Shadow Self, Dark Humor & Authenticity | How To Channel It Safely - Beat The Mental Health Out Of It! | Dark Humor Conversations On Mental Health, Trauma & Society

Episode Transcript
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SPEAKER_02 (00:24):
Start with a grunt.
You know how we do.
Always.
Welcome to Beat the No, BottomHuey.
Sorry, we gotta get that going.
Welcome to Bottom Hui, aka Beatthe Mental Health Out of It with
your host, the Defective SchizoEffective.
This is Indy Pocket.
And we are doing the podcast inthe shadows.
That's why it's so dark.

SPEAKER_03 (00:47):
We should have composed some music.

SPEAKER_02 (00:49):
We sure should.

SPEAKER_03 (00:49):
We'll get AI to put that in later.
Yes, we will.
We don't believe in that,remember?
No.

SPEAKER_02 (00:54):
Carl.
When are we actually gonna hireCarl?
All right.
We're never gonna make money.
That's been established.
Alright, well.
Anyway.
Good thing we like this.
Good thing we're pretty happywith it.
And we like each other.
We're gonna do this.
We do like each other still,right?
Yeah, I think we're pretty bigfans of each other.
We're good?
We're good.
Alright, cool.

SPEAKER_03 (01:13):
Um, so we're gonna you want to shed some light on
light on the shadow self.
So yeah.
Shadow self.

SPEAKER_02 (01:23):
Yeah.
So, boy, is this a controversialtopic, but it's pretty hot right
now.
It does seem to be.
I hear a lot of people talkingabout it.
And I appreciate that it'sstarting to come about.
So um I've been kind of uhexploring this within myself for
a while.
Um and it's it's anuncomfortable one.
Probably one of the mostuncomfortable things you could

(01:43):
explore within yourself.
Um it's in the name.
There are some tricky parts.
Yeah, yeah.
It's in the name, shadow self.
So it's your it's your dark sidethat it's even different than
you know what you're putting outthere for people to see.
It's actually the the dark sidethat even you don't want others
to see because it is exactly toodisturbing for even the parts we

(02:07):
hide.

SPEAKER_03 (02:08):
I've I've heard it labeled as the parts of
ourselves we don't want toreveal, but we still have to
drag around in an invisible bag.

SPEAKER_02 (02:18):
That's a good way to put it.
The other way I the way I put itis it's the parts of ourselves
we don't even want toacknowledge ourselves.
Yeah.
We want to put it.
It's like it's like thatthought, that really fucked up
thought that comes to your head.
Like you know, you don't evenwant to.
We're going to Mexico.
Don't you show?
Yeah.
I mean, it gets worse than that.
Um let me let me preface thiswhole thing.

(02:42):
Okay.
With um you do not need to putout there what the shadow self
of you is.
To others.
To others.
This is a self-awareness thing.
This is an absoluteself-awareness thing.
And it's important to be awareof the fact that these are
simply part of being human.

(03:04):
Um it doesn't make you an evilperson, it doesn't make you a
bad person, it makes you human.
And to deny that side ofyourself, that doesn't mean
explore these dark things.
It means to deny that you have,you know, if you want to fuck
babies, you should go do no.
No.
No.
No.
But what I'm saying is thatthere are some really fucked up

(03:26):
thoughts that we as few humanshave.
A lot of brilliant comediansexpress a lot of that through
comedy.
It's one of my favorite thingsabout it.
Um and it's usually the closerto home it gets, right?
The funnier it is.
The funnier or the morecontroversial, and those
comedians, you know, often getcanceled, or you know, people

(03:47):
are bitching about it.
And uh I guess controversy.
Whatever.
Yeah, controversy breeds uhsubscribers.
Breed subscribers.
That's what I was trying to saythat.
Um I mean, our most popularvideos in social media were the
controversial ones.
We need to come up with more ofthose.
Alright.
Apparently.
Apparently we're going back tobaby fucking.
We're going back to babyfucking.

(04:08):
I think that'll do it.
No.
Um, we're gonna make a shortjust out of that.
Oh, we are?
Just out of the baby fuckingpart.
Oh boy.
It's gonna be great.
Uh it's gonna bring him in.
It's gonna bring him in.
Anyway, um I fucking talking alot.

SPEAKER_03 (04:22):
No, this I think is just fine.

SPEAKER_02 (04:25):
So, I mean, this whole the whole theory of shadow
self stemmed from uh Carl uhJung, um, who was a protege of
um what's his name?
Ye who fucked everything up.
Freud.
Yes, he used Vol de Freud.
Uh the F word.
The F-word.
The real F word.
No.

(04:47):
I mean, Freud's the one whostarted everything.
We wouldn't be where we arewithout him.
Father of Father of modernpsychology.
So, but Jung, I would argue,took what he started and
absolutely brought it in theright direction.
I mean, that's my perception.
I love Carl Jung.
I haven't really explored a lotof what he was um what he was

(05:09):
changing in the in the field orwhat he was, you know, um really
pondering until the last fivemonths.
Um and I understand he his oneof his books was released not
too long ago.
I heard about it on Yeah, he hehad a book that he said not to
publish until a certain date.

SPEAKER_03 (05:28):
Really?

SPEAKER_02 (05:29):
Yeah, I don't know the book.
I don't know the name.
They were talking about it onRogan.
This was a while back.
This is maybe even well, it'd besince Max was born because I
didn't really see it.
I had to do some some study onthat one.
Yeah, and apparently the book isso fucking wordy and out there,
it's really hard to understandbecause Rogan was saying he was
trying to read it, and he'slike, What the fuck am I
reading?
He said he had to get on some uhmushrooms and even start to

(05:52):
understand it, which that's justthat's just fine.
You know, he's big into that.
But um, anyway, uh Young wasdefinitely ahead of his time,
and I think a lot of his ideasand theories and principles
stand pretty strong today.
But speaking of the shadow self,I think that one's a
particularly particularly neatconcept.

SPEAKER_03 (06:12):
Well, if we are talking about the whole person,
right, integrating shadow selfis how we bring those parts
together to make ourselveswhole.
Right.
It doesn't mean that we have tolike every piece of ourself,
right?
But we do have to learn how tointegrate and accept certain

(06:34):
aspects of self that may not becomfortable, that you may not
want to telegraph and projectout there to others, but
understanding what some of thosedarknesses may be or mean or
represent can help youunderstand how you work in
interpersonal relationships, howyou work in romantic

(06:56):
relationships, how you treatyourself when you look in the
mirror.

SPEAKER_04 (07:00):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 (07:00):
Um integrating shadow self into who you are and
understand and beingunderstanding, being able to
offer that grace to self.
Yeah, that is exactly what itis.
Is how you genuinely can bringthe pieces of yourself back
together.

(07:21):
Yeah.
And once whole, then you canlook at the whole exactly and
really truly figure out whatkind of person you are.

SPEAKER_02 (07:28):
At least that seems to be the theory that's what
I've understood behind what doesit come down to is acceptance.
And what's the hardest thing forany of us to accept in or to do
in any situation is accept Yep,worst critic.
Worst critic is the guy in themirror.
Right.
So whether that's acceptyourself or that's accept your
situation, accept you know,consequences, whatever that is,

(07:52):
acceptance is the hardest thing.
And I'd argue that might be whythe shadow self is such a fucked
up concept for most people.
It's like, what is harder toaccept than your own demons?
Um and so here's the thing.
I've uh like I said, I I'veactually delved into my own
shadow self quite a bit.

(08:13):
And I'd argue it's not as hardfor me because of this.

SPEAKER_03 (08:17):
And I I was thinking about that earlier when when I
was kind of doing somepre-gaming, was if you were
facing demons, essentially kindof literally, and it's annoying
on a daily basis, how easy is itto shake hands with something so
familiar when possibly some ofthe neurotypicals that might be

(08:42):
listening would be like, what?
How would you even?

SPEAKER_02 (08:44):
I could never, I that's the thing, is that
honestly the the the difficultpart is discerning what's the
fucking voices and what's myshadow self.
I gotta tell you, that's whereit's at.
It's like that's really fuckedup what they're saying.
I mean, can I can I top that?

(09:06):
Is my shadow self topping that?
I don't think so.
But it's like, does my shadowself influence them?
You know, I I haven't doneresearch on that.
I don't know if there is,probably.
There's research on everything.

SPEAKER_03 (09:17):
There's bound to be something out there.
But if there's not, well, hey,somebody contact us, we get
guinea pig.

SPEAKER_02 (09:23):
But I do wonder, I mean, if you go by the whole
thing of I know there's researchout there showing that
schizophrenia representsmanifests differently in
different areas of the world.
It's not like in dip in America,there's almost a whole thing of
in the United States is almostschizophrenic schizophrenia is
almost a different diagnosishere than it is elsewhere.

SPEAKER_03 (09:45):
Well, and I I mean I understood that you're probably
not gonna be in the Middle Eastclaiming to be Jesus.
Well, it's it's not well, fairenough.

SPEAKER_02 (09:53):
Especially a white guy.
Well if a white guy visits theMiddle East and I'm Jesus.
Or if I if what but what if aMiddle Eastern guy comes here
and says he's Jesus?
That ain't gonna work either.
But that might actually be moreaccurate, basically.
It wouldn't be.
But we wouldn't buy it.

SPEAKER_04 (10:09):
No, no, we're like that ain't the guy seen on the
wall.
He's not white with blue eyesand washboard abs.
Right.

SPEAKER_02 (10:17):
Jesus is so you know, um, but it is interesting
that it does manifestdifferently in almost everywhere
else in the world.
Yeah.
Um, so why is that?
So I guess the reason I broughtthat up is how can shadow self
actually play a part in thatwhen we all have the shadow self
side.

(10:38):
So I'm saying that I don't thinkthe shadow self influences the
symptoms.

unknown (10:43):
Okay.

SPEAKER_03 (11:00):
Yeah, I would assume life stimuli would be what qu
kind of programs your specificdemon.

SPEAKER_02 (11:06):
Right.
And that's the thing is they'rekind of doing research that is
showing, and I'm not doneextensive on this, so I'm gonna
do more because I'm reallycurious about this.
I just kind of ran across it.

SPEAKER_03 (11:15):
And P.S.
We never pretend to be smartabout this.
We're just talking.
We're just talking.

SPEAKER_01 (11:24):
Not our assholes.
We're just we're just talking.
We check inside assholes.
Guff, come on the show again.

SPEAKER_03 (11:31):
There you go.
Man, there's some there's someshadow self we should we should
definitely invite on.
Our assholes?
No.

SPEAKER_04 (11:39):
We should do the Jim Carrey thing, like when he might
if I ask you a question about myCan I ask you a question?
Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 (11:46):
Um Do you have any butt knocking?
No, get Guff on here.
I think he'd be a good one.
Oh, on this subject.
Oh my god.
Oh Lord, we got we got tons moreepisodes with that motherfucker.
The follow-up on that would beextensive.

