'm like, I want to
read them, but I'm like, stay focused.
You're going to try to do just alittle bit of learning during
this time. So I don't necessarily have a
book that I'm reading right now.I'm just trying to like gather
some resources that I'm them going to use to kind of teach
myself some stuff. But who knows?
I always say one thing and then life happens and I'm like, OK,

(02:53):
maybe I'll change my mind. So maybe I might find a book to
keep me, you know, just a littlebit on the side while I'm, you
know, doing my history quest, which is most likely what I'll
do just so that I have somethingto kind of break it up.
So there are some books that have come out that I think I'm
going to look to see and then make a decision about which one
I'm going to read next. It's most likely going to be
like a either a memoir or a fictional book.

(03:13):
I haven't decided yet. That's that.
So happy independence to Sierra Leone.
We have a long ways to go. I am passionate about Sierra
Leone. I'm passionate about the issues
that affect us. In the past when I've been in
groups talking with people, it'snothing personal, but at the
same time it's personal. I hope that makes sense.
Like if I'm talking about issuesand I'm saying something that

(03:34):
maybe rubs you the wrong way or whatever, it's not necessarily
directed at you. I am frustrated sometimes at the
system itself, and I'm frustrated at people sometimes
that don't see the bigger picture.
I always feel like I keep that in mind, like the bigger
picture, the things that are going to affect generations to
come, the things that affect more than just one person.
And then it seems like in some of the spaces, and especially

(03:57):
sometimes for the people that find themselves in power,
they're usually the ones that only think about themselves and
those attached to them and thoseclosest to them and not
necessarily what's best for Africa as a continent.
Sometimes that is our biggest issue.
They go in there and they do what is best for them.
They go in there and do what is best for people that look like
them, those attached to them, their friends and their families

(04:18):
or like the people that come from where they come from.
And that's only it. I don't know about other parts
of Africa, but I do know that it's a W African issue that we
tend to have. So then I imagine that it is
something that plagues all of us, the tribalism.
I am all about knowing your identity.
I'm all about knowing where you come from.
It tells you your history, tellsyou where you're going.
You know, we have it in our culture that you cannot know

(04:39):
where you're going if you don't know where you're coming from.
So I am well aware of that. However, I feel like sometimes
instead of us put in what is thebest thing for our country,
forward, what is the best thing for us collectively forward, we
allow these divisions that really were created by people
outside of us to be the ones to dictate it.
So instead of you saying who's the best, Oh no, I want somebody

(05:00):
that's from my tribe, I want somebody that's from my village
instead of who is the best for my country.
So I say all that to say, I don't know why God made me the
way it did, but I'm passionate about stuff.
And in the past when I think I encounter people who maybe
they're not used to it because it's so many layers.
One, it's me as a woman saying these things.
And sometimes the men, let's be honest, they are our age, but in

(05:23):
their thinking, they're not necessarily forward with the
times. So already, because I'm a woman
saying some of these things, some of the men have certain
apprehensions, they have certainways how they go about
approaching me or trying to figure me out.
And then I mean, I've been having people make comments like
I'm crazy or something. And I'm like, I'm not like I
just care about these issues. I know these issues.
And when those individuals made those comments, they probably

(05:44):
thought that I didn't clock it or I didn't see it.
Yes, I clocked it very much. But again, I choose my battles
to fight. But did I take that and did I
put it in a category of some sort?
And what kind of like, it's almost like a, what do you want
to call it, like catalog? Did I catalog it?
Sure did. So happy independence to Mama
Salone. May our next 30-40, fifty, 100

(06:07):
years be much better than where we have come from.
And that's all I want, for our people to be in a better place
than that which we have been, for us to have the reins, for
our own autonomy, for societies to flourish the way they're
supposed to, for us to be the ones to benefit from our
resources. And I know I'm not the only one
out there. I know there are many people out
there who have those same sentiments.

(06:29):
So that's that. Oh, and so there were people who
made, like, pose for independence.
Of course, Idris Elba did one. There are other people that are
on social media that are Sierra Leonean, made posts, and it was
beautiful thing to see. I think the Shade Room even
featured it. So that was nice.
Friends had posted and then I was able to see The Shade Room's
post because I don't subscribe to The Shade Room, so I was only

(06:51):
able to see that because of the friends.
So I was surprised a little bit.I saw Charlemagne.
I was like, wait, what? Charlemagne?
And then in the video, he was saying how he is Sierra Leone
and I think he listed like he's pretty much like a W African
mixture over there. I think he said Mali somewhere
else. I think he said Senegal or
something. And then he's Sierra Leonean.
And then I'm looking at him, I'mlike, ah, yes, he has that pink

(07:13):
lips, all Sierra Leoneans and our pink lips, man, I don't know
what it is like you will have ushave like the most beautiful
dark skin like you've ever seen and like the pinkest lips, like
it's something about us. And those lips, even yours truly
over here is a pink lipper. So there was something about him
when I was like, oh, I never knew he was Sierra Leonean.

(07:33):
You know, this is a good time. So I think it was like a few
months ago when the whole AndrewSchultz thing video came up and
I had made a comment as to I felt like Charlemagne in the
past has taken on women in a waythat I did not necessarily
appreciate. Now there's room for growth.
And I think because this is my platform and I can say whatever
I want, that this might be a good time for me to address

(07:55):
that. Because have I seen growth in
him as a person from the time when I've been listening to him
and watching him over the years?Absolutely.
And do you have to give room forpeople to grow and evolve?
Yes, because even me that's sitting here today, even in my
time in, you know, doing things in the media, I've not always
made the best decisions. I've not always done things that

(08:15):
I've been proud of. And if I haven't said it any
other place but here today, thatis it.
Has he made some decisions in the past that kind of informed
me making that statement that I made?
Yes. But am I saying that he's that
same person now? No, because I have seen the
evolution of the person. I think with the whole Andrew
Schultz thing, I don't know their relationship because

(08:37):
again, this is somebody I don't know.
I have to just take what I see from what is presented to me in
the media. I don't know him as a person.
So obviously anything that I'm saying, hopefully it doesn't get
taken like it's like Bible because I don't know this
individual. But based off of what was
presented and how I analyzed thesituation, I just felt like when
he got comfortable enough to saywhat he said about black women,

(08:59):
even I've seen him now. I watched the Shannon Sharpe
interview that he did. Oh my gosh, that interview
pissed me off so much because I was like Shannon Sharpe, are you
the one interviewing him or is he the one interviewing you?
Like he literally came in railroaded you said a lot of
things. It was frustrating for me to
watch that. I, I don't even think I finished
that episode. But you know, you have to stand

(09:20):
behind what you said. So he believes what he says.
He says it's a joke thing. But then that's the thing.
Like, even in that interview, I think there was a part where he
had said, yeah, OK, Shawnee Sharp tried to flip it, but he
didn't see it all the way through because he tried to
like, flip it to say what would be the opposite if it was the
other way around, like if it wasa white woman with a black man.
And he evaded that. He totally evaded it.

