Fighting the Right Battles

Season 2: Episode 7 - Fighting the Right Battles

In this episode, Toni reflects on how January has been a practice run for the year, sharing insights into her daily routine and mindset during this period. She dives into her pop culture moments, majorly her favorite Netflix shows, Dubai Bling and Young, Famous & African, dishing out spoilers and epic moments. Toni also touches on the ongoing divorce of Annie and 2Baba Idibia, offering her perspective on their situation.

For the main discussion, she explores the importance of fighting the right battles knowing which ones truly matter and which are not worth the energy. She emphasizes the need for discernment and the strength to focus on meaningful struggles. Wrapping up, she highlights the need for increased communalism among Africans, using the challenges facing Dangote’s refinery as a key example.

As always, she concludes the show with her "Book of the Week" selection, alongside her weekly picks for gospel and secular music. This thoughtful mix provides listeners with the perfect soundtrack and inspiration to carry them through the hustle and bustle of life.

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Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Welcome to Banta with Tony. Join me as I share stories about
motherhood, faith, life, love, and everything else in between.
I promise we'll also have some fun along the way, and I hope
that the time we spend together will end up being some of the
highlights of your week. Thank you for coming along.

(00:21):
Hello, everybody, and welcome toa new episode of Banta with
Tony. We are now officially in 2025.
By the time this episode comes out, it's going to be the very
last day of January. And I eased into this, my new
year. There was just so much going on
that I just felt like this is the time I wanted to try

(00:43):
something different. And so I did.
And so for me, the new year didn't really start.
This month is like a buffer month.
It's like a, whatever you want to call it, trial and error
month. And given the shenanigans that's
even happened over the last few weeks, my assessment was
correct. OK, so my 2025 doesn't start
until February. And I know I'm not the only one
out there because I've shared this sentiment with a lot of

(01:03):
people who have agreed with me that you know what?
This month was just a practice run for us to just kind of see
how is this year going to go. What is it going to feel like?
You know, the nitty gritty is not really starting until
February. So I am back with Banta for you
guys. I hope you guys missed me.
The crazy thing is originally I had planned to only be gone for
like one week. But as life was unfolding for me

(01:25):
and things were happening, you know, one of the things I
learned last year is that I, I did like to just let go and not
have to control everything and kind of let life happen and take
place how it should be. And I'm just working more on my
ability to adapt as it happens. So yes, my original plan was
like, OK, I'm just going to takeone week off and then that's it.
But then I was like, OK, I actually need more time.
And then things were happening in life that demanded my time,

(01:47):
demanded my attention. I was doing a lot of adjusting.
And now I'm starting up again and I feel like it's the right
time for me. I'm in a good head space.
What's going to happen is going to happen and it's just a
beautiful place for me to even be in.
So I hope that my listeners, it's the same for you guys that
you guys have kind of eased intothis year.

(02:07):
I think we needed ease for this year because we kind of
anticipated some of the things that were going to be coming for
us head on. And so just kind of ease into
it. And for me, the feeling that I
had coming into the new year, I had fasted, I was telling myself
I was going to be more intentional.
And I'm really trying to be thisyear.
I'm actually making the effort of making sure I write
everything down in my planner. I have a plan.

(02:28):
I have things that I want to getdone.
And I'm not going to do everything on my list, but the
idea of me just having a place where I go off every day and
cross off things as I get them done, I know it's another way
for me to hold myself accountable.
And so this is what Banta is going to be like for this new
year that we are in. I will take some breaks
throughout the year, but I do want to have longer seasons than

(02:49):
we have had in the past. So my hope is that I will pull
out a bunch of episodes over here.
Then we'll take a little break, you know, because rest, rest
pit, OK, Rest is needed and it will be taken.
But I hope this 2025, I will be part of the people and part of
the memories that you have as wego through this year.
We go make it. We go make it OK.

(03:11):
We are going to make it by any means possible.
By any means necessary. We must move.
It must move. Things must shake.
Say it with me. We gonna make it.
We got this. We good.
All right. So while I was gone, of course,
you know, there's always stuff. I don't even need to look for
it. Stuff just happens.

(03:32):
Stuff just happens. Oh, my goodness.
So, so many things to discuss. I probably won't get to cover
everything. I'm just doing like the
highlights. Netflix while I was going on
because I was trying to like clean my house, get things
together, organizing things. I don't know what it was about
the new year. That was just like, girl, you
get your home together. This is like the most organized
my house has been. And so now it's like for me,
it's about me maintaining and knowing like my limits, right?

(03:56):
What I can do, where I need to ask for help, where I need to
hire somebody. Hopefully this will be the year
I let go and maybe I will use a laundry service because that
laundry is stressing me out. Part of my learning is knowing
where I can let things go and just even being able to have the
privilege to even do it. Because I'm sure there are
people who want to use laundry service, but they can do it.

(04:17):
But even being able to have thatprivilege to say, OK, I can't
afford to do that. I recognize that.
And so me learning just, OK, what are the things that demand
the most of my attention and energy and being present so I
can give those things my energy and laundry is not one of them.
It's not my calling, it's not myministry.

(04:37):
The only thing I will say, OK, so I got this laundry detergent
last year because there was a Coworker of mine that she always
smells divine. And so one day I was like, what
is it that you're wearing? And she told me she was wearing
the Tyler company Diva. OK, so I have bought that since
then. And once I had the Diva laundry
detergent, my kids think like it's a free for all.

(04:58):
I'm my girl. This is my luxury team for
myself. Do you understand?
It's like when you do a kind of career like the one I do, where
you're giving to people constantly.
You're giving of yourself. You're giving of yourself, part
of yourself. Care is having like these little
luxury things, whatever it mightbe for you.
Maybe it's a you giving yourselfa $250 massage, $400.00 massage
every month if you can afford it.
Yeah, that's your little luxury.So for me, my laundry soap was

(05:21):
one of those little luxuries. OK, And then my kids discovered
it and they were using that stuff like, I'm like, ma'am,
this ain't cheap. I bought you some, Mrs. Meyers,
You have the regular Tide. That'd be smelling good too, you
know, with the lavender in it. But can you leave my diva for
me? And I started mixing that mug
with some free and clear. I saw somebody do it on TikTok

(05:42):
to make it stretch because I'm like, y'all ain't going to kill
me because I'm not going to keepbuying this laundry detergent
every week because you all want to do 500 loads of laundry.
But I'm just saying like with laundry, making it smell good
and doing that. So I guess that part is nice.
So maybe if I just focus more onthat, like, OK, I'm just, you
know, mixing my laundry detergent together and it smells
good and my clothes smell good and my sheets smell good and

(06:03):
everywhere it smells good smellslike diva or where at my house.
Maybe that'll motivate me more. But as I ease into my new year,
like I said, it's just me planning things out, being more
intentional. I set my goals of what it is I
wanted to do. And I think this month of
rejuvenation that I really did not intend to give myself, but I
needed, it's teaching me just that ability to be more

