April 1, 2025 • 24 mins
Scott Murray, Stacie Martin, and Rhiannon Graham discuss the financial challenges of spring break for single-parent families and advocate for staycations as a cost-effective alternative.
Rhiannon shares her experiences of creating memorable spring breaks with inexpensive activities like sleepovers and local outings. Stacie emphasizes the importance of quality time over expensive gifts.
Scott shares his personal journey and the value of presence in raising children.
They all agree that presence and intentional time together are more valuable than material gifts.
To connect with Scott Murray, email him at scott@murraymedia.net
To connect with Stacie Martin, email her at smartin@singleparentadvocate.org. You can follow Single Parent Advocate on Facebook and join their community.
To connect with Rhiannon Graham, email her at rhigraham4@gmail.com
To connect with Jelesa Warren, you can find her on Instagram @Jbirdflew or on You Tube here:
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Scott Murray (00:00):
Welcome to another edition of because they matter,
(00:04):
forever on a mission, committingto encouraging, educating and
empowering parents, raisingtheir children in an impactful
and loving way, because theymatter. Now, let's welcome our
co host, former single parentmom and founder of single parent
advocate in Dallas, Texas,Stacie Martin also along,
(00:27):
founder of single but not alone,and the reigning Miss Capital
City, Illinois, Brianna andGraham and I'm Scott Murray,
speaker, author, journalist andCEO of the Scott Murray
Scholarship Foundation andlifting spirits, building
dreams. We welcome you all tobecause they matter. Hello
(00:49):
again, everybody. Welcome to yetanother edition of because they
matter, making a difference inthe lives of those that need
that helping hand. And we'retalking about children from
single parent families, andwe're delighted to welcome you
as we talk to moms and dads. Youmight be from a single parent,
we're not sure, but we'redelighted to welcome you. My
name is Scott Murray, along withStacie. Stacie, hello, my
friend. How are you good andRhiannon right there. And
(01:10):
Rhiannon is the reigning MissChicago, so we've talked about
that in in shows past, but she'sgetting ready for a big show
coming up in June where she'llbe vying for Miss Illinois as
well, but she, too, comes from asingle parent, as does this
young lady to my left. So that'sthe name of the game, and that's
what we're talking about. Andspecifically today, what are we
talking about? Rhiannon, springbreak. Spring break here,
(01:31):
remember it will
Rhiannon Graham (01:35):
Yes. And a little bit that I wanted to talk
about, and Stacie, we kind ofactually talked about this on
the phone a little Yes, we didmorning, is that it can be a
huge financial burden for singlefamilies. The idea of spring
break, I think when you thinkspring break, a lot of families
think going out of the country,resorts, Florida, skiing,
Stacie Martin (01:56):
going to the beach.
Scott Murray (01:57):
She's been there and done that, apparently, yeah.
Rhiannon Graham (02:00):
But today I wanted to put emphasis on not
having to spend 1000s of dollarson lavish spring break and
instead opening up thediscussion for staycations. So I
don't know if you guys know whata staycation is, but it's a
vacation that's spent withinyour own city or region and
exploring local attractions,instead of traveling far away.
(02:23):
And
Scott Murray (02:23):
I've heard about that quite often. To respond to
your question, yes, indeed.
Rhiannon, I've heard a lot ofpeople, probably more than 50%
that they don't, because I've,you know, I used to we'd go to
Florida spring break. We weredown to Miami or to Fort
Lauderdale. That's where we hungout, just as kids. And, you
know, got the sunburn in my lifeone time. But my point is this.
My point is this is that youtalk about staycations when I
(02:46):
ask people today, where are yougoing? What are you going to be
doing on spring break? Oh, we'regoing to hang right here. We're
going to stay right here, getsome stuff done, and just have,
you know? And I said, Really,and I've heard more than 50% of
the people that I asked thatquestion up. So your your
points? Well, taken. Do you knowwhat I used to do? You want to
hear my secret now, this is afamily show. This is not, this
is, you know, not an R rate,okay, so
Stacie Martin (03:10):
I raised my son as a single mom. His father was
not involved. So I really was,you know, just me and my son
and, of course, my family, when,whenever we could be together, I
would make a list of everythingI had to say no to all year
long. But
Scott Murray (03:30):
you mean what you told him no to, yeah, like
Stacie Martin (03:34):
sleepovers, or can't do
Scott Murray (03:36):
this, can't do that, yeah, or, I don't
Stacie Martin (03:39):
know, pizza parties and you name it. And I
would try, try, try my heart outto even if I still had to go to
work, you know, becausesometimes, just because the kids
have a spring break, the parentsdon't, you know, especially if
you're on hourly wages andstuff. So I would try, try, try
to make sure I at least hadseven to 10 things from the no
(04:02):
list, right? That I could create
Rhiannon Graham (04:05):
or plan for a yes list,
Scott Murray (04:07):
presents for spring break. Or,
Stacie Martin (04:09):
you know, I want to go eat at the magic time
machine. That was a big thing,you know. So I would see if we
could all get a group of peopletogether to go eat at the magic
time machine, or go to SixFlags. Or, you know, I had a
really great job, you know, andstill really do now that I work
for single parent advocate,it's, it's a blessing. But, you
know, just the build up of nosealways bothered me. I always
(04:32):
like, Oh, I gotta get unburiedfrom the nose. And so we would
have all kinds of fun times,just, and it was fun for me,
because all of that build up ofhaving to say no all of a
sudden, you know, was, was Buchayeses? So that was,
Rhiannon Graham (04:48):
Well, I kind of have a similar experience from a
child's point of view. Ihonestly, even though we weren't
traveling anywhere crazy likeFlorida or going. On an airplane
somewhere, my mom would alwaystake initiative, similar to the
list, to say, like, what are acouple things you want to do and
plan out different things. Iremember we went to in the
(05:12):
Midwest. Here Wisconsin Dells ishuge. So I remember one year we
did Wisconsin Dells, and thatwas a big deal. And she made
sure that I was never missingout on that spring break
initiative. And I'm reallythankful that even though money
was tight and she was workingmultiple jobs that like you
Stacie, there was a list or saidso of things that we were going
(05:33):
to do to make a spring break funactivity. Absolutely,
Scott Murray (05:37):
is there one that you remember, that maybe you
recall as a favorite. I'm just Isee the smiling smile on your
face as you tell us about
Rhiannon Graham (05:44):
different things. We not only did like the
list like that in spring break,but summer we would literally
have I remember, like, as ayoung girl, I had lists like,
literally, as long as you canimagine, of things I wanted to
do, and those lists, thank youto my mom, were always completed
because she was a super mom. SoI think it'd be really hard to
choose just the thing. But thepoint of it is I never as a
(06:08):
young girl and as a child, Inever felt like I was missing
out on anything because she tookthat initiative to even though
most of it was staycation,things to make doing fun, things
like Six Flags too. We havearound here and different
initiatives like that.
