January 13, 2025 • 45 mins
In this episode, we explore individuals' intricate relationship with money, emphasizing its emotional and psychological aspects over mere financial strategies. By sharing Erin Gray's personal experiences and transformative insights, we reflect on our money narratives and the potential for a healthier, more empowered relationship with finances.
Erin Gray is a financial empowerment coach and former CFP® who spent a decade leading her family's construction business. Having overcome the struggles of overworking and chasing achievement without fulfillment, Erin now helps female entrepreneurs build confidence and joy in their relationship with money and business. She believes true success comes from aligning financial and emotional well-being.
We explore:
• Sharing personal stories to find commonality
• Recognizing financial security does not guarantee emotional safety
• The importance of addressing emotional wounds related to money
• Strategies for changing one's money mindset
• Exploring holistic approaches like energy healing and coaching
• Encouragement to embody personal values in financial decisions
• Insights on redefining family dynamics and personal freedoms
• Bridging the gap between emotional intelligence and financial literacy
• Understanding how societal norms affect individual money beliefs
• Cultivating a new perspective on spending and investing based on values
Let's enjoy her story.
You can join Erin for valuable resources and insights on her podcast or visit her page for more personalized coaching experiences.
https://generatealifewelllived.com/
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Thank you for listening - Hasta Pronto!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
DanielaSM (00:01):
Hi, I'm Daniela.
Welcome to my podcast, becauseEveryone has a Story, the place
to give ordinary people'sstories the chance to be shared
and preserved.
Our stories become the languageof connections.
Let's enjoy it, connect andrelate, because everyone has a
story.
Welcome.
(00:21):
I am so excited to kick off thenew year with an incredible
guest, erin Gray.
From the moment we met, it feltlike we'd known each other
forever.
We instantly connected over ourshared love of travel and it's
been such joy staying in touchduring my adventures, during my
(00:47):
adventures.
Erin is a financial empowermentcoach and former CFP who spent
years running her family'sconstruction business.
She knows what it's like towork hard, achieve success and
still feel unfulfilled.
Now she's on a mission to helpfemale entrepreneurs build
confidence, find joy in theirrelationship with money and
focus on emotional well-beingand mindset.
(01:09):
In this episode, which I findit fascinating, we explore
something we all deal with butrarely talk about our
relationship with money.
It is not just about numbers.
It is about the emotions,belief and stories that shape
how we use and think about money.
(01:29):
Erin's insights are warm,relatable and so inspiring and
check out her website becauseshe has a lot of great
information there.
So let's enjoy her story.
Welcome, erin, to the show.
Thanks for having me.
I am super excited that you'rehere, because just since the
first time I met you, we're likeokay, we know each other for so
(01:51):
long, somehow.
Erin Gray (01:53):
We're fast friends, fast friends.
DanielaSM (01:54):
Yes, exactly, so tell me why you want to share your
story.
Erin Gray (01:59):
Oh goodness, I think because there's probably someone
listening that feels like, hey,me too, you know.
That's one of the things that Ialways wanted to share from a
place of you know what.
You're not alone Like.
A lot of us probably havesimilar stories and so finding
that commonality in each other,yes, and it's true.
DanielaSM (02:16):
Sharing stories is so important and it helps people.
Yes, great, and so when doesyour story start?
Erin Gray (02:23):
I would say probably five years ago.
DanielaSM (02:26):
Okay, what happened yeah?
Erin Gray (02:28):
It had been going on probably since we had our
daughter, which was in 2012,.
But really deciding I was thatperson that, like worked for
money, worked, so then I couldretire, work so then I could
have fun, worked so, and I thinkprobably 2018 was when I
(02:50):
decided I can't continue to livelike this, like working for
like almost deprivation right,like at some point in the future
then I'm going to get to gohave fun, then I'm going to
enjoy my life.
And so that was probably thewake up, that for me of
recognizing I do have some, eventhough we had and have money,
(03:11):
that the fear that I felt a lotwith money and not having enough
money like that, that wassomething that needed.
That I really wanted to change.
And living that life of you getto enjoy at some point in the
future, aka retirement, whateverthat meant.
That's probably five years agois probably when I got the aha.
I don't want to do this anymore.
DanielaSM (03:30):
Interesting.
You know, I remember my dadalways wanted to live his life,
to enjoy it, but then he was illand he had to work to kind of
support us.
But then I feel like somehowyou get these relationships.
You know, one thing is learningabout to invest money and save
money and the other one is tohave this emotional relationship
that I didn't know existed,that you know.
I think that's what holds usback at times.
Erin Gray (03:52):
It totally does.
Like I just was telling someoneI definitely was really good
with the 3D world, right, Iunderstood how to invest.
I understood how to save mymoney.
I understood how to grow mymoney.
I understood how to make mymoney.
I understood how to grow mymoney.
I understood how to make mymoney.
But I didn't understand how tobe with my money and feel my
money, and I I put a lot ofpressure on my money to to give
me the feelings that I wasfeeling insecure about.
(04:13):
Versus we are just in arelationship with money.
We get to have money, but it'snot this expectation that money
is supposed to make you feelsecure that is what I used is if
a goalpost like if I, if we getto this certain amount, then
I'll feel like, okay, I canbreathe right or I can relax or
you know versus when you thinkthat way there's no amount of
(04:34):
money that you're ever going tohave, that's going to make you
feel safe and secure.
Like that's an inside job andwe have been taught, at least in
the Western world right, likethat there's financial freedom,
like you get to a certain pointand then you feel free.
But from my experience myselfand other people.
What I've realized is like thatactually isn't true.
You know there there isn't thatfreedom there, because then we
(04:54):
have more money at risk.
So when you're coming from afear base and a lack place, you
know the um, the, the video oflike Lucy and who was her friend
on the conveyor belt when theywere like eating the chocolates
and it was going through it'slike you don't get to put fear
through the conveyor belt andthen get like abundance on the
other side, right, like it'slike what we put in, what we
feel is what we're going to getout on the other side, and so
(05:17):
recognizing like I wasgenerating money from a place of
fear and lack and so how was Iever going?
DanielaSM (05:27):
to feel safe, secure and abundant or sufficient.
Yes, and for me it was similar,but I also needed to learn a
few tools to kind of bring downthe stress with money.
You know kind of organizingways, and did that first, and
then I started to learn like,yeah, maybe there's an emotional
situation that I need to dealwith.
I can say this is what I havedone Somehow.
(05:49):
Reading and being aware of thesituation is when I now notice
that I have more abundancebecause I have a better
relationship.
I'm not saying I'm completelycured.
Erin Gray (05:59):
We're human, right.
I always say it's like gettinginto the body, and I agree with
you.
There isn't a like fast track Ato Z, like I think sometimes
people want that.
Say it's like getting into thebody and I agree with you.
There isn't a fast track A to Z.
I think sometimes people wantthat because it's almost like a
resistance.
They don't want to feel whatthey're feeling in their body.
So it's like well, just tell mewhat I have to do to not feel
this way anymore, versus sinkinginto like what if one of the
things that I was like what if Ialways kind of have this
(06:22):
tenderness with money, andthat's okay and that is
something that you know.
Yes, I've, I've gone from veryfear-based feeling to
sufficiency and, most of thetimes, abundance.
But I do notice when my bodywants to tell that old story
again and instead of getting madat it and instead of being
frustrated, being curious andslowing down and like tuning
(06:43):
into my breath and tuning intoyou know how am I feeling right
now?
Where is this coming from?
I think sometimes in theself-development world, we want
to just okay, what do we got todo to fix it, get rid of it, put
it up in a little pretty boxand like we don't have to do it
anymore.
Right, maybe that's what mysoul came here to learn Right
and to teach others and to helpothers.
So it's like came here to learnright and to teach others and
to help others.
So it's like we want to judgewhat experience we're having
(07:06):
versus like what is the lessonhere?
DanielaSM (07:08):
Right.
So then what happens?
Five years ago you realizedthat there was something, and so
what do you do?
Erin Gray (07:20):
So we were flipping a house in Texas and we had money
.
We were making money.
I think I had a panic attack, Ithink that's what it's called.
It felt very intense.
I sought coaching and at thetime I don't think I would have
been ready for it, like, if youwant to call it, embodiment
coaching or getting into thebody.
So I did very much mind-basedcoaching, like about my money
and things of that sort, butthere was probably a two-year
timeframe of when I was doingthe work but it wasn't changing
(07:43):
how I felt in my body, and sothat's when I really started to
seek more of like okay, this isdeeper than oh, let's just
change our mindset and ourthoughts about money.
Like there's some body stuff,like the body has remembered
some things that I either mightnot be aware of.
That is what's keeping me kindof in this loop, because even
(08:05):
though I'm changing my thoughts,I'm trying to think differently
about it.
I didn't have that languageback then, but knowing now like
the body didn't feel safe and solearning about money, trauma,
learning about getting whatsafety feels like in the body
and doing, you know, energy,work and releasing some of that
stuff that the body you know.
There's a book called the BodyKeeps Score.
(08:26):
It's a culmination of things,right.
It's not just mindset work,it's not just changing your
thoughts.
It's like how do you feel inyour body, energetically?
What are you feeling?
The short answer is over thelast five years doing a lot of
that stuff.
The start was okay.
I want to change myrelationship with money and the
start was okay.
DanielaSM (08:43):
I want to change my relationship with money.
Erin Gray (08:44):
And so what do you do ?
Yeah, what have I done tochange my relationship with
money?
I think it's like you saidfirst and foremost it's like
what is my relationship likewith money right now?
Right, asking yourself thosequestions like are these stories
even yours?
Are these beliefs yours?
So much of how our relationshipis with money is from our
parental conditioning,understanding where that comes
(09:05):
from.
And then like what does societyteach us about money or not
teach us about money?
For me it's been a lot of EFT orbreath work or Reiki or energy
work, or just being with thefeelings.
Like I think so often if wefeel fear because of those lower
vibration emotions, we don'tlike how that feels in our body,
so we try to resist it or wewant to feel better versus
(09:28):
actually being present withthose emotions.
Right, fear or shame or guilt,actually feeling into those,
breathing into those, versus oh,I just want to feel, you know,
I want to feel abundant.
Versus when you feel feelingreally scared, right, like inner
child work that's been a bigone to journaling, playing.
I think there's so manydifferent ways that people can
(09:52):
get into the body to see whatworks for them, what doesn't.
You know.
I've tried other modalitiesthat people have raved about and
I'm like I didn't really feelanything with that and so just
not pigeonholing yourself tolike, okay, I have to do it this
way.
It's like what actually worksfor me and what feels good.
DanielaSM (10:08):
So you had a panic attack and then you went into a
holistic.
Erin Gray (10:11):
I would not say I went into a panic attack to
holistic.
I went into a panic attack toyou know what something has to
change.
Searching podcasts.
Then podcasts led me tosomebody else, that led me to
somebody else and then a coachthat kind of had a membership
and did very much sothought-based coaching, very
much.
