December 26, 2024 • 42 mins
Let's Chat! send us a message, question or a confession to unpack!
Have you ever been ghosted? OR are you the ghost?
On this episode of Baring It All, Rose and Chrystal dive into the world of ghosting—from one-night stands to long-term friendships, and everything in between.
We discover that we also are guilty of ghosting people and realise that we probably all have done it too! With plenty of laughs (and a few cringe-worthy stories), we unpack what ghosting really means in today’s world and why it happens.
We share our own experiences—some funny, some a little harder—and explore the reasons behind why people disappear, whether it’s in relationships, friendships, or even the workplace. It’s an honest, no-holds-barred chat about how ghosting makes us feel, when it’s maybe *necessary* for self-care, and why social media has made everything so much more complicated.
Join us for a raw, real, and fun conversation that might just leave you feeling a little less ghosted and a lot more seen.
Connect with Rose and Chrystal on Instagram for more stories and fun mini-weekly catch-ups.
DM the girls, get involved with the conversations, and feel free to ask questions!
@baringitall_thepodcast
Rose Oates
@roseoates_
Chrystal Russell
@chrystalrussell_
And don’t forget to take care of yourself and each other -
With Love Rose & Chrystal x
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
Welcome to Bearing it All with Rose and Crystal.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
Where the conversations get real emotions
run raw and nothing is filtered.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
Buckle up because we're Bearing it All deep,
diving into everything frommotherhood to mental health and
everything in between.
We want to get to know you,each other and our bodies, and
things are going to get spicy.
We're spicy.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
Are you ready for it?
Let's do it.
Speaker 1 (00:35):
Have you ever been ghosted?
Speaker 2 (00:39):
Today's episode we're talking all things.
Speaker 1 (00:41):
Ghosted.
Have you been ghosted or areyou the ghost star, ghostbusters
?
How does that go?
Do you remember the theme songGhostbusters?
That doesn't sound right.
It's fine, ghostbusters.
I'm sure that's not it?
I don't know.
That's us, though, we'reworking out.
Alrighty, this is it Okay.
I've't know.
(01:02):
That's us, though.
We're working out.
All righty, this is it Okay.
I've got to take this sheet offbecause it's 39 degrees here in
Perth today and I'm going toswelter.
All right, let's get it off.
Give us a sec.
Oh shit, I sounded likehyperventilating.
I was like, I don't know, Iwords.
What words?
Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da,da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da,
(01:25):
ghostbusters.
We are the worst at this shit.
Speaker 2 (01:29):
Oh, I don't know man, we just sing whatever we want,
okay.
Speaker 1 (01:32):
So ghosting it's a thing hey.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
It is like the new pandemic of 2024.
Speaker 1 (01:39):
I agree I don't feel like as many people got ghosted
in our era.
How old are we?
Fuck me?
That makes me feel old.
But I swear to God, peoplewould just talk text.
They'd have it out, yeah.
And if you weren't going on adate with somebody, you'd
literally go look, you know, Ithink we're just friends and you
(02:06):
know it would cut you by.
At least you knew why.
I don't think ghosting existed,but these days ghosting is the
new thing.
It is Either you're ghosted ina romantic relationship, dating,
even ghosting in friendships.
Speaker 2 (02:13):
I'm guilty, but there's also ghosting in the
workplace, which I was not awareof.
What, okay, please explain.
So ghosting in the workplace iswhen your co-worker decides one
day they're not going to rockup for work and they're going to
ghost you.
They're not going to reply toany text messages or any calls.
So, whether they've foundanother job or they've just
decided I'm done with this shit,they ghost, ghost their boss,
(02:36):
ghost their co-workers.
I had a conversation todayabout it and apparently it
happens a lot, and they wereeven saying to the point of,
like, going on a lunch break andjust never coming back, going
to the toilet and just nevercoming back, imagine, imagine.
I feel like.
Speaker 1 (02:53):
I would do that.
I could have done that.
I actually probably would have,like, if I had enough and I was
like a big F?
You to my boss, I'd just belike, yeah, just going on lunch,
babe, be back in half an hour.
Yeah, see you.
Speaker 2 (03:04):
So apparently it happens.
Apparently, this is somethingthat is happening like on a
daily basis.
People are just like I've hadenough Not even saying anything.
Hey, just taking my lunch break, but like never a text, never a
resignation.
Speaker 1 (03:15):
Nothing, nothing.
How does that even work?
Speaker 2 (03:18):
Don't know, would you get the annual leave, so then
you're not ghosting them anymore.
Speaker 1 (03:28):
Yeah, that's that I would love to know.
It's interesting.
I would love to know if anyoneout there has actually done it,
please, I think back to my youthand I think about my days in
retail.
Speaker 2 (03:37):
100%.
There was multiple times that Iwould have loved to just left
on my lunch break.
Left on my lunch break, I meanlike see ya bitches.
Speaker 1 (03:44):
Oh, abso-fucking-lutely.
I mean, there's days now I wantto do it.
Speaker 2 (03:49):
I'll tell you what.
When I was 16, I was gettingbullied by my manager.
These days, hr, you would neverbe able to do what she used to
do to me.
I 100% wanted to walk out somany times and I didn't.
I was a smelly teenager, right?
Oh I love.
Now.
I was a smelly teenager, right?
Oh, I love this story, pleasetell.
(04:09):
I was a smelly teenager goingthrough puberty.
I mean, I was 16.
I probably should have beenmore self-aware that I had
armpit odor, but I wasn't aware.
Anyways, she made sure that ata staff meeting, she told the
entire team that I smell andthat I should need to buy some
deodorant because it's affectingthe workplace.
She then proceeded to give me$10 from her wallet to go and
(04:30):
buy said deodorant.
Speaker 1 (04:32):
She shouldn't have said it in front of everybody.
Speaker 2 (04:34):
You would 100% pull them aside and be like hey, babe
, do you want to spritz in myperfume because you're a bit
smelly?
Speaker 1 (04:39):
I just love that she gave you $10 as well.
Speaker 2 (04:40):
She gave me $10 because I had no money, because
16, I was living off paycheck topaycheck.
Jesus, she was like here's 10bucks, go and buy yourself some
impulse, oh shit.
Oh, my God.
Anyways, I 100% wanted to walkout that day, but I needed the
coin, so you know.
Speaker 1 (04:56):
I know we stay, we stay, we're relationship
ghosting.
This happens so often, yeah, sooften, and I'm talking like
it's not necessarily when you'rein a long-term relationship
that I've been hearing.
But my single pringle friendshave been giving me lots of
updates of like a date goingwhat they felt was like amazing,
(05:18):
the most amazing day.
We got along.
We spoke for like three hoursno call, no text, no message.
You know, then they get alittle bit desperado and go oh,
you know what Bucket, I'll sendthe first message and the second
message and the third messageand I'm like stop right now.
And there's nothing.
(05:38):
No closure, no, I think what isso wrong with telling that
person hey, look, had a greatconversation with you, you're
such a great person, like we hadso much fun, but I'm not
feeling the chemistry here.
Leave it at that.
Speaker 2 (05:54):
Don't know.
I think it's like embarrassment.
Or they actually, yeah, likeembarrassed to say, hey, you're
not really like a fit for me, orthey actually don't give a fuck
and they're just like I'm notgonna mess that person back.
Speaker 1 (06:05):
I reckon people give less fucks, less fucks, less
fucks.
But also they're like can Ijust say it like they're just a
bunch of little wimpy weaselslike stand up and tell the truth
.
Grow up like.
Grow up like.
Stop being a little like pussy.
Oh no, pussies are strong, butthe thing is what I find.
Speaker 2 (06:27):
I find disgusting that it's not even just like a
date right, Like they'resleeping with people and they're
getting intimate.
They're humpeter, humpeter,humpeter, humpeter, humpeter,
humpeter.
Then the next day, cold turkey.
Like nothing.
That's cruel.
The next day, cold turkey likenothing.
That's cruel, Deleting them offsocial media, deleting them off
the dating apps?
Speaker 1 (06:47):
Yes that's the thing?
Yeah, that's not there's okay.
There was ghosting like a whileback.
Like you know, people likesleeping together and then never
hearing from them again.
That's a phone call.
Yeah, now they're blocking themoff every social, every
platform.
They're restricting them.
Speaker 2 (07:02):
It feels so much more personal when you're doing that
like if you just gave him acall and said hey babe, like
thanks for the fun time lastnight.
It was really amazing.
But look, today I've woken upand I actually don't think that
the feels are there.
I don't know if that would hurtless than being ignored.
Are you kidding?
What would hurt more that?
Speaker 1 (07:21):
would hurt the next day.
Speaker 2 (07:22):
Yeah, I would rather that than somebody no, block me
and then I not know for months.
Speaker 1 (07:27):
No, no, the next day, that would like, I would feel
sick, maybe not next day.
Speaker 2 (07:31):
I'd feel like I was the worst fucking lay in bed of
all time.
Well, how are you going to feelwhen you see that they've
blocked you off social media?
Speaker 1 (07:37):
Give me a week.
Speaker 2 (07:37):
All right.
Speaker 1 (07:38):
Give me a week.
The next day, hey gone.
Don't think things are workingout babe, shit man, I'm
impatient.
Speaker 2 (07:43):
I want to know like, are we getting married?
I've just had a one-night standwith you, but like, are you
putting a ring on it?
Speaker 1 (07:49):
No, no, but like a one-night stand and get the call
the next day.
Speaker 2 (08:02):
I'd be like oh my God , I must be so shit.
I guess so.
But I'd like'm not sayingthey're going to say, hey,
you're shit in bed.
I'm saying like, maybe, justlike you know.
Speaker 1 (08:09):
As if okay, so you've had a, really like I'm not
talking from life experiencehere.
Speaker 2 (08:15):
No, because I haven't done this.
Speaker 1 (08:17):
If you've had a one night stand.
Okay, I'm going to pretend.
Okay, you had a one-night stand.
Yep, you really like into eachother.
It was like you know, reallygood time.
Well, you think it is.
You think it's a really goodtime.
That night you exchange numbers.
Okay, you know you find eachother on social media.
Yep, you're both on eachother's social media, all right.
Then the next day he or shecalls you or texts you and says
(08:44):
oh, hey, had a really good timelast night.
Don't think things are going towork out?
Yeah, I would rather that youwould not think any further and
go wonder why we've had onenight together.
Speaker 2 (08:55):
I don't know One impression Maybe I had a smelly
vagina.
I don't know.
Maybe you just needed to buysome impulse.
Probably Maybe the pits weresmelly, I don't know.
I would rather know, though.
I don't want to wait a week andbe waiting for text messages
and then be that desperadothat's sending multiple messages
.
Do you know what I mean?
Like I would rather just know.
Yeah, but I think there's anice, and then move on to the
(09:16):
next person.
You know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (09:21):
Yeah, that's so much more personal.
Yeah, you're blocked off everyplatform.
Speaker 2 (09:24):
I think it depends, right, depends on the person,
depends on the situation.
