April 16, 2024 • 19 mins
Let's Chat! send us a message, question or a confession to unpack!
Ever called your boss "daddy" or you were today years old when you found out what pickles were?
This week's episode of confessions is a light-hearted episode in which you share your little secrets, moral dilemmas, worries, and the relief of getting some things off your chest! We're talking fake resumes, romantic rustiness, and a hand sanitizer blunder that's too fresh to forget. Plus, get ready to ponder the tough decisions, like whether it's time to cut ties with a friend gone sour.
We unpack your confessions with open minds, a few laughs, and a reminder that you aren't alone and you (probably) aren't going to hell for them, haha! Remember, it's just us this time—no guests, just a duo of mates eager to listen and laugh with you. Tune in for an episode that promises to be as cathartic as it is entertaining!
Last Confession Booth we asked if you would name your baby - a name. that a close family member/ sibling or friend had dibs on...
46% said NO while 54% said YES THEY WOULD!
So to cap off this Confessional, we leave you with a "Would you Rather" scenario
Would you rather be cheated on or be the cheater? and if you were cheated on would you rather know or never find out?
Cast your vote on our latest post on Insta @baringitall_thepodcast
Want to confess? Have a question you want to ask anonymously and unpacked without judgment? Or a dirty little secret to get off your chest?
Don't forget to send in your anonymous confessions for a chance to be featured in future Confession Booth episodes on our show!
Connect with Rose and Chrystal on Instagram for more stories and fun mini-weekly catch-ups.
DM the girls, get involved with the conversations, and feel free to ask questions!
@baringitall_thepodcast
Rose Oates
@roseoates_
Chrystal Russell
@chrystalrussell_
And don’t forget to take care of yourself and each other -
With Love Rose & Chrystal x
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
These are our confessions.
That was symphonatic.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
Is that a word?
I'm not sure that it is, butwelcome back to another episode
of Confessions, one of ourfavourites.
Speaker 1 (00:14):
We also just learned that we sound like Muttley.
Wait, listen to this, guys.
Listen, listen, my laugh is awee.
Listen to this.
Listen to this, guys.
Listen, listen, my laugh is awee.
Listen to this.
If you guys have not watched,what TV show is that off?
Anyways, it's a cartooncharacter.
His name is Muttley and helaughs like both of us.
(00:36):
We wee so last time.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
What we realised in Confessions is that we were
laughing, but you couldn't hearus laughing.
It just goes silent.
It's like a little wheeze.
Speaker 1 (00:45):
It sounds like mumbling.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
Like I can't even do it, but you'll hear it again, no
doubt.
But we are back with someconfessions and I am ready.
Speaker 1 (00:57):
We are ready for this .
We've got some good ones.
Speaker 2 (00:59):
We're ready for you to confess your sins, our child.
Speaker 1 (01:02):
Our child, our child Rose, is again sporting her nun
headwear, and it is adorable.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
Actually, I really am digging it, you just need your
what was that little bib?
Speaker 1 (01:13):
Please bring it next time.
It's the habit, yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:16):
The habit like the full get up.
I mean, like we said before,you don't confess to a nun.
But here we are.
Speaker 1 (01:22):
Let's go for it.
Speaker 2 (01:26):
You read out the first one.
Okay, I have an incredible jobin a corporate role, but I got
the job on a fake resume.
I used a pile of resumes that Iwas going through at my old
workplace.
I feel bad, but my career nowis amazing.
Speaker 1 (01:41):
This 100% took me back to the Jennifer Lopez movie
second act, where she faked herlike education and went for a
job that she smashed it in Like.
This is 100% Jenny from theblock.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
I haven't seen it, but I'm like she's obviously
smart enough to do the job andit just goes to show.
Speaker 1 (02:00):
I'd be screwed.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
I wouldn't be able to .
I wouldn't be able to do it.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
Day two.
They'd be like where did yourresume come from?
Because you don't have any ofthese credentials.
Speaker 2 (02:08):
I'd just be sitting there pretending I'd be like.
Speaker 1 (02:10):
I don't know how to spell.
Speaker 2 (02:13):
I mean she feels bad but she's got a career now.
But I'm like I would be alwaysscared that like that lie was
going to come out.
Same and they're like rememberthat time that you worked at
that place, and you're like likeoh, I'm introducing,
introducing you to somebody whoalso worked alongside you.
Speaker 1 (02:27):
Do you remember this person?
No, I don't think we're in thesame department oh my god, good
on you, babe, but that's scaryyep, I'm like.
Speaker 2 (02:35):
You know what goes to show that you don't your
education don't mean shitsometimes exactly fake it till
you make it well.
Well, she is mate and she didmake it.
Speaker 1 (02:46):
Okay, let's go to.
I haven't had sex in six years,or was it six months?
It was six months.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
Six months, it was six years.
Speaker 1 (02:55):
It was six years.
I haven't had sex in six yearsand I don't even think I
remember how to do it anymore.
Who the fuck would?
Six years, you're dry.
Speaker 2 (03:05):
Well, she can't be dry, drunk dry as a nun's nasty
dry is my little fake nun'snasty like it's drier probably.
Speaker 1 (03:13):
Well, it could be wet , but maybe it's just never had
any action.
Six years might be a fewcobwebs, I'd say so.
But, babe also, this makes melike super interested because
even if, like you, haven't beenin a relationship for six years,
modern day world like aren'tpeople going out on tin and like
?
Speaker 2 (03:31):
getting some pee.
I would say so, but maybe she'snot confident.
I think maybe the longer youleave it like, the less
confident.
Speaker 1 (03:39):
Is it just like riding a bike, though?
Speaker 2 (03:41):
I'd say so, baby.
Speaker 1 (03:42):
Just get on it.
Speaker 2 (03:43):
Riding a bike without the seat.
Speaker 1 (03:48):
I think she just needs to go out and just do it,
and just if it's embarrassingthe first few times, oh well.
