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April 18, 2025 41 mins

Season 2: Episode 12 – Real Story of Resilience

In this episode, Toni kicks things off with her pop culture highlights from the Icon Awards on Arise TV celebrating powerful African women, Annie Idibia’s return to the spotlight post-divorce news, the controversy around Issa Rae’s new film, to the never-ending buzz of Priscilla Ojo’s wedding.


She then dives into the heart of the episode: Real Story of Resilience. Toni shares a personal story of resilience, reflecting on how faith, daily devotionals, and community helped her navigate tough seasons. She encourages listeners to embrace self-reflection and lean into their beliefs as tools for overcoming life's setbacks and invites them to share their own bounce-back stories.

As always, she concludes the show with her "Book of the Week" selection, alongside her weekly picks for gospel and secular music. This thoughtful mix provides listeners with the perfect soundtrack and inspiration to carry them through the hustle and bustle of life.

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Transcript

Episode Transcript

Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Welcome to Banta with Tony. Join me as I share stories about
motherhood, faith, life, love, and everything else in between.
I promise we'll also have some fun along the way, and I hope
that the time we spend together will end up being some of the
highlights of your week. Thank you for coming along.

(00:21):
Hello everybody, and welcome to another episode of Banta with
Tony. I hope everybody is having a
great week and that you're readyfor a weekend of relaxation and
to, you know, get yourself in the mood to have some good
self-care, do the things you love, spend time with people
that you love and care for. So let's go ahead and jump right

(00:44):
into today's episode. So a lot has been going on.
There are certain events that I wanted to make sure to cover
this time around, so just bear with me.
I feel like the pop culture section today is going to be a
little bit longer than usual. So the first thing is the Arise
channel, I think I've shared it before that I like to watch
their channel on YouTube. When I'm consuming any kind of

(01:04):
like Nigerian news, it's usuallyfrom Arise.
I just think they do great job presentation the stories, you
really get to see all sides of the stories.
So I really like the way they put their things together.
But they had icon awards and they were really honoring women
in Nigeria who were like making moves.
And I just thought it was such abeautiful event.
I didn't get to watch the whole thing.

(01:25):
I saw different highlights of it, but from what I saw, it was
very nice. Like I think the segment that I
watched, there were some women that were like anchors at our
eyes. And then there were some women
on there that were like big names in business on different
platforms, like fashion designers or women in finance
and business. So it was just a good event.

(01:47):
And I think one of the things for me that kind of like stood
out that made me realize like, because I think a few episodes
ago, we talked about the idea offeminism.
Yeah. When somebody had asked me or am
IA feminist or something, or wastrying to use that as a way to
make a point to make me feel some kind of way.
And I discussed, and I think I've talked about it too at
length in other episodes that I do consider myself a feminist,

(02:08):
but at the same time, I honor and value our African culture.
And I just wanted to say, like when I was watching Arise News
and then I got to watch some other interviews, there was
interviews by the former. I think she, Oh my gosh, Doctor
Ngozi, I cannot remember her last name.
I'm really bad. I feel like I say that every
episode. Like I cannot remember this.
I cannot remember that. But I promise you, I know these

(02:30):
people, but it's just at the topof my head.
I'm just like, I draw blanks because my brain apparently has
only so much capacity. It is Doctor Ingozi Bokonjo
Iwela. She was at one point a member of
IMF from 2003 to 2006, and then from 2011 to 2015, she was the

(02:54):
United Nations Secretary general.
She's currently the director general of the World Trade
Organization, and she was also finance minister of Nigeria at
one point. I'm sure you've probably heard
of her, but there was an interview that she did and she
was just talking about, you know, for women to even be
considered for positions, for there to be true equity that it

(03:16):
takes having men on board and the role that the man plays.
And that's one of the things I think when I was watching the
different Nigerian dignitaries, the different Nigerian women
that I watch in like I watch that arise, like the clips from
the show, but then I watch different interviews that they
also had up. And I think one of the things I
like a lot about the African women is the fact that they

(03:37):
understand, like, their success does not diminish, you know, the
roles that they play as mother. I think one of the things Doctor
Angazi brought up is that, you know, the woman has a very
unique place to play because when she takes on these roles,
when she says, hey, I want to gointo politics or I want to do
this and that, like her family sometimes pays the price.

