August 22, 2025 • 31 mins
Valencia Dantzler, renowned as a gratitude grandmaster, joins us today to share her transformative journey from contemplating suicide to building an international coaching business. She specializes in helping busy executives and high-achieving professionals turn their challenges into breakthrough moments through straightforward, science-backed gratitude practices. Valencia's unique Fly High Framework combines gratitude with neuroscience, empowering leaders to overcome obstacles and reach their goals in weeks, not years. In our conversation, we delve into the profound impact of gratitude on mental health and resilience, and she offers practical advice for starting a gratitude practice that can lead to significant life changes. Get ready to be inspired and equipped with tools to elevate your mindset and transform your life!
Valencia Dantzler, renowned as the 'Gratitude Grandmaster', joins us to share her incredible journey from a dark place of hopelessness to a thriving international coaching business. Her unique approach merges simple gratitude practices with solid neuroscience, allowing busy executives to transform their lives in just weeks. During our conversation, Valencia opens up about her personal struggles, including a time when she contemplated suicide and how she turned her life around by embracing gratitude. She introduces her Fly High Framework, designed to guide high-achieving professionals through their biggest challenges, helping them break free from the mental traps that hold them back. With a blend of humor and sincerity, Valencia not only captivates us with her story but also empowers us to take actionable steps towards a healthier mindset, underscoring the importance of resilience and self-love. This episode is a heartfelt reminder that even the simplest practices can yield profound changes, urging us to embrace gratitude as a transformative tool for a more fulfilling life.
Takeaways:
- Valencia Dantzler, the gratitude grandmaster, empowers busy executives to transform their lives using simple gratitude practices.
- Her personal journey from contemplating suicide to establishing a successful coaching business is truly inspirational.
- Valencia's Fly High Framework helps clients achieve their goals in weeks, emphasizing practical action and gratitude.
- The importance of resilience in the current generation is a key theme, encouraging young people to keep going despite challenges.
- Science supports gratitude as a powerful tool for mental well-being, illustrating its profound impact on our mindset.
- Gratitude journaling is a simple yet effective practice that can shift your perspective and improve your life.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
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(01:00):
My guest today is ValenciaDantzler, known known worldwide as
a gratitude grandmaster, isthe go to expert for busy executives
seeking to transform theirlives without spending hours on complex
mindset work. She helps highachieving professionals transform
their biggest challenges intobreakthrough moments. By utilizing
(01:21):
simple science backedgratitude practices. Valencia transformed
her own life fromcontemplating suicide to building
an international coachingbusiness through her signature Fly
High Framework executivecoaching program and exclusive retreats
in Nairobi. Her approachcombines the simplicity of gratitude
with proven brain science,helping leaders get unstuck and achieve
(01:45):
their biggest goals in weeks,not years. We welcome her to, to
the podcast. Well, Valencia,welcome to the podcast. How you doing
today?
I am super fantastic. I hopeyou are as well.
I am. I'm not in as beautifula setting as you are. My background
is my office. You're out therewith mountains and all kinds of cool
(02:06):
stuff. So.
Yeah, I know, I know. I'mloving it. I can't, I can't deny
it. I, I'm very grateful.
God is good.
Yes, yes, yes.
So I'm gonna ask you myfavorite question. I ask all my guests,
what's the best piece ofadvice you ever received?
(02:29):
Oh, Les Brown told me, nomatter what, keep going. And he was
right. He said, you're gonnahave ups and downs in life. I said,
les Brown, I said, you've beenthrough so much in your life. I read
his book and I said, how wereyou able to just, you know, be having,
(02:53):
have integrity, knowing thatyou've gone through so much in your
life and then able to speaklife into other people, even though
maybe your life wasn't goinggreat at the time? He said, keep
going. No matter what, keep going.
I love that. That is, that'spowerful words of advice because
(03:13):
we pressing on. You know, Ithink I was the. As I talked to a
lot of people, especiallyabout this current generation, what
they lament most more thananything else is that have we trained
our young people to beresilient, to keep going on when
things get difficult or, youknow, because as a parent, you want
to protect your child and makesure you, you save them from all
(03:35):
the bad things. But are we,are we in doing that, are we not
helping them to be preparedfor the tough times ahead? So I love
that about keep moving forward.
Right? Keep going. He said,keep moving. Love it.
As you think about your lifeand your journey, who are some people
in your life who served as amentor for you or even a source of
(03:55):
inspiration on your journey?You can kind of give them a shout
out right now.
Well, I'm, I shout out to LesBrown, right? Because he was the
original, right? Or is. Is heis the original, right? And then
from. From him, people likeone of my best menders, Joseph McLennan
(04:16):
III. He has definitelyimparted a lot of wisdom on my life
and just, you know, even whatI do, you know, day to day, he's
really helped me with that a lot.
That's so cool. Well, we wantto thank those people for being a
blessing to you. And. And I'mnot sure, not just you, but many
others as well. So.
(04:37):
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, yeah,he's been key.
So, Val, you're known aroundthe world as a gratitude grandmaster.
Can you share where that titlecame from and what it means to you
to be known as that?
Okay, so it really has to dowith. With my story. So I know people
(04:59):
see the big smile that's on myface. It is real. You know, I'm not
about any fakery or anythinglike that, but eight years ago, I
was really at the place wherenot only did I want to say bye to
America, right? But I wantedto say goodbye to the whole world,
right? And I'm the type ofperson, I grew up in church. I was
(05:22):
always good in school. Youknow, I graduated magna cum laude,
all of that. However, youknow, I had gotten to a point in
my life where I just didn'twant to go on. And I ran across this
video, just a brief video, andthe lady happened to mention that
she started exercisinggratitude. I took her up on that.
(05:46):
Long story short, I tried itfor a week. I felt better. By the
end of the month, I wanted tolive. And I couldn't believe it.
And so then that made me go inand really find out what is the science
behind this.