Speaker 2 (03:54):
I don't even think it would be embarrassing.
How embarrassing can it be?
Speaker 1 (03:57):
Maybe she's forgotten how to gyrate.
Speaker 2 (03:59):
Maybe she's forgotten how to orgasm herself.
Speaker 1 (04:03):
Like get some toys?
No, but surely she's.
She's servicing Fang dangling.
I just made that up.
Speaker 2 (04:11):
Honey, if you haven't had sex in six years, we do
hope you're fang dangling, yes,in some way, shape or form, but
you will remember how to do it.
Honestly, it can't.
It's riding a bike.
It's riding a bike, could you?
Ride a bike, I think so Huh,can you ride a bike?
Speaker 1 (04:25):
I don't know, I think so I haven't done it in a while
.
Same same, Same, same same.
Speaker 2 (04:30):
Okay Okay, we accidentally used hand sanitizer
instead of lube.
Straight on my pussy, it was onmy?
Speaker 1 (04:38):
Was it inside or on the outside?
Speaker 2 (04:40):
On the outside, I don't know, but they've used it
as lube, so I'm assuming, likemaybe she's quickly put it on.
How wouldn't she know that shewas feeling fresh immediately?
She's like I laugh now, but atthe time I was not no doubt.
How did they actually?
Would that burn?
Yeah well, it's alcohol, it'spure alcohol.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
Yeah, but if you spill alcohol on your puss,
would it hurt?
Speaker 2 (05:05):
Yeah, but that's like I mean, was this during COVID?
I mean, you were fresh.
Speaker 1 (05:07):
At least your puss wasn't getting COVID.
Speaker 2 (05:11):
Protection at its max baby.
Speaker 1 (05:14):
All right, I want to break up with my best friends.
Oh, my best friend, she treatsme badly and mocks me jokingly
in front of people.
I think the breakup is prettyserious.
If you have you had thatconversation with her of like,
hey, you constantly do this andI don't like it.
(05:36):
If you've already had thatconversation and she's still
doing it, then break it off.
Speaker 2 (05:40):
I agree, because that's that's a red flag, that's
a red flag in a friendship.
Speaker 1 (05:44):
I mean, I mock you sometimes, but we do it jokingly
and you're not putting me down.
Speaker 2 (05:49):
Like no it sounds like she's mocking her jokingly
in front of friends and makingit like embarrassing.
Speaker 1 (05:59):
She's the butt of the joke every time, but she treats
her badly as well.
So, yeah, okay, yeah, itdepends on the context.
I think definitely have thatconversation of like, hey,
you're doing this and I don'tlike it.
Speaker 2 (06:04):
Yeah, but it's going to feel like a relationship
breakup, I think, and I'mobviously saying she's wanting
to break up with her best friend.
It's probably why she hasn'tdone it yet.
Speaker 1 (06:14):
It's going to feel like shit.
And sometimes we hold on tofriendships that are no good for
us anymore, because I pronouncethings wrong all the time and
people pick it up and make funof me about it.
But I actually think it's funny.
Yeah, I don't get offended.
I'm like, yeah, I can'tpronounce things.
Speaker 2 (06:28):
But what if that was one of your closest friends?
That made it feel like itwasn't a joke Like you're stupid
.
Yeah, that shouldn't be afriend.
Speaker 1 (06:35):
Yeah, that's right.
Speaker 2 (06:36):
So, yeah, have the conversation, but also, if
you've got to do it, let it goLike life's too, short to have
shit friends.
Speaker 1 (06:43):
Yeah, that's true.
Speaker 2 (06:44):
Yeah.
High five to our friendship,yeah that's true, all right, see
my muttly laugh.
I accidentally downloaded pornon my work computer and I had to
call ID to stop the iconspopping up everywhere.
Speaker 1 (07:02):
First of all, it wasn't an accident.
Speaker 2 (07:04):
I accidentally quotation marks download a porn.
How do you accidentallydownload porn?
Speaker 1 (07:11):
Unless something popped up and you're like, oh,
that looks interesting, Download.
Oh whoops, it's porn.
Speaker 2 (07:16):
Does that even happen ?
I don't know, but I'm likeimagine honestly though.
Imagine having to call your ITdepartment down and go oh hey, I
don't know how this happened,but there's like little porn
icons everywhere.
I'm just so shocked.
Speaker 1 (07:29):
Also, do they have to let your boss know?
Well, why the hell?
What was the call down to thedesk for?
Oh, she had porn popping up onher boss's computer.
Speaker 2 (07:37):
I'm sure this is going to HR.
Do you still have a job?
Speaker 1 (07:40):
Yeah, what kind of porn were you downloading?
Speaker 2 (07:45):
Just DM us later.
Speaker 1 (07:48):
Okay, oh yes, this is good.
I accidentally called my boss,daddy on my first day, but hold
on, I have questions.
How?
Speaker 2 (07:59):
What was the context?
Speaker 1 (08:01):
Like hey, daddy, can I borrow your pen?
Like, how did you call himDaddy?
Was it a joke?
No, I don't think it was.
I think she accidentally, likeshe went to go call him and she
said daddy.
But also, why are you sayingdaddy?
Speaker 2 (08:14):
I was like who's your daddy?
Was he a good looking boss?
Speaker 1 (08:18):
Imagine if he turned around and said yeah, I'm your
daddy.
No, the rest of the story wasthat HR called her into the
office, wasn't it?
Yes, oh, no, that was somethingelse.
No, was that what that was?
No, was that what that was?
No, it wasn't.
So.
She called her boss, daddy, shedid.
Speaker 2 (08:35):
Awkward, yeah, I know On your first day, babe, leave
that, at least you know, for acouple of weeks or months.
Speaker 1 (08:41):
Keep that for the bedroom.
Speaker 2 (08:42):
Okay, I went to my friend's party and it was a
great night.
We were all drunk and I took amuffin for the ride home.