Scott Murray (06:23):
I don't want to make this show. This is your
life. Rhiannon Graham, but I'mkind of curious. You've shared
all that information. And if Iwas just watching or listening
to this for the first time,didn't know you, or didn't know
you, that you were the reigningMiss Chicago and that type of
thing, I'd say, Where did thisgirl come from? What did she do?
How old was she when her parentsgot divorced, and what? What was
it? What was it that, you know,she just enjoyed most about
(06:46):
being a child. I'm just kind ofcurious some of the things that
that might you know, and alsowhat, what's your mother does?
You've talked about your motherin shows past and again today. I
just wondered what, what was hervocation? What did she do? You
know how much time did you get achance to be with her? Because,
you know, you came home fromschool, did she obviously have a
(07:08):
job that she was still there.
Who watched over you? I don'twant to say baby sat, but who
Rhiannon SAT? That type ofthing. Rhiannon
Rhiannon Graham (07:15):
SAT. I love that. Well, I'll start with
that. So my mom worked jobsaround my schedule, which I'm
very fortunate that she had theopportunity to do, because a lot
of single parents don't havethat opportunity. So my mom
would work a day job while I wasat school, or do some kind of
nature there were even pointswhere she worked for the school
that I attended, and then atnight, while I was sleeping. I
(07:36):
had a wonderful family friendwho was my babysitter that a
couple nights a week that I wasleft with her while my mom
bartended. So this allowed herhaving this schedule, although
this wasn't her ideal jobs, butit allowed her to schedule to be
the active parent she wanted.
And looking back as an adultnow, I am so grateful for those
sacrifices that she made, to beat school events, to be at my
(07:57):
soccer games, to be there for mybaton performances, different
things of that nature. Eventhough she was sacrificing her
sleep, she told me there was alot of days where she if she
wasn't working during the day,she would literally drop me off
at school and come home and napbecause she was up late working
that night. And that's thesacrifices that millions of
(08:18):
single parents make to be anactive parent in their child's
life when there's only one ofthem, but I had a very fond
childhood. My house was thehouse that all the friends came
over, where all the sleepoverswere hosted. We had trampoline
in the backyard in the summer. Ieven remember we had a water
slide for some point that wefound on sale at Kmart, or
something that my mom scroungedall her money together to get me
(08:40):
so I had a very fond childhoodof having the house where
everyone was welcome and it wasjust all fun and games. Very
thankful that she
Scott Murray (08:50):
I tell you what for me, Well, I tell you what.
Before we get to Stacie, I haveone more question, and that is,
how about it? If you think backto all the things that you got a
chance to be and all the thingsyou got a chance to do. I'm just
curious what it was like whenthey said, Rhiannon Graham, Miss
Chicago, and mom is sittingthere. You just said a moments
(09:12):
ago you were getting a littleteary eyed, or potentially could
get a little teary eyed by acouple of things I asked you, I
can only just imagine what itwas like for your mother, having
gone through what she did as asingle mom working with you day
in and day out, and now suddenlyher daughter is Miss Chicago.
What was that like for mom? Whattell us that whole scenario?
Rhiannon Graham (09:32):
So you're making me cry first of all, but
so when you're standing up thereand you've competed, there truly
is a sisterhood that's beencreated. And I was stood, I was
standing with 13 other wonderfulgirls. There was 14, including
me, competing for the title ofMiss Chicago. And I remember
looking around and thinking, Iwould be so lucky to be chosen
(09:55):
out of all these wonderfulladies that are so educated,
that are so passionate ofserving their community. Of
these, and when they announcedmy name, there's a picture that
I'll have to show you guys of mepointing to my mom in the
audience. I remember thatpicture jumped out of her seat.
I can't even post the video ofme being crowned because I'm not
allowed to, because she said shewas screaming so crazy it
(10:15):
sounded like she was insane, soI'm not even allowed to post the
video with the sound, butpointing to her in that moment
was signifying that this is foryou. I did this for you. This is
to honor you and all thesacrifices you made for me to be
standing here today. Incredible
Scott Murray (10:34):
relationship. Yes, very grateful. So you saw that
picture.
Stacie Martin (10:39):
Oh, yeah. No, we I posted it. In fact, I hope the
single parent advocate communityhas all seen it too. Rihanna is
active on the single parentadvocate Facebook page, and so
you guys can always reach out
Rhiannon Graham (10:53):
to her. Yep.
Stacie Martin (10:55):
So I want to, I wanted you to know what I
noticed about your happymemories. And I'm saying this
for the sake of the singleparents, single grandparents,
raising kids alone out there,not one thing that Marie Annan
mentioned about her happymemories about spring break or
her childhood necessarilyinvolved highly expensive
(11:19):
things. She mentioned a slidethat was purchased from Kmart,
on sale, on sale. She mentionedsleepovers
Rhiannon Graham (11:29):
for the next summer. She mentioned
sleepovers.