(03:57):
And it takes you having a right partner, the right person by you
that can be like, you know what?I understand that this is your
purpose. I understand.
And this is what you have to do.And I'm going to hold down on
the home front. So I think all the women up
there that got honored for the most part, like understanding
that, you know, they gave the man their dues.
And I think that was such a beautiful thing, like

(04:18):
understanding that, OK, we are the women that we are.
We achieve all these things thatwe achieve.
And understanding. Like they could not do it
without supportive partners at home.
So I just thought that was a beautiful thing when I was
watching. That is them understanding like
we live in a patriotic society. It is what it is, but at the
same time, like even as we as women, we're making strides,
we're striving for these things.We're doing all of this, but

(04:40):
acknowledging that, OK, it also takes you having a great partner
to be able to accomplish these things.
And I feel like when I look at feminism over here, sometimes
that's what gets lost in translation.
Because I remember years ago, somebody was online.
I was like, ah, this to my mother.
And I listen to, just so you know, she's married with a
husband and kid and it's like, OK, she can be married with a

(05:02):
husband and children, be an accomplished woman and still be
a feminist. You don't have to be 1 or the
other. Like you don't need to be a stay
at home wife robbing oil on yourman's feet.
And like, you can be both. You'll be just fine.
And I think that's refreshing tosee.
But just understanding the society that they live in and
they're doing the best that theycan, at the same time promoting

(05:25):
that, you know, women are just as competent and women are just
as able, but still honoring their African culture.
Like, that's the essence of whatI've been trying to say for like
55 minutes, but that's really it.
And I think I don't see that often here.
So it was good as I was watchingthe news on that side to get to
hear that a woman is going to beaccomplished and all these

(05:45):
things. But at the same time, she's
like, you know what? I'm able to do that because I
have a supportive husband at home.
I was running for office. And I wouldn't be where I am
today if I didn't have that because, you know, threats were
made, allegations were made. My family was, you know, the
target of this and that. So that was a beautiful thing.
And other news, Miss Annie Adebia came back to the Internet

(06:07):
and given everything that has transpired over the last couple
months, I was happy to see her back on.
And from what I could see, the video that I saw was of her and
her daughter. And she seems to be happy and
thriving and of course, as happyas you can be when you're going
through such a public divorce. So hopefully she's getting the
help she needs and she'll continue to get the help she

(06:27):
needs because you know how life gets like something happens to
you, everybody rallies around you, but then everybody she
starts getting busy with their life.
And I hope that in her time of, you know, getting the treatment
that she needed and all that stuff that the inner work can
start for her, that she can kindof like look within herself and
do the things that she has to do.
Because I promise, like wheneveryou do like the inner work, it

(06:49):
shows on the outside, it shows on the way you even have
relationships. And I think because she has been
in this relationship for so longand some of it has not been good
and pleasant and it's probably affected herself image and all
those things. Like, I hope she has a good
therapist. You know, therapy is now a thing
back home. So it's not far fetched to say
somebody's seen a therapist. I hope she has a good therapist.

(07:12):
She has, you know, friends that support her and all of that.
And that she's not scared to like, do the work to really work
on herself. Like, this is the time for you
to do the hard work, the heavy lifting, so you can emerge from
it just a transformed woman. So I'm hoping that that happens
for her. But she's looking good.
She's looking good. And then I got on threads one

(07:32):
day and I was like, Marvin Sapp.Oh, Lord, Jesus, I was like,
Marvin Sapp. What the heck?
Don't happen. Oh, Lord, that man said, I'm
gonna need y'all to give $20. There are 4000 of y'all here.
And close the doors. Close the doors, close the
doors. You guys that are in the back
behind me, you're going to give 40 or whatever.

(07:53):
I think he doubled the amount orsomething like that.
Oh my gosh. And then what made it worse was
him going online, defending the behavior, saying that, you know,
it's nothing wrong with him, chastising people.
It's done all the time. Oh Lord, I love me someone
having SAP. I know I never would have made

(08:14):
it. I love me some Marvin Sapp.
But, Sir, good Sir, I'm gonna need you to sit down.
I'm gonna need you to sit down. OK, So this is one thing.
Like when I was in Oklahoma, I went to Pastor Craig's church,
what is it called Life Church. I went to Life Church and that
was like one of the first churches that I had went to
because before that I would go to like a Baptist Church.

(08:36):
I had been to like some other places and I had been to like a
bunch of non denominational churches.
And then I went to Life Church. And I just remember Life Church
was one of those places where when it was time to give like
one of the things that the pastor will say is if anybody is
in need, go into the bucket, reach for it and get some money
out and take care of your need in that way.

(08:57):
I was like, what kind of what, what are we giving offering?
Are we giving gifts? But that always stood out to me.
And then there are other pastorsthat I listen to that they will
tell you like, we never actuallyhave a offering time because we
have already preached to our congregation as far as like, you
know, tithing and giving and howimportant it is.
And if you don't feel the conviction to do it, then I'm

(09:18):
not going to be here forcing youto do it.
And I've been to other churches where it's like we're doing the
raise fund for the children, we're doing the raise fund for
the new building. They were doing the raise fund
for the team building. And then by the time you're done
with church, they've had like 3-4 offerings.
OK. So I say all that to say with a
Marvin Sapp thing, like I just Iwish he would have just probably

(09:41):
not even said anything. I wish he would have just not
said anything. Like you already made the bad
choice by saying close the doorsbecause then he tried to write
an excuse of like giving is one of the most dangerous times in
the church. If you don't get your big.
I was like, it is because all the churches I've been at never
in the middle of giving out. We like stay strapped up.