In the morning I found myfriend's doorknob on my bedside
table.
They still wonder what happenedto it.
Speaker 1 (09:00):
It was me.
How do you think a doorknob isa muffin?
What are you on?
What did?
Speaker 2 (09:04):
you do.
Pull it off the fucking door.
Oh, that looks like a nicemuffin.
Speaker 1 (09:09):
It fucking dismantled the door.
I'm just picturing, though,like was she having a nibble on
it.
Speaker 2 (09:17):
All I'm saying is she's fucking lucky that she
didn't go for a bite in themiddle of the night.
She would have broke some teeth.
Yeah, I mean, I'm not going tolie.
This has happened to me inanother way.
So when we went on leavers, yougo a little bit wild and we
were in the car doing some stuffand my friend kept turning the
(09:40):
volume up in her car and I waslike, oh, it's just too loud in
here, it's too loud.
So I kept turning it down andshe kept turning it up, so I
pulled the knob off the volumeand I put it in my jeans pocket
and I forgot about it, I forgot,I even did it.
And for a year she was using apair of pliers to turn her
volume up.
(10:00):
And one day I put those jeansback on and put my hand in the
pocket and I was like oh no,there's the volume knob and I
gave it back to her as a presentand she's like you, bitch, I
would have hated you.
Speaker 1 (10:14):
I would have been like this dog had my knob the
whole time.
I didn't know I had her knoband she was like.
Speaker 2 (10:21):
You know, I've been using these for a year and I
said, if I would never put thesejeans on, you would have been
using them for the rest of therest of your life also, how
cheap is it to buy a new knob,can you?
Yeah, but we were like 18, oh,we were babies.
So she used pliers for the restof her life, I know.
And she had a car that was sobung and if she's listening
she'll laugh.
She had a like an old 1985suzuki no, not suzuki uh a
(10:45):
barina.
Is it a su Barina?
Speaker 1 (10:47):
Datsun or the door.
Speaker 2 (10:49):
Okay, my dad used to be freaking out when I used to
go with her because one day,like he found her door handle on
the ground, Like.
So we drove off and her doorthe handle off.
Speaker 1 (10:58):
Her door fell off.
Speaker 2 (10:59):
And he's like can you please give this back to your
friend?
I found it on the driveway andI was like oh, my God.
She had the shittiest car thesedays.
That would be yellow stickeryou wouldn't even be allowed to
drive that shit.
What have we got?
Oh, I love this one becauseit's me.
Is this actually you?
No, but it is also me.
Okay, so I'm an adult and Ididn't know that pickles are
(11:22):
pickled cucumbers and not theirown vegetable.
Speaker 1 (11:25):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (11:31):
I think I thought this, but also, but also like
don't cucumbers grow on a tree,like?
So I thought I was likecucumbers, because they're so
tiny.
The pickles are tiny.
I was like, how can that be?
Speaker 1 (11:37):
I thought it was its own breed yeah, well, I'm saying
I thought cucumbers grow on atree and this bish thinks you're
picking cucumbers off the tree.
Speaker 2 (11:45):
No, you're picking cucumbers or picking gherkins.
Speaker 1 (11:47):
No, they're the same in a vine.
They're the same thing.
Speaker 2 (11:50):
Gherkins and cucumbers are the same.
Speaker 1 (11:52):
And pickles, they're all the same.
Why are they called gherkins?
Speaker 2 (11:55):
Yeah, but that's my point.
Speaker 1 (11:56):
Gherkins and pickles are the same as cucumbers, just
the pickled version.
Speaker 2 (12:02):
Yeah, but sometimes on the jars there's like pickled
cucumbers and then some say,gherkins, I need to Google this.
Oh yeah, so I'm not the onlydumb one here.
Speaker 1 (12:09):
Anyways, and why are they so tiny?
Speaker 2 (12:11):
Yeah, well, they don't come off trees, they come
off the ground.
They're like premature.
Speaker 1 (12:14):
You're picking the babies.
Speaker 2 (12:15):
I know no one wants a tiny one.
Nah, I like a big pickle Bigjuicy one.
Speaker 1 (12:22):
Okay, I literally love everything made from
tomatoes, except for I hatetomatoes.
Speaker 2 (12:30):
These are nice and gentle confessions, aren't they?
But what do you mean?
Speaker 1 (12:35):
Tomatoes taste like tomatoes, like she means like
the oval processed stuff.
Like tomato sauce, ketchup,pasta sauce, like the tomato-y
stuff, anything made fromtomatoes.
Pizza-based tomato sauce.
Like anything made fromtomatoes, but she hates tomatoes
.
Speaker 2 (12:50):
She actually hates the tomato.
I suppose they have a littlebit of a different flavour when
they're just a tomato.
Speaker 1 (12:55):
No, it's just mashed With a bit of salt.
Speaker 2 (12:57):
Yeah, I suppose you know, on the radio I actually
heard someone say I don't likepotatoes.
Speaker 1 (13:02):
Nuts.
Speaker 2 (13:02):
And I was like, what the fuck Like how?
Speaker 1 (13:06):
I don't know.
They're the most deliciousthing in the whole world there.
Speaker 2 (13:09):
There is nothing you can't do with the potato.
Straight away on my mind, Iwent I totally went, I went to
the gutter I was like well,there is certain things you
can't do with a potato, butliterally everything else mashed
potato, I know, actually, doyou know what?
Speaker 1 (13:23):
though?
You hate hash browns, which isweird I don't like hash browns.
Speaker 2 (13:26):
They're gross, gross.
She buys me hash browns all thetime.
Speaker 1 (13:28):
They're delicious.
They taste good cold.
Oh yuck no.
Speaker 2 (13:33):
There's texture, it's a texture thing.
There's texture and it likebreaks apart.
Speaker 1 (13:37):
What about potato rosti?
Speaker 2 (13:39):
Yeah, kind of like them.
Speaker 1 (13:40):
It's a different texture.