So. So dig deeper into that.Tell us about the science. I mean,
we kind of, as Christians, weknow, you know, that Paul says, be
(06:08):
thankful in all circumstances,and he really tells Jesus a preference.
Practice gratitude, but giveus the science behind it, besides
just the spiritual aspect of it.
Okay, I love to do that. Andalso, before we really get into it,
because I know this is goingto be a great discussion, I want
to thank you for having me on,and I absolutely love everything
that you are doing. Okay? AndI want everyone to just stop what
(06:32):
they're doing. Subscribe tothis podcast, okay? Give him a great
five, five star rating,because this is how we spread this
message to the whole wideworld. Okay? So I want to thank you
and let you know that I'mgrateful that I'm on here today.
Well, thank You. It's apleasure. Yeah, it's a. It's a. It's
(06:53):
a labor of love for me, so.
Good. I could definitely tellthat. I could definitely tell that.
So. Yeah. So the sciencebehind gratitude, for instance. Well,
I went on because it saved mylife within. Within 30 days. I wanted
to live it made me figure outwhat just happened. Something happened
(07:17):
here. And so I had to find thescience behind it because like I
told you, I grew up in thechurch. Absolutely nothing wrong
with the church. Right. But itjust wasn't enough for me at the
time because I had made up mymind, I had set the date, what I
knew I was going to do andwhen I was going to do it. Right.
(07:37):
And nobody knew. And how manypeople do we know, even in the church,
that you know gospel singersand things like that and you know,
we've lost them. Right, Right.So it was a real thing that I was
feeling at the end of that 30days. And I went on to become an
elite neuro encodingspecialist. And all that means is
(08:00):
I help myself as well as otherpeople reprogram themselves so they
can live the life that theywant to do. And it was science. And
with that gratitude practice,unknowingly I was doing that. Okay.
And all it was is I changed myperspective. You know, we have glasses,
Both of us have glasses on. Right?
(08:22):
Right.
Take the glass off, thingscould be a little bit blurry. Okay.
But put the glasses on, you'relooking at the same thing. But, oh,
it's clearer now. Our lens haschanged. So it's science, it's not
woo woo. It might sound likeit's woo woo, Right? What do you
mean? Something. And you cansee clear. Right. But we take it
(08:42):
secondhand now because we knowwhat glasses are. Right?
Right.
But it's the same thing. It isputting on a different lens, looking
at the. At the same thing. Right?
Right.
And so I chose to look at itwith a lens of gratitude. Now, in
Neuro and Cody, we say whatyou write, you invite. So I actually
(09:07):
had a journal and every day Iwould write down only what I'm grateful
for. I didn't know anythingabout neuron science or neur encoding.
This was a download from God. Okay?
Right.
Nobody told me how to do this.The little lady on the video did
not tell me how to do this.This is all a download, okay? And
(09:28):
so I started. I could onlywrite down what I was grateful for
on those pages. And it wasvery difficult at first because I
was the type of person whowould get up in the morning thinking
about all the relationshipsthat didn't work, all the money that
I didn't have, okay? And I'mtelling you, these things were rehearsed
(09:48):
in my head for years. Not. I'mnot talking about one or two years.
I'm talking 10, 15, 20 years,okay? But guess what? Now I know
I was programming myself forthe demise unknowingly. Nobody wants
demise. Right, but becauseit's so, you know, we're in this
(10:10):
world, right? But we don'thave to be of the world, right? So
it's easy for us to look atthe negative. It's easy for us to
be even consumed on the newsby the negative. Right? But what
that's actually doing is thisprogramming in our subconscious mind,
which I believe is yourconnection to God, Okay? It's way
(10:33):
more powerful than yourconscious mind or your thinking mind
or your mind is always tryingto figure things out. Doesn't the
Bible say, proclaim a thing,proclaim what you want? Yeah, that's.
That's knowing the what,that's tuning in to that subconscious,
that God in you. God doesn'ttell us to figure out how it's gonna
(10:55):
happen. That's it. That's his job.
Right?
We just need to know the what.And that's neuroscience. We need
to know the what and bepassionate about that thing. Right?
Right.
And I'm telling you, gonna geta download. What you're looking for
is looking for you. And that'swhat happened to me eight years ago.
And now look, the whole worldhas been opened up to me.
(11:19):
I love that. As you thinkabout your story, though, you know,
for people who are hearingthis and they're maybe in that place
you were. It's like everythingjust seems like it's crashing out
around them. For you, what wasthe turning point where. So you started
doing it for gratitude?Practice. But what was that turning
point was like, okay, now thisis starting to stick, as opposed
(11:39):
to, you know, just surviving.Now it's like I'm. My whole outlook
has changed. My. My vision forthe future has changed. There really
is joy where there was sorrow.When did. What was that turning point
for you?
Well, that turning point forme was. Was really. I mean, eight
years ago, when I. I took achance. I didn't believe it was going
(11:59):
to work.
I.
Listen, I had made the date. Iset the date, and I'm a calendar
girl.
Yeah.
When you put something on mycalendar, I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna
show up. I'm gonna be there.Okay. You don't even have to keep
reminding me. It's on mycalendar. I'm gonna do it right?
So I put the date on mycalendar, okay? So that means I was
(12:20):
serious about it. Like I'm.I'm done. I'm done trying. So I hope
nobody gets to that pointwhere they're totally, totally done.
But I'm telling you, it wasreally God Almighty God, right? That
put that happenstance video infront of me, okay? And the late.
(12:44):
And I said, you know what? Iknow it's not gonna work. That ain't
gonna work. Because she toldme, just think about what you're
grateful for every day. And Isaid, girl, by the time when I get
up in the morning, I'vealready thought about 10,000 problems.
10,000 things that have gothave gone wrong in my life, okay?