Stacie Martin (11:32):
She mentioned a trampoline in in the backyard,
which can be purchased onFacebook marketplace these days,
you know, she mentioned qualitytime, you know, attendance and
presence of her her parent,whether you're a single mom or a
(11:52):
single dad, that's huge. And Iwanted to also give a shout out
to the working single parentsout there that are out there in
corporate America, you know, youknow quality time versus
quantity time is a thing, andjust making it intentional, you
know you're providing the bestyou can for your children,
(12:14):
because you're out there earningmoney to pay for their needs,
but being intentional,intentional. Excuse me, guys,
about that quality time is whatI hear from Rhiannon. So if she
speaks and it echoes anythingfrom your own kids, you know
(12:38):
it's it's true. And I see thisguy over here, this new
granddad, Mr. Scott Murray,honestly, I'll be like, are you
ready to do the podcast? We needto go over our topics. Can we
talk about this? And he'll betickling his grandson over and
over and over again. He goes,Wait, did you see this picture
of me tickling my grandson? Andthose are the moments, and
(13:00):
that's why I wanted to talkabout spring break. I know it's
happening right now, and there'smillions of single parents and
single parent kids out there.
And I just want you to know whatmatters is you, yes.
Rhiannon Graham (13:13):
And I think a great saying is presence over
price. Your presence is muchmore valuable than the 1000s of
dollars, all inclusive. Anddon't get me wrong, those are
great things. If your family canafford that. That is amazing to
have those experiences. But forthe families that are
struggling, and even to parentfamilies that are struggling,
because our economy is in notthe best place, I think it's
(13:37):
important to note that thatpresence in your child's life
and being active in there tospend time with them is much
greater than any big, fancyprice tag on something
absolutely,
Stacie Martin (13:49):
you know, I can't, I can't imagine, you
know, our backyard without theslip and slide. My son was
crazy.
Rhiannon Graham (13:58):
Trampoline houses, I'm telling you, growing
up, my house was the hot placeto be. I'm just telling you
guys, but Scott, I'm sure youcan relate to this of being a
present dad and a presentgrandfather, that that time with
them is much more valuable thanany gift you can give. Well,
Scott Murray (14:15):
I'm, you know, unlike probably a lot of dads,
and I don't mean to take awayanything from from dad
certainly, because there are alot of great ones out there. But
when I was seven years old, mybest friend died of leukemia,
and we had just gone trick ortreating on the 31st of October,
and four days later, I foundout, leukemia. What is that? How
do you say that word? And soconsequently, as a result of
(14:37):
that, my parents decided to sendus, because little Frankie and
I, when we got back from trickor treating, I think I've told
you this story. We my parentshad two Maxwell House coffee
cans with the word UNICEFwritten on them. He said, Now,
boys, we're going to go out andyou're going to help, you know,
help some children around theworld that need a helping hand,
don't have food, don't have aplace to live, a place to sleep,
(14:59):
and. And so we went trick ortreating for UNICEF. Well, after
Frankie passed away, later thatyear, in our second grade class,
my parents had me, and wegathered all my friends. And by
the end of the end of the schoolyear, the whole or the end of
the when I was in, you know, inelementary school, the whole
school, we were all goingtogether, all the students
(15:21):
collecting for UNICEF, and wedid that till I graduated from
high school. So it was a great,great way to learn it, and that
was because of my parents. Andthen then I'm trying to think
where I was going with this.
When we start talking about, Iwas talking about,
Stacie Martin (15:35):
Oh, you were talking about being present. And
then, oh, yeah, being
Scott Murray (15:39):
present. Well, that from that, what happened
there, I wanted to become apediatrician, so I went to
college to become apediatrician. So I've always
been interested and got involvedin radio and TV when I was in
college, and that's how I didn'tgo on to medical school. But I
just really enjoy working withchildren and anything to do with
children, and so to have my owntwo children, a son and daughter
(16:03):
was a was a thrill of alifetime. But also now to have a
grandson, and I put it onFacebook of me tickling,
tickling him, and he's justcackling, just, oh, it's just
adorable, but he's just sospecial. And just so it just,
you know, there's, there'snothing better. He's just, now,
I'm
Rhiannon Graham (16:22):
gonna get you emotional, yeah?
Scott Murray (16:24):
Well, I tell you, Hey man, he, oh yeah, well, I,
he's just, he's phenomenal. AndI, and I think to myself, you
know, what's he gonna do whenhe's in, you know, two years
old, and then when he's threeyears old, and then when he's,
you know, gets into school. So,and I've, I've already bought
them. Being a sports nut like Iam, I've already bought them a
football, a baseball, abasketball, a soccer ball, a
(16:47):
volleyball, and they're all donein red, white and blue. Oh,
they're all very except thebaseballs and the baseballs, but
the other ones are all alldifferent colors and and so I've
given him those so he loves tokick the soccer ball, and I
throw him the football, and,like I said, he's only a year
and a half old, so he can'tcatch it, but he likes to kick
(17:08):
the soccer ball and things likethat. So we those
Rhiannon Graham (17:11):
are inexpensive things that you have bought to
create memories that will lastforever with, right? That is so
valuable that one day, I mean,maybe he grows up to be a pro
football player like, who knows?
And he's like, my grandpa boughtme my first football you never
know what Christmas what thevalue of a small gift like that
can be. No, you're
Scott Murray (17:32):
absolutely right.
You're absolutely right. It'sfunny how things happen, but
you're spot on. You're spot on.
And
Rhiannon Graham (17:39):
if he goes Pro, I'll be calling you for tickets
to support.
Stacie Martin (17:43):
There we go. I'll be with her.
Scott Murray (17:46):
Miss America called she's from Illinois.
Stacie Martin (17:52):
Partnership, not all single parents have many
problems. You know, if you thinkabout it, a lot of single
parents, especially if they'renot the custodial parent, have
connection problems, and if thekids are coming for spring
break, yeah, and it's aconnection thing, I just, you
(18:13):
know, what are some icebreakers?