Yeah, I would say mindset work,not body and mindset work.
(10:33):
That worked for a while.
Then it got to a point where Iwas like, but still, I'm still
feeling this in my body and sotaking time off of work, also
learning about human design, howI'm supposed to, you know, move
through the world trusting myintuition, I think I was very
much so logical and mind-basedfor a long time, like I made
(10:55):
decisions with my mind, and so Imean, I remember we were going
to move from one house toanother and I literally had a
pros and a cons list of like whywe should move or why we
shouldn't move, and I didn'thave the language for this at
the time.
I had more cons from thestandpoint of like, oh well, we
might not be able to save asmuch for retirement and we're
(11:15):
going to be starting over on anew year, a new mortgage, and
like I had all of these logicalreasons.
And then I remember, but like Iwant to move there and I didn't
know that at the time, but likethat was my intuition being
like you want to move there.
And then hindsight, 2020, youknow, like selling that house
and what we profited on thathouse, and things of that sort.
It's like you can't the mindcan't figure out what's going to
(11:39):
happen.
But that is how I was taughthow to make decisions is with my
mind and so really like gettinginto my body, trusting my
intuition, following and, Ithink, surrender, right.
Like surrender, letting go,trusting, which is completely, I
think, opposite of like whatthe financial world teaches you,
you know.
DanielaSM (11:54):
Well, it is interesting that such a material
thing, but is that so attachedto holistic things, to our body,
to your mind, to a spirit?
Interesting, yeah, and it seemsalso that we have read the same
books.
Erin Gray (12:06):
Yeah, letting Go.
Surrender I mean tons of moneybook, I mean I keep talking
about getting into the body butand also recognizing, you know,
that our money relationship isreally our money relation is
really our relationship withourselves.
DanielaSM (12:18):
I wanted to look at my library.
There is a book that I read.
That money is not yours.
Did you read that book fromTosha Silver?
Erin Gray (12:28):
I just had it.
I just had it on my desk.
I saw it on my bookshelfyesterday, the day before.
I'm like you know what, maybe Ineed to read that again,
something that I talk about onmy podcast.
A lot of like we want to beempowered, we want to know about
our money and invest our moneyin ways that feel good for us.
But a lot of sometimes thefinancial industry have come
from a place of, like protectingyour money and you know you
(12:50):
have to.
Very much like why are trustsset up?
Or why is, you know, estateplanning from the standpoint of
you know what, if somethinghappens to me, I want to make
sure my child is taken care ofOkay, very different than who's
going to get my money.
And you know, you know, if Idon't do this, then then you
know you have to protect yourassets.
Even just like protecting ourassets.
It's like, like Tosha Silversays, like it's not your money,
(13:12):
right, we didn't come into itwith this, we don't leave with
it, and like so allowing, like Ithink it's the attachment or we
have felt with money I thinkcauses a lot of unrest in our
bodies, you know.
DanielaSM (13:25):
Yes, yes and so okay.
So you did all that work withdifferent modalities, and then
what happened?
Erin Gray (13:31):
And then how I feel with money is very different now
than how I used to feel.
DanielaSM (13:35):
But at the meantime, as a job, you you flip homes
with your husband.
Erin Gray (13:39):
At the time, I was doing that on the side and then
I was working in my family'sbusiness over the last what?
Four or five years, decidingnot to buy the family business,
quitting traveling using ourfunds.
That's another thing.
Right, we're so focused onsaving money.
We don't talk about likeactually using our money, so
that was like a another shiftthat I had to like it's okay to
(14:00):
use your money.
Coming back now and helpingother people that, other people
that want to have a differentrelationship with money is where
I'm at.
DanielaSM (14:08):
Wait, wait, you're going to find Flipping homes.
You have this panic attack.
Then you went into themodalities, you learned some few
things and then you decided,okay, I'm not going to work on
my family's business anymore andI'm not going to flip homes,
what I'm going to travel.
Erin Gray (14:23):
So I had started a coaching practice.
I was working on building thatbusiness this is the condensed
version, right?
But probably after two years Iwas just like I really want to
take some time off.
I had never not worked.
I decided I was going to takethree months off from work.
Three months came and went.
I was like I don't really wantto work right now.
And then my mind was like, butyou should.
(14:47):
And you said three months andall of this.
And I was like, yeah, and Idon't.
I allowed myself to be off ofwork.
We decided to travel.
So we traveled back and forthwe still lived in Texas at the
time and then we ended up movingto Maui and living there for
maybe 15, 16 months and then wetraveled some more.
(15:09):
And then my family I have ahusband and a daughter and they
said I don't really want totravel full time like you do,
mom we decided to come back tothe States, live in the States
for now and live in Idaho fornow, starting back my practice
up and and building that up.
DanielaSM (15:27):
And then you were saying also before when we met,
that how do you convince yourhusband to travel the first time
?
Erin Gray (15:33):
Oof, I wouldn't call it convincing.
That's not a very good, that'snot a very good thing that
happened.
I mean, that was, that was adream of mine since 2015, 2016.
And I remember telling him Iwant to travel and I remember
him saying, like you're crazy,what do you mean travel?
And I'm like, yeah, like wecould sell our houses, we could
(15:54):
pack up.
He's like the dog and this andthat, and you know just all of
the attachments right that wehad and keeping the faith of
like I don't know what it'sgoing to look like.
I just know that that'ssomething that I want to do.
From 2017 to what?
2021, almost 2022, I would goplaces and we would go together
(16:16):
as a family.
But it didn't start until wewere in Costa Rica, I think.
For two months we were away.
And he said, aaron, I don'tknow if I want to travel like
you do.
And I said, okay, well, I wantto live somewhere by the ocean,
and we had already kind of beentalking about it, but we had
kind of taken the two monthCosta Rica thing as a test, I
(16:37):
guess.
And he said I don't, I don'treally want to travel, I don't
want to live out of suitcaseslike you do, and I said, okay,
then where do we go?
And we had already kind oftested the waters with Maui back
in May and do we go there andsee what that's like?
Because if you and our daughterwant to stay and I want to be
more by the ocean or I want todo more traveling, it just kind
(17:01):
of fell into place Like I endedup talking to a lady in Maui and
she was like I have this rentalhouse and so we came back from
Costa Rica and that happenedpretty quickly.
That was probably within amonth's time of coming back to
Costa Rica and we had alreadykind of been downsizing and
pairing like what, what are wegoing to do?
So that happened pretty quickly.
So we moved to Maui in March of22.
DanielaSM (17:22):
It's harder, I guess, when the people that you're
around are not in the same withthe same ideas as you.
So how are you handling that?
Erin Gray (17:29):
You know, I've thought about this and it comes
from this place.
I think of lack of like well,if he gets what he wants, I
can't have what I want.
Versus he can stay at home andhave a home base and I can
travel when I want to and that'sokay.
Like, how does that look?
How does it?
How does it?
A win-win, because I think fora long time it was very much of.
(17:50):
If he does that, then thatmeans I can't do this versus he
likes having a home base, and Ido too.
I mean, it did get when we wereliving out of suitcases.
It did get tiring figuring outbecause I'm the planner of like,
where were we going to go nextmonth?
It's that constant decisionmaking.
Having a home base does haveits benefits and I do like it
(18:13):
and I also like to travel morethan they do.
And so having that conversationand kind of breaking your
identity, I think I alwaysthought that we were going to
travel together as a family, butmaybe that's not what it looks
like.
Maybe it actually looks likethat I travel more by myself
than we go sometimes as a family, but not having it a set, I
(18:33):
think my mind wanted to createwhat it was supposed to look
like, versus here we go back toletting go, surrendering and
like.
What does it look like?
Maybe it looks like metraveling more by myself than
what they do with me.
DanielaSM (18:45):
Yes, and it's interesting.
It's similar to the concept offamily you know supposed to be.
You know, mother, father andkids.
If they're divorced, or ifthey're separate, or if they're
the same gender, then it justdoesn't work.
That's not a family, but it'ssomething like that Cause, as
you're telling me the story,I'll be like yeah, but you know
you're supposed to do the samething as your partner.
That's why you got married.
(19:06):
It's true, things, things arechanging and why people have to
sacrifice if you can make itwork.
Erin Gray (19:12):
I was telling this to a friend yesterday, cause she's
a big travel person too, and Isaid, you know, we really do
compliment each other, like youcan look at it from the one
frame and be like, oh well, youdon't want to travel with me.
Or you can look at like, well,if he wanted to travel as much
as I did and our daughter wantedto stay at home, well, who's
supposed to stay home, take careof our kid, you know?
And so having that, like yousay, compliment, supplement,
(19:40):
obviously I have.
You know, routine.
It's just travel for me is likehe rides his bike, like three
to four times a week.
He's like, erin, you travelingis like me riding my bike, like
if you told me I could neverride my bike.
It's the same thing as mesaying you know you can't go
travel, which we wouldn't dothat to each other, but just
giving you the, the backstory.
And I think that that is anothersocietal condition of like,
okay, if you're married, you'resupposed to.
It's like if we're askingourselves what actually lights
(20:02):
our soul on fire, and are wedoing that?
Or are we acting from a placeof should, which is the head
right, not a heart desire,asking and having those brave
conversations of like what doesthat look like?
For sure, I've had lots ofthoughts around.
Well, that's not what a goodmom does, and you know all that
social construct stuff.
(20:22):
For me, it's important that Iam fulfilled and like, how do I
get to show up for my daughterwhen I'm denying things that I
love to do, versus when I'mactually doing the things that I
love, and how am I able to showup for her in a whole way?
You know?
DanielaSM (20:38):
I think I have an analogy You're a CEO of a
company, so you're never withyour daughter because you're so
busy with meetings.
So now you, instead of meeting,you change to traveling.
When you come back home,instead of being exhausted
because all these meetings andthe success, supposed success,
you actually have your ownsuccess and you're relaxed and
happy and you accomplish whatyou wanted.
Erin Gray (20:59):
That's amazing.
That's exactly when I was firsttraveling by myself for a while
back in what was it?
21?
Because COVID was still kind ofhappening, so I was mainly
doing state stuff.
I would bring like a souvenirback for my kid and I would
always ask my husband like whatis there anything that you want
me to bring back for you?
He's like no, just yourself.
Because when you come backyou're completely lit up, alive,
like the Aaron that comes backfrom a vacation or a travel or
(21:20):
whatever is very different thanwhen Aaron is here all the time.
That doesn't go travel.
You know he's like you, you areyour like full version of you,
which is what I love.
Yeah, I think it's.
It's exactly what you're saying.
It's like I get rejuvenatedfrom that and some people get
drained and that's okay, rightLike it's.
It's not not trying to forcewhat someone doesn't want to do.
DanielaSM (21:41):
And what do you do when you go traveling alone?
Erin Gray (21:44):
It depends on where I go, if I go.
