May 7, 2025 • 36 mins
Let's Chat! send us a message, question or a confession to unpack!
"You're not lazy, you're not crazy, your brain just works differently." This raw and revealing conversation dives into the hidden world of ADHD in women, exploring why so many of us aren't diagnosed until we're in our 30s or 40s, often after years of feeling misunderstood, overwhelmed, and "not normal."
Rose and Chrystal share their personal journeys with ADHD both diagnosed and undiagnosed. They candidly share their own experiences.
Rose diagnosed at 38 after reaching breaking point with anxiety, and Chrystal tested as a child but never medicated or properly treated. Together they unpack the unique challenges women face with ADHD, from the constant masking that makes us appear put-together while our minds race chaotically, to the imposter syndrome that convinces us we're just "bad at adulting."
The conversation gets refreshingly real about the quirky realities of living with ADHD: the "procrasta-cleaning" that happens when we're avoiding important tasks, the sensory issues that make some of us unable to wear socks while others can't stand the feel of jewelry, and the late-night hyperfocus sessions that lead to half-painted kitchens. They also explore the surprising links between ADHD and postnatal depression, and why so many women only discover their neurodiversity after having children.
Whether you're diagnosed, wondering about your own brain patterns, or simply want to understand a loved one better, this episode offers both validation and practical insights. From the importance of therapy and the considerations around medication to the simple relief of understanding why your brain does what it does – Rose and Chrystal bare it all with honesty, vulnerability and just the right amount of humour.
*Please be advised that all statistics provided are approximate, and it is recommended to consult a professional if you require assistance or guidance.
Connect with Rose and Chrystal on Instagram for more stories and fun mini-weekly catch-ups.
DM the girls, get involved with the conversations, and feel free to ask questions!
@baringitall_thepodcast
Rose Oates
@roseoates_
Chrystal Russell
@chrystalrussell_
And don’t forget to take care of yourself and each other -
With Love Rose & Chrystal x
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Rose Oates (00:01):
Welcome to Bearing it All with Rose and Crystal.
Chrystal Russell (00:04):
Where the conversations get real emotions
run raw and nothing is filtered.
Rose Oates (00:09):
Buckle up because we're Bearing it All deep,
diving into everything frommotherhood to mental health and
everything in between.
We want to get to know you,each other and our bodies, and
things are going to get spicyRaspassy.
Chrystal Russell (00:22):
Are you ready for it?
Rose Oates (00:23):
Let's do it.
Hey guys, today we're talkingabout ADHD in women, diagnosed
and undiagnosed.
It's a big thing.
Chrystal Russell (00:33):
And I'm pretty sure that both of us have
diagnosed ourselves, dr Crystal.
Rose Oates (00:40):
Dr Rose, and the good thing about having ADHD
diagnosis so I'm diagnosed andI'm going through the process,
or you know I'm procrastinatingbut I am going to possibly get
medicated soon is that I feellike, once you know you've got
it, like one of the abilitiesyou have now is to diagnose
somebody else.
So I've officially diagnosedCrystal with ADHD, just because
(01:03):
I just know, okay, but you couldbulk bill me for that.
I don't know, Disclaimer I havenot officially so.
Chrystal Russell (01:12):
When I was a child, my mum did do all the
testing for me.
I was actually diagnosed as ADDor ADHD as a child, yep, but my
mum, being the hippie that sheis, she's not so much of a
hippie anymore, but was like I'mnot putting her on meds when I
was a kid.
Okay, so I was put on a reallystrict diet.
So as a child, I was notallowed to drink soft drink.
(01:34):
I was reduced in what sugarsintakes I had because I was so
hypo like crazy next levelhyperactivity.
So that's why I wasn't allowedto have sugary stuff.
And then, obviously, growing upit was never spoken about.
My mum never said to me hey, asa child you were diagnosed.
Rose Oates (01:53):
So technically you were diagnosed.
Chrystal Russell (01:54):
Yeah, but I can't go to the doctor now and
be like, hey, give me meds.
I was diagnosed when I was five.
I don't know if that would work.
No, I don't think it does.
I need to go through the wholething again.
Rose Oates (02:03):
See, my parents were the opposite.
My parents were like there'snothing wrong with you, yeah,
just go outside and run.
Yeah, so I was.
I'm diagnosed as inattentiveand hyperactive, so you can be
hyperactive or inattentive, or acombination of both.
Oh my, and I'm a combination ofboth, and I'm a combination of
both.
Well, I think you'd be both.
(02:24):
You're inattentive and hyper,like a psycho.
Yeah, at times Well not psychos,but I think your mind is busy.
Yeah, see, I was diagnosed atofficially what 38?
Yeah, 38.
Two years ago, two years ago, Istarted going to therapy.
So, I originally went totherapy not to get a diagnosis.
Chrystal Russell (02:45):
You went to therapy because you were feeling
all sorts of things that youthought was something else.
Rose Oates (02:49):
And I thought I'm on the edge, like I can't take
this anymore.
So my parents always knew likeI was hyper, always knew that
like once I hyper, fixated onsomething, once I put my mind to
something, you could achieveanything If I was interested in
it.
My dad actually even used tosay this if you're interested in
(03:10):
something, no one can be betterthan you.
And I was like, yeah, dad,that's ADHD.
So I tell him that now and hegoes you're not ADHD.
He still says it to this day.
He still says no, no, no.
I reckon it's old schoolmentality.
Chrystal Russell (03:30):
They don't believe in, like they don't even
believe in anxiety.
Honestly, like our parents andtheir parents, they didn't have
like all of these things now.
Do you know what I mean?
They didn't have autism even no.
Like it was a thing, but itwasn't talked about.
It wasn't spoken about.
Like it is now.
No, and it's so known now, likeabout all of these different
varieties of things that youcould have, that they don't
believe it.
They're like that's all.
Cuckoo juju buju.
Rose Oates (03:51):
Yeah, I said to Dad the other day I was like ADHD.
And he's like you don't haveADHD, I don't believe in this
stuff.
And I said you've bloody gotADHD.
I got it from you.
Yeah, so does Mum.
I said like it's often geneticand can be passed down.
So I don't know if this is theactual stat.
Like I cannot remember.
So don't quote me on it, but Ithink it's like one in four,
(04:12):
like if you have kids.
One in four will have it.
Yeah, 25% or whatever it is.
Chrystal Russell (04:17):
I think it's something like that Levi has got
the all sorts right now.
You're going through all that.
He's getting tested and pokedand prodded and not actually
poked and prodded, but you knowwhat I mean.
Like we're just trying to helphim however we can right now and
some of the things he's goingthrough.
I'm like, oh no, you got thatfrom me.
Rose Oates (04:35):
Yeah, you see it in your kids and you think, oh my
God, I wish that someone wouldhave told me what was going on.
So, yeah, at least one of mykids, Scarlett, is getting
tested at the moment, and I willget one of the other ones
tested soon.
Chrystal Russell (04:50):
So I've come to the understanding of why
people aren't getting tested.
It is fucking expensive.
Yeah, it's ridiculous, it'slike $1,800 to $2,000 just to
see somebody, and that's noteven to start talking about
medication.
Rose Oates (05:02):
No, no, no, no, You've got to go to therapy
first.
Chrystal Russell (05:05):
So you go to the psychiatrist.
Rose Oates (05:07):
Is this right?
Psychiatrist and psychologist,which one's which?
Chrystal Russell (05:10):
So you need to go to the psychologist first.
Psychologist first and then thepsychiatrist is what gives you
the medication.
Rose Oates (05:16):
Yeah, so psychologist is what I started
with, and you go for a certainamount of sessions until they
understand what you.
Chrystal Russell (05:23):
They refer you .
They refer you yes.
Rose Oates (05:25):
And then you go to the psychiatrist where it
doesn't mean just because theyreferred you, the psychiatrist
still makes their own decisionsand then gets proof.
So you need like a letter.
Chrystal Russell (05:36):
So usually your psychologist will do some
testing.
We did testing with Levi.
I can't remember what the testis called, but we did like a few
different tests and then theycome back with like red flags, I
guess, like it's a score.
Yes, it comes up of like whatthey think is triggered that you
have and then they send thatoff.
Rose Oates (05:57):
Yeah, and they also read up like my therapist wrote
up like a big report on hisfindings and what he's like
learned about me and how hefeels moving forward.
And then you go to psychiatry,psychiatrist, and then they do
their own assessment as well.
So you can't just develop adhd,you have it your whole life
(06:19):
same with autism.
So they often they look for umproof in your past.
So I've got, thankfully for mum.
Mum kept all my reports.
Chrystal Russell (06:29):
Rose did not concentrate in class.
Rose Oates (06:32):
Rose could achieve so much only if she paid
attention yeah, paid attention.
Like every single one was my.
We don't know how she achieveswhat she achieves, considering
she doesn't listen to anythingor she's always in off with
fairies.
And I was like, yeah, that wasme.
I just cram in study the nightbefore, like nothing motivates
(06:52):
me more than pressure, thanultimate pressure the day before
.
Like so, if something's due insix weeks, you can bet your ass
I won't be fucking startinguntil the day before, or the
week before, at best, that's me.
Chrystal Russell (07:06):
That's it, and I will get it done yeah.
Rose Oates (07:09):
But nothing else will exist other than that thing
.
Chrystal Russell (07:12):
But do you reckon it's because, like I
don't know about you, but for meI can't handle the thought of
like having to do the task.
Yes, Like I don't want to thinkabout doing the task until I
have to do the task at the verylast second.
Otherwise, if I've got sixweeks to prep, I'm going to be
so anxious doing it for that sixweeks.
I can't do it.
No, neither.
Rose Oates (07:33):
I do it all at once.
It is so much it's likepressure to start it, like I get
procrastination so bad, likethat I've got I can't do
anything, so I will clean thehouse procrastinate.
I call it procrastinatecleaning my house.
Sometimes if I've got somethingto do that's super important,
(07:54):
that's due, my house will neverbe cleaner.
I will bake all the baked goods.
I don't bake, I'm not really abaker, but if I've got something
else to do I'll be baking.