SPEAKER_02 (11:58):
That's for sure.
That we might not be able to airthat one.
The shadow self may actuallycome out.
Yeah, maybe it's just a therapysession.
We don't actually air it.
No, we have to.
You know we don't.
We don't we don't cut, we don'tnot release.
I don't know.
But um, yeah, so I'm thinkinglike if it if it's not that that
is contributing to the whateverthe symptoms are the way it

(12:20):
manifests, it can't be theshadow self side of things.
I wouldn't think.
That's logically thinking.

SPEAKER_06 (12:28):
Hmm.

SPEAKER_02 (12:28):
Because if we're all human and we all have that
shadow self, which I mean, I'msure certain people's shadow
self is darker than others.
I can't imagine my wife, who's avery pure individual, has the
same level of depravity that myshadow self has.
However, even in talking to heron the very limited level I have

(12:49):
about this, because it's notlike I'm telling her, like, you
know what my shadow self saidtoday.
You know what it wants me to doto you right now?
No.
Um, but sorry.
But like, seriously, it's likeshe, you know, she can even
acknowledge it.
Yeah, there's there's alwaysthoughts that come up that like
you just you don't even want toacknowledge.
It's like, get that shit out ofthere.

(13:09):
I'm not capable of that.
The impulse control on it?
Not that.
I'm not capable of getting thosethe thoughts out of there.
I'm constantly barraged with it.
It it's I'm that's my existenceis being barraged with what
everyone else experiences ashadow self and they can push
away.
I can.

SPEAKER_03 (13:28):
So, okay, alright, alright.
So you're saying you have somediscernment in this is just a
symptom, this is a shadow selfthought.
Yeah.
Okay.
So are you latching hold of yourshadow thoughts to then try to

(13:50):
work through those?
Yeah, that's what I'm trying todo.
How does that work with otherplayers, I guess I'll call them?
Working on that same like dothey then start picking apart
what you're trying to do gettingclarity?

SPEAKER_02 (14:11):
Well, clarity is always challenging, period, with
me, you know, on anything.
However, with this, it's easy toembrace it.
It's easy to embrace the shadowthoughts.
It's not hard for me to embracethe shadow thoughts.

unknown (14:24):
Why?

SPEAKER_02 (14:25):
Because I'm constantly bombarded with that
level of depravity, whether it'smy shadow self or not.
Those are not shocking conceptsto me.

unknown (14:34):
Wow.

SPEAKER_02 (14:35):
You see what I'm saying?
So it's like, okay, you saidthat, and yeah, that's a shadow
thought, shadow self thing too.

SPEAKER_06 (14:41):
Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02 (14:42):
Okay.

unknown (14:44):
Okay.

SPEAKER_02 (14:45):
It is not hard for me to accept that side.
I think that's why this has beena fun experience for me.
I don't, and like I telleverybody, you know, I love
going to therapy.
I I I look forward to my therapysessions.
I look forward to digging deepand finding out how fucked up I
am.
It's a good time.

SPEAKER_03 (15:03):
Right.

SPEAKER_02 (15:03):
The growth that comes from it, though, is a
pleasurable journey.
And I've talked to, yeah, andI've talked to many people, like
my wife, who's currently goingto therapy, my mom has done it
many times, and you've gotpeople who just don't even do it
at all.
Some of that I think comes downto the stigma of therapy itself.
Right.
Some of it comes down to thefear of acknowledging it, of
acknowledging those demonsinside of you, or the struggles

(15:25):
or the trauma.
But that's what's different islike my wife goes to therapy and
benefits from it.
But every time that therapysession comes around, it's like,
oh my, she's so nervous andanxious and all that stuff.
By the time mine's around, I'mlike, ah, when's it coming?
When's it coming?
Gotta get I'm not kidding.

SPEAKER_03 (15:40):
It's that we can do I could just see you standing at
the door wiggling your butt likeGotti.
Just so excited about it.

SPEAKER_02 (15:50):
That's not a good image.
I'm sorry.
That's a shadow self image.
Shadow self-image.

SPEAKER_03 (15:54):
Picture of my ass leaving in the mounted.
Never mind.
Um, so see, there it is.
It's coming out.
Yep, there it is.
Um, yeah, B Cali, sure, that's afun one.
That's a good shadow self.
Yeah, right.
Um, no, so I'm when I wasthinking about this earlier.
I mean, do you have more thatyou want to cover with that?
Okay.
So when I was thinking aboutthis earlier, how do we talk

(16:18):
about something we're notsupposed to reveal?
Right?
This is supposed to be apersonal journey.
And it should be.
And I really I was thinking longand hard about what we could
use.
There will be a pun here coming.
Oh, good.
I'm like, okay.
I was hoping there would be.
So the thing that I think mostof us, regardless of gender,

(16:42):
age, whatever, struggle with isgonna be our sexuality.
Not necessarily what we'reattracted to gender-wise, not
not even that.

SPEAKER_02 (16:54):
I think I know where you're going with this, but I
mean, okay, so You say the actitself?

SPEAKER_03 (17:00):
Not even well, yes.
Because that's a big on a on acertain level, yes, just the act
itself.
But then um certain things getlabeled as fetishes.
Yeah.
Tab you know, entire likecommunities uh, you know, uh
BDSM and um like there's peoplewho pretend to be, or they don't

(17:25):
pretend, they take on thepersona of a pet.
Um a lot of these things and andI figured that was something
that we could probably talkabout in a very generalized way
because there are a lot ofpeople that can relate to this
specific thing.

(17:46):
Now, before we go too muchfurther into that, I wanna I
would like to put out aninvitation to any and all who
are interested in anything wesay, but especially this
particular topic, you know,we're at the what almost 20
years mark.
Good job, you're doing it, justlike you guys said.

(18:07):
Yeah.
So I think I would be to make aninvitation for those of you
listening that want to be a partof the conversation, and maybe
is there a way to make specialfolders for each topic we do?

SPEAKER_02 (18:22):
Oh, yeah, I can.
Okay.
I've got a pretty generic rightnow, but I can I can definitely
sub folder.
Come join the struggle bus.
Come.
That would be come and join it.
It is a long Come on thestruggle bus.
It's a long and hard road.

SPEAKER_03 (18:38):
We clean it between trees.
We never clean it.
Okay, we never clean it.
But I would love to invite moreand more of you to come on there
and really have these robustconversations with us.
You don't have to revealanything about yourself
necessarily, but talking about,you know, things you've heard on
here that relate to something inyour life, obviously, it doesn't

(19:01):
have to be a specific kind ofthing, but getting those
conversations started, I think,is the way we can really start
to build this community.
Yep.
Because we do want to have acommunity that is supportive.
Yes.
To have a support structure, wehave to have conversation.

SPEAKER_02 (19:19):
Oh, that's the foundation of it.
So and that's the thing is youknow, this podcast has tons of
listeners at this point.
So tons of them.
We have 11 members on thestruggle bus.

SPEAKER_03 (19:29):
Yeah, there's plenty of room.
And lots of seats.

SPEAKER_02 (19:31):
And I was kind of I was kind of talking about a few
members of the struggle bus whoare pretty active on it.
Um Alexis, who is on an episode,is on there.

SPEAKER_06 (19:39):
Yep.

SPEAKER_02 (19:40):
Guffy, who is on a future episode, is on there.
We're on it.
Um, my wife is on it.
You know, that's pretty muchhalf of the struggle bus right
there.
And then we have some people whohave joined from TikTok and and
uh seen the podcast.
Um but eleven people.
Now here's the thing we've hadsome really great conversations
on there so far.

(20:00):
Yeah people are comfortableexposing certain things that
they want to discuss in asupportive community.

SPEAKER_03 (20:08):
And and there is a level of anonymity dependent
upon what your name is.
If you're not true.
Yeah, I mean uh Bob Dot Smith atSut I mean, that may not be.

SPEAKER_02 (20:18):
Um Neil Pearrett twenty one twelve.

SPEAKER_03 (20:22):
Neil was What if Neil Pearrett joins?
The spirit of Neil.
Well, there are gonna be somebig words I'm gonna have to look
up.

SPEAKER_02 (20:28):
Every word.
Anyway, um so but the thing withit is you know, 11 people on
there is fantastic, but buildingthat foundation of more and more
is the goal.
That's the goal of all of this.
We are merely the spearheadsstarting the difficult
conversations, right?

SPEAKER_03 (20:46):
Um and and the more that we have on, the more it
becomes a 24-hour.

SPEAKER_02 (20:51):
We want it to be a self-sustaining thing.

SPEAKER_03 (20:53):
Right.
That's the idea.
This this isn't about money forus at this point, at least.
We've already found out itwasn't.

SPEAKER_02 (20:59):
It is all self-funded, self-project.
We don't have anybody but usdoing this.

SPEAKER_03 (21:05):
So But the real dream is to have that community.
Yes, it's fun doing thepodcasts, and yes, we cut up and
have a great time.
But the real meaning is the endgoal here.
But the real meaning behind usgetting together and putting all
of this work into this is forthere to be not just an
awareness of mental health andthe you know the support that

(21:30):
can be out there, whether it isin the medical community or if
it is just support structure orwhatever.
Whatever makes you.
And you know, like you broughtup Alexis, it what she had to
say may not resonate witheveryone, but it's gonna
resonate with somebody.
It it may be the thing thatreally, really helps someone
come to terms with what they'redealing with.

(21:52):
Right, as it did her.
You know, and and that's theidea is that if we have enough
people coming to each other'said, there'll always be somebody
that understands.
There'll always be somebodywho's willing to engage, who's
willing to support, who'swilling to be a part of the
conversation.
Right.
And maybe that conversation isjust about the shadow self.

(22:14):
But at some point it could besomebody struggling with some
really bad ideas and needingsomeone to just acknowledge
their existence so they don't dosomething outlandish with it.

SPEAKER_02 (22:27):
Aim for the bushes, as we've been.
Yeah, says the great metaphornow.
Yeah.
Um I love it.
One thing you mentioned is theawareness side of it.
So obviously, there's a lot ofpeople who are aware, not only
who listen to this podcast, butit it's out in the zeitgeist
now.
The mental health thing is isdefinitely prevalent.
However, the conversation iswhat's missing.

(22:49):
And there's a great the commonman conversation.
There it is.
Yeah, the common man, theeveryday person struggling with
it is what's missing.
Dan Cook has a brilliant umthing back from Dan Cook was
brilliant?

SPEAKER_03 (23:03):
Oh, yeah, he was.
Oh, okay.
Suck my back.
Suck my back!

SPEAKER_00 (23:07):
Suck my back.

SPEAKER_03 (23:08):
Burger King.
Anyway, yep.

SPEAKER_00 (23:10):
Pickles?
This is a pickles!