(06:23):
intuitive, listening to my body,listening to myself, what I
need, what I want, knowing whereI am right now and the things
that are temporary and the things that I have to do to get
where I need to be. I've had like, as Oprah will
say, aha moments even when it comes to like my work because
for the longest time for me, I'malways like, OK, you have your
passions and then you have the things that you do.
And during this, my time away and quiet time is just like, OK,

(06:46):
but what if the work you do is fulfilling work too?
Like it doesn't mean that these things that I do outside of
work, that they don't make me joy.
They don't fulfill me, but it's me like tapping into that higher
level of like, OK, the thing that I do, the career that I
went into that I wanted to be infor so long.
And I don't know where life is going to lead me.
I don't know what the future holds.
I know I have certain goals for myself, but just being able to

(07:07):
say, you know what, what if thismoment that I'm in as well is
part of my purpose? I think because for me, for the
longest time, it's like I'm looking ahead.
I'm looking outside because I bought into this idea of like,
there's a thing that you do that's a career.
And then there are the passions and things you have on the side.
And it's like they don't necessarily have to be so
distinctive one way or the other.

(07:28):
Like there can be a middle ground because the work I do is
such fulfilling work, seeing somebody come into a hospital
and they are like in one of the worst conditions you can find
them. I work with transplant patients.
So seeing them get these transplants, you know, they make
it away from my unit. They go to a next unit where
they do like rehab work. But like, just even seeing
somebody like, celebrate like that one year mark after getting

(07:48):
their transplant, it's such transformative work.
But it's like meshing the two together.
Like, I'm still going to have passions and things that I do
outside. But what if my work is also part
of my divine purpose, part of the divine thing that I'm
supposed to do in this earth? And then when you look at it
like that, then it changes your mind because you're like, well,
then how do I want to show up? And that was me learning like,
OK, there are ways where the things that I love about design,

(08:11):
decorating, putting things together that can still show up
at work, whether it's, you know,me tidying up the place, doing
certain things like that still shows up there.
So it's me finding a way to meshthe two and then realizing like
the work that I'm doing because it's purposeful work, because
it's work that's impactful, because it's work that truly I
can see the impact of it on a daily basis.
It is passionate work. And it's about me, how I show up

(08:34):
and how I do it, that it helps to translate.
And sometimes you know that ideaof like faking it till you make
it. So if you're doing your work
right now, you're not really passionate about it.
Keep showing up, keep trying to do your best.
Read Unreasonable hospitality. Think of the little ways that
you can make people's day be brighter in your work, in your
field of work. And I promise you, you're going
to show up to work one day and you are going to be that person

(08:55):
that's like super passionate about their work, super
passionate about what they do. And I think it's such a
blessing. It's like, for me, I've always
looked at it like it's a different level, like of
operation. Like when I used to look at
people that I felt like we're truly passionate about the work
they do, I, I feel like they were like on another plane that
I was just envious looking at them because I'm like, man, Can
you imagine? Like you're just moving?
Like the way you move, it's justa different kind of move.

(09:18):
It's a different kind of vibe, like when the passion shows
through. So I guess for me, I have
learned that sometimes if the passion is not there, it's
something that can be cultivatedand you get to experience it
more and you get to appreciate it more sometimes even in that
process of cultivation. OK, pop culture, I was watching
a lot of Netflix. OK, Netflix decided that all my

(09:39):
shows were coming back. And I said, look at that during
my month of hiatus. During my month of hiatus.
Oh my gosh. So I started with Dubai Bling.
If you don't know now you know I'm a Dubai Bling kind of chick.
And I watched the entire Dank season and I got my family into
it too, even my daughter who waswatching it with me.
Ibrahim. Ibrahim, how many times?

(10:02):
How many times am I going to seeyour name?
OK? I feel like he's going through
some stuff personally. And for me, it's always like,
interesting. This is a conversation I've had
with my husband because he will be like, you know, when you're
going through stuff, everybody goes through things.
But the way, you know, like whensomebody loves and cares for you
and where you stand is like whenthey're going through stuff,
like, you don't end up becoming like the punching bag or the

(10:23):
thing for that person, right? So for me, it's one of the
things I had to work on, especially with the people
closest to me is like when I'm going through stuff like dealing
with my things so that I don't take it out on the ones I loved
or the ones that are closest to me.
And that is something that I hadto learn and get better at over
the years. So I say that to say with the
fight that end up happening on the was it the last or second to

(10:45):
last episode? I think it was the last or
second to last. If you haven't watched it yet,
Fast forward do because spoiler,I don't give you a heads up
already. So when he fought his best
friend's husband, like, dude, come on.
At the time he's telling you I'mgoing through stuff in my
marriage and all these things. He's just not at that level of
maturity yet. I just feel like where he would
have known because when you're at a place like where you're

(11:06):
truly aware of that stuff and you're working through it first,
you're going to know I'm going through a tough time right now.
I'm the type of person if like I'm going through a tough time,
that's the time. Like I'm going to go more
within. So you probably will not see me.
You will not see me. You will not hear from me. 2024
challenged me for the first timein my life, like when I'm going
through stuff to like, reach outto people or say this is what

(11:28):
I'm going through. And the result on the other side
of it has been like, amazing forme.
But that's like the first time in my life I've even allowed
myself to be vulnerable like that.
So for me, it's like, you never know because you're just going
to be like, where has Tony been that heifer has been missing,
OK, She's been gone. You you don't know where she's
at. Where's Tony?
You're looking for her. Like, where's Waldo?
But we can't find her nowhere. OK.

(11:49):
You will not fight me because maybe it's the idea of like me
going through stuff and not wanting to like burden people or
do whatever, but I'm going to belike within myself because I'm
going to try to figure out what it is that's happening.
How am I going to adjust? Because sometimes when changes
and things are happening to you,you just need a moment to let's
like adjust be to yourself. But that's where I am at today.
And now I'm actively working to,OK, let certain people in that I

(12:11):
trust that I know will be there for me, that I know can, you
know, take my moments of weakness and I will never have
to hear about it from somebody else or will turn it around and
weaponize it and all those things.
But it took me years to come to that.
So I think also like, it's a beautiful thing because it means
that now I'm in a space that thepeople that I do share things
with, like I trust them. And that's a beautiful thing.

(12:32):
I'm very lucky that I even have that today because for the
longest time in my life I didn't.
So for me, it's like Ibrahim is going through stuff and he
knows, OK, I'm fighting with my wife.
All these things are happening. So it's like within yourself,
why didn't you take the time away?
And you know, we don't get to see everything on the show.
At the end of the day, these shows are reality shows.
They create storylines, they create events, blah, blah, blah,
blah. But we don't know everything
that's going on in his life. So let's just assume that you

(12:54):
know in regular life that he is like, you know, sitting down
with his wife, talking, figuringthings out or whatever.
But just being in that place of consciousness to knowing that I
am struggling right now or things that are going well in my
life right now. So I need to withdraw or I need
to pull myself away before I hurt people who I care about.
And I think if he had been more actively thinking about that,
like, OK, this is a time where Ineed to focus more on me.