(09:40):
He did not answer it directly ashe should have.
So I think for me, at the essence of what I was trying to
say is if he's the one that's comfortable enough making these
kind of jokes, it's because the people around him, I've created
an environment in which he is comfortable.
And when you look at them on themedia side, they might not even
be that close in real life, but at least what's presented in the

(10:00):
media, it seems like he is a good friend to Schultz.
So then you are a person of color in his life.
Then it's like you're a black person in his life.
Let's just say what it is. So then it's like he must have
said some of these things. I mean, if that is who he is,
that is who he is, so he must have said some of these things
or done some of these things around you and you never once
said, hey, I know you know you mean it some kind of way, but

(10:22):
just be aware, like da da, da, da having this conversation
because you're the person closest to him.
That's all I was trying to say because that's the essence, the
core of the message. Because you know, the quote that
I had used was that when we havein Sierra Leone, it's like if
Osen or sell you streets, no, goby you, right.
And the essence of that is if there's not a weakness in my
home, then there's nothing therefor the streets to have.

(10:42):
So whatever somebody's able to do to me on the outside is
because there has been a weakness within my own fold,
within my own people that has done it.
And that is true. Anytime you see anybody that
infiltrates a group of people, they don't do it from just on
the outside. No, they find a weak link.
They find somebody within a group of people, and that's who
they target to infiltrate a group.
So that's the essence of what I was trying to get at there.

(11:05):
And hopefully it didn't come offlike it was just like an attack
on him, but it was kind of like me calling him out.
We have to be OK with criticism.Even like Beyoncé, for example,
love her. Love her.
I don't think if you've listenedto anything that I've put out,
even like when my niece was on this show with me, I hope nobody
ever got the impression like, I'm not a fan of her.
I am a big fan of hers. But do I think because I'm a fan

(11:28):
of hers, if she does something or something happens that I'm
like, there's room for criticismthere?
I shouldn't be able to say it. No, because then that's a form
of idolization. Like I cannot put you on such a
pedestal that I'm never able to have criticism again.
I'm not perfect here. I have said some things, done
some things that I wish I could take back, that I wish I could
turn back the hands of time and I can't.

(11:49):
I can only move forward and be abetter person and learn from
them. So that's that.
Again, so much is happening in pop culture.
So one of the main stories this past weekend that I have to
cover because it's so layered and it's the kind of thing I
like to talk about, OK, is the Shador Sanders story.
So if case you have been living on the Rock, Shodor Sanders has

(12:11):
played football in high school. He is the son of Deion Sanders,
and he went on to play football in college where his father was
his coach. And this weekend they had what,
past weekend leading up to the weekend?
I think it was like Friday, Saturday, and I think maybe
Thursday, because I feel like when I was working, some of my
patients were actually watching the draft.
So they were doing the NFL draftand he was to be drafted this

(12:34):
weekend. And So what happened is that he
was supposed to be one of the top, top drafts because, you
know, his fellow teammate had already gotten drafted.
There's another African Americanyoung man that was the number
one draft pick. And so, like, he was supposed to
be a bunk, the cream of the crop.
And what happened is that I don't really watch football like
that. So I'm doing my best.

(12:54):
Like, this is after me, like, watching videos over the weekend
and consulting with my husband, who actually has been following
Deon Sanders's program. So yeah, I will do my own
research before I come on here and talk about something so that
way I don't embarrass myself. But I'm sure I'll still
embarrass myself a little bit because I'm sure I'm still going
to get some lingo wrong. But the true essence of is that
he got drafted later on in the process than what he should
have. So like if you are such a great

(13:16):
player, you're going to be like one of the first draft picks.
However, that's not always accurate because based on what
I've seen, there have been greatNFL players that I've been
drafted later on. So sometimes it's like when you
are good and maybe for whatever reason, certain teams want to
have you, it kind of helps to give you an advantage because
then you knowing that, OK, I have something to prove, I have
something to do here. So the Shidor standard, I don't
know why I keep seeing standards.

(13:37):
Shadora Sanders story is so multi layered and it's the kind
of thing I like to talk about. So we're going to dissect it.
We are going to dissect. So the first thing we all work
in this life, I don't know aboutyou and it's the stage that I'm
at. I am busting my butt in this
world trying to do everything that I can to make sure that my
kids have a life that's better than me.

(13:57):
That's it, period. I at no point subscribe to like
me as a mother, getting to the point where I feel jealous of my
children. No, if I had one acre of land, I
want them to have three. If I made $1,000,000 in my life,
I wanted to make 10. Like you need to come into this
life and do better than me. You need to come into this life
and add to the legacy. So I will say for a lot of us,

(14:18):
probably, unless you have some things going on with you, every
human being, no matter your skintone, no matter your race, no
matter where you're from, at thecore of you, at the essence of
you, you want your children to be better than you.
We always talk about it. The essence of us being our
ancestors, wildest dreams, it's all from that.
So when black people get it right, because for so long we
have so much trauma that we carry.

(14:39):
And it's regardless of whether you are on the continent or you
are in diaspora, we all have trauma.
I need my African brothers and sisters to get over that part
first because I have seen some things online where it's like,
oh but we were not slaves. We have issues within the
African community that hold us back just as much as African
Americans or people that are in diaspora that have experienced

(15:01):
slavery that have been the result of that.
So to even use slavery to insultan African American person, as
an African, you should be ashamed of yourself.
And I need you to do some re evaluation because stuff like
that actually, it gets under my skin and it makes me really
angry because I'm thinking to myself, what do you think?
You're on some kind of pedestal or something because you're from
the continent? Like, are your eyes open because
you not see all the issues that we have that are just as

(15:22):
detrimental to our collective good just as much as people in
the diaspora? And then to me, it's almost like
people who like are missing limbs.
So it's like if I come into a space, I'm missing my arm, and
then you are missing a leg. And then I'm sitting here as
somebody who's missing a freaking arm and I'm talking to
you that's missing a leg. And I'm telling you, well, I'm

(15:42):
better than you because I'm not missing my leg.
What are we talking about? At the end of it, we're both
missing limbs. So whether it's by way of
colonialism or by way of slavery, either way, both groups
were oppressed. So let's get that out of our
heads. What I've even come to find out
in life, I want the things that are directly in my face because
then I know what I'm fighting atany given time.

(16:04):
Then for it to be the underlyingthings that I have to do mental
Olympics to try to figure out the mental Olympic stuff, that
stuff can be rough because the untying it, the self
realization, everything that youhave to process and come out
with on the other end, that stuff is tough.
But when I know from get go thatI should have left you alone
because you don't told me you don't like my kind around here,
totally different ball game thatwe're playing here.

(16:25):
So what are we talking about? I do not like when I see those
conversations. So I went up on a little
tangent, but it was necessary with the Shador story.
We're supposed to do the best for our children.
We're supposed to bring the bestto them.
So lessons to learn there because I'm a lessons girl,
right? And I already tell you guys I
don't need to experience something.
There's so much experience in life around me.

(16:47):
There are those things that I experienced for myself, but I
have always from such a young age, like learned a lot from the
people around me and watching them Because I'm like, if you go
the wrong way, if I pay enough attention, I'm going to learn
the lessons here and say, OK, I'm not doing that.
Why? Because I saw this and I saw
that. So the Shadora thing, we are
supposed to raise our children with confidence.
I watched this young man's videos again.