If you're looking for like morethan just like, you know, a
situation, if you're looking formore than that, then of course
it's going to hurt.
But if you're just out there tohave, I'm thinking the next day
to get a- message.
Speaker 1 (09:49):
I probably be like oh , something wasn't right.
I'd like to.
Speaker 2 (09:53):
Maybe it's just an eat like you know, maybe my ego
is too big and maybe I want tothink that I'm good in bed, but
I wouldn't know.
These days I've been with thesame guy for 20 years exactly
and they're probably justtelling us that we are and I
don't I starfish half the timeAssume the position Okay.
So this is happening a lot.
Speaker 1 (10:14):
Do we have an example ?
Speaker 2 (10:18):
Well, it's not with me.
Yes, yes, it did happen with me, with you.
Yeah, before Davin, because,like, let's be honest here, I've
been with him since thedinosaur age.
But when I was about 17, I hadthis crush on this boy my whole
entire primary school.
Right, he was that boy with thelong blonde hair, blue eyes.
(10:40):
He used to like surfy thatdoesn't sound like you at all,
it's not my type now, but backthen, like 12 year old me, I was
like frothing um and had acrush on him the whole of
primary school.
And then he went to a differenthigh school to me.
Anyways, somehow, we went to ahouse party in high school.
Both of us at the same houseparty Ended up going back to his
(11:03):
house, yeah, yeah, anyways.
Next day, hey, how are you?
Nothing, he ghosted, youGhosted me.
I then proceeded to probablysend 365 other text messages.
Speaker 1 (11:18):
That is you.
If anyone was going to beDesperate Text Star, it's you.
Yeah, you do that to me.
I know you do that to everyone.
Yeah, not going to be desperatetext art it's you, you do that
to me, you do that to everyone.
Speaker 2 (11:27):
It's one message and then it's like I write a message
, but then I'm like I'm notfinished, I'll just keep sending
messages.
Speaker 1 (11:31):
You don't finish it in one text message, you write
multiple and you send half asentence.
Speaker 2 (11:36):
Yeah, that's how I write in sentences I'm thinking
there's an emergency bitch.
Speaker 1 (11:39):
What's happening.
I was like, oh.
I was like, oh my God, shewants to know if I want a coffee
and what milk and if I'm comingto the street, yeah, in three
different text messages, sixmaybe.
Speaker 2 (11:50):
Yeah, so you sent.
So anyways, I'm pretty sure Isent like a text message for
every day of the year, over thatweek, maybe over that month.
Speaker 1 (11:57):
Anything back.
Speaker 2 (11:58):
No, nothing.
And come on, did that not?
Yeah, I was a sulking, 16 yearold.
Speaker 1 (12:08):
You were a sulking 16 year old thinking you're a
sulking smelly 16, 16 year old.
Speaker 2 (12:10):
Oh no, oh, it was the pits.
Oh well, it seemed like he hada really good time that night.
I don't know what happenedanyway.
So it's been happening sincesince what?
2016,.
How old was I?
I was 2000.
New, 2000.
Speaker 1 (12:24):
Yeah, it has been happening, but not in the same
capacity.
No, not in the capacity whereyou can block them off every
single social media platform andeverything.
Speaker 2 (12:32):
Yeah, and never tell them yeah, we never had Facebook
then.
Speaker 1 (12:34):
And never tell them a reason why yeah.
Speaker 2 (12:36):
Like I would have just preferred him to be like
hey, you're pizza melt, sorry.
Speaker 1 (12:41):
I had a girlfriend.
I had a girlfriend, I had agirlfriend.
Recently tell me and thishappened girl to girl, so like
friendship-wise, oh right.
Speaker 2 (12:51):
Not girl on girl.
Speaker 1 (12:52):
Not girl on girl, not literal relationship.
Well, that's another story foranother day.
But yeah, femalefriendship-wise one day just
blocked her off social media,restricted her off like, so you
could send?
You can send a comment oninstagram, they can.
You can see that you've sent acomment but nobody else can.
Speaker 2 (13:15):
But you don't know that hold a minute, so wait,
they send you.
Speaker 1 (13:20):
You can be on like a restricted account, like if
you're on instagram, you can berestricted, I think, which means
that you can still put acomment on that person's account
and you can see that you'veleft a comment.
Speaker 2 (13:29):
Yeah, but nobody no other followers can see the
comment.
Wow, you would do that for,like that toxic friend that
writes things that you thinkthat was fucking uncalled for.
Speaker 1 (13:37):
Yeah, but you're not ready to talk about it?
Yeah, talk about it.
Speaker 2 (13:40):
I need to look deeper into this restriction thing.
I need to restrict my mother.
No, I'm joking.
Speaker 1 (13:47):
Not joking.
Love you, rose.
Yeah, so she's been restrictedand then blocked on all the
other platforms.
Why wouldn't you just block herthen, if?
Speaker 2 (13:59):
you've already blocked her on some platforms,
go ahead and block it all.
Speaker 1 (14:02):
But then she did the 365 messages and got like she
was like the desperate boyfriend.
But for her friend she's likehey, do you want to catch up and
go for a walk On that platform?
Speaker 2 (14:14):
Hey do you want to catch up and do this?
Speaker 1 (14:15):
That's me.
I do that to you On Facebook,on Messenger, on her physical
phone number Nothing, nothing,nothing.
All the platforms.
All of a sudden she's told methis story and she is feeling
gutted.
The friend that's been blockedis so gutted she's going through
(14:36):
and overthinking.
She's backtracked months.
What have I done?
What has happened in the lastcouple of weeks?
What could it be like?
Every little transaction thatthey've had?
And she can't put it down toone thing, oh no, and so she was
like, and especially spiraling,spiraling and being so upset
(14:57):
over it, but with no closure.
So I think what people want isclosure.
Yes, yes.
Speaker 2 (15:03):
If you ever I'm just putting this out there right now
what If you ever, ever, ever,ever do that to me, I will hunt
you down.
Oh my God, you know that movieI'll find you.
Speaker 1 (15:20):
Oh my God, I'm not even joking, guys.
Speaker 2 (15:26):
Guys, if you see me on the side of a milk, carton.
Speaker 1 (15:31):
I need you to go straight to Crystal Russell and
she's going to be suspect numberone.
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (15:36):
Craig would know straight away.
Craig would be like, yeah,crystal's kidnapped her.
I'd be like going straight toCrystal.
No, but honestly I feel like ifyou've got such a good
friendship with somebody likeyou, don't do that anyway.
Speaker 1 (15:48):
But that's my point.
So it's about the closure.
She said to me.
She was like I just let her getit off her chest.
I let her go on and on and onabout it.
We had a coffee and you've gotto Sometimes them get it off
their chest and she was like Ithink I'd be okay with it, had I
(16:08):
, if she said something.
You I just am like not vibingwith you or like I don't like
the way I was treated at thatpoint.
Blah, blah, blah and I want tolike let this go.
Still hurts, but at least sheknows.
And she's just not in limboland.
And what have I done?
Speaker 2 (16:20):
for me it's like comes back again to like the
importance of the relationship.
Because how, on what scale ofone to ten, is that relationship
important to you?
Because even if they didsomething to you, you would say,
hey look, I I didn't like this,that you did, and you'd work
through it.
You wouldn't just go straightto like block bam, boom, would
you?
Speaker 1 (16:40):
it's it is.
It was so weird.
Even I found it really strangebecause I know both parties and
I was like what is going on.
But also, yeah, it is about Ithink as well some people get to
the point the straw that brokethe camel's back.
Speaker 2 (16:55):
In long-term relationships.
Yeah, so it comes down to likedid you want to save that
relationship?
In this case, obviously thatfriend did not want to save it.
They didn't want to save thatrelationship.
Speaker 1 (17:08):
In this case, obviously that friend did not
want to save it.
Speaker 2 (17:10):
They didn't want to save it, but they also don't
want to.
She took the life raft, shepulled it all the way back in.
She's like you can drown.
That's what happened in thatthat scenario.
But I did it.
Speaker 1 (17:15):
I've done it too.
I'm actually a real now thatI'm saying it out loud about
closure.
I'm like, I'm a.
I'm a ghoster I'm a ghoster.
Speaker 2 (17:25):
I'm a real bad ghoster.
I don't do it off.
I've done it like oh no, theghost is out.
Rose is a ghoster, I'm aghoster.
Speaker 1 (17:37):
Um, okay, tell me your scenario no, I, I just am
because, oh, you haven't grossedme yet.
Speaker 2 (17:43):
So that's a good thing?
Speaker 1 (17:44):
No, okay, I think for me is it not yet, baby, no, I,
I'm going to end up dead in thebackyard.
No, I think for me it is withlong-term stuff, like long-term
relationships and things likethat.
When I've had enough.
So I'm a fighter, I will fightfor you, yeah you're a lover
(18:06):
You're like if.
I love you.
I'm going to fight to the death, Dear God, like, okay, this is
not like a one-night-standsituation, ghosting because that
I could not care less.
But if I'm in a long-termrelationship and obviously I've
been with Craig forever okay,but if I'm in a long-term, beat,
(18:26):
like you know, friendshiprelationship, I will.
I put all my eggs, my hearts onmy sleeve.
I love you, like, and I willfight for you.
I will have the arguments, Iwill have it out with you.
I will apologize.
I have no problems apologizing.
But when I've had enough, yeah,you're done, I.
And I will like, weirdly, likeI will back out slowly too, and
(18:47):
I don't even think at first, Idon't even realize I'm doing it,
I will just pull away.
Do you want to come out?
Oh, no, I can't make it to thatthing.
So I'll realize in myself thatthat's not important to me
anymore.
Oh, let's catch up for coffee.
And the coffee never comes, butit's because I, I, I say that I
don't know why, but then Irealize, like, I don't find that
as an as an important thing tome.
Speaker 2 (19:09):
So then I'm not a priority anymore because it's
not a priority.
Speaker 1 (19:12):
I then go, I start seeing it and I go oh, you don't
care about catching up forcoffee with her anymore because
you are done.
And then I slowly, slowly,slowly, I'm just done away, and
then I am the person that hasn'tgiven the explanation or the
closure.
But then, in my defense, if theother party does not come and
(19:33):
ask me for they also don't care,then they either don't care
enough or bitch, if you startedpulling away from me, I would
then send you 365 text messagesin one day.
And then, to be honest with you,I probably would message you
back.
I struggle with that.
Speaker 2 (19:48):
See, that's a boundary thing.
Yeah, I don't care.
Though If you don't write backto me, I'm like, yeah, it's
because I've been too obsessivetoday.
Speaker 1 (19:55):
Yeah, it's also because I never have my phone
with me on me.
I lose it 20 times a day.
But yeah, I can be a ghost starbecause I don't really love
confrontation.
I am a recovering peoplepleaser, like I hate.
I actually do hate hurtingpeople's feelings and I like
people to like me, but I'mlearning not to do that so,
(20:15):
which means balling up, notbeing a pussy wimp and going
look, you're a fucking like, nota good person, or this happened
, that happened, and just havingit out and giving that person
closure.