You're doing anything but thething that you need to do,
procrasta baking, procrasta,cleaning, procrasta hair care,
anything but what has to be done.
Yeah, because it's like instantreward, like that's how my
(08:17):
therapist, sort of like,described it.
He's like not only do you notknow how to start it, mentally,
he goes you also will get areward out of that cleaning.
So like you instantly seeresults.
So it's rewarding.
It's like shopping.
Chrystal Russell (08:30):
For me.
Oh my God, it's shopping for me, but do you know what I do?
I know that I have so manythings to do, and then I get
overwhelmed by the tasks that Ihave to do.
I just go have a nap.
Rose Oates (08:39):
Yeah, do that as well.
I can't think about it.
Chrystal Russell (08:41):
I need to go and lay on the couch because I'm
so overwhelmed.
Rose Oates (08:44):
So there's two ways you can do it, and that's so
normal.
I didn't know that was normal.
You can either shut downcompletely and go watch TV, nap
completely avoidance and justwant to never get out of bed, or
you do it with yourhyperactivity, like you're doing
stuff other than the task.
Chrystal Russell (09:06):
I think at work I have the hyperactivity
side, but at home I shut down.
Because we've got a lot to doall the time I look at the
laundry basket.
I look at the things that Ihave to do and I'm like, oh, it
feels too much, yeah, and then Ijust sometimes can't cope.
The other night I did fold likesix laundry baskets in half an
(09:26):
hour.
Rose Oates (09:26):
Yeah.
Chrystal Russell (09:27):
And I just powered through it.
But sometimes I just can't.
It's because there was probablysix.
Rose Oates (09:33):
And I just knew I had to do it.
I reckon maybe, but that's thething, like also with women, we
and girls, we are oftenmisdiagnosed, not diagnosed at
all, or not diagnosed untilwe're very later in life.
So I, like, I said, like when Iwent to the therapist and I
love my therapy, so cool, hi,matt, if you're listening he
(09:54):
said to me, like it's often alsoafter we have kids.
A big percentage of women willget diagnosed after they have
children because the overwhelmand the load on us is just so
much that we can't take itanymore.
Chrystal Russell (10:10):
That's what happened to me.
I looked up the stats.
I looked up the stats.
Let's do it.
Good old chat GBT here.
I rely on this little fuckerfor so many things.
Rose Oates (10:17):
But this, yeah, okay , let's hear it.
Chrystal Russell (10:19):
So this is exactly what came up.
Late diagnosis is so common.
Women with ADHD aren'tdiagnosed until their 30s or 40s
, often years after beingmisdiagnosed with anxiety or
depression.
Yep, yep, they're told thatthey're just too emotional or
bad at adulting, but reallythey've got ADHD.
(10:40):
Yeah, wow.
And how many times have youthought I'm actually a shitty
adult?
Rose Oates (10:44):
or a shitty parent or a shitty wife.
Chrystal Russell (10:46):
That's me all the time and it's just ADHD.
Rose Oates (10:49):
That's fucking psycho.
That's wild to me, because theanxiety, the imposter syndrome,
my whole life, never thinkingI'm good enough, always
concerned, always worried,always worried that I was lazy.
Chrystal Russell (11:07):
That's massive in ADHs.
It's awful ADHs, adhds, adhds.
Rose Oates (11:13):
It's actually really nice and relieving that there's
proof that there's somethingactually wrong with us.
Yes, I know that sounds weird,but when I actually got like
honestly, it was only a coupleof sessions in he's like look,
I'm fairly confident to say hegoes this actually.
He didn't say he goes.
It actually costs him moneybecause he could help hold me in
(11:35):
for like as many sessions as hefelt necessary.
But he goes.
I'm pretty confident to say thatyou know to refer you on now
because a hundred percent% Ifeel that you have ADHD.
So he, but I stuck with him.
I say I've still, I still go totherapy.
Chrystal Russell (11:51):
I haven't been for a while, but you go for
other things too, not just that.
Everything came out.
Rose Oates (11:55):
But it didn't start as a diagnosis, yeah, so I went
for severe, severe anxiety.
I've had anxiety and struggledwith anxiety my whole life.
Well, duh, obviously there wassomething underlying that.
Chrystal Russell (12:07):
That's the reason.
Rose Oates (12:08):
But I went when it got so much like after my fourth
kid I could no longer take it.
Chrystal Russell (12:14):
But it also says here women like we mask all
of our symptoms right, and thatADHD.
I saw something about postnataldepression.
Am I a fourth?
Rose Oates (12:25):
child, it's linked, it's linked.
Chrystal Russell (12:26):
It's linked.
It's all linked, is it?
Yes, it just was in here before.
75% of women say they strugglewith low self-esteem and
imposter syndrome and feel likethey're constantly behind in
life.
That was one of the things.
Yeah, like yeah, and ADHD.
Here it was here.
We're so good at masking ourADHD right that we become
(12:51):
perfect professionalisms Peoplepleasers.
Rose Oates (12:54):
Yes, perfect, people pleasers Like we want to.
People please Constantly andyou want to like, just I don't
know.
You want to feel normal and actnormal.
So yeah, but the impostersyndrome thing oof, I'm trying
to find where it was.
But definitely after my fourthchild, definitely, I experienced
postpartum depression which I'dnever experienced with the
(13:17):
other kids.
After I sort of worked throughthat, the anxiety would come and
go like normal, but it got tothe point two years ago where it
was so bad that I felt likesomeone was stepping on my chest
permanently.
I've had that before panicattack et cetera.
Chrystal Russell (13:32):
You still get that now.
Sometimes I still get that now.
Rose Oates (13:34):
We're talking that feeling every single day for two
weeks.
I couldn't get rid of it.
It was hurting.
I felt like I could die, like Iwas going to have a heart
attack.
Like you were struggling.
So bad hurting it was.
I felt like I could die, like Iwas going to have a heart
attack, like you're struggling,so bad.
I went to the doctor and Ihaven't done this before and I
was like that's it, I'm readyGive me medication for anxiety,
which I've always not wanted tohave.
(13:54):
And I went to the doctor, Itold him everything that was
going on and for some reason,this doctor was different and he
was like look, I've seen youlike many times before and like
I know what you're saying here,but have you ever considered
that you might be like, youmight have ADHD?
And I was like no, no, I amorganized, I am neat, I am clean
(14:17):
, like.
I know that sounds reallystereotypical, but I was like I
don't have you didn't see it.
I'm not the mess, I'm not that.
You know how some people shutdown and they go messy, whereas
my progressive cleaning sidekeeps everything clean and
organized so that my mind canrelax.
Yes, and he's like it's notjust all about that.
He goes look, I can, you know,refer you to a therapist, and
(14:38):
that's not necessarily.
He's actually an ADHDspecialist in adults.
This doctor.
Yeah.
So he's an ADHD specialist, buthe's a therapist.
He goes, he may say you haveADHD, but he may just you know,
you can just go for therapy withhim either way.
And so I was like what have Igot to lose?
I was like also, give memedication.
I actually said to him youneeded relief, I need something
(15:02):
I don't know what it is, valiumor something of that description
.
I need something I don't knowwhat it is, valium or something
of that description.
And I was so scared to take it.
Chrystal Russell (15:08):
I thought oh my God, I'm going to get
addicted.
I'm going to die, I'm going tofall asleep.
Yeah, that's what I'd bethinking.
Rose Oates (15:12):
The intrusive thoughts that ADHD is getting
and the overthinking.
So I took half and I was like,but it did calm me down.
It took the stress off my chest.
It took a lot, but like I feltlike very numb I won't lie, but
it helped me sleep and that'sanother thing.
I wasn't sleeping, went totherapy, cried before I went in,
went in, it was all good, itwas fine, chatted it out, it was
(15:36):
so normal and actually sorelieving.
So you cover everything.
You're not just talking aboutADHD and they don't ask you
questions that you think thatyou're going to ask.
It was scary walking in, but itwas so good to go to see
somebody and talk about shitwith someone that doesn't care
about anything.
Yeah, they don't judge you.
They don't know your life, theydon't know your friends, you
don't know your family, theydon't care.
(15:58):
They're just there to help.
That's their actual job.
So that was very helpful.
Chrystal Russell (16:03):
Do you think, though, that we are diagnosing
ourselves as something that wepossibly don't have?
I'm not saying us because likeit's just too there, well we're
already done, I'm already done.
I'm already diagnosed.
Rose Oates (16:21):
But I think it's easy to see traits of yourself
with people that do have ADHD.
Everyone has those traits.
You can have anxiety, you canbe overwhelmed as a mother, you
can feel all the things.
You can procrastinate.
That might just be somethingthat you do.
Chrystal Russell (16:34):
I just think that we all have something we're
all different, that we've alljust got little traits that make
us who we are.
Rose Oates (16:42):
That's right, we're all a bit spicy you know, we are
all a bit spicy in some level.
Chrystal Russell (16:46):
But it is funny because I do think I'm
more attracted to people whohave ADHD.
Rose Oates (16:50):
They say that you often do make friends with
people that feel the same.
Chrystal Russell (16:54):
Even our clients that come into the salon
like within five minutes, bothof us know if they've got ADHD
and we're blown into a full ADHDconversation with them.
Rose Oates (17:02):
Yes, We've actually just asked and gone hey, like
you know, or we've said oh, I'mlike Rose is actually ADHD, or
you've said something like that,and then you're like oh, so am
I.
And we're like we know, we knewstraight away, yeah.
You can pick each other out,you can feel there's something
there.
Chrystal Russell (17:29):
It's almost like the zombies, you know, when
they call to each other other.
I'm walking in the dead, Idon't know what's I'm saying.
So maybe we just have like ourown, like what's it called?
Like telepathic, I don't know,I can, I see you, I see you, see
me, I see you.
Rose Oates (17:36):
It's like our brains like intertwine something yeah,
but yeah, having a diagnosis isso relieving I can't even
describe, because it actuallymakes you feel normal.
Chrystal Russell (17:47):
I think it makes you feel like hey, like
I'm actually not, I'm just notfucked up.
Rose Oates (17:52):
I just think differently, like I actually am
different.