(17:09):
My husband's the one that showedme all the stuff and there's a
part of it that I don't understand.
But I know that I am approachinga certain age and I am an auntie
now. So I'm a mother and auntie so
there are certain things I will not understand.
So like when I watched some of his videos, I was like, oh, so
he's trying to be a rapper. But then my husband said I think
he is like he has like music outor whatever it is.
So you know, he likes that stuff.

(17:30):
And you know what that hip hop world sometimes comes with, You
know, it's the way you carry yourself.
Like as a hip hop artist, we allkind of know it.
Like it might come off a little bit of as arrogant, but you're
supposed to be like, those are the people that sometimes like
when they're rapping and they'resaying certain things, like, I
mean, when Kendrick Lamar came out and said I am the one, like
you're talking about three people on the ring.
I am like there's a part of it that comes with hip hop that's

(17:51):
like, I'm the best, I'm the bestto ever do it.
I'm the greatest, like da, da, da, da, It's all part of it.
So that level of like confidencethere, that's part of like his
hip hop persona or whatever. But we are supposed to raise
confident kids. We are supposed to raise kids
that are sure of themselves. And I think when you have a
situation kind of like the one that Dionne has had, and
probably the environments that his kids have been raised in

(18:13):
from a very young age, they havebeen reaffirmed as to who they
are, where they come from, a great sense of self.
He has probably created a world for them where it's like the
world is yours, like it's yours to have.
And we have to talk about the fact that when we exist in
certain spaces that are not where we are the majority, that
for a long time we have been made to feel that that's not

(18:35):
something we should have. We can watch other people have
that, but we're not supposed to have that and then be conscious
of the fact that what that in these spaces, when we exist in
them, that is going to be problematic.
So do I feel like it? Would he be the only one to be
confident and have a good sense of self?
Have you ever met an athlete? That's the first question.

(18:55):
Like I'm a regular person that has met regular athletes.
I've had athletes in my life, even my own spouse at one point
used to play football. Like it just comes to the
territory. Like have you met them?
Like have you met an athlete? Like So what are we talking
about here? But only somebody like him,
would they feel the need that heneeded to be humbled?
So this idea of like he's too arrogant.

(19:18):
He's too this he's he's supposedto feel like he's the best.
Even if you don't feel like he'sthe best, he's supposed to wake
up every morning and be like, who are you Shador, the best
football player there ever was? And what are you going to do,
Shador win a damn game. And how you going to do with
Shador by going out here and practicing and showing them what
you got. That is how he's supposed to
wake up every morning. And if he walks into a room and
carries himself in a certain waythat makes anybody else feel

(19:41):
less than, that is their problem.
Like even for me, like that's the point that I am in my life.
It's like if I walk into a room and my mere presence intimidates
you, that is not a me problem. That is a you problem.
And then especially when you areat the point where like, maybe
you weren't always like that andthen you work to get yourself to
that place. I actually feel insulted because
I'm like, look, I worked to get to this place of being this

(20:02):
confident in myself. So I need you to also do that
for you. Like, you don't have to do the
work, bro. It ain't my job.
OK, So there's that part of it. The next lesson I learned from
this whole shudor thing is that when we are in these spaces
where we have done better than the generations that came before
us, and maybe like, think about it, Deion Sanders, when he was

(20:23):
raising his sons, he's raising them in a way that's different
from how he was raised. So you'd not just looking at the
economical, but it's all the social things, you know, them
going to, I'm sure private school, all these different
things that you're trying to navigate for the first time.
As a parent, it is your job because of how these kids are
raised now and the environment that we have, it is actually our

(20:45):
job to create problems, to put obstacles in their way so that
when they go out in the world, it doesn't even matter what tax
bracket you belong to. It doesn't matter if your father
is Deion Sanders. It doesn't matter if your dad
has Jeff Bezos level of money that when they meet adversity,
which they're going to meet because no tax bracket is going

(21:05):
to exempt them from that, that that will not be the first time.
So I was very happy to see he was still making posts about,
you know, he is having faith andmaybe what he's posting might
have been different from how he's feeling, but I pray that it
wasn't. I pray that that's truly how he
was and his family rallied around him and everybody's just
like what's meant free is going to come for you because it
actually end up working out wellfor him at the end.

(21:26):
But that we put adversity in ourkids lives because right now we
are raising kids in a such a different time.
I'll give a prime example. One of the things we have
somebody that comes and cleans our house because I have a lot
on my plate. Like as of right now, I am
taking classes, I'm working a full time job.
I find time to record a podcast.I'm trying to post videos

(21:47):
online. I'm trying to do it like, yeah.
And it's still in the meantime, trying to be a Good Wife, trying
to be a good mother, trying to be a good daughter, trying to be
a good hello, a girl is tired. And sometimes the last thing I
want to do is clean a toilet. OK?
So I have somebody come to my house that helps me clean once a
month. And it's a breath of fresh air
because I can just be like, OK, I don't have to think about it
this week because they're comingthis week.

(22:07):
But I remember when she first started coming, like one of the
things my husband did not like was he said, OK, I want them to
come and clean because I know they're here to help you.
But I need the kids to understand that they're here to
help you. Like they are not here for them.
So I don't need them to be always leaving their stuff
thinking that person's going to come and clean up for me, Right?
And so at first I was like, huh,OK, interesting.
But then I saw the logic and what he was saying.
I was like, yeah, you're right. It's true.

(22:29):
Like we still need them to learnhow to pick up after themselves,
take care of themselves and knowthat, OK, my cleaning lady is
for me because I am at the pointin my life where I need that
help. I can afford it.
But remember, you are boarding in my house.
This cleaning lady is not for you.
You still need to clean up afteryourself, keep your room
together and pick up what you need to pick up, OK?
She ain't here for you. She ain't here to serve you.

(22:50):
So even when the cleaners are there sometimes and maybe
they're around, I'm like, ah, you still need to wash the
dishes. You still need to do this
because remember, she's here to help mommy to make mommy's life
a little bit easier. So like things like that,
whatever it is that's going on in your life, however it is,
you're raising your kids. It is your job to put adversity
in their way. Because for this generation, as
we are raising them, giving themthings that we've never had,
trying to make life easier for them.

(23:10):
In some ways, I feel like in thepast, the ways that people have
gotten it wrong is that you're kind of now like just handing
the world over to them. And it doesn't matter what tax
bracket you belong to. Like I've said, not 50 million
times, it doesn't matter what your name is like, there is
going to be adversity and we need them strong enough and
capable enough that when those things come in their way, they
know how to handle it. Why?

(23:31):
Because when they were home withus, even if we manufactured it,
which is what you're going to have to do, you're going to have
to manufacture some adversity for them.
If I don't do it while you are in my house, then you're not
going to learn it. And I don't want the first time
that you're encountering like some of this stuff that we're
trying to teach and get you through.
It's going to be when you leave my house because it ain't going
to be a pretty sight. So the way Shador handled

(23:53):
himself lets me know that there has been adversity, even though
you look from the outside and think he's a kid of privilege.
And there'll be things that he'shad that, you know, you can only
fathom. I think my husband was even
explaining to me that because now in college they can have
these deals, that the young man is even already a millionaire
before he even went off to now play for the Cleveland Browns.

