July 23, 2025 • 33 mins
Your child’s behavior isn’t the problem — it’s the clue.
So often we’re handed behavior plans, sticker charts, and systems that totally ignore what our neurodivergent kids are trying to tell us. In this powerful conversation with RDI Consultant Nancy Gilette, we dig into what really shapes your child’s quality of life — and spoiler alert: it starts with you.
We talk about shifting from task-based parenting to experience-based connection, what “feeling good” actually looks like for neurodivergent brains, and how slowing down can speed up growth in the long run. You’ll hear practical ways to create co-regulation, why safety (not compliance) is the key to learning, and how to build a home that feels good for everyone.
This one is equal parts validation, insight, and heck yes, I can do this.
🎧 Don’t miss it — press play and let’s rethink how we support our kids, from the inside out.
You can find additional resources at parentingadhdandautism.com and Regulated Kids.com — because it’s not just about the struggles, it’s about progress, one step at a time.
Show notes and more resources at parentingadhdandautism.com/321
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/beautifully-complex--6137613/support.
So often we’re handed behavior plans, sticker charts, and systems that totally ignore what our neurodivergent kids are trying to tell us. In this powerful conversation with RDI Consultant Nancy Gilette, we dig into what really shapes your child’s quality of life — and spoiler alert: it starts with you.
We talk about shifting from task-based parenting to experience-based connection, what “feeling good” actually looks like for neurodivergent brains, and how slowing down can speed up growth in the long run. You’ll hear practical ways to create co-regulation, why safety (not compliance) is the key to learning, and how to build a home that feels good for everyone.
This one is equal parts validation, insight, and heck yes, I can do this.
🎧 Don’t miss it — press play and let’s rethink how we support our kids, from the inside out.
You can find additional resources at parentingadhdandautism.com and Regulated Kids.com — because it’s not just about the struggles, it’s about progress, one step at a time.
Show notes and more resources at parentingadhdandautism.com/321
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/beautifully-complex--6137613/support.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
The truth is learning happens every moment, every day for
the rest of your life. If we think that learning
only happens during school hours in one way of instruction,
we're missing everything right and narrow, diverse brains demand a
different way.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
Welcome to Beautifully Complex, where we unpack what it really
means to parent neurodivergent kids with dignity and clarity. I'm
Penny Williams, and I know firsthand how tough and transformative
this journey can be. Let's dive in and discover how
to raise regulated, resilient, beautifully complex kids together. Oh and
(00:41):
if you want more support, join our free community at
hub dot beautifully complex dot life. Welcome back everybody. I
have here with me Nancy Jillette, who is an RDI consultant,
and we're going to talk a little bit about how
(01:03):
we can help with fostering the quality of life that
we want for our nerdivergent kids and how to I think,
adopt that growth mindset so that we are always learning
and growing and reminding ourselves that mistakes are part of
that journey as well, because that's so important too. But Nancy,
(01:26):
I'm hoping you will start by letting everybody know who
you are and what you do, and then we'll dive
in sure.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
Thanks for having me today. I'm so excited to have
this conversation. As you mentioned, I'm an RDI consultant and
i live here in Canada, and I've been supporting families
for over two decades with autistic children and other neurodiversities
and really a plethora of different diagnoses that some of
(01:56):
these children have as part of their story. And throughout
the years, you know, we were focused on children's behavior
for so long of what wasn't working, what the obstacles
were for the child, and you know, I spent two
decades of developing behavior plans to support these children to
(02:17):
live have a better experience, but it was really based
on tasks to be completed versus really understanding that we
need to focus on quality of life and also understanding
what does quality of life actually mean. And so that's
such a huge conversation. But to summarize what I saw
with parents is great to have behavior plans, great to
(02:39):
have these plethoras of professionals involved. However, it can be
really overwhelming for parents and families felt really unsupported because
we were creating so many plans specifically for children, but
really difficult to implement within the home environment because maybe
some of the therapies or some of the plans were
(03:01):
developed within a certain environment which didn't support the home
environment or the community environment, right, And so this was
then impacting quality of life for family, which of course
would result in impacting the child. And so when I
learned through the RDI process about understanding truly what quality
(03:22):
of life means, that led me to a deeper path
to actually understand learning. And you know, because when we
created these behavior plans, we thought that if we were
able to manage a behavior, the learning would happen. Well,
the truth is behavior is communication, right, And so when
we can understand communication and we support the individual with
(03:44):
actually the support that is helpful, then we can create
learning opportunities that support the big picture, which is quality
of life. Right. And then families then understand that process
and able to implement it within the home vironment, which
then helps the family feel more regulated and supported, which
(04:05):
results in the child demonstrating being regulated and supported, and
then behavior would decrease. Right. So it's about understanding from
almost like top down, and you know, in a sense
of knowing that we have to think of the big
picture first, right of what is this child wanting? What
is the behavior telling us, and how can we actually
(04:27):
support the learning to support what the child wants, not
just what the behavior goals are.
Speaker 2 (04:33):
Can you talk to us a little bit more about
what quality of life is like? What are the components
that we might be focusing on if we're focusing on
quality of life?
Speaker 1 (04:42):
Yeah, for me, it's almost crazy simple. Every time I've
worked with families and children, all they want is to
do well yeah, and feel good right. And so when
we know that really that's the basis of everything, is
to feel good and to want to do well, right,
(05:04):
then that can be completed. But it looks different for everybody.
But if we can start from oh, you mean a child,
an autistic child wants calm. Of course they want calm.
Being in a heightened state does not feel good in
the body I have. You know, out of twenty years
working with hundreds of children, dealing with lots of you know,
(05:25):
intense behavior, it has not come from a place of
the individual desire to have a challenging moment. It's exhausting
and it's exhausting for the individual. It's exhausting for the parent,
and so it doesn't work. So when we want to
look at quality of life, it's about how are we
supporting someone to feel good? Right? And so when we
(05:48):
look at that from a child's perspective, we're looking at play. Right.
Kids want to play, that's it. Right. When we look
at adolescence, we're looking at connection right to feel good.
When we're looking at adulthood, we want to have self
advocacy skills. We want independence to support us feeling good.
So quality of life can look different for everybody, but
(06:11):
it's coming from the same place of just feeling good
and wanting to do well. Right. And so to me again,
that's the quality of life. That's how I live my
life is what do I do to support how I
want to feel and how I want my future to
be in a positive way that supports me and my family. Right.