I know a lot of times we reallykind of just need to lower the
veil and say, Oh my gosh. Youknow, guys, I want to have a
good time together. I want to, Iwant to be together. I want to
do something together. And Ireally and y'all tell me what
you think. I think quality timeshould win over going expensive
(18:36):
places in those cases too. Nowsometimes
Scott Murray (18:43):
it's I'll interrupt you and say, giving of
yourself, giving of yourself theyou right here me, how many
seconds, minutes, hours in a daydo I spend giving specifically
to that child, to that youngadult that or to miss Chicago. I
mean, her mother, her motherprobably still to this day, is
(19:05):
is impactful in your life, isshe not?
Rhiannon Graham (19:07):
Oh, she is the most impactful person. That's my
point my life. And I thinkshe'll always hold that spot. I
mean, she's just done so many,like I said, sacrifices to make
me who I am today, and thebuilding of a miss Chicago, for
sure. Yeah.
Scott Murray (19:20):
And you've learned how to be a mother as a result
of that. So someday, when youare married and then have a
family of your own, you'llprobably do many of the same
things that that she has donefor you all these years
Rhiannon Graham (19:30):
because of that positive example. That exactly
right, because she chose meevery day, exactly
Scott Murray (19:35):
right. Yeah. And that's it, yes, the hours that
you spent, the minutes, yes,
Rhiannon Graham (19:39):
not the money the time, Yep, yeah. And I do
want to say this too, becausethis is on my heart. Like you
said that there is a lot ofsingle families that have good
jobs that maybe are listening,that are thinking, I have to
have this job to put food on thetable. I have to have this job
to have them involved inactivities. Always, just make
that time. Maybe it's one. Aweek where you're like every
(20:01):
night on Tuesdays, we do a movienight. My child picks the movie
and that is our quality time. Itdoes not have to be every single
day if you are having to makethe sole provider income for
your family and your children,but make sure you're sitting
around that time, even if it'scouple hours a week, just to
have that quality time. That'sso important.
Stacie Martin (20:18):
And then as you kids grow older, you know what
that kind of switches, right? Itbecomes the single parent child,
or children opportunity to say,hey, you know, I want to be with
you too, you know, mom or dad orgrandma or traditions, yeah. And
so it kind of becomes somethingvery organic, that even as the
(20:40):
dynamic switches, Spring Breakbecomes a special thing, and
really doesn't just apply tospring break. It might apply to
Christmas or Thanksgiving orEaster or whatever holiday or
season it is, but I just, I'mreally glad we're revisiting
this. I know we kind of talkedabout it a lot at Christmas
about quality time, but I reallydon't want people carrying that
(21:01):
burden of, oh, I'm eitherfeeling awkward or Oh, I just
don't have the wherewithal totake somebody or my children to
somewhere fancy, you know, justgo see your grandparents, just
be together, play
Rhiannon Graham (21:18):
in the backyard. The nice weather,
great weathering in Texas rightnow, but Illinois, it's been
60s. It's been beautiful here,so take advantage of your
surroundings. Yeah, in
Scott Murray (21:29):
March 60 in Illinois, that's crazy. It's 80.
I know.
Rhiannon Graham (21:34):
Say fingers crossed for Saturday that we
keep good weather for events.
Scott Murray (21:37):
All right. Well, we've come to that time of the
program that it's closingthought time. What would you
like to share with us? You
Stacie Martin (21:43):
guys give yourself a break when you take a
break no matter what it lookslike, and just be together and
take the pressure off yourself,and you'll all have a better
time no matter what it lookslike for you. Yeah,
Rhiannon Graham (21:56):
and I want to end with our children do not
have to become a product of ourenvironment. If you are
struggling, think if you arestruggling, single parent,
excuse me. Make sure you'retaking that time to be an active
parent and engaging in time withyour children, because that's
what they'll remember. As Iexpressed, I remember the most
is the time I spent. I
Scott Murray (22:16):
don't want to sound like I'm promoting
anything, but I'm writing mythird book, and one of the
things that I'm writing is isI've got a couple of things
there that I talk about what Ido with my leadership America.
Keynote leadership America,creating Champions of Change
through a culture of civility,because we've lost the ability
to be kind, courteous andrespectful to one another. So
this is my leadership Americacreed. And as I hear you talk
(22:37):
about what you're going to doand what you can give to me and
give to each other, yourchildren, and what have you?
Made me think that I might closewith the Creed, because it kind
of talks about that. Hey,everybody, get ready. Oh, it's a
little something I've created.
You tell me, if you like this,look at her. She's going, oh my
gosh, what's going on. Okay,Rihanna, let's living life is
(22:59):
not just about me. A purposefullife is all about we
collectively sharing togetherall that we see, even though we
might not always agree,respectful and kind is forever
key. Truthful and transparent iswhat we should be. Eradicating
the anger and the hateful debrislive, not in a world where we
need referees. So let us moveforward in a place we foresee
(23:23):
diverse and inclusive for bothhe and she. Matters, not
religion nor race. Faith is forthee. We must live in a world
that's our home of the free.
Rhiannon Graham (23:36):
Oh, love it.
Awesome. I think that was veryrelevant and great to end off,
yeah,
Stacie Martin (23:41):
free to be me, yep.
Scott Murray (23:44):
Yep. That's what it's all about. So until next
time down here in the greatstate of Texas, yep, in the
great state of Texas, Dallas, tobe exact, Stacie and I saying to
you all the best. We're pullingfor you in June, but in the
meantime, we're most proud ofyou the fact that you continued
to be who you are, and what youdo is Miss Chicago and say hello
(24:05):
to your mother and tell her togo looking. Tell her to go look
in the mirror. Recording, yeah,tell her to go look in the
mirror.
Stacie Martin (24:11):
30 minutes. Okay.
