Comparing yourself to teammates, rivals, or even highlight reels on social media is nearly impossible to avoid. But when social comparison takes over, it can erode confidence, fuel anxiety, and impact mental health.
In this episode, Coach Nassim explores the psychology of social comparison, from Leon Festinger’s classic theory to modern research on how constant upward comparison undermines motivation and joy in sport. You’ll hear real-world examples of how comparison shows up in athletes’ lives, why it can be so damaging, and—most importantly—how to shift toward self-reference as the true measure of growth.
This episode offers practical strategies for athletes to track their own progress, tools for coaches to create growth-centered cultures, and guidance for parents to help their athletes build confidence without falling into the comparison trap.
Whether you’re a young athlete, a coach, or a parent, this conversation will help you reframe comparison and focus on what really matters: becoming stronger, day by day, against your own best self.
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Episode Transcript
I'm Dr.
Nassim Ebrahimi, and welcome toBecoming My Stronger Me, a
podcast designed to help youbecome stronger in mind, body,
and heart.
In season two, the mentalperformance series, we'll
explore the intricaterelationship between mental
performance, sports excellence,leadership, and personal growth
to help you become your strongeryou.
(00:21):
Today we're digging intosomething that shows up in
nearly every athlete's journey: social comparison. (00:25):
undefined
Whether it's looking atteammates, sizing yourself up
against rivals, or scrollinghighlight reels on social media,
comparison is everywhere.
And while it's a part of beinghuman, when it takes over, it
(00:45):
can crush confidence, it candisrupt performance and take a
toll on mental health.
So in this episode, we'llexplore the psychology behind
social comparison, how it showsup in sports, and why it affects
mental health, and mostimportantly, how to shift from
measuring yourself againstothers to measuring yourself
(01:08):
against yourself.
So let's talk about thepsychology of social comparison
first.
This idea isn't new.
Psychologist Leon Festingerintroduced social comparison
theory in 1954.
He argued that people evaluatetheir own abilities and opinions
(01:29):
by comparing themselves toothers.
It was and still is a survivalmechanism.
If you lived in a tribe, youneeded to know am I pulling my
weight?
Do I fit in?
And in sports, those instinctsplay out every single day.
Athletes compare times, stats,roles, recognition.
(01:53):
And now in the digital age,those comparisons are amplified
by social media, where thecomparison is not to one or two
teammates, but to thousands ofathletes across the globe.
There are two main directionscomparisons go: upward
(02:13):
comparisons and downwardcomparisons.
Upward comparisons are when youlook at someone you see as
better.
That can fuel inspiration.
If they can do it, maybe I cantoo.
But it can also leave youfeeling inadequate.
And then for downwardcomparisons, that's when you
(02:35):
look at someone quote unquotebelow you.
That might temporarily boostyour confidence, but it can also
breed complacency or arrogance.
Studies in the Journal ofSports and Exercise Psychology
and other sports psych journalsshow that heavy reliance on
comparison predicts lowerself-esteem, higher anxiety, and
(03:01):
increased risk of burnout amongyoung athletes.
And the rise of social mediahas only magnified the exposure
to this highlight realcomparisons that rarely show the
full story.
So let's get specific about howit shows up in sports.
Think about a high schoolsoccer player who always checks
(03:24):
the fitness test rankings.
If he or she is not in the topthree, they feel like they're
failing, even though they'veshaved maybe 30 seconds off
their time on the mile since thepreseason.
The progress gets completelyovershadowed by comparison.
Or picture a gymnast scrollingInstagram, seeing flawless
(03:47):
tumbling passes.
What they don't see are thedozens of falls that happened
before the camera even startedrolling or clips that were never
included.
But the brain interprets it aseveryone is perfect and I'm not
good enough.
Even at the most elite levels,comparison is rampant.
(04:10):
A professional player who is abackup may constantly measure
themselves against the starters.
And that constant me versusthem can really take away from
their confidence, even when thebackup has unique strengths that
the team needs in othersituations.
And quite frankly, it's notjust athletes.