Yeah, you're not.
There's nothing wrong with you,you just think differently.
Yes, and your brain worksdifferently.
It doesn't mean that there'ssomething wrong with you, but I
think your whole life, if youhaven't been diagnosed, like
until like 38, for 38 years Iactually just felt different.
I felt like I wasn't normal, Ifelt like lazy, I felt like just
(18:19):
shit, like a lot of things thatI was doing.
That is very ADHD.
Part of my ADHD made me feellike I was a piece of shit.
Chrystal Russell (18:27):
The main thing is, I think when you do have
ADHD and you're not diagnosed oryou have no idea that you even
have it, it is the feeling ofbeing misunderstood or like what
is wrong with me?
I can't concentrate, why can'tI do it?
Yes, Like that constant feelingnegative about yourself.
And I think when you do getthat diagnosis, it's kind of
like a relief or like a weightlifted off your shoulder of like
(18:48):
oh, this makes sense.
Rose Oates (18:50):
Yeah, and you're not blaming it Like I think some
people are like oh, this istrending.
I was like, yeah, it's trendingfor you, but it's not actually
fun.
This hasn't been fun for me.
Chrystal Russell (19:00):
It's not fun, but I do blame it, like if I've
forgotten to do something and Ihave actually forgotten to do
something.
I'm like I'm sorry, but I havean ADHD brain and I am like Dory
off Nemo.
Yeah, I actually am Like Istart, I start something, and
then I'm like, oh, that's prettywhat's over there, and then I
(19:21):
start something else and thennext minute I've started five
different things and I'm likeshit, my house is a freaking
mess because I started cleaningthe office, I started cleaning
the kitchen, I started cleaningmy room all at the same time.
Then I went out to burn outmold and I went to sleep and I
left everything in the hallway.
That happens regularly, for me.
Rose Oates (19:38):
That's me with projects.
I'm going to start sanding thiscupboard down.
I'm going to make it beautiful.
Chrystal Russell (19:44):
The other day I called you and you were like
yeah, I'm just painting mykitchen.
I was like what the fuck?
On a Monday morning, why areyou painting your kitchen?
No, what was it Sunday?
Rose Oates (19:54):
Yeah, but one side's still not painted.
It's still partly blue andpartly pink.
Chrystal Russell (19:58):
The fact that you've painted it blue and pink.
I'm a little concerned, oh shit, Because you don't even really
like color.
I don't like color that much.
Rose Oates (20:07):
Okay, and that's another thing I don't like.
I have to have my house verycalm and serene.
Chrystal Russell (20:14):
Yes, your house is beige and white.
Rose Oates (20:16):
Because it's.
Chrystal Russell (20:18):
Serene Because my mind is colorful and because
my mind is busy.
Rose Oates (20:23):
I can't handle when my house is busy Like I need to
walk into a place that's calm.
Oh well, then you shouldn'thave had four kids, babe.
Yep, that was my bad, I'llnever forget.
Chrystal Russell (20:33):
I came to your house one day and the kids had
popped like a beanbag and youhad those little styrofoam balls
everywhere and you were like I,just I'm giving up right now.
Rose Oates (20:42):
I did, I gave up on life.
Chrystal Russell (20:42):
I was like oh, well, I think you found them
for like three months all overyour house.
Rose Oates (20:45):
There's still some in the garden Like they're still
blowing through Fuckers.
Chrystal Russell (20:49):
Yeah, no, probably wasn't the smartest
thing to do when your braindoesn't think clearly.
Rose Oates (20:54):
Oh, God, yeah.
But I mean, I didn't know, yeah, I didn't know what.
Chrystal Russell (20:59):
I didn't know.
I 60% of women with ADHDexperience postnatal depression,
anxiety, depression on its ownand PTSD.
Rose Oates (21:09):
Yeah, that doesn't really shock me, to be honest.
Chrystal Russell (21:14):
That's crazy.
Rose Oates (21:15):
Yeah, I think I just got to my absolute ultimate
burnout stage after the fourthchart.
Chrystal Russell (21:22):
Jesus.
It's so like approximately onein 20 people have ADHD in
Australia.
Rose Oates (21:28):
Yeah, and see, that's why there is so many of
us, that is, if that's like anaccurate stat, that's why there
is so many of us and that's why,when we with social media, with
learning, all of this, more andmore people are going to get
diagnosed yeah, and that's whywe're hearing about it more,
Whereas back in our parents' daynobody was talking about it
(21:51):
because they didn't really do itand they didn't really.
If you went to therapy backthen, it was a very expensive
rich people thing to do, yeah,and even now it's a fucking
privilege to even be able toafford some of these services.
Oh my gosh, even me, I can onlyprobably go like once every two
months because they'reexpensive sessions.
(22:11):
Like Craig was so supportivewhen I first like started going.
I think I was going once everytwo weeks and it was so
expensive.
Chrystal Russell (22:19):
But even I was looking because obviously
recently with Levi he's goingthrough some things.
He's been.
I don't know if it's a properdiagnosis, but they've said that
he was flagged for ADD andautism.
So he's on the spectrum, but towhat level we don't know.
But he definitely does havesome social cues that show that
(22:39):
he has autism, which I tried toexplain to him like is fine,
yeah, just because you haveautism does not mean that you
know.
Rose Oates (22:47):
I think a lot of people think of.
There's a stigma.
Chrystal Russell (22:50):
People think of autism as like a full
disability.
Like you know, somebody said tome oh, but he doesn't look like
a Down syndrome, and I said doyou even know what?
Rose Oates (22:57):
the difference is that is so Rude.
Rude and offensive.
Yes To people, one to peoplethat do have Down syndrome.
Chrystal Russell (23:04):
That's completely different and I'm
like I think it is actuallyuneducation, Uneducation it's
uneducated, you're uneducated.
If you think that autism andDown syndrome are the same thing
, then you are very uneducated.
Rose Oates (23:17):
I cannot even fathom how offensive that is on every
level.
Oh my gosh, it's so rude.
Chrystal Russell (23:22):
But imagine what my son feels like, if
that's what he's thinking, like,if people are saying those kind
of things.
Is that what he's thinking?
I think?
Rose Oates (23:29):
there's such a stigma around being called
autistic or being even calledsaying that you're not
neurotypical yeah, so there'snothing wrong with it.
You think differently.
Your brain is different.
Autism as well, for that matter.
Autism is a spectrum.
Yes, it's so wide, yes, it canrange so far and so many
(23:53):
different ways that that canpresent.
Yes, so I think that's reallyoffensive and it's probably why
at his age because he's a littlebit older now as well so he's
coming into that teen age andit's going to feel like there's
something.
Now he's been told.
He's like, oh, there'ssomething wrong with me.
Chrystal Russell (24:09):
The older he's getting, the more present it is
, if that makes sense.
Rose Oates (24:12):
So as a child.
Chrystal Russell (24:13):
None of his teachers would pick up any of
the things that now I'm pickingup.
So usually children would getdiagnosed early, right, like
usually five, six, seven.
Rose Oates (24:24):
Even younger.
I think, yeah, you've got afull diagnosis.
Chrystal Russell (24:27):
But he's been in therapy for a very long time,
like I would say probably fromthe age of maybe as young as six
or seven.
Yeah, because he had a lot ofdifferent things.
But it makes sense now.
But no therapist picked up anyof the things that now this
therapist has.
But that's because he's notgetting noticed until he's older
(24:47):
.
So he's struggling in highschool.
Yes, he's actually struggling.
Rose Oates (24:52):
This is where it's really shown.
Chrystal Russell (24:53):
All his teachers in primary school just
said like obviously he wasreally quiet, you know, he would
go unnoticed kind of thing.
Rose Oates (24:59):
Yes, undetected yes.
Chrystal Russell (25:04):
And then now obviously in high school he is
struggling, he can't concentrate, he's with the fairies half the
time, and then obviously nowthe autism side has come into it
.
So we're just trying to getthat sorted.
But I think for a lot of peoplewhen they think of autism, they
do think it as like a severelearning disability or they
think of it as like somethingthat you would know that you're
being impacted by.
But that doesn't.
(25:24):
It's not true.
Rose Oates (25:25):
That's not necessarily true for everybody.
No, Again a spectrum.
Chrystal Russell (25:29):
It's so wide and this is what the therapist
was telling me like he couldjust be on the spectrum enough
that it's impacting him.
Rose Oates (25:35):
Yes, but I think that's, I think there shouldn't
be a stigma, whether that isdoesn't matter.
What doesn't matter if thatchild or adult is on the
spectrum where they have gotlike severe, like learning
difficulties or anything likethat.
Just accepting people for whothey are, yeah, and just being
really kind, like to the parentand the adult alike, because
(26:00):
like saying shit like thatthat's damaging.
Chrystal Russell (26:04):
I just I honestly think it's just like
people, just they're noteducated, they're just not
educated.
I just think they don't knowand they just assume, or I'm not
sure.
But anyways, we keep it very toourselves, to be honest,
because every time I do bring itup to anybody I'm hit with like
judgment.
I guess, like how do you know?
(26:24):
And no, he's not.
And well, I know that I've beentold, so don't say to me no,
he's not.
Like I live with him.
I see the things that hestruggles with daily.
Rose Oates (26:33):
Yeah, I know that how much you guys have to like
work with him.
Chrystal Russell (26:38):
It's hard, it's hard work every day and it
could just be as simple as hecan't leave the house without
wearing socks.
Yeah, like it's just as simpleas that With the sensory thing.
Rose Oates (26:48):
Yeah, I get that.
Chrystal Russell (26:49):
And it makes sense, like I have the same
sensory thing, except for Icannot wear socks.
Yeah, I know we are weird likethat, yeah, so he has to wear
socks and if I wear socks, youfeel suffocating.
Rose Oates (27:01):
When you wear socks, I feel like I'm strangling.
I'm being strangled.
For me, everyone's just goingto laugh.
You're going to laugh.
I don't like clothes, sometimesat all.
Because you're being strangled,I feel like I can't breathe and
I feel more comfortable in apair of underwear and a crop.