If I go alone alone, like whenI went to Thailand, I went two
weeks in Chiang Mai and then twoweeks I met a friend in Kolanta
I will just like go, like withlocals.
That's like an app that you canuse.
I like to really talk to peopleand do local things, not so
much the tourist places.
(22:06):
Sometimes I'll go and I'll meetsomebody like another friend or
something like that.
So, yeah, I mean, it justdepends on like what, where do I
want to go?
What is it that I want to do?
It's really, I think, a timefor me, like you talk about
self-care and some people liketo get massages, or you meditate
or you read books, and I do allthat but sometimes like
(22:26):
traveling by myself, going at myown pace, only doing what I
want to do, like that that'sself-care too.
DanielaSM (22:33):
Yes, that's true, I totally get it.
But also because you liked itwith yourself, a lot of people
don't know how to do that.
Yeah, just people's personality.
I mean, I'm only child, so I'mused to be on my own and I like
little spaces and I like to be.
You know, I know how toentertain myself, but I think
you have to be also brave to goto different countries that
(22:55):
you've never been on your own.
Erin Gray (22:57):
I think there's two parts, I think.
If you don't want to be byyourself because you feel like
you need someone else, that'svery different energy in your
body than I enjoy being withsomebody and I want someone to
experience this with me, right.
When you want someone to comeand experience something with
you but you're not attached andthey can come or they cannot
come, that's very different thanlike I have to have somebody
(23:19):
come with me because I don'twant to travel by myself.
DanielaSM (23:22):
When I have gone on my own or on anything that is
fun, I always feel like, oh myGod, I wish Dave was here,
because I would love him toexperience this.
I would like to.
And so I don't know if that's aproblem of my own, like I'm
always like I feel guiltybecause I wish they were here.
Sometimes they come and theywouldn't see it the same way
anyway.
So yeah.
Erin Gray (23:42):
And so sometimes also , too, I think, like how, what
do we get to experience forourself?
And so, going back to thecourage part, you know some
people will say well, aren't youscared of going to another
country?
And it's just, I think it's aninvitation to ask yourself so,
what do you think is differentin another country that's
different than where you areright now?
(24:03):
Like, what do we, what are wethinking is going to happen in
another country?
And could that happen in yourown country?
And so where do we, here we goback to, like, where do we
believe safety lies versus safewithin myself?
DanielaSM (24:18):
you know, for me it would be also the fact that you
have to make all the decisions.
You're on your own, which iseasy, but sometimes if you're
with somebody else, it doesn'talways have to be your ideas.
That's the part I think you can.
Somebody can say something likeoh great idea, let's do it.
Yeah, versus, you know, likebeing on your own.
So I don't know, I have a.
(24:39):
I think I could like both.
Erin Gray (24:41):
Yeah, I think, I think there's places for both,
right, I mean, that is part ofthe thing that I do love about
going by myself, cause I don'thave to ask anybody what their
opinion is.
Right, I want to wake up late,I want to read a book, I want to
go surf, I want to go, I don'tknow.
I'm going to Oahu and thiscoming Sunday my mom was like,
hey, we have an extra room,we're not going to be there, you
can come and stay if you wantto.
(25:02):
And I was like sure I'll go,but like not having to, like oh
is it, you know, asking myfamily like, oh, do you want to
go do this, do you want to dothat?
Like, I think, like a littlekid, that you don't have to
consider anybody else.
You know it can be if you allowit to be.
DanielaSM (25:25):
But then how do you do it financially?
Like you, it seems to be, youwill be spending more than your
husband and working less thanyour husband.
Erin Gray (25:28):
That I think that's also looking at it.
I mean, we have investments andthings of that sort that I use.
He doesn't want to go.
I guess if he wanted to go hecould go, if he were to say I
really want to go.
I think that there's adifference of he wants to go
Sometimes he doesn't want to go,as often maybe, as I go, or to
the places, or it might just be,you know, like a three-day
(25:49):
getaway or something like that,that I go by myself and yeah,
he's, he's okay with that.
DanielaSM (25:54):
How often do you travel in a year?
Erin Gray (25:55):
So when we lived in Maui, I traveled a lot.
When we came back here to Boise, I haven't been somewhere by
myself when we lived in Maui.
So when we came back fromtraveling as a family, I almost
was a little traveled out, and Ithink because we traveled so
much, and so there was a pointin time where I was like it's
(26:16):
good to just like you weresaying, like the decisions, like
it's good to not make anydecisions.
Um, because I was having tomake decisions.
You know, I plan all of it, Iplan where we go, I plan what we
do, I plan where we stay, Ibook the flights, like I do all
of that.
And so when we got here inOctober of last year, it was
like almost like, oh, let mejust decompress.
(26:38):
And then we flew home to Texas.
His mom had passed away.
We stayed here.
I learned how to ski andsnowboard and do that kind of
stuff, and so this is probablythe first time since we've come
back from living out ofsuitcases that have been
somewhere.
DanielaSM (26:50):
Oh wow, that's a long time.
Erin Gray (26:51):
It has been a long time and I can feel in my body
that it has been a long time.
Also too trusting, because Ithought I was going to go to
Nicaragua in July.
I kept asking myself like Iwill see something in that, you
know, from a human designperspective, like as a generator
that lights me up.
And then I would ask myself doI want to go?
And I would get a no and mybrain was like but you love to
(27:12):
surf and you love to go byyourself, and so not forcing, I
think.
So often I used to force thingsversus trusting like okay, I
get a no, just trust that youknow the right opportunity is
going to come, versus making ithappen, which I think is what I
used to do.
DanielaSM (27:30):
It's a very fine line between those.
Erin Gray (27:32):
What has helped me is really tuning into my body,
because I probably, years ago,would have overrode that and
been like, yeah, but I, but it'sthe ocean and it's surfing, and
you love to do that and and Iwould have just ignored that,
versus really heating the calland be like, no, no, it's a no
for now and trusting thatsomething else is going to come.
DanielaSM (27:51):
So you're not going at all.
Erin Gray (27:52):
Not to Nicaragua for now.
That's what I got you know fornow.
DanielaSM (27:58):
So what is it that you do?
You learn now to be a coach formoney.
Erin Gray (28:02):
Yeah, I really thought, you know, like the
people that I have attracted,that I have helped, have had,
have had money, have felt likethey don't feel abundant, have
really, you know, workingthrough the body side with money
, of like feeling safe in orderto have fun with money, and all
of this social construct that wehave of how are we supposed to
use our money, and it's almostfeels like for for me and for
(28:25):
clients, it has felt like almosta deprivation, like we almost
use our money in a way to beatourselves up instead of a way
that supports us.
DanielaSM (28:32):
So then you are helping people with this.
Yeah, yeah, yes, yes, did youhave to take special courses?
Erin Gray (28:37):
for this area.
I took coach training back in2019.
This, these have beenmodalities that I've used to
help me and it's really I know Icoach on money but it's really
like how do you trust yourselfagain, how do you listen to your
intuition, how do you I call ita coming back home to yourself,
like where you really tune intowhat your heart, what your soul
(28:57):
wants, versus what are you'vebeen told you should do.
And trusting yourself, BecauseI think we are so conditioned to
look for answers outside ofourselves.
We ask everybody else versustrusting us, which comes with
responsibility, right, Like ifwe are the ones that are making
decisions.
If we're not asking anybodyelse and we're trusting
ourselves, then the buck stopswith us, right, and I think
(29:19):
sometimes we want to abdicatethat responsibility.
Well, my CPA said this, or myfinancial advisor said this or
whatever, versus that's whatthey said, but what?
What feels good for you andtrusting yourself, honoring your
intuition.
DanielaSM (29:31):
Yes, you're right.
You're right.
When I was, I was reading abook and he says that the
answers are all inside you andI'm like, yeah, I actually
believe that too.
Like I believe that that's allthe answers inside me.
But, you know, sometimes youjust like to talk to somebody.
But, yeah, I think it's a verygood, good point that you make
that we always going outsideinstead of being more
introspective.
Erin Gray (29:50):
That's what we're taught right, like go ask for
advice, go pull your friends oryou know your advisors, or pros
and cons and all of this stuffversus like, what does your like
?
Anytime?
I have ever followed myintuition, which is getting more
and more and more these days,but, like you know, several
years ago it always works outbetter than my mind could have
ever imagined it.
(30:10):
But we're taught to makedecisions with our minds and
that's actually not how we makedecisions trusting ourselves,
leaning into our intuition.
And I'm not saying go from.
You're working at a nine tofive and your intuition says,
okay, stop working and go starta business.
Yes, but there's also that like,if you think about our nervous
systems and it being like arubber band, if we haven't
(30:34):
stretched that rubber bandenough, it's going to pop back
Right.
And so start testing yourintuition with simple things
like do I want to eat this overthis, or do I want to wear this
shirt over this color, or youknow simple things that are I
call low stakes, so that you canbuild up your evidence list of
yeah, when I trust my intuition,this is how it goes and this is
how it feels in my body and Ithink our bodies are really
(30:56):
great messengers, but I thinkwe've turned them off.
Reason why I might feelcontracted in our bodies is
because it actually isn't maybewhat we want or what feels good
to us, and so listening andtuning into our bodies is a big
one.
DanielaSM (31:08):
And if you're talking to somebody who is very
scientific based, do you say tothem when they will say oh, but
what about intuition?
That just makes no sense.
Erin Gray (31:16):
Well, I think you know, first and foremost, you
have to be willing, right, LikeI'm not here to convince anybody
.
I think I used to be on thatboat.
But if you want to go and useyour mind and you think
intuition is crazy, then go dothat.
Right, I'm not here.
I'm not here for those peoplebecause you really have to be
willing.
There has to be that switch oflike okay, I've used my mind,
there's, there's one thing to belike.
(31:37):
Okay, I've used my mind and itfeels like it's worked out well
for me.
But I'm willing to trust andlean into this intuition because
you feel like there there'ssomething more.
DanielaSM (31:46):
Yeah, you're right, you're right, Interesting.
And now you're you're coachingand you also decided to have a
podcast.
So let's talk about yourpodcast a little bit.
Erin Gray (31:54):
Yeah, I just wanted a podcast but I wanted to really
open up for people.
Number one, that they people areon that share their financial
stories so that they can seethemselves in somebody else.
Also, two of like opening upand sharing what I call like the
3D and the 5D of money right,so I might have you know a state
attorney on and we're talkingabout and diving into certain
(32:16):
things, and then you also haveyou know the energetics and the
spirituality of money and how dowe feel in our bodies and like
marrying and connecting thosetwo, because at least coming
from the financial industry, Ididn't marry those two for a
long time.
I knew all of the financialpart of money but I didn't
understand the emotional and theenergetics in my body with
(32:37):
money, really empowering peopleto trust themselves again and to
come back home to themselvesand to trust what their body is
telling them, breaking downcomplex topics with finance.
Also the emotional side that wefeel with money, which I think
a lot of people are more willingto talk about now, but I still
think it's a taboo subject.