(13:15):
So maybe I do take a little break from the show, focus on my
marriage because at the end of the day, a show or my marriage,
which one is more important? Hello.
Because his spouse chooses not to be on the show.
So that also makes it kind of difficult because think about
he's a businessman. He spends a lot of time probably
outside working on his differentventures.
Then he's filming a show on top of that.
And then you're a newlywed. So what time have you really had

(13:35):
probably to spend with your wife?
That's just my assessment. So I feel like it was situations
that he was going through where he just needed to step back and
say, how am I going to just likestep back, do what I have to do,
take care of myself so I can be good.
If he was more aware of that, then I feel like the fight
wouldn't have happened because you violated somebody in like
one of the most annoying ways possible.
And for me, it was like, that stuff has happened to me in my

(13:57):
own life where it's like, OK, I see you that you're struggling
right now, that you're going through something right now.
And you have kind of like shown me your little fangs.
And so because I've now seen your fangs, like, I must
withdraw myself. So you have the room and the
space for you to deal with what you're going to deal with.
And maybe we can come back at a later time and try to fix this
relationship or try to do whatever it is that we were

(14:18):
trying to do here before. But I'm going to bow out.
I'm going to bow out. You're not going to see me for a
while because you need to work on that stuff.
And so you telling people that I'm pregnant when I was supposed
to let our group of friends knowyou violated me.
Like, and the guy kept telling like he was pissed because how
are you the one telling people that somebody is pregnant?

(14:39):
You don't see anything wrong with it.
He's like, they asked me. But again, because you're
dealing with things within yourself that you are trying to
escape that you're not trying toaddress.
So then you are then put in yourmouth, your foot, your leg or
parts of your body into other people's own thing and now
collecting streets that are not meant for you because there you
go sharing things that you were not meant to share.
It was not even your announcement to make.

(15:01):
Like how rude. So I obviously I never condoned
violence, but I could see where that guy came from.
And then when he's retelling thestory, I'm like, dude, you threw
the whole table at the guy 1st and then he took place.
And hey, God, I did not see thatcoming.
I was thinking the girls were going to fight.
What's her name? What's the one that's super
loud? Oh Lord, the one I saw was
fighting with her husband. I forgot her name now.

(15:21):
I thought that one and what's the other girl's name?
The Indian girl? I thought they were going to be
the ones to fight on the show, like physically.
But when it was the two guys, I did not see that coming.
But Ibrahim, he fought with likethe other lady's husband earlier
in the season. Like he was just over here.
Dude, just go home and deal withyour stuff.
Just go home. Go home, man, Go home.
Stay off the show. So Dubai bling was very

(15:43):
entertaining this season. Let's just say that.
And then once I got done with that, then I started watching
young Rich and African. I'm not done yet with young Rich
and African. I'm only two episodes in and
somebody needs to give Annie a neck brace.
Somebody needs to give Annie Adiva a neck brace, honey.
I mean that neck. This is one of those times that

(16:03):
I wish that I had a video going with my podcast because I can do
the neck was neck. I mean parallel, parallel
parking. She parallel parks, not neck
swanky, swanky. Oh, my gosh, Annie, Annie,
Annie. And whoever is doing the wigs on

(16:25):
this season needs to get fired. You are out of there.
You're out of there. Oh, my goodness.
I have never in my life. And there were other shots, like
there's a shot when Annie actually has like her natural
hair. It's done in this beautiful cut.
She looks gorgeous. And so then I get pissed because

(16:45):
I'm like, what in the heck? And then you know me, I'm not
wig this table. The only reason why not is even
if you see me, my wigs might look a little bit better.
It's because I'm doing those 5 by 5.
I know my limitations. I am not a 13 by two girl.
It's not in my calling. I cannot sit here and lay a 13
by two and melt it. And it's not for me.

(17:06):
That's not where the Lord sent me.
He did not send me into those ministries.
He said, Tony, you're going to have a mic in front of you going
to say some things and some people are going to listen, but
put in a 13 by 2 is not for you.And I said, Lord, I hear you.
That's where I'm at. OK, I cannot.
So I do my little 5 by 5 becauseI can do my little got to be
spray. I can you know, I can do that
one. I can manage with that one.
Even some days that one still the wig is not wiggin before I

(17:30):
sit now go and collect the hole and then they tell you guys
don't cut it straight when you're cutting the hairline
doing in the zigzag. Come on now, how are you a
professional person doing wig onthe TV show?
You don't know this is this straight cut that was killing me
last night when I was watching this thing.
I said why is this Oh Lord she needs to get fired or he.
And then why is everybody wearing 360 wigs but y'all don't

(17:53):
know how to keep that stuff down.
The people filming the show are shady as heck.
Shady, shady, shady. I cannot.
So you are feminist people. They're feeling themselves
thinking they're doing somethingonly for you guys to come in the
cutting room and be showing how the back of their wigs are
lifting up. You guys are not it.
You guys and ish. You guys are ish.

(18:14):
I was like, why are you guys doing my African people like
this? And then I don't have nobody has
told them. One of the best things I loved
last year when I did my hair wasI discovered this little you
part wig where I could leave my hair in the front because like I
said, I'm not a lace queen. It's just not in my DNA.
I'm not I have watched videos, Ihave watched, I have watched, I
have watched. I have bought.
I have bought. It's not for me.

(18:35):
It's not my ministry. So the you know, you part, you
know where you leave a little bit of your hair out.
None of them have discovered that.
I'm gonna need somebody to discover that on that show
because some people on there I'mlike, you'll probably look way
better if you just leave some ofyour hair out in the front and
just do a you part thing like let's do some let's do some fun
things and then you guys are in Africa.
We could get the hair braided for $30.
How come none of y'all are wearing braids too?

(18:56):
Can we talk about that instead? You guys are here with these?
Why not? Why?
Why? Why?
Ah, oh, not the embarrassment. Ah remember, you guys are
representing all of us. Please, please.
We already have repetition wherethey always think African girls
can't do weave and we can't do wigs.
And then you guys come on the whole TV.
It's different when me it's me in my regular life, nobody knows

(19:17):
who I am. When I show up somewhere, who
even knows me? Nobody.
But you collected yourself, put yourself in front of a whole TV
for millions of people to watch and your wig front is bad like
this and your back is raised. The wedding, Zari's wedding that
her best friend, the back raised.
Oh my gosh. And then who else?
Everybody's back of their. I said, what, 360 is not for

(19:37):
you. If 360 is not for you, it's not
for you. It's OK.
Get you a 5 by 5 and leave the three 60s alone or go to the
braiding side, find a side, put this side at it.
And before I could even get intothe show, I've already heard the
drama between Anya Dibya and herhusband.
I've heard all the different analysis about how he's took all
the years of her life and, you know, now he's filing for

(20:00):
divorce. And, you know, she's going
through stuff. That's why he shows up on the
show. You know, these shows are like
reality shows are not scripted, but they're definitely
calculated. So a lot of the things that we
experience that we get to consume for the show in
situations that producers have put together, they know that,
oh, you know what, you're not invited to the wedding, but
you're going to still show up asplus one for this person, like
no different, different things to just make things exciting.