Yeah, it doesn't matter whatsize I was, it doesn't matter
what shape I'm in, like,obviously, like I jump on
(27:23):
Instagram.
That's hard because obviously,like I had to learn to love my
body over years and years, butlike people would be like, oh
yeah, shocking.
Like no, it's for me as well.
I can think better when I don'thave, not when I'm naked.
I don't have to be naked.
I just can't have Restriction.
Restriction, yes.
Chrystal Russell (27:42):
Like I would never see you in a turtleneck
ever.
Oh, I can't breathe, neither Iwould cut it off.
Rose Oates (27:47):
Yeah, I was at work the other day and I was like I
had a heavy denim dress on andit was cute and I love it, it's
one of my favourite.
But you know, when you can'tlift your arms properly, like
it's a little bit restrictiveunder the arm because it's tight
, it's heavy denim Can you drivein it?
Driving it, yeah, but it wasn'tenough.
All day the girls were justlike what the hell?
(28:07):
I'm like I need to take thisoff.
Does anyone have any clotheshere I can change into?
I was like I was unbuttoning it.
By the end of the day I washalf undressed.
I had three buttons undone,three from the bottom.
I was suffocating in the dressbecause I couldn't move properly
and I felt it was very heavy onmy body and I couldn't think my
brain wasn't working because Ihad the dress on.
Chrystal Russell (28:26):
See, you love to wear necklaces and you've
probably got like threenecklaces on.
Rose Oates (28:29):
right now I can't wear necklaces.
Chrystal Russell (28:32):
I'm going to die.
I'm like claustrophobic withjewelry on.
I feel like I'm going to choke.
Rose Oates (28:37):
I get what you're saying, yeah.
Chrystal Russell (28:38):
So it is funny that we have all these little
different things that eitherbother us or don't like.
Yours is a fidget, but it feelslike a fidget.
You know what I mean.
Rose Oates (28:46):
And I also find that with my wedding ring I'll flick
it around and around and aroundand if I have to take it off I
get a panic.
Because I was like, because Iknow that I do it all the time.
Chrystal Russell (28:54):
Well, I'm claustrophobic by jewelry, yeah,
full claustrophobic by jewelryand socks and socks.
I don Now my neck is feelingclosed when I've got socks on,
but it does.
Rose Oates (29:04):
Yeah, sometimes, even though, when we're in the
studio, we take our shoes off.
Chrystal Russell (29:08):
Yeah, I will never have socks on, sorry.
No, you don't I could be in ablizzard and not need to wear
socks.
Probably, I don't know, youmight be cold.
We'll see when I travel one day, maybe, maybe, maybe We'll see
if, and the ADHD things today,but it is a very interesting
(29:29):
topic it is, and there is a lotof us that probably need to.
Rose Oates (29:32):
Just one, I would say start with therapy.
Yes, if you can, I think youcan go.
No, not think I know.
You can get a mental healthplan yes, and you can get six
sessions, I think it's 10.
I got well.
If it's ten, now that's evenbetter.
Chrystal Russell (29:48):
I got six, maybe it wasn't, I thought it
was ten.
Maybe I got ten for Levi.
Rose Oates (29:55):
I got six for myself and then I think you can go
back the year after or sixmonths after I'm not sure on
that but like get another sixand your doctor just has to
approve it and that you can tellthem like, look, it's doing
wonders for me.
And then you can get like ittakes a little bit off your
Medicare bill.
Chrystal Russell (30:10):
Oh no, hpf or whatever.
Whatever it is private healthor whatever it is.
Rose Oates (30:12):
So that is, if you're not sure that you've got
ADHD, or even if, like, shit isniggling you, even for anxiety,
those touches of depression likeit is normal.
You're not depressed justbecause you have ebbs and flows.
Just because you feel depresseddoesn't mean you're in
depression necessarily.
But it's worth going to get acouple of therapy sessions Like
(30:33):
it's not.
Like.
I think we need to take thestigma that therapy means
there's something actually wrongwith you, there's something
wrong with all of us.
Chrystal Russell (30:39):
I think we need to talk about like things
being okay that we have it,because you know autismhd, add
ocd, yes, um, bipolar, um,there's so many.
There is literally like even mydad was diagnosed with
schizophrenia and bipolar yeah,and he lived and breathed like a
normal guy, like, besides thefact that he liked things being
(31:02):
a certain way which who of usdoesn't?
He had both of these things,probably his whole entire life.
So I think we need to just openup that just because you have
something doesn't mean thatyou're a weirdo or that there's
something wrong with you.
Just finding out that you havesomething is going to help you
with your life.
If you help somebody and get adiagnosis and maybe go on
(31:23):
medication or maybe see atherapist, you might live a
better life.
Yeah.
Rose Oates (31:27):
Sometimes for me, like I've said, it's relieving,
like I feel like I go oh, I kindof get.
I understand myself.
Now, looking back, I understandwhy I did certain things and
the way that I manage things.
So, like, even with thecleaning, like it's instant
gratification when I cleansomething, I see a task that's
(31:48):
done and it's very rewarding formy brain.
Chrystal Russell (31:51):
I'm like yeah, it's like getting online
shopping.
Rose Oates (31:55):
You buy it and when it comes it's rewarding.
Now, everybody gets a dopamineshit hit from shopping.
Everyone, absolutely everyone,gets a little hit from like a
new thing.
Chrystal Russell (32:06):
I got three parcels today, baby.
I still had to nap, though, butit was glorious.
Rose Oates (32:10):
It is.
When it comes to my door, I'mlike hello, it feels fucking
good.
But again like that's exactlyright.
Knowing what's wrong or rightor how your brain works is
really relieving for me.
Like I was like oh, I criedwhen he said the words.
I actually cried in relief.
Chrystal Russell (32:31):
Yeah.
Rose Oates (32:31):
And then it brought up a lot of other things.
Chrystal Russell (32:33):
But do you think it helps with your
relationship more?
Because, like I am a shit wife,you are not a shit wife, no,
but like I do things and I think, oh, that's pretty shit, but I
blame the ADHD and sometimeshe's like you blame something
that I do even have it and I'mlike, well, I don't know, I'm
assuming it's alright, you'regoing to go to therapy.
Rose Oates (32:52):
We're going to find out.
You'll find out for sure.
Chrystal Russell (32:54):
I'm actually going to do it this year, before
I'm 40, I'm going to get adiagnosis.
Rose Oates (32:57):
Well, you, already had your childhood diagnosis.
Yes, come on.
It's pretty obvious.
I think once they have that,they could probably track it
back, but you'll probably stillhave to go back into therapy
From probably 1980, no 85, no90s.
Chrystal Russell (33:11):
Yeah, I don't know, probably not.
Rose Oates (33:13):
But, yeah, no, sometimes I think, yeah, it does
affect your relationship ifthey don't know, if they don't
understand.
Yeah, craig understands it now.
Like he knows he has to be mylike shadow.
So, like he knows he has to bemy like shadow.
So if I've got something reallyreally important to do, I've
got a job that's due in front ofthe computer, like whether that
be for content or whether it befor, like you know, an interior
job.
Chrystal Russell (33:33):
He has to make sure you stay on topic.
Rose Oates (33:35):
This is weird.
He doesn't have to do anything,he just has to be in the room.
They call it something bodydoubling.
He doesn't have to talk to me.
He doesn't have to do anything.
He doesn't.
He could sit on his phone inthe corner.
Chrystal Russell (33:47):
But is he keeping you accountable?
Yes, so like if you went to goget up, he'd be like are you
finished?
Rose Oates (33:50):
No, but I know he's there.
So for some reason I stay ontask because I know he's in the
room, because if he leaves andsometimes I beg him, I'm like
you know, can you please staywith me because I can't finish
it if you leave and she'll sitin the room with a book while
(34:12):
I'm doing it because, I need it.
So this is kind of why I'm kindof leaning now like down the
medication path, like mytherapist was like Rose, you do
the therapy, you do a reallygood job.
You listen, you put it intoplay.
You've been trying your best toput all put it into play.
You've been trying your best toput all those practices into
play, but he goes.
Medication is the gold standardand he goes.
(34:32):
I think you know it's worthgiving it a go and it's worth
trying, because I was scaredthat one.
It was going to dull me downyes, that's my fear.
And I thought one it was goingto take away all my creativity
and make me feel like a shell.
And he's like no, that's notthe case.
There's lots of differentmedications, you can go on.
And I also thought I would beaddicted to them.
But he said no, they're notaddictive.
So I was like, okay, and thisyear I'm going to give it a go.
(34:55):
Good for you.
Thanks, mate, I think it will begood and also I can just Maybe
I'll just slip a sneaky pillfrom yours.
Things we say on this podcastmay or may not happen.
Chrystal Russell (35:11):
Do not send me to jail.
Is it illegal to take someoneelse's medication?
Just ask him for a friend.
Rose Oates (35:17):
Absolutely no, I don't know.
Chrystal Russell (35:20):
I don't actually know.
Rose Oates (35:21):
I know nothing legally about this stuff.
Chrystal Russell (35:23):
I don't think a fuck is selling their bloody
ADH medication on the streets.
We ain't doing that.
You're just giving it to me forfree.
That's ridiculous.
Rose Oates (35:29):
That is ridiculous.
Honestly, I don't know, but Iremember when I was a kid like
taking them because everyonewanted to take a Dexie.
Okay, I'm not implicatingmyself, but when you're young
and I was like this shit doesnothing to me when you're young
and I was like this shit doesnothing to me.
I was like I just stayed awakeall day, but that was it yeah.
Chrystal Russell (35:48):
That was it.
I was like why is everyone?
Rose Oates (35:50):
going crazy.
I was like feeling good.
I was like, no, this is boring,yeah.
I was like, because it did whatit was meant to do.
It calmed me down, yeah.
And everyone was like woo, andthis is doing nothing.
You guys are lying.
Chrystal Russell (36:02):
I thought they were lying.
That was like the biggest redflag back then.
But as a kid you probablydidn't think no you just thought
, oh, this is what everyone'stalking about.
Rose Oates (36:11):
I just thought they were all bullshitting.