(06:32):
So it takes out the noise of thinking that we
need to have a job, we need to have this,
we need to have money, blah blah blah, right, because
that list never ends. But when we start first of oh,
what feels good, then that's what support. Neurodiversity is not
looking at a task of accomplishment. It's about a process
of feeling better in my body. It's an experience, and
(06:54):
so when we come from that perspective, then that shifts
how we respond.
Speaker 2 (07:00):
Creating environments that feel good for neurodivergent individuals.
Speaker 1 (07:04):
Right by using personal supports that support the brain to learn.
So you know, it's about being proactive versus reactive. So
lots of times when I'm engaged with families, we're often
responding to the crisis point right when the behavior is happening.
When you know people are being challenged with some of
(07:25):
the behavior. My approach is, hey, we can do stuff before, right.
So if a child is bolting, for example, right and
you loping out of environments, my first question is whoa
what is his behavior telling me?
Speaker 2 (07:39):
Right?
Speaker 1 (07:40):
What do I need to learn? Maybe the tasks that
we're asking the child to do is beyond his capacity
in that moment, and his flight or flight response is
so heightened and all he knows is to bolt, right,
So then when we do that, oh, then we do
a different plan, right, And it's really being intentional with
(08:02):
the strategies that we utilize. So you can see my
little visual behind me, and it says, don't be busy,
be intentional life is so busy, we get it, there's
always a million things to do. But when we can
slow down to be not what do I need to do?
By how do I want experience? Then you start implementing
intentional strategies. So if you want your child, for example,
(08:24):
to participate in math, right, well, oh we need to
think how can this be engaging for the child? Right?
Doing tablework is not going to maybe support that child's
learning process. Ah, but if I did baking, there's so
much learning math concepts that you can learn in it.
But it becomes meaningful and it's intentional because you're supporting
(08:47):
the math concepts for the child to be successful while
doing math. Right. So you can see how it really
is shifting of what do we want experience? Right?
Speaker 2 (09:00):
Yeah? What do we want it to feel like for
the child?
Speaker 1 (09:03):
Absolutely? Because when we do that, then that's what supports learning. Right.
We used to think learning is from this teaching of
me explaining to you, which all us parents do, right, Yeah,
But the truth is doesn't help, right, it's just falling
on deaf ears. Why do I know that? Because the
obstacles still happens if I'm using different strategies to support
(09:25):
my child's learning. Then I see growth, and I see consistency,
and I see utilizing effective communication to get needs met
rather than behavior challenges. Right.
Speaker 2 (09:39):
And we know that our nervous system has to feel
safe in the environment, right, because otherwise we're dysregulated, and
then those instinctual behaviors like you were talking about, for example,
bolting happen, right, So that experience, I think we also
have to think about how can we help the child
(10:01):
to feel safe. And if they're engaged, then they are
feeling safe, right, If they're enjoying what they're doing, they
are feeling safe. And it sounds weird to say, if
you want this kid to do math, you have to
focus on if they feel safe, because I think we
have a narrow idea of what that safety means absolutely,
but really it's safety not just physically, but emotionally, psychologically, socially,
(10:25):
like all of these elements, right. And sometimes that looks different,
that's engagement or movement or you know, so many different
things depending on that individual. But I always think about
the fact that if you're seeing that challenging behavior, the
first umbrella meaning right, because we're looking at as a
signal and it's communicating, and that like overarching idea that
(10:47):
it's communicating is that kid doesn't feel safe in some way,
and so it's not doable.
Speaker 1 (10:53):
Well, and you know, I've had this conversation with many
school teams throughout the years and also parents, right, because
you're right, safety comes with thinking that's only physical safety.
And so what I shift my language to disregulated because
the child is this regulated, meaning the brain is not
able to take any information in. Right, And so when
(11:14):
the brain is just regulated, like we think of ourselves, right,
for some reason, we think children have different abilities than
us as adults. And when you think about it, right,
So if I have a disregulated moment and their own
moments right of you know, everything's not working. Maybe I'm overstimulated,
whatever the dynamic is. If I'm feeling very heightened and
(11:38):
then my partner comes in and tells me just calm down,
just be quiet, Well, my brain is so overloaded that
I can't take any information in. So if that's when
you think you're having teaching moments, no, that's when the
behavior increases because it's too much. When we can support
(11:59):
a child's brain to be regulated, yes, that is environment. However,
all we actually really need to do is environment mental
modifications with personal support. For example, right, having using headphones
to reduce the auditory stimuli, maybe going into a space
where there's cammon colors, whatever. It's actually not that complex
(12:21):
when we break it down, but it's allowing the opportunity
and the understanding. Oh, if I see a child disregulated,
my first step is not going to, oh, let's continue
encouraging the learning. It's whoa The learning is to regulate first? Right,
how does the autism brain. What we've learned through an
RDI perspective is emotional regulation is one is obstacles. Right,
(12:44):
So I have kiddos that, maybe from an adult perspective,
have small problems, but then the child has big reactions
or I often see the opposite, right, big reaction for
what us as adults would consider small problems. Right, So
when we see that spectrum that shows the experience of
emotional regulation is a difficult thing to navigate. How do
(13:08):
we know when a small thing requires a big emotion? Right?
When we break down the mental processes that our brain
has to do, it's actually quite crazy, right, lot so much?
Speaker 2 (13:20):
All Right, we take it for granted.
Speaker 1 (13:22):
And that's what we forget, right, is that this growth
seeking mindset that is consistent for all neurodiverse brains is
essential for us to live in the world by being
able to understand our emotional regulation right is one of
the aspects. There's five different areas that we look at
through an RDI perspective to support learning right. And so
(13:46):
when we understand emotional regulation that the goal is not
to give information as the learning modality. It's about how
do we support regulation is the learning because when a
child is regulated, learning is abundant, right, But it's about
understanding that we need to do things differently.
Speaker 2 (14:07):
Yeah, sometimes I call it availability to learn, like we
need physiological biological availability to learn. And it's not really
a concept that we've talked about in education for all
these years, and finally we're starting to we're starting to
understand that kids get us regulated and what that looks
like in the classroom, what we can do to help.
(14:29):
You know, the goal used to be butts and seats,
Like your kid has to be at school, they have
to be sitting there, they have to look like they're
paying attention.
Speaker 1 (14:37):
Right.
Speaker 2 (14:38):
If they're just regulated, they're not learning anything, which is
what you're talking about. They're not learning anything they can't no.