SPEAKER_02 (23:13):
Um Okay.
See.
But no, what I was gonna say ishe has this great bit that he
did of the comic relief uh thingin 2006.
It's his Oprah bit.
Have you heard that one?
I don't know that one.
You get a school.
You get a school.
Oh.
You get a humpback whale, youget a rubber.
And I get all of Hawaii.

SPEAKER_03 (23:31):
Oh, never mind.
But that's no, you ruined itnow.
Oh, I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_02 (23:35):
No, but in that skit, he wrote Dwayne Johnson
was part of that too.
That's right.
Yeah, don't forget him.
Did he probably too?
Oh shit.
I'm sure he did.
It's all gonna unravel.
But what I was gonna say is heit the brilliant thing about
this little skit, and uh, Imean, I have a tendency if I'm
on a mind, like if I'm on a mindtrack, then I'll glean things

(23:55):
from from sources that pro I'llglean things from some things
that probably aren't actuallythere.
However, there's this bit wherehe says, you know, you know, you
got Marguai playing in thepuddle.
And you're like, huh.
And he talks about how, youknow, you're watching the TV and
the commercial comes on.

(24:16):
And right when it comes on,you're like, I gotta get the
fuck out of here right now, youknow, or the puppies come on.
And it's like, you gotta get thefuck out.
And then, of course, somethingcomes on, you're like, I'll
watch the commercial, I'll beaware.
If I'm aware, that's enough.
I'm aware.
But you won't donate, you know,or you won't join in the
conversation.
Um, there that's what I'mgetting at here is there's

(24:37):
something, there's a good thingto be aware.
And while you may not be able tocontribute monetarily or on any
level of, you know, you know,great change, the fact of you
just contributing to a smallcommunity of again helping on
that human level.
Nothing more than that is justmoney.

(24:59):
Any of us, yeah.
There's no money, nothing morethan that's being asked from any
of us because one one greatgosh, I'm getting here we go.
Bernie Sanders made a greatpoint about you know, the
everyday person is the everydayperson is what can change
regimes or things like that.
Not getting political, but theidea that the everyday person is
who has the power.

(25:20):
And that comes that relates toeven this.
I mean, it's not that big of ascale kind of thing, but we all
struggle with mental health.
I don't care if you're mentallyill, I don't care who you are.

SPEAKER_03 (25:30):
Yeah, at one time around.
At one time in in everyone'slife, there are going to be
things that will challenge yourmental health.

SPEAKER_02 (25:38):
You can't help it.
Again, being human.
So that's all I'm saying is itit is great to be aware.
It's so much better toparticipate on whatever level
you're capable of.
And if it's just to join thestruggle bus, it's not too much
to ask, right?

SPEAKER_03 (25:54):
And where can they find the link?

SPEAKER_02 (25:56):
Uh well, unfortunately, I can't embed the
link in the bios.

SPEAKER_03 (25:59):
Oh no.

SPEAKER_02 (25:59):
I can't embed it where it's clickable.
So I can't do it.
I've I've even researched it, itwill not let me embed it.
So unfortunately, I can't makeit so easy that you can just
click on the damn thing, which Iknow is gonna put 90% of you off
because we can't click a fuckingbutton.
If we get a website though, thewebsite, yes, which we're
working on uh developing, you'lldefinitely be able to just click
on it there.
In fact, we can probably Yeah, Imean, at least the link will be

(26:22):
there.
Just a big garage door that theycould just click on, it opens up
and then there you go.
And everything, every bottomhooey thing, our drumming
content, our rants, you know,whatever it is, our skits,
everything's gonna be in oneplace.
Oh boy.
Um, so good luck world.
Um but um unfortunately I can'tembed the link where you can
click on it.
Okay.
So the thing, same thing stillstands.

(26:44):
If you um want the link to it,you'll have to DM me on Insta,
um, TikTok, Facebook, any of mysocials, DM me and I can send it
to you.
Or who?
The Defective Schizo Effective.
Nice.
Uh I got it right this time.
Last night it wasn't sosuccessful.
The Protective Sediction.

(27:04):
No, I said the Dark Lord of theSkiz again.
Whoops.
That's he's dead.
Um But what I was gonna say isyou can DM me for the link, or
definitely can email me.
Haven't got any fucking emailsfrom you guys.
Beat the mental health out of itat Gmail.
I know it's postage is going up.
Postage, yeah.
Costs money to send emails.
Anyway, back to this show.
Yeah.

(27:24):
I know that was a bit, but we'rereally trying to illustrate the
email.

SPEAKER_03 (27:27):
Getting that getting that conversation going.
Um, and like I said, uhsomething that's gonna be maybe
a little more standard, it'sstill gonna be too taboo for
certain people's ears, but forother people, you know, there
there are whole communitiesbuilt around some of these
shadow ideas of self.

(27:48):
Um and, you know, while it it itis in that sexual realm, there
are certain aspects of thosecommunities that aren't
necessarily sexual.
There are um you know, I mean,people some people struggle with

(28:08):
direct intimacy.
Um some people struggle tocontact people and talk just
direct.
So there are indirect ways ofyou know getting that started
through this shadow Oh yeah orfetish, whatever you want to
call it.

SPEAKER_02 (28:27):
So And I don't mind using the sexual communities and
the sexual thing as a decent uhnot analogy, but but it but it's
a generalized topic thateverybody most of us are going
to have some struggle in thatarea as I'm boring, yeah, sure.

SPEAKER_03 (28:42):
In some way.
So um I I think it's it candemonstrate that it can be a
healthy thing.
Um one of the big things abouteven the just the generalized
VDSM community is consent.
You have to have consent.

(29:02):
And to go into something likethis, obviously you have to feel
safe.
Yeah.
So vulnerable.
That same kind of thing needs togo into, and this is sort of why
I was bringing that up, thatsort of safe needs to go into
when you look into yourself aswell.
Because that the big the bigconcept, I mean, everybody talks

(29:25):
about, oh, I'm doing shadowwork, I'm doing shadow work, I'm
doing but a lot of people aregoing, well, what the hell is
shadow work?
What are you talking about?
Is that just like you're workingin evil arts or you're an
alchemist now?
Dr.
Evil.
Dr.
Eve.
Um No, but the idea being isyou're going to look at the part
of yourself that you do not wantto even acknowledge.

(29:47):
That you've been denying yourwhole fucking life.
Much less look at.
So, kind of the first thing youhave to inform yourself when you
start this journey, right?
And and obviously you're gonnapick some low-hanging fruit like
what I I brought up now, youknow, some of the the darkness.
It's good to start with.
It's good when it's yeah.

(30:09):
But go at it with the idea thatwhile it may not be something
that I accept about myselfcurrently, nor something that I
want to even integrate into myoutward persona, being able to
accept and bring it inward andunderstand that yes, I do have

(30:30):
this interest or um thing thatwhen I hear it, it it lights a
certain part of me up.
But that certain part of me hasbeen made to feel uncomfortable
because of what society expects,family expects, moral situation
and religion, right?
All of those things.

(30:51):
Just being human, too.
So and this is the beautifulthing, um, it's good that you
even brought up religion.
Uh oh.
Religion itself.
No, no.
No, religion itself teachesgrace.
Yeah, sure.
Right.
By default, that's a foundation.
Anyone who would say, no, whatI'm no, what I'm feeling, I

(31:11):
can't do.
My religion tells me I can't dothat.
Yeah, while your religion mighttell you you shouldn't do that,
your religion also tells youshow yourself some grace.

SPEAKER_02 (31:22):
Yeah.
Forgive yourself.

SPEAKER_03 (31:24):
So I I don't want people getting hung up on that
particular thing, especially,because I know that a lot of
people can use religion in veryunhealthy ways.
Sure.
But that's a way you And one ofthe unhealthiest is I think to
push down those parts ofyourself that you are told in

(31:45):
some dogmatic doctrine that youshould be ashamed of.
Yep.
Instead, it would be muchhealthy.

SPEAKER_02 (31:53):
It's very selective what that can be.

SPEAKER_03 (31:56):
It is it is much healthier.
I like how you just stood forsaying, you know, hey man, I am
trying my best to tiptoe throughthe minefield here.
Um because shadow work, I mean,shadow self is a really scary
thing, especially if you don'tapproach it initially, learning
everything I encounter, I haveto offer myself grace.

(32:21):
The only way you are even goingto be able to look at something
long enough to pick it apart andfigure out if it's something you
can integrate or if it'ssomething you can just accept
about yourself and then throwback in the back as far as you
can get it, but still not in theshadows.
Right.
Still part of yourself, is tooffer grace, is to say, this I

(32:41):
have to accept these thingsabout myself.
Trying to deny it is making meless whole.
Because that is the whole no,that's the whole point.
The whole point of is to becomea whole person.
Right.
Is to integrate all parts ofself being aware.
Doesn't mean that you go, hey,now I'm totally fine with that

(33:02):
horrible thought that I have.
I think I'll just go out andshare that with everyone.

SPEAKER_02 (33:06):
And you don't want to explore it either.

unknown (33:09):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 (33:10):
I mean You know what I mean?
It's not like, oh, I have thisreally and I know it's fucked
up.
Let me go try that.
Okay, so it's not about thateither.

SPEAKER_03 (33:18):
No, it's not necessarily about that.
But going back to the sexualthing.
The sexual thing, right?
Okay, some couples will add athird.
Yeah.
Right?
And one or both.
You know, there's there's twodifferent ways you can do that.
Oh, that's fair.
Yeah.
So um What's the other onecalled?
Cuckled.

(33:39):
Oh.
Right?
Where you bring the male?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Unicorn is a female.
Um, what do they call it?
Bull, I think.
I don't know.
I'm sorry.
We'll get into that educationanother time.
Let's just do a sex educationepisode.
We may have to.

SPEAKER_02 (33:56):
Sex education with Mr.
Clean.

SPEAKER_03 (33:58):
But you're you're saying, you know, don't just go
right out and do that.
No.
No.
Explore it.
Definitely bring it intoyourself.
Find your comfort level with it.
If it is something that you havenegated from yourself simply
because society says youshouldn't do it, but then you
get to an age where you feelconfident enough as a person to

(34:21):
say, you know what?
I I I can keep my mask on, butsometimes I want to take my mask
off and step into this realmthat that feels exciting.
Yeah.
Right?
And so you do have to, ofcourse, you offer yourself
grace, you pull that piece intoyourself, you are then gonna
have to present it to yourpartner.

(34:41):
True.
Yeah.
Who then the two of you have todo that work because that may
bring up shame in them too.
So there's a there's there's alot of shame going around that
we we gotta work through.
Absolutely.
But it doesn't necessarily meanthat you don't eventually find
ways to integrate that into theperson that you accept about

(35:04):
yourself.
Right.
Because yes, we all have ourpersonas that are out in public.
Oh yeah, yeah.
But we all come home.
I mean, I won't say we all.
A lot of us come home, we takeoff the dress clothes, and we sh
you know get into our eatingbritches and some comfy
t-shirts, and no, we getcomfortable because we're home,
right?