(10:02):
But this is some dangerous times.
It's like, what? What are we talking about?
Just say that you felt you were doing something that is a
chronic thing of how sometimes some of our black churches
operate from, and you felt like the people had to do what it was
that you were telling them to doand you were not going to let
them leave until they did what you were going to tell them to

(10:23):
do. And then you have it under the
umbrella of like, I'm speaking from the Spirit, I'm chastising
you, and I'm telling you what the Holy Spirit told me to tell
you. Can God send messages to people?
Yes. Is it done in such a rough?
Is it done in such a rough way? I don't necessarily even know
about that. I was like, Jesus didn't tell
you to close those doors. Stop playing.

(10:44):
So stop playing like you alreadyfell on the sword.
He was already ripping you apart.
Then you just said, I'm going toget up and fall on it again.
Leave. No, the explanation pissed me
off actually even more. I was like, what?
If I were you? I just wouldn't have said
anything like you made the wrongchoice of words.
You did all of that. Like even if there is a funding,
because I think he said there's a conference, they wanted the
ability to cover it. I understand there's the

(11:05):
financial obligation, but it is tiring being on this end.
And I go somewhere and you're asking me for this offering and
that offering and this offering and so, so and so on, blah,
blah, blah. Like if other churches are able
to exist that never actually even have a offering.
If other churches are able to exist that actually tell their

(11:26):
their members, take what you need.
Why are some of you guys choosing to exist in a place
where you're always antagonizingpeople, always using guilt,
always trying to use psychological things and oh,
Uncle Kirk took me out. That man put up a picture of him
and Marvin Sapp and some other guys talking about either doors
or open the doors or something like that.
I was dead. I was deceased.

(11:46):
I said, Oh my gosh, but that's what you need.
You needed your friend to make light of that moment because
come on now. I'm just like, don't justify
that. You were on a little power trip.
That's what you were on. And then you made that
statement. And in fact, you don't see
anything wrong with it because that's the normal behavior.
But why are certain churches theonly ones that are always
scrambling and begging and pleading and everything else?

(12:08):
And then sometimes it almost seems like you expect the
congregation to make up for poormoney management.
Like when you guys don't do whatyou're supposed to do with the
money, the money doesn't go where it's supposed to go.
Or when you do get it, you're over here spending it on private
jets or traveling here and theredoing this and that and the 4th.
And then when you are running into a deficit of the hole, you
expect the church members to come in and to save the day.

(12:30):
But again, like they will get somuch further.
I wish a whole lot of them will move away from it.
You will get so much more even out of your members when you say
I don't want to force you to give, I want you to be convicted
to give. And I will teach you what it is
that the Bible says about giving.
But I'm not going to be here asking you for first offering,

(12:51):
second offering, offering for the peace table, offering for
picnics, offering for over there.
I'm not going to be doing that. And the church is always hard to
change, man. They would be doing something
the same way for 5545 years and you come in, you want to do a
little change. And that's not how we do it over
here. Some of y'all need to let that
offering go. You should be preaching enough.
You should be doing enough things that your congregation is

(13:12):
paying or taking care of business and then you yourself
as a pastor, I always found thatconcept very interesting to me,
where like a pastor will not have a job.
Like I remember one of the African churches I went to when
I first moved to Oklahoma, like my pastor was a professor.
Like he has a job, but he's still a pastor.
Like, so this idea like, oh, thechurch pays a whole salary and

(13:36):
all of that. Like depending on your level, if
you're that big balling kind of church where it does take a lot
of work. But even those churches you see,
those pastors will come out withlike their own books or they
will have like tours or something.
Like they have other means of creating revenue that's not just
dependent on somebody open up their checkbook every week.
I feel like it's time for the church as a whole to revamp
that. Like you're going to ask for

(13:57):
offerings, maybe just one, and then when that time comes, show
the people that you're actually more invested in them.
Like this church that I'm talking about.
I'm sure over the years he has gotten millions of dollars
donated. And what does he say every
Sunday? This is time for offering.
But if you need something, take it that does something for a
person. Since you guys sometimes play

(14:18):
the game of psychology to trick people into doing what you want
them to do anyways. Yeah, why don't you use this
game of psychology that actuallyputs people at ease?
And then you still get to the same end goal, which is raising
your money and getting all the things that you need.
But, you know, when it comes to money and church, it's always
been a very murky, murky road. And I always feel like instances
like this one does a lot to set people back.