But something said I knew thewhat I really want. Everybody really
(13:04):
wants to live, right? That'sthe what nobody really wants the
demise. They really don't wantthat. What you really want is the
pain to be gone. So that whatI want, the pain to be gone sent
me. Well, why don't you justwrite it down in a journal? I said
(13:25):
I hadn't had a journal since Iwas 7 years old. What are you talking
about? Well, it's not going towork. But you know what? At least
when they find me, I' ma hadthis journal. And it at least I tried
because that's evidence that Itried and that what was in my mind.
So I went out and got thatjournal and I started writing it
(13:48):
down. I said, I'm gonna givemyself a week. And at the end of
that week, I felt just alittle bit better. I was like, no,
I know this is not real, butmine is playing tricks on me. But
since nobody knows what I'mgonna do anyway, let me just delay
it one more week and try itagain. And I felt a little bit better.
(14:09):
So the turning point wasstarting to happen. Third week, let
me just try one more time.Delayed it again. I felt better,
but by the end of that month,I didn't have those feelings anymore.
I wasn't waking up in dreadanymore. And so that was the turning
point for me. I said, wait aminute, I got something here. I don't
(14:33):
know what just happened, butfor years and years and years, I'm
no longer thinking thosethoughts that I was thinking. And
I want live.
That is powerful. So you coachpeople now in this and tell us about
your fly high framework,because I think it'd be helpful for
kind of us to dig into, youknow, how do you teach this to other
(14:57):
people now?
Yeah. So I use a fly high. Ihave a community, and I teach the
fly high. It's called. Thecommunity is called ease over exhaustion.
Okay? And in this community, Ido group coaching, and I talk about
fly high. So imagine you haveall these negative thoughts, okay?
(15:23):
And they're toxic thoughts. Soit could be procrastination, putting
things off. It could beimposter syndrome, and I don't feel
like I'm good enough. Right?All those things are toxins. And
imagine that going in a murky,murky, murky water. But there's this
ladder out of this water, andthe first rung is F for fly. And
(15:47):
that means F. That meansstands for focus. The next rung is
L, Lift. So focus is. Set yoursights on what it is, the what that
you want. Start liftingyourself out. Start. Stop thinking
somebody's gonna save you,because you really got to be the
one to save yourself. Okay? Solift. Start going in that direction
(16:13):
that you want to go. Why?You're gonna yield a better life.
You're gonna look back andyou're like, dang, all that murky
water down there. But I'moutside of the water, and I see myself
going, okay, H. Halt. This isfor high. Halt. That means change.
Change the narrative. Change.Interrupt that pattern that you've
(16:36):
been in, right? So by mepracticing gratitude in the morning,
I interrupt the prat. Thepattern, okay? A, Action. Make sure
you're taking action towardsthat thing that you want to take
every day, okay? Live actionevery day. Live. Do something that
it is you want to do, okay?And G, of course, is gratitude. Be
(16:59):
thankful. Be grateful, okay?And practice that. That's the fly
high.
So as you. As you tell people,walk through these steps in this
process, maybe share somestories of some of the people who've
been transformed by thisbesides yourself. We know you were.
But I'm just curious. Is therea client that comes to mind that
(17:20):
you kind of is like maybeyour. Your signature client of that
you're so proud of what. WhatGod has done through them?
Well, I actually have newclients here in Rwanda, which I'm
excited about, and they arevery, very receptive to what I'm
saying. So I have one brandnew client. He's only been a client
for, like, two weeks, but hehas already, of course, had consultations
(17:43):
with me and things. And, youknow, here in Rwanda, there is a
thing of. A lot of youngpeople are dealing with alcoholism
and things like that becausethey're not able to or they feel
that they're not able tocommunicate their wants and their
needs. They feel like theyneed to keep those things inside.
(18:03):
One, they don't want to bedisrespectful to their parents. Right.
Because it's about the parentstelling you what to do and you heeding
to that. Right. So you don'tfeel comfortable in saying, but I
need help. Right. So a lot ofthis is going on. So I'm happy to
say that he, and of course Inever mentioned names or anything,
(18:24):
but he is not no longerdrinking or anything like that. He
has a new lease on life. Wefigured out what his, what truly
is and what puts him. When he,when he says, hey, I'm feeling down,
I've given him tools to saythe what that you want. Let's go
(18:46):
ahead. And automatically, whenyou feel yourself going down, let's
automatically tune you intothat higher frequency. And we've
identified some things to goin his toolbox that automatically
puts him in that frequency sohe. That he can lift his own self
up and feel good. Because Isay when you high, you can fly, but
(19:09):
when you low, your verydestiny, you will blow. And it's
only up to the personindividually to keep themselves as
high as they can.
So you've done retreats too.What led you to start doing retreats
to help teach this to people?
Well, as you can tell, I'm afun person. I like to have fun. Okay.
(19:34):
I do believe in ease overexhaustion because I've had to do
it for myself. So basically,I'm living my story out loud. Yes,
I do host retreats here, righthere in Kigali, because I want people
to come and experience a senseof freedom where they can really
(19:54):
be themselves. They don't haveto worry about crime or anything
like that. Very, veryreceptive. You'll be treated like,
I mean, average people treatyou like kings and queens, not according
to the color of your skin, butbecause you are a human being. Right.
And that is everyone'sbirthright. Okay. So I want them
(20:18):
to come and experience that.And in the process, we learned just
a little bit aboutneuroscience and how to do this on
a daily basis. But it's to getthem out of that environment of a
life of exhaustion, burnout,you don't like what's going on. And
for two weeks you can be hereand experience something that's really
(20:41):
going to last your whole lifetime.
I have a lot of my listenerswho are also executives. I'm curious,
what are you discovering withhigh level executives when they Deal
with the, the stress of life.What, what common themes are you
running across as you try tohelp them transform their thinking
and to be more gratitude grand masters.
(21:02):
Well, so I just got off thephone with someone, actually, high
powered executive had gottento the point where just on that,
what I call that hamsterwheel, okay, Doing the job, paying
the bills, making sureeverything at home is right, doing
(21:24):
all that stuff. And then youlook up one day and either your health
is bad, right? Maybe you had aheart attack, right? You. You feel
like you're getting ready tobreak at any point, so you're having
a mental breakdown. Eventhough you have a beautiful home,
even though you, you haveeverything a person would ever want,
(21:48):
you have even quote, unquote,the looks of a great marriage, right?