SPEAKER_05 (35:23):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 (35:24):
Same should apply to the parts of self.

SPEAKER_02 (35:27):
Yeah, I agree.

SPEAKER_03 (35:28):
You should be able to put on the comfortable parts
of yourself and wear thatprobably.

SPEAKER_02 (35:34):
Well, and like as far as getting back to the
sexual thing, because I do thinkit's a great analogy for it, or
just a great um It's a it's agood gateway to that
conversation because a lot of ushave desires that would be
considered taboo by the generalpublic, and there is a select
amount of people who are willingto accept that side of

(35:55):
themselves and then admit that,hey, this isn't hurting anybody
if there's consent.
And then there is joy to be hadin some of those things that 90%
of people, again, just shovepast, or just they're so caught
up in the societal taboo of itthat it's like, no, like fuck
that.
No, I don't want to do it, likepun intended.
Um fuck that.

(36:15):
Um but that I'd fuck that.
I'd tapp that.
But that's the thing, is thatwhat?

SPEAKER_03 (36:24):
It just reminded me of that person.

SPEAKER_01 (36:27):
I'd tapped that.

SPEAKER_03 (36:29):
Oh yeah, yeah.
That's he ha he had a a frienduh no, don't say friend.
That's gonna white's gonna belike, what friend?
Okay, we worked at a placetogether and talked about it a
million times.
The people have we really on theWe've not named it, but we said
what what it went.

SPEAKER_02 (36:47):
Well, I know we have.
On the show.
We have?
We've said what it won't we.
I don't remember.
Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_03 (36:52):
Well people know where you work and that we work
together.
Yep.
Okay.
So a a patient grabbed his junkand just said there was a uh
female patient that was anaggressive old broad.

SPEAKER_02 (37:04):
A female.
Um I mean, I didn't, I wasn'toffended by it.
That was hilarious.
No, she was in touch with hershadows.
She sure was.
I'm in the shadows.
One thing bring it to mama.
Well, one thing that we talkedabout, which I do want to get
into, which is not a bad segue,is that mental illness, you know
I'm going with this, may kind oftake away the inhibitions of

(37:30):
exploring that.

SPEAKER_03 (37:33):
I think for sure that it may amplify certain
parts of it.

SPEAKER_02 (37:37):
Yes.

SPEAKER_03 (37:38):
Um, given different diagnoses, I do think that there
are certain um aspects of shadowself that are then almost pushed
to the front.

SPEAKER_02 (37:52):
No, that's exactly what I'm saying.
Yeah.
And I'd argue, like, like I justsaid, it's not a challenge for
me to explore this side ofmyself strictly because of this.
Strictly because of it.

SPEAKER_03 (38:01):
Yeah.
I mean I mean you you bring up agood point.
Okay, so you know, one of thebiggest um uh what am I what am
I trying to say?
Um like goals that that we'llwork on with people is impulse
control.
Um and I don't know if you werethere when this gentleman had

(38:24):
come through.
Frequent flyer.
I know we've seen him multipletimes.
Almost as many, well, as manyfingers as I have on one hand.
Um I have a thumb too, just sowe're specific about how four
times.
Thanks for clarifying that,Professor.

(38:45):
You're welcome.
For our listeners who don'tknow.
No, but this this particularperson, I mean, I would argue uh
shadow self front and center,because he would very often,
especially with certain femalestatus, I was around for this
person.

(39:06):
I remember this would walkaround completely naked with
nothing but a blanket on, justreaching it right out in front
of everybody.
Um, yeah.
Bracing, but that's the thing,is with mental illness, illness,
sometimes those impulse thatimpulse control is just yeah,

(39:26):
non-existent.

SPEAKER_02 (39:27):
And it's not the person can't help it.

SPEAKER_03 (39:30):
No.

SPEAKER_02 (39:31):
And you have to help them know how to learn that.
It's just like us, even myself,since I'm pretty high
functioning as a what I've got,um, you have to learn how to
restrain that within yourself orexplore it safely, or however
you want to look at it.
Um unfortunately, somebody whowho is of that level of
crippling mental illness wherethey don't have those mental

(39:54):
faculties to know the differencebetween what's acceptable to
explore and what's like, okay,you know.
They just they don't have it.
Not their fault.
They don't know any better, butthat's what like mental health
facilities and things try tohelp them with that.
Medication can stabilize themenough to where finally their
their mind calms down enough towhere you can finally reach that

(40:17):
side of them.
Or it just completely cripplestheir drive.

SPEAKER_03 (40:21):
That too.
To do that too.
Yeah, which seems a horriblefate, but I mean I guess if it's
something that's That's a rabbithole.
Well, if it's crippling you andyou can't even function in
society, that's the thing.
It might be something youactually would wish away.
So fair enough, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 (40:37):
I mean, dependent upon how aware you are.
That's the other thing.
I mean, if you're not awareenough to even you know what I
mean?
Yeah.
That's that's a good point tobring up.
I don't know if it's reallyworth exploring on this one, but
that's a good point to bring up.
Um but yeah, and I definitelymean you and I, when we worked
there, saw a lot of individualswith crippling mental illness
who don't have the ability torestrain that until they're

(41:00):
taught, or um, you give them thetherapy or give them the coping
skills, or however you want tolook at it.
Often it takes a it takes avillage of or a idiots, village
of idiots to help these poorpeople.
Um but it takes a it takes awhether it's a bunch of
individuals helping this personcombined with the medicine and

(41:21):
the therapy and struggle bus.
Um struggle bus, yes.
Um that's the idea.
I mean, essentially that's kindof a struggle bus that's not an
institution.

SPEAKER_03 (41:32):
No.

SPEAKER_02 (41:33):
It's voluntary and there are certainly people who
need more than the struggle bus.

SPEAKER_03 (41:38):
Of course.

SPEAKER_02 (41:38):
Yeah, need I have needed more than that before.

SPEAKER_03 (41:41):
And honestly, I I think I I mean, I know that we
haven't really gone deep intodesign.
We're what, two and a halfmonths into this journey?
So not incredibly far.
But I would like to see thestruggle bus even be connected
to resources.
Oh, I'm planning on doing that.
Okay, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 (42:00):
Actually, somebody recommended doing a resource
channel and just like links to abunch of different things
outstanding.
That wouldn't be hard to do.

SPEAKER_03 (42:07):
Because we want those we want the conversations
to take place, but we also wantthose folks who do come in and
hop on the bus.

SPEAKER_02 (42:15):
It's not a bad place to start.

SPEAKER_03 (42:17):
Know that it's at least a good, safe place to
start and get real information.

SPEAKER_02 (42:22):
Not only experience from others, but like here's
even scholarly not scholarly,yeah, professional resources.

SPEAKER_03 (42:29):
Yeah, re Yeah, a resource.
Someone that, okay, if if we'rehaving this conversation and you
find it helpful, that's great.
If we're having thisconversation and you feel like
you need more, or just youdefinitely want to have Yeah,
more or if you need somebody whod you know, you're just reading
about it.
You don't need somebody No, wewant bus stops.

SPEAKER_02 (42:48):
Hey, damn it many.
Here's the resource bus stop.

SPEAKER_03 (42:53):
Right.

SPEAKER_02 (42:54):
And you hop back on whenever you Right.
Yeah.
Damn it, man.
You're that was only no tokens.
The struggle bus and the busstops.
Damn.
Yeah.
I should name that the bus stopchannel.

SPEAKER_00 (43:04):
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_02 (43:06):
God damn.
This guy.
The brilliance in this guy.
The brilliance we're doing here.
Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 (43:14):
So it sounded like you you said you didn't know, I
don't remember what it was.
You said something about youdidn't know if it was worth
exploring.

SPEAKER_02 (43:22):
Oh, it was kind of that whole thing of is it worth
numbing side of things, do notexperience other things?
You know, that's a recommendedapp, but I didn't want to go
down that.

SPEAKER_03 (43:31):
No, I okay.
I just wanted to make sure wedidn't have to do that.

SPEAKER_02 (43:33):
No, that's what I didn't want to get to go down.

SPEAKER_03 (43:35):
Yeah.
Um we we tend to meander.

SPEAKER_02 (43:38):
That's what I'm trying to be careful of.
We've done good so far.
Um Yeah.
Good for us.
Good for us.
Pat on the back.
Pat on the back for us.

SPEAKER_03 (43:46):
Suck my back.

SPEAKER_02 (43:48):
Um.
So I did have a direction I didwant to take this, too.
Is you have an erection?
Always.
Oh, okay.
I just think about my wife forfive seconds.

SPEAKER_03 (43:58):
Baby holding an apple.

SPEAKER_02 (44:01):
Fingering my belly button.

unknown (44:03):
Oh my god.

SPEAKER_03 (44:04):
I didn't even bring it up this time.
Shadow cell.
There you go.
We should have gone thereinstead of the fish.

SPEAKER_02 (44:11):
Instead of the fetish.
Get my belly button fingered.
It does feel weird.
I believe you.
It's not a it's not a pleasantfeeling.

SPEAKER_03 (44:22):
No?

SPEAKER_02 (44:23):
No.
But he loves it.
He?
Max.

unknown (44:28):
I know.

SPEAKER_02 (44:29):
My son being a turd gets such a weird.
He gets so much fun out offingering my deep ass belly bag.

SPEAKER_03 (44:35):
Do you think it's like a Pillsbury doughboy kind
of fetish?

SPEAKER_02 (44:39):
I honestly, I don't think it's a fetish.
Let's not use that fucking word.
He's 11 months old for Christ'ssake.
Um I think it is.
I mean, it's it's a big area,and it's like, oh, there's a
weird hole in the middle of it.
You know?
Babies are exploring.
He's plugging.

SPEAKER_03 (44:55):
It's like the dike.
Never mind.
Moving on.
No, I I knew where you weregoing to go in.
Okay.
So, what was the erection youwanted to go in?

SPEAKER_02 (45:02):
The erection I wanted to go in, which I'm going
to point it this way.
Yeah, please do.
Thing keeps hitting me in theface.
Ah, big dick bat.
Um, so I was on the podcast.
I was gonna explore.
Um, when does the shadow selfcome out where we're all okay
with reveling in it?

(45:24):
Ooh!

SPEAKER_03 (45:25):
Are you looking for examples?
You mean?

SPEAKER_02 (45:27):
I mean, I've got 'em, but you know, if you
know, go run with it.
Since you're inspired, go forit.
Where's where are you going?
Sporting events.
Oh, that's not where I wasgoing, but go ahead.
Share your thing, because Igotta back off.

SPEAKER_03 (45:38):
I mean, honestly, where else are you gonna show up
and act like a complete fuckinglunatic and yell at people and
you suck, ref, go fuck yourself.
Go I mean, like shouting these.
I mean, can you imagine being inthe mall and yelling at some
Cinnabon hostess like, youfucking bitch, this this fuck
you with this icing! Fuck you!