(14:40):
And especially when he does not have any, like, remorse over his
words. Instead, he's doubling down and
defending it. Just say, it wasn't my best
hour. It wasn't my proudest moment.
I got caught up in the moment and I feel like I had a word
that I was saying and you know, I needed the people to hear it
and know the severity of it. However, what I did was wrong.
Anybody that took offense, I apologize.
Like sometimes I feel like I need to be on somebody's PR team

(15:02):
or something. I need to be APR because what is
going on? No.
So yeah, that whole story, I wasjust like, oh, throw it in the
bin. When I saw his response,
definitely throw it in the bin, like, no, Sir.
And Oh my gosh. So when I had seen it on threads
and then I went and looked for the video, then underneath that

(15:23):
video, somebody said never wouldhave paid it.
But because if you know the famous Marvin Sapp song, I was
singing it in my head. I was like, never would have
paid it. I was deceased.
I was like, what? Oh my gosh, I was done after
that. He didn't help himself there.
So, you know, he just got to speak the truth, say what it is

(15:44):
like, we love you, You've made timeless classics, but you
slipped on that one and you needed to back up off of it.
Yeah, real quick, real quick. So next one is the Issa Rae
story. So this is another Threads one.
I was on Threads one fine mightymorning.
And then I was like, I saw a post about why I don't
understand what the hell the haters for Issa Rae.

(16:05):
Then I clicked on the Issa Rae Blue part, and then all the
Easter Ray posts started coming up.
And from the essence of what I gathered, the original woman who
started this is funny actually, because when I looked her up,
she actually, like, teaches African American studies.
So she's actually a professor, I'm guessing.
Yeah, I just said it. African American studies
professor. So she said she was watching a

(16:29):
recent movie, the recent one, I think that it was like Keke
Palmer and Scissor were in. So she said I was honestly
watching the movie One of Them Days.
Yeah, that's what it's called One of Them Days.
And it did not resonate with me as someone who was an on house
poor and working class 20 something year old person in Lai
said, hey, you know, this is notlike my experience.

(16:49):
It doesn't surprise me because Issa Rae has struggled with
telling working class stories and everyone has now turned me
into being a hater and I just don't know.
So she originally made this postbecause she was watching One of
Them Days. I have not seen that movie, so I
don't even know what exactly she's talking about.
But she's saying that she has been on house because now we
don't say homeless. We say on housed.

(17:11):
The lingo of 2025, I'm keeping you up today.
So she's saying at one point I was on housed and in my 20s and
I just felt like when I was watching this show, this show
did not depict my life. And then the conversation
evolved from her place because this was what she had originally
posted about the whole thing. But then the conversation
evolved now to people then feeling like Easter Ray came

(17:33):
from a middle class family, her dad's African and dad.
And she was here making ATV showcentered around a life that she
really didn't live. And Yappa Boo Boo sugar bomb
bomb. So my question was, first of
all, when did black people become just ethnographers?
Like, because you are saying like they can only tell stories

(17:56):
that they have lived or only what they are, but everybody
else that's a creative in this space of media can tell whatever
stories they can. I think just last week we were
talking about like it was what'sreally painting some people with
the whole Meghan Markle thing isher ability to now tell her own
story. So it's already hard enough for
us to even see our stories beingtold.
And now you're saying that if meas a suburban woman, as a woman

(18:19):
who grew up in the suburbs for most of her life and still lives
in the suburbs, if there's a story out there to tell and it's
about somebody that grew up in, I don't know, the project
somewhere that I should not havethe ability to tell that, then
who's going to tell that? How many of those people from
the projects would there be thatwould be like making a movie or
get getting that opportunity? Like it's crazy to me.

(18:41):
I understand the fact that we have to be the ones to tell our
stories, but then when we start creating boundaries for us not
to tell our stories because of like semantics and different
things like that makes no sense to me.
Because that's like me saying, OK, I have the story of an
African to tell, but then since they're from North Africa, I
really should not be the one to tell it as long as I keep the
story authentic. Like whenever I was watching

(19:03):
Insecure, I never felt like any of her characters were not
authentic. And then two, she has a whole
team of writers. So even if there's a story,
there's a way of life that she has not lived.
It doesn't mean that people who are on her team has not lived
that, but it just seemed to me like people were just reaching
that day. Like that's just what I felt
like. It was very planted.
It was given planted bot ish because I just could not

(19:26):
understand. I was like, this is a discourse
like we're having this like about, oh, she got middle class.
And somehow then it turned into a classes story because it was
the idea of like people penalizing somebody for not
fitting an image of blackness that you have to challenge
because it's the very same blackpeople that hold those views,

(19:47):
right? Because in your head you're
saying, oh, you're too bougie. You don't have black enough.
Like I've been a victim of somebody telling me I'm Oreo,
that I'm black on the outside and white on the inside.
Or why? Because I choose to, well, not
choose what? I just speak a certain way.
I just do things a certain way. So why are we always the ones to
perpetuate the hatred that has been sown in the seeds of