I was like, oh, they're goinghypo.
They're just like you know,when you pretend you're drunk.
I was like, oh, they're justpretending they're high or hypo
or whatever.
But this is boring.
I want to go home that's funnyand not sleep for three days.
Chrystal Russell (36:24):
I wonder how many kids out there are taking
Dexys and it's doing that tothem.
Rose Oates (36:28):
It's doing nothing.
Anyway, guys, that's it fortoday.
We will keep you updated.
We'll keep you updated wherethe Crystal ends up going to
therapy and getting her propernew diagnosis as an adult, and
I'll let you know how I go onthe medication track, because it
is a long road and it can be,like you know, you've got to
test the waters on differentstuff and what works for you.
But yeah, we'll keep youupdated.
(36:49):
So until next time, take careof yourselves and take care of
each other.
Bye.
Chrystal Russell (36:54):
Bye-bye.
Welcome to Bearing it All with Rose and Crystal.
Chrystal Russell (00:04):
Where the conversations get real emotions
run raw and nothing is filtered.
Rose Oates (00:09):
Buckle up because we're Bearing it All deep,
diving into everything frommotherhood to mental health and
everything in between.
We want to get to know you,each other and our bodies, and
things are going to get spicyRaspassy.
Chrystal Russell (00:22):
Are you ready for it?
Rose Oates (00:23):
Let's do it.
Hey guys, today we're talkingabout ADHD in women, diagnosed
and undiagnosed.
It's a big thing.
Chrystal Russell (00:33):
And I'm pretty sure that both of us have
diagnosed ourselves, dr Crystal.
Rose Oates (00:40):
Dr Rose, and the good thing about having ADHD
diagnosis so I'm diagnosed andI'm going through the process,
or you know I'm procrastinatingbut I am going to possibly get
medicated soon is that I feellike, once you know you've got
it, like one of the abilitiesyou have now is to diagnose
somebody else.
So I've officially diagnosedCrystal with ADHD, just because
(01:03):
I just know, okay, but you couldbulk bill me for that.
I don't know, Disclaimer I havenot officially so.
Chrystal Russell (01:12):
When I was a child, my mum did do all the
testing for me.
I was actually diagnosed as ADDor ADHD as a child, yep, but my
mum, being the hippie that sheis, she's not so much of a
hippie anymore, but was like I'mnot putting her on meds when I
was a kid.
Okay, so I was put on a reallystrict diet.
So as a child, I was notallowed to drink soft drink.
(01:34):
I was reduced in what sugarsintakes I had because I was so
hypo like crazy next levelhyperactivity.
So that's why I wasn't allowedto have sugary stuff.
And then, obviously, growing upit was never spoken about.
My mum never said to me hey, asa child you were diagnosed.
Rose Oates (01:53):
So technically you were diagnosed.
Chrystal Russell (01:54):
Yeah, but I can't go to the doctor now and
be like, hey, give me meds.
I was diagnosed when I was five.
I don't know if that would work.
No, I don't think it does.
I need to go through the wholething again.
Rose Oates (02:03):
See, my parents were the opposite.
My parents were like there'snothing wrong with you, yeah,
just go outside and run.
Yeah, so I was.
I'm diagnosed as inattentiveand hyperactive, so you can be
hyperactive or inattentive, or acombination of both.
Oh my, and I'm a combination ofboth, and I'm a combination of
both.
Well, I think you'd be both.
(02:24):
You're inattentive and hyper,like a psycho.
Yeah, at times Well not psychos,but I think your mind is busy.
Yeah, see, I was diagnosed atofficially what 38?
Yeah, 38.
Two years ago, two years ago, Istarted going to therapy.
So, I originally went totherapy not to get a diagnosis.
Chrystal Russell (02:45):
You went to therapy because you were feeling
all sorts of things that youthought was something else.
Rose Oates (02:49):
And I thought I'm on the edge, like I can't take
this anymore.
So my parents always knew likeI was hyper, always knew that
like once I hyper, fixated onsomething, once I put my mind to
something, you could achieveanything If I was interested in
it.
My dad actually even used tosay this if you're interested in
(03:10):
something, no one can be betterthan you.
And I was like, yeah, dad,that's ADHD.
So I tell him that now and hegoes you're not ADHD.
He still says it to this day.
He still says no, no, no.
I reckon it's old schoolmentality.
Chrystal Russell (03:30):
They don't believe in, like they don't even
believe in anxiety.
Honestly, like our parents andtheir parents, they didn't have
like all of these things now.
Do you know what I mean?
They didn't have autism even no.
Like it was a thing, but itwasn't talked about.
It wasn't spoken about.
Like it is now.
No, and it's so known now, likeabout all of these different
varieties of things that youcould have, that they don't
believe it.
They're like that's all.
Cuckoo juju buju.
Rose Oates (03:51):
Yeah, I said to Dad the other day I was like ADHD.
And he's like you don't haveADHD, I don't believe in this
stuff.
And I said you've bloody gotADHD.
I got it from you.
Yeah, so does Mum.
I said like it's often geneticand can be passed down.
So I don't know if this is theactual stat.
Like I cannot remember.
So don't quote me on it, but Ithink it's like one in four,
(04:12):
like if you have kids.
One in four will have it.
Yeah, 25% or whatever it is.
Chrystal Russell (04:17):
I think it's something like that Levi has got
the all sorts right now.
You're going through all that.
He's getting tested and pokedand prodded and not actually
poked and prodded, but you knowwhat I mean.
Like we're just trying to helphim however we can right now and
some of the things he's goingthrough.
I'm like, oh no, you got thatfrom me.
Rose Oates (04:35):
Yeah, you see it in your kids and you think, oh my
God, I wish that someone wouldhave told me what was going on.
So, yeah, at least one of mykids, Scarlett, is getting
tested at the moment, and I willget one of the other ones
tested soon.
Chrystal Russell (04:50):
So I've come to the understanding of why
people aren't getting tested.
It is fucking expensive.
Yeah, it's ridiculous, it'slike $1,800 to $2,000 just to
see somebody, and that's noteven to start talking about
medication.
Rose Oates (05:02):
No, no, no, no, You've got to go to therapy
first.
Chrystal Russell (05:05):
So you go to the psychiatrist.
Rose Oates (05:07):
Is this right?
Psychiatrist and psychologist,which one's which?
Chrystal Russell (05:10):
So you need to go to the psychologist first.
Psychologist first and then thepsychiatrist is what gives you
the medication.
Rose Oates (05:16):
Yeah, so psychologist is what I started
with, and you go for a certainamount of sessions until they
understand what you.
Chrystal Russell (05:23):
They refer you .
They refer you yes.
Rose Oates (05:25):
And then you go to the psychiatrist where it
doesn't mean just because theyreferred you, the psychiatrist
still makes their own decisionsand then gets proof.
So you need like a letter.
Chrystal Russell (05:36):
So usually your psychologist will do some
testing.
We did testing with Levi.
I can't remember what the testis called, but we did like a few
different tests and then theycome back with like red flags, I
guess, like it's a score.
Yes, it comes up of like whatthey think is triggered that you
have and then they send thatoff.
Rose Oates (05:57):
Yeah, and they also read up like my therapist wrote
up like a big report on hisfindings and what he's like
learned about me and how hefeels moving forward.
And then you go to psychiatry,psychiatrist, and then they do
their own assessment as well.
So you can't just develop adhd,you have it your whole life
(06:19):
same with autism.
So they often they look for umproof in your past.
So I've got, thankfully for mum.
Mum kept all my reports.
Chrystal Russell (06:29):
Rose did not concentrate in class.
Rose Oates (06:32):
Rose could achieve so much only if she paid
attention yeah, paid attention.
Like every single one was my.
We don't know how she achieveswhat she achieves, considering
she doesn't listen to anythingor she's always in off with
fairies.
And I was like, yeah, that wasme.
I just cram in study the nightbefore, like nothing motivates
(06:52):
me more than pressure, thanultimate pressure the day before
.
Like so, if something's due insix weeks, you can bet your ass
I won't be fucking startinguntil the day before, or the
week before, at best, that's me.
Chrystal Russell (07:06):
That's it, and I will get it done yeah.
Rose Oates (07:09):
But nothing else will exist other than that thing
.
Chrystal Russell (07:12):
But do you reckon it's because, like I
don't know about you, but for meI can't handle the thought of
like having to do the task.
Yes, Like I don't want to thinkabout doing the task until I
have to do the task at the verylast second.
Otherwise, if I've got sixweeks to prep, I'm going to be
so anxious doing it for that sixweeks.
I can't do it.
No, neither.
Rose Oates (07:33):
I do it all at once.
It is so much it's likepressure to start it, like I get
procrastination so bad, likethat I've got I can't do
anything, so I will clean thehouse procrastinate.
I call it procrastinatecleaning my house.
Sometimes if I've got somethingto do that's super important,
(07:54):
that's due, my house will neverbe cleaner.
I will bake all the baked goods.
I don't bake, I'm not really abaker, but if I've got something
else to do I'll be baking.
You're doing anything but thething that you need to do,
procrasta baking, procrasta,cleaning, procrasta hair care,
anything but what has to be done.
Yeah, because it's like instantreward, like that's how my
(08:17):
therapist, sort of like,described it.
He's like not only do you notknow how to start it, mentally,
he goes you also will get areward out of that cleaning.
So like you instantly seeresults.
So it's rewarding.
It's like shopping.
Chrystal Russell (08:30):
For me.
Oh my God, it's shopping for me, but do you know what I do?
I know that I have so manythings to do, and then I get
overwhelmed by the tasks that Ihave to do.
I just go have a nap.
Rose Oates (08:39):
Yeah, do that as well.
I can't think about it.
Chrystal Russell (08:41):
I need to go and lay on the couch because I'm
so overwhelmed.
Rose Oates (08:44):
So there's two ways you can do it, and that's so
normal.
I didn't know that was normal.
You can either shut downcompletely and go watch TV, nap
completely avoidance and justwant to never get out of bed, or
you do it with yourhyperactivity, like you're doing
stuff other than the task.