(24:14):
That's who end up drafting him. So, you know, if you look at the
monetary way, you're not on the same level as him.
But yes, he would have faced. You don't know all the stories.
Just because somebody is going to a private school doesn't mean
that there's still not issues. That's not the answer to every
single thing. In fact, different type of
problems. And it kind of all ties back to
like that Issa Rae thing. Like a Issa Rae is not as rare

(24:38):
as people in the media might want you to think.
Like there are many Issa Rae's in this life that come from
parents who, you know, had good jobs or who are trying to create
a life for their children. And they go off and they are
well educated. And even if they do decide to
branch into, you know, the arts or any kind of entrepreneurial
thing, like there is a foundation, there are things

(24:59):
that were given to them that, you know, it's just unfortunate
because then we have to look at it like men.
We have just been so conditionedto then think that to have that
as abnormal, to have that as a thing to look down on or that's
even a reason to them now, like hate on somebody or make
somebody feel some kind of way. But you have to even like work
through that to realize that that is something I should

(25:19):
commend. That is something I should look
at. And if I'm not there yet, aspire
to it, like, oh, I want to get to a place like where regardless
of whether my son can throw a ball or not, he's going to go to
the best college and university.And if I can't do it, I want to
do what I can to set my child upso maybe their child can be the
first one to do it. And that's what happens when you
just look ahead and you think about what comes after you.

(25:42):
So yeah, those are the lessons that I learned from the Shudor
thing. There are other parts, but I
feel like this conversation can go on forever if I don't end it
here. So then that kind of reminds me
and brings me back to the whole Cowboy Carter kickoff that
happened this weekend. So apart from the roomy thing,
one of the things that I love seeing was Blue Ivy and her
evolution. I remember like the first videos

(26:03):
when she first started dancing to where she's at now, killing
it. And you can tell she has been
spending time, you know, learning obviously from the
greatest teacher that could everbe.
Like, Can you imagine Beyoncé's the one critiquing you when
you're doing your dances? And at least from what I could
see from the outside, that her mom is such a perfectionist with
her execution, how she goes about doing stuff.

(26:24):
I know without a doubt when she has to come and show her mom
what she got, Beyoncé, I'm gonnaput her out there.
If she ain't up to a certain level, she'll be like, I love
you. You're my baby.
But people are paying money, good money to come to this show.
So I need you to bring it. So again, it kind of goes back
to just what I was saying. Like if that is the path for
her, like let's say she does want to eventually follow her
mother's footsteps. Like this is her Master class

(26:46):
that we are witnessing happen. And that's the essence of what
I'm trying to say. She probably has people that can
cater to her, do all this stuff for her.
But I'm sure with a certain degree of it, yes, there's going
to be certain things she experiences in this life that we
can only wrap our brains around.And that's fine because that's
why her mother and father workedhard to give her that.
But those foundational things ofteaching her the discipline of

(27:08):
showing up when she doesn't wantto and how many times she might
have to do a routine again. And her mother is like, no, go
back, not good enough, Come back, duh, duh.
Instead of her, oh, I don't wantto do it anymore.
Have somebody do it for me. You said you want to do this
like I do it. OK.
You want to be a Beyoncé, I'm going to put you through the
Beyoncé training. And so we're seeing that

(27:28):
evolution happening in real time.
So that's been beautiful to see and I cannot wait to see all the
other highlights from all the other shows.
OK, OK. What else did I pick up on
that's happening around? Let's see, Lord, Lord, Lord.
I was on TikTok early in the week and a video popped off of
this young girl at NYU that apparently was a legend that her

(27:52):
roommate had peed on her. And the whole video was so
disturbing. I was trying to figure it out
and from the essence of what I got, this young lady said she
woke up to her roommate hoveringover her and peeing on her.
And so many people were confusedin these comments because they
were just like, how are you not in jail?

(28:13):
How did you just, like, wake up?And then that was it.
And you let like so many questions and the video made me
realize like, I am getting olderbecause I'm thinking to myself,
I was like, I hope like she has like family appearance around
her who probably tell her like step away from social media
right now. Because I saw some of the videos
that she had been making addressing the issue.

(28:35):
And just from the outside looking in, I'm just like, I
probably would have submitted what I needed to submit.
Let them do their investigation,come back with a finding, and if
the thing did not turn out the way I wanted to, then come to
social media. But the rush to social media
first, I don't necessarily know if that would have been like the
right move to make. But again, I'm not in this young

(28:55):
lady's shoes. Like, I don't know.
The video is confusing to me because the level of calmness
that she's given off. And, you know, everybody's
raised differently. Some people, they were raised
where somebody's violating. You do whatever it is to you.
You're going to let your mom anddad know and they're going to
handle it. And then other people, oh Lord
police, because what do you mean?

(29:18):
I was sleeping and you were hovering over me like what?
I just cannot. I'm been trying to process that
story. You have no idea.
I went back on that girl's page and I watched some other and I'm
looking at her express and I'm just it's not working for me.
I'm just like the level of calmness of even when you're
explaining it like what? So I'm just waiting for the

(29:39):
story to evolve. Like again, like I've said in
the past, I've been, you know, Igive my critiques about certain
things and I'm trying to make sure that I'm guarded with my
words. So there's certain things that
I'm just like, but I just wantedthe story to play out.
So I'm pinning that story because I need to come back to
it. I need to see how this thing
evolves. But you know, it's just a
different age. Like it made me had like a

(30:00):
discussion. I was like, you know, this is a
different generation because this is the generation they
might see two people fighting and instead of them, you know,
getting in between the two and stop in a fight, everybody has
your phone out and they're watching literally somebody get
their butt kicked and nobody's doing anything about it.
So it's a just a different generation, like, because you
wouldn't even think like, oh, the first thing I'm going to do
is go to social media to talk about this issue that I'm
having. But it's so normal now.

(30:21):
It's like, oh, I'm having a bad day at work.
I'm going to go, you know, make a video about it to post, you
know, or this is happening at school.
I'm going to go make a video about it to post about it.
It it's interesting. You know, it's just a it's just
a like, yeah. You see how my brain can't.
I can't even talk properly because if I woke up and your
butt was in my face peeing on me.

(30:43):
Hey, God, you know me. I'm over here letting you know
I'm a child of God. But hey, God.
God. Oh, God.
It's me and you. That's all I have to say.
Because your what is in my what?Huh.
OK. Please, please.
Something is going to shake. Something must shake.
It must come on. What type of nonsense?

(31:08):
Oh Lord. So I'm pinning that story to
come back to it. I just, I cannot.
I just cannot in Nigeria. Yesterday.
Was it yesterday? Now I think the article was from
a few days ago actually wasn't yesterday, but I saw it
yesterday. Osinaci Nuachuku, I hope I'm
saying it right, but she was a Nigerian gospel singer that died
a few years ago. And after her death, it was

(31:29):
brought out by her extended family members that her husband
was abusive to her. And so just the last few days,
that husband in Nigeria has beensentenced to death.
It's such a sad story because I remember, like, when it came
out, like, I had never like, listened to her music as a
gospel singer. But when I listened to like, one
of her songs, you can tell the pain and the everything else
that was there in her voice. And apparently this abuse had

(31:52):
been going on for so long. From the article that I did
read, it was saying that the Nigerian government has
sentenced people to death before, but they have a hard
time carrying it out. So he might not, you know,
actually be put to death, but he's definitely going to be in
jail and serving that for a longtime.
So I do think like, it's a victory as far As for like
domestic violence in Africa in our society.