Everything on the outsidelooks great, chef kiss, but on the
inside, you're dying inside.And your body is usually the first
thing that really is going totell you that this is what's happening.
Stress. And we know stresskills you, okay? So really, whether
(22:13):
they're an executive orthey're just average Joe, I'm finding
that a lot of people are goingthrough the same thing. That stress,
that burnout. And it is okayfor you to say, hold up, wait a minute,
I need some help here. I needto get out of this, okay? And that's
(22:33):
where I come in. That's whereI come into play. And I'm able to
just give them practicaladvice on what they should do. They
carry it out. Oh, I mean,within moments, sometimes the first
session, they're feeling greatabout it.
I love this. Yeah, I know,this is great. So for the person
(22:54):
who's listening to thispodcast, they go, I need somewhere
to start. What would you saywould be the one? Simple gratitude
practice. They can start todayto shift their mindset.
Okay. Get yourself a journal.Not just a little piece of paper,
okay? I need you to have someplace where you can put it so that
(23:19):
it's special to you, okay?Because you're actually gonna date
this journal. Okay? You'regonna date this journal. You're gonna
make a selection session, adate with yourself. And I want you
to put a time on yourcalendar. Whether it's, I like, first
thing in the morning, okay.When you wake up, have it right by
(23:43):
your bed, okay? And write downthree to five things that you're
grateful for. Not knowing whatit is. I just want you to say, I
am happy and grateful that.That and just let your. It'll kick
in. You won't know what you'regonna write, but all of a sudden,
(24:04):
it's gonna come to you. Writethose three to five things down,
close that book and go onabout your day. That's it. Do it
for a week. Watch what it doesfor you. I dare you. Do it.
All right, let's take thechallenge, audiences. Get yourself
a journal and, and do it. WhatVal asks us to do is. And see what
(24:25):
happens. As I believe, likeyou talk about, if you start out
thinking about all that Godhas done for you every day, your
perspective of the day alreadychanges. If you go into the day expecting
a day to go badly, you willfind that in your life without even
a whole lot of work. So, yeah,I agree with you.
Yeah, it is very true. It'sscientific, but it's just more than
(24:49):
science. It's just. It's justthe way that it's, you know, what
it's done for me, it's broughtthe Bible, it's made the Bible even
clearer to me. Theseprinciples and things has made the
word more legible to me, mademe understand it more deeply, because
(25:10):
I'm actually doing a thing.I'm not just hearing a word. This
is in the Bible too, but I'mdoing it. And I'm not overly religious
person. I'm not. But I didgrow up in the church, right? So
it's in me. But I am tellingyou, don't just be a hero of the
word. You got to do. And whenyou have that journal and you write
(25:31):
down every day, you are doing,and that's where your transformation
is going to come in the doing.It's not just the hearing, it's the
doing.
I love it. So what's thefuture vision for your work that
you're doing now?
You know what? I really wanteveryone. And look, Kigali doesn't
(25:51):
pay me, but I want everyone toexperience Kigali, like, for real.
Like, you guys need to comehere and experience it. And you will
look back and you will belike, oh, my God, that's a beautiful
experience. I was actuallytreated such with ease, you know,
I could actually relax here,not necessarily on just what people
(26:14):
are promoting to us, becauseI've been in Mexico, Jamaica, Bahamas,
Canada, okay. But I had noidea. Not the desire hadn't even
reached me to visit Africa,but once I got here, it's beautiful.
The food is fresh, everythingis organic. Okay? The cost of living
(26:37):
is very, very low. And it'sbeautiful. The people are beautiful.
I wake up every Sunday morningto a choir singing. I can hear the
choir singing right a blockover. And the children are just singing.
Yeah. It is so beautiful here.So, anyway.
All right. Make me want tomove to Africa now.
(26:59):
Come on, come on. While youplaying. So you know what I say?
I say, I say live your lifenow, because one day you won't be
able to.
That's very true. So I havesomething new for my guests in season
six of the podcast, and thatis you get to pick a number for a
secret question that you didnot get ahead of time. So pick a
(27:21):
number between one and four,and we'll figure out what your secret
question is.
One and four. I'm gonna pick four.
All right. And your surprisequestion is. Oh, here you go. Is
a hot dog a sandwich?
And if so, why is a hot dog asandwich? And if so, why? If it's
(27:41):
between two pieces of bread, Iwould say, yeah.
You made all the Chicagopeople happy.
Exactly. Exactly. Look, I. I'ma. I'm a newly proclaimed vegetarian,
too, but we have. We haveveggie hot dogs here. Okay.
(28:03):
I love it. So I'm curious,Val, as you think about the impact
you're having on the worldright now, what do you want your
legacy to be?
I just want people todefinitely believe in themselves
and know that they have allthe tools that God has given them,
all the. All the tools to havethe desires of their heart. You just
(28:27):
have to have the courage to goafter it, and that's it.
I love that. So, as we wrap upour conversation, what key takeaway
do you want to leave with theaudience as you help them to go on
that or begin that gratitude journey?
I really want you. Well, evendoing the simple gratitude practice,
(28:49):
you're really going to startfalling in love with your journal,
but you're going to reallyfall in love with yourself, and then
you're going to know why Godloves you so much. Okay. It's in
the doing of that that you'regoing to. To get that you're going
to fall in love with yourselfjust by doing that work. So.
So where can people connectwith you and learn more about what
(29:10):
you do on social media?
They can go to my Instagram,which is at Val Dancer. It's just
like my name V a L D a n Tlike Tom Zebra L er again at Val
Danceler. And they can just DMme the word E's E a S E. And I have
(29:35):
a special gift. I have areally, really special gift for all
your listeners. I'm going togive them. It's a free little quiz
that they can take. Takesabout two minutes. Right. They fill
that out and they're going toget a free wellness plan for themselves
customized to them. All right?And also they're going to get. If
(29:58):
you ever even thought aboutcoming to Africa. Where should I
go? Because of that quiz I'mgonna send you, you're gonna be able
to know exactly which countryis best for you based on what your
preferences are.