Do you know what I feel?
Speaker 2 (20:27):
like it is too, though.
Like we're heading into 40, thebig 4-0, and I feel like we've
got less time in our lives fornonsense.
Like that's how I feel For me.
I would rather spend three daysa week with you than spend one
one day a week.
Different days with differentpeople.
That, like, didn't really meananything to me.
Yeah, that don't fit.
(20:47):
That don't.
Yeah, is that a good way toexplain it?
I don't know.
Like I would rather spendgenuine time with the people I
have a connection with, that Ifeel they also care about me I'm
not for fake relationshipsanymore.
Speaker 1 (20:59):
No, I don't.
I think in your 20s likefriendships and relationships
and having, like you, hold on tothat boyfriend for dear life.
Speaker 2 (21:06):
It's so important and also how many like Facebook
friends you're so obsessed with.
You're like, I've got like 566.
Speaker 1 (21:13):
Facebook friends.
You want to go out, you want tohave a massive group of friends
.
Speaker 2 (21:18):
Now I'm like I couldn't care less if I got five
Facebook friends.
Speaker 1 (21:21):
I love having friends and sexual relationships, every
relationship.
They take work.
I don't have the fucking timeand the energy for the ones that
I've got sometimes, let alonehaving a massive circle where
you have to spread yourself thinand not give the best of
yourself to those people.
But could that be the key towhy this generation is ghosting
(21:44):
so often?
Speaker 2 (21:46):
Did we just come up with the whole entire reason?
Dun dun Dun Ghostbusters, thatwas a myth buster.
Speaker 1 (21:52):
It was a myth buster.
It was a myth, ghost buster, weghost myth.
I don't know the buster, Idon't know.
We busted the ghost myth Anyway, but yeah, it could be the
reason why that is it Becausethey have been taught better
boundaries, I hope, and to giveless fucks and not to waste so
much time on relationships andpeople that aren't a priority in
(22:17):
their lives.
Speaker 2 (22:17):
Listen here, we don't need no PhDs.
We know how to bust myths.
We don't need people.
Jesus, give us a myth, give usa PhD in bloody ghost myth
busting.
Yes, that's a tongue twister.
I was like did I get that right?
So true, so true.
Speaker 1 (22:39):
So where are we at on this, like when is it wrong?
Speaker 2 (22:45):
to ghost, oh Lord, no , because now I don't know.
Speaker 1 (22:48):
Now I see the benefit in it, because you've ghosted
too.
Speaker 2 (22:53):
What?
Well, listen here, right, thisstory is heavy.
She's probably going to hear it.
Name starts with a C Also me.
She was a long-term friend ofmine.
Okay, bob's going to hear it.
Name starts with a C Also me.
She was a long-term friend ofmine, okay, 18, 19 years of
friendship, quite deep, workedtogether, very, very close
(23:16):
relationship.
Over the years she did a fewthings that were a bit like
strange, like questionable, veryquestionable, and then, like
friends of mine in our circlewould be like it's a bit odd,
the things that she does.
I was like, oh, yeah, I guessso.
Then, after my dad's death, Ihit like rock bottom, yeah,
(23:38):
depression, suicidal, like fullrock bottom.
And I woke up to this personLike I was like the things that
she was doing, everythingtriggered me, yep, and I don't
know if it was just dad's death,that like I had this like
realization, but everything shesaid to me was triggering me,
(24:00):
yep, everything that came out ofher mouth like made me be like
wow, you know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (24:05):
like was it actually?
Was it already her, though?
And then was she always likethat, or I think after big, huge
life events like death, umtrauma I've had, like you know,
I've been through that shitmyself you really look at the
world.
It's like you wait.
It's honestly, it sounds socliche.
You wake up and you see theworld a little different and you
(24:28):
feel differently about life andyour life going forward.
Do you know what's?
Speaker 2 (24:33):
so weird, though.
What so after dad's death?
The amount of people that havetold me that dad's death humbled
me?
Humbled you, yeah, like I thinkHumbled me.
Humbled you, yeah, like I thinkI was a stuck-up fucking snob
before.
Speaker 1 (24:45):
But were you.
I think I was Like you werewalking on sunshine.
Nothing can get me down.
Speaker 2 (24:50):
basically, I thought I was the hottest shit that ever
came out of my asshole.
I'm not even joking, you Like.
I don't remember being likethat.
But then when I look back atlike things I'd written on
Facebook or just like the way Iacted on Facebook, like all my
Instagram posts, it's so cringy.
We all cringe back.
But then dad's death I was likeI don't know, something was
(25:12):
just like that's not real, likeI want to be real.
Speaker 1 (25:15):
Yep, I think as well, with your dad particularly.
He really did lead very wild.
He was really just who he was.
He was very authentic inhimself.
Speaker 2 (25:26):
He was bearing it all .
He was unfiltered.
He talked about taboo topics.
He was real.
Speaker 1 (25:32):
He was raw and real and he actually gave zero fucks
about being himself, whether ornot that made someone
uncomfortable or not.
Speaker 2 (25:40):
Do you know what I mean.
So maybe when he passed away, abit of him went inside me.
I don't know maybe, maybethat's what, like everyone says,
you're so different after yourdad's death?
Speaker 1 (25:49):
I'm like oh well, it does change you, yeah, and so
then, what made you let thisparticular friendship go right?
Speaker 2 (25:54):
yeah, we did digress just like um every text message,
every phone call.
She would not even respect thatI needed time to heal.
She was at me 24-7.
And I was so polite about it.
I was just like, hey, I'mhaving a really crap day today.
I just want to like, I justneed to be left alone?
Speaker 1 (26:12):
Was she demanding like stuff from you?
She rocked up at my house.
Speaker 2 (26:14):
For friendship.
Yeah, like she rocked up at myhouse and Davin was like hey,
like she's having a nap.
She busted the front door opento come into my bedroom while I
was asleep to be like you've notbeen text messaging me back and
blah, blah.
I'm like my dad just committedsuicide a week ago.
Like do you understand that?
Do you understand?
She made it about her friendship, everything was about her.
(26:37):
Like she called me one morningand was like oh, my god, my God,
I just had, like this reallybad dream about your dad.
And like he was in the fire andhe was screaming and like I'm
like, I'm like, babe, I'm havingnightmares.
Still, this is so triggeringand traumatic for me that you're
now making it about you andyou're crying because you had a
dream about this.
(26:57):
Okay, you had the dream.
Don't call me and tell me yeah,yeah, like just things that she
, it was like she didn't think,it was like she did not think.
And then I kept telling her hey, I need some space.
Like lately you've beentriggering me, yes, yeah, and it
got to the point where I juststopped replying to messages.
I just hadn't.
I just got to the point of like, no, I actually don't want to
(27:20):
do this anymore.
You are actually impacting mymental health yes, you.
Speaker 1 (27:24):
Yes, but you did give her a chance you have given.
You told her time and time andthen you were like full ghost
mode.
Speaker 2 (27:30):
Yeah, full ghost mode , and that's the only thing that
worked essentially.
She's still like.
I just got a text for mybirthday a couple of weeks ago
from her.
She still messages me and Ilove that about her.
I do like she has not given up.
It's been almost three yearsand she will still send me a
message on my kid's birthday, onmy dad's death anniversary,
like any of the milestones.
She still messages me and for awhile there I would write back
(27:51):
thank you.
But I'm just now like I don'twant to give her any hope
because, like as much as Iappreciate those 18, 19 years
friendship she was a bridesmaidfor me Like I just don't want
that anymore.
Speaker 1 (28:04):
Oh yeah, that's deep.
I love that and that's I thinkwe've.
I've talked about this for thelast couple of weeks as in I
don't want to see you not besuccessful.
I don't want to see you not eat, but not at my table.
Yeah, that's exactly what it is.
Yep, so the ghosting see thisis a thing as well, like
ghosting can be helpful, can bebeneficial for you, because it's
(28:27):
not like I didn't tell her,right.
Speaker 2 (28:28):
I said yes, I said like I need a break, like you're
doing this to me, yeah, andthen I slowly, slowly, you just
backed out.
Speaker 1 (28:35):
Yeah, see, that's where I'm torn now.
I'm like there is benefits toit as well, as like, yes, you
can get hurt on the other sideof it, but sometimes it's
necessary.
Speaker 2 (28:44):
So maybe lay down a little bit of like hey, I need
to take a break from you, yeahand then yeah.
Speaker 1 (28:50):
I think in long-term relationships and friendships
they deserve that.
They deserve a little bit oflike something, something a
little seed of hey.
This is how I felt about thissituation and maybe being
upfront and honest, and I thinkthat's why, like, you're never
going to bury me in the backyard, because I'm not going to ghost
you, because we will just talkit out.
Speaker 2 (29:11):
We'll fight it out Like we're friends, until we're
60.
We discuss this.
Speaker 1 (29:14):
Like I'm going to be.
Speaker 2 (29:15):
I can't even cut your chin hairs anymore, cause
you're getting laser.
Speaker 1 (29:25):
What?
Am I going to even cut yourchin hairs anymore because
you're getting laser, gettinglaser.
What am I gonna do?
We're gonna leave maria justfor shits and giggles, are you
actually?
Yeah, well, she's like.
Well, really like they don'tknow how much growth will
actually come down.
There'll always be one or two,all right.
Well, I'll be pulling out mariauntil we're 90 right when craig
and david are long gone,because, no doubt, we'll like
women live longer, or do menwomen?
women.
I think women statisticallylive.
Women statistically live longer.
So I'll be like you know, I'llbe so sad to lose Craig and I'll
be so sad when you lose Davin,but it's you know.
(29:46):
Then we go into our littleretirement village and live our
best lives.
Yeah, I'll be waking up next toyou and going who are you?
I'll be like why didn't shecall me?
And the day she doesn't callI'll be like fuck, you'll forget
that I sent the messagesbecause you'll have dementia.
Speaker 2 (30:06):
Oh, that's probably right.
Yeah, it's fine, like God, okay, well, look, I think there is
definitely benefits to ghosting.
Yes, and if you're going to bethat person that's going to meet
up and have a wham bam.
Thank you, ma'am.
Be honest up front and be likehey, look, I'm here for a good
time, not a long time.
Yes, say that up front becausethen if they go to the next day,
(30:27):
you're not all that's likeworried because they told you
I'm here for a good time, not along time I think, be up front.
Speaker 1 (30:32):
I think, if you're going to do it in short-term
relationships, one night stands,all of that sort of thing Be
upfront and honest.
Oh God, I was going to tell youanother ghosting story.
I'm waiting for it.
Which one is it?
It's juicy.
Speaker 2 (30:47):
What?
But I'm also going to getmyself into so much trouble.
It's okay, I'll go there forthe content.
Speaker 1 (30:55):
I know what it is it's evil.
It's so evil.
Can we just just like not talkabout the person's name?