(20:21):
So that's how the New Girl came into the show on somebody's
wedding days when you're poppingup.
But you know, so you take everything that you see like
with a grain of salt because it's them kind of like they
don't script it, but they definitely create things put but
people in certain situations to give a certain outcome.
Let's just say that. So you know, the Annie stuff,
half of the time I'm like, OK, she just sees it as an

(20:42):
opportunity, like I'm going to be the one to say this or I'm
going to be the one to say that.But I don't think in real life
that's really how she will go. But I feel like Annie has
willingly been in the relationship with two faced as
long as she has been in it. I think she has benefited over
the years from having a certain status, having a certain amount
of access to things that she hasbeen OK with.
I don't know how old she is, butI do know that there are women

(21:04):
out there who exist that come from that train of thought, like
men are going to be men, right? So it's like he's going to do
all these things and he'll continue to do these things and
they don't see anything wrong with it.
What she doesn't realize over the years is that no matter how
much money, no matter how much status, no matter how much this
or that, that relationship was slowly eroding her soul.
And I mean, he's the one that even filed.

(21:24):
So that also tells me, too, thatif he has not been the one to
pull the plug, it would have kept on going.
I don't think Annie has seen anything wrong with the
situation that she has found herself in.
She has made peace with what shehas.
You can tell she has a close relationship with the kids.
So, you know, she finds her solace in putting her energy
into her children and into her work.

(21:45):
So I think it's a situation whenyou look at it from the outside,
you're thinking, Oh my gosh, I can't believe, blah, blah, blah,
blah. But that woman looked like she
was very comfortable what she was in and she was okay with it
being that way. I know she had the first season
when she came on the show and talked about the things that he
has done and she wasn't happy with it.
But if you weren't happy with it, you wouldn't have renewed
the wedding vows. You wouldn't have continued to
stay in there, You know what I'msaying?

(22:06):
So I feel like maybe she doesn'teven realize it, but to a
certain point, she was definitely complacent in, you
know, the way their situation was.
You know, that old saying, like,you show somebody how to treat
you. So she has shown him, you know,
I will put up with this and I will be fine or I'll find other
ways to deal and cope with life.And only the two of them know
what actually happened for him to be the one to pull the plug.

(22:28):
But I feel like if he hadn't pulled the plug, she would still
be with him. And even then, you know, given
like how long they've been together and the things that she
has overlooked, I feel like I won't believe it until I believe
it. Like, OK, that they're truly not
together anymore because I can see him coming back,
reconciling, doing whatever it is that he has done forever and
then she giving in. So I've been seeing lots of

(22:49):
opinions online and I'm just like, man, this woman is kind of
going through a tough time rightnow.
This is not the time to take whatever is happening from a
scripted show and like kind of move it over to her real life.
And again, it's not like necessarily scripted, but a show
that's like, you know, the dramais created.
Let's just say that. So you can't take like something
from like a creative show and try to pass it on like it's real

(23:09):
life because it's not. And it can be easy.
I mean, to be in the spotlight. Everybody has judgments,
everybody has opinions. And again, that's what I'm
saying like there are certain things in the show that it's
hard for you to know. Like, is this her being on a
show or is this how she is in real life?
She comes up on the show as veryclasses.
She comes up on the show of sometimes the things with are
African people that I kind of find like annoying.

(23:31):
Is this idea like if you help somebody or you know, you were
doing something for somebody to a certain point and they achieve
something, it's like now they owe their whole life to you.
It also puts them in a place like where any kind of bad
behavior that you have, any kindof bad behavior towards that
individual is excused because you have helped them and they
should just be grateful. So I've had this conversation
about gratitude in so many ways.But I think one of the things

(23:53):
that annoys me is that in our African culture, it shows up in
a very classist way, that gratitude is only supposed to be
there for a certain class of people.
So it's like, I helped you. Who are you?
You've heard her say that so many times.
This small boy, people are looking to kill him.
He cannot show his face in Neos because who do you know who I
am? Even when she was fighting with
the girls in the last episode I saw, she's looking at swanky.

(24:14):
Swanky. I'm not going to do.
What do you want him to do? Is it?
When I opened his mouth, I was talking to people left and right
there, front and center. What do you want to do?
What do you want from him? I don't understand.
But I'm only two episodes into this new season, so I guess
we'll have to see how it pans out.
But is that idea like, OK, because you helped him now, like
for the rest of his life, he's supposed to be indebted to you?
And it's almost like that idea, like there's always supposed to

(24:35):
be under you. And for me, whenever I'm dealing
with Africans and I get a whiff,there are some people though,
they can accept that you're going to be in somebody's life
and you're always going to be less than them and that
everybody that good for you, that's how you want it to be.
Continue. But for me, the minute I sniff
that out, we got to go. Maybe it's a Leo in me, but I
ain't going to be nobodies. You really, you should be
grateful too because baby, isn'tit the same air that we both

(24:59):
breathe in? And this God that we serve is a
very mighty God. Like today you might be up, you
might need me. I mean, I might need you.
But tomorrow, you never know, I might be up and you might need
me. And I feel like that's part of
what is even translating in her and Swanky's relationship.
Like Swanky is now, you know, styling people from all over,
getting clients left and right. We all know who Annie is, but
Swanky's making a name for himself.

(25:21):
But that's what happens. Like time growth, things are
going to happen. True friendships.
You're going to have a time whensomebody's up and when somebody
is down. Now you cannot oh, because
you've always been down there and I've always helped you like,
you know, you're the one I've always borrowed stuff to and now
I must be the one to go and ask you.
Like some people, they don't deal well when there's that
switch or when the flip happens.And it's unfortunate because a

(25:41):
lot of times that's when the somebody's true feelings for you
really comes out, how they handle you.
Anybody can be best friends withyou or do whatever with you when
they feel like you are less thanthem.
But if life starts happening foryou and things starts coming up
and you start getting better than them, how they react to it,
that will show you. And then sometimes you might be
like that kind of helpful person, which is what has
happened to me in the past. Like you might be the helpful

(26:03):
person to like help somebody, help them get over whatever.
Like you're not even thinking ofa place of that.
And then that individual gets something that they think now
has one up you and now they're showing off like the oh wait,
you know, you did that, but I did this and it's like I came
here to help you. I would obviously want you to be
great and be good, but clearly you have some feelings or things
that you need to deal with and work through because now in your

(26:25):
head you were competing with me and I wasn't even competing with
you. That one sided competition.
Annie is definitely in A1 sided competition when it comes to
Swanky because Swanky has found his den space that he's like at
least so far in the season. I keep saying because I'm only
two episodes in, but he's just like, why would I be bothered?
I pray for her. I hope she finds joy.