Chrystal Russell (09:06):
I think at work I have the hyperactivity
side, but at home I shut down.
Because we've got a lot to doall the time I look at the
laundry basket.
I look at the things that Ihave to do and I'm like, oh, it
feels too much, yeah, and then Ijust sometimes can't cope.
The other night I did fold likesix laundry baskets in half an
(09:26):
hour.
Rose Oates (09:26):
Yeah.
Chrystal Russell (09:27):
And I just powered through it.
But sometimes I just can't.
It's because there was probablysix.
Rose Oates (09:33):
And I just knew I had to do it.
I reckon maybe, but that's thething, like also with women, we
and girls, we are oftenmisdiagnosed, not diagnosed at
all, or not diagnosed untilwe're very later in life.
So I, like, I said, like when Iwent to the therapist and I
love my therapy, so cool, hi,matt, if you're listening he
(09:54):
said to me, like it's often alsoafter we have kids.
A big percentage of women willget diagnosed after they have
children because the overwhelmand the load on us is just so
much that we can't take itanymore.
Chrystal Russell (10:10):
That's what happened to me.
I looked up the stats.
I looked up the stats.
Let's do it.
Good old chat GBT here.
I rely on this little fuckerfor so many things.
Rose Oates (10:17):
But this, yeah, okay , let's hear it.
Chrystal Russell (10:19):
So this is exactly what came up.
Late diagnosis is so common.
Women with ADHD aren'tdiagnosed until their 30s or 40s
, often years after beingmisdiagnosed with anxiety or
depression.
Yep, yep, they're told thatthey're just too emotional or
bad at adulting, but reallythey've got ADHD.
(10:40):
Yeah, wow.
And how many times have youthought I'm actually a shitty
adult?
Rose Oates (10:44):
or a shitty parent or a shitty wife.
Chrystal Russell (10:46):
That's me all the time and it's just ADHD.
Rose Oates (10:49):
That's fucking psycho.
That's wild to me, because theanxiety, the imposter syndrome,
my whole life, never thinkingI'm good enough, always
concerned, always worried,always worried that I was lazy.
Chrystal Russell (11:07):
That's massive in ADHs.
It's awful ADHs, adhds, adhds.
Rose Oates (11:13):
It's actually really nice and relieving that there's
proof that there's somethingactually wrong with us.
Yes, I know that sounds weird,but when I actually got like
honestly, it was only a coupleof sessions in he's like look,
I'm fairly confident to say hegoes this actually.
He didn't say he goes.
It actually costs him moneybecause he could help hold me in
(11:35):
for like as many sessions as hefelt necessary.
But he goes.
I'm pretty confident to say thatyou know to refer you on now
because a hundred percent% Ifeel that you have ADHD.
So he, but I stuck with him.
I say I've still, I still go totherapy.
Chrystal Russell (11:51):
I haven't been for a while, but you go for
other things too, not just that.
Everything came out.
Rose Oates (11:55):
But it didn't start as a diagnosis, yeah, so I went
for severe, severe anxiety.
I've had anxiety and struggledwith anxiety my whole life.
Well, duh, obviously there wassomething underlying that.
Chrystal Russell (12:07):
That's the reason.
Rose Oates (12:08):
But I went when it got so much like after my fourth
kid I could no longer take it.
Chrystal Russell (12:14):
But it also says here women like we mask all
of our symptoms right, and thatADHD.
I saw something about postnataldepression.
Am I a fourth?
Rose Oates (12:25):
child, it's linked, it's linked.
Chrystal Russell (12:26):
It's linked.
It's all linked, is it?
Yes, it just was in here before.
75% of women say they strugglewith low self-esteem and
imposter syndrome and feel likethey're constantly behind in
life.
That was one of the things.
Yeah, like yeah, and ADHD.
Here it was here.
We're so good at masking ourADHD right that we become
(12:51):
perfect professionalisms Peoplepleasers.
Rose Oates (12:54):
Yes, perfect, people pleasers Like we want to.
People please Constantly andyou want to like, just I don't
know.
You want to feel normal and actnormal.
So yeah, but the impostersyndrome thing oof, I'm trying
to find where it was.
But definitely after my fourthchild, definitely, I experienced
postpartum depression which I'dnever experienced with the
(13:17):
other kids.
After I sort of worked throughthat, the anxiety would come and
go like normal, but it got tothe point two years ago where it
was so bad that I felt likesomeone was stepping on my chest
permanently.
I've had that before panicattack et cetera.
Chrystal Russell (13:32):
You still get that now.
Sometimes I still get that now.
Rose Oates (13:34):
We're talking that feeling every single day for two
weeks.
I couldn't get rid of it.
It was hurting.
I felt like I could die, like Iwas going to have a heart
attack.
Like you were struggling.
So bad hurting it was.
I felt like I could die, like Iwas going to have a heart
attack, like you're struggling,so bad.
I went to the doctor and Ihaven't done this before and I
was like that's it, I'm readyGive me medication for anxiety,
which I've always not wanted tohave.
(13:54):
And I went to the doctor, Itold him everything that was
going on and for some reason,this doctor was different and he
was like look, I've seen youlike many times before and like
I know what you're saying here,but have you ever considered
that you might be like, youmight have ADHD?
And I was like no, no, I amorganized, I am neat, I am clean
(14:17):
, like.
I know that sounds reallystereotypical, but I was like I
don't have you didn't see it.
I'm not the mess, I'm not that.
You know how some people shutdown and they go messy, whereas
my progressive cleaning sidekeeps everything clean and
organized so that my mind canrelax.
Yes, and he's like it's notjust all about that.
He goes look, I can, you know,refer you to a therapist, and
(14:38):
that's not necessarily.
He's actually an ADHDspecialist in adults.
This doctor.
Yeah.
So he's an ADHD specialist, buthe's a therapist.
He goes, he may say you haveADHD, but he may just you know,
you can just go for therapy withhim either way.
And so I was like what have Igot to lose?
I was like also, give memedication.
I actually said to him youneeded relief, I need something
(15:02):
I don't know what it is, valiumor something of that description
.
I need something I don't knowwhat it is, valium or something
of that description.
And I was so scared to take it.
Chrystal Russell (15:08):
I thought oh my God, I'm going to get
addicted.
I'm going to die, I'm going tofall asleep.
Yeah, that's what I'd bethinking.
Rose Oates (15:12):
The intrusive thoughts that ADHD is getting
and the overthinking.
So I took half and I was like,but it did calm me down.
It took the stress off my chest.
It took a lot, but like I feltlike very numb I won't lie, but
it helped me sleep and that'sanother thing.
I wasn't sleeping, went totherapy, cried before I went in,
went in, it was all good, itwas fine, chatted it out, it was
(15:36):
so normal and actually sorelieving.
So you cover everything.
You're not just talking aboutADHD and they don't ask you
questions that you think thatyou're going to ask.
It was scary walking in, but itwas so good to go to see
somebody and talk about shitwith someone that doesn't care
about anything.
Yeah, they don't judge you.
They don't know your life, theydon't know your friends, you
don't know your family, theydon't care.
(15:58):
They're just there to help.
That's their actual job.
So that was very helpful.
Chrystal Russell (16:03):
Do you think, though, that we are diagnosing
ourselves as something that wepossibly don't have?
I'm not saying us because likeit's just too there, well we're
already done, I'm already done.
I'm already diagnosed.
Rose Oates (16:21):
But I think it's easy to see traits of yourself
with people that do have ADHD.
Everyone has those traits.
You can have anxiety, you canbe overwhelmed as a mother, you
can feel all the things.
You can procrastinate.
That might just be somethingthat you do.
Chrystal Russell (16:34):
I just think that we all have something we're
all different, that we've alljust got little traits that make
us who we are.
Rose Oates (16:42):
That's right, we're all a bit spicy you know, we are
all a bit spicy in some level.
Chrystal Russell (16:46):
But it is funny because I do think I'm
more attracted to people whohave ADHD.
Rose Oates (16:50):
They say that you often do make friends with
people that feel the same.
Chrystal Russell (16:54):
Even our clients that come into the salon
like within five minutes, bothof us know if they've got ADHD
and we're blown into a full ADHDconversation with them.
Rose Oates (17:02):
Yes, We've actually just asked and gone hey, like
you know, or we've said oh, I'mlike Rose is actually ADHD, or
you've said something like that,and then you're like oh, so am
I.
And we're like we know, we knewstraight away, yeah.
You can pick each other out,you can feel there's something
there.
Chrystal Russell (17:29):
It's almost like the zombies, you know, when
they call to each other other.
I'm walking in the dead, Idon't know what's I'm saying.
So maybe we just have like ourown, like what's it called?
Like telepathic, I don't know,I can, I see you, I see you, see
me, I see you.
Rose Oates (17:36):
It's like our brains like intertwine something yeah,
but yeah, having a diagnosis isso relieving I can't even
describe, because it actuallymakes you feel normal.
Chrystal Russell (17:47):
I think it makes you feel like hey, like
I'm actually not, I'm just notfucked up.
Rose Oates (17:52):
I just think differently, like I actually am
different.
Yeah, you're not.
There's nothing wrong with you,you just think differently.
Yes, and your brain worksdifferently.
It doesn't mean that there'ssomething wrong with you, but I
think your whole life, if youhaven't been diagnosed, like
until like 38, for 38 years Iactually just felt different.
I felt like I wasn't normal, Ifelt like lazy, I felt like just
(18:19):
shit, like a lot of things thatI was doing.
That is very ADHD.
Part of my ADHD made me feellike I was a piece of shit.
Chrystal Russell (18:27):
The main thing is, I think when you do have
ADHD and you're not diagnosed oryou have no idea that you even
have it, it is the feeling ofbeing misunderstood or like what
is wrong with me?
I can't concentrate, why can'tI do it?
Yes, Like that constant feelingnegative about yourself.
And I think when you do getthat diagnosis, it's kind of
like a relief or like a weightlifted off your shoulder of like
(18:48):
oh, this makes sense.
Rose Oates (18:50):
Yeah, and you're not blaming it Like I think some
people are like oh, this istrending.