DanielaSM (32:57):
It is actually and I was reading also one part that
you know the CEOs.
They go play golf and thenthey're telling, oh, I did this
amount of investments and theytalk about money all the time,
yet they don't allow their staffto share their salary with
others.
I thought, oh my God, that'sterrible that you know the
people that are wealthy, theytalk about money all the time,
(33:17):
and then here we are like middleclass and down and people are
not supposed to.
It's like, oh no, you don'twant to ask that question.
Erin Gray (33:25):
There's a couple of parts.
It's like one a heart-basedbusiness Like I've been in the
ego-based business world andthat doesn't feel good in the
body and what I mean by that isusing your money or your
business as a way to kind ofpump up your chest and like,
show what you have right, versusa heart-based business of
impact for the world, and thebyproduct is you make money.
(33:45):
I think that there's a lot ofold school business, ego
business, like okay, more profit, more profit, more profit, but
how do you actually take care ofyour people?
How do you actually treat youremployees?
How do you actually give back?
Is it just you're trying to tohave more profit, to have more
profit, so that that feels goodfor the ego?
Are you actually circulatingthat money and giving more and
(34:05):
sharing more and paying youremployees and treating your
employees Well?
Like there's a differenceego-based business versus
heart-based business.
And I also think that from whatyou were talking about like
middle-class, it's like we don'thave safe spaces where we can
talk about money.
We don't have safe spaces wherewe can say, hey, I don't really
know what this is, can youshare more about it?
(34:27):
It's like what do you mean?
You don't know what it is, orso much shame and guilt of how
we use our money?
Or I've had clients that haveschool debt because a lot of
times they are doctors or highpaying and it's like but how
come debt?
Like that is, sometimes theyhave shame around the debt, but
they don't have shame aroundhaving a mortgage debt.
Why do we have different viewsaround what kind of debt we have
(34:51):
, versus viewing debt of thisopportunity for you to learn, to
go to school, to learn yourcraft, things of that sort and
you're working on paying it off?
Versus so much shame that wehave around like where was the
energy that we went into debtwith and what are we doing to
pay it off?
And I don't think that's talkedabout either.
DanielaSM (35:09):
I know he has to start in school as well, having
these conversations and learningabout finances.
Erin Gray (35:14):
Yeah, this past year we homeschooled our daughter and
we did do some math stuff right, but a lot of it is like me
teaching her like how does moneywork and how do you feel with
money?
And it's interesting, if youdon't infuse your beliefs, how
your children actually are withmoney right, like she's just
like I'll just go make somemoney.
Like she has very few limitingbeliefs with money.
(35:36):
And it's just interesting tosee because I've been mindful
and aware of what I say aroundher, instead of saying we can't
afford it which is what myparents always told me, saying
things like I choose not tospend our money on that because
that's not what dad and I valueVery different and empowering,
versus like I can't afford it.
And I think a lot of times ourparents said I can't afford it
(35:57):
because they just didn't evenwant to have the conversation
with us and maybe they did havemoney right.
And so we start to use money asa way we can't do something,
versus no, I just I don't valuepaying that for that thing.
If you do, you can use yourmoney or you can figure out how
you want to generate some moneyto go buy that.
DanielaSM (36:14):
Yeah, that's true.
You judge people for, oh well,you're spending money on that.
The truth is, as long as youspend it on things that are
valuable to you is the importantthing.
Well, all my life I've alwaysbeen very frugal.
You said something in thebeginning that I always felt
like okay, later, I will have itlater, but I wish, I wish I
could do it now, I wish I couldgo to restaurants, but the truth
is that also we were, we liketo eat healthy and and we like
(36:37):
to save, so I guess I I wantedto do that more, because I I see
other people doing it, you know, and so it wasn't really our
values and and so I'm glad thatthe because I wanted to save
more, and you know, we never didit, because, at the end, look
where we are.
We're seven days away fromstarting an adventure.
Erin Gray (37:00):
Yeah, they say like 90 to 97% of our thoughts aren't
even ours.
Right, like if you think aboutsocial media, which that's a
whole nother topic but it's likehow much of it is infusing
something into you versus youactually wanting to like.
You said, right, like we have aan allotment for what we call
coffee shops Right, and it'slike I don't really.
There's not a lot of placesthat I want to go, but that's my
(37:22):
like.
You're saying with your values,right.
It's like what do we value?
We've gotten to a place wherewe're like my husband drinks a
lot of coffee.
I'm more of a tea drinker, buthe's like, yeah, I've been to
this place, I've been to thisplace, I've been to this place.
He's like I would ratheractually have my cold brew at
home, and so that's verydifferent energy than like, oh,
(37:42):
I have to go because otherpeople like I'm seeing someone
else do it.
So I think that's what I likeversus have you asked yourself
do you actually like that?
And I think you're correct.
You know the younger generation.
It's like you see peoplewearing certain clothes or you
see people doing certain things.
It's like have you askedyourself if that's actually what
you like?
Do you actually want to do thator are you just trying to?
Here we go back to like keep upwith the Joneses, fit in.
(38:03):
You know, like that is a humanthing, we do want to fit in
tribally.
And also, how can you connectin another way that aligns with
your values and your spendinghabits?
DanielaSM (38:15):
Yeah, exactly Exactly , and so your podcast is just
you or you have guests, guestsand me.
Erin Gray (38:22):
Sometimes it'll be me and then sometimes it's guests.
DanielaSM (38:25):
And who do you bring?
Erin Gray (38:26):
Yeah, it just really depends.
Like I interviewed a CPA today,I've had an estate attorney on
to kind of break down things,People that want to share their
financial stories.
We talk about human design onthere, self-development,
spirituality.
I was just talking to a CPAtoday and we were talking about
the fundamentals and we weretalking about putting pressure
on the business to make you acertain amount of money and all
(38:46):
of that.
And so I will talk more so ofthat emotional.
Where does that pressure comefrom?
Like he might say he hasclients that expect their
business to do X, Y, Z andputting pressure.
And then I dive into like andthe reason why that typically
comes from that place is likewhat, what are we expecting our
business to do for us?
What feelings are we trying toget from our business versus
(39:08):
providing that for ourselves?
So they talk, I call it more ofthe 3D and then I bring that
emotional, energetic part to itand do you get any pushback?
DanielaSM (39:17):
So you see the expressions and how they handle
that.
Erin Gray (39:21):
I do think the younger when I say younger
generation, I would say 4045 ishand younger of the financial,
the people that I've had likeI've had a CFP on there and
we've talked about financialplanning and then you know the
emotional side of it I thinkthat the the newer generation of
financial industry let's justgroup it all together is
(39:42):
changing.
I think that they see that it'snot like our grandpa era of
investing.
And just put your head down.
One of the CFPs that I had onhe said I actually asked my
clients same conversation wejust had.
He's like do you actually wantthat car or are you just wanting
that car because somebody elsewants that car?
He was talking about he drivesa minivan.
(40:02):
He's like I don't care aboutcars, that's not what I value.
But if a client wants a car,okay, how do we figure out how
to get that or create that,create that, but it's it's
figuring out like what are thevalues?
What do?
DanielaSM (40:20):
you want versus this is a set, prescribed way that
you need to save or invest yourmoney.
Yes, and it's true, it's justthe values and also what is
really important.
You know values but also areyou.
Is those values yours or orthey belong to somebody else?
Yes, and so I think it'simportant to the people know
their values and also they theysee how it works like, even if
they sound typical, negative ornot so sexy, because you know
(40:41):
people will criticize them, thatactually has benefits, like
somebody who really like tolisten to you know, like he's
very rule oriented or very safeoriented.
Right.
Those people, it's good forsome things, so focus on that.
Erin Gray (40:55):
Yeah, I think you know, in a way like affirmations
.
I don't use affirmations like Iam abundant, I'm abundant,
cause if you don't feel that way, it doesn't like in the body,
if you don't right.
But using affirmations in theway of like how is?
Like?
I've been called intense, buthow has intense served me?
Right, like I've been calledintense, but how has intense
served me?
Right?
(41:15):
Like intense for me is, is a.
I've made it, if you want to.
You know the brain wants to lookat it as a negative thing,
right.
But like how?
How is it actually benefitingyou?
Right, I'm intense, and peopleknow exactly how I feel.
Like there is no, you knowwhich way Aaron thinks, right,
either you, you like it or youdon't like it, and both are okay
, right?
Or how is?
Like my husband?
He thrives on routine.
(41:39):
How is that actually beneficialfor him?
And so, taking those thingsthat we've maybe been told like
when I was younger, I was told Iwas harsh what that really,
what my mom really meant by thatis, you say exactly what you
mean and that makes me feeluncomfortable and I don't like
that.
So, using those terms that wehave, that we have made negative
connotations with them, and howis it actually benefiting us
highlighting it versus thinkingit's it's a bad or a negative
(42:00):
trait?
DanielaSM (42:00):
Yes, that's true, Exactly and that.
So I'm hoping that you're doingthat with your daughter.
Erin Gray (42:05):
I have this conversation with my kid a lot.
But what is the energy thatyou're coming from?
If you're coming from I'mintense and I call it like F you
energy.
That isn't.
That isn't loving energy.
Like if someone asks me anopinion, I will tell you exactly
that is coming from.
Loving energy, versus like wetalk about with my daughter.
It's like when you're angry,what comes out of your mouth
(42:27):
like anger is safe to have.
Anger is a normal emotion.
It's totally okay.
But when you're angry and thenyou choose words that are filled
with anger, that's verydifferent energy than you feel
your anger.
You process it and then youcome back and you say, hey, I'm
really upset because X, y, zvery different than either name
calling or, you know, yelling atsomeone or something of that
(42:48):
sort.
You got to check your energy oflike, what are you feeling in
your body?
Are you feeling upset?
Are you feeling anger?
Are you feeling frustration andthen you're making comments or
taking action from that place,or is it coming from a loving
base energy?
DanielaSM (43:01):
Good message, thank you.
So, erin, is there anythingelse?
Erin Gray (43:05):
Oh, I'm just like I'm so excited for your trips, just
have so much fun and yeah, Imean I think for everybody it's.
It's really going back tovalues of like, what kind of
life do you want to create foryourself?
And sometimes that looks verydifferent than what you thought
it was five, 10 years ago, andit's okay to make new decisions
and to change.
It is a simple thing.
It is not an easy thing.
DanielaSM (43:27):
Yeah, you're right, it's simple, but it's not easy.
Erin Gray (43:30):
It's not easy.
DanielaSM (43:31):
That's great.
I would like everybody tofollow you on Instagram.
That's where you have yoursocial media.
I'm there on.
Erin Gray (43:38):
Instagram sometimes, but really just my website and
my podcast.
DanielaSM (43:41):
Okay, thank you so much for being here and thank
you for sharing your story andenthusiasm and the way you think
I love it.
I'm happy that I have a newfriend, I know.