Speaker 2 (31:00):
oh, let's just not okay.
You're in a marriedrelationship, right?
You've been married for a longtime.
I don't know how many years I'mputting myself in.
You got two grown adultchildren.
Everything is a bit bumpy, alittle bit bumpy, but like, your
kids are fairly unaware of thebumpiness, yes, one day you
(31:24):
decide I'm going to have sexwith my husband in the morning
and when he goes to work I'mgoing to pack the entire house
and move out, change my phonenumber, change my address, even
not give your said daughterphone number or address and
disappear.
Speaker 1 (31:45):
I mean when we say disappear.
Oh, disappear, as in like Toanother house.
Yeah, another person's house,another person's house.
Another said male's house, nofemale.
Speaker 2 (31:57):
So resorted to a friend's house.
This was planned right, becausehow do you just go and move
into somebody's house Like youplanned it?
You planned that removalisttask.
You had sex in the morning, hadsex in the morning like
everything was okay.
Speaker 1 (32:09):
Yeah, but that was like throwing them off.
If you have a sex with them inthe morning, you've thrown them
off the scent that everything'sfine.
So when they come home, what doyou mean?
To an empty house?
How empty, like a lot of stuffgone.
Speaker 2 (32:22):
Like furniture, yeah, like cabinets.
I think too, like, yeah, thisis the ultimate ghost, full-on
ghost.
And then I'm having to explainto that person why somebody did
said ghosting, yeah, awful,awful, awful, awful.
That, my, my friends, youshould never, ever do.
(32:43):
If you're in a long-termrelationship, give the person
fucking five minutes and say,hey, not into it anymore, just
letting you know I'm actuallyleaving.
I, I think so.
I mean, I think a further, youknow, hour or two conversation
is probably needed.
But if you can't be botheredand you're thinking about just
(33:04):
doing the dash, just tell themjust tell them, or a quick, even
a text message, but an email Idon't know.
Speaker 1 (33:10):
I know whatever it means, whatever floats your boat
, but just don't do that.
Speaker 2 (33:15):
Oh, that is evil kenevil yeah, it is evil.
Speaker 1 (33:18):
That is that's planned.
The sex in the morning, that'swhat got me.
Speaker 2 (33:24):
That's the part that shook me.
Yeah, I was shooketh, that'swhat.
Speaker 1 (33:29):
Don't do that shit If you're leaving somebody because
one, you don't love them.
Speaker 2 (33:32):
Two, you don't want to be in a relationship with
them anymore and you're planningon moving the fucking house out
.
Don't have sex with them.
Speaker 1 (33:40):
That was planned so that it was going to like Be
okay, they're going to not eventhey're going to go to work just
go and not think about anythingelse.
You've got to think, thoughthis person was also smart If
they would have had a massivefight in the morning about I'm
leaving, and this person doesn'tgo to work or doesn't, or calls
and thinks about it all daythen I'm going to say again
(34:02):
though it depends on thesituation Like, if you're in a
DV relationship, 100%, run forthe fucking hills.
Speaker 2 (34:07):
I wouldn't even say anything, Get the removal truck,
but you're not going to behaving sex with them.
Speaker 1 (34:12):
Ghost the fuck out of those.
Again, there's a time and aplace Girls busters, no, there's
definitely a time and a placeto ghost those sort of
situations, shitty relationships.
But I think, yeah, yes, there's.
Speaker 2 (34:25):
But even if you're in a like, again say this was a
situation where it's a shittyrelationship.
Yeah, Maybe one feels moreshittier than the other.
Still give them the time of day.
Yeah, Imagine that little heartcoming home.
Speaker 1 (34:44):
Yeah, but you know why it's more broken?
Because they thought everythingwas good in the morning.
Speaker 2 (34:46):
Because they had a fun time.
Yeah, they got some sexy time.
Speaker 1 (34:50):
But it's the whole reason why it was done, so that
they could move the furnitureout without any interruption.
Speaker 2 (34:55):
This doesn't sit well with me yeah, okay, I just
would never do it.
Even if I hated your, I justwouldn't do it.
Speaker 1 (35:03):
Yeah, no, no, I wouldn't.
That takes ghosting to the nextlevel.
Okay, I think the jury's outhere, like I think there's pros
and cons to ghosting someone, soyeah.
Speaker 2 (35:15):
I think.
So what are we saying?
Are we saying that ghosting isokay?
Speaker 1 (35:18):
Here, I was thinking it wasn't okay.
Oh, producer question.
We've got producer Paulie.
We love this.
I'm just on the ghostingespecially.
Okay, how do you find out ifyou're being ghosted and what?
Speaker 2 (35:31):
to do.
Well, I feel like it's obvious,is it not?
Like if you're being ghosted?
Well, like in your situation,if you're friends with somebody
and you're noticing that they'reone not coming to coffee
anymore, they're not going for ajog anymore and they're not
answering your phone callsanymore, you're probably being
ghosted.
Speaker 1 (35:44):
Yes, I think as well you've got to say give the text
message, not 365, don't gostalker level text messaging,
but send a message.
Hey, look, I say you send onegood text message, you go?
Hey, haven't heard from you fora couple of weeks.
I have asked you to go tocoffee.
(36:06):
I've not seen you out for a jog.
We haven't done all the thingsthat we usually do.
What's going on?
Is anything up?
Is anything that I have done?
If they don't respond to thatand they say we have that little
thing on our phone that saysseen, respond to that.
And these days we have thatlittle thing on our phone that
says seen.
If they've seen it and thenignored it for the next couple
(36:27):
of weeks, you're being ghosted.
Okay, there's a second question.
Oh, top moments from.
Oh, what was that?
Yeah, top moments from 2024,recording a podcast.
Speaker 2 (36:38):
Oh oh, what are our top moments?
Let's go back to that question.
Actually, you will come back topodcast.
Oh oh, what are our top moments?
Let's go back to that question.
Actually, we'll come back tothat.
Okay, I've got a scenario Ineed your advice on it.
Yep had a fight with somebody.
Yes, the fight was they did thedirty on me.
Yes, but apparently I did thedirty on them.
So there's a bit of amiscommunication on who did the
(36:59):
dirty on who.
Yeah, I have tried multipletimes.
Even though I put my hands up,I was not in the wrong.
Okay, I plead innocent.
I plead innocent.
You can say that I'm guilty,but I know that I'm not, and I'm
sure you're saying the samething, but I've reached out
(37:20):
multiple times and no response.
So now I'm just like waving itright.
Is that true what I should justdo?
Just leave it.
Yeah, done, it's been eight,nine months.
Speaker 1 (37:28):
Oh, gone, done, we're done.
Speaker 2 (37:29):
I'm saying see you later to it.
Speaker 1 (37:30):
See you later, mate, Like.
Catch you later.
Ghost away Makes me a bit sadonto that a little bit of like.
Speaker 2 (37:37):
Are we going to talk again?
But I think if they've notgiven me the time of day, I'll
need to let it go.
Speaker 1 (37:44):
You need to let it go because really it becomes about
.
This is what I said to mygirlfriend.
Sometimes it actually isn't you, it is them, because they might
actually go look, I'm done here, whether it be a boyfriend,
girlfriend or you knowfriendship or cousin.
They might be like I'm donehere, but it's about their own
(38:07):
personal boundaries, what theyare willing to put up with, like
with me.
I had to set a boundary with myfriend that I've now ghosted
and I've gone.
You know what I cannot do thisanymore and I've gone.
You know what I cannot do thisanymore.
Like I have to understand myworth enough to know that what
it's just too much for me tohandle anymore.
(38:29):
Like it's not worth puttingyourself through stress.
And do you really want to bearound people that don't want to
be around you?
No, and sometimes they might begoing through a healing journey
, they might be discoveringthemselves.
They might go.
You know what?
I wasn't my most authentic self, so, like the way that I've
(38:51):
been presenting to everybodyisn't who I really am and the
friends that I've been hangingaround with because of that
aren't like me anymore or I'veoutgrown them.
Yeah, you know, like you go.
You have school friends and youlove them to death and you love
the friendship and you loveyour history, but you're just
not the same anymore.
No, yeah, I get it and then backin the day you would just drift
(39:12):
apart.
But with social media, withInstagram, with TikTok, we are
so connected to people that wewould have never fucking held on
to in our life.
Yeah, that's so true OnFacebook.
I've got friends that I've, andI still love hearing from them
from time to time.
Don't get me wrong.
Like I love seeing that they'vegone to Europe or they got
married.
It was really cool to see thoselittle life moments.
Speaker 2 (39:35):
But we would have never fucking seen each other
again if it wasn't for socialmedia, Even now you would
probably still never catch upwith them, but it's like you
just keep that contact right.
Speaker 1 (39:41):
Yeah, there's contact I've got multiple thousands
probably.
Yeah, there's so many contacts,but do we need to know about
all these people?
And sometimes I think that'swhat happens.
You hold on to these peoplethrough history.
Speaker 2 (39:53):
I've got an idea what 2025,.
Let's do a Facebook cull.
Speaker 1 (39:58):
And an Instagram cull .
Speaker 2 (40:01):
Instagram.
I don't really care about.
Facebook I feel like they'reyour friends.
They're your Facebook friends.
If you cull.
Facebook it is quite deep.
Instagram it's kind of like asocial platform I'll follow you,
you'll follow me, kind of thing.
If I get rid of you, feelingsnot hurt.
Facebook's a bit different.
Speaker 1 (40:18):
I feel Facebook's very personal.
You can have people followingyou and you follow people on
instagram, but on facebook youdon't accept all the invitations
.
And then you have people thatyou've been you've been friends
with on facebook since 2008,when it first came out.
Speaker 2 (40:35):
Is that when it first came out?
Pretty sure, 2006?
Speaker 1 (40:37):
something like that.
Oh yeah, I think I got, oh God,the horrendous status updates.
Anyway, we do digress, but onthe ghosting front, I think
we're going to leave it here.
I think we have to leave itopen that sometimes it's very
much warranted and sometimes, Ithink, give the person closure.
Closure scenarios, I think, arelong-term relationships, really
(40:59):
long friendships, and your boss, for fuck's sake, if I could
just tell your boss you knowwhat, if anything, just go to
your boss and go fuck youbitches.
I'm out of here, I quit, I'mleaving, go eat some dick.
And you know what?
Here's my resignation.
Speaker 2 (41:17):
Right, and if you don't want to give two weeks
notice that's also fine.
Speaker 1 (41:22):
But you've said you're quitting.
So I mean you said you quittedbefore you got fired, so then
you can just go for gold.
Oh, it's so satisfying.
Speaker 2 (41:28):
Why do you wish we could quit one day and just see
the mess we could make?
Speaker 1 (41:31):
oh, you know how many times I've thought about like
going out in a burning.
Is it burning ring of fire?
No, oh, burning ring of fire,burn.
Speaker 2 (41:41):
Burn the ring of fire .
Speaker 1 (41:44):
I'm pretty sure it's not that, but you just want to
go out in flames.