Speaker 1 (14:45):
And so this is really a shift in what is education, right,
And so for me, education is learning. Education is about
knowing to do better, to improve whatever experience we want
to have. The truth is learning happens every moment, every
day for the rest of your life. Yeah. If we
(15:06):
think that learning only happens during school hours in one
way of instruction, we're missing everything, right, and narrow, diverse
brains demand a different way. Right. I was reading something
somewhere and it's talking about the narrodiversity. How it's really
shifting a lot of this world because we have to
parents know that they're struggling, and parents want children to
(15:29):
do well, they're just not sure of how to do it.
So we have to start thinking about it differently. What
is the intention of our education? Right? And so for me,
it's about supporting the learning process, and I remind parents
that's what it is for all kidops. We just have
to do it in a different way.
Speaker 2 (15:49):
And so really we're looking at like experience first, right,
instead of what do I need to teach them? How
do they need to show me how they learned it?
We need to think about preparing the experience in the environment.
So that they can feel safe and have the opportunity
to learn, to be available to learn.
Speaker 1 (16:07):
Absolutely, if we want to develop a growth seeking mindset,
which is really a lifelong skill, how do we respond
to this ever changing world in a way that's regulated.
We have to focus on experience based learning, and the
neurodiverse brain again thrives on that. And so when we
can put learning in a meaningful way, right, that supports
(16:28):
the person's interests, that supports their own regulation that they have,
whoever the teacher is. And also if using effective strategies
a child world can change from explosive, stressed then never
enough endless medical appointments. Right, all these intensity outcomes to
(16:50):
a place of thriving parents feeling confident, understanding what personal
supports make this child thrive and actually create a world
that is so good. Rather like I've worked with a
family and every time I talk to her, she talks
about the growth her son has done, and from a
(17:11):
parent perspective, that's everything that we want for our children. Right.
And also a piece that I also do too is
you know, understanding the value of parents because we are
there from morning, noon and night, from the moment they
entered this world to the time they leave this world.
Us parents are essential and we have to start really
(17:35):
honoring our role and knowing that when we can communicate
in a way that supports the brain to learn, not
only will you see a shift for your child, you
will see a shift within your environment and your relationships.
And it's just like this beautiful ripple effect.
Speaker 2 (18:04):
Can you talk about the role of connection, because I
know that inn RDI connection is super important, but also
just in regulation for any human, connection is key. How
do we want foster connection with our kids? And then
how do we sort of harness that to help us
to foster regulation to help kids be available to learn
(18:28):
all of these things? Right, I think a lot of
it starts with connection. So can you can you tell
us how to navigate that a little bit?
Speaker 1 (18:35):
Sure? So again, like you know, working with families for
upteenth the amount of years I've been giving information of
what they need to do? How do you implement behavior
strategies all those things? And so I did that with
my career, but then I became a parent, and then
I realized the complexity of exhaustion. Right the adult fans
(19:01):
our own regulation, interrupted sleep. You know, the list goes
on for a parent and then when we have a
child who thinks differently, who needs different support, this is
when I understood the value of relationship, knowing we as
parents have to really slow down of supporting how we
(19:22):
want our children to influence how our children can succeed. Right, So,
when we first start recognizing connection is everything, it's because
we as parents know we have that feeling something's missing.
And so when we start noticing that feeling, I want
people to trust that. You know, we are often again,
when we're raising children with different diagnoses, we have involvement
(19:47):
with professionals, and everybody has an opinion about everything and
what we should do and how we should do it,
and go talk to this person and go read this. Right,
it's an abundance of overwhelming information. So a lot of
parents forget about the initial feeling of parent and child connection.
And that is everything because we feel it. In my opinion,
(20:07):
you know, it's knowing that's what your children feel. We
know about the autistic children and neurodiversities, they're heightened, they
experience the world differently, so that feeling is essential. We
need to be a match, right, And so when I'm
talking to parents about this, it's about understanding all those
little inklings that you've had throughout the years. Those are
(20:29):
the connections, Those are the sparks that matter, and we
have to start bringing those back to support your child.
Then they're ask, okay, great, how do you do it?
And I just give them really simple strategies. One is
visual referencing. Right. Lots of autistic brains, like I've said,
they're overwhelmed by the busyness of the environment, so it's
(20:50):
really difficult to get their attention right, and so parents
work really hard to get their attention. And what I'm
encouraging is we need to slow it down, break it up.
All you need to do is say, if you're offering
your child to drink, all you need to do is
put it out, offer it, pause, and wait your child
(21:13):
to reference you. And that does not mean eye contact, right,
doesn't matter. Just noticing, hey, we're sharing space. And then
when you do that, I would say ninety nine percent
of the time parents know when their children look at them,
when they actually see it, it's a feeling. And so
when you feel that feeling, no, that's connection, right. We
(21:33):
forget that. A lot of people think connection means we
have to do something elaborate that we have to plan
this sensory experience or this outing. And what I want
to say is no, it's subtle shifts that reconnect to
people and having shared experience. So when your shot child
is referencing you, you've just quieted the noise for them,
(21:56):
right of just oh, you're here with me, and it's
on an expectation. It's not a demand, it's just hey,
here it is. And then once your child references you
give the water. That's it, right, So again it's about
knowing the simple things matter most. So then parents are like, okay,
so I felt that I noticed that slowing down, he's
(22:18):
referencing beautiful. Then when you start developing the skill cull
of coregulation, and coregulation is actually engagement shared fifty to fifty,
you know, so that when we're involved with a person,
we're having a very meaningful role. Right. So for example,
when I go into a Starbucks right and order a coffee,
(22:42):
my role is the customer. Their role is the barista,
and they make the coffee for me. Right, So we're
fifty to fifty within our role. Right, How do I
know it's authentic if the barista wasn't present? Then I
would be ordering coffee to nobody. Rightagement isn't authentic. If
I wasn't there with the barista sho's order, would she take? Right?
(23:06):
So that's how you know it's authentic because if the
person wasn't there, the engagement wouldn't happen. What parents tend
to do is we do ninety percent of the engagement
and ten percent for the child.
Speaker 2 (23:18):
Right, and so again fill in the space.