(32:13):
So like, when something that I don't like to talk about too
much has been normalized in someways, and for us to collectively
see a society taking action, saying, OK, this stuff is
unacceptable because it is sending a message.
It is unacceptable. And if you get to the point
where you're with somebody and you're taking their life when

(32:35):
you're dealing with the law, is that if you took their life,
then, yeah, OK, then we're goingto do the same thing for you.
Now we're going to put faith a little bit to the side there
because then your faith dictatessomething else.
But we're just looking at the court of law, that idea like a
life for life. And so hopefully it's a societal
thing. I hope conversations are being
had, things are being talked about about people holding men

(32:58):
accountable. And in some ways for us to even
get to the point like where withthe way we do it is how we
raising our sons. So for every woman out there
that has a son teaching them from such a young age, you don't
put your hands on girls, you don't do this, you don't do
that. A woman is not your property.
Like it's such a topic that I feel like it's so laced, it's so
many layers that it probably deserves its own segment for us

(33:22):
to truly talk about it and what that looks like in our African
culture. But I feel like it was a case
that it's like showing an example, like this stuff, we're
in a new time, we're in a new era.
It's not going to be tolerated. And hopefully it's not just for
just the big name celebrity thatmeant something, but that it's
there in place for the everyday woman that experiences that,

(33:43):
that she has a justice system that she can count on that can
help to hold an abuser accountable.
So I leave that there. I think seeing that case,
hearing about it, it made me hopeful that we are at a new
time, we are in a new place and that we are sending a different
message to this generation of the things that we have to get
better at, the things that we have to improve and to make

(34:06):
things better for the generations to come.
OK, so that's that story there. It's a very, very sad story.
Really very sad story watching on TV.
Well, this will not be really TV.
It will be watching my colleagues Neti Flix.
So I started watching the Uzo Aduba show the residents.
I'm actually on episode 2. So, so far so good.

(34:26):
But it's not a show that you canwatch around kids.
So that's been my problem is like my kids will come home and
then I have to pause it or they come around and I have to pause
it. So but I'm on episode 2.
So I've been, you know, I've been seeing all the previews
about it here and some other reviews.
So I started it for myself. So we'll see another show that I
started this one with my husbandthat we've been watching is the
$1,000,000 Secret. And it's actually really good.

(34:47):
I just feel like it was a refreshing kind of show for
Netflix. Like if you like any of like the
competition kind of shows like, yeah, so somebody's a
millionaire and it's their job to try to figure out who this
millionaire is. And that's the essence of the
show. So.
And then I finished with Love Megan.
It was 8 episodes. I finally finished that and one
more Chef's Table. If you've ever watched that,
like my daughter loves to cook and I love watching these

(35:09):
stories. So if you haven't watched the
show yet, Chef's Table, it'll pick a restaurant and tell the
story about the chef, the owner of the restaurant, how they come
about to, you know, telling their story the way they do
through food. And if you like food, if you
like cooking, if you like any ofthe culinary things, that's a
good show. I've been enjoying it.
So, and it's been something thatwe have all been enjoying as a

(35:31):
family. So those are my recommendations
right now. Oh my gosh, I feel like the pop
culture part was probably so long for this episode.
Good luck to my editor this week.
I don't know how he's going to be able to do this because I
covered so much and I don't knowhow he's going to pick which
ones are important for us to include in here.
But we'll see how he edited the editation.

(35:53):
My topic today is don't be the only one.
Don't be the only one. And it was inspired by the
current climate of which we are living through.
I think we have to decide how you're going to fight everything
that you are experiencing and weare seeing right now in the
world around us. Some people have been fighting.

(36:14):
So I'm just going to speak for myself.
I feel like before I got on a podcast when I was writing, I
had been fighting the good fight.
And I don't have to go into fulldetails for you to know what I'm
talking about, but I feel like Ihave fought and in some ways I
feel like I have even paid the price.
And then in other ways, I feel like people have shown up for me
and have been of rock and have been steady and the people who

(36:39):
truly get it. I think sometimes one of the
hardest parts of fighting for the things that matter for the
good of us, for the good of humanity is that sometimes the
very people who you might be trying to help or trying to do
things for, they will be the ones to come in and it like
attack you and come after you with certain things.
So it's been an interesting timeand I think it is asking this

(37:03):
time is asking you picking how you want to fight.
And I think there is no good or right or wrong way of going
about doing it. I think for somebody like me, I
have decided to strategize and fight in different ways than I
have in the past. And I think for somebody else it
might be the time for them to step into their era of like
where I was in the years previous where like you're more

(37:26):
vocal about it. I don't think 1 is more right
than the other. I think you have to find what
you are going to champion and then do it to the best of your
ability, but at the same time making sure that you are also
taking care of yourself. I think, like I say all the
time, we can learn so much from those who came before us that we

(37:46):
don't need to experience certainthings, but we can learn from
those who came before us to say,OK, I need to do things
differently this way. This is what I learned from
their story. This is how I can be better.
So 1, I don't want us to be likefighting each other because you
feel like, oh, this person is not speaking up as much about
these issues or this person doesn't have much to say.
Everybody has to decide in theirlives what they are able to

(38:09):
withstand, what they are able totake on.
Because sometimes, let's be honest, when the pulling comes,
when the grit of things come, it's really you and the people
who are the closest to you who really, really, really, really,
really, really get to see the price that you have to pay to be
a voice, to be somebody that stands up for people in a

(38:31):
certain way. You know, whether you're
speaking to their souls, whetheryou are, you know, fighting in a
courtroom or whether you feel some kind of way about certain
issues and you're taking a standwhen the oil is running, when
the nails are being placed, all those things that come, it's
really going to come down to youand probably a selected few

(38:52):
group of people and, you know, those closest to you.
And sometimes there's prices to pay.
You know, you kind of saw it kind of play out this weekend a
little bit like with the Deion Sanders thing, because he's
deciding, OK, there's a system here.
But I want to empower a whole new generation of boys to be at
the upper hand, to enter these spaces and know how to
negotiate, to know the traps, not what to fall for.

(39:14):
And even though it was a messagesent to his son this weekend, it
was also, in some ways, a message kind of sent to Dion,
too, about the status quo and what happens when somebody
decides that they're going to break it.
So you yourself, within yourselfhave to decide in what ways in
my everyday life am I going to, you know, work against a system
that maybe holds me in a certainway, makes me feel, you know,

(39:36):
this or that. You yourself have to decide.
And then once you decide, you have to be comfortable with what
you have decided that you're going to do.
And there is no right or wrong. It's you searching within
yourself. How are you going to take the
stand? So these are some things that
I'm going to talk about to maybehelp you decide what is going to
be your fight. How are you going to position

(39:58):
yourself and then being comfortable in that.
OK, so first thing first that I said, make sure you choose how
it is you want to fight. So maybe you haven't decided
yet. Am I going to be more outspoken
or am I going to like take it easy and just kind of chill and
just kind of let things be? And then I know that I'm still
doing certain things in certain spaces.
To still collectively do something that's good.