Speaker 2 (41:46):
That was my dad's favorite song.
How he's probably in here rightnow.
Oh, he's probably fuckinginside my body.
Right, he's in your BurningRing of Fire.
Speaker 1 (41:59):
Anyway, all right, guys, that's it on us.
Like I know that we just Idon't know how we I don't.
I think we were coming on hereto be like you know, ghosting's
wrong, ghosting is wrong.
And now we're like maybe it'snot, so we'll leave it at that.
You give us your thoughts, um,and we'll see you next time.
On bearing it all, alwaysremember to take care of
yourselves and each other.
Bye.
Welcome to Bearing it All with Rose and Crystal.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
Where the conversations get real emotions
run raw and nothing is filtered.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
Buckle up because we're Bearing it All deep,
diving into everything frommotherhood to mental health and
everything in between.
We want to get to know you,each other and our bodies, and
things are going to get spicy.
We're spicy.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
Are you ready for it?
Let's do it.
Speaker 1 (00:35):
Have you ever been ghosted?
Speaker 2 (00:39):
Today's episode we're talking all things.
Speaker 1 (00:41):
Ghosted.
Have you been ghosted or areyou the ghost star, ghostbusters
?
How does that go?
Do you remember the theme songGhostbusters?
That doesn't sound right.
It's fine, ghostbusters.
I'm sure that's not it?
I don't know.
That's us, though, we'reworking out.
Alrighty, this is it Okay.
I've't know.
(01:02):
That's us, though.
We're working out.
All righty, this is it Okay.
I've got to take this sheet offbecause it's 39 degrees here in
Perth today and I'm going toswelter.
All right, let's get it off.
Give us a sec.
Oh shit, I sounded likehyperventilating.
I was like, I don't know, Iwords.
What words?
Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da,da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da,
(01:25):
ghostbusters.
We are the worst at this shit.
Speaker 2 (01:29):
Oh, I don't know man, we just sing whatever we want,
okay.
Speaker 1 (01:32):
So ghosting it's a thing hey.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
It is like the new pandemic of 2024.
Speaker 1 (01:39):
I agree I don't feel like as many people got ghosted
in our era.
How old are we?
Fuck me?
That makes me feel old.
But I swear to God, peoplewould just talk text.
They'd have it out, yeah.
And if you weren't going on adate with somebody, you'd
literally go look, you know, Ithink we're just friends and you
(02:06):
know it would cut you by.
At least you knew why.
I don't think ghosting existed,but these days ghosting is the
new thing.
It is Either you're ghosted ina romantic relationship, dating,
even ghosting in friendships.
Speaker 2 (02:13):
I'm guilty, but there's also ghosting in the
workplace, which I was not awareof.
What, okay, please explain.
So ghosting in the workplace iswhen your co-worker decides one
day they're not going to rockup for work and they're going to
ghost you.
They're not going to reply toany text messages or any calls.
So, whether they've foundanother job or they've just
decided I'm done with this shit,they ghost, ghost their boss,
(02:36):
ghost their co-workers.
I had a conversation todayabout it and apparently it
happens a lot, and they wereeven saying to the point of,
like, going on a lunch break andjust never coming back, going
to the toilet and just nevercoming back, imagine, imagine.
I feel like.
Speaker 1 (02:53):
I would do that.
I could have done that.
I actually probably would have,like, if I had enough and I was
like a big F?
You to my boss, I'd just belike, yeah, just going on lunch,
babe, be back in half an hour.
Yeah, see you.
Speaker 2 (03:04):
So apparently it happens.
Apparently, this is somethingthat is happening like on a
daily basis.
People are just like I've hadenough Not even saying anything.
Hey, just taking my lunch break, but like never a text, never a
resignation.
Speaker 1 (03:15):
Nothing, nothing.
How does that even work?
Speaker 2 (03:18):
Don't know, would you get the annual leave, so then
you're not ghosting them anymore.
Speaker 1 (03:28):
Yeah, that's that I would love to know.
It's interesting.
I would love to know if anyoneout there has actually done it,
please, I think back to my youthand I think about my days in
retail.
Speaker 2 (03:37):
100%.
There was multiple times that Iwould have loved to just left
on my lunch break.
Left on my lunch break, I meanlike see ya bitches.
Speaker 1 (03:44):
Oh, abso-fucking-lutely.
I mean, there's days now I wantto do it.
Speaker 2 (03:49):
I'll tell you what.
When I was 16, I was gettingbullied by my manager.
These days, hr, you would neverbe able to do what she used to
do to me.
I 100% wanted to walk out somany times and I didn't.
I was a smelly teenager, right?
Oh I love.
Now.
I was a smelly teenager, right?
Oh, I love this story, pleasetell.
(04:09):
I was a smelly teenager goingthrough puberty.
I mean, I was 16.
I probably should have beenmore self-aware that I had
armpit odor, but I wasn't aware.
Anyways, she made sure that ata staff meeting, she told the
entire team that I smell andthat I should need to buy some
deodorant because it's affectingthe workplace.
She then proceeded to give me$10 from her wallet to go and
(04:30):
buy said deodorant.
Speaker 1 (04:32):
She shouldn't have said it in front of everybody.
Speaker 2 (04:34):
You would 100% pull them aside and be like hey, babe
, do you want to spritz in myperfume because you're a bit
smelly?
Speaker 1 (04:39):
I just love that she gave you $10 as well.
Speaker 2 (04:40):
She gave me $10 because I had no money, because
16, I was living off paycheck topaycheck.
Jesus, she was like here's 10bucks, go and buy yourself some
impulse, oh shit.
Oh, my God.
Anyways, I 100% wanted to walkout that day, but I needed the
coin, so you know.
Speaker 1 (04:56):
I know we stay, we stay, we're relationship
ghosting.
This happens so often, yeah, sooften, and I'm talking like
it's not necessarily when you'rein a long-term relationship
that I've been hearing.
But my single pringle friendshave been giving me lots of
updates of like a date goingwhat they felt was like amazing,
(05:18):
the most amazing day.
We got along.
We spoke for like three hoursno call, no text, no message.
You know, then they get alittle bit desperado and go oh,
you know what Bucket, I'll sendthe first message and the second
message and the third messageand I'm like stop right now.
And there's nothing.
(05:38):
No closure, no, I think what isso wrong with telling that
person hey, look, had a greatconversation with you, you're
such a great person, like we hadso much fun, but I'm not
feeling the chemistry here.
Leave it at that.
Speaker 2 (05:54):
Don't know.
I think it's like embarrassment.
Or they actually, yeah, likeembarrassed to say, hey, you're
not really like a fit for me, orthey actually don't give a fuck
and they're just like I'm notgonna mess that person back.
Speaker 1 (06:05):
I reckon people give less fucks, less fucks, less
fucks.
But also they're like can Ijust say it like they're just a
bunch of little wimpy weaselslike stand up and tell the truth
.
Grow up like.
Grow up like.
Stop being a little like pussy.
Oh no, pussies are strong, butthe thing is what I find.
Speaker 2 (06:27):
I find disgusting that it's not even just like a
date right, Like they'resleeping with people and they're
getting intimate.
They're humpeter, humpeter,humpeter, humpeter, humpeter,
humpeter.
Then the next day, cold turkey.
Like nothing.
That's cruel.
The next day, cold turkey likenothing.
That's cruel, Deleting them offsocial media, deleting them off
the dating apps?
Speaker 1 (06:47):
Yes that's the thing?
Yeah, that's not there's okay.
There was ghosting like a whileback.
Like you know, people likesleeping together and then never
hearing from them again.
That's a phone call.
Yeah, now they're blocking themoff every social, every
platform.
They're restricting them.
Speaker 2 (07:02):
It feels so much more personal when you're doing that
like if you just gave him acall and said hey babe, like
thanks for the fun time lastnight.
It was really amazing.
But look, today I've woken upand I actually don't think that
the feels are there.
I don't know if that would hurtless than being ignored.
Are you kidding?
What would hurt more that?
Speaker 1 (07:21):
would hurt the next day.
Speaker 2 (07:22):
Yeah, I would rather that than somebody no, block me
and then I not know for months.
Speaker 1 (07:27):
No, no, the next day, that would like, I would feel
sick, maybe not next day.
Speaker 2 (07:31):
I'd feel like I was the worst fucking lay in bed of
all time.
Well, how are you going to feelwhen you see that they've
blocked you off social media?
Speaker 1 (07:37):
Give me a week.
Speaker 2 (07:37):
All right.
Speaker 1 (07:38):
Give me a week.
The next day, hey gone.
Don't think things are workingout babe, shit man, I'm
impatient.
Speaker 2 (07:43):
I want to know like, are we getting married?
I've just had a one-night standwith you, but like, are you
putting a ring on it?
Speaker 1 (07:49):
No, no, but like a one-night stand and get the call
the next day.
Speaker 2 (08:02):
I'd be like oh my God , I must be so shit.
I guess so.
But I'd like'm not sayingthey're going to say, hey,
you're shit in bed.
I'm saying like, maybe, justlike you know.
Speaker 1 (08:09):
As if okay, so you've had a, really like I'm not
talking from life experiencehere.
Speaker 2 (08:15):
No, because I haven't done this.
Speaker 1 (08:17):
If you've had a one night stand.
Okay, I'm going to pretend.
Okay, you had a one-night stand.
Yep, you really like into eachother.
It was like you know, reallygood time.
Well, you think it is.
You think it's a really goodtime.
That night you exchange numbers.
Okay, you know you find eachother on social media.
Yep, you're both on eachother's social media, all right.
Then the next day he or shecalls you or texts you and says
(08:44):
oh, hey, had a really good timelast night.
Don't think things are going towork out?
Yeah, I would rather that youwould not think any further and
go wonder why we've had onenight together.
Speaker 2 (08:55):
I don't know One impression Maybe I had a smelly
vagina.
I don't know.
Maybe you just needed to buysome impulse.
Probably Maybe the pits weresmelly, I don't know.
I would rather know, though.
I don't want to wait a week andbe waiting for text messages
and then be that desperadothat's sending multiple messages
.
Do you know what I mean?
Like I would rather just know.
Yeah, but I think there's anice, and then move on to the
(09:16):
next person.
You know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (09:21):
Yeah, that's so much more personal.
Yeah, you're blocked off everyplatform.
Speaker 2 (09:24):
I think it depends, right, depends on the person,
depends on the situation.
If you're looking for like morethan just like, you know, a
situation, if you're looking formore than that, then of course
it's going to hurt.
But if you're just out there tohave, I'm thinking the next day
to get a- message.
Speaker 1 (09:49):
I probably be like oh , something wasn't right.
I'd like to.
Speaker 2 (09:53):
Maybe it's just an eat like you know, maybe my ego
is too big and maybe I want tothink that I'm good in bed, but
I wouldn't know.
These days I've been with thesame guy for 20 years exactly
and they're probably justtelling us that we are and I
don't I starfish half the timeAssume the position Okay.