It's kind of like a hash brown.
No, it's not.
Oh, beg to differ, Yep it'sdifferent, let's agree to
disagree.
Yeah, I know.
Speaker 2 (13:47):
How can't you love mashed potato chips and?
Speaker 1 (13:49):
gravy.
Speaker 2 (13:51):
You've got problems, girl.
Speaker 1 (13:52):
Real problems, okay, oh well, this one's actually my
confession.
So you guys have all probablyseen Scream.
The movie Scream came out whenI was probably 13 or 14.
Don't know.
Anyways, in one of the scenesthey're walking to their car and
they get their ankles slashedlike the person is under the car
(14:15):
.
So any time 6 pm onwards I jumpinto my car.
I don't stand close enough thatI can get my ankles slashed
just in case she literally likehops into her car.
Yeah, like stand close enoughthat I can get my ankle slashed,
just in case she picks her.
She literally like hops intoher car.
Speaker 2 (14:30):
Yeah, like I'm a good meter away, I make sure of it.
I just can't.
And so pre 6pm you get in thecar normal.
Speaker 1 (14:34):
Pre 6pm no worries at all.
No one's going to slash myankles After 6pm, even if it's
545, I'm all right to jump in6.m.
Speaker 2 (14:43):
one wins as soon as the dark falls I'm like I'm
gonna get my ankle slashed.
Speaker 1 (14:47):
I need to jump into my car fucking we're weird.
Speaker 2 (14:50):
Humans are weird, aren't we?
Speaker 1 (14:51):
I don't know why it goes back to that scene, but it
does and that scene liketriggered me.
Speaker 2 (14:54):
I don't know why, but I can tell I'm scared look, we
have to thank you for today'sconfessions.
They were nice, lighthearted.
Look, all we can say is, if youhaven't had sex in six years or
even six months, make sure youdo fandangle yourself.
Like Crystal said, don't callyour boss daddy on the first day
(15:14):
.
No, and honestly, if you'rethat drunk and you're taking
people's doorknobs home, I meanyou probably should have stopped
drinking prior to that.
Speaker 1 (15:23):
Or whatever you took you probably shouldn't have
taken and I hope your teeth areokay and I think you need to
give your friend their doorknobback, I think, like wrap it up
and give it to them in a present.
Speaker 2 (15:34):
But to finish, today, what we were going to do is a.
Would you rather yes, here'sthe question.
Would you rather be cheated on?
Speaker 1 (15:45):
Or be the cheater.
Speaker 2 (15:47):
Be the cheater?
And, more specifically, wouldyou rather be cheated on and not
know about it and just continueliving your happy life, your
oblivion?
What would you rather be?
Speaker 1 (16:02):
I would rather be cheated on, would you?
Yeah, because, first of all, Icould never cheat Like I.
Just it's just not in me.
Speaker 2 (16:10):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (16:11):
I could never, ever cheat, so I would rather be
cheated on, but then I wouldwant to know about it.
Speaker 2 (16:17):
You would want to know, you would rather find out.
Speaker 1 (16:20):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (16:21):
Yeah, I know I can't, I want truth.
I would prefer to live in truthand no, yeah, I would rather
it's a.
It's a real tough one.
I was like I don't want thehurt, I don't want to hurt
somebody else.
Neither but also I was likefuck, like would I rather cheat
(16:41):
than be the one being hurt?
Speaker 1 (16:43):
Like, but I couldn't cheat, but you're also causing
hurt.
Speaker 2 (16:47):
It's so.
Speaker 1 (16:48):
It's a very tricky one.
Speaker 2 (16:49):
It's a tough one.
If I was being cheated on, I100% would prefer to know Same.
Speaker 1 (16:57):
The people that say they don't want to know.
Why don't you want to know?
You're going to be with thatperson and are they going to
continually cheat on you yeah,behind your back, or like I
don't?
I wouldn't want to be touchingthat d after I knew that it had
cheated on me.
Speaker 2 (17:11):
Yeah, I know I'm like where you been?
Why are you juicy?
Why?
Speaker 1 (17:14):
are you juicy?
Probably got an std but that'smy point.
Speaker 2 (17:19):
Some people actually would rather live without
knowing because they just wouldlike.
They don't just would like theydon't want to feel it.
Speaker 1 (17:25):
They don't want to feel the hurt.
Speaker 2 (17:26):
No.
Speaker 1 (17:28):
That gives me the ick .
Speaker 2 (17:28):
So would you rather because in our last confession
we asked the question would youcall your baby a name that your
friend, good friend or familymember or sister called had like
dibs on?
Speaker 1 (17:43):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:45):
It was divided, so 46% said that they wouldn't do
it.
They wouldn't do it.
Speaker 1 (17:51):
But then how many said they would?
Because that seems like a lotmore yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:56):
So people would.
And then we had a few messagessaying first in best dressed
Depends when the baby was born.
So would you rather?
Is our next question.
Would you rather be cheated on?
Speaker 1 (18:08):
or be the cheater and would you rather know?
Speaker 2 (18:12):
would you want to know?
Or?
Speaker 1 (18:13):
would you not want to know if you were?
And if you were, the cheater?
Are you telling them or are youkeeping it to secret?
Speaker 2 (18:19):
yes, if you have cheated, I wonder how many
people have and are taking it tothe grave.
Speaker 1 (18:26):
I would say a lot of people do that you know what
else do you think?
Speaker 2 (18:30):
that people that do cheat and then don't say
anything like regret it yeah,not regret it, but like they
wish that they could get it offtheir chest, like these
confessions probably but, thenthe wish that they could get it
off their chest, like theseconfessions Probably.
But then the ones that tell youso say, your partner tells you
yes, I've cheated on you.
Do you reckon they do it fortheir own guilt?
Speaker 1 (18:51):
Most likely.
Speaker 2 (18:52):
Because I don't think they're telling you for you,
because if you had any respectfor that person, you wouldn't
have done it.