Speaker 1 (23:21):
Right, So we have to slow it down and bring
it back. So we go to what can the child
competently take a fifty percent? And what can the adult
take a fifty percent? And so then we're actually doing
meaningful engagement right. And it's so simple and subtle. Right,
(23:42):
But we have to do as parents say we need
some support or what parents really appreciate is the raw
reminder to slow down support connection neuro diverse kids. It's
not always about getting the best or needing this. You know,
of course we want that, but it's about understanding what
(24:03):
true connection and authentic engagement is. So you know, when
I support parents to do that, it seems manageable, and
then they start seeing change because they're getting back that
feeling because it is a feeling, it's not a task
to accomplish. Right. Parenthood is an experience that only when
you talk to other parents you get it right. Yeah,
(24:24):
it's not something that like, I worked with kids for
eighteen years before I had my children, Right, you would
think I would have a pretty strong background in understanding right,
but when then when I had my children, it took
a whole other meaning because it's an experience. And so
when I can remind parents of what connection really matters,
and we can do it in these small, little increment shifts,
(24:47):
parents feel the connection differently, the children start to experience differently,
and we start doing effective guiding and teaching through intentional strategies.
Speaker 2 (24:58):
Yeah. I took two big things away from what you're saying.
One was that we don't need to be speaking in
order to have connection. That it's about the engagement, but
that doesn't require a conversation. And also that relationship equals influence.
(25:20):
When we show up and we connect, we have more
influence with our kids. Right, We're able to guide them better,
We're able to have them come to us more like
an adolescence. This becomes bigger. Right. If we're creating that
relationship before that, then we have kids who are comfortable
(25:42):
in connecting and want to talk to us or want
to share experiences or emotions or whatever it is. If
you set up enough of a pattern of coregulation, too,
I think you'll find that your kids come to you
seeking that coregulation.
Speaker 1 (25:56):
Well, and again, you know it's about meaningful engagement, right.
And when I think about influence, absolutely, we have this
thought that we can control people. But of course you
know there's no We can't control anything in this world.
It's not accurate, right, and especially neurodiverse kids. We tried, tried,
you know, through ABA often we were focused on compliance, right,
(26:20):
and what we know to be true. We can't control anyone,
but we can support influence, right. And again, influence that
is positive, right, It's not influence for a negative outcome
because neurodiversity doesn't want negative outcomes. They just want to
feel good. Well, stop, we all do right exactly. So
when we can create influence, well, how do we influence
(26:43):
our children? Oh? Right? By being authentic engagement to being regulated.
So I also support parents of understanding our own regulation
patterns because we have to model the strategies. Again, neurodiverse
learns from modeling experience oriience based. It's not let me
tell you what to do and you just have to
(27:04):
do it. No, that's not teaching, that's retaining information, right,
True knowledge is being able to take the information and
implement it within the environment that it suits a lot
of our kiddos. Right, twenty years ago we were talking
about autism. Kids can't generalize. No, we didn't teach the process.
(27:24):
We were just teaching the request or the demand within
that environment. Right.
Speaker 2 (27:30):
Compliance, Yeah, it was all compliance.
Speaker 1 (27:32):
Based, exactly right.
Speaker 2 (27:33):
I'm so glad we're moving away from that. Yes, right,
we shouldn't be thinking about compliance at all. There's so
many other ways to influence learning and growing and childhood
and all of these things and our own parenting experience
without just seeking compliance for compliance sake.
Speaker 1 (27:54):
Right, Yeah, and again, what is the big picture? Right?
The reason why we want compliance is because it's easier
for us parents to manage. Let's be real, that's the
only reason why. Right, in a class, we want compliance
because it's difficult to teach a classroom of twenty five
students one hundred percent. But now we're in exactly and
(28:14):
I get it, because that's what we need within a
group of people However, we're in a different place now
in the world and society is compliance does not work.
Why because it does not support really what the human wants,
which is to feel good, to have curiosity, to explore
preferred interests, right, all those things. So when we're not
(28:37):
meeting that need for kiddos, what are we going to
see more challenging behavior? Right, So it's about understanding, Ah,
how does learning actually happen? It's an experience, right, we
have to get away from thinking is this hierarchical process
of listen to me, I have words of wisdom, bah
bah bah, and follow what I say. Yeah, you know,
(28:58):
parenting neuro diverse. They will be the first one to
tell you.
Speaker 2 (29:03):
Yeah, right, we're going to do it differently. And that's okay,
and it's even good.
Speaker 1 (29:07):
Right when we think about the world differently, possibilities are endless, right,
and so people can thrive. Right, And we have this
world right now that's really not well. We have anxiety
through the roof. We have depression rates, highest suicide rates, right,
people just in fear. Well, we're operating from that place.
(29:31):
We're only responding in crisis, and we're not able to
take a step back to do something different because you
can and you will, but you have to first.
Speaker 2 (29:39):
We all don't feel safe. It comes back to that
we're all just regulated and we don't feel safe. We're
feeling I think, more of a lack of control over
ourselves and what happens to us than ever. And again
it comes back to connection, engagement, experience, trying to be
(30:00):
part of the world instead of being so dysregulated that
you can engage well.
Speaker 1 (30:06):
And again to who the person is right, This is
not you know, thinking that everybody has to have a
full time job for a quality of life. No, people
have to make an income. But it can look differently
for everybody. Right that income, their currency could be time. Right,
so maybe they have time to house sit at somebody
(30:28):
else's home for a while, or be a landskeeper or whatever. Right,
it can look so many different ways. But we've been
taught that we think that there's only a way to
have a quality of of life by someone paying us
money in a certain way. And the truth is no,
because quality of life is how can we live in
a way that works for us. I know loads of
(30:51):
wonderful adults who are happy and they live with their
a family member. Great, that's not wrong right, It's about
what works, you know, and also knowing if family can
support then that's amazing because that puts less demands on
a system that doesn't work. Right, And so we again
(31:13):
think big.
Speaker 2 (31:14):
Think big. It's been such an inspirational conversation. Will you
tell everybody where they can find you online to connect
with you and learn more from you?
Speaker 1 (31:24):
Sure? So, first of all, if people are interested in
wanting to hear more of what I have to say
or what my perspective is, if you can find me
on Facebook. Autism a different perspective, and that's where I
share everything I've learned through twenty five years implementing autistic
strategies in a way that supports quality of life. And
(31:46):
also I am offering a twelve week course called the
Autism Shift for Parents, and that's where I'm going to
give direct guidance to parents of how can we implement
some of these subtle but most effective strategies within a
home environment for their child to thrive. And so you
can check that out at ww dot Nancygellette dot com
(32:07):
and that's where more information will be and if there's
any other specific questions, please email me contact me. I
do things very differently, but I've seen the progress. I've
seen families thrive. I've seen children completely shift and succeed
in their world, no matter where they are in the world,
no matter what their abilities are in the moment, but
(32:30):
knowing that growth is possible for anyone.