All right, that's. That's goodto know because I'm. I'm found out
(30:19):
from my ancestry dot com. I'mfrom Nigeria, but.
Oh, okay. That's good.
That's good.
I mean, you know, you'll see.It's beautiful. I see my cousins
every other day. I saw my exboyfriend the other day here. Right.
So everybody has a friend hasa twin here. Like, for real. That's.
That's. That's for real. Soit's. It's beautiful.
(30:42):
That's amazing. Well, Val,thanks so much for taking the time
to help us think more aboutgratitude and appreciating the things
that God has done. Blessingson the work you're doing and the
beautiful sunset behind youthere in Africa. We are so thankful
that we had this conversation.
Thank you so much. Thank youfor having me. I'm sending you love.
Thank you.
My guest today is ValenciaDantzler, known known worldwide as
a gratitude grandmaster, isthe go to expert for busy executives
seeking to transform theirlives without spending hours on complex
mindset work. She helps highachieving professionals transform
their biggest challenges intobreakthrough moments. By utilizing
(01:21):
simple science backedgratitude practices. Valencia transformed
her own life fromcontemplating suicide to building
an international coachingbusiness through her signature Fly
High Framework executivecoaching program and exclusive retreats
in Nairobi. Her approachcombines the simplicity of gratitude
with proven brain science,helping leaders get unstuck and achieve
(01:45):
their biggest goals in weeks,not years. We welcome her to, to
the podcast. Well, Valencia,welcome to the podcast. How you doing
today?
I am super fantastic. I hopeyou are as well.
I am. I'm not in as beautifula setting as you are. My background
is my office. You're out therewith mountains and all kinds of cool
(02:06):
stuff. So.
Yeah, I know, I know. I'mloving it. I can't, I can't deny
it. I, I'm very grateful.
God is good.
Yes, yes, yes.
So I'm gonna ask you myfavorite question. I ask all my guests,
what's the best piece ofadvice you ever received?
(02:29):
Oh, Les Brown told me, nomatter what, keep going. And he was
right. He said, you're gonnahave ups and downs in life. I said,
les Brown, I said, you've beenthrough so much in your life. I read
his book and I said, how wereyou able to just, you know, be having,
(02:53):
have integrity, knowing thatyou've gone through so much in your
life and then able to speaklife into other people, even though
maybe your life wasn't goinggreat at the time? He said, keep
going. No matter what, keep going.
I love that. That is, that'spowerful words of advice because
(03:13):
we pressing on. You know, Ithink I was the. As I talked to a
lot of people, especiallyabout this current generation, what
they lament most more thananything else is that have we trained
our young people to beresilient, to keep going on when
things get difficult or, youknow, because as a parent, you want
to protect your child and makesure you, you save them from all
(03:35):
the bad things. But are we,are we in doing that, are we not
helping them to be preparedfor the tough times ahead? So I love
that about keep moving forward.
Right? Keep going. He said,keep moving. Love it.
As you think about your lifeand your journey, who are some people
in your life who served as amentor for you or even a source of
(03:55):
inspiration on your journey?You can kind of give them a shout
out right now.
Well, I'm, I shout out to LesBrown, right? Because he was the
original, right? Or is. Is heis the original, right? And then
from. From him, people likeone of my best menders, Joseph McLennan
(04:16):
III. He has definitelyimparted a lot of wisdom on my life
and just, you know, even whatI do, you know, day to day, he's
really helped me with that a lot.
That's so cool. Well, we wantto thank those people for being a
blessing to you. And. And I'mnot sure, not just you, but many
others as well. So.
(04:37):
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, yeah,he's been key.
So, Val, you're known aroundthe world as a gratitude grandmaster.
Can you share where that titlecame from and what it means to you
to be known as that?
Okay, so it really has to dowith. With my story. So I know people
(04:59):
see the big smile that's on myface. It is real. You know, I'm not
about any fakery or anythinglike that, but eight years ago, I
was really at the place wherenot only did I want to say bye to
America, right? But I wantedto say goodbye to the whole world,
right? And I'm the type ofperson, I grew up in church. I was
(05:22):
always good in school. Youknow, I graduated magna cum laude,
all of that. However, youknow, I had gotten to a point in
my life where I just didn'twant to go on. And I ran across this
video, just a brief video, andthe lady happened to mention that
she started exercisinggratitude. I took her up on that.
(05:46):
Long story short, I tried itfor a week. I felt better. By the
end of the month, I wanted tolive. And I couldn't believe it.
And so then that made me go inand really find out what is the science
behind this.
So. So dig deeper into that.Tell us about the science. I mean,
we kind of, as Christians, weknow, you know, that Paul says, be
(06:08):
thankful in all circumstances,and he really tells Jesus a preference.
Practice gratitude, but giveus the science behind it, besides
just the spiritual aspect of it.
Okay, I love to do that. Andalso, before we really get into it,
because I know this is goingto be a great discussion, I want
to thank you for having me on,and I absolutely love everything
that you are doing. Okay? AndI want everyone to just stop what
(06:32):
they're doing. Subscribe tothis podcast, okay? Give him a great
five, five star rating,because this is how we spread this
message to the whole wideworld. Okay? So I want to thank you
and let you know that I'mgrateful that I'm on here today.
Well, thank You. It's apleasure. Yeah, it's a. It's a. It's
(06:53):
a labor of love for me, so.
Good. I could definitely tellthat. I could definitely tell that.
So. Yeah. So the sciencebehind gratitude, for instance. Well,
I went on because it saved mylife within. Within 30 days. I wanted
to live it made me figure outwhat just happened. Something happened
(07:17):
here. And so I had to find thescience behind it because like I
told you, I grew up in thechurch. Absolutely nothing wrong
with the church. Right. But itjust wasn't enough for me at the
time because I had made up mymind, I had set the date, what I
knew I was going to do andwhen I was going to do it. Right.