So this is happening a lot.
Speaker 1 (10:14):
Do we have an example ?
Speaker 2 (10:18):
Well, it's not with me.
Yes, yes, it did happen with me, with you.
Yeah, before Davin, because,like, let's be honest here, I've
been with him since thedinosaur age.
But when I was about 17, I hadthis crush on this boy my whole
entire primary school.
Right, he was that boy with thelong blonde hair, blue eyes.
(10:40):
He used to like surfy thatdoesn't sound like you at all,
it's not my type now, but backthen, like 12 year old me, I was
like frothing um and had acrush on him the whole of
primary school.
And then he went to a differenthigh school to me.
Anyways, somehow, we went to ahouse party in high school.
Both of us at the same houseparty Ended up going back to his
(11:03):
house, yeah, yeah, anyways.
Next day, hey, how are you?
Nothing, he ghosted, youGhosted me.
I then proceeded to probablysend 365 other text messages.
Speaker 1 (11:18):
That is you.
If anyone was going to beDesperate Text Star, it's you.
Yeah, you do that to me.
I know you do that to everyone.
Yeah, not going to be desperatetext art it's you, you do that
to me, you do that to everyone.
Speaker 2 (11:27):
It's one message and then it's like I write a message
, but then I'm like I'm notfinished, I'll just keep sending
messages.
Speaker 1 (11:31):
You don't finish it in one text message, you write
multiple and you send half asentence.
Speaker 2 (11:36):
Yeah, that's how I write in sentences I'm thinking
there's an emergency bitch.
Speaker 1 (11:39):
What's happening.
I was like, oh.
I was like, oh my God, shewants to know if I want a coffee
and what milk and if I'm comingto the street, yeah, in three
different text messages, sixmaybe.
Speaker 2 (11:50):
Yeah, so you sent.
So anyways, I'm pretty sure Isent like a text message for
every day of the year, over thatweek, maybe over that month.
Speaker 1 (11:57):
Anything back.
Speaker 2 (11:58):
No, nothing.
And come on, did that not?
Yeah, I was a sulking, 16 yearold.
Speaker 1 (12:08):
You were a sulking 16 year old thinking you're a
sulking smelly 16, 16 year old.
Speaker 2 (12:10):
Oh no, oh, it was the pits.
Oh well, it seemed like he hada really good time that night.
I don't know what happenedanyway.
So it's been happening sincesince what?
2016,.
How old was I?
I was 2000.
New, 2000.
Speaker 1 (12:24):
Yeah, it has been happening, but not in the same
capacity.
No, not in the capacity whereyou can block them off every
single social media platform andeverything.
Speaker 2 (12:32):
Yeah, and never tell them yeah, we never had Facebook
then.
Speaker 1 (12:34):
And never tell them a reason why yeah.
Speaker 2 (12:36):
Like I would have just preferred him to be like
hey, you're pizza melt, sorry.
Speaker 1 (12:41):
I had a girlfriend.
I had a girlfriend, I had agirlfriend.
Recently tell me and thishappened girl to girl, so like
friendship-wise, oh right.
Speaker 2 (12:51):
Not girl on girl.
Speaker 1 (12:52):
Not girl on girl, not literal relationship.
Well, that's another story foranother day.
But yeah, femalefriendship-wise one day just
blocked her off social media,restricted her off like, so you
could send?
You can send a comment oninstagram, they can.
You can see that you've sent acomment but nobody else can.
Speaker 2 (13:15):
But you don't know that hold a minute, so wait,
they send you.
Speaker 1 (13:20):
You can be on like a restricted account, like if
you're on instagram, you can berestricted, I think, which means
that you can still put acomment on that person's account
and you can see that you'veleft a comment.
Speaker 2 (13:29):
Yeah, but nobody no other followers can see the
comment.
Wow, you would do that for,like that toxic friend that
writes things that you thinkthat was fucking uncalled for.
Speaker 1 (13:37):
Yeah, but you're not ready to talk about it?
Yeah, talk about it.
Speaker 2 (13:40):
I need to look deeper into this restriction thing.
I need to restrict my mother.
No, I'm joking.
Speaker 1 (13:47):
Not joking.
Love you, rose.
Yeah, so she's been restrictedand then blocked on all the
other platforms.
Why wouldn't you just block herthen, if?
Speaker 2 (13:59):
you've already blocked her on some platforms,
go ahead and block it all.
Speaker 1 (14:02):
But then she did the 365 messages and got like she
was like the desperate boyfriend.
But for her friend she's likehey, do you want to catch up and
go for a walk On that platform?
Speaker 2 (14:14):
Hey do you want to catch up and do this?
Speaker 1 (14:15):
That's me.
I do that to you On Facebook,on Messenger, on her physical
phone number Nothing, nothing,nothing.
All the platforms.
All of a sudden she's told methis story and she is feeling
gutted.
The friend that's been blockedis so gutted she's going through
(14:36):
and overthinking.
She's backtracked months.
What have I done?
What has happened in the lastcouple of weeks?
What could it be like?
Every little transaction thatthey've had?
And she can't put it down toone thing, oh no, and so she was
like, and especially spiraling,spiraling and being so upset
(14:57):
over it, but with no closure.
So I think what people want isclosure.
Yes, yes.
Speaker 2 (15:03):
If you ever I'm just putting this out there right now
what If you ever, ever, ever,ever do that to me, I will hunt
you down.
Oh my God, you know that movieI'll find you.
Speaker 1 (15:20):
Oh my God, I'm not even joking, guys.
Speaker 2 (15:26):
Guys, if you see me on the side of a milk, carton.
Speaker 1 (15:31):
I need you to go straight to Crystal Russell and
she's going to be suspect numberone.
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (15:36):
Craig would know straight away.
Craig would be like, yeah,crystal's kidnapped her.
I'd be like going straight toCrystal.
No, but honestly I feel like ifyou've got such a good
friendship with somebody likeyou, don't do that anyway.
Speaker 1 (15:48):
But that's my point.
So it's about the closure.
She said to me.
She was like I just let her getit off her chest.
I let her go on and on and onabout it.
We had a coffee and you've gotto Sometimes them get it off
their chest and she was like Ithink I'd be okay with it, had I
(16:08):
, if she said something.
You I just am like not vibingwith you or like I don't like
the way I was treated at thatpoint.
Blah, blah, blah and I want tolike let this go.
Still hurts, but at least sheknows.
And she's just not in limboland.
And what have I done?
Speaker 2 (16:20):
for me it's like comes back again to like the
importance of the relationship.
Because how, on what scale ofone to ten, is that relationship
important to you?
Because even if they didsomething to you, you would say,
hey look, I I didn't like this,that you did, and you'd work
through it.
You wouldn't just go straightto like block bam, boom, would
you?
Speaker 1 (16:40):
it's it is.
It was so weird.
Even I found it really strangebecause I know both parties and
I was like what is going on.
But also, yeah, it is about Ithink as well some people get to
the point the straw that brokethe camel's back.
Speaker 2 (16:55):
In long-term relationships.
Yeah, so it comes down to likedid you want to save that
relationship?
In this case, obviously thatfriend did not want to save it.
They didn't want to save thatrelationship.
Speaker 1 (17:08):
In this case, obviously that friend did not
want to save it.
Speaker 2 (17:10):
They didn't want to save it, but they also don't
want to.
She took the life raft, shepulled it all the way back in.
She's like you can drown.
That's what happened in thatthat scenario.
But I did it.
Speaker 1 (17:15):
I've done it too.
I'm actually a real now thatI'm saying it out loud about
closure.
I'm like, I'm a.
I'm a ghoster I'm a ghoster.
Speaker 2 (17:25):
I'm a real bad ghoster.
I don't do it off.
I've done it like oh no, theghost is out.
Rose is a ghoster, I'm aghoster.
Speaker 1 (17:37):
Um, okay, tell me your scenario no, I, I just am
because, oh, you haven't grossedme yet.
Speaker 2 (17:43):
So that's a good thing?
Speaker 1 (17:44):
No, okay, I think for me is it not yet, baby, no, I,
I'm going to end up dead in thebackyard.
No, I think for me it is withlong-term stuff, like long-term
relationships and things likethat.
When I've had enough.
So I'm a fighter, I will fightfor you, yeah you're a lover
(18:06):
You're like if.
I love you.
I'm going to fight to the death, Dear God, like, okay, this is
not like a one-night-standsituation, ghosting because that
I could not care less.
But if I'm in a long-termrelationship and obviously I've
been with Craig forever okay,but if I'm in a long-term, beat,
(18:26):
like you know, friendshiprelationship, I will.
I put all my eggs, my hearts onmy sleeve.
I love you, like, and I willfight for you.
I will have the arguments, Iwill have it out with you.
I will apologize.
I have no problems apologizing.
But when I've had enough, yeah,you're done, I.
And I will like, weirdly, likeI will back out slowly too, and
(18:47):
I don't even think at first, Idon't even realize I'm doing it,
I will just pull away.
Do you want to come out?
Oh, no, I can't make it to thatthing.
So I'll realize in myself thatthat's not important to me
anymore.
Oh, let's catch up for coffee.
And the coffee never comes, butit's because I, I, I say that I
don't know why, but then Irealize, like, I don't find that
as an as an important thing tome.
Speaker 2 (19:09):
So then I'm not a priority anymore because it's
not a priority.
Speaker 1 (19:12):
I then go, I start seeing it and I go oh, you don't
care about catching up forcoffee with her anymore because
you are done.
And then I slowly, slowly,slowly, I'm just done away, and
then I am the person that hasn'tgiven the explanation or the
closure.
But then, in my defense, if theother party does not come and
(19:33):
ask me for they also don't care,then they either don't care
enough or bitch, if you startedpulling away from me, I would
then send you 365 text messagesin one day.
And then, to be honest with you,I probably would message you
back.
I struggle with that.
Speaker 2 (19:48):
See, that's a boundary thing.
Yeah, I don't care.
Though If you don't write backto me, I'm like, yeah, it's
because I've been too obsessivetoday.
Speaker 1 (19:55):
Yeah, it's also because I never have my phone
with me on me.
I lose it 20 times a day.
But yeah, I can be a ghost starbecause I don't really love
confrontation.
I am a recovering peoplepleaser, like I hate.
I actually do hate hurtingpeople's feelings and I like
people to like me, but I'mlearning not to do that so,
(20:15):
which means balling up, notbeing a pussy wimp and going
look, you're a fucking like, nota good person, or this happened
, that happened, and just havingit out and giving that person
closure.
Do you know what I feel?
Speaker 2 (20:27):
like it is too, though.
Like we're heading into 40, thebig 4-0, and I feel like we've
got less time in our lives fornonsense.
Like that's how I feel For me.
I would rather spend three daysa week with you than spend one
one day a week.
Different days with differentpeople.
That, like, didn't really meananything to me.
Yeah, that don't fit.
(20:47):
That don't.
Yeah, is that a good way toexplain it?
I don't know.
