May 15, 2024 • 45 mins
Let's Chat! send us a message, question or a confession to unpack!
Part Two of our chat with the incredible Rosie Rees. TW - Loss/Suicide
We couldn't cap our last episode, so we continued our conversation with Rosie as she bared it all with us, opening up about navigating the complexities of loss and grief, sharing the heartache of having recently lost her mum and the spiritual serendipities that followed. We wade through the emotional torrents together, discussing messages from beyond and uncovering the comforting presence of signs and symbols—from white feathers to wilie wagtails—that hint at a connection beyond the veil.
Amidst the tender moments, we also trek the path of personal growth and trauma processing, understanding that vulnerability is not only courageous but healing. Here, Rosie, Chrystal and Rose discuss the essential practices for managing the somatic echoes of grief—breath, sound, movement, and touch—and how these tools can unlock a deeper sense of self amidst life's trials.
We also dip into the lighter streams of life—sexual wellness, laughter, and the tantalizing joys of food. This conversation really did traverse the spectrum of human experience, probing into our favourite intimate explorations and the surprisingly arousing nature of non-sexual gestures. We close with a heartfelt thank you to our listeners, reinforcing the importance of self-care and community in the dance of life.
We absolutely loved our conversation with the powerhouse, Rosie. Tune in for an episode filled with heartfelt truths, lots of learning, and a few laughs along the way.
Rosie has also offered our listeners 1 month free of her @thegoldenyonimembership
with code PLEASURE - its jam packed full of learning.
Follow Rosie on Instagram here @rosie.rees
@yoni_pleasure_palace
Want your own @splashblanket (thank us later) use code ROSE15
Lifeline Australia 131114
Connect with Rose and Chrystal on Instagram for more stories and fun mini-weekly catch-ups.
DM the girls, get involved with the conversations, and feel free to ask questions!
@baringitall_thepodcast
Rose Oates
@roseoates_
Chrystal Russell
@chrystalrussell_
And don’t forget to take care of yourself and each other -
With Love Rose & Chrystal x
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Rose oates (00:00):
Welcome back to another episode of Bearing it
All with Rose and Crystal.
This is actually the secondpart to our chat with the
beautiful Rosie Rees.
We could not cap this episode,so we've split it into two parts
.
Chrystal Russell (00:12):
Enjoy, because you did just bring it up.
Let's just touch base a littlebit around the grief that you've
recently gone through, becauseit's been a lot for you.
You lost your mum recently and,funny enough, good old mummy's
been connecting with rose notrosie rose.
(00:34):
Yeah, that's right plot twist.
Rose oates (00:36):
I know it has been dear old mama, oh yeah, now I'm
trying to talk about it, so whatpeople may not?
know, oh see now I'm trying totalk about it.
So what people may not knowabout me, and maybe something
that I that's a lie, like I'vealways known in myself, I've
always had like a very strongintuition, is that sometimes I
get a few messages through andfor some unknown reason, even
(01:00):
before I knew your mum hadactually passed publicly, I had
this connection to Rosie Our are.
I'm actually Roseanne, myactual name is Roseanne and I'm
Rosanna.
Yes, and so we were both alsoknown as Roxy at one point in
our lives, and it was actuallymy brothers call me Roxy close
family, but I also liked at onestage of my life I actually
(01:22):
liked to be known me Roxy closefamily, but I also liked, at one
stage of my life I actuallyliked to be known as Roxy
personally.
Chrystal Russell (01:27):
It reminds me of a porn star.
Rose oates (01:33):
It is a bit of my alter ego.
She's a bit more wild and freeand when she just wants to have
that, there are people that willlisten to this, that know me as
Roxy and not as Rose at all.
Rosie Rees (01:45):
I was Roxy in London when I was a hot mess, See and
this is what's weird.
Rose oates (01:50):
So when I started getting messages from Rosie's
mum it was I thought they weretalking to me, so like it was
for me, but they called meRosanna.
And, yeah, they were talking tome and I was getting Rosanna,
but no one calls me Rosanna.
Al, they were talking to me andI was getting Rosanna, but no
one calls me Rosanna, alive ordead.
The only person that might havesaid it was Rosanna was my nun,
(02:11):
who's passed, and that becauseit's actually not my name and my
mum and dad really didn't likewhen I was called Rosanna.
So, yeah, I a post of Rosie'scame up one day and they you
said that you would like NanaRosanna, and when the post came
up, I was like that's a funnymeme, like it.
And then, boom, the messagescame in and I was like this is
(02:33):
not for me, this is for you.
So we have known each otheroutside of this pod and events
and just not as, like you know,close, close mates, but for some
reason.
Rosie Rees (02:45):
But I still feel a closeness with you.
Rose oates (02:47):
Yes, I do Like whenever I'd see you.
Rosie Rees (02:50):
And that's when I saw you.
What was it four months ago atChristelle's event?
Yes, and you avoided me likethe plague and you were getting
progressively more drunk and youwere like shaky and I'm like
why hasn't Rose come to say hi?
You know we haven't had a goodchat tonight, like what's going
on.
Chrystal Russell (03:06):
She had previously told me, like before
the event, she was freaking theF out.
She was like, do I saysomething, Do I not say
something?
What if I make her upset Likeshe's?
Like was freaking out over itand I was like, oh, you know,
you're going to have to decidefeel the room like you know,
because I think, at that pointtoo you were still like quite
upset over it, and it's onlybeen six months as well, so it's
(03:30):
still.
Rosie Rees (03:31):
It's fresh, happened July last year, so what's no?
So what's that?
Seven months or so at themoment?
Rose oates (03:38):
So how are you feeling at the moment?
Rosie Rees (03:41):
Honestly, Honestly, I feel I feel really good and I
feel kind of bad saying that.
Um, I felt mum come throughquite strongly this morning on
the way here, but I like I feelas though I have felt every
emotion there is to feel and Ididn't hold back for, like you
(04:05):
know, four months or so aftermum died, I cried, yelled,
screamed, mourned like, wailedanywhere.
Anytime.
I didn't hold anything in, everdidn't care where the fuck I
was.
I just let it out and I thinkthat's why I'm so okay right now
.
I don't feel like I'm like, youknow, masking it or like
squashing it or suppressing it.
(04:26):
I I also know that my mom is soat peace, she is so happy where
she is, and I almost feel a bitseparate to myself as I say this
, because I want, I miss her,her.
I want her back, you know, andit was her choice to go and I
don't agree with that choice.
(04:47):
But at the same time, I've beenforced to to respect that and
that's what she wanted, and Ithink actually that's how she
was going to go, the that thatthe writing was on the wall for
(05:08):
many years and that was her wayout, and she struggled with
mental demons her entire life.
Um, so I am feeling, I feelreally like I feel so fine.
And there were moments where Ifelt relief and I don't think
anyone really talks about thateither um, the relief of like
she's not in any pain anymore,you know, and she's, she's in a
better place, and I actuallycommunicate with her a fuck lot
(05:30):
like she, we used to talk everyday.
Um which Rose had a message thismorning about talking every day
and we did, and so for me like,and it's still really tricky,
like I keep going to call herand just reach out and like,
yeah, I really miss her becausewe were best friends, like she
was my bestie Did she have avoicemail?
Chrystal Russell (05:49):
No, and I found I recorded my dad's like
voicemail, so sometimes when Ifeel like I want to call, I'll
just listen to the voicemail Iwish there was, yeah but I found
some old voicemails from herthat I've been able to keep
Hearing their voice is so lovelyBecause I feel like videos as
well.
You're not going to forget justyet because it's still quite
(06:10):
fresh, but for me sometimes Iforget what his voice sounded
like.
So it's like just that reminderof like listening to something.
Yeah, but it is funny becauseon the way here this morning,
Rose called me and was like I'mgetting all these messages.
And she's like I'm getting allthese messages and she's like
(06:31):
I'm not sure if it's for you orif it's for Rosie, and she was
like telling me all the things.
Then, when Rosie came in andsat down, they were all for
Rosie.
Rose oates (06:36):
Yeah, I didn't know Cause I'm of course they were.
Of course they were like it's.
It's a weird connection.
Like I said, I don't know why,um, but I think there is because
she wants to talk to youwhenever she's got the
opportunity, like she used to.
There has been a lot of thingsthat I've learned along the way,
so this morning, I mean I can'tbelieve I'm sharing this.
(06:59):
I didn't even know if we weregoing to talk about this.
So, oh, thank you.
The chest I get a realtightness in my chest, in my
throat.
I feel like I can't breathe.
When she comes through at first, it's really, really
uncomfortable.
I think it's clear, like that,your mum did take her own life.
So was that something that you?
(07:21):
You actually shocked you?
You were, weren't you?
Rosie Rees (07:25):
I was.
Yeah, I was actually reallyshocked because she was so happy
.
I only saw her like the daybefore, was it?
Yeah, two days before.
And it's so funny because I'dactually dropped into her house
twice that week and had a cup oftea with her and she seemed,
seemed fine.
(07:45):
She seemed happier than usual,actually, and I think that when
people make a decision thatthey're going to go, there's
this um contentment in them thatthat's what they've decided,
and so I had no warning at alland we just got married like a
month or two before.
So, um, but in saying that, um,her, yeah, I remember attempts
(08:10):
from when I was 12, um, allthrough my adolescence, um,
that's why I went to boardingschool just wasn't, I couldn't
live with mum.
Like we had a very closeconnection, but it wasn't like
it.
She wasn't in a good place,yeah, but being a single mum,
she just, you know, she justneeded to work, and like she
(08:31):
didn't have the opportunity tostop and get the help that she
really needed.
And so when this happened, itwas, yeah, I think she'd felt as
though Rosie has Ash, she'smarried now, everyone's safe,
everyone's good, everyone has afamily.
I can go now.
Rose oates (08:50):
Yeah, oh, that's a lot.
Chrystal Russell (08:53):
And I think it's taken a bit for me to
understand this.
But I think once they've madethat kind of decision, no matter
how much you try to talk themout of it even if you were aware
doesn't really change.
Like I spoke with the mediumafter dads and they were like if
you changed his mind that day,he was going to do it a
(09:14):
different day.
So it's just becoming like Iguess accepting of that, like
that you actually cannot changewhat they've decided their fate
to be.
It wasn't a matter of yeah, andit's like getting over that,
because I don't know if youblamed yourself at all, but I
did go through that thing oflike I felt guilty that I didn't
see the signs or that I didn'twasn't aware or for a long time
(09:35):
held that guilt.
Rosie Rees (09:36):
I feel guilty that I cause I was mum's emotional
support, like we.
I've been not her therapist orlike she hated when I coached
her, but like, um, if she wasupset or she needed help, I it
was me, I was her emotional um,yeah, just her rock.
And I feel guilty and I'mworking through the feelings of
(09:59):
guilt that I wasn't able to pickthis up and I wasn't there for
her and but you know what?
She started pushing me away,pushing everyone away, actually
months beforehand.
So there was lots of littlealarm bells and signs actually,
when you look back, but theguilt of not realising sooner
(10:19):
and but it was going to happen.
And this is where I have to justremember, like it wasn't a
matter of when it was, if it waswhen, when it was going to
happen, and this is where I haveto just remember like it wasn't
a matter of when it was, yeah,yeah if it was when, when it was
going to happen it.
Chrystal Russell (10:30):
Just that's right.
Yeah, I think we all get thatfeeling, but I think the good
thing to know is that, like she,you know, loved you so much and
yeah all of the things thatcome through from Rose's end is
that she just wants to be closeto you still.
Rose oates (10:45):
Yeah, it's actually really, really, really beautiful
.