(07:37):
And nobody knew. And how manypeople do we know, even in the church,
that you know gospel singersand things like that and you know,
we've lost them. Right, Right.So it was a real thing that I was
feeling at the end of that 30days. And I went on to become an
elite neuro encodingspecialist. And all that means is
(08:00):
I help myself as well as otherpeople reprogram themselves so they
can live the life that theywant to do. And it was science. And
with that gratitude practice,unknowingly I was doing that. Okay.
And all it was is I changed myperspective. You know, we have glasses,
Both of us have glasses on. Right?
(08:22):
Right.
Take the glass off, thingscould be a little bit blurry. Okay.
But put the glasses on, you'relooking at the same thing. But, oh,
it's clearer now. Our lens haschanged. So it's science, it's not
woo woo. It might sound likeit's woo woo, Right? What do you
mean? Something. And you cansee clear. Right. But we take it
(08:42):
secondhand now because we knowwhat glasses are. Right?
Right.
But it's the same thing. It isputting on a different lens, looking
at the. At the same thing. Right?
Right.
And so I chose to look at itwith a lens of gratitude. Now, in
Neuro and Cody, we say whatyou write, you invite. So I actually
(09:07):
had a journal and every day Iwould write down only what I'm grateful
for. I didn't know anythingabout neuron science or neur encoding.
This was a download from God. Okay?
Right.
Nobody told me how to do this.The little lady on the video did
not tell me how to do this.This is all a download, okay? And
(09:28):
so I started. I could onlywrite down what I was grateful for
on those pages. And it wasvery difficult at first because I
was the type of person whowould get up in the morning thinking
about all the relationshipsthat didn't work, all the money that
I didn't have, okay? And I'mtelling you, these things were rehearsed
(09:48):
in my head for years. Not. I'mnot talking about one or two years.
I'm talking 10, 15, 20 years,okay? But guess what? Now I know
I was programming myself forthe demise unknowingly. Nobody wants
demise. Right, but becauseit's so, you know, we're in this
(10:10):
world, right? But we don'thave to be of the world, right? So
it's easy for us to look atthe negative. It's easy for us to
be even consumed on the newsby the negative. Right? But what
that's actually doing is thisprogramming in our subconscious mind,
which I believe is yourconnection to God, Okay? It's way
(10:33):
more powerful than yourconscious mind or your thinking mind
or your mind is always tryingto figure things out. Doesn't the
Bible say, proclaim a thing,proclaim what you want? Yeah, that's.
That's knowing the what,that's tuning in to that subconscious,
that God in you. God doesn'ttell us to figure out how it's gonna
(10:55):
happen. That's it. That's his job.
Right?
We just need to know the what.And that's neuroscience. We need
to know the what and bepassionate about that thing. Right?
Right.
And I'm telling you, gonna geta download. What you're looking for
is looking for you. And that'swhat happened to me eight years ago.
And now look, the whole worldhas been opened up to me.
(11:19):
I love that. As you thinkabout your story, though, you know,
for people who are hearingthis and they're maybe in that place
you were. It's like everythingjust seems like it's crashing out
around them. For you, what wasthe turning point where. So you started
doing it for gratitude?Practice. But what was that turning
point was like, okay, now thisis starting to stick, as opposed
(11:39):
to, you know, just surviving.Now it's like I'm. My whole outlook
has changed. My. My vision forthe future has changed. There really
is joy where there was sorrow.When did. What was that turning point
for you?
Well, that turning point forme was. Was really. I mean, eight
years ago, when I. I took achance. I didn't believe it was going
(11:59):
to work.
I.
Listen, I had made the date. Iset the date, and I'm a calendar
girl.
Yeah.
When you put something on mycalendar, I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna
show up. I'm gonna be there.Okay. You don't even have to keep
reminding me. It's on mycalendar. I'm gonna do it right?
So I put the date on mycalendar, okay? So that means I was
(12:20):
serious about it. Like I'm.I'm done. I'm done trying. So I hope
nobody gets to that pointwhere they're totally, totally done.
But I'm telling you, it wasreally God Almighty God, right? That
put that happenstance video infront of me, okay? And the late.
(12:44):
And I said, you know what? Iknow it's not gonna work. That ain't
gonna work. Because she toldme, just think about what you're
grateful for every day. And Isaid, girl, by the time when I get
up in the morning, I'vealready thought about 10,000 problems.
10,000 things that have gothave gone wrong in my life, okay?
But something said I knew thewhat I really want. Everybody really
(13:04):
wants to live, right? That'sthe what nobody really wants the
demise. They really don't wantthat. What you really want is the
pain to be gone. So that whatI want, the pain to be gone sent
me. Well, why don't you justwrite it down in a journal? I said
(13:25):
I hadn't had a journal since Iwas 7 years old. What are you talking
about? Well, it's not going towork. But you know what? At least
when they find me, I' ma hadthis journal. And it at least I tried
because that's evidence that Itried and that what was in my mind.
So I went out and got thatjournal and I started writing it
(13:48):
down. I said, I'm gonna givemyself a week. And at the end of
that week, I felt just alittle bit better. I was like, no,
I know this is not real, butmine is playing tricks on me. But
since nobody knows what I'mgonna do anyway, let me just delay
it one more week and try itagain. And I felt a little bit better.
(14:09):
So the turning point wasstarting to happen. Third week, let
me just try one more time.Delayed it again. I felt better,
but by the end of that month,I didn't have those feelings anymore.
I wasn't waking up in dreadanymore. And so that was the turning
point for me. I said, wait aminute, I got something here. I don't
(14:33):
know what just happened, butfor years and years and years, I'm
no longer thinking thosethoughts that I was thinking. And
I want live.