Like I would rather spendgenuine time with the people I
have a connection with, that Ifeel they also care about me I'm
not for fake relationshipsanymore.
Speaker 1 (20:59):
No, I don't.
I think in your 20s likefriendships and relationships
and having, like you, hold on tothat boyfriend for dear life.
Speaker 2 (21:06):
It's so important and also how many like Facebook
friends you're so obsessed with.
You're like, I've got like 566.
Speaker 1 (21:13):
Facebook friends.
You want to go out, you want tohave a massive group of friends
.
Speaker 2 (21:18):
Now I'm like I couldn't care less if I got five
Facebook friends.
Speaker 1 (21:21):
I love having friends and sexual relationships, every
relationship.
They take work.
I don't have the fucking timeand the energy for the ones that
I've got sometimes, let alonehaving a massive circle where
you have to spread yourself thinand not give the best of
yourself to those people.
But could that be the key towhy this generation is ghosting
(21:44):
so often?
Speaker 2 (21:46):
Did we just come up with the whole entire reason?
Dun dun Dun Ghostbusters, thatwas a myth buster.
Speaker 1 (21:52):
It was a myth buster.
It was a myth, ghost buster, weghost myth.
I don't know the buster, Idon't know.
We busted the ghost myth Anyway, but yeah, it could be the
reason why that is it Becausethey have been taught better
boundaries, I hope, and to giveless fucks and not to waste so
much time on relationships andpeople that aren't a priority in
(22:17):
their lives.
Speaker 2 (22:17):
Listen here, we don't need no PhDs.
We know how to bust myths.
We don't need people.
Jesus, give us a myth, give usa PhD in bloody ghost myth
busting.
Yes, that's a tongue twister.
I was like did I get that right?
So true, so true.
Speaker 1 (22:39):
So where are we at on this, like when is it wrong?
Speaker 2 (22:45):
to ghost, oh Lord, no , because now I don't know.
Speaker 1 (22:48):
Now I see the benefit in it, because you've ghosted
too.
Speaker 2 (22:53):
What?
Well, listen here, right, thisstory is heavy.
She's probably going to hear it.
Name starts with a C Also me.
She was a long-term friend ofmine.
Okay, bob's going to hear it.
Name starts with a C Also me.
She was a long-term friend ofmine, okay, 18, 19 years of
friendship, quite deep, workedtogether, very, very close
(23:16):
relationship.
Over the years she did a fewthings that were a bit like
strange, like questionable, veryquestionable, and then, like
friends of mine in our circlewould be like it's a bit odd,
the things that she does.
I was like, oh, yeah, I guessso.
Then, after my dad's death, Ihit like rock bottom, yeah,
(23:38):
depression, suicidal, like fullrock bottom.
And I woke up to this personLike I was like the things that
she was doing, everythingtriggered me, yep, and I don't
know if it was just dad's death,that like I had this like
realization, but everything shesaid to me was triggering me,
(24:00):
yep, everything that came out ofher mouth like made me be like
wow, you know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (24:05):
like was it actually?
Was it already her, though?
And then was she always likethat, or I think after big, huge
life events like death, umtrauma I've had, like you know,
I've been through that shitmyself you really look at the
world.
It's like you wait.
It's honestly, it sounds socliche.
You wake up and you see theworld a little different and you
(24:28):
feel differently about life andyour life going forward.
Do you know what's?
Speaker 2 (24:33):
so weird, though.
What so after dad's death?
The amount of people that havetold me that dad's death humbled
me?
Humbled you, yeah, like I thinkHumbled me.
Humbled you, yeah, like I thinkI was a stuck-up fucking snob
before.
Speaker 1 (24:45):
But were you.
I think I was Like you werewalking on sunshine.
Nothing can get me down.
Speaker 2 (24:50):
basically, I thought I was the hottest shit that ever
came out of my asshole.
I'm not even joking, you Like.
I don't remember being likethat.
But then when I look back atlike things I'd written on
Facebook or just like the way Iacted on Facebook, like all my
Instagram posts, it's so cringy.
We all cringe back.
But then dad's death I was likeI don't know, something was
(25:12):
just like that's not real, likeI want to be real.
Speaker 1 (25:15):
Yep, I think as well, with your dad particularly.
He really did lead very wild.
He was really just who he was.
He was very authentic inhimself.
Speaker 2 (25:26):
He was bearing it all .
He was unfiltered.
He talked about taboo topics.
He was real.
Speaker 1 (25:32):
He was raw and real and he actually gave zero fucks
about being himself, whether ornot that made someone
uncomfortable or not.
Speaker 2 (25:40):
Do you know what I mean.
So maybe when he passed away, abit of him went inside me.
I don't know maybe, maybethat's what, like everyone says,
you're so different after yourdad's death?
Speaker 1 (25:49):
I'm like oh well, it does change you, yeah, and so
then, what made you let thisparticular friendship go right?
Speaker 2 (25:54):
yeah, we did digress just like um every text message,
every phone call.
She would not even respect thatI needed time to heal.
She was at me 24-7.
And I was so polite about it.
I was just like, hey, I'mhaving a really crap day today.
I just want to like, I justneed to be left alone?
Speaker 1 (26:12):
Was she demanding like stuff from you?
She rocked up at my house.
Speaker 2 (26:14):
For friendship.
Yeah, like she rocked up at myhouse and Davin was like hey,
like she's having a nap.
She busted the front door opento come into my bedroom while I
was asleep to be like you've notbeen text messaging me back and
blah, blah.
I'm like my dad just committedsuicide a week ago.
Like do you understand that?
Do you understand?
She made it about her friendship, everything was about her.
(26:37):
Like she called me one morningand was like oh, my god, my God,
I just had, like this reallybad dream about your dad.
And like he was in the fire andhe was screaming and like I'm
like, I'm like, babe, I'm havingnightmares.
Still, this is so triggeringand traumatic for me that you're
now making it about you andyou're crying because you had a
dream about this.
(26:57):
Okay, you had the dream.
Don't call me and tell me yeah,yeah, like just things that she
, it was like she didn't think,it was like she did not think.
And then I kept telling her hey, I need some space.
Like lately you've beentriggering me, yes, yeah, and it
got to the point where I juststopped replying to messages.
I just hadn't.
I just got to the point of like, no, I actually don't want to
(27:20):
do this anymore.
You are actually impacting mymental health yes, you.
Speaker 1 (27:24):
Yes, but you did give her a chance you have given.
You told her time and time andthen you were like full ghost
mode.
Speaker 2 (27:30):
Yeah, full ghost mode , and that's the only thing that
worked essentially.
She's still like.
I just got a text for mybirthday a couple of weeks ago
from her.
She still messages me and Ilove that about her.
I do like she has not given up.
It's been almost three yearsand she will still send me a
message on my kid's birthday, onmy dad's death anniversary,
like any of the milestones.
She still messages me and for awhile there I would write back
(27:51):
thank you.
But I'm just now like I don'twant to give her any hope
because, like as much as Iappreciate those 18, 19 years
friendship she was a bridesmaidfor me Like I just don't want
that anymore.
Speaker 1 (28:04):
Oh yeah, that's deep.
I love that and that's I thinkwe've.
I've talked about this for thelast couple of weeks as in I
don't want to see you not besuccessful.
I don't want to see you not eat, but not at my table.
Yeah, that's exactly what it is.
Yep, so the ghosting see thisis a thing as well, like
ghosting can be helpful, can bebeneficial for you, because it's
(28:27):
not like I didn't tell her,right.
Speaker 2 (28:28):
I said yes, I said like I need a break, like you're
doing this to me, yeah, andthen I slowly, slowly, you just
backed out.
Speaker 1 (28:35):
Yeah, see, that's where I'm torn now.
I'm like there is benefits toit as well, as like, yes, you
can get hurt on the other sideof it, but sometimes it's
necessary.
Speaker 2 (28:44):
So maybe lay down a little bit of like hey, I need
to take a break from you, yeahand then yeah.
Speaker 1 (28:50):
I think in long-term relationships and friendships
they deserve that.
They deserve a little bit oflike something, something a
little seed of hey.
This is how I felt about thissituation and maybe being
upfront and honest, and I thinkthat's why, like, you're never
going to bury me in the backyard, because I'm not going to ghost
you, because we will just talkit out.
Speaker 2 (29:11):
We'll fight it out Like we're friends, until we're
60.
We discuss this.
Speaker 1 (29:14):
Like I'm going to be.
Speaker 2 (29:15):
I can't even cut your chin hairs anymore, cause
you're getting laser.
Speaker 1 (29:25):
What?
Am I going to even cut yourchin hairs anymore because
you're getting laser, gettinglaser.
What am I gonna do?
We're gonna leave maria justfor shits and giggles, are you
actually?
Yeah, well, she's like.
Well, really like they don'tknow how much growth will
actually come down.
There'll always be one or two,all right.
Well, I'll be pulling out mariauntil we're 90 right when craig
and david are long gone,because, no doubt, we'll like
women live longer, or do menwomen?
women.
I think women statisticallylive.
Women statistically live longer.
So I'll be like you know, I'llbe so sad to lose Craig and I'll
be so sad when you lose Davin,but it's you know.
(29:46):
Then we go into our littleretirement village and live our
best lives.
Yeah, I'll be waking up next toyou and going who are you?
I'll be like why didn't shecall me?
And the day she doesn't callI'll be like fuck, you'll forget
that I sent the messagesbecause you'll have dementia.
Speaker 2 (30:06):
Oh, that's probably right.
Yeah, it's fine, like God, okay, well, look, I think there is
definitely benefits to ghosting.
Yes, and if you're going to bethat person that's going to meet
up and have a wham bam.
Thank you, ma'am.
Be honest up front and be likehey, look, I'm here for a good
time, not a long time.
Yes, say that up front becausethen if they go to the next day,
(30:27):
you're not all that's likeworried because they told you
I'm here for a good time, not along time I think, be up front.
Speaker 1 (30:32):
I think, if you're going to do it in short-term
relationships, one night stands,all of that sort of thing Be
upfront and honest.
Oh God, I was going to tell youanother ghosting story.
I'm waiting for it.
Which one is it?
It's juicy.
Speaker 2 (30:47):
What?
But I'm also going to getmyself into so much trouble.
It's okay, I'll go there forthe content.
Speaker 1 (30:55):
I know what it is it's evil.
It's so evil.
Can we just just like not talkabout the person's name?
Speaker 2 (31:00):
oh, let's just not okay.
You're in a marriedrelationship, right?
You've been married for a longtime.
I don't know how many years I'mputting myself in.
You got two grown adultchildren.
Everything is a bit bumpy, alittle bit bumpy, but like, your
kids are fairly unaware of thebumpiness, yes, one day you
(31:24):
decide I'm going to have sexwith my husband in the morning
and when he goes to work I'mgoing to pack the entire house
and move out, change my phonenumber, change my address, even
not give your said daughterphone number or address and
disappear.
Speaker 1 (31:45):
I mean when we say disappear.