Oh, I tell you what I I reallyone of my biggest wishes as we
say goodbye is that when we haveour golf tournament on June the
10th, raising money for singleparent kids to get school
supplies and scholarships thatyou miss, Rhiannon Graham will
be able to join us. MissChicago, yeah, oh, I'd love to
be there.
Scott Murray (24:33):
Love to have you there. Love to have you there.
All right, so with all that saidand done, until next time for
Rhiannon and Stacie, I'm Scott,remember the name of the program
because they matter make adifference in the lives of those
that need them most. And we'retalking about single parent
families So long everybody you.
Welcome to another edition of because they matter,
(00:04):
forever on a mission, committingto encouraging, educating and
empowering parents, raisingtheir children in an impactful
and loving way, because theymatter. Now, let's welcome our
co host, former single parentmom and founder of single parent
advocate in Dallas, Texas,Stacie Martin also along,
(00:27):
founder of single but not alone,and the reigning Miss Capital
City, Illinois, Brianna andGraham and I'm Scott Murray,
speaker, author, journalist andCEO of the Scott Murray
Scholarship Foundation andlifting spirits, building
dreams. We welcome you all tobecause they matter. Hello
(00:49):
again, everybody. Welcome to yetanother edition of because they
matter, making a difference inthe lives of those that need
that helping hand. And we'retalking about children from
single parent families, andwe're delighted to welcome you
as we talk to moms and dads. Youmight be from a single parent,
we're not sure, but we'redelighted to welcome you. My
name is Scott Murray, along withStacie. Stacie, hello, my
friend. How are you good andRhiannon right there. And
(01:10):
Rhiannon is the reigning MissChicago, so we've talked about
that in in shows past, but she'sgetting ready for a big show
coming up in June where she'llbe vying for Miss Illinois as
well, but she, too, comes from asingle parent, as does this
young lady to my left. So that'sthe name of the game, and that's
what we're talking about. Andspecifically today, what are we
talking about? Rhiannon, springbreak. Spring break here,
(01:31):
remember it will
Rhiannon Graham (01:35):
Yes. And a little bit that I wanted to talk
about, and Stacie, we kind ofactually talked about this on
the phone a little Yes, we didmorning, is that it can be a
huge financial burden for singlefamilies. The idea of spring
break, I think when you thinkspring break, a lot of families
think going out of the country,resorts, Florida, skiing,
Stacie Martin (01:56):
going to the beach.
Scott Murray (01:57):
She's been there and done that, apparently, yeah.
Rhiannon Graham (02:00):
But today I wanted to put emphasis on not
having to spend 1000s of dollarson lavish spring break and
instead opening up thediscussion for staycations. So I
don't know if you guys know whata staycation is, but it's a
vacation that's spent withinyour own city or region and
exploring local attractions,instead of traveling far away.
(02:23):
And
Scott Murray (02:23):
I've heard about that quite often. To respond to
your question, yes, indeed.
Rhiannon, I've heard a lot ofpeople, probably more than 50%
that they don't, because I've,you know, I used to we'd go to
Florida spring break. We weredown to Miami or to Fort
Lauderdale. That's where we hungout, just as kids. And, you
know, got the sunburn in my lifeone time. But my point is this.
My point is this is that youtalk about staycations when I
(02:46):
ask people today, where are yougoing? What are you going to be
doing on spring break? Oh, we'regoing to hang right here. We're
going to stay right here, getsome stuff done, and just have,
you know? And I said, Really,and I've heard more than 50% of
the people that I asked thatquestion up. So your your
points? Well, taken. Do you knowwhat I used to do? You want to
hear my secret now, this is afamily show. This is not, this
is, you know, not an R rate,okay, so
Stacie Martin (03:10):
I raised my son as a single mom. His father was
not involved. So I really was,you know, just me and my son
and, of course, my family, when,whenever we could be together, I
would make a list of everythingI had to say no to all year
long. But
Scott Murray (03:30):
you mean what you told him no to, yeah, like
Stacie Martin (03:34):
sleepovers, or can't do
Scott Murray (03:36):
this, can't do that, yeah, or, I don't
Stacie Martin (03:39):
know, pizza parties and you name it. And I
would try, try, try my heart outto even if I still had to go to
work, you know, becausesometimes, just because the kids
have a spring break, the parentsdon't, you know, especially if
you're on hourly wages andstuff. So I would try, try, try
to make sure I at least hadseven to 10 things from the no
(04:02):
list, right? That I could create
Rhiannon Graham (04:05):
or plan for a yes list,
Scott Murray (04:07):
presents for spring break. Or,
Stacie Martin (04:09):
you know, I want to go eat at the magic time
machine. That was a big thing,you know. So I would see if we
could all get a group of peopletogether to go eat at the magic
time machine, or go to SixFlags. Or, you know, I had a
really great job, you know, andstill really do now that I work
for single parent advocate,it's, it's a blessing. But, you
know, just the build up of nosealways bothered me. I always
(04:32):
like, Oh, I gotta get unburiedfrom the nose. And so we would
have all kinds of fun times,just, and it was fun for me,
because all of that build up ofhaving to say no all of a
sudden, you know, was, was Buchayeses? So that was,
Rhiannon Graham (04:48):
Well, I kind of have a similar experience from a
child's point of view. Ihonestly, even though we weren't
traveling anywhere crazy likeFlorida or going. On an airplane
somewhere, my mom would alwaystake initiative, similar to the
list, to say, like, what are acouple things you want to do and
plan out different things. Iremember we went to in the
(05:12):
Midwest. Here Wisconsin Dells ishuge. So I remember one year we
did Wisconsin Dells, and thatwas a big deal. And she made
sure that I was never missingout on that spring break
initiative. And I'm reallythankful that even though money
was tight and she was workingmultiple jobs that like you
Stacie, there was a list or saidso of things that we were going
(05:33):
to do to make a spring break funactivity. Absolutely,
Scott Murray (05:37):
is there one that you remember, that maybe you
recall as a favorite. I'm just Isee the smiling smile on your
face as you tell us about
Rhiannon Graham (05:44):
different things. We not only did like the
list like that in spring break,but summer we would literally
have I remember, like, as ayoung girl, I had lists like,
literally, as long as you canimagine, of things I wanted to
do, and those lists, thank youto my mom, were always completed
because she was a super mom. SoI think it'd be really hard to
choose just the thing. But thepoint of it is I never as a
(06:08):
young girl and as a child, Inever felt like I was missing
out on anything because she tookthat initiative to even though
most of it was staycation,things to make doing fun, things
like Six Flags too. We havearound here and different
initiatives like that.