(26:47):
I hope she finds me for real. She's in A1 sided thing.
But you like when somebody's like competing with you, but you
are competing by yourself. Because I was never in
competition with you. And then now, then you feel like
you have done something or you have achieved something.
What is it? Relax.
Life is good. Like we can all eat, we can all
be good. It doesn't have to be that way.

(27:07):
And now it's like I'm gonna showmyself.
Relax. Relax, please, please.
But that's why those one sided competition are always funny to
me because like, I wouldn't evenclock it like right away.
I'm just like la de da. A lot of times I'm just in my
own world really. And then they'll kind of like
throw you off because sometimes you'll be like from places you
don't expect. I was seeing this post a lot

(27:29):
online about what somebody was saying about people who might
have more than you and all thesethings, but they'll be jealous
of you. And I'm like, I had never
experienced that in my life until later on in adulthood.
But I'm like, really? Because like when I look at you,
I think you have this and I don't have that, or you have
this and I don't have like I would never once think that you
would be. But there you go.

(27:49):
So Annie and Swanky right there,Annie, you have more status at
least so we think. But even that's subjective
because there are rooms that Swanky can get into that you
cannot. Even the clothes that you're
able to wear, I'm sure at one point is because of his styling
efforts and his connections and all those things.
So even that when you're saying,oh, I'm more than you, a life is
all about perspective. You are more than him to a

(28:12):
certain degree and certain things maybe.
And it's all about who you're talking to that it matters to.
So if you're talking to like theold school Africans that you
know, like know your husband andknow all those things, then
yeah, they're going to put you up to a higher status than him.
But if you're talking to some ofthe new age kids, they will be
like, we're team swanky. So I mean, it's all subjective.
But what does it exactly mean? Like you have from the outside

(28:32):
looking in, I guess more money than him, all these things.
But clearly there's a thing of jealousy there.
There's a thing of I want you tomake it, but don't make it this
far. Like, come on now.
We got to take that stuff away. It's so annoying and I hate it
that it's part of our African culture.
So we got to do better with that.
I feel like I've been on this pop culture so for a minute.
So those are the two. Dwight Bling, coming into the

(28:53):
new year and talking about young, rich and African.
OK, Yeah, that is the new militia.
Anyways, the first topic of 2025that we're going to talk about
today is an idea that I started thinking about really last year,
but I was trying to figure out how to like put it into words.
So I'll kind of like tell you guys the back story that kind of

(29:14):
led to it. But it's about fighting the
right battles and having the energy to fight the battles that
matter the most. And like I talked about before,
I would never come on this mic and say anything that I myself
have not worked through, I'm currently working through or can
teach. Like let's just say that.
So I'll never speak about thingsthat are not authentic to me, my
experience, what I'm going through to help the next person.

(29:35):
So fighting the battles. So last year, if you're keeping
track of like African politics or maybe you don't.
So I'm about to give you a little bit of education.
Alico Dangote, one of the richest man in Africa, one of
the richest man in Nigeria. He decided that you know what, I
want to build a oil refinery. And he decided that you know
what, we are one of the richest nations and we have oil.

(29:57):
Oil is one of the biggest exports out of Nigeria.
So Aliko Dangote is a Nigerian entrepreneur, businessman, and
he has made his wealth from selling cement, sugar, a lot of
like the basic stuff. So one lesson you're going to
learn from Aliko Dangote is if you want to make some good
money, find something that people cannot do without that
it's a basic need and you'll be fed.

(30:18):
I am currently in the process offinding that.
What can you people not live without that I can provide for
you on a daily basis that whether the economy is good or
bad, look at that, you need cement.
People are still building. They might build a little bit
less, but it's still going to need cement.
Whether the economy is good or bad, you're going to need that
cement. OK, He found that thing.
He found that thing. So start searching for your own

(30:38):
thing. What is it going to be?
Anyways, back to the main point.So he decided, you know what,
I'm going to build an oil refinery because Nigeria is a
big oil producer, but they don'trefine their own oil.
So what happens is they produce the oil, they send it out, it
gets refined and then it gets sent back to them.
So it's kind of like stupid, redundant, waste of money,
inefficient. Whatever word that you have

(31:00):
discovered in your dictionary today that you want to use to
show that it is not it that word.
So he decided, you know what, Nigeria can have their own
refinery. And to just give you a little
history, at one point Nigeria did have their own refinery.
They do have it currently, but because of corruption, because
of a lot of things that go wrong, like typical African
politics, that mug had been working like it needs to.

(31:23):
So this refinery is going to be privately owned, whereas the
other ones that exist, I think maybe one or two, don't quote me
on that part, but I do know thatthey have, but it's like
government owned. So Alico said I'm going to do
this, and he did. So that man put together his
billions, built that refinery and it was time for them to give
him oil. Now, like I said, Nigeria
exports a lot of their oil, but based on the laws of the land,

(31:47):
there's a certain percentage. And again, don't quote me, but I
think it's like 20% or so that they are supposed to reserve
that does not get sent out of the country.
And so this is the part that hasbeen promised to him, right?
So he's going to go out, he's going to get other oil.
I'm sure he's going to figure out other things because again,
he is a billionaire. He has good connects like Bill

(32:09):
Gates showed up to his daughter's wedding and some
other stuff like he rubs shoulders with all the other
billionaires of the world. So he's going to do what he has
to do. But a certain percentage of the
oil that's produced in Nigeria is supposed to be reserved and
not all of it should get shippedout.
So obviously with politics in Africa, some of that has been
used and does not get preserved as it should.

(32:29):
So probably the percentage that actually stays in the country is
way lower than 20. But he was acting on good faith.
I don't know why. I'm like, dude, are you not
African? What is happening?
And was expecting that amount was present, the 20% that's
supposed to be there. So he got his refinery together
and he's like, give me oil. And they're like, what oil?

(32:51):
He's like, I need oil. They're like, huh, you want some
olive oil? We have some canola oil for you,
honey. But we ain't got, we ain't got
none of that. We ain't got no gas, no gas for
you. So it was interesting.
It was like towards the end of the year last year, because I
watch Arise News a lot. That's where I learned all the
things that I do about what's going on in Nigeria.