That is powerful. So you coachpeople now in this and tell us about
your fly high framework,because I think it'd be helpful for
kind of us to dig into, youknow, how do you teach this to other
(14:57):
people now?
Yeah. So I use a fly high. Ihave a community, and I teach the
fly high. It's called. Thecommunity is called ease over exhaustion.
Okay? And in this community, Ido group coaching, and I talk about
fly high. So imagine you haveall these negative thoughts, okay?
(15:23):
And they're toxic thoughts. Soit could be procrastination, putting
things off. It could beimposter syndrome, and I don't feel
like I'm good enough. Right?All those things are toxins. And
imagine that going in a murky,murky, murky water. But there's this
ladder out of this water, andthe first rung is F for fly. And
(15:47):
that means F. That meansstands for focus. The next rung is
L, Lift. So focus is. Set yoursights on what it is, the what that
you want. Start liftingyourself out. Start. Stop thinking
somebody's gonna save you,because you really got to be the
one to save yourself. Okay? Solift. Start going in that direction
(16:13):
that you want to go. Why?You're gonna yield a better life.
You're gonna look back andyou're like, dang, all that murky
water down there. But I'moutside of the water, and I see myself
going, okay, H. Halt. This isfor high. Halt. That means change.
Change the narrative. Change.Interrupt that pattern that you've
(16:36):
been in, right? So by mepracticing gratitude in the morning,
I interrupt the prat. Thepattern, okay? A, Action. Make sure
you're taking action towardsthat thing that you want to take
every day, okay? Live actionevery day. Live. Do something that
it is you want to do, okay?And G, of course, is gratitude. Be
(16:59):
thankful. Be grateful, okay?And practice that. That's the fly
high.
So as you. As you tell people,walk through these steps in this
process, maybe share somestories of some of the people who've
been transformed by thisbesides yourself. We know you were.
But I'm just curious. Is therea client that comes to mind that
(17:20):
you kind of is like maybeyour. Your signature client of that
you're so proud of what. WhatGod has done through them?
Well, I actually have newclients here in Rwanda, which I'm
excited about, and they arevery, very receptive to what I'm
saying. So I have one brandnew client. He's only been a client
for, like, two weeks, but hehas already, of course, had consultations
(17:43):
with me and things. And, youknow, here in Rwanda, there is a
thing of. A lot of youngpeople are dealing with alcoholism
and things like that becausethey're not able to or they feel
that they're not able tocommunicate their wants and their
needs. They feel like theyneed to keep those things inside.
(18:03):
One, they don't want to bedisrespectful to their parents. Right.
Because it's about the parentstelling you what to do and you heeding
to that. Right. So you don'tfeel comfortable in saying, but I
need help. Right. So a lot ofthis is going on. So I'm happy to
say that he, and of course Inever mentioned names or anything,
(18:24):
but he is not no longerdrinking or anything like that. He
has a new lease on life. Wefigured out what his, what truly
is and what puts him. When he,when he says, hey, I'm feeling down,
I've given him tools to saythe what that you want. Let's go
(18:46):
ahead. And automatically, whenyou feel yourself going down, let's
automatically tune you intothat higher frequency. And we've
identified some things to goin his toolbox that automatically
puts him in that frequency sohe. That he can lift his own self
up and feel good. Because Isay when you high, you can fly, but
(19:09):
when you low, your verydestiny, you will blow. And it's
only up to the personindividually to keep themselves as
high as they can.
So you've done retreats too.What led you to start doing retreats
to help teach this to people?
Well, as you can tell, I'm afun person. I like to have fun. Okay.
(19:34):
I do believe in ease overexhaustion because I've had to do
it for myself. So basically,I'm living my story out loud. Yes,
I do host retreats here, righthere in Kigali, because I want people
to come and experience a senseof freedom where they can really
(19:54):
be themselves. They don't haveto worry about crime or anything
like that. Very, veryreceptive. You'll be treated like,
I mean, average people treatyou like kings and queens, not according
to the color of your skin, butbecause you are a human being. Right.
And that is everyone'sbirthright. Okay. So I want them
(20:18):
to come and experience that.And in the process, we learned just
a little bit aboutneuroscience and how to do this on
a daily basis. But it's to getthem out of that environment of a
life of exhaustion, burnout,you don't like what's going on. And
for two weeks you can be hereand experience something that's really
(20:41):
going to last your whole lifetime.
I have a lot of my listenerswho are also executives. I'm curious,
what are you discovering withhigh level executives when they Deal
with the, the stress of life.What, what common themes are you
running across as you try tohelp them transform their thinking
and to be more gratitude grand masters.
(21:02):
Well, so I just got off thephone with someone, actually, high
powered executive had gottento the point where just on that,
what I call that hamsterwheel, okay, Doing the job, paying
the bills, making sureeverything at home is right, doing
(21:24):
all that stuff. And then youlook up one day and either your health
is bad, right? Maybe you had aheart attack, right? You. You feel
like you're getting ready tobreak at any point, so you're having
a mental breakdown. Eventhough you have a beautiful home,
even though you, you haveeverything a person would ever want,
(21:48):
you have even quote, unquote,the looks of a great marriage, right?
Everything on the outsidelooks great, chef kiss, but on the
inside, you're dying inside.And your body is usually the first
thing that really is going totell you that this is what's happening.
Stress. And we know stresskills you, okay? So really, whether
(22:13):
they're an executive orthey're just average Joe, I'm finding
that a lot of people are goingthrough the same thing. That stress,
that burnout. And it is okayfor you to say, hold up, wait a minute,
I need some help here. I needto get out of this, okay? And that's
(22:33):
where I come in. That's whereI come into play. And I'm able to
just give them practicaladvice on what they should do. They
carry it out. Oh, I mean,within moments, sometimes the first
session, they're feeling greatabout it.
I love this. Yeah, I know,this is great. So for the person
(22:54):
who's listening to thispodcast, they go, I need somewhere
to start. What would you saywould be the one? Simple gratitude
practice. They can start todayto shift their mindset.
