June 18, 2025 • 32 mins
The focal point of this episode resides in the exploration of the transformative power of forgiveness and self-awareness, particularly as it pertains to familial relationships. We engage in a profound dialogue with Christopher Salem, who shares his experiences growing up in a dysfunctional environment and the impact of his father-son dynamic on his emotional development. Salem articulates the significance of relinquishing control over that which is beyond our grasp, thereby fostering a mindset that embraces trust in the process of life. Through his narrative, he elucidates how this paradigm shift not only reshaped his personal journey but also enabled him to become a more effective father and leader. This episode serves as a pivotal reminder of the necessity of self-reflection and the relentless pursuit of personal growth, emphasizing that our past does not dictate our future.
"I used to struggle with insecurities because I was always seeking validation from others. I developed passive aggressive tendencies due to childhood emotional neglect and it affected my self esteem. Through personal growth, I learned how to validate yourself and build self confidence.Unresolved childhood wounds don’t just disappear. They show up in your communication, your leadership, and your relationships" - Chris Salem .
In this powerful episode, award-winning author and keynote speaker Chris Salem breaks down how early-life conditioning often leads to passive-aggressive behaviors in adulthood and what to do about it.
What you’ll learn
• The hidden root causes of passive-aggression
• How trauma manifests in leadership and relationships
• Why mindset shifts aren't enough without deep emotional work
• The exact process Chris used to heal his own patterns and create sustainable success
If you’ve ever found yourself shutting down, lashing out, or avoiding conflict, this video is your wake-up call.
Subscribe for weekly insights on emotional intelligence, root-cause transformation, and conscious leadership.
Grab Chris’s bestselling book Master Your Inner Critic
Learn more: https://www.christophersalem.com
#ChrisSalem #EmotionalIntelligence #PassiveAggression #LeadershipDevelopment #InnerCritic #HealingFromTrauma #PersonalGrowth
Takeaways:
- The significance of establishing a strong father-son connection cannot be understated, as it profoundly influences one's personal development and emotional well-being throughout life.
- Understanding and practicing forgiveness is essential for personal transformation and healing, allowing individuals to move beyond past grievances and foster healthier relationships.
- Trusting the process of life entails focusing on what is within our control and letting go of what we cannot influence, which is crucial for maintaining emotional stability and resilience.
- The concept of giving without expectation and receiving without resistance is fundamental for nurturing empathy and kindness in relationships, contributing to a more fulfilling life experience.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
And as a result, I grew up,you know, a passive aggressive, meaning
that I often went out of myway in terms of my communication
to please and enable others orexchange for your validation.
You know, a lot of theinsecurities that I developed was
because I didn't have that,that strong father son connection.
And I was like, let's play agame of marriage kill.
(00:26):
And I didn't give her a chanceto respond.
I said I'd give withoutexpectation, receive without resistance.
Christopher Salem, welcome tothe show.
(00:46):
Welcome to become your own superhero.
Laban.
It is a pleasure to be here.
I'm looking forward to today.
Well, mate, not as excited asI am.
And folks, if you never heardof Chris Salem, you might have been
blessed by his generosity longbefore you ever heard of the name.
Because Chris was the mandirectly responsible for connecting
(01:09):
me and putting me in touchwith Jack Canfield of Chicken Soup
for the Soul, Fame, success, principles.
And he came on the show morethan a couple of years ago now and
had a profound impact on mylife and has since had a profound
effect on plenty of otherpeople because of the conversation
pieces that him and I had,particularly around negative self
(01:29):
talk, which is a great placeto start, I think, because when you
talk about mastering yourinner critic, that is your book Chris
came out a little while ago,but the principles and the ideas
in there are still as relevanttoday as they were 10, eight years
ago when it came out.
Is that a fair assumption?
Absolutely.
They will last the test of time.
(01:52):
What is a good indicator thatsomething will last the test of time,
in your opinion?
I would say that again when,when it, when it comes to, you know,
our ability to trust the process.
And when I say trust theprocess is as humans, we're so conditioned
through survival based, fixedmindset to really get caught up in,
(02:14):
in the control we can't control.
But if we can learn to focuson what we can control and let go
of what we can't, which isother people in other sit in situations.
We have the ability now toreally operate during challenging
times or even good times orboth right in the middle like so
we're not constantly ridingthat roller coaster of life.
(02:34):
So I feel like when we coulddo that, that can.
Trusting the process can be forever.
I mean, you know, it doesn'tmatter where you are in your life,
what you're going through,knowing that everything works out,
you just got to focus on whatyou can control in the moment.
And, and for me, that was agame changer 25 years ago.
I had to learn it Took me goodthree, four years to learn it but
(02:57):
I, and, and it's not somethingthat, you know, that always comes
natural.
I got to work on it every daybut when I do, it just makes life
and business so much morerewarding and, and I enjoyed the
experience.
And folks, if you've justdialed in for the first this your
first ever become your ownsuperhero podcast episode, welcome.
If this is your 221st orwhatever the number up to welcome
(03:20):
back.
And if you are listening tothis episode because you were brought
here through the power of theuniverse, one of the reasons you
might want to stick around isChris is an incredible speaker.
He is a peak performancebusiness and I suppose a life coach
to simplify things in many ways.
Multiple published and bestselling author, including a book
(03:43):
that was, that had JackCanfield as one of the co authors
as well and draws manyparallels to your host, Laban Ditchburn
in terms of our childhoods,which I must have read your book
three years ago, three and ahalf years ago, Chris, when we first
met and I reread it inpreparation for our time together
(04:04):
today and I was like, holy crap.
I basically, Chris Salem is afew years ahead of me.
Otherwise we are the same person.
I don't know.
What do you think about that?
Yeah, no, I mean, hey man,we're all on different, different,
you know, we're all goingthrough this experience at different
times.
And what I always find is thatwe always, you know, we always learn
(04:26):
from each other.
So I, for me, I'm alwayswearing the, the teacher and the
student hat simultaneously.
I'm always learning something new.
And at the same time, I couldbe a resource and be an example for
others that might be goingthrough something I've gone through
that I can be a resource for.
Well, maybe if you're happy to share.
(04:46):
Chris, give us a snapshot ofwhat your youth and childhood look
like and how that shaped youinto the man that you are today.
Well, I mean, when I grew up,I grew up in a dysfunctional home.
A lot of codependency and alot of insecurity.
And at the time when I wasgrowing up, you know, my father was
oftentimes traveling and whenhe was here, he was emotionally checked
(05:09):
out.
And as a result of it, I wasalways seeking my dad's attention,
his validation.
Now, I didn't know it at thetime, but I just, I, now I can look
back, you know, and, and seethat's what I was doing and because
I was disappointed over andover and over again as a Result of
it.
I grew up just really with alot of insecurities just about myself,
(05:30):
you know.
You know, I had a hard timemaking decisions, I had a hard time
following through.
I had a hard time trusting mygut or, or, or the process that we
just talked about.
And as a result, I grew up,you know, a passive aggressive, meaning
that I often went out of myway in terms of my communication
to please and enable othersfor exchange for your validation.