(40:19):
I think for the longest time what I've learned is that I
don't want to be the only one. I don't like the idea of anybody
being the face of something because it gives this
impression. Like it's only a one person
thing. And I think the movements that
have been the most effective is really when a whole group of
people buy into an idea and theysolely believe it and they're
trying in this world to achieve it.

(40:41):
So you cannot come from a place of like, it's only going to be
me. My idea is what I say.
Like you can have multiple people leading, doing things and
everybody in their own sector isdoing what they can and the best
that they can to lead to a better life, a better place for
all of us. So making sure home is good.

(41:01):
I think when you have watched from a lot of the leaders that
have come before, when things will come out later on about
family members or whatever, theyhave paid high prices this
weekend while, you know, all thestuff was going on.
I saw the TD Jakes had handed over his church to his daughter
and the husband. So Toure Roberts now and Sarah
Jakes Roberts are going to be the head pastors of the Potter's

(41:23):
House. He's stepping down.
He said, OK, I'll come back and preach whenever they'll have me.
But he's pretty much handing it over to them.
And one of the things that Sarahhad posted was over the years
watching her father and the sacrifice that he had made to be
in the position that he is in. So it's not something that I
think necessarily anybody even chooses.
I think you go about life, you're trying to do certain

(41:43):
things, but maybe there's certain things innately within
you. And then as you're trying to
like navigate or whatever, some of these things, they fall into
your lap. As somebody who has asked the
question, sometimes I'm like, why me or why should I be the
one? Like I promise you, if you see
everything that has to come withhaving a certain platform have
an impact in people's lives, having like there'll be a parts

(42:06):
of you that if you know all of it, you would not want it.
Like I'm dead honest with you guys right now.
You would not want it. Like in the Bible when Jesus
said let this cup pass, I've experienced enough things in my
life that I totally get it. Why he said that I'm like, I
completely understand, completely understand how he got
to that point is to say, let this cup pass me by.
I truly get it because when sometimes you're called to do

(42:29):
something, especially something that's for the betterment of a
group of people that can uplift generations, that can break
certain things and make it better.
And it's not just about just youand just the immediate people
tied to you. The weight of that.
My gosh, yeah. So that's why I said if you knew
everything that you have to sacrifice to get there, to do

(42:50):
all those things, you wouldn't want that.
You would be like, pick somebodyelse.
Not for me. It takes a certain type of
person to have a mindset of like, I got to do this.
Despite all of this, I still gotto keep pushing because there is
a message. There is something that I am to
say, there is something that I am to do that I will not rest

(43:11):
until it is done. So it's a rough place.
It's a rough place to be and I totally understand it and I
totally get it. So but taking care of home,
making sure the people connectedto you are good, I feel like
that's something that we hadn't seen in the generation before.
Sometimes you're out here leading a whole group of people,
leading a whole movement, takingcare of others.

(43:32):
Like think about it, even in oureveryday life, like let's say
for example, you know, I'm just going to use myself.
So I'm out here, I'm a nurse andI show up every day and I'm
taking care of my patients giventhe best that I can.
But, you know, at home, my children are not getting the
best of me or my family is not getting the best of me.
When we have seen that over the years and we have existed in a
system that's let us believe that that's OK.

(43:54):
In order for us to get through, to make it to that next level,
our family needs to be the sacrifice.
No, it doesn't have to be. It's a choice to a certain
degree, right? Because we're trading one for
the other. And it kind of goes back to what
I talked about a few weeks ago about boundaries.
That's why those boundaries are so important because you're
going to decide, you know what my family, the people attached
to me, you know, my immediate family that I'm trying to work

(44:15):
on, they are so important to me.First I have to get that right
and then I can go out and do allthese other things.
And if that's not right, how do I fix it?
How do I get it better? And for the generation that came
before, I think sometimes it waslike backwards.
It's like everybody else. And then, you know, then my
family gets the scraps of me. And it's your family that's

(44:36):
going to carry on that legacy. It's your family that's going to
take things like we were talkingabout before with the building
of things, the multi layers, themulti generational things.
So it is important for us to think of the collective.
Think of where I started this episode when I talked about
that's what gets me sometimes with some of our African
leaders. It is important for us to think
about the collective, what's good for the collective.
But we have like these foundational things if everybody

(44:59):
in their life. So it's not just, you know,
somebody who you think is well off everybody, whether you're a
school teacher, you're a nurse, you're a doctor, you are a post
office worker, thinking about what can I do to give my family,
my kids the best of me and whatever that looks like for
you. So if you're struggling with,

(45:20):
you know, any kind of addiction,I want to be free from that so
that I can be the best I can show up the best for my
children. So what am I going to do?
I'm going to get therapy. I'm going to get the things that
I need to do to be in the best right mind possible.
So at least to the best of my abilities, I can try to be a
good mom. Like I have met enough people in
my life and from different social and economic backgrounds

(45:43):
that I have seen people that do not come from much, but they are
given their love, they're given discipline, they're given
everything that's right to theirchildren.
And maybe the only thing that's missing is like the economic
part. But look, they're already
setting a foundation that that thing that they're doing right
now, the sacrifices they're making, all of that.
When that last part of the puzzle comes through, which is,

(46:04):
you know, this kid is going to go off to college and it's going
to do great things and it's going to accomplish great
things. They have already taught them
the things that they need to teach that they are going to
like leap into that next phase. So what I've learned is you have
to put the family first. The people attached to you, your
children. Don't sacrifice your family just

(46:24):
because of like a bigger cause. Because at the end of the day,
it doesn't need to be one or theother.
It doesn't need to be, oh, in order for me to support this
'cause then my family needs, no,you can still take care of your
family. You can still do what you have
to do for your children and still pursue something that is
bigger than yourself and greaterthan you.
And I think that's what this generation we're going to try to

(46:47):
accomplish for the first time. And I pray that we are able to
do it, that we can break that cycle.
Because I feel like those who came before, that's the story
you heard so many times of this great political figure.
But then at home, things were not so great or, you know, they
did this, but then look at theirchildren or, you know, they.
Yeah. So, you know, that's been the
story for so long. And hopefully we can be at the
place where it's like, I did allthese great things.