You wouldn't have done it.
You would have said look, I'mnot interested, I'm not feeling
the love anymore.
I'm attracted to other people.
Let's part our ways and givethat person the respect, whereas
when they tell you, I almost Ifeel like it's definitely to get
it off their chest.
Yeah, it's to get it off theirchest.
Speaker 1 (19:12):
Or maybe they regret it and they're feeling guilty
and they actually want you toknow I did this, but I wish I
hadn't have of.
Yeah, the fucking bastardsanyway, would you rather?
Speaker 2 (19:25):
we're gonna pose it.
I'll pop it in the commentsbelow and yeah, let us know.
And remember to send in yourconfessions, because we
absolutely love receiving themyou will always be kept anon.
Speaker 1 (19:37):
We will not tell your name out loud, but we will
definitely tell your story.
Thanks, guys, ciao.
These are our confessions.
That was symphonatic.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
Is that a word?
I'm not sure that it is, butwelcome back to another episode
of Confessions, one of ourfavourites.
Speaker 1 (00:14):
We also just learned that we sound like Muttley.
Wait, listen to this, guys.
Listen, listen, my laugh is awee.
Listen to this.
Listen to this, guys.
Listen, listen, my laugh is awee.
Listen to this.
If you guys have not watched,what TV show is that off?
Anyways, it's a cartooncharacter.
His name is Muttley and helaughs like both of us.
(00:36):
We wee so last time.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
What we realised in Confessions is that we were
laughing, but you couldn't hearus laughing.
It just goes silent.
It's like a little wheeze.
Speaker 1 (00:45):
It sounds like mumbling.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
Like I can't even do it, but you'll hear it again, no
doubt.
But we are back with someconfessions and I am ready.
Speaker 1 (00:57):
We are ready for this .
We've got some good ones.
Speaker 2 (00:59):
We're ready for you to confess your sins, our child.
Speaker 1 (01:02):
Our child, our child Rose, is again sporting her nun
headwear, and it is adorable.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
Actually, I really am digging it, you just need your
what was that little bib?
Speaker 1 (01:13):
Please bring it next time.
It's the habit, yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:16):
The habit like the full get up.
I mean, like we said before,you don't confess to a nun.
But here we are.
Speaker 1 (01:22):
Let's go for it.
Speaker 2 (01:26):
You read out the first one.
Okay, I have an incredible jobin a corporate role, but I got
the job on a fake resume.
I used a pile of resumes that Iwas going through at my old
workplace.
I feel bad, but my career nowis amazing.
Speaker 1 (01:41):
This 100% took me back to the Jennifer Lopez movie
second act, where she faked herlike education and went for a
job that she smashed it in Like.
This is 100% Jenny from theblock.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
I haven't seen it, but I'm like she's obviously
smart enough to do the job andit just goes to show.
Speaker 1 (02:00):
I'd be screwed.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
I wouldn't be able to .
I wouldn't be able to do it.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
Day two.
They'd be like where did yourresume come from?
Because you don't have any ofthese credentials.
Speaker 2 (02:08):
I'd just be sitting there pretending I'd be like.
Speaker 1 (02:10):
I don't know how to spell.
Speaker 2 (02:13):
I mean she feels bad but she's got a career now.
But I'm like I would be alwaysscared that like that lie was
going to come out.
Same and they're like rememberthat time that you worked at
that place, and you're like likeoh, I'm introducing,
introducing you to somebody whoalso worked alongside you.
Speaker 1 (02:27):
Do you remember this person?
No, I don't think we're in thesame department oh my god, good
on you, babe, but that's scaryyep, I'm like.
Speaker 2 (02:35):
You know what goes to show that you don't your
education don't mean shitsometimes exactly fake it till
you make it well.
Well, she is mate and she didmake it.
Speaker 1 (02:46):
Okay, let's go to.
I haven't had sex in six years,or was it six months?
It was six months.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
Six months, it was six years.
Speaker 1 (02:55):
It was six years.
I haven't had sex in six yearsand I don't even think I
remember how to do it anymore.
Who the fuck would?
Six years, you're dry.
Speaker 2 (03:05):
Well, she can't be dry, drunk dry as a nun's nasty
dry is my little fake nun'snasty like it's drier probably.
Speaker 1 (03:13):
Well, it could be wet , but maybe it's just never had
any action.
Six years might be a fewcobwebs, I'd say so.
But, babe also, this makes melike super interested because
even if, like you, haven't beenin a relationship for six years,
modern day world like aren'tpeople going out on tin and like
?
Speaker 2 (03:31):
getting some pee.
I would say so, but maybe she'snot confident.
I think maybe the longer youleave it like, the less
confident.
Speaker 1 (03:39):
Is it just like riding a bike, though?
Speaker 2 (03:41):
I'd say so, baby.
Speaker 1 (03:42):
Just get on it.
Speaker 2 (03:43):
Riding a bike without the seat.
Speaker 1 (03:48):
I think she just needs to go out and just do it,
and just if it's embarrassingthe first few times, oh well.
Speaker 2 (03:54):
I don't even think it would be embarrassing.
How embarrassing can it be?
Speaker 1 (03:57):
Maybe she's forgotten how to gyrate.
Speaker 2 (03:59):
Maybe she's forgotten how to orgasm herself.
Speaker 1 (04:03):
Like get some toys?
No, but surely she's.
She's servicing Fang dangling.
I just made that up.
Speaker 2 (04:11):
Honey, if you haven't had sex in six years, we do
hope you're fang dangling, yes,in some way, shape or form, but
you will remember how to do it.
Honestly, it can't.
It's riding a bike.
It's riding a bike, could you?
Ride a bike, I think so Huh,can you ride a bike?
Speaker 1 (04:25):
I don't know, I think so I haven't done it in a while
.
Same same, Same, same same.
Speaker 2 (04:30):
Okay Okay, we accidentally used hand sanitizer
instead of lube.