(20:12):
slavery and everything else thatthis country represents?
And then we embody that. It's crazy because even today
there was this girl, I'm trying to remember the name, but
there's some big football playerright now that the wife had
called the cops and he had like the baby in his hand.
He moved to the balcony and cameback.
I think the wife called the copsor the mom's wife.
I mean, the girl's mom called the cops and the girl was on

(20:34):
that wax to riches. I started watching that show.
I'm telling you, sometimes with TV, I just want TV.
That's just, you know, Fluffy. I don't want anything I have to
think through. So I started watching Wax and
she was on there, but this guy had gotten like pulled over the
cops before all these other things.
So I don't know all the whole situation, but I just remember
like reading in the comments andpeople were saying to the effect

(20:56):
of, well, that's what they get, Because, you know, whenever they
get a little bit of money, they'll mistreat and look over
all these brown skin girls and they always go for the girls
that are racially ambiguous and that's what they get.
And and I'm like, it's a two waySt. because most of the African
American households are going tobe single parents led by women.
What a lot of these men are saying is that growing up, it

(21:18):
was the same women, whether it was, you know, aunties, mom,
cousins, you know, classmates, all these things that did not
reaffirm them, that did not givethem the sense of like, they can
go out and conquer the world. That really stripped them of the
very basic things that they needed that they didn't go into
the war searching for it. So then when they find somebody

(21:40):
that they feel like in order forme to have the life I want or
deserve, I have to find somebodythat does not resemble anything
of where I came from, from the women around me.
Like, when are we going to do the soul searching to say, OK,
then that means that part of it is our problem and our story.
Yes, there are those men out there.
Whenever this stuff happens to the athletes, I'm always like,

(22:00):
do you not learn any lessons? Like, do you all not watch news?
You all don't do 1 + 1 two? I see a pattern.
I mean, duck, duck, goose, nothing, don't do none that
because I'm not understanding. So I also know from that
perspective, like I understand the frustration sometimes with
these athletes, but I think we don't talk enough about the fact
that there is a disservice that was done to them as they were

(22:22):
being raised by the women in their lives who are supposed to
represent that upmost thing for them.
That when they do get to that stage and if you feel like now
they are anti black woman or anti this and that, then you
have to ask yourself, you guys are the ones that raised them.
So how did you raise them that brought them to be anti black?
To say, OK, I don't want to be with anybody that looks like my

(22:43):
mom. I don't want to be with anybody
that looks like my sisters. I don't want to be with anybody
that looks like the girls I wentto school with because they
tease me about my skin tone. This particular man that I'm
talking about, he has a darker skin tone.
And then so he married this woman.
She seemed mixed to me of anything, but maybe she is
Hispanic or something. She just seemed mixed.

(23:03):
And like I always say, like, you're not quite sure if I'm
like, is she black or she do? So, yeah, there's that.
It's a pattern, like I've said in other episodes that we've
seen as we live here in these parts of the world.
It's a pattern that we're all aware of when we see it.
So when are we going to ask the questions about what are we
doing in our communities? What are we doing as a people
that when these boys are coming up that we create

(23:26):
representations of Blackness forthem that they just want to get
away from? Because that's also part of the
story because it cannot be everysingle time.
Or they self hate themselves. I'm sure that exists too, but
it's about the trauma points. It's about the things that would
have been said and done to them that they have internalized that
they're like trying to stay awayfrom, Like, let's hold ourselves

(23:47):
a little bit more accountable inthat area.
So I just feel like that part isalways just like the same old,
same old, Like we've been here, done it before, we've heard it,
and clearly they ain't getting it.
So when somebody's not getting something, then sometimes the
lesson has to be repeated over and over again, right?
So if they're not understanding,then it's like, OK, well, you're

(24:09):
going to go through the fire again until you get where you
need to be. OK, so that is that.
Let's see our next topic. I thought like the Priscilla Ojo
wedding was over and done with, but I saw new videos this week
so I guess maybe they haven't like the Nigerian side.
I guess what I had seen was Tanzania.

(24:31):
I guess that was the Tanzanian side.
So her wedding celebrations are not over with yet.
Like they're still celebrating and any her best friend has
already claimed that he's the chief bridesmaids.
So everybody does orderly she reported themselves, but they
should know themselves like he'slike, don't play with me.
That's my best friend. OK, So to thyself, be true.