Scott Murray (06:23):
I don't want to make this show. This is your
life. Rhiannon Graham, but I'mkind of curious. You've shared
all that information. And if Iwas just watching or listening
to this for the first time,didn't know you, or didn't know
you, that you were the reigningMiss Chicago and that type of
thing, I'd say, Where did thisgirl come from? What did she do?
How old was she when her parentsgot divorced, and what? What was
it? What was it that, you know,she just enjoyed most about
(06:46):
being a child. I'm just kind ofcurious some of the things that
that might you know, and alsowhat, what's your mother does?
You've talked about your motherin shows past and again today. I
just wondered what, what was hervocation? What did she do? You
know how much time did you get achance to be with her? Because,
you know, you came home fromschool, did she obviously have a
(07:08):
job that she was still there.
Who watched over you? I don'twant to say baby sat, but who
Rhiannon SAT? That type ofthing. Rhiannon
Rhiannon Graham (07:15):
SAT. I love that. Well, I'll start with
that. So my mom worked jobsaround my schedule, which I'm
very fortunate that she had theopportunity to do, because a lot
of single parents don't havethat opportunity. So my mom
would work a day job while I wasat school, or do some kind of
nature there were even pointswhere she worked for the school
that I attended, and then atnight, while I was sleeping. I
(07:36):
had a wonderful family friendwho was my babysitter that a
couple nights a week that I wasleft with her while my mom
bartended. So this allowed herhaving this schedule, although
this wasn't her ideal jobs, butit allowed her to schedule to be
the active parent she wanted.
And looking back as an adultnow, I am so grateful for those
sacrifices that she made, to beat school events, to be at my
(07:57):
soccer games, to be there for mybaton performances, different
things of that nature. Eventhough she was sacrificing her
sleep, she told me there was alot of days where she if she
wasn't working during the day,she would literally drop me off
at school and come home and napbecause she was up late working
that night. And that's thesacrifices that millions of
(08:18):
single parents make to be anactive parent in their child's
life when there's only one ofthem, but I had a very fond
childhood. My house was thehouse that all the friends came
over, where all the sleepoverswere hosted. We had trampoline
in the backyard in the summer. Ieven remember we had a water
slide for some point that wefound on sale at Kmart, or
something that my mom scroungedall her money together to get me
(08:40):
so I had a very fond childhoodof having the house where
everyone was welcome and it wasjust all fun and games. Very
thankful that she
Scott Murray (08:50):
I tell you what for me, Well, I tell you what.
Before we get to Stacie, I haveone more question, and that is,
how about it? If you think backto all the things that you got a
chance to be and all the thingsyou got a chance to do. I'm just
curious what it was like whenthey said, Rhiannon Graham, Miss
Chicago, and mom is sittingthere. You just said a moments
(09:12):
ago you were getting a littleteary eyed, or potentially could
get a little teary eyed by acouple of things I asked you, I
can only just imagine what itwas like for your mother, having
gone through what she did as asingle mom working with you day
in and day out, and now suddenlyher daughter is Miss Chicago.
What was that like for mom? Whattell us that whole scenario?
Rhiannon Graham (09:32):
So you're making me cry first of all, but
so when you're standing up thereand you've competed, there truly
is a sisterhood that's beencreated. And I was stood, I was
standing with 13 other wonderfulgirls. There was 14, including
me, competing for the title ofMiss Chicago. And I remember
looking around and thinking, Iwould be so lucky to be chosen
(09:55):
out of all these wonderfulladies that are so educated,
that are so passionate ofserving their community. Of
these, and when they announcedmy name, there's a picture that
I'll have to show you guys of mepointing to my mom in the
audience. I remember thatpicture jumped out of her seat.
I can't even post the video ofme being crowned because I'm not
allowed to, because she said shewas screaming so crazy it
(10:15):
sounded like she was insane, soI'm not even allowed to post the
video with the sound, butpointing to her in that moment
was signifying that this is foryou. I did this for you. This is
to honor you and all thesacrifices you made for me to be
standing here today. Incredible
Scott Murray (10:34):
relationship. Yes, very grateful. So you saw that
picture.
Stacie Martin (10:39):
Oh, yeah. No, we I posted it. In fact, I hope the
single parent advocate communityhas all seen it too. Rihanna is
active on the single parentadvocate Facebook page, and so
you guys can always reach out
Rhiannon Graham (10:53):
to her. Yep.
Stacie Martin (10:55):
So I want to, I wanted you to know what I
noticed about your happymemories. And I'm saying this
for the sake of the singleparents, single grandparents,
raising kids alone out there,not one thing that Marie Annan
mentioned about her happymemories about spring break or
her childhood necessarilyinvolved highly expensive
(11:19):
things. She mentioned a slidethat was purchased from Kmart,
on sale, on sale. She mentionedsleepovers
Rhiannon Graham (11:29):
for the next summer. She mentioned
sleepovers.