Like I said to you, it'ssomething that I don't fully
understand myself and I neverclaim to, and I just jotted it
down because I was like I don'tknow what this means and I'm not
a professional medium.
I don't do this as like aliving and I'm learning as I go
(11:06):
because I've just let it in.
I suppose I've allowed myselfjust to feel more.
I told myself that last yearthat I was going to let myself
feel more and I just reallydidn't understand what that
meant.
But it was obviously a wholebody experience.
But going back to that nightthat I did see you and I was
avoiding you like the plague andI was getting drunk, is I
(11:26):
actually don't need a lot.
I'm not a big drinker, actuallyat all, um, but I love having a
, I love having a booze, like Ilove, but I started drinking
because I got nervous and Istarted just downing tequila,
because I love tequila, and, um,I was like I just couldn't talk
to you because I knew if Ispoke to you that I was going to
get overwhelmed.
(11:48):
Your mum was very pushy.
She is so persistent.
Rosie Rees (11:52):
Oh, my God.
Rose oates (11:52):
So determined and I felt like I was going nuts.
I was like this isn't real,rose, just push it aside.
You're just making this.
I actually thought I was justmaking it up.
I was like your mind's justrunning away with these things.
Rosie Rees (12:04):
The proof was in your body, because as soon as
you told me and you gave me allthese messages and a hug, like a
mummy hug, you said your wholenervous system was like a big
exhale, like, oh, I can release,now I can freaking sleep
tonight.
Rose oates (12:19):
I didn't even know you were coming to this event
and so I've had these messages.
And then the day of, or the daybefore, I couldn't.
She just was bombarding me allthe way home on the freeway and
Crystal said, oh my god, youknow Rosie and Ash are coming
tonight and I was like oh fuck,oh no.
I was stressed.
And then that took me to a nextlevel stress.
(12:40):
I told Craig and Craig's likewhat the hell I thought you were
being a bit weird, like so, yes, I did, I tequila it up and I
thought, now or never she'sabout to leave.
And I just um cornered Rosie andI said, hey, um, this is what's
happening to me.
And you were just as you are inlife, with everything, with
(13:02):
your pussy, everything.
You were just so open toreceiving and I was like, oh,
thank God.
Rosie Rees (13:09):
I just was so excited to hear from her Like
I'm like, of course I want toknow for you know, get a message
from my mum.
Rose oates (13:16):
But she is so determined, so pushy and she was
just like if you don't tell herthis, I'm going to make you in
some.
I felt like she was gonnaembody me or something.
I was like, oh, but yeah, itwas a hell release.
And even this morning, um, Iget like a tightness in my chest
and everything and I'm like Ihate there.
Um, she just knows like Rosieand I cross paths a lot, I
(13:36):
assume, and she's like I'm justgonna make sure I say hello,
just popping in.
So, yeah, we just had a lotabout tea and talking every day,
trying loss, decluttering.
Rosie Rees (13:48):
Literally everything that Rose has said this morning
is like literally somethingthat I'm going through or I'm
doing, or I'm feeling or I havelike everything it's bang on
accurate.
Rose oates (14:00):
Keeping it brief, and then I got boots, boots,
boots, boots, but yeah, alsoalso yeah about decluttering and
I'll say this to you, but Ithink actually now it's a very
important message for peoplethat are listening.
Is that, um, letting go ofstuff in your home, in your
space, it's also healthy foryour mind, not just of like a
loved one's things, but your own, because, because it takes up
(14:24):
space in your home, but it doestake up space in your mind as
well.
Rosie Rees (14:27):
Energetically, everything has a vibration and I
think, like I took my mum'streadmill home, I actually took
like this, I couldn't throwanything away and because I just
thought it was her in a way.
But having had some time andspace and the treadmill, I
remember I walked on thetreadmill once and I didn't like
(14:48):
it and then I realised, youknow, she would get on the
treadmill a lot and she was kindof very internal and what's the
word when people just can'tleave the house, kind of thing,
like it wasn't a good energy.
When I got on it I realized Idon't want this energy.
This is not mum, this was her.
A way of her coping was walking.
She used to walk like 10kilometers a day, um, and it
(15:10):
helped her mentally but at thesame time it wasn't like a was,
it was an addiction maybe therewas a lot of her pain on that
treadmill there was a lot ofpain on that treadmill and you
know where it's gone.
So I have this guy called Jimmywho picks up lots of our boxes
and rubbish and like just doesso much like removal of stuff
for me, um, in the business andfor me personally anyway.
He took it home because he hassix cats and he's gonna walk his
(15:33):
cats on there can we get avideo of that?
Rose oates (15:35):
oh my god, jimmy, I don't know my mum would be
stoked with that like great.
I'm stoked that the cats aregoing for little walks.
Chrystal Russell (15:42):
I need to see this on.
Rose oates (15:43):
Instagram.
Oh my god, cat videos are thebest.
Rosie Rees (15:46):
How funny but so.
But every lot, like a lot ofher furniture, has gone to
people that I I love.
I know and I love um or worthyAustralia women coming out of
domestic violence.
She was in a domestic, uhviolent relationship um years
and years and years ago and Ijust know, like I, I know that
her stuff is going to places itneeds to be, but there's still
(16:07):
some stuff that I'm probablyhanging on to that I can get rid
of.
Chrystal Russell (16:11):
And you will when the time feels right.
Yeah, but I laughed becausewhen we had Ash on the pod, I
remember Rose being like Rosie'smum has this like smell and
it's like almost like an op shop, and Ash was like, well, she
worked in an op shop.
Rosie Rees (16:31):
Yes, she was a volunteer.
Chrystal Russell (16:33):
She worked in an op shop and we were just like
mind blown.
Rose oates (16:37):
Okay, I was trying to like.
Chrystal Russell (16:39):
You're like.
I was winding down the windows.
I was like op shop smell.
It's outrageous.
I was trying to like.
You're like.
Rosie Rees (16:43):
I was winding down the windows I was like op shop
smell, like it's outrageous,like she's worked at an op shop
for five years, volunteering ata hospital.
Chrystal Russell (16:49):
And we all know what op shop smell.
Like right, you walk in andit's the op shop smell.
Rose oates (16:52):
And it kind of smells like this bit of mothball
.
I was winding down the windowsin my car thinking what's in my
car, like, like, and I was likeblasting and I was like how is
it still here?
Chrystal Russell (17:02):
I put the windows, jesus Christ, like she
was sitting next to you in thecar yeah, it's wild, it's.
Rosie Rees (17:08):
It's amazing what you can feel when you like
actually get in tune, reallytune in yeah, my mum was not a
spiritual woman at all, um, butI feel like she's discovered she
, well, she's she's spirit now.
I guess, but she realizes now,doesn't she, that she is.
She's so strong her presence,like I've had multiple, probably
(17:30):
10 or more moments ofconnection with her spirit, like
palpable at home connectionanywhere.
Wow, yeah, like a sign for meis a white feather and I'll
literally, and, but only if Iwalk literally over the top of a
white feather or it like reallycomes right onto my path.
But more than that, like justso many I can't even think of
(17:54):
them right now.
Chrystal Russell (17:55):
Yeah, I remember one day you were like,
went for a walk or a jog orsomething and this bird wouldn't
leave you alone.
So birds.
Rosie Rees (18:02):
She said she was going to come back as a um.
What are those little cutebirds?
really wagged yeah really wagged, how um, and so I've connected
with a few of them and but birdshave come to me and so I was on
this like walk in nature andthis bird flew down and like on
(18:22):
my best friend, erin but Erin'sterrified of birds so I took the
bird and just placed it on myshoulder Because it looked like
there was a bird attacking us.
But it was just like thisdomestic, almost like a budgie
that was obviously in the wild,and it just sat on my shoulder
for like half an hour as Iwalked around this lake.
Chrystal Russell (18:39):
I remember seeing that video and being like
that's Rosie's mum.
Rosie Rees (18:41):
But it was my mum and I just put mum's oh this is
so weird her earrings in my earand it was pecking the earrings
see yeah, and her.
It was her necklace too, so itwas like pecking the earrings.
Chrystal Russell (18:53):
I don't know birds do that yeah but it was
like pecking both and it wascrazy that you just put those on
.
Rosie Rees (19:00):
I just put those on that day and it was just feeling
like there was mum right on myshoulder.
Rose oates (19:05):
I believe in all those things, though, I do too.
Well, I have to now, becausethere's just it's coming to you.
Rosie Rees (19:10):
To me it's just undeniable, oh it's found you
yeah, whether you like it or not, but you can shut it out.
Yeah, she's just there.
You can't see her or the lovedones, your dad.
They're just there in energyand we just get to call them in
(19:37):
Like a friend described to me.
Chrystal Russell (19:39):
She's like imagine you're sitting back to
back with somebody on a chair.
She's like that's what it'slike they're on the other side,
back to back with you.
That's powerful.
Rosie Rees (19:49):
So I always think of like dad, like that, like
whenever I'm thinking to me itwas like a sheet of paper.
Yeah, that's how fine, it isyeah and just because we can't
see them doesn't mean they'renot there they're there all the
time, but definitely.
Chrystal Russell (20:03):
I think it's nice, in whatever way you
visualize your family member,that they're with you, because I
feel like you never want tokind of lose that yeah as long
as you can keep that, it's likeyou're keeping their spirit
alive too, sort of like yeah,yeah, I think the memory always
lasts and lives in you.
Rose oates (20:22):
It's not just a memory.
It's who we are.
We are them, we are part ofthem.
They are a part of us.
It's not gone.
Rosie Rees (20:32):
And I think we need to honour them and commemorate
the dead with having an altarfor them even if it's a really
simplistic one, but with acandle doing little things,
setting the table atChristmastime with a setting for
them, even if it's a reallysimplistic one, but with a
candle doing little things,setting like the table at
Christmas time with a settingfor them my mum had disco a
disco ball in her patio so nowwe have random disco balls on
the Christmas tree and, like youknow, still giving their memory
(20:56):
, yes, bringing them into yourday, just like they are here and
even though I'm really upbeatand fine right now, like I still
have days, of course, where Iam not okay and I
just fucking want my mum backand I don't want to do this
without her and it was too soonand you know I go down that
rabbit hole of grief all overagain.
(21:18):
But I think from me expressingmy fucking emotions, I honestly
think if people don't expresstheir grief, it will come and
fuck you up.
Chrystal Russell (21:26):
It will you will hold that in your body.
This is what we're saying now alot with my family.
So I went through it in helllike how you explained wailed,
cried, punched, kicked.
All of those emotions still nowdo it Quite.
A few family members of minewent into like denial, almost
like this didn't happen it's notreal ignored any kind of
(21:49):
emotion that they were feeling.
Rose oates (21:52):
And now it's like it will always come back.
Chrystal Russell (21:54):
Now it's eating them so badly and I'm
like I told you guys like youneeded to let that out.
Rose oates (21:59):
This was me.
This is with me with trauma.
So I was taught to bury it toit under, put it in a box, put
it away, never talk about itagain.
I'm very happy, upbeat,positive, half glass, full
person.
Through it all.
Actually, even I can always seea positive rather than negative
(22:19):
.
It's who I.
It actually is who I am.
But let me tell you, I swear togod, like having Esme, even
having Octavia, who's my thirdchild, it brought it back up to
the surface.
Everything I hadn't dealt within my past, the trauma, the
things that I had not, that Ithought I had gotten over, which
(22:43):
I absolutely had never unpackedand absolutely had never gotten
over came back with a vengeanceand I didn't realise how many
parts of my life it actuallyaffected.