(24:53):
Know where you are. Don't come here.
Be front in levels thinking thatyou can come and take my place
because it's not going to happen.
There's no place for you to take.
Let's see, what other things have I seen around over the last
few days that I'm just like, it was a rough week for me.
I didn't find a lot of funny videos here and there like I
usually do. They're always like certain

(25:14):
accounts I followed. And then, like, it was so weird.
I don't know what the heck is going on with the Instagram
algorithm, but I went on Instagram today and I saw so
many videos of like people in Dubai, people in Arabia.
And of course, I love the fabulousness.
Like, it would be like these housewives.
It's the most outrageous thing you ever seen in your life.
You'll be like these housewives like pulling up in their GI can
like I'm about to jump off my 4 kids to school and then the kids

(25:35):
are all like perfectly dressed and they're driving in their big
car and then they pull over and go for a massage and do I'm
like, oh Lord, the fabulous softlife, the soft life.
OK, they're definitely soft and over there.
But somehow I will see more and more of those.
And like I said before, I followlike some Dubai like interior
design account. So I wonder if probably was just

(25:56):
related to that because I was like, what the heck is going on?
Like I just keep seeing these everywhere.
So going to our main topic today, it's going to be how to
bounce back. Real stories of resiliency.
It was crazy because like I said, I was having like a rough
week physically, mentally, just rough.

(26:18):
And I remember having a conversation with somebody I
love and care about. I was like, I don't need
anything else added to my plate.I'm like, I need God to remove
my name from his strongest warriors program.
You know, it's something that has been online like you hear
people talk about, like he must have a strong warriors program
and my name must be on that listbecause I keep going through.

(26:38):
And what this individual said tome was, well, then you don't
want all the other stuff that comes with it because I was
like, don't I? And you know, one of the things
she left me with was that, you know, remember that it builds
your resiliency. And I know this, I always talk
about when I know things, I knowthem, right?
But in the middle or as I'm going through them, sometimes
it's like, I don't want to hear that, but deep within myself, I

(27:00):
knew she was right. So then we want to talk about
resiliency and what has worked for me that if somebody looking
at me can be like, man, she's resilient, she's able to bounce
back. Or maybe they might not, but I
feel like these things have worked.
So hopefully you will hear something here today that you
can implement that you might be able to use.
I wish we would do better check insurance like just to see like
how are you doing, how are you feeling?

(27:23):
Is there anythings that's going on given the state of our
economy, the state of the globalmarkets and everything.
And it's expected that you probably will have a one or two
setbacks this year because I mean, it is too much.
So the idea is that as we're going through stuff, right, that
it doesn't break us, that we don't lose our sense of self,

(27:43):
that even in those dark moments,we'll find a way to find our
light and let it be, you know, the compass that we use to
navigate through life. And then indirectly, other
people will see us living our good life and be able to emulate
that. So really bouncing back, that's
where the power lies. That's what I've come to learn.
Like your ability, your resilience, all of that tells

(28:05):
the story of, you know, just being able to overcome that
speaks to a new level of existence.
So that's the first thing is understanding today that the
resilient part of the story, overcoming setbacks, that is
where your power lies. OK, So I have had many defeated
days and many defeated nights. OK.

(28:28):
I'm not new to this rodeo calledlife.
So I have had many disappointments, many things
that I thought would go A and goB.
Many things that I'm like, man, I'm reaching for it and grabbing
for it and then something else comes through.
So I've definitely had a lot of setbacks in my life, but one of
the things that has helped me overcome time and time again is

(28:49):
my faith. I cannot even begin to tell
enough of many, many a times when I'm like, man, I don't know
how I'm going to do this, What is going to happen?
And I might have my moments of like doubt or like, you know,
screaming, yelling and pulling and whatever eventually, but
I'll come around and then it'll be like, OK, time to get to
work. Because it's like no matter
what, no matter what's going on,no matter what's falling apart,

(29:11):
no matter what's going right, I have to keep going.
So my faith helps me with that because it never fails.
I will hear a message at the most opportune time or as I'm
reading a passage for myself, it'll be encouraging.
So if you haven't started that habit yet of having like a quiet
time, having a devotional daily,incorporating into your daily

(29:32):
routine, and I'm sure you see the benefits of it, but really
your faith is going to lead you through so many hard times
because what you end up finding is that you're not the first
person to go through what you'regoing through.
There's so many other people outthere that have experienced it.
And sometimes even in the biblical times, like not a Dang
thing has changed, but your namebecause you're now the one going

(29:53):
through it. But then you can look at the
stories, OK, how did this personovercome?
What did they do? OK.
And then I'm creating my own version of it.
So my faith has really helped todirect me during those times.
Having a sense of community, having people that you can trust
that you know, no matter what, they're going to be in your
corner, have your back. They help to give you the bounce
back spirit and do all that for you.

(30:13):
And then self reflection. Self reflection is so important.
My ability to sit down with myself in my quiet moments, in
the moments I'm not too proud of.
But to say, you know what? I did this or I did that, you
know, it didn't pan out for me, but what am I going to do now?
Like as you're having that innerdialogue in a conversation,

(30:34):
that's beneficial for you too aswell.
But having that self reflection helps you to see, OK, where are
the parts that I could have donebetter?
What are the choices I've made? And then what am I going to
learn for the next time? And then that helps to kind of
frame me to do this, keep on going because it's like, OK,
next time I'm going to do this better, I'm going to do this and
I'm going to do that. So giving yourself that room.
So faith, community and self reflection.