I was like, yeah, it's trendingfor you, but it's not actually
fun.
This hasn't been fun for me.
Chrystal Russell (19:00):
It's not fun, but I do blame it, like if I've
forgotten to do something and Ihave actually forgotten to do
something.
I'm like I'm sorry, but I havean ADHD brain and I am like Dory
off Nemo.
Yeah, I actually am Like Istart, I start something, and
then I'm like, oh, that's prettywhat's over there, and then I
(19:21):
start something else and thennext minute I've started five
different things and I'm likeshit, my house is a freaking
mess because I started cleaningthe office, I started cleaning
the kitchen, I started cleaningmy room all at the same time.
Then I went out to burn outmold and I went to sleep and I
left everything in the hallway.
That happens regularly, for me.
Rose Oates (19:38):
That's me with projects.
I'm going to start sanding thiscupboard down.
I'm going to make it beautiful.
Chrystal Russell (19:44):
The other day I called you and you were like
yeah, I'm just painting mykitchen.
I was like what the fuck?
On a Monday morning, why areyou painting your kitchen?
No, what was it Sunday?
Rose Oates (19:54):
Yeah, but one side's still not painted.
It's still partly blue andpartly pink.
Chrystal Russell (19:58):
The fact that you've painted it blue and pink.
I'm a little concerned, oh shit, Because you don't even really
like color.
I don't like color that much.
Rose Oates (20:07):
Okay, and that's another thing I don't like.
I have to have my house verycalm and serene.
Chrystal Russell (20:14):
Yes, your house is beige and white.
Rose Oates (20:16):
Because it's.
Chrystal Russell (20:18):
Serene Because my mind is colorful and because
my mind is busy.
Rose Oates (20:23):
I can't handle when my house is busy Like I need to
walk into a place that's calm.
Oh well, then you shouldn'thave had four kids, babe.
Yep, that was my bad, I'llnever forget.
Chrystal Russell (20:33):
I came to your house one day and the kids had
popped like a beanbag and youhad those little styrofoam balls
everywhere and you were like I,just I'm giving up right now.
Rose Oates (20:42):
I did, I gave up on life.
Chrystal Russell (20:42):
I was like oh, well, I think you found them
for like three months all overyour house.
Rose Oates (20:45):
There's still some in the garden Like they're still
blowing through Fuckers.
Chrystal Russell (20:49):
Yeah, no, probably wasn't the smartest
thing to do when your braindoesn't think clearly.
Rose Oates (20:54):
Oh, God, yeah.
But I mean, I didn't know, yeah, I didn't know what.
Chrystal Russell (20:59):
I didn't know.
I 60% of women with ADHDexperience postnatal depression,
anxiety, depression on its ownand PTSD.
Rose Oates (21:09):
Yeah, that doesn't really shock me, to be honest.
Chrystal Russell (21:14):
That's crazy.
Rose Oates (21:15):
Yeah, I think I just got to my absolute ultimate
burnout stage after the fourthchart.
Chrystal Russell (21:22):
Jesus.
It's so like approximately onein 20 people have ADHD in
Australia.
Rose Oates (21:28):
Yeah, and see, that's why there is so many of
us, that is, if that's like anaccurate stat, that's why there
is so many of us and that's why,when we with social media, with
learning, all of this, more andmore people are going to get
diagnosed yeah, and that's whywe're hearing about it more,
Whereas back in our parents' daynobody was talking about it
(21:51):
because they didn't really do itand they didn't really.
If you went to therapy backthen, it was a very expensive
rich people thing to do, yeah,and even now it's a fucking
privilege to even be able toafford some of these services.
Oh my gosh, even me, I can onlyprobably go like once every two
months because they'reexpensive sessions.
(22:11):
Like Craig was so supportivewhen I first like started going.
I think I was going once everytwo weeks and it was so
expensive.
Chrystal Russell (22:19):
But even I was looking because obviously
recently with Levi he's goingthrough some things.
He's been.
I don't know if it's a properdiagnosis, but they've said that
he was flagged for ADD andautism.
So he's on the spectrum, but towhat level we don't know.
But he definitely does havesome social cues that show that
(22:39):
he has autism, which I tried toexplain to him like is fine,
yeah, just because you haveautism does not mean that you
know.
Rose Oates (22:47):
I think a lot of people think of.
There's a stigma.
Chrystal Russell (22:50):
People think of autism as like a full
disability.
Like you know, somebody said tome oh, but he doesn't look like
a Down syndrome, and I said doyou even know what?
Rose Oates (22:57):
the difference is that is so Rude.
Rude and offensive.
Yes To people, one to peoplethat do have Down syndrome.
Chrystal Russell (23:04):
That's completely different and I'm
like I think it is actuallyuneducation, Uneducation it's
uneducated, you're uneducated.
If you think that autism andDown syndrome are the same thing
, then you are very uneducated.
Rose Oates (23:17):
I cannot even fathom how offensive that is on every
level.
Oh my gosh, it's so rude.
Chrystal Russell (23:22):
But imagine what my son feels like, if
that's what he's thinking, like,if people are saying those kind
of things.
Is that what he's thinking?
I think?
Rose Oates (23:29):
there's such a stigma around being called
autistic or being even calledsaying that you're not
neurotypical yeah, so there'snothing wrong with it.
You think differently.
Your brain is different.
Autism as well, for that matter.
Autism is a spectrum.
Yes, it's so wide, yes, it canrange so far and so many
(23:53):
different ways that that canpresent.
Yes, so I think that's reallyoffensive and it's probably why
at his age because he's a littlebit older now as well so he's
coming into that teen age andit's going to feel like there's
something.
Now he's been told.
He's like, oh, there'ssomething wrong with me.
Chrystal Russell (24:09):
The older he's getting, the more present it is
, if that makes sense.
Rose Oates (24:12):
So as a child.
Chrystal Russell (24:13):
None of his teachers would pick up any of
the things that now I'm pickingup.
So usually children would getdiagnosed early, right, like
usually five, six, seven.
Rose Oates (24:24):
Even younger.
I think, yeah, you've got afull diagnosis.
Chrystal Russell (24:27):
But he's been in therapy for a very long time,
like I would say probably fromthe age of maybe as young as six
or seven.
Yeah, because he had a lot ofdifferent things.
But it makes sense now.
But no therapist picked up anyof the things that now this
therapist has.
But that's because he's notgetting noticed until he's older
(24:47):
.
So he's struggling in highschool.
Yes, he's actually struggling.
Rose Oates (24:52):
This is where it's really shown.
Chrystal Russell (24:53):
All his teachers in primary school just
said like obviously he wasreally quiet, you know, he would
go unnoticed kind of thing.
Rose Oates (24:59):
Yes, undetected yes.
Chrystal Russell (25:04):
And then now obviously in high school he is
struggling, he can't concentrate, he's with the fairies half the
time, and then obviously nowthe autism side has come into it
.
So we're just trying to getthat sorted.
But I think for a lot of peoplewhen they think of autism, they
do think it as like a severelearning disability or they
think of it as like somethingthat you would know that you're
being impacted by.
But that doesn't.
(25:24):
It's not true.
Rose Oates (25:25):
That's not necessarily true for everybody.
No, Again a spectrum.
Chrystal Russell (25:29):
It's so wide and this is what the therapist
was telling me like he couldjust be on the spectrum enough
that it's impacting him.
Rose Oates (25:35):
Yes, but I think that's, I think there shouldn't
be a stigma, whether that isdoesn't matter.
What doesn't matter if thatchild or adult is on the
spectrum where they have gotlike severe, like learning
difficulties or anything likethat.
Just accepting people for whothey are, yeah, and just being
really kind, like to the parentand the adult alike, because
(26:00):
like saying shit like thatthat's damaging.
Chrystal Russell (26:04):
I just I honestly think it's just like
people, just they're noteducated, they're just not
educated.
I just think they don't knowand they just assume, or I'm not
sure.
But anyways, we keep it very toourselves, to be honest,
because every time I do bring itup to anybody I'm hit with like
judgment.
I guess, like how do you know?
(26:24):
And no, he's not.
And well, I know that I've beentold, so don't say to me no,
he's not.
Like I live with him.
I see the things that hestruggles with daily.
Rose Oates (26:33):
Yeah, I know that how much you guys have to like
work with him.
Chrystal Russell (26:38):
It's hard, it's hard work every day and it
could just be as simple as hecan't leave the house without
wearing socks.
Yeah, like it's just as simpleas that With the sensory thing.
Rose Oates (26:48):
Yeah, I get that.
Chrystal Russell (26:49):
And it makes sense, like I have the same
sensory thing, except for Icannot wear socks.
Yeah, I know we are weird likethat, yeah, so he has to wear
socks and if I wear socks, youfeel suffocating.
Rose Oates (27:01):
When you wear socks, I feel like I'm strangling.
I'm being strangled.
For me, everyone's just goingto laugh.
You're going to laugh.
I don't like clothes, sometimesat all.
Because you're being strangled,I feel like I can't breathe and
I feel more comfortable in apair of underwear and a crop.
Yeah, it doesn't matter whatsize I was, it doesn't matter
what shape I'm in, like,obviously, like I jump on
(27:23):
Instagram.
That's hard because obviously,like I had to learn to love my
body over years and years, butlike people would be like, oh
yeah, shocking.
Like no, it's for me as well.
I can think better when I don'thave, not when I'm naked.
I don't have to be naked.
I just can't have Restriction.
Restriction, yes.
Chrystal Russell (27:42):
Like I would never see you in a turtleneck
ever.
Oh, I can't breathe, neither Iwould cut it off.
Rose Oates (27:47):
Yeah, I was at work the other day and I was like I
had a heavy denim dress on andit was cute and I love it, it's
one of my favourite.
But you know, when you can'tlift your arms properly, like
it's a little bit restrictiveunder the arm because it's tight
, it's heavy denim Can you drivein it?
Driving it, yeah, but it wasn'tenough.
All day the girls were justlike what the hell?
(28:07):
I'm like I need to take thisoff.
Does anyone have any clotheshere I can change into?
I was like I was unbuttoning it.
By the end of the day I washalf undressed.