Speaker 2 (32:33):
And I'll think everything I've in the show notes too,
so everybody can connect with you easily, and you can
find those show notes at Parenting ADHD and autism dot
com slash three two one for episode three hundred and
twenty one. It's been a pleasure, Nancy, so inspirational. These
shifts are so so monumentally important, and I'm glad that
(32:54):
you are reinforcing these ideas to accept differences and really
focus on experience and what success looks like for our kids.
And I appreciate it so much.
Speaker 1 (33:06):
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (33:07):
I will see everybody on the next episode. Take good care.
I see you. You're doing hard and meaningful work and
you don't have to do it alone. If you found
this episode helpful, share it with someone who needs it
and leave a quick review so others can find this
support too. When you're ready for next steps, the Regulated
(33:28):
Kids Project is here with the tools, coaching and community
to help you raise a more regulated, resilient child. Get
more info at regulated kids dot com.
The truth is learning happens every moment, every day for
the rest of your life. If we think that learning
only happens during school hours in one way of instruction,
we're missing everything right and narrow, diverse brains demand a
different way.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
Welcome to Beautifully Complex, where we unpack what it really
means to parent neurodivergent kids with dignity and clarity. I'm
Penny Williams, and I know firsthand how tough and transformative
this journey can be. Let's dive in and discover how
to raise regulated, resilient, beautifully complex kids together. Oh and
(00:41):
if you want more support, join our free community at
hub dot beautifully complex dot life. Welcome back everybody. I
have here with me Nancy Jillette, who is an RDI consultant,
and we're going to talk a little bit about how
(01:03):
we can help with fostering the quality of life that
we want for our nerdivergent kids and how to I think,
adopt that growth mindset so that we are always learning
and growing and reminding ourselves that mistakes are part of
that journey as well, because that's so important too. But Nancy,
(01:26):
I'm hoping you will start by letting everybody know who
you are and what you do, and then we'll dive
in sure.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
Thanks for having me today. I'm so excited to have
this conversation. As you mentioned, I'm an RDI consultant and
i live here in Canada, and I've been supporting families
for over two decades with autistic children and other neurodiversities
and really a plethora of different diagnoses that some of
(01:56):
these children have as part of their story. And throughout
the years, you know, we were focused on children's behavior
for so long of what wasn't working, what the obstacles
were for the child, and you know, I spent two
decades of developing behavior plans to support these children to
(02:17):
live have a better experience, but it was really based
on tasks to be completed versus really understanding that we
need to focus on quality of life and also understanding
what does quality of life actually mean. And so that's
such a huge conversation. But to summarize what I saw
with parents is great to have behavior plans, great to
(02:39):
have these plethoras of professionals involved. However, it can be
really overwhelming for parents and families felt really unsupported because
we were creating so many plans specifically for children, but
really difficult to implement within the home environment because maybe
some of the therapies or some of the plans were
(03:01):
developed within a certain environment which didn't support the home
environment or the community environment, right, And so this was
then impacting quality of life for family, which of course
would result in impacting the child. And so when I
learned through the RDI process about understanding truly what quality
(03:22):
of life means, that led me to a deeper path
to actually understand learning. And you know, because when we
created these behavior plans, we thought that if we were
able to manage a behavior, the learning would happen. Well,
the truth is behavior is communication, right, And so when
we can understand communication and we support the individual with
(03:44):
actually the support that is helpful, then we can create
learning opportunities that support the big picture, which is quality
of life. Right. And then families then understand that process
and able to implement it within the home vironment, which
then helps the family feel more regulated and supported, which
(04:05):
results in the child demonstrating being regulated and supported, and
then behavior would decrease. Right. So it's about understanding from
almost like top down, and you know, in a sense
of knowing that we have to think of the big
picture first, right of what is this child wanting? What
is the behavior telling us, and how can we actually
(04:27):
support the learning to support what the child wants, not
just what the behavior goals are.
Speaker 2 (04:33):
Can you talk to us a little bit more about
what quality of life is like? What are the components
that we might be focusing on if we're focusing on
quality of life?
Speaker 1 (04:42):
Yeah, for me, it's almost crazy simple. Every time I've
worked with families and children, all they want is to
do well yeah, and feel good right. And so when
we know that really that's the basis of everything, is
to feel good and to want to do well, right,
(05:04):
then that can be completed. But it looks different for everybody.
But if we can start from oh, you mean a child,
an autistic child wants calm. Of course they want calm.
Being in a heightened state does not feel good in
the body I have. You know, out of twenty years
working with hundreds of children, dealing with lots of you know,
(05:25):
intense behavior, it has not come from a place of
the individual desire to have a challenging moment. It's exhausting
and it's exhausting for the individual. It's exhausting for the parent,
and so it doesn't work. So when we want to
look at quality of life, it's about how are we
supporting someone to feel good? Right? And so when we
(05:48):
look at that from a child's perspective, we're looking at play. Right.
Kids want to play, that's it. Right. When we look
at adolescence, we're looking at connection right to feel good.
When we're looking at adulthood, we want to have self
advocacy skills. We want independence to support us feeling good.
So quality of life can look different for everybody, but
(06:11):
it's coming from the same place of just feeling good
and wanting to do well. Right. And so to me again,
that's the quality of life. That's how I live my
life is what do I do to support how I
want to feel and how I want my future to
be in a positive way that supports me and my family. Right.
(06:32):
So it takes out the noise of thinking that we
need to have a job, we need to have this,
we need to have money, blah blah blah, right, because
that list never ends. But when we start first of oh,
what feels good, then that's what support. Neurodiversity is not
looking at a task of accomplishment. It's about a process
of feeling better in my body. It's an experience, and
(06:54):
so when we come from that perspective, then that shifts
how we respond.
Speaker 2 (07:00):
Creating environments that feel good for neurodivergent individuals.
Speaker 1 (07:04):
Right by using personal supports that support the brain to learn.
So you know, it's about being proactive versus reactive. So
lots of times when I'm engaged with families, we're often
responding to the crisis point right when the behavior is happening.
When you know people are being challenged with some of
(07:25):
the behavior. My approach is, hey, we can do stuff before, right.
So if a child is bolting, for example, right and
you loping out of environments, my first question is whoa
what is his behavior telling me?
Speaker 2 (07:39):
Right?