Erin Gray (43:51):
I'm excited too.
I'm happy that I have a newfriend.
DanielaSM (43:53):
I know I'm excited too.
Thanks, daniel, I appreciate it.
I hope you enjoyed today'sepisode.
I am Daniela and you arelistening to, because Everyone
has a Story.
Please take five seconds rightnow and think of somebody in
your life that may enjoy whatyou just heard, or someone that
has a story to be shared andpreserved.
When you think of that person,shoot them a text with the link
(44:13):
of this podcast.
This will allow the ordinarymagic to go further.
Join me next time for anotherstory conversation.
Thank you for listening.
Hasta pronto you Thank you.
Hi, I'm Daniela.
Welcome to my podcast, becauseEveryone has a Story, the place
to give ordinary people'sstories the chance to be shared
and preserved.
Our stories become the languageof connections.
Let's enjoy it, connect andrelate, because everyone has a
story.
Welcome.
(00:21):
I am so excited to kick off thenew year with an incredible
guest, erin Gray.
From the moment we met, it feltlike we'd known each other
forever.
We instantly connected over ourshared love of travel and it's
been such joy staying in touchduring my adventures, during my
(00:47):
adventures.
Erin is a financial empowermentcoach and former CFP who spent
years running her family'sconstruction business.
She knows what it's like towork hard, achieve success and
still feel unfulfilled.
Now she's on a mission to helpfemale entrepreneurs build
confidence, find joy in theirrelationship with money and
focus on emotional well-beingand mindset.
(01:09):
In this episode, which I findit fascinating, we explore
something we all deal with butrarely talk about our
relationship with money.
It is not just about numbers.
It is about the emotions,belief and stories that shape
how we use and think about money.
(01:29):
Erin's insights are warm,relatable and so inspiring and
check out her website becauseshe has a lot of great
information there.
So let's enjoy her story.
Welcome, erin, to the show.
Thanks for having me.
I am super excited that you'rehere, because just since the
first time I met you, we're likeokay, we know each other for so
(01:51):
long, somehow.
Erin Gray (01:53):
We're fast friends, fast friends.
DanielaSM (01:54):
Yes, exactly, so tell me why you want to share your
story.
Erin Gray (01:59):
Oh goodness, I think because there's probably someone
listening that feels like, hey,me too, you know.
That's one of the things that Ialways wanted to share from a
place of you know what.
You're not alone Like.
A lot of us probably havesimilar stories and so finding
that commonality in each other,yes, and it's true.
DanielaSM (02:16):
Sharing stories is so important and it helps people.
Yes, great, and so when doesyour story start?
Erin Gray (02:23):
I would say probably five years ago.
DanielaSM (02:26):
Okay, what happened yeah?
Erin Gray (02:28):
It had been going on probably since we had our
daughter, which was in 2012,.
But really deciding I was thatperson that, like worked for
money, worked, so then I couldretire, work so then I could
have fun, worked so, and I thinkprobably 2018 was when I
(02:50):
decided I can't continue to livelike this, like working for
like almost deprivation right,like at some point in the future
then I'm going to get to gohave fun, then I'm going to
enjoy my life.
And so that was probably thewake up, that for me of
recognizing I do have some, eventhough we had and have money,
(03:11):
that the fear that I felt a lotwith money and not having enough
money like that, that wassomething that needed.
That I really wanted to change.
And living that life of you getto enjoy at some point in the
future, aka retirement, whateverthat meant.
That's probably five years agois probably when I got the aha.
I don't want to do this anymore.
DanielaSM (03:30):
Interesting.
You know, I remember my dadalways wanted to live his life,
to enjoy it, but then he was illand he had to work to kind of
support us.
But then I feel like somehowyou get these relationships.
You know, one thing is learningabout to invest money and save
money and the other one is tohave this emotional relationship
that I didn't know existed,that you know.
I think that's what holds usback at times.
Erin Gray (03:52):
It totally does.
Like I just was telling someoneI definitely was really good
with the 3D world, right, Iunderstood how to invest.
I understood how to save mymoney.
I understood how to grow mymoney.
I understood how to make mymoney.
I understood how to grow mymoney.
I understood how to make mymoney.
But I didn't understand how tobe with my money and feel my
money, and I I put a lot ofpressure on my money to to give
me the feelings that I wasfeeling insecure about.
(04:13):
Versus we are just in arelationship with money.
We get to have money, but it'snot this expectation that money
is supposed to make you feelsecure that is what I used is if
a goalpost like if I, if we getto this certain amount, then
I'll feel like, okay, I canbreathe right or I can relax or
you know versus when you thinkthat way there's no amount of
(04:34):
money that you're ever going tohave, that's going to make you
feel safe and secure.
Like that's an inside job andwe have been taught, at least in
the Western world right, likethat there's financial freedom,
like you get to a certain pointand then you feel free.
But from my experience myselfand other people.
What I've realized is like thatactually isn't true.
You know there there isn't thatfreedom there, because then we
(04:54):
have more money at risk.
So when you're coming from afear base and a lack place, you
know the um, the, the video oflike Lucy and who was her friend
on the conveyor belt when theywere like eating the chocolates
and it was going through it'slike you don't get to put fear
through the conveyor belt andthen get like abundance on the
other side, right, like it'slike what we put in, what we
feel is what we're going to getout on the other side, and so
(05:17):
recognizing like I wasgenerating money from a place of
fear and lack and so how was Iever going?
DanielaSM (05:27):
to feel safe, secure and abundant or sufficient.
Yes, and for me it was similar,but I also needed to learn a
few tools to kind of bring downthe stress with money.
You know kind of organizingways, and did that first, and
then I started to learn like,yeah, maybe there's an emotional
situation that I need to dealwith.
I can say this is what I havedone Somehow.
(05:49):
Reading and being aware of thesituation is when I now notice
that I have more abundancebecause I have a better
relationship.
I'm not saying I'm completelycured.
Erin Gray (05:59):
We're human, right.
I always say it's like gettinginto the body, and I agree with
you.
There isn't a like fast track Ato Z, like I think sometimes
people want that.
Say it's like getting into thebody and I agree with you.
There isn't a fast track A to Z.
I think sometimes people wantthat because it's almost like a
resistance.
They don't want to feel whatthey're feeling in their body.
So it's like well, just tell mewhat I have to do to not feel
this way anymore, versus sinkinginto like what if one of the
things that I was like what if Ialways kind of have this
(06:22):
tenderness with money, andthat's okay and that is
something that you know.
Yes, I've, I've gone from veryfear-based feeling to
sufficiency and, most of thetimes, abundance.
But I do notice when my bodywants to tell that old story
again and instead of getting madat it and instead of being
frustrated, being curious andslowing down and like tuning
(06:43):
into my breath and tuning intoyou know how am I feeling right
now?
Where is this coming from?
I think sometimes in theself-development world, we want
to just okay, what do we got todo to fix it, get rid of it, put
it up in a little pretty boxand like we don't have to do it
anymore.
Right, maybe that's what mysoul came here to learn Right
and to teach others and to helpothers.
So it's like came here to learnright and to teach others and
to help others.
So it's like we want to judgewhat experience we're having
(07:06):
versus like what is the lessonhere?
DanielaSM (07:08):
Right.
So then what happens?
Five years ago you realizedthat there was something, and so
what do you do?
Erin Gray (07:20):
So we were flipping a house in Texas and we had money
.
We were making money.
I think I had a panic attack, Ithink that's what it's called.
It felt very intense.
I sought coaching and at thetime I don't think I would have
been ready for it, like, if youwant to call it, embodiment
coaching or getting into thebody.
So I did very much mind-basedcoaching, like about my money
and things of that sort, butthere was probably a two-year
timeframe of when I was doingthe work but it wasn't changing
(07:43):
how I felt in my body, and sothat's when I really started to
seek more of like okay, this isdeeper than oh, let's just
change our mindset and ourthoughts about money.
Like there's some body stuff,like the body has remembered
some things that I either mightnot be aware of.
That is what's keeping me kindof in this loop, because even
(08:05):
though I'm changing my thoughts,I'm trying to think differently
about it.
I didn't have that languageback then, but knowing now like
the body didn't feel safe and solearning about money, trauma,
learning about getting whatsafety feels like in the body
and doing, you know, energy,work and releasing some of that
stuff that the body you know.
There's a book called the BodyKeeps Score.
(08:26):
It's a culmination of things,right.
It's not just mindset work,it's not just changing your
thoughts.
It's like how do you feel inyour body, energetically?
What are you feeling?
The short answer is over thelast five years doing a lot of
that stuff.
The start was okay.
I want to change myrelationship with money and the
start was okay.
DanielaSM (08:43):
I want to change my relationship with money.
Erin Gray (08:44):
And so what do you do ?
Yeah, what have I done tochange my relationship with
money?
I think it's like you saidfirst and foremost it's like
what is my relationship likewith money right now?
Right, asking yourself thosequestions like are these stories
even yours?
Are these beliefs yours?
So much of how our relationshipis with money is from our
parental conditioning,understanding where that comes
(09:05):
from.
And then like what does societyteach us about money or not
teach us about money?
For me it's been a lot of EFT orbreath work or Reiki or energy
work, or just being with thefeelings.
Like I think so often if wefeel fear because of those lower
vibration emotions, we don'tlike how that feels in our body,
so we try to resist it or wewant to feel better versus
(09:28):
actually being present withthose emotions.
Right, fear or shame or guilt,actually feeling into those,
breathing into those, versus oh,I just want to feel, you know,
I want to feel abundant.
Versus when you feel feelingreally scared, right, like inner
child work that's been a bigone to journaling, playing.
I think there's so manydifferent ways that people can
(09:52):
get into the body to see whatworks for them, what doesn't.
You know.
I've tried other modalitiesthat people have raved about and
I'm like I didn't really feelanything with that and so just
not pigeonholing yourself tolike, okay, I have to do it this
way.
It's like what actually worksfor me and what feels good.
DanielaSM (10:08):
So you had a panic attack and then you went into a
holistic.
Erin Gray (10:11):
I would not say I went into a panic attack to
holistic.
I went into a panic attack toyou know what something has to
change.
Searching podcasts.
Then podcasts led me tosomebody else, that led me to
somebody else and then a coachthat kind of had a membership
and did very much sothought-based coaching, very
much.
Yeah, I would say mindset work,not body and mindset work.
(10:33):
That worked for a while.
Then it got to a point where Iwas like, but still, I'm still
feeling this in my body and sotaking time off of work, also
learning about human design, howI'm supposed to, you know, move
through the world trusting myintuition, I think I was very
much so logical and mind-basedfor a long time, like I made
(10:55):
decisions with my mind, and so Imean, I remember we were going
to move from one house toanother and I literally had a
pros and a cons list of like whywe should move or why we
shouldn't move, and I didn'thave the language for this at
the time.