Straight on my pussy, it was onmy?
Speaker 1 (04:38):
Was it inside or on the outside?
Speaker 2 (04:40):
On the outside, I don't know, but they've used it
as lube, so I'm assuming, likemaybe she's quickly put it on.
How wouldn't she know that shewas feeling fresh immediately?
She's like I laugh now, but atthe time I was not no doubt.
How did they actually?
Would that burn?
Yeah well, it's alcohol, it'spure alcohol.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
Yeah, but if you spill alcohol on your puss,
would it hurt?
Speaker 2 (05:05):
Yeah, but that's like I mean, was this during COVID?
I mean, you were fresh.
Speaker 1 (05:07):
At least your puss wasn't getting COVID.
Speaker 2 (05:11):
Protection at its max baby.
Speaker 1 (05:14):
All right, I want to break up with my best friends.
Oh, my best friend, she treatsme badly and mocks me jokingly
in front of people.
I think the breakup is prettyserious.
If you have you had thatconversation with her of like,
hey, you constantly do this andI don't like it.
(05:36):
If you've already had thatconversation and she's still
doing it, then break it off.
Speaker 2 (05:40):
I agree, because that's that's a red flag, that's
a red flag in a friendship.
Speaker 1 (05:44):
I mean, I mock you sometimes, but we do it jokingly
and you're not putting me down.
Speaker 2 (05:49):
Like no it sounds like she's mocking her jokingly
in front of friends and makingit like embarrassing.
Speaker 1 (05:59):
She's the butt of the joke every time, but she treats
her badly as well.
So, yeah, okay, yeah, itdepends on the context.
I think definitely have thatconversation of like, hey,
you're doing this and I don'tlike it.
Speaker 2 (06:04):
Yeah, but it's going to feel like a relationship
breakup, I think, and I'mobviously saying she's wanting
to break up with her best friend.
It's probably why she hasn'tdone it yet.
Speaker 1 (06:14):
It's going to feel like shit.
And sometimes we hold on tofriendships that are no good for
us anymore, because I pronouncethings wrong all the time and
people pick it up and make funof me about it.
But I actually think it's funny.
Yeah, I don't get offended.
I'm like, yeah, I can'tpronounce things.
Speaker 2 (06:28):
But what if that was one of your closest friends?
That made it feel like itwasn't a joke Like you're stupid
.
Yeah, that shouldn't be afriend.
Speaker 1 (06:35):
Yeah, that's right.
Speaker 2 (06:36):
So, yeah, have the conversation, but also, if
you've got to do it, let it goLike life's too, short to have
shit friends.
Speaker 1 (06:43):
Yeah, that's true.
Speaker 2 (06:44):
Yeah.
High five to our friendship,yeah that's true, all right, see
my muttly laugh.
I accidentally downloaded pornon my work computer and I had to
call ID to stop the iconspopping up everywhere.
Speaker 1 (07:02):
First of all, it wasn't an accident.
Speaker 2 (07:04):
I accidentally quotation marks download a porn.
How do you accidentallydownload porn?
Speaker 1 (07:11):
Unless something popped up and you're like, oh,
that looks interesting, Download.
Oh whoops, it's porn.
Speaker 2 (07:16):
Does that even happen ?
I don't know, but I'm likeimagine honestly though.
Imagine having to call your ITdepartment down and go oh hey, I
don't know how this happened,but there's like little porn
icons everywhere.
I'm just so shocked.
Speaker 1 (07:29):
Also, do they have to let your boss know?
Well, why the hell?
What was the call down to thedesk for?
Oh, she had porn popping up onher boss's computer.
Speaker 2 (07:37):
I'm sure this is going to HR.
Do you still have a job?
Speaker 1 (07:40):
Yeah, what kind of porn were you downloading?
Speaker 2 (07:45):
Just DM us later.
Speaker 1 (07:48):
Okay, oh yes, this is good.
I accidentally called my boss,daddy on my first day, but hold
on, I have questions.
How?
Speaker 2 (07:59):
What was the context?
Speaker 1 (08:01):
Like hey, daddy, can I borrow your pen?
Like, how did you call himDaddy?
Was it a joke?
No, I don't think it was.
I think she accidentally, likeshe went to go call him and she
said daddy.
But also, why are you sayingdaddy?
Speaker 2 (08:14):
I was like who's your daddy?
Was he a good looking boss?
Speaker 1 (08:18):
Imagine if he turned around and said yeah, I'm your
daddy.
No, the rest of the story wasthat HR called her into the
office, wasn't it?
Yes, oh, no, that was somethingelse.
No, was that what that was?
No, was that what that was?
No, it wasn't.
So.
She called her boss, daddy, shedid.
Speaker 2 (08:35):
Awkward, yeah, I know On your first day, babe, leave
that, at least you know, for acouple of weeks or months.
Speaker 1 (08:41):
Keep that for the bedroom.
Speaker 2 (08:42):
Okay, I went to my friend's party and it was a
great night.
We were all drunk and I took amuffin for the ride home.
In the morning I found myfriend's doorknob on my bedside
table.
They still wonder what happenedto it.
Speaker 1 (09:00):
It was me.
How do you think a doorknob isa muffin?
What are you on?
What did?
Speaker 2 (09:04):
you do.
Pull it off the fucking door.
Oh, that looks like a nicemuffin.
Speaker 1 (09:09):
It fucking dismantled the door.
I'm just picturing, though,like was she having a nibble on
it.
Speaker 2 (09:17):
All I'm saying is she's fucking lucky that she
didn't go for a bite in themiddle of the night.
She would have broke some teeth.
Yeah, I mean, I'm not going tolie.
This has happened to me inanother way.
So when we went on leavers, yougo a little bit wild and we
were in the car doing some stuffand my friend kept turning the
(09:40):
volume up in her car and I waslike, oh, it's just too loud in
here, it's too loud.