Speaker 1 (07:40):
What do I need to learn? Maybe the tasks that
we're asking the child to do is beyond his capacity
in that moment, and his flight or flight response is
so heightened and all he knows is to bolt, right,
So then when we do that, oh, then we do
a different plan, right, And it's really being intentional with
(08:02):
the strategies that we utilize. So you can see my
little visual behind me, and it says, don't be busy,
be intentional life is so busy, we get it, there's
always a million things to do. But when we can
slow down to be not what do I need to do?
By how do I want experience? Then you start implementing
intentional strategies. So if you want your child, for example,
(08:24):
to participate in math, right, well, oh we need to
think how can this be engaging for the child? Right?
Doing tablework is not going to maybe support that child's
learning process. Ah, but if I did baking, there's so
much learning math concepts that you can learn in it.
But it becomes meaningful and it's intentional because you're supporting
(08:47):
the math concepts for the child to be successful while
doing math. Right. So you can see how it really
is shifting of what do we want experience? Right?
Speaker 2 (09:00):
Yeah? What do we want it to feel like for
the child?
Speaker 1 (09:03):
Absolutely? Because when we do that, then that's what supports learning. Right.
We used to think learning is from this teaching of
me explaining to you, which all us parents do, right, Yeah,
But the truth is doesn't help, right, it's just falling
on deaf ears. Why do I know that? Because the
obstacles still happens if I'm using different strategies to support
(09:25):
my child's learning. Then I see growth, and I see consistency,
and I see utilizing effective communication to get needs met
rather than behavior challenges. Right.
Speaker 2 (09:39):
And we know that our nervous system has to feel
safe in the environment, right, because otherwise we're dysregulated, and
then those instinctual behaviors like you were talking about, for example,
bolting happen, right, So that experience, I think we also
have to think about how can we help the child
(10:01):
to feel safe. And if they're engaged, then they are
feeling safe, right, If they're enjoying what they're doing, they
are feeling safe. And it sounds weird to say, if
you want this kid to do math, you have to
focus on if they feel safe, because I think we
have a narrow idea of what that safety means absolutely,
but really it's safety not just physically, but emotionally, psychologically, socially,
(10:25):
like all of these elements, right. And sometimes that looks different,
that's engagement or movement or you know, so many different
things depending on that individual. But I always think about
the fact that if you're seeing that challenging behavior, the
first umbrella meaning right, because we're looking at as a
signal and it's communicating, and that like overarching idea that
(10:47):
it's communicating is that kid doesn't feel safe in some way,
and so it's not doable.
Speaker 1 (10:53):
Well, and you know, I've had this conversation with many
school teams throughout the years and also parents, right, because
you're right, safety comes with thinking that's only physical safety.
And so what I shift my language to disregulated because
the child is this regulated, meaning the brain is not
able to take any information in. Right, And so when
(11:14):
the brain is just regulated, like we think of ourselves, right,
for some reason, we think children have different abilities than
us as adults. And when you think about it, right,
So if I have a disregulated moment and their own
moments right of you know, everything's not working. Maybe I'm overstimulated,
whatever the dynamic is. If I'm feeling very heightened and
(11:38):
then my partner comes in and tells me just calm down,
just be quiet, Well, my brain is so overloaded that
I can't take any information in. So if that's when
you think you're having teaching moments, no, that's when the
behavior increases because it's too much. When we can support
(11:59):
a child's brain to be regulated, yes, that is environment. However,
all we actually really need to do is environment mental
modifications with personal support. For example, right, having using headphones
to reduce the auditory stimuli, maybe going into a space
where there's cammon colors, whatever. It's actually not that complex
(12:21):
when we break it down, but it's allowing the opportunity
and the understanding. Oh, if I see a child disregulated,
my first step is not going to, oh, let's continue
encouraging the learning. It's whoa The learning is to regulate first? Right,
how does the autism brain. What we've learned through an
RDI perspective is emotional regulation is one is obstacles. Right,
(12:44):
So I have kiddos that, maybe from an adult perspective,
have small problems, but then the child has big reactions
or I often see the opposite, right, big reaction for
what us as adults would consider small problems. Right, So
when we see that spectrum that shows the experience of
emotional regulation is a difficult thing to navigate. How do
(13:08):
we know when a small thing requires a big emotion? Right?
When we break down the mental processes that our brain
has to do, it's actually quite crazy, right, lot so much?
Speaker 2 (13:20):
All Right, we take it for granted.
Speaker 1 (13:22):
And that's what we forget, right, is that this growth
seeking mindset that is consistent for all neurodiverse brains is
essential for us to live in the world by being
able to understand our emotional regulation right is one of
the aspects. There's five different areas that we look at
through an RDI perspective to support learning right. And so
(13:46):
when we understand emotional regulation that the goal is not
to give information as the learning modality. It's about how
do we support regulation is the learning because when a
child is regulated, learning is abundant, right, But it's about
understanding that we need to do things differently.
Speaker 2 (14:07):
Yeah, sometimes I call it availability to learn, like we
need physiological biological availability to learn. And it's not really
a concept that we've talked about in education for all
these years, and finally we're starting to we're starting to
understand that kids get us regulated and what that looks
like in the classroom, what we can do to help.
(14:29):
You know, the goal used to be butts and seats,
Like your kid has to be at school, they have
to be sitting there, they have to look like they're
paying attention.
Speaker 1 (14:37):
Right.
Speaker 2 (14:38):
If they're just regulated, they're not learning anything, which is
what you're talking about. They're not learning anything they can't no.
Speaker 1 (14:45):
And so this is really a shift in what is education, right,
And so for me, education is learning. Education is about
knowing to do better, to improve whatever experience we want
to have. The truth is learning happens every moment, every
day for the rest of your life. Yeah. If we
(15:06):
think that learning only happens during school hours in one
way of instruction, we're missing everything, right, and narrow, diverse
brains demand a different way. Right. I was reading something
somewhere and it's talking about the narrodiversity. How it's really
shifting a lot of this world because we have to
parents know that they're struggling, and parents want children to
(15:29):
do well, they're just not sure of how to do it.
So we have to start thinking about it differently. What
is the intention of our education? Right? And so for me,
it's about supporting the learning process, and I remind parents
that's what it is for all kidops. We just have
to do it in a different way.
Speaker 2 (15:49):
And so really we're looking at like experience first, right,
instead of what do I need to teach them? How
do they need to show me how they learned it?
We need to think about preparing the experience in the environment.
So that they can feel safe and have the opportunity
to learn, to be available to learn.