I had more cons from thestandpoint of like, oh well, we
might not be able to save asmuch for retirement and we're
(11:15):
going to be starting over on anew year, a new mortgage, and
like I had all of these logicalreasons.
And then I remember, but like Iwant to move there and I didn't
know that at the time, but likethat was my intuition being
like you want to move there.
And then hindsight, 2020, youknow, like selling that house
and what we profited on thathouse, and things of that sort.
It's like you can't the mindcan't figure out what's going to
(11:39):
happen.
But that is how I was taughthow to make decisions is with my
mind and so really like gettinginto my body, trusting my
intuition, following and, Ithink, surrender, right.
Like surrender, letting go,trusting, which is completely, I
think, opposite of like whatthe financial world teaches you,
you know.
DanielaSM (11:54):
Well, it is interesting that such a material
thing, but is that so attachedto holistic things, to our body,
to your mind, to a spirit?
Interesting, yeah, and it seemsalso that we have read the same
books.
Erin Gray (12:06):
Yeah, letting Go.
Surrender I mean tons of moneybook, I mean I keep talking
about getting into the body butand also recognizing, you know,
that our money relationship isreally our money relation is
really our relationship withourselves.
DanielaSM (12:18):
I wanted to look at my library.
There is a book that I read.
That money is not yours.
Did you read that book fromTosha Silver?
Erin Gray (12:28):
I just had it.
I just had it on my desk.
I saw it on my bookshelfyesterday, the day before.
I'm like you know what, maybe Ineed to read that again,
something that I talk about onmy podcast.
A lot of like we want to beempowered, we want to know about
our money and invest our moneyin ways that feel good for us.
But a lot of sometimes thefinancial industry have come
from a place of, like protectingyour money and you know you
(12:50):
have to.
Very much like why are trustsset up?
Or why is, you know, estateplanning from the standpoint of
you know what, if somethinghappens to me, I want to make
sure my child is taken care ofOkay, very different than who's
going to get my money.
And you know, you know, if Idon't do this, then then you
know you have to protect yourassets.
Even just like protecting ourassets.
It's like, like Tosha Silversays, like it's not your money,
(13:12):
right, we didn't come into itwith this, we don't leave with
it, and like so allowing, like Ithink it's the attachment or we
have felt with money I thinkcauses a lot of unrest in our
bodies, you know.
DanielaSM (13:25):
Yes, yes and so okay.
So you did all that work withdifferent modalities, and then
what happened?
Erin Gray (13:31):
And then how I feel with money is very different now
than how I used to feel.
DanielaSM (13:35):
But at the meantime, as a job, you you flip homes
with your husband.
Erin Gray (13:39):
At the time, I was doing that on the side and then
I was working in my family'sbusiness over the last what?
Four or five years, decidingnot to buy the family business,
quitting traveling using ourfunds.
That's another thing.
Right, we're so focused onsaving money.
We don't talk about likeactually using our money, so
that was like a another shiftthat I had to like it's okay to
(14:00):
use your money.
Coming back now and helpingother people that, other people
that want to have a differentrelationship with money is where
I'm at.
DanielaSM (14:08):
Wait, wait, you're going to find Flipping homes.
You have this panic attack.
Then you went into themodalities, you learned some few
things and then you decided,okay, I'm not going to work on
my family's business anymore andI'm not going to flip homes,
what I'm going to travel.
Erin Gray (14:23):
So I had started a coaching practice.
I was working on building thatbusiness this is the condensed
version, right?
But probably after two years Iwas just like I really want to
take some time off.
I had never not worked.
I decided I was going to takethree months off from work.
Three months came and went.
I was like I don't really wantto work right now.
And then my mind was like, butyou should.
(14:47):
And you said three months andall of this.
And I was like, yeah, and Idon't.
I allowed myself to be off ofwork.
We decided to travel.
So we traveled back and forthwe still lived in Texas at the
time and then we ended up movingto Maui and living there for
maybe 15, 16 months and then wetraveled some more.
(15:09):
And then my family I have ahusband and a daughter and they
said I don't really want totravel full time like you do,
mom we decided to come back tothe States, live in the States
for now and live in Idaho fornow, starting back my practice
up and and building that up.
DanielaSM (15:27):
And then you were saying also before when we met,
that how do you convince yourhusband to travel the first time
?
Erin Gray (15:33):
Oof, I wouldn't call it convincing.
That's not a very good, that'snot a very good thing that
happened.
I mean, that was, that was adream of mine since 2015, 2016.
And I remember telling him Iwant to travel and I remember
him saying, like you're crazy,what do you mean travel?
And I'm like, yeah, like wecould sell our houses, we could
(15:54):
pack up.
He's like the dog and this andthat, and you know just all of
the attachments right that wehad and keeping the faith of
like I don't know what it'sgoing to look like.
I just know that that'ssomething that I want to do.
From 2017 to what?
2021, almost 2022, I would goplaces and we would go together
(16:16):
as a family.
But it didn't start until wewere in Costa Rica, I think.
For two months we were away.
And he said, aaron, I don'tknow if I want to travel like
you do.
And I said, okay, well, I wantto live somewhere by the ocean,
and we had already kind of beentalking about it, but we had
kind of taken the two monthCosta Rica thing as a test, I
(16:37):
guess.
And he said I don't, I don'treally want to travel, I don't
want to live out of suitcaseslike you do, and I said, okay,
then where do we go?
And we had already kind oftested the waters with Maui back
in May and do we go there andsee what that's like?
Because if you and our daughterwant to stay and I want to be
more by the ocean or I want todo more traveling, it just kind
(17:01):
of fell into place Like I endedup talking to a lady in Maui and
she was like I have this rentalhouse and so we came back from
Costa Rica and that happenedpretty quickly.
That was probably within amonth's time of coming back to
Costa Rica and we had alreadykind of been downsizing and
pairing like what, what are wegoing to do?
So that happened pretty quickly.
So we moved to Maui in March of22.
DanielaSM (17:22):
It's harder, I guess, when the people that you're
around are not in the same withthe same ideas as you.
So how are you handling that?
Erin Gray (17:29):
You know, I've thought about this and it comes
from this place.
I think of lack of like well,if he gets what he wants, I
can't have what I want.
Versus he can stay at home andhave a home base and I can
travel when I want to and that'sokay.
Like, how does that look?
How does it?
How does it?
A win-win, because I think fora long time it was very much of.
(17:50):
If he does that, then thatmeans I can't do this versus he
likes having a home base, and Ido too.
I mean, it did get when we wereliving out of suitcases.
It did get tiring figuring outbecause I'm the planner of like,
where were we going to go nextmonth?
It's that constant decisionmaking.
Having a home base does haveits benefits and I do like it
(18:13):
and I also like to travel morethan they do.
And so having that conversationand kind of breaking your
identity, I think I alwaysthought that we were going to
travel together as a family, butmaybe that's not what it looks
like.
Maybe it actually looks likethat I travel more by myself
than we go sometimes as a family, but not having it a set, I
(18:33):
think my mind wanted to createwhat it was supposed to look
like, versus here we go back toletting go, surrendering and
like.
What does it look like?
Maybe it looks like metraveling more by myself than
what they do with me.
DanielaSM (18:45):
Yes, and it's interesting.
It's similar to the concept offamily you know supposed to be.
You know, mother, father andkids.
If they're divorced, or ifthey're separate, or if they're
the same gender, then it justdoesn't work.
That's not a family, but it'ssomething like that Cause, as
you're telling me the story,I'll be like yeah, but you know
you're supposed to do the samething as your partner.
That's why you got married.
(19:06):
It's true, things, things arechanging and why people have to
sacrifice if you can make itwork.
Erin Gray (19:12):
I was telling this to a friend yesterday, cause she's
a big travel person too, and Isaid, you know, we really do
compliment each other, like youcan look at it from the one
frame and be like, oh well, youdon't want to travel with me.
Or you can look at like, well,if he wanted to travel as much
as I did and our daughter wantedto stay at home, well, who's
supposed to stay home, take careof our kid, you know?
And so having that, like yousay, compliment, supplement,
(19:40):
obviously I have.
You know, routine.
It's just travel for me is likehe rides his bike, like three
to four times a week.
He's like, erin, you travelingis like me riding my bike, like
if you told me I could neverride my bike.
It's the same thing as mesaying you know you can't go
travel, which we wouldn't dothat to each other, but just
giving you the, the backstory.
And I think that that is anothersocietal condition of like,
okay, if you're married, you'resupposed to.
It's like if we're askingourselves what actually lights
(20:02):
our soul on fire, and are wedoing that?
Or are we acting from a placeof should, which is the head
right, not a heart desire,asking and having those brave
conversations of like what doesthat look like?
For sure, I've had lots ofthoughts around.
Well, that's not what a goodmom does, and you know all that
social construct stuff.
(20:22):
For me, it's important that Iam fulfilled and like, how do I
get to show up for my daughterwhen I'm denying things that I
love to do, versus when I'mactually doing the things that I
love, and how am I able to showup for her in a whole way?
You know?
DanielaSM (20:38):
I think I have an analogy You're a CEO of a
company, so you're never withyour daughter because you're so
busy with meetings.
So now you, instead of meeting,you change to traveling.
When you come back home,instead of being exhausted
because all these meetings andthe success, supposed success,
you actually have your ownsuccess and you're relaxed and
happy and you accomplish whatyou wanted.
Erin Gray (20:59):
That's amazing.
That's exactly when I was firsttraveling by myself for a while
back in what was it?
21?
Because COVID was still kind ofhappening, so I was mainly
doing state stuff.
I would bring like a souvenirback for my kid and I would
always ask my husband like whatis there anything that you want
me to bring back for you?
He's like no, just yourself.
Because when you come backyou're completely lit up, alive,
like the Aaron that comes backfrom a vacation or a travel or
(21:20):
whatever is very different thanwhen Aaron is here all the time.
That doesn't go travel.
You know he's like you, you areyour like full version of you,
which is what I love.
Yeah, I think it's.
It's exactly what you're saying.
It's like I get rejuvenatedfrom that and some people get
drained and that's okay, rightLike it's.
It's not not trying to forcewhat someone doesn't want to do.
DanielaSM (21:41):
And what do you do when you go traveling alone?
Erin Gray (21:44):
It depends on where I go, if I go.
If I go alone alone, like whenI went to Thailand, I went two
weeks in Chiang Mai and then twoweeks I met a friend in Kolanta
I will just like go, like withlocals.
That's like an app that you canuse.
I like to really talk to peopleand do local things, not so
much the tourist places.
(22:06):
Sometimes I'll go and I'll meetsomebody like another friend or
something like that.
So, yeah, I mean, it justdepends on like what, where do I
want to go?
What is it that I want to do?
It's really, I think, a timefor me, like you talk about
self-care and some people liketo get massages, or you meditate
or you read books, and I do allthat but sometimes like
(22:26):
traveling by myself, going at myown pace, only doing what I
want to do, like that that'sself-care too.