Like you were saying how we gotonto this subject in the first
place, like you didn't want tohave sex, like weren't in that
space.
Like it came up in sex.
(23:04):
It came up in my everydaypractices.
It came up in how I lookedafter or how I didn't look after
myself and how I go numb.
So to block it, I, if it'ssomething to do with me, I
generally don't feel Idisassociate freeze, yeah, yeah,
and if's someone else, I haveall the emotions for them, all
(23:25):
the feelings.
So it is really important theway that you guys have expressed
it, like it's actually reallyinspiring to listen to because
it's powerful.
Grief is powerful, obviously,but listening to you guys like
letting it out and being okaywith not being okay.
Rosie Rees (23:44):
It's actually healing.
I've done a lot of work on,like, self-development and even
on my Tantra workshops andtrainings I did years ago.
It's from that, honestly,because you're taught to express
your emotion, which is energyin motion, through breath, sound
movement and touch.
Motion, which is energy inmotion through breath, sound
(24:05):
movement and touch, and justthrough loud breathing, loud
sound, like making any authenticsounds, touching yourself, like
I would just hug myself andshudder and shake and like rock
and like just doing all thethings that.
Like a wounded animal like you,how would your grief express
itself physically through yourbody?
Because your body gives youmessages and clues and like
often, yeah, we numb out, weshut down, we don't allow
ourself to feel because so manydifferent reasons.
(24:27):
But you know, when we giveourself permission to just fully
go there, not caring, like whatanyone else thinks of us, like
I was at, you know, a sportsgame and I just cry, I'm not, I
mean, there's no shame in thatand I'm.
If I go to fight, you know,rather than freeze, I'm not,
there's no shame in that and I'm.
If I go to fight, you know,rather than freeze, I'm a
fighter.
So like I think maybe that'sthe same as you, christelle?
I'm not sure, but like gettingit out in some way, and it might
(24:50):
not be yelling and screamingfor you, it could be.
You know, heavy breathing,crying even, like you know,
underneath tears is anger, andunderneath anger is tears.
It's like we've got to gothrough it all yes, yeah
literally like two weeks ago.
Chrystal Russell (25:02):
I might have been, was that two weeks ago?
Yeah, rose called me and I wasjust in hysterics, but I was, I
needed to just let yeah for twodays I just literally cried and
screamed and just felt all thefails.
Felt all the fails, the feels,because I just I knew that if I
didn't let all that out I wasgonna not be in a good place.
(25:24):
Like and the relief I felt.
Sorry, I did concern you a bit.
I fully concerned, rose, of howI was, but I knew that if I
didn't let that happen, and if.
I had bottled that up.
I knew I would not be in a verygood place yes, you did, scare
me, you mole um well done well,but letting it out yeah
(25:45):
and it was vulnerable for mealso letting, because after
dad's death I have pushed a lotof my friendships away, whether
I felt that they were good ornot for me.
I've pushed a lot of peopleaway and I have felt closer to
rose since his death and I justwas like I need to, just even
though it was probablytriggering for her, I just
(26:06):
exploded.
Rose oates (26:07):
You need.
I mean, I called you a mole andI still stand by that but
because it's scary to be theperson listening to someone in
pain or someone that is not okaymentally at the time.
But fuck, it's important to do.
Don't ever feel like you're aburden and that you can't do
(26:27):
these things, because I think Idon't know why I keep saying it
ends with us today.
This is a third, but third timeI've probably said it, but I get
to close the circle, the cyclewe get to stop this cycle, guys
like, if we speak honestly andtruthfully when we need to,
(26:48):
throughout our whole lives,whether it be about sex, whether
it be about grief, whether itbe about having a really fucking
bad day mentally or physicallyor just being tired, then we
stop internalizing it, which isnot good for our bodies, it's
not good for our soul, so we canstop that cycle and normalise
(27:11):
having these hard conversationsso people no longer feel
uncomfortable.
So I think as well, I know forme, the reason I don't speak
sometimes is because I don'twant to burden someone with my
problems, and that's not healthy, no, when I after the death.
Rosie Rees (27:29):
this sounds really weird, but I just wanted to talk
about it.
Like most people go the otherway and just don't want to talk
about it and isolate and pullaway.
I just wanted to be online andtalk about it and I probably
pulled more away now and I'mdoing my own inner work now, but
at the time I just wanted toget on Instagram, talk about it.
(27:50):
I needed to talk about it andthat's just who I am.
Chrystal Russell (27:52):
I'm more of like but do you know how normal
you made me feel?
Oh, like I watched your videosand I was like fuck, I'm normal,
like I was watching you gothrough it and I was like I felt
relief that you were feelingthe same pain that I felt and I
was like this is so like good tosee.
Rose oates (28:09):
But it was also beautiful.
Chrystal Russell (28:10):
Yes.
Rose oates (28:11):
Oh, thank you, Because not everyone can talk
about it, but because you havethe ability and that's a
strength of yours, it's actuallyso relieving for people that
can't yeah.
Rosie Rees (28:24):
You did something beautiful there.
I just I don't know like my mumused to listen and watch my
stories every day and so I feellike it was almost through her
like, but I felt some shame.
I felt like I shouldn't beonline, I shouldn't talk about
this, I shouldn't be.
I'm so vulnerable right nowlike I shouldn't be doing this,
and people around me were likeyou should just go within and
you know.
But that's not what I wanted todo and I'm really glad I didn't
(28:46):
, because I had so many messageslike and I still do like people
asking me for grief, supportbecause of the way I've handled
it.
But yeah, for me it was show.
I needed to show up and be likethis is real.
This is what I'm feeling,because I've been real with my
audience for 10 years abouteverything else, so why would I?
It didn't feel authentic for meto pull away, like I just
(29:09):
wanted to talk about it.
Chrystal Russell (29:10):
And it was you Like.
It was the authentic you Like,even though you were showing
such a dark like time that youwere in.
There was something about it.
That was just so.
I can't explain it.
But like.
I don't know what it was, butwhen I like I literally cried
watching so many of your stories, cause I was like I just knew
(29:31):
exactly how you were feeling.
Rosie Rees (29:34):
Like it just so many people don't let themselves
fully feel the grief, and itconfused me.
I was like it's just a humanemotion, like we're here to feel
all this, the whole spectrumnot just happiness and joy.
Chrystal Russell (29:48):
That's like a major part of your life.
Like you, just don't go.
Oh, they're gone bye yeah, thatdoes that's not normal.
Rose oates (29:54):
No, because we've been taught that like you were
saying yeah we've been taughtthere's a right way and there's
a wrong way to feel grief, andthere's shame around it.
Chrystal Russell (30:04):
Tell you what.
My dad's been gone two yearsnow and I'll continue to talk
about him every day.
He's got a little shrine in mylounge room with his big fat
head and a photo frame.
So does my mum he would love it.
I look at his photo and I'malways like dad with his little
urn there Mine too.
I've been told that he wants tobe released into the ocean and
(30:27):
I'm like you fuckers are stayingin my lounge room for a bit
longer.
For now I'm not ready to letyou go in the ocean.
Rosie Rees (30:31):
Not yet.
Chrystal Russell (30:32):
Maybe that was the ocean thing last week too.
Rose oates (30:34):
What did I do?
I don't know the psychic saidabout the ocean.
Told you the ocean.
Chrystal Russell (30:38):
Yeah.
Rosie Rees (30:38):
But we need to talk about people who've passed.
Yes, Like we're not just goingto get over it.
And this is the thing.
Like people would message meand be like, oh my God, so much
like unsolicited advice over thepast six months.
But I'm very kind and I'm likethank you.
And a lot of people will say,oh, it doesn't get any easier.
(30:59):
I disagree, I honestly disagree.
It doesn't get any easier.
Chrystal Russell (31:05):
I disagree, I honestly disagree.
It doesn't get easier.
Rosie Rees (31:06):
You just learn to live with it.
You learn to live with it.
You gather these new tools toto cope with the grief.
So I think it actually does.
The grief gets smaller and thenyou're able to hold capacity.
You have more capacity to holdthat grief.
At the at the start, you don'thave capacity, you don't have
the tools.
You've never gone through thisbefore, most likely, but when
(31:27):
people would be like it doesn'tget any easier.
Why would you tell someone that?
Actually, in my experience, ifyou fully express and release
your grief, you it will getlighter.
I'm not going to say it's goingto get like easier, but it gets
lighter.
And if you build a connectionwith their spirit, with their
soul, like the person who youlove, who's passed, is just
(31:49):
dying, to connect with you, andeven if you don't believe it, do
you know what, though?
Chrystal Russell (31:53):
This is the thing, and I'm sure you feel
this too.
People see you and they're likeoh, she seems okay.
You go in waves like one dayI'm fine, the next day I'm in
the pits of hell, like, and thatis normal, like it is going to
be okay to be okay one day, andthe next day I'm and only 24
hours later I'm going to be andpeople like in two business days
(32:13):
I'll be on the floor.
Rosie Rees (32:14):
There you go, because I'm getting premenstrual
and I know like I'm okay today.
Yes, but just an fyi if I gooffline, it's I'm going within
and I'm still grieving, andthat's the thing with grief,
what's normal?
Chrystal Russell (32:28):
Forever you can feel like that.
You don't have to be over it ina year or two years or five
years.
Like you miss that person,you're going to go through waves
.
Yeah.
And that is normal.
Rose oates (32:39):
I think everything is normal.
The human experience is normalin general.
Chrystal Russell (32:47):
I've just realised that we have chatted
for a very long time.
Rose oates (32:50):
Look, if you're still here with us, like,
honestly, this is just who weare.
We can't do those freaking30-minute podcasts.
Rosie Rees (32:58):
No, we try, it's just not us.
It's just not you.
Chrystal Russell (33:01):
But I feel like our listeners want to hear
the deets.
Rose oates (33:04):
I know we love chatting with you and I know
we've gone from sexual wellnessand understanding the parts of
our vagina into grief and theloss of your beautiful mom and
having psychic bloody mediamoments and all sorts of crazy.
Rosie Rees (33:20):
So much in this podcast.
Chrystal Russell (33:21):
So much.
Rose oates (33:22):
We just thought we'd roll with it, you know.
Chrystal Russell (33:24):
I feel like we need to get you on with your
like vagina puppet, though,because I need to understand a
little bit more.
Rose oates (33:30):
I love the vagina.
Does the vagina puppet have aname?
Rosie Rees (33:34):
Veronica Valerie, I think, yeah, I like that she'd
have a name, valerie the vulva,but just get a mirror and look
at your pussies tonight, if youcan, and anyone who's listening
who's still here get a mirror, alittle handheld mirror, yep,
and just take a little look,ideally for three, put a song on
Three minutes, three minutes.
(33:54):
Look at her, witness, her.
Look at all the little layers,the flaps, the colours, all the
little holes and theimperfections and the hairs and
the marks, yeah, all of it.
Rose oates (34:05):
Oh, I love it.
That is your homework tonight,from Rosie to look at it.
Chrystal Russell (34:10):
Get intimate with your vagina.
Rose oates (34:12):
Start understanding your own body.
Rosie Rees (34:15):
I think I'm getting the message here is and then you
can properly enjoy sex andenjoy self-pleasure when you
know your body like knowledge ispower, so you feel more
empowered in what you need, whatyou like, what you don't like
and then being able to voicelike a whole.
Other topic is connecting pussyto your voice, because that's a
(34:35):
long you know from.
From voice to head is a shortdistance and we can speak our
mind pretty quick.
Voice to heart a little bitlonger, but voice to pussy is
like you distance and we canspeak our mind pretty quick.
Voice to heart a little bitlonger, but voice to pussy is
like you know Quite a length.