(33:11):
I trust that source. It's like my favorite.
I learned a lot from them. So I love watching that, but it
was interesting seeing all the drama that was going on in
politics last year when that wascoming on because it's like, who
does he think he is? Like, this is not how it works.
This is blah. And as I was watching that, I
had opinions. Me and my husband will go back
and forth. We'll talk about it even with
certain friends, like when we'llhang out, Like, this is part of

(33:34):
the problem with us as Africans.But one of the things that I
kept thinking about then, and it's like sparked the topic I'm
talking about today. I thought to myself, first of
all, he's trying to do somethingthat's revolutionary.
I think it's like one of the biggest refineries that's ever
been built or something like that.
Like he's already doing something that's revolutionary
and he's not going to have to goout there and fight to get oil

(33:54):
in the International Space. I think that's expected.
And like I said, he's connected.I'm sure he's going to figure
out a way to get it done. I mean, you don't become a
billionaire by just waking up and being lazy, Daisy, about
things like you're going to figure out how to get done what
you need to get done. But I thought of the fact that
so much energy has already been spent, kind of like sabotaging

(34:15):
what he's trying to do, fightingfrom within, like fighting his
own people, fighting the things closest to him that is like he
might not even have the energy or be capable.
And I'm just now saying this like from a personal standpoint,
when the time comes for him to fight the big heads abroad that
he needs to, because when he goes down the international

(34:37):
stage and it's like, OK, we needa certain amount of oil or we're
producing this. And you know, and Nigeria will
probably even get to the point where they're refining oil to
send it to other countries. Now he's playing a different
ball game. That's a whole different kind of
fight that needs to happen because it's going to be a
fight. I mean, oil money, we have all
seen the results of it. So you got to fight and protect
what you got. For the African culture, I feel
like sometimes we spend so much time and energy fighting the

(35:01):
things closest to us, finding the people that look like us,
fighting those things that you think to yourself, how much does
that take away from us? That then when we have to show
up to the world and that's wherethe fight really counts.
Because let's be honest, you should not even be fighting the
people closest to you. But that's just how life has
worked out for us. When you get to the point where

(35:22):
the fight really counts, sometimes you're exhausted
because those, the word I wantedto use right there, the Lord
will not approve those miscreants, those miscreants
that you are fighting that are the closest to you, the people
that look like you, the people from your country, all of that,
that energy that you now spent there when that should have been
energy you would have put towards fighting the most

(35:45):
important things. And sometimes I just think about
because it's something that I'veexperienced in my life and
something that I've seen people experiencing in their lives.
And sometimes when it's not evenhandled well, it derails so many
people, right? You spend that time that you
could have been using to do things that are going to benefit
you, grow you, put you to another level, but you're just

(36:06):
fighting to survive because you're fighting with the people
closest to you. Like, think about how much that
drains you, that by the time youget to the real battle, you get
to the real place that you're supposed to be fighting, you
ain't got nothing left in the tank.
OK? So if you've ever been in that
place where you're like, man, because of the traumas of my
life, the things that I've had to experience, the things that

(36:27):
I'm going through, I feel like I'm constantly fighting these
battles that when I get out there and now I need to fight in
the world to do what I need to do.
I ain't even got no energy left because these people have taken
all the Dang energy that that's that one, that feeling.
If you've ever been there, this episode is for you today.
Because I have been there and I've been on the other side of
that. And it's not been an easy thing
finding peace, protecting that peace.

(36:48):
Who Lord, we going to take a moment, but I'm hoping that when
you leave this episode that I would have left you with at
least some things to kind of think about that if you're going
through that right now, it can be like, okay, you know, I
listen to this podcast and this is what this lady said that has
helped her. And these are the stories that I
can come back to. Or maybe one day you will

(37:08):
experience these things. And I come to see that maybe
it's, it's one of those things like where everybody gets to
experience it. There are people out there, the
ones closest to you are going tobe the ones to support you.
There are many communities that we can think of where it's like,
OK, like in the Asian district, for example, a lot of their
customers, you're going to see us Africans shopping those Asian
district, but a lot of their customers are going to be Asians

(37:30):
and it'll be Asians even specifically like from that
country, from that region. And I always think to myself,
I'm like, they will never truly like ever have to worry about
going out of business or not existing.
Because every time I go to like Korea town or every time I go
and shop at my Asian markets, their demographic is their
people and they're going to support them and they're going
to do what's needed to be done. And then I think about, then I

(37:53):
always translate it to my own because I'm like, well, if a
person from my country was to open up a store and I have that
store, will enough of my people show up and support it to the
point that they don't even need to worry about somebody else?
And the answer to that is a big fat no.
I know now some of us are working through it.

(38:14):
But if we're going to be honest with ourselves, which is what I
hope we're all doing in 2025, the answer to that is a big fat
no. And I think a lot of African
people, a lot of our black people across the diaspora, we
can say that we're confident on our chest.
So imagine now you're a new business owner, you have to
fight with your own people. You have to fight with sometimes
the narrative that they might create because somebody feels

(38:34):
some kind of way that you started a business and now
they're going to start a rumor that you don't stole the money.
You're you're a drug dealer. You ain't got no money, no way,
blah, blah. And you're going to have to deal
with that. They're going to call the feds
on you call the health inspection because you open a
new restaurant when they see that you are doing well and say
that you have cockroach. So they'll come now, inspector,
our restaurants close it down. In fact, they might be the one

(38:56):
to get the cockroach and put it inside there.
Oh my gosh, that you ain't even got time because you I've been
busy putting out all these little fires.
You don't even have time to actually or the energy to fight
what we need to fight. And I am at the point in my life
I will always look at what is colonialism, what is, you know,
what did slavery do? What did all these things do?
But I'm at the point in my life where it's like I'm putting fire

(39:18):
under our feet. I'm asking us, what are we
doing? What have we not done right?
You know, I'm going to come on this podcast, and sometimes you
might not like everything I say,you might not agree with
everything I say. That's fine.
I'm past that point in my life where I need validation from
anybody outside of me. But we need to have these
conversations because we cannot always keep telling the
narrative of what was done to usand the unfairness.
They still exist in the world. But there are lots of things

(39:40):
that it is that we do to each other.
And until we start taking responsibility for those things
and saying, how do we fix it so the next generation does not get
to feel that, How do we first acknowledge these things, accept
these things because the denial,my gosh, is huge and say, yeah,
this is how we are. And then how do we fix it?
That's the only way it can be better for our children and our

(40:01):
children's children. I don't know about you, but I'm
in the business of making life better for everybody that comes
after me. That's where this is based off
of. Like when I saw that story, I
just was like, man, he's spending so much time fighting
others that he shouldn't be fighting that.
When he gets to the mainstage where that's where he's going to
have to battle because Can you imagine they'll be like, who's
this African? I'm trying to think he's going
to come in here and get all thisoil.

(40:22):
Like that's where the real battle is at.
But Ali Kudon spends 2 years fighting Nigerian governments.
Like why is this our story all the time?
I want us to change it. I want us to do better.
I want it to be better for us because I feel like we missed
the mark so much. One of the points that they
brought up when I was watching Arise News was like, he was
supposed to have done a little bit more homework.