(47:09):
I also did the best I could and I was present for this and I did
this and I did that. And for me sitting here, that's
one of the come to Jesus momentsI needed to have with myself was
it doesn't matter all these things that I'm accomplishing
that I'm doing with the help of my spouse.
Obviously we came to like, OK, it is important.
There have been things that I'veshowed up in our lives that we
could take advantage of and we could do, but we decide not to

(47:30):
do it because why? We're putting our family that we
have created 1st. And so because we're doing that
like you have to say no to this and say no to that.
Why? Because I want to be able to be
at your games. I want to be able to be here and
there. I want to be able to be there
when you wake up in the morning.Yes, there are certain
sacrifices I'm making that I cannot escape it, but those that
I could have control over that I'm making to let you know that

(47:52):
you are a priority and I'm goingto still be there for people on
the outside and do what I have to do there.
Whatever is called to me, whatever is tied to my name,
whatever that purpose is, I'm still going to accomplish it.
But I have to get the home front, right?
So that's a lesson I feel like we can take from those who have
come before us. So yeah, like I said before, I
don't think anything should be at a point where it's just one
face. I think we all have to get to

(48:13):
that point now collectively where you're thinking about what
is your role? Everybody has a role.
Decide what your role is. What are the things that put a
fire in you? What are the things that bring
you to life? Maybe for you it's the arts, OK.
And then you think about, OK, I like acting.
But maybe in my community right now, because of how the place
is, the economy is and how things are, that's a program

(48:35):
that's been cut off. So the other day I was watching
a video online and the lady had shared like her husband, like
all the kids in the neighborhood.
Whenever he comes from work, theall the kids come knocking at
his door and he's like the dad of the neighborhood.
So you never know. Maybe everybody's parents are
off working double S trying to, you know, put food on the table,
trying to take care of the kids.But her husband, that time when

(48:55):
he comes home and he goes out there, he plays with those kids
that's going to have something that's impactful for them that
they are going to grow up and remember, hey, you know, we had
this neighbor, Mr. John, that every day after school, he came
out there and he played with us and it was just cool seeing, you
know, a man showing up like thatfor a community, showing up for
his people. And these are the things that
are just as impactful as like somebody that's Kamala Harris,

(49:20):
like because Kamala Harris is going to do what she has to do,
but what are we doing in our everyday life?
What are the things that we are comfortable with?
And sometimes you're going to beuncomfortable a little bit, to
be honest. But whatever scale it is that
has been destined for you that you are saying, OK, I am going
to listen and take it on, figureit out for yourself.
Everybody has a role to play. And I think that's the place
that we have to be because then when everybody carries a little

(49:43):
bit, then one person doesn't have to feel like they carry a
lot. Because I think of the leaders
in the past, like that has been the thing.
And that price, it's hard. It is difficult, it is gruesome,
and it's inhumane to a certain level.
Yeah. Because you're going to spend
your whole life sacrificing, fighting, doing all these
things. And then sometimes the very

(50:03):
people that you're even doing all that for are going to be
like, nobody asked you. In fact, they're going to be the
ones to even attack you more than.
And you're wondering, like, whatis happening?
So, yeah, so I said fight withinyour capacity.
So yeah, that's what I was saying.
So deciding what it is that you want to do.
So going back to that example, that man has decided, OK, my

(50:25):
school district does not do thisactivity anymore.
I want to do it. There was a time when my
husband, so like, he plays soccer with his group of
friends. They play like multiple days of
the week. That's their self-care.
That's what they do. But I was like all of you guys
play soccer. And if you have met an African
man that play soccer, Jesus, it's very serious business.
They watch it, they play it. In fact, everybody's in Bape,

(50:47):
everybody is a Pillay. Everybody, any other player you
can think of, they are him. OK?
It's serious business. I don't fight with soccer
anymore. When we were first married, I'm
like every Saturday you must do that.
Now I'm like please go, carry on.
Please. While you are there, I can
sleep. While you're there, I can do my
own things. I don't carry on.
Please carry on. But I remember telling him I was
like, it's interesting to me then that none of you guys have

(51:09):
thought about like starting likeyour own league because you guys
take this stuff so seriously. It's such a serious thing.
But you guys can then like kind of teach your sons because from
what I hear, the American soccersystem is very much a pay for
play. So that raw talent that you
would see from like a Pele back in the day or whatever, it's
hard to find it now because the system has kind of cut that

(51:30):
passion out of the sport. So like that's what I was
telling him. I was like, you guys are out
here actually playing with the passion.
You have it. So then teach it to your sons
and teach it to the next generation.
So things like that, that's whatwe have to think about.
Like what is the role that you are going to play?
There's something that everybodyhas to offer and you just figure
out how are you going to bring it and do it for the collective

(51:50):
good of everybody. And then you just do it well.
And some people have been fighting this fight.
So if they're in their phase of resting, don't take this as a
time to mean that those people don't care anymore about issues.
But like I said, when the thingsget rough and they have to go
through certain things that theyhave to go through, it's only
them and those closest to them that will understand it.

(52:11):
So if somebody cared enough about something long time ago to
say something to uplift a people, that's not something
that goes away. And in fact, it would be
something that has intensified over time.
But all you're seeing is somebody trying to be smart,
trying to work things in a different way, trying to figure
out other solutions, right? Because like I said, if we study

(52:31):
our people enough, we're going to look at patterns and see what
didn't work, what worked, how can we be better.
And I keep saying it over and over again, and I'm seeing it
over and over. The collective, the collective,
the collective, think of your part that you're going to have
to play and don't spend too muchtime, you know, pointing out
what somebody is not doing or what they're not doing.
Try to figure out your role, howyou're going to do it, how

(52:52):
you're going to do it. Well, me showing up on this
podcast, that's part of my role to play.
Like, I hope when I get on this mic, I actually pray before I
get on here because I'm like, God, I want to come on here.
I want to be entertaining. I want to see, you know, things
that brighten up people's day, but I also want to leave them
with something that they can take that can be impactful in
their lives. So I take that very seriously.

(53:13):
So I feel like that's part of mything that I do when I show up
here. So figure out your thing.
And then the rest of it, like we've been talking about, give
yourself, you know, grace, give yourself the comfort.
Take care of yourself, take careof your family, take care of
your loved ones, do all of that other stuff, but reprogram
yourself a little bit. And then we just have to be at
the point where you just take what people can give right now.

(53:35):
This is not a time to say, well,I'm being loud.
If that is where you are, you are in your loud phase of self
discovery, go ahead and do that.But if somebody else is at a
phase where they're like, hey, this is my pullback phase, let
them pull back and let them not have any guilt or whatever to it
because everybody has a role to play.
And sometimes you're not seeing also what people are doing.
So you're only seeing again, based off of what you can

(53:57):
consume, but you might not know them in regular everyday life,
you don't know truly what you know impact that they're having.
So spend less time trying to judge and figure out that part
and just figure out what you aregoing to do.
How are you going to show up if you are a I'm going to get up
every Saturday and protest and do this.
OK, bye. That's what you want to do.
But if somebody else is like, hey, I'm approaching it this

(54:18):
way, when I show up to my workplace, I'm going to be the
person to have bring certain ideas in place, be somebody to
challenge certain things like, and that's what they have
decided to do. Fine.
Absolutely. There's room for all of us, but
we cannot do it with just one single person.
And as a collective, I think we all get that.
Like everybody has a role to play and everybody's role is

(54:39):
needed and it's valid. So that's where I live you
today. I said don't be the only one to
ensure that you're not. Let's teach the next generation
the things that we have learned from our personal experiences
and from observing and studying.Like, be a student of life,
study the people around you, study your family, study your
history, study these things because why?

(55:00):
They inform every single thing that comes after.
Be a student of your life. So that's what I leave you with.
As far as music, Oh my gosh. Coco Jones's debut album came
out. I haven't had time yet to listen
to it, but I just wanted to givea shout out because there was a
time a girl was out here saying bring real R&B back.
And I know the R&B girlies showed up.
Coco Jones was like, I'm here, I've answered the call.

(55:22):
But Victoria Monet said, yes, I'm here, I've answered the
call. Akila came and said yes, ma'am,
I've slow down, girls. Oh my gosh, I love it.
So, so many great R&B artists have come out over the years,
give you and came out and say yes, I've answered the call.
I mean, I could probably go on for a while.
I love me some good R and BI. Remember having that moment.
I can't say that no more. I can't say that no more.