It's a length, right, it's along distance and connecting the
two being able to speak whatyour pussy needs.
Your pussy is relying on you totell the people who you're with
(34:55):
, whoever what she needs, wantsfears and desires Like she needs
you to communicate for her.
Rose oates (35:02):
We actually had some quick little this is something
we can't skip.
Chrystal Russell (35:07):
Like too bad if this goes for two hours.
Rose oates (35:08):
It is what it is.
We're here already.
We're already at an hour and ahalf, so we might as well.
Chrystal Russell (35:12):
We're getting down to it.
What is your favourite sex toyand why?
Rosie Rees (35:17):
Sacred squirter because it makes me squirt
Sacred squirter.
Chrystal Russell (35:22):
That's her right there I need to order one,
because I feel like that'sreally small.
Rosie Rees (35:25):
You need the 2.0.
Chrystal Russell (35:27):
Is there a 2.0 ?
There's a bigger one that looksreally small to me.
Rose oates (35:30):
But she's so beautiful, pretty, I've got to
think it.
Chrystal Russell (35:34):
What is your food porn?
What is that food that's justlike oh.
Rose oates (35:39):
Like the food that gets you off.
If there was a food, okay.
Rosie Rees (35:43):
So I love moist puddings with ice cream.
Like a chocolate pudding, likea self-sourcing chocolate
pudding or a sticky date puddingwith like ice cream on the side
, maybe some custard, maybe somecream.
Chrystal Russell (35:59):
And it's oozy.
Rosie Rees (36:00):
And oozy, I like hot with cold yeah.
I really like temperature playin my salads, in my meals, in my
desserts.
Chrystal Russell (36:09):
Yummy.
Rosie Rees (36:09):
It's got to have some hot and some cold.
Chrystal Russell (36:10):
What's your food porn Gluten.
Rose oates (36:15):
I love there's bloody fucking pastry sitting in
front of me.
Oh, there is something aboutbread.
Like a hot crusty sourdough,freshly baked bread with butter.
Chrystal Russell (36:33):
And none of this gluten-free shit.
We're talking full wheat.
We're talking full wheat likebeautiful.
Rose oates (36:38):
So the bread is like slightly warm and then you put
the butter on thick bitches,thick.
So you put it on and you biteit.
Rosie Rees (36:45):
Yeah, salted butter.
Chrystal Russell (36:46):
A bit of salt on top.
Rosie Rees (36:47):
Oh my God, See what I mean.
It's like when you're at afancy restaurant and they bring
the bread, the bread, and it'swarm.
Rose oates (36:52):
There's just something that it does something
to me.
It even does something to meeverywhere and does something to
me everywhere, like I'm gettinga whole body sensation.
Rosie Rees (37:01):
I'm getting drooling .
Rose oates (37:02):
Some bread butter, and just the freshness of it and
the smell.
Baked goods, croissants yeah,how about yours?
Chrystal Russell (37:13):
I like mashed potato with truffle oil.
Rose oates (37:16):
Oh, you fancy.
Chrystal Russell (37:18):
Smooth and creamy and truffly Bit of chilli
on it.
Rose oates (37:22):
Oh, potatoes, get me off.
Chrystal Russell (37:24):
Potatoes.
Rose oates (37:24):
Actually fucking anything with potatoes.
Rosie Rees (37:27):
Ash quite likes a potato Bread and potatoes yes.
Rose oates (37:31):
Oh.
Rosie Rees (37:31):
Okay.
Rose oates (37:32):
Speaking of Ash, something that Ash does that
immediately turns you on.
It doesn't have to be sexual.
It could be whatever it is thatshe does that you're like.
I want you okay, two things.
Rosie Rees (37:43):
Well, like a simple one that can do anytime is just
a look.
They have this look that theygive me where it's like, it's
almost like they're a fuck boyand like you're like in a bad,
in a boy band and they just giveme this like they just like
flick their hair back and theyjust like look at me and like,
raise their eyebrows and justhave.
It's like they know what lookto give me and I'm just like my
(38:06):
knees like melt seriously.
They know.
They know what they're doing,then, or seeing them on stage
doing Jungle Body is instantturn on because they're just so
coordinated and sexy From dayone, though you love that about
them.
Rose oates (38:20):
I just love dancers.
Rosie Rees (38:21):
I can't dance Like I'm not a dancer at all, but I
can appreciate a good dancer.
Rose oates (38:26):
Someone that's coordinated, actually, yeah, so
sexy being coordinated, which islike hip thrusting and like oh
my.
God, I don't know that you'recoordinated.
I'm not coordinated.
No, I said it's not.
But watching someone that iscoordinated, it is hot.
It's so hot Like Craig's, verycoordinated.
He was a gymnast.
Chrystal Russell (38:44):
Whoa, I did not know this about Craig.
Rose oates (38:46):
Craig is a very muscular guy, but because of
that, that's why he didn'tprogress in gymnastics as a teen
.
But he was very, very good at it.
So when, craig, I have astepson, so when we used to go
out to parks every singlefortnight that we had even since
I was 20, and Craig would beable to like he knows his own
(39:07):
body, like he knows how to roll,like he'll fall off something
and he'll do a little barrelroll or he'll flip, like he was
able to like run and like do aflip in the middle of nowhere,
or like go in between the barsand like perfectly maneuver, and
I was like that's hot, oh shit.
Chrystal Russell (39:25):
I was like my god, I was you can gym on me all
the time I know he it'sridiculous, or when they have a
drill in their hand.
Rose oates (39:33):
Oh, that's another thing I think that's craig for,
like when he watches me with adrill.
Chrystal Russell (39:37):
I, I'm the handy woman or you, dressed in
the painting sperm suit.
That does it for me.
Rose oates (39:43):
I know, I know it does it for you.
I see your stories.
She messages me straight up andI'm like oh, she's got the
sperm suit on.
Chrystal Russell (39:49):
She wears like this full outfit.
She's covered in this whiteoutfit.
You cannot see it Into her skin.
Beside her face I look like asperm suit.
She doesn't get paint onherself and she wears this
outfit and I swear to God, it islike the most hilarious thing
ever.
Okay.
Rose oates (40:03):
I need to see this.
Rosie Rees (40:03):
It's good it's so unsexy but for some reason it is
so good it turns him on.
Chrystal Russell (40:08):
Yeah, he kind of like it's the giggles, it's
the painting, and then he's likeRose and you turn around and
just your face is showing.
Rose oates (40:13):
It's just a little sperm head, that a sperm I'm
like.
Chrystal Russell (40:19):
We've got a few more questions.
Rose oates (40:20):
Okay, oh, sorry, oh your pet hate.
Rosie Rees (40:26):
What's my pet hate?
I would say just Say it, say it.
Listen, I don't have ADHD.
I'm very neurotypical, ashleyis not, and so there are some
like Ash can just go into thistunnel vision world and work and
(40:50):
like nothing.
They can't see anything else inthe house.
I see mess and I see shit andAsh can just tune it out Like
good for them.
But yeah, that piss pissed meoff because I'm if I'm working
at home I'm also doing a load ofwashing and I'm also sweeping
the floor and I'm doing, yeah,the dishes, and like ash can
just go and zone out and I'mlike I hate that we relate I'm
(41:16):
very much not neurotypical, socan't relate with.
Rose oates (41:21):
Ash, do I have the last one?
Chrystal Russell (41:25):
You do oh.
Rose oates (41:25):
I've got the sexual position of choice 69.
Chrystal Russell (41:32):
I said this before you walked in here.
We were like discussing thequestions and.
I said that it was 69.
Rosie Rees (41:40):
How did you know?
Maybe you're a bit psychic.
Chrystal Russell (41:42):
No, you told on a story once.
Rosie Rees (41:44):
Oh did I, yeah, okay .
Chrystal Russell (41:46):
There was a discussion about I think you and
Ash were chatting aboutfavourite positions and it was
69.
I was like Yours.
Rose oates (41:57):
I like cowgirl.
I knew you were going to saythat.
Just when you're on top, yeah,but backwards.
Rosie Rees (42:01):
Oh, reverse cowgirl, I knew you were going to say
that.
Chrystal Russell (42:02):
Just when you're on top, but backwards or
reverse cowgirl.
Yeah, reverse Backwards, liketo like, get the booty in the
face.
Rosie Rees (42:07):
Yes, yes, yeah, that's hot, it's actually like
Beneficial for me that way.
Yeah, you can do the grindygrind, yeah, yeah, and hold the
legs, yeah, like you're ridingthem.
Rose oates (42:20):
Yeah, now I'm getting a full visual of Crystal
in the bedroom.
There are four dogs on the bed.
Chrystal Russell (42:25):
But that way my dogs can't lick my toes
either.
Rosie Rees (42:29):
Oh, no, dogs need to be in their bed Sorry.
Chrystal Russell (42:32):
We talked about this last time.
A dog or two have licked mytoes during.
Oh, it's so annoying, see, it'shappened.
It's a turn.
So annoying, see it's happened.
Rosie Rees (42:38):
He can turn off Harry, just needs he turns
around.
He's actually quite respectfulhe turns around.
He's respectful, he does a bighuff and he's like, oh, this
again.
And then just turns around.
Rose oates (42:48):
Dogs know mate, they know.
Chrystal Russell (42:51):
I can't have.
I don't like my dogs look forany leftovers.
That's so bad.
Rosie Rees (42:55):
Oh, so does mine.
Harry has a.
That's a good sniff.
He's like what's this On thebed?
So I go away.
Chrystal Russell (43:02):
I need one, you do.
I've said this for months, forthe love of God, you do, because
that's the clean up.
I need one for my couch I saw afriend of ours got one for her
couch.
I was like, damn, that's a goodidea.
Absolutely, babe I believe it.
Especially because my littledog, she's going on heat.
I need to get her done andshe's just like doing little
wheeze everywhere and she'sdecided my couch is just like a
(43:24):
spot to do it.
Rose oates (43:25):
Oh yes, ziki's on heat right now and she's
bleeding, so she has a splashblanket on her, and then I can
just chuck it in the wash.
Because I don't know if I wantto have baby sausages yet.
Yeah, I'm leaving her theoption.
Rosie Rees (43:37):
Good, You're like she'll be a good mother.
You need the moon blood freebleeding blanket.
Rose oates (43:41):
Yes, well, it has to be on the couch, because she
gets on the couch and Craig'slike I can't help, can't we get
her a nappy?
And I was like let her be.
Chrystal Russell (43:47):
Let her free bleed.
Rose oates (43:48):
Let her bleed on the splashy, but yes.
Chrystal Russell (43:51):
So we've had so much fun on here.
We've gone through it all.
We've talked about the puss.
We have some grief.
Yes, we did not eat thepastries yet, but we will, and
we just think that you're such adelight to have, rosie.
Rosie Rees (44:09):
I love you guys, we love you I was so excited to
chat to you today, us too.
Rose oates (44:13):
I mean, I knew this conversation was going to go
from, you know, north to south,but it's both spectrum.
Rosie Rees (44:19):
It's like sex is the top end of the spectrum of like
joy and happiness and pleasure,and then grief is right at the
fucking bottom, like yeah, yeah,but it all is intertwined.
Rose oates (44:30):
Our bodies hold the keys to everything our bodies
and our minds.
I just I love talking bodies.
I love talking about gettingdeep.
I love getting deep.
Okay With everything With glasscrystal.
Yeah, honestly, where can wefind you online?
Rosie Rees (44:48):
So my socials is rosiereese, R-E-E-E-S, and I'm
usually shadow banned so youhave to type the whole thing.
Yes, guys.