(40:44):
He should have done some work inthe background, like before he
even got far into the refinery process, because now he had put
all the money, he had all the equipment, but he had no oil.
And so somewhere somehow the ball got dropped.
Like he should have known like the games that they were going
to play, like he thought in goodfaith what they promised they
were going to deliver. No, they ain't.
So same thing in your regular everyday life, One of the ways

(41:06):
that maybe you assume that people are going to do certain
things show up for you a certainway, do this and do that.
But then at the end of the day, it creates a conflict.
It creates something that you end up having to fight and deal
with that ultimately distracts you from and takes energy away
from that which you're trying toaccomplish or the thing that
needs all your energy and time. So first creating boundaries.

(41:26):
But two, looking and seeing, I should have known better.
I should have done a little bit more homework here.
I know some people feel like that's putting yourself down,
but anytime something bad happens or something does not go
the way it needs to, I am going to search within myself and
figure out what did I do wrong? What did I get wrong?
What did I miss? It's not a chance for me to just
kind of bash myself and make myself feel low, but it's
understanding that there's always room for improvement.

(41:47):
So I'm never here. Oh, everything I do is perfect.
Like, no, what could I have donebetter?
And so when things are taking your energy or taking your time
that don't need to, sometimes you do have to ask yourself how,
and I've said this last year, but what role do you play in
your own misery? How do you make a situation that
was probably already bad even worse?
So that's that. It took me a while to understand

(42:09):
this. Definitely.
When I was younger, I used to beafraid of conflicts.
Then I had to learn that there are conflicts that are necessary
because those ones lead to growth, and then they're the
petty ones. Now the petty ones.
It was funny because my brain had to switch as girls.
Like, you know, like when you fight over like the littlest
things growing up and all that, you spend so much time on the
petty things. And then if you don't have a

(42:31):
mind shift when you become an adult, it carries on where it's
like, I'm not going to be sitting here arguing about who
had the best car, who The Who had this and did like what?
I don't have time for that sugity.
I don't have time for that. Conflicts that you need to have
that are necessary, they're going to lead to growth.
Maybe a tough conversation you need to have with somebody.

(42:53):
There have been people in my life who like whenever it's a
crucial moment, like that's whenthey will choose to like, want
to have like the biggest drama. And I'm like, there's a pattern
here of you always showing up like this.
But it's always like whenever I'm trying to do something and I
have now acknowledged it, I've now seen it.
So I'm letting you know these are the things I'm putting in
place because we can't keep having this.

(43:15):
And you're now aware of it. OK, Now I've had this
conversation with you. That's not a pleasant
conversation. Nobody wants to hear that, that
oh, I've noticed this behavior and you tend to do these things,
right? Nobody wants to hear that.
But sometimes even having that conversation with yourself to
even acknowledge that that's what that person is doing.
Sometimes that in itself is the conflict because it's not even
every time that you're even talking to the individual, but

(43:37):
coming to see, OK, this person is my best friend.
But every single time I have like a good news or something,
she finds a way to like put it down or she'll bring the
conversation back around herselfor she'll make me kind of second
guess that thing that I was so excited about or felt to kind of
way you have noticed that pattern.
So sometimes even the sitting down within yourself and
realizing this is what I've seenor what I've known, that can be
very tough for you because it's a person that you'll be like.

(43:59):
I grew up with this person. I've been friends with her my
whole life. So for me to notice that she
feels this way, clearly things that she has to work through
that has nothing to do with me, but she always ends up making me
feel this way or create these environments that make me always
feel less than. That's a tough realization to
come to for yourself. So sometimes the conflict is
even like internal conflict. Before you even sit down now and

(44:19):
say this is a conversation I'm going to have with this
individual. What's needed, what's necessary,
what's petty, what's worth your energy?
Ask yourself that all the time with any of your conflicts and
always assessing your emotion. Like for me, I don't know if
it's maybe being a Leo or whatever, but I realize, you
know, anger always leads me to 1making decisions that I always

(44:40):
regret. But it clouds my assessment of
things so much that when I look back when I'm like, OK, and when
I'm fine, I'm even like flabbergasted by who I was and
what I did. And I think that's the truth for
everybody. Anger is just a very deadly
thing. So learning how to separate like
or step back or step away when something makes you angry so

(45:03):
that you can come back to it with a level head, level mind
and having people that honor that.
And then those individuals don'thonor that.
When you're saying I need time, I need this, I need that, Then
if they're in a kind of relationship where you have to
reevaluate, you like, OK, well, then I just can't be around you
because you just don't know how to honor that.
If they're in a relationship where you cannot reevaluate
because that's your Mama or somebody, then you're going to

(45:26):
have to keep letting them know. There will be 500 million times
I'm going to have to tell you that's a boundary and you're
crossing it and I'm not doing that.
I told you I wasn't going to do that.
I'm still not doing it. It's a Thursday, I'm not doing
it. Call me back on Friday.
It's still going to be a no. You call me next year.
It's a no for me dog, in the words of 1 great Randy Jackson.
But establishing those boundaries, right, It can be so

(45:46):
hard. Oh, my gosh.
But establishing your boundariesso that your anger does not get
out of control. So, you know, OK, I need to step
back right now. You're triggering me right now.
You're doing certain things thatI cannot handle.
So I'm going to step back from this situation, from this
conversation, from whatever, andwe're going to come back to it.
OK. Yeah.
It's tough. It takes practice.
And you're going to have that unruly.

(46:06):
What other word can I use? You're going to have that unruly
person that is like you are saying it, but they don't want
to observe it. You are going to have to find
the rule because I'm going to keep standing on business.
I don't told you I ain't talkingabout this no more because you
are not going to get me angry. So I'm not.
You are going to have to stand in the corner by yourself
because it's not worth my peace.But no, for real, like I wish I

(46:33):
had more time to really like dive into this.
I feel like I need to have a Part 2 of this conversation.
But there's so many pieces that I think once we figure out how
do we maintain our peace. And I think, yeah, that's
probably what I would do. I'll come back next week and
we'll continue this topic because I feel like it's such an
important one. And like I said, I gave the
example with Aliko Dangote. So I feel like it's one that we

(46:54):
experience on all different levels.
It doesn't matter if you're rich, poor or whatever, you are
going to experience this. And like I said, I'm always
speaking from an African standpoint, but I'm well aware
there are other people in this world and that there are other
cultures that can definitely relate from the fact that
sometimes we are fighting the battles within ourselves, within
people that look like us, with the people that are sometimes
closest to us. All these things that exhaust us

(47:16):
and drains us. And then we don't have the
energy to fight the battles thatmatter the most when we go out
into the world. So there will be a Part 2.
Hopefully you heard something today that resonates with you,
maybe something that you're going to try out for yourself.
If you have any questions, if you have any stories, you guys
don't forget if you have stories, if you have Spotify,
you can go on there and you can leave a message.