Stacie Martin (11:32):
She mentioned a trampoline in in the backyard,
which can be purchased onFacebook marketplace these days,
you know, she mentioned qualitytime, you know, attendance and
presence of her her parent,whether you're a single mom or a
(11:52):
single dad, that's huge. And Iwanted to also give a shout out
to the working single parentsout there that are out there in
corporate America, you know, youknow quality time versus
quantity time is a thing, andjust making it intentional, you
know you're providing the bestyou can for your children,
(12:14):
because you're out there earningmoney to pay for their needs,
but being intentional,intentional. Excuse me, guys,
about that quality time is whatI hear from Rhiannon. So if she
speaks and it echoes anythingfrom your own kids, you know
(12:38):
it's it's true. And I see thisguy over here, this new
granddad, Mr. Scott Murray,honestly, I'll be like, are you
ready to do the podcast? We needto go over our topics. Can we
talk about this? And he'll betickling his grandson over and
over and over again. He goes,Wait, did you see this picture
of me tickling my grandson? Andthose are the moments, and
(13:00):
that's why I wanted to talkabout spring break. I know it's
happening right now, and there'smillions of single parents and
single parent kids out there.
And I just want you to know whatmatters is you, yes.
Rhiannon Graham (13:13):
And I think a great saying is presence over
price. Your presence is muchmore valuable than the 1000s of
dollars, all inclusive. Anddon't get me wrong, those are
great things. If your family canafford that. That is amazing to
have those experiences. But forthe families that are
struggling, and even to parentfamilies that are struggling,
because our economy is in notthe best place, I think it's
(13:37):
important to note that thatpresence in your child's life
and being active in there tospend time with them is much
greater than any big, fancyprice tag on something
absolutely,
Stacie Martin (13:49):
you know, I can't, I can't imagine, you
know, our backyard without theslip and slide. My son was
crazy.
Rhiannon Graham (13:58):
Trampoline houses, I'm telling you, growing
up, my house was the hot placeto be. I'm just telling you
guys, but Scott, I'm sure youcan relate to this of being a
present dad and a presentgrandfather, that that time with
them is much more valuable thanany gift you can give. Well,
Scott Murray (14:15):
I'm, you know, unlike probably a lot of dads,
and I don't mean to take awayanything from from dad
certainly, because there are alot of great ones out there. But
when I was seven years old, mybest friend died of leukemia,
and we had just gone trick ortreating on the 31st of October,
and four days later, I foundout, leukemia. What is that? How
do you say that word? And soconsequently, as a result of
(14:37):
that, my parents decided to sendus, because little Frankie and
I, when we got back from trickor treating, I think I've told
you this story. We my parentshad two Maxwell House coffee
cans with the word UNICEFwritten on them. He said, Now,
boys, we're going to go out andyou're going to help, you know,
help some children around theworld that need a helping hand,
don't have food, don't have aplace to live, a place to sleep,
(14:59):
and. And so we went trick ortreating for UNICEF. Well, after
Frankie passed away, later thatyear, in our second grade class,
my parents had me, and wegathered all my friends. And by
the end of the end of the schoolyear, the whole or the end of
the when I was in, you know, inelementary school, the whole
school, we were all goingtogether, all the students
(15:21):
collecting for UNICEF, and wedid that till I graduated from
high school. So it was a great,great way to learn it, and that
was because of my parents. Andthen then I'm trying to think
where I was going with this.
When we start talking about, Iwas talking about,
Stacie Martin (15:35):
Oh, you were talking about being present. And
then, oh, yeah, being
Scott Murray (15:39):
present. Well, that from that, what happened
there, I wanted to become apediatrician, so I went to
college to become apediatrician. So I've always
been interested and got involvedin radio and TV when I was in
college, and that's how I didn'tgo on to medical school. But I
just really enjoy working withchildren and anything to do with
children, and so to have my owntwo children, a son and daughter
(16:03):
was a was a thrill of alifetime. But also now to have a
grandson, and I put it onFacebook of me tickling,
tickling him, and he's justcackling, just, oh, it's just
adorable, but he's just sospecial. And just so it just,
you know, there's, there'snothing better. He's just, now,
I'm
Rhiannon Graham (16:22):
gonna get you emotional, yeah?
Scott Murray (16:24):
Well, I tell you, Hey man, he, oh yeah, well, I,
he's just, he's phenomenal. AndI, and I think to myself, you
know, what's he gonna do whenhe's in, you know, two years
old, and then when he's threeyears old, and then when he's,
you know, gets into school. So,and I've, I've already bought
them. Being a sports nut like Iam, I've already bought them a
football, a baseball, abasketball, a soccer ball, a
(16:47):
volleyball, and they're all donein red, white and blue. Oh,
they're all very except thebaseballs and the baseballs, but
the other ones are all alldifferent colors and and so I've
given him those so he loves tokick the soccer ball, and I
throw him the football, and,like I said, he's only a year
and a half old, so he can'tcatch it, but he likes to kick
(17:08):
the soccer ball and things likethat. So we those
Rhiannon Graham (17:11):
are inexpensive things that you have bought to
create memories that will lastforever with, right? That is so
valuable that one day, I mean,maybe he grows up to be a pro
football player like, who knows?
And he's like, my grandpa boughtme my first football you never
know what Christmas what thevalue of a small gift like that
can be. No, you're
Scott Murray (17:32):
absolutely right.
You're absolutely right. It'sfunny how things happen, but
you're spot on. You're spot on.
And
Rhiannon Graham (17:39):
if he goes Pro, I'll be calling you for tickets
to support.
Stacie Martin (17:43):
There we go. I'll be with her.
Scott Murray (17:46):
Miss America called she's from Illinois.
Stacie Martin (17:52):
Partnership, not all single parents have many
problems. You know, if you thinkabout it, a lot of single
parents, especially if they'renot the custodial parent, have
connection problems, and if thekids are coming for spring
break, yeah, and it's aconnection thing, I just, you
(18:13):
know, what are some icebreakers?
I know a lot of times we reallykind of just need to lower the
veil and say, Oh my gosh. Youknow, guys, I want to have a
good time together. I want to, Iwant to be together. I want to
do something together. And Ireally and y'all tell me what
you think. I think quality timeshould win over going expensive
(18:36):
places in those cases too. Nowsometimes
Scott Murray (18:43):
it's I'll interrupt you and say, giving of
yourself, giving of yourself theyou right here me, how many
seconds, minutes, hours in a daydo I spend giving specifically
to that child, to that youngadult that or to miss Chicago. I
mean, her mother, her motherprobably still to this day, is
(19:05):
is impactful in your life, isshe not?