SPEAKER_02 (46:00):
Go kill yours.
I mean, you know, I mean Oh,that ha you hear it at ball
games and shit.

SPEAKER_03 (46:04):
Yeah, but go fuck your mother! But you hear all
sorts of crazy stuff.
But it's totally okay.

SPEAKER_02 (46:11):
Well, yeah.
I mean I mean, okay You don'tget freaking ousted from the
game until you start throwingpunches.
Right.
Um but yeah, you're allowed toshout some obnoxious shit.
Yeah.
One of my favorite South Parkbits is the Bat Dad.
Bat Dad.
I am the Bat Dad.
It's like Randy is he wants tobe the ultimate drunk dad at all

(46:32):
the baseball games.
Uh.
So he goes and he's like, Thisis America, I thought this is
America.
You know, he gets taken out ofall the games because he starts
fights, and then you get the batdad.
He's the ultimate drunk dad.

SPEAKER_03 (46:42):
Okay.

SPEAKER_02 (46:43):
And they try to outdo each other in being the
most obnoxious dad in thestands.
Okay.
And the bat dad beats the shitout of Randy until the end, when
um the ba his son's baseballteam, stands, baseball teams
cheering him on, kick his ass,dad.
And finally Randy's like, heybat dad.
I didn't hear no bell, and then,you know, it's funny.

(47:04):
That's the whole like thing ofthis America, though this is
America, and they keep arrestinghim.
Anyway, that's a good example ofthat, I guess.
I don't know, I just want toshare that.

SPEAKER_03 (47:13):
It's funny.
I just kept hearing the TeamAmerica song.

SPEAKER_04 (47:16):
America! Fuck yeah! Lick my ass and suck on my
balls, America!

SPEAKER_02 (47:23):
So great.
Yep.
Boy, they're on to a lot ofstuff that Trey uh Parker and
Matt Stone.
Mostly Trey Parker.
They would be an interesting.

SPEAKER_03 (47:31):
Wouldn't they?
They would.
Put them on the list.
Okay.
Oh, it's uh it's an ever.
Continue.
You have some examples,Professor.

SPEAKER_02 (47:39):
Yeah, okay.
So, like, I was thinking,Professor Nick.
Um so I was thinking, like,okay, when are we all okay
experiencing these or revelingin them or even allowing
ourselves to succumb to theideas?
Even as a collective, so youmight know where I'm going with
this.
We're all in the theaterwatching Saw together.

(48:03):
Okay.
Okay, so I would say thecreators of Saw, um, what are
they tapping into there?
I mean what I don't know.
No, the concepts on screen.
Like, I don't think those are Iwould say those are shadow self

(48:24):
kind of things.
Oh.
The mutilation and the tortureand all that shit.
Those are not things that what?

SPEAKER_03 (48:37):
Yeah, I mean, if you've you know, you've had a
breakup or two, you've probablythought some pretty dark
thoughts about fucking that'sthat's my point.

SPEAKER_02 (48:47):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 (48:48):
Okay.

SPEAKER_02 (48:48):
That's exactly my point, is that okay, but these
are putting it on the screen.

SPEAKER_03 (48:52):
Fuck you, Nick, for bringing that up.

SPEAKER_02 (48:54):
But those are they're all on the screen.
Yeah.
And we're all sitting in thetheater jacking our dicks or
fingering ourselves.
It's safe to look at it.
It's safe to look at it as acollective.
And how many people go out?
I've seen fucking not eventeenagers love the Saul movies.
And I'm like, they should not bewatching that.
But that's kind of a thing.

(49:14):
Um, and I was watching stuffearly, but it wasn't my parents
letting me, it was friends, or Iwould sneak and watch it.
Right.
Again, exploring that sort ofthing before you even understand
what it is.
And at that age, the you know,the teenage years, that's when
you are exploring things, andyou hide all that shit from your
parents, but you explore withyour like-minded friends, or

(49:36):
like you know, things like that.
That is the honestly kind of thesafe period.
One time at bandcamp?
That one time at bandcamp,right?
And then yeah, and that was agood time at bandcamp.
I remember bandcamp.

SPEAKER_03 (49:49):
Okay.

SPEAKER_02 (49:50):
But what you know I'm saying is like, but we all
feel safe somehow is packedmovie theater watching this
unbelievably disturbing shit,but getting enjoyment out of it.
It's like a vicarious.
Yeah.
It's like a vicarious enjoymentof something that is absolutely
taboo that none of us actuallywant to explore here.

SPEAKER_03 (50:16):
Right.
I mean, okay, so and certainsituations like you said bring
it out.
Yeah, and I hate to go back to asporting event, but I can even
remember, you know, as an adult,I don't I don't I don't readily

(50:37):
turn on a race hoping to see abig wreck.

SPEAKER_02 (50:42):
Thank you.

SPEAKER_03 (50:42):
Yep.
But as a child, I can rememberthinking, man, when they crash,
that's the coolest thing.
Here's the thing.
Not realizing that it meansdeath and destruction.
Right, that there could bepeople genuinely getting hurt.
And I I I guess, hmm.

SPEAKER_02 (51:00):
Can I take this somewhere?

SPEAKER_03 (51:01):
Yes, please!

SPEAKER_02 (51:02):
You know this do you know the song Vicarious by Tool?
Um, I have my own TV becausetragedy thrills me.
The whole point of that song isI would argue about the Shadow
Self completely.
Vicariously tuning in.
Vicariously tuning, and he talksabout I turn on the news just so

(51:22):
I can see the tragedies aroundthe world.
I love he's talking about I loveseeing the genocide.
I love seeing okay.
That's why I don't watch thenews, but well, it it is it is
Who turns on the news actuallyfor enjoyment?
Who is enjoying that?
I don't know anybody who watchesthe news and walks out of that
happy.
Yeah.

(51:43):
And I think there's differentreasons for that.
However, we as people get a sickenjoyment out of fucked up
stuff.
Okay.
That is veiled in differentthings.

SPEAKER_03 (51:53):
What about the tools who sit in the basement and
listen to police scanners?
Right?
I'm gonna show up and watch thedead bodies as they pull them
out.
That's what I'm saying.
Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 (52:06):
The shadow self, they are they are either
vicariously exploring it, orthey are exploring it in ways
that is veiled enough or likeshrouded enough in something
that might be acceptable.

unknown (52:19):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 (52:20):
You see what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_06 (52:21):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 (52:22):
But that's not doing true shadow work.
Exactly.
We're just getting You'reessentially Let's see, what is
it like?

SPEAKER_02 (52:32):
Um Well, it's like you're getting the surface level
of it.
You're not delving into what itmeans for you.
You're not ex- You're acceptingthat side of yourself on a
surface level.
You're you're under you're doingthe you're under you're not
understanding the why.

SPEAKER_03 (52:49):
Well, yeah.
I'm I'm I think I'm going aslight diff- I don't know, you
can tell me if it's a differentdirection.
It's it's dabbling in shadowwork without the work.
You're just hanging in theshadows.
So there there is some actualwork that goes into it.

(53:10):
Um I I I don't know that there'sa way to act out you know,
mutilation and anddismemberment.
Like you would see on uh saw ascreen.
A green.
But that is conversations youcan have, especially if you are

(53:30):
suffering with some of thosekinds of things and you you
speak with another therapist whocan maybe give you a slightly
unbiased opinion on certainthings and help you accept
accept that side of yourself.

SPEAKER_02 (53:43):
Right.
Without having to act it out.
And here's the thing look atlike the music we listen to, the
fucking metal shit where they'reripping each other apart.
And it's just one of thosethings, chainsaw shit, and like
I'm like a chainsaw! Here's thething.
How many therapists, myincluded, will tell you you're
feeling that way, go listen tothat shit.
Yeah.
You don't act it out, connectinto the energy for sure.

(54:05):
There is something to that darkenergy and that dark fucked up
energy that is you're you'reexploring the shadow side of
yourself.
You have to integrate becauseit's what makes us whole.
But again, that is an acceptableform of it.
Agreed.
It's one of those things wherethe conversation is scary.
But when it's veiled inentertainment, it's veiled in

(54:26):
something that is sociallyacceptable.
Like, oh, I can watch the newsand it is interesting how
because if you if you look backeven as far as like what the
1950s?
I wouldn't lie then, you wouldknow.

SPEAKER_03 (54:42):
Shut up.

SPEAKER_02 (54:45):
Come on, that was good.
That was good.

SPEAKER_04 (54:52):
Okay.

SPEAKER_02 (54:52):
Wait, wait, wait.
No, I'm not done yet.
No, I wait, I'm not done yet.
I have to be done.
We can't get canceled.
Oh god, my belly's on screen.
Jesus Christ.
I didn't notice that.
I couldn't see.

SPEAKER_03 (55:02):
Um anyway.
Was doing the um, what is it?
Slow jerk.
Oh, that's the uh slow jerkingwhitest kids on.
All right.
It's uncomfortable.
Gotta love those.
Um we're gonna go.
I'm so sorry.
What were you saying?
Oh, 50s.
Yes.
Okay, so look at music and mediain the 50s.

(55:27):
It shadows shadow stuff is notthere.
Some of the um God, what do theycall it?
Um the stuff Quentin Tarantinoloves so much.
Um Gangster Flex.
No, it was um Noir.
I don't know, it was I can'tremember the name.

(55:48):
Pulp fiction.
Pulp.
Yeah, all that.
Um the hell you're calledgrindcore.
Like the the Grindhouse.
Grindhouse, there, notGrindcore.
Um but but the you would knowwhat grindcore is, probably.
I said the wrong thing.
He's a grindcore guy.
Yeah.
Oh yeah.
Um anyway.
I think that is a form of uh Idon't let's I don't move on.

(56:09):
Um I'm stuck on this.
We're gonna explore it.
Yeah, you want to?

unknown (56:12):
No.

SPEAKER_03 (56:13):
Bring your acceptance.
Anyway, I think you know, the Ithink it's interesting that we
as a society have progressedmore towards allowing that
because back then it's not likethose clean.
It's not like those thingsweren't happening, though.
Oh, no.
I wonder if there was stillrape, there was still a lot of,

(56:37):
you know, I mean, probably roughem up sex in the households, you
know.

SPEAKER_02 (56:46):
I mean, admittedly the men would drink.

SPEAKER_03 (56:48):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 (56:48):
And so like And we beat our wives.
That's just how it was, and thekids.

SPEAKER_03 (56:52):
Because we're horrible.

SPEAKER_02 (56:53):
Men are evil, and we're the problem in this world,
and if we were gone, there'd beno more world, but it'd be a
better world until everybodydied.

SPEAKER_03 (57:02):
Yeah, sure.
We'll go with that.
So, yeah, feminists jump on thestruggle bus.

SPEAKER_02 (57:08):
True feminists.

SPEAKER_03 (57:11):
Anyway.
Um, no, but the idea that it hasslowly come more and more into
society in those safe waysyou're saying.
So I think we are kind of primedperfectly now to start because
there really is a representationof it already out there, and we

(57:33):
do need to start, as you weregetting ready to say, doing the
work.