(30:57):
So always remembering like if itdoesn't break you, it builds
you. However, that's saying in itself
like if it doesn't break you is building you.
But sometimes you already feel like you're broken into pieces,
right? Like when you're going through a
rough patches in life sometimes,like it's already done for me
and over with, but understandingthat you were meant for it, you

(31:20):
were chosen for some reason. There's something that you
bring. There's something that you have
and you might not know it yet. Maybe God has not revealed it to
you yet. But it's like if you stop, you
will never know. So you're going to keep showing
up. You're going to keep being who
you are. You're going to keep striving.
You're going to keep taking those steps and giving up is

(31:42):
just not an option. Like changing that way is just
not an option. So the next part for resiliency,
you can just think about all thedifferent stories you've heard.
Like the other day when all the Med school students were posting
matching and all that. I had seen a post, there was a
mother and a daughter. She was a nurse and her and her
daughter got accepted into medical school.

(32:03):
So they will be studying together.
But you I bet you that mother asAceo, that's one of the things I
kept thinking about that mother that was aren't going to now be
AMD I'm like, I bet you she has stories to tell.
You hear the stories all the time of like somebody that was
like a teenage mom worked her way through school, became
something, you know, did something great.

(32:23):
So resiliency. There are stories all around.
I think it's important to ask stories in your family because
sometimes your family becomes that source of resiliency for
you too. Like hearing that your great
grandfather invented something, came up with something, did
something that spikes like something within your brain that
you're just like, oh, well, if they can do it and they will

(32:44):
have the same blood running through them that I do, then I
can do it as well. So knowing the stories of your
ancestors sometimes if that can help power you through when
you're having those moments of self doubt or when you're
having, you know, just that worry that you're not going to
be able to accomplish something.So the next part is just, you

(33:07):
know, understanding that it's okay to fall, but it's not okay
for us to stay there. So like for example, in my
podcasting, ever since I starteddoing it by myself, I feel like
I've had a lot of mishaps. I feel like the things that I
anticipated I was going to happen did not happen how I
anticipate I was going to move. It did not happen that way.
And there are lots of parts of it that it's like I just have to

(33:29):
take it for what it is today. And it took me a while to get
there. But understanding that I've
fallen before, I'm going to failagain in some other areas
because you're never an expert in anything.
So even if I feel like I've mastered 1 area, there will be
other areas that I need to work in.
But I won't stay there. If I fall, I stumble my toe.
I cry like this is the kind of person I am.

(33:50):
I will have the resistance. I would say I don't want to do
it. I pick somebody else, not for
me, not my cup of tea, all thesethings.
But then I will still keep pushing, like I'm going to have
my moments, I guess, as the young people say, of crashing
out, but I'm still going to keeppushing.
Why? Because there's something there.
And I've talked about the community knowing that you're

(34:11):
not alone, knowing that God doesnot waste time on you.
There's a reason, there's a purpose for everything.
And when you don't see it in that, your bleak moment, just
trust it, right? So again, your faith is going to
come into play because it's like, you know, he will never
leave you nor forsake you. Like, you know, there's no
mountain, no thing left that unturned.
Nothing can separate you from the love of God.

(34:34):
You know, so many different things that you can pull out
from your faith that can help you to see, OK, I'm going to
stay put. I'm going to stay grinding.
I'm going to keep going. And eventually that which is
meant for me is going to come tome.
But you have to keep working foryou to get there.
So faith knowing that it's OK, being acceptance.

(34:54):
So that means spending quality time with the word of God and
spending quality time talking toyour loved ones, learning
stories about your ancestors because you'll be amazed at how
much that can help to motivate you and shape you.
And the ability to even sometimes like have, you know,
some form of connection to them helps in a lot of ways.

(35:14):
So let's see, is there anything I might prompt to you?
Is there anything that you're bouncing back from?
And if you would like to share, if you would like to leave a
voice message, you can go ahead and do that.
If you're listening from Spotify, If you're listening
from another avenue, I don't know how you'll be able to leave
me a message, but let me know. What are you bouncing back from?
You know, it can be anything. It can be, you know, from being

(35:36):
sick from, you know, a bad divorce from, you know, making
the wrong choices from my kid, giving me, you know, mini heart
attacks and headaches. What are you bouncing back from?
So messes me in stories, big or small, whatever you're
comfortable with, however you want to post it, I will see it.
Just make sure you use the correct hashtag.
So there's Tony speaks, there's Bontao with Tony.