Rose oates (44:56):
We will put her full name in the show notes.
She also has a Golden Yonimembership, so if you want to
know more about your bodies,sexual wellness, pleasure, use
the code pleasure actually for afree month.
So you can jump on in it's onTeachable.
Rosie Rees (45:15):
It's 14 modules of content, so there's a lot in
there to go through, but you canjust go at your own pace and
then it's 40 bucks a month afterthat.
Rose oates (45:22):
Yeah so this will be a good start for you.
So if you did listen to thewhole podcast, you got the code
okay, they're the fan girlswho've got to the end.
If you have got to the end, comeand message us, let us know
legit if you have any questionsfor Rosie or ourselves, be sure
to um send us a dm or or pop usa message somewhere.
We will definitely get back toyou when we can, but all in all,
(45:46):
I think thank you so much forcoming.
We really appreciate you andyour time.
I hope you know that and alwaystake care of yourselves.
Chrystal Russell (45:53):
And take care of each other.
Rose oates (45:55):
Bye bitches, Bye Bye .
Welcome back to another episode of Bearing it
All with Rose and Crystal.
This is actually the secondpart to our chat with the
beautiful Rosie Rees.
We could not cap this episode,so we've split it into two parts
.
Chrystal Russell (00:12):
Enjoy, because you did just bring it up.
Let's just touch base a littlebit around the grief that you've
recently gone through, becauseit's been a lot for you.
You lost your mum recently and,funny enough, good old mummy's
been connecting with rose notrosie rose.
(00:34):
Yeah, that's right plot twist.
Rose oates (00:36):
I know it has been dear old mama, oh yeah, now I'm
trying to talk about it, so whatpeople may not?
know, oh see now I'm trying totalk about it.
So what people may not knowabout me, and maybe something
that I that's a lie, like I'vealways known in myself, I've
always had like a very strongintuition, is that sometimes I
get a few messages through andfor some unknown reason, even
(01:00):
before I knew your mum hadactually passed publicly, I had
this connection to Rosie Our are.
I'm actually Roseanne, myactual name is Roseanne and I'm
Rosanna.
Yes, and so we were both alsoknown as Roxy at one point in
our lives, and it was actuallymy brothers call me Roxy close
family, but I also liked at onestage of my life I actually
(01:22):
liked to be known me Roxy closefamily, but I also liked, at one
stage of my life I actuallyliked to be known as Roxy
personally.
Chrystal Russell (01:27):
It reminds me of a porn star.
Rose oates (01:33):
It is a bit of my alter ego.
She's a bit more wild and freeand when she just wants to have
that, there are people that willlisten to this, that know me as
Roxy and not as Rose at all.
Rosie Rees (01:45):
I was Roxy in London when I was a hot mess, See and
this is what's weird.
Rose oates (01:50):
So when I started getting messages from Rosie's
mum it was I thought they weretalking to me, so like it was
for me, but they called meRosanna.
And, yeah, they were talking tome and I was getting Rosanna,
but no one calls me Rosanna.
Al, they were talking to me andI was getting Rosanna, but no
one calls me Rosanna, alive ordead.
The only person that might havesaid it was Rosanna was my nun,
(02:11):
who's passed, and that becauseit's actually not my name and my
mum and dad really didn't likewhen I was called Rosanna.
So, yeah, I a post of Rosie'scame up one day and they you
said that you would like NanaRosanna, and when the post came
up, I was like that's a funnymeme, like it.
And then, boom, the messagescame in and I was like this is
(02:33):
not for me, this is for you.
So we have known each otheroutside of this pod and events
and just not as, like you know,close, close mates, but for some
reason.
Rosie Rees (02:45):
But I still feel a closeness with you.
Rose oates (02:47):
Yes, I do Like whenever I'd see you.
Rosie Rees (02:50):
And that's when I saw you.
What was it four months ago atChristelle's event?
Yes, and you avoided me likethe plague and you were getting
progressively more drunk and youwere like shaky and I'm like
why hasn't Rose come to say hi?
You know we haven't had a goodchat tonight, like what's going
on.
Chrystal Russell (03:06):
She had previously told me, like before
the event, she was freaking theF out.
She was like, do I saysomething, Do I not say
something?
What if I make her upset Likeshe's?
Like was freaking out over itand I was like, oh, you know,
you're going to have to decidefeel the room like you know,
because I think, at that pointtoo you were still like quite
upset over it, and it's onlybeen six months as well, so it's
(03:30):
still.
Rosie Rees (03:31):
It's fresh, happened July last year, so what's no?
So what's that?
Seven months or so at themoment?
Rose oates (03:38):
So how are you feeling at the moment?
Rosie Rees (03:41):
Honestly, Honestly, I feel I feel really good and I
feel kind of bad saying that.
Um, I felt mum come throughquite strongly this morning on
the way here, but I like I feelas though I have felt every
emotion there is to feel and Ididn't hold back for, like you
(04:05):
know, four months or so aftermum died, I cried, yelled,
screamed, mourned like, wailedanywhere.
Anytime.
I didn't hold anything in, everdidn't care where the fuck I
was.
I just let it out and I thinkthat's why I'm so okay right now
.
I don't feel like I'm like, youknow, masking it or like
squashing it or suppressing it.
(04:26):
I I also know that my mom is soat peace, she is so happy where
she is, and I almost feel a bitseparate to myself as I say this
, because I want, I miss her,her.
I want her back, you know, andit was her choice to go and I
don't agree with that choice.
(04:47):
But at the same time, I've beenforced to to respect that and
that's what she wanted, and Ithink actually that's how she
was going to go, the that thatthe writing was on the wall for
(05:08):
many years and that was her wayout, and she struggled with
mental demons her entire life.
Um, so I am feeling, I feelreally like I feel so fine.
And there were moments where Ifelt relief and I don't think
anyone really talks about thateither um, the relief of like
she's not in any pain anymore,you know, and she's, she's in a
better place, and I actuallycommunicate with her a fuck lot
(05:30):
like she, we used to talk everyday.
Um which Rose had a message thismorning about talking every day
and we did, and so for me like,and it's still really tricky,
like I keep going to call herand just reach out and like,
yeah, I really miss her becausewe were best friends, like she
was my bestie Did she have avoicemail?
Chrystal Russell (05:49):
No, and I found I recorded my dad's like
voicemail, so sometimes when Ifeel like I want to call, I'll
just listen to the voicemail Iwish there was, yeah but I found
some old voicemails from herthat I've been able to keep
Hearing their voice is so lovelyBecause I feel like videos as
well.
You're not going to forget justyet because it's still quite
(06:10):
fresh, but for me sometimes Iforget what his voice sounded
like.
So it's like just that reminderof like listening to something.
Yeah, but it is funny becauseon the way here this morning,
Rose called me and was like I'mgetting all these messages.
And she's like I'm getting allthese messages and she's like
(06:31):
I'm not sure if it's for you orif it's for Rosie, and she was
like telling me all the things.
Then, when Rosie came in andsat down, they were all for
Rosie.
Rose oates (06:36):
Yeah, I didn't know Cause I'm of course they were.
Of course they were like it's.
It's a weird connection.
Like I said, I don't know why,um, but I think there is because
she wants to talk to youwhenever she's got the
opportunity, like she used to.
There has been a lot of thingsthat I've learned along the way,
so this morning, I mean I can'tbelieve I'm sharing this.
(06:59):
I didn't even know if we weregoing to talk about this.
So, oh, thank you.
The chest I get a realtightness in my chest, in my
throat.
I feel like I can't breathe.
When she comes through at first, it's really, really
uncomfortable.
I think it's clear, like that,your mum did take her own life.
So was that something that you?
(07:21):
You actually shocked you?
You were, weren't you?
Rosie Rees (07:25):
I was.
Yeah, I was actually reallyshocked because she was so happy
.
I only saw her like the daybefore, was it?
Yeah, two days before.
And it's so funny because I'dactually dropped into her house
twice that week and had a cup oftea with her and she seemed,
seemed fine.
(07:45):
She seemed happier than usual,actually, and I think that when
people make a decision thatthey're going to go, there's
this um contentment in them thatthat's what they've decided,
and so I had no warning at alland we just got married like a
month or two before.
So, um, but in saying that, um,her, yeah, I remember attempts
(08:10):
from when I was 12, um, allthrough my adolescence, um,
that's why I went to boardingschool just wasn't, I couldn't
live with mum.
Like we had a very closeconnection, but it wasn't like
it.
She wasn't in a good place,yeah, but being a single mum,
she just, you know, she justneeded to work, and like she
(08:31):
didn't have the opportunity tostop and get the help that she
really needed.
And so when this happened, itwas, yeah, I think she'd felt as
though Rosie has Ash, she'smarried now, everyone's safe,
everyone's good, everyone has afamily.
I can go now.
Rose oates (08:50):
Yeah, oh, that's a lot.
Chrystal Russell (08:53):
And I think it's taken a bit for me to
understand this.
But I think once they've madethat kind of decision, no matter
how much you try to talk themout of it even if you were aware
doesn't really change.
Like I spoke with the mediumafter dads and they were like if
you changed his mind that day,he was going to do it a
(09:14):
different day.
So it's just becoming like Iguess accepting of that, like
that you actually cannot changewhat they've decided their fate
to be.
It wasn't a matter of yeah, andit's like getting over that,
because I don't know if youblamed yourself at all, but I
did go through that thing oflike I felt guilty that I didn't
see the signs or that I didn'twasn't aware or for a long time
(09:35):
held that guilt.
Rosie Rees (09:36):
I feel guilty that I cause I was mum's emotional
support, like we.
I've been not her therapist orlike she hated when I coached
her, but like, um, if she wasupset or she needed help, I it
was me, I was her emotional um,yeah, just her rock.
And I feel guilty and I'mworking through the feelings of
(09:59):
guilt that I wasn't able to pickthis up and I wasn't there for
her and but you know what?
She started pushing me away,pushing everyone away, actually
months beforehand.
So there was lots of littlealarm bells and signs actually,
when you look back, but theguilt of not realising sooner
(10:19):
and but it was going to happen.
And this is where I have to justremember, like it wasn't a
matter of when it was, if it waswhen, when it was going to
happen, and this is where I haveto just remember like it wasn't
a matter of when it was, yeah,yeah if it was when, when it was
going to happen it.
Chrystal Russell (10:30):
Just that's right.
Yeah, I think we all get thatfeeling, but I think the good
thing to know is that, like she,you know, loved you so much and
yeah all of the things thatcome through from Rose's end is
that she just wants to be closeto you still.
Rose oates (10:45):
Yeah, it's actually really, really, really beautiful
.
Like I said to you, it'ssomething that I don't fully
understand myself and I neverclaim to, and I just jotted it
down because I was like I don'tknow what this means and I'm not
a professional medium.
I don't do this as like aliving and I'm learning as I go
(11:06):
because I've just let it in.
I suppose I've allowed myselfjust to feel more.
I told myself that last yearthat I was going to let myself
feel more and I just reallydidn't understand what that
meant.
But it was obviously a wholebody experience.
But going back to that nightthat I did see you and I was
avoiding you like the plague andI was getting drunk, is I
(11:26):
actually don't need a lot.
I'm not a big drinker, actuallyat all, um, but I love having a
, I love having a booze, like Ilove, but I started drinking
because I got nervous and Istarted just downing tequila,
because I love tequila, and, um,I was like I just couldn't talk
to you because I knew if Ispoke to you that I was going to
get overwhelmed.
(11:48):
Your mum was very pushy.
She is so persistent.
Rosie Rees (11:52):
Oh, my God.
Rose oates (11:52):
So determined and I felt like I was going nuts.