SPEAKER_02 (57:38):
So here's what I want to add real quick is when
did that start becoming?
I mean, you said the trajectory,it started.
I'd say the late 70s, if youwant to talk about music and
film.
Late 70s is when you had yourTexas Chainsaw, you had your uh
Exorcist, you had a lot of thosegangster flicks coming out,
those 70s era.

SPEAKER_03 (57:58):
Yep you had the um Black Sabbath, you had um and
and you're right, heading moreinto the violence end of things,
but I would say even some of thepsychics.
Some of those psychedelicmovements, yeah.
Using um you know the femaleform.

(58:19):
Yeah, oh yeah.
That was the sixties andseventies, right?
Yeah.
I mean, so the sexuality piecehas been.
Sexuality became has startedcoming out first and then more
violence, and we've become amore and more violent society,
pretty much, it seems like.

SPEAKER_02 (58:34):
And I'd say that's because it all that shit's so
easily acceptable or uhaccessible.
And so is I mean, social mediais rampant.
Is it all of us have ac let's bereal, we have the internet, we
have access to pornography andthe most fucked up shit we want.
We can see the fucking ISISvideos where they chop people's
heads off.
Yeah.
It's all just ready to go.
Two girls in one cup.

(58:55):
Two girls in one cup.
Great video.
Is it one of my favorites?
No, I I'm not a fan of that.
That is not a shadow self thing,I don't think.
For you or someone?
It might be for someone.
I don't think it is.
I got some fucked up shit inthere.
That ain't I got some fucked upshit in that cup, it ain't that
video.

SPEAKER_03 (59:14):
Uh come on, that was good.
No, but somebody made that film,so exactly.
And those poor girls got paidlike what, 70 bucks to do that?

SPEAKER_02 (59:22):
I thought it was just worth every penny.
Soft serve.
They got paid in soft serve.
Anyway, that's the thing though,is that as I think it's more
about accessibility, becausehere's the thing is you hear
even let's say even teenagersright now.
I got several in my family thatare about that age.

(59:42):
Yeah.
You know, it's like they go backand watch Halloween or they
watch, you know, uh any of thoseslashers, even Exorcist.
And a lot of these kids arelike, pfft, that's nothing.
Yeah.
It's crazy how desensitized evenkids are to that stuff.
Well, when the graphics havebecome so graphic.
And you're talking video gamesnow are so I remember Mortal

(01:00:03):
Kombat in the early 90s wasfucked up.

SPEAKER_03 (01:00:07):
Yeah, but now it's nothing.

SPEAKER_00 (01:00:09):
Have you even seen it?

SPEAKER_03 (01:00:11):
Yeah, my son has uh Mortal Kombat 11.
Yeah.
Why haven't we played together?
I don't know, we'll have to dothat.
Probably because he takes itback and forth to his mom's.
So I'll bring my fucking systemover here.
Jesus fuck.
I didn't know that.

SPEAKER_00 (01:00:28):
God damn it.
I wish I'd known that.
That's my favorite fucking game.
When we're playing him like,Nick, I see that all the time.
Nick, that one too.

SPEAKER_02 (01:00:35):
He's like, why do you have him come over here?
I'm uncomfortable, Dan.
I'm uncomfortable around himnow.
I know too much.
I've seen too much.
Um okay.

SPEAKER_03 (01:00:46):
So were you finished or still continued?
Who knows?
Okay, we never know.
Um, and since it's not scripted,you just get what you get.
Sorry.
Um, so I think it's the next.
I think genuinely doing the workwith yourself.
Um that's the hard part.

(01:01:07):
Yes, but I think that is thenext logical step.
Like we've started to open theportals to let that stuff out
into the general media.
It's in media, it's in art, it'sin conversation, it's and we're
okay with We have becomedesensitized.

SPEAKER_02 (01:01:28):
I remember desensitized is always the right
word, either.

SPEAKER_03 (01:01:34):
Okay.
Well good.

SPEAKER_02 (01:01:35):
Well, my thing, I mean, I think, you know, not
being shocked is different thanaccepting that sort of imagery.

SPEAKER_03 (01:01:43):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 (01:01:44):
Because I think, you know, if you can be okay with
something and not be shocked byit, you can be shocked by
something and you know what Imean?
Does that make sense?
So I'm saying, like, um I thinkbecause things are so accessible
to everybody, there is a desensbeing desensitized to it.
However, I think that it's soaccessible, it it is be

(01:02:10):
considered more okay to revel init.
Does that make sense?
Is that how it makes sense?
Is this thought not fleshed out?

SPEAKER_03 (01:02:17):
I I think I might have been trying to work on my
own thoughts.

SPEAKER_02 (01:02:21):
Then I will No, it's not important.

SPEAKER_03 (01:02:22):
Go tell No, tell me again what you said.
I I I wasn't fleshing that oneout very well.
Okay.

SPEAKER_02 (01:02:28):
Episode number five on this one.

SPEAKER_03 (01:02:30):
Unfortunately, I was I was kind of stuck on a
timeline because okay, we allremember 11.
Mm-hmm.
Right.
And I know there were some shotsof jumpers.
Yeah, you never saw them hit theground.
You heard them.
No, you heard them.
I remember the sounds, yes.

(01:02:53):
But that was 2000.

SPEAKER_02 (01:02:55):
I'm sorry, I didn't laugh at the situation.
I'm laughing how you're reallytrying to tiptoe around it.
And you're all like, and I'mover here just like, yeah, the
bodies hit the ground.
Yes.

SPEAKER_04 (01:03:04):
Let the bodies hit the let the bodies from the
trade centers hit the sorry.

SPEAKER_03 (01:03:09):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, you know, I'm SaturdayNight Live made fun immediately,
so they did.
And and I I applaud them for it.
I mean, the only way to get backup is to not let it keep you
dead.
To not knock down any moretowers.
Yeah, well, there's that too.
Go ahead, I'm sorry.
Um, no, but I think I think thatwas a precursor to this other

(01:03:30):
event.
I just want to I would becurious on the the chronology of
it.
But there was also, I don't knowif you remember, I I think it
was Ohio.
It was a guy that it was a pizzadelivery guy.
And he showed up at a house andthey put a collar on him that
had a bomb.

(01:03:50):
I do remember this, absolutely.
And I remember seeing that wason TV.
Yeah.
And it literally blew up, andyou saw his body fall back.

SPEAKER_02 (01:04:00):
Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_03 (01:04:01):
Yeah, you see it.
That was the first time Iremember an up close.
That person just died.
I just witnessed a person die.

SPEAKER_02 (01:04:09):
Yeah, and they showed it on camera, like on TV.
Yeah.
Now, what I wonder is, I wonderif the news hasn't been censored
more.

SPEAKER_03 (01:04:15):
But I know that we have that didn't when when I was
a kid, you didn't see that kindof stuff.

SPEAKER_02 (01:04:20):
You they would talk about I think there was a period
where they showed that shit.
I don't know that they do thatanymore.
I can't remember the last time.
There was um I don't know.
There was a suicide that gotcaptured on TV.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
Um there's two that I know ofbecause you know I'm just all
versed in the suicide realm.
I love it.
Um sorry.

(01:04:42):
Um the guy I can remember is BudDwyer.
Did you ever hear about thatone?
Yeah, shot himself in the middleof a press conference.

SPEAKER_03 (01:04:48):
He was um Oh, there's the in Pittsburgh or
somewhere in Philadelphia or uhPennsylvania, somewhere.
Yeah, you know, I remember that.

SPEAKER_02 (01:04:56):
Shot himself right on camera.
And it's you they showed the itaired well, it was a live thing.
It was a live thing, yeah.
And now that you can you canfind the footage still, because
I hate to say it.
I I've looked it up a few, notrecently.
Everything's on the internetthough.
Anything that airs on a media isout there forever.
You can always find it.
Remember that, girls.
Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 (01:05:17):
Absolutely.
Don't put your stuff out there,it's always there.
It's yeah, somebody can find it.
But okay, so I what the point Iwas getting to or trying to.
Well, I wanted to talk about BudDwyer shooting himself.
Okay.
Have at it, buddy.
No, I'm done.

SPEAKER_02 (01:05:31):
Okay.
I just want to state it again.
Bud Dwyer.
Budwar.
Suicide.
Boudoir.
Boudoir.

SPEAKER_03 (01:05:37):
His boudoir.
Those are some nasty boudoirphotos.
Yeah.
Anyway, so as I was saying, um,I think that we have kind of as
a species pushed ourselves tothe edge of having to deal with

(01:05:59):
those sides of ourself.
We put it in media, we put it inart, we put it in, you know,
advertisement, we it's on thenews, it's in our books,
audiobooks, whatever.
I mean, like, it's life hasbecome more and more graphic.
It's in video games.
There you go, there's graphics.
Yeah.

(01:06:19):
Um But I think we've pushedourselves to the edge of that
cliff.
And at this point, I think wereally have to start doing the
work to really understand thoseparts of ourselves and what what
it is inside each one of us thatis excited or abhorred by what

(01:06:42):
we see and that acceptance, butthen also then you do have to
work through like what does thatmean?
Where did it come from?
Like, yeah, if if there wastrauma in your past, oh yeah, I
mean, I without naming names, umI have been divorced for many

(01:07:08):
years, so I've hadrelationships, but a couple a
couple.
Um there are women who have beensexually abused who struggle
with in the moment of that abusehaving felt pleasure.

SPEAKER_02 (01:07:33):
Right.

SPEAKER_03 (01:07:33):
Oh, no, and so then it becomes recreation in a safe,
yeah.
Right, and that's and that's thekind of thing I'm I'm
referencing is that sometimesthere are pieces of yourself
that you are very uncomfortable,but if you can figure out where
the link is, what what'sinspiring it, what is bringing

(01:07:57):
it about, what makes it what itis for you, you can be not only
understanding of it, but have anunderstanding of why that is
represented within yourself.
And it's my I feel like it'sgonna be much easier to accept.
I can't say that I've sat downand done true shadow work.

(01:08:18):
I have always yourself, youmean?
Yeah, I'm my parents raised mein a way that it wasn't like,
oh, everything you do is great,Tony, but they did some of the
worst things about me.
They knew, and they were able tosay, you know, while that's
maybe not your shining trait, itis okay that it exists inside of

(01:08:41):
you.
And and I can remember myparents even saying, you know,
no matter what you do, we'realways gonna love you.
We may not, you know, agree witheverything you do, but you know,
if if you you kill somebody orwhatever, I'm still gonna come
to jail and I'm gonna tell youthat I love you.

SPEAKER_02 (01:09:01):
I'm gonna watch you get the lethal injection.

SPEAKER_03 (01:09:03):
Yeah, sure, all that.
But no, the idea Your humor'snot very dark right now.
No, I'm sorry.
It's a kumbaya moment.
We don't have many.