(55:44):
Y'all keep working. I see y'all.
I see y'all. If there was video right now,
you see that I'm doing that little finger thing with index
finger and the thumb come together that the young folks
are doing out here. It's T It's T.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I see all y'all out there.
So I'm going to be listening to Coco Jones's album this weekend,
and then I will come back next week and give you guys my eval
on that. But let's see, what song did I

(56:05):
add to my playlist that I could add for you guys this week so
you can listen? Like I said, I haven't picked my
nonfiction or memoir. Tina Knowles's book came out
matriarch. I was debating whether I should
do that one. And then there's another
fictional book by Shirley. And Shirley, Oh my gosh, why am
I forgetting her last name? But she had written another book
that I had read. So I'm trying to decide.

(56:27):
I think I'm going to do that. And then on the side, I'm also
doing my history research stuff.So that way I can still give you
guys suggestions out there for those who have been following
along. Because even, you know, being
able to read a fictional book ora memoir or something, it's a
good way of also practicing likeself-care, you know?
So we got to have it. We have to take care of
ourselves. We must take care of ourselves.

(56:48):
So gospel song of the week is WeWill be Many Sound of Salem,
Lawrence, Oyo, Moses, Oh my gosh, I don't want to pronounce
anybody's name wrong, but it's We will be many sound of Salem.
So if you want to go and add that it's the African gospel
song. I heard it today.
I liked it, it was good. Other music.

(57:09):
Let's see what I have in here. Oh my gosh.
So this one actually came out like last year but I don't know
why it only entered into my space like 2 weeks ago.
But I've been obsessed. The amount of times I play the
song should be criminal. When my Spotify rap comes up, I
have a feeling this one is goingto be one of the top ones.

(57:31):
OK, we are going to Sudafric. OK.
My South African people is called K naquila.
K naquila. I feel like that's how I say,
you know, if you say it enough with just a little intonation
that it sounds like I said the right thing.
But it is. DJ Dadaman, mellow, sleazy Uncle
Waffles, DJ Maforisa. OK, that that song is criminal,

(57:55):
very criminal song. I have been playing that and
dancing and like letting all my cares go away and then I will
repeat it again like I've never heard it before.
What did you guys put in this song?
What? That song is criminal.
It's so good. It is so good.
I love it. Like the beat, everything.
And then I need to give an honorable mention because Shegun

(58:17):
Johnson, when you were looking at JP 2025 last week and you
were, I mean, today when you were doing all that, if you
looked at any other videos on TikTok or any other social
media, you're going to see Shagun Johnson.
Okay. Shagun Johnson is like, remember
when I shared a few years ago when I went to my very first
like Yoruba party? When I found out I have you were

(58:38):
buying my answer. She was like, my ancestors must
be very proud. Nobody told me you were people
get down like this. It is because of the hype man.
I don't know what the official names that they call them, but
that's just what how I'm going to explain to you.
It is because of the hype man that will be at these parties.
OK. These men, they are so creative
and I'm sure there are women toothat do it, but the ones that
I've been to, it's been male artists.
That's why I'm saying men. And they will be coming up with

(59:00):
like lyrics on the fly. The beat is great.
You know your black people call it the owambe.
I think I'm hoping I'm pronouncing it the right way,
but it's pretty much just a a word for like a party.
So like it's their job to get the energy going.
So Shagun Johnson, a lot of the events that you see happening in
Nigeria, like by all these big celebrities or whatever, he's
going to be the MC, He's going to be the hype man that's at

(59:23):
these events and like making songs.
So he has this song called Jomo Igara Shiken.
OK, you have heard it, Maha, Fishing power everywhere.
You've been on my fishing. And people are like, what?
The fish in the pond, The fish in my pond, the pop pop.
We don't know. When I looked at these things,

(59:43):
like I'm going to show you like who I am.
It's like a hype song. It's like, who are you or
something like that. I'm going to show you like,
yeah. Oh, my gosh.
Like, stop it. Mr. gets all the money he has
collected. He's the type of person by the
time he has finished hyping you,you're going to give him your
inheritance, your children's students money.
They're going to be dashing intohim because by the time he's

(01:00:05):
done with you. Like I was literally going
through my house after watching that JP 2025.
Like if you have seen the video where he's like, yeah, boy, Joe,
like he'll be saying your name and he will like, he will hype
you up. So for me now will be Antonia
Obey. Hey, man.
Antonia Obey, resident of Fusche, mother of Wasilla.

(01:00:26):
The best there. Well, you'll just be like yes.
And then you before you know you, I've given him all your
money. So I have to put that song on
there. Once you listen to it, you're
gonna be like, I've heard this song, but it's spelled J
apostrophe Omo and then Igara. So IGARA chicken.

(01:00:46):
OK by Shegun. So shegun is spelled SE GUN and
last name is Johnson, I promise you.
So by the time you have done it,got a shiki, it got it, got a
shiki, then you go, now you do DJ Dada man.
I'm telling your, your weekend is lit enjoyment for your life.
Because remember, eh, life is already stressful enough.

(01:01:08):
We need these little things to bring enjoyment to us to release
that stress. Just listen to those two songs.
Go and listen to the garage chicken and the DJ Dada man one
that I gave you and the DJ Dada Man 1 is spelled KENAKWELA.
OK, those two songs, you play them back-to-back.
All your words will be going, ifyou like to dance, if you like,
good thing, if you like enjoyment, go and enjoy it.

(01:01:31):
OK? And then don't forget, listen to
that gospel song. We will be many.
That was a beautiful one. I made sure to add that to my
playlist. I liked it.
It's been a long episode. This episode is probably going
to be over an hour long by the time it's done being edited.
And the sad part is that there are going to be so many good
parts left out. But hopefully he does a good job
of picking the Creme de la Creme.
Add that in there for you. I hope this episode has blessed

(01:01:53):
you. I hope it has been entertaining
for you. We are going to make it.
Remember, don't be the only one and ensure that you're not the
only one. Teach everybody around you the
issues that matter to you. Even if some people call you
crazy to say this and that to you, let them know you know
what, this stuff matters. I want to get it right.
We have to get it right. Why?
For the next generation and the generation after that and the

(01:02:15):
generation after that. And I don't know about you for,
but for me, that's my motivation.
I'm like, we have to get these things right.
And we're going to get it right.We're going to get it right.
But we all have to be on the same page.
So whether you're in diaspora, whether you're in the continent,
get in line. OK, get in line.
Let's get it together and get itdone.
All right, love you guys. All right, bye.

(01:02:35):
Bye. You just finished an episode of
Banta with Tony. Did you like it?
I hope you had a great time and that you have some takeaways
from this episode. But before you go, I want to ask
you one thing and that is to share this episode or this
entire podcast with a friend, family member, or acquaintance.

(01:02:57):
Because remember, when you have something good, you need to talk
about it, you need to share it and you need to shout it from
the rooftops. So go on and let people know in
your life that you have this wonderful podcast that you would
like to share with them. I appreciate you.
I appreciate your time, your support and everything else in
between. And remember, if you do it, I
have to talk about it. Have a great week.