I was like this isn't real,rose, just push it aside.
You're just making this.
I actually thought I was justmaking it up.
I was like your mind's justrunning away with these things.
Rosie Rees (12:04):
The proof was in your body, because as soon as
you told me and you gave me allthese messages and a hug, like a
mummy hug, you said your wholenervous system was like a big
exhale, like, oh, I can release,now I can freaking sleep
tonight.
Rose oates (12:19):
I didn't even know you were coming to this event
and so I've had these messages.
And then the day of, or the daybefore, I couldn't.
She just was bombarding me allthe way home on the freeway and
Crystal said, oh my god, youknow Rosie and Ash are coming
tonight and I was like oh fuck,oh no.
I was stressed.
And then that took me to a nextlevel stress.
(12:40):
I told Craig and Craig's likewhat the hell I thought you were
being a bit weird, like so, yes, I did, I tequila it up and I
thought, now or never she'sabout to leave.
And I just um cornered Rosie andI said, hey, um, this is what's
happening to me.
And you were just as you are inlife, with everything, with
(13:02):
your pussy, everything.
You were just so open toreceiving and I was like, oh,
thank God.
Rosie Rees (13:09):
I just was so excited to hear from her Like
I'm like, of course I want toknow for you know, get a message
from my mum.
Rose oates (13:16):
But she is so determined, so pushy and she was
just like if you don't tell herthis, I'm going to make you in
some.
I felt like she was gonnaembody me or something.
I was like, oh, but yeah, itwas a hell release.
And even this morning, um, Iget like a tightness in my chest
and everything and I'm like Ihate there.
Um, she just knows like Rosieand I cross paths a lot, I
(13:36):
assume, and she's like I'm justgonna make sure I say hello,
just popping in.
So, yeah, we just had a lotabout tea and talking every day,
trying loss, decluttering.
Rosie Rees (13:48):
Literally everything that Rose has said this morning
is like literally somethingthat I'm going through or I'm
doing, or I'm feeling or I havelike everything it's bang on
accurate.
Rose oates (14:00):
Keeping it brief, and then I got boots, boots,
boots, boots, but yeah, alsoalso yeah about decluttering and
I'll say this to you, but Ithink actually now it's a very
important message for peoplethat are listening.
Is that, um, letting go ofstuff in your home, in your
space, it's also healthy foryour mind, not just of like a
loved one's things, but your own, because, because it takes up
(14:24):
space in your home, but it doestake up space in your mind as
well.
Rosie Rees (14:27):
Energetically, everything has a vibration and I
think, like I took my mum'streadmill home, I actually took
like this, I couldn't throwanything away and because I just
thought it was her in a way.
But having had some time andspace and the treadmill, I
remember I walked on thetreadmill once and I didn't like
(14:48):
it and then I realised, youknow, she would get on the
treadmill a lot and she was kindof very internal and what's the
word when people just can'tleave the house, kind of thing,
like it wasn't a good energy.
When I got on it I realized Idon't want this energy.
This is not mum, this was her.
A way of her coping was walking.
She used to walk like 10kilometers a day, um, and it
(15:10):
helped her mentally but at thesame time it wasn't like a was,
it was an addiction maybe therewas a lot of her pain on that
treadmill there was a lot ofpain on that treadmill and you
know where it's gone.
So I have this guy called Jimmywho picks up lots of our boxes
and rubbish and like just doesso much like removal of stuff
for me, um, in the business andfor me personally anyway.
He took it home because he hassix cats and he's gonna walk his
(15:33):
cats on there can we get avideo of that?
Rose oates (15:35):
oh my god, jimmy, I don't know my mum would be
stoked with that like great.
I'm stoked that the cats aregoing for little walks.
Chrystal Russell (15:42):
I need to see this on.
Rose oates (15:43):
Instagram.
Oh my god, cat videos are thebest.
Rosie Rees (15:46):
How funny but so.
But every lot, like a lot ofher furniture, has gone to
people that I I love.
I know and I love um or worthyAustralia women coming out of
domestic violence.
She was in a domestic, uhviolent relationship um years
and years and years ago and Ijust know, like I, I know that
her stuff is going to places itneeds to be, but there's still
(16:07):
some stuff that I'm probablyhanging on to that I can get rid
of.
Chrystal Russell (16:11):
And you will when the time feels right.
Yeah, but I laughed becausewhen we had Ash on the pod, I
remember Rose being like Rosie'smum has this like smell and
it's like almost like an op shop, and Ash was like, well, she
worked in an op shop.
Rosie Rees (16:31):
Yes, she was a volunteer.
Chrystal Russell (16:33):
She worked in an op shop and we were just like
mind blown.
Rose oates (16:37):
Okay, I was trying to like.
Chrystal Russell (16:39):
You're like.
I was winding down the windows.
I was like op shop smell.
It's outrageous.
I was trying to like.
You're like.
Rosie Rees (16:43):
I was winding down the windows I was like op shop
smell, like it's outrageous,like she's worked at an op shop
for five years, volunteering ata hospital.
Chrystal Russell (16:49):
And we all know what op shop smell.
Like right, you walk in andit's the op shop smell.
Rose oates (16:52):
And it kind of smells like this bit of mothball
.
I was winding down the windowsin my car thinking what's in my
car, like, like, and I was likeblasting and I was like how is
it still here?
Chrystal Russell (17:02):
I put the windows, jesus Christ, like she
was sitting next to you in thecar yeah, it's wild, it's.
Rosie Rees (17:08):
It's amazing what you can feel when you like
actually get in tune, reallytune in yeah, my mum was not a
spiritual woman at all, um, butI feel like she's discovered she
, well, she's she's spirit now.
I guess, but she realizes now,doesn't she, that she is.
She's so strong her presence,like I've had multiple, probably
(17:30):
10 or more moments ofconnection with her spirit, like
palpable at home connectionanywhere.
Wow, yeah, like a sign for meis a white feather and I'll
literally, and, but only if Iwalk literally over the top of a
white feather or it like reallycomes right onto my path.
But more than that, like justso many I can't even think of
(17:54):
them right now.
Chrystal Russell (17:55):
Yeah, I remember one day you were like,
went for a walk or a jog orsomething and this bird wouldn't
leave you alone.
So birds.
Rosie Rees (18:02):
She said she was going to come back as a um.
What are those little cutebirds?
really wagged yeah really wagged, how um, and so I've connected
with a few of them and but birdshave come to me and so I was on
this like walk in nature andthis bird flew down and like on
(18:22):
my best friend, erin but Erin'sterrified of birds so I took the
bird and just placed it on myshoulder Because it looked like
there was a bird attacking us.
But it was just like thisdomestic, almost like a budgie
that was obviously in the wild,and it just sat on my shoulder
for like half an hour as Iwalked around this lake.
Chrystal Russell (18:39):
I remember seeing that video and being like
that's Rosie's mum.
Rosie Rees (18:41):
But it was my mum and I just put mum's oh this is
so weird her earrings in my earand it was pecking the earrings
see yeah, and her.
It was her necklace too, so itwas like pecking the earrings.
Chrystal Russell (18:53):
I don't know birds do that yeah but it was
like pecking both and it wascrazy that you just put those on
.
Rosie Rees (19:00):
I just put those on that day and it was just feeling
like there was mum right on myshoulder.
Rose oates (19:05):
I believe in all those things, though, I do too.
Well, I have to now, becausethere's just it's coming to you.
Rosie Rees (19:10):
To me it's just undeniable, oh it's found you
yeah, whether you like it or not, but you can shut it out.
Yeah, she's just there.
You can't see her or the lovedones, your dad.
They're just there in energyand we just get to call them in
(19:37):
Like a friend described to me.
Chrystal Russell (19:39):
She's like imagine you're sitting back to
back with somebody on a chair.
She's like that's what it'slike they're on the other side,
back to back with you.
That's powerful.
Rosie Rees (19:49):
So I always think of like dad, like that, like
whenever I'm thinking to me itwas like a sheet of paper.
Yeah, that's how fine, it isyeah and just because we can't
see them doesn't mean they'renot there they're there all the
time, but definitely.
Chrystal Russell (20:03):
I think it's nice, in whatever way you
visualize your family member,that they're with you, because I
feel like you never want tokind of lose that yeah as long
as you can keep that, it's likeyou're keeping their spirit
alive too, sort of like yeah,yeah, I think the memory always
lasts and lives in you.
Rose oates (20:22):
It's not just a memory.
It's who we are.
We are them, we are part ofthem.
They are a part of us.
It's not gone.
Rosie Rees (20:32):
And I think we need to honour them and commemorate
the dead with having an altarfor them even if it's a really
simplistic one, but with acandle doing little things,
setting the table atChristmastime with a setting for
them, even if it's a reallysimplistic one, but with a
candle doing little things,setting like the table at
Christmas time with a settingfor them my mum had disco a
disco ball in her patio so nowwe have random disco balls on
the Christmas tree and, like youknow, still giving their memory
(20:56):
, yes, bringing them into yourday, just like they are here and
even though I'm really upbeatand fine right now, like I still
have days, of course, where Iam not okay and I
just fucking want my mum backand I don't want to do this
without her and it was too soonand you know I go down that
rabbit hole of grief all overagain.
(21:18):
But I think from me expressingmy fucking emotions, I honestly
think if people don't expresstheir grief, it will come and
fuck you up.
Chrystal Russell (21:26):
It will you will hold that in your body.
This is what we're saying now alot with my family.
So I went through it in helllike how you explained wailed,
cried, punched, kicked.
All of those emotions still nowdo it Quite.
A few family members of minewent into like denial, almost
like this didn't happen it's notreal ignored any kind of
(21:49):
emotion that they were feeling.
Rose oates (21:52):
And now it's like it will always come back.
Chrystal Russell (21:54):
Now it's eating them so badly and I'm
like I told you guys like youneeded to let that out.
Rose oates (21:59):
This was me.
This is with me with trauma.
So I was taught to bury it toit under, put it in a box, put
it away, never talk about itagain.
I'm very happy, upbeat,positive, half glass, full
person.
Through it all.
Actually, even I can always seea positive rather than negative
(22:19):
.
It's who I.
It actually is who I am.
But let me tell you, I swear togod, like having Esme, even
having Octavia, who's my thirdchild, it brought it back up to
the surface.
Everything I hadn't dealt within my past, the trauma, the
things that I had not, that Ithought I had gotten over, which
(22:43):
I absolutely had never unpackedand absolutely had never gotten
over came back with a vengeanceand I didn't realise how many
parts of my life it actuallyaffected.
Like you were saying how we gotonto this subject in the first
place, like you didn't want tohave sex, like weren't in that
space.
Like it came up in sex.
(23:04):
It came up in my everydaypractices.
It came up in how I lookedafter or how I didn't look after
myself and how I go numb.
So to block it, I, if it'ssomething to do with me, I
generally don't feel Idisassociate freeze, yeah, yeah,
and if's someone else, I haveall the emotions for them, all
(23:25):
the feelings.
So it is really important theway that you guys have expressed
it, like it's actually reallyinspiring to listen to because
it's powerful.
Grief is powerful, obviously,but listening to you guys like
letting it out and being okaywith not being okay.
Rosie Rees (23:44):
It's actually healing.
I've done a lot of work on,like, self-development and even
on my Tantra workshops andtrainings I did years ago.
It's from that, honestly,because you're taught to express
your emotion, which is energyin motion, through breath, sound
movement and touch.
Motion, which is energy inmotion through breath, sound
(24:05):
movement and touch, and justthrough loud breathing, loud
sound, like making any authenticsounds, touching yourself, like
I would just hug myself andshudder and shake and like rock
and like just doing all thethings that.