(35:59):
So make sure if you're going to do that, that you tag me so I'll
be able to see it. But I want to know what are
people going through? What are they struggling with?
Where is the disconnect? Where is the unbelief sometimes?
And then how are we going to getover it and overcome it?
So I leave you with this scripture that says Proverbs
2416. Though the righteous fall 7

(36:20):
times, they rise again. Like, that just sums up
everything I was saying about your faith.
Studying the word of God, there's something that it does
to you, puts you in a good stateand a good mindset, and then it
leads you. It really leads you.
You look at any situation that somebody else might have called
dead and you're able to speak life into it.
Why? Because of faith.
So it is so important for it to dictate how you move in this

(36:44):
world. Today's episode, the talking
part, was pretty short. I just wanted to keep it short.
I know the last few episodes have been kind of longer, and
the research does show that whenthe shows are shorter and
there's better engagement, there's better interactions.
So I'm going to end it there fortoday.
My song of the day, the first one for my gospel song is going

(37:05):
to be this new song that I've heard.
That is, what's his name now? Why is it escaping me?
This new song that I heard from Moses Bliss and Chandler Moore
and it is beautiful. I will give you the name of it.
It is your love. So it's Moses Blade and Chandler
Moore. Beautiful, beautiful song.

(37:25):
I want to give a shout out to Chandler Moore.
I feel like Chandler Moore is another level because I think
right now he's going to Zimbabwe, he's going to Zambia.
So his Omeima, because that was the big song by him that we all
love here. It's called the Omeima Tour.
And he's going to all these different African nations.
And, you know, I just always felt like he was like the Chris

(37:47):
Brown of gospel music, or in this case, he's the Chandler
more of gospel music. You know, we're not going to
compare him to anybody else. He is who he is.
OK, but I just love the fact that he started just
collaborating with African gospel artists.
Like I remember the one of the very first times I heard his
voice, it was with Nathaniel Bassi song, it's old Nathaniel

(38:08):
Bassi worship song. But when I heard his voice, I
was like who the heck is this? And why does his voice sound so
raw and intimate? And he has such a beautiful gift
and it comes through every single time.
So I love the fact that he has always acknowledged the fact
that he wouldn't even be where he is today without the support
of the African people. And it seems like when he goes

(38:30):
off, when he's on tour and all these things, he really tries to
give people a good benefit and really tries to give them a good
run for their money. I mean, make them get their
money's worth. But the fact that he's even
going on tour and promoting it in all these different African
cities, like, he's going to be good for a long time.
He's going to have the support of the African people for a
very, very long time. But I was just refreshing to

(38:51):
see. I feel like his connections, all
of the people that he's worked with, all of the African
artists, it seems to have been very genuine.
And then that comes off in obviously how he's then able to
kind of piece things together. For my regular song of the day,
I added All the Love by Ira Starr.

(39:11):
All the love yeah. It's a very, very beautiful
song. I heard it like once before, but
it was like with the video and Iwas like what the heck is this
video? But I think it's around the time
that it was released and then now when I came back to it, I'm
like yes, I still like the song.I'm still rocking with this
song. So I'm going ahead and added it
to the playlist because that's how we move over here.

(39:34):
We don't know about them over where?
How can I rhyme over here with over there?
No, I'm tired. I'm tired, all right?
I'm not reading anything right now because remember what I said
last week? I am trying to find me a good
Sierra Leonean history book so Ican know my political history.
So I am still working on that. And I didn't feel like starting

(39:56):
any new novels. I didn't feel like doing
anything like that. I just wanted to just exist.
So The Reading Girl has taken a break, but it won't be for too
long. I'll have a new title for you to
join me with. I hope you guys enjoyed this
episode. Please, please, please share it
with a friend, family member. Help me get the word out there
about this podcast and I will catch you guys on the next one.

(40:19):
Stay, fly, stay smart. You got this and you're
resilient is in your blood. It's in your bones.
It's in every single thing that you do, anything that is formed
against you to make sure you don't prosper, it will not work.
You are a child of God. He has laid His hands on you.
He has put His foot forward you,but you went to places for you

(40:41):
before you even knew that this is what you want.
And just know that God's got youno matter what you're going
through. You have the strength, you have
the ability. Sometimes you might not even
feel it within yourself, but He is great.
He has the ability, He has the strength, and when you're
connected to Him, you cannot fail baby girl.
So go through your off crash, cry your tears, be mad, be this

(41:03):
and that, and then the next day you get up and keep it moving.
I just want to thank you guys somuch for giving me your landing
ears and I'll catch you guys on the next one.
Bye, bye. Now.
You just finished an episode of Banta with Tony.
Did you like it? I hope you had a great time and
that you have some takeaways from this episode.

(41:23):
But before you go, I want to askyou one thing and that is to
share this episode or this entire podcast with a friend,
family member, or acquaintance. Because remember, when you have
something good, you need to talkabout it, you need to share it
and you need to shout it from the rooftops.
So go on and let people know in your life that you have this
wonderful podcast that you wouldlike to share with them.

(41:43):
I appreciate you. I appreciate your time, your
support and everything else in between.
And remember, if you do it, I have to talk about it.
Have a great week.
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