Oh, disappear, as in like Toanother house.
Yeah, another person's house,another person's house.
Another said male's house, nofemale.
Speaker 2 (31:57):
So resorted to a friend's house.
This was planned right, becausehow do you just go and move
into somebody's house Like youplanned it?
You planned that removalisttask.
You had sex in the morning, hadsex in the morning like
everything was okay.
Speaker 1 (32:09):
Yeah, but that was like throwing them off.
If you have a sex with them inthe morning, you've thrown them
off the scent that everything'sfine.
So when they come home, what doyou mean?
To an empty house?
How empty, like a lot of stuffgone.
Speaker 2 (32:22):
Like furniture, yeah, like cabinets.
I think too, like, yeah, thisis the ultimate ghost, full-on
ghost.
And then I'm having to explainto that person why somebody did
said ghosting, yeah, awful,awful, awful, awful.
That, my, my friends, youshould never, ever do.
(32:43):
If you're in a long-termrelationship, give the person
fucking five minutes and say,hey, not into it anymore, just
letting you know I'm actuallyleaving.
I, I think so.
I mean, I think a further, youknow, hour or two conversation
is probably needed.
But if you can't be botheredand you're thinking about just
(33:04):
doing the dash, just tell themjust tell them, or a quick, even
a text message, but an email Idon't know.
Speaker 1 (33:10):
I know whatever it means, whatever floats your boat
, but just don't do that.
Speaker 2 (33:15):
Oh, that is evil kenevil yeah, it is evil.
Speaker 1 (33:18):
That is that's planned.
The sex in the morning, that'swhat got me.
Speaker 2 (33:24):
That's the part that shook me.
Yeah, I was shooketh, that'swhat.
Speaker 1 (33:29):
Don't do that shit If you're leaving somebody because
one, you don't love them.
Speaker 2 (33:32):
Two, you don't want to be in a relationship with
them anymore and you're planningon moving the fucking house out
.
Don't have sex with them.
Speaker 1 (33:40):
That was planned so that it was going to like Be
okay, they're going to not eventhey're going to go to work just
go and not think about anythingelse.
You've got to think, thoughthis person was also smart If
they would have had a massivefight in the morning about I'm
leaving, and this person doesn'tgo to work or doesn't, or calls
and thinks about it all daythen I'm going to say again
(34:02):
though it depends on thesituation Like, if you're in a
DV relationship, 100%, run forthe fucking hills.
Speaker 2 (34:07):
I wouldn't even say anything, Get the removal truck,
but you're not going to behaving sex with them.
Speaker 1 (34:12):
Ghost the fuck out of those.
Again, there's a time and aplace Girls busters, no, there's
definitely a time and a placeto ghost those sort of
situations, shitty relationships.
But I think, yeah, yes, there's.
Speaker 2 (34:25):
But even if you're in a like, again say this was a
situation where it's a shittyrelationship.
Yeah, Maybe one feels moreshittier than the other.
Still give them the time of day.
Yeah, Imagine that little heartcoming home.
Speaker 1 (34:44):
Yeah, but you know why it's more broken?
Because they thought everythingwas good in the morning.
Speaker 2 (34:46):
Because they had a fun time.
Yeah, they got some sexy time.
Speaker 1 (34:50):
But it's the whole reason why it was done, so that
they could move the furnitureout without any interruption.
Speaker 2 (34:55):
This doesn't sit well with me yeah, okay, I just
would never do it.
Even if I hated your, I justwouldn't do it.
Speaker 1 (35:03):
Yeah, no, no, I wouldn't.
That takes ghosting to the nextlevel.
Okay, I think the jury's outhere, like I think there's pros
and cons to ghosting someone, soyeah.
Speaker 2 (35:15):
I think.
So what are we saying?
Are we saying that ghosting isokay?
Speaker 1 (35:18):
Here, I was thinking it wasn't okay.
Oh, producer question.
We've got producer Paulie.
We love this.
I'm just on the ghostingespecially.
Okay, how do you find out ifyou're being ghosted and what?
Speaker 2 (35:31):
to do.
Well, I feel like it's obvious,is it not?
Like if you're being ghosted?
Well, like in your situation,if you're friends with somebody
and you're noticing that they'reone not coming to coffee
anymore, they're not going for ajog anymore and they're not
answering your phone callsanymore, you're probably being
ghosted.
Speaker 1 (35:44):
Yes, I think as well you've got to say give the text
message, not 365, don't gostalker level text messaging,
but send a message.
Hey, look, I say you send onegood text message, you go?
Hey, haven't heard from you fora couple of weeks.
I have asked you to go tocoffee.
(36:06):
I've not seen you out for a jog.
We haven't done all the thingsthat we usually do.
What's going on?
Is anything up?
Is anything that I have done?
If they don't respond to thatand they say we have that little
thing on our phone that saysseen, respond to that.
And these days we have thatlittle thing on our phone that
says seen.
If they've seen it and thenignored it for the next couple
(36:27):
of weeks, you're being ghosted.
Okay, there's a second question.
Oh, top moments from.
Oh, what was that?
Yeah, top moments from 2024,recording a podcast.
Speaker 2 (36:38):
Oh oh, what are our top moments?
Let's go back to that question.
Actually, you will come back topodcast.
Oh oh, what are our top moments?
Let's go back to that question.
Actually, we'll come back tothat.
Okay, I've got a scenario Ineed your advice on it.
Yep had a fight with somebody.
Yes, the fight was they did thedirty on me.
Yes, but apparently I did thedirty on them.
So there's a bit of amiscommunication on who did the
(36:59):
dirty on who.
Yeah, I have tried multipletimes.
Even though I put my hands up,I was not in the wrong.
Okay, I plead innocent.
I plead innocent.
You can say that I'm guilty,but I know that I'm not, and I'm
sure you're saying the samething, but I've reached out
(37:20):
multiple times and no response.
So now I'm just like waving itright.
Is that true what I should justdo?
Just leave it.
Yeah, done, it's been eight,nine months.
Speaker 1 (37:28):
Oh, gone, done, we're done.
Speaker 2 (37:29):
I'm saying see you later to it.
Speaker 1 (37:30):
See you later, mate, Like.
Catch you later.
Ghost away Makes me a bit sadonto that a little bit of like.
Speaker 2 (37:37):
Are we going to talk again?
But I think if they've notgiven me the time of day, I'll
need to let it go.
Speaker 1 (37:44):
You need to let it go because really it becomes about
.
This is what I said to mygirlfriend.
Sometimes it actually isn't you, it is them, because they might
actually go look, I'm done here, whether it be a boyfriend,
girlfriend or you knowfriendship or cousin.
They might be like I'm donehere, but it's about their own
(38:07):
personal boundaries, what theyare willing to put up with, like
with me.
I had to set a boundary with myfriend that I've now ghosted
and I've gone.
You know what I cannot do thisanymore and I've gone.
You know what I cannot do thisanymore.
Like I have to understand myworth enough to know that what
it's just too much for me tohandle anymore.
(38:29):
Like it's not worth puttingyourself through stress.
And do you really want to bearound people that don't want to
be around you?
No, and sometimes they might begoing through a healing journey
, they might be discoveringthemselves.
They might go.
You know what?
I wasn't my most authentic self, so, like the way that I've
(38:51):
been presenting to everybodyisn't who I really am and the
friends that I've been hangingaround with because of that
aren't like me anymore or I'veoutgrown them.
Yeah, you know, like you go.
You have school friends and youlove them to death and you love
the friendship and you loveyour history, but you're just
not the same anymore.
No, yeah, I get it and then backin the day you would just drift
(39:12):
apart.
But with social media, withInstagram, with TikTok, we are
so connected to people that wewould have never fucking held on
to in our life.
Yeah, that's so true OnFacebook.
I've got friends that I've, andI still love hearing from them
from time to time.
Don't get me wrong.
Like I love seeing that they'vegone to Europe or they got
married.
It was really cool to see thoselittle life moments.
Speaker 2 (39:35):
But we would have never fucking seen each other
again if it wasn't for socialmedia, Even now you would
probably still never catch upwith them, but it's like you
just keep that contact right.
Speaker 1 (39:41):
Yeah, there's contact I've got multiple thousands
probably.
Yeah, there's so many contacts,but do we need to know about
all these people?
And sometimes I think that'swhat happens.
You hold on to these peoplethrough history.
Speaker 2 (39:53):
I've got an idea what 2025,.
Let's do a Facebook cull.
Speaker 1 (39:58):
And an Instagram cull .
Speaker 2 (40:01):
Instagram.
I don't really care about.
Facebook I feel like they'reyour friends.
They're your Facebook friends.
If you cull.
Facebook it is quite deep.
Instagram it's kind of like asocial platform I'll follow you,
you'll follow me, kind of thing.
If I get rid of you, feelingsnot hurt.
Facebook's a bit different.
Speaker 1 (40:18):
I feel Facebook's very personal.
You can have people followingyou and you follow people on
instagram, but on facebook youdon't accept all the invitations
.
And then you have people thatyou've been you've been friends
with on facebook since 2008,when it first came out.
Speaker 2 (40:35):
Is that when it first came out?
Pretty sure, 2006?
Speaker 1 (40:37):
something like that.
Oh yeah, I think I got, oh God,the horrendous status updates.
Anyway, we do digress, but onthe ghosting front, I think
we're going to leave it here.
I think we have to leave itopen that sometimes it's very
much warranted and sometimes, Ithink, give the person closure.
Closure scenarios, I think, arelong-term relationships, really
(40:59):
long friendships, and your boss, for fuck's sake, if I could
just tell your boss you knowwhat, if anything, just go to
your boss and go fuck youbitches.
I'm out of here, I quit, I'mleaving, go eat some dick.
And you know what?
Here's my resignation.
Speaker 2 (41:17):
Right, and if you don't want to give two weeks
notice that's also fine.
Speaker 1 (41:22):
But you've said you're quitting.
So I mean you said you quittedbefore you got fired, so then
you can just go for gold.
Oh, it's so satisfying.
Speaker 2 (41:28):
Why do you wish we could quit one day and just see
the mess we could make?
Speaker 1 (41:31):
oh, you know how many times I've thought about like
going out in a burning.
Is it burning ring of fire?
No, oh, burning ring of fire,burn.
Speaker 2 (41:41):
Burn the ring of fire .
Speaker 1 (41:44):
I'm pretty sure it's not that, but you just want to
go out in flames.
Speaker 2 (41:46):
That was my dad's favorite song.
How he's probably in here rightnow.
Oh, he's probably fuckinginside my body.
Right, he's in your BurningRing of Fire.
Speaker 1 (41:59):
Anyway, all right, guys, that's it on us.
Like I know that we just Idon't know how we I don't.
I think we were coming on hereto be like you know, ghosting's
wrong, ghosting is wrong.
And now we're like maybe it'snot, so we'll leave it at that.
You give us your thoughts, um,and we'll see you next time.
On bearing it all, alwaysremember to take care of
yourselves and each other.
Bye.
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