Like a wounded animal like you,how would your grief express
itself physically through yourbody?
Because your body gives youmessages and clues and like
often, yeah, we numb out, weshut down, we don't allow
ourself to feel because so manydifferent reasons.
(24:27):
But you know, when we giveourself permission to just fully
go there, not caring, like whatanyone else thinks of us, like
I was at, you know, a sportsgame and I just cry, I'm not, I
mean, there's no shame in thatand I'm.
If I go to fight, you know,rather than freeze, I'm not,
there's no shame in that and I'm.
If I go to fight, you know,rather than freeze, I'm a
fighter.
So like I think maybe that'sthe same as you, christelle?
I'm not sure, but like gettingit out in some way, and it might
(24:50):
not be yelling and screamingfor you, it could be.
You know, heavy breathing,crying even, like you know,
underneath tears is anger, andunderneath anger is tears.
It's like we've got to gothrough it all yes, yeah
literally like two weeks ago.
Chrystal Russell (25:02):
I might have been, was that two weeks ago?
Yeah, rose called me and I wasjust in hysterics, but I was, I
needed to just let yeah for twodays I just literally cried and
screamed and just felt all thefails.
Felt all the fails, the feels,because I just I knew that if I
didn't let all that out I wasgonna not be in a good place.
(25:24):
Like and the relief I felt.
Sorry, I did concern you a bit.
I fully concerned, rose, of howI was, but I knew that if I
didn't let that happen, and if.
I had bottled that up.
I knew I would not be in a verygood place yes, you did, scare
me, you mole um well done well,but letting it out yeah
(25:45):
and it was vulnerable for mealso letting, because after
dad's death I have pushed a lotof my friendships away, whether
I felt that they were good ornot for me.
I've pushed a lot of peopleaway and I have felt closer to
rose since his death and I justwas like I need to, just even
though it was probablytriggering for her, I just
(26:06):
exploded.
Rose oates (26:07):
You need.
I mean, I called you a mole andI still stand by that but
because it's scary to be theperson listening to someone in
pain or someone that is not okaymentally at the time.
But fuck, it's important to do.
Don't ever feel like you're aburden and that you can't do
(26:27):
these things, because I think Idon't know why I keep saying it
ends with us today.
This is a third, but third timeI've probably said it, but I get
to close the circle, the cyclewe get to stop this cycle, guys
like, if we speak honestly andtruthfully when we need to,
(26:48):
throughout our whole lives,whether it be about sex, whether
it be about grief, whether itbe about having a really fucking
bad day mentally or physicallyor just being tired, then we
stop internalizing it, which isnot good for our bodies, it's
not good for our soul, so we canstop that cycle and normalise
(27:11):
having these hard conversationsso people no longer feel
uncomfortable.
So I think as well, I know forme, the reason I don't speak
sometimes is because I don'twant to burden someone with my
problems, and that's not healthy, no, when I after the death.
Rosie Rees (27:29):
this sounds really weird, but I just wanted to talk
about it.
Like most people go the otherway and just don't want to talk
about it and isolate and pullaway.
I just wanted to be online andtalk about it and I probably
pulled more away now and I'mdoing my own inner work now, but
at the time I just wanted toget on Instagram, talk about it.
(27:50):
I needed to talk about it andthat's just who I am.
Chrystal Russell (27:52):
I'm more of like but do you know how normal
you made me feel?
Oh, like I watched your videosand I was like fuck, I'm normal,
like I was watching you gothrough it and I was like I felt
relief that you were feelingthe same pain that I felt and I
was like this is so like good tosee.
Rose oates (28:09):
But it was also beautiful.
Chrystal Russell (28:10):
Yes.
Rose oates (28:11):
Oh, thank you, Because not everyone can talk
about it, but because you havethe ability and that's a
strength of yours, it's actuallyso relieving for people that
can't yeah.
Rosie Rees (28:24):
You did something beautiful there.
I just I don't know like my mumused to listen and watch my
stories every day and so I feellike it was almost through her
like, but I felt some shame.
I felt like I shouldn't beonline, I shouldn't talk about
this, I shouldn't be.
I'm so vulnerable right nowlike I shouldn't be doing this,
and people around me were likeyou should just go within and
you know.
But that's not what I wanted todo and I'm really glad I didn't
(28:46):
, because I had so many messageslike and I still do like people
asking me for grief, supportbecause of the way I've handled
it.
But yeah, for me it was show.
I needed to show up and be likethis is real.
This is what I'm feeling,because I've been real with my
audience for 10 years abouteverything else, so why would I?
It didn't feel authentic for meto pull away, like I just
(29:09):
wanted to talk about it.
Chrystal Russell (29:10):
And it was you Like.
It was the authentic you Like,even though you were showing
such a dark like time that youwere in.
There was something about it.
That was just so.
I can't explain it.
But like.
I don't know what it was, butwhen I like I literally cried
watching so many of your stories, cause I was like I just knew
(29:31):
exactly how you were feeling.
Rosie Rees (29:34):
Like it just so many people don't let themselves
fully feel the grief, and itconfused me.
I was like it's just a humanemotion, like we're here to feel
all this, the whole spectrumnot just happiness and joy.
Chrystal Russell (29:48):
That's like a major part of your life.
Like you, just don't go.
Oh, they're gone bye yeah, thatdoes that's not normal.
Rose oates (29:54):
No, because we've been taught that like you were
saying yeah we've been taughtthere's a right way and there's
a wrong way to feel grief, andthere's shame around it.
Chrystal Russell (30:04):
Tell you what.
My dad's been gone two yearsnow and I'll continue to talk
about him every day.
He's got a little shrine in mylounge room with his big fat
head and a photo frame.
So does my mum he would love it.
I look at his photo and I'malways like dad with his little
urn there Mine too.
I've been told that he wants tobe released into the ocean and
(30:27):
I'm like you fuckers are stayingin my lounge room for a bit
longer.
For now I'm not ready to letyou go in the ocean.
Rosie Rees (30:31):
Not yet.
Chrystal Russell (30:32):
Maybe that was the ocean thing last week too.
Rose oates (30:34):
What did I do?
I don't know the psychic saidabout the ocean.
Told you the ocean.
Chrystal Russell (30:38):
Yeah.
Rosie Rees (30:38):
But we need to talk about people who've passed.
Yes, Like we're not just goingto get over it.
And this is the thing.
Like people would message meand be like, oh my God, so much
like unsolicited advice over thepast six months.
But I'm very kind and I'm likethank you.
And a lot of people will say,oh, it doesn't get any easier.
(30:59):
I disagree, I honestly disagree.
It doesn't get any easier.
Chrystal Russell (31:05):
I disagree, I honestly disagree.
It doesn't get easier.
Rosie Rees (31:06):
You just learn to live with it.
You learn to live with it.
You gather these new tools toto cope with the grief.
So I think it actually does.
The grief gets smaller and thenyou're able to hold capacity.
You have more capacity to holdthat grief.
At the at the start, you don'thave capacity, you don't have
the tools.
You've never gone through thisbefore, most likely, but when
(31:27):
people would be like it doesn'tget any easier.
Why would you tell someone that?
Actually, in my experience, ifyou fully express and release
your grief, you it will getlighter.
I'm not going to say it's goingto get like easier, but it gets
lighter.
And if you build a connectionwith their spirit, with their
soul, like the person who youlove, who's passed, is just
(31:49):
dying, to connect with you, andeven if you don't believe it, do
you know what, though?
Chrystal Russell (31:53):
This is the thing, and I'm sure you feel
this too.
People see you and they're likeoh, she seems okay.
You go in waves like one dayI'm fine, the next day I'm in
the pits of hell, like, and thatis normal, like it is going to
be okay to be okay one day, andthe next day I'm and only 24
hours later I'm going to be andpeople like in two business days
(32:13):
I'll be on the floor.
Rosie Rees (32:14):
There you go, because I'm getting premenstrual
and I know like I'm okay today.
Yes, but just an fyi if I gooffline, it's I'm going within
and I'm still grieving, andthat's the thing with grief,
what's normal?
Chrystal Russell (32:28):
Forever you can feel like that.
You don't have to be over it ina year or two years or five
years.
Like you miss that person,you're going to go through waves
.
Yeah.
And that is normal.
Rose oates (32:39):
I think everything is normal.
The human experience is normalin general.
Chrystal Russell (32:47):
I've just realised that we have chatted
for a very long time.
Rose oates (32:50):
Look, if you're still here with us, like,
honestly, this is just who weare.
We can't do those freaking30-minute podcasts.
Rosie Rees (32:58):
No, we try, it's just not us.
It's just not you.
Chrystal Russell (33:01):
But I feel like our listeners want to hear
the deets.
Rose oates (33:04):
I know we love chatting with you and I know
we've gone from sexual wellnessand understanding the parts of
our vagina into grief and theloss of your beautiful mom and
having psychic bloody mediamoments and all sorts of crazy.
Rosie Rees (33:20):
So much in this podcast.
Chrystal Russell (33:21):
So much.
Rose oates (33:22):
We just thought we'd roll with it, you know.
Chrystal Russell (33:24):
I feel like we need to get you on with your
like vagina puppet, though,because I need to understand a
little bit more.
Rose oates (33:30):
I love the vagina.
Does the vagina puppet have aname?
Rosie Rees (33:34):
Veronica Valerie, I think, yeah, I like that she'd
have a name, valerie the vulva,but just get a mirror and look
at your pussies tonight, if youcan, and anyone who's listening
who's still here get a mirror, alittle handheld mirror, yep,
and just take a little look,ideally for three, put a song on
Three minutes, three minutes.
(33:54):
Look at her, witness, her.
Look at all the little layers,the flaps, the colours, all the
little holes and theimperfections and the hairs and
the marks, yeah, all of it.
Rose oates (34:05):
Oh, I love it.
That is your homework tonight,from Rosie to look at it.
Chrystal Russell (34:10):
Get intimate with your vagina.
Rose oates (34:12):
Start understanding your own body.
Rosie Rees (34:15):
I think I'm getting the message here is and then you
can properly enjoy sex andenjoy self-pleasure when you
know your body like knowledge ispower, so you feel more
empowered in what you need, whatyou like, what you don't like
and then being able to voicelike a whole.
Other topic is connecting pussyto your voice, because that's a
(34:35):
long you know from.
From voice to head is a shortdistance and we can speak our
mind pretty quick.
Voice to heart a little bitlonger, but voice to pussy is
like you distance and we canspeak our mind pretty quick.
Voice to heart a little bitlonger, but voice to pussy is
like you know Quite a length.
It's a length, right, it's along distance and connecting the
two being able to speak whatyour pussy needs.
Your pussy is relying on you totell the people who you're with
(34:55):
, whoever what she needs, wantsfears and desires Like she needs
you to communicate for her.
Rose oates (35:02):
We actually had some quick little this is something
we can't skip.
Chrystal Russell (35:07):
Like too bad if this goes for two hours.
Rose oates (35:08):
It is what it is.
We're here already.
We're already at an hour and ahalf, so we might as well.
Chrystal Russell (35:12):
We're getting down to it.
What is your favourite sex toyand why?
Rosie Rees (35:17):
Sacred squirter because it makes me squirt
Sacred squirter.
Chrystal Russell (35:22):
That's her right there I need to order one,
because I feel like that'sreally small.
Rosie Rees (35:25):
You need the 2.0.
Chrystal Russell (35:27):
Is there a 2.0 ?
There's a bigger one that looksreally small to me.
Rose oates (35:30):
But she's so beautiful, pretty, I've got to
think it.