DanielaSM (22:33):
Yes, that's true, I totally get it.
But also because you liked itwith yourself, a lot of people
don't know how to do that.
Yeah, just people's personality.
I mean, I'm only child, so I'mused to be on my own and I like
little spaces and I like to be.
You know, I know how toentertain myself, but I think
you have to be also brave to goto different countries that
(22:55):
you've never been on your own.
Erin Gray (22:57):
I think there's two parts, I think.
If you don't want to be byyourself because you feel like
you need someone else, that'svery different energy in your
body than I enjoy being withsomebody and I want someone to
experience this with me, right.
When you want someone to comeand experience something with
you but you're not attached andthey can come or they cannot
come, that's very different thanlike I have to have somebody
(23:19):
come with me because I don'twant to travel by myself.
DanielaSM (23:22):
When I have gone on my own or on anything that is
fun, I always feel like, oh myGod, I wish Dave was here,
because I would love him toexperience this.
I would like to.
And so I don't know if that's aproblem of my own, like I'm
always like I feel guiltybecause I wish they were here.
Sometimes they come and theywouldn't see it the same way
anyway.
So yeah.
Erin Gray (23:42):
And so sometimes also , too, I think, like how, what
do we get to experience forourself?
And so, going back to thecourage part, you know some
people will say well, aren't youscared of going to another
country?
And it's just, I think it's aninvitation to ask yourself so,
what do you think is differentin another country that's
different than where you areright now?
(24:03):
Like, what do we, what are wethinking is going to happen in
another country?
And could that happen in yourown country?
And so where do we, here we goback to, like, where do we
believe safety lies versus safewithin myself?
DanielaSM (24:18):
you know, for me it would be also the fact that you
have to make all the decisions.
You're on your own, which iseasy, but sometimes if you're
with somebody else, it doesn'talways have to be your ideas.
That's the part I think you can.
Somebody can say something likeoh great idea, let's do it.
Yeah, versus, you know, likebeing on your own.
So I don't know, I have a.
(24:39):
I think I could like both.
Erin Gray (24:41):
Yeah, I think, I think there's places for both,
right, I mean, that is part ofthe thing that I do love about
going by myself, cause I don'thave to ask anybody what their
opinion is.
Right, I want to wake up late,I want to read a book, I want to
go surf, I want to go, I don'tknow.
I'm going to Oahu and thiscoming Sunday my mom was like,
hey, we have an extra room,we're not going to be there, you
can come and stay if you wantto.
(25:02):
And I was like sure I'll go,but like not having to, like oh
is it, you know, asking myfamily like, oh, do you want to
go do this, do you want to dothat?
Like, I think, like a littlekid, that you don't have to
consider anybody else.
You know it can be if you allowit to be.
DanielaSM (25:25):
But then how do you do it financially?
Like you, it seems to be, youwill be spending more than your
husband and working less thanyour husband.
Erin Gray (25:28):
That I think that's also looking at it.
I mean, we have investments andthings of that sort that I use.
He doesn't want to go.
I guess if he wanted to go hecould go, if he were to say I
really want to go.
I think that there's adifference of he wants to go
Sometimes he doesn't want to go,as often maybe, as I go, or to
the places, or it might just be,you know, like a three-day
(25:49):
getaway or something like that,that I go by myself and yeah,
he's, he's okay with that.
DanielaSM (25:54):
How often do you travel in a year?
Erin Gray (25:55):
So when we lived in Maui, I traveled a lot.
When we came back here to Boise, I haven't been somewhere by
myself when we lived in Maui.
So when we came back fromtraveling as a family, I almost
was a little traveled out, and Ithink because we traveled so
much, and so there was a pointin time where I was like it's
(26:16):
good to just like you weresaying, like the decisions, like
it's good to not make anydecisions.
Um, because I was having tomake decisions.
You know, I plan all of it, Iplan where we go, I plan what we
do, I plan where we stay, Ibook the flights, like I do all
of that.
And so when we got here inOctober of last year, it was
like almost like, oh, let mejust decompress.
(26:38):
And then we flew home to Texas.
His mom had passed away.
We stayed here.
I learned how to ski andsnowboard and do that kind of
stuff, and so this is probablythe first time since we've come
back from living out ofsuitcases that have been
somewhere.
DanielaSM (26:50):
Oh wow, that's a long time.
Erin Gray (26:51):
It has been a long time and I can feel in my body
that it has been a long time.
Also too trusting, because Ithought I was going to go to
Nicaragua in July.
I kept asking myself like Iwill see something in that, you
know, from a human designperspective, like as a generator
that lights me up.
And then I would ask myself doI want to go?
And I would get a no and mybrain was like but you love to
(27:12):
surf and you love to go byyourself, and so not forcing, I
think.
So often I used to force thingsversus trusting like okay, I
get a no, just trust that youknow the right opportunity is
going to come, versus making ithappen, which I think is what I
used to do.
DanielaSM (27:30):
It's a very fine line between those.
Erin Gray (27:32):
What has helped me is really tuning into my body,
because I probably, years ago,would have overrode that and
been like, yeah, but I, but it'sthe ocean and it's surfing, and
you love to do that and and Iwould have just ignored that,
versus really heating the calland be like, no, no, it's a no
for now and trusting thatsomething else is going to come.
DanielaSM (27:51):
So you're not going at all.
Erin Gray (27:52):
Not to Nicaragua for now.
That's what I got you know fornow.
DanielaSM (27:58):
So what is it that you do?
You learn now to be a coach formoney.
Erin Gray (28:02):
Yeah, I really thought, you know, like the
people that I have attracted,that I have helped, have had,
have had money, have felt likethey don't feel abundant, have
really, you know, workingthrough the body side with money
, of like feeling safe in orderto have fun with money, and all
of this social construct that wehave of how are we supposed to
use our money, and it's almostfeels like for for me and for
(28:25):
clients, it has felt like almosta deprivation, like we almost
use our money in a way to beatourselves up instead of a way
that supports us.
DanielaSM (28:32):
So then you are helping people with this.
Yeah, yeah, yes, yes, did youhave to take special courses?
Erin Gray (28:37):
for this area.
I took coach training back in2019.
This, these have beenmodalities that I've used to
help me and it's really I know Icoach on money but it's really
like how do you trust yourselfagain, how do you listen to your
intuition, how do you I call ita coming back home to yourself,
like where you really tune intowhat your heart, what your soul
(28:57):
wants, versus what are you'vebeen told you should do.
And trusting yourself, BecauseI think we are so conditioned to
look for answers outside ofourselves.
We ask everybody else versustrusting us, which comes with
responsibility, right, Like ifwe are the ones that are making
decisions.
If we're not asking anybodyelse and we're trusting
ourselves, then the buck stopswith us, right, and I think
(29:19):
sometimes we want to abdicatethat responsibility.
Well, my CPA said this, or myfinancial advisor said this or
whatever, versus that's whatthey said, but what?
What feels good for you andtrusting yourself, honoring your
intuition.
DanielaSM (29:31):
Yes, you're right.
You're right.
When I was, I was reading abook and he says that the
answers are all inside you andI'm like, yeah, I actually
believe that too.
Like I believe that that's allthe answers inside me.
But, you know, sometimes youjust like to talk to somebody.
But, yeah, I think it's a verygood, good point that you make
that we always going outsideinstead of being more
introspective.
Erin Gray (29:50):
That's what we're taught right, like go ask for
advice, go pull your friends oryou know your advisors, or pros
and cons and all of this stuffversus like, what does your like
?
Anytime?
I have ever followed myintuition, which is getting more
and more and more these days,but, like you know, several
years ago it always works outbetter than my mind could have
ever imagined it.
(30:10):
But we're taught to makedecisions with our minds and
that's actually not how we makedecisions trusting ourselves,
leaning into our intuition.
And I'm not saying go from.
You're working at a nine tofive and your intuition says,
okay, stop working and go starta business.
Yes, but there's also that like,if you think about our nervous
systems and it being like arubber band, if we haven't
(30:34):
stretched that rubber bandenough, it's going to pop back
Right.
And so start testing yourintuition with simple things
like do I want to eat this overthis, or do I want to wear this
shirt over this color, or youknow simple things that are I
call low stakes, so that you canbuild up your evidence list of
yeah, when I trust my intuition,this is how it goes and this is
how it feels in my body and Ithink our bodies are really
(30:56):
great messengers, but I thinkwe've turned them off.
Reason why I might feelcontracted in our bodies is
because it actually isn't maybewhat we want or what feels good
to us, and so listening andtuning into our bodies is a big
one.
DanielaSM (31:08):
And if you're talking to somebody who is very
scientific based, do you say tothem when they will say oh, but
what about intuition?
That just makes no sense.
Erin Gray (31:16):
Well, I think you know, first and foremost, you
have to be willing, right, LikeI'm not here to convince anybody
.
I think I used to be on thatboat.
But if you want to go and useyour mind and you think
intuition is crazy, then go dothat.
Right, I'm not here.
I'm not here for those peoplebecause you really have to be
willing.
There has to be that switch oflike okay, I've used my mind,
there's, there's one thing to belike.
(31:37):
Okay, I've used my mind and itfeels like it's worked out well
for me.
But I'm willing to trust andlean into this intuition because
you feel like there there'ssomething more.
DanielaSM (31:46):
Yeah, you're right, you're right, Interesting.
And now you're you're coachingand you also decided to have a
podcast.
So let's talk about yourpodcast a little bit.
Erin Gray (31:54):
Yeah, I just wanted a podcast but I wanted to really
open up for people.
Number one, that they people areon that share their financial
stories so that they can seethemselves in somebody else.
Also, two of like opening upand sharing what I call like the
3D and the 5D of money right,so I might have you know a state
attorney on and we're talkingabout and diving into certain
(32:16):
things, and then you also haveyou know the energetics and the
spirituality of money and how dowe feel in our bodies and like
marrying and connecting thosetwo, because at least coming
from the financial industry, Ididn't marry those two for a
long time.
I knew all of the financialpart of money but I didn't
understand the emotional and theenergetics in my body with
(32:37):
money, really empowering peopleto trust themselves again and to
come back home to themselvesand to trust what their body is
telling them, breaking downcomplex topics with finance.
Also the emotional side that wefeel with money, which I think
a lot of people are more willingto talk about now, but I still
think it's a taboo subject.
DanielaSM (32:57):
It is actually and I was reading also one part that
you know the CEOs.
They go play golf and thenthey're telling, oh, I did this
amount of investments and theytalk about money all the time,
yet they don't allow their staffto share their salary with
others.
I thought, oh my God, that'sterrible that you know the
people that are wealthy, theytalk about money all the time,
(33:17):
and then here we are like middleclass and down and people are
not supposed to.
It's like, oh no, you don'twant to ask that question.
Erin Gray (33:25):
There's a couple of parts.