Speaker 1 (16:07):
Absolutely, if we want to develop a growth seeking mindset,
which is really a lifelong skill, how do we respond
to this ever changing world in a way that's regulated.
We have to focus on experience based learning, and the
neurodiverse brain again thrives on that. And so when we
can put learning in a meaningful way, right, that supports
(16:28):
the person's interests, that supports their own regulation that they have,
whoever the teacher is. And also if using effective strategies
a child world can change from explosive, stressed then never
enough endless medical appointments. Right, all these intensity outcomes to
(16:50):
a place of thriving parents feeling confident, understanding what personal
supports make this child thrive and actually create a world
that is so good. Rather like I've worked with a
family and every time I talk to her, she talks
about the growth her son has done, and from a
(17:11):
parent perspective, that's everything that we want for our children. Right.
And also a piece that I also do too is
you know, understanding the value of parents because we are
there from morning, noon and night, from the moment they
entered this world to the time they leave this world.
Us parents are essential and we have to start really
(17:35):
honoring our role and knowing that when we can communicate
in a way that supports the brain to learn, not
only will you see a shift for your child, you
will see a shift within your environment and your relationships.
And it's just like this beautiful ripple effect.
Speaker 2 (18:04):
Can you talk about the role of connection, because I
know that inn RDI connection is super important, but also
just in regulation for any human, connection is key. How
do we want foster connection with our kids? And then
how do we sort of harness that to help us
to foster regulation to help kids be available to learn
(18:28):
all of these things? Right, I think a lot of
it starts with connection. So can you can you tell
us how to navigate that a little bit?
Speaker 1 (18:35):
Sure? So again, like you know, working with families for
upteenth the amount of years I've been giving information of
what they need to do? How do you implement behavior
strategies all those things? And so I did that with
my career, but then I became a parent, and then
I realized the complexity of exhaustion. Right the adult fans
(19:01):
our own regulation, interrupted sleep. You know, the list goes
on for a parent and then when we have a
child who thinks differently, who needs different support, this is
when I understood the value of relationship, knowing we as
parents have to really slow down of supporting how we
(19:22):
want our children to influence how our children can succeed. Right, So,
when we first start recognizing connection is everything, it's because
we as parents know we have that feeling something's missing.
And so when we start noticing that feeling, I want
people to trust that. You know, we are often again,
when we're raising children with different diagnoses, we have involvement
(19:47):
with professionals, and everybody has an opinion about everything and
what we should do and how we should do it,
and go talk to this person and go read this. Right,
it's an abundance of overwhelming information. So a lot of
parents forget about the initial feeling of parent and child connection.
And that is everything because we feel it. In my opinion,
(20:07):
you know, it's knowing that's what your children feel. We
know about the autistic children and neurodiversities, they're heightened, they
experience the world differently, so that feeling is essential. We
need to be a match, right, And so when I'm
talking to parents about this, it's about understanding all those
little inklings that you've had throughout the years. Those are
(20:29):
the connections, Those are the sparks that matter, and we
have to start bringing those back to support your child.
Then they're ask, okay, great, how do you do it?
And I just give them really simple strategies. One is
visual referencing. Right. Lots of autistic brains, like I've said,
they're overwhelmed by the busyness of the environment, so it's
(20:50):
really difficult to get their attention right, and so parents
work really hard to get their attention. And what I'm
encouraging is we need to slow it down, break it up.
All you need to do is say, if you're offering
your child to drink, all you need to do is
put it out, offer it, pause, and wait your child
(21:13):
to reference you. And that does not mean eye contact, right,
doesn't matter. Just noticing, hey, we're sharing space. And then
when you do that, I would say ninety nine percent
of the time parents know when their children look at them,
when they actually see it, it's a feeling. And so
when you feel that feeling, no, that's connection, right. We
(21:33):
forget that. A lot of people think connection means we
have to do something elaborate that we have to plan
this sensory experience or this outing. And what I want
to say is no, it's subtle shifts that reconnect to
people and having shared experience. So when your shot child
is referencing you, you've just quieted the noise for them,
(21:56):
right of just oh, you're here with me, and it's
on an expectation. It's not a demand, it's just hey,
here it is. And then once your child references you
give the water. That's it, right, So again it's about
knowing the simple things matter most. So then parents are like, okay,
so I felt that I noticed that slowing down, he's
(22:18):
referencing beautiful. Then when you start developing the skill cull
of coregulation, and coregulation is actually engagement shared fifty to fifty,
you know, so that when we're involved with a person,
we're having a very meaningful role. Right. So for example,
when I go into a Starbucks right and order a coffee,
(22:42):
my role is the customer. Their role is the barista,
and they make the coffee for me. Right, So we're
fifty to fifty within our role. Right, How do I
know it's authentic if the barista wasn't present? Then I
would be ordering coffee to nobody. Rightagement isn't authentic. If
I wasn't there with the barista sho's order, would she take? Right?
(23:06):
So that's how you know it's authentic because if the
person wasn't there, the engagement wouldn't happen. What parents tend
to do is we do ninety percent of the engagement
and ten percent for the child.
Speaker 2 (23:18):
Right, and so again fill in the space.
Speaker 1 (23:21):
Right, So we have to slow it down and bring
it back. So we go to what can the child
competently take a fifty percent? And what can the adult
take a fifty percent? And so then we're actually doing
meaningful engagement right. And it's so simple and subtle. Right,
(23:42):
But we have to do as parents say we need
some support or what parents really appreciate is the raw
reminder to slow down support connection neuro diverse kids. It's
not always about getting the best or needing this. You know,
of course we want that, but it's about understanding what
(24:03):
true connection and authentic engagement is. So you know, when
I support parents to do that, it seems manageable, and
then they start seeing change because they're getting back that
feeling because it is a feeling, it's not a task
to accomplish. Right. Parenthood is an experience that only when
you talk to other parents you get it right. Yeah,
(24:24):
it's not something that like, I worked with kids for
eighteen years before I had my children, Right, you would
think I would have a pretty strong background in understanding right,
but when then when I had my children, it took
a whole other meaning because it's an experience. And so
when I can remind parents of what connection really matters,
and we can do it in these small, little increment shifts,
(24:47):
parents feel the connection differently, the children start to experience differently,
and we start doing effective guiding and teaching through intentional strategies.
Speaker 2 (24:58):
Yeah. I took two big things away from what you're saying.
One was that we don't need to be speaking in
order to have connection. That it's about the engagement, but
that doesn't require a conversation. And also that relationship equals influence.