SPEAKER_02 (01:09:13):
For you, maybe.

SPEAKER_03 (01:09:15):
He's in kumbaya, I'm like just saying that I know
there are people out there thatreally truly struggle with
certain sides of themselves.
And exploring that and coming togrips with bringing it into and
integrating it into self, evenif it's not something you tell
everyone.

(01:09:35):
There is power in being able toshare it with a partner, or even
in just acknowledging it insideyourself.
That's where it starts.
That that is where it starts.
Exactly.
But then the idea of okay, I'mwith this person that can help
you explore it safely.
Right.
Are you for them?
All of that, yes.

(01:09:56):
Perfect.
Way to go.

SPEAKER_02 (01:09:58):
And the one thing, you know, I want to share this
too is that we have always, as aspecies, been this fucked up.

SPEAKER_06 (01:10:07):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 (01:10:08):
I mean, we have.
The Mayans, the uh Romans,sacrifices, Greek, Greek, you
know, the Greeks.
I mean, uh all the way back towhat we do to Jesus.
Yeah.
I mean, we have always beenruined disability MMs.
Is that gonna be just the thingnow?
Tony, tell the hooker joke orwhatever.

(01:10:28):
Um prostitute joke.
Go ahead.
You know that's well.
Let's lose our Christian viewersthis far into the oh, I thought,
oh, I got more.
You have more jokes?
Yeah.
Okay.
What are we doing then?
This is the Christian You saidHooker.

unknown (01:10:42):
Oh.

SPEAKER_03 (01:10:43):
Do you know you know how you can tell when a hooker's
full?
Her nose is runny or somethinglike that, yeah.
Yeah, you suck.

SPEAKER_02 (01:10:50):
Okay.
That's a pretty well-known one.

SPEAKER_03 (01:10:53):
Killed it.
All right, cut.
What I was gonna say.
Cut, nope, we're starting.
Starting this one over?

SPEAKER_02 (01:10:58):
I fucking hope not.
What I was gonna say is thatjust accepting in human nature
all the way back that we areabsolutely Cain and Abel.
If you're in why am I gettingreligious?
Fuck myself.

SPEAKER_03 (01:11:13):
That seems a little violent.
I'm serious.
Why don't I go there?

SPEAKER_04 (01:11:18):
Always just getting dildo my own eyes.

SPEAKER_02 (01:11:20):
Dildo my own aisle.
Um but that's the thing, is justeven back before all this was so
accessible.
Yeah, and yeah, or representedin what we call a civilized
music and all the art forms,it's civilized or whatever.
Yeah.
Um, it's always been there.
So now we are aware of it enoughand it's in front of us enough

(01:11:45):
to we're advanced enough in allthese ways now to be able to
explore it.

SPEAKER_03 (01:11:51):
What I was just thinking about it.
Because, okay, so in the Mayans,you're talking about sacrifice,
human sacrifice, right?
Well, I mean that's bare yeah,bare bones of it, yeah.
Okay.
And who carried that out?
The elite.
Okay.
Go to the Coliseum.

(01:12:12):
The the yeah.
The elite.
You go to um what's his name'sisland?
Epstein?
Well then you got Diddy.
The elite.
Oh yeah.
There you go.
Diddy.
Diddy do it, did he didn't.

SPEAKER_02 (01:12:26):
Where are you getting at with this then?

SPEAKER_03 (01:12:27):
I'm just saying that the elite is what influences
that shoves it on us.
Not necessarily.
I'm saying the elite have neverhad to control themselves.
It's really been the masses whohave had to that have had that
template put on them to say,okay, you can't exhibit these
things.
Only we can.

SPEAKER_02 (01:12:47):
That's a good point.
And I mean, you go back to likethe the Romans during the time
of the of the Ecoliseum.
Uh I mean, they craved it.

SPEAKER_03 (01:12:54):
The games were craved, but and the people could
sit there and watch it.
Right.
But they didn't have any say init.

SPEAKER_02 (01:13:03):
No, no, I mean that was the thing.

SPEAKER_03 (01:13:05):
The the games were rewards for the people.
I mean, I guess the shadows ofthe power.
We haven't bring up power yet.
Just power over other humanbeings.
Oh, that's probably the might bethe one of the most prevalent.

SPEAKER_02 (01:13:21):
Yeah.
We all crave at some point,whether power sexually,
dominance, you want to go there,or power to control somebody,
even control your child, controlthings in your life,
circumstances in your life.
And that comes back toacceptance, accepting that you
only have so much influenceunless you take too much

(01:13:44):
control.
That's when, again, the shadowself exploring that physically
or you know, forcing that on it,that's when it becomes
dangerous.

SPEAKER_03 (01:13:55):
Right.
And that's while I guess youcould say they did integrate it
into themselves.
I don't know it was in a healthymanner.
Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 (01:14:04):
Yeah.
But you're right.
I mean, I think I don't know ifthat's strictly a I mean, that's
that's kind of a male thing abit more, I think, to create
that.
Mm-hmm.
I never I just thought about it.
I was saying like presidents andlike throwing Trump in there
because you know he's you knowwho he is, and Diddy and like
all these guys, and I think theyprobably just have being male,

(01:14:26):
probably have just access orlike just in society or are uh
enabled to be able to have thepower by default to do those
things.
Um but you know, certain otherum have ways of doing it on a
more interpersonal level attimes.

SPEAKER_03 (01:14:43):
Well, and also and that's anybody, by the way.
Men are gonna be more direct intheir violence and power.
Women will be more indirect, butthere is still an exertion of
violence and power.
Yeah, sure.
Yep.
So I think it represents in bothgender, for sure.
There's different ways.

(01:15:03):
Excuse me, all genders.
Yeah.
We are accepting of all.
We sure are.
Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 (01:15:09):
Except the gays, they're burning in hell.
We all know it.

SPEAKER_03 (01:15:12):
Well, you know.

SPEAKER_02 (01:15:12):
We all know I don't care if they repent or not.
Do you under Oh god, here we go.
Nope.
We're not going down that.

SPEAKER_03 (01:15:20):
What what little rabbit hole did you I'll open it
up a little bit?
A gay rabbit hole?
Glory hole.
You're opening.

SPEAKER_02 (01:15:27):
The gay glory hole.

SPEAKER_03 (01:15:30):
Oh, you had to see the visual on that one, folks.
Alright.
Yep, there it is.
Um Darkstar.

SPEAKER_02 (01:15:38):
Um, but that's the thing is like, um, damn it.
Why did I open that?
That was dumb.
Now I'm not gonna be able to getoff of it.
Then you might as well.
Alright, here we go.
Religious section.
Uh-oh.

SPEAKER_03 (01:15:49):
Um, religion and the dark self.

SPEAKER_02 (01:15:54):
Well, I mean, you could argue that there's parts
of religion that enables it toexplore the the dark things
within ourselves in the name ofreligion.
Is it justification forexploring the dark side?
That's what I'm saying, is yeah.
And that you know what, let'snot even label that just
religion.
It's in any cause that is thatis um uh manipulated.

(01:16:20):
Those fucking Girl Scouts.
Oh my god.
Quit selling me the damn Samoas.
I mean I can't afford them tobegin with.

SPEAKER_03 (01:16:28):
Well, don't be sneaking lead into your thin
mints either.
Is that a thing?
Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 (01:16:35):
I don't care.
They're delicious.

SPEAKER_03 (01:16:36):
They are delicious.
Like lead poisoning is a thing.
Like to die for.

SPEAKER_02 (01:16:40):
But um shall no, that's not the drum fill we do.
Oh no.

SPEAKER_05 (01:16:47):
It's been that was pretty cool.
I like that.

SPEAKER_02 (01:17:06):
You gotta watch that.
Yep, so um any YouTube.
Talk about a fucking nerdmoment.
Right.
Um Two Neil Purts.
Pierce.
R.I.P.
Let's have a moment of silence.
Okay.
That was um Huh?
That was enough.
But it needs the moment ofsilence needs to be at 7-8.
One, two, three, four, five,six, seven.

(01:17:27):
Go.
Okay, okay.
So anyway, um I really losttrack.
That solo got me going.
I'm like, wow.

SPEAKER_00 (01:17:34):
That was mine to not prevent.

SPEAKER_02 (01:17:36):
Okay.

SPEAKER_00 (01:17:36):
Don't put me down as arrogant.

SPEAKER_02 (01:17:39):
Okay.
So you were talking about thefive.
My resigned quiet defense.
Right out of the days.
Okay.
Catch the spit.
No.

SPEAKER_03 (01:17:55):
Okay, so where were you going with your rant?
I would say.

SPEAKER_02 (01:17:59):
Oh, the religious thing?
Um, honestly, it was more alongthe list.
It's okay.
Um, it was like how I knowpeople who say gays by default
don't get into heaven.
Just by default being gay.

SPEAKER_03 (01:18:10):
That's kind of fucked up.

SPEAKER_02 (01:18:12):
However, those same people made the Hitler comment.

SPEAKER_03 (01:18:15):
Oh, right.
Yeah, there's there might besome messed up beliefs in some
of that, just because I don'tcare.

SPEAKER_02 (01:18:23):
I mean, Man-May Construct deciding how to
interpret things that we have noauthority to interpret.
But we're done with that.
Because I already covered thaton the rant episode of
Christianity.

SPEAKER_03 (01:18:31):
I I don't know, man.
I think, yeah.
We might have to do a parteight, nine, ten, eleven.
For all the things that religionwill let us get away with in the
name of hatred.
Or the name of a deity.
I I mean, yeah.

(01:18:52):
Using that name to hate onsomeone else, or enact violence
on someone else, or exert powerover I mean, all the all the
dark sins.
Yeah.
All seven of them.

SPEAKER_01 (01:19:07):
Gluttony.
Gluttony.
Wrath.

SPEAKER_00 (01:19:11):
What's in the back?
What's in the back?

SPEAKER_03 (01:19:15):
Yeah.
Great movie.
That's Olgan Freeman.
Kevin Spacey.

unknown (01:19:21):
I love Kevin's.

SPEAKER_03 (01:19:23):
Kevin.
Kevin's pretty awesome.
I love Kevin.
I think he's going to heaven.
Probably.
He should.
I mean, I mean, I don't care howyoung that boy was.

SPEAKER_02 (01:19:35):
I really don't.
He was just exploring his shows.
Can you blame him?
No.
Good for Kevin.
So good.

SPEAKER_00 (01:19:45):
Kevin's my favorite.
Kevin.
I would love to have Kevin suckmy hair.
Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 (01:19:51):
Okay.
See, I'm getting it down.
I've been working on it.
Yeah, good, good, man.
See, we're working onimpressions for the skits y'all
are going to see at some point.
I don't know if I have anythingelse to add.
We're getting to the ramblystage of our podcast.
Well, but I yeah.
Unless you got something tolegit add.
I'm I'm out of uh shitting onshadows.