Chrystal Russell (35:34):
What is your food porn?
What is that food that's justlike oh.
Rose oates (35:39):
Like the food that gets you off.
If there was a food, okay.
Rosie Rees (35:43):
So I love moist puddings with ice cream.
Like a chocolate pudding, likea self-sourcing chocolate
pudding or a sticky date puddingwith like ice cream on the side
, maybe some custard, maybe somecream.
Chrystal Russell (35:59):
And it's oozy.
Rosie Rees (36:00):
And oozy, I like hot with cold yeah.
I really like temperature playin my salads, in my meals, in my
desserts.
Chrystal Russell (36:09):
Yummy.
Rosie Rees (36:09):
It's got to have some hot and some cold.
Chrystal Russell (36:10):
What's your food porn Gluten.
Rose oates (36:15):
I love there's bloody fucking pastry sitting in
front of me.
Oh, there is something aboutbread.
Like a hot crusty sourdough,freshly baked bread with butter.
Chrystal Russell (36:33):
And none of this gluten-free shit.
We're talking full wheat.
We're talking full wheat likebeautiful.
Rose oates (36:38):
So the bread is like slightly warm and then you put
the butter on thick bitches,thick.
So you put it on and you biteit.
Rosie Rees (36:45):
Yeah, salted butter.
Chrystal Russell (36:46):
A bit of salt on top.
Rosie Rees (36:47):
Oh my God, See what I mean.
It's like when you're at afancy restaurant and they bring
the bread, the bread, and it'swarm.
Rose oates (36:52):
There's just something that it does something
to me.
It even does something to meeverywhere and does something to
me everywhere, like I'm gettinga whole body sensation.
Rosie Rees (37:01):
I'm getting drooling .
Rose oates (37:02):
Some bread butter, and just the freshness of it and
the smell.
Baked goods, croissants yeah,how about yours?
Chrystal Russell (37:13):
I like mashed potato with truffle oil.
Rose oates (37:16):
Oh, you fancy.
Chrystal Russell (37:18):
Smooth and creamy and truffly Bit of chilli
on it.
Rose oates (37:22):
Oh, potatoes, get me off.
Chrystal Russell (37:24):
Potatoes.
Rose oates (37:24):
Actually fucking anything with potatoes.
Rosie Rees (37:27):
Ash quite likes a potato Bread and potatoes yes.
Rose oates (37:31):
Oh.
Rosie Rees (37:31):
Okay.
Rose oates (37:32):
Speaking of Ash, something that Ash does that
immediately turns you on.
It doesn't have to be sexual.
It could be whatever it is thatshe does that you're like.
I want you okay, two things.
Rosie Rees (37:43):
Well, like a simple one that can do anytime is just
a look.
They have this look that theygive me where it's like, it's
almost like they're a fuck boyand like you're like in a bad,
in a boy band and they just giveme this like they just like
flick their hair back and theyjust like look at me and like,
raise their eyebrows and justhave.
It's like they know what lookto give me and I'm just like my
(38:06):
knees like melt seriously.
They know.
They know what they're doing,then, or seeing them on stage
doing Jungle Body is instantturn on because they're just so
coordinated and sexy From dayone, though you love that about
them.
Rose oates (38:20):
I just love dancers.
Rosie Rees (38:21):
I can't dance Like I'm not a dancer at all, but I
can appreciate a good dancer.
Rose oates (38:26):
Someone that's coordinated, actually, yeah, so
sexy being coordinated, which islike hip thrusting and like oh
my.
God, I don't know that you'recoordinated.
I'm not coordinated.
No, I said it's not.
But watching someone that iscoordinated, it is hot.
It's so hot Like Craig's, verycoordinated.
He was a gymnast.
Chrystal Russell (38:44):
Whoa, I did not know this about Craig.
Rose oates (38:46):
Craig is a very muscular guy, but because of
that, that's why he didn'tprogress in gymnastics as a teen
.
But he was very, very good at it.
So when, craig, I have astepson, so when we used to go
out to parks every singlefortnight that we had even since
I was 20, and Craig would beable to like he knows his own
(39:07):
body, like he knows how to roll,like he'll fall off something
and he'll do a little barrelroll or he'll flip, like he was
able to like run and like do aflip in the middle of nowhere,
or like go in between the barsand like perfectly maneuver, and
I was like that's hot, oh shit.
Chrystal Russell (39:25):
I was like my god, I was you can gym on me all
the time I know he it'sridiculous, or when they have a
drill in their hand.
Rose oates (39:33):
Oh, that's another thing I think that's craig for,
like when he watches me with adrill.
Chrystal Russell (39:37):
I, I'm the handy woman or you, dressed in
the painting sperm suit.
That does it for me.
Rose oates (39:43):
I know, I know it does it for you.
I see your stories.
She messages me straight up andI'm like oh, she's got the
sperm suit on.
Chrystal Russell (39:49):
She wears like this full outfit.
She's covered in this whiteoutfit.
You cannot see it Into her skin.
Beside her face I look like asperm suit.
She doesn't get paint onherself and she wears this
outfit and I swear to God, it islike the most hilarious thing
ever.
Okay.
Rose oates (40:03):
I need to see this.
Rosie Rees (40:03):
It's good it's so unsexy but for some reason it is
so good it turns him on.
Chrystal Russell (40:08):
Yeah, he kind of like it's the giggles, it's
the painting, and then he's likeRose and you turn around and
just your face is showing.
Rose oates (40:13):
It's just a little sperm head, that a sperm I'm
like.
Chrystal Russell (40:19):
We've got a few more questions.
Rose oates (40:20):
Okay, oh, sorry, oh your pet hate.
Rosie Rees (40:26):
What's my pet hate?
I would say just Say it, say it.
Listen, I don't have ADHD.
I'm very neurotypical, ashleyis not, and so there are some
like Ash can just go into thistunnel vision world and work and
(40:50):
like nothing.
They can't see anything else inthe house.
I see mess and I see shit andAsh can just tune it out Like
good for them.
But yeah, that piss pissed meoff because I'm if I'm working
at home I'm also doing a load ofwashing and I'm also sweeping
the floor and I'm doing, yeah,the dishes, and like ash can
just go and zone out and I'mlike I hate that we relate I'm
(41:16):
very much not neurotypical, socan't relate with.
Rose oates (41:21):
Ash, do I have the last one?
Chrystal Russell (41:25):
You do oh.
Rose oates (41:25):
I've got the sexual position of choice 69.
Chrystal Russell (41:32):
I said this before you walked in here.
We were like discussing thequestions and.
I said that it was 69.
Rosie Rees (41:40):
How did you know?
Maybe you're a bit psychic.
Chrystal Russell (41:42):
No, you told on a story once.
Rosie Rees (41:44):
Oh did I, yeah, okay .
Chrystal Russell (41:46):
There was a discussion about I think you and
Ash were chatting aboutfavourite positions and it was
69.
I was like Yours.
Rose oates (41:57):
I like cowgirl.
I knew you were going to saythat.
Just when you're on top, yeah,but backwards.
Rosie Rees (42:01):
Oh, reverse cowgirl, I knew you were going to say
that.
Chrystal Russell (42:02):
Just when you're on top, but backwards or
reverse cowgirl.
Yeah, reverse Backwards, liketo like, get the booty in the
face.
Rosie Rees (42:07):
Yes, yes, yeah, that's hot, it's actually like
Beneficial for me that way.
Yeah, you can do the grindygrind, yeah, yeah, and hold the
legs, yeah, like you're ridingthem.
Rose oates (42:20):
Yeah, now I'm getting a full visual of Crystal
in the bedroom.
There are four dogs on the bed.
Chrystal Russell (42:25):
But that way my dogs can't lick my toes
either.
Rosie Rees (42:29):
Oh, no, dogs need to be in their bed Sorry.
Chrystal Russell (42:32):
We talked about this last time.
A dog or two have licked mytoes during.
Oh, it's so annoying, see, it'shappened.
It's a turn.
So annoying, see it's happened.
Rosie Rees (42:38):
He can turn off Harry, just needs he turns
around.
He's actually quite respectfulhe turns around.
He's respectful, he does a bighuff and he's like, oh, this
again.
And then just turns around.
Rose oates (42:48):
Dogs know mate, they know.
Chrystal Russell (42:51):
I can't have.
I don't like my dogs look forany leftovers.
That's so bad.
Rosie Rees (42:55):
Oh, so does mine.
Harry has a.
That's a good sniff.
He's like what's this On thebed?
So I go away.
Chrystal Russell (43:02):
I need one, you do.
I've said this for months, forthe love of God, you do, because
that's the clean up.
I need one for my couch I saw afriend of ours got one for her
couch.
I was like, damn, that's a goodidea.
Absolutely, babe I believe it.
Especially because my littledog, she's going on heat.
I need to get her done andshe's just like doing little
wheeze everywhere and she'sdecided my couch is just like a
(43:24):
spot to do it.
Rose oates (43:25):
Oh yes, ziki's on heat right now and she's
bleeding, so she has a splashblanket on her, and then I can
just chuck it in the wash.
Because I don't know if I wantto have baby sausages yet.
Yeah, I'm leaving her theoption.
Rosie Rees (43:37):
Good, You're like she'll be a good mother.
You need the moon blood freebleeding blanket.
Rose oates (43:41):
Yes, well, it has to be on the couch, because she
gets on the couch and Craig'slike I can't help, can't we get
her a nappy?
And I was like let her be.
Chrystal Russell (43:47):
Let her free bleed.
Rose oates (43:48):
Let her bleed on the splashy, but yes.
Chrystal Russell (43:51):
So we've had so much fun on here.
We've gone through it all.
We've talked about the puss.
We have some grief.
Yes, we did not eat thepastries yet, but we will, and
we just think that you're such adelight to have, rosie.
Rosie Rees (44:09):
I love you guys, we love you I was so excited to
chat to you today, us too.
Rose oates (44:13):
I mean, I knew this conversation was going to go
from, you know, north to south,but it's both spectrum.
Rosie Rees (44:19):
It's like sex is the top end of the spectrum of like
joy and happiness and pleasure,and then grief is right at the
fucking bottom, like yeah, yeah,but it all is intertwined.
Rose oates (44:30):
Our bodies hold the keys to everything our bodies
and our minds.
I just I love talking bodies.
I love talking about gettingdeep.
I love getting deep.
Okay With everything With glasscrystal.
Yeah, honestly, where can wefind you online?
Rosie Rees (44:48):
So my socials is rosiereese, R-E-E-E-S, and I'm
usually shadow banned so youhave to type the whole thing.
Yes, guys.
Rose oates (44:56):
We will put her full name in the show notes.
She also has a Golden Yonimembership, so if you want to
know more about your bodies,sexual wellness, pleasure, use
the code pleasure actually for afree month.
So you can jump on in it's onTeachable.
Rosie Rees (45:15):
It's 14 modules of content, so there's a lot in
there to go through, but you canjust go at your own pace and
then it's 40 bucks a month afterthat.
Rose oates (45:22):
Yeah so this will be a good start for you.
So if you did listen to thewhole podcast, you got the code
okay, they're the fan girlswho've got to the end.
If you have got to the end, comeand message us, let us know
legit if you have any questionsfor Rosie or ourselves, be sure
to um send us a dm or or pop usa message somewhere.
We will definitely get back toyou when we can, but all in all,
(45:46):
I think thank you so much forcoming.
We really appreciate you andyour time.
I hope you know that and alwaystake care of yourselves.
Chrystal Russell (45:53):
And take care of each other.
Rose oates (45:55):
Bye bitches, Bye Bye .
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