So I kept turning it down andshe kept turning it up, so I
pulled the knob off the volumeand I put it in my jeans pocket
and I forgot about it, I forgot,I even did it.
And for a year she was using apair of pliers to turn her
volume up.
(10:00):
And one day I put those jeansback on and put my hand in the
pocket and I was like oh no,there's the volume knob and I
gave it back to her as a presentand she's like you, bitch, I
would have hated you.
Speaker 1 (10:14):
I would have been like this dog had my knob the
whole time.
I didn't know I had her knoband she was like.
Speaker 2 (10:21):
You know, I've been using these for a year and I
said, if I would never put thesejeans on, you would have been
using them for the rest of therest of your life also, how
cheap is it to buy a new knob,can you?
Yeah, but we were like 18, oh,we were babies.
So she used pliers for the restof her life, I know.
And she had a car that was sobung and if she's listening
she'll laugh.
She had a like an old 1985suzuki no, not suzuki uh a
(10:45):
barina.
Is it a su Barina?
Speaker 1 (10:47):
Datsun or the door.
Speaker 2 (10:49):
Okay, my dad used to be freaking out when I used to
go with her because one day,like he found her door handle on
the ground, Like.
So we drove off and her doorthe handle off.
Speaker 1 (10:58):
Her door fell off.
Speaker 2 (10:59):
And he's like can you please give this back to your
friend?
I found it on the driveway andI was like oh, my God.
She had the shittiest car thesedays.
That would be yellow stickeryou wouldn't even be allowed to
drive that shit.
What have we got?
Oh, I love this one becauseit's me.
Is this actually you?
No, but it is also me.
Okay, so I'm an adult and Ididn't know that pickles are
(11:22):
pickled cucumbers and not theirown vegetable.
Speaker 1 (11:25):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (11:31):
I think I thought this, but also, but also like
don't cucumbers grow on a tree,like?
So I thought I was likecucumbers, because they're so
tiny.
The pickles are tiny.
I was like, how can that be?
Speaker 1 (11:37):
I thought it was its own breed yeah, well, I'm saying
I thought cucumbers grow on atree and this bish thinks you're
picking cucumbers off the tree.
Speaker 2 (11:45):
No, you're picking cucumbers or picking gherkins.
Speaker 1 (11:47):
No, they're the same in a vine.
They're the same thing.
Speaker 2 (11:50):
Gherkins and cucumbers are the same.
Speaker 1 (11:52):
And pickles, they're all the same.
Why are they called gherkins?
Speaker 2 (11:55):
Yeah, but that's my point.
Speaker 1 (11:56):
Gherkins and pickles are the same as cucumbers, just
the pickled version.
Speaker 2 (12:02):
Yeah, but sometimes on the jars there's like pickled
cucumbers and then some say,gherkins, I need to Google this.
Oh yeah, so I'm not the onlydumb one here.
Speaker 1 (12:09):
Anyways, and why are they so tiny?
Speaker 2 (12:11):
Yeah, well, they don't come off trees, they come
off the ground.
They're like premature.
Speaker 1 (12:14):
You're picking the babies.
Speaker 2 (12:15):
I know no one wants a tiny one.
Nah, I like a big pickle Bigjuicy one.
Speaker 1 (12:22):
Okay, I literally love everything made from
tomatoes, except for I hatetomatoes.
Speaker 2 (12:30):
These are nice and gentle confessions, aren't they?
But what do you mean?
Speaker 1 (12:35):
Tomatoes taste like tomatoes, like she means like
the oval processed stuff.
Like tomato sauce, ketchup,pasta sauce, like the tomato-y
stuff, anything made fromtomatoes.
Pizza-based tomato sauce.
Like anything made fromtomatoes, but she hates tomatoes
.
Speaker 2 (12:50):
She actually hates the tomato.
I suppose they have a littlebit of a different flavour when
they're just a tomato.
Speaker 1 (12:55):
No, it's just mashed With a bit of salt.
Speaker 2 (12:57):
Yeah, I suppose you know, on the radio I actually
heard someone say I don't likepotatoes.
Speaker 1 (13:02):
Nuts.
Speaker 2 (13:02):
And I was like, what the fuck Like how?
Speaker 1 (13:06):
I don't know.
They're the most deliciousthing in the whole world there.
Speaker 2 (13:09):
There is nothing you can't do with the potato.
Straight away on my mind, Iwent I totally went, I went to
the gutter I was like well,there is certain things you
can't do with a potato, butliterally everything else mashed
potato, I know, actually, doyou know what?
Speaker 1 (13:23):
though?
You hate hash browns, which isweird I don't like hash browns.
Speaker 2 (13:26):
They're gross, gross.
She buys me hash browns all thetime.
Speaker 1 (13:28):
They're delicious.
They taste good cold.
Oh yuck no.
Speaker 2 (13:33):
There's texture, it's a texture thing.
There's texture and it likebreaks apart.
Speaker 1 (13:37):
What about potato rosti?
Speaker 2 (13:39):
Yeah, kind of like them.
Speaker 1 (13:40):
It's a different texture.
It's kind of like a hash brown.
No, it's not.
Oh, beg to differ, Yep it'sdifferent, let's agree to
disagree.
Yeah, I know.
Speaker 2 (13:47):
How can't you love mashed potato chips and?
Speaker 1 (13:49):
gravy.
Speaker 2 (13:51):
You've got problems, girl.
Speaker 1 (13:52):
Real problems, okay, oh well, this one's actually my
confession.
So you guys have all probablyseen Scream.
The movie Scream came out whenI was probably 13 or 14.
Don't know.
Anyways, in one of the scenesthey're walking to their car and
they get their ankles slashedlike the person is under the car
(14:15):
.
So any time 6 pm onwards I jumpinto my car.
I don't stand close enough thatI can get my ankles slashed
just in case she literally likehops into her car.
Yeah, like stand close enoughthat I can get my ankle slashed,
just in case she picks her.