SPEAKER_03 (01:20:07):
I think it's shitting on shadows.
Shitting in the shadows.
Oh nice.
Shitting in the shadows.
Yeah.
Just accept yourself while youin our mouths.
But no, I I think we've reallytruly kind of covered I don't
really think there's anythingelse.
The full gamut with A littleextra there at the end for good
measure.

SPEAKER_02 (01:20:26):
For food for thought.
Yeah.
Um, we're just gonna insert theuh Christian segment rant.
Every this is the Christian.

SPEAKER_03 (01:20:35):
God, I hope not.

SPEAKER_02 (01:20:36):
I just I Christ Almighty.

SPEAKER_00 (01:20:39):
Christina Koreac.

SPEAKER_02 (01:20:41):
Okay, so we're gonna wrap it up then?
I don't have anything else toadd to this one.
Alright.
Until we revisit again.
We do need to get guff on here.
Yeah, we do.
Because I think honestly, onething we could do is like if we
have different guests, we canexplore the same concepts with
guests, kind of to normalize theconversation around it with
different people.

SPEAKER_03 (01:20:59):
Yeah.
And he'll be our guinea pigs.
If you wind up on the strugglebus and stand out in a
conversation, by all means, comeon the show.
We'd love to.
That is so true.
Um we'd love to start gettingsome more of our just viewers or
listeners, I should say.
Mostly listeners.
Right, mostly listeners, yeah,arguably.

(01:21:19):
You fuckers show up this onYouTube.
It's so much better.
Yeah, well, you know, some ofthe physical is You think that
makes them uncomfortable?
Perhaps.
I mean, the slow jerk definitelyis gonna make some people
uncomfortable.

SPEAKER_04 (01:21:31):
Excuse me! May I ask you a question?

SPEAKER_03 (01:21:35):
Do you have no but knock it?

SPEAKER_04 (01:21:39):
Oh that's shit.

SPEAKER_03 (01:21:40):
I forgot about that part of it.
Okay.
Anyway, so how do we like towrap them up?

SPEAKER_02 (01:21:47):
We'll wrap it up nicely.
So, guys, moral of the story.
I want to say something reallyfucked up, but I probably
shouldn't.

SPEAKER_03 (01:21:57):
That would be the shadow self coming to the
forefront.

SPEAKER_02 (01:21:59):
Alright, fine.
If you want to fuck children,no.
Don't do it.
You shouldn't do that.
That actually is the moral ofthe story.
That is the moral.

SPEAKER_03 (01:22:07):
Let's back away from that one.

SPEAKER_02 (01:22:08):
No, I'm serious.
That's that's the moral.

SPEAKER_03 (01:22:10):
Okay.
Don't do it.
If you want to be with children,don't do it.
Because it's not good.

SPEAKER_02 (01:22:15):
Yeah.
I'm actually serious.
Certainly.
That was a horrible way ofillustrating it.
However.

SPEAKER_03 (01:22:22):
But no, you're right.
If that is something that isinside you, that is probably
good that you know that becauseit would suck to have that sneak
up on a small child.
It would be great if you wereaware of it, understood that
about yourself.

SPEAKER_02 (01:22:37):
That is why actually I did that very messed up one.

SPEAKER_03 (01:22:41):
Okay.

SPEAKER_02 (01:22:42):
Because it's illustrating that obviously
there's a lot of people who dohave that and they do explore
it.
Um it's not a good thing.
That's not shadow work.
That is not shadow work, that isthe opposite.

SPEAKER_06 (01:22:53):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 (01:22:54):
So that is giving you a lot of people.
The reason I did that littleshocking thing is to get you on
your toes and think about thatpeople have that, but it's
that's what you have to processthrough.
Yeah.
And there is something toaccepting, see, this is where it
gets controversial.
It's accepting shit like that.
You may have those fantasies oreven desires, whatever you want

(01:23:16):
to call it, or those thoughts,even on that basic level.

SPEAKER_03 (01:23:20):
And I would argue that that part isn't the
controversial part.
I mean, I think that if youindeed can do the
self-assessment, find thatwithin yourself, even offer
yourself grace, knowing that youare not going to ever act out
something that would hurtanother person.

(01:23:42):
You can still integrate thatinto yourself.
Because the reason that youwould do that is to have an
awareness that it is somethingyou are susceptible to.

SPEAKER_05 (01:23:53):
Yeah, true.

SPEAKER_03 (01:23:54):
Not putting yourself on the PTO board, not signing up
for the field trip.

SPEAKER_02 (01:24:01):
Am I No, you're absolutely right.
That's exactly what I'm gettingat.
Yeah.
That's why I threw thatparticular one out there.

SPEAKER_03 (01:24:07):
Okay.
And I know that's you know I'mgonna have to roll the tape back
to see if I actually need to goto the doctor for the whiplash
where I went.
What?

SPEAKER_02 (01:24:15):
The whole point is that there are many fucked up
desires, thoughts, fantasiesthat we all have.

SPEAKER_03 (01:24:20):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 (01:24:21):
And the fact is you can't help that you have them
being human, but exploring maybewhy you have that, and of
course, on on the most largestlevel, understanding that you
never should explore that.
Exploring it should never hurtanyone.
That's a good way to put it.
That's a great way to put it.

(01:24:42):
Because if you can safelyexplore something with consent
and you're not hurting anybodyand not causing discomfort or
anything with someone else,especially without consent, I
mean, I don't I haven't exactlythought like what would not fall
into that.
But I can't think of anythingthat would, as long as you're
not hurting anybody, makinganybody uncomfortable, or um

(01:25:04):
what was the other part of that?
There's another part.
Not gonna be it.
Um another key factor in thatone.
Um, but anyway, I I'm sorry toshock with that particular
advance example, but I justwanted to say that those are
some fucked up thoughts thatpeople have.
And you gotta accept that thatmay be something that comes to

(01:25:27):
mind.
Yeah and it all comes down toacceptance of being a person and
all sides of that.

SPEAKER_03 (01:25:32):
Acceptance and awareness of who you are.
I mean, you That's essentiallywhat all this comes down to.
Yeah, you really cannot say, andyeah, I mean, I think that's
kind of part of what broughtthat about, the whole concept of
doing looking at the shadowself, is that to be fully

(01:25:54):
self-aware, exactly.
That is it, you have to be awareof all parts.
Of all sides.
It doesn't mean that you putthem out there.
Nope.
But it does mean that you knowthat they are in there.
Yep.
And if they are in there, thereis the possibility that they
could interact with somethingelse out here in the world.

(01:26:15):
That's exactly right.
So you have to be aware.
That is the big the big thingabout doing shadow work is
finding that awareness so youhave a truer understanding of
who you are as a person.

SPEAKER_02 (01:26:27):
Exactly.
And that's why stuff like thatshouldn't be thrown out there
for people.
What's the first thing y'allthought when I said that?

SPEAKER_03 (01:26:35):
Nailed it!

SPEAKER_02 (01:26:36):
Okay.
Did I, did I, did I, am Italking in circles now?
Go ahead.
I thought like I threw that oneout there, and that's a pretty
shocking one.
But the whole point is thatshould that be thrown out there
by somebody who legitimately isthinking that or whatever?
No, no.
Are my voices saying shit likethat to me all the time?
Sure.
That was tame for what they say,honestly, if I can be can.

(01:26:57):
Um, but the fact is we shouldinterview your voices.
They're not conversational, Ialways tell you that.
Fuckers.
Alright.
I wish they would.
That was Guff's joke, is thatwhat if I play Jackbox games?
They could help me win.
But they're not specific to whatI'm playing all the time.

SPEAKER_06 (01:27:15):
Okay.

SPEAKER_02 (01:27:16):
See, he's a genius.
Okay.
Anyway, I hope that last exampledoesn't isn't too off-putting,
but it's simply kind of toillustrate a very important
point to this whole thing.
You have to accept yourself inall aspects in order to become a
better person.
A more um self-ac is itself-actualized?

(01:27:38):
Is that the self-actualizedhuman being?

SPEAKER_03 (01:27:41):
Um use it to big words.
Next week on Buttham Hooey,Maslow's hierarchy of needs.
Tune in.

SPEAKER_02 (01:27:53):
Yes, how are you coming on that novel?
Yes.
You're so knowledgeable.
Anyway, we'll end it there.
So, anyway, food for thought onall of that.
So this was not.
We waited to do this episode fora while because it's a pretty
controversial one.

SPEAKER_00 (01:28:08):
And especially that last two minutes was probably
tell me more about the lastthing you know.
Go ahead.

SPEAKER_02 (01:28:16):
But anyway, really something to think about, and
it's not an easy thing to workon in yourself.
That's one of those things thatin theory it's like even
uncomfortable to think about,you know, acknowledging within
yourself.
So that's butt stuff.
We're all pee that that damn it.
So you said that, and then I'mgoing to take it to the next

(01:28:37):
depth.
And I'm like, fuck, we just gotover fucking children.
And now butt stuff.
No.
But seriously, like it is okay.
It is okay that though that's inthere.
Let's just say it.
It's okay that that's in there.
It has to be.
It has to be.
And you have to be aware.
And you have to be aware.
Okay.
So I think that wraps it up.
Um, this has been the greatest,worst episode of bottom fingers.

(01:29:06):
Bottom hooy.
I don't know that one thatclever.
Bottom fingers?
I don't know.
That wasn't that clever.

SPEAKER_03 (01:29:10):
Finger your bottom.
I don't know.
No.
No, no.
We don't.
I don't want to be associatedwith fingering bottoms.
Well, now you are.
Yay.

SPEAKER_02 (01:29:18):
Alright.
Anyway, thanks for watching.
Bottom hooie, aka beat themental health out of it.

unknown (01:29:25):
This is.

SPEAKER_02 (01:29:27):
I've never been able to speak in the shit.

SPEAKER_03 (01:29:30):
Okay, the ADHD is taking over.
I am indie pocket.

SPEAKER_02 (01:29:34):
This is the defectives get so effective.

SPEAKER_03 (01:29:40):
And we like to end with.

SPEAKER_02 (01:29:42):
You started this time.

SPEAKER_03 (01:29:43):
Oh.

SPEAKER_02 (01:29:44):
We're gonna switch roles.
You'll be the dom and I'll bethe sub.

SPEAKER_03 (01:29:49):
Don't look to the bottle, the knife, or the gun.

SPEAKER_02 (01:29:51):
Look for the soul you'll become.

SPEAKER_04 (01:29:56):
And that's you careful! Oh my god.
And that's a rap.
That's a rap in my ass.

SPEAKER_00 (01:30:02):
Oh my god, that's my favorite episode.

SPEAKER_04 (01:30:05):
Captain's love.
Hello.
Oh my god.
There's Captain's Someone on thewing.
Captain's love.
Some thing.
Okay.
Okay.
Yeah.
Bye.

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Shadow Self, Dark Humor & Authenticity | How To Channel It Safely