(04:31):
Coaches compare their teams totheir rivals, parents compare
their kids to their teammates,and the cycle continues.
So why does this matter somuch?
Well, comparison tiesself-worth to something you
cannot control, and that's otherpeople.
If your confidence only riseswhen you kind of rank ahead and
(04:57):
then it crashes when you don't,you're on a roller coaster of
self-esteem.
That instability fuels anxietyand sometimes even avoidance.
You'd rather not even try thanrisk falling short compared to
others.
There's also the distractionfactor.
(05:18):
Athletes who fixate outwardstop focusing inward.
So instead of honing theircontrollables, their effort,
their preparation, theirmindset, they begin to chase
external benchmarks that theycan't control.
And of course, that leads tofrustration and negative
self-talk.
(05:38):
And for some, it could lead toburnout.
One study in the frontiers ofpsychology showed that athletes
who constantly comparedthemselves to teammates had
lower motivation and lessenjoyment of their sport.
And in youth athletes, thatloss of enjoyment is one of the
biggest predictors of dropout.
But here's the good news: comparison isn't destiny. (06:00):
undefined
Athletes can shift theirreference point from others to
themselves.
The key question becomes am Iimproving compared to myself
yesterday, last week, or evenlast season?
(06:21):
Let's take a basketball playerwho struggles at free throws.
If he or she only comparesthemselves to the team's best
shooter, they'll always feeldefeated.
But if they track their ownprogress, say from 40% to 60%,
they'll see their growth andthat can fuel their confidence.
(06:44):
So one strategy I recommend iskeeping kind of a personal
progress log or a reflectionjournal.
And then write down metrics,whether it's shots made, sprints
completed, heart rate recovery,and track those things daily
and then look at it week toweek.
(07:05):
That way you can see your owntrajectory, not just your rank
compared to other people.
Another shift comes from howfeedback is given.
Coaches and parents can useprocess praise, highlighting
controllables like effort,focus, and resilience, saying
(07:26):
things like, I loved how youkept working after a mistake,
builds growth.
Saying you were the best outthere ties their worth to that
fragile ranking system thathurts their self-esteem.
And then there's mindfulness.
When athletes catch themselvesspiraling into comparison,
(07:50):
grounding exercises like deepbreathing, focusing on the next
rep, or repeating a phrase likemy race, my pace can interrupt
the loop and bring them back tothe things that they can control
in the moment.
Coaches and parents play acritical role here.
(08:10):
Coaches, the culture you creatematters.
If you only celebrate leadersor publish rankings, you make
comparison the dominant currencyon your team.
Instead, balance competitionwith growth.
Highlight percentageimprovements, celebrate effort
(08:34):
in practice, not just the winsin the games.
And parents, your role is justas powerful.
Instead of asking, did youscore more than your teammate?
Ask, what did you learn today?
That one question reframes theathlete's focus.
And when your child succeeds,emphasize effort.
(08:55):
I saw how much you've beenworking on your passing instead
of putting them on a pedestal.
These small shifts protecttheir mental health while still
honoring competition.
And remember, this isn't justabout athletes.
Adults fall into the sametraps, comparing careers,
(09:16):
salaries, houses, families.
Social media fuels thisconstant upward comparison.
But the antidote is the same.
Measure yourself against yourown growth.
When you focus on your ownprocess, your own improvement
and your own journey, you staygrounded and more resilient.
(09:39):
So here are a couple finalthoughts.
Social comparison will alwaysexist.
It's wired into us, but itdoesn't have to control us.
By shifting from how do I stackup against them to how am I
growing compared to myself?
Athletes can build confidence,protect their mental health, and
(10:03):
stay engaged in the joy ofsport.
So here's my challenge for you.
This week, notice one momentwhen you catch yourself
comparing.
Pause, and then ask yourself,what progress have I made this
week or this month?
That'll become your truemeasure of success.
(10:24):
Until next time, don't forgetto subscribe to the podcast,
join our Facebook group, send inyour stories and feedback.
And if you're looking for amental performance coach or want
more information, go towww.becoming my strongerme.com.
I can't wait to hear from you.
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