She literally like hops intoher car.
Speaker 2 (14:30):
Yeah, like I'm a good meter away, I make sure of it.
I just can't.
And so pre 6pm you get in thecar normal.
Speaker 1 (14:34):
Pre 6pm no worries at all.
No one's going to slash myankles After 6pm, even if it's
545, I'm all right to jump in6.m.
Speaker 2 (14:43):
one wins as soon as the dark falls I'm like I'm
gonna get my ankle slashed.
Speaker 1 (14:47):
I need to jump into my car fucking we're weird.
Speaker 2 (14:50):
Humans are weird, aren't we?
Speaker 1 (14:51):
I don't know why it goes back to that scene, but it
does and that scene liketriggered me.
Speaker 2 (14:54):
I don't know why, but I can tell I'm scared look, we
have to thank you for today'sconfessions.
They were nice, lighthearted.
Look, all we can say is, if youhaven't had sex in six years or
even six months, make sure youdo fandangle yourself.
Like Crystal said, don't callyour boss daddy on the first day
(15:14):
.
No, and honestly, if you'rethat drunk and you're taking
people's doorknobs home, I meanyou probably should have stopped
drinking prior to that.
Speaker 1 (15:23):
Or whatever you took you probably shouldn't have
taken and I hope your teeth areokay and I think you need to
give your friend their doorknobback, I think, like wrap it up
and give it to them in a present.
Speaker 2 (15:34):
But to finish, today, what we were going to do is a.
Would you rather yes, here'sthe question.
Would you rather be cheated on?
Speaker 1 (15:45):
Or be the cheater.
Speaker 2 (15:47):
Be the cheater?
And, more specifically, wouldyou rather be cheated on and not
know about it and just continueliving your happy life, your
oblivion?
What would you rather be?
Speaker 1 (16:02):
I would rather be cheated on, would you?
Yeah, because, first of all, Icould never cheat Like I.
Just it's just not in me.
Speaker 2 (16:10):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (16:11):
I could never, ever cheat, so I would rather be
cheated on, but then I wouldwant to know about it.
Speaker 2 (16:17):
You would want to know, you would rather find out.
Speaker 1 (16:20):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (16:21):
Yeah, I know I can't, I want truth.
I would prefer to live in truthand no, yeah, I would rather
it's a.
It's a real tough one.
I was like I don't want thehurt, I don't want to hurt
somebody else.
Neither but also I was likefuck, like would I rather cheat
(16:41):
than be the one being hurt?
Speaker 1 (16:43):
Like, but I couldn't cheat, but you're also causing
hurt.
Speaker 2 (16:47):
It's so.
Speaker 1 (16:48):
It's a very tricky one.
Speaker 2 (16:49):
It's a tough one.
If I was being cheated on, I100% would prefer to know Same.
Speaker 1 (16:57):
The people that say they don't want to know.
Why don't you want to know?
You're going to be with thatperson and are they going to
continually cheat on you yeah,behind your back, or like I
don't?
I wouldn't want to be touchingthat d after I knew that it had
cheated on me.
Speaker 2 (17:11):
Yeah, I know I'm like where you been?
Why are you juicy?
Why?
Speaker 1 (17:14):
are you juicy?
Probably got an std but that'smy point.
Speaker 2 (17:19):
Some people actually would rather live without
knowing because they just wouldlike.
They don't just would like theydon't want to feel it.
Speaker 1 (17:25):
They don't want to feel the hurt.
Speaker 2 (17:26):
No.
Speaker 1 (17:28):
That gives me the ick .
Speaker 2 (17:28):
So would you rather because in our last confession
we asked the question would youcall your baby a name that your
friend, good friend or familymember or sister called had like
dibs on?
Speaker 1 (17:43):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:45):
It was divided, so 46% said that they wouldn't do
it.
They wouldn't do it.
Speaker 1 (17:51):
But then how many said they would?
Because that seems like a lotmore yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:56):
So people would.
And then we had a few messagessaying first in best dressed
Depends when the baby was born.
So would you rather?
Is our next question.
Would you rather be cheated on?
Speaker 1 (18:08):
or be the cheater and would you rather know?
Speaker 2 (18:12):
would you want to know?
Or?
Speaker 1 (18:13):
would you not want to know if you were?
And if you were, the cheater?
Are you telling them or are youkeeping it to secret?
Speaker 2 (18:19):
yes, if you have cheated, I wonder how many
people have and are taking it tothe grave.
Speaker 1 (18:26):
I would say a lot of people do that you know what
else do you think?
Speaker 2 (18:30):
that people that do cheat and then don't say
anything like regret it yeah,not regret it, but like they
wish that they could get it offtheir chest, like these
confessions probably but, thenthe wish that they could get it
off their chest, like theseconfessions Probably.
But then the ones that tell youso say, your partner tells you
yes, I've cheated on you.
Do you reckon they do it fortheir own guilt?
Speaker 1 (18:51):
Most likely.
Speaker 2 (18:52):
Because I don't think they're telling you for you,
because if you had any respectfor that person, you wouldn't
have done it.
You wouldn't have done it.
You would have said look, I'mnot interested, I'm not feeling
the love anymore.
I'm attracted to other people.
Let's part our ways and givethat person the respect, whereas
when they tell you, I almost Ifeel like it's definitely to get
it off their chest.
Yeah, it's to get it off theirchest.
Speaker 1 (19:12):
Or maybe they regret it and they're feeling guilty
and they actually want you toknow I did this, but I wish I
hadn't have of.
Yeah, the fucking bastardsanyway, would you rather?
Speaker 2 (19:25):
we're gonna pose it.
I'll pop it in the commentsbelow and yeah, let us know.
And remember to send in yourconfessions, because we
absolutely love receiving themyou will always be kept anon.
Speaker 1 (19:37):
We will not tell your name out loud, but we will
definitely tell your story.
Thanks, guys, ciao.
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