(05:51):
Because I, that's what Ineeded to fill up that empty space.
But then I can be aggressivein my behavior when I would react,
when things didn't go my way,where I didn't get the validation
I was looking for and I couldlash back and you know, so that's
where that passive aggressivebehavior came from.
So I look back that, you know,a lot of the insecurities that I
developed was because I didn'thave that, that strong father son
(06:14):
connection.
And as I was able to workthose things out in my early 30s,
I was able to.
Then when I got married, I got married.
I got married a little bit later.
I almost got married at 25,but thank God I didn't.
I got married a little, youknow, a little later.
And that was enough time forme to work through my stuff, to become
(06:34):
now the father that, that myfather wasn't able to be, do so.
So I was able to make thesechanges and not repeat those same
patterns and mistakes.
And how significant is the actof forgiveness in the journey that
you've been on?
It is, it is huge becausewithout forgiveness, you can't truly
(06:57):
change to have a better life.
Let me explain the power of forgiveness.
My father passed away at theage of 56.
I am 56 years old right now,and I'm turning 57 in a few weeks.
And my dad passed away at theage of 56 from lung cancer.
Now, my dad hadn't smoked inyears, but he, you know, he been,
(07:17):
he had smoked years ago, hadbeen around asbestos, and he had
a lot of stress and anxiety.
In this life, I'm a firmbeliever he was.
His cancer was a manifestationof all the things he internalized
that he was never able to show.
Unlike where I was the opposite.
I would let it out.
Now as a result of that, I hada life changing moment.
(07:39):
I wouldn't be here today.
I wouldn't have made thistransformation if it wasn't for my
father.
My father played a big role in that.
And my father ended up, inhindsight, giving me the greatest
gift that anybody could ever imagine.
I Remember the day before myfather passed away and my dad died
December 30th of 1990 at 11:30in the morning.
(08:00):
That's when he officially passed.
Around that time, 11:30.
So this was December 29th.
And I remember being at his bed.
He could not talk.
His eyes were open, but he was like.
You could tell the morphinewas kind of winding his body down.
He was gonna pass it, youknow, within 24 hours.
But I remember him lookingover at me and I could hear him talking.
(08:20):
Now, I can't this day, I can'texplain how I.
I could understand what I washearing because it was not actually
he was talking, but it waslike a voice in some other internal
way.
And I just remember himlooking at me and saying, I.
You know, it was like his wayof saying goodbye and saying, I just
want to let you know I love you.
I love your brother.
(08:41):
I know I've never, you know,showed it in a way that you would.
Would like to see.
And I even loved your mother.
Even my.
My parents had been divorced.
He goes, I did the best I could.
I goes, I, you know, I triedto be the best father that I could,
but I.
I could only be what I knewhow to be.
And then when I.
And he began to talk about,like, how when he was growing up,
(09:02):
he was the black sheep of the family.
He didn't like his father.
His father never gave him anyattention or any love to him.
Never listened to him.
And my dad just kind of went.
Did his own thing.
So I realized that he didn'thave the same type of support and
validation from his ownfather, my grandfather.
And as a result, he can onlybe who he was.
(09:23):
He didn't know how to be this father.
So even though I was lookingfor that type of father, he couldn't
provide it.
It wasn't that he.
He was doing it purposely.
He just didn't know how.
And that hit me hard.
Not in a way that, like,brought me to my knees, but it.
I looked at myself and said,you know what?
You got to stop pointing thefinger at your father.
(09:44):
You got to stop pointing thefinger at everybody else while your
life is in the.
You've made this decision.
It's your responsibility.
It's not my dad's.
My dad did the best he could.
And now I got to take withwhatever what is and make.
Make something better out ofwhatever it is.
So in hindsight, I teachpeople now, today, is not to look
(10:05):
at life how we think it should be.
It's how to look at Life andbusiness for what it is and then
within what you can control.
Make the best of it.
That's it.
And then when I began to makethat shift and I turned to AA because
I had, I was struggling with12 years of addiction at the time,
sexual addiction, alcohol, drugs.
(10:25):
I began to adopt an easternphilosophy towards life, you know,
meditation, journaling.
So I immersed myself in these studies.
I got involved in emotional intelligence.
And when I was able to makethis shift, all these things that
I learned in that short 15minutes with my father came full
circle.
And I was able to understandnow and accept responsibility.
(10:47):
And that all started withforgiving my father on that day and
telling him I loved him forwho he was and what.
And that he could only be thebest father that he could be at that
point.
Because there are many greattraits I picked up from my father.
My father taught me how tosave money, how to take risks, and
those things, I, you know, Itake the good things that he taught
(11:08):
me and leave the things thatdidn't serve me away.
And now I focus on fillingthat up and with other resources
that help me to this day to do that.
So for me that was a lifechanging moment and forgiveness played
a big role.
If I couldn't forgive myfather, I couldn't forgive myself
and I wouldn't be able toforgive other people and that.
(11:28):
And I wouldn't have been ableto adopt and embrace this process
that I live each and every dayfrom without forgiving.
Man, I love you for sharingthat, Chris.
And I.
There's so many swirlingthoughts coming through my mind because
one of the biggest challengesthat I've had in the last few years
has been that relationshipwith my father, which for many years
(11:50):
has, was excellent in terms oflike, him and I were like this, you
know, and I've got my fingers crossed.
And as I started my healingjourney kind of drove us further
and further apart.
And it's kind of gotten to apoint now where even when I was in
town after returning home for,after being away for two and a half
(12:12):
years, about two months ago,he didn't want to meet.
And I just, I'm still workingit out my head and I've gone through
some of those exercises aroundwhat I'm grateful for from my father.
But I will admit, Chris, thatI, I've been struggling of late with
finding more than a couple ofthings and the.
(12:35):
I've been able to find anumber much higher of fun, more negative
things.
Is there an exercise that Icould do that would help me uncover
more Gratitude for what I gotfrom my old man.
I would say that again.
You can't control what yourfather's going to do.
You can't control hiscommunication to you, his behavior,
(12:57):
his attitude, his emotions oractions towards this relationship.
And I, and I have a clientdealing with the same thing with
her daughter.
One of her, one of herdaughters doesn't even talk to her
anymore.
Her.
And doesn't pay, doesn't evenallow her to even really see even
her grandchildren.
And it's really, reallydisheartening for her.
So I would say that, that again.
(13:18):
You, you forgive your fatherno matter what and love him from
afar and you can control thecommunication you put out to him
and say, hey, I just want tolet you know that, you know, whatever
has come between us, you know,I'm always happy to talk.
You're my father, I love youand I always will.
(13:38):
And, and it is always an opendoor that I'm here when you're ready
to talk and I respectwhatever, wherever you are, you're
not if that's not the case.
But just, again, just, youknow, don't, don't keep, you know,
on him, but just every fewweeks send a note to say hi, you
know, and just, you know, todetach from the outcome and just
(14:03):
forgive.
And forgive not only him, butforgive yourself for anything that
you feel that you disappointedhim or whatever those things that
you're swirling through yourmind to forgive yourself again, it's
in the past.
It's, it's, it is what it is.
And just kind of just focus on you.
(14:24):
Focus on your communication,your behavior, your attitude, your
emotions, your actions.
And just let him know fromtime to time that, hey, I'm here,
I think about you, I love you.
And you know, when, when thetime's right for you, call me.
And, and then, and then let it be.
And just.
I know it's a hard thing to do.
(14:44):
Yeah, I would.
That would be my advice.
You know, you can't controlwhat he's going to do.
You can only control what youcan do.
So loving from afar, forgivehim and just adapt to what is.
And make the best you canpossible from it.
No, never taking the eye offof yourself, always improving yourself
(15:06):
because it's your example andresourcefulness that will indirectly
and directly influence peoplearound you.
And it, his energy, he'll fillyour energy no matter even if you're
not around.
I mean, there's some greatstuff in there, Chris, and it's,
it's a timely reminder foreveryone listening to this I think
I'll push back a little bitand because I'm keen to hear your
(15:28):
thoughts because I've done,you know, I had an incident three
years ago where I, we had ahuge fight and I basically disowned
him.
And I might have said somethings in there that like, really
did some damage, you know,like sometimes you can hammer in
some nails and you can removethose nails, but the holes still
remain, you know.
And I wrote a blog post aboutit and a mutual friend of ours, Carl
(15:50):
fixed actually saw the post onLinkedIn and tagged Dr.
Fred Luskin.
And Fred Luskin founded theStanford Forgiveness Project.
For anyone that doesn't knowwhich was responsible for reuniting
like AIT's camp survivors toforgive the camp commander, you know,
killed all their family andIRA bomb blast victims.
(16:10):
The mothers forgave thesoldiers that killed their children.
And you know, real like, like,you know, nothing, nothing that you
and I have had to deal with atthat level.
The, the challenge has been,Chris, is that I go through these
processes, but the thingsthat, that my father continues to
do kind of re.
(16:31):
Antagonizes the situation.
There's no respite and, and Irealize there might be a, a communication
boundary setting thing inthere, but like it's the, the communication
so infrequently that, youknow, and there's other family members
that still have some kind ofrelationship with him that I don't
want to have to keep himcompletely arms linked with no contact.
(16:54):
What, what's, what's yourthoughts on how to manage that situation?
I would just say that again,you know, without.
If he's not, if he's not, youknow, willing to talk to you on the
phone or meet in person, youknow, to put something in writing,
not something too long, unlesshe's okay with reading something
long, but just putting yourthoughts on something that you can
(17:17):
say to him.
And it doesn't mean you'dalways have to agree where he's coming
from.
He doesn't have to agree whereyou're coming from.
He might look at it from adifferent perspective like you look
at it, but it's the abilitynow because you can't control what
he's going to do, but to nowlook at it for what it is, look at
it for what it is.
Put your differences aside,put your biases aside, your perspective
(17:40):
opinions aside.
Look at it for what it is andwhat you know, put something in writing
that you could put something,how you want to move beyond that
and anything that has beensaid in the past.
I apologize.
Don't apologize just to apologize.
You only apologize for whereit's due.
And don't ask anything fromhim other than the opportunity to
(18:03):
have a conversation when thetime is right.
Yeah, it's great.
Great, Chris.
And I didn't.
Wasn't that bad, you know, Ijust disowned him and told him that
I have no father.
You know.
Sometimes people say thingsand they don't really mean.
I mean, you, you.
Maybe you felt it at the time,but it doesn't mean that you literally
(18:23):
meant it.
You know, like, you know, it was.
Maybe you were angry, butmaybe it just.
At the time it just.
That's what made sense to you.
Oh yeah, Like, I don't thinkanyone truly means that unless they've
done something, you know, justunbelievably evil.
But I've.
I've always been quitedramatic when I'm angry.
Chris, I don't know if you canresonate with this.
(18:45):
I always prided myselfactually in some strange way in being
dramatic when I used to havethese super heated fights with previous
girlfriends, you know, longbefore I met my beautiful wife Anna.
We've been together six yearsand I.
And it was always alcoholinvolved in those previous relationships
and I would.
Yeah, and I remember with myex girlfriend and I wrote this in
(19:10):
my book actually.
We were blind drunk on redwine one night and the conversation
came up about something.
We got into this really bad fight.
And the worst part about it,Chris, was it was in front of friends
of ours and I was like, let'splay a game of mar.
Kill.
(19:33):
And.
And I didn't give her a chanceto respond.
I said I'd marry Satan, I'dhit Hitler and I'd kill you.
You should have seen the blooddrain from her face.
Just how like.
And we kind of laugh about itnow, but this is just the, the absurdity
of some of the.
The stuff we can get up towhen we are dealing through, through,
(19:55):
you know, a childhood of a lotof dysfunction and observing abusive
verbal arguments.
And we're doing our best totry and unlearn and dearn these as
much as we can and relearnthem much more functional behavior.
So I will.
I'm proud to admit that I'm adamn sight better than what I used
to be.
(20:16):
I don't know if you got.
Have you got a story like that.
That'S on par my first 31years of my life?
Well, when I, by the time Iwas 16 to.
To 31, I had 15 years over.
Well I really say 12, butthere was still, that was three years
early on in my teenage yearsthat I, my addiction was forming.
But, and during the, duringthat, those years of where I was
(20:39):
in my full blown addiction, Imean, you know, I, my relationships
were, were, were horrible.
I mean, you know, the women Ipicked and, and a lot of times, you
know, women, I, I looked atwomen not for who they were, they
were, they looked at them assexual objects to me because it was,
they, it was like I looked atthem as no different than if I were
(21:00):
going to stick a needle in myarm and shoot heroin into my veins.
I needed women for my fix andI couldn't form relationships on
a person to person level.
It was always based upon a sexual.
That was it, it was all basedaround sex because it was a way did
not yet too close to me, butyet only physically but not spiritually,
(21:24):
emotionally.
I, I can relate to a lot ofthings and, and you know, and the
alcohol, the drugs, you know,not really seeing it at the time
was clouding my judgment andyou know, putting me into really
awkward situations and, andthings I shouldn't have done.
And, and, but, but I'm, I'mgrateful for those experiences is
because if I had not gonethrough them, I wouldn't be able
(21:48):
to experience the opposite ofwhat I do now, which is complete
opposite.
I mean a healthy relationship.
I'm faithful to my wife.
I'm, you know, and I'mdedicated to my son.
I'm dedicated to my family.
So I do everything almost theopposite of what I was doing, you
know, over 25 years ago and,but all of that wouldn't have been
(22:11):
possible if I hadn'texperienced the other side of it.
Yeah, you should be reallyproud of yourself, Chris.
Like you've like, you know,just looking at some of the, the
scenarios that went down inyour family with your brother and,
and you know, losing your dadso young, like for you to come out
the other side in one piece isreally remarkable.
And you know, everyinteraction that I've had with you,
(22:34):
and we've probably had a, youknow, a few dozen over the last three
years or so, you're one of thefew people that shows up.
You're so consistent and eventhough you are arguably very successful
and very quite far along inyour entrepreneurial journey and
your development journey, likeyou're always super humble and super
(22:56):
receptive to hearing otherideas and I think that's a really
great attribute of some of themost successful people that I've
spent time with and I'M notjust talking about financially, I'm
talking about in health,wealth and relationships.
And I'll correct myself on theentrepreneurial word because there's
entrepreneur, there'ssolopreneur and you've got your own
trademark preneur version.
(23:16):
What is that?
Well, it's something I, youknow, I started off a long time ago
and I use, I still use it fromtime to time with.
It's called prospreneur.
And what a prospreneur is,it's doesn't mean you have to be
an entrepreneur.
It's just a way of life.
And a prosper renewer is aboutlooking at wealth from two different
angles.
There's the wealth of, yes,money and net worth of course, but
(23:38):
it's also the wealth in of theother areas of your life.
The wealth in my relationshipswith myself and other people, it
being an interdependent versusa codependent or relationship.
It's the relationship withmyself physically making sure I'm
taking care of my templewithout taking care of my temple.
It won't allow me to give methe energy to do the things I have
(24:00):
to do to serve others throughmy example and resourcefulness.
It also has to be that I haveto have a wealth in, in my emotional
and mental state of wellbeing, my intellectual well being,
of course we said financial,my occupational well being, doing
what I love to do and alwaysoperating from that purpose and how
(24:21):
I organize my day.
So to me wealth is both, youknow, it's like in harmony.
It's always about the give ortake of making sure that we fill
our cups each and every day.
That when I can do that then Ican be a better resource, a better
example for others and thenwhatever's a byproduct of that, a
(24:43):
healthy relationship.
I got a healthy, maybe a stampof good health from the doctor.
I just closed on a big, bigdeal with a client.
You know, any of those thingsare just a byproduct of that.
And that's what being aprosper is all about.
It's not about being perfector the best at everything that you
do.
It's about being your bestevery day.
Not the best, but being your best.
(25:05):
And that's, that's what aprosperous bite.
It's all in harmony.
It's never going to be perfect balance.
It's a, it's a great, it's agreat word, A great made up word
that yeah, resonates, it istrademarked but.
I don't know if it's actuallyconsidered a word in the dictionary?
Well, I reckon it with enoughlike use in the, the people's vernacular
(25:29):
or their, what's the other word?
Verbo.
Like just the verbose and vernacular.
Yeah.
So maybe I didn't do youjustice when I was kind of introducing
you, Chris, like what, what'sthe best way to describe how you
help people this day and age?
I mean, you know, as we'retalking more about personal development,
(25:49):
we'll keep it more on there.
I mean I am a businessacceleration strategist.
I work with businesses andbusiness leaders and helping them
to grow their businesses interms of increasing revenue and profit
raising their business valuation.
I work, I do work on helpingthem how to work on their business,
not in it.
How to be positioned as asubject matter expert, like speaking
on certain stages.
(26:10):
We get involved in rebuildingworkplace environments to build pe,
bring people together tocreate more valuable customer experiences.
I help companies to grab, youknow, the right messages that align
with their audiences,challenges that could be better,
the results they seek and have.
And when we can have afoundation of that, we can create
more better experiences anddevelop better revenue, proper strategy
(26:33):
increase.
Now putting that aside, I'mreally, you know, I do a lot of work
on the personal development side.
Everything I do is built on a foundation.
How we think will determinehow we be, how we be determines how
what we become, what we becomedetermines how we generate different
and better results.
So anything I do bothpersonally, professionally starts
(26:54):
with how we think.
From a growth mindset, fromemotional intelligence that we really
have to come to terms with whowe are.
We have to see life for whatit is, not just what we think it
should be.
And we have to learn how totrust the process of focusing, you
know, from what we cancontrol, letting go of what we can't.
And I teach people how tooperate from in the moment from their
(27:15):
intentions, not expectations.
Expectations will always putyour mind in, into the control you
can't control which will beexperienced in through fear, stress,
anxiety, frustration.
Now when you can bring it backto intentions because expectations
are tied to outcomes.
When you operate fromintentions, you can just focus on
what you can control and letgo of the results or the outcome.
(27:37):
Let it be a byproduct of the process.
That's what I work on and Iteach people how to do and then I
first work before they dothat, how to overcome their self
limiting beliefs and how tomake those changes over time.
And all those things willimprove your confidence, self esteem,
how you make decisions, howyou take risk, how you effectively
communicate, become a betterlistener and the list goes on of
(28:00):
what can become as a result ofthat process.
Chris, what have you, whathave you got on the horizon in terms
of exciting projects and lofty aspirations?
For me, I'll be, you know, Ido a lot of speaking.
I speak on average three timesa week at leading industry B2B, B2C
conferences, companiesvirtually and in person.
(28:21):
So I do have some thingscoming up with speaking.
I just recently did a keynotefor the 2024 National Foster Care
association where we weretalking them to foster care professionals
and how they can learn to bebetter examples and resources for,
for the people they serve inthat space by doing this for themselves.
(28:43):
Oftentimes people are inprofessions helping people, but they're
not doing the same work for themselves.
So it's like, you know, youcan't really, truly give to somebody
from an empty cup, but you canalways give great value when your
cup is full.
So those are the things thatI, I, I was, you know, stressing
during that talk went oververy well and yeah, those are the
things that I love doing.
(29:04):
Congrats, man.
Anna and I looked at fostercare a couple of years back before,
before COVID actually.
And in, down in Victoria, downin Australia here, they made it virtually
impossible.
Virtually impossible.
And sounds like they could dowith some Chris Salem juju to make
(29:27):
space for.
There's a huge need for kidsthat got no one, you know, and no
role models.
You know, imagine, imaginegetting Chris Salem as your foster
parent.
Yeah, the jackpot, baby.
So, so Chris, I'm conscious ofyour time.
You're a busy guy speakingthree times a week.
And, and folks, don'tunderestimate the amount of effort
(29:49):
that goes into that.
It's a big deal.
How do people get a hold of you?
More importantly, how peopleget a hold.
Of me is you either can go tomy speaker executive coaching site,
Chris Christopher Salem.com orour business site at sustainable
success.net I'm on LinkedIn,Christopher Salem or if you want
to connect by email.
Again, I always like to meetnew people.
(30:11):
Chris@christopher Salem.com isa good email.
Easy to remember if you'd liketo reach out.
Chris, do you have anyconcluding thoughts for our amazing
audience today?
Sure.
I would just say that I willconclude with a quote that I always
like to lead with people quotethat I came up with about almost
eight years ago now.
(30:32):
Give without expectation,receive without resistance.
And what that means is whenyou give without expectation, you're
giving from empathy andkindness, not pleasing and enabling.
There's a fine line pleasing.
Enabling is codependent anddoesn't help people, keeps people
stuck dependent on you.
When you give withoutexpectation, you give from empathy
(30:52):
and kindness.
Be the example, be the resource.
Empower them to do for themselves.
They may not like it at first,but you're teaching them to help
themselves which is going to turn.
Help turn the tables for themand help them to be the example and
resource to do it with someone else.
Now, when, when it comes backto you from somewhere else.
As long as it serves you.
If it doesn't serve you, youresist it.
(31:13):
But if it serves you, youreceive it.
So if somebody says, I wantto, I want to thank you for what
you did, oh, you don't have todo that.
Don't do that.
You're disrupting the flow of prosperity.
It's take the compliment, pickup a penny off the ground, you know,
receive anything that willserve you to fill your cup.
So then you can repeat to keepgiving without expectation.
(31:37):
It's like a boomerang.
It keeps coming back.
So even when you're goingthrough check challenges and obstacles,
you see it as an opportunity.
You see it as a way to growand expand.
And I could tell you that wayof thinking from that, that that
statement I gave you willchange your life and, and you will
live a much better and moreprosperous life if, if you, if you
(31:58):
can truly understand themeaning of that statement and live
it each and every day.
His book is Master your InnerCritic available available on Amazon
all around the world.
Ladies and gentlemen,Christopher Salem.
And as a result, I grew up,you know, a passive aggressive, meaning
that I often went out of myway in terms of my communication
to please and enable others orexchange for your validation.
You know, a lot of theinsecurities that I developed was
because I didn't have that,that strong father son connection.
And I was like, let's play agame of marriage kill.
(00:26):
And I didn't give her a chanceto respond.
I said I'd give withoutexpectation, receive without resistance.
Christopher Salem, welcome tothe show.
(00:46):
Welcome to become your own superhero.
Laban.
It is a pleasure to be here.
I'm looking forward to today.
Well, mate, not as excited asI am.
And folks, if you never heardof Chris Salem, you might have been
blessed by his generosity longbefore you ever heard of the name.
Because Chris was the mandirectly responsible for connecting
(01:09):
me and putting me in touchwith Jack Canfield of Chicken Soup
for the Soul, Fame, success, principles.
And he came on the show morethan a couple of years ago now and
had a profound impact on mylife and has since had a profound
effect on plenty of otherpeople because of the conversation
pieces that him and I had,particularly around negative self
(01:29):
talk, which is a great placeto start, I think, because when you
talk about mastering yourinner critic, that is your book Chris
came out a little while ago,but the principles and the ideas
in there are still as relevanttoday as they were 10, eight years
ago when it came out.
Is that a fair assumption?
Absolutely.
They will last the test of time.
(01:52):
What is a good indicator thatsomething will last the test of time,
in your opinion?
I would say that again when,when it, when it comes to, you know,
our ability to trust the process.
And when I say trust theprocess is as humans, we're so conditioned
through survival based, fixedmindset to really get caught up in,
(02:14):
in the control we can't control.
But if we can learn to focuson what we can control and let go
of what we can't, which isother people in other sit in situations.
We have the ability now toreally operate during challenging
times or even good times orboth right in the middle like so
we're not constantly ridingthat roller coaster of life.
(02:34):
So I feel like when we coulddo that, that can.
Trusting the process can be forever.
I mean, you know, it doesn'tmatter where you are in your life,
what you're going through,knowing that everything works out,
you just got to focus on whatyou can control in the moment.
And, and for me, that was agame changer 25 years ago.
I had to learn it Took me goodthree, four years to learn it but
(02:57):
I, and, and it's not somethingthat, you know, that always comes
natural.
I got to work on it every daybut when I do, it just makes life
and business so much morerewarding and, and I enjoyed the
experience.
And folks, if you've justdialed in for the first this your
first ever become your ownsuperhero podcast episode, welcome.
If this is your 221st orwhatever the number up to welcome
(03:20):
back.
And if you are listening tothis episode because you were brought
here through the power of theuniverse, one of the reasons you
might want to stick around isChris is an incredible speaker.
He is a peak performancebusiness and I suppose a life coach
to simplify things in many ways.
Multiple published and bestselling author, including a book
(03:43):
that was, that had JackCanfield as one of the co authors
as well and draws manyparallels to your host, Laban Ditchburn
in terms of our childhoods,which I must have read your book
three years ago, three and ahalf years ago, Chris, when we first
met and I reread it inpreparation for our time together
(04:04):
today and I was like, holy crap.
I basically, Chris Salem is afew years ahead of me.
Otherwise we are the same person.
I don't know.
What do you think about that?
Yeah, no, I mean, hey man,we're all on different, different,
you know, we're all goingthrough this experience at different
times.
And what I always find is thatwe always, you know, we always learn
(04:26):
from each other.
So I, for me, I'm alwayswearing the, the teacher and the
student hat simultaneously.
I'm always learning something new.
And at the same time, I couldbe a resource and be an example for
others that might be goingthrough something I've gone through
that I can be a resource for.
Well, maybe if you're happy to share.
(04:46):
Chris, give us a snapshot ofwhat your youth and childhood look
like and how that shaped youinto the man that you are today.
Well, I mean, when I grew up,I grew up in a dysfunctional home.
A lot of codependency and alot of insecurity.
And at the time when I wasgrowing up, you know, my father was
oftentimes traveling and whenhe was here, he was emotionally checked
(05:09):
out.
And as a result of it, I wasalways seeking my dad's attention,
his validation.
Now, I didn't know it at thetime, but I just, I, now I can look
back, you know, and, and seethat's what I was doing and because
I was disappointed over andover and over again as a Result of
it.
I grew up just really with alot of insecurities just about myself,
(05:30):
you know.
You know, I had a hard timemaking decisions, I had a hard time
following through.
I had a hard time trusting mygut or, or, or the process that we
just talked about.
And as a result, I grew up,you know, a passive aggressive, meaning
that I often went out of myway in terms of my communication
to please and enable othersfor exchange for your validation.
(05:51):
Because I, that's what Ineeded to fill up that empty space.
But then I can be aggressivein my behavior when I would react,
when things didn't go my way,where I didn't get the validation
I was looking for and I couldlash back and you know, so that's
where that passive aggressivebehavior came from.
So I look back that, you know,a lot of the insecurities that I
developed was because I didn'thave that, that strong father son
(06:14):
connection.
And as I was able to workthose things out in my early 30s,
I was able to.
Then when I got married, I got married.
I got married a little bit later.
I almost got married at 25,but thank God I didn't.
I got married a little, youknow, a little later.
And that was enough time forme to work through my stuff, to become
(06:34):
now the father that, that myfather wasn't able to be, do so.
So I was able to make thesechanges and not repeat those same
patterns and mistakes.
And how significant is the actof forgiveness in the journey that
you've been on?
It is, it is huge becausewithout forgiveness, you can't truly
(06:57):
change to have a better life.
Let me explain the power of forgiveness.
My father passed away at theage of 56.
I am 56 years old right now,and I'm turning 57 in a few weeks.
And my dad passed away at theage of 56 from lung cancer.
Now, my dad hadn't smoked inyears, but he, you know, he been,
(07:17):
he had smoked years ago, hadbeen around asbestos, and he had
a lot of stress and anxiety.
In this life, I'm a firmbeliever he was.
His cancer was a manifestationof all the things he internalized
that he was never able to show.
Unlike where I was the opposite.
I would let it out.
Now as a result of that, I hada life changing moment.
(07:39):
I wouldn't be here today.
I wouldn't have made thistransformation if it wasn't for my
father.
My father played a big role in that.
And my father ended up, inhindsight, giving me the greatest
gift that anybody could ever imagine.
I Remember the day before myfather passed away and my dad died
December 30th of 1990 at 11:30in the morning.
(08:00):
That's when he officially passed.
Around that time, 11:30.
So this was December 29th.
And I remember being at his bed.
He could not talk.
His eyes were open, but he was like.
You could tell the morphinewas kind of winding his body down.
He was gonna pass it, youknow, within 24 hours.
But I remember him lookingover at me and I could hear him talking.
(08:20):
Now, I can't this day, I can'texplain how I.
I could understand what I washearing because it was not actually
he was talking, but it waslike a voice in some other internal
way.
And I just remember himlooking at me and saying, I.
You know, it was like his wayof saying goodbye and saying, I just
want to let you know I love you.
I love your brother.
(08:41):
I know I've never, you know,showed it in a way that you would.
Would like to see.
And I even loved your mother.
Even my.
My parents had been divorced.
He goes, I did the best I could.
I goes, I, you know, I triedto be the best father that I could,
but I.
I could only be what I knewhow to be.
And then when I.
And he began to talk about,like, how when he was growing up,
(09:02):
he was the black sheep of the family.
He didn't like his father.
His father never gave him anyattention or any love to him.
Never listened to him.
And my dad just kind of went.
Did his own thing.
So I realized that he didn'thave the same type of support and
validation from his ownfather, my grandfather.
And as a result, he can onlybe who he was.
(09:23):
He didn't know how to be this father.
So even though I was lookingfor that type of father, he couldn't
provide it.
It wasn't that he.
He was doing it purposely.
He just didn't know how.
And that hit me hard.
Not in a way that, like,brought me to my knees, but it.
I looked at myself and said,you know what?
You got to stop pointing thefinger at your father.
(09:44):
You got to stop pointing thefinger at everybody else while your
life is in the.
You've made this decision.
It's your responsibility.
It's not my dad's.
My dad did the best he could.
And now I got to take withwhatever what is and make.
Make something better out ofwhatever it is.
So in hindsight, I teachpeople now, today, is not to look
(10:05):
at life how we think it should be.
It's how to look at Life andbusiness for what it is and then
within what you can control.
Make the best of it.
That's it.
And then when I began to makethat shift and I turned to AA because
I had, I was struggling with12 years of addiction at the time,
sexual addiction, alcohol, drugs.
(10:25):
I began to adopt an easternphilosophy towards life, you know,
meditation, journaling.
So I immersed myself in these studies.
I got involved in emotional intelligence.
And when I was able to makethis shift, all these things that
I learned in that short 15minutes with my father came full
circle.
And I was able to understandnow and accept responsibility.
(10:47):
And that all started withforgiving my father on that day and
telling him I loved him forwho he was and what.
And that he could only be thebest father that he could be at that
point.
Because there are many greattraits I picked up from my father.
My father taught me how tosave money, how to take risks, and
those things, I, you know, Itake the good things that he taught
(11:08):
me and leave the things thatdidn't serve me away.
And now I focus on fillingthat up and with other resources
that help me to this day to do that.
So for me that was a lifechanging moment and forgiveness played
a big role.
If I couldn't forgive myfather, I couldn't forgive myself
and I wouldn't be able toforgive other people and that.
(11:28):
And I wouldn't have been ableto adopt and embrace this process
that I live each and every dayfrom without forgiving.
Man, I love you for sharingthat, Chris.
And I.
There's so many swirlingthoughts coming through my mind because
one of the biggest challengesthat I've had in the last few years
has been that relationshipwith my father, which for many years
(11:50):
has, was excellent in terms oflike, him and I were like this, you
know, and I've got my fingers crossed.
And as I started my healingjourney kind of drove us further
and further apart.
And it's kind of gotten to apoint now where even when I was in
town after returning home for,after being away for two and a half
(12:12):
years, about two months ago,he didn't want to meet.
And I just, I'm still workingit out my head and I've gone through
some of those exercises aroundwhat I'm grateful for from my father.
But I will admit, Chris, thatI, I've been struggling of late with
finding more than a couple ofthings and the.
(12:35):
I've been able to find anumber much higher of fun, more negative
things.
Is there an exercise that Icould do that would help me uncover
more Gratitude for what I gotfrom my old man.
I would say that again.
You can't control what yourfather's going to do.
You can't control hiscommunication to you, his behavior,
(12:57):
his attitude, his emotions oractions towards this relationship.
And I, and I have a clientdealing with the same thing with
her daughter.
One of her, one of herdaughters doesn't even talk to her
anymore.
Her.
And doesn't pay, doesn't evenallow her to even really see even
her grandchildren.
And it's really, reallydisheartening for her.
So I would say that, that again.
(13:18):
You, you forgive your fatherno matter what and love him from
afar and you can control thecommunication you put out to him
and say, hey, I just want tolet you know that, you know, whatever
has come between us, you know,I'm always happy to talk.
You're my father, I love youand I always will.
(13:38):
And, and it is always an opendoor that I'm here when you're ready
to talk and I respectwhatever, wherever you are, you're
not if that's not the case.
But just, again, just, youknow, don't, don't keep, you know,
on him, but just every fewweeks send a note to say hi, you
know, and just, you know, todetach from the outcome and just
(14:03):
forgive.
And forgive not only him, butforgive yourself for anything that
you feel that you disappointedhim or whatever those things that
you're swirling through yourmind to forgive yourself again, it's
in the past.
It's, it's, it is what it is.
And just kind of just focus on you.
(14:24):
Focus on your communication,your behavior, your attitude, your
emotions, your actions.
And just let him know fromtime to time that, hey, I'm here,
I think about you, I love you.
And you know, when, when thetime's right for you, call me.
And, and then, and then let it be.
And just.
I know it's a hard thing to do.
(14:44):
Yeah, I would.
That would be my advice.
You know, you can't controlwhat he's going to do.
You can only control what youcan do.
So loving from afar, forgivehim and just adapt to what is.
And make the best you canpossible from it.
No, never taking the eye offof yourself, always improving yourself
(15:06):
because it's your example andresourcefulness that will indirectly
and directly influence peoplearound you.
And it, his energy, he'll fillyour energy no matter even if you're
not around.
I mean, there's some greatstuff in there, Chris, and it's,
it's a timely reminder foreveryone listening to this I think
I'll push back a little bitand because I'm keen to hear your
(15:28):
thoughts because I've done,you know, I had an incident three
years ago where I, we had ahuge fight and I basically disowned
him.
And I might have said somethings in there that like, really
did some damage, you know,like sometimes you can hammer in
some nails and you can removethose nails, but the holes still
remain, you know.
And I wrote a blog post aboutit and a mutual friend of ours, Carl
(15:50):
fixed actually saw the post onLinkedIn and tagged Dr.
Fred Luskin.
And Fred Luskin founded theStanford Forgiveness Project.
For anyone that doesn't knowwhich was responsible for reuniting
like AIT's camp survivors toforgive the camp commander, you know,
killed all their family andIRA bomb blast victims.
(16:10):
The mothers forgave thesoldiers that killed their children.
And you know, real like, like,you know, nothing, nothing that you
and I have had to deal with atthat level.
The, the challenge has been,Chris, is that I go through these
processes, but the thingsthat, that my father continues to
do kind of re.
(16:31):
Antagonizes the situation.
There's no respite and, and Irealize there might be a, a communication
boundary setting thing inthere, but like it's the, the communication
so infrequently that, youknow, and there's other family members
that still have some kind ofrelationship with him that I don't
want to have to keep himcompletely arms linked with no contact.
(16:54):
What, what's, what's yourthoughts on how to manage that situation?
I would just say that again,you know, without.
If he's not, if he's not, youknow, willing to talk to you on the
phone or meet in person, youknow, to put something in writing,
not something too long, unlesshe's okay with reading something
long, but just putting yourthoughts on something that you can
(17:17):
say to him.
And it doesn't mean you'dalways have to agree where he's coming
from.
He doesn't have to agree whereyou're coming from.
He might look at it from adifferent perspective like you look
at it, but it's the abilitynow because you can't control what
he's going to do, but to nowlook at it for what it is, look at
it for what it is.
Put your differences aside,put your biases aside, your perspective
(17:40):
opinions aside.
Look at it for what it is andwhat you know, put something in writing
that you could put something,how you want to move beyond that
and anything that has beensaid in the past.
I apologize.
Don't apologize just to apologize.
You only apologize for whereit's due.
And don't ask anything fromhim other than the opportunity to
(18:03):
have a conversation when thetime is right.
Yeah, it's great.
Great, Chris.
And I didn't.
Wasn't that bad, you know, Ijust disowned him and told him that
I have no father.
You know.
Sometimes people say thingsand they don't really mean.
I mean, you, you.
Maybe you felt it at the time,but it doesn't mean that you literally
(18:23):
meant it.
You know, like, you know, it was.
Maybe you were angry, butmaybe it just.
At the time it just.
That's what made sense to you.
Oh yeah, Like, I don't thinkanyone truly means that unless they've
done something, you know, justunbelievably evil.
But I've.
I've always been quitedramatic when I'm angry.
Chris, I don't know if you canresonate with this.
(18:45):
I always prided myselfactually in some strange way in being
dramatic when I used to havethese super heated fights with previous
girlfriends, you know, longbefore I met my beautiful wife Anna.
We've been together six yearsand I.
And it was always alcoholinvolved in those previous relationships
and I would.
Yeah, and I remember with myex girlfriend and I wrote this in
(19:10):
my book actually.
We were blind drunk on redwine one night and the conversation
came up about something.
We got into this really bad fight.
And the worst part about it,Chris, was it was in front of friends
of ours and I was like, let'splay a game of mar.
Kill.
(19:33):
And.
And I didn't give her a chanceto respond.
I said I'd marry Satan, I'dhit Hitler and I'd kill you.
You should have seen the blooddrain from her face.
Just how like.
And we kind of laugh about itnow, but this is just the, the absurdity
of some of the.
The stuff we can get up towhen we are dealing through, through,
(19:55):
you know, a childhood of a lotof dysfunction and observing abusive
verbal arguments.
And we're doing our best totry and unlearn and dearn these as
much as we can and relearnthem much more functional behavior.
So I will.
I'm proud to admit that I'm adamn sight better than what I used
to be.
(20:16):
I don't know if you got.
Have you got a story like that.
That'S on par my first 31years of my life?
Well, when I, by the time Iwas 16 to.
To 31, I had 15 years over.
Well I really say 12, butthere was still, that was three years
early on in my teenage yearsthat I, my addiction was forming.
But, and during the, duringthat, those years of where I was
(20:39):
in my full blown addiction, Imean, you know, I, my relationships
were, were, were horrible.
I mean, you know, the women Ipicked and, and a lot of times, you
know, women, I, I looked atwomen not for who they were, they
were, they looked at them assexual objects to me because it was,
they, it was like I looked atthem as no different than if I were
(21:00):
going to stick a needle in myarm and shoot heroin into my veins.
I needed women for my fix andI couldn't form relationships on
a person to person level.
It was always based upon a sexual.
That was it, it was all basedaround sex because it was a way did
not yet too close to me, butyet only physically but not spiritually,
(21:24):
emotionally.
I, I can relate to a lot ofthings and, and you know, and the
alcohol, the drugs, you know,not really seeing it at the time
was clouding my judgment andyou know, putting me into really
awkward situations and, andthings I shouldn't have done.
And, and, but, but I'm, I'mgrateful for those experiences is
because if I had not gonethrough them, I wouldn't be able
(21:48):
to experience the opposite ofwhat I do now, which is complete
opposite.
I mean a healthy relationship.
I'm faithful to my wife.
I'm, you know, and I'mdedicated to my son.
I'm dedicated to my family.
So I do everything almost theopposite of what I was doing, you
know, over 25 years ago and,but all of that wouldn't have been
(22:11):
possible if I hadn'texperienced the other side of it.
Yeah, you should be reallyproud of yourself, Chris.
Like you've like, you know,just looking at some of the, the
scenarios that went down inyour family with your brother and,
and you know, losing your dadso young, like for you to come out
the other side in one piece isreally remarkable.
And you know, everyinteraction that I've had with you,
(22:34):
and we've probably had a, youknow, a few dozen over the last three
years or so, you're one of thefew people that shows up.
You're so consistent and eventhough you are arguably very successful
and very quite far along inyour entrepreneurial journey and
your development journey, likeyou're always super humble and super
(22:56):
receptive to hearing otherideas and I think that's a really
great attribute of some of themost successful people that I've
spent time with and I'M notjust talking about financially, I'm
talking about in health,wealth and relationships.
And I'll correct myself on theentrepreneurial word because there's
entrepreneur, there'ssolopreneur and you've got your own
trademark preneur version.
(23:16):
What is that?
Well, it's something I, youknow, I started off a long time ago
and I use, I still use it fromtime to time with.
It's called prospreneur.
And what a prospreneur is,it's doesn't mean you have to be
an entrepreneur.
It's just a way of life.
And a prosper renewer is aboutlooking at wealth from two different
angles.
There's the wealth of, yes,money and net worth of course, but
(23:38):
it's also the wealth in of theother areas of your life.
The wealth in my relationshipswith myself and other people, it
being an interdependent versusa codependent or relationship.
It's the relationship withmyself physically making sure I'm
taking care of my templewithout taking care of my temple.
It won't allow me to give methe energy to do the things I have
(24:00):
to do to serve others throughmy example and resourcefulness.
It also has to be that I haveto have a wealth in, in my emotional
and mental state of wellbeing, my intellectual well being,
of course we said financial,my occupational well being, doing
what I love to do and alwaysoperating from that purpose and how
(24:21):
I organize my day.
So to me wealth is both, youknow, it's like in harmony.
It's always about the give ortake of making sure that we fill
our cups each and every day.
That when I can do that then Ican be a better resource, a better
example for others and thenwhatever's a byproduct of that, a
(24:43):
healthy relationship.
I got a healthy, maybe a stampof good health from the doctor.
I just closed on a big, bigdeal with a client.
You know, any of those thingsare just a byproduct of that.
And that's what being aprosper is all about.
It's not about being perfector the best at everything that you
do.
It's about being your bestevery day.
Not the best, but being your best.
(25:05):
And that's, that's what aprosperous bite.
It's all in harmony.
It's never going to be perfect balance.
It's a, it's a great, it's agreat word, A great made up word
that yeah, resonates, it istrademarked but.
I don't know if it's actuallyconsidered a word in the dictionary?
Well, I reckon it with enoughlike use in the, the people's vernacular
(25:29):
or their, what's the other word?
Verbo.
Like just the verbose and vernacular.
Yeah.
So maybe I didn't do youjustice when I was kind of introducing
you, Chris, like what, what'sthe best way to describe how you
help people this day and age?
I mean, you know, as we'retalking more about personal development,
(25:49):
we'll keep it more on there.
I mean I am a businessacceleration strategist.
I work with businesses andbusiness leaders and helping them
to grow their businesses interms of increasing revenue and profit
raising their business valuation.
I work, I do work on helpingthem how to work on their business,
not in it.
How to be positioned as asubject matter expert, like speaking
on certain stages.
(26:10):
We get involved in rebuildingworkplace environments to build pe,
bring people together tocreate more valuable customer experiences.
I help companies to grab, youknow, the right messages that align
with their audiences,challenges that could be better,
the results they seek and have.
And when we can have afoundation of that, we can create
more better experiences anddevelop better revenue, proper strategy
(26:33):
increase.
Now putting that aside, I'mreally, you know, I do a lot of work
on the personal development side.
Everything I do is built on a foundation.
How we think will determinehow we be, how we be determines how
what we become, what we becomedetermines how we generate different
and better results.
So anything I do bothpersonally, professionally starts
(26:54):
with how we think.
From a growth mindset, fromemotional intelligence that we really
have to come to terms with whowe are.
We have to see life for whatit is, not just what we think it
should be.
And we have to learn how totrust the process of focusing, you
know, from what we cancontrol, letting go of what we can't.
And I teach people how tooperate from in the moment from their
(27:15):
intentions, not expectations.
Expectations will always putyour mind in, into the control you
can't control which will beexperienced in through fear, stress,
anxiety, frustration.
Now when you can bring it backto intentions because expectations
are tied to outcomes.
When you operate fromintentions, you can just focus on
what you can control and letgo of the results or the outcome.
(27:37):
Let it be a byproduct of the process.
That's what I work on and Iteach people how to do and then I
first work before they dothat, how to overcome their self
limiting beliefs and how tomake those changes over time.
And all those things willimprove your confidence, self esteem,
how you make decisions, howyou take risk, how you effectively
communicate, become a betterlistener and the list goes on of
(28:00):
what can become as a result ofthat process.
Chris, what have you, whathave you got on the horizon in terms
of exciting projects and lofty aspirations?
For me, I'll be, you know, Ido a lot of speaking.
I speak on average three timesa week at leading industry B2B, B2C
conferences, companiesvirtually and in person.
(28:21):
So I do have some thingscoming up with speaking.
I just recently did a keynotefor the 2024 National Foster Care
association where we weretalking them to foster care professionals
and how they can learn to bebetter examples and resources for,
for the people they serve inthat space by doing this for themselves.
(28:43):
Oftentimes people are inprofessions helping people, but they're
not doing the same work for themselves.
So it's like, you know, youcan't really, truly give to somebody
from an empty cup, but you canalways give great value when your
cup is full.
So those are the things thatI, I, I was, you know, stressing
during that talk went oververy well and yeah, those are the
things that I love doing.
(29:04):
Congrats, man.
Anna and I looked at fostercare a couple of years back before,
before COVID actually.
And in, down in Victoria, downin Australia here, they made it virtually
impossible.
Virtually impossible.
And sounds like they could dowith some Chris Salem juju to make
(29:27):
space for.
There's a huge need for kidsthat got no one, you know, and no
role models.
You know, imagine, imaginegetting Chris Salem as your foster
parent.
Yeah, the jackpot, baby.
So, so Chris, I'm conscious ofyour time.
You're a busy guy speakingthree times a week.
And, and folks, don'tunderestimate the amount of effort
(29:49):
that goes into that.
It's a big deal.
How do people get a hold of you?
More importantly, how peopleget a hold.
Of me is you either can go tomy speaker executive coaching site,
Chris Christopher Salem.com orour business site at sustainable
success.net I'm on LinkedIn,Christopher Salem or if you want
to connect by email.
Again, I always like to meetnew people.
(30:11):
Chris@christopher Salem.com isa good email.
Easy to remember if you'd liketo reach out.
Chris, do you have anyconcluding thoughts for our amazing
audience today?
Sure.
I would just say that I willconclude with a quote that I always
like to lead with people quotethat I came up with about almost
eight years ago now.
(30:32):
Give without expectation,receive without resistance.
And what that means is whenyou give without expectation, you're
giving from empathy andkindness, not pleasing and enabling.
There's a fine line pleasing.
Enabling is codependent anddoesn't help people, keeps people
stuck dependent on you.
When you give withoutexpectation, you give from empathy
(30:52):
and kindness.
Be the example, be the resource.
Empower them to do for themselves.
They may not like it at first,but you're teaching them to help
themselves which is going to turn.
Help turn the tables for themand help them to be the example and
resource to do it with someone else.
Now, when, when it comes backto you from somewhere else.
As long as it serves you.
If it doesn't serve you, youresist it.
(31:13):
But if it serves you, youreceive it.
So if somebody says, I wantto, I want to thank you for what
you did, oh, you don't have todo that.
Don't do that.
You're disrupting the flow of prosperity.
It's take the compliment, pickup a penny off the ground, you know,
receive anything that willserve you to fill your cup.
So then you can repeat to keepgiving without expectation.
(31:37):
It's like a boomerang.
It keeps coming back.
So even when you're goingthrough check challenges and obstacles,
you see it as an opportunity.
You see it as a way to growand expand.
And I could tell you that wayof thinking from that, that that
statement I gave you willchange your life and, and you will
live a much better and moreprosperous life if, if you, if you
(31:58):
can truly understand themeaning of that statement and live
it each and every day.
His book is Master your InnerCritic available available on Amazon
all around the world.
Ladies and gentlemen,Christopher Salem.
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