It's like one a heart-basedbusiness Like I've been in the
ego-based business world andthat doesn't feel good in the
body and what I mean by that isusing your money or your
business as a way to kind ofpump up your chest and like,
show what you have right, versusa heart-based business of
impact for the world, and thebyproduct is you make money.
(33:45):
I think that there's a lot ofold school business, ego
business, like okay, more profit, more profit, more profit, but
how do you actually take care ofyour people?
How do you actually treat youremployees?
How do you actually give back?
Is it just you're trying to tohave more profit, to have more
profit, so that that feels goodfor the ego?
Are you actually circulatingthat money and giving more and
(34:05):
sharing more and paying youremployees and treating your
employees Well?
Like there's a differenceego-based business versus
heart-based business.
And I also think that from whatyou were talking about like
middle-class, it's like we don'thave safe spaces where we can
talk about money.
We don't have safe spaces wherewe can say, hey, I don't really
know what this is, can youshare more about it?
(34:27):
It's like what do you mean?
You don't know what it is, orso much shame and guilt of how
we use our money?
Or I've had clients that haveschool debt because a lot of
times they are doctors or highpaying and it's like but how
come debt?
Like that is, sometimes theyhave shame around the debt, but
they don't have shame aroundhaving a mortgage debt.
Why do we have different viewsaround what kind of debt we have
(34:51):
, versus viewing debt of thisopportunity for you to learn, to
go to school, to learn yourcraft, things of that sort and
you're working on paying it off?
Versus so much shame that wehave around like where was the
energy that we went into debtwith and what are we doing to
pay it off?
And I don't think that's talkedabout either.
DanielaSM (35:09):
I know he has to start in school as well, having
these conversations and learningabout finances.
Erin Gray (35:14):
Yeah, this past year we homeschooled our daughter and
we did do some math stuff right, but a lot of it is like me
teaching her like how does moneywork and how do you feel with
money?
And it's interesting, if youdon't infuse your beliefs, how
your children actually are withmoney right, like she's just
like I'll just go make somemoney.
Like she has very few limitingbeliefs with money.
(35:36):
And it's just interesting tosee because I've been mindful
and aware of what I say aroundher, instead of saying we can't
afford it which is what myparents always told me, saying
things like I choose not tospend our money on that because
that's not what dad and I valueVery different and empowering,
versus like I can't afford it.
And I think a lot of times ourparents said I can't afford it
(35:57):
because they just didn't evenwant to have the conversation
with us and maybe they did havemoney right.
And so we start to use money asa way we can't do something,
versus no, I just I don't valuepaying that for that thing.
If you do, you can use yourmoney or you can figure out how
you want to generate some moneyto go buy that.
DanielaSM (36:14):
Yeah, that's true.
You judge people for, oh well,you're spending money on that.
The truth is, as long as youspend it on things that are
valuable to you is the importantthing.
Well, all my life I've alwaysbeen very frugal.
You said something in thebeginning that I always felt
like okay, later, I will have itlater, but I wish, I wish I
could do it now, I wish I couldgo to restaurants, but the truth
is that also we were, we liketo eat healthy and and we like
(36:37):
to save, so I guess I I wantedto do that more, because I I see
other people doing it, you know, and so it wasn't really our
values and and so I'm glad thatthe because I wanted to save
more, and you know, we never didit, because, at the end, look
where we are.
We're seven days away fromstarting an adventure.
Erin Gray (37:00):
Yeah, they say like 90 to 97% of our thoughts aren't
even ours.
Right, like if you think aboutsocial media, which that's a
whole nother topic but it's likehow much of it is infusing
something into you versus youactually wanting to like.
You said, right, like we have aan allotment for what we call
coffee shops Right, and it'slike I don't really.
There's not a lot of placesthat I want to go, but that's my
(37:22):
like.
You're saying with your values,right.
It's like what do we value?
We've gotten to a place wherewe're like my husband drinks a
lot of coffee.
I'm more of a tea drinker, buthe's like, yeah, I've been to
this place, I've been to thisplace, I've been to this place.
He's like I would ratheractually have my cold brew at
home, and so that's verydifferent energy than like, oh,
(37:42):
I have to go because otherpeople like I'm seeing someone
else do it.
So I think that's what I likeversus have you asked yourself
do you actually like that?
And I think you're correct.
You know the younger generation.
It's like you see peoplewearing certain clothes or you
see people doing certain things.
It's like have you askedyourself if that's actually what
you like?
Do you actually want to do thator are you just trying to?
Here we go back to like keep upwith the Joneses, fit in.
(38:03):
You know, like that is a humanthing, we do want to fit in
tribally.
And also, how can you connectin another way that aligns with
your values and your spendinghabits?
DanielaSM (38:15):
Yeah, exactly Exactly , and so your podcast is just
you or you have guests, guestsand me.
Erin Gray (38:22):
Sometimes it'll be me and then sometimes it's guests.
DanielaSM (38:25):
And who do you bring?
Erin Gray (38:26):
Yeah, it just really depends.
Like I interviewed a CPA today,I've had an estate attorney on
to kind of break down things,People that want to share their
financial stories.
We talk about human design onthere, self-development,
spirituality.
I was just talking to a CPAtoday and we were talking about
the fundamentals and we weretalking about putting pressure
on the business to make you acertain amount of money and all
(38:46):
of that.
And so I will talk more so ofthat emotional.
Where does that pressure comefrom?
Like he might say he hasclients that expect their
business to do X, Y, Z andputting pressure.
And then I dive into like andthe reason why that typically
comes from that place is likewhat, what are we expecting our
business to do for us?
What feelings are we trying toget from our business versus
(39:08):
providing that for ourselves?
So they talk, I call it more ofthe 3D and then I bring that
emotional, energetic part to itand do you get any pushback?
DanielaSM (39:17):
So you see the expressions and how they handle
that.
Erin Gray (39:21):
I do think the younger when I say younger
generation, I would say 4045 ishand younger of the financial,
the people that I've had likeI've had a CFP on there and
we've talked about financialplanning and then you know the
emotional side of it I thinkthat the the newer generation of
financial industry let's justgroup it all together is
(39:42):
changing.
I think that they see that it'snot like our grandpa era of
investing.
And just put your head down.
One of the CFPs that I had onhe said I actually asked my
clients same conversation wejust had.
He's like do you actually wantthat car or are you just wanting
that car because somebody elsewants that car?
He was talking about he drivesa minivan.
(40:02):
He's like I don't care aboutcars, that's not what I value.
But if a client wants a car,okay, how do we figure out how
to get that or create that,create that, but it's it's
figuring out like what are thevalues?
What do?
DanielaSM (40:20):
you want versus this is a set, prescribed way that
you need to save or invest yourmoney.
Yes, and it's true, it's justthe values and also what is
really important.
You know values but also areyou.
Is those values yours or orthey belong to somebody else?
Yes, and so I think it'simportant to the people know
their values and also they theysee how it works like, even if
they sound typical, negative ornot so sexy, because you know
(40:41):
people will criticize them, thatactually has benefits, like
somebody who really like tolisten to you know, like he's
very rule oriented or very safeoriented.
Right.
Those people, it's good forsome things, so focus on that.
Erin Gray (40:55):
Yeah, I think you know, in a way like affirmations
.
I don't use affirmations like Iam abundant, I'm abundant,
cause if you don't feel that way, it doesn't like in the body,
if you don't right.
But using affirmations in theway of like how is?
Like?
I've been called intense, buthow has intense served me?
Right, like I've been calledintense, but how has intense
served me?
Right?
(41:15):
Like intense for me is, is a.
I've made it, if you want to.
You know the brain wants to lookat it as a negative thing,
right.
But like how?
How is it actually benefitingyou?
Right, I'm intense, and peopleknow exactly how I feel.
Like there is no, you knowwhich way Aaron thinks, right,
either you, you like it or youdon't like it, and both are okay
, right?
Or how is?
Like my husband?
He thrives on routine.
(41:39):
How is that actually beneficialfor him?
And so, taking those thingsthat we've maybe been told like
when I was younger, I was told Iwas harsh what that really,
what my mom really meant by thatis, you say exactly what you
mean and that makes me feeluncomfortable and I don't like
that.
So, using those terms that wehave, that we have made negative
connotations with them, and howis it actually benefiting us
highlighting it versus thinkingit's it's a bad or a negative
(42:00):
trait?
DanielaSM (42:00):
Yes, that's true, Exactly and that.
So I'm hoping that you're doingthat with your daughter.
Erin Gray (42:05):
I have this conversation with my kid a lot.
But what is the energy thatyou're coming from?
If you're coming from I'mintense and I call it like F you
energy.
That isn't.
That isn't loving energy.
Like if someone asks me anopinion, I will tell you exactly
that is coming from.
Loving energy, versus like wetalk about with my daughter.
It's like when you're angry,what comes out of your mouth
(42:27):
like anger is safe to have.
Anger is a normal emotion.
It's totally okay.
But when you're angry and thenyou choose words that are filled
with anger, that's verydifferent energy than you feel
your anger.
You process it and then youcome back and you say, hey, I'm
really upset because X, y, zvery different than either name
calling or, you know, yelling atsomeone or something of that
(42:48):
sort.
You got to check your energy oflike, what are you feeling in
your body?
Are you feeling upset?
Are you feeling anger?
Are you feeling frustration andthen you're making comments or
taking action from that place,or is it coming from a loving
base energy?
DanielaSM (43:01):
Good message, thank you.
So, erin, is there anythingelse?
Erin Gray (43:05):
Oh, I'm just like I'm so excited for your trips, just
have so much fun and yeah, Imean I think for everybody it's.
It's really going back tovalues of like, what kind of
life do you want to create foryourself?
And sometimes that looks verydifferent than what you thought
it was five, 10 years ago, andit's okay to make new decisions
and to change.
It is a simple thing.
It is not an easy thing.
DanielaSM (43:27):
Yeah, you're right, it's simple, but it's not easy.
Erin Gray (43:30):
It's not easy.
DanielaSM (43:31):
That's great.
I would like everybody tofollow you on Instagram.
That's where you have yoursocial media.
I'm there on.
Erin Gray (43:38):
Instagram sometimes, but really just my website and
my podcast.
DanielaSM (43:41):
Okay, thank you so much for being here and thank
you for sharing your story andenthusiasm and the way you think
I love it.
I'm happy that I have a newfriend, I know.
Erin Gray (43:51):
I'm excited too.
I'm happy that I have a newfriend.
DanielaSM (43:53):
I know I'm excited too.
Thanks, daniel, I appreciate it.
I hope you enjoyed today'sepisode.
I am Daniela and you arelistening to, because Everyone
has a Story.
Please take five seconds rightnow and think of somebody in
your life that may enjoy whatyou just heard, or someone that
has a story to be shared andpreserved.
When you think of that person,shoot them a text with the link
(44:13):
of this podcast.
This will allow the ordinarymagic to go further.
Join me next time for anotherstory conversation.
Thank you for listening.
Hasta pronto you Thank you.
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