(47:39):
You can leave something for me. That way I can be able to listen
or come back and reply back to you.
Don't be afraid. Share stories with me because I
do want to hear more about how people are navigating fighting
those unnecessary battles, thosepetty things that drain you,
that take all this energy from you.
And we are trying to be better. And one of the ways where we can

(47:59):
be better is saying I have goalsand dreams I want to reach, but
I keep fighting unnecessary bullshitty and those unnecessary
bull sugaries put me behind that.
I'm not then able to focus on the things that demand so much
of my energy and time. And we're not doing that in
2025. We are going to accomplish these
goals. We're going to do these things

(48:19):
that we set out to do. And part of them is evaluating,
OK, how do I have to change? Because you don't expect other
people to change. You have to change first.
So it's like, OK, I'm going to learn.
I'm going to have to learn how to protect my peace, how to
fight my battles. Which ones are petty?
Which ones are necessary? How to control my anger, Right?
Those are the three things we'vetalked about already today,

(48:40):
assessing the situation. What role do I play in it that
also disrupts my peace? That was the 4th one that we
talked about, the role that you play that also disrupts your
peace. But we're going to get it this
year. I'm claiming it for all of us
because we just have to and we're going to do it together.
So come back next week because I've already passed my time for
this episode. It's going to be long as heck,

(49:00):
but I hope you guys have had a wonderful start to this 2025.
I know it's the end of the month, but I felt like it
couldn't have started any other way for me.
I couldn't have been where I am today mentally, physically at
the beginning of the year. No way, Jose, I needed to be
here on the 31st. And that's the day this episode
is coming out. For those of you who listened
last year that are coming back, continuing to listen to me, I

(49:22):
want to tell you from the bottomof my heart, I am so grateful
that you're continuing on this journey and that at the end of
2025, we're going to look back together, all of us, and just be
like, man, what a year it's been.
And I hope that there would havebeen something from these
episodes throughout the year that would have resonated with
you, helped you along the way somehow to encourage you for us
to keep going, for us to know that we got this and we're going

(49:44):
to make it book. So I finally finished Jinka.
Where's your husband? Oh my gosh, that was a very good
read. I liked it a lot.
Right now I'm reading The SecretLife of Baba, She's wives.
And that one I wasn't too sure because the way it started, I
was like the subject matter. I'm like, Oh my gosh, I cannot
deal. But so far I think I'm on like
chapter 4 and it's kind of picked up because I was kind of

(50:07):
telling the story of one of the wives and it's been interesting.
So I'm giving it a chance. So I'm reading The Secret Life
of Baba, Shay Shaggy's Baba Shaggy's Wives.
That's the book I'm reading currently.
Like I said, I read UnreasonableHospitality last year.
That was in the time when I wasn't doing a podcast.
So if you don't want to read a fiction, you want to read

(50:27):
something that's self help. I will definitely recommend that
book. It is a game changer.
It's wonderful, it's great. Let's see, song of the week.
I've been reading more, so I've been reading more and watching
TV. Let me just be honest, I've been
reading more, watching TV and like I said, I've been working
four days a week. So I've been tired, girl, I've
been tired. So I don't really have like

(50:48):
songs that I've been like jamming to all the time, but I
do have a few. So let's see, let me do tour by
Ruger. So it was my girls that actually
put me onto the song because andthen when I heard it, the beat,
I was like, stop with it, stop you nasty with it, stop it now,
Ruja. Ah, come on, come on, come on.

(51:11):
So Ruger, I hope that's how you're saying his name, because
I I don't think it's Roger. I think I think it's Ruger Tor.
So TOUR by Ruger. Ruger.
That's how you spell the artist name.
He's a Afrobeats artist. And that song just go hard.
That beat, that beat, it just goes hard.
It just goes hard, OK? And then you know how it is over

(51:32):
here. We are going to do our regular
music and then we are doing things that uplift our soul and
nourish our spirit. And so I have to give you a
gospel recommendation, OK? And this one is another worship
one like last year. I don't know if I ever shared.
So I guess I'm going to do 2, right?
Because this was one that I liked last year.
And I feel like this one I'm going to bring up for this week

(51:54):
is very similar. So last year I loved I Will Pray
and I want to make sure I get Ibuka songs.
I Will Pray was one of my favorite songs last year.
And all he was doing in there was just like chanting, like you
just, you know, I will pray, I will pray.
If I don't pray, then like Satanwill make a mess of me.
But it's that idea like I have to be guarded.
I have to be guarded in my spirit and every single thing

(52:15):
I'm doing. Because if I don't do that, then
that is how the devil is able toenter and make me his plaything.
And it's like he cannot make me his plaything.
I cannot be his plaything. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
So I must pray. OK, So I will pray by Ibuka
songs. Love that.
And then I heard this song. It was actually on Instagram,
like somebody had it on their video and I was like, what is
that song? And then it's a Yoruba song, so

(52:38):
it's called Iwo so Iwo Loba LOBA, and it's by Usha's Music
and Theophila Sunday. And it's another one that's just
like when I hear like African chanting like that, like for me,
it's just a deep worship. So these two songs go together.
I just feel like it's like I listen to one and then I want to

(52:58):
listen to the other one. Taking you to a deeper level of
worship. And I think worship is so
important because it's actually like one of my favorite parts.
Like when I go to church, like Iobviously I love the praise
part. We're going to sing, we're going
to dance. But the worship literally like
that's where I close my eyes andit's like nobody else exists in
that room but me. And so for me, it's like I go
into that deep space when I'm inchurch.
It's me creating that at home for myself too.

(53:20):
So like, whether I'm in my car listening to music, put it on my
headphones, doing chores around the house, whatever it is, but
to be in that space is like whennothing else exists but just me
and God, like being in his presence.
And it's like, yeah. And these songs just help to
take me there, to put me in thatplace.
And so I ask you, I suggest to you, if you don't have a good,

(53:41):
like, worship experience or worship practice, get into it.
And maybe worship music can be one of the ways that you get
into it. But it's a great way to be in
the spirit. Sometimes it's such a cathartic
thing. So those are my song
recommendations and those are mybook recommendations.
I will see you guys next week for the Part 2 because this is

(54:02):
such an important topic that I think we need to have a Part 2
so I can get all the points I want to get across.
Because we're going to start out2025 with a bang.
And we are going to do what we said we're going to do and we're
going to succeed regardless of what's going on around us,
regardless of who's around us. And nobody got time for that,
OK? We are going to make it by any
means necessary and we got this.So my lovely listeners, thank

(54:25):
you guys so much and I will catch you guys on the next one.
Bye bye. You just finished an episode of
Banta with Tony. Did you like it?
I hope you had a great time and that you have some takeaways
from this episode. But before you go, I want to ask
you one thing and that is to share this episode or this

(54:45):
entire podcast with a friend, family member or acquaintance.
Because remember, when you have something good, you need to talk
about it, you need to share it, and you need to shout it from
the rooftops. So go on and let people know in
your life that you have this wonderful podcast that you would
like to share with them. I appreciate you.
I appreciate your time, your support and everything else in

(55:06):
between. And remember, if you do it, I
have to talk about it. Have a great week.