I had three buttons undone,three from the bottom.
I was suffocating in the dressbecause I couldn't move properly
and I felt it was very heavy onmy body and I couldn't think my
brain wasn't working because Ihad the dress on.
Chrystal Russell (28:26):
See, you love to wear necklaces and you've
probably got like threenecklaces on.
Rose Oates (28:29):
right now I can't wear necklaces.
Chrystal Russell (28:32):
I'm going to die.
I'm like claustrophobic withjewelry on.
I feel like I'm going to choke.
Rose Oates (28:37):
I get what you're saying, yeah.
Chrystal Russell (28:38):
So it is funny that we have all these little
different things that eitherbother us or don't like.
Yours is a fidget, but it feelslike a fidget.
You know what I mean.
Rose Oates (28:46):
And I also find that with my wedding ring I'll flick
it around and around and aroundand if I have to take it off I
get a panic.
Because I was like, because Iknow that I do it all the time.
Chrystal Russell (28:54):
Well, I'm claustrophobic by jewelry, yeah,
full claustrophobic by jewelryand socks and socks.
I don Now my neck is feelingclosed when I've got socks on,
but it does.
Rose Oates (29:04):
Yeah, sometimes, even though, when we're in the
studio, we take our shoes off.
Chrystal Russell (29:08):
Yeah, I will never have socks on, sorry.
No, you don't I could be in ablizzard and not need to wear
socks.
Probably, I don't know, youmight be cold.
We'll see when I travel one day, maybe, maybe, maybe We'll see
if, and the ADHD things today,but it is a very interesting
(29:29):
topic it is, and there is a lotof us that probably need to.
Rose Oates (29:32):
Just one, I would say start with therapy.
Yes, if you can, I think youcan go.
No, not think I know.
You can get a mental healthplan yes, and you can get six
sessions, I think it's 10.
I got well.
If it's ten, now that's evenbetter.
Chrystal Russell (29:48):
I got six, maybe it wasn't, I thought it
was ten.
Maybe I got ten for Levi.
Rose Oates (29:55):
I got six for myself and then I think you can go
back the year after or sixmonths after I'm not sure on
that but like get another sixand your doctor just has to
approve it and that you can tellthem like, look, it's doing
wonders for me.
And then you can get like ittakes a little bit off your
Medicare bill.
Chrystal Russell (30:10):
Oh no, hpf or whatever.
Whatever it is private healthor whatever it is.
Rose Oates (30:12):
So that is, if you're not sure that you've got
ADHD, or even if, like, shit isniggling you, even for anxiety,
those touches of depression likeit is normal.
You're not depressed justbecause you have ebbs and flows.
Just because you feel depresseddoesn't mean you're in
depression necessarily.
But it's worth going to get acouple of therapy sessions Like
(30:33):
it's not.
Like.
I think we need to take thestigma that therapy means
there's something actually wrongwith you, there's something
wrong with all of us.
Chrystal Russell (30:39):
I think we need to talk about like things
being okay that we have it,because you know autismhd, add
ocd, yes, um, bipolar, um,there's so many.
There is literally like even mydad was diagnosed with
schizophrenia and bipolar yeah,and he lived and breathed like a
normal guy, like, besides thefact that he liked things being
(31:02):
a certain way which who of usdoesn't?
He had both of these things,probably his whole entire life.
So I think we need to just openup that just because you have
something doesn't mean thatyou're a weirdo or that there's
something wrong with you.
Just finding out that you havesomething is going to help you
with your life.
If you help somebody and get adiagnosis and maybe go on
(31:23):
medication or maybe see atherapist, you might live a
better life.
Yeah.
Rose Oates (31:27):
Sometimes for me, like I've said, it's relieving,
like I feel like I go oh, I kindof get.
I understand myself.
Now, looking back, I understandwhy I did certain things and
the way that I manage things.
So, like, even with thecleaning, like it's instant
gratification when I cleansomething, I see a task that's
(31:48):
done and it's very rewarding formy brain.
Chrystal Russell (31:51):
I'm like yeah, it's like getting online
shopping.
Rose Oates (31:55):
You buy it and when it comes it's rewarding.
Now, everybody gets a dopamineshit hit from shopping.
Everyone, absolutely everyone,gets a little hit from like a
new thing.
Chrystal Russell (32:06):
I got three parcels today, baby.
I still had to nap, though, butit was glorious.
Rose Oates (32:10):
It is.
When it comes to my door, I'mlike hello, it feels fucking
good.
But again like that's exactlyright.
Knowing what's wrong or rightor how your brain works is
really relieving for me.
Like I was like oh, I criedwhen he said the words.
I actually cried in relief.
Chrystal Russell (32:31):
Yeah.
Rose Oates (32:31):
And then it brought up a lot of other things.
Chrystal Russell (32:33):
But do you think it helps with your
relationship more?
Because, like I am a shit wife,you are not a shit wife, no,
but like I do things and I think, oh, that's pretty shit, but I
blame the ADHD and sometimeshe's like you blame something
that I do even have it and I'mlike, well, I don't know, I'm
assuming it's alright, you'regoing to go to therapy.
Rose Oates (32:52):
We're going to find out.
You'll find out for sure.
Chrystal Russell (32:54):
I'm actually going to do it this year, before
I'm 40, I'm going to get adiagnosis.
Rose Oates (32:57):
Well, you, already had your childhood diagnosis.
Yes, come on.
It's pretty obvious.
I think once they have that,they could probably track it
back, but you'll probably stillhave to go back into therapy
From probably 1980, no 85, no90s.
Chrystal Russell (33:11):
Yeah, I don't know, probably not.
Rose Oates (33:13):
But, yeah, no, sometimes I think, yeah, it does
affect your relationship ifthey don't know, if they don't
understand.
Yeah, craig understands it now.
Like he knows he has to be mylike shadow.
So, like he knows he has to bemy like shadow.
So if I've got something reallyreally important to do, I've
got a job that's due in front ofthe computer, like whether that
be for content or whether it befor, like you know, an interior
job.
Chrystal Russell (33:33):
He has to make sure you stay on topic.
Rose Oates (33:35):
This is weird.
He doesn't have to do anything,he just has to be in the room.
They call it something bodydoubling.
He doesn't have to talk to me.
He doesn't have to do anything.
He doesn't.
He could sit on his phone inthe corner.
Chrystal Russell (33:47):
But is he keeping you accountable?
Yes, so like if you went to goget up, he'd be like are you
finished?
Rose Oates (33:50):
No, but I know he's there.
So for some reason I stay ontask because I know he's in the
room, because if he leaves andsometimes I beg him, I'm like
you know, can you please staywith me because I can't finish
it if you leave and she'll sitin the room with a book while
(34:12):
I'm doing it because, I need it.
So this is kind of why I'm kindof leaning now like down the
medication path, like mytherapist was like Rose, you do
the therapy, you do a reallygood job.
You listen, you put it intoplay.
You've been trying your best toput all put it into play.
You've been trying your best toput all those practices into
play, but he goes.
Medication is the gold standardand he goes.
(34:32):
I think you know it's worthgiving it a go and it's worth
trying, because I was scaredthat one.
It was going to dull me downyes, that's my fear.
And I thought one it was goingto take away all my creativity
and make me feel like a shell.
And he's like no, that's notthe case.
There's lots of differentmedications, you can go on.
And I also thought I would beaddicted to them.
But he said no, they're notaddictive.
So I was like, okay, and thisyear I'm going to give it a go.
(34:55):
Good for you.
Thanks, mate, I think it will begood and also I can just Maybe
I'll just slip a sneaky pillfrom yours.
Things we say on this podcastmay or may not happen.
Chrystal Russell (35:11):
Do not send me to jail.
Is it illegal to take someoneelse's medication?
Just ask him for a friend.
Rose Oates (35:17):
Absolutely no, I don't know.
Chrystal Russell (35:20):
I don't actually know.
Rose Oates (35:21):
I know nothing legally about this stuff.
Chrystal Russell (35:23):
I don't think a fuck is selling their bloody
ADH medication on the streets.
We ain't doing that.
You're just giving it to me forfree.
That's ridiculous.
Rose Oates (35:29):
That is ridiculous.
Honestly, I don't know, but Iremember when I was a kid like
taking them because everyonewanted to take a Dexie.
Okay, I'm not implicatingmyself, but when you're young
and I was like this shit doesnothing to me when you're young
and I was like this shit doesnothing to me.
I was like I just stayed awakeall day, but that was it yeah.
Chrystal Russell (35:48):
That was it.
I was like why is everyone?
Rose Oates (35:50):
going crazy.
I was like feeling good.
I was like, no, this is boring,yeah.
I was like, because it did whatit was meant to do.
It calmed me down, yeah.
And everyone was like woo, andthis is doing nothing.
You guys are lying.
Chrystal Russell (36:02):
I thought they were lying.
That was like the biggest redflag back then.
But as a kid you probablydidn't think no you just thought
, oh, this is what everyone'stalking about.
Rose Oates (36:11):
I just thought they were all bullshitting.
I was like, oh, they're goinghypo.
They're just like you know,when you pretend you're drunk.
I was like, oh, they're justpretending they're high or hypo
or whatever.
But this is boring.
I want to go home that's funnyand not sleep for three days.
Chrystal Russell (36:24):
I wonder how many kids out there are taking
Dexys and it's doing that tothem.
Rose Oates (36:28):
It's doing nothing.
Anyway, guys, that's it fortoday.
We will keep you updated.
We'll keep you updated wherethe Crystal ends up going to
therapy and getting her propernew diagnosis as an adult, and
I'll let you know how I go onthe medication track, because it
is a long road and it can be,like you know, you've got to
test the waters on differentstuff and what works for you.
But yeah, we'll keep youupdated.
(36:49):
So until next time, take careof yourselves and take care of
each other.
Bye.
Chrystal Russell (36:54):
Bye-bye.
Popular Podcasts
United States of Kennedy
United States of Kennedy is a podcast about our cultural fascination with the Kennedy dynasty. Every week, hosts Lyra Smith and George Civeris go into one aspect of the Kennedy story.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.