(25:20):
When we show up and we connect, we have more
influence with our kids. Right, We're able to guide them better,
We're able to have them come to us more like
an adolescence. This becomes bigger. Right. If we're creating that
relationship before that, then we have kids who are comfortable
(25:42):
in connecting and want to talk to us or want
to share experiences or emotions or whatever it is. If
you set up enough of a pattern of coregulation, too,
I think you'll find that your kids come to you
seeking that coregulation.
Speaker 1 (25:56):
Well, and again, you know it's about meaningful engagement, right.
And when I think about influence, absolutely, we have this
thought that we can control people. But of course you
know there's no We can't control anything in this world.
It's not accurate, right, and especially neurodiverse kids. We tried, tried,
you know, through ABA often we were focused on compliance, right,
(26:20):
and what we know to be true. We can't control anyone,
but we can support influence, right. And again, influence that
is positive, right, It's not influence for a negative outcome
because neurodiversity doesn't want negative outcomes. They just want to
feel good. Well, stop, we all do right exactly. So
when we can create influence, well, how do we influence
(26:43):
our children? Oh? Right? By being authentic engagement to being regulated.
So I also support parents of understanding our own regulation
patterns because we have to model the strategies. Again, neurodiverse
learns from modeling experience oriience based. It's not let me
tell you what to do and you just have to
(27:04):
do it. No, that's not teaching, that's retaining information, right,
True knowledge is being able to take the information and
implement it within the environment that it suits a lot
of our kiddos. Right, twenty years ago we were talking
about autism. Kids can't generalize. No, we didn't teach the process.
(27:24):
We were just teaching the request or the demand within
that environment. Right.
Speaker 2 (27:30):
Compliance, Yeah, it was all compliance.
Speaker 1 (27:32):
Based, exactly right.
Speaker 2 (27:33):
I'm so glad we're moving away from that. Yes, right,
we shouldn't be thinking about compliance at all. There's so
many other ways to influence learning and growing and childhood
and all of these things and our own parenting experience
without just seeking compliance for compliance sake.
Speaker 1 (27:54):
Right, Yeah, and again, what is the big picture? Right?
The reason why we want compliance is because it's easier
for us parents to manage. Let's be real, that's the
only reason why. Right, in a class, we want compliance
because it's difficult to teach a classroom of twenty five
students one hundred percent. But now we're in exactly and
(28:14):
I get it, because that's what we need within a
group of people However, we're in a different place now
in the world and society is compliance does not work.
Why because it does not support really what the human wants,
which is to feel good, to have curiosity, to explore
preferred interests, right, all those things. So when we're not
(28:37):
meeting that need for kiddos, what are we going to
see more challenging behavior? Right, So it's about understanding, Ah,
how does learning actually happen? It's an experience, right, we
have to get away from thinking is this hierarchical process
of listen to me, I have words of wisdom, bah
bah bah, and follow what I say. Yeah, you know,
(28:58):
parenting neuro diverse. They will be the first one to
tell you.
Speaker 2 (29:03):
Yeah, right, we're going to do it differently. And that's okay,
and it's even good.
Speaker 1 (29:07):
Right when we think about the world differently, possibilities are endless, right,
and so people can thrive. Right, And we have this
world right now that's really not well. We have anxiety
through the roof. We have depression rates, highest suicide rates, right,
people just in fear. Well, we're operating from that place.
(29:31):
We're only responding in crisis, and we're not able to
take a step back to do something different because you
can and you will, but you have to first.
Speaker 2 (29:39):
We all don't feel safe. It comes back to that
we're all just regulated and we don't feel safe. We're
feeling I think, more of a lack of control over
ourselves and what happens to us than ever. And again
it comes back to connection, engagement, experience, trying to be
(30:00):
part of the world instead of being so dysregulated that
you can engage well.
Speaker 1 (30:06):
And again to who the person is right, This is
not you know, thinking that everybody has to have a
full time job for a quality of life. No, people
have to make an income. But it can look differently
for everybody. Right that income, their currency could be time. Right,
so maybe they have time to house sit at somebody
(30:28):
else's home for a while, or be a landskeeper or whatever. Right,
it can look so many different ways. But we've been
taught that we think that there's only a way to
have a quality of of life by someone paying us
money in a certain way. And the truth is no,
because quality of life is how can we live in
a way that works for us. I know loads of
(30:51):
wonderful adults who are happy and they live with their
a family member. Great, that's not wrong right, It's about
what works, you know, and also knowing if family can
support then that's amazing because that puts less demands on
a system that doesn't work. Right, And so we again
(31:13):
think big.
Speaker 2 (31:14):
Think big. It's been such an inspirational conversation. Will you
tell everybody where they can find you online to connect
with you and learn more from you?
Speaker 1 (31:24):
Sure? So, first of all, if people are interested in
wanting to hear more of what I have to say
or what my perspective is, if you can find me
on Facebook. Autism a different perspective, and that's where I
share everything I've learned through twenty five years implementing autistic
strategies in a way that supports quality of life. And
(31:46):
also I am offering a twelve week course called the
Autism Shift for Parents, and that's where I'm going to
give direct guidance to parents of how can we implement
some of these subtle but most effective strategies within a
home environment for their child to thrive. And so you
can check that out at ww dot Nancygellette dot com
(32:07):
and that's where more information will be and if there's
any other specific questions, please email me contact me. I
do things very differently, but I've seen the progress. I've
seen families thrive. I've seen children completely shift and succeed
in their world, no matter where they are in the world,
no matter what their abilities are in the moment, but
(32:30):
knowing that growth is possible for anyone.
Speaker 2 (32:33):
And I'll think everything I've in the show notes too,
so everybody can connect with you easily, and you can
find those show notes at Parenting ADHD and autism dot
com slash three two one for episode three hundred and
twenty one. It's been a pleasure, Nancy, so inspirational. These
shifts are so so monumentally important, and I'm glad that
(32:54):
you are reinforcing these ideas to accept differences and really
focus on experience and what success looks like for our kids.
And I appreciate it so much.
Speaker 1 (33:06):
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (33:07):
I will see everybody on the next episode. Take good care.
I see you. You're doing hard and meaningful work and
you don't have to do it alone. If you found
this episode helpful, share it with someone who needs it
and leave a quick review so others can find this
support too. When you're ready for next steps, the Regulated
(33:28):
Kids Project is here with the tools, coaching and community
to help you raise a more regulated, resilient child. Get
more info at regulated kids dot com.
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