Rhiannon Graham (19:07):
Oh, she is the most impactful person. That's my
point my life. And I thinkshe'll always hold that spot. I
mean, she's just done so many,like I said, sacrifices to make
me who I am today, and thebuilding of a miss Chicago, for
sure. Yeah.
Scott Murray (19:20):
And you've learned how to be a mother as a result
of that. So someday, when youare married and then have a
family of your own, you'llprobably do many of the same
things that that she has donefor you all these years
Rhiannon Graham (19:30):
because of that positive example. That exactly
right, because she chose meevery day, exactly
Scott Murray (19:35):
right. Yeah. And that's it, yes, the hours that
you spent, the minutes, yes,
Rhiannon Graham (19:39):
not the money the time, Yep, yeah. And I do
want to say this too, becausethis is on my heart. Like you
said that there is a lot ofsingle families that have good
jobs that maybe are listening,that are thinking, I have to
have this job to put food on thetable. I have to have this job
to have them involved inactivities. Always, just make
that time. Maybe it's one. Aweek where you're like every
(20:01):
night on Tuesdays, we do a movienight. My child picks the movie
and that is our quality time. Itdoes not have to be every single
day if you are having to makethe sole provider income for
your family and your children,but make sure you're sitting
around that time, even if it'scouple hours a week, just to
have that quality time. That'sso important.
Stacie Martin (20:18):
And then as you kids grow older, you know what
that kind of switches, right? Itbecomes the single parent child,
or children opportunity to say,hey, you know, I want to be with
you too, you know, mom or dad orgrandma or traditions, yeah. And
so it kind of becomes somethingvery organic, that even as the
(20:40):
dynamic switches, Spring Breakbecomes a special thing, and
really doesn't just apply tospring break. It might apply to
Christmas or Thanksgiving orEaster or whatever holiday or
season it is, but I just, I'mreally glad we're revisiting
this. I know we kind of talkedabout it a lot at Christmas
about quality time, but I reallydon't want people carrying that
(21:01):
burden of, oh, I'm eitherfeeling awkward or Oh, I just
don't have the wherewithal totake somebody or my children to
somewhere fancy, you know, justgo see your grandparents, just
be together, play
Rhiannon Graham (21:18):
in the backyard. The nice weather,
great weathering in Texas rightnow, but Illinois, it's been
60s. It's been beautiful here,so take advantage of your
surroundings. Yeah, in
Scott Murray (21:29):
March 60 in Illinois, that's crazy. It's 80.
I know.
Rhiannon Graham (21:34):
Say fingers crossed for Saturday that we
keep good weather for events.
Scott Murray (21:37):
All right. Well, we've come to that time of the
program that it's closingthought time. What would you
like to share with us? You
Stacie Martin (21:43):
guys give yourself a break when you take a
break no matter what it lookslike, and just be together and
take the pressure off yourself,and you'll all have a better
time no matter what it lookslike for you. Yeah,
Rhiannon Graham (21:56):
and I want to end with our children do not
have to become a product of ourenvironment. If you are
struggling, think if you arestruggling, single parent,
excuse me. Make sure you'retaking that time to be an active
parent and engaging in time withyour children, because that's
what they'll remember. As Iexpressed, I remember the most
is the time I spent. I
Scott Murray (22:16):
don't want to sound like I'm promoting
anything, but I'm writing mythird book, and one of the
things that I'm writing is isI've got a couple of things
there that I talk about what Ido with my leadership America.
Keynote leadership America,creating Champions of Change
through a culture of civility,because we've lost the ability
to be kind, courteous andrespectful to one another. So
this is my leadership Americacreed. And as I hear you talk
(22:37):
about what you're going to doand what you can give to me and
give to each other, yourchildren, and what have you?
Made me think that I might closewith the Creed, because it kind
of talks about that. Hey,everybody, get ready. Oh, it's a
little something I've created.
You tell me, if you like this,look at her. She's going, oh my
gosh, what's going on. Okay,Rihanna, let's living life is
(22:59):
not just about me. A purposefullife is all about we
collectively sharing togetherall that we see, even though we
might not always agree,respectful and kind is forever
key. Truthful and transparent iswhat we should be. Eradicating
the anger and the hateful debrislive, not in a world where we
need referees. So let us moveforward in a place we foresee
(23:23):
diverse and inclusive for bothhe and she. Matters, not
religion nor race. Faith is forthee. We must live in a world
that's our home of the free.
Rhiannon Graham (23:36):
Oh, love it.
Awesome. I think that was veryrelevant and great to end off,
yeah,
Stacie Martin (23:41):
free to be me, yep.
Scott Murray (23:44):
Yep. That's what it's all about. So until next
time down here in the greatstate of Texas, yep, in the
great state of Texas, Dallas, tobe exact, Stacie and I saying to
you all the best. We're pullingfor you in June, but in the
meantime, we're most proud ofyou the fact that you continued
to be who you are, and what youdo is Miss Chicago and say hello
(24:05):
to your mother and tell her togo looking. Tell her to go look
in the mirror. Recording, yeah,tell her to go look in the
mirror.
Stacie Martin (24:11):
30 minutes. Okay.
Oh, I tell you what I I reallyone of my biggest wishes as we
say goodbye is that when we haveour golf tournament on June the
10th, raising money for singleparent kids to get school
supplies and scholarships thatyou miss, Rhiannon Graham will
be able to join us. MissChicago, yeah, oh, I'd love to
be there.
Scott Murray (24:33):
Love to have you there. Love to have you there.
All right, so with all that saidand done, until next time for
Rhiannon and Stacie, I'm Scott,remember the name of the program
because they matter make adifference in the lives of those
that need them most. And we'retalking about single parent
families So long everybody you.
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