Okay. Get yourself a journal.Not just a little piece of paper,
okay? I need you to have someplace where you can put it so that
(23:19):
it's special to you, okay?Because you're actually gonna date
this journal. Okay? You'regonna date this journal. You're gonna
make a selection session, adate with yourself. And I want you
to put a time on yourcalendar. Whether it's, I like, first
thing in the morning, okay.When you wake up, have it right by
(23:43):
your bed, okay? And write downthree to five things that you're
grateful for. Not knowing whatit is. I just want you to say, I
am happy and grateful that.That and just let your. It'll kick
in. You won't know what you'regonna write, but all of a sudden,
(24:04):
it's gonna come to you. Writethose three to five things down,
close that book and go onabout your day. That's it. Do it
for a week. Watch what it doesfor you. I dare you. Do it.
All right, let's take thechallenge, audiences. Get yourself
a journal and, and do it. WhatVal asks us to do is. And see what
(24:25):
happens. As I believe, likeyou talk about, if you start out
thinking about all that Godhas done for you every day, your
perspective of the day alreadychanges. If you go into the day expecting
a day to go badly, you willfind that in your life without even
a whole lot of work. So, yeah,I agree with you.
Yeah, it is very true. It'sscientific, but it's just more than
(24:49):
science. It's just. It's justthe way that it's, you know, what
it's done for me, it's broughtthe Bible, it's made the Bible even
clearer to me. Theseprinciples and things has made the
word more legible to me, mademe understand it more deeply, because
(25:10):
I'm actually doing a thing.I'm not just hearing a word. This
is in the Bible too, but I'mdoing it. And I'm not overly religious
person. I'm not. But I didgrow up in the church, right? So
it's in me. But I am tellingyou, don't just be a hero of the
word. You got to do. And whenyou have that journal and you write
(25:31):
down every day, you are doing,and that's where your transformation
is going to come in the doing.It's not just the hearing, it's the
doing.
I love it. So what's thefuture vision for your work that
you're doing now?
You know what? I really wanteveryone. And look, Kigali doesn't
(25:51):
pay me, but I want everyone toexperience Kigali, like, for real.
Like, you guys need to comehere and experience it. And you will
look back and you will belike, oh, my God, that's a beautiful
experience. I was actuallytreated such with ease, you know,
I could actually relax here,not necessarily on just what people
(26:14):
are promoting to us, becauseI've been in Mexico, Jamaica, Bahamas,
Canada, okay. But I had noidea. Not the desire hadn't even
reached me to visit Africa,but once I got here, it's beautiful.
The food is fresh, everythingis organic. Okay? The cost of living
(26:37):
is very, very low. And it'sbeautiful. The people are beautiful.
I wake up every Sunday morningto a choir singing. I can hear the
choir singing right a blockover. And the children are just singing.
Yeah. It is so beautiful here.So, anyway.
All right. Make me want tomove to Africa now.
(26:59):
Come on, come on. While youplaying. So you know what I say?
I say, I say live your lifenow, because one day you won't be
able to.
That's very true. So I havesomething new for my guests in season
six of the podcast, and thatis you get to pick a number for a
secret question that you didnot get ahead of time. So pick a
(27:21):
number between one and four,and we'll figure out what your secret
question is.
One and four. I'm gonna pick four.
All right. And your surprisequestion is. Oh, here you go. Is
a hot dog a sandwich?
And if so, why is a hot dog asandwich? And if so, why? If it's
(27:41):
between two pieces of bread, Iwould say, yeah.
You made all the Chicagopeople happy.
Exactly. Exactly. Look, I. I'ma. I'm a newly proclaimed vegetarian,
too, but we have. We haveveggie hot dogs here. Okay.
(28:03):
I love it. So I'm curious,Val, as you think about the impact
you're having on the worldright now, what do you want your
legacy to be?
I just want people todefinitely believe in themselves
and know that they have allthe tools that God has given them,
all the. All the tools to havethe desires of their heart. You just
(28:27):
have to have the courage to goafter it, and that's it.
I love that. So, as we wrap upour conversation, what key takeaway
do you want to leave with theaudience as you help them to go on
that or begin that gratitude journey?
I really want you. Well, evendoing the simple gratitude practice,
(28:49):
you're really going to startfalling in love with your journal,
but you're going to reallyfall in love with yourself, and then
you're going to know why Godloves you so much. Okay. It's in
the doing of that that you'regoing to. To get that you're going
to fall in love with yourselfjust by doing that work. So.
So where can people connectwith you and learn more about what
(29:10):
you do on social media?
They can go to my Instagram,which is at Val Dancer. It's just
like my name V a L D a n Tlike Tom Zebra L er again at Val
Danceler. And they can just DMme the word E's E a S E. And I have
(29:35):
a special gift. I have areally, really special gift for all
your listeners. I'm going togive them. It's a free little quiz
that they can take. Takesabout two minutes. Right. They fill
that out and they're going toget a free wellness plan for themselves
customized to them. All right?And also they're going to get. If
(29:58):
you ever even thought aboutcoming to Africa. Where should I
go? Because of that quiz I'mgonna send you, you're gonna be able
to know exactly which countryis best for you based on what your
preferences are.
All right, that's. That's goodto know because I'm. I'm found out
(30:19):
from my ancestry dot com. I'mfrom Nigeria, but.
Oh, okay. That's good.
That's good.
I mean, you know, you'll see.It's beautiful. I see my cousins
every other day. I saw my exboyfriend the other day here. Right.
So everybody has a friend hasa twin here. Like, for real. That's.
That's. That's for real. Soit's. It's beautiful.
(30:42):
That's amazing. Well, Val,thanks so much for taking the time
to help us think more aboutgratitude and appreciating the things
that God has done. Blessingson the work you're doing and the
beautiful sunset behind youthere in Africa. We are so thankful
that we had this conversation.
Thank you so much. Thank youfor having me. I'm